Short King Battle

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly Episode: Short King Battle
Release Date: June 20, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

In the "Short King Battle" episode of The Bonfire, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly dive into a blend of current events and personal banter, all tinted with their signature blunt humor and unfiltered perspectives. This episode seamlessly transitions from discussing a comedic song by Corey Holcomb to unraveling the complexities of recent protests and culminating in a light-hearted yet spirited debate about the concept of "short kings."

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Corey Holcomb’s Catchy Song

[01:09 - 04:55]

The episode kicks off with Bobby Kelly highlighting Corey Holcomb's unique blend of comedy and music. Bobby shares his appreciation for Holcomb's loungy R&B style songs that infuse humor with catchy melodies.

Notable Quote:

Bobby Kelly [01:50]: "He's a creator too."

Big Jay Oakerson [02:01]: "This song makes me laugh and it's the catchiest thing I've ever heard."

The hosts discuss how Holcomb's music serves as a humorous backdrop during podcast breaks, adding a light and entertaining layer to the show.

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Current Events: Protests and ICE Raids

[04:55 - 16:19]

Transitioning from music, Oakerson and Kelly delve into the heated topic of recent protests and ICE raids. They comment on the nature of the protests, expressing skepticism about the true intentions behind them and suggesting that many participants may be instigating violence for ulterior motives.

Notable Quotes:

Big Jay Oakerson [05:17]: "This is my land to sell cocaine on."

Bobby Kelly [07:25]: "All 14 people are criminals. They're not just grabbing grandmothers away from their children."

The conversation touches on conspiracy theories surrounding the protests, such as the distribution of gas masks and bricks to provoke chaos. They critique both the protesters' actions and the response from law enforcement, emphasizing the perceived ineffectiveness and overreach of ICE operations.

Big Jay Oakerson [10:05]: "When the Lord don't come through. When the Lord come through they'll feed you their children. Shelter for me."

The hosts express frustration with the ongoing violence and the government's handling of immigration issues, using sharp humor to underline their points.

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The Short King Debate

[16:19 - 43:55]

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the playful yet earnest debate about the "short king" phenomenon. Oakerson and Kelly engage in a spirited discussion about what constitutes a short king, with playful arguments over their own heights and the criteria that define this term.

Notable Quotes:

Bobby Kelly [30:24]: "The average height for men in the United States is generally considered to be five foot nine."

Big Jay Oakerson [31:13]: "If you’re five foot eight or below on the nose, you will consider yourself a short king."

The conversation becomes increasingly humorous as they attempt to measure each other's heights, joke about the inaccuracies of mobile apps versus tape measures, and involve their guest Christine in the banter. The dynamic showcases their chemistry and ability to turn a simple topic into an engaging and laughter-filled debate.

Bobby Kelly [37:44]: "Are we living in a weird world? Because anything over 5, 8, I am not a part of his midget."

Christine [38:43]: "The average height for men in the United States is generally considered to be five foot nine."

Their interaction emphasizes the subjective nature of labels like "short king" while maintaining a comedic undertone that keeps the discussion lighthearted and entertaining.

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Personal Anecdotes and Banter

[43:55 - 49:22]

Beyond the main topics, Oakerson and Kelly share personal stories and engage in humorous exchanges about everyday mishaps, such as Bobby's experience with beef jerky and their playful attempts to measure heights accurately. This segment highlights their ability to connect with listeners through relatable and amusing scenarios.

Notable Quotes:

Bobby Kelly [33:07]: "I brought two bags of it because when I see it, I buy it because it's so good."

Big Jay Oakerson [36:22]: "I'm not arguing with you."

Their banter serves to humanize the hosts, showcasing their camaraderie and knack for improvisational comedy.

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Closing Remarks and Tour Announcements

[49:22 - End]

As the episode nears its end, Oakerson and Kelly briefly discuss upcoming tour dates and promotional content, encouraging listeners to engage with their platforms. While this segment includes promotional material, it transitions smoothly from the main content without detracting from the episode's overall flow.

Notable Quote:

Big Jay Oakerson [51:09]: "For tickets and all tour dates, go to bigjaycomedy.com and go to his YouTube page and watch his specials."

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Conclusion

The "Short King Battle" episode of The Bonfire effectively blends topical discussions with personal humor and playful debates. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly navigate serious issues like immigration and protests with their trademark comedic style while also engaging in lighthearted banter about personal topics like height. This episode offers listeners a comprehensive and entertaining experience, reflective of the hosts' ability to balance humor with insightful commentary.

