Red & Green Flags

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Red & Green Flags" | The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode Release Date: January 22, 2025
Channel: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

---

Overview

In the "Red & Green Flags" episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly engage in a humorous and candid discussion about the desirable (green) and undesirable (red) traits to look for in a romantic partner. Utilizing a list of 35 green flags as a framework, the duo humorously critiques themselves while exploring the complexities of relationships. Joined by their friends Lou, Jacob, and Christine, the conversation blends sharp wit with relatable relationship insights, making it both entertaining and insightful for listeners.

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1. Introduction to Red & Green Flags

The episode kicks off with Big Jay and Robert introducing the concept of red and green flags in relationships. They reference a list provided by Christine, which outlines 35 green flags that signify a healthy and promising partnership. The hosts decide to go through the list, humorously assessing whether they embody these traits or fall short.

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2. Green Flag #1: Kindness to Service Industry Workers

Timestamp: [19:36]

• Big Jay Oakerson: Emphasizes the importance of being kind to those in the service industry, highlighting empathy and respect.

  "He's kind to those who work in the service industry."
  [19:36]

• Robert Kelly: Self-deprecatingly labels himself as a red flag, questioning his own ability to maintain eye contact and genuine interest.

  "He fakes sincerely interested in things she has to say."
  [19:50]

Discussion: The hosts humorously navigate the balance between genuine kindness and superficial interactions, poking fun at their own shortcomings in embodying true empathy.

---

3. Green Flag #2: Solid Communication

Timestamp: [23:35]

• Big Jay Oakerson: Attempts to define a solid communicator, but quickly admits his struggles with effective communication, especially with Christine.

  "He is open and honest. He tells you what he's feeling, what he isn't feeling."
  [19:43]

• Robert Kelly: Admits to red flags related to communication, citing instances where his honesty crosses into inappropriateness.

  "Right? One red flag. Really? Do you make eye contact with your fucking girl while she's talking?"
  [19:56]

Discussion: The conversation delves into the challenges of maintaining honest and appropriate communication, with the hosts openly admitting their flaws in this area.

---

4. Green Flag #3: Embracing Feminine Traits

Timestamp: [23:35]

• Big Jay Oakerson: Highlights the significance of being comfortable with both traditionally masculine and feminine traits.

  "He is not against fruity cocktails or showering on a regular basis."
  [23:35]

• Robert Kelly: Contrasts himself by proudly embracing these traits, labeling them as double green flags.

  "I love that about her."
  [40:46]

Discussion: The hosts explore the fluidity of gender traits in relationships, celebrating the acceptance and integration of diverse characteristics.

---

5. Green Flag #4: Taking Accountability

Timestamp: [24:09]

• Big Jay Oakerson: Discusses the importance of owning mistakes and taking responsibility, though humorously deflects by blaming Christine.

  "I hope. I wish I could find a girl I can pay to beat the shit out of Christine when she walks out of the building."
  [23:31]

• Robert Kelly: Acknowledges attempts at accountability but concedes to having significant red flags in this area.

  "Red flag. Two red flags."
  [23:33]

Discussion: The dialogue underscores the difficulty in consistently taking accountability, with both hosts playfully highlighting their failures.

---

6. Green Flag #5: Good with Kids and Empathy

Timestamp: [25:11]

• Big Jay Oakerson: Points out the value of being kind and empathetic towards children, reflecting emotional intelligence.

  "He's good with kids. Even if you both don't want children yourselves."
  [25:11]

• Robert Kelly: Counters by sharing personal anecdotes that reveal his own red flags, such as invading privacy.

  "I didn't open my mail. I went into my room and he was going through my drawers."
  [25:24]

Discussion: The conversation highlights the importance of empathy and kindness, yet both hosts candidly discuss their personal failures in embodying these traits consistently.

---

7. Green Flag #6: Pursuit of Passions

Timestamp: [33:13]

• Big Jay Oakerson: Appreciates partners who are passionate about their interests, whether art, music, or other hobbies.

  "He pursues it with fervor."
  [33:13]

• Robert Kelly: Affirmatively acknowledges his own passion-driven pursuits, adding a positive note to the discussion.

  "Green screen. Green."
  [33:25]

Discussion: This segment emphasizes the importance of individuality and passion in a relationship, showcasing how shared or individual interests can enrich partnerships.

---

8. Green Flag #7: Emotional Expression

Timestamp: [33:33]

• Big Jay Oakerson: Discusses the significance of being comfortable with emotional expressions like crying, though humorously admits his reluctance.

  "I cry. I do a lot of my crying alone."
  [33:45]

• Robert Kelly: Balances by sharing his own ease with emotional expression, reinforcing the value of vulnerability.

  "I'm a sympathetic crier. You cry, I cry."
  [33:39]

Discussion: The hosts explore the role of emotional openness in relationships, balancing between personal discomfort and the benefits of vulnerability.

---

9. Green Flag #8: Consistency and Stability

Timestamp: [38:16]

• Big Jay Oakerson: Ironically critiques his own consistency, acknowledging mood swings and their impact on relationships.

  "But it's asking for consistent. So you can't say I'm fully consistent when my mood."
  [38:22]

• Robert Kelly: Confesses to mood-related red flags, including bipolar tendencies, while attempting to defend his reliability.

  "Yeah, I'm a red on that."
  [38:36]

Discussion: This segment delves into the challenges of maintaining consistency and stability, with a humorous take on how personal struggles can affect relationship dynamics.

---

10. Green Flag #9: Pursuit of Personal Growth and Therapy

Timestamp: [39:27]

• Big Jay Oakerson: Touches on the importance of being open to mental health care, though humorously disputes the necessity based on past experiences.

  "But this says he's in therapy, which I am not."
  [39:38]

• Robert Kelly: Defends the value of therapy, hinting at its benefits despite personal reservations.

  "But would you go to therapy?"
  [39:50]

Discussion: The conversation highlights the role of personal growth and therapy in fostering healthy relationships, even as the hosts humorously navigate their own hesitations and experiences.

---

11. Interaction with Christine and Personal Anecdotes

Throughout the episode, Christine interjects with reactions and annotations, adding another layer of humor and perspective. The hosts frequently reference their relationship dynamics with Christine, often highlighting their own shortcomings and the humorous tensions that arise.

• Notable Exchange:
  Big Jay Oakerson: "He doesn't have to barter. He told me he's exhausted from all the hot sex he's having."
  [02:14]

  Robert Kelly: "So red flag. Two red flags."
  [23:33]

These interactions serve to humanize the hosts while providing comic relief, illustrating real-life relationship challenges in a relatable manner.

