C (1:42)

No, let's not fato fat. I, I came in, I came in early, I sat down. I didn't see nothing on my chair. And I sat down, I get up to go to the bathroom. It's weird that we have a conversation about the concert. Throwing shit at people.

A (2:02)

Throwing shit at Tila Tequila.

C (2:03)

They were throwing shit at her. And then we were talking about Jacob. And then I leave, I go to the bathroom, I come back and I look on my chair, there's a nugget of shit.

A (2:14)

You did insult that little girl Jacob has a crush on.

C (2:20)

There's no reason to shit on my chair.

A (2:22)

Well, I don't know. You made him feel like a pedophile.

C (2:24)

Now I got chocolate all over my favorite hoodie.

A (2:27)

Yeah.

C (2:27)

And who.

A (2:28)

Who.

C (2:29)

Yeah. Is my favorite hoodie one of them? It's such a good hoodie.

A (2:31)

Well, you were sitting on it for a while.

C (2:33)

For a whole hour.

A (2:34)

Right. So I'm saying before. So you said it wasn't there before the show. But that's impossible.

C (2:39)

I know. I didn't say that. I said I didn't see it.

A (2:41)

You didn't see it at all. I think somebody's sleep. No one slid it behind you don't think. But you think that might. Could be Jacob. He is eating a protein bar.

C (2:46)

It's weird because he's the. You were making. You. You. You're helping. But the way you help is you make fun, too, which I appreciate.

A (2:54)

That's all I have. You.

C (2:55)

You let you add levity to the situation.

A (2:57)

I didn't have club soda. It's your two choices. But you're giving club soda. I could bust your balls and try right over water.

C (3:06)

And. And then Jacob jumped up real fast, which I thought was nice.

A (3:10)

No.

C (3:11)

Until it's guilty.

B (3:12)

He is a little. He's a little sleazy right now. Well, he also was like, I'll clean it. Why is he volunteering to clean it?

C (3:19)

Yeah.

A (3:19)

And.

C (3:19)

And Sam J. Walks over there and finds a salted. Salted caramel.

B (3:25)

Who.

C (3:26)

Wait a minute. Where's the evidence? Where's the evidence that was on my chair?

A (3:29)

It's right here.

C (3:30)

Yeah, we pulled it over. No, the actual piece of nugget that was on my chair. Oh, it's right there. Is it. Is it the same chocolate bar?

A (3:38)

I don't think so. You come in too hot, dude. Everyone's here working with you, buddy.

C (3:43)

I just got chocolate.

A (3:43)

You're coming in, mean detective. So you're going like, where is it? Where's the other. We have it.

C (3:47)

We're on your team, buddy.

A (3:48)

I'm that analyzer.

C (3:49)

You always need a mean, angry cop. You watch Hill Street Blues.

A (3:52)

We're helping you. Yeah, Hill Street Blues. No, my mom watched that.

C (3:56)

All right.

A (3:57)

Blue Bloods.

C (3:58)

Boston version. We're getting a little better now, buddy. You always need an angry cop.

B (4:03)

There's. There's nuts in there.

C (4:05)

Is that. Is that the same?

A (4:06)

Let's see a picture. Let's see a picture online of the. What brand is this?

C (4:11)

Paco?

A (4:12)

Bear Bell. Bear Bell.

C (4:13)

Paco. I'm sorry. Paco was looking at me going, it's Right here. I went, where's the chocolate? He goes, it's right here. He actually got sadder.

A (4:20)

The more he. More of us said it.

C (4:21)

Jay got. Jay did. The response a man would do get like, dude, it's right here. You gotta lay on. You got sadder from your childhood trauma from your dad.

A (4:29)

There's peanut and chocolate.

B (4:31)

There is. There is.

C (4:33)

What's in the ingredients of the chocolate bar that he.

A (4:35)

Well, I'll tell you. It's called a salty peanut bar.

B (4:37)

Yeah. Salted caramel and peanut. And then if you look in the wrapper, which I did, there's some remnants of chocolate. There's a little chocolate in there.

C (4:45)

I'm not even sitting down anymore.

B (4:48)

Like, on the wrapper. Like maybe Jay.

C (4:53)

Jay. If you pour water on that. If you pour water on that. Those glasses are so perfect. You really use your glasses as a magnifying glass to see if it matches.

A (5:09)

It's a milk chocolate base, Robert. It's a milk chocolate base on both. It's very, very feasibly be the same chocolate.

C (5:16)

Where's Jacob right now? Washing the evidence out of my.

A (5:20)

Absolutely. Taking his fingerprints out of your shirt.

C (5:23)

Why would he do that to me?

A (5:24)

He came over to clean your. He came over to clean your. Your microphone.

C (5:29)

I was in the chair when he.

A (5:30)

Came over and he slid it behind you.

B (5:32)

Oh, wow, Smooth.

A (5:35)

Slid it behind you. Dude, he flim. Flammed you.

C (5:37)

Why, though? What did I do?

A (5:39)

Well, he's your enemy.

C (5:44)

I never. But I never thought. Is. Is he that the greatest enemy of the show?

A (5:49)

Jacob? He's the enemy of the show.

