Sharia Law

Summary

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The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "Sharia Law"
Date: November 25, 2025
Featuring: Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly, Donnell Rawlings, Christine, Bobby Lee (brief segment)
Theme:
A riotous debate on the mega-money Saudi Arabia comedy gigs, luxury travel perks, and the cultural clash of Western comedians performing in countries with strict Sharia laws. Jay, Bobby, Donnell, and crew unpack the lure of Saudi cash, the oddities of luxury hotels in authoritarian states, and riff extensively on how Sharia law might work in their own homes—all with their trademark irreverent, no-filter humor.

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Main Episode Theme

The show centers on a comedic (and deeply unfiltered) exploration of the recent trend of American comedians taking high-paying gigs in Saudi Arabia, the ethical and practical contradictions involved, and a broader digression into what strict Sharia law would look like if adopted in their own lives. This provides a platform for the cast to poke fun at luxury travel, religious strictures, gender roles, and the selling out of Western values for big paydays.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Saudi Arabia Comedy Gigs: The Money vs. Morality Debate

• The episode opens with Jay and Bobby mocking fellow comics (like Tim Dillon, Bill Burr, and Whitney Cummings) for taking six-figure paydays to perform in Saudi Arabia despite the country’s human rights record (01:03).
• Bobby relays a conversation with comedian Andrew Santino, who admits:

  “Yeah, I’m taking the money. It’s a lot of money.” (01:40, Bobby Lee)

• The group openly jokes about "what it would cost to turn their back on America," laughing about burning US flags for the right price (01:46).

Notable Quote:
“They all have to...burn a flag. You know that, right?” – Bobby Lee (01:44)

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2. Travel Perks & Comedic Sell-Out Thresholds

• Donnell Rawlings and Aaron Berg discuss the minimum they would accept for a Saudi gig:
  • Donnell: “Ten grand, I would have to do it.” (02:47)
  • Jay chimes, “Aaron Berg said we go for five grand and nice accommodations.” (02:49)
• The conversation devolves into riffing about first-class luxury, with Emirates first-class “studio suites” (the mini-apartments on long-haul flights) and whether the elite comics get them (03:18-04:29).
• Bobby asks if Jay would take an in-flight shower at 37,000 feet; Jay, Christine, and the gang debate the merits and weirdness of using airplane amenities (04:43-05:55).

Notable Exchange:
“Would you shower in the air?” – Bobby Lee (04:54)
“No.” – Jay Oakerson (04:58)

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3. Hotels & Cultural Weirdness in Saudi Arabia

• The cast jokes about gold toilets, ridiculous swords on the wall, “Saddam Hussein” luxury, and high ceilings—luxury that feels out-of-touch to them (08:17–09:53).
• Jokes on not being able to find your room due to “Sally numbers” (ways of writing numbers in Arabic), and whether women in Saudi Arabia are “smoking hot” beneath the hijab (09:44–10:14).

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4. Comedy Festivals, JFL Connections, and Brainwashing Jokes

• Jay speculates that Bruce (of Just for Laughs fame) might be the one organizing these Saudi gigs, possibly to “brainwash” comedians (11:04–11:34).
• The crew brainstorms a Hollywood-thriller version of all these comedians returning to the US as “Manchurian Candidates” sent to assassinate Trump (11:39–12:14).

Notable Joke:
“Manchurian comedians—all try to kill Trump at different times.” – Jay Oakerson (11:51)

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5. Middle Eastern Megaprojects: The Dubai & ‘The Line’ City Tangent

• The group pivots to marveling at big projects in the Gulf: underwater diving buildings in Dubai, and Saudi’s futuristic “The Line” city (13:01–15:45).
• The hosts compare the mirrored city to “the Fifth Element” sci-fi film and joke about what life would be like inside (15:35–16:53).

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6. Cultural Restrictions & Gender Roles

• Christine fact-checks the impossibility of being openly gay (“punishable by death”), and they riff on the restrictions placed on women and LGBTQ+ individuals (17:22–17:29).
• Jay and Bobby escalate into a savage, satirical “debate” on whether Muslim women are oppressed or simply protected, mocking the logic behind full-body swimwear (burkinis), and riffing about Orthodox Jewish modesty requirements (24:24–27:08).

Notable Satire:
“What is she supposed to do, show her shoulder and then I have to rape her?” – Jay Oakerson (25:17)

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7. Sharia Law at Home: The Bonfire Edition

• Jay floats the concept of “instituting Sharia law within the four walls of my home,” with the gang pondering which rules they’d adopt (30:27–32:27).
• They list the basics—prayer, fasting, legal prohibitions—and how some rules don’t sound so bad if only for the “control over women” aspect (satirical)—arguing about lashing sticks, modesty, and religious penalties for adultery (32:58–39:12).

Memorable Quotes:
“Christine, could you order your own lashing stick, please?” – Jay Oakerson (38:55)
“This place rules.” – Jay Oakerson (39:12)

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8. Final Bits—Addiction, Gender Identity, and End-of-Show Riffing

• The gang briefly jokes about celebrity/athlete Brittany Griner’s imprisonment in Russia, speculating absurdly about prison assignments by gender (35:41–36:37).
• More riffs about wife-lashing sticks, Jay and Bobby speculating whether their significant others would adapt to "at-home Sharia weekends" (39:14–40:54).
• The show closes with a sentimental bit about the emotional vulnerability of live music (Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt”) and how comics sometimes “fall to pieces” on psychedelics at concerts (39:29–40:54).
• Christine, Jay, and Bobby exchange heartfelt thanks and bid listeners “crackle, crackle” (the Bonfire sign-off).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On taking Saudi money:
  “They’re all just like, ‘suck my dick,’ they found how much it costs to get me to turn my back on the United States of America.” – Bobby Lee (01:46)

• On luxury travel requirements:
  “You could never sell me on an amazing flight for twelve hours. There’s no such thing.” – Jay Oakerson (03:11)

• On Saudi hospitality:
  “You don’t want a saber in the room at all.” – Jay Oakerson (08:29)
  “They’re the richest people in the world, dude. They have the best of everything. These people are going to be ... not women.” – Bobby Lee (09:54)

• On Manchurian Candidate plot:
  “They inject them with some horseshit … and they all try to kill Trump.” – Bobby Lee (11:39)