---

12. Concluding Remarks and Future Topics

As the episode wraps up, the hosts acknowledge the extensive list of green flags and the difficulty in fulfilling all criteria. They humorously agree to continue the discussion in future episodes, maintaining their signature blend of humor and candor.

• Closing Quote:
  Big Jay Oakerson: "Well, well. We're gonna pick this back up tomorrow, everybody."
  [37:55]

• Final Note: The hosts encourage listeners to engage with their upcoming shows and guest specials, seamlessly transitioning from the episode's main topic to promotional content without disrupting the narrative flow.

---

Key Takeaways

• Self-Reflection with Humor: Big Jay and Robert utilize humor to reflect on their own relationship behaviors, making the discussion both entertaining and introspective.

• Realism in Relationships: The candid admissions of red flags highlight the imperfect nature of relationships, resonating with listeners through relatable content.

• Value of Communication and Empathy: Despite their flaws, the hosts emphasize the importance of effective communication and empathy in fostering healthy partnerships.

• Engaging Hosts and Guests: The dynamic interactions between hosts and guests like Lou, Jacob, and Christine add depth and diverse perspectives to the conversation.

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Notable Quotes

• Robert Kelly: "Red flag. Two red flags."
  [23:33]

• Big Jay Oakerson: "I'm not good for bad news."
  [30:20]

• Robert Kelly: "I'm a sympathetic crier. You cry, I cry."
  [33:39]

• Big Jay Oakerson: "I think Christine's wanting me to be more green flags than I am."
  [34:58]

These quotes encapsulate the episode's blend of humor and genuine self-assessment, providing memorable moments that reflect the hosts' personalities and the episode's themes.

---

Conclusion

"Red & Green Flags" offers listeners a humorous yet honest exploration of what constitutes a healthy relationship. Through self-deprecating humor and candid discussions, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly provide both entertainment and insightful reflections on personal growth and relationship dynamics. Whether you're tuning in for laughs or looking for relatable relationship anecdotes, this episode delivers a compelling mix of both.

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For more engaging discussions and live interactions, subscribe to The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103, and follow them on their respective YouTube channels.

Transcript

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[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

This is your era, dog.

[Lou]

Yeah, I can't get out of it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Do you. When you fuck to music, Lou, is it always Pearl Jam?

[Lou]

No. My current girlfriend is African American, so it's a lot of Luther Vandross.

[Robert Kelly]

She's black.

[Big J. Okerson]

That doesn't mean she's black. African American. What you call her? Charlize Theron's African American.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought she was Indian.

[Lou]

She's black and Indian.

[Big J. Okerson]

Are you sure?

[Lou]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

So you a Luther Vandross and ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Lou]

Feathers and dots.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why don't you swab her cheek and send it off in your Sirius XM provided 23andMe report? We can find out exactly what she is. That'd be a funny thing to start doing when you hook up with a girl. Take her DNA and send it off and tell her what she is. Ew. Do you know you're 17% Ashkenazi Jewish? Give me my bed.

[Robert Kelly]

Take your. Your gift, your Christmas gift, and trade something with her with it. I will give you this hat and this candy bar for hand jobs and blow jobs.

[Big J. Okerson]

You will trade. You will get this great bounty for your wife's. For your daughter's hand.

[Christine]

He doesn't have to barter. He told me he's exhausted from all the hot sex he's having.

[Lou]

You already said that before. You suck.

[Christine]

But you talked over it.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice.

[Christine]

And they didn't. They didn't pick up.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why would you be mad at Jacob for saying you're having awesome sex?

[Lou]

I mean, he already said it once.

[Christine]

And they didn't hear.

[Big J. Okerson]

I didn't hear.

[Lou]

Well, she listens to the show. Once she hears, maybe I won't get as much sex.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why are you saying it's not good? Lou, first of all, apparently you said it was great.

[Lou]

It is great.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, I'm gonna say this. Met her, darling.

[Christine]

She's awesome.

[Robert Kelly]

Beautiful.

[Big J. Okerson]

She's great.

[Robert Kelly]

Really. And I met her by surprise. They were at my show Friday night. Didn't know Lou was there. Didn't even ask for tickets. Just was there coming off. He was sitting there. He was actually sitting. I thought he was with a group of people. And I was saying hi to them, too. Hey, what's going. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. And hey, what's going on? I met his girl. Sweetheart. Beautiful. And then when I left Louis, like, I don't know these fucking people we're sitting with, but I really.

[Big J. Okerson]

I said hi to all of them.

[Robert Kelly]

I was talking. Hey, man. All right, take care.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, you must be his black girlfriend's friends.

[Lou]

Well, you really impressed those strangers because they. They were surprised to know that I knew you.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Lose him. Black sex. Yeah, that's exciting.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we really. You really went from zero to 60 on that. Oh, the hack hack.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, we really snapped at a guy for saying, like, all this wonderful, hot sex you're having. You're you, Jacob.

[Lou]

Because I could hear him winding up to say it again. I'm like, oh, he's gonna bore us again with this.

[Christine]

Nobody's bored. Everyone loves it.

[Lou]

Well, it's Arthur.

[Robert Kelly]

Say it again.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're bored of your amazing sex.

[Lou]

No, I'll show you how black she is. We're going to see New Edition.

[Christine]

I'm loose trigger.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'll tell you how not black she is. She's. You.

[Lou]

Know, we don't discriminate in my house.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, it's only you and your brother. Two bald men not discriminating in your house for a black woman coming in. She probably thought that was a trap the first time you. She like I better him where I went. I get out of here.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah, Then will approve of her. Meet her.

[Lou]

I didn't take her home yet. I'm smarter than that.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why? He'll steal her.

[Lou]

No.

[Big J. Okerson]

When she goes there and sees him break dancing in his breakdance studio.

[Robert Kelly]

That's why.

[Big J. Okerson]

Lou. Yo. Is that your twin brother? I thought that was you. Pop locking in the kitchen. He's like, no, it's my brother. Guy can't stop.

[Robert Kelly]

That's why he grew that specific facial hair.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. I'm the evil twin.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, exactly.

[Lou]

Wait, why does he have a break dancing studio?

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't know.

[Lou]

I love it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Because he goes back to break dancing to impress your black girlfriends.

[Lou]

I'll take it. I like it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Hell yeah. So what kind of music? So what do you listen to when you. Now you're going to see New Edition.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

When?

[Lou]

May Valentine's Day.

[Big J. Okerson]

Where?

[Lou]

Vegas. The win.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, it's like a residency or something. They're doing it is. Oh, I thought they were playing here. I got so excited. What members?

[Lou]

All of them. All including Ralph.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I told you. I follow Jordan Knight on Instagram. It's great.

[Big J. Okerson]

What the hell's up there with New Edition?