C (5:52)

That was that.

A (5:52)

Jake hates fun smiles and laughter.

C (5:55)

You know what? He got it right by me.

A (5:56)

Don't you remember? I said, it's my favorite Christine, where I was like, man, Roxanne Shantae is so happy on her show. I hear. I listen to her, and I want to be in that studio. Why is she so happy? And Christine said, don't look at Jacob's face in that studio. They just freestyle rap. Everyone rap. Nonsense rap. Roxanne Shantae, she still raps like it's 1984. She's like, we're having fun up in here. We're letting everybody in here. She's awful.

B (6:21)

That sounds like an awesome time.

A (6:22)

Yeah, it sounds so fun because there's no Jacob in there. Planting salty caramel dookies on chair.

C (6:29)

I started praying when I joined the show because of Jacob's face. It brought me back to God. The only way I could get out of it, the funk I was in I didn't know what it was. And it was Jacob's face. And I. Jesus saved me. And maybe that's why. Maybe he. Maybe. Maybe he hates me. Maybe he hates you and me. Maybe he hates both of us because we're losing weight and we're getting into shape and he likes to be the only one. Maybe because he put the chocolate on the thing. Maybe that's like a. Hey, fatso, you'll always be fat.

A (7:00)

Oh, he's short. He's short. So his thing might also be. Yeah, he's like.

B (7:04)

It's interesting you think he's in shape because I don't. I didn't find that to be in shape.

C (7:09)

God damn it. Why wasn't he here?

A (7:12)

He's not.

C (7:13)

Can you replay that?

A (7:14)

Yoked. He's healthy.

B (7:16)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just looks like he could survive.

C (7:18)

He's. Hell, he's healthy. In the 1800s.

A (7:21)

Yes, healthy, exactly. He's exercised. That requires saying things like, hup.

B (7:26)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (7:28)

Everything's like. Maybe some body weight, like jumps. Yeah, A lot of form things.

B (7:32)

Right.

C (7:33)

He's healthy. You eat once a day when you hear a bell, that type of healthy.

A (7:39)

Yeah, no, Jacob's pretty healthy dude. But. Yeah, he's not.

C (7:42)

Why would you think he would do. I mean, is he that evil that he would just throw a chocolate bar on my seat?

A (7:48)

Sure, yeah. Why do you think he's above that?

C (7:52)

You think they planned this at the Dan dinner?

A (7:55)

Yeah, Dan. You know, Dan used to be the co host with me here. He still takes the whole crew out for lunch once a month.

B (8:01)

Oh, wow.

A (8:02)

Not us. These guys.

B (8:04)

Oh, wow.

A (8:05)

And then they go there and they bitch to Dan like fucking chicks.

C (8:09)

Yeah, yeah.

A (8:09)

Like a couple of fucking broads.

C (8:11)

Yeah, Mainly about chicks.

A (8:11)

Not Black Lou. Black Lou tells them that the restaurant subpar for Dan's bank account. It's true. He goes, why are we at this franchise horseshit place when we should be somewhere else?

B (8:19)

You're doing good work.

A (8:20)

He's doing great work, but these guys over here just look at him like this the whole time, like, oh, I'll have the Salisbury steak, please, and the fucking canned mushroom gravy.

B (8:29)

Oh, my God. You were on Billions.

A (8:32)

They were up in his shit.

C (8:33)

You know what's so weird about that? Because I was thinking that he takes out the three guys on the show, but his. The real person you should meet once a month or once every few months to go to lunch with is his co host for eight years.

A (8:46)

Yeah.

C (8:47)

You think that you would be the guy that you'd go, hey, man, let's get together once every couple months.

A (8:52)

That would be weird if Dan took me to lunch once a month.

B (8:54)

I think it's also like an ego thing for Dan because he's like, these guys are poor, right?

A (9:01)

That's it.

C (9:05)

They're right here, half of them.

A (9:06)

Sam, you're not wrong. But he doesn't take them and show them the other side of life. He takes into the franchise steakhouse. Yeah.

C (9:14)

He keeps them poor. Like the government before they start charging.

A (9:17)

Full price for appetizers. 2pm yeah.

C (9:21)

Yeah. Ted Montana. We have a Del Frisco's downstairs. Never been.

A (9:28)

Look how many goddamn locations there are this hole.

C (9:31)

Oh, my God.

A (9:34)

Delaware got a few.

C (9:36)

Kentucky has one.

A (9:37)

Yick.

C (9:38)

Yes. It's always the same place.

B (9:39)

It's always Montana.

C (9:41)

Always the same place.

B (9:42)

You guys keep going back.

A (9:44)

Jacob keeps saying out loud. He goes, I love it. I absolutely love it. He loves it. No, no, Jacob. This one.

B (9:51)

Oh.

A (9:52)

Oh, no. Black Lou says flat out, we should go somewhere else. Black Lou's begging to go anywhere else. I sent him some seafood, some shellfish. Come on, Dan.

B (10:04)

Ted Montana, serve like bison.

C (10:05)

Yes, yes. That's the thing.

B (10:07)

Isn't that the whole big deal?

