Saved By Paul Virzi

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: “Saved By Paul Virzi”

Date: May 14, 2026
Guest: Paul Virzi

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire reunites hosts Bobby Kelly and friends following a disastrous previous show featuring Rich Voss. The mood is lightened by special guest Paul Virzi, as the crew unpacks the chaos of “yesterday’s” episode and revels in its repair. Topics include behind-the-scenes comedy dynamics, disastrous radio moments, parenting strategies, and riffs on sports, family, and the business of standup. The conversation is hilariously candid, mixing vulnerability and veteran comedy banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Aftermath of a Radio Disaster

• (01:05) Bobby Kelly sets the stage, referencing the tense and dysfunctional prior episode with Rich Voss.
• Apologies are made all around—to the crew and the fans of The Bonfire—for how off-the-rails the previous day’s show became.

“Yesterday, dude, was so... First of all, I want to say sorry to everybody in the room. I apologize. And I want to say sorry to the fans of the Bonfire, the loyal listeners.” — Bobby Kelly (06:30)

• Paul and Ellen recount the surreal vibe Rich brought: distracted, off-mic conversations, ignoring radio etiquette, fumbling with headphones, burping, and even fielding phone calls.

“He did everything you’re not supposed to do on radio. Sip, fart, burp, chew, answer a phone... showing pictures of his grandkids.” — Bobby Kelly (06:44)

• The crew analogizes it to watching a sports legend outstay their prime, evoking sympathy and awkwardness.

“It made me really sad. It was like when your favorite sports player isn’t young anymore and the fastball’s not there...” — Lou Diamond Phillips (13:10)

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2. Comedy Club Woes & The Voss Effect

• Bobby describes inviting Voss to his stand-up show at the Cellar, only for Voss to disrupt a bit by inserting himself on stage and subsequently bombing to the confusion of the audience.

“He stands in the back and stares at me like a fucking assassin... goes up and just bombs. He looks down at the guys’ French fries... ‘You have French fries in India?’” — Bobby Kelly (16:58)

• The audience, not realizing it was veteran comic Voss, heckled him, prompting Bobby to break character and clarify.

“That’s how bad he was doing. He hypnotized people to not know who he was.” — Bobby Kelly (19:37)

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3. Navigating Difficult Topics & On-Air Tension

• The hosts discuss Voss’s insistence on veering into political territory (Israel and Iran) despite attempts to keep things light and comedic.

“You know the only way you can focus him is if you say Israel, Iran, Palestine. What?... that’s not really what this show is.” — Paul Virzi (21:07)

• They reinforce the mission of the show to remain a fun, escapist comedic space, not a forum for heavy world issues.
• The sustained trauma from the episode leads to riffs on needing therapy, “Bobby Watch” among the crew, and managing post-show debriefs.

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4. Sports Talk: Knicks–Celtics Banter & Parenting Sidelines

• Banter about the Knicks, Celtics, and regional fandom, blending sports chatter with playful jabs at guests and co-hosts’ allegiances.
• Bobby seeks authentic-sounding things to shout at his kid’s lacrosse games. Paul and Lou coach him through terms like “Good save!” “Stick with it!” “Ball down!” and “Clear!”

“I don’t know what to say at the game... I need some good stuff.” — Bobby Kelly (39:03)

“Just watch him do something good… even if you don’t, just go: Nice stop. Good save.” — Paul Virzi & Ellen Weatherby (39:42)

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5. Parenting Strategies: The “Code Word” System

• Bobby discusses implementing a family emergency “code word” for his 12-year-old son, inspired by a neighbor, designed to get him out of iffy situations with no questions asked.
• Hilarious blowback ensues when the code word is used immediately—due to a minor misunderstanding at school.

“We get the code word, I get the code word. I panic... It was nothing. Some kid yelled out ‘retard’. The teacher thought it was Max and he ran and used the code word.” — Bobby Kelly (45:34)

• Paul and Ellen debate the pros and cons of giving such tools to a pre-teen, joking about “crying wolf.”

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6. Family Dynamics and Dad Stories

• Paul paints a vivid picture of his “stereotypical” Italian dad—gaudy, jewelry-loving, living in Florida, with “portraits of Trump” on the walls.

“He’s from the Bronx and he’s in Florida... he acts like it’s a surprise. I’m like, what did you think was gonna happen down there?” — Paul Virzi (49:50)

• The contrasts between stepdad and birth dad, ethics, hustles, and colorful advice (“You just gotta marry a rich broad!”) draw big laughs and some poignant moments.

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7. The Fantasy of Comedian-Owned Businesses

• Bobby and Paul riff on dream scenarios—opening a restaurant using each wife’s best recipes, with the comedians funding and the wives running the business, daydreaming about sideline income and less road work.
• The plan quickly unravels with Christine’s reality-check intervention on how hard (and risky) restaurant life actually is.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Voss’s radio presence:
  “He was having side conversations, off mic, like he would lean over to her and whisper, ‘Hey, where did you park?’” — Bobby Kelly (07:29)

• On Voss’s stand-up disruption:
  “He goes, ‘I can do that.’ I went, ‘What?’ He goes, ‘I think I could do what you do.’ So I go, ‘Come on up!’… and he just bombs. I mean, bombs.” — Bobby Kelly (16:58)

• On awkward ‘dad advice’:
  “You wanna make it in this world? You gotta marry a rich broad… Not sit down and work hard, boys. Find an heiress.” — Paul Virzi imitating his dad (51:41)

• On the sports star past his prime analogy:
  “It’s like when Patrick Ewing was in a Seattle Supersonics jersey… You’re like, ‘Oh, it’s over.’” — Ellen Weatherby (13:24)

• On bad parenting phrases:
  “I just go, ‘Dance good.’ What is this, Footloose Two?” — Paul Virzi (40:31)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Start of Show: Debrief from the Disaster with Voss (01:05–14:00)
• Comedy Club Voss Bombing Story (15:26–19:37)
• Attempts to Steer Topics Away from Politics/Israel (20:17–22:02)
• Therapy for Podcast Trauma & Crew Phone Chains (25:21–27:59)
• Getting Advice for Yelling at Kids’ Games (39:03–44:41)
• The Family “Code Word” Parenting Story (44:22–47:44)
• Paul’s Dad, Florida, and “Marry Rich” Advice (48:05–51:56)
• Dreaming Up a Comedian’s Restaurant (53:51–54:51)

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Episode Tone & Style

Blisteringly honest, often self-deprecating, the episode is full of affectionate roasting, New York directness, and comic insight into both the business and the messiness of life and stand-up. The mood is “back to normal” after a famously bad show, with gratefulness for friends and laughter at the absurdity of their world.

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Summary

If you missed this episode: It’s a cathartic, hilarious group therapy session for professional comedians—unpacking how a legendary bad show happens, how friendships survive comedy disasters, and how family life collides with the chaos of showbiz. Whether discussing sports fandom, awkward parenting, or what it looks like when an old pro can’t keep up, the honesty and chemistry make for a deeply entertaining listen.

