Ralph Malph with Steve Rannazzisi

Summary

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The Bonfire: "Ralph Malph with Steve Rannazzisi"

Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & guest host Mike Feeney (Robert Kelly off)
Guest: Steve Rannazzisi
Original air date: August 27, 2025
Recorded live on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Ch. 103

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire fires up with Big Jay Oakerson, guest host Mike Feeney, and guest Steve Rannazzisi (of "The League"), riffing on everything from reality TV disillusionment, nostalgia for old-school gym fads, the perils and absurdities of public school education, to embarrassing high school stories. Their signature NSFW humor, blunt honesty, and deep-cut pop culture references shape spontaneous, wide-ranging conversation that's both hilarious and relatable—especially for listeners with fond (or traumatized) memories of the 1990s and 2000s.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Rewatching Old TV & The Sopranos (01:07–03:43)

• Jay teases Steve about rewatching The Sopranos, equating it with a relationship death knell:
  Jay: "If you and your chick start rewatching The Sopranos again, just break up. ...You're trying to find ways to kill time till you die." [01:20]
• Jay confesses he couldn’t enjoy The Sopranos on repeat, calling out its awkward early fight scenes and over-familiarity with the plot.
• Mike and Steve share nostalgia for old open casting calls, with Feeney riffing on his futile auditions:
  Mike: "I went to an open call in New Jersey... It was my chance!" [03:10]

Fame, Fantasy Football & Life After "The League" (04:17–06:41)

• With football season looming, Jay asks Steve if people still expect him to deliver insider fantasy football tips:
  Jay: "This must be the time of year where everyone who thinks TV is real starts bothering you for your fantasy football picks." [04:19]
• Steve reflects on fans' confusion about his real/life football expertise (it’s all acting), but admits he still crushes it on Cameo, setting daily fantasy lineups for fans:
  Steve: "I'm crushing it right now on Cameo...I set people's fantasy lineups and they love it." [04:55]
• Steve left fantasy football for a while, then reengaged for his sons and family leagues. Jay jokes:
  Jay: "The Giants drove you right back into friendly family gambling!" [06:33]

Reality TV Exploitation and The "Biggest Loser" Exposé (06:41–11:18)

• Jay and Mike decry the public’s surprising naïveté about the manipulation and cruelty behind reality TV shows, especially after watching a new exposé on The Biggest Loser:
  Jay: “How many years into reality television are we gonna have to be before people start realizing TV is TV and they don’t care about you?” [08:33]
• They share horror stories about show contestants, American Gladiators, Dan Schneider, and the vulnerable kid actors from Nickelodeon, touching on how parents "feed their kids to the system":
  Jay: "The parents feed their kids to them. And then they're blown away... Do you know Jerry Springer brought me my wife and the guy she's seeing behind my back?" [11:15]

1980s/90s Workout Fads & Home Fitness Equipment (14:45–21:17)

• The hosts recount buying—and never using—various fad exercise equipment: Thigh Masters, Ab Flexes, electric massagers, etc.
• Jay confesses to stealing an ab machine as a teenager and posits how life would have been different if it sparkled his fitness journey—instead, "it just sat there."
• Steve admits to trying those ab-shocking belts and jumping on the P90X bandwagon, with Jay noting Steve's penchant for self-help infomercial programs:
  Jay: "You really are a self-help video guy...you got us all doing wrestling yoga with Diamond Dallas Page." [20:17]
• Discussion of fitness classes (Orange Theory, Curves, CrossFit), sometimes bordering on the lecherous—Mike and Steve joke about being the only men in a class full of women, letting daydreams run wild: Mike: "I could just start a new generation with all these women." [24:39] Jay: "I should have thanked them... You really got me through that last 20 minutes" [24:13]

Meal Prepping, Diet Products, and Food Shame (27:13–35:14)

• The crew laughs about the sadness of eating microwaved prepped meals (e.g., Factor, Nutrisystem), with Jay admitting they're practical but leave him feeling unloved:
  Jay: "When you pull it out of a thing, it really makes you feel—wow, dude, no one loves me.” [28:01]
• Steve and Mike recall friends eating out of Tupperware on the golf course, and how disciplined but joyless gym diets can be.
• Jay sums up the aging attitude:
  Jay: “If I end up being on my deathbed, I'm not gonna be like, if I just would have ate a few less cheesesteaks...you gotta enjoy life at some point.” [33:30]

School Nostalgia: Embarrassing Stories, Vocational Track, and Book Covers (35:13–55:00)

Highlights include:

• Smoking in school and on campus in the ‘90s; speculation that cigarettes may be coming back with Gen Z [37:36]
• Jay’s detailed story of having to publicly apologize in a school assembly for false rumors about a classmate (starting at [56:30]), culminating in wearing a husky double-breasted suit—his ultimate humiliating high school moment.
• High school curriculum gripes: Jay wishes he’d paid more attention to “consumer math” and home ec— “teach me how to cook, for real!” [50:01]
• Reminiscence about school supplies—binders, Metallica-covered book wraps, the heartbreak of ripped folders, destroyed backpacks after a fight.
• Grading school systems: classes for “advanced” vs. “normal” kids, and the surreal world of trade schools/Boces/Vokey programs:
  Steve: “We had Eli Whitney, where you'd go to college electrician... but it was almost a punishment.” [41:59]
• Mike tells a childhood story about being bullied, only to have his mom confront the school bus filled with kids:
  Mike: "She comes out to the bus... 'No one's gonna call my son Ralph Malph!'" [62:11]
• The trio ponders why contemporary kids carry around massively overloaded backpacks, given everything's supposedly on Chromebooks now.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Big Jay (on reality TV): "How many years into reality television are we gonna have to be before people start realizing TV is TV and they don't care about you?" [08:33]
• Steve (on self-help/diet fads): "I bought the one that did the abs for you that just shocked you..." [16:30]
• Jay (on pre-made meals): "When you pull it out of a thing, it really makes you feel—wow, dude, no one loves me." [28:01]
• Mike (on male fantasy at women’s fitness classes): "I'm the dominant male here. I could just start a new generation with all these women.” [24:39]
• Jay (re high school humiliation): "...all of my high school agony and discomfort came into that when I had to apologize for not saying that I didn't have sex with a girl in front of an assembly at my school." [57:01]
• Steve (on “consumer math”): "My final was, how much dirt is in a hole, like, 7ft long by 3ft wide by 4ft deep? ... The answer is, there's no dirt in a hole.” [48:52]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:07] – Rewatching The Sopranos & open casting calls
• [04:17] – Steve on fame, fantasy football, Cameo
• [06:41] – Reality TV exploitation, Biggest Loser doc
• [14:45] – Exercise fads & fitness equipment nostalgia
• [20:17] – Steve’s self-help phase, fitness trends
• [24:13] – Daydreams in gym classes, male fantasies
• [27:13] – Prepped meals, dieting, food sadness
• [33:30] – Enjoying life vs. diet discipline
• [35:13] – School memories: embarrassing moments, old textbooks, book covers
• [41:59] – Alternate/vocational schools, educational trajectories
• [47:33] – Jay’s unexpected Jewish supplementary “ninth grade” in a synagogue
• [48:52] – Steve’s consumer math class, "no dirt in a hole" final
• [56:30] – Jay’s most mortifying school memory: the public apology assembly
• [62:11] – Mike’s "Ralph Malph" school bus anecdote

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Closing Thoughts

The Bonfire serves up its usual irreverent, freewheeling blend of nostalgia, social commentary, and confessional comedy—always grounded in the realities of family, middle age, and the relentless passage of time. In this episode, shares of humility intersect with confessions of pettiness and embarrassment, making the humor both biting and weirdly unifying for listeners with their own cringe-worthy stories from youth.

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For more on Steve Rannazzisi’s tour dates: steverannazzisi.com
Find Mike Feeney’s touring info: PunchUp Live
Big Jay Oakerson’s dates & streams: bigjaycomedy.com
Listen to The Bonfire live: SiriusXM Faction Talk, Channel 103, Mon–Thurs, 5 pm Eastern

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Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I saw you from across a cafe, and you're the Geico Gecko, right? In the flesh. Oh, my goodness. This is huge. To finally meet you. I love Geico's fast and friendly claim service. Well, that's how Geico gets 97% customer satisfaction. Anyway, that's all. Enjoy the rest of your food. No worries. So are you just gonna watch me eat? Oh, sorry. Just a little starstruck.