C (10:08)

Yeah, but bison is just.

B (10:11)

Franchise bison.

C (10:12)

And how do you know? How do you know if it's bison?

B (10:14)

That's what I'm saying.

A (10:14)

Yeah.

C (10:18)

Franchise bison is not good.

A (10:20)

While we're talking food, Sam, can I ask you, when you are in Philly, do you differentiate between your Massachusetts. Obviously, steak and cheese, cheesesteak.

C (10:29)

Hang on.

A (10:29)

Is there any difference to you.

C (10:32)

What's it called?

B (10:33)

I. I think in my mind, the only difference is, like, y' all will do that whiz thing and we won't. We don't ever do that whiz. There's no place in Massachusetts and whiz anything.

A (10:44)

Always American or provo.

B (10:45)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the only difference. And I kind of stay away from the wizzy places, so.

A (10:50)

But do you only go to filling and ask for a steak and cheese?

B (10:56)

Oh, no, no.

C (10:57)

I'll try that joke later in the.

B (10:58)

When I go to the. I think I'm conforming. I think when I'm there, I'm like, can I get a Philly?

C (11:05)

You say cheesesteak, not steak.

B (11:07)

I don't say steak and cheese because I. I just don't believe you can get a steak and cheese outside of.

C (11:12)

Massachusetts, but in Massachusetts, it's a steak and cheese.

B (11:15)

Yeah, for sure.

C (11:15)

But when you go to Philly, you say cheesesteak.

B (11:17)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that was where I'm at.

C (11:19)

Right? You assimilate.

B (11:21)

I do. I conform a little bit. But also, I don't think it's a steak and cheese. It is a cheesesteak. You're, like, not making it how we make it.

A (11:27)

Do you.

C (11:27)

Do you like BO Austin steak and cheese better? Thanks.

A (11:31)

No, it's regional where you're from. Yes, where you're from. Completely.

C (11:35)

I used to work at the Angelo's.

B (11:36)

D'. Angelo's. Actually makes a good. And a good pastrami pocket.

C (11:40)

Yeah.

A (11:41)

I've never had a better roast beef sandwich than that place. I love it.

C (11:43)

Oh, Mike's. He goes. He went to Mike's.

B (11:45)

Oh, Mike's. Yeah. Yeah, Mike's is good.

A (11:47)

Even their shitty fried seafood at night is fantastic.

B (11:50)

No, it is. It is. It is shitty fried seafood. But it's.

A (11:53)

But it's so good.

B (11:54)

Then he gives himself a frap.

C (11:56)

No.

B (11:56)

Oh, that's how you gotta get a frat.

A (11:58)

What's that?

B (11:58)

A frap is like, they should get a milkshake.

C (12:01)

Yeah.

B (12:01)

It's not a malt, but it's not a.

A (12:03)

And they make them there.

C (12:03)

They make them there. Yeah, it's not a malt. It's in between a milkshake and a malt.

A (12:08)

Yeah, I love that. And they have the pictures up on the wall, that place. It's like a bunch of Boston comics, but just Boston comics. There's like. And they're, like, front and center, headshots of everybody. The guy who showed it to me, Dave Russo. Is that.

C (12:18)

Yeah, Dave Russo. Scally cap. Yeah.

B (12:20)

Oh, yeah, yeah. Russo brought you.

A (12:21)

Okay. He's the first person ever. Bring me there. Yeah, it was great.

C (12:23)

Yeah. Steve Sweeney's head.

A (12:25)

Yeah.

C (12:25)

I love Russo. He's a good guy. Yeah, that guy's shredded, too.

B (12:28)

Yeah. Yeah, he'll be. His ass, Jacob. Yeah.

A (12:31)

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

C (12:33)

You could beat Jacob's ass.

A (12:34)

Yeah. The guy's not a fighter. We've had to stop Jaw. We've had to stop Bobby's son from beating Jacob's ass. Would you. He's a child, for Christ's sakes.

C (12:41)

Yeah, I know. Would you do me a favor and slap Jacob when he comes back in for me and just say, that's from Bobby.

B (12:46)

Where?

A (12:48)

Right across his stupid, dumb face.

C (12:49)

Yeah, right across.

A (12:51)

We had to stop like a dog. Like a puppy. Like a puppy. We had to tell Max he was playing too rough with Jacob. No, you're hurting him. You're hurting him. He was, like, twisting him around by A store. You're hurting Jacob.

C (13:04)

I wish that wasn't true.

A (13:07)

And he had Bobby to pull. Max, I go. Max. Picking on Jacob. He's a grown man. You're making him feel like.

C (13:13)

Yeah, he almost made Jacob hold on to his belt. Hoop. Walking down the street well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well.

A (13:24)

Jacob, this doesn't look good for you, dude. Did we look up the bear? What that looks like out of package? The. The brand.

C (13:33)

Thank you, Bear.

A (13:34)

Bell. Bear Bella. Thank you, Bear Bells.

C (13:39)

Yeah.

A (13:39)

Salted peanut protein bar. Let's take a look at this thing out of package, because I can't even. Jacob, I got a strong feeling your salty peanut thing is the thing that's on Bobby's jacket. On Bobby's shirt.

