Pettiness & Spite with Andy Fiori

Summary

Episode Summary: "Pettiness & Spite with Andy Fiori"

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly dives deep into the nuanced dynamics of pettiness and spite within personal relationships in this engaging episode featuring guest Andy Fiori. Hosted by veteran comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, the conversation weaves through humorous anecdotes, relatable struggles, and insightful observations about maintaining harmony between partners.

---

1. Navigating Gift-Giving and Mutual Expectations

The episode kicks off with Robert Kelly sharing his recent experience of buying a significant gift for his partner, aiming to alleviate feelings of guilt associated with personal purchases. This gesture, however, sparks a discussion on the complexities of gift-giving in relationships.

Notable Quote:

Robert Kelly [03:26]: "I'm gonna get the glasses, but no, I'm not."
Big Jay Oakerson [03:35]: "What are you talking about? We're on vacation."

This exchange highlights the delicate balance between wanting to give and the unintended pressure it can place on both parties.

2. The Fine Line Between Spite and Communication

Big Jay and Robert delve into how actions taken out of spite can sometimes blur the lines of effective communication. They explore scenarios where individuals might deliberately choose discomfort or inconvenience to elicit a response or change behavior in their partners.

Notable Quote:

Big Jay Oakerson [25:01]: "I've not gotten sleep. I've not eaten. I've left places early. All things for spite."

This admission underscores how spite can manifest in everyday actions, often leading to misunderstandings and unresolved tensions.

3. Personal Anecdotes: Balancing Individual Desires with Shared Spaces

Andy Fiori shares his own experiences of attempting to balance his love for video games with his partner's preferences for shared living spaces. This segment underscores the challenges couples face in accommodating individual hobbies without infringing on shared comforts.

Notable Quote:

Robert Kelly [57:20]: "It's absolutely overkill if it makes sense."

This remark reflects the often excessive measures taken to maintain personal spaces within a relationship, highlighting the potential for overcompensation.

4. Strategies for Managing Pettiness and Enhancing Understanding

The hosts discuss practical strategies for mitigating pettiness and fostering a more understanding and supportive relationship environment. Emphasis is placed on open communication, setting boundaries, and recognizing when actions are fueled by underlying frustrations rather than genuine needs.

Notable Quote:

Big Jay Oakerson [54:22]: "If we confided before this, I would have said, don't use."

This insight points to the importance of preemptive communication to prevent misunderstandings fueled by spiteful actions.

5. Concluding Insights: Building Stronger Relationships Through Self-Awareness

Wrapping up the conversation, the trio emphasizes the significance of self-awareness and mutual respect in overcoming pettiness and spite. By acknowledging personal triggers and fostering transparent dialogue, couples can navigate conflicts more effectively and build resilient relationships.

Notable Quote:

Robert Kelly [40:03]: "She's been talking about Cutco knives for five or six years. We've seen them now... that's ridiculous."

This example illustrates how longstanding issues, if not addressed, can perpetuate feelings of resentment and misunderstanding.

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Final Thoughts

"Pettiness & Spite with Andy Fiori" offers a humorous yet insightful exploration of the everyday challenges faced in relationships. Through candid dialogue and relatable stories, Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly, and Andy Fiori provide listeners with valuable perspectives on maintaining harmony and understanding between partners. Whether navigating gift-giving dilemmas or balancing individual interests within shared spaces, this episode serves as a testament to the importance of communication and empathy in fostering strong, enduring relationships.

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Transcript

[Oregon Lottery Representative]

In the summer, all of Oregon is our playground thanks to our incredible park system. That's why it's so cool that Oregon lottery gameplay like video lottery or cash pop helps support tons of parks projects statewide like accessible trails at Silver Falls State park or upgrades to your favorite dog park in Newburgh. It's just one way a little lottery play for many Oregonians can add up to a lot of good the Oregon Lottery. Together we do good things. Lottery games are based on chance and should be played for entertainment only. Must be 18 or older to play.

[Robert Kelly]

If you're alignment in charge of keeping the lights on. Grainger understands that you go to great lengths and sometimes heights to ensure the.

[Big J Okerson]

Power is always flowing.

[Robert Kelly]

Which is why you can count on Grainger for professional grade products and next day delivery. So you have everything you need to get the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Ranger for the ones who get it done.

[Andy Fiori]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right. What's up, everybody? It's the bonfire and I'm Robert Kelly and this is the great Big J Okerson. This song is killing me right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Killing you? Turn it up.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God. I mean, killing me in a good, good way. It's making me want to go to sleep.

[Big J Okerson]

Go back to Aruba, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

We have the great Andy Fiori with us today.

[Andy Fiori]

Hi, guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Hanging out.

[Andy Fiori]

Oh, good to see everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

Family, Family in the house.

[Andy Fiori]

Nice to see everybody. How's your summer going?

[Big J Okerson]

God, familia. That killed the vibe so much.

[Andy Fiori]

It really did.

[Robert Kelly]

But it's going to make the video pop.

[Big J Okerson]

Can we turn it back on though, when we get rid of Steely Dan? Yeah, turn it up now. Skate a little lower now.

[Robert Kelly]

God, you can't have have chick fil a listen to Steely Dan. I just want to go to sleep.

[Andy Fiori]

It does put you to sleep.

[Big J Okerson]

Steely Dan. Don't tell them that.

[Andy Fiori]

This is easy breezy, lazy music.

[Big J Okerson]

This is natural. Put one of them in the ground. It was so lazy.

[Andy Fiori]

This is hammock music if I ever heard it.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I just ask a question?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Andy.

[Andy Fiori]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you have a girlfriend?

[Andy Fiori]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

You should, because your hold.

[Andy Fiori]

I got a good hold.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you right now, brother, you know how to. You know how to hold something and that.

[Big J Okerson]

It took him years to master that. In fact, that's why he doesn't have a girlfriend right now because he killed the last one with. He went too tight. Sometimes if he left it open, they would escape. And sometimes he squeezed them in pretty.

[Andy Fiori]

My ex was little, too. I could have easily crushed her.

[Robert Kelly]

You have such a comfortable hold.

[Andy Fiori]

And you know what? I got good body heat, like, at night, too.

[Robert Kelly]

But you know how to, like, enough pressure to feel safe.

[Andy Fiori]

That wasn't even my A game, really.

[Big J Okerson]

That was just like a casual being. Funny but not gay.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, buddy. I would have done that at a fucking Celtics game and not even thought it was gay.

[Big J Okerson]

Andy, Summer cut. Dude, you're ready to go.

[Andy Fiori]

Summer cut.

[Big J Okerson]

Fresh.

[Andy Fiori]

Summer cut.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't have a girlfriend, but you stay in pussy.

[Robert Kelly]

You. You ready to rock this, summer?

[Andy Fiori]

I'm ready to go, baby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. What do you got planned? You got any good stuff?

[Andy Fiori]

Birthday this week, birthday on Thursday.

[Robert Kelly]

Happy birthday.

[Andy Fiori]

Thanks. Having a little thing on Thursday, if you guys want to come. East Village, 30. Yeah, let's go with that.

[Robert Kelly]

All right.

[Andy Fiori]

Late 40s. Dude. I'm now 46, so that's late 40s to me.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, sure. On the other end of it.

[Andy Fiori]

That's the other end.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Beautiful skin.

[Andy Fiori]

Back nine.

[Big J Okerson]

I think four, five, six is mid-40s.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, but it's the later half of the 40s.

[Christine]

You're late mid-40s.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah. Let's go with that.

[Big J Okerson]

Because I'm late-40s.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Turning 48 this year, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

32. Turning 32. I mean, my face is beautiful.

[Andy Fiori]

Everybody's face.

[Big J Okerson]

Your skin is fantastic. But Bobby, I think is early 60s.

[Robert Kelly]

You're a piece of garbage.

[Andy Fiori]

Can I tell you what I did, too? Started to phase a little. The gray out in the face. I got stuffed.

[Robert Kelly]

Just got the stuff.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna throw it in.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it looks good. I noticed that.

[Andy Fiori]

The barber.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you right now. I noticed it, but didn't notice it.

[Andy Fiori]

That's exactly what you want.

[Robert Kelly]

There's something. Something up with your face. I thought. Because I thought it was your trim. But you.

[Andy Fiori]

Here's the thing. When you go to the bar, you got to really stay on them to be like, match it good. Because.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, the barber put the color.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, the barber. They call it like a beard camouflage. But, dude, day one, this is, like, almost a week now. Day one, it looked like one of those hobo costumes you had when you were a little kid, like, real thick. And I was like, oh, no. It looks like shoe polish, dog. And then the grays start to populate again. And now I think we're at a good spot.

[Big J Okerson]

Good spot. I'm indulgent.

[Robert Kelly]

That magnet game.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Andy Fiori]

Just there. I'm like. I'm light blonde.

[Big J Okerson]

I got black. I got the black. Black guy just for men.

[Andy Fiori]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm gonna put it in.

[Andy Fiori]

I don't think that's the one you need.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the one I need. Dude. I'm gonna look. I'm gonna have that sharp Philly line like freeways.

[Andy Fiori]

You're a white guy. Own up to it already.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop. Why? Because I want to look, like, free. Because I'm gonna look like freeway.

[Robert Kelly]

I have the mascara one. You know, the mascara rock, dude.