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Listen Live: Every Monday through Thursday at 5 PM Eastern/2 PM Pacific on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103.
Subscribe: Access ad-free content and early episodes at siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh wow. I wanted to tell you of one of the most catchy things that were fans of Corey Holcomb and his comedy and belief system. He has a song this. It's been out for a while so I'm not drop any new bombs here but because I hear sometimes he plays it on his pod, I listen. I'm watching the podcast almost every week at this point if I can. This plays in the background sometimes when he goes to like break and then they come back and do their plugs or whatever. It's just like some part of the show. They show his plugs and play music that he makes. He makes like a loungy style like R B songs that are always like the it's supposed to be funny but he also like croons. The way he sings it is pretty funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

So he's a creator too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very much a creator. He'd probably get in on flanker in a heartbeat but ah white owned.

[Bobby Kelly]

He can come in on the plain part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This song makes me laugh and it's the catchiest thing I've ever the chorus is the catchiest thing ever. Christine, please.

[Bobby Kelly]

This world has an abundance of resources. What if you have faith you can go anywhere and find your way. Ain't no doubt everybody out there who believes in the true God understands what I'm saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I ain't scared of nothing because God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Has put people out here to save me from all situations.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The obese single mom will always provide shelter for me. The ob single mom will always provide shelter for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh thank God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is such a funny thing for us. Back it up. That's the best line. They'll feed you their children's food. The obese single mom will always Provide shelter for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you know how happy I am? That went funny. I was sitting there for a second, like, fuck, this stinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You gotta trust my instincts. Play that again, that last part. Shelter for me. When the Lord don't come through. When the Lord come through they'll feed you their children. Shelter for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Give it one more. Here we go. When I first made that move to la, but one thing that I knew.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is big girls move a man in their place. There's no need for no school graduation.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For me to earn my way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Them booger bears got my back in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Every city that I'm at least single mom will always provide shelter for me. Yes, they will. You can meet them at. You can start it off. That really tickles me. The obese single mom will always provide shelter for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you. I was watching some great footage today, Jesus, of people, like, talking to people that are, you know, the protesters. And like, they're. It's. I mean, I don't know percentages, but just for the sake of comedy, 90 of the people are like, I just came here to turn up dog. Or. What's hilarious is it's people who. I mean, if they're not criminals, they look like criminals. You know what I mean? Are. I mean, all face tatted up and like, you know, tattoos all over, everywhere. Like, you know, and they're like, this was our land first. Like, this is indigenous land. You took it. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you. But you lost it. You should have lost that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is my land to sell cocaine on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it is funny that they're burning the American flag and they're holding the Mexican flag, but they'll. They never want to live in Mexico.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I know, exactly. It's like, that seems great.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you're like, all right, go ahead. They're like, no, I'm not going to live there as it dangerous, man. They got shitty Mexican food.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Go back to Mexico and riot into a Cancun resort and enjoy your life a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're burning the American players, dude. You idiots.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which Americans are running the Cancun and Tulum? Go dominate that over there. I really gotta say, it is an interesting argument. I mean, the violence fucking sucks, for sure. And also, like, I know there's all the arguments about the job. I'm like, of course I couldn't, like, go into a graduation and pull a grandmother away from a family because we're gonna send her back over the country. But, you know, it's. It's. You're not legally here. I don't know what to say. That would happen to me if I was just staying in Italy for two years over. By the time I was allowed to stay 100%.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they also only took back. They grabbed 14 people. All 14 people are criminals. They're not just going. They're not grabbing grandmothers away from their children.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They had to arrest more than 14 people.

[Bobby Kelly]

They arrested 14 people. You can look it up on the website. They have. It's public information.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

14 people from the ICE raids.

[Bobby Kelly]

From the ICE. ICE went in. And the people that they took.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. Were you not talking about the arrest made from the protest? You're talking about the ice?

[Bobby Kelly]

The reason why they're protesting is because ICE is going to. Just like they're getting Mexican people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they're just ripping them away from their families. It's not happening. They're going in and getting people who are criminals.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They took away my uncle. Pimp murder.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His real name is Carlos.

[Bobby Kelly]

So people who are sex trafficking, drug trafficking, kidnapping, all this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I saw the murder. The Vietnamese guy was a murderer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And they're, they're taking them back. So that's the thing. And here's, here's a little conspiracy theory. I don't know if it's true or not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There are no such thing as Mexicans.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's not true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're. The aliens throw water on them. They're afraid of water.

[Bobby Kelly]

They, they, they're dropping off pallets of bricks. And what.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was the conspiracy here for Black Lives Matter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. But there is video of, of, of people drop. And they're also. There was a van pulled up and was giving gas masks, these kind of gas masks from Walmart. Like a whole van pull up and just handing out these masks to rioters. So they're saying that there's a lot of people being paid to antagonize, to riot, to throw bricks to get people riled up. Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I could save you the conspiracy there and say Mexicans are at Walmart and they took those gas masks to divvy up to people who are protesting. What was the other one? We could dispel all of these.

