Sex Patrol w/Greg Stone & Anthony DeVito

Summary

The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Sex Patrol w/Greg Stone & Anthony DeVito
Date: April 23, 2026
Guests: Greg Stone, Anthony DeVito
Summary by Podcast Summarizer

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Episode Overview

This riotous episode of The Bonfire features hosts Robert ("Bobby") Kelly (subbing for Big Jay Oakerson), joined by comedians Greg Stone and Anthony DeVito. The main theme is friendship, nostalgia, and utterly unhinged banter about everything from aging and action figures to wild childhood pranks and awkward adulthood sex escapades. With their signature blunt and rapid-fire humor, the group dives deep into their personal anecdotes, riffing on relationships, family life, and their shared love of comedy, toys, and (accidentally) traumatizing people. The chaos is real, the energy is manic, and the laughs are relentless.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Getting Old, Celebrity Stories & The Nature of Bloat

• The gang opens with Bobby lamenting the inevitability of aging, weight gain, and "natural bloat" (“Even Tom Cruise is getting big”—Bobby, 02:16).
• Bobby shares his fearless attitude about meeting celebrities, including a cringey but endearing Jimmy Fallon street encounter.

2. Greg Stone and Anthony DeVito: Friendship and Dynamic

• Greg’s gray hair and whether to dye it sparks a long, affectionate roast.
• Anthony’s energy contrasts with Greg’s chill: “I am running late, everything falls apart. I get here pounding in sweat. He’s on the couch… We walk in together at the exact same time. Two different energies.” (Anthony, 07:13)

3. Action Figures as Personality Proxies (11:08–17:14)

• Anthony tries to give out action figures matched to each Bonfire crew member’s personality but forgot the bag, leading to a wild explanatory riff.
• Analogies range from GI Joe/Barbie hybrid (“He’s a GI Joe with a Barbie inside”—Anthony, 09:30), to Kingpin toys reflecting Bobby’s weight journey.
• “If you have gifts for everybody and you forget the gift, you’re not supposed to tell them about the gifts.” (Bobby, 11:01)

4. Unfiltered Takes on Gender & Identity (10:00–10:43)

• Anthony shares, tongue-in-cheek: “I’m a man, I’m a child, I’m a dog, I’m a woman. I’m many things.” (Anthony, 10:11)
• The segment pokes fun at labels, identity, and Anthony’s inability to keep anything to himself.

5. Sports Backgrounds & Secret Talents

• Greg played basketball and soccer in high school (“You’re goddamn right I did”—Greg, 19:57).
• Anthony was a sponsored aggressive inline skater (“Sponsored by Cedar Grove skate shop. I was very good.”—Anthony, 21:51–21:53).

6. Sex After Marriage: Honesty, Google, and Tactics (22:49–36:50)

• Anthony narrates his efforts to rekindle intimacy with his wife, including Googling “how to make my wife come.”
  • “Turns out I’ve been doing a lot of things wrong for a long time…I was licking the walls, brother. I was nowhere near the doorbell.” (Anthony, 24:06–24:12)
• The bit dissolves into joyous filth, with terms like “Bartholin gland,” “mons pubis,” and “blowing on the butthole” explained in the group’s candidly ignorant and howlingly funny way.
• “Let me tell you what I learned: 90% of it rhythm-based. They love a rhythm…” (Anthony, 26:07)

7. Wild Misadventures & Pranks: Sex Patrol & Teenage Antics (41:17–48:08)

• Anthony recounts their “sex patrol” days, driving around parks in Bloomfield, NJ, shining high beams on couples having sex (“Sex patrol!”—Anthony, 41:28).
• The crew did pranks involving masks (Statue of Liberty, Dennis Rodman) and staged a fake ATM robbery on a friend—funnier in the retelling but acknowledged as a “crime in retrospect.”
• Macy’s prank: Dressing as employees to “help” customers and infiltrate the Dippin’ Dots stand (“I’m from corporate, here to help with sales”—Greg, 51:30).
• TGI Friday’s “three-way sign-up sheet” gag: Hilarious offer, zero follow-through.

8. Life, ADHD, and the Joys and Pains of Marriage (48:17–62:50)

• Anthony and Bobby riff on undiagnosed ADHD (“I have adult ADHD and I’ve been white knuckling my dumb life”—Bobby, 48:38).
• Frank admissions about family, taxes, and running away when things get tough (“…tax day is the 15th. I’m outta here, brother”—Anthony, 39:11).
• Their wives don’t pay attention to their comedy accomplishments (“I don’t think my wife thinks I’m talented”—Bobby, 58:59), and post-road gig reality means their stand-up isn’t seen as real work.

9. Relationship Dynamics: Swapping Personalities

• Both comedians claim to have married the other’s “type”: “I sought someone out who’s more like Greg. We both got people that are us that we want to have sex with.” (Greg, 62:19)
• Their wives get along, but each is “a lot” in their unique way.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “I’m a man, I’m a child, I’m a dog, I’m a woman. I’m all the things. I’m many things.”
  —Anthony DeVito (10:11)

• “If you have gifts for everybody and you forget the gift, you’re not supposed to tell them about the gifts.”
  —Bobby Kelly (11:01)

• “Let me tell you what I learned…You gotta go to the Bartholin gland…No, you don’t want to be there, brother, that’s Amish country.”
  —Anthony DeVito (25:18, 25:45)

• “I’m going to start taking some 99 of comedians. Yeah. Take it. It’s great.”
  —Anthony DeVito on ADHD medication (48:38).

• “Sex Patrol! And I did. You did have a Statue of Liberty mask that I think you guys would wear.”
  —Anthony DeVito recalling teen pranks (42:48)

• “You watch the thing on video…then it goes to your memory. We cut out the middleman. We just tell you. And then that goes right to your memory.”
  —Anthony DeVito, justifying why their pranks were never taped (53:40)

• “You could just bring your taxes over to H.R. Hutton or something. H.R. Hutton. Whatever it is, I don’t know what it’s called.”
  —Bobby Kelly (39:53)

• “My wife has an accent, but it’s a gay accent which she adopted through her gay friends.”
  —Anthony DeVito (61:04)

• “My wife is a lot. It’s a very…Whereas Greg sought someone out who is more like me. I sought someone out who’s more like Greg. We both got people that are us that we want to have sex with.”
  —Greg Stone (62:19)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Aging, Bloat, Celebrities: 01:15–03:51
• Gray Hair, Beards, Bobby Roasting Greg: 05:35–07:00
• Action Figures for Everyone: 09:09–17:14
• Gender, Identity, & “Many Things”: 09:47–10:43
• Teen Sports and Inline Skating Revelations: 19:51–21:53
• Sex After Marriage, Googling Tactics: 22:49–36:50
• Sex Patrol & Prank Stories: 41:17–48:08
• Life, ADHD, and Marriage Humor: 48:17–62:50
• Closing, Plugs, and Goodbyes: 62:54–65:27

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Tone & Style

The tone is rapid-fire, unruly, and gleefully off-the-cuff. No topic is too embarrassing or personal to roast, and sincerity is often immediately undercut with a joke. The language is unfiltered, with plenty of adult humor and heartfelt moments hiding in the chaos. The friendship and chemistry between Greg and Anthony comes through in every tangent and callback, with Bobby serving as the chaos conductor.

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For New Listeners

If you missed the episode, you’ll get gems about childhood pranks, the stupidity and nostalgia of adolescence, candid discussions of sex and marriage, and tons of absurd inside jokes. The playful, raucous energy perfectly captures what makes The Bonfire a must-listen for comedy fans. Just don’t expect any linear conversation—or to catch your breath between laughs.

Transcript

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[Anthony DeVito]

Wayfair, every style, every home. And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's, like, dancing from his soul.

What's up, everybody? Little gas face.

[Christine]

Yeah, you love the gas face.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do, man. I love third base.

[Christine]

No, you love gas.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do. Oh, yeah, I get it. It was a little dig in there. I like that. There was a little dig. I had terrible gas yesterday, but I was sneaking it out.

[Christine]

Remember when you used to leave the studio and run out when you had to?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. But I couldn't yesterday. Jay was in the middle of a story. I didn't want to be rude.

[Christine]

All right, that's fair. That's fair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay was in the middle of a story, and I. And I snuck it out. It was like. And I piecemealed it. I could have done that whole thing all at once, which would have been terrible, and maybe made a noise, but I. I let a little bit out and a little bit out, you know, a little tiny bit and then a little tiny bit. And I held it for, like, five minutes.

[Christine]

That is pretty thoughtful.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do have respect for you guys. And Jacob wasn't here. We just saw him MC Search. Was it outside? No, outside.

[Christine]

Right, yeah. Search.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I used to love this. This band. This is my joint. Oh, my God.

He's so fat.

He's fat now. Yeah, Everybody's fat now. It's the saddest part about life. Everybody just get even. If you're not fat, you just get bit. Like, your head gets bigger, your nose Everything gets bigger as you get older, and you can't help it unless you really just lose all body fat. You know, even Tom Cruise is getting big.

[Christine]

Trying to think of still somebody who age didn't really affect. And they still look very slim.

[Bobby Kelly]

Brad Pitt, I guess. But he. No, he's not as slim. He got bigger a little bit. This is that natural bloat. Yeah, just. Yeah, natural bloat in your face. Just happens. We just saw him outside MC Search. I was gonna run up to him. Christine knows I have no fear of. Of celebrity interactions to the point where

me and Jay have crossed the street to get away from the way you're interacting with him.

You guys walk away from me. You guys.