[Mike Feeney]

I'll be on my way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Steve Rannazzisi]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Mike Feeney]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lou. DJ Lou's been dying to play this song today. Are you re watching the Sopranos with your girlfriend?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

No. You turned me off to that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Did I make you feel bad about that?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah. Cause I'm like, yeah, maybe the show isn't as great as I thought it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you and your chick start. If you and your chick start rewatching the Sopranos again, just break up. It's just. You're trying to find ways to kill time till you die. You gotta go separate. I started watching the Sopranos in the beginning, and I was like, this is. This feels awful.

[Mike Feeney]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It just feels awful.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

What the.

[Mike Feeney]

How old?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have such limited time to relax, and the fact that I feel like I've gone through everything so much that I'm gonna commit to seven seasons of this again that I already know the album again during COVID That makes sense for sure.

[Mike Feeney]

But if it's on, like, especially hotel rooms that just have, like, hbo. If it's on, oh, I'll just sit there. And I'm like. And I know they're gonna play two or three in a row. I just start to plow through them. And now I'm like, there's nothing on is better than this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Mike Feeney]

Nothing on is better than this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I also had a hard time on.

[Mike Feeney]

A basic cable hotel television.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's fair. But what caught. What threw me off Too. With that first season, at least they didn't have their. What would you call that? Gaffing. Who does the sounds? Gaffers. They didn't have the gaffing down because every fight, like I said before, he goes, yeah. He goes, you're going to do that. I'm going to punch you in the stomach. And now you're going to get a face punch. It was so bad. And I couldn't get out of that. I couldn't escape feeling that with every moment. That was supposed to be this tense moment. I just didn't.

[Mike Feeney]

You didn't pick it up from the beginning?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It didn't have, like, the very.

[Mike Feeney]

When it was airing originally?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Mike Feeney]

Too young or.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. No, I just never got into it. And then I did around season three or four. I watched, like, the last several seasons and I knew the story already was going on. Damn. Like, I didn't have to go back. I know. Big Pussy dies and the whole thing.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

He does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, but he's always back.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Dude, Uncle Freddy died.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mikey, you should audition to play Young Uncle Junior. Young.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

She's always bald.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's just been bald forever with glasses.

[Mike Feeney]

I went to an open call in New Jersey. Have you seen that documentary where they cover that? They had to shut it down.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Really?

[Mike Feeney]

They had an open. Like, after the first season, they had an open call for people to be like, we need.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is like some dumb guineas.

[Mike Feeney]

Yes, exactly. And I had just finished school. Like, I was in college, like, acting. I was like, this is my chance.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah, totally.

[Mike Feeney]

Stat and rent. I went to, like, wait online for rent. So I did both of those.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I remember trying to give yourself AIDS to get an advantage. Is that an eel? Is that needle yours?

[Mike Feeney]

I just want to hang it out of my vein for a second.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Did you fire your needle?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I gotta look good, everybody. It's the Bonfire faction talk series xm103. I'm big j Okerson. Robert Kelly is off this week. We're both off next week. But this week I came in and rolled with some guest hosts. And today we got a good one sitting in Bobby's chair. Today, of course, we have America's amigo, the great Mike Fenoya. And joining us for the whole show, he's gonna be at the Comedy loft in Washington, DC, October 10th and 11th. It is the great, hilarious Steve Rannazzisi in the house.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, nice to be here, fellas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, I was saying, it's with. What is it, two weeks now? Three weeks from football? Yeah, two and a half weeks. And I go, this must be the time of year where everyone who thinks TV is real starts bothering you for your fantasy football picks.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, I'm. First of all, it's so fun. Yeah. They ask me, like, what do you know? Like, what's the inside scoop? Like, first of all, the show's been off for 10 years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Second of all, for so long.

[Mike Feeney]

Second, you go to every cop and fire and be like, hey, how's your softball league? How's your divorce going? You know, like, they. It's not. I don't know anything. I played a guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so funny, though, that people come to you for that. That much.

[Mike Feeney]

I am crushing it right now on Cameo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. Because I set people's fantasy lineups and they love it. Oh, great gift.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Keep giving.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. So I'm doing like 15, 20 a day at least.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Every day.

[Mike Feeney]

It's great.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That's great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's why you're eating your morning cereal.

[Mike Feeney]

Just crushing videos. Dingleberry 5 to 9, you're drafting fif.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, fuck nuts, I got Jamar Chase. It's great, man.

[Mike Feeney]

It's awesome.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Oh, man. Do you do. Do you do fantasy in real life?

[Mike Feeney]

I do. And I did it for a long time. I mean, I did it when we're on the show and then after the show is over, I just stopped. I just, like, I can't. I just too. I was in like 5, 6.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you guys have, like, an endorsed one from the show?

[Mike Feeney]

No, we just did one amongst ourselves. Because when we first started, like, I was the only one that ever done it before. So they had no knowledge of how this thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really, dude, it could have been a cash machine if they just did. Like, this was before they did fx.com and just had it through that, like, for fans would have been a few.

[Mike Feeney]

People, like, back then, I mean, like apps and stuff like that. It was like, not developed. I mean, we were. We were lucky we were on television like, that the show was actually placed and broadcasted to the masses. You know, they at one point had two channel fxx. It was like we got bumped off to that. So, like, at one point we didn't even know what we were doing any. What channel we were on. So. Yeah, no, we only did four fantasy on the show. And then when it was done, I stopped because I was like, fried. And then I was like, I'm just going to be a Giants fan. I'm going to go back to one team, support one team. And then, you know, it's been a dumpster fire for the last Five years, my whole life. And then it's like now I'm like, my sons are into it. So I'm like, we're back. And now we got a family league. We do a couple other ones. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because the Giants stink. The Giants drove you right back into. Right back into friendly family gambling.

[Mike Feeney]

Into gambling. Yeah.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah, that's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But we know. You know, I bring up the thing about people thinking TV is real, because I felt like I just watched last night the. The Biggest Loser expose. My wife started watching the three part expose. Well, I'm curious for you to watch it, because I'd like to hear.

[Mike Feeney]

I watched the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm getting. I never watched the show really, but there is. And the only person I know who did it was a. His name was Mark. He used to work at the Comedy Cellar.

[Mike Feeney]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was this door guy who looked disturbingly exactly like me. We looked a lot. I think he was a little bit bigger than me maybe, but maybe not even. Yeah. I mean, look at the big picture of him. I mean, it was weird.

[Mike Feeney]

Whoa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was weird.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And. And we even had the one, like the moment. One of my moments in life that I'll always remember, like fat moments in my life was I always said, when you shop at DXL or was called Big and Tall back in the day, they've got 20 available T shirts. They're in little squares showing you what the. What the graphic is. It's almost like a. Like a hot Topic. On the wall, there's squares with the logo it's gonna be. And then underneath is cubby holes.

[Mike Feeney]

Cubby holes with each one with the sizes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's 20 of them. You're gonna. Everyone's gonna get that brown Guinness one because you don't, you know, you don't want to do like the Big Dog shit.

[Mike Feeney]

Did they have a Wu Tang, Charlie Daniel band?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All kind, you know, just things out of the blue. I've had Grateful Dead shirts in my life. I'm not a Grateful Dead fan. I've had a Superman shirt. It's the thing. And I knew it was gonna happen one day at the Comedy Cell when we came in not just wearing the same brown Guinness shirt, but also chose to do. That was the day to do the waffle shirt underneath. Like, you know, the fucking. Oh, my Christ Almighty. Like we were fucking Eddie Vedder.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

He had all the tips of Jay's gloves. That's it. Just the T. He looks great.

[Mike Feeney]

Is that him after with that one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We were. Well, and here's the thing is that him After I saw him, I saw amazing. I saw him in person like that once, one time. And then the next time I see he's like, no, the next day here. No, I might see him this weekend. He's down. He's like a Jersey guy. He comes see me at a stress factory. But he came and I saw him another time and I saw it, I was like, oh, wow. He's not like staying like jacked in shape at all, but he's still like, almost like if he stays here, this is like a normal. Like people wouldn't. You're just like a big guy, no big deal. The next time I saw him. Exactly back to where he was in the beginning. And I watched that show all three episodes last night about it. And I gotta say, how many years into reality television are we gonna have to be before people start realizing TV is TV and they don't care about you? They all seem so puzzled by the thing. Do you know Jerry Springer brought me my wife and the guy she's seeing behind my back on thing. And then when the show is over, they just like sent us home.

[Mike Feeney]

If you didn't get it after the, what was it? Nickelodeon special, they were slaves, human. Like we just put them out there. Like the kids that make Apple iPhones.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

The American Gladiators, they made entertainment. Same thing.

[Mike Feeney]

And that was it. And we beat them and we, we had our way with them sexually and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever we wanted to do to them. Dude, I mean that Dan Schneider loved it.