C (13:56)

I can't even give me.

A (13:57)

Is that what you've been conspiring against me? Oh, my.

B (14:01)

Let's see it. That's it. I opened it up during the break.

A (14:07)

I ate it in my chair.

B (14:08)

Okay. This is what I get.

C (14:10)

Yeah, but I mushed the lines out. I mushed the lines out.

A (14:13)

You know what I did downstairs for you?

C (14:16)

I know you did, but I don't know what you did up here.

B (14:18)

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Because it was. It was getting a crush.

C (14:21)

Listen, I'm just saying I had nothing.

A (14:22)

To do with that, okay? I went, from the bottom of my heart, washed it with dawn at the kitchen.

C (14:27)

Are you bringing my wife into this?

A (14:28)

No.

C (14:29)

Then my wife's house. You cheating on.

A (14:30)

Keep your wife's name out of his mouth. I went into the bathroom and breathed in somebody's duty because they were taking a while. I was drying that for 10 minutes. So now you got air all over his jacket, too. It's in my lungs is where it is where it's in.

B (14:44)

But, but, but, but.

A (14:45)

But you have hepatitis S. Listen, we're not blaming you. Oh, you were.

C (14:50)

We're not blaming you. I'm just saying that it was really strange when you left. There was a nugget of chocolate, and then Sam J. Went over and found a wrapper of chocolate and said, whoa, what's this?

A (15:04)

I was eating it when Sam came in.

B (15:06)

Also you. You were eating some of it. And also.

A (15:14)

Shot.

B (15:16)

You went over there to clean the mic at some point during the show. So you had access.

C (15:22)

You did. And you go to dinner with Dan once every couple months.

B (15:25)

Clean it and betray the whole community.

C (15:28)

Yeah, for mediocre food.

A (15:30)

Lunch with Dan is special. That has nothing to do with this.

C (15:33)

Not to Dan. It's not. It's A burden to Dan, you son of a bitch.

A (15:37)

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A (19:38)

Sam, are you familiar with the Zeus network at all.

B (19:43)

Bonfire News?

A (19:44)

No. Zeus network.

C (19:46)

Yeah, we have our own. We're going to do that.

B (19:48)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (19:49)

Network.

B (19:49)

I am. Baddies shout a clown. I'm unfortunately, I'm very familiar.

A (19:53)

No, don't say unfortunately. It's my favorite television in the world.

B (19:56)

What do you want? What?

A (19:57)

The baddies.

B (19:58)

You're watching the baddies. I don't know that I like that.

A (20:02)

It's terrible. I mean, they're. They're awful.

B (20:04)

They're all bad.

A (20:05)

They're awful people, all of them. Yeah, it's. The whole thing is bad. And they're all. And they're all rappers. It's pretty great.

C (20:10)

I'm with Sam.

A (20:10)

You love it.

C (20:11)

It's bonding with his daughter.

A (20:13)

It's bonding with my daughter.

B (20:14)

That's good. She's into. Who's her favorite baddie?

A (20:17)

None of them. No, no, she gets it. She gets that it's ridiculous. But she also went to their live show and they came because she like, she likes the chaos. She's always been like reality TV with me, and so she like. I mean, they don't. They unironically love the opening theme song by Natalie Nunn, but they're kids.

B (20:31)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (20:32)

She's 22. 23. 23.

B (20:33)

When the. When the baddies went to Africa, I was like, this might be worse than colonization.

A (20:37)

They did. You're right.

B (20:39)

This is very not good.

A (20:40)

You're absolutely right. It's better to steal black people than bring those girls to Africa. I agree. You can make a strong argument for that would hold up somewhere.

B (20:50)

They almost get kicked out of the country like, every day.

A (20:53)

Brazil. Brazil and Africa they almost got kicked out of several times because. And they were saying, like, yo, this is bad. Like, we come here and act like this at, like, a wine bar in, like, Cape Town, South Africa.

B (21:03)

Those people would rather be trampled by elephants.

A (21:07)

You know why they did. They did it for the legality of it for sure. And they did it for the. So you can get the girls on there. Like, Nicki Minaj is like, sister was underage. So you can get her drinking, though, if you take it to Africa and stuff. So that's why they do all that. But I'm curious about this right here, because I don't. This is Sukiana. And. Well, no, she's known a little bit. Like, she. She. I tell you, she performed when I did the porn awards when I was at the point where she was the.

B (21:31)

Performer that I didn't know was having an affair with Ray J for a little while.

A (21:35)

Perfect.

B (21:35)

Yeah, yeah.

A (21:36)

She is the only person speak. Everyone seems to be okay with it. Big Gretchen, who's definitely. What is her background?

C (21:42)

It just makes me laugh that you know all these girls.

A (21:44)

Just a few. Just a few.

C (21:45)

But you know them like their cousins. Big Gretch.

A (21:49)

No, I know. I know their names. That's Big Lex, Big Gretch, Sukiana. I don't know who that is right there, but Summer and then Summer's a motherfucker, so she's arguing. He just performed in New York and Big Gretch got booed because she is definitely not black at all. I don't know what she says.