[Anthony DeVito]

Literally.

[Bobby Kelly]

I heard you go, no, no, Bobby, no. You tried to stop me.

Yeah, well, you were yelling. Jimmy Fallon was walking ahead of us and you were yelling Jimmy. On the street.

I know Jimmy. I know him.

I know. No, the way that your camaraderie. When you caught up to him, I was like, oh, look at them getting along.

Well, I'll tell you, I was a little nervous because when I ran up to him, I was like, Jimmy. He had to look at me and remember who I was. And then he looked at. Hey, he did the hay. He didn't say Bobby. I was. I had to say my name just to let you know. I was Bobby Kelly. And he's like a Bobby. Let's go. And then he. It all tumbled down.

Well, from across the street, it looked like you guys were the best of friends.

Well, we became best of friends again. Again. Yeah. That's the one thing about celebrities. I met him doing the. Oh, my head's itchy. Oh, God. Why is my head itchy? That was weird. That felt like just something attacked my head. That was weird. What if I have a stroke right now and just die? Greg Stone would be a perfect fit. You don't think he'd slip into this chair real quick?

[Christine]

Talk about action figures for two hours.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys would have to fight five different comics. I can do it. You know I can.

[Christine]

You know, a lot of different comedians are getting in touch with me because Sebastian took over, is taking over raw comedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I know one.

[Christine]

Yeah, you did, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Rich Voss. Yeah, and also Lenny. Who? Yeah, Lenny Marcus.

[Christine]

I'm not saying, but I'm nodding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, well, that's weird. You made me say it, you piece of crap.

[Christine]

Now I have to tell everyone he's not the boss. You know, he doesn't come into the office and take your comedy off the radio.

[Bobby Kelly]

I Don't consider that. I actually consider him my boss now.

[Charles Barkley]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

There he is. Ladies and gentlemen, Greg stone and Anthony DeVito the Great. I, I call them a couple. I say comedy duo, you know, because you have one hilarious, you have the other one hilarious. Put them together. It's an explosion of good comedy.

[Greg Stone]

You sound like you're pitching us, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am. I'm trying to pitch you. I'm trying to get you a show on Sebastian's station. You guys know Sebastian, the new boss around here? Put your headphones on. So, yeah, put you on.

[Anthony DeVito]

Are they on?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hi, sweetie. How are you?

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, look at this.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's going on?

[Greg Stone]

It's rushed, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, you is. You are going. You. You just letting it gray happen.

[Greg Stone]

I let it go, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Man, you really. You just let it go down quick, brother. Wow. What do you mean?

[Greg Stone]

What should I do? Should I do a thing?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, here's a thing you could do.

[Greg Stone]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And if I had hair, I would do it. I would. I would use the medicine. Oh, I would get the. I would dye it out.

[Greg Stone]

Oh, all right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I would dye my hair. If I had hair, I would dye it. I can't just dye a beard. I'd look whacked.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, it always looks crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks a little crazy.

[Greg Stone]

It's so un.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I look like a UFC announcer. UFC fighter announcer. And now coming to the ring. I, I. But you have beautiful Italian hair.

[Greg Stone]

Thank you, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

So beautiful.

[Anthony DeVito]

Please.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you could just dye that real quick.

[Greg Stone]

I could ruin this.

[Bobby Kelly]

You could wash that gray right out of there and nobody would know the difference. Look at your. Because here's why. Your eyebrows haven't gone gray yet.

[Greg Stone]

That is true.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got dark Ben Shapiro eyebrows and his views.

[Greg Stone]

We share so much. What?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

So you would go straight black with this thing?

[Bobby Kelly]

I would go. I wouldn't go black.

[Greg Stone]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would go maybe a lighter black. You know, I'd wash it out a little bit. Yeah, wash it out a little. Because you have a young face. Greg.

[Anthony DeVito]

Hey, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Keep doing what you're doing.

[Anthony DeVito]

Absolutely nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why do you look like you just ran here? Because Anthony looks like he strolled here and got here 20 minutes early.

[Anthony DeVito]

I ran here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

And he got here 20 minutes early. No, actually, he. This is a classic Anthony Greg situation. I am running late. Everything falls apart. I get here pounding in sweat. He's on the couch just like. We're good, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're good.

[Anthony DeVito]

And then we walk in together at the exact same time. Way. Two different energies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Your energy is manic.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, I'm Gonna die.

[Greg Stone]

It feels like you just killed a

[Bobby Kelly]

man, Greg looks like Leslie Jones.

[Anthony DeVito]

After our set, did you see I came in running late, freaking out. I grabbed the microphone. Somehow I broke the microphone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you grabbed it. You grabbed it aggressively. And the mic was on, so it was just going through the airwaves. So everybody was just hearing you go.

[Greg Stone]

That's what that noise.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was. That was Greg.

[Greg Stone]

It seemed too violent.

[Bobby Kelly]

Twenty years into the business of show, just grabbing the head of a microphone. You all right, dude? Take a breath, dude.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's so great.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's some water right there. You want to splash it down the back of your neck? Cool down.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, man, I. Yeah, I'm good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I know there's nothing worse, dude, when you're. You know. And I'm not. Look, I'm. We're both a little heavy, right? We're heavy guys. We're. You know, Anthony's one of those gifted little Italians that has an Al Pacino body.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, just always a little guy body, you know? And it's so funny because that chair is for little guy bodies. He's sitting in Jacob's chair. And, you know, we can put on a little bit here and there easily. And there's nothing worse than a day like today when you don't realize how hot it's going to be. It feels nice, but if you have to run or do anything anywhere, that sweat just happens.

[Anthony DeVito]

You hear this also, this microphone is right into my nose.

[Bobby Kelly]

That sounds.

[Greg Stone]

Greg is going to die out of here.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm going to die. I feel good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sounds like you're wearing a CPAP machine, my children.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm not gonna touch him. Lou. I'm very afraid.

[Bobby Kelly]

Lou's trying to help you out. There you go.

[Anthony DeVito]

I didn't bring anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't bring anything?

[Anthony DeVito]

I had planned so many things. I had a gift for everyone in his stolen room. Ran out of my house with a bike. Except Anthony. He doesn't get one. I had a different action figure for every single person, including Jacob. And then I ran out of the house without it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was Jacob smaller than everybody else's action figure?

[Anthony DeVito]

It was the one I swapped in the box. It's a GI Joe with a Barbie inside because I think that's who he is.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is the greatest description of Jaco think I've ever heard. He's a GI Joe with a Barbie inside.

[Greg Stone]

Has anyone ever been outed as trans on the bonfire?

[Anthony DeVito]

No, I just more like. I just more like more the blonde and big titty than trans. More. You Know a beautiful woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's hot more than.

[Anthony DeVito]

He doesn't know who he is.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a hot chick inside. Yeah, He's a tall, hot chick inside, but a short man inside who's miserable.

[Anthony DeVito]

This the thing, too. They say, like, this is my thing about trans. This is going to be horrible. No one's going to like this. How am I going to say it without even.

[Greg Stone]

I'm glad we're getting into this minute one. Hear me out, right?

[Anthony DeVito]

Everyone's like, well, I'm a. I'm a man on the outside. I'm a woman on the inside. I want to know how about this? How about you? Just two things. I'm two things. I'm many things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you coming out right now?

[Anthony DeVito]

I think this idea of being a thing. I'm a many things. I'm a man, I'm a child. I'm a dog. I'm a woman. I'm all the things. I'm a many things.

[Greg Stone]

You're a dog.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm a dog. I'm a dawg dog.

[Greg Stone]

Oh, what's up?

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm the big dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

What kind of action figure would you have?

[Anthony DeVito]

Transformer, of course. Triple changer. I'm a man, I'm a woman. I'm a train.

[Greg Stone]

Optimus Grime. What? Go ahead. Please, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's all right.

[Anthony DeVito]

No, please, Bobby, no. You go. Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

For God's sakes, Bobby, would you just go already?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm trying not to fart in the studio right now. The crew has me scared of my butt. They really. They fart, shame me every day. I. No, I'm saying you. You came in. You like, we got gifts. I got gifts for everybody. Don't you know that when you have gifts for everybody and you forget the gift, you're not supposed to tell them about the gifts?

[Anthony DeVito]

Maybe this is the first day you've met me. There's not a thing I can keep behind the wall that is my mouth. If it's there, it's coming out, baby. I can't cheat on my wife. She would know. The minute I did, I'd call her like, I'm fucking somebody else. Can you believe it? She'd be like, no. Who and how? How are they doing it? Because I'd like to know. That's what my wife would say. I like coming in with this energy. The dog. And you came out.

[Bobby Kelly]

The dog, the train, the.

[Anthony DeVito]

The guy. I'm on the rails, brother.

[Greg Stone]

What were the action figures you were going to get? You explained what you were going to give to Jacob what were you going to give to everyone in the room?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, please go around.

[Anthony DeVito]

So some aren't so good, but some are pretty good. Christine has a X Men, a retro figure. Rogue. Because it was the only woman I had available.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Anthony DeVito]

So I think that works. She's a woman and you're a woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did. What did Rogue do?

[Anthony DeVito]

She would take her gloves off and she'd touch you and she'd melt you, brother.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, the one that you can't touch. Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

And none of us can touch her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay would understand that.

[Anthony DeVito]

Jay wears gloves. Else there's something there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get it.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Anthony DeVito]

This one is not really so much as you. Because I had.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do me last.

[Anthony DeVito]

Do you last?