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Guest Plugs

Paul Virzi:
Penfield Pavilion, Fairfield, CT — May 8
Zanies, Rosemont — May 29–30
See all tour dates at PaulVerzi.com

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Transcript

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[Doug]

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[Christine]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Doug]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.

[Christine]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Ellen Weatherby]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

This show is already. The energy in the room is better. The vibe is better. People are laughing. I feel like we all went through something yesterday. I mean, buddy, we were talking on the phone to each other, like an incident happened. It was nuts yesterday. Yeah, we made it through, though, I guess. Man, I had a. I had a call. Five people today. It was nuts. We were all vossed yesterday. God, it's so, so much better in here today. Everybody's happy. The energy's vibing. I mean, Paco's a little miserable. I don't know. It's raining. He rides a bike. You know, I got a great guest in today. I'm very happy. Thank God. Thank God. That's right. He's a true New Yorker. Yeah. Mr. Paul Versey. Yes, sir is in the house.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I mean, I would have liked the other Knicks song.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, come on, get into it. I'm a Celtics fan. I'm not playing the cool.

[Ellen Weatherby]

This is when they were wearing Chuck Taylor's playing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Paul Versi, my man.

[Ellen Weatherby]

What's up, dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

My podcast brother from bone to pick,

[Ellen Weatherby]

dude, I knew something happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did you know something?

[Ellen Weatherby]

That's when I walked in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you go outside and see the crows flying? No.

[Ellen Weatherby]

When I walked in here, everyone's like, you feel good today? You're having a good day? Everything good? You ready? You ready? I'm like, yeah. What happened? Of course I'm ready. You good, Paul? Everything good? You need anything? And he was like, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

God. First of all, congratulations on the Knicks.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stomping dude of the Sixers. Dude, I don't mind her.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Who's your team? Sixers.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, she doesn't have a team.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

She has.

[Paul Verzi]

It was Lakers, but, yes, I was

[Ellen Weatherby]

going to say you're a California girl.

[Paul Verzi]

It was Shaq, Kobe, Lakers.

[Bobby Kelly]

She has no team. She has to have a team because she lives with a Philly boy.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So she's a Sixers fan, which I. I look it. I respect that look.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You go for your man. I get it. You follow your man's thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get it. You fall right out of the playoffs. The Knicks stomping.

[Ellen Weatherby]

We do look good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Boy, I'll tell you, I don't like that Christine's pretending to be mad, like she cares about basketball at all. You care about basketball as much as I do.

[Paul Verzi]

I mean, probably a little more than that. I know that I could name players.

[Bobby Kelly]

That hurts.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. The Knicks. Knicks killed them. They're going to sweep them by.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Looking good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I hope.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I hope we're looking good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Looking real good. I'm not going to.

[Ellen Weatherby]

There it is. That's the song.

[Bobby Kelly]

It. What?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is a good song.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, that other song was my grandfather's jam.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the one. Jacob. That was for Jacob.

[Christine]

That was the 80s.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. The Celtics song stinks.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I count it. What is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God, it's. I don't know. It's some. The White Celtics. I think there's a banjo involved. Some long, long bass. One of those. What's the Celtic song? When we play it once, it was just so fun. Corny. I thought they would have updated it. I mean, we did win a couple championships.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You should update it, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Make it exciting.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. It blows. Because it's Boston. They're not into. We're not into mascots. We're not into themes songs. You know, I mean, when they're into insults. No, we're actually. We're in a championships. Is that okay? All right. Well, there you go.

[Ellen Weatherby]

All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't fight that.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You know, it sucks. Is when you can't argue because the last time. The next one was 73. So after you say that, I just look at my coffee, like, yeah, you got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is this it? Is that it? No, that's just official.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not even an Irish song.

[Ellen Weatherby]

This is cool. Like, but this is actually.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love this band, but I don't. I used to come up to them in Boston. This was my jam. I would come up. I'D play the song at the Wilbur, come out to this. And I'd wait. I would wait. I'd let this go.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah. Can I say something?

[Bobby Kelly]

And I let the crowd start to go, and then I'd walk out right around.

[Ellen Weatherby]

There's something about this, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Sounds a little racist, doesn't it? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's why I was in Boston. Got all these racists riled up before I came out and did comedy. But I stopped playing it, though, because I was doing my show at the Wilbur one night, and it was half sold, and. And I'm. I'm standing out front smoking a cigar, and all these people are walking by, and they're going, hey, Bobby. Hey, Bobby Bobo. And I'm like, where the fuck are you guys going? They're going, oh, Conan's playing next door.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

And this band, the actual band, was opening for him. Oh.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

I literally went in. I go, that. Get him off. I took it off. I was like, them.

[Ellen Weatherby]

The actual bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Could you imagine? I'm coming out to them in a half. Sold Wilbur to the song, and they're next door playing live for Conan. Oh, God.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I just got killed in Detroit. I lost to Jeff Dunn. Jeff Dunham was at the spot next door. And I was like, dude, I could understand, you know, losing to a comic but not a puppet. To a wooden buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was in Albany once. Half sold. I lost to the flower festival during the day. The guy was like, yeah, sometimes get. People get tired, do it. The flower festivals in town. I'm like, what? Oh, God, the excuses they give us. Yeah. Yesterday, dude, was so. I had. We had.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, I want to say sorry to everybody in the room. I apologize. And I want to say sorry to the. To the fans of the bonfire, The. The loyal listeners. I want to say sorry to Jim.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Was this a eulogy?

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to say sorry to Opie and Anthony. I want to say sorry to Jim and Sam. Opie and Jim, Sam and the boys. I want to say sorry to everybody because I don't know what happened yesterday. Dude, I love Voss. He's one of my best friends. He came in yesterday and did everything you're not supposed to do on radio. Sip, fart, burp, chew, answer a phone, dude. At one point, I looked down. He's. He's answering the phone, and then Ellen. Ellen Kerrigan came in, and she. He starts showing. He goes, I got grandkids. You want to see some pictures? Gets his phone and starts showing her pictures of his grandkids in the phone. And Then he was having side conversations. Did you see this? Side conversations. I did, but off mic, like, he would lean over to her and just whisper, hey, where did you park?

[Paul Verzi]

What?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Can I say something? Yeah, I'm gonna say something. Oh, no, it's your fault.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no.

[Ellen Weatherby]

It wasn't your pick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me.

[Ellen Weatherby]

It wasn't your pick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Was it your pick?

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Ellen Weatherby]

How long you known him? You known him, what, 35 fucking years? How long you known him for? Fucking four decades.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Ellen Weatherby]

What'd you think he was gonna do? Did you think he was gonna be a perfect fucking citizen and just a golfing Bobby? That's. He's. He's telling people. He's showing. I love Rich. But you know what you're getting, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

But can I just say something? I. Yes, you're right. And everybody in this room is going, yep. I think, Christine, when I said Voss, you said, who? What? No, but the thing is, I think that Voss. I looked over yet he got hearing aids. He. We got DJ Lou, who's probably one of the best in the business, during the show. He's. Listen, what he's playing right now because I'm talking about my friend. He just. He is a. He's like a voice. He's. He's doing sound design during the show live.