[Bobby Kelly]

The bricks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The pallets of bricks being shown.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bricks showed up and they would take.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And these Mexicans are working construction. There's a lot of bricks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Or they would take. They would have a hammer and they'd smash the bricks up and put them in backpacks. And that's what they were throwing at cops.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell yeah. So take back the streets, Mexicans. Viva la Mexico. It is funny that it's all like Mexican flags in the air. I'm like, that's a weird thing. That shouldn't be holding up, like, American flags.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they're burning those. That's the one that burnt the country that gave them. If they. If they burnt in America a Mexican flag in Mexico, they'd be beheaded and hung from a highway.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the guy's like, still posing for a picture, drinking a beer. That's what I mean. It's all like. When they kick the cars as they go by, it's hilarious. Just taking their little jab, like, did it kick the car? People are bragging. They're all stoked about their rubber bullet, like shots in their bodies. They're like. They're like. They're like, oh, man, that hurt. He's like. And this guy will be like, how'd you get that? He's like, I was doing some shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you see the reporter, this lady. I put it in the thing. The reporter lady was just reporting. All of a sudden, the guy, you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See, the cop took in the leg.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he looked at her and just shot her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really? You think so?

[Bobby Kelly]

100%, buddy. He. Look at this lady. She's reporting 9 news moving them on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Through the heart of LA.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks. But she turns and the cop, Cop just shoots her in the back of the leg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The co. Dance bitch.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's holding a microphone. She's in front of a camera.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dance bitch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch his face, though. He looks over and just shoots this chick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Again. Does it make sense? This isn't my. It's not my thing to fucking handle or have the solution to it. Just like on the cut and dry level of like, everyone getting crazy violent because they're kicking. They're just enforcing. Just enforcing a policy file that should have been enforced before. Just seems like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because the argument I keep hearing is even Isabella, you know, Isabella's immigrant parent, but they're both legal. Her grandparents, but it is. And the one of them doesn't even live here anymore. She went back to Columbia. But it is like ice. Yeah, ice center back. No, no, she went back there. But Isabella has a. Even a little more like, you know, well, well, well about the situation. Even more than I'm like. It's like. Isn't it just like I described it as like I would sneak into a second movie when I'd go to the movie theater. I wasn't taking somebody else's seat even. I wasn't necessarily taking money away from. I was just popping in an empty seat that would Otherwise be unfilled. But like, if they came in and they were like, hey, show me your ticket for this thing. And I didn't have it and they made me leave, I wouldn't be like. But I was already watched a half hour of it. Like, that's the. The argument is like. She goes, well, I've been here for 30 years. It's all. I know. It's like, sucks, I know, but you had to get paperwork.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're so dumb. You're smart. That was the smartest. I mean, that was the great. Am I crazy? You need to go on the news and use that analogy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm taking around Big J. Does the movie theater. The old sneak into a movie theater analogy.

[Bobby Kelly]

We need to clip that and send that out to all the news. Because I think that's going to solve this problem. Because when they go, it is like the movies, man. I get it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do fully understand being. It sucks. You know what I mean? Like happening. But it's just like you're getting caught doing the thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's another level of it, though. They're not just taking every illegal alien. They're taking the criminal ones.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're saying that's what they're trying to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

But even if they're. Even if they're mostly criminals, you know what I mean? You can look it up on the website, on the. Whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever fucking every Hispanic is in Ms. 13. I think that's what I tell myself. Even my daughter, I question. I check her tattoos, I run them online and I go, hey, what does this one mean? She's like. It says heart, dad. I'm like, oh, Christ. She's in El Pueblos. Crazy loca gals.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So then they sent the National Guard down and they might send the marines down because the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, by now this has already happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

The local cops can't do anything because it's a sanctuary city.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Should we talk about this more on the late. The live show? I feel like it's going to be old news. Today's news on Thursday. No, no, no. But on Thursday this could have escalated. We're talking about. And then look at that. They're sending trucks in there. It's already like half of Los Angeles has burned down. And we're on Thursday talking about, hey, is that a truck heading over to Los Angeles?

[Bobby Kelly]

How about on Thursday, though? They have. Someone else came up with. Listened. Someone else came up with the idea like Lou and the movie theater thing. The movie theater thing. And Lou, one of the lose or Jacob, sent it to, like, the news. And they became. And they ended everything with that movie theater analogy. And they became famous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By that theory, you should definitely consider kidnapping or killing Jacob until you get Flo Flanker out there, because he could be playing this koi game. We don't know what's going on that computer ever. That's true. He's just trademarking flanker.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's using AI right now to have a whole business plan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bet he trademarked flanker.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you didn't, did you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bet it's what he was doing before.

[Christine]

I didn't trade market.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, what's he gonna say? What's he gonna say? Yeah, I did. It's gone, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's Thursday. It's Thursday.