[Andy Fiori]

That's what Mateo uses.

[Robert Kelly]

I have the mascara, but I. Because I don't have hair. Up top.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not the only thing. Bobby has it. Mateo.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah. You got to be careful.

[Robert Kelly]

I. If I. If what?

[Big J Okerson]

That's not the only thing that Bobby has. Mateo uses.

[Robert Kelly]

You goddamn right. Mateo's dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Delicious lube. Yeah.

[Andy Fiori]

Because I don't get the hair plugs.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. He got. But you know why I got him?

[Andy Fiori]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Guys.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'll tell you. Because of me.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh.

[Robert Kelly]

During the pandemic, he was at the Cellar. This kind of. Before he popped off a little bit.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

We were going. We were going back and forth. He came up to me and told me this. So I'm not saying this like I'm a. Whatever. He came up and told me this is what happened. We got into a little back and forth. As you do at the table.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I was probably at my heaviest at the time. Bald.360. So 350. And he's sitting there. And I go, I. I said, listen, face. I made it looking like this. I go. I go. You go any balder and you put ten pounds on. You finished.

[Andy Fiori]

Cautionary tale.

[Robert Kelly]

You finished. I go, that fucking hairline goes back any further, you're done in the business.

[Andy Fiori]

I don't know. He's so ripped.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy. Just kidding.

[Andy Fiori]

Like, abs wise.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't mean it at all. I was just busting balls because he was saying some shit about my fat though, buddy. He came back, goes, robert, I got. I got hair plugs because of you. I did it because of you. Because you said that thing about my balding hair.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm closing my eyes. Is he here?

[Andy Fiori]

Because that was a hell of a tail impression.

[Robert Kelly]

J. I can draw. I can sing. I can do anything. I'm Matteo. La.

[Big J Okerson]

I can draw. I can sing.

[Andy Fiori]

He can draw. That kid is down.

[Big J Okerson]

He's.

[Robert Kelly]

He's multi talented and gay.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. You've never even seen him play the skin flute. That's where he really. You ever see him shreddle the skin flute dude. He takes a Jethro. It's like Jethro toll on that thing. Dude. Ian Anderson, he's all. He's like. He's like early Lizzo.

[Robert Kelly]

He is fucking phenomenal. Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, he can draw Disney characters. Surprise, surprise.

[Robert Kelly]

So if I get the. If I get the beard color, I'm gonna look. I'm gonna look stupid, though, because I have nothing up top.

[Andy Fiori]

No, that's why I think you sprinkle it in. Do the.

[Robert Kelly]

Sprinkle it. Yeah, I did the mascara one and I look like a magician.

[Andy Fiori]

I know. It's really a trial and error kind of thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I have to describe this, but one of Mateo's things, he's doing a podcast. The guy has to hold his lapel mic because he has no lapel because his shirt is so gay.

[Robert Kelly]

I believe that's a robe. Robe shirt.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that's not. Oh, you think he's.

[Christine]

That's Nick. I love him.

[Big J Okerson]

Who is it?

[Christine]

Nick Smith?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, who is it?

[Christine]

That's his podcast partner.

[Robert Kelly]

That's Matteo's gayer friend. I don't know.

[Christine]

He's wildly entertaining.

[Robert Kelly]

Mateo is.

[Big J Okerson]

You think Mato calls him the F word.

[Robert Kelly]

Mateo's like Rogan when you watch this.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. No. So wait, that's his.

[Robert Kelly]

You got to hear it, though. You got to hear Matteo. And then here, gayer Mateo.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, is it podcast partner with a capital P on partner?

[Andy Fiori]

I don't think so.

[Robert Kelly]

No. Mateo is.

[Andy Fiori]

Mateo get married.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Mateo's married. He married a guy like a very good looking other man. He married exactly what you think he would marry.

[Big J Okerson]

That black guy?

[Robert Kelly]

Nope, that's not the one.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, Mateo's ass. I wonder if he got all those muscles in his ass. That guy looks black. Dick won't split him in half.

[Robert Kelly]

That guy looks like a black alien. Did you see him?

[Andy Fiori]

He didn't look right.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Is that his husband?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Fiori]

Should we say it's a fun name.

[Christine]

Married.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's married.

[Big J Okerson]

He's married.

[Robert Kelly]

They're both fucking gorgeous.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo, Happy pride month, y' all.

[Andy Fiori]

Oh, that's right.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you didn't know.

[Andy Fiori]

I just forgot. We're in the midst of it now.

[Big J Okerson]

Your best friend DJ Lou is the grand marshal this year. The parade.

[Andy Fiori]

See, that's something he forgot to tell his pal Andy.

[Big J Okerson]

What? Why you got your scepter and everything? Wow. Sorry, Andy.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at that hairline. Because of me, one. One mean joke made him fix everything.

[Christine]

I didn't know he was ever balding.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, he was.

[Big J Okerson]

During the pandemic I thought one day. One day. I think I put too much gel in my hair. And I can see head through hair. And a week ago, I had a thousand needles injected into my head. So it doesn't take much. Yeah, it doesn't take much to push you to that point. You go, you know what? Let me just go make sure I keep this hair. Yeah, I'm not even losing my hair. I'm just making sure I'm keeping my hair.

[Andy Fiori]

It thins a little, but it's fine.

[Big J Okerson]

It's.

[Andy Fiori]

When you get out of the shower. Yeah, like that.

[Big J Okerson]

It's gonna be fine when I'm done with this PRP treatment.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you think I should go get a hair transplant and just get hair one more time?

[Big J Okerson]

I do, yeah.

[Andy Fiori]

I mean, I would love to see what.

[Robert Kelly]

It looks just rocking.

[Andy Fiori]

You're a good bald guy, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I got a good bald head.

[Andy Fiori]

But you got a good shapely head, man. Yeah, mine is bumpy.

[Big J Okerson]

You're seeing yourself. Yeah, I'm a mental patient with the shave.

[Robert Kelly]

My mother took full credit for my head because she rolled me every 30 minutes. Yeah, a lot of parents just leave kids in the. The baby's skull is so soft. If they just leave you on one side, you'll get up head. My mom would come in and roll me every.

[Big J Okerson]

I actually spoke with your mom about this.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

Now what now? It wasn't about that. It turns out me and Andy, and this is not an insult to your mother whatsoever. Me and Andy's mothers clearly had very tight pussies. So our heads came out lumpy because they're misshapen because they can only open up so much. Bobby, you just flew out. So your head is in perfect tact shape.

[Robert Kelly]

One second. Did you say my mom had a wide pussy?

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't say that. I just said whatever her pussy was, you just flew out of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, maybe I was a small baby.

[Big J Okerson]

It's very possible you were a small baby coming out of a huge pussy. You're gonna have a perfect head.

[Robert Kelly]

You just said it. Now. Now you just said it.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

You said she had huge pussy.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no. I'm saying if a tiny child comes out of a. A huge. You would be perfectly intact.

[Robert Kelly]

So you're not saying my mother had a huge.

[Big J Okerson]

No, just huge enough for you to come out unscathed without touching any walls.

[Andy Fiori]

Semantics.

[Robert Kelly]

Real quick. Were you really talking to my mother?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, great.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, we communicate. I don't know if you know this. You can message through the aura app.

[Andy Fiori]

Jay calls her every Sunday.

[Robert Kelly]

On the Aura app.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. On the Aura frame, I just upload pictures to her and I say, but you could just. I could just do it on my phone. I could, like, write a thing and, like, a note and just send it.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I. Can I do. If I. I would love for you. Really? Because I. She does have the Aura frame for.

[Big J Okerson]

Me to start messaging your mother.

[Robert Kelly]

Be hilarious if I gave you her email and just. You would have to just slowly start adding photos to her frame just to see if she even looks at it.

[Big J Okerson]

She goes, what's that? He goes, I'm told it's Slip knot.

[Andy Fiori]

What's your name? It's the man Slipknot.

[Robert Kelly]

Mom. No, no. My mom's first name is Kathy.

[Andy Fiori]

It's a good mom name.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not. It's Marie. I never knew that.

[Big J Okerson]

She's hiding from your father.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah. What's the reason?

[Big J Okerson]

Sleeping with the enemy. That's the reason he's dead.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. They just went by Kathy.

[Andy Fiori]

I guess my mom didn't have a middle name, which I always thought was weird.

[Robert Kelly]

My middle. My mom's middle name is Kathleen. Marie Kathleen Dawlin, but she went by Kathleen.

[Andy Fiori]

People go by their middle name.

[Robert Kelly]

That was weird. I never knew that.

[Big J Okerson]

Mom's got the stupidest middle name. Felice Navidot. Yeah, right.

[Robert Kelly]

She's a fucking Christmas.

[Big J Okerson]

F, E, L, I, C E. Felice.

[Andy Fiori]

I wouldn't have thought that at all.

[Big J Okerson]

That's my. That's my grand. My grandfather always called her. But my mom's Terry with an eye, which lets you know she was gonna a lot. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Andy Fiori]

Mine's Marianne, but she wasn't slutty till she was a Catholic girl.

[Big J Okerson]

My mom wasn't a. Until she was A, though. You know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

Like, she was a. She was a.

[Big J Okerson]

But when she unloaded, she unloaded.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

That door was open and there was a key under the mat.

[Big J Okerson]

And I do believe it was a.