[Ellen Weatherby]

It's a pro.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not even a pro. It's magic. He's a magician, and he doesn't hear any of it. Do you know why he didn't hear any of it? He wasn't wearing his headphones. He's been doing radio for 47 years. He's been doing radio when people had just radios.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he still doesn't get. At one point, he went, I'm not interested. I went, what?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Crazy. And then it won. Didn't he say something? There's so many things didn't he say. What else did he do, Christine? He did something disparaging, maybe his.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Like it was a medical. It sounds like. It sounds so nuts. That was. He, like, low blood sugar.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's just time we. We got to put him out to pasture. You know what I mean? I think there's a spot in every comic's life where you just got to go. Go.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Just walk him out to the streets.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just go.

[Christine]

I think I can hear you a little too clearly. Could you constantly touch the mic?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, my God.

[Christine]

That's for the entire show. Rest of the show, Paul.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is what he was. The mic was there. Didn't have to mode. He kept doing this.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, God. Was he was. All jokes aside, was he with you or.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, dude, I don't. No, he wouldn't with me. I think that he's just not there anymore.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, boy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you know, I don't, I don't think that his, his, his. I don't think he, he can.

[Paul Verzi]

If.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think if we did the show at 11:30 in the morning, he would have been better. You know what I mean? Like, if he got up, had his coffee and did the show. I think five is too late for him. I think six is definitely like, hey man, I gotta get my CPAP machine and get ready for bed, you know? Yeah, I don't. Dude, I can't. I can't believe it. I mean, it was, I was. And I'm telling him, hey, dude, stop touching the microphone. He didn't. And he couldn't hear it because he didn't have his headphones on. It's like, you've been doing radio longer than me. You've been doing radio. And look at Voss is killer on the radio. He's had some epic bits on the radio. He's great on the radio. But to sit in that chair, to be a co host, right? You kind of gotta be. Be with.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You gotta be there.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta be there.

[Paul Verzi]

It was, it was just distracted and it seemed like we couldn't wrangle it. I was, I was like, I must be a horrible producer. Like, it was questioning, like everybody, we were like, what ha. Yeah, what happens?

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it was, There was so many. Like, usually there's one with Voss, there's one or two things. He doesn't have his headphones on or like he'll, you know, maybe chew, chew a little bit into the microphone, buddy. He got a Diet Coke and was just chugging it on them and then burping and then burping into the microphone and then chewing his gum.

[Ellen Weatherby]

At what point was there a break

[Bobby Kelly]

where you were like five seconds in? No, there's no break. There was a break.

[Ellen Weatherby]

But, oh, like I'm saying, like at the break, were you like, hey, Rich, are you good, dude?

[Christine]

You said it on the air.

[Paul Verzi]

Yeah, the whole show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Five minutes in, I'm like, are you a. Like, what's wrong with you? Like, I kept going, stop. It was like I was, dude, Max is what better behaved at 12 than this 69 year old man? 40 years in the business.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, you should have Max come in.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, let's not get. I mean, I know he's not going to touch the microphone, not going to chew, fart, burp. His stomach was doing weird.

[Ellen Weatherby]

What do you mean, fart? Like, you heard him fart, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

He leaned over and not. He tr. He. He leaned over. Are you farting? Goes, no. And then we're talking. And he kept. In the middle of the conversation, he kept. As I'm. We're kind of trying to go back and forth as you do on a radio show. Like, I'm talking now, and then you'll talk. Yeah, and then I'll talk and then you'll talk. And then Jacob might talk, and then Christine, and then I'll. That's the way a radio show goes. Yeah. Because there's people listening live, Right? So I want you to just start talking. Start telling me a story.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, dude, you saw that next game? No. Oh, God, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. It's like, what the fuck? Yeah, I think he's got. I think we gotta. We're gonna take old Yellow out to the tree in the backyard and put him away. What's up, Lou?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

You know, I'm a big OA fan. I've been watching ONA for years and years and years.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

This reminded me. It made me really sad. It was like when your favorite sports. It's like when your favorite sports player isn't young anymore and they're. That fastball's not there and crossover's gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah. It's like. It's like, dude, it's like when Patrick Ewing was in a Seattle Supersonics. Jers. Yeah.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

You're like, oh, it's over.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, yeah.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

You know what I mean?

[Ellen Weatherby]

That's funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is exactly, buddy. I. I was mad, but I was sad.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is the exact feeling. I felt like I was, like, looking over at him, like, like, sad. Like, I was just like. Then he came down. He was. He comes down to the Cellar last night. I told him I go, come. I'm doing My Pussycat every. Every Tuesday night. Kept him out every Tuesday night by at 7, 7, 8. I do my show at the Pussycat. You guys are more than welcome to come now. I got to get a discount. Code for Bonfire fans, by the way.

[Christine]

What a good friend you are. Calm down. Let's continue the bar.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's continue the bar. You're showing signs of dementia. Why don't you come down to my show, buddy?

[Paul Verzi]

You must have already asked him before the show and he didn't want to take it back.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, Christine, Christine, you're right.

[Bobby Kelly]

I asked him. I asked him before the show. But here's the thing, guys. Here's the thing. Maybe radio as your attention. His attention span was wild. Yeah, dude. At one point, I looked over at him. I asked him a question. He was looking down.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, boy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just like, looking. Yeah. I don't know, dude.

[Paul Verzi]

He's texting.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I will. Dude. If he had fell as fallen asleep yesterday, I would have been happy with that. I would have been. We would have done the whole show like this. So, Eleanor, anyways, you're from Philly. That's interesting, buddy. It was crazy. So then I asked him down, and then at the end of the show, he goes, that was a great show. I was like, are you talking to me? Who are you talking to? Right? And then he. I. So he. I said, come down. He goes, I don't know if I'm gonna make it. I was like, okay, I'm. I don't need you. Like, you know what I mean? Don't get mad at me. So. So I'm in the middle. I'm doing my show. There's five minutes left of the show. I'm doing in the middle of a bit. I have a bit about saving the girl. It's like a new bit that I'm trying to.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I'm trying to work out. I'm in the middle of it. And the crowd is great. They're from all over the world. It's like Indian and Australian and Brazilian and, you know, Nicaragua. There's a lot of. When you go to the Cellar now, there's. The world's there, plus there's fans. You know, you look over, there's a side splitter.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You know, we got Mandani now. I get it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, come on now. You always have the guinea come out, and you. This city doesn't affect you at all. You live in South.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I wasn't gonna say it till you said whatever the last one was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, you're in South Salem. I was in your city on Sunday at Max's lacross. You got nothing to worry about.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, I know,