[Robert Kelly]

Jordan Knight. Isn't that the lead singer? Sorry, that's.

[Big J. Okerson]

That was crazy. What just happened.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm sorry. That's the word new is. I'm sorry, that's new Kids on the Block. I yeah. It was Stuck a man. And they're both from Boston. It's not that far off of a leap.

[Big J. Okerson]

Except it's five black dudes against five.

[Robert Kelly]

White guys from the same town.

[Big J. Okerson]

Not the same town.

[Robert Kelly]

Same town. Dorchester. No, they're all from Dorchester.

[Big J. Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know why I'm fucking speaking. Boston. They're from Dorchester.

[Big J. Okerson]

Kids in the block were fucking candy asses.

[Robert Kelly]

They're all from Dorchester.

[Big J. Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J. Okerson]

Bunch of pussies. You ask me. New Edition. Would them up.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine, stop buying pocketbooks and look it up.

[Big J. Okerson]

Christine. You guys. Chance, stop buying pocketbooks and look this up. That'd be great. You have the magic box in front of you. Bobby told you.

[Robert Kelly]

New kid. New kids in the block. From Dorchester. Yeah, they're from Dorchester.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

All of them.

[Big J. Okerson]

But the gay part.

[Robert Kelly]

No, there's no gay part of Dorchester.

[Big J. Okerson]

I bet you there is.

[Robert Kelly]

Not anymore. Not mouth. That might be but back then it was the rough part of town.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Because all those guys were fighting when they really wanted to be each other. It's a gay bashed city.

[Robert Kelly]

I guess at every place place is gay. Even the studio.

[Big J. Okerson]

Everywhere is gay. And new additions from Roxbury.

[Robert Kelly]

Roxbury, Dorchester. Same area and same type of thing.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's what I would say.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's the same Philly. West Philly. Potato potato.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you. Roxbury, Dorchester, they're all from that area. That is a pretty. Back when I was growing up was a pretty rough area.

[Big J. Okerson]

Where were the Boston bombers from? They can kick both their asses.

[Robert Kelly]

Boston Bombers. I don't know where they were from.

[Big J. Okerson]

The Marathon bombers. They would beat up new kids in the block and New Edition at the same time.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Christine]

Made me mental. When all the women were hot for the bomber.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it made me sick.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why? Because he's a beautiful boy.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, they're hot for this new kid.

[Big J. Okerson]

What were you. Why were you sick about it? Because he just murdered some people. Girls can't be hot for his.

[Christine]

It was you think because he's a.

[Big J. Okerson]

Cold blooded killer who hurt families and children.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big J. Okerson]

For that reason alone, you're upset because women just want to take his seed no matter what and let him fill all their holes.

[Robert Kelly]

So what you're saying is beautiful, Dick. So what you're saying is that you have to be into God, a good person and hot for girls to want you, not.

[Big J. Okerson]

You can't have any flaws. Indiscriminately murder a bunch of people one day, a lot of death, but one mistake, and all of a sudden I can't be on this guy's stick.

[Christine]

I would say no. I mean, you got to cut him out.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, I respect the fact that you stick to your guns, but agree to disagree. New additions, all of them. Ralph Tres Van, that's the most important to me, always.

[Lou]

That's her favorite too.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Big J. Okerson]

He's the voice.

[Robert Kelly]

He's the voice.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's the same problem. It's like, here's what's gonna be a bummer and I'm going, if you think I'm not going to see Toto with men at work and fucking Christopher Cross. We have to see that. That show's gonna be awesome. But Toto, the guy ain't coming back. You have Steve Lukathur, who's the songwriter and the guy, he hits all the other parts. But the voice you know and love from Toto will not be present.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, Sticks had the guy, but his voice was exactly like the other guy's voice and looked the same.

[Big J. Okerson]

Dennis DeLong, they looked the same. Yeah, yeah. They both had that stupid mustache in the little dumb curly fro.

[Robert Kelly]

And the vest. They both wore vests.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, but this is a fucking Toto. Same thing. You need the voice. So Ralph Tresvant is that. I know. It's like five guys that sing and everyone's got their parts and stuff, but Ralph Tres Vance, like the. The high. Well, he's the high pitched voice. He's the voice that not everybody can do.

[Robert Kelly]

How's it go?

[Big J. Okerson]

Which?

[Robert Kelly]

How's his voice sound?

[Big J. Okerson]

What song?

[Robert Kelly]

Any song.

[Big J. Okerson]

Hmm. You want to hear some? Ralph Tres Van said put On Sensitivity by Ralph Tres. Van.

[Christine]

I would love new addition to get a Filipino replacement.

[Big J. Okerson]

That would be pretty fantastic. Well, Bobby Brown, I don't know. This guy's like, impervious to drugs. This guy just stays living. Huh? Unreal. Bobby Brown still one of the funniest things. That's one of my favorite Tony Roberts jokes right there. There he goes. Life's just not fair. And he goes, michael Jackson dead. Bobby Brown's still living. And he starts doing the dance. He goes, this motherfucker's dead. And this motherfucker still alive. He's just doing the body under. And this motherfucker still alive.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby can't sing anymore either.

[Big J. Okerson]

Bobby Brown no way. Sing. I bet his dancing's pretty garbage at this point.

[Robert Kelly]

He couldn't sing.

[Big J. Okerson]

Now, I could be a new edition with some light choreography work. I could probably be in.

[Christine]

I would love to see them today. 2025.

[Big J. Okerson]

He really makes you earn it. This is the weird line between going, like, is this guy possibly gay? But damn, I bet he gets.

[Lou]

I know why she made me grow this mustache. Ralph Tres.

[Big J. Okerson]

You really have a Ralph Tresvant right now? You know that performance I always watch with if it isn't Love, he's the main guy singing. Yeah. At the Apollo when we're all gonna get our white flowing suits.

[Robert Kelly]

Here we go. Don't mock it, do it.

[Big J. Okerson]

I thought I was try. I don't know the exact words.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you had it the first time.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sensitivity.

[Robert Kelly]

A man like me.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's so good. What are you looking for me to do?

[Robert Kelly]

I want you to do more.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, I can't.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, you can't.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't know the words. Enough.

[Robert Kelly]

It's all right.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why are you looking at me so sensually?

[Lou]

Belle Biv DeVoe or just back up?

[Big J. Okerson]

No, no, that's not. Well, yes, Sort of. Ricky Bell. Michael Bivens.

[Robert Kelly]

Who was the other guy? Jodeci. Remember Jodeci?

[Big J. Okerson]

Do you think it's a man named Joe Deci.

[Robert Kelly]

What's his name? Joe? No.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, there's five of them.