[Christine]

Not the lake one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shut up. You don't know the word Flanker. You better not have taken flanker, Bobby. What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's gone. He has it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna tell Don to get it right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. It's property of Jacob Batat Industries. Oh, he's evil. Listen to that.

[Bobby Kelly]

What a piece of shit. Why would you do that?

[Christine]

I did it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you?

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look, but to save your time, I.

[Christine]

Said I didn't like your idea and it wasn't good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Flunker.

[Bobby Kelly]

Flanker. That's me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what I thought.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what I am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Flunker.

[Bobby Kelly]

Flunker. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bakersfield. No, don't hurt corn.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're sending stuff in from crazy north.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And east, coming from all directions. Why don't we get a couple of bulldozer snowplow type things and we just keep moving. The protesters keep angling them towards the border. And then problem solved. Yeah, you just bulldoze them towards the border. Most of them are on skateboards. They're destroying police station. That's what I'm saying. The problem gets like the. There's eight people that give a about protesting. The rest of the people are busting into a Louis Vuitton store.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I mean, it's ridiculous because they're. They're saying that, you know, cnn, msnbc. It's a peaceful protest and the cops, the National Guard are making it violence. No, it. They're saying that in front of. They're saying that in front of a burning car. It's like you're crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And by the way, there's spray paint. One of them was standing. The cops were standing next to a thing. It just said 1-8 7- a copy. Like a bunch of spray paint. It's all fresh. They're painting on the Police.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sucks for the Los Angeles Police Department because they're a sanctuary city. They have. They can't do anything to these people. But they're. I love cops, but they're putting firefighters. They have to back up uniform. I love anybody, any. Anybody who's protecting the weak. I'm for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you like to be taken by a strong man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I wasn't. I wasn't judged. I was. I was.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want to think about it for a second, that's all. Yeah. Dude, These guys. So these guys coming in, but the police are backing up the National Guard because they have to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But they can't do anything against the protesters because it's a sanctuary city.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're personal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you see what they did to the police as the police were trying to get away?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

They were throwing the rocks off the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

The overpass, over the pass and. And then they hit a cop right in the head. I mean, I. I don't understand. These are the people that when something happens, they're gonna protect them and they're just fucking trying to kill them. I don't get it. How is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just mob mentality now. It's. I'm saying it's people out there with scarves over their face just doing like a bunch of. Listen, you have to have that in you. Do you know? I mean, like, I really don't have it in me that I want to like, blow up a fucking car in the middle of the street and watch it like, burn. It's just not really my. No, it's not my thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I don't like to be hot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But, you know, I'm saying, like, that wouldn't be the way, like, if I was going to think of a way to solve a problem. I'm not even saying it wouldn't be like violence, just not like the rant. To me, just like burning a cop car and dancing around it, waving a flag. Seems like that's not my. I'd have a problem with. Dude, somebody or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's movie. Like, look at that clip in the middle. That is like a movie. That's Los Angeles, bro. First of all, pray for California. California. I'm sorry, Christine. I know it's your state. It's between the. The wildfires and all the bullshit that they could have actually Mexicans. It's stupid. This is. It's. It's. It's hilarious to me that they. The richest people in the world, live in. In that state and then the poorest people in the world live there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said this one. The fires. I said this. When the fires happen. God. If God couldn't be showing you how much it wants California off the earth. Once they get threatened every year with like. They tell them it's like, you know, guys, in years, California is going to be underwater. It's going to break off, and it's like no one's going anywhere. Goes well, every year we'll burn half of it down. Still not going. We need to make movies here.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're going to have earthquakes. Going to shake all your houses off a cliff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

People love. They love 70 and Sunny, though. That is the. Can't even argue with that. The weather, their rules.

[Bobby Kelly]

You do learn it's eventually going to break off and end up attaching to Alaska. Please let it happen. Let it break off and attack the Russia. I would love for all these people to be under Russia rule.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wouldn't that be great?

[Bobby Kelly]

Potatoes and vodka. But this also is. This is kind of segregated. This isn't happening in Bel Air. Beverly Hills, Manhattan Beach, Redondo, Hermosa, Palace Verdes. Like, anyone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys keep your Mexicans under control.

[Bobby Kelly]

They had a. They had a mega rally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Orange County. County.

[Bobby Kelly]

They had a mega rally in. What is it? What's the rich part again?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Beverly Hills.

[Bobby Kelly]

Beverly Hills.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They had a what there?