[Mike Feeney]

And everyone's like, wow, that suck on.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Your toes for a little bit. Like you're in a webcam.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the Dan Schneider guy. Let me tell you something. I think it's why he so like gracefully is not the right word at all, but just like kind of quietly just fell back into the world and was like, all right, I'll go back into my hovel. I'll get out of here. They gave him a severance package that was life changing money, probably even for someone that rich. Yep. And sent him on his way. And he is fine because that guy, he probably thought every year was defying the odds. How many years into Ariana Grande and what's her. That other one that went bad? Shit. Amanda Bynes. Yeah, Amanda Bynes and. And Britney Spears sister. How many years in their adulthood was every year from the time they were 18 on going like, this might be the year they all tell their story.

[Mike Feeney]

A lot of pianos hanging from.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A lot of.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

A lot of calendars with X's and just that we made it in one more Year.

[Mike Feeney]

Can't believe it's like, what? Britney had another breakdown?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Jesus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean he was so. He had to so like. And by the time it came, he was like, dude, I already had just a menagerie of children naked in my foot shaped pool. You know what, man? This day was coming. And he couldn't have come at a better time. I'm chafed. Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Dude, it's crazy what they allowed to go on and just people were like, I didn't even know that could possibly be happening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, those parents feeding the kids.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That's the craziest part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The parents feed their kids to them. Look at that, dude. It's crazy. And then they're. And then they're blown away. Surprised that their kids got like fed to them. Do you know? I mean, they're like, I didn't know. I thought when that guy told me that me and my family should wait in the soundproof room for two hours while he just had a conversation with our daughter. I didn't think that was weird.

[Mike Feeney]

Did the double dare guy. He's. He's cool, right?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Like Mark Summers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Summers.

[Mike Feeney]

He didn't nothing with him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. But didn't he look like he was gonna do something?

[Mike Feeney]

That's what I'm saying.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Like family double dare.

[Mike Feeney]

He almost must have been like, man, how did I dodge this disaster?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The best Mark Summers moment though, if you remember, he had it out with. Was it Burt Reynolds or something on like the Tonight show or something.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Oh my God. That's like they had a war.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like really guys like pouring shit on each other. Yeah, he was just bitching out.

[Mike Feeney]

Mark so splashed they didn't they dump water on each other?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Craig. Bert Kreischer. Bert. What's his actual name? Burt Reynolds.

[Mike Feeney]

Reynolds.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to say it's Burke Reischer. Burt Reynolds is such a fucking like cunt of a guy that like, it was just.

[Mike Feeney]

He couldn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He just was shitty with Mark Summers because he was like, why am I sharing the stage with a guy who's famous for putting gak on children or whatever.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah. To win his game, you gotta like pick a big nose full of boogers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, I was in Cannonball Run.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I was Smokey in the Bandit.

[Mike Feeney]

I was smoking a butt in the middle of it too. Yeah, these are the days, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's on Leno.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

He's like, nah, that. What do you think about red. Red goo and made kids dive into.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It, which was really great.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

What a prick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's a jerk off, dude. He's big.

[Mike Feeney]

Just that dead.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

He's just a human bottle of cologne with his stupid ass cop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's my uncle Aspen by.

[Mike Feeney]

He's a huge star at this point. Huge. Probably not as big as he was in the 80s, but he's still pretty big. And he's so pissed that he has to sit on a couch still and promote shit. Yeah, like at that point, that's what it is. So he says, I'm gonna napalm this whole fucking thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they asked him to slide over politely. So Mark Summers giving an ill fitting brown suit and talk about throwing children the baked beans. And him and him and Burt Reynolds are sitting on similar cash.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Burt Reynolds is like, I made love to Lonnie Anderson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Just passed away.

[Mike Feeney]

Didn't she rip, dude, like last week? That was big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. Those WKRP tits were a big part of my story.

[Mike Feeney]

My dad's favorite. My dad's favorite. I auditioned with her for a TV show in 2006.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The same part. Same part.

[Mike Feeney]

I didn't have the tits back then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We were both. We were both trying to be buxom blonde Bombshells.

[Mike Feeney]

It was to play Tori Spelling's mother and she got the role and I was testing for it and I had a scene with her, but she had already gotten the role. So I got to read with her and Tori Spelling. And then I walked out, called my dad and he's like, you made it. No matter what in the business you do, you made it the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you know what's funny? I'm actually going back and looking at her from back in the day and realizing that she was never that pretty. Just those monster cans. No, those cans were amazing.

[Mike Feeney]

You know, she auditioned for Chrissy in Three's Company, but she was so like articulate and together they couldn't believe, like she was hot enough to do it. But they couldn't believe she was like too ditzy. Not that. Yeah, she didn't get the ditz factor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

No, dude, thank God she didn't too, because Suzanne Somers was fucking incredibly amo ball. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, and we would have never had the thigh master.

[Mike Feeney]

Another generational early jerk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did you. That's a great conversation. What did your household have of fad equipment in your house? We definitely had. We had a thigh master.

[Mike Feeney]

What's the thing you. You put together and then you did sit ups with it? We had one of those things, Ab Flex. It was on the. You laid it on the ground and it looked big, like a, like a big like halo yeah, it, like. It made it so that you just held it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I stole that one I didn't get. We stole off a neighbor's porch and built one that was like. It was an AB thing, too. It had two big handles on it, though. The one you're talking about was, like, rounded.

[Mike Feeney]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They help you, like, do sit up that thing. Yeah. Now, the one I'm talking about had. Big fan. It was like a. You sit your whole body up. It was like a machine.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Or something like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We stole it off someone's porch. I'm not. I'm ashamed of it, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

Think about, like, how big that equipment is just for the ass. It's like, you can't lay on the floor and just do crunches. You need this gigantic piece of this thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You need, like. How about also this, though? It's an idea that, like, I stole this thing of a thing unscrupulously. Me and my friend, we're stealing this package from someone's house. It was a big box, and we were like, no one was around. We just did a shitty teenage thing and took it. Took it home, opened up, built it. Now, if that was the beginning of my story of peak physical conditioning, I tell a story. Glad you all tell me. He goes, if I could ever find the person who lived at this, it's right near my mom's house. So I could tell you the house. We could track back. I'd give you 50 times the money that you paid for that, because that's what started my fucking health journey. But it just sat there, and we'd laugh at it once in a while, but it was just there until it was like, can we get this piece of shit? This is sitting here. You just put dirty clothes on it or whatever. It was never used once. Seriously.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You know what I bought was the. The one that did the abs for you that just shocked you and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Christ. Really?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You know the one that, like, you put it on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Freaking you out with, like. Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

On the way on the train here, my wife took the training with me. She goes, do you think this works? And she shows me. There's a new version of you put your feet down on, like, a platform, and it shakes you out. And you. The further out you put your feet, the more it's supposed to simulate like. Like sprinting. And I go, there's no way. I go, she's not sweating, this woman. She's just standing there, her little belly shaking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm go read a book and run a marathon.

[Mike Feeney]

Exactly. And they're like, it's like three minutes on that is like eight hours in the gym. And I'm like that's impossible. Like there's no sweating involved. And my wife's like when you shiver, you're burning calories. I go, yeah, that's not the same thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At the end of the of the Biggest Loser documentary is when they all gained the weight back there. The whole thing was just. I'm surprised by how surprised they were.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Is that it?

[Mike Feeney]

That's not the exact one, but that's a pretty much. But this one that my wife showed me was violent. Like you. The further out you put your feet, the more violent it was. And this woman was really shaking. But it almost remember that thing like they would show like in the 50s, you stand on it and it would shake your belly with the little rope around you. It was like that without the rope. And I'm like, yes, this is working out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But nobody, nobody looks hot. Vibrating past 30 years old.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Is that the original Scambone was that thing the like with the original Ruth was on it.

[Mike Feeney]

He'd be like smoking a cigar, eating hot dog like B's wanker out today. Look at him. He'd have his beer towel around his.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Neck trying to think what other ones ended up in my house to like. Things that like everyone kind of got. Never had a Shake Weight.

[Mike Feeney]

I got one for my mom. You know the one you sit, you put your feet on. It just does this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Mike Feeney]

Cuz that she loves it. I have to keep my feet moving.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Circular.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

We have a thigh master.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I never had. We never had a fad leg massager. Like electric plug it in leg massager thing.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I have the theragun thing.

[Mike Feeney]

I have one of those.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's now I'm talking about when you were young. The things that were definitely bullshit that everybody had to have a bible.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I had a bible.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go. What a social commentary that turned into.