[Robert Kelly]

Wasn't.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's a group. Who was A. Casey and Jojo.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me tell you something.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah?

[Robert Kelly]

There's nothing I hate more than you.

[Big J. Okerson]

You bring it up and then you're mad at me. It's just you said, who's Jodeci? Who was he? Because it's a funny question.

[Robert Kelly]

Because you sit up on your.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then look down.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why don't you ask me who Jethro Tall is too? What a nitwit. Who's Leonard Skynyrd.

[Robert Kelly]

No. Who is Jodeci?

[Big J. Okerson]

Who was Casey, Jojo and then three other guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Who's the. The main guy?

[Big J. Okerson]

The. The Ralph Tres van. That's the voice you're gonna want.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Big J. Okerson]

Casey.

[Robert Kelly]

Casey, right? Skinny dude, Good looking. Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, not good looking, but right there, that guy. Burn pencil. No, no, that's. That's Jojo.

[Robert Kelly]

That's Jojo.

[Big J. Okerson]

But that's not who you wanted to hear. You wanted to hear Casey put on if you think you're lonely now, wait until tonight by this dude. I'll tell you what, this was so fun. Like a black dude just screaming at a white woman, fucking do what you're told.

[Robert Kelly]

This is the stuff I used to fuck to.

[Big J. Okerson]

I know, it's pretty funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Why? Are you kidding me?

[Big J. Okerson]

I fucked to this a couple times in the 90s.

[Robert Kelly]

That's when I was fucking a lot.

[Jacob]

Crazy guys are fucking in the 90s.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what?

[Big J. Okerson]

It's crazy. You were born in 85 and fucking in the eight.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Slut.

[Big J. Okerson]

You were such a baby. Slut. Oh, turn it up.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on. You can't fuck to this when it's cold outside.

[Big J. Okerson]

Girl, who are you loving? You be holding me where, where, where, where, where? Look at Bobby laying down that dick. If y'all don't mind. Oh, Mom. Are you climaxing? Are you getting close? Turn it up, Lou. If you think you're lonely now oh, yeah Wait until tonight, girl oh, you better wait till tonight, baby Wait until tonight, girl I'll be love Damn. I'll be it out, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

You can.

[Big J. Okerson]

Can you hit me from behind to that?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. As long as you get pepperoni pizza.

[Big J. Okerson]

As long. But it's got to be the little cups to catch the oil. So you have the oil cup.

[Robert Kelly]

We can drink from it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Like, Casey was cool, but again, this was a different time. This is. Even if you sing now, I feel as a black dude, you gotta throw some hardcore rap in there. A little bit, too. You gotta be a little bit of both. You can't just be pretty exclusively. Nobody was worried about Jodeci coming in and up the party, but you were worried about them coming in, singing their way right into your girl's fat cunt. And I'll tell you, but you definitely. Yeah, that's what you would be like. Damn, dude. These guys are. It's like, I'm not that kind. So to be white and pretend to find that level of black sultry, Dare I say it's. It's no good. It's too much if now I liked it. Yeah, you can't do. You can't fake it.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't. I don't fake it. I feel it.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, you're faking it.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel it.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, you're pretending you're a black person for a second.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not. I'm pretending.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, it was. It was offending me and black Lou. We watched you and you were pretending to be a black black man.

[Robert Kelly]

I was. I was pretending to have a very large dick.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, that's what I mean. You were doing. Yeah, you were pulling out. You were doing way back pull outs.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude. Actually, I way back pull out and then I pushed it all the way in.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're going to bend your dick and you're going to get Peron's disease. When you miss the hole one time, you're pulling out too far, man.

[Robert Kelly]

My would be like, I got it, I got it. Hang on. I got it, I got it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Did you ever catch the perfect rhythm with a chick where she's riding and you're like, she's. I tell you what, Talk about a fear of holding down thighs. When I feel her come ups are coming like right there.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

And you're like, she's not going to perfectly time.

[Robert Kelly]

There's nothing worse than when the girl has to keep putting it back in and. And going. It's okay, I got it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Does that happen to you?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Well, just keeps flopping out to keep.

[Big J. Okerson]

Putting it back in.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Where it keeps. She's on top and keeps popping out and she's like, I got it. And she has to keep reaching back.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, sometimes you got to be like, hey, where do you. Are you trying to hit the roof with your head? What's. Who needs to jump up this much?

[Robert Kelly]

Stop fucking me like the last guy you fucked.

[Big J. Okerson]

You know if you come up higher and slam down harder, it doesn't get it in there more. You're at the base.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It's as big as it gets.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not a. Jesus.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, our pubes are tangled up like Velcro. That's. Oh, that's all it's going in. Maybe if I come up way higher and come down with more velocity and then panicking that your dick's gonna get bent in half is one of the scariest things in the world. Why are you coming up so high? What are you trying to prove? Welcome to Nadia Yada Island.

[Ari Shafir]

Next on Nadia Yada Island.

[Big J. Okerson]

I knew I deserved so much more, so I left.

[Robert Kelly]

I finally switched to metro and got what I was looking for.

[Ari Shafir]

Get one line for only $25 a month with autopay. Just bring your phone to Metro and experience all the data you want on the largest 5G network. That's nada.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yada yada.

[Ari Shafir]

Only at Metro by T Mobile. First month is $30. Bring your number and ID offer. Not available if with T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days.

[Robert Kelly]

ABC Wednesdays Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Big J. Okerson]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

[Robert Kelly]

So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in.

[Lou]

The last time you walked out that.

[Big J. Okerson]

Door, you looked back at me and.

[Robert Kelly]

Gave me a double bird.

[Big J. Okerson]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[Robert Kelly]

The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each.

[Big J. Okerson]

Other like rational adults?

[Lou]

If you watch the news lately, that's.

[Robert Kelly]

Not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 87 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Big J. Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for Career Day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn you'll be able to reach people who do. Get a $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn the place to be. To be. Did you. Christine sent that list over that I was taking a gander at.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh yeah?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Well it says stay single until you find a man with these 35 green flags.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

So I, I went over just a little bit and I, I just wanted to see them fresh. So I haven't seen all of them mostly. So I was thinking maybe we could.

[Big J. Okerson]

Go through these and what they should they give you one of them right away. He is kind list. Okay, well it says he's kind to those who work in the service industry.

[Jacob]

And I think yesterday you asked me what a green flag is, which is.

[Robert Kelly]

Why this, it's an Irish gay guy.

[Big J. Okerson]

Green flags. That's what they call them, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, green flags.

[Big J. Okerson]

Isn't that what you get when you suck another guy's dick in soccer?

[Robert Kelly]

And that's a red flag.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh really? I didn't know they actually had a colored flag that goes for sucking guys cocks.