[Bobby Kelly]

They had a mega march. Like a bunch of Trump American people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maga Maga march.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mega. Yeah, mega.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mega. Mega.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When you said mega march, I thought you meant like a huge march.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mega. Is it? Mega.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maga.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mega. Maga mega. So I mean, look at.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is say, Maggie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maggie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maggie.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm choking on a hair. I think I swallowed a bug.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't have any hair. Whose hair is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not mine. It's black.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lose.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whatever, dude. You were late.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, the thing is, you start sucking Black Lou's head.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not his head. Oh, you say I'm talented.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's so nice of you, dude. I appreciate that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does have a talented tongue.

[Bobby Kelly]

But coming from you, that makes me feel good. As a full partner of the flanker. It feels good. They. Yeah. This. This whole thing is fucking ridiculous to me. It's just stupid lighting. Burning your own community down. Doesn't even make sense to me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, not a cybertruck.

[Bobby Kelly]

And people say, oh, you have to do it to shut the fuck up. And here's what. You know what they're doing. They're actually making more people Republican. So you're getting anybody in the middle or on the fence. It's just gonna look, you guys are fucking nuts. I can't live like this. I'm going to get move out of the state. People are going to move out of this fucking shit state.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, again, I'm the person that you're discussing. It's like in the middle of that where I'm just going like. But I can't see a great explanation to be like, why are you burning down things and destroying. Even if they go because they're. They took in people's grandmothers and deporting them. I go, but they were here illegally. Like, yeah, for whatever, many years. And you go, so okay, so what are you burning down this waymo car for? Cuz of that is the grandma thing. Like I'm not really fully understanding the looting thing too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like if you guys. If anybody in Los Angeles loots a Louis Vuitton store and winds up getting a black Pharrell bag, the beautiful bag, you'll pay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'll pay sticker price.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll pay. I mean a sticker price. I mean it's stolen, so I'll pay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Make sure you get sticker price though. The sticker price. Oh, cash. Hash.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cash. Cash. Cash. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, that's fair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, if I need a fan, you know, hey man, Don won't let me get it. You know what I mean? Yeah, whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, if you guys hit like a. Oh man, a Rolex store would be a great. Do they ever get looted?

[Bobby Kelly]

Never.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Never.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they have, but they very rarely. Now they have armed. Now in every Rolex store there's an armed guard at the front stop. 7,000Mexicans and Louis Vuitton all have armed people in the front of the store.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Spanish Armada, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

These guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they could be charmed by one Mexican girl shaking ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

These guys are pretty much the mall near you, the Louis store. If you go to Gucci. No, you walk right in, you go to Louis. There's a. There's a Navy SEAL up front with a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With a gun.

[Christine]

That stuff all goes into a gigantic safe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

As I'm getting older, I'm hating young people's behavior.

[Christine]

I think the worst.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you. Christine, could you go to. I hope it's still up. I like that. His story. Brian Redband put up a story. Yesterday he was flying home. I guess somebody died on his plane.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So that's not even the story that makes me laugh so much. Brother, that's terrible. Someone died on his plane. Then it has the thing with the cops coming on the plane, the ambulance outside of the plane and all this shit and Then the last thing is he films two black chicks that work at the airport. They were outside by the truck and the ambulance where they're doing the thing and she goes over by the cop car and the other girl starts filming it and she starts doing like, doing like dances and like, hey, I'm like, yo, that's fucking crazy. Like they're filming tiktoks on the. You're. It's like that's gotta be a semi important job what you're doing out there. You're on jets.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How many Mexicans you think you take before you go down?

[Bobby Kelly]

Four.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I don't understand.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm actually gonna pretend to be Max again if it happens.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. My duolingo is going to come into effect.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I could pretend to do, but it's just gonna be like. They're gonna have to really buy into, like. Then I'm like a Chicano. It's the only voice that I can do really well.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get away. I'm here to help you. They took. They took me madre and put her in a cage like a animal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine could get away. She has to slap a tattoo on her upper eye and on her neck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, just throw a little, like, lip liner on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, Jacob's dead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, you're dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're dead.

[Christine]

I have stuff on me.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

What do you mean? I'm gonna. I have my knives.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. How many you get? How many did he get is what we're saying. Bobby says four. Me, Mexicans. It depends what we're talking about here. We talking about, like, skinny, like, gang type guys?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are we talking about?

[Bobby Kelly]

We're talking about fat lazies. Yeah. We're talking about, like, me and you bodies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mexicans. Yeah, me and you bodies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But tiny little short Mexicans.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tiny short Mexicans. Me and you bodies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think four is fair. I'll stick with four. I don't think I do any more than that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What about you?

[Christine]

I'm not gonna say. I could take as many as Jay. Two.

[Bobby Kelly]

See?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Even with the knife.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Why as many as Jay? What about me? What? As many as me?

[Christine]

You're one of us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Even with your brother.

[Christine]

You did it again where you say you separated me and you put yourself in Jay's group, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm five. I am five eight.

[Christine]

You're not.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm five eight. You want to suck me into your vortex. It's not happening.