[Christine]

Couple cops in her 20s. She's been with the same guy for 30 years.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know that. You don't know that.

[Big J Okerson]

I have no idea what's happened.

[Robert Kelly]

This little kid was on his tummy watching TV in the other room. He had no idea what was going on.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no. I knew what was going on a lot.

[Christine]

Oh, my God. Would you listen?

[Big J Okerson]

What? No, no, no, no, no, no. But there was one time, my mom always said to me, there was one time where I just says, weird. My bedroom was the me, and my brother's bedroom was the end of the hallway, very small apartment was hallway. End of the hallway was my bedroom to the left. At the end of the hallway was my mom's bedroom. Like, profile. And then a hallway and a living room. That's it in the kitchen. And there was a mirror in the middle of the hallway that would bank to the couch where I could see my mom, which was usually my safety net because I was very scared kid. And I would see. I could see in that mirror, like, my mom even, like, her feet or whatever. Just. I'm like, okay, my mom's there. Like, everything's fine. And then one day, light shines in the window, which is a sign that this guy Dave the cop was coming over. And Dave came over, and I just saw.

[Andy Fiori]

Wait, wait, wait. You're glossing over the signal that Dave is here?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it comes into play.

[Andy Fiori]

A light.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I know, but he would shine his light. Cop light.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you'd have to shine light.

[Andy Fiori]

That's so funny.

[Robert Kelly]

But that was a code of case.

[Andy Fiori]

Other guy throwing a little pebble against the window.

[Big J Okerson]

We were top floor of a duplex. It was apartment downstairs, upstairs.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, I guess you don't want to call the landline, wake up the whole.

[Big J Okerson]

So he would shine the light into the window, and so she would know that was the signal when the door. When the doorbell rings. Well, basically was saying, when the doorbell rings, don't be wigged out. It's me. Because there were no cell phones, like you said.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Story checks out.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not a thing. So you.

[Robert Kelly]

Same thing that cat burglars do.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they peer in with this flashlight. He shined the cop, like the light. Light.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he's from the car.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

And he would shoot up in the window so it would light it up. And she would know there was gonna be him. But Dave came up.

[Robert Kelly]

She was about to get it.

[Big J Okerson]

I was peeking. I was peeking through, you know, I was looking in the thing, but just like normal looking, just to see everyone's there. In fact, I would like. When I was a kid, I would like when a cop would come over and visit, or any friend of hers would come visit. I'd hear them talking then, too, which.

[Andy Fiori]

Was very like, no monsters can get you.

[Big J Okerson]

I could fall asleep very comfortably because it was such a small place. I'd hear him talking in the living room. And no monsters could get me.

[Robert Kelly]

You're talking, you mean. Well, you earned that PBA card, bitch.

[Big J Okerson]

Dave the cop.

[Robert Kelly]

Get that. Fuck. You want fucking tickets or not?

[Andy Fiori]

We're lousy with pba. Cards in this house.

[Big J Okerson]

My mom did not get any tickets. I will say that.

[Robert Kelly]

Of course you.

[Big J Okerson]

She drove. She wasn't a good driver.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

She did not get any tickets. I will say that. I don't recall her ever going to traffic court, but I saw in that mirror that they. It was, I believe her laying on her stomach. And he was. In fairness, I do remember him being fully like cop uniform, shirt on. But he was just, I think the her thing. She'll say massaging. He was massaging her back. Whatever it was, it was definitely getting into it.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on, let me get my hand. Let me just fix up.

[Big J Okerson]

Go for it.

[Andy Fiori]

I was really hoping it was gonna be naked with the cop belt on.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know what was going on below.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, slow it down, slow it down. She was on her stomach then.

[Big J Okerson]

We think so I think he was straddled over across her butt, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And massaging her back. She says.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But I was pretty sure I went to school the next day feeling and definitely telling at least somebod Damn school night. Jesus, Dave.

[Robert Kelly]

What a hoe.

[Andy Fiori]

Holy.

[Robert Kelly]

Who does that on a Tuesday?

[Big J Okerson]

That's the move you want to my mom. School night's tonight. Oh, I didn't know you do it on weekend when I'm allowed to be up. True, right?

[Andy Fiori]

True.

[Robert Kelly]

That's true.

[Big J Okerson]

Now on the weekends though, Dave is a slippery one. Weekends got shipped off to my mom's house. So actually that's when you could really loud.

[Robert Kelly]

She detectives on weekends, but that's good precinct. She the guy with a little flip pad and a pencil.

[Big J Okerson]

But I told that at, you know, at. At risk of telling the story for the 500th time. That light in the window story is always interesting because the night my mom met my stepfather in a nightclub, they went back to my mom's house. I was at my mom's. They were definitely going to have didn't fuck. And Dave the cop, while my step pop to be was up there, shined the light in the window and.

[Robert Kelly]

And you fucked him.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You lied on your belly, Dave.

[Big J Okerson]

Dave, like. But here's the thing. Then the doorbell rang and my mom ignored it because, yeah, I already got somebody here. Dave. But it wasn't Dave. It was a guy she went on another date with once who got hammered. Hammered.

[Robert Kelly]

That was her nickname showed up. Geez Louise.

[Big J Okerson]

Louise. You go see Geez Louise. My mom was sweet. Sweet Connie from We're an American Band Sherry Terry. But. So that was my stepfather's up there. Dave the cop goes, but got a Call. So didn't end up ringing the doorbell.

[Robert Kelly]

And the stepfather going, there's somebody murdering somebody.

[Big J Okerson]

When my mom didn't answer, he drunkenly put his fucking fist through the glass and like. Yeah. Went upstairs and my step pop patched him up. And they called the cops and they.

[Robert Kelly]

What a good dad.

[Big J Okerson]

We're not cops. They called an ambulance to like, come take him to the hospital. But that is the night my mom. My stepfather wrapped up in three guys who were probably fucking her or had already fucked her.

[Andy Fiori]

Terry.

[Big J Okerson]

Tara. Tara goes for it.

[Robert Kelly]

God damn.

[Big J Okerson]

Say what they say what you will about you bros do. But Terry Rosenberg throws down.

[Robert Kelly]

Of course she does.

[Big J Okerson]

Terry. Thank you. My mom. Terry Felice Rosenberg gets down. My mom wasn't like that. My mom was a good lady. No way. My mom was popping. I know, you're right.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know what she did to get in the country.

[Big J Okerson]

No, she's from this country.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what she did to survive the Holocaust?

[Andy Fiori]

Don't you dare.

[Big J Okerson]

Her mother did something to survive the Holocaust.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. She went down on those German probably flocking.

[Big J Okerson]

And then she made it so my sweet, sweet saint of a ma. Mom could live and be born in this country.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And meet my wonderful grandfather. And they would give birth to neurotic Jew named Barry. And geez, Uncle Mark, who was a heroin addict from the time he was 15. And my mom, the local cop stole it.

[Andy Fiori]

The local badge bunny.

[Big J Okerson]

And my mom, the local cops.

[Robert Kelly]

What a badge. Bangers.

[Andy Fiori]

Is that what they're calling something in there?

[Big J Okerson]

Badge bunny is probably it.

[Andy Fiori]

Badge bunny, probably.

[Robert Kelly]

We were talking out front, which is pretty funny about. I was just on vacation and I talked and I bought. I bought my wife. I was gonna buy my wife a necklace, you know.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And my Max was like, get the mom. Let get it. Let him get it. And she was like, no, he's just buying this necklace so he. So he can buy the Gucci sunglasses he wants.

[Andy Fiori]

Was that what you're doing?

[Robert Kelly]

100%. 100% what I was doing. But why'd you even ask? I didn't.

[Andy Fiori]

Well, I. Jay's gonna come at me with a new look. I didn't know you're. Buddy, those glasses came out of nowhere fast.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel like we're on a different show. Like we should be talking about Palestine and Gaza.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Gentlemen.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

You were saying?

[Robert Kelly]

Jay's wearing the brand new glasses, but they're progressive, they're exciting, and they're actually Chanel, I believe, Right? What are they?

[Big J Okerson]

A Cartier.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Cartier.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

Even fancier. And they look fantastic on a butt. Is a different guy. It's not the.

[Andy Fiori]

It's a different J.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not little guys.

[Big J Okerson]

I could still talking.

[Robert Kelly]

You should use different words though.

[Big J Okerson]

Penis and vagina.

[Robert Kelly]

So.

[Andy Fiori]

So yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I said I didn't get. I wanted the sunglasses. 100 I was buying her this so I can. Wow.

[Andy Fiori]

If we're here at the store.

[Robert Kelly]

But I didn't. I didn't get the sunglasses to spite her.

[Andy Fiori]

Good. Good move.

[Robert Kelly]

Right? 100 and then Jay was telling me.

[Andy Fiori]

You gotta tell Max to shut it.

[Robert Kelly]

Well yeah. Look.

[Andy Fiori]

He got dropping dimes.

[Big J Okerson]

Max did. That was actually. Max broke bro code. You gotta call it when you call it.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you mean? Say. Say I know it's his birthday.

[Big J Okerson]

I know it's his birthday week. But. Yeah. That's breaker bro.

[Robert Kelly]

No. That's what? Not him. Oh she said it. She said.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh. He said Max was just like mom get.

[Robert Kelly]

Because. Yeah. Cuz he. I got him a silver bracelet. He's like mom get. Get the. Get the glass. Get the necklace. Let him buy it for you.