[Robert Kelly]

Number one. Jay.

[Big J. Okerson]

This is easy. He's an active listener. He doesn't just wait for his turn to speak or give you his opinion or to give you his opinion. Instead he gives you the floor, makes solid eye contact and asks follow up questions. He is sincerely interested in the things you have to say. I am not this.

[Robert Kelly]

I am not this. I am a red flag.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's a red flag for me.

[Robert Kelly]

Right? One red flag. Really? Do you make eye contact with your fucking girl while she's talking?

[Big J. Okerson]

I can't possibly.

[Robert Kelly]

Why would you?

[Big J. Okerson]

If it is, it's usually attached to the face like this. I've hit pause and I've done this. My head's sideways, my eyes are looking up at her from an angle and it's like, get through this.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I'm actually saying the Lord's prayer. God, grant me the serenity.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Accept the things I can change. It's hard to change things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.

[Big J. Okerson]

Right. And the thing is I'm not actually waiting to think about what I have to say. I just, I zone out what she's saying. I look at her, I say things like, I think if I punched Christine, she wouldn't get me arrested.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's the thing, if they change, they just added one word to this. I'd have a green flag. He fakes sincerely interested in things she has to say.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay.

[Jacob]

Fake it till you make it.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean fake it till you make it interesting.

[Robert Kelly]

So if we Fake it. I faked it.

[Jacob]

You can fake it.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, so you can fake it. So I'm a green flag. I faked it. I faked waiting for her to finish a lot.

[Jacob]

Jay. Sometimes I finish, and then Jay will just completely. He'll be like, oh, I think we should put in laundry tomorrow. And I'm like, what? I was just telling you about my friend that died.

[Big J. Okerson]

Do you think you don't do that? No, I know.

[Robert Kelly]

I do too, folks.

[Big J. Okerson]

We're seeing very important things. And she'll be like, what? I was just seeing if they have this thing. I want a bag that I want.

[Jacob]

I don't have that many bags, guys.

[Robert Kelly]

You have a lot of bags.

[Jacob]

It's like five.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a lot.

[Jacob]

I know.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's number two.

[Robert Kelly]

Number two, Jay.

[Jacob]

Oh, wait, so you guys are both green on this because you can fake it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you can fake it if we fake it. I faked it.

[Big J. Okerson]

I can't fake it.

[Robert Kelly]

I.

[Big J. Okerson]

My face gives it up.

[Jacob]

Yeah, your face does give it up.

[Robert Kelly]

I've waited. I waited her to finish for her opinion.

[Big J. Okerson]

You can sincerely. You can sincerely interest me, by the way.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

As a female. But I'm just saying, like, I. But I'm gonna have. If I'm not interested, I really may have, like, a. Like a blank, like, look through.

[Jacob]

You can almost see it on your face. You're just, like, dying for.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, you see it all the time. Number two, He's a solid communicator. He is open and honest. He tells you what he's feeling, what he isn't feeling, and generally just knows how to express himself in appropriate way. No, this would almost not be me, too. I'm open. Pretty open. I am. There's no way to say that I'm consistently honest. No way can we say I tell. I tell Christine what I'm feeling and not feeling. No. And I know how to express myself in an appropriate way. I do know how to, but it's a waste of time with Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

I actually would say. I would say yes. If you add is you now the way you. Can I yell when I say this?

[Big J. Okerson]

No, that's not going to be a good.

[Jacob]

Yelling is part of the green.

[Robert Kelly]

Then I would say no.

[Big J. Okerson]

Can I say. Can I say it at her? Almost passed out from me shaking her.

[Robert Kelly]

Shoulder grab if yelling what I feel in her face and is not. No, then I'm agreeing. I'm a red flag.

[Jacob]

Express himself in an appropriate.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, when I asked you to do this, you said you would. And you don't fucking do it every time we do now we're in the same situation. So, yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Red flag.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a red flag.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Me and Bobby are both red.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I'm expecting. I'm expressing my feelings.

[Jacob]

Glaring red flags.

[Robert Kelly]

But wait a minute.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's not appropriate what you're doing. Bobby, I'm with you.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm honestly expressing how I feel. You're an asshole that doesn't listen.

[Big J. Okerson]

Bobby, I've said that. I hope. I wish I could find a girl I can pay to beat the shit out of Christine when she walks out of the building. So listen, you're right. That is. I'm expressing how I feel, but that is not appropriate.

[Robert Kelly]

So red flag. Two red flags.

[Big J. Okerson]

Red flags. Number three.

[Robert Kelly]

Number three, Jay.

[Big J. Okerson]

He isn't afraid of embracing girly things. For example, he is not against fruity cocktails or showering on a regular basis. What? He's secure enough in his masculine flag. J. Above things that are usually associated with femininity. Big J.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's a big green for me.

[Robert Kelly]

We. I mean, I am a double green flag on that one.

[Jacob]

Green, green, green, green.

[Big J. Okerson]

Now, number four is a difficult one here. He doesn't always need to be right. But what do you do when you are always in our conversations with me and Christine. Yeah, I think she's been right. Never.

[Jacob]

That's probably why we haven't gotten anywhere in these conversations.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. She doesn't understand that she's wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

How does. So it goes. What does it say? He takes accountability for his mistakes. He owns up to it when he. He falls short and takes the necessary.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wait, where are you at? It says, in fact, he owns it when he screws up or is flat out wrong about something. He takes accountability for his mistakes. He owns up to it when he falls short. I actually do this. This is very me, actually. You disagree, Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Jacob]

I'd say, like, once you're caught.

[Robert Kelly]

Once you're caught lying. Once you're caught with the first three.

[Big J. Okerson]

But you're saying once you cut. No, no. About. If I'm wrong about a thing. If I forgot. No, I'm quick to apologize person and like that. For sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, she's right.

[Robert Kelly]

I would say I wore this because you're both. I definitely do that. I will definitely own when I. I.

[Big J. Okerson]

Don'T always need to be right. So it's definitely a green.

[Robert Kelly]

I definitely. I was agreeing for me too.

[Big J. Okerson]

Kind of those who work in the service industry also.

[Jacob]

Green, green, green, green, green.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's good with kids. Even if you both don't want children yourselves. Being kind to kids is a massive green flag. It shows he has empathy and patience.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, I'd stop you on there.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. Because you sent Max a present.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

And in the card you wrote two Max.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Make sure you go check out dad.

[Big J. Okerson]

This is between me and him. By the way. It's actually illegal what you did, opening up his mail.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't open my mail. I went into my room and he was going through my draws.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

Because you wrote him a letter. Make sure you go through your dad's side draw. Now, Jay, here's the thing. Thank God you didn't write go through Dawn's side draw because he would have pulled out three dildos. I would never.