[Christine]

You're one of them.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm 5 8.

[Christine]

And even 58 is too short.

[Bobby Kelly]

58 is not too short for Mexicans. That's.

[Christine]

That's not a man's height.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mexican giant.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's. The whole basketball team is five, eight. But that is part of the.

[Christine]

It's five, eight and under. I keep telling you that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep. I'm five. Stop. I'm five, eight and a quarter.

[Christine]

No, you're not.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's on my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. Use that app and measure Bobby. Right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

That app's not very accurate. Five, eight and a quarter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I bet it's dead on accurate.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm guarantee you shrunk. Stop trying to suck me into your life, Bobby.

[Christine]

I'm. I'm tell. I'm. I'm sucking you into your life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Eight and a quarter. I walk amongst giants and they welcome me in. I'm not walking around.

[Christine]

You're not a human being.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, you Lilliputian. Stop sucking me into your life.

[Christine]

You're not full. Full human.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

We're not. We're not.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what's funny?

[Christine]

You are me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I gotta say, you're right about this. Maybe it's your personality, the way you conduct yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never really described you as like, short. You're shorter than me. Substantially shorter than me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, let's not get carried away. But I'm shorter than. Taller than that, Right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, for sure. I never overthought short until. Can I tell you something?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you should have a right to be mad about this. Until black Lou and Jacob, particularly Jacob started doing what he's. What you're saying he's doing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He started lumping you where I started going like. Oh, yeah. I guess, Bobby. I guess me and Lou are the only tall adult men.

[Bobby Kelly]

They have to recruit people. They have to get as many.

[Christine]

I don't need to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. It's a couple of virgins like us, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not like football, where it's a game of inches with them. It's a game of centimeters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you understand these little short kings? Oh, if you're a centimeter up, you're one of us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you? But maybe. Would you accept that? Bobby, if you're a centimeter over 5.

[Bobby Kelly]

8, this is the most common height range associated with the term short king. Okay, but I'm five, eight and a quarter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Look that up. Yes, I am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because if you are. Now you're saying he's not.

[Christine]

I'm saying because of age. You just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, but here's what I'm asking you guys to come to an agreement here. Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, I'm listening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If we measure you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you are five, eight and a quarter. Or anything over five, eight, we'll say doesn't have to get to a quarter.

[Christine]

No, it's five nine, five eight is. Is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, the five eight, five eight and a quarter is over.

[Bobby Kelly]

If anything in the five, eight range.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's not what it says. That's not what it says at all.

[Christine]

Under five nine is considered inhuman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It says five eight and under. Five eight and under.

[Bobby Kelly]

Five, eight and under.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So if he's five eight and a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Quarters over is better than you.

[Christine]

Who says? Hot chicks or a Google?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. Bobby. Bobby, you have to play into this too. Will you conceit either of you. Bobby. If you are. If you are 5 foot 8 looking.

[Christine]

At me like that, the rules. I don't want this for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Please. If you're five foot eight, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, sir.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or anything below, if that's possible.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you're 5 foot 8 or below on the nose, you will consider yourself a short king. If you are 58 and anything over point anything, anything over you will are not considered short at all. And you don't even understand the world. That Black Lou, I want him to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shut his short mouth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Forever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you get to go at him a little bit for being short.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And anytime Black Lou holds the camera, he has to hold it up like. Like at an angle because he's short.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

You understand like. Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These are the kind of things you get to say when you prove them wrong. If you're 5, 8.8.

[Bobby Kelly]

Anything. Anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How could you say that to another?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

King.

[Christine]

Oh, first of all, five, nine.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, both of you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you guys remember three kings.

[Bobby Kelly]

This isn't Lord of the Rings. I want nothing to do with you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm writing this movie. We're going to be do a redo to the movie Three kings. And then people are. When you guys show up, they're going to go, I thought you guys were three kings. And then you're going to have to open up your king cape and realize that all of you guys have been on each other's shoulders the whole time. You walk the earth as one king, but you are made of three kings.

[Bobby Kelly]

With the short kings.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Three short kings. But Bobby, do you have that app Blue?

[Christine]

The app is not accurate. You need an actual. There's no can't summit.

[Bobby Kelly]

There has needed.

[Christine]

You need an actual tape measure.

[Bobby Kelly]

There has to be a tape measure in this building. Yeah. Someone for a wall knock on B knock. I'm sure they have a tape measure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. One centimeter over five eight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now take your shoes off. Shrimp, take your shoes off.

[Bobby Kelly]

I find. But I don't like the shrimp talking to me like that.

[Christine]

I like these shorts getting in while you can.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't talk like that. Talk the way you are. Short person. Jay can talk to me like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wonder if I shrunk a little bit. I wonder if I've shrunk a little.