• On substitute Sharia law at home:
  “I’ve been really ... thinking about instituting Sharia law within the four walls of my home.” – Jay Oakerson (30:27)

• On the restrictions of modest swimwear:
  “In no religion, anywhere, does it make sense to swim in a fucking dress.” – Jay Oakerson (27:31)

• Satirical take on women’s oppression:
  “She’s a raging slut pig—if we don’t keep her covered up, then I have to rape her.” – Jay Oakerson (25:45)
  (Note: This is intentional over-the-top satire targeting the logic of oppressive systems, not a literal belief.)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:03] – Opening: US Comedians Taking Saudi Money
• [02:39] – Donnell on his "price" to perform in Saudi Arabia
• [03:17–04:44] – Luxury flight and travel demands
• [08:15–09:53] – Weird luxury hotels and Saudi opulence
• [11:04–11:34] – Just For Laughs connections & brainwashing riff
• [13:01–15:45] – Dubai’s dive building & ‘The Line’ city
• [17:22–17:29] – Christine on LGBTQ+ laws in Saudi Arabia
• [24:24–27:08] – On modesty rules, Jewish & Muslim dress codes
• [30:27–32:27] – Brainstorming “Sharia Law at Home” weekend
• [39:29–40:54] – Closing with feelings, Nine Inch Nails concert emotions

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Tone & Style

The episode is irreverent, brutally honest, and loaded with satire—a classic “Bonfire” blend of comics teetering between biting social commentary and outrageous, sometimes intentionally provocative, humor. The style is fast, conversational, and spontaneous, with hosts bouncing ideas and bits off each other rapid-fire to maximize the laughs while lampooning both Western and Middle Eastern cultural absurdities.

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Transcript

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Bobby Lee]

Okerson and Robert Kelly as soon as Tim Dillon gets off stage. Thank you. Good night. You hear the jet, the jet of the plane just. He's gone.

[Jay Oakerson]

My plane will be outside momentarily.

[Bobby Lee]

God bless America.

[Jay Oakerson]

I love Tim. That's his post, Tim. Dylan, get over it. We're taking the money. Some of the biggest US comedians will get $1 million for one show in Saudi Arabia. Dylan says he's getting paid to look the other way. And slaves there are probably proud of building nice hotels.

[Bobby Lee]

I love this backdrop is the beach.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's really funny.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I talked to Santino. I called him about it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. It bothers me because Max's new favorite podcast is Bad Friends.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I catch him listening to it all the time and it infuriates me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

So I called Santino about it and he's like, yeah, I'm taking the money. It's a lot of money.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

They're all just like, suck my dick. They found the, the, the. This. How much it cost to get me to turn my back on the United States of America? You know, they all have to at the end of the show burn a flag. You know that, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I hope so.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they'll have to. They have to burn an American.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just denounce America in general. They should deny America.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they all have to put on those little, little head things.

[Jay Oakerson]

I hope they make Whitney and just gonna be wear full garb.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, they have to wear. What is it? A Hajib, right? A burk. Oh, that'd be so funny. They.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're at the beachka.

[Bobby Lee]

They're at the beach. They look like sea ninjas.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's gonna be great, dude. Jessica sweating her ass, sweltering. In the desert with a full swami costume on.

[Bobby Lee]

God damn, she'll put it on backwards for a gag.

[Donnell Rawlings]

I wonder what my number is to talk about the.

[Bobby Lee]

Good.

[Donnell Rawlings]

To go there and talk Titanic for an hour.

[Bobby Lee]

Your number, I would say. I'm gonna tell you. I would say. I would say ten grand for you. Ten grand.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Ten grand. I would have to do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I think Aaron Berg said we go for five grand and nice accommodations.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And a first class flight.

[Donnell Rawlings]

First class.

[Jay Oakerson]

I would insist first class flight.

[Bobby Lee]

But here's Aaron would do a show for Hitler for five grand.

[Jay Oakerson]

I said you couldn't get me on this one. Like the things they're trying to use to sell people on outside of the money. The money is the only sell for me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're never gonna sell me on an amazing flight for 12 hours. There's no such thing. You're not.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude. Emirates.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Have you seen the Emirates?

[Bobby Lee]

Emirates.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not what they're taking you on though.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, but if they did offer me Emirates like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm not saying you won't get your own studio. They might. You know what? They might be doing that for Bill Burr.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, I would say they would be.

[Jay Oakerson]

He'll never tell you because he's gonna. He needs to pretend he's humble.

[Bobby Lee]

That's gonna suck. When he's gonna pretend he's humble, he's.

[Jay Oakerson]

Gotta pretend he's humble.

[Bobby Lee]

Dad, they gave me a. I don't need this dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I gave my room away. I gave my room to Ian Finance.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think to be. I think Bill. Bill's gonna helicopter there from his house. Just take the bar copter.

[Bobby Lee]

No, they don't. They actually fly to the bar copter. I'll do it if you. I want my helicopter over there too. Just in case. I'm gonna. My helicopter.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, hon, I'll be in the hanger.

[Bobby Lee]

When is this dude flying. Flying Emirates. First class studio. That is 12 hours.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is 12 hours though. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

But 12 hours in your own fucking.

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Lee]

Bed.

[Jay Oakerson]

So crazy. But that's. So that amenity could be amazing. But I'm saying if I was on this, if I was asked to do this, I'm certainly guarantee you they wouldn't be offering to put me in one of those things at all. As I'm picturing myself going to this.

[Bobby Lee]

You'd just be in first class.

[Jay Oakerson]

First class.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Not the 12 hours in first class is 12 hours on a plane. So.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, they. Steve, they probably give Bill Burr. They're given Sebastian those little studios.

[Jay Oakerson]

The arena people.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. The arena people.

[Jay Oakerson]

I, I would. I would actually assume that none of them are getting that either the studios, but maybe if anybody is.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, look at that. You get your own shower. You can shower. Would you shower in the air?

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

You would not take a shower. If there was a shower, it was your shower. Nobody else's shower. You in your room, in your suite, you could just walk down the hall.

[Jay Oakerson]

If I had to go. If I take a shower. If I had to do something right afterwards, I would.

[Bobby Lee]

The first thing I would do is shower.

[Christine]

It's like tank water, though. It's like showering in an RV.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is.

[Bobby Lee]

You're showering at 37,000ft.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. With the same water you're fucking dumping.