[Bobby Kelly]

Do me last.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's what you say every time in the three.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. That's why I like a tired. I like a tired you. I don't like this energy when you're doing me.

[Greg Stone]

Bobby. Bobby is always the headliner.

[Anthony DeVito]

Black Lou, who I like to just call Regular Lou. I still will never be comfortable with that. I'm so sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't. Can I say something? You can just call him Lou.

[Anthony DeVito]

But they told me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's they? Nobody.

[Anthony DeVito]

The trans community has been telling me to only refer to him as Black glue.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

And I'm not comfortable with it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, don't say it. Just call him Lou. He responds to both.

[Anthony DeVito]

You have a question, Anthony? Why?

[Greg Stone]

Why is the trans community deciding that he needs to be Black Lou?

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't understand. Anthony.

[Greg Stone]

That's fine. That's fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. You don't get it.

[Greg Stone]

I'm always behind the curve in terms of these fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

These white guys don't get it. They always just want to jump in.

[Greg Stone]

You two woke bastards.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm on the phone with the trans community every night. I do a check in and I do a close down. I call up, I go, what's up today? And they go, this was said. That was said. And I go. And I do a close down. I go, goodnight. Try trans community. And then goodnight, Gregory. And I go to sleep. About a hundred of them.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that you did the voice halfway through. Good night, Gregory.

[Anthony DeVito]

Not everyone can call me Gregory, but the trans community can.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course they can. That's the only way they know to say it. Gregory.

[Anthony DeVito]

So Luz is a little crazy. When I say crazy, there was a GI Joe I had. I think his name is Heavy Duty. He has a full fucking anti tank missile thing he's holding and he has a backwards hat. Because in my head I went, Lou always has a black words hat. On black words. A black words.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has a black word hat.

[Greg Stone]

The trans community also makes sure that Greg says that as well.

[Anthony DeVito]

They always say to me, they say, look, you can be transphobic as long as you're more racist. This way. Nobody knows this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna call it blackwords hat from now on. That makes so much sense.

[Anthony DeVito]

So he has a backwards hat on. And I was like, this is just like him, because he always says it as a backwards hat. And then my producer, I've never seen

[Bobby Kelly]

him with a hat.

[Anthony DeVito]

Let me say this. My producer Adam, this guy, Prince Adam, he's great. He goes, I've never seen from England. He just ain't from England.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay?

[Anthony DeVito]

He lives there. He won't come back after Covid. You know, people just stayed where they were, all right? He's like, I've never seen him in a hat. I go, this guy wears a hat every time. And then I Google him. Not a fucking day have I seen you with a backwards hat. But in my mind, you're a backwards hat guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Bonfire days. I was a backwards hat guy. Yeah. Wore a Cowboys hat all the time. Yes. Yes. So technically correct. Absolutely. You would have saw that figure and you would have had nostalgia. You would have been like, I. This is great. This is who I was. Thank you. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what about. What about you have to say DJ Lou, because there's two loose.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't have to say Black Lou, but you can say dj.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yours is a little shitty, but I think you would have loved it most. It was a. A Ken Danico figure that was abused to shit. Because in my heart, you're a Devils fan, but I believe you're actually a Rangers fan.

[Christine]

I'm a baseball fan.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, well, that was rough. The whole way was off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. How did you. You just feel this? Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Because in my mind, I always see you wearing a New Jersey Devil's jersey. And then I go, wait. He corrects me on that. He says, I'm a Rangers fan.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to know how you two are friends. I mean, it's two different personalities.

[Greg Stone]

I think you're kind of seeing it in action. You watch a wild dog loose, and you're like, that's hilarious. So fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And you just go back and pick up his dog shit when he's done.

[Greg Stone]

Exactly. That is really it.

[Bobby Kelly]

So why. Why did you think he was a hockey fan?

[Anthony DeVito]

In my mind, he is a New Jersey Devils jersey on every time I see him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

From New Jersey. And I'm passionate. So thank you.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. Okay. That's fair enough, right? Look, I'm trying.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're doing great.

[Anthony DeVito]

My brain is fried.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. What did you. What were you gonna get me?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yours was a three piece.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, three piece.

[Christine]

Like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, like the trans community.

[Anthony DeVito]

Okay, so I have a Mezco Batman for the old school Batman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Because I swear to God, you didn't have good toys growing up.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the does that mean?

[Greg Stone]

I ran into everybody. So wrong. So funny.

[Anthony DeVito]

First of all, you didn't have toys or a good child.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had. I had toys, Greg.

[Anthony DeVito]

You had sticks and lollipop. Old lollipop rabbits.

[Bobby Kelly]

There was a period where I. My mom gave me a spoon for a year or so, but that spoon had a name and a face.

[Anthony DeVito]

Does a high end Batman figure from the old Batman. Like the old school Batman? Like it's an old school one. Yeah, but that was just because it. But really, what I also have you is it was two kingpin figures. Here's why. Wait for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know why.

[Anthony DeVito]

You don't know why.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do know why.

[Anthony DeVito]

You don't know why.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I'm chubby and bald?

[Anthony DeVito]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Anthony DeVito]

Because you used to be chubby and bald.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because that's the same.

[Anthony DeVito]

No, because there was a big one and then there's the Vincent d' Onofrio one, which is significantly smaller. And I wanted you to look at them and look at yourself and say, look how far I've come.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, listen, Vincentario is not. My goal was.

[Anthony DeVito]

But his figure is basically. It's just. It's not really based on his body.

[Greg Stone]

But long story short, you didn't do any of this.

[Anthony DeVito]

Left it all in a red bag.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Santa comes to the tree and goes, I left my red bag, but I'll still take a nibble of a cookie.

[Bobby Kelly]

So we're never gonna see these.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Next time. I'm always here every six months or a year. Every six years. Every three and a half years.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. Let's look at the figures. So that's the.

[Anthony DeVito]

So that's the Hawkeye one. That's not Hawkeye.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not Hawkeye.

[Anthony DeVito]

I don't know what you're pointing on that. That's not it. The ones that are all the way to the left.

[Greg Stone]

That's him.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's my kingpin.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. Significantly smaller. Losing a lot of weight.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks that look like me. I don't like that. That's still fat.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's why I got you the Batman as a backup. Cuz you look at that. It's worth so Much money.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why couldn't you get me like what's the guy with the. With the Bullseye?

[Anthony DeVito]

Bullseye? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was bald.

[Anthony DeVito]

When's the last time you've ever thrown anything? He's also not bald.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I've been married. You know how many things I throw at her?

[Anthony DeVito]

Bullseye doesn't throw stuff at his wife. He throws his.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did. And she died. And she did die. Yeah. I don't know if that's true, but I like Bullseye. Bullseye is awesome. He hits everything. Was. Was Will Smith Bullseye.

[Anthony DeVito]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Who was he?

[Anthony DeVito]

Will Smith I man. And Hancock.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but in the eye, man. I man.

[Greg Stone]

He was going so fast.

[Anthony DeVito]

I gotta slow down. I can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Greg, listen to me. Who was. Who was Will Smith in the. The last superhero movie he did where he hit everything?

[Anthony DeVito]

Hancock. Anthony said.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not something. Hancock. He was like Superman.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh yeah. Deadshot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Deadshot.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is the same thing as Bullseye.

[Anthony DeVito]

Nope.

[Bobby Kelly]

But they do.

[Anthony DeVito]

This one is a black man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

One race is everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

If you see past race, you're not seeing who these people are and you're not acknowledging them.

[Bobby Kelly]

But in, in the superhero world, they, they, they, they, they mimic each other.

[Anthony DeVito]

Right now everyone's different.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well who's. Who's one's Bullseye and one is Dead Eye.

[Anthony DeVito]

Deadshot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Deadshot.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. He could hit everything. Like where? He could hit anything he wants.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bill's eye could hit anything he wants.

[Anthony DeVito]

Too sad. But you eat, I eat. Those are similar things. We're not the same.

[Bobby Kelly]

That doesn't.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm not a good co host.

[Bobby Kelly]

But why don't you wanna. But one is a different. One is one comic strip and the other is a different comic. They're two different comic strips. They're not in the same strips universe. I don't know.

[Anthony DeVito]

World War II just happened and Bobby's got his Sunday papers. That was okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like Marvel. Marvel and DC have very similar superheroes sometimes. Yeah, right. Because they steal from each other there.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, sure is.

[Bobby Kelly]

It isn't that. I hate when you just look at me.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. Just listen. I refuse to listen. I refuse to listen to that.

[Greg Stone]

Bobby's trying.

[Anthony DeVito]

He's trying. I can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I stop running in my mind. Listen. You do not listen to that little man. You just do what you do.

[Greg Stone]

I'm a medium sized.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not me.

[Greg Stone]

I was a two sport athlete in high school.

[Anthony DeVito]

Have.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, in high school, you know,

[Anthony DeVito]

only guy in shape at the table.

[Bobby Kelly]

What sport did you play?

[Greg Stone]

Basketball and soccer.

[Bobby Kelly]

You played Basketball.

[Greg Stone]

You're goddamn right I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

What position?

[Anthony DeVito]

All of them, Woody. The point guard.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're the point guard?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Rick said all of them. We gotta always stop the car a little bit just to, you know, let them know. Yeah, I was.

[Anthony DeVito]

I was a good basketball player.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were. I was not good enough, though, right?

[Greg Stone]

Well, what are we talking?

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, you couldn't go to college? You didn't get a. Like a scholarship?

[Greg Stone]

Well, no, I went to the University of Miami. That would have been.