[Mike Feeney]

Anyone have like a stand up bike? But like not like what's the peloton? I'm talking about like the old with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The wind blows the wind to my grandmother's house. She had an exercise bike that you just crank the knob to make it tighter, not tighter. There was no like settings really. It was just tighter, not tight.

[Mike Feeney]

What about this thing? The thing you would bend?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Remember that bar?

[Mike Feeney]

The bar that you would bend. And we had one at my grandfather's house and he used it once and then it just rusted and nobody could ever get it to bend again. It was like you have to be the strongest person in the World to ever bend this thing ever again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, look up a thing's nuts. Look up an article of fad. Fad? What you call that fad? Like home shopping things of the. Of the 80s and 90s. Yeah, but that was like a whole thing. Bowflex for sure. But I didn't know. I'm trying to think if I knew anyone who had Bow Flex.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I don't think Bow Flex was expensive and you needed a lot of room for it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jazzercise.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

My mom was very into Jazzercise, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was more of a workout fad, not equipment. Well, don't look up exercise even. Just home shopping.

[Mike Feeney]

I heard a lot of. My wife got a weighted vest. That's like the new thing that she.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I will tell you what I did get into as an adult. That was a total. The P90X. I bought that into that whole thing because then you need the P90X resistance bands. You can't use the other resistance bands you have to use.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I will say, as you're saying this now, I am realizing in our friendship though, you really are a self help video guy.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. What do you mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, you got us all. You got us all doing wrestling yoga with Diamond Dallas Face.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I did get into doing. Yeah. DDP yoga was the sickest. Dude. That was him and I on the road.

[Mike Feeney]

You had to pay for it.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

No.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, okay. It's free.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

No.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, you stole it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't tell ddp. Yeah, he still got it, that guy.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Oh, my God. But no. Yeah, I turned you on to that. I quit smoking with the easy way of the Alan video. Yeah, I watched the video.

[Mike Feeney]

I got hypnotized to quit cigarettes.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That was the part. That's the Allen car chapter. Whatever is like. You watch it and then they go. Go outside, smoke a cigarette. Couldn't even like inhale.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So gross.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

And then what else? P90X.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, P90X is a big one. You went through your Taebo phase, let's not forget.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Do you do transcendental meditation?

[Mike Feeney]

I did that too.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I do tm.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't do it, but I did it. But I have a. You know, I got my user password, my. I got my username and password. So I'm sad if anytime I want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To go back, get your kids middle names.

[Mike Feeney]

Did anyone do Orange Theory? I that for two years. You know what that is?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is it? I mean, I thought it was for girls. It is. No, I mean, like I said that. I said that more being not to be as funny as I was doing. I Was saying. I thought it was, like, a girl's only place. What am I thinking of?

[Mike Feeney]

No, no, you're thinking curve, curve, or.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'S gotta be another one.

[Mike Feeney]

What's the one that was all for women? I went to a casino one time with Dice, and he goes, I want to go work out, right? So we went to the hotel gym wasn't good enough. He goes, what's around here? The lady goes, there's a curve. It's only for women. He goes, we're going. He walked in, hey, me and my friend are working out. The guy's like, you cannot work out. He goes, it's the pro deal. I'm the dice man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I weigh as much as these fat pigs.

[Mike Feeney]

They're gonna let me do it for a half hour, 40 minutes. And he worked out while women were. It was horrific, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is horrific. He should dice Clay, though. Should write a book. No, about this one theory. Cause that's the second story I've heard from. The other one was Ari that Dice lives by talking about a mantra, pro deal. Well, is that what it's called when.

[Mike Feeney]

He just goes to, like, Harley Davidson will no. Walk in and buy. Pick up $7,000 worth of jackets and clothes and just go, no, no, it's on the pro deal. Tell the guy. And the kid just freaks. He's walks out the door, and $7,000, that's fantastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't even mean that. I mean the. Do whatever the fuck you want, wherever you want, and then 100%. And then when you get stopped, like, you glass half full it as well. I got to do that thing. And it was smoke a cigarette. Smoking in the mall. That's what Ari said with you. He walked around a mall with Dice, and he goes. He goes, dice, Ari was kind of like, dude, dude, dude. He's like, you're not gonna let you. You can't smoke in here. He goes, sure you can. And he smoked. And then he said, like, the guy came over. He goes, sir, I'm sorry, you can't smoke inside. He goes, oh, okay. And then he. As he walks slowly to the trash, to the ashtray or whatever, he takes three or four more puffs and then puts out. He goes, you see that? Oh, you said I can't smoke in the. I just smoked half a cigarette.

[Mike Feeney]

Did it with Eleanor at the airport. Eleanor's like, live streaming it on Instagram.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That's fantastic. Great, dude. And what did Ari take from that? He goes, you know what? I could in a box and give.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It to my Friend.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Why not?

[Mike Feeney]

Lawlessness is fun.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I could dose my friends with heart problems.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lucille Roberts, baby.

[Mike Feeney]

But I think Curves was the one that we went was like only curves.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

And then that's only for larger men. Blitz was the men's version where it was a men's only curves. And it was just fat dudes doing like circuit training.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

And it was called Blitz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to. You're doing the wrong kind of working out. You're working out for like career stuff like bodybuilding. If you choose to go to a gym that. Where your motivation can at least be. I could park it behind this girl. See through pants. I mean, I did two. I would say I had a full on five day a week, almost dedication to CrossFit. The first time I did that ever. And it was based off of I knew that in those classes you can go get through it. Because you're gonna park it behind a girl who has been told over and over again, these pants are completely see through. So you clearly want me to look at your pussy while you're doing these bend over things. And that would just. I really. After all these workouts, I should have thanked them. I just knew it would be too obvious that. Thank you. You really got me through that last 20 minutes with your.

[Mike Feeney]

That's how I got through Orange Fury for two years, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

That's how I got through Orange Furious. Yeah. And then like, I would be the only guy there and I'd be like, I'm. I'm the dominant male here. I could just start a new. A new generation with all these women.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Isn't that the best when you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When the world outside treadmill daydreams.

[Mike Feeney]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, turn it up to nine now, guys.

[Mike Feeney]

Nine. You're like, oh, fuck, I don't get it at nine. Oh, well, I could look at their tits bouncing. And if those were mine, I could create a new world with all these different versions of me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You sit there and you go like, you look around, you go. It's like the best one in here. Couldn't take me. Yes. Like anytime. The person who dominates this room the most, the person who's laying down the rules, I could beat up in record times.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah, it's the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And also. Okay, so you let him know you get through the workout. This daydreaming. But the fact that these women all get to go home and live their lives because you've allowed it.

[Mike Feeney]

I agree, my ladies, because it is my will.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Until next time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go.

[Mike Feeney]

But I could end any of you at any point. And also know that I know that you guys are all lining up if this thing goes wrong to have sex with me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay?

[Mike Feeney]

I know that's gonna be fight to be able to have that happen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go home to your lives knowing that every day from here forward is a G. That's it.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Enjoy tonight. Tomorrow may never happen. I love when that happens.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could just dominate in Orange theory.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You look out of outside Orange theory. And you go in here, I'm the king. That's the one I'm gonna fuck. That's the one I'm gonna kill.

[Mike Feeney]

I do hot yoga. You'll walk in, you'll be the only dude, right? It's like a minute and a half before class. You're like, here we go. I'm back in the saddle again, the master. And all of a sudden, some, like, quarterback comes walking in. Cause he wants to loosen up for the season. Like, shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, all the daydreams become like. You're like, okay, I'm gonna become a dictator for sure.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But will I be a benevolent dictator? Who cares about the women enjoying what I'm doing to them? Or will I just be like a Genghis Khan like, I own this place.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, I do, dude. I go, you're in my harem. You're not. You're a worker, baby.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Exactly right.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm sorry, ma', am, you have not made the cut. Now, we'll see what happens next year's evaluation. But for right now, as is, you.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Keep working that core, maybe we can work up to a second round.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, listen, listen. You're not an attractive girl, but we can find something for you, I'm sure. Maybe in the kitchen or the basement.

[Mike Feeney]

How are you with security? How are you with your hands?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You can do my socials.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lucille Roberts, those commercials. That girl's got a terrible ass for a workout commercial.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You kind of had a couple of. You fell into some. You did CrossFit. You also did the order the food that's already made for you for a while.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Factor meals. Talk about fad shit, huh?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You did that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, unless we have prepped food sponsor, that one's good. But yeah, factor meals. I mean, by the way, you loved it. I could argue to this day for two minute in a microwave. They're good, right? Many of them were very, very tasty. It's just couldn't build enough variety and things that I want or like ever to get me through where it was like four days in a row of it. I'd already be like, I think I Hate this company. Like, I don't want some kind of weird fucking teriyaki something that's been, I don't know.