[Big J Okerson]

She was like family jewelry shopping with the Sopranos.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. It's nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes have a nice robe chain with an Italian horn on it.

[Robert Kelly]

I was. I was doing this to get the Gucci sunglasses that I wanted.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Just so I could get them guilt free. And she was like he's just doing this so he can get his Gucci sunglasses and not feel guilty about it. And I go you know what? I don't want them. I really do want them. But I'm not gonna get them because I want you to be happy. I just want you guys to have stuff. I won't get anything. And I did that to spite her fucking face.

[Andy Fiori]

I'm with you on that one.

[Robert Kelly]

Right?

[Andy Fiori]

Absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

And you. And then you wound up telling me preacher. You said.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh. The level that I'll go to. To spite Christine. Yeah. Because something. If she's. If she's christining for a change. Sometimes you gotta straighten her out by.

[Robert Kelly]

Is she a verb?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You make yourself uncomfortable at the sole reason being that it's gonna make them feel guilty. Feel guilty about. And just go to bed with that. I said I've slept. That was example. I used. Me and Christine have been in arguments where I've just gotten into bed in jeans and the clothes I was wearing that day. Because I'm gonna be uncomfortable. And my face will show that all night. And it is gonna bother her in some way.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Christine]

I'm like are you wearing your jeans to bed. I did that like one time. I was psychotic.

[Big J Okerson]

I've done it more than one time.

[Robert Kelly]

But it's to teach her every time. It's to teach her, make her feel.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the teacher.

[Christine]

I always fall asleep right on time.

[Andy Fiori]

I just have an ex girlfriend who would not let me near her bed if I was wearing my street clothes, quote unquote. Don't sit on the fucking bed.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd be like, you have street clothes.

[Andy Fiori]

Like what I wore out today.

[Big J Okerson]

People are real big believers in that though. People who care about that, care about that a lot. I've heard all kinds of things. Like, can you believe that when people, as soon as they get into a hotel room, put their suitcase up on the bed, I go. It's immediately what I do.

[Andy Fiori]

It's the first thing I do.

[Big J Okerson]

And I unzip it and I put the stuff out and then I move the suitcase to the little rack or whatever or somewhere where it's gonna sit. And then I lay right on the bed.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

With my. Wherever my dirty suitcase was.

[Andy Fiori]

100.

[Robert Kelly]

Doesn't bother me at all. No, but I do. I think I've done this before. I've. I've slept on the edge of the bed with no blanket, of course, to make her feel.

[Big J Okerson]

Let her know.

[Robert Kelly]

Let her know. I look at. We're. I'm. We're here on this little thing because I have a show or it's my, you know, the comics come home. There's one king bed. I've slept on the floor to let her know I'm the guy. This is about me.

[Andy Fiori]

Floor is wild.

[Robert Kelly]

But I'm gonna fucking do. So you two can have the fucking bed. I'm gonna get no sleep. And I'll also go do the show and fucking murder in front of 17,000 people. And then you can get the check and you feel that? Yeah, you feel that?

[Christine]

Did you fall asleep? Really easy to like that.

[Robert Kelly]

Both of those pieces of shit with all that. And they both lights out, hung the floor. She got a gold necklace and he got a silver chain. I got Lugats. And I'm cuz I can't find those glasses anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

Now listen.

[Andy Fiori]

Who is. Sounds like a dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Lugats.

[Big J Okerson]

That's new, by the way. You still won.

[Robert Kelly]

I did?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Because somewhere in her brain she feels guilty about me not getting the glasses.

[Big J Okerson]

You've taken. You've taken time off of her life.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's what I'm gonna do. Tell me if this is a. This is my plan. To lightly pepper in these glasses over the Next month of like. I saw those glasses again. I wish I got them and just put it down.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Lightly, subtly.

[Andy Fiori]

It's really bright out here.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, right.

[Big J Okerson]

And then go. Yeah. No, I just. It's not. It's not really the time to spend money on myself.

[Andy Fiori]

That's frivolous things.

[Robert Kelly]

That's good. Frivolous is a word.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude. I have slept poorly. I have not purchased.

[Andy Fiori]

I know. When he starts a sentence and touches those glasses.

[Big J Okerson]

I have not. It's very difficult with the head.

[Andy Fiori]

It's a whole new jet.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't understand what's happening. That whatever you just did with your glasses.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Andy Fiori]

It's more thoughtful. You go when I.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, Jay, Please tell us.

[Big J Okerson]

I've not gotten sleep. I've not eaten. I've left places early. All things for spite.

[Robert Kelly]

I've done that. Not eating. The not eating. To me, when you get into some type of liars.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, just this one. Just. Just for a little bit. For spite.

[Andy Fiori]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't go to a week long hunger strike.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, buddy. I'm not saying I didn't.

[Andy Fiori]

Caesar Chavez over here.

[Robert Kelly]

I went back at three in the morning and stuff my fat face.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Once they're asleep and it's all done have.

[Andy Fiori]

He's eating on the floor of the hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

I just pushed the plate away and just went.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

And I mean a good meal.

[Andy Fiori]

That is a good storm out.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what? I'm actually not even hungry anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

Now you guys finish.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you guys finish.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh man.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a good one also.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. And sit there. No, no. I'll wait for you to eat. I just. I can't.

[Christine]

Yeah, you just did that to me in Austin.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

You did. What do you do? What do you do? What do you do?

[Andy Fiori]

Were you christining?

[Christine]

Yeah. I want to go to question.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, I'm gonna use that on dawn and everybody should use that on their girl. You're Christine. You're Christine.

[Andy Fiori]

Where are you summering this weekend, Christine?

[Big J Okerson]

Did Christine go? I'd like to hear Christine's point of view on this because the. I wanna go.

[Christine]

What's the place? I like Iron Cactus.

[Big J Okerson]

Iron Cactus.

[Christine]

So I love this place, Iron Cactus. And I wanted to go there for lunch. He doesn't love it that much, but I love it it. And we usually go once when we're there. So he's like, hey, do you want to go turn cactus? He's like, no, I don't really want to go. I was like, all right. He's like, if you want to Go. He's like, it's really busy on 6th Street. I was like, well, there's no one over there right now. Like, it's kind of dead. And he was like, okay, fine. Let's go to Iron Cactus. And I'm like, okay. And I knew. I was like, this is not your number one choice, but you're gonna go with me because I like it. And we get there, and he just decides he's not gonna order.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, we went up to 6th street, stopped a whole bunch of that's. I said, go to 6th street right now. Moon tower. It's gonna work. It's just like. I'm, like, in sweatpants and whatever. It's like, we're just sitting outside, walking.

[Robert Kelly]

Through the lobby of JFL. It's gonna take you 30 minutes to get anywhere because. Hey. Oh, yeah.

[Christine]

But it was also, like, two blocks from us. Yeah, this is right by the mothership. We're at the Thompson.

[Robert Kelly]

It's still, though. You're gonna wind up getting stopped a bunch of times. So it's not like you just go from here to there, and you're there. Hey, Jay. Oh, my God. It's like. It's a process.

[Andy Fiori]

Sounds like a gay boy.

[Christine]

Fine. We could have argued it more.

[Big J Okerson]

But then I know she wanted to go, so I said, I'll go.

[Christine]

He says, I'll go. And then I'm like, well, you're not eating. I was like, fine, pack all this to go. Let's get out of here.

[Robert Kelly]

You.

[Andy Fiori]

What kind of cuisine that.

[Christine]

Mexican. I'm like, I'm not gonna sit here. I was like, I'm not enjoying this. I don't want to hang out with you. I would have rather have just come by myself.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I see? I worked. I want to say, the smile on Jay's sophisticated glasses face right now, really knowing that your rage is still available.

[Christine]

I forgot about right now.

[Robert Kelly]

The fact that you're still you. Wow. What a move. Yeah, I'm not gonna eat.

[Christine]

Didn't order.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not gonna eat. And it's. Look at her.

[Christine]

She's still mad, though. I ordered.

[Big J Okerson]

She had to bring. She had to bring home her soup.

[Christine]

That's why I paid. Yeah, I brought home my soup. I ate it in the room. I paid for it myself. I was like, I'll pay.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

She made her own. She made her own suit.

[Andy Fiori]

I'll show him. I'll show you. Professor, everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Christine]

I mean it's just so petty.

[Big J Okerson]

It's really nice.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. It's kind of. It's.

[Christine]

He's full.

[Andy Fiori]

Is he wearing those glasses? Because it makes it a whole lot pettier.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, if you had to push them back.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, you push them up on your nose.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, Christine, you see, you. Your behavior won't be tolerated.

[Christine]

Wanting to go to my favorite restaurant in Austin. So sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

First of all, you are garbage. It's the Iron Cactus.

[Christine]

They have a soup and salad.

[Big J Okerson]

Is your favorite restaurant. And by the way, your favorite restaurant. Your favorite restaurant in Austin is a place that. And used for the soup and salad is batshit crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't say favorite restaurant. Soup and salad.

[Christine]

No, my favorite restaurant.

[Robert Kelly]

Facts. Yeah, Panera is one of your favorite places.

[Christine]

Broccoli cheddar at Panera.

[Andy Fiori]

You ever have the Brock Shed?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's great. But he's not your favorite restaurant in Austin.