[Bobby Kelly]

You would have been the. You would have been a bullseye.

[Greg Stone]

I would have been the duffel bag.

[Anthony DeVito]

You'd still be pulling the pussy off your shoulders, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Still? Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

20 years later. Get it off me. A Miami band, Right? Am I right or am I right or am I right?

[Greg Stone]

You're right. You're right.

[Anthony DeVito]

You're right.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're right. You're always right. You didn't play sports, right?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yes, I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

You did not.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yes, I was. I was an aggressive inline skater.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you. Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Went to Woodward Camp. Was sponsored by a cedar grove.

[Greg Stone]

Definitely the aggressive part.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is why I love people. This is why I love hanging out with you. Every time I'm with both of you, I found out some weird new detail that you forget to mention, even though you don't stop telling me stuff. What?

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm going so fast, you're only catching about 10% of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did you say? What did you do in sports? Really? In high school?

[Anthony DeVito]

I swear, before the Christ my savior. Your savior, everyone's savior. I was one of the best inline skaters you've ever seen in your life.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it? What is inline skating, Greg?

[Anthony DeVito]

It's like a rollerblade, but it's the same. And jump on rails, and you skate down them and you. And you do some half pipes. Yes. Anthony, he's not gonna. I'm not lying to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were not an inline skater.

[Anthony DeVito]

See a video. I'll pull a fucking video up and put it up your ass right now. There's proud.

[Greg Stone]

There probably is a video of you on YouTube.

[Anthony DeVito]

Skating.

[Greg Stone]

Right.

[Anthony DeVito]

I think there's one.

[Greg Stone]

Okay. I think we could probably get that.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you were like a professional skater.

[Anthony DeVito]

It was a Cedar Grove skate shop, and they just gave me free wheels once, but I was sponsored by them.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were sponsored by. So you were really good.

[Anthony DeVito]

I was very good.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you. I. I did not know that about you. That's amazing.

[Anthony DeVito]

I gained all this weight because that's how I used to stay off the weight, by skating.

[Bobby Kelly]

So when you quit skating, you gained all the Weight. That's the cause.

[Greg Stone]

Mm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

That was the problem.

[Bobby Kelly]

And when did you pick up figurines?

[Anthony DeVito]

Figurines?

[Bobby Kelly]

Figures.

[Anthony DeVito]

I only left figures for about three years. So I was a kid who was a child who had toys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Anthony DeVito]

Then I went to high school.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

And I'd say about senior year, I went. I'm getting back into the old toys. What was I doing without them? And I've been going strong pretty much ever since.

[Bobby Kelly]

And now you have your own channel that you sell and buy toys.

[Anthony DeVito]

I don't sell and buy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you make.

[Anthony DeVito]

Not so much anymore. Because times are hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

But with time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does it. Time. Does it cost a lot of money to make a. What is it called?

[Anthony DeVito]

An action fig?

[Bobby Kelly]

Action fig.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. No, it just takes a lot of time, and I don't have the kind of time with all of my writing and crushing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't forget, you chose. You're not crushing, dude.

[Anthony DeVito]

Mommy and my wife are back. Maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you're bang. You're crushing your wife's back, baby. That's great. So she's.

[Anthony DeVito]

She's getting it now like crazy, dude. Really crazy. And we stopped for a long time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you had two kids?

[Anthony DeVito]

No, because she doesn't like to have sex with me, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what changed?

[Greg Stone]

Globutrin, you do casually say the saddest things I've ever heard.

[Bobby Kelly]

It just comes out. It's like.

[Anthony DeVito]

It's unbelievable.

[Greg Stone]

Someone would, you know, labor on that for a while after saying a sentence like that, but not you. You're just. You're onto. You're the middle of the next thing already now.

[Anthony DeVito]

You stopped.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I was.

[Anthony DeVito]

Knew whatever issues those were there and whatever, but where anyone came back, how to come back. One day she just said, I'm back. And I was like, you're back? When? Here's what I did. Can I tell you this? Tell you this one. We were back, and I'm like, I'm not wasting this. I Googled how to make my wife come. Let me tell you this. When I was a kid, you couldn't Google it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are you whispering into the mic?

[Anthony DeVito]

Because this is how you talk sexy Anthony.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

Looks like Anthony was gonna say something.

[Greg Stone]

I was just.

[Bobby Kelly]

Anthony King.

[Greg Stone]

I'm having a great time, by the way. I'm just listening, man. Go ahead.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, yeah. So I googled it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You Googled it? Really?

[Anthony DeVito]

Because we couldn't Google it.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many Google things came up? Just. Did you just go with the first one?

[Anthony DeVito]

99% of it's porn, but you have to write it. You write in the word scientifically, and then it tells you the real deal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Anthony DeVito]

And turns out I've been doing a lot of things wrong for a long time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like what?

[Anthony DeVito]

I was licking the walls, brother. I was nowhere near the doorbell.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna throw up.

[Anthony DeVito]

Why? Was that too much?

[Bobby Kelly]

You were in. What is licking the walls?

[Anthony DeVito]

Imagine you're looking for a doorbell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, okay. I thought you were opening her vagina up and licking the inside. No, that.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's dirty. That's dirty.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, of course you would think that. No, this is a crazy metaphor.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, man.

[Greg Stone]

Licking the walls, not the doorbell.

[Anthony DeVito]

Walk us through that, Craig. Well, I'll tell you this. Are you honest with you, or you want me to, like, be.

[Bobby Kelly]

We want you to be honest.

[Greg Stone]

Give us a little honesty.

[Anthony DeVito]

I just said anything.

[Greg Stone]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, now be funny.

[Anthony DeVito]

So the walls would be the labia, vagina, or the mons pubis? Turns out, mons pubis. I thought that was who led the rebellion on Coruscant. No, it's a part of the vagina.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's a mom's pubis?

[Anthony DeVito]

It's a mons pub.

[Greg Stone]

You'll see.

[Anthony DeVito]

Start Googling it. You're gonna learn so much.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't Google that. No.

[Anthony DeVito]

I bet you your wife is just sitting here going, thanks, Bobby. She acts the same way when Max makes, like, a dinner on his, like, play doh thing here. And he goes, oh, that's so good. But he really didn't do anything. That's what a lot of men are doing. They're not pleasuring women the way they could be if you Google it.

[Bobby Kelly]

So, Greg, please tell us, because you Googled it, you can pass on the information. We got a whole chart.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, that's right. The Bartholomew gland is one of my favorites.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hate the word gland. I'm gonna throw up.

[Anthony DeVito]

I always ask her. I go, baby, I'm gonna go lick that gland. Which gland do you want? She goes, I' you gland.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? What? Where is the. Oh, the. What is it? The Bartholin gland.

[Anthony DeVito]

The Bartholin gland.

[Bobby Kelly]

Both gland is right by the butt.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's got. No, you don't got to be around there. If you're in the Bartholo gland, you're in the wrong neighborhood, brother.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now, the both gland is at the bottom of the piece of bacon, right?

[Anthony DeVito]

The Bartholome gland is. Imagine you're in Pennsylvania, and you start seeing people with wagon trains, and you're like, this is not close to the gig. This is Amish country, right? That's where you are.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you get almond butter.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, you got to make your way up to the clitters. And that's above the door.

[Bobby Kelly]

So we have bartholomew gland.

[Greg Stone]

This is what you learned women have a clitoris.

[Anthony DeVito]

Your big takeaway. Let me tell you what I learned.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Anthony DeVito]

So check this out. A lot of it. 90% of it rhythm based. They love a rhythm, but no science behind that because they didn't do any studies on this until 2018, which means we had a black president before people started studying making women come, which I think is unbelievable.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cool.

[Anthony DeVito]

I like this music. I'm gonna talk like this for the whole show. You got to go to the barfell.

[Bobby Kelly]

New glass. Sorry. You guys. You just made me toot. Fine. I apologize. I tried.

[Anthony DeVito]

Mama pubis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where's mama pubis? I don't see mama.

[Anthony DeVito]

She's outlawed. In a lot of the current things. You have to use one of my old maps. That's how you find the goals.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like. It's like an original pirate map.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, yeah. It's been edited out because it's too powerful.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get it. I get it now. So this is the upgraded woke map. Map. You gotta go back to, like, the old 1960s map when people were just guessing. Right. What is it called again? The mobis. What is it?

[Greg Stone]

Mons.

[Anthony DeVito]

Mons pubis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mom's pubis. Where would that be?

[Anthony DeVito]

I believe it's all the way up. I'd say all the way up. Like almost near the chest cavity.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's just really light.

Oh, right.

[Anthony DeVito]

The pubic area.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, so the pubic area is just the pubes?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. You're not doing up to anything up there. I'm just saying I didn't know it existed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you didn't know the pubes was called mom's pubis?

[Anthony DeVito]

No, I didn't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you know that? I just know it was pubes.

[Anthony DeVito]

The pubos.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't go up there, do you? Do you lick up there?

[Anthony DeVito]

I look everywhere, brother. I pretend I'm trying to slide her into a tight pipe. I get her all wet.

[Bobby Kelly]

That doesn't even make sense.

[Anthony DeVito]

I lube up that body. I lube up that whole body with my tongue. It's one of the funniest things I've ever said. And everyone's looking down as if I embarrass myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that Christine. Christine brought up a black vagina just to make it.

[Anthony DeVito]

Is it. Or just. Or is it just dirt? Oh, that could be racist. And I won't continue.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you. All right, so where do you now? You start down at the, the Bartholin's gland. And then where do you go from there?