B (22:06)

She's Puerto Rican and white.

A (22:07)

Okay. She says the N word a bunch. And it's like one of those. Like. She doesn't understand how everyone doesn't just understand that it's cool if she does. That argument is like, it such falls on deaf ears. She's like, it's fine. I'm not white. He goes, I still. It's just weird. It looks like you are so.

C (22:23)

She's just. She has Louis Gomez disease.

B (22:25)

She's the right Puerto Rican to do it.

A (22:27)

She's definitely the right Puerto Rican to do it.

B (22:29)

Yeah. Like, she's not giving cardi B.

A (22:32)

No, not at all. They're like, you know, their whole thing is like being like ritzy bitches and it's fucking. God damn. It is a good show, but it probably is bad for people overall. So I think they call these people their fans. Like, oh, all of our fans are out there. We shouldn't be fighting in front of the fans. Like, fans is the wrong word, though. Yes.

B (22:49)

It's bad for like, the whole thing also, like, they just get beat up because now that. Because they like, beat each other up. And that's how you get on the show and get like some level of fame or infamy now. Like, when they walk down the street, random bitches are just like, punching them in the face.

A (23:07)

It's a pinfalls count anywhere match. Hardcore championship pinfalls count anywhere.

B (23:16)

Just for like, props and how, like, it's like a pre interview to get on the show. They're like, I just knocked one of your baddie out. Let me on next season.

A (23:25)

And it's like, but the auditions, they just fist fight. The auditions. It's so wild. But they. Yeah, I don't know exactly what is the kind of fame. I mean, I guess they get like brand deals and stuff. But it's all very short. It's short money.

B (23:36)

It's not. Well, it can't be any reputable brand because they're beating up. So it's like not even like Hennessy.

C (23:43)

It's like, yeah, Nike's not gonna have the N word in one of the commercials.

B (23:46)

It's like, come to club invo tonight.

A (23:49)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like. Or like Steve's heart. Steve's hard seltzer. Some new upstart brand.

B (23:57)

Brooklyn Girls Fight Club.

A (23:58)

And like, you know, the fact that they are. Well, I am impressed with their. I've been in plenty of fights in my life. Never ever planned one. Never walked into a situation for any kind of length of time where I'm like, well, I'm being a fist fight here. And these girls are so willing to, like, they're having a good time. And then one girl comes in and she goes, I got a problem with you. And she'll be like, well, then, bitch, let's fucking stop. And they just go.

B (24:19)

And I'm like, wow, what's so crazy to me is that they also don't have any real problem, but they know that they have to fight to stay on the show, like, that's where it makes, like, the people who run Zeus, like, more evil than Mona Scott, who started loving hip hop, which I thought she could possibly be the most evil woman, but at least she would create fake drama. Zeus is just like, if you want to stay here, find a reason to punch somebody. So they'll just come in and be like, you said you don't like champagne, but then I seen you drinking champagne. I don't like bitches who lie.

A (24:52)

Yeah.

C (24:55)

What.

A (25:04)

So what the. So what else you lying about? And then before you know it, they're like, for Sean. For Sean. Rock's sister is a bruiser. Dude, she people up.

B (25:14)

They're from Baltimore, man.

A (25:15)

Is that what it is? Yeah, but the new season is going to be guys and girls, and it's got the exploitation of it.

B (25:22)

I got something to be called.

A (25:23)

That is some Orlando Brown. What's that? The South Central Baddies.

B (25:27)

You know that Jocelyn Hernandez has the cabaret.

A (25:30)

Do you watch the cabaret that's on Z also?

B (25:31)

Yes. Okay, so now she's leaving the cabaret and she's starting her own show on her own network. This one is just like the cabaret, but with men. So it's male strippers, like, taking their dicks out, slapping ladies in the face with them, but also beating the out of each other.

A (25:50)

I'll be watching. Yeah, I'll be watching.

C (25:53)

I'll be watching. And jerking.

A (25:54)

They put out like. They put out an even more like. Like the most ghetto one ever now is. Where's the South Central Baddies? Started another. It's another wing. And that's like, there's not even. They're not even getting glamoured up. This is straight up rap. And beat the out of each other.

B (26:06)

Did you see the gay boys? No, there's bad boys. They had one season on Zeus and then they tried to take it off.

A (26:12)

Their own, but plus they're bringing back with the guys. But they're not doing. They're doing just guys. Blueface and Orlando Brown. Who's going to stop exploring this? Poor Orlando Brown. That kid's so in the head, man. I mean, he just needs help.

B (26:25)

I'd like to believe that Orlando goes home and, like, wipes his face off. And he's like a very sane man who's just like, this is what I gotta do.

A (26:33)

They just keep interviewing him. And he'll be wearing like a fucking. Like a. Like a. Like a spinning fucking hat beanie and just talking about, like, Nick Cannon used to suck my dick all the time.

B (26:41)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (26:41)

And you're like, is there anything to back that up? And I go, no.

B (26:44)

I love that, though. I like that he's kind of making a mockery of what we've become entertained by.

A (26:50)

Sure. But I mean, I think he's genuinely troubled.