[Bobby Kelly]

dude. I felt Puerto Rican in that town. So. So he. I invited him. I'm in the middle of my bit, and I'm. Look, I'm not bragging. It was going good, and I was. I was happy. The crowd was great. I was just having a good time with this crowd. They were laughing at everything. I'm in the middle of the bit, and. And all of a sudden, I see him walk in at the beat, like, at the beginning of the video. Walked in and just stood in the back, but was staring at me like Look, I've had Jay on the show. Jay comes in, he'll sit down in the back and just wait, you know? Wait, you know what I mean? Like, wait till he gets called up, you know? That's what most comics do. They'll go hang out in a certain spot upstairs in the little VIP or somewhere and wait. He stands in the back and stares at me like a fucking assassin. And he's wearing all white and he's just. And I could feel him. Yeah, just staring at.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Just see the silhouette with the fedora. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I'm so in the middle of my bed, literally, I. I get a laugh and I'm going on to the next part of the bit. He goes, I can do that. I went, I was like, what? What? He goes, I can do what you're doing. I could. I think I could do that. So now I'm in the bed. You know what I mean? Here's either. I go, rich Voss, ladies and gentlemen. So I go, oh, you can, sir. I just pretend like that some audience member, because that's what he wants. So I'm like, oh, you can. You think you can come on the fuck up here and do what I do, right? He goes, yeah, I think I can. So I go, come on up. So he comes up and I'm just standing off to the left, and he goes into his bit and he's. He's just bombs. What, buddy? He. He goes to the. He looks down at the guy's French fries, these two Indian guys, and the friend, he goes, you have French fries in India? And they go, yeah, we do. Like, yeah, yeah, dude, it's not fucking the cootie pie. It's a. It's a. It's a dish, right? And then he goes, how do you like the pipes with the water? And go, does that does impress you or something like that? And nobody. And I'm like, oh. As a comic, I'm like, thank you, God. Like, this is happening right now. Like, I'm like. And I'm looking around to make sure the lights are on. The video is everything. I'm like, please, Jesus Christ, let this happen. And then. And then he starts going into other bits. But, you know, like, this happened in Chicago. We did a big Creeps of kids show in Chicago, and he would host. And he goes up and seven minutes into a set, a couple walks out screaming. And then she yells out, you're a racist. You know? And we were like, what the hell? What the hell? I went back and listened to his first seven minutes Voss is a racist. Like every joke was just terrible. You know what I mean? If you don't like racist jokes. So last night it's like, dude, if you do a racist joke, the key to doing a racist joke, it has people have to laugh. If they don't laugh, you're a racist. You know what I mean? So. So I'm just on stage at one point. There's a guy to the left with a side splitter shirt. He's a fan of mine. I. You know what I mean? He's been to multiple shows. He knows who Voss is. Voss is doing so bad, he goes, get this fucking guy off the stage.

[Ellen Weatherby]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

He didn't. He didn't know it was Voss.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

He thought it was just some guy from the audience bombing. And then I had to go, I had a break. Characters listen, guys, because people getting mad. I go, guys, this is a 40 year vet, he's a professional comedian. And I turn to the guy go, that's Rich Voss. He goes, oh, yeah, it is. Sorry. That's how bad he was doing. He hypnotized people to not know who he was.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Ellen Weatherby]

And you invited Rich to that, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, I did. I did.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You invited Rich. You know, so. So you invited Rich to the radio and then after the radio incident, you invited him to that.

[Bobby Kelly]

As his tattoo says, never again. Never again.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, and you guys go out and eat after that together.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll eat with the guy, but I'm not fucking my God, dude. And I mean, he is trying to chisel Israel in every. Dude. He's trying to chisel the Israeli war shit. And I'm looking over Christina, she's literally giving me. No, she's waving your hands like, don't go there, like, warning me. Don't. You know, it's like, dude, because he

[Paul Verzi]

kept saying, he kept saying that his daughter's school is really liberal. His daughter. So he's not saying it, but he's like going. And I'm like, pivot.

[Christine]

And then Jacob like a damn about to burst.

[Paul Verzi]

Jacob in at one point, he's like, the Iran war.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I'm like, what are you doing?

[Ellen Weatherby]

I only you don't mention the Iran.

[Paul Verzi]

He's like, I was trying to get into the preppers.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm like, I still, dude, I was

[Christine]

like, I wasn't trying to trigger. I was trying to get him to focus on something. So I tried to lean into preppers.

[Ellen Weatherby]

That's funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was like the end of an. An action movie just goes into slow motion.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No. Oh, dude, I Know when you try to get somebody off, but then you realize that topic ain't good either? Right. Like, you tried to win nowhere. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know the only way you can focus him if you say Israel, Iran, Palestine. What? I mean, I mean, it was like,

[Paul Verzi]

that's not really what this show is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, we're just trying to be a silly and have fun for an hour. Yeah, dude, I don't want to talk about. He was trying to bring up his daughter stuff, and I was like, dude, I don't want. I can't. I can't. I don't know anything about it. I don't. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't want people to die. Can we move on? I don't want. I. I don't want to get into the. The horseshit of it.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah. People ask you, what's your opinion on the war? And you're just going like, I. I don't know, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just go, war is bad.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Let's just have people be safe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, war's bad.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

We don't like this one last night.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that?

[Christine]

We went through one last night.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did.

[Paul Verzi]

I said, I feel shell shocked.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I know.

[Christine]

How.

[Paul Verzi]

I was, like, going through, like, PTSD last night. I was like, what happened in there?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Like,

[Bobby Kelly]

it was.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I got a phone call. I got a phone call from Bobby, and he goes, you ready for a great show today? It's gonna be good, right? I was like, yeah, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's happening?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, dude, I'm just doing radio.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You're freaking me out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing. We went last week. Last week. Listen, I've been having so much fun on the show. Last week. We had Lou Diamond Phillips. We had Youngblood, we had RZA from the Wu Tang. We had such epic shows Monday, we had Colin Quinn. And then we went to Voss. Flying high, buddy. That's what you get for flying too high. I was flying too high.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I was feeling.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was feeling great.

[Christine]

You tried to touch the sun, Bobby.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah,

[Bobby Kelly]

and I got burnt, dude.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You clicked on autopilot. You sat back. Hey, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had Jim. The boss was like, hey, yesterday's show was great. Yesterday. That was a really great show with Colin Quinn. I came in too high, dude. I was like, this is gonna be good, too. No, it's not. Oh, hey. Hey. How you doing?

[Christine]

Youngblood and RZA wanted to, like, just hang out with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, dude, they came in. They were, dude, how great is the rza, dude? But we go. We didn't Get Wu Tang, rza. We got Hollywood rza, which was even better. Yeah, yeah. Because he was in promotion mode.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So he was like, hey, guy. You know, he was a little. Not. Not that w. You know what I mean?

[Ellen Weatherby]

I don't think he was. Hey, hey guys. Hey, hey guys from the slums. Just Shaolin.

[Paul Verzi]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but he was in. He was in like I.

[Ellen Weatherby]

His voice is iconic in it.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I thought he was going to come in, be like, yo, what's up boys? How you doing?

[Ellen Weatherby]

I mean, what.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Have you ever seen him act or.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, have you ever seen him?

[Paul Verzi]

He plays like. Plays piano beautifully. I mean, the man's like.