[Christine]

What other restaurant in Austin do I like more than Iron Cast? Oh, you know what? Cisco's is probably my favorite. Cisco's probably my favorite. Yeah, but Iron Cactus is a close second. It's Mexican food in Texas.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine, you're Christining. Settle down, Christina.

[Christine]

Well, Jay didn't order.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't say we had to leave, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

It works.

[Christine]

No, you're just gonna sit there not eating at the table.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Andy Fiori]

And pout.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no.

[Andy Fiori]

I mean, define pouting, you know, to a J. Pout.

[Christine]

No, I mean, we could change the word to make it less.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait, I love this. Another. We had another verb. A J. Pout. What is it?

[Big J Okerson]

No, it was. Listen, you're on. You're on 6. You're on 6th Street. I sat in the chair.

[Robert Kelly]

Quit shouting.

[Big J Okerson]

You.

[Robert Kelly]

You. Christining.

[Big J Okerson]

I sat in a chair that can see the 6th street like lunatics walking by.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I just sat there talking to Christine half and.

[Christine]

No, you weren't talking. It was the whole thing. No, I was like, you're not eating. I was like, you're just not gonna order anything.

[Andy Fiori]

Guess we're getting the soup to go.

[Christine]

I mean, it was just horrible.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, how was the soup when you got it back to the room? It's good. It's fine, but it's not good.

[Andy Fiori]

Can we bring up the Iron Cactus website, please?

[Big J Okerson]

The iron.

[Robert Kelly]

What kind of soup was it?

[Big J Okerson]

It's attached to the mothership and no one talks about it.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen.

[Christine]

Well, that's because they're all into Terry Blacks and they're elks.

[Robert Kelly]

Next to the. I don't even know there's a restaurant next to the mothership.

[Christine]

That's where you took the picture of me and my friend Chelsea hugging. It's the best on the street.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the best soup and salad in town, they say.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, I had a feeling.

[Big J Okerson]

It's tortilla soup, first of all.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no best tortilla soup.

[Big J Okerson]

You've never been There is at the Iron Cactus.

[Christine]

I love chicken.

[Andy Fiori]

Locals call it the Cactus.

[Big J Okerson]

She goes. She goes. Yeah, we can just go to the Iron Cat. Keep in mind now what you're saying. It's the Iron. It's only two blocks away, but I go. Sixth Street's gonna be a ton of people.

[Christine]

Oh, I'm sorry. A couple bouncers. Told you you were awesome.

[Robert Kelly]

What's happening? Wow.

[Christine]

You weren't.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Andy Fiori]

There was nobody bouncer demo.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude, you really do have a good bounce. Oh, no.

[Christine]

People wanted to take pictures with you. There's like, maybe two or three people.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't even brush my teeth. I was in sweatpants.

[Robert Kelly]

What time of day? It was like 12:30 at night or in the afternoon.

[Big J Okerson]

Afternoon.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, afternoon.

[Christine]

He was supposed to do skanks. I was walking around by myself. I was gonna go eat by myself.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's see some of this.

[Andy Fiori]

Is it a chain or just.

[Christine]

I think it's just this one.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's see some food.

[Christine]

Jay doesn't really like Mexican food either.

[Robert Kelly]

He doesn't like Mexicans.

[Big J Okerson]

I like Mexicans more. I like Mexican food.

[Christine]

Yeah, he likes the case.

[Andy Fiori]

That's wild.

[Christine]

That he wouldn't touch.

[Robert Kelly]

Why you didn't. Brisket.

[Andy Fiori]

Queso dog. I'm with you, Chris. That sold me.

[Christine]

This place is bomb. Did I not even have groups here?

[Big J Okerson]

Did I not have. It's not bomb. Have I.

[Christine]

He doesn't think Cisco's bomb either.

[Andy Fiori]

That's wild.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay's. Jay's.

[Big J Okerson]

Neither is Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Cisco's.

[Robert Kelly]

Cisco's garbage breakfast.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby says it's garbage.

[Christine]

I'll tell you why you started eating your food before the tortillas came.

[Robert Kelly]

Because it's. Here's the problem with it. There's no level. Styrofoam plate, flat piece of. It's beans, eggs and fucking. And it's all the same level. There's no. There's no peaks and valleys.

[Big J Okerson]

Fine. I think it's fine.

[Robert Kelly]

It's fine. It's not great.

[Big J Okerson]

And I like the tradition. The tradition of. It's fun.

[Robert Kelly]

The tradition is fine. Going all together is what you go for, but it is not a breakfast. I would ever go. I would never be there and like, hey, I gotta go to Cisco's. I would never go there by myself or take anybody and here's the thing.

[Christine]

I stayed there for like a week. I ordered it to the hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

God damn right I fucked up because I didn't do the tortilla. So maybe that's why I up. I was just eating slop out of a plastic bowl.

[Christine]

Were you not enjoying whatever the butter, biscuits and. No chips and salsa and the queso.

[Robert Kelly]

Queso was great. I. And I was.

[Christine]

The biscuits were burnt.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. Biscuits sucked. I was the one who ordered. Josh was like, we only need one queso. I was like, get three because you're a Doberman pincher and all be gone. Which was gone. He ate it all.

[Big J Okerson]

And he didn't eat it all.

[Robert Kelly]

He ate it all. It's all gone. I didn't know. It's just so.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't stop myself.

[Robert Kelly]

We all gotta get the meso de. So whatever the it is. What is it? We all get migas. That's the tradition. We can't break tradition or I'll cry into a bowl. Anyways.

[Andy Fiori]

Megas, please.

[Christine]

Can we say that this is my meal right here? The iron salad and the tortilla soup. Perfect lunch.

[Big J Okerson]

She bragged about spending $21.

[Christine]

What am I bragging about? No, I also.

[Big J Okerson]

You said I paid for it. You said I paid for it. And I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

You did.

[Andy Fiori]

You did.

[Robert Kelly]

You did. I wave you.

[Christine]

I went and walked to the guy. I said, oh, here, can I give you this? And can I get everything packed to go?

[Andy Fiori]

Separate checks, please.

[Robert Kelly]

Now you're still mad about it.

[Christine]

I've completely forgotten about it until this moment.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say if this is the case with this one little instance of her having this inside of her. How many of these does she have loaded up?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know, but it's great, isn't it?

[Christine]

14 years.

[Robert Kelly]

You better watch it back in these houses.

[Christine]

She's been shouting around, how good am I at it?

[Big J Okerson]

How good am I at it?

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, it's really good. And I. I agree with you because as soon as Don said he's just doing this so he can get, it was almost like, first of all, go fuck yourself. We're on vacation. I just. I bought you a thousand dollar necklace.

[Big J Okerson]

I brought you Aruba.

[Robert Kelly]

I brought you to keep going.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what I'm saying.

[Robert Kelly]

I paid for every meal.

[Big J Okerson]

You figured out what, the restaurants you wanted to go to.

[Robert Kelly]

Anything she wants. Yeah, everything. Everything's done.

[Andy Fiori]

Iron, cactus.

[Big J Okerson]

And then now I'm getting. You're getting the benefit of me feeling guilt for wanting to buy myself something.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So you're getting something.

[Robert Kelly]

I got her something. But it was. I was getting her something so that we all. You get this. You get that. I'm gonna get those glasses. But I didn't say that. But she knew it. That evil girl psycho mind of. He's just doing this to get the thing.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't say. Except. Except you got your treat. Except you got, as Rocky would call it, your prize, right? You got your prize.

[Robert Kelly]

Would you just say that's not evil.

[Christine]

So much as it's just knowing who you are.

[Andy Fiori]

Pretty calculating.

[Robert Kelly]

It's pretty calculating. And you know, I just bought you. My glasses were $300. The Gucci glasses, sunglasses. Her necklace was a thousand.

[Christine]

Did you save the style number or anything?

[Robert Kelly]

You guys got it? Yes, of course I did. I'm fucking getting those glasses. I'm gonna.

[Christine]

I won't walk over on the nail.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna get the glass. But no, I'm not.

[Andy Fiori]

Did it ruin the trip? Was it a good trip?

[Robert Kelly]

It didn't ruin the trip, but it did hurt. I'll tell you. I'll be honest. Can I be honest?

[Andy Fiori]

Were you jouting the rest of the trip?

[Robert Kelly]

No, but I.

[Christine]

Bobby's more of a Christine Jace, more Dawn.

[Robert Kelly]

But he really is in the relationship. I'm Christine. And she's. He's definitely Dawn. But no, I'll tell you, it hurt. It really bummed me out because you're like, I'm buying. I want you to have this. I want you. I want to do something. Yeah, here it is.

[Andy Fiori]

Sincere. Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

She's going. You're not doing this out of. Yes, of course I'm gonna get the glasses, but I'm doing this because I want you.

[Andy Fiori]

Sure. I get it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And you're getting a way better gift.

[Big J Okerson]

I just remembered. It's right. There's a spike coming. Christ way soon. I don't remember how I'm gonna lay it out yet. I haven't really discovered what it was. But like, she did a bunch of, like, we were walking around Costco and There's a new PS5. There's a PF PS5 slim. Now.