B (26:53)

Yeah.

A (26:53)

Yeah. He's.

C (26:54)

Can we get back to the show where they slap chicks in the face with their dicks? Do you now to be on the show, do you have to be able to slap somebody with. In the face? I'm just saying. Could I mush it into somebody's face if I wanted to be on the show?

A (27:08)

You won't get hired.

C (27:09)

No.

B (27:10)

You want to figure they want. They want good slaps.

C (27:12)

They want a slap slap.

A (27:13)

Yeah, like a. Gotta be able to fit in that weird, like, sleeve thong.

B (27:16)

Yep, exactly.

A (27:17)

Because I was gonna say those shows what I. The bummer of all the things they show and the fights and I mean, hitting each other, leaking, like, fucking cutting each other up, all kinds. The girl got her. That girl who said the N word got her neck. Oh, like, cut last week. It's. I've never seen the guys fight. I couldn't imagine that. But the legality of it has to be.

B (27:37)

Oh, yeah, they sign away. They sign away their lives. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. There's like, anything happened. Did you see the one where the girl dislocated her arm and she banged it on the wall so she could.

A (27:47)

Keep, like, rigs like, fucking lethal weap. Jesus Christ. That's what Houdini did to get at us. Took in straight jackets. They're tough. Bring up the commercial. Bring up the trailer for the baddies. South Central. Baddies.

B (28:03)

South Central sounds nuts.

A (28:05)

It's just. It's worse somehow.

B (28:07)

It's in South Central, I guess.

A (28:11)

Well, these girls are from all over the place.

B (28:13)

They're known to fight.

C (28:15)

They have to do exercise and shit.

B (28:17)

Well, they gotta make them do something.

A (28:18)

But all the bloodshed. All the bloodshed. They show no uncensored nudity, which I find strange. Of all things, they would stop. Even on the strip club one. They censor the nudity.

B (28:26)

You know what? It's a lot to show with titty.

A (28:29)

Yeah, it's a lot.

B (28:30)

There's a lot of rules around titties coming out.

A (28:33)

Really?

B (28:34)

Not that many rules around.

A (28:36)

Did you have any titties on your show? Was it a thing?

B (28:37)

Yeah, I pulled my titties out on my show and it was a lot of red tape to get those titties approved to be out.

A (28:44)

Is it more to cover that you don't later on go how could you guys have put that up?

B (28:48)

No, it's just, like, rules to it all. Like, even we had to go through, like, the city of New York. And they were like, if these titties are gonna come out, they gotta come out in Queens. And they got, like, only come out for these two blocks. If the titties pass these two blocks.

C (29:00)

There'S a titty in Queens.

A (29:03)

Titty ordinance 17, yo.

B (29:05)

I didn't have a police escort. They were like, these titties got to be monitored all the way down the bus. It was like a big. We were like, this is.

C (29:12)

Did you.

B (29:12)

Did you kind of.

C (29:13)

Did you walk outside. Did you walk outside naked with your titties on?

B (29:17)

I was in a. I was in a drop top bins and like a 1980s bins with gold rims. And Jack Knight was driving, and I had my titties out. And it was. Cause that was always something I wanted to do.

A (29:31)

Feel the wind on your titties.

B (29:32)

Feel the wind on my titties. Like a real. Like a real boy.

A (29:38)

I understand sometimes. I've recently started sleeping without my tank top on, and I really do. I feel it was fire.

B (29:45)

I had my durag on. The flat was out.

C (29:47)

I have the exact opposite. I want to swim. I want to swim without my shirt on, but I'll never do it.

B (29:53)

You could do that.

C (29:53)

No, not now.

A (29:54)

You do it at my house. Yeah.

C (29:56)

In front of you. You're the same as.

B (29:57)

Oh, you mean like at the.

C (30:00)

Fat.

A (30:00)

Fatso.

C (30:01)

Fatso. Fatso. He's fat, too. It's okay.

A (30:04)

He's fat, too. It's okay. I'll take mine off. We both probably convince ourselves that we look a little better than the other one.

C (30:09)

Christine's seen this before. Christine knows what it looks like.

A (30:11)

That's what I mean. You do. We both convince each other that we look a little better than the other one. He goes, well, Bobby's doing. And I look a little better than him. And Bobby says the same exact thing probably about me. I look a little better than Jay, so I'll take over.

C (30:20)

You're my fat barometer.

B (30:21)

That's the problem with obesity in America is there's always someone fatter. You know, when I first started losing weight, I was like, I had a problem with my weight for a long time. Cause I will always see a fatter nigga than me. Like, there's always. So you turn on My 600 Pound Life, and you're like, well, I have a neck, you know, so I'm gonna keep going. And like, there's always a bigger person.

C (30:43)

I did the same thing with Ralphie May and John Panett and then they died. And somebody on Twitter went, how does it feel to be the fattest comic alive?

B (30:49)

Damn, you were on the top.

A (30:51)

Now, it's not talked about often, but one of the worst crimes is fat on fat crime. Cause, I mean, you can go back to school as a fat kid. If a fatter kid came to school, I'd give that kid as much shit as anybody. Cause you're like, eh. Cause not me. Right. Hey, that guy's a little. And it was like, you'd be meaner than anybody because you were just trying to deflect from yourself. So weird.