[Mike Feeney]

And rice. And look, here's the deal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When you pull it out of a thing, you're also. It really makes you feel. He goes, wow, dude, no one loves me. Yeah, I live a life void of real love. For sure.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Gotta microwave your love, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

They sell them. They have stores now.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yes, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

Which was like the always the thing. They were like, we have to make this. Like, it's not easy to find this stuff. That's why. And now they've made stores.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Steve Rannazzisi]

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[Mike Feeney]

I'll tell you why.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

The dialogue practice part of it is awesome but it has games which makes it fun. It's not this learning thing that makes you feel guilty when you don't do it. You actually want to do it. Sentence building, the spelling reinforcement and the languages are awesome. German, Spanish, Italian, French. I'm learning Spanish and Italian right now. Babel is my favorite app on my phone. Own Learn another language. Babel is gifting our listeners 55 off subscriptions at babel.com bonfire get up to 55 off at babel.com bonfire spelled B A B B E L.com bonfire babel.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lowe's knows that no matter your paint project, saving is at the top of your list. That's why when you shop today you can buy one get one free. Select Valspar and HGTV Home by Sherwin Williams one coat coverage interior paints via rebate Shop these deals in store or online today at Lowe's we help you save. Selection varies by location while supplies last. Discount taken at time of purchase. See Sales Associate for details. Offer valid 821 through 93 and they're.

[Mike Feeney]

Like next to like delis and I'm like next to get out of my way. I need a roast beef and cheese.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They have a pre made meal.

[Mike Feeney]

They have pre made meal stores all.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Over the place now almost look like Amazon pickup stores.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, you just go in, you get like that little, you know, little Tupperware.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You get your box of boxes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nothing that would make me think about a meal five days from now that I'm staring at now with frozen uncooked cheese on top of a. You know what I mean? Where it's always like you see the ice. The ice on the inside of it goes. This will probably look good two minutes in the microwave.

[Mike Feeney]

You're like, you like get your package, you put it in the freezer. You're like oh I'm Looking at my whole month in front of me, I'm like, I know that next week I'm going to be meatloaf. Because that's what's on the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That's what stupid nutrisystem was, I think.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Wasn't nutrisystem like that where like they sent you. Is that the one that. What's his face. Did Rob Low or something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rob Low. That was perfect.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

What was that one, though?

[Mike Feeney]

That was. No, that was the case, by God. The. The South Shore diet or something like that. With the bars.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yes. But I thought he was part of like one of those like nutrient whatever. Like you got the. The food tasted like cardboard.

[Mike Feeney]

That's commercials.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

They would send the food and you'd have a box. Your whole month would be like literally like little boxes big of like.

[Mike Feeney]

And I'm like, rob, are you smoking 40 cigarettes a day to be able to just eat that tiny little little thing? And then that's it. I'm like, I snorted it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, I've already got to almost 50. So every day moving forward to here, if I end up being on my deathbed, I'm not gonna be like, if I just would have ate a few less cheesesteaks, maybe it wouldn't have been like, you gotta enjoy life at some point.

[Mike Feeney]

Absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I can't. And one of those things because I still. I'd take Mounjaro, so it's not like I can like gorge yourself to eat now anyway. I have to be able to look forward to some dumb thing like that at some point. You know what, dude? Oh, I'm gonna get a fucking burger and fries tonight. Cause fuck it, why not? Yeah, you don't do it every day. But the days that I'm not doing it, I'd also rather it not be like a soulless turkey burger patty that's like I have to pull. I have to put fork holes into.

[Mike Feeney]

Totally. I went golfing. My friend the other day who's doing this crazy diet, he brought like he. Out of his golf bag, he pulls a Tupperware and he starts eating like chicken and rice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Feeney]

I was playing with Berg his own. I go, dude, we're at my club.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

No, you gotta be happy.

[Mike Feeney]

You want to order a bl. Like they have plenty of food. It's a restaurant here, dude.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah, you get a.

[Mike Feeney]

You look like my grandmother with your Tupperware.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You get a turkey club and a couple high noons in your.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's trying to trade lunches with you. I'll give You a go, girl.

[Mike Feeney]

Pretzel sticks, and it's steamed chicken and rice and vegetables. I go, you could order that here. But I'm like, I don't know why. For what? What? It's the way of life. It's discipline, I guess. Considered discipline.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never felt when I've seen somebody at a job or school open up a Tupperware and begin eating. I don't care if they're opening up and it's steak tartare or a piece of filet mignon from their gourmet dinner last night. I feel bad for them immediately. Like, you're a loser because you want this shitty piece of pizza that I just got that shitty school pizza. You do want it still. More than you want yesterday's.

[Mike Feeney]

Whatever you have inside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ramalade. I used to. My. My ex used to send my daughter to school with fucking asshole lunches so much that I was like, you're gonna make people think she's a jerk off. Like, you're having her bring sushi. Like the joke in the Breakfast Club of the girl doing.

[Mike Feeney]

I gotta be honest with you, my middle child. That's what he. He's like, I want that. I want sushi. I want. Like, we have. We have whatever we had left over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want musical, like, rigatoni ala. Vodka.

[Mike Feeney]

He's like, I want that in the thermos the next day.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

And then he brings the thermos home to clean.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, yes, but then it's disgusting. Like, he never really cleans it out well. So it's like a huge project to clean. But, like, that's what he wants. My older son's like, just give me the pizza. Whatever they serve at school, dude, can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just get two bucks so I can go have lunch?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Dude, we used to bring. I used to bring leftover pizza for lunch, but it was wrapped in tinfoil.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jesus.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I would eat it cold. Yeah, yeah. Because there's nothing I'm not going to use. Like the school microwave.

[Mike Feeney]

Sitting there, leaning on a microwave while you're typically coffee. What the is Mike doing in here? That's a funny thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Funny thing about age you'll never catch anymore. I remember the teacher's lounge room smelling like sm. Not anything. Smelling like smoke. I think when the door would open, you'd see inside, you would see them actively smoking.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course, they weren't like, oh, no. Like, don't look.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

They were like, yeah, it smelled like Sanka and butts.

[Mike Feeney]

By the time I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are all stupid. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go rip a butt in the lounge. I'll see you guys in a second. Take a nap.

[Mike Feeney]

Stop letting people smoke cigarettes inside. We had a pit during high school that we would have to go outside. And then you would see teachers towards, like, junior senior year, 94, 95, that they were like, at that point, like, you guys gotta go outside and smoke. And so you would be sitting there and you'd see, like, your English teacher smoking a butt like, 15ft away from you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What was the trajectory of change, though, where it went? Like, there's times I know, and it's before my time, but I think, like, in my mom's era of, like, high school was a thing where it's like, kids and teachers would sit outside and smoke cigarettes together. Like before. No, but not just that they would sit and smoke cigarettes, but also, it wasn't. Even though you weren't supposed to still, it wasn't blown away. Like, of course all of these kids smoke cigarettes.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, it wasn't. The kids were even hiding it. Like, they hide it. They smoked in school, but outside at school, like, kids just smoked. Like, no one gave a fuck really. Nearly. And by the way, that changed at a point because I didn't feel. Feel that was the case by my time.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

No, not when I was 90s high school.

[Mike Feeney]

If you try this now outside, I mean, you'd have a better chance of smoking a joint. But if you, like, lit up a cigarette, people would be like, yeah, I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hear it's bad over here, dude. I hear it's coming back with young people.

[Mike Feeney]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So here's Now Vape. Now, Vape's been around long enough that the rebel on Vape is like, nah, back to Sigs smoking cigs, man.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Look at. Everybody's wearing Marlboro Miles and Camel Cash T shirts and fucking mullets mustaches. It's like everyone looks like Wade Boggs now, so they should be smoking Bun.

[Mike Feeney]

A lot of people still, Post Malone still fires them up, like, on stage and stuff.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That's something I'm gonna go back to eventually.

[Mike Feeney]

You think so?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

One day. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Post Malone music. Yeah, it's time.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

One day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys got quite a catalog at this point.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Maybe if I hit, like, 70, 75, I'm gonna start smoking cigarettes.

[Mike Feeney]

We're gonna figure out something by 75 that makes it feel exactly like a cigarette. Same poll, same everything. And it's just not. You're not getting the nicotine or the tar. I don't know what they'll do. But they'll do do it. It'll be, you'll, you'll be able to.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Because I just went smokes to nothing. I didn't do any.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm just gonna stem cell my lungs every week, that's all.