[Christine]

By the way, it's not five, eight, it's five, nine, and under. So it doesn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you arguing with AI?

[Christine]

Yes. Well, that's not even saying what short is. That's considered what a short king is.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what short people do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Short king is the only. There's no short.

[Christine]

You're reading this wrong. What? 5, 8 is considered the. A short king. The top of being short. It's still short.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, just put in a bag of beef. What the fuck is happening? What is this?

[Bobby Kelly]

I brought the best beef jerky in the world. I brought in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You brought six pounds of it in.

[Bobby Kelly]

I brought two bags of it because when I see it, I buy it because it's so good. It's the best beef jerky you'll ever have. Do you want to try a piece? There you go. Try a piece.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not going to get that back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Was she a fucking camel?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Didn't you see what happened with my food the other day? Oh, were you not here for that one?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I wasn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got a Starbucks. I hadn't eaten all day. Christine ate earlier in the day. I know she did. And then I was in a rush running around, so I got a cheese and fruit from Starbucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I love those.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had a piece of cheese, piece of cracker, and a piece of apple, and I closed it and I slid it out of the way so I could have it on the next commercial break. Christine ate all of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really? Like a little rat. Yeah. I thought he was sliding it to me. Yeah, he wasn't. He wasn't. How is it? It's so good. It's like meat. It's like. It's actually like steak. It's so good. And it's. It's called Old Trapper. Old Fashioned beef jerky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Smell really slaps you, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, dude, it's good. Dude, we got one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got a tape measure. Oh, what time is it? Should we do this next Monday? We're gonna do this next Monday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very tender jerky.

[Bobby Kelly]

How good is it? Dude, it's really good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where's it from?

[Bobby Kelly]

It. It's. I don't know. Where do you get it? You get it? 7, 11 sometimes. Or CVS sometimes. But people. Once. It's in, it's out. Like, people buy it. I don't. The pepper and the. The teriyaki, I don't like. I like the original. This isn't pepper. No, no, it's just regular. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like steak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, sir.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop trying to have lots of jerky conversation and avoid measuring yourself. Jacob is so excited. First of all, measure Jacob. First, we make sure the tape measure works.

[Christine]

You don't have to measure me. I know what I am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you?

[Christine]

And I admit it. I'm short.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you sitting down? Are you standing up right now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Potato, potato.

[Christine]

Shoes off. Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How tall are you? Lou?

[Bobby Kelly]

Six foot with my shoes on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you're a little less than six foot, you think?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'd like to. I don't know. I've been. My posture has been improving, so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice. Are you wearing shapewear?

[Bobby Kelly]

I wear back brace from Amazon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where do you wear it? I wear it at home. Is it working?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think so. My back problems are pretty much gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really? Lower back.

[Bobby Kelly]

It supports the lower back, but it's. It's made for fixing your posture.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna work around that stuff. Throwing beef at Christine.

[Christine]

Do you want to set this up, Jay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or Jacob has to stand on a chair to set up a tape measure. That's hilarious.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at this tiny convention. All right. What am I? I think you're five, eight and a quarter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Christine]

As soon as he's done, he shrunk, Jay. You know he did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe he did. I'm not arguing with you.

[Christine]

He's doing this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, welcome to the club.

[Christine]

There's no way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go.

[Bobby Kelly]

My heels are dropped.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Push down on his shoulders.

[Bobby Kelly]

My heels.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's not dropping his cs.

[Christine]

Correct. He won't do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

We won't do it, Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But look what I'm doing. And.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you're five, eight and a quarter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If not.

[Christine]

As soon as he relaxes, he's. He drops under five, eight. Oh, I wish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When he leaves the wall, he gets tremendously.

[Christine]

It's amazing. It's startling how much he shrinks as soon as he leaves. It's so much crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I know what you guys are talking about. What am I. What am I?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A little over five, eight. Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Six, two, six, two. Yeah. Definitely not measure, Jacob. Let's see what you.

[Christine]

I know what. I am awful miserable.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go.

[Christine]

So I'm it proves you're. You're the top of the short people.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not. I'm five, eight.

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was the deal, Jacob?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not.

[Christine]

I said under 5, 9.

[Bobby Kelly]

She got it stuck. Which she hasn't got in a long time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's good steak. After measuring, I'll tell you right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

It feels good to be part of the man club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, you said that. You conceit.

[Christine]

No, I didn't. I said the opposite. J. I said under 5, 9 is considered short.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are we living in a. You kept saying no, no, no. Are we living in a weird world? Because anything over 5, 8, I am not a part of his midget.

[Christine]

That's not what it says up there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not part of the midget theater club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

While short king is subjective term, a man is considered a short king if he's under five, eight. Being five eight and a quarter puts you just above that height.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bing.