[Bobby Kelly]

He is a beautiful man.

[Ellen Weatherby]

That's. Yeah, he's really talented too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that bugs me. The piano thing bugs me that he could play piano. No, Anybody that plays piano and does other things too. Yeah, it's like, I'm not, I'm not. I'm not good, you know.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Drums, you play drums, you're not good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Drums are drums. Anybody can play drums. Yeah, piano. When somebody sits down on the piano, I'm like, they're like, like extra better person. You know what I mean? Like, I went over Gnomes house, not to mention his name, but I can because Jay's not here. I went over Gnomes house and his fucking 12 year old kid just jumped on the piano, started playing Beethoven. I was like, fuck. I looked over at Max and Max was just drooling like, that's interesting.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

It fucking bothers me.

[Ellen Weatherby]

He's holding a lacrosse stick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. How does his fingers move so fast?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, we had.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, last week was so great, dude. I remember I went home last week, I was like, dude, what a great week. Because we were asking. We literally was like, hey, we need to get some guests. It happened like that. We had three of the epic guests. I was like, oh my God. And then Monday, Colin Quinn. I mean, Jesus, it was so good. And then it really. We just. One of the tires, all four tires fell off the bonfire truck. And we want. What's that?

[Christine]

Life will humble you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Life. Yeah. You know what, man? Rich man makes plan and God laughs. And boy did God have a laugh yesterday. It went into the ykwd. It went into that. I mean, I was, you know, I was like, dude, I was. I had to drive home alone like at like 12, and nobody was up. I think I called you at like 12.

[Paul Verzi]

I fell asleep early last night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And then I called. I called Jacob after that. I'm like, hey, Dude, I was like, hey, man. He's like, how you doing, Bob?

[Ellen Weatherby]

I want to thank you, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why, buddy?

[Ellen Weatherby]

For not calling me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Because, you know, Bobby calls it midnight. It's. It's something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I needed. I needed the human. It's a vent.

[Christine]

I knew I was getting a call that night. I. I made sure to have the ringer on, and then his face popped up. I don't know. It's the same picture, but looked sadder for some reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you guys. Was it. Was I on Bobby watch last night? You guys, that was your shift. Midnight to 4. Christine was 10 to midnight. Louis, 6 to 10. Yeah. All right, guys, we're gonna Bobby watch tonight because he's gonna call one of us. Yeah, dude, it was. It was so funny, too. Don't you know your wife. Hey, you know, in the morning, how'd the show go yesterday? And I was just like, she went, voss. I swear to God. Swear to God. She went, voss. I was like, yeah, man. I don't know what happened.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, Rich is so funny, too. That's weird, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nah, listen, bro, he's funny. You know, he might have just, you know, I love Rich. I love him so much, and he is one of the funniest guys.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Is he on medicine?

[Bobby Kelly]

He should be. He should have some type.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Maybe he missed his medicine.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know, dude, he's missing something. He's missing something. He's gonna be missing the bonfire. I tell you that. I don't give a. If he wins an Oscar, he's not coming back on show.

[Paul Verzi]

I mean, I feel like we should have some sort of a trial scenario.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's great, you know, Like, I. I don't look at messages that much. I try not to look good or bad because if you're not. If you're not going to like the bad or you shouldn't get the good in my eyes, you know what I mean? It's like, whatever. That stuff's not for me. But on Monday, there was a. I saw Colin Quinn. Oh, my God. And you know, of course, some of my fans from YKWD are fans of the bonfire, and they. And then, man, was it immediate yesterday. I just go, let me just check. Oh, I go, didn't, buddy. It was 7:05.

[Christine]

Oh, Bobby.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, you did that to yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was just one. I went, wow. But I went, I. I checked his text. I went, he's right. You know what? He's got a valid point.

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Doug]

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[Christine]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Doug]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.

[Christine]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So I'm glad. I was so glad when you were coming in, brother. I appreciate it, because I know you don't. Do you? Look at. You're listening right now.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Well, I mean, by what you said he did yesterday, the bar wasn't set so high. You're like, hey, dude, pay attention. Put your headphones on. Don't fart. I mean, don't look at your phone. I mean, chimpanzees gonna do that.

[Paul Verzi]

We did a show where we had, like, four trans women on at one time, and they were all talking over each other, and it was, like, unmanaged. Like, we couldn't rein it in. There were side conversations. It was a real, like. Like, crazy situation. And it felt like that yesterday with just Voss, like, just him by himself.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know how bad it is when it takes four trans to make one voss?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not one tr. Not two, three, four trans to make one voss. My God, dude, it was.

[Paul Verzi]

I did. I. I couldn't. It was like when he stopped doing something, he started doing something else. If he wasn't texting, he was slurping. And if he wasn't slurping, his stomach was growling. He wasn't doing that. He was showing pictures of his grandkids.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then at one point, he's looking down, he goes, this stinks. I was like, what?

[Paul Verzi]

By trying to get the topic off, Israel tried to move away from that. And he's like, I'm bored.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is boring.

[Paul Verzi]

We're like, okay, sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, grandpa. Do you know my name? Voss? At one point, I want to go. You know it's Bobby, right? You know it's me, right? Oh, God. Dude. It was so I looked around the room at one point, and everybody's just looking at me like, I don't. We, like, do we shoot them? Do we like, like, what? What's going on?

[Paul Verzi]

So do we end or do we end at 6?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. Do you have a best of in the can? Hey, do me a favor.

[Paul Verzi]

Can we throw them?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you just call Jay real quick and get him on the phone? Jay, Jay. We have to have a code word for Jay. We just call it Voss. Anytime something bad's happening, Voss. I'm calling right now.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was. It was. It was a. I. I got over it around noon today.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, wow. It was an overnighter.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was an over. It's an overnighter, dude.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You know if it's an overnight or something happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I didn't go to bed till three. I didn't go to bed till three last night.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, I thought you were fired. Bobby's calling serious in the morning. Everything good? You guys good? You guys eat donuts? Can I pick you guys up anything?

[Bobby Kelly]

Jim, I just got your Rolex. Jim, I just got your Pepsi.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Is the boss in? How's the boss? Did the boss here yesterday?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that was the one that hurt. It was such a great week. And then, literally, we would talk. I was like, wow, that was fun. What a great week of guests. And then calling. We were all riding high, and we went too far. I went too far. But we learned a lesson, you know,

[Ellen Weatherby]

we get it back today.

[Bobby Kelly]

We get it back today.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Get it back today. I like that because you got a

[Doug]

guinea in here there.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Dude, that's. I can't even believe you just did that, buddy.

[Christine]

He.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Buddy. I can't even believe you just hit the timing like that. That just made me want to fight a Russian.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are we waiting for? Can you. Can you change it to a Jew?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Dude, that. Rocket could still win at his age. Now,

[Bobby Kelly]

I told you, Voss hurt. Heard Nona Lou part of the show.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, my God, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Part of the show. That makes me laugh. I like to laugh. During the show is Lou's. His drops, his music, beds everything he's doing. He's listening and creating conversation through music and sounds. During the show, Voss heard none of it. Dude, at one point, I laughed at something he didn't. He's like, what? What?