[Anthony DeVito]

I go to the bladder opening and I just check it out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do it in your voice, tell us.

[Anthony DeVito]

I make my way over to the bladder opening. I go, are you, are you, are you working? Clear. I do a little checkup. I go, this isn't sexual. But I gotta know if she's clogged up at all. And then I find my way over to the outer lips. I do a little work down there. If I'm gonna open the hood, I'm gonna make sure the oil is working, you know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

The outer lips is the part around the vagina. There's the labia, right? Which is the lip. Lips, the inner lips. Is that what they call it? Right.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm gonna give you a move right now. It's gonna blow your fucking mind, okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

I like when you talk like this

[Anthony DeVito]

when you're going downtown. Judy Brown.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Do a little blow on her butthole. Go.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you do it? Like, like you're blowing out birthday candles.

[Anthony DeVito]

One candle. It's a one year old.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a one year old dot one year old's candy. Okay. Why is it weird I just picture a one year old?

[Anthony DeVito]

Well, it's. Would you're. You're blowing it out like you would blow out a one year old's cake, but you are not having the sex part remains.

[Bobby Kelly]

Could you have said I'm blowing out a cake with one candle? Could you have said it that way?

[Anthony DeVito]

I could have definitely said it that way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, great. That's all I'm asking. I'm just asking that.

[Anthony DeVito]

Should I replay and say it again?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm just. I know where we are now. I'm on one side, you're on the other. I'm blowing out a cake with one candle and you're blowing out a one year old's cake.

[Anthony DeVito]

I want everybody at home listening right now, tonight. Go down on your lady. Give her a little blow in the butthole.

[Bobby Kelly]

How is it and why. Wait a minute, you're changing it now. You're going, oh, you're going, oh.

[Anthony DeVito]

See, here's the thing. That's what I'm telling you guys to do, but what I do, because this is my own secret, I go.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you machine gun it.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yep. Like a, like a dastardly wind.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you do it?

[Anthony DeVito]

Like, like, is there a tornado coming?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, there is that. And then what?

[Anthony DeVito]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

You haven't thought past this? What, what do you do after you go? Do you do once or do you do?

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Greg Stone]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is this your first date?

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, no.

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[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Anthony DeVito]

Huh.

[Greg Stone]

Choose to lean into it. Every Mazda is engineered to give you effortless control. I wake up.

[Anthony DeVito]

Well, I like to. I like to do it every now and again. I come back down, I blow on a little bit, pretend it's like one of those funny candles that won't go out. So you blow it and then you go back up and they go, oh, that thing's still going. And you blow it again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, okay. See? Yeah, go down first. Now do you do it first or do you do. Do you go to the first is weird. Okay. I don't.

[Anthony DeVito]

Just go, get down, baby. And she goes, what was that? There was a spider. There was a spider. I had to blow him away. That's what you would do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

You blow a spider away.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you go over to the. The both. Lin gland. Is it both?

[Anthony DeVito]

That's what I call it.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you go over to the bladder opening, you do a little taste test.

[Anthony DeVito]

No taste. I make sure it's running and make sure everything's in order.

[Bobby Kelly]

You actually taste some?

[Anthony DeVito]

No, I taste it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, what are you doing? What does it taste? You say?

[Anthony DeVito]

I look at it and I go, are you. How are you doing there, buddy? Are you clogged up?

[Bobby Kelly]

You said the word taste. When I hear taste, I think the sense tongue. When you say you look at it.

[Anthony DeVito]

I think we'll have to go back to the recording. I don't think I said taste.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think you said taste.

[Anthony DeVito]

I don't believe any of you.

[Bobby Kelly]

We could take a vote. There's five people. Did he say tast? Taste. I think he said taste.

[Anthony DeVito]

This is a real Berenstain bear situation here, because the past is changing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, okay, okay. So. So you go over there, you take a little taste or a look, look, see, A look, see. And then. And then do you go down and give the usually.

[Anthony DeVito]

What I'm doing now is I'm looking at the. I'm looking at. I'm. I'm looking upon the. Usually around the clitoris and a nice rhythmic error arithmetic way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there any way you could.

[Anthony DeVito]

Like I'm blowing on the butthole and I have both hands on her boobies and I'm checking for lumps because that's when I'm going down on you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you get a whole deal. You get the whole deal when.

[Anthony DeVito]

You know when you bring your cars, the brakes to get checked and they go, hey, man, I check the oil too. I check the oil, I check the fluids, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

But usually, usually they're trying to pull a scam just to get you to do the oil.

[Anthony DeVito]

It's exactly what I'm doing.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're doing a scam. What if you find a lump? What are you gonna do? You gonna stop?

[Anthony DeVito]

I run, I run. I just run the hell outta there. I leave my family.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, that's just terrible.

[Anthony DeVito]

I can't Deal with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Why can't you help her through it? It's so Sa can cure breast cancer now.

[Anthony DeVito]

Not if you don't know about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but you know about it. You found out about it.

[Anthony DeVito]

No, I ran away.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but don't run away is what I'm saying. Stay and say, hey. FYI, after I got done and doing all that stuff and you had an orgasm, I found a lump on your breast.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's the thing. And this is why I like you. Because you and me and my brain. You're my brain. Your brain. My brain works the same.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know, both.

[Anthony DeVito]

Don't bring him into your brain, please.

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel like that's an insult, but yes. I mean, I love your brain, but I love it over there.

[Anthony DeVito]

Let me tell you what we both did in that scenario. We both came before. We told her. We didn't immediately go, hey, I feel a lump. We went something there. I'll save that for after the sex is done. And then you bring it up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have one good session. You don't want to bring it up. If you just run out of the room that she's gonna be like, what the hell happened? And then she might never check her breasts. She might not get a check for you. And she.

[Anthony DeVito]

Then.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then it gets crazy.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'll say this. She might, she might not. I won't know. I'll be in Mexico, brother. Name change. I'm outta here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are you going to Mexico? There's so many places. You go to Aruba. You go to a nice place.

[Anthony DeVito]

Now they know me in Aruba.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do they really?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. I killed so hard at Aruba. Ray's once. They still talk about me, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many times have you been back?

[Anthony DeVito]

One time. I've only been once. You've never had me back.

[Greg Stone]

Dangerous, Bobby.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's good for the island. It's the grand opening, grand closing. Can't have you back again.

[Mars Men Advertiser]

So you.

[Greg Stone]

Okay, so you run out after you find the lump you're in. You're in Mexico. You can't go back to Aruba.

[Anthony DeVito]

But you.

[Greg Stone]

You come back eventually to tell her. That is what you said at one point.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Tell her what?

[Bobby Kelly]

That she has a lump.

[Greg Stone]

She has a lump.

[Anthony DeVito]

No, no, I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you're never going to tell her.

[Anthony DeVito]

I can't handle that kind of this. I can't handle that sadness. You know, I tell my kids to

[Bobby Kelly]

tell her, but it's not. That's. That is the meanest thing I've ever heard.

[Anthony DeVito]

Tell your mother. She might have something. And they're going to.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're going to go, what? What do you mean? What's a lump on the breast, dad?

[Anthony DeVito]

They don't know. Exactly. They don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

How old are your kids?

[Greg Stone]

I don't know.

[Anthony DeVito]

30.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. How old are you kids?

[Anthony DeVito]

2 and 4.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do they speak?

[Greg Stone]

Why are you lying about this? By one year?

[Anthony DeVito]

No, that's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't know how old your kids are.

[Greg Stone]

No, he is right.

[Anthony DeVito]

I was wrong about my own children.

[Greg Stone]

To be fair, you've lied about everything else on the podcast.

[Anthony DeVito]

And I'll continue to.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not a podcast. It's a radio show, so stop lying. So. So why? So you run down to Mexico.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you're gonna call your kids. Do they know how to answer the phone? Do they have their own. Are they gonna.

[Anthony DeVito]

No. I call my wife.

[Bobby Kelly]

Call your wife.

[Anthony DeVito]

And she goes, where have you been? I go, shut up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really? Why are you so mean to her? She has cancer.

[Anthony DeVito]

She's going. So she's. She doesn't listen to me. If I have to talk to her for hours before I get the kids the phone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, so you say. Shut up.

[Anthony DeVito]

Shut up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

You know, I let to leave. I had to leave. I leave town, put one of my sons.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you do this? You. She knows. You leave town.

[Anthony DeVito]

She knows. Every time something bad happens, I run.

[Bobby Kelly]

You what, like you spill milk and you just leave?

[Anthony DeVito]

I'll tell you this. Tax day is the 15th. Yeah, I'm out of here, brother. I forgot the pile. I don't know if I'm going home tonight.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you going to Mexico tonight?

[Anthony DeVito]

I might be. Cuz she told me, she said, did you get all your W9s? And I went, yeah. I did not.

[Bobby Kelly]

You haven't filed?

[Anthony DeVito]

Nah, we're.

[Greg Stone]

We're.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm. I'm a dead man, brother.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you could just bring it to like a. One of those places, Mexican. Are you gonna say no.

[Anthony DeVito]

Why are they playing that music then?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you're in Mexico. You go to Mexico. Trying to assimilate you into your new habitat that you're going to be living in tomorrow.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, listen, you can just bring your taxes over to Hr. Hutton or some H.R.

[Anthony DeVito]

hutton.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whatever it is, I don't know what it's called.