[Big J. Okerson]

I would never.

[Robert Kelly]

That. We panicked. We ran in the room and we're like, what are you doing? What do you. Jay told me to go through the drawers. He didn't say. He. He just read draws in the bedroom. He was about to go to Dawn's draw.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, no.

[Robert Kelly]

And find vapes and dildos.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, no.

[Jacob]

He's gonna learn sometime.

[Big J. Okerson]

After you dildo, you're gonna have to vape. After dildo. Inevitably comes vape.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna tell him it's art.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah. This is a Warhol. So. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. Green screen. Both green. I mean, yes. Green. But you're. You're devilishly on the edge with other people's kids.

[Big J. Okerson]

He asked you for advice, and it actually takes it seriously. Yeah, green.

[Robert Kelly]

Absolutely green.

[Big J. Okerson]

Number eight. He's a good buffer person. How long is this list, by the way?

[Jacob]

35.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

All right.

[Robert Kelly]

25 have left.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's 30 something. Well, it's 30.

[Christine]

35.

[Big J. Okerson]

It says they should have. It says until you find a man with a 35. So it's all. But I'm saying, is it all 35?

[Robert Kelly]

You have to have all 30.

[Big J. Okerson]

Got you, got you. I was gonna say I thought it was like 35 out of, like, 50 things that we're gonna say.

[Robert Kelly]

What lunatic came up with this?

[Big J. Okerson]

Uncle 3 is a little bit quicker.

[Jacob]

She's probably single.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, for sure.

[Jacob]

She probably childless and single years ago.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay, cats. Number eight. Number eight. He's a good buffer person. This means that he can hold his own when you take him to family events or work parties or to meet your friends or happy hour. He's engaging those around him until isn't sincerely interested in other people. Red flag for me on this one, big time. I have my ex wife, Carla. Not that I would do bad Necessarily. But I'm just not that. Well. I went to, like, her work. People's, like, Christmas parties or something. Like, I was just. Again, I was like. I was walking to the house. Tell me where the people go to smoke, and then I will be outside there most of the night doing my own thing and talking to other people. Come outside and smoke. I'm not good at this at all.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm a green flag. I am a small talk king. I love small talk. Elevators, Buses, parties.

[Big J. Okerson]

We went to Schumer's party at Schumer's house. I mean, literally, me and David, Tell and Christine walked the perimeter of the building the whole time. We didn't go inside. We looked in all the windows.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I actually talked to everybody.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I like small talk.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay, so I knew everybody. Me and Bobby flip flop there.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep. Okay. There you go.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm so. I'm red on that one.

[Jacob]

Red and green.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

9. He has a solid group of friends he has been friends with for years.

[Robert Kelly]

Green.

[Big J. Okerson]

Green for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

10.

[Big J. Okerson]

10. He's the first person you want to share your good news with and your bad news and basically any news you have at all. Really? I am.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy. You're agreeing because you're the only person she can do it with.

[Jacob]

You're green. You just also have to say, like, you really can't tell anybody this.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

You know, you have to really prep, like, hey, I need you to, like, this is not for.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you're agreeing with a Muppet.

[Jacob]

Casual conversation.

[Robert Kelly]

You really don't shut your trap.

[Jacob]

What did Dave say on skate? Was like, oh, anybody that's near Jay's best friend? He's like, oh, yeah, this divorce has been really hard. Like a stranger.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it's fucking crazy. Oh, yeah, it's crazy. I remember you.

[Big J. Okerson]

My lawyer asked me not to mention, not to talk about the divorce very much at all. And then. And then Alex was on the phone with her mom, and she heard me saying it to them. She's like, jay, I just asked you 5 minutes ago not to talk to anybody. But I go, yeah, these are my friends on the skanks meeting. And they're like, jail. Tell everybody. And then a guy just walked by on the street of the meeting I was on. I was. I was. I go, hey, ex wife's trying to take me for a ride, man. She's really bending me over and showed my ass. He's like, sucks, dude. I'm like, I know, man. All right. After that guy, I promise that's not what I Tell anybody.

[Robert Kelly]

You and Bobby Lee. If you want people to know something, tell you a Bobby Lee. I remember when the bonfire, you told me, don't tell anybody.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then someone come up to me and say, congratulations on the bond.

[Big J. Okerson]

Rob Dukes brought it up this week.

[Robert Kelly]

I was like, I don't know what you're talking about now. Jay told me it's cool.

[Big J. Okerson]

Rob Dukes brought up this week that he. That he. He said he was so J. And you. He said after he. I had told him that that is happening, that he spoke to you and you to do the right thing. We're like, no, no, nothing. Like that's happening. And now he knows you lied to him. It's my fault.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You made me lie.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, I made you lie to your friend.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

So green. Green for me, it's about one to share my good news, good news with and bad news.

[Jacob]

We want to share our good and bad news with you first. As your girlfriend.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm not good for bad news.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not good. You know what? I'm a red. I don't tell Don any bad news.

[Jacob]

No, it's her coming.

[Big J. Okerson]

Does she want to tell you?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, she. I'm agreeing. Then, yeah, she can tell me.

[Jacob]

Because I'd say, like, if anything major that happens, like, you're my first phone call generally, unless it's like a family thing and I'm dealing with family before I get to you.

[Robert Kelly]

So we're both green.

[Big J. Okerson]

I have a hard time, though, with bad news on. It's like when I have to over. Empathize. Empathize for the person. Like, I worry I'm not doing enough. I don't know if I am good, but. Exactly. That's like, hey, a family member of mine who matters to me that you've never met dead. And I'm gonna be sad for a while now. I gotta have, like a. For how long? Because, like, I'm having a hard time finding the energy also to be sad for you. So I might read me. I think it's fair you could read me on that one.

[Jacob]

I think you're right on that one.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay, well, you're the call. So green it is.

[Robert Kelly]

Green, green. 1111.

[Big J. Okerson]

He genuinely wants to know your friends and family. He makes an effort to ask you how they're doing. He is friendly and engaging when he sees them and remembers the little things they've told him in the past. He truly cares about them. Because you do. Yes, to some degree. I genuinely don't know. I have to remind myself of Christine's Father's name a lot. I've met him once or twice, I think.

[Jacob]

Yeah, that's something. With, like, John. Us in a relationship. Where?

[Big J. Okerson]

John.

[Jacob]

3,000. Yeah. Where I'm 3,000 miles away from everybody. It's like, if we lived near my family, I'm sure you would know my dad and my uncle and stepmom much better than you.

[Robert Kelly]

You should know his name.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

John, question mark. No, I'm saying it right. His name's John.