B (31:11)

Yeah. I think that also happens with ugly chicks. Yeah, same thing.

A (31:15)

Bad attitudes.

B (31:16)

Like, uglier. Like there's an uglier one. So now it's time to go at her.

A (31:20)

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

C (31:22)

How'd you. You lost the weight? Because you look great now.

B (31:24)

Yeah, yeah, I figured it out.

C (31:25)

You figured it out?

B (31:26)

Yeah, yeah. Little. Little Ozempic. Once that weight started coming off in those epic. It was easier to like, move around in the gym and like walk and.

A (31:35)

Like, do stuff and exercise more. Yeah.

B (31:37)

When you lose. Yeah. And I was like, motivated to do it.

C (31:40)

Are you still with that girl?

B (31:41)

Yeah, man.

C (31:42)

Yeah. That's a. Well, that's a motivation too.

B (31:44)

Don't be. Don't be, you know, worrying about what I got going on with my stuff.

C (31:51)

Sorry I blew up your spot.

A (31:53)

Bobby had the greatest weekend of his life with you and Shane a couple months back.

B (31:56)

We had a good time. My girl said. She said, ah. When she saw you in the gym.

C (32:02)

Well, first of all, I gotta tell you, I was in the gym, working out, doing my little old guy workout.

B (32:06)

That's what she said.

C (32:07)

She came in. She came in and was doing this crazy work, bro.

B (32:10)

I do not go to the gym with her. She's like a real gym girl and she's always like, work out with me. And I'm like, like, she jumps on, jumps down, CrossFit type shit you got.

C (32:21)

But I had 20 pound dumbbells and I was just going up and down.

B (32:23)

She said. She said.

C (32:25)

I went.

B (32:25)

I saw that guy and I was like, what guys? With the white one.

A (32:29)

He was working out like a lady.

B (32:30)

And she was like. He was doing his like, little TAEBO stuff.

A (32:32)

I was like, oh, Jesus Christ.

C (32:35)

Here's the worst part. Here's the worst part. I chose. No, no, no.

A (32:38)

It's worse with 5 pound weights.

C (32:40)

I chose that day. I chose. I Didn't know she was in the gym. And I chose that day to do shadow boxing. I was doing. I was doing shadow chose that day. And then I looked over and she's like powerlifting like 500 pounds on the leg machine. And I was like, I gotta keep going. No, it's like you go, I did.

A (33:00)

Chest and buys yesterday. Today's Jazzercise, and then tomorrow I go back to heavy cranking again. Then tomorrow's deadlifts.

C (33:09)

I have my band with me.

B (33:11)

It's intimidating because I'm still like. I'm like flabby still. For sure.

C (33:15)

Me too.

B (33:16)

Like fit and shone and hot. And it's like, I mean, just go do that on your own.

A (33:20)

Do you have a hard time or do you have with insecurity of yourself at all? Like, like, looks like. Do you have a hard time believing ever that there she's into you? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, do you have to. Do you have to get over anything?

B (33:31)

Nah. Cuz I'm like, I know I'm cool as. You know what I mean? I don't know. I'm like, I'm hella cool. You know what I'm saying? So I know, like my charisma, like myself, I'm like, you're not gonna find this sauce nowhere else, I'm saying, but.

A (33:45)

It brings, like, where, like the looks or like, whatever they're like, they find themselves attracted to whatever it is you are. It's interesting.

B (33:51)

Yeah, yeah. No, there is a little bit of like. Like when we're like, fucking, you know, and I take my shirt off and I'm like, she could definitely be with someone that has abs and shit, for sure.

C (34:03)

Christine, why are you nodding your head?

B (34:04)

And then I consider it and I'm like, maybe I should like, care about abs. And then. And she comes and I'm like, I think we'll be fine.

A (34:13)

I wonder what you mean by. When I was younger, I really had. I really thought that I was like, well, if a girl who I think is physically out of my league likes me at all, I'm like, it's nefarious. I was like, she's doing it for, like, reasons. She's just trying to get some. Or it's because being there's, I think you have to get over a little after a while and be like, no, they're just like, they're past whatever that thing you think.

B (34:31)

She's also Cuban. So I'm like, she wants a little. She wants a little poppy. Good gut.

A (34:36)

Yeah, that's Right, that big boppy.

C (34:39)

Yeah, she's. She's like one of the prettiest people.

B (34:42)

Hey, you, calm down.

A (34:45)

Slow down.

C (34:46)

Dude, you told me she likes chubby stomachs.

A (34:50)

Don't get me all worked like that. She likes chubby stomachs and the absence of penis. I think me and Bobby are in play. I think we are.

C (34:59)

Now if we can just get.

A (35:00)

I don't know if you know, it's seven degree outside right now. Me and Bobby are chubby chicks.

C (35:05)

Yeah, we can just get into shadow boxing and maybe some rubber band workouts.

A (35:09)

Cuban friends over here.

C (35:13)

God, that. That, that. That weekend was probably one of the greatest weekends.