[Robert Kelly]

Now that you lost weight and.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, now the PS5 Slim. No, I was like, weigh you for that. Oh, you know, it'd be nice. You know, be nice if I wanted to play on another TV in the house. Get it on the TV in the house. They. And I looked up. Do they link if you have the same account? I think they do.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They do link. So I was like, oh, it'd be cool to kind of play Upstairs. If I wanted to play instead of just downstairs all the time, that'd be kind of. And I mentioned it a few times at Costco, and Christine was like, I thought the whole thing's just gonna play it downstairs. I thought it was just like a. It was a shooting down of it versus when she's like, I think we need. I think we might need new knives. I always go, and again, this is wrong. Kim Congdon called the Good on Legion skanks new money. I didn't have money until my mid-40s.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Big J Okerson]

So. @ all. So it is that where when she goes, we need knives, she gets upset because I come back and I go, for $5,000, it's the knife set of all knife sets. And a guy comes every week to sharpen them for you. Stuff like that. And she's. And she's like, what?

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, we don't cook. And I go, I know, but one day we're gonna. We're gonna cook something. And don't you want to have 12 of the most. Most amazing knives ever? Don't you want to cut through a tuna can and a boot and then a tomato?

[Robert Kelly]

Dawn has been talking about Cutco knives for five or six years. We've seen them now, now, now, this year at the Sangeneres feast, they had the Cutco guy. She went up. She goes, I don't know. I went up behind her back. I go, give me the set. And I paid for them. I go, they're coming tomorrow.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck off, Bobby.

[Andy Fiori]

Just because you wanted a set of.

[Big J Okerson]

Forks, we got a cuckoo guy.

[Robert Kelly]

You have a cuckoo.

[Christine]

I have a cuckoo guy who's made us beautiful knives. Yeah, he made me have a home.

[Robert Kelly]

He made me one.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Justin, right? His name's Justin.

[Robert Kelly]

He's the best.

[Big J Okerson]

He comes to Gang Fest every year.

[Robert Kelly]

Awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

He's amazing. I went out to him. I go, dude, what's the set like? I want to get the. But I want you to get the commission for. You know what I mean? Like, he's like, buddy, I got you this set. It's every. Listen. Couple grand for sure. Which is ridiculous. Yeah, but. But he was good. But he goes, but I'm also throwing in the blah. And then this. And then this whole package and the grill stuff. And Christine just goes, that's what she says. It's a knife block. It's this big. We'll say, right? Maybe a foot and a half or something to have it all. It's amazing. She goes, well, I don't like it's. Gonna take up too much counter space. The whole kitchen's counter space. We bought the house because of the counter space.

[Christine]

Stuff on every inch of the counter. So it's cluttered like hoarders.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me tell you something. First of all, Cutco knives are the best ever.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll never know, because now this poor guy. This poor guy who put the whole package together for me and said, we're gonna do this. I am. I was so embarrassed that Christine cut me off at the knees on it, that I just didn't even reach out to him, tell him I wasn't doing it. I just moved on in life. And I was like, hey, buddy, I'll be getting to you with my credit card information momentarily. Never talk to him ever again.

[Robert Kelly]

God.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah.

[Christine]

He wants to get, like.

[Big J Okerson]

I go, that's the jam right there, buddy.

[Christine]

Like, we don't.

[Andy Fiori]

That's not too big.

[Big J Okerson]

It's.

[Christine]

It's ridiculous, by the way.

[Big J Okerson]

I think it's a bigger one.

[Christine]

I mean, it was bigger.

[Big J Okerson]

Keep going down. There's more. There we go. Now we're cooking again.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, Jay, there's two of you in a house.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, look at that.

[Christine]

I think it was hosting dinners.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I think it was that guy.

[Christine]

We don't even have that. That's double this.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say something, though?

[Andy Fiori]

You know, 34 hunch.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on. You don't know how many. You're going to start having dinners. You're going to start having more than two people over. You're gonna have 10 people overnight. You could have a big dinner. And if you have all the steak knives for steaks and everybody, It's. It's kind of nice. When dawn wanted. She's like, all we have. We need three knives. I go, we're getting six steak knives because we might have people over. And I want to have the same.

[Andy Fiori]

Maybe, if you get it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Andy Fiori]

Start having people. You know, hey, we need a reason to use these.

[Christine]

We get a reasonable knife block with six knives. We don't spend five grand on knives nobody's gonna use. I mean, Jacob just had. The guy made us this. This beautiful knife that we have.

[Andy Fiori]

PlayStation and knives. We don't ask for much.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I'm like, since 2011, I've had video games in my house. It's so nice to have them in the basement and, like, not around me.

[Andy Fiori]

You know, it's fun. I thought you guys would maybe cool out a little. Moving to a house and having more room, I can't. But it's all created a whole new Set of problems.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't. I can't.

[Big J Okerson]

I know you're single, so it didn't just strike you, what Christine said. That was just crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

I gotta. I gotta. I gotta.

[Andy Fiori]

It.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. That hurt him.

[Andy Fiori]

I glossed over.

[Big J Okerson]

My eyes are tearing.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't.

[Big J Okerson]

That was crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't.

[Christine]

What she just said Brian and then you.

[Big J Okerson]

Where's Bobby going? He's taking a lap. He can't believe what Christine just off of podcast.

[Christine]

Godamn. Xbox on.

[Andy Fiori]

You got to stop walking away from things.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, J Getting mad at.

[Christine]

Me because I'm in the room and now tanking the game.

[Robert Kelly]

You smell fantastic.

[Andy Fiori]

You're tanking for a high draft pick.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to get a high.

[Andy Fiori]

Epic.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't. What the.

[Big J Okerson]

Wasn't that crazy? Oh, my God.

[Andy Fiori]

I was talking over.

[Big J Okerson]

She says. She goes, I had all these years of having video games in the living room. It's nice just to now have them, like, out of my face and downstairs.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Which is while she's. While she's upstairs watching the other giant TV that I bought. Oh, this laundry.

[Christine]

Watching the Kardashians.

[Robert Kelly]

He's like a dog in the basement on his dumb video games.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, but you want to be down there. I'd rather be in the basement than.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm very happy down there.

[Andy Fiori]

Video games in the basement.

[Big J Okerson]

Very happy down there.

[Christine]

Wants another toy because he doesn't really want anything. And so now he wants to spend his money on a second PS5.

[Robert Kelly]

You're gonna hit her or we're gonna have to do something. I'm gonna have to walk out again.

[Big J Okerson]

You might have to walk out.

[Robert Kelly]

And Danny's right. I gotta stop walking off a podcast.

[Andy Fiori]

You know what I just realized?

[Christine]

The Nintendo one. You don't use it, Jay.

[Andy Fiori]

You can whip your glass glasses off, and then you got a whole new set of moves.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, Andy, real quick, just to let you know, I walked out just so I can walk by that chocolate and get a piece of chocolate. That was most of the drive by chocolate. That's what it was.

[Big J Okerson]

That was a smart move.

[Andy Fiori]

He is calculating.

[Robert Kelly]

God, that was creamy.

[Big J Okerson]

I talked about maybe. I talked about maybe getting the video games. Having some video games, like, outside. Yes, I know, but it's met with. Well, it's just like that. You don't even know. I don't need the words. It's the face.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna tell you this.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the face that starts.

[Andy Fiori]

And you're like, she had the face. Looked at me and smiled.

[Robert Kelly]

Let Me say something I missed out on a home in the town we live in that was two and a half acres of land. It had room for a big built in pool. It was way bigger than the house, cheaper than the house that I got right. And I did and I. That face and those things. Why are we here? Why? Here's what I learned being married for 17 years. You make the fucking decision. Just do it. Because they're saying things just to say things.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I thought it was actually gonna come a little bit later. But the thing is, Christina's taken to the suburbs in this house so much. She really, beyond expectation, has fallen in love with the house, the area, and just being out there in that yard and everything we have. And then in the ultimate long game, I will take that from her in one fell swoop. One day without her know.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say, can I get a little glasses push back right in the middle.

[Big J Okerson]

Now what Christine doesn't understand is.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay just took his index set of moves.

[Andy Fiori]

To work with with these glasses.

[Big J Okerson]

I do now, you guys. What you guys understand about Christine is she's. She's what people call an idiot. And she will live in this ignorant bliss. Let him do it.

[Christine]

Look at it.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, Christine, wait a second. I said it's rude.

[Christine]

That's why guys texting online are like, you, you better.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm going say this.

[Andy Fiori]

I won't text you that anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

And I will back off of that too if that's bothering you.

[Big J Okerson]

It's okay. It's okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I think that was rude. But in right next to rude was hilarious.

[Christine]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you understand?

[Christine]

That's the problem?

[Robert Kelly]

So I. I have to respect the new classy J. When he says things. It has a little more I don't know meaning.

[Andy Fiori]

Also I think anything entertainment should be set up by the man. That's just men should be in charge of entertainment.

[Robert Kelly]

Strong choice.

[Andy Fiori]

So then you can have backsplashes and all that.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob. Like, yeah, but what is it? Can I ask you a question?

[Big J Okerson]

Seriously, we don't need it.

[Robert Kelly]

Why? If he says, as Jay who works and you know how hard he works, he goes, I was thinking of getting a PSP, which is 500 bucks. It's fucking.

[Andy Fiori]

Not even the thinny. I bet it's not even.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, so you get. I'm just gonna get.

[Big J Okerson]

Who cares?