[Anthony DeVito]

I like to go to hr. We do your taxes or some. Hang on. She's dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why can't you just bring your taxes and just bring all your stuff? I could. I know it only costs like 150 bucks, right? Did you do your. You did yours? Of course you did. Your nerd. Why? How did you guys become friends? I don't understand it. You have your share. Get so together. And you don't. It seems like we're the exact opposite

[Anthony DeVito]

in the exact same.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, how does that explain that?

[Anthony DeVito]

Well, he laughs at all the things I say are funny. Everything I think is funny, he thinks is funny.

[Christine]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

What about him?

[Anthony DeVito]

Both sense. Oh, he thinks it's the funniest man who's ever lived.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think he's the funniest.

[Anthony DeVito]

Hands down, the funniest man I've ever met in my life. You as well.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. You don't have to listen. I appreciate it, but you don't have to throw.

[Anthony DeVito]

I don't hurt your feelings.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not gonna hurt my feelings. You could say that. He's the hands down funniest person you've ever met.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. Let me tell you some classic funny shit this guy's done.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would love to hear that. I love. This is the problem with Greg. Comes in hot, loses energy, his blood sugar goes down, and he's gonna look at us at one point and go, I got nothing, and it's on me and you. So I hope. I hope. We're gonna have to pull into the pit stop. I'm gonna have to put you your tires on in a couple minutes.

[Greg Stone]

Totally fine. Just get ready for a different speed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa. Listen. So, yeah, I would love to hear a couple funny things.

[Anthony DeVito]

Anthony was part of the sex patrol.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Anthony DeVito]

Sex patrol.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know what the sex patrol is.

[Anthony DeVito]

They were people who had policed the park in Bloomfield, New Jersey, looking for people to have sex to shine their high beams on them.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Anthony DeVito]

A lot of people like to have sex in their car.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

And then Anthony and his crew of mangy rascals would drive around the park and they'd go, sex patrol. And they'd high beam the people having sex. Are you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you really. You were a sex rat?

[Anthony DeVito]

He was a sex rat.

[Greg Stone]

We thought it was a very funny thing to do that we would be on the sex patrol beam.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. This isn't like you guys didn't have outfits. Like you didn't have jackets. No, no, we didn't have that kind of money. It's not that much money to get a jacket.

[Anthony DeVito]

You're not wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, Lou has a shirt. You can have a coat. I say we get sex patrol shirts for you guys.

[Greg Stone]

I'll get it up and running again. I'll see if the boys still, you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well,

[Anthony DeVito]

me and My two sons would like to be there.

[Greg Stone]

No, you can't bring two children to. For the sex patrol.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't do. They can't do a ride with the sex patrol.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's a show cops. But sex patrol. And it's a ride along with children. Yeah. These dirty streets. We're looking for anybody at 17 years old trying to bang someone not in their parents house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, kids, you ever see two guys go at it in a Hyundai? Look over to the right.

[Greg Stone]

They're crying. She's crying.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. Sex patrol. And I did. You did have a Statue of Liberty match that I think you guys would wear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute. This is a real thing. You guys. You and your. This is just a goof.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Something you and your wife started in the community.

[Greg Stone]

I wish. I'd love. I'd love to get. I'd love to get into something like that, but no.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

We had a lot of masks at one point.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why. Why did you. Why did you wear a mask?

[Greg Stone]

I don't know, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of.

[Greg Stone]

It's a bit of a fog.

[Bobby Kelly]

What kind of mask did you wear?

[Anthony DeVito]

We definitely.

[Greg Stone]

We had a sexual liberty mask.

[Anthony DeVito]

Dennis Rodman.

[Greg Stone]

Dennis Rodman, that's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's frightening.

[Greg Stone]

It was horrifying. Well, is. It is a terrible thing that we did, which we thought was a hilarious prank. One of our friends was. I think it's a crime, actually. One of our friends was getting money out of an atm and we thought it'd be so funny. What if we go pretend like we're robbing her from behind? This is a woman alone.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's her.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is a woman.

[Greg Stone]

This is a young woman alone.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna tell you right now. Fucking hilarious. That is. If it was a guy, I'd be like, not so funny that it's a girl who's probably frightened anyway. Was hilarious.

[Greg Stone]

A woman alone getting money out of an atm, a couple guys behind her and a Dennis Rodman and Statue of Liberty mask going, give us your money. And she runs away. Horrifying. And what we thought was funny is we were both going to the same party. So then we showed up like 20 minutes later. She's shaking on a couch and we're like, what happened? That was our idea. But boy, my sensibilities changed over time.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. If you don't say, just kidding, it's, it's me. Then it was exactly what you thought it was.

[Greg Stone]

Exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It would have been real funny if you showed up at the party with the masks on. Now, did you. You told Her.

[Anthony DeVito]

Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we told her.

[Anthony DeVito]

Did you?

[Greg Stone]

We told her. No, we did tell her. We didn't tell her like immediately because we're like, hold on to this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, hold on to this.

[Greg Stone]

Awesome job.

[Anthony DeVito]

She's. She's shivering.

[Greg Stone]

And then we're like, good news. It wasn't, it was your friends actually.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, yeah. Didn't you and I find someone's like vhs, like video camera and then like record ourselves doing a 50 yard dash and it was like over their high school graduation.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, that was a. That was a. Yeah, that wasn't a great move.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was somebody.

[Greg Stone]

It was somebody's high school graduation. Now we were making like a, like a, some kind of movie or sketch and we were like, ah, they don't need this piece of shit. It was their graduation. And then it's just Greg and I's stupid movie that I don't think we watched again.

[Anthony DeVito]

I don't think we did. I think we left the tape there. Yeah. I wonder if she ever looked at it. Like, oh, I'm gonna. Hey, I want to show my child my high school graduation. And then it's just a 16 year old. Anthony and Greg doing sex patrol retakes.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, that's why we probably should have drank in high school.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, you guys need a show. You need to get all this creativity out because it's bottled up inside you. Especially you. You need to get it out. We need to get you a show.

[Anthony DeVito]

You think we should just get a show?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I thought about that. Yeah. We. I'm saying this. Yes. I say we just do one the.

[Greg Stone]

What was the mall. What was the prank at the mall?

[Anthony DeVito]

Ah, one of my classic favorites of you. Well, I know I was there both there. We both got dressed.

[Bobby Kelly]

How long have you guys been friends?

[Anthony DeVito]

About six.

[Bobby Kelly]

Six months. Six months, did you say? Anthony, how long have you been friends?

[Greg Stone]

Since high school.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, great. Thank you. Jesus Christ. Blood sugar dropped 10 minutes ago since high school was shot out of his face. Then we tried to lick my.

[Anthony DeVito]

I couldn't have seen.

[Greg Stone]

You should to go back to before Greg came in the building. There's a bunch of people at the lobby. And Greg was so manic and he was just shaking the glass doors. The people inside must have been like,

[Anthony DeVito]

oh, we're gonna die.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was the Wu Tang Clan.

[Greg Stone]

He put fear into the hearts of the Wu Tang Clan.

[Anthony DeVito]

The security guy was like, that's what Jay calls it.

[Bobby Kelly]

When there's ever like six or more black guys in the lobby, he just calls it Wu Tang, which is Pretty much every day here. It's here. This place is turning into an impro. All right, so tell me what happened. The best.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. We've been friends since high school, and I'm trying to. There was a prank at the. What was it? At the mall? That's what I was trying to get to.

[Anthony DeVito]

So what we did was. This is pre phones and people doing bits. This is pre jackass, pre all that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys started it.

[Anthony DeVito]

We had a little camera, and Anthony and I got dressed. We said, let's go to Macy's and dress like we work there and we'll just help customers. Customers. And then we went to Macy's, and I started reorganizing the comforters. Anthony jumps behind the register. He looks at the lady, he goes, hey, you can go on break. And then he just starts, like, smacking the keys and, like, trying to take customers.

[Greg Stone]

I was telling people to take their break.

[Charles Barkley]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

And then I swear to God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Were you guys filming this?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, good.

[Anthony DeVito]

But the cameraman was like. He's so nervous. He would turn the camera away.

[Greg Stone]

So the cameraman was our friend Darren, and we were trying to hide the camera, but we didn't. We didn't. We didn't think of anything through ahead of time. So one of us had a windbreaker. So he wrapped the camera around this windbreaker and he just. He looks so odd because he just was like a normal looking guy. Then he had this green windbreaker that he was just pointing around.

[Anthony DeVito]

He looked like an active shooter.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, he's an active shooter.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. Yeah. And then we went to. I can remember this.

[Bobby Kelly]

So funny. We all had the same bit. And you were going to get it out. I was going to say, and then Greg shot active shooter. And they looked at all of us. I got it.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's my. Mine. That's a Greg one. It's yours if you're putting the points up, Lou. That's a Greg one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Can we count the points, please? Greg has 75. You win

[Anthony DeVito]

deficit.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't. Will you stop your order? You don't have any pro order. You don't have attention. I have it. I just found out that I have adhd.

[Anthony DeVito]

Just found out.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. I found out a couple years ago.

[Anthony DeVito]

I found out when I started failing through high school. I could have told you.

[Bobby Kelly]

They didn't have that in high school. I just. I literally found. I have adult ADHD and I've been white knuckling my dumb life.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm going to start taking some 99 of comedians. Yeah. Take it. It's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you take it?

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you take?

[Anthony DeVito]

Well, I'm going to go back to the story.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that what's happening right now? How many did you take today?

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, I take them all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you take me a bottle?

[Anthony DeVito]

I go, I'll do the bottle for the month. You know, like, I give you a month. I take it one day and I just let it and I just ride it out. Like you just.

[Bobby Kelly]

You take it all in one day.