[Christine]

And it doesn't matter how expensive the ticket is, still in the tank.

[Bobby Lee]

It's fucking water.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's tank water.

[Bobby Lee]

What do you think your water is?

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't drink it.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, your water's in a tank in your, your, your house. That apartment you lived in.

[Jay Oakerson]

The septic.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a tank thing at the top of the building.

[Donnell Rawlings]

I bet they're using the.

[Bobby Lee]

That's in a tank, huh? That's a tank thing at the top of your building.

[Christine]

You're still not supposed to drink it.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, I'm just making that up because I saw a tank on top of a building.

[Christine]

Those are the water towers in the city.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Christine]

They're on top of the building.

[Bobby Lee]

I would 100% take a shower if there was a shower available. I would definitely sleep in the bed.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Lee]

I would definitely. I would do every.

[Christine]

Use all the amenities.

[Bobby Lee]

I am that guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, let me.

[Bobby Lee]

I put the slippers on. I put the PJs on. I would use whatever face creams, even though I don't do that.

[Christine]

If I get the little.

[Bobby Lee]

I would use the eye patch. I put that on. Even though I don't like that either.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I want to start doing that more nightly. I want to start putting the. The little sticky things under your eyes.

[Bobby Lee]

You do?

[Jay Oakerson]

I do.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, let's just. Let's slow down. Let's pump the brakes. Let's deal with the disco lights first, and then let's. Let's go.

[Jay Oakerson]

No one knows what you're talking about. No one knows what you're talking about. Disco.

[Bobby Lee]

You're getting. You're getting.

[Jay Oakerson]

The world's gonna find out Thursday.

[Bobby Lee]

Listen. On Thursday, and the world will find out on Thursday.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then by Monday, I'm a different person. By Monday, look out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Monday. Start your cucumber peel. I, I things.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. What are those called? Christine? A little under the eye things.

[Christine]

Well, there's about. This is peptide collagen.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's the ones.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Those are for women?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Korean. Good stuff.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Lee]

You can't put those on your face.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why not? Why do you say that?

[Bobby Lee]

Because you're not a woman.

[Jay Oakerson]

Those are the sticky ones too, right?

[Christine]

They come in blue.

[Bobby Lee]

Bobby, what the fuck does that mean?

[Christine]

You don't have to have the pain.

[Bobby Lee]

It's baby blue. If they come in for guys, they're black or camo.

[Christine]

They have black ones.

[Bobby Lee]

We'll get camo and I'll do it. I'm not doing. Get an American flag eye patch.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are those the stickies?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that sounds silly. You sound.

[Christine]

Look at these skulls.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh my God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Other skulls on those.

[Bobby Lee]

There you go. Do that. That's cool.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now what does it do exactly?

[Christine]

I think it's supposed to make your eyes not puffy when you wake up.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not really that much of a thing.

[Bobby Lee]

It looks cool though. The black ones look cool. You look special ops.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh. So. Oh, Bobby, look, there's camo.

[Bobby Lee]

Do they have cam? Yeah. Do camo.

[Christine]

Those are just sleeping masks.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, sleeping.

[Jay Oakerson]

So you could sleep hidden.

[Bobby Lee]

I would definitely do Emirates if they offered you Emirates.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, well you're saying. You're saying an Emirates first class in general. Sweet.

[Bobby Lee]

I do first class too. Emirates first class is amazing.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got you. But I'm saying you're just. That's just the flight.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm just telling you my already checkout of not giving a shit about going to this thing is 12 hours on a plane, no matter what. And I'm not going to be in a suite.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

So then when you get there, the accommodations they're going to have, I'm assuming are not of right. But they're going to be crazy in the not way that I want at all.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't want Saddam Hussein.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Gold toilet.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't want.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's going to be weird old pictures, gigantic pictures with super high ceilings type shit stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't want a real saber on the wall.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't want a saber. I'd prefer not to have a saber in the room at all. Yeah, I'd like to not have a saber, but do you get what I'm saying? So it's like the things that are. That are going to be. That's nice. What is it?

[Bobby Lee]

That's a hotel that they're staying at.

[Jay Oakerson]

How do you know that?

[Bobby Lee]

Because I'm. I don't Know, who cares? Oh, we can just say it is. Nobody's going to do research.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, no one even knows. We're looking at.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a hotel in Saudi Arabia. Probably where they're putting all the guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's in the place. Riyadh. Is that how you say it?

[Christine]

I have no idea. Riada. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, they have really nice hotels now. You're not staying in some old tent.

[Jay Oakerson]

That does look very nice, by the way, right there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Yeah. I, I, I bet the hotel they're staying in is going to be one of the nicest hotels in the world.

[Jay Oakerson]

I thought it was going to be a. I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's going to be the best. Filled with money. It's going to be. It's the richest people in the world.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's a four. There's a four Seasons.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, dude, it's the.

[Christine]

Dude, it's. Yeah, as a dude, I think it's a great place.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that. Would you wouldn't stay in that hotel?

[Jay Oakerson]

Is it the four season? Yeah, dude, I would go for the hundred thousand now.

[Bobby Lee]

Come on, let's go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Lie detector me again. I'll go for the 100k, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll go for Jacob's 5000 if they give me that hotel and one of those suites. You're basically wearing one now.

[Jay Oakerson]

How do I know which room is mine if I don't understand?

[Bobby Lee]

If I don't understand Sally numbers, that hotel is sick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Four Seasons, buddy.

[Christine]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

That's incredible. They're the richest people in the world, dude. They have the best of everything. These people are going to be not women. Huh?

[Jay Oakerson]

They don't have the best of women.

[Bobby Lee]

You don't know that. You've never seen them.

[Jay Oakerson]

You goddamn right.

[Bobby Lee]

You can't see them.

[Jay Oakerson]

But you think when they're living under there that they're taking care of their hairs and armpits and all that.

[Bobby Lee]

How funny would be if all the women are smoking hot.

[Donnell Rawlings]

They are.

[Bobby Lee]

And you just. We just don't know.

[Christine]

And none of them are baddies.

[Bobby Lee]

What does that mean? Oh, baddies. You mean their hair is real?

[Christine]

They also like.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I cannot wait to let my car do disco dances to this song. Oh, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, dude. This is. They're going to be treated. They're going to be treated like kings and queens. Or just kings and gays.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're gonna be treated like kings, queens, and then eventually all of them will be treated like gays.