[Robert Kelly]

You're a Red.

[Big J. Okerson]

I might be a Red on that one, yeah. Yeah. Well, also, I will say Christine's friends, for the most part, made horrific first impressions on me. A lot of them. A lot of them came in hot or pissy or shitty about me. Yeah, you're right.

[Jacob]

When you're a girl, your friends aren't, like, super stoked to meet the married man you're having an affair with. They're not like, oh, well, he's probably a great guy.

[Robert Kelly]

He's a good catch. He has all three.

[Jacob]

Dump him right now. What are you doing?

[Robert Kelly]

He's all 35. Red, green flags.

[Big J. Okerson]

So it took.

[Jacob]

It took a bit of time.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Well, I would go and be nice. Then they were shitty. And then none of these dips realize that I'll. I can be way shittier, like, if they're nasty to me.

[Jacob]

But you're also.

[Big J. Okerson]

I just poison them all against Christine. Now she hangs out with none of them. I went to all of her friends and I go, Christine talks so much about you guys. It's weird you're defending her like this. And then they don't talk to her anymore.

[Jacob]

I did lose my.

[Robert Kelly]

I would have to. I would have to say red.

[Big J. Okerson]

Except for Christine's friends that live out of state. I've gotten rid of all of her local ones.

[Robert Kelly]

Don hasn't made a friend in 14 years.

[Big J. Okerson]

Now I'm good. Christine's got a bunch of friends. He is number 12. He is passionate about something, anything. Art, movies, music, a nerdy hobby, human rights. Whatever it is, he pursues it with fervor. Come on.

[Robert Kelly]

Green screen. Green.

[Big J. Okerson]

He gets excited about the little things. Green. Green for sure. I get so excited tonight, get to watch my Sixers play. They're terrible, but I get excited.

[Robert Kelly]

14.

[Big J. Okerson]

14. He doesn't get weird about crying. He comforts you when you cry. He doesn't turn away or get uncomfortable. And he isn't afraid to cry himself.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm a green. I'm a sympathetic crier. You cry, I cry.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Don cries. I'm in tears. And I got her in my arms.

[Big J. Okerson]

I cry. I do a lot of my crying alone.

[Jacob]

It's me crying. It's you comforting me if I'm well.

[Big J. Okerson]

It says, I'm also not afraid to cry myself.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I cry.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm not afraid.

[Robert Kelly]

I cry. Take you from crying.

[Big J. Okerson]

And I said to myself, if I could stay funny, I could stay alive. There you go. Now you're getting it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm agreeing on that one. Atlanta city.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't like when a girl starts crying. I don't know. It's. That's.

[Jacob]

Look, it depends on the. It depends on the moment. If it's like a death and I'm crying, you're going to be very sweet. Yeah, but it's like a fight, and I'm crying. You're going to be like, get rid of those crocodile tears, you know?

[Robert Kelly]

Christ.

[Big J. Okerson]

I twist the knife. You start crying to my twisted knife, I go, don't play this game, man.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, if Don starts crying, she wins. I'm out. I'm bad.

[Jacob]

I know it makes him angry.

[Robert Kelly]

We went to therapy. Couple therapy. One time, she started crying immediately. He goes, how does it make you feel when he does that? And I was like, you. I'm bad. You're good. Let's go. Because I take.

[Big J. Okerson]

I take Christine's tears in my fingers, and I push them back into her eyes. When they're coming down, I go, get those back in there. Let's not waste those.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I'm so sad. And dawn doesn't cry that much, but when she cries, I'm out.

[Big J. Okerson]

I think Christine's wanting me to be more green flags than I am.

[Robert Kelly]

I cry more than Dawn.

[Christine]

I'm giving you a red for that.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm giving me a red for that. Okay.

[Jacob]

For crying.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm agreeing.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't want to cry in front of a chick.

[Christine]

Do what in the business called a radio reset, and say, we're going through the 35 green.

[Big J. Okerson]

We are going through the 35 green flags that a man should have if you're going to be with them. They say, stay single, stay single. Unless he has all of these so far, I'm out.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, this is not.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're not. You're not locking me down forever.

[Robert Kelly]

This is a high bar. This is a high.

[Big J. Okerson]

Listen. Number 15, he goes beyond the bare minimum. He puts in the work necessary to make a relationship flourish.

[Christine]

And the stink face she just gave. Radio could talk.

[Jacob]

You do get me a very nice gift.

[Big J. Okerson]

Can I tell you this?

[Robert Kelly]

Thank God it does. Thank God. You just did.

[Big J. Okerson]

Christine. Do you think you're Christine? Do you think you're a green flag on this for somebody else?

[Robert Kelly]

Do you believe that this is a weird thing that you're doing, going, this is about us, not about them.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, but she just made a face. I would say it goes beyond the bare minimum. Are you kidding?

[Jacob]

No, it's not that. Goes beyond the bare minimum.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sure.

[Jacob]

Putting in the work necessary to make a relationship flourish. I don't know.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's getting committed to an asylum. He is.

[Jacob]

You know, you wanted me to go. That's crazy. I got myself out.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, well, I was willing to pay beyond the bare minimum to get you there.

[Jacob]

I broke out.

[Robert Kelly]

Motherfucker. You're actually trying to. You were calling us going, how do I get her into this thing?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. She had to go.

[Robert Kelly]

In the long run, he did help you. Yeah.

[Jacob]

I'm not saying I shouldn't have gone. I'm just saying I was able to break myself.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no.

[Big J. Okerson]

There's no amount of work I could put in to make Christine flourish.

[Jacob]

I have flourished in our relationship. So have you. You're so. You're such an.

[Christine]

I'm gonna get.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's not numbers.

[Robert Kelly]

Since I've known you since that called the incident, you guys have 100% flourished together.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not flourishing, Jay. That's actually 6. Not flourishing.

[Big J. Okerson]

60. We don't have a lot of time for these.

[Jacob]

Wait, are we flourishing or not flourishing? Bobby, do you flourish?

[Robert Kelly]

I am a flourisher.

[Big J. Okerson]

I put in the work necessary to make a relationship. Give me a red flag. I don't care.

[Jacob]

You can have a green.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jacob. Red flag me on that one.

[Christine]

Very hard, the two of you.

[Jacob]

Great partner.

[Big J. Okerson]

But I also said I don't feel bad about that red flag because Christine is red flag all day on that.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say it's unfair too, because I don't have dawn here to make faces too. Do you understand? I'm just saying I'm green flag. I'm sure. I'm sure John would have. John would have the face like she can smell but doesn't know where it is too. On some of these.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ever in for it. We should call her one time on these. Let's get a couple more in. I'll tell you what. We'll stop the speed.