[Anthony DeVito]

Like you put all the food down for your cat and he'll just have enough. I put that. But my belly. So something like 600 milligrams of Adderall. I just go, like, today was an Adderall day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Today was an Adderall.

[Anthony DeVito]

Thursday ain't shit getting done, brother. I'll be in the bed crying. I call it wet blanket, Greg. It's like I got a wet blanket and I can't move.

[Greg Stone]

Your wife comes in the room. But what's gonna happen with my Bartholomew gland? Is no one gonna lick it?

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, yeah, and you can get a vibrator at CVS now, guys. Did you know that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's been for a long time.

[Anthony DeVito]

Wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I know that. You know what I. You know what I used to use before that. I've said this before? Electric toothbrush. If you bought one of those little electric toothbrushes and you put a little like a baggie over the end.

[Anthony DeVito]

A baggie?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You don't have to. And you. Because you want to use the toothbrush, you want to just throw it out, you put a little bag right on the clitoris.

[Anthony DeVito]

Let me tell you what you.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you're ever in a jam, if you're in a jam on the road and you need to use a vibrator

[Anthony DeVito]

on your road, you know, if you

[Greg Stone]

need to make your woman come in prison,

[Anthony DeVito]

that's why he's the funniest motherfucker out here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Give one. Give one to Anthony.

[Anthony DeVito]

But a big one. Put a big one up. Let me tell you this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

What you do is you take the toothbrush and then you put it on the bottom your throat. Like one of those people who's like, how are you knowing? And then you eat your. You go down on your lady and it makes your whole mouth vibrate. You electrify your own jaw. Have you never done that?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I've never. Of course I've never done that. Why would I do that?

[Anthony DeVito]

We call the trap jar.

[Bobby Kelly]

You make it. They don't call. Call it the trap.

[Anthony DeVito]

I do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you just did. You just made that up. That's not the thing you say.

[Anthony DeVito]

Sure, what's anything?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I mean, certain things have names for reasons they come up with it.

[Greg Stone]

Look up trap jaw.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, can I ask you. It's going to be. They'll show it. They'll show it. It's not going to show it. Please don't make Christine look up trap jaw. It's not going to come up.

[Anthony DeVito]

Also, feel free to disregard everything I said.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, don't do. Actually go with everything he says. Listen, so you put. You put electric toothbrush on the bottom of your jaw, see? Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

No trap jaw from he Man. Yeah, one of my favorites. I really just wanted to watch the new he man trailer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Take that off, cuz he'll look at his 80s. Look at. Look this way. Look this way.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, that's my way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't show Greg any tv. It's my way. Stop looking at. Now he's just looking at the tv.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm very excited about the new he man movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we were talking about that the other day.

[Anthony DeVito]

Well, you have to go back to the thing. Anthony did that we 8080 right the hell out.

[Bobby Kelly]

You took us to trap jaw. And then he man, it's not us.

[Anthony DeVito]

Well, I'm going back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, we'll go back.

[Anthony DeVito]

We took our stop of the rest stop. Let's get back on the highway.

[Greg Stone]

Where were we?

[Anthony DeVito]

We were at. We were at the mall.

[Bobby Kelly]

At the mall.

[Greg Stone]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

And when you did one of the funniest things. So we were doing that at Macy's. Then we went to the Dippin Dots ice cream of the future stand. And you walked up to the. There's one person there. And you went, I'm from corporate, here to help with sales. And the guy went, what? And then he just started scooping ice cream and looking at people going. He started rapping. He was like, it's the ice cream of the future, y'.

[Bobby Kelly]

All.

[Anthony DeVito]

It's ice cream. People were like, this guy's like, fuck it, man, do whatever you want. He just let him do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

They were just like, well, he's from

[Bobby Kelly]

corporate, so I mean, not for nothing, you do have corporate energy.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Put it to use. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Then we. Then we went to.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys used to have a lot of fun.

[Greg Stone]

Oh yeah, we really did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. This sounds like a blast.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, remember we made a woman sign up for the three way?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, what?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, this was great. You are a TGI sexual period, which I never left.

[Anthony DeVito]

I said, that's where I'm staying. For the rest of my life. So here's what we did for the three way. We went to a TGI Friend Fridays and we just would approach women and we would say, listen, whatever you want. We would. If you would like to be a three way, we would offer it. Now I get it. We're not great to look at. We have a sign up sheet over there. Feel free to. We had a sign up sheet. Feel free to sign up. But here's what we offer. Continental breakfast.

[Greg Stone]

Natalie merchant.

[Anthony DeVito]

Natalie Merchant. 10,000 maziacs. We will play 10,000 Maniacs. Natalie Merchant.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm in.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, it's a great deal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine's in too. Are you in? Does this offer still stand?

[Greg Stone]

It's always up. I think the sign up sheet's still there.

[Anthony DeVito]

We will make you laugh. We will make you cry. We will make you want a little more. Anyway, we did approach a few people and they were all laughing so hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

People signed up, but did you ever do this?

[Anthony DeVito]

We chickened out very hard.

[Greg Stone]

That's what was great. There were just. There were people our age just having three ways and we were like, wouldn't that be hilarious?

[Bobby Kelly]

So you can. Guys. You came up with a business plan?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, yeah, we did come up with a business plan. It was a good pitch.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. The three way sign up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is any of this on video?

[Anthony DeVito]

No, it's on our head video.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't videotape if. You know, if you videotaped any of this stuff, you guys would be huge stars right now.

[Anthony DeVito]

Let me tell you this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Anthony DeVito]

When you watch something that's on video, what happens next? I'll tell you. Don't answer. It goes to your memory.

[Bobby Kelly]

I need a tissue. You're making boogers come out. You're going so fast. My nose is right.

[Anthony DeVito]

You watch the thing on video.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Then it goes to your memory.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

We cut out the middleman. We just tell you. And then that goes right to your memory. No need to see the video.

[Bobby Kelly]

But if you have. My point is this.

[Anthony DeVito]

You're seeing it live from our mouth.

[Bobby Kelly]

I agree with you. But if you videotape this and you had it on video with the way the world is now, these videos would be viral and people would be like, oh, my God, these guys have to do more. And then you guys, as you look now, which I'm pretty sure was pretty simple, similar to what you look back then, I'm sure you guys didn't have any growth spurts and you guys could go do more stuff. You'd be like, famous now. Like jackass. Videotaped it.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Jake Paul videotaped all these things. You. The. The guys from Impractical Jokers did all the videos. If you had this on video, we could have something here.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, good. Guys.

[Anthony DeVito]

We didn't have cameras.

[Bobby Kelly]

We didn't have the camera.

[Anthony DeVito]

I had a Canon.

[Greg Stone]

I'm just sad.

[Anthony DeVito]

I had a D. I know. Dvm video cassettes. Those were the little. Little guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Little, tiny guys. Yeah, Right.

[Anthony DeVito]

And then you'll be.

[Bobby Kelly]

You'll be for your time. That's it.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. And then people didn't want to put us on TV because they.

[Mars Men Advertiser]

They're.

[Anthony DeVito]

Because of the woke. The woke media.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's not. In 2004.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's. I. Greg, I'm sorry.

[Anthony DeVito]

2004, Woke Media would not have us on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do not think Woke started in 2004. I'm pretty sure it was. No, I.

[Anthony DeVito]

We were the cutting edge of being canceled for wokeness.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm pretty sure I was on Opie and Anthony at the time.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Howard Stern was Howard Stern at the time. I'm pretty sure it was not.

[Anthony DeVito]

Back then, woke was. Woke was the opposite of what you guys were doing. It was. We were too nice. Woke was like, these guys are too not racist and too kind.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

And that was where bag of dick days. Remember? Everyone said to bag of dick, hey, look at that guy. Bag of dick, bag of AIDS.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Anthony DeVito]

Everyone in 2001-2006 loved to say the word bag of dick, bag of aids.

[Bobby Kelly]

I never heard that. I didn't know that.

[Greg Stone]

I think people were just being mean to you.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, they were.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They were just calling you a bag of dicks and a bag of aids.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. That wasn't a good time for my house.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's all. Right.

[Anthony DeVito]

Right. But I'm back.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if we st. My wife again? What? All right, let's. Let's. Let's not go backwards. Let's not go backwards.

[Anthony DeVito]

I call her crazy things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. What? Like what?

[Anthony DeVito]

Deborah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Deborah. Is that your name, right?

[Anthony DeVito]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's her name?

[Anthony DeVito]

Her name is some Asian dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm like, what?

[Anthony DeVito]

Ping Pan. Oh, my God. What are you doing here? What are you doing? Greg, what are you doing? You can't be this guy anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't call her Ping.

[Anthony DeVito]

I know. And it's not. That's not even close to Ty. My wife is tie. Yeah, But I'm afraid to give her name on the radio because people going to look her up and masturbate to her photos on Google.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is she Hot, right?

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, she's hot as hell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah, Ty, that's. It's so.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. My wife titties are so big, she. Her titties enter the door before her body does.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like those don't have titties dead long.

[Greg Stone]

She doesn't know how to walk.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

No, my wife's a great woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, okay. We get that. Yeah. But she's got big titties.

[Anthony DeVito]

Not really.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. All right. I don't know what to take here.

[Anthony DeVito]

I mean, it's all for Anthony. All of this is to make Anthony laugh. And Christine, too. I don't look, cuz when she laughs, I feel like it's a big one. But I don't look cuz I'm. I'm clocking them.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can hear when I'm clocking the cine ones. Right.