[Bobby Lee]

So they're women. How many days is this? Is it a festival? Is that What? It is a comedy festival.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So the. The people that are booking this are making so much money.

[Jay Oakerson]

You think?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bruce.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God, what a connection that is.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jfl. I like jfl goes under in Montreal and reopens in Saudi Arabia.

[Christine]

Wait, this is jfl.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's Bruce.

[Bobby Lee]

It's Bruce from jfl.

[Christine]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But he doesn't work for. I don't think he works for JFL anymore.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, he works for the Saudi Arabian government. He's been asleep herself.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, yeah.

[Christine]

Skank Fest New Orleans this November.

[Jay Oakerson]

I heard.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to do Skankfest Saudi. I want to do Skank Fest Iraq.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bruce Hills is bringing everybody out there to brainwash them to fly planes back into the country again.

[Bobby Lee]

I love that. We're going to do Skank Fest Afghanistan. Taliban rule.

[Jay Oakerson]

What if they turn all of these guys like Manchurian candidates when they all come back? They're all just waiting to be activated, Buddy.

[Bobby Lee]

What a great concept for a movie to get all the world's famous comedians to go over there and then they inject them with some horseshit and they come back here and they all try to kill Trump.

[Jay Oakerson]

Right, but like separate times.

[Bobby Lee]

Separate times. Yeah. They all. The whole.

[Jay Oakerson]

But they don't even know when they're happening. They just get turned on one day.

[Bobby Lee]

And Billy's doing his dad. You know what, dude, when you fucking driving down the five and. Dude, I gotta kill Trump, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

Gotta kill Trump.

[Bobby Lee]

Gotta kill Trump, dude. Dud, dud, duh, duh.

[Jay Oakerson]

Schultz goes, I have to kill Trump.

[Bobby Lee]

Jessica Crescent goes, I. I have to. I have to turn around and face the wall.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know why I gotta kill Trump. What are you doing? No one's gonna let you kill.

[Bobby Lee]

You gotta go kill Trump here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Stupid idiot. I can't believe I got out here with my. My clitoris.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, how are you? Where you from?

[Jay Oakerson]

And then Bobby Lee's gonna be slapping wiener all over the place.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. No, but it doesn't affect Bobby Lee at all. He's so crazy. It does nothing to him.

[Donnell Rawlings]

So much money.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Do you know the. In Dubai, there's a. A diving building. You start at the top floor and it's 200ft and you just go down levels like a sunken city.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dive.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Dive. Dubai building.

[Jay Oakerson]

It goes underground. It's built straight down.

[Donnell Rawlings]

You're saying it's built. Yeah, it's built straight down. But it looks like a building underground and you just keep going down.

[Bobby Lee]

And yes, it's the deepest, insane inside dive that you can do. It's people they use it to every floor is to practice deep water diving like wrecks and stuff like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's in Saudi Arabia.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Just built it. No, that's Dubai.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Jay Oakerson]

They just built it.

[Bobby Lee]

That's pretty cool. That's crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I still don't want to go.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

How long have a flight to Dubai?

[Bobby Lee]

Can you type in the coolest thing to do in Saudi Arabia? Like cool things to do in Saudi Arabia. We entice Jay a little bit. Cool things to do in Saudi Arab travelocity. Is there anything on travel?

[Jay Oakerson]

Dubai looks way cooler than Saudi Arabia. And I don't go to Dubai either.

[Bobby Lee]

Dubai. I would love to go to Dubai.

[Christine]

Modern.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, Dubai. They just made. Yeah, yeah. Do you know they're making a city inside of. In the desert. Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Burning Man?

[Bobby Lee]

No, they're making a city like almost like a highway through the desert inside of itself.

[Donnell Rawlings]

It's enclosed.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's enclosed. This thing right there. Dude, they're made. This is happening. Look at this.

[Christine]

It's pretty wild.

[Bobby Lee]

What's it called again?

[Christine]

The line.

[Bobby Lee]

The line. So literally look at. Click on that one in the second one. Sorry. Click on that. Dude. So they're making this city in the middle of the desert. The outside is going to be all glass. Inside is going to be all tropical and, and beautiful and self sustaining and all the stuff.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Like a whole life on Mars.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Dude. It's crazy what these guys are doing. Right through the middle of the desert. Just a line right through the middle of the desert and it's going to be people living inside there. But it's going to be beautiful. Yeah, people. Yeah, people are going to live in it. Look at this, look at solar.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Solar.

[Bobby Lee]

Everything powered also.

[Christine]

It actually would make sense to use something like this as a model.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, the whole. All the walls, all the walls are going to be mirrors. Yeah, mirrors that are going to solar panels that are going to charge the city and it goes from one side to the other.

[Christine]

And the high speed rails.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. From the, from the ocean until the mountains and everybody lives inside of this thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Weird.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's weird. But these people are. I mean that's like the, that's like.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean you're mushed in.

[Bobby Lee]

You mushed in. But you're.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's only 20 minutes across on.

[Bobby Lee]

The high, on the high speed rail. Oh yeah, it's not 20 minutes.

[Jay Oakerson]

No carbon though. That's important.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at the inside.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's important to desert people.

[Bobby Lee]

But look inside of this place. It's gorgeous. It Reminds me of that movie Bruce Willis was in. What's that movie?

[Jay Oakerson]

And we live it. Leave a light carbon footprint.

[Bobby Lee]

What was that movie he was in?

[Jay Oakerson]

Who? Bruce Willis.

[Bobby Lee]

Bruce Willis with the alien chick who sang with Pussifer.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Lee]

Come on.

[Jay Oakerson]

My stepmother's an alien.

[Bobby Lee]

No, dude, it's Bruce Willis. The chick. Remember the. Remember Pussifer sang that song and the girl was in it. She was in.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you sure Pussifer is the right thing?

[Bobby Lee]

Pussifer's the right one. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

The Maynard the Tool band.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, mainly band. Yeah. She sang in it Midnight and Switched Grass. What'd you say?

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Donnell Rawlings]

The Fifth Element.

[Bobby Lee]

The Fifth Element, Remember? The alien chick in that?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

She sang a song with puss of her. One of my favorite songs too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. What's that? I forget the name of it because I'm not good with that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Mila Jovovich.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Melia Jovovich Vovovich. She's still pretty.