[Robert Kelly]

It's not like he's like, hey, I'm gonna go buy a fifty thousand dollar chain to wear that, you know, whatever he. I was gonna get a thing for downstairs so I can play down here. Or up there, or if I'm whatever. So just say, okay, do whatever you want. Why are you gonna add the little.

[Christine]

Say do whatever you want all the time? Because you. I'm.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, he's not. He's not other people.

[Christine]

Yes, he is. That's crazy. Are you kidding?

[Robert Kelly]

I take it back.

[Big J Okerson]

I was.

[Christine]

That was.

[Big J Okerson]

That was, was. That was no advice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I apologize if we confer. I'm talking about my relationship.

[Big J Okerson]

If we, if we confer. If we conferred before this, about this topic, I would have said, don't use.

[Robert Kelly]

She said, yes, he is.

[Christine]

He was sending them some pretty upsetting messages.

[Andy Fiori]

Oh, boy.

[Christine]

Okay, well, listen, so PS5 in the living room, space wise, the knives, all that. But I do try because Jay doesn't. Doesn't want a lot. I try to be supportive of things that he wants to buy. And when he was upset about his jeans, he's like, I didn't know these jeans were 200. I was like, you've never been able to shop at the mall before. Like, treat yourself. Like, get the nice jeans.

[Robert Kelly]

That's kind of hurtful.

[Big J Okerson]

That plays out for her.

[Robert Kelly]

You've never been a shop at regular people's stores.

[Andy Fiori]

You've never been able to buy off the rack before. Treat yourself.

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta. You gotta shop in that octagon shaped store on a route next to the mall.

[Andy Fiori]

The story doesn't start with a description of your weight or height.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you don't understand what's happening. You understand what's happening.

[Robert Kelly]

Been a 36, Christine.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine is a shopaholic. So in the regards of that, like, if I go to a mall and leave with hundreds of dollars of jeans, that makes her. That opens the door. That's the thing. That's what dawn was calling out. That's what she's doing. But here's the thing. I don't mind. I'll play the game, I'll dance the dance. That's part of the dance, is you.

[Robert Kelly]

Go, you gotta dance the dance, but you don't go, you fucking piece of shit.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't go. I'm doing it because I want you to buy this. Because I want to get something for myself. You dance the dance, you go. I'm saying, you deserve this. You should have this. And then when you go, what do you think of these sunglasses? You're expecting to go? It's like, what are you talking about? We're on vacation. You live once. Yes, fucking go get it.

[Robert Kelly]

Get it.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't even think twice about it. Get it. They look great on you.

[Robert Kelly]

Do it, buddy. Do you know how good they looked?

[Big J Okerson]

And for that reason, Christine will be homeless at some point. But not yet. Just when she feels her safest.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at these. How good do those look? Look.

[Andy Fiori]

Damn, they do look good.

[Robert Kelly]

They look.

[Andy Fiori]

That's the style.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at those.

[Big J Okerson]

She said they're a little big.

[Robert Kelly]

Those are not a little big.

[Andy Fiori]

She's fighting for her life.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Look at those. Those are not a little baby nuts.

[Andy Fiori]

No, there's a cool. Look at those.

[Robert Kelly]

Those.

[Andy Fiori]

Look.

[Robert Kelly]

I put those on. I put those on. And I went, I gotta send him.

[Big J Okerson]

A picture to play.

[Andy Fiori]

You send me the link. I don't have anybody who could hold me back from buying these.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, please don't buy them. That'd be hilarious.

[Andy Fiori]

Here's the thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, isn't it great when an unattached guy just gets the thing you want?

[Andy Fiori]

How about this, Bobby? Here's what we're gonna do. You got Father's Day coming up. Maybe you go, hey, dawn, you know, back in the room, I really love these kind of glasses. And I wanted to buy you guys some nice things. But, you know, Father's Day's around the corner.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I agree. But here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do what we do do, because I'm gonna not get them, and I'm gonna sprinkle. I'm gonna. On Father's Day, I'm gonna be like. I thought they might have been the glasses. It's just a card. It's just a card. And you made a meatloaf that I do love. I do love me meatloaf.

[Andy Fiori]

Well, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to have both.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm. I'm gonna. I'm gonna bring. If she doesn't get me these. And I told her, I said to.

[Andy Fiori]

Some, maybe that's what she's doing.

[Robert Kelly]

I said this. I go, hey, they're in Aruba. I said, hey. I go, this Father's Day, I don't want any of this fucking nothing bullshit. I want something tangible. I want gifts.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Bobby, here's the ultimate thing. Don't overplay that. Just let them know. It's like, what you should not do is say you want gifts. You just go. It's like, no, I buy the gifts. I'm the guy, you're the kid and the mom and my wife. You don't have to worry about gifts. But you gotta be willing to. Even if it's a gift you really like, you don't oversell appreciation on a gift. From a chick, because they're only able to do this for you because of the money that you're making. So you have to be willing to look at a nice present and almost say with your eyes, I sort of paid for this, but I do. This is nice. Thank you.

[Andy Fiori]

The gesture.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you. But like, this is. At the end of the day, if you ever hit a wall because of this crazy purchase, I'm gonna have to bail you out of that.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, I do have a. I had a backup plan because Anthony Aiden, my glasses guy, he did come in with a new pair of glasses that are coming.

[Big J Okerson]

I know that name.

[Robert Kelly]

Anthony Aiden.

[Andy Fiori]

Well.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Chris DiStefano's glasses guy. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm sorry, is there. Oh, I can use this piece of. It's my glasses.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not what I heard on Joe Rogan.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my glasses guy. And.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, on Joe Rogan, I heard him say that it was his guy. So I listen, listen. I'm in the Rogan sphere.

[Robert Kelly]

And he stole.

[Andy Fiori]

You got a knife guy? He's got a glass glasses guy.

[Robert Kelly]

I got the glasses guy. Andy is my guy.

[Andy Fiori]

Everybody calm down.

[Big J Okerson]

I think you're allowed to use them, too.

[Robert Kelly]

I.

[Big J Okerson]

Off.

[Robert Kelly]

I. He's. He's got a pair of Jacques Marie's. He called me. It was. Okay, these came in. You want. So I'm going down to get those. So on the side, I'm gonna go just get these. I'm getting them. And I'm not gonna tell her. I'm just buying them.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but that's. That's an internal win. That doesn't really. It doesn't hit with the thunder you're looking for in these situations, you know, sophisticated J. I would say, you know what. What you do is you buy those and then you really rub it in with a thing of like. You know what? I'm actually glad I didn't get the Gucci's because these were, like, way more expensive, and I would have felt bad getting both of them. So.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, it's not bad.

[Big J Okerson]

These cost a lot more.

[Robert Kelly]

That's. That's a good one. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Or how about this cutting? I get both.

[Big J Okerson]

I like that.

[Robert Kelly]

And I said, go yourself.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, and you go. It's like, you know what? Because I was gonna buy just the one pair, and then I thought to myself, you're not my mother. And then take. Get. Go to the bank and get one of those wads of ten grand with the. With the sticker around it, you know, the wrap and slap it in her face. And she won't mouth off again.

[Robert Kelly]

I bet I get. I get a two of those wads and go, here, go get tits.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine just told me she's. She's done with me. I liked it. Christine just told me that she doesn't want me to play video games in my own living room.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy. That's crazy. And you should have one outside. You should have one upstairs and downstairs. The. How successful you are right now. Jay. You should be. You should have your. Your thing is gaming and documentaries and YouTube and stuff like that. Watching stuff. Tummy time and video games. That's what you'd like to do. TV and that. You should have a Sony or whatever you want. Maybe both gaming systems on every TV in the house. Inside and out.

[Christine]

Wire management is going to be.

[Big J Okerson]

That's crazy. That's a lot. That's overkill. That's even. That's overreaching. Yeah. I wouldn't beat all those.

[Christine]

Jay's big on wire management.

[Big J Okerson]

I am big on wire management.

[Robert Kelly]

She's using that against you.

[Andy Fiori]

Felt like grasping at straws.

[Robert Kelly]

She's using your wire management against you.

[Big J Okerson]

No. I'm.

[Andy Fiori]

I have terrible wire management management. So I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

We've. We've acknowledged it before when we were on the show. I am big on wire management. But the situations I'm talking about are not that. It was just. Why do we need video games in the living room?

[Andy Fiori]

I thought you meant you're not in.

[Big J Okerson]

There all the time. No. No.

[Andy Fiori]

How far is the living room from the basement?

[Big J Okerson]

One floor.

[Andy Fiori]

Now I'm starting to lean the other way.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say something though? It's the function of the house. It's. It's far away. Like. Okay, that's over here. This goes down here. And then way over there. You're. You. You.

[Big J Okerson]

It's absolutely overkill if it makes sense.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But I might want to just lay on the.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Couch upstairs is a different kind of couch. There's got different thing. And I might want to. I mean.

[Andy Fiori]

What do you work for?

[Big J Okerson]

Hey.

[Robert Kelly]

You're not buying cocaine and hookers and, well, fancy cars.

[Big J Okerson]

Not in this town. I'll tell you this. Christine said the words right there. Just get it. Just get it. I won't.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I won't.