[Anthony DeVito]

So do you have Wayne now?

[Bobby Kelly]

I should have said that. Buddy. What the. Is happening, brother? You just screamed out a random question. Buddy, listen to me.

[Anthony DeVito]

Look at me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Greg, Greg, look. Greg, Greg, Greg. You're good, man. It's good. What the. Is happening? Happening?

[Anthony DeVito]

What are we talking about? Why was I talking about my wife?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you brought up her tits. You said. You said you had sex again. You're having tits and her tits are huge. They go out of the door before she gets there. And then I said, are they big? And you said, no, they're not that big. And then you said, you live in Wayne. And then that was it. Then we're back.

[Anthony DeVito]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't give out people. I can't hear you. What?

[Anthony DeVito]

You can't give out people's attention. Addresses.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not the address. It's actually just a town. You would have to.

[Anthony DeVito]

People will look, they'll go, and they'll go here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Where is she?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think they're going to go street by street.

[Anthony DeVito]

No, you just clock every Starbucks because eventually everyone gets Starbucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you're right.

[Greg Stone]

Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to find Christine, you go to the Starbucks at any point of the day, she might be there. But again, she mostly has it delivered, so you'd have to follow the guy to the house.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'll say this, though. My. My wife's parents live in Wayne. I'm in Wayne like 80% of the time.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just said her. You just said it. That is just weird.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm sor.

[Bobby Kelly]

You tell me that. What's going on?

[Greg Stone]

Told everyone where your wife's parents live.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, what are you doing?

[Anthony DeVito]

They're fast as hell.

[Bobby Kelly]

They'll get away Cuz they're. They're tie. They're.

[Greg Stone]

Get away. You know, that's why his parents ping pong and boop bip.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. Very close to robots. What? That got racist. I was trying to do a robot one. Did a crazy Asian one. My God, puppy put a bullet in my head.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just went. You just went full racist.

[Greg Stone]

Never seen a comedian try to make a right wing pivot but can't do it so great.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it, Greg. I love him so much. It makes me so happy. Look at. He's fading, though. Look, he's still.

[Anthony DeVito]

No, I'm just thinking about. What would my wife say if she heard about any of this?

[Bobby Kelly]

She's not gonna hear anything.

[Anthony DeVito]

She never does.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she's not.

[Anthony DeVito]

She follows my career.

[Bobby Kelly]

I could give it to her good.

[Greg Stone]

Go ahead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go ahead.

[Anthony DeVito]

See what happened there? She'll laugh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

My wife crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Doesn't watch anything I do.

[Anthony DeVito]

It's the best.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's the best. I love it.

[Greg Stone]

That is nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think my wife thinks I'm talented.

[Greg Stone]

Same.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, I think you're talented.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. She doesn't even ask me how my sets are. Like, how was it that I. She just says hi. Hi. I just did four shows at the Cellar. Nothing. You don't want to know any. Nope. Just give me that money.

[Anthony DeVito]

Do you get this one?

[Charles Barkley]

What?

[Anthony DeVito]

My wife has the kids, right? She has the kids. I get home off the road, and she's like, take the kids, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, I was like, honey, I was just on the road all weekend. And she was like, yeah, I was with the kids. As if what I'm doing, I was just a vacation.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, let me just say something to you.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Unless you're Chappelle.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You worked an hour.

[Anthony DeVito]

The rest 40 minutes.

[Bobby Kelly]

The rest.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm featuring 25.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, 25.

[Anthony DeVito]

You work 25, sometimes hosting 15.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you're in the room, you go get breakfast. You go get breakfast, and then you go back and nap, and then you watch TV and then all day, and then you'll get lunch, then you go back and take another nap after lunch. And then you go to the show, what, around 7? And then you do 25 minutes and then you're done.

[Anthony DeVito]

No, I'm sitting there missing my wife the whole time, and that's a lot of energy. I'm thinking about missing my children. I'm masturbating like a guy who's going to prison because they know they won't let you masturbate in prison. I've heard.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've heard you can masturbate in prison. That's the main thing you can do. That's actually the preferred choice. You don't want to do the other thing in prison.

[Greg Stone]

What's prison in your head?

[Anthony DeVito]

What's prison in heaven? It's my life. It's my marriage.

[Mars Men Advertiser]

Okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought you loved your marriage. I thought you loved your life.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, but it's a prison. It's a nice prison.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, it's not a prison. You love being married. I love having kids.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, of course. Yeah, but that's not funny. You know what's funny? Doing almost racist bits about your wife because you know she'll never hear it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's her name again?

[Anthony DeVito]

I don't know. My wife is. This has the same name as this, like, dance group that comes from China. BTS Shang. What are Yang.

[Greg Stone]

We're Korean.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wang.

[Anthony DeVito]

Not Shang Wang.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shang Wang.

[Anthony DeVito]

If I was married to Shang Wang, yeah, I would love. He's the funniest guy in town.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does she have an accent? Does she have an accent in China? In Beijing?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sheng Wang.

[Anthony DeVito]

My wife has an accent, but it's a gay accent which she adopted through her gay friends.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your wife talk. What does it mean? She talks gay.

[Greg Stone]

How does she sound? Craig?

[Bobby Kelly]

Go ahead.

[Anthony DeVito]

Athena.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh. Oh, my God. Greg. What are you doing with that? Get out of here, you bad boy. Why do you sound like a gay man? This is who I am now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your wife's a gay man?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, She's a woman who identifies as a gay man for fun.

[Greg Stone]

She's the opposite. Jacob?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you. You're not married, right?

[Anthony DeVito]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you're married. And is your wife like Greg's wife?

[Greg Stone]

No, she's much more Asian.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you marry?

[Anthony DeVito]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Anthony DeVito]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Was your wife Italian?

[Greg Stone]

She's Italian. Jewish.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

She's a lot trouble now.

[Bobby Kelly]

She is, yeah.

[Greg Stone]

I mean, I love her, but it's a lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

She can half cook.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, that's actually it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Do they get along? Do your wives get along?

[Greg Stone]

Yes.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, they do, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, of course they do.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'm doing a bit. No, they do, yeah. Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Julie, she can be a lot. But, you know, once you. Once you get. Once you get into her, you're like,

[Bobby Kelly]

okay, his wife can be a lot. No, your wife can be a lot.

[Greg Stone]

Greg's wife is so easy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Yeah, well, she has to be. You can't have two a lot in the house.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, it's very much the opposite.

[Bobby Kelly]

Die. Give me a point. Give me a point. Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Put him on the board. My. My wife is a lot. It's a very. Whereas Greg, you know, Greg sought someone out who is more like me. I sought someone out who's more like Greg. We both got people that are us that we want to have sex with.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you. So basically it. You married. You married Greg and she married you.

[Greg Stone]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, I got it. That works.

[Anthony DeVito]

My wife is exactly like Anthony. She doesn't answer my calls.

[Greg Stone]

My wife is just like Greg.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really.

[Greg Stone]

She. I don't think I've ever to talked. Talked in our relationship.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, listen, I. I'm so happy you guys came in. Thanks for coming.

[Anthony DeVito]

Is it over?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not. We got to take a break, though. This is radio. This isn't podcast land. This is actually radio. Let me tell you something. That was a fast hour. Holy God. Greg Stone, he's got a new podcast all about toys and all nerds need things called Yo Greg is [e-mail] gregstone comedy. Literally one of my favorite people in this business and one of the funniest guys in the business, too. And then, of course, what is this? We have Greg has a new special, Nobody.

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, no. Read the one before that. That's more important.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that? Where is every Monday, Greg has a show every Monday night at the dojo of comedy in New Jersey. Use promo code Stone zone for deep discounts. And you have a new special out called Nobody presents Greg three years old.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you know, I love it. I watched it. It was very funny. Hilarious. Do you still do the music thing? What was that called?

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, yeah. Night Cream.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're creating Night Cream. I love Night Cream. Have you guys seen Night Cream? Oh, God, I love it. And Anthony, another hilarious guy, Anthony DeVito on social media at comedian Anthony DeVito and subscribe to his YouTube page, YouTube.comdian Anthony DeVito. And please check out Big G. J. He is. He's away right now, but we miss him. I wish Big J was here for this. He would. This would be great. He's gonna be in Nashville for Story wars this week. April 15th. Is that tonight? Tonight and tomorrow night. Make sure you check out that April 15th and 16th. Then he's going to headlining Kansas City over the weekend, 17th and 18th. After that, he's gonna be in Las Vegas, Providence, Los Angeles and Austin. For all tickets and tour dates, go to bigjcomedy.com and YouTube.com bigjokerson and just go to Punchup Live. For all my dates this weekend, I'm in a mohegan Sun So if you're around the area, come down. Friday, one show, Saturday, two shows and I'm in. Stanford coming up. I'm all over. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire. We gotta take a. A breath. Hey, campers, guess what? Skank Fest x, that means 10. I just learned that. Christine just taught me that. I don't like that. Christine knew I was going to go X. Like X Games. No, it means ten, dummy. Skank Fest X New Orleans is November 13th through the 15th at Mardi Gras World. Badges go on sale this Monday, April 20th at 2pm Eastern Time at skankfest.com so make sure you get your tickets. It's going to sell out, so don't miss out. Skank Fest x New Orleans, skankfest.com.

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[Greg Stone]

Hey everyone. Check out this guy and his bird.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is this, your first date?

[Anthony DeVito]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Anthony DeVito]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Anyways, get a quote at Liberty Mutual or with your local agent.

[Bobby Kelly]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

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