[Jay Oakerson]

I always had a beaver, too. Liked her.

[Bobby Lee]

What was that song they sang? Pussifer and her. Right here.

[Christine]

The Mission.

[Bobby Lee]

The Mission. It's a great song.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know it.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, the Mission. It's great song. No, it's not from the Fifth Element. From Pussifer. She's from the Fifth Element. But that city looks like.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just sings in the song.

[Bobby Lee]

That city looks like the Fifth Element. City.

[Jay Oakerson]

Gotcha.

[Bobby Lee]

You know when they're flying around?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, dude, it was a long way to go. And I took you on a road trip on that one. And you stayed with me and I appreciate it.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was a journey.

[Bobby Lee]

We're all over the place on that one.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was with you, though. I wanted to know what it was.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. This song. You heard this song?

[Jay Oakerson]

Never heard it. Weird.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's a good song.

[Jay Oakerson]

I actually don't know a lot of puss of her. Puss, Puss.

[Donnell Rawlings]

I get a lot of puss.

[Bobby Lee]

You do?

[Jay Oakerson]

Sometimes you get puss, puss, puss.

[Bobby Lee]

You get a lot of puss if you puss.

[Christine]

I keep searching to see if I'm gonna find something that's like, oh, no, it's not illegal to be gay anymore. But everything I'm finding is just like.

[Bobby Lee]

Nope.

[Christine]

Punishable by death.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me ask you a question. When you go, if you get it, you get the 100 grand. They're flying you in the suite. 101 grand?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, $101,000.

[Bobby Lee]

A hundred and one. You want the thousand?

[Jay Oakerson]

100,000. Sorry. $100,001. At least.

[Bobby Lee]

101 grand isn't that the way. Can you say it that way, too?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, because that's, that's.

[Bobby Lee]

Because that's, that's funny when everybody goes.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, it's a thousand.

[Bobby Lee]

A hundred thousand and one dollars.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

And you get the suite over there on the flight. Are you. And you're going in. You're gonna do your show.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

It's two days.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Four seasons.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, nice.

[Bobby Lee]

Say three days because you got to go to your orientation or what? Not to say.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, right.

[Bobby Lee]

That's going to be a long four seasons. Do you take Christine?

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

Why?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, I'll bring her. Going to be like, as soon as we get there, I'm going to be like, hey, let's try to have a good time this trip. Dyke alert. Dyke alert.

[Bobby Lee]

You just call her a witch.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dyke alert. Oh, thank God. That crazy lesbian was hanging all over me.

[Bobby Lee]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, I've been thinking about this. My. My cousin, my distant cousin who I grew up with and I loved for a long time, sent me a birthday present, and I never called them back. And it's weighing on me. I'm gonna reach out. I'm gonna call him. I'm gonna talk to him. Just say hi. Thanks. But you know what? The longer you wait, the more difficult it gets. And it just takes a little courage to make that call, just to say hi, someone you haven't seen in a while. Reaching out for therapy can feel difficult, too. It's very similar to that, but it can be worth it. It can leave people wondering, why didn't I do this sooner? Why haven't I I taken my mental health a little more serious? Because it seems daunting, but it's not. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the U.S. betterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals this month. Don't wait. Reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp can make it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] bonfire. That's better. H E L P.com bonfire.

[Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Lee]

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[Jay Oakerson]

Thank God you guys killed that crazy lesbian. Do you see? She was about to bite me and make me a lesbian.

[Bobby Lee]

Just draw a picture of Abraham and stick it on her back.

[Jay Oakerson]

And it's not flattering, is it?

[Bobby Lee]

Is it Allah? Who is it they get mad at?

[Jay Oakerson]

I think you can't draw any of them.

[Bobby Lee]

You can't draw any Muhammad. Is it Muhammad? No, I think it's. If you draw Muhammad, you get killed, right? Didn't the guy, the cartoon guy get killed because of that?

[Donnell Rawlings]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I mean, I just drew him right here.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't draw him.

[Jay Oakerson]

You don't even know what he looks like.

[Bobby Lee]

I do. I don't want to know. Dude, don't try. You're never gonna keep strong. You're not gonna. Please don't do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is probably my 500th time.

[Bobby Lee]

Please. He's not.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Zero time.

[Bobby Lee]

Listen, guys, he is not drawing much and he drew Prophet Muhammad. That's not that. It looks like Miss Piggy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Who does it look like?

[Bobby Lee]

Let me see.

[Christine]

You're out of your mind.

[Jay Oakerson]

Miss Piggy.

[Bobby Lee]

That looks like Steve Byrne.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, did you guys.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Cartoon from the 1940s.

[Jay Oakerson]

Guys, I feel like this is going to surprise you. I feel like you're a little surprised by this, but yes, the Prophet Muhammad. A lot of people know this racist drawing of an Asian person.

[Bobby Lee]

He's Andy Rooney as an Asian guy. He's Jerry Lewis as an Asian guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes. A lot of people are unaware of this, but when those guys would dress up and what you thought was a racist Asian character, they were actually dressing up as the Prophet Muhammad.

[Bobby Lee]

Can we get Christine one of these. What is it called? A burka. Burkini. Get a burkini.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna get Christine. The fucking. The Nike one. The Nike burka.

[Bobby Lee]

We were at the water park up in Lincoln, New Hampshire, we go. It's called Whale's Tale. It's old, old school water park. They have a bunch of rides. They have the, the, you know, the book. The Cool. They have the wave pool, but it's not the biggest one, but it's in the middle of the mountains. So as you go up on the slides, you're looking out at like the, you know, the, the presidential range, they call it. It's just crazy. It's a beautiful water park in the middle of this beautiful mountain range. But we did see. I feel bad for Muslim women because they're high.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're fine.

[Bobby Lee]

But they're in the pool dressed in these burkinis from head to toe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And you can see that like in the wave pool, it was kind of them up. It's like they're going under. You know, they got to wear this thing. It's hot out. It's all black.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, Bobby, there's only one solution. Yeah, Be born a man. You dumb.

[Bobby Lee]

But it just. It's like I wish they would update.

[Jay Oakerson]

The well, Bobby, what is she supposed to do? She's supposed to show her shoulder and then I have to rape her.