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah, I'm trying to help him.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no helping. There's no helping.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I mean, that was. I've been doing radio. I've been doing. I've been a comic a while. I've been doing radio. That was one of the best, best drop ins I've ever had. I mean, the timing of that was.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a magician. He's a magician. He can drop anything. You want to hear Christine be dirty?

[Paul Verzi]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah, you can hear Christine be dirty.

[Christine]

Want to hear it?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Why would you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why would I do it?

[Paul Verzi]

Guys have different size peels. Spread are for gay men.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to hit Bobby, be gay. You want a little gay Bobby? I've always liked men. I love it. He's a magician. Yeah, he is. Is. Dude, I was. I. I want to ask you a question because me and you have similar lives. We live up in the suburbs. You have the, you have the kids. We got to do the, you know,

[Ellen Weatherby]

the games and practices.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You're a little more into it than me. Yeah, you're. You're. You. You know, sports, you, you know, you get. You know, you. I. I go to Max's games because I want to. I love seeing them play and I love being them for him. But I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean? And you got, you got to help me with. You got to help me with this. What's up? I don't know what to say to. What to yell out.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, to. At the game.

[Paul Verzi]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, the other dads are yelling at 47. Pick it up. You know, do two more steps. 69. Like they. I don't know what that mean. I don't know anything. Like, I'm yelling out like, max, do it. You're doing good.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I, I yell. I yell maxi. Like, I go maxi. Which is not what I should be yelling out.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you know, Dawn. Dawn doesn't know what the she's saying. She yells out stupid shit. And you could feel other parents just kind of look over at us like, what the fuck does that mean? I need some good stuff.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Just watch him do something good. Like, even if you don't just go,

[Bobby Kelly]

he's a goalie in lacrosse.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, he's a goalie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, so he gets a goal. What do I yell out?

[Ellen Weatherby]

I yell out, nice stop. Good save. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. But I need something more.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I mean, he's. But he's in one position. He's. He's stationary there's not much. What could you say to a goalie? He's got a ton of shit on. He's got a giant net. All you could say is good.

[Bobby Kelly]

But, you know, I did yell at one time, stop ducking. Because he was. When he first started playing goalie, they shoot on him and he'd duck under the ball. I was like. I was like, you can't duck, Max.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I'm like that with. I'm like you with. Not sports stuff. Like, I dropped Sophia off. Like, strip club Sophia. Sophia went to a. No, no. She's 13. She went to the middle school dance. I didn't know what to say.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, don't touch it.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No, I. No, no. It was me and her. I dropped her off and I just go, all right. And me and her are close. And I go, all right, sweetie? And she dressed nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Close with your daughter. Very. Okay, but. Yeah, of course you are.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, but some people are like, you know, fathers, mother, daughters are closer with the mother. Sons are closer with the father. Me and my daughter are like. Like, I'll take both of them to the games. I do everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, you're right. I don't think my grandfather talked to my aunts and my mother until they were 35.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah. No. Some parents are like. So I just go, all right. I drop her off and she had a dress on, and she looked, you know, pretty. And I said, okay, sweetie. I go dance good. What? I said, damn, what is this, Footloose, too? Was it 19? I go dance good. And put her hand over her mouth, she goes, dad, never say that to me. I just drop. I said, dance good, cuz. What do you say? Like, you had a sports thing that's reminded me when you said that. When you said do good or whatever. But sports, now, sports are easier because you add away, it's a good one. Add away is a good one. Add away. Stay with it. Stick with it. Stick with it's good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stick with it.

[Ellen Weatherby]

It's a good one. Stick with it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because if they score on them, right? Stick with it, Max.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Stick with and. And stick with it. Even if he's blocking, Stick with it. Goes both ways.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Mean if he gets a save, good. Stick with that. Like, you know, stick with it. Could go for both ways.

[Bobby Kelly]

If it's. I like, stick with it because it

[Ellen Weatherby]

means keep doing what you're doing. Stick with it's good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Anybody got anything? Who else got what?

[Paul Verzi]

Paul said, good save. And what was the other one?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, good save.

[Bobby Kelly]

Attaway. What did you say?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Sixteen's mother's a no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't say that.

[Paul Verzi]

Could save in something. Block.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you said we're both good. Stick with it.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Stick with. It's good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good block. Good block. Good block. Stick with it. Big stop.

[Paul Verzi]

Big stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Big stop.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Good save, Max. Good save.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's coming from a guy who never had a father say any of this to him. That was amazing. His father was like, dance good, son.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I'm a go.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. Yeah. You, You. I. Lou, I know you got good ones.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

So my father in law is the high school lacrosse coach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here we go. Here we go. This is what I want.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Ball down.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ball down.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Anytime the ball is loose and it's not in someone,

[Bobby Kelly]

all down. So when the ball. When the ball's loose.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, God, Lou, he's gonna say that in the wrong place. Now you're gonna say ball down. At the work, you're gonna see that halftime, he's gonna be ball down because he's gonna see it laying on the field.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know what ball down is. I know. Ball down. I know when the. So when they're like on the face off, when it's all over, they drop a ball. Ball down. Because it's supposed to go. All right. Okay, good. I like that. Ball down. Go ahead. What else?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Similar to hockey, especially since he plays defense.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Check or slide.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Basically, when the offense is coming to the goalie, to him.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've heard slide. I don't know what slide means. Slide the defense over. Slide the D. Could I say slide the D over. Might not be good. No. Okay, I'm. Again, I'm getting too close to the sun. Slide. Just slide. Slide. Can I say slide? Can I say slide?

[Ellen Weatherby]

That big D, Max.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, I get it now. It's not good. I understand what you're saying. So slide, slide, slide, slide, slide. Slide. Slides through.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

And then when he gets the ball out of there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Clear.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

He's clearing it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Clear it.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Clear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Clear. All right, good. I like all these. Oh, I got some.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I got good ones.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now I need to. I need to have to write these down. I'm gonna take out a notepad during the game. Slide, slide, slide. I'm gonna have right slide three times.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, God, I can't wait. Just video yourself and send it to me. When you say ball down, I gotta hear you say that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ball down, Max. Slide, Slide, Slide. Good day, Data boy. Did you.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Attaboy. Is a good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Attaboy, Attaboy. Just.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You can't. It can't be denied.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you got to make it Italian where it's not the actual sentences.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No, no. The Italian attaboy is good for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing, too. I don't know if you have this with your kids. I have a thing with my kid. I set this up. Me and Don set it up. Especially now that he's going to be 13. He's going to be a, you know.

[Paul Verzi]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Brand new teenager. So I set this up with Max. Yeah. I said, listen, you ever get in trouble, you ever. I don't care what it is, you're ever in a jam, you're at a party you don't want to be at, something happens, you know, the cops show up, anything, you. You use this code word. I have a code word?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You call us and you say that code word. We're coming to get you, no questions asked. You're not in trouble. You know, when you would just. We're coming to get you, no questions asked. We're going to pick you up and take you home.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You mean a text?