[Mike Feeney]

You're gonna just build new lungs?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, just get off the, get a couple miles off. Get a couple miles offshore and just juice up my lungs a little bit.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

We had, we had Jack the Rent a Cop in our high school and I would bring him a medium regular coffee from Dunkin Donuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kiss ass.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

And I know he'd let me in the coaches all office because that was like the only toilet cam probably.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what he goes, he goes yeah, yeah, yeah you what time? About every day you're going to there.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I'd in the coach's office cuz that's where he hung out. Whatever. I bring him his coffee. There'd be a book of matches for the scent, you know, cuz. And then he'd catch us smoking butts outside all the time and he would never break our balls.

[Mike Feeney]

Really.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

It just cost me a medium regular.

[Mike Feeney]

Were you allowed to leave school for lunch? We were allowed to because we had.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

A kids room it. Kids ruined it and they tried to take it away but then we were like this, we're leaving. I lived at the end of my high school's driveway so I could like literally cut through the woods and go home.

[Mike Feeney]

I had a friend that got a job in high school like his senior year for the railroad, the Long island railroad. So he's like I'm leaving at 1 and I don't care. I have to be at work at.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

2 o' clock in Hicksville.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

He had to play.

[Mike Feeney]

So he was like at that point. I remember being like are you gonna be a lad? He goes yeah. I just put all my classes in the front and I took my lunch. I go are we. He goes yeah, I'm. I'm a grown man dude. He would try to stop me from leaving. I have a job.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

He parked his blue ox in the driveway.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah dude, I remember. I remember the best was when I moved to South Jersey for that one year cuz my Philly school wasn't like this or with these kind of people at all. But I remember the first time I was in class and a. An outcast kid who tucks his T shirts into his jeans with a mullet got up and was like I got to go. And then I see people rolling their eyes and I'm like what was that? He goes volunteer Firefighter. It's like he doesn't have to go, but, like, it's an excuse, too. He goes all hands on deck, guys. I think there's a cat in a tree.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I loved when there were kids in school that had kids. Remember when there was like, a senior junior that would like, yeah, that's here for a year. And then you're like, that girl, actually, she gotta leave to feed her baby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the girl who jacked me off and stared at me the whole time.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Time with the Grateful Dead tattoos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Remember I tell you the story about the girl whacking me off in a car and she. I used to have a joke. She just stared and she just stared at my face the whole time. She had a kid in high school.

[Mike Feeney]

Really?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

What grade?

[Mike Feeney]

And came back or dropped out. Most of them left and never came back. Came back.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

She finished one, came back with Mom. Like, mom jugs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they didn't get.

[Mike Feeney]

You guys didn't have, like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ours got sent to continuation school.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Iced attention, huh?

[Mike Feeney]

Like, is that boces? Like, we had, like, trades, like, you were like, oh, dude, you're going to be in, like, trade different when they decide for you. Yeah, they're like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They would call Vokey balls.

[Mike Feeney]

For us, it was boces. Yeah. No, we called that scrock.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

And I forget what it stands for, but that sounds. When you bite it on a surfboard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, that's. That's such a California thing because, like, the name for that sounds bad because it's a bad connotation. He goes, what do you want to work inside with your hand?

[Mike Feeney]

Everything. The bar, you ride the bike. A bar. I'm not riding the Bart.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sounds disgusting. But even out over in Jersey, where.

[Mike Feeney]

There.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where that school, the vocational school, had a lot of. It seemed like opportunities and good ways that you could raise a family. It was called Vokey. It's fun. They're like, you're. And it would almost try to make you feel bad about. They go, dude, if you up this year, you're gonna get sent over to Vokey. And you're like, sounds like a blast.

[Mike Feeney]

Exactly.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

We had. Eli Whitney was like the vocal, like, where you'd go to college. Electrician. And basically, yeah, because he was in Connecticut. Eli Whitney was a Connecticut guy. So that's where you go for technical school. And yeah, if you wanted to, like. But then a lot, that was almost a punishment.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could also.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You could get, like, kicked out of North Haven High School and go to Eli Whitney also.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That school in Jersey just had a. My Senior year it's had a flat out thing of like you can get a job and then leave it too.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, that's what it was. You just front loaded your schedule and left.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They were like, if you can get a job, if you could prove you have a job, then you can leave school early every day if you want.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You know what they tried to do my senior year? I'm remembering now because we had seven periods in the day and study. It was rotating. So day one was one through seven, day two was two through seven. Then one was your last period period. So my study hall would always, you know, move around. They tried to do this thing called block scheduling where it was four 90 minute classes or something like that nightmare. And we're like this noise and like no one like they got rid of it after like a week. The year after we left, they did it and started it up. And that's how it is now, I guess. But that man, that was like I loved having the 35 minute class.

[Mike Feeney]

You need it.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That was perfect for the weed strength of 1996 and seven.

[Mike Feeney]

That's all your brain can handle. 30 minutes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, I, I mean all this stuff that they.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd love to have. I'd love to have a measurement gauge on the retention. I had an application of anything I learned in school. Dude, I didn't even have classes at all. I just really never had like.

[Mike Feeney]

I know some stuff that is so stupid and trivial and dumb. But I went to Catholic school. So they, they beat it into your like Jason boy. I know like the four. Matthew and Mark and Luke and John. Like the Bible guy. Like the four chat like those. I'll never like I, I sometimes I'll surprise people in jeopardy because you're like holy cow. It's the dumbest.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You stirring sauce. He's like Leviticus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have the same thing. Just strange things. I know every linking verb. That's a fun fact about mine. I can list up every linking verb. Of course. Just again notice those dumb names like past parts. I've never had to worry about Eli Whitney other than he made the cotton gin.

[Mike Feeney]

That's it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which is not, not alcohol. It's a machine that's used to make the clothes. Yeah.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Did you know that all the nines, if you add up the numbers it equals 9. Like 9 times 2 is 18. 8 plus 1 is 9. 9 times 3 is 27. 7 plus 2 is 9. 9 times 4 is 36. 6 plus 3 is 9.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just keep going until you go to a commercial break. Yeah.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

9 times 9 is 81. 8 times 1 is 9. 9 times 10 is 90.

[Mike Feeney]

Did you learn that in school?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah. And it's the only thing I remember four from high school. Literally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I all.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I remember that eight. That all. But I can't. That doesn't work with eights through ones. Only nine. Only nines.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nines you can also do on your hands. What? Like, if you hold your hands up and you go like 9 times 3, it's 27, 9, 10.

[Mike Feeney]

Holy.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I didn't know that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

45. That's.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

She's clearly a. She's clearly a bosie kid. What a. Wow.

[Mike Feeney]

I didn't know any of that. We just got beat 9 times 4. Boom. Boom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God. But I will also say. And maybe there was. But I also never. Throughout all school, the 11 years in that one school and then the one year senior year in Jersey, I never. I had teachers I liked, fine teachers I didn't care for, and most of them I was indifferent to. But I will say, not once did I find feel anyone coming to school to work every day with a passion for changing. Changing the lives of youth I never had. Christine does tell those stories. Christine's got stories of. You do. Yeah. Yeah. She was moving with her when Christine's mom died. I was like, I'll take you and be. I'm like, I don't know. Our teachers didn't give a. We could curse.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Judging a book by its cover.

[Mike Feeney]

But I mean, his school, it's like, yeah, you didn't receive a great education. Like, how dare you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Robert E. Lamberton High School. Who is Robert E. Lamberton?

[Mike Feeney]

Lamberton.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Bobby Lambs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Who's Robert E. Lamberton? Because that's what the school was called.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm surprised Robert E. L. Robert E. Lee is the most rob. Famous art.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Robert E. Robert E. Lamberton. Maybe that's what it was. Oh, maybe he was a slave owner. School Remedy.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Lamberton was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, that's just your school. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Enis a Republican.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was the 88th mayor of Philadelphia.

[Mike Feeney]

Hilarious.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Is there a picture of him?

[Mike Feeney]

Enis?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's find him. That's the current one, right? Robert E. Lamp Enas.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

My high school was basically dazed and confused. Like we. It was all about kegs in the woods and weed. Everyone had an ounce of weed in the locker room.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that. That was my school right behind me. Yeah. I mean, look at this place. That's not a good school.

[Mike Feeney]

Holy sh. Yeah.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That looks like a fucking detention center, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kindergarten, the 12th grade.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Shut up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All the way through yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

You never left that building. Well, you walked around with 12th graders when you were in kindergarten.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

So that's not right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can tell you this even too. I kind of remember from where I left. Bottom was like, the little kids.