[Big J Okerson]

I will never own a second Sony PlayStation. When this. When this one goes. When this one more mine breaks. I'll have an inconvenient day because I'm gonna have to wait till the next day. Probably time wise to get myself another PS5 and then figure out how to get everything loaded onto it and all that shit that I don't understand. So that'll be the day. And then I'll go, man, at least if I had the one upstairs, I could have just went to that. But Father's Day.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me ask you a question.

[Christine]

I know now I have to get it and hook it up and be like, surprise.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll take a baseball bat to it.

[Christine]

I know what I'm doing. I'm going to have Isabella give it to you. That way you can't destroy it.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. It won't be from her.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not from her. If Don gets me these glasses, I'll take them.

[Big J Okerson]

Will you? Yeah, I would take them too. And then break them in front of her face. Yeah. And be like. Like, I don't wear fakes. When she goes, they're not fake. And you go, then you should have shut your mouth in Aruba.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's true. Un.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, is this how fun it is doing Dante's show? Just like Dante stupid. Yeah, because they dumb. And her brain ain't developed. She doesn't understand why video games can be in two rooms.

[Robert Kelly]

Was it hoes up down. What's do you call slap a bit?

[Andy Fiori]

You all get caveman bone earrings.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, we all need. I want to earn like a goddamn door knocker. I want a like him, like Dante.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you know he's.

[Robert Kelly]

He's got a big one.

[Andy Fiori]

It seems impossible that he doesn't.

[Big J Okerson]

What exactly I'm asking currently his body shape would tell me that maybe it doesn't like dangle off the. But I'm not saying there's not a lot of.

[Andy Fiori]

There's a lot of meat.

[Big J Okerson]

There's a lot. A lot of cup. But I don't know what his body type. Dante is very like round.

[Robert Kelly]

Dante's got a piece.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean he male script, so I'm sure he's got a hog on him. But yeah, sometimes you lose, sometimes you don't. Ron Jeremy, fat as he got, always kept about a good showing. 10 inches at his worst.

[Andy Fiori]

Did you guys know Ron Jeremy was in Ghostbusters?

[Big J Okerson]

What, the original?

[Andy Fiori]

He's in. Yeah, the original.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Andy Fiori]

I saw it on Instagram yesterday. He's like. He's an extra.

[Robert Kelly]

Is he?

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, there's like one clip where they're in New York City and it's just Ron Jeremy, like they're all looking up really. On the top of the one building. That's a fun fact lately. Young Ron Jeremy.

[Big J Okerson]

That's great. He goes, I guess gozer's up there now.

[Robert Kelly]

You remember Teen Wolf? The guy in the bleachers at the end? Did he really take. Is that real or is that real?

[Andy Fiori]

An urban legend.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. When I see it, when I see the thing they show, I'm always like, what's. I think it's just blurry. I think it's just blurry.

[Andy Fiori]

What a great soundtrack.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought he took his. It looks like he took his dick out.

[Big J Okerson]

The F word was in Teen War Wolf. And Bobby's not allowed to say it. Ain't that crazy.

[Andy Fiori]

There's another one.

[Big J Okerson]

We don't even play by Teen Wolf rules here.

[Andy Fiori]

What about Teen Wolf 2?

[Big J Okerson]

Teen Wolf.

[Andy Fiori]

T O O. Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Jason Bateman.

[Andy Fiori]

Jason Bateman.

[Big J Okerson]

And also I just watched him the other day.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

There is montage. A montage. Send Me an Angel by real life.

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Send Me In Two is wild.

[Andy Fiori]

There was a bunch of good ones like that. Like Three Men and a Baby. There was the ghost in the background.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah. You never heard that one?

[Robert Kelly]

No. What is that one?

[Big J Okerson]

There's like a.

[Andy Fiori]

There was a ghost of a dead kid in the background of Three Men and a little. Three Men and a Baby. But then it was like. It turned out it was a cardboard cut out of Ted Dance.

[Robert Kelly]

What about the person who hung themselves?

[Andy Fiori]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

In the wizard of Oz.

[Andy Fiori]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

A midget.

[Robert Kelly]

You see that?

[Big J Okerson]

You said person.

[Robert Kelly]

I forgot. Little.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Andy Fiori]

Please be accurate.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Oh, that's a mythical creature. They don't die.

[Andy Fiori]

You can see something. I've watched that a bunch of times. You see something climb up and then.

[Robert Kelly]

It swings back and forth right there in the background.

[Andy Fiori]

Watch. You'll see it.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's there.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right there. It's right there. It's in the back swinging. It's right in the middle. Right? Yeah, there it is right there. Can you not play? That's not it Freaking me out. That's this. That's the thing in the background.

[Andy Fiori]

You'll see something. This is less.

[Big J Okerson]

This is even less classy than when Logan Paul found a person hanging in the Suicide Forest. At least he wasn't singing and dancing with lion.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it that is it.

[Big J Okerson]

That's it for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

That's 100 it. Because you see it swinging. That's supposed to be.

[Andy Fiori]

I remember seeing something.

[Big J Okerson]

His name was Squeaks Mitchell.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it actually Squeaks. It looks like a regular.

[Big J Okerson]

Parents named him Squeaks. They knew he was going to be a midget.

[Robert Kelly]

You ever stay in that hotel in Culver City where all the Midgets stayed. No, the Culver Hotel. The Culver City Hotel. In Culver City where MGM now. Sony. Yeah, there's a hotel over there that you can see. It's a boutique hotel now. But that's where all the midgets stayed.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And they were just fucking animals. Fucking stay there. Getting drunk. So why stay? There's a movie about it.

[Big J Okerson]

Dog crates.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a movie that these midgets were just fucking losing their minds.

[Big J Okerson]

Billy Barty.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I stayed there. Yeah, I got put up there. I used to stay there when I.

[Big J Okerson]

Thought you were a Hollywood midget.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I stayed there to stay at the. I like boutique hotels.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you walked in, you were like, I think they made a mistake, dude. Because a lot of people say that. But. But welcome.

[Andy Fiori]

There used to be a town in Jersey, Midgetville, that was like a real thing. Look it up.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby was like. Bobby was like, is this elevator 5 foot 10? All right.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's the hotel, right?

[Andy Fiori]

Had a big time. Yeah, that's it.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's see. Talks to color about Munchkin staying during the filming of the wizard of. Oh, it's during the filming.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

That's where they put Oz. And they were all. Probably not.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I. Yeah, they put all the midgets in this hotel and they just, just ripped the hotel apart. They were, they were get. They were so rowdy and up.

[Andy Fiori]

Oh, I did hear.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, their little teeth are good for like ripping seams on like couches and.

[Andy Fiori]

Pulling wallpaper off the hallway.

[Robert Kelly]

They can really chew on upholstery.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Andy Fiori]

Like a trained dog.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Remember when the Gremlins took over the movie theater? That's what it looks like a lot. There's a movie.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a movie. There's a movie about this, these, these little people losing their mind.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I forget there's. I forget what the name they made a movie about.

[Big J Okerson]

Bridget the Midget. No, my favorite porn star. Remember Bridget the midget? A 14 inch dick black guy.

[Andy Fiori]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

How is that possible?

[Big J Okerson]

You'd think, right? It's impossible.

[Andy Fiori]

You said that like it was common knowledge.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought everyone knew that. Bridge the Midget didn't have a wide catalog, but everyone knew her. She was the one that would go on talk shows.

[Andy Fiori]

Look up Midgetville, New Jersey. I swear it's a real thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Wouldn't that hit her intestines in her liver and.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, we have to convert.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we have to take a break.

[Big J Okerson]

We have.

[Andy Fiori]

You don't remember Midgetville, New Jersey?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't God, we gotta take a break because we got how many ads, Lou?

[Andy Fiori]

Zero.

[Big J Okerson]

I assume we're fired.

[Robert Kelly]

What's happening? We haven't had an ad in weeks.

[Big J Okerson]

Jim's not here. Did he get fired too?

[Robert Kelly]

No, he's still here.

[Big J Okerson]

We're just fired from.

[Robert Kelly]

Can we make up an ad so it looks good? Hey, that's misleading. Punchup Live.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

True classic T shirts, True classic and game day testosterone.

[Big J Okerson]

Care of Robert Kelly, care of Robert Kelly Industries. Andy Fiore. He's gonna be out with Tom Papa this summer with dates coming up in New Hampshire, West Hampton, Ocean City, West Virginia and more. For tickets and all tour dates, visit andyfury.com doesn't Tom Papa make the best spread?

[Andy Fiori]

You'd think he would have given it to his little pal Andy. Never had it one once.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay had it, didn't like it. Jay's gonna be this weekend at Governors in Levittown, New York, Friday and Saturday. Then San Diego, Charlotte, Tacoma. For tickets and all the tour dates, BigJComedy.com and go to his YouTube page and watch his specials. And he has a punch up live. BigJ comedy.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby Kelly's gonna be the dojo in comedy. This dojo of comedy this weekend. Mars Plains, New Jersey from Friday and Saturday.

[Robert Kelly]

One show Friday, one show. No, one show Friday, one show Saturday. I had to push the second show because of dawn. I had a. I have to get home. So.

[Big J Okerson]

That's nice, though. That's nice. I got. I'm one Friday to Saturday this weekend, but still not too bad. Portland, Maine. After that, Rochester on deck. For tickets and all tour date, visit Punchup Live. Robert Kelly wheel. Be right back. We're hanging in with Andy Fury. It's Merc Face bonfire.

[Oregon Lottery Representative]

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