[Bobby Kelly]

A text, a phone call, whatever you do, you say the code word that we gave him. And you were just coming to get you. Anything happens, you're ever somewhere in trouble, you're partying with kids, Some kids do some stuff or what? Even if you do something and you need us, you just text us or call us and you say that code word, no questions asked. We're just coming to get you.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bringing you home to make sure you're safe.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

We can deal with it. It. When you get home.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. This was two days ago. We told him this.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

He used the code word today.

[Ellen Weatherby]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Where? What? He was at school.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, my God. That's incredible.

[Bobby Kelly]

We get the code word, I get the code word. I panic. I'm leaving for the show, I go. It was the code word. Don's like, I know. I know the code word. She runs to get him. It was nothing. It was nothing. Some kid yelled out, retard. In the hallway. The teacher turned and saw Max and thought he did it. And thought he did it. He ran and used the code word.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, my.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm so mad at him. I gotta take away the code word. The code word is for cops and drugs.

[Ellen Weatherby]

And that code word was retard. And that's what they heard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing. Nothing. It is. That is the code word. But that's. I think that's. It's a great idea to have a cowork.

[Ellen Weatherby]

It's a great idea, but I think it might be too early to tell A kid that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, maybe I should have done like 16.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, you're gonna get that code word for a long time now, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I couldn't believe he used it two days in. This jackass made me so mad. We pay, dude. We're thinking cops. We're thinking, you know, something happened to school, a fight, he's at a party. I'm thinking he's somewhere in this, you know, drugs and alcohol. I'm like, go get him. She's like, I am.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh, that's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Goddamn Crying Wolf. Sorry.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I love the. I love the idea of a code word. It's just if you give it to a 12 year old, they're just not gonna know how to use it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gotta admit, where I got it from.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You got it from a movie? No, you got it from a movie, didn't you?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I wish. I know my neighbor. Oh, I was talking to my neighbor last weekend. She's like, her son is a big kid. He's older, though. He's in college, but he's a big boy. Boy. And she's like, we used to have a code word. We had a code word. We just used this code word. And anytime he called us, no questions asked, we'd pick him up just to get him out of trade. He was at a party and, you know, the cops come or the, you know, there was too much crazy stuff going on. If he could use that co work, he'd just get out. We pick him up no matter what. And I was like, I'm using the code word. I was like, that's it. I went back to Donna, go, we're gonna start using a code word. She's like, for what? Yeah, and I'm like, from X. I wish I could use it for sex. Dried up.

[Ellen Weatherby]

But it's funny that you took it from a neighbor.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, great. I am a hack. I'm a hack parent. I didn't have a dad. I never. Dad to teach me stuff. You had a dad?

[Ellen Weatherby]

I mean. No, not really. My dad was, you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have a dad?

[Ellen Weatherby]

I. Stepdad. Yeah, his stepdad. But, like, right? My dad. My parents were divorced when I was young. I was five. My brother was ten. We visited him like a few hours a week. Oh, you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you talk to your dad now?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're friendly.

[Ellen Weatherby]

My dad. My dad is in West Palm. He's just, you know, complains. But my father, all the chains. My father's a stereotypical, you know, Italian dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I bet he's great.

[Ellen Weatherby]

He's. I mean, he's something, I'll tell you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, he's wild, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, he's. He's just a different dude. Grew up in the Bronx in the 60s. He's just, you know, a Bronx tale. That's my dad, but just gaudy chains. All those bits that I did about him with, like, jewelry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You know.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, do me a favor. Don't bring up jewelry and chains.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

We're just not out of it yet. Yeah, it's triggering to all of us. I keep. I just keep seeing Voss in that chair with all the chains and the jewelry. Does he wear a pinky ring? Who? Your father.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No pinky ring.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hate a pinky ring.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No, my dad has 90 watches.

[Bobby Kelly]

90.

[Ellen Weatherby]

90.

[Bobby Kelly]

Real?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, yeah, 90 watches. He's probably. He's got hundreds of thousands in jewelry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really? He didn't give you any watches?

[Ellen Weatherby]

He gave my son. He just gave my son a watch.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you give him?

[Ellen Weatherby]

He gave him a. It was. Was a Swiss. It was really nice watch. I forgot the name of it, but, like, worth a lot. Great, Great watch.

[Bobby Kelly]

He didn't give you a watch?

[Ellen Weatherby]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Like, I got watches I don't need.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You wouldn't want to watch from your dad?

[Ellen Weatherby]

I mean, eventually.

[Bobby Kelly]

How old your dad?

[Ellen Weatherby]

78 now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you talking about eventually?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, my dad's a trip, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I want to meet him, dude. Yeah, I want to meet him.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah. Let's just say he's not liberal, bro. You go to my dad's house and there's, like, portraits of Trump. It's like. It's not just the hats. There's, like, oil paintings of them. He gets the fist up, the blood coming down the cheek. It's unbelievable, dude.

[Christine]

Is it Florida?

[Ellen Weatherby]

It's like. Yeah, he's. But the thing is, he's. He's from the Bronx and he's in Florida, and all he does is complain about Florida, man, it's too hot down here. There's lizards down here. And I'm just like, yeah, man. Man, like, you know what you were doing? You know what you were doing. You know what I mean? But he just. He always complains. He said the people are stupid, the doctors are bad, he misses New York, the pizza, you know, and just.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's Florida.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like. He got no pizza down here, but he acts like it's a surprise. I'm like, what'd you think was gonna happen down there? You know, he hates it, but he's. He's Cool, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was he, Was he in the mob?

[Ellen Weatherby]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Adjacent.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No. Knew them, but no, because he would always preach against it. He'd be like, he'd be like, their streak.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was like De Niro in the Bronx Tale.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No, tell us about. He was like De Niro in a Bronx tail. If De Niro was, like, cool with them. Like, if he didn't fight him but still wasn't involved. Involved. Niro liked if De Niro and Sonny were, like, cool. But yeah, that's what. That was my dad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right, okay.

[Ellen Weatherby]

But, you know, but my dad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Chains.

[Ellen Weatherby]

My dad was a lot gaudier than a, Than a bus driver character that De Niro played.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is your stepdad not like that?

[Ellen Weatherby]

No, my stepdad's blue collar.

[Bobby Kelly]

Blue collar dude.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Blue collar dude, right? Was a UPS driver for 25 years. Great dude. Like, just. But, like, different than my d. Dad, you know, my dad would, like, do crime for money if he had to. What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, how do I not know this? I've known for 20 years.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, not that he did, but my dad would just, you know, he would do crime. No, if, if it had to, right? Like, my dad would just get, like, a $40,000 car. But, yeah, no, I paid cash for it. And I'd be like, but you don't work, you know, Like, I don't know how he got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

So he does crime.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No, I, I think he saved.