[Mike Feeney]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then a little bit older kids left the right. And then upstairs was all like the. So it wasn't huge, like 6, 7, 8, and whatever. No, it wasn't very big.

[Mike Feeney]

How many people did you graduate with?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't graduate from there.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I switched to South Jersey.

[Mike Feeney]

Got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Graduated from there. But this school.

[Mike Feeney]

Damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But it's. It's kindergarten through 12. But ninth grade was. You wouldn't go in that building. You would go down the street. To the left was a synagogue, and the basement of the synagogue was where ninth grade was. What? What?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, they had to rent a synagogue out from the. From the Jews.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And there was two versions of every class. There was, like, stupid first graders, smarter first graders, stupid. It was always like that.

[Mike Feeney]

What year did they tell you we built tunnels? You guys could have just taken a tunnel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Remedial, they call it. But they didn't call remedial. They called one advanced and the other one just normal, instead of saying, actually, one's normal and the other one's for dummies. And I was in the. I was in the advanced.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Did I ever tell you about my. How my senior year, I didn't get into math 4, so I had to take consumer math, which was like, how to balance a check.

[Mike Feeney]

That's what you need.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Clip coupons. Dude, it was me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Clip coupons.

[Mike Feeney]

Balance a check was admirable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had to pickle eggs.

[Mike Feeney]

How to scan things and put them to the side. Safety scissors.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. How to not be afraid of plastic bags. Yeah. Yeah.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

How to separate the bags.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. How to double bag the brown bags, Put you in and open it up inside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not biting your neighbor if you feel they are overloading their bag.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That class was me, about six cheerleaders, a kid from India, a blind girl. And my final was, how much dirt is in a hole? Like, 7ft long by 3ft wide by 4ft deep. Show your work. So we're all doing, like, licking the pencil and doing our work. You know what the answer is was, there's no dirt in a hole. Have a good summer.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That was my senior. Like, I did the work and then handed it.

[Mike Feeney]

That was like, one of those stupid things where it's like, how many jelly beans are in this bowl?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Literally your best guess right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But we.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I'm like, four, six, carry the one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. You're going like, all right, there's 25 on the base. Yeah. Thing. And you start counting up and it's about 100 jelly beans high. Guess what?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

There's no jelly beans.

[Mike Feeney]

And that's the fourth grade grade.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That was my senior year in high school.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was the fourth grade. This is what I'm guessing, like, you were just learning how to write math.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

1, math 2, math 3, math 4, and you had to pass algebra 2.

[Mike Feeney]

Checkbook in the fourth grade. Sounds pretty hard.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

No. Senior year of high school, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

Wow.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That was it. There's no dirt in the hole.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't even realize. Listen, the. The classes I wish I gave a about and really, really gave into more in school would have been stuff like that. Like financial math. Yeah. But not Home ec. Yeah. Teach me how to cook. For real. I'd love to learn how to cook at school. How great was that? But instead you'd be like, ah, let the chicks do it. We're gonna sit over here and talk shit and be funny kids. Where I'm like, I would really love to know. Just basic, like, good funny.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You wanna know what's funny? If you look up your community. Adult education. That's what it is now. It's the stuff in high school you wish you paid attention, but now you go take it at like the town hall. Creative writing point.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Literally, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

Damn, dude, I should take that creative writing class.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dude, would it be great? The three of us just hit the fucking learning index later. Pop in.

[Mike Feeney]

Yep.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

We can learn archery and Italian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna do a little. I'm gonna do a little auditing around here, see if I like what I'm seeing at all.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

We could do bird calls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I heard Kumi and somebody on some clip I watched the other day talking about some thoughts on blacks. No, it was. No, it was just the idea of like. Like what you need now. Like school wise and like. And like how you would now, like learning about what you want to learn about now so much more. It's like they almost go like, kids shouldn't go to college till they're 30 because they. Which is a funny concept. But the thing is, it's so true. The things I was like, I've read and I'm not a big history guy, but just things at all from history where you're like, they definitely covered this when I was growing up in school, but the way it was being presented to me, I just couldn't have given a shit less. But that's A wild fucking story. That's actually pretty interesting.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

No, 100%, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, I just checked out because I was like, yeah, this is really taking time away. I got a pretty big battle royale going on at home at GI Joe's. I think there's about to be a manager run in from a chick.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

So do your kids still get textbooks or is it all, like, iPad shit?

[Mike Feeney]

No, it's all my textbooks. And they carry all their books in their backpack. My kids don't move it. They don't put them into a locker. They literally carry everything they have every single day. Literally. They carry it around.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I don't understand that.

[Mike Feeney]

And I don't get it either, because I think this is all on. Because they each have a Chromebook. They get a Chromebook. They got to carry that with them, too. I'm like, shouldn't everything be in the Chromebook?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Right?

[Mike Feeney]

And. But it's not. You would think that it would be lighter, but my kids carry every book that they give them the first day.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Do you remember getting your textbook and opening it and there was. You had to sign it. Who was before you got it? Before you. If you got like, a cool kid.

[Mike Feeney]

Like Karen Gargiulo had. Oh, my God, it still smells like her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, by the way, have you ever gotten that when you look at the kids, like, oh, Kevin Reynolds, he's the smelly poor kid. And the book smells as if it's been in his house for a year.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Oh, my God, he ate page 36.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I've definitely. When you get it and you see a stained up, gross book and you look before you. And you go, of course it was that kid.

[Mike Feeney]

Did you have to cover your books?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah, yeah, that. Dude, I can't do that. If you held a gun to my head and said, I'll blow your brains out. Dude, I was not with a. With a stop and shop paper bag.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I could do it with this piece of paper.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You're good at that, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it wasn't that. It was a labor of love. I had to learn how to do it. Because if I didn't use brown paper bag for my things, how was it going to show everybody that I know how to draw the Metallica logo?

[Mike Feeney]

That was like an easel.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

It was a canvas. Absolutely. But my mom had to do it. I couldn't do it.

[Mike Feeney]

My mom did it with this. With the clear one that never came off.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Oh, the grip tape.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, the grip tape. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My mom's contact paper. Contact paper.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

My mom can't draw on that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My mom did that for me one year. She goes, oh, this is. It just sticks right on. And one, she put it on. And my mother doesn't know my own like anxieties and stuff. And she would just put on the contact paper. It would be like if somebody did your screen protector on your phone and just slapped it on and goes, yeah, there's like five air bubbles, but don't worry about it. I go, no, no, no. It's all I'm gonna see. And my mom poorly contact papered my book. And I was like, I don't like these little bubbles.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm trying to press them out all year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does it work?

[Steve Rannazzisi]

So you, you learned. You taught yourself how to it do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do it this. Yeah, I think my mom knew how to do this too.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I have to watch this to completion.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was a, I didn't know I was a dungaree, dungaree binder guy. Even when Trapper Keeper came out. I did a year Trapper Keeper and I was like, I like to make my own designs, man. I'm not really. I'm not going to be locked into this guy's idea of Odie and Garfield sharing a taco. I'd like to make more of maybe, I don't know, brick wall, maybe with my name coming through it. Or. Or maybe a lightning bolt sharing a taco.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I think I had that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you remember? Now here's the thing inside of, inside of your denim binder, you could have all the Trapper Keeper style folders. You could have crazy freehold folders. Do you remember I had a nice mead. Quiet Riot. Come on. Feel the noise with the mask. I thought it was so cool going to like grade school. And you're like, yep, no one knows about Quiet Riot here.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Do you remember when the holes in the folders started to. That little piece that kept it hanging would start to fray and then they would all just start fucking anxiety when it finally went. And you're like, this folder's dead and.

[Mike Feeney]

It'S all gonna fall out.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

It's all gonna fall out.

[Mike Feeney]

It's all in order and I'll never get it back the way it was. It's ruined.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is it.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

And that's when I just started smoking cigarettes and I gave up on like.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm gonna start drinking in class.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's funny you say the thing about your kids, like book bags being so full of books. Because that was always if you got into a fight and like if you want to fight or lost. No, it's not that. If you Want to fight? Like the person who lost who wasn't getting up or was just like kind of quitting in the fight was getting their book bag just fucking hauled. I mean a big, I mean a bicycle kick of just sending it in there and just watching that. Exactly. The binder and papers just wait.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Do they not even have a locker or they have to carry it around with them?

[Mike Feeney]

They have them, but the lockers are too small to fit everything in them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's for their guns.

[Mike Feeney]

Ill design.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah, that's right. It's a gun locker.

[Mike Feeney]

They made them small so you can't fit kids in them anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So that's what it is. No bullying. Boo.