[Bobby Lee]

Jay, I'm not saying. I understand what you're saying. You're coming from.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, what happens, Bobby? She puts on like maybe a nice pair of jeans, and then I'm forced beat the out of and rape her.

[Bobby Lee]

Listen, you're right, but I'm just think about her safety. I'm trying. You're right. You know what? I'm sorry.

[Jay Oakerson]

You don't understand. Sharia.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm not gonna sit here and explain it to you.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't, dude. I don't. And I apologize.

[Jay Oakerson]

You understand? She's a raging slut pig. An insatiable whore bag for. And if we don't keep her covered up.

[Bobby Lee]

But can you cover.

[Jay Oakerson]

You understand?

[Kelly Ripa]

I.

[Jay Oakerson]

Then I'm gonna be for. She's gonna walk in a room and then what am I going to do? Oh, now all of a sudden I have to rape her.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so like, come on, think. I'm just.

[Bobby Lee]

You're right. When you're right, you're right.

[Christine]

I'm just gabbing.

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't mean the yell. I just get very heated about this.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, dude. I was wrong.

[Jay Oakerson]

And you know, you want a girl to dress all trashy.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then I'm forced to beat and to beat and rape her.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, dude. I mean, look it. You live with a girl that dresses like the lead singer of Pearl Jam.

[Jay Oakerson]

Goddamn right, dude. Oh, yeah. Steen Weiland.

[Christine]

Look, the Jewish girls have to.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, the Jewish girls have to wear. What?

[Christine]

They have to wear dresses like the Orthodox Jewish girls. Like, it's not even because they can't wear pants, but they have so it's not even like a pantsuit. They have to wear modest, like at least 3/4 sleeved.

[Bobby Lee]

But they could. But the Jewish girls updated their thing at least. I mean, the burka. Well, this is orthodox, but the burka is so. But it's. It's very similar. They're covered wigs, Orthodox is as retarded.

[Jay Oakerson]

As all of it.

[Bobby Lee]

But they did. They. I'll tell you what they did. The wigs look like. You can't tell it's a wig.

[Jay Oakerson]

Most I can now, they don't wear wigs like the baddies do. The baddies go through a process. There's lace in the front. There's stuff. Hold it down. Tape and glue a whole.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

They just said these chicks just flop a hair over their regular hair so their husband doesn't hit them.

[Bobby Lee]

You know why? Because they don't have to worry about some other girl ripping it off their head in the fight.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough. Some of them come out the fight in swim caps because they know they're going to lose that weave.

[Bobby Lee]

It is a weird thing to see somebody in a pool in a full burqa and just. I would think that she's uncomfortable. Or maybe they just accept no point.

[Jay Oakerson]

In time in no religion in any place, anywhere at all. Would it make sense for you to swim in a fucking dress? No religion requires that. That is literally idiot. Guys putting a thing forward to be like, if anybody sees your kneecaps, they're going to rape you. So you have to protect you from that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And the girls.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think it's crazy. It's batshi.

[Bobby Lee]

It really is.

[Christine]

It's really like. I think it would be. I think it'd be really uncomfortable to not wear that at the beach. You know what I mean? Like, I think it's uncomfortable. I think it'd be really uncomfortable for these girls to go out without their burkas.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, let me tell you something. They're all. Everybody's complaining about all the Muslims and all the stuff and that they're coming here and that once they're the majority in New York, in the big cities.

[Jay Oakerson]

The majority.

[Bobby Lee]

They're gonna. The majority. Hey, nice. They're gonna make Sharia law.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nailed it. There wasn't even the word sue in there. I just put sue in front of the word nailed. Sue. Nailed it.

[Bobby Lee]

They're gonna make Sharia law a thing, and that means that women are going to have to obey their men. Women gonna have to eat in a different section. Women are going to have to cover themselves up. Women have to, you know, not talk.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Not. You know what I mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

So I hope they're not talking because they're eating because they're going to get themselves killed again. Sue wish. Sorry, guys. Step back. Sue wish.

[Bobby Lee]

Hang on. I'm gonna ally it up. Sue slams.

[Jay Oakerson]

Ally soup.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, if. If Sharia law was in place, you know how good that would be for a little while? Just to tell Don to. Hey, listen, dude, just. Just keep it down.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Wouldn't you like to lash her a couple times?

[Bobby Lee]

Put this on. Shut your face.

[Jay Oakerson]

I want to give Christine a couple of lashes.

[Bobby Lee]

Christine would. She would go down with the ship. She wouldn't put it on. She would.

[Jay Oakerson]

You don't think so?

[Bobby Lee]

Christine, if Sharia law was in Manhattan down, and you had to wear a burqa from your car to here, would you do it?

[Christine]

I mean, you got to survive. But if that was happening, I'd hope I'd go to a place where that wasn't the case anymore. I can't imagine that happening. When I saw we had a lot of Muslim women in her building here, and it would. I hate how uncomfortable it would make me to see fucking chicks in New York City in burkas.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not working, Jay. She's still talking.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. Jesus Christ.

[Bobby Lee]

Shut the fuck up.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. Throw some punches in there. Hang on. Shut the fuck up. And some whip and some punch.

[Bobby Lee]

I think you need rocks. There you go.

[Jay Oakerson]

There you go. There's a rock. All right, she stopped. Ah, shit. I think I went too hard. Christine. Christine. Ah, shit. Somebody help me. Help me. Throw her in the car so we could dump her in front of an urgent care.

[Bobby Lee]

Don would come back every day with a black eye. What happened? I'm not fucking listening to those cocksuckers. I was getting a tomato, and the fucking cocksucker bumped into me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Christine, you'll fall right in line.

[Bobby Lee]

Christine would love it. She'd have a Gucci burqa.

[Jay Oakerson]

I've been really. I've been batting around for the past couple years.

[Bobby Lee]

Christine.

[Jay Oakerson]

I've been battering around. Christine. No, I've been really thinking about instituting Sharia law within the four walls of my home. I do believe your house is your castle, and you can do whatever you like in there.

[Bobby Lee]

What is. What is Sharia law? What are the first 10 things of Sharia law that we have to implement in our houses?

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine. What are the commandments?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, what are the Sharia law? Because I might do this, too. Maybe we do. Hey, why don't we do this? We do a weekend of Sharia law in the household and see.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't mind Sharia law in my house for one weekend. That sounds like a great idea.