[Bobby Kelly]

Saved? Saved $40,000 in cash? What is he, a stripper? What the are you talking about, dude? You can't save 40,000 in cash.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Like, my dad's advice to me and my brother was so different than, like, what a dad's advice would be, like, what? Like, he'd be like, you know, if you guys want to really make it in this world, he's like, you know, you just, you got to marry a rich broad. And, like, like, meant it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, I mean, I tell you what, I wish I did. O, my God.

[Ellen Weatherby]

He'd be like, you know, you find yourself a beautiful woman, she got a rich family. Listen, brother, what I'm telling you right now, like, not sit down and work hard, boys. Find an heiress, find an heiress. You know, it sounds great.

[Christine]

Great advice.

[Ellen Weatherby]

That's fantastic, actually, if you really do break it there, it's kind of genius advice. Yeah, right.

[Paul Verzi]

In, like, Japan, I think that people will adopt sons that marry their daughters to, like, take over their companies.

[Ellen Weatherby]

And it's efficient, dude. Yeah, it's efficient.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Japanese, these are efficient. I, I, I've been nudging dawn to start doing something you know? What do you mean? I've been nudging her to, like, maybe, you know, start, you know, you know, getting something going.

[Ellen Weatherby]

I. I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you maybe add to the pot a little bit, you know what I mean?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Oh. Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, be creative.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, start some. Making some jewelry or get a hobby or. You know what I mean?

[Ellen Weatherby]

Making jewelry?

[Bobby Kelly]

Really? She had a dude. She made jewelry. There was a. She had a company called Be Me Me because she. Her favorite. She has a bumblebee. Her last name is Weatherby. She made this beautiful, beautiful earrings and necklaces she would make for. For. It was great. And I got behind it. I had little silk bags made up. Be Me. I had a website made, the Be Me website with all the jewelry on it. And it was taken off. It was really taken. Like, people were buying. It was expensive. And in my brain, I'm like, this is. If this. If I could hit at the same time. Time, and then I could promote her. Her could take off, Right? Yeah. I love those couples like hgtv, where the one guy's the contractor, the other girl's the wife's the creator, and they join companies like that girl from Waco. They own, like, Waco, Texas, or some like that. Yeah. And they, you know, they have stores and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, I would like that. I would like if she had something.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Something I could promote with my stuff and get people to buy her thing, and then her thing starts making a lot of cash, and then I don't have to, you know, worry about my things so much.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No, we should do what you, me, Giannis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Ellen Weatherby]

We live in the same area. Yeah. We just get a restaurant. My wife's got recipes. My wife's got certain things. We take your wife's best stuff. Yeah, my wife's best stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Giannis's wife's best stuff. Make the menu, put it up in northern Westchester.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Ellen Weatherby]

We still do our thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

We don't do nothing, you mean.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Well, we do stand up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we do.

[Ellen Weatherby]

We do our thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

We just have to show up, like, once.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just what?

[Ellen Weatherby]

You know. But here's the thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's three of us.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Us. So you go one week, see how things are going. I go one week. Giannis goes one week. We go tour, do our thing, and the ladies have a nice, beautiful thing they're running good food.

[Bobby Kelly]

So the ladies have to run a restaurant all day long. Yeah.

[Christine]

Backed up with your money, huh? Backed up with your money.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, we got to pay for it.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Well, Yeah, I mean, you have to fund this. Well, they run it.

[Christine]

Crazy idea.

[Ellen Weatherby]

We fund it. We fund it. They run it. That's a fair deal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't like this idea. I don't like our wives being friends. Do you really want our wives being friends? Friends?

[Ellen Weatherby]

I mean, if they're taking in cash,

[Christine]

dude, you know, restaurant business and money pit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nah, dude, I'm thinking something else we gotta think of.

[Ellen Weatherby]

What are you thinking?

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's see if they want to, you know, we could start some type of like middle aged. What, stripper thing? No, we send them out, dude. We can be their pimps.

[Christine]

Well, I'm sorry. I was very negative there. I felt like yesterday it rubbed off on me. Yesterday I shut you down.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, you know what I mean? I'm talking about. I'm talking about good menu, and he's just like. Like it's a money pit. You can't do it. Restaurant's going to.

[Christine]

It's not me.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, you seem like. I just realized, you know what? It's a good guy. He realized what he did.

[Bobby Kelly]

I apologize.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You guys just burned down a dream. You burned down a dream on the spot. Listen, Voss is gone. I'm not Voss.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay? Okay, I apologize.

[Christine]

I love restaurants. Love restaurants.

[Ellen Weatherby]

There you go. You got three smart, great women who know how to cook. You put it on the menu. Yeah, Lord knows Westchester's not New York City, so we got to get that.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do. How do you think it's gonna go when we tell our wives, hey, we're gonna open a western. You gotta do all the work and you gotta cook, by the way.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You guys got to be there 247 for the first three years. But we'll be on the road.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're gonna be going, having fun. I'm gonna be down in West Palm this week hanging out with Versy's dad. Ah, dude, let me tell you something. I feel better already. Ready. What a better vibe. Thank God you were coming in today.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Well, thanks for having me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank God I didn't have Voss on Wednesday. We would have had a week. God, could you imagine going through the whole weekend, all of us alone?

[Paul Verzi]

I need to go in today so I can wash yesterday off.

[Christine]

We would have done a special Thursday show. I know. I don't think I could have made it till Monday.

[Ellen Weatherby]

You should be worried about your friend. You got to call him up and be like, rich, are you okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want to let him go. I'm just going to let him go. Look, I. Look, I don't want to try Looking. What do you mean? It was a good show. I get it.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's just not radio. It's. I don't know. I just. I don't know. Something happens at a certain age where

[Ellen Weatherby]

you're acting like he's 80.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean. Well, here's a thing, too. I've never been a co host with him. He's always been. Been on something with me.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

With somebody. Right. So I've never had that thing. I never. He's never been in that position where he's had that much responsibility on him. He's always been that guy where there's other people in the room that you could kind of go to while he's farting, burping, sipping, checking his phone and, you know, calling, you know, grandkids. Yeah, that type of. So I don't know. We'll see. I hope he, you know, I hope he has a good life.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Bobby wrote him off mentally.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's over, buddy. We all did. I mean, Liz. Christ, dude. Christine was like, we have to. Next time we have guests, we have to all talk about it. We can't just let Bobby choose. We all have to give a.

[Ellen Weatherby]

They should have pranked. They should have pranked you today and made your card not work in the building.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you really want to prank me? You should add Voss. Come in again. I would have left. I would have walked out.

[Paul Verzi]

Out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would have been. I'm out of here first. He. It's on you. All right, Paul Verze. He's gonna be at Penfield Pavilion in Fairfield, Connecticut, on May 8 tomorrow and then tomorrow night. So go check him out. If you're in Connecticut, Check them out. Hilarious. Funny as hell. And Zany's Rosemont, the 29th and the 30th. After that, he's gonna be in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Manchester, Connecticut, Ohio. For tickets and all the tour dates, go to Paul Verze dot com. Thank you so much for coming in.

[Ellen Weatherby]

No, dude, thank you for having me.

[Doug]

And, Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Christine]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Doug]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Ellen Weatherby]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Christine]

Liberty, Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

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