[Mike Feeney]

No books, no kids, no nothing.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Did you guys ever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All you keep in there is your loose is your zoloft for a 15 year old.

[Mike Feeney]

Hide your silencer in there.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Were you ever running down the hall and just ate hard? Like run into class and you trip and just.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't think I ever fell. I felt I had a lot of stairs so I tripped down like the hard. Miss a step and go down.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I like, I like squeaked my face and like my legs went over. Yeah, I went hard book bag over my head. That was open. Open and the books just in the senior hall.

[Mike Feeney]

Were you tripped or was this just like.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

I was just sprinting and I tried to fucking. I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's hard for you remember any like I ate shit. Any of the basic level embarrassing moments of high school, like the fell your ass crack was out or anything like that? I don't remember that because I had to apologize to that girl. I mean to me though, it all foils down like my mom. All of my high school agony and discomfort came into that when I had to apologize for not saying that I didn't have sex with a girl in front of an assembly at my school. That's.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Oh well, I mean that was all of it. I'll take all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So I don't even remember like I don't remember like the. Oh no, my pants were tucked into my underwear. He goes, I would have taken that a thousand times over. My mom came having to go on stage and go oh my God, I.

[Mike Feeney]

Didn'T have sex with a girl. That's what you had to say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I had to say it was a. About lying. Oh no and saying but I didn't hear here's the kicks me in the ass. And by the way, it'd be great all these years later to be like, nah, nah, nah. I definitely like, like, you know, was Saying, like, bragging that I, like, hooked up with this girl a guy cornered me into. He's like, you're hanging out with this girl all the time and cutting school. What are you guys doing? You hook it up. And I was like, ah, dude, nah, nah, nah. And he kept. Kept going. Like, he's like, come on, dude, you're going there. You guys are cutting school together like two days a week. And by the way, I would have loved to, but it wasn't like that with this chicken, really.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

And.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he's kind of like, come on, dude, you're lying to me. And you said eventually just gave him, like, the I. Dude, you know, think whatever you think of me. I was like, I mean, he's a.

[Mike Feeney]

Good cop who got a guilty confession.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Out of, like, I had like a. What do you think?

[Mike Feeney]

You said what happened, happened. I don't know. Maybe it did. Who knows?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had to go. What do you think? I mean, you're right. I am over there a lot. Right. So I guess, whatever. Yeah. And I almost purposely avoid trying to be like, I have had sex with her because. But he was just giving me so much. Like, you'd be gay if you didn't. You're over there so much and you're like, well, I'm not gay, so. And then another guy liked her and was like, yeah, I would, but you're having sex with, you know, Jay or whatever. And she was like, pardon, Come again? And then instead of doing what most people do in that situation was her coming and yelling at me. And I could have told her, it's the. Not the way you think of what happened here, or blah, blah, blah. Instead, she told her parents, who were very Jewish and very litigious, to. They called and they just yelled at me. Gave my parentship. What's that noise, Lou? That's crazy. What is that? That's a computer. Is it really? Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, I thought a chopper was lightning.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Sounded like that. We are next to one of those news places where was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had Mikey, you'll be back on track.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Gay aids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Gay aids. Is that really where we were?

[Mike Feeney]

No, you were saying Jewish parents. Jewish parents, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Litigious. Gay aids. And they called. Yeah. And it was like. Then it got to the school. Like, my parents were like, you have to apologize. And I did apologize, but I'm not even. Actually. I'm not even over explaining myself. I'm just apologizing, going like. I didn't really. Like. It's not what I meant to make people think and. But I'M a kid, so it's going. It's weighing.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

How old are you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ninth grade.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

So, like, what, 12?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

13? 14? 14. I was the young person in my grade. 13.

[Mike Feeney]

14.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, 13. Yeah. So. And I just whatchamac and they flipped out. And I got to the school, and then my mom had to come in with me, and they said that I was gonna be expelled.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or I had to do this, like, assembly thing where they're gonna talk about being, like, responsible for lying about people and. Yeah, like, slander. Slandering people and making up lies. And I had to go buy a fucking suit and everything. And my mom. I remember it was so funny. I thought it was so. Me and my mom. My mom's so young with me, too, that I thought it was like such a cut and dry. We were gonna have a good laugh at least when the guy was like, you're gonna have to switch schools if you don't do this assembly. And I was like, well, Principal Harris, it's been a pleasure. I guess me and my mom are gonna be moving down the old road there, and we'll see where it goes from here. Man, good luck.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

You got an ashtray, Princip?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. My mom was like, no, we're going to the big and tall fat kid store, and we're gonna get you a husky double breasted fucking suit, and you're gonna go up there and do that. And, man, I tried to make it funny. I mean, I made it as funny as I could. Funny enough that she did not appreciate the apology.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

How long did you do?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Minutes. Three, four minutes.

[Mike Feeney]

See, what had happened was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, y' all gots me all wrong. Yeah. Now, pure 90s style. Now, honey dip been hanging with me all day.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

We be not sure.

[Mike Feeney]

They come home with me every day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I live home with everything gonna happen. What you think gonna happen?

[Mike Feeney]

You hang out, dude. My mom came on the bus because this is like when we were little, I was in, like, third grade, I guess I talked a lot, and the kids started calling me Ralph Malf. And so it bothered me. One day in school, I told my teacher, she goes, what's going on? I go, everyone's calling me Ralph Mouth and it sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did it make her laugh immediately, Ralph.

[Mike Feeney]

She's like, that's not cool. And then she told the Clash because no one is allowed to call him Ralph Mouth anymore. And I was like, oh, that's enough. That's good enough.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Now they're calling him Danny Most.

[Mike Feeney]

The teacher went and called my mom to tell her what Happened. The bus pulls up to my house. I see my mom at the door, come out to the bus. I'm getting off. I go, no, no, no, no. I go to get off. She goes, wait right here. She gets on the bus. She goes, I'll just let you guys know. No one's gonna call my son, Ralph Malvin. And the kids are like, oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was like, no, no, I don't picture her. I want it to be like an old moo moo and, like, saggy tits flopping around. I'll tell you something.

[Mike Feeney]

Look how upset you made him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at my sad boy out there.

[Mike Feeney]

I brought bagels for everyone. The next day, I just, like, made. Maybe. Maybe this will tide things over, guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe a light nosh before Mr.

[Mike Feeney]

Mouth has a little gift for everybody.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

That's great, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, your mom coming to defend you. The worst I think my mom ever defended. My mom would just throw me. She. It wasn't that she didn't have my back. It was just that my mom definitely had a very Philadelphia, like. Yeah, sort that out, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

That's what it is.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

Yeah. I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It wasn't the thing. If I was. Was like. If I was like, there's a kid at school that's like. You know, it's like. I think, like, we're gonna end up being in a fight. It's like, going this direction. You know what I mean? And, like, almost saying that to her with like, a. And she's gonna offer now to make this right in some mommy way. And then she would be like, you know, she just kind of had, like, the. Well, you know, hopefully it doesn't come to that. But, you know, if it does. If it does, just, you know, you gotta, like, stand up for yourself. You know, you don't. I'm like, all right. Like, yeah, you know, I don't have a. I just have a mother telling me that, not a father teaching me how to do it. Go see up for yourself. She goes, if I were you, I'd scratch like crazy. Like, really go for eyes.

[Steve Rannazzisi]

She goes, hide a razor in your ponytail.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, we gotta take a break, everybody. Steve Ranazizi is gonna be at the Comedy loft in Washington, D.C. october 10th and 11th. For tickets and all of his tour dates go to steverenazzisi.com and of course, Mike Fenoya is on tour with Ron White all fall and winter. For dates on that, go to Punchup Live. Mike Fenoya and his podcast Are We All Old? Make sure you follow that on Re Oled on all socials and at Mike Finoya. Bigjaycomedy.com stress factory this weekend, Appleton, Wisconsin, next weekend, Calgary, Pittsburgh, Portland, all coming up bigjaycomedy.com YouTube.com bigjokerson I'm doing some live streaming now. Next one happening this Thursday night. I believe Bobby Kelly is going to be a comedy to Carlson Rochester, October 10th and 11th. After that, Tampa, Emmaus, Pennsylvania, New Orleans for skank Fest. Of course for tickets and all of his tour dates go to Punchup Live. RobertKelly. We'll be right back with Steve and Mike. It's the bonfire.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, Gekko, I just love being able.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To file a claim in under two.

[Mike Feeney]

Minutes with a Geico app.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could you sign a Sign what? The app? Yeah, sure. Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it. Could you sign it again? Anything to help, I suppose. Get more than just savings. Get more with Geico.