[Christine]

As an Armenian girl, I'm not allowed.

[Bobby Lee]

To do what? To play Muslim as somebody who fucking.

[Jay Oakerson]

Lives in my home. Yeah, you will fucking follow Sharia law.

[Christine]

As an Armenian girl, I'm not allowed to follow.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you're not Armenian when you're at Jay's house.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine, did you really write in the word commandments?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Bobby Lee]

I just want to see what came up.

[Jay Oakerson]

You knew. It wasn't. That was my joke.

[Christine]

Okay, categories of actions.

[Bobby Lee]

Here we go. Read them out. First one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, these are. Wait, this is Sharia law, okay? Obligatory things required. Required actions. 5 daily prayers and fasting during Ramadan.

[Bobby Lee]

It's fine.

[Jay Oakerson]

This doesn't. You stay at the word commandments. This is not the right thing, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

That's fine, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is a bad.

[Bobby Lee]

You're on Manjaro. You're fine. I'm gonna be on it soon. We're all good. Fasting's not gonna be a problem.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna be so good.

[Bobby Lee]

We're gonna be shredded.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna do Mounjaro.

[Bobby Lee]

I might. Really? Well, here's the thing. I've been working out a lot.

[Jay Oakerson]

You only have to slit on half of a stomach now. You have to take so much less.

[Bobby Lee]

I was thinking this because I. I'm getting to the point. Like, in the last month, I fucking ate. Like, the last two and a half weeks when I was up there. I ate shitty a lot. And I put on some pounds again, and it fucking frightened me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't start this shit before Thursday. You're gonna eat Thursday. Don't start.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you just tell me not to live?

[Jay Oakerson]

Do not think about living long before Thursday.

[Christine]

Just eat healthy tomorrow, skip Thursday, Eat healthy Friday.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You guys are telling me not to.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're driving down with me to go get hundreds of dollars of disgusting food.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, I won't take. If I get Mounjourno. Manjaro. Manjaro.

[Jay Oakerson]

Manjaro.

[Bobby Lee]

Manjaro. I think I was kicked in the head.

[Jay Oakerson]

Think of Kilimanjaro, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

I got beat up too much. I was telling Don the other day, I go. I think I. I think my brain is. I. I was. I was knocked out a lot. Too much, I think. And my brain is losing it. Okay, let's go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, these are. Let me read that thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let me read that thing. Yeah. It's a broad Islamic code encompassing religious rituals, ethics. Broad, broad and legal matters such as family law, business and criminal law. Guiding Muslims towards divinely ordained path to God. It's rules derived from the Quran and Sunnah. Categorize actions as obligatory, recommended, permitted, discourage or prohibited, with specific rules governing areas like prayer, fasting, marriage and finance. While some interpretations include severe Punishment for crimes like theft or adultery. Boo. The overall intent of Sharia is to protect core values. Nice.

[Bobby Lee]

Not those. Not those.

[Jay Oakerson]

And the welfare of human life.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, some of those actually.

[Jay Oakerson]

Fair.

[Bobby Lee]

Actually, two of those.

[Jay Oakerson]

Two of them actually are there.

[Christine]

I think all three.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know what?

[Bobby Lee]

I take it back.

[Jay Oakerson]

Legionist gangs follows Sharia law. We had no idea.

[Bobby Lee]

We have the same core values as Sharia law.

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn. Damn. I had no idea. We've been strictly following Sharia law. If I would have prayed five times a day, I'd be a Muslim.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, now go down to the thing you want me to read that really breaks it down.

[Bobby Lee]

The fact file.

[Jay Oakerson]

Breakdown.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, here we go.

[Jay Oakerson]

It has four parts. Worship, commerce, crime and punishment, marriage and divorced. Banned behavior includes drinking, drugs, adultery, and they should be punished. Now, there's no way I'm gonna go to Saudi Arabia and not smoke weed.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

You'll be killed for smoking weed.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah. Dying.

[Bobby Lee]

But you can't do drugs.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I won't go then.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, I don't know how half of those people are going.

[Jay Oakerson]

I smoke cigarettes there.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Christine]

Yeah, probably opium.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you could do. You can do drugs. Their drugs, not yours.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'll do opium.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Well, I did. If I could go. I mean, I'm sober. Actually.

[Jay Oakerson]

Tomorrow is your first day back on the junk.

[Bobby Lee]

Tomorrow. I'm doing junk.

[Jay Oakerson]

Tomorrow you're back on.

[Bobby Lee]

Tomorrow's 48 or sober.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh. Oh, really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's awesome. Dude. Let's break it on Thursday.

[Bobby Lee]

Dude, we're gonna break it tomorrow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Christine]

Should we bring you drugs? What was your drug of choice? Alcohol.

[Bobby Lee]

Alcohol.

[Christine]

What kind of alcohol?

[Bobby Lee]

Alcohol. I would say alcohol and then pills. Any pill. I would just take a pill.

[Jay Oakerson]

Kisses from adult man.

[Bobby Lee]

No, that was my fe. That was my. That was not my drug of choice. That was the way I got the pills and the alcohol.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can get imprisonment one to six months for first time. If a drug dealing, two to ten years in prison. That's not that crazy. Well, that's for marijuana.

[Christine]

Deportation would be nice.

[Jay Oakerson]

That was that for Saudi Arabia. So that's marijuana only.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You think they're gonna have a problem with my jeters?

[Bobby Lee]

But there's something about foreigners. Go back up above foreigners.

[Jay Oakerson]

Foreign nationals caught using cannabis may also face deportation, addition, other penalties. Oh, that's fine. Later.

[Bobby Lee]

Huh? Do you. What? That basketball player that got arrested in Russia, Brittany Griner? Yeah. Who actually. Did you hear about that? I don't know if it's true.

[Jay Oakerson]

She was a spy. The whole time.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I think she was.

[Jay Oakerson]

They cut her clit off.

[Bobby Lee]

No. Is she. Is she a guy? Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. They all just seem like they are.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no. She seems like a guy. Well, they said in Russia they put. They didn't put her in the women prison.

[Christine]

What? Really? Yeah.

[Donnell Rawlings]

Why?

[Jay Oakerson]

Because of her penis. A lot of people say it's just Aaron Gordon in a wig type.