B (35:18)

You know, it was hella fun. And she was excited to see you again at a skank fest. She was like, oh, it's great.

C (35:23)

It's always sucks when you meet a guy, a girl, somebody you know's a girlfriend, you want him to be cool.

B (35:29)

Yes.

C (35:29)

And she showed up and she was. There's so many guys I know date like hot chicks and they're just dumb. Just duds. She was not a dud. She was great.

A (35:37)

You said also the strip club. Bobby was just like, I'm speaking of Louis Gomez. I've never seen anything like that. There was money just covering the. Yeah.

C (35:47)

I talked to you in private about this.

A (35:48)

You told it literally on the show.

C (35:50)

No, I did not.

A (35:51)

100.

C (35:51)

All right, well, let's talk about it again. It was a fun time. It was the craziest night of my life.

A (35:57)

Life. It brought old Bobby money on the floor of a strip club. Isn't that daunting of a story?

C (36:01)

Yeah, it was. It was.

A (36:02)

It wasn't your money. You didn't have no goddamn money.

C (36:04)

There was a point where we could have. We could have. I'm so glad you were sharing because there's a point where it's like. It could have went another way. And he was like, let's go. Let's get the out of here. Let's go. Let's get the out.

B (36:16)

Yeah. Yeah. We felt. We felt the. We felt the spirits swirling.

C (36:20)

Yeah, the.

A (36:20)

They were swirl in the evil times.

C (36:22)

Yeah, it was. It was swirling.

A (36:25)

How. How do you.

B (36:26)

Sam, I'm 44.

A (36:27)

44. So what's your like, Are you still. How. How long could you ride it out after a show?

B (36:33)

Oh, I could still go pretty. I can. All night.

A (36:36)

Really?

B (36:37)

Yeah, yeah.

A (36:37)

Five, six, out till five, six.

B (36:39)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (36:39)

Really?

B (36:39)

Still?

C (36:40)

Dude, I was done last night at 11:30. I was driving home.

B (36:44)

You know, I can do that too. I'm. I'm there now where it's like, I can take it in hella early if that's.

A (36:49)

I can do a hang, I could do a hang late. But it's got to be like, like if it makes sense, like it's more likely that I would be backstage or in a green room till four in the morning shooting the shit with five people than I would be going to.

C (37:00)

Another party at that strip club. My plantar fasciitis was killing me.

B (37:03)

I sat down last night, I went to the strip club. It was just me and one other comic who show remained nameless. It was pretty empty. Cuz it's Tuesday. We were there till like four.

A (37:16)

Pretty empty.

B (37:18)

We were there to like four.

C (37:19)

Ryan Hamilton.

B (37:20)

Just having a good conversation.

A (37:21)

You guessed it right out of the gates.

B (37:23)

Having quality conversation, you know, Kevin Brennan. And I wasn't drinking, which has been like this new thing where I'm like, I didn't know that I could do it. Not drinking. I was like, oh, I need to be drinking if I'm gonna be like, up, up, up. But I haven't been drinking still. I can go to like 5am you.

A (37:38)

Took a break from drinking or stopped.

B (37:39)

Altogether, just like doing a lot less of it. You know what I mean?

A (37:43)

Tar, when you're on the road, sometimes it's the easiest time too.

B (37:46)

Yeah, yeah.

A (37:47)

Also, if you don't drink were you get super fucked up. Like drinking's house. I never really get super fucked up. So I drink on the road. Cause I don't drink a lot.

B (37:56)

I never believe that I'm super F up, you know, Like, I'm always like, I'm good. But I think if you don't drink like that, you'd be like, hey man, you're a little fucked up, but never fucked up to the point where you're like, we gotta worry about Sam. If that makes sense.

A (38:14)

That's the baddie spirit. I know I drank, okay, but I'm not too fucked up to know what I'm saying right now.

B (38:21)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (38:22)

I'll kill every one of you and your parents.

B (38:24)

Yeah, it's one of those, like, I'll be like. And then you'll be like, you're up. And I'm like, actually, no, I'm not up. I heard what you said. I heard what you said. You know what I mean? It's like I go into like, oh, my Lord.

A (38:33)

Sam J. She's gonna be at Wise Guys in West Jordan, Utah this weekend, taking it to those more mans. That's January 23rd and 24th. After that, Tempe, Arizona February 4th San Diego February 5th through the 7th. For tickets and all of our tour dates go to Sam J. A y sam j.com comic.com and of course punch up that live Robert Kelly for all of his dates. He's got laughed up. Poughkeepsie this weekend. This weekend I'm in Where the am I this week? You're in Chicago.

C (39:02)

You're in Chicago.

A (39:02)

Only one showburg, one show.

C (39:06)

Go to bigj comedy.com for all his tickets and tour dates.

A (39:09)

And enjoy the pre record tomorrow. Thank you so much Sam for hanging out. It's always a great and enjoy the pre recorded. We'll be back on Monday. Monday. Monday maybe. Maybe.

C (39:19)

Big snowstorm coming in.

A (39:21)

I might even get back from Chicago. Oh no.

B (39:27)

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A (40:27)

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