[Robert Kelly]

Do them.

[Big J. Okerson]

Huh?

[Christine]

Can I just do. Try and mimic Christine's face from that last one.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure, go ahead. Yeah.

[Christine]

That's hard. It's hard. I can't get my face to do it.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's fine. 16 oh, this is great. 16. He is consistent. He doesn't leave you guessing about what time he'll be home or what mood he'll be in on any given day or even a given moment. He is consistent and stable. And that's the difficult one.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Because what time I'll be home is pretty easy. I stay in pretty good touch for like that. So you're not worried about where I'm at, what mood I'll be in on any given day or given moment. Consistent and stable or. No, that's a red. That's a big old red.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm a red on that. I mean, the first.

[Big J. Okerson]

But again, we're going back and forth. Would you call Donna? This is a. Christine gone all the time. I mean, she's. Yeah, I mean, I would say so much a red flag here.

[Robert Kelly]

Don is in the pretty much the same mood most of the time.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

She's not a moody person, but me, yeah, I weigh. I'm fucking bipolar.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. So reds. That's reds for us.

[Robert Kelly]

This is an unfair question, though, because it's too. It's two things in one. I am constantly on time. She knows where I'm going to be. I tell her everything.

[Big J. Okerson]

But now I'm saying but. But it's asking for consistent. So you can't say I'm fully consistent when my mood.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big J. Okerson]

On any given day. Yeah, for sure. Like, I just get. I'll get in a complete. I'm like, I hate where I live. I hate this place. And it's like, I just come over. I'm just like, yeah, today's just gonna be a. I don't want to talk and.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sit around.

[Robert Kelly]

So it reds on the 16.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sure. 17. He is in therapy.

[Christine]

Let me write that one down already.

[Big J. Okerson]

Or at least open to and about mental health care. Yeah, I'm. I'm open about and to it.

[Robert Kelly]

I do it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I go to meetings. I go to therapy.

[Big J. Okerson]

But this says he's in therapy, which I am not.

[Robert Kelly]

So you're red. I'm a green.

[Christine]

Red flagging you.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's fine.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

He makes you feel 18.

[Robert Kelly]

You would go to therapy, huh? You go to therapy.

[Big J. Okerson]

I've gone to therapy.

[Robert Kelly]

But would you go to therapy?

[Big J. Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Big J. Okerson]

Time. It's. I seem stupid to me. I get that it works for people.

[Christine]

Well, you had a lousy therapist. From what you said.

[Robert Kelly]

She just rolled her eyes again.

[Big J. Okerson]

Please.

[Robert Kelly]

That's so not therapeutical of you.

[Jacob]

I just don't know how therapy. I think therapy would be good for you. You have so much going on.

[Robert Kelly]

All I think. I think therapy would be fantastic for you.

[Big J. Okerson]

You know, this is how Dan lost his job, pushing therapy on you.

[Robert Kelly]

But what I'm saying is this. There's some people that don't need it. Yeah, right.

[Big J. Okerson]

18, two minutes, you say Lou. All right, let's get a couple more of these in. He makes you feel good about yourself. You feel beautiful around him. In fact, he's your biggest hype man. He's always talking you up and letting you know how attractive and wonderful he finds you. This is a big old red flag for me.

[Robert Kelly]

We know. We listen to the show.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if Christine made me feel better about myself, I would probably do that more.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay has a mirror.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, I know. Christine surrounds me with them. She knows I hate them. She wants to watch me scream.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm a green flag on that. I am a big supporter of Dawn. I always let her know how pretty and beautifully I find her. I do.

[Big J. Okerson]

All you talk about is her dead.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. That is a new.

[Big J. Okerson]

And we call her. You call her sag ass and all this stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

I said no. I love her little Filipino shovel ass.

[Big J. Okerson]

Right? Shovel ass.

[Robert Kelly]

That's my thing.

[Big J. Okerson]

Right?

[Robert Kelly]

I love that.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sure it is.

[Robert Kelly]

I love that about her.

[Big J. Okerson]

Bobby, I'm not arguing with you. Green flag for you.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, Green flag.

[Big J. Okerson]

I give it to you.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, great.

[Big J. Okerson]

Red for Me and Christine do not make each other feel good about ourselves.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay? So red on you, green on me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, last one.

[Big J. Okerson]

19. Now let's do two more.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, good.

[Big J. Okerson]

19. He reads. Bonus points if some of his books were by women. Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

Bingo. Red.

[Big J. Okerson]

Big red.

[Robert Kelly]

If you. If that's agreeing on you, you're gay.

[Big J. Okerson]

20. He respects your boundaries. He also has his own boundaries, too. I have minimal boundaries, and I do not respect. Affect Christine's boundaries.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm with you. I'm. That's a. That's a big red.

[Big J. Okerson]

I was jumping. I can jump through these quick. 21. He doesn't talk about his exes. Yes, I do. I don't know non stop.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know my exes. I think some of them are dead.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's able to laugh at himself. Number 22.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. I. I don't talk about my exes. It's been so long. It's been 30 years.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay, let's stop at 21. We'll go through the rest of these tomorrow.

[Robert Kelly]

All right?

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna keep the tally. He's going.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I don't Even I don't even know an ex.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jacob, do you have the real tally? Because Christine's throwing. Yeah, I just want to make sure.

[Jacob]

If you're doing a tally, why are you doing a tally?

[Big J. Okerson]

Because no one trusts your answers.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I didn't know you were doing another red flag.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's cross checking you because you don't understand things. I'm not going to build you up now until you know how to do things without Jacob.

[Jacob]

Let's see if we match.

[Christine]

What do you bet we don't?

[Big J. Okerson]

We probably don't because you keep getting.

[Christine]

Some confusion by it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, well. We're gonna pick this back up tomorrow, everybody. Make sure you check out Robert Kelly. Punchup Live Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Big J. Okerson]

Punch up. Live bigjokerson. Go to our YouTube pages, Robert Kelly comedy Big J Okerson. And buy tickets for our shows, everyone. I'm in Miami this weekend with Fenoy and Butterly. Bobby's got the comedy club of Kansas City coming up, the 23rd to the 25th. And our friend Ari. Let's not forget Ari Shafir's brand new special, America Sweetheart, streaming today right now on what?

[Robert Kelly]

On Netflix?

[Big J. Okerson]

Netflix? Ari's a genius. He's hilarious. What did I say? A genius? I didn't mean that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep, he's not a genius.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ari's fucking hilarious. So go watch America's Sweetheart now streaming right now on Netflix, everybody. It's absolutely hilarious. We'll catch you guys tomorrow.

[Ari Shafir]

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