[Bobby Lee]

That could be some on the Internet, but I read. I was reading an article where it said in Russia, they did not put her in a female prison. They put her in a male prison. So. Because. Because Russia doesn't give a about, you know, I'm a woman. Well, all right. Well, off. That thing down there says you're a dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't know. Your thick penis invol balls say otherwise.

[Bobby Lee]

Am I right? You reading it?

[Jay Oakerson]

I think penis and ball says otherwise.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, don't worry. Oh, God, I'm so glad to be back with you. You make me giggle, brother.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go back to the other things we can find out are illegal now. Christine. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm getting shuri up, buddy. Sorry. I'm getting shreed up.

[Christine]

You're allowed. I think you're allowed to beat me with, like, a small stick.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, I'll get you the stick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm gonna use a back scratcher and not the face.

[Christine]

Christine, you want to show me what's what?

[Jay Oakerson]

But you got me a dope ass switchblade, and Christine just took it and lost it.

[Bobby Lee]

What?

[Christine]

I have no idea where it is, and I've probably gone.

[Bobby Lee]

The knife I gave you? Yeah, yeah, I'll get you.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's so awesome. Christine took it home for me.

[Christine]

Where is the knife?

[Bobby Lee]

Can I tell you why it's a perfect house knife?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Because every packages stuff around the house. I'll get you another one. I'll get you another one asap. I have something else. I'm getting you too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay. For adultery, you can get lashes or a stoning. Ooh, I would definitely have some lashes.

[Bobby Lee]

What if you guys invite a girl back? Is. Isn't that. Can you at the end of it, go, you did adultery and slap and lash her and then lash her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, wait, I wouldn't get lashed for adultery.

[Bobby Lee]

No, she does. Men don't get lashed for nothing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my adultery is undisciplined at all?

[Bobby Lee]

No, you can have as many wives as you want.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now, am I able to hit my significant other because I cheat and like, you made me cheat and then give her some lash?

[Bobby Lee]

I think so.

[Jay Oakerson]

This place, actually, I would have went.

[Bobby Lee]

For less than you.

[Christine]

That's just who you are.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sharia law permits behavior banned by English law. For example, polygamy. Now, this place is actually starting to light me up a little bit.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you understand what I'm saying?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, I'm saying in my brain, I'm like, okay, I went through all these things. I'm like, it doesn't sound that bad. All you have to do is the praying five times a day and fasting on Ramada. Maybe a little tough, but to keep, you know, dawn and Christine in. In check a little bit, right?

[Christine]

You wish. You wish we had Sharia law. Great for dudes.

[Bobby Lee]

You're lucky we don't right now, the way you're talking to me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you want to lasher?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to lash you, but I'd like to see you lasher.

[Jay Oakerson]

Take a little less. Christine. Blush. Ticket fucking lash. Lush.

[Bobby Lee]

Lush. I wonder if they sell. They must sell lashing sticks. Wife lashing sticks.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine, could you order your own lashing stick, please?

[Bobby Lee]

I bet you they do sell lashing sticks to hit you.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's like when the black kids would have to go pick their switch.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go get your lash. Get your lasher.

[Bobby Lee]

Saudi Arabia, Amazon. Just type in women. Lashing stick.

[Jay Oakerson]

I love it.

[Bobby Lee]

I want one if they sell it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yo, it sounds like this place rules.

[Bobby Lee]

I want to hang it on each room in my house. Anytime dawn, anytime Don gets out of line, I'm just gonna grab the lashing stick off the wall.

[Jay Oakerson]

All right? It's time for me to go. Get out of here and cry at Nine Inch Nails.

[Bobby Lee]

I gotta go do.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm worried hurt's gonna get me tonight. It didn't get me the first time I saw it. I'm worried about tonight, Johnny Cash.

[Bobby Lee]

Hurt gets me.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is. This one hurts more. I feel like.

[Bobby Lee]

I think so.

[Jay Oakerson]

The nails one to me. It does. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Johnny Cash singing. It was great. It's great because it's so him.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is. But the original, that's just so eerie.

[Christine]

Remember they started crying at the festival?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, they were on Mushroom, the funniest thing in the world. We brought it. Isabelle's me is the reason why I didn't. Isabelle's gonna be there tonight, too, but I might dip out to get a little bit away from everybody for this one. But they. Isabelle. I was with her, and it was like. It was also a frustrating, like, tough day that day to get to Panorama that day. I was on the road that morning. I came home and we went. And when they came out, Dan and Lewis took mushrooms, and I was like, I'm not gonna take mushrooms. Isabella's here. She was like, 16, maybe. Yeah. Or something. I was like, I'm gonna take him with Isabella here. They're like, all right. And then when they started playing hurt at one point, I just looked back, and Dan and Lewis were both just like, no. Yeah. Fall into pieces. I'm not gonna fall. I'm not gonna fall to pieces. And Ari, too. I'm not gonna fall to pieces.

[Bobby Lee]

And they had face paint.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't. I'm not gonna fall to pieces. I'm just. Where. I'm gonna get this. This right here. This one.

[Bobby Lee]

The. The movie tier. Yeah, the movie star tier.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know you have that eyeliner on.

[Bobby Lee]

So the black will come down.

[Jay Oakerson]

Robert Kelly's gonna be on the road. We'll be back tomorrow. Who gives a. Until tomorrow, everybody. Crackle, crackle.

[Kelly Ripa]

Hey there, it's Kelly Ripa. And if you've been listening to my podcast, we are knee deep in season three, and if you haven't heard it, it's time to get on board. After years of interviewing celebs on camera, I finally get to bring that take place when the cameras aren't rolling. Where else are you going to hear Michelle Obama talk about keeping her girls out of Page Six? Hilaria Baldwin's hilarious reaction to Alec running for office, or Jeremy Renner's lucid hallucinations about Jamie Foxx? Nowhere else. It's raw, it's honest, and best of all, it's off camera. And believe me, that's where you get the good stuff. So download. Let's talk off camera with Kelly Rippa now. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jay Oakerson]

You'Ll get more than you expect with McValue at McDonald's. So when you've spent too much on a night out, get deals on the after party. When you've got date night, get deals on favorites that'll make you their favorite. And when you've got family for the weekend, we've got breakfast.

[Kelly Ripa]

Buy one, add one for a dollar. Now with sausage McGriddles and other breakfast favorites. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with combo meal valid for item of equal or lesser value.

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