[Christine]

It's five, nine. I don't care what five AI says.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've always stuck with five Lollipopkins the lily.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't just make up your own fun facts.

[Christine]

But listen, I'm not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would be.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what little people do. Little people lie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would. I would be a. Okay with Bobby being a short king would be hilarious for the show. I could refer to the three of you as, like, the Munch. Where are the munchkins at? As a group. But I can't now because Bobby. So I. I concede to that. I measured him.

[Christine]

It's not what we think. It's what the world thinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The world is the Internet. Perception is reality, dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you not. You don't believe what AI is saying?

[Christine]

No, I'm saying five nine is considered the stand. The average height. Under five, nine, you're considered short.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then why doesn't Google say that?

[Christine]

Why does Google know what that says?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think it gives you a gray area of math. There's a. There's a gray area of masculinity between 5, 8 and 5, 9, and Bobby's in that gray area.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guys, real quick. This beef jerky is for the tall people. The little. The little people. Beef jerkies over there. Oh, I got two separate bags.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got. Because that has less in it. Because you guys are smaller, so you don't eat as much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

58 is a short king, right? 5, 8 and under. Yeah, but 58 to 5, 9 means you're too short. Wait, can you please sing it? Can you sing it with the midget music, please? When you sing It.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I'm not. I'm. I might be. I'm actually average height. I would not be. I'm five. Eight and a quarter is average height from movie stars.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You dwell in the gray area of height, but you're not short.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm not short. You're short. You're short. You're short. Hey, what's up? Hey, little guy. Come on. Sing it, Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How's the Internet down there?

[Christine]

The average height for men in the United States is generally considered to be five foot nine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that's Jacob. You're getting information that travels down here.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know why Jacob's always.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm looking for up here. Information.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, do you know why Jacob's always cold? Because he falls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right down to your little, little body. Thank you, Christine. Thank you.

[Christine]

You can't do. You can't harm me more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. If you had it all wrong, I couldn't even micro correct it. I would have had to correct the whole analogy.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then heat rises, heat rises, and cold falls.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's why he's cold.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what you said.

[Bobby Kelly]

What'd I say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You said because the heat falls at his little arms.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said heat?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I didn't. Did I? I said heat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's. We have it recorded. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can somebody please send that to me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because I left it completely alone because it was such a flub that I was like, they'll get that crazy mistake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, Justine, I knew you misspoke. Don't ever. You didn't want that out there. You love bespoke. Listen, don't ever do that again. You correct me, God damn it. Okay. But don't do it micro. He's correct me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That would have been a big correct.

[Bobby Kelly]

How dare you? I think some people think that heat rises and the cold falls. Let me try it again. Ready? Hey, Jay, Jay, Jay. That's why he's always cold. Because cold falls. Heat rises.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like the heat rises.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. It's not a good joke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You. That's what you were thinking. You were going to say heat rises, and then you started and you panicked in your own statement.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep. Sometimes I panic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Start it over again. So do it again with the heat rises line. And I'm telling you, you got this. Take two. And by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, bro, check it out. Jay. You know why he's always cold? Why heat rises?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can't even get. Because he's. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on, Hamburger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're trying to drive Jacob into a midday temper. Tantrum.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I'd love it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll get you, buddy. We'll get you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at this guy. The guy. The guy fucking standing like Mad Max on top of a burning car. He's wearing Jinko jeans. We need that guy in this country. You're just gonna send that guy out of the country?

[Christine]

Another thing I was trying to say earlier. I do not understand Hollywood actors.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Waymo.

[Christine]

Weighing in on this and being supporting this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are they.

[Christine]

Just stay neutral.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kurt Russell's kid was giving a Kate. No. Kurt. Kurt Russell.

[Christine]

Wyatt Russell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it Wyatt Russell? He was out on the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on. Did he name his son? Because he played Wyatt Earp and he loved the name.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Christine]

I don't know. I think he was born before that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pray to God he was.

[Christine]

I think he was giving a speech.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man. Christine, look up when Tombstone came out. And when Wyatt fucking Russell was born. Oh, you fuck.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look up his speech, too, because he was yelling. He was talking to the cops. Oh, the. The National Guard. Trying to reason with them, doing that. Hey, man, you don't need to do this. This isn't what he was trying to, like, get, like, a movie scene.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, can't you be good? Can't you be a good person?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so. Yeah. Him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God. This kid. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

When Was the movie? 93.

[Christine]

His dad's the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's 38.

[Bobby Kelly]

His dad wouldn't be out there, Let me tell you that.

[Christine]

But forget him. It's just, you know, because I follow all the hot actresses, too, and they're all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a guy, Jacob.

[Christine]

One way. Yeah. I'm talking about women, actresses.

[Bobby Kelly]

I brought him up because I follow the hot actors.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I'm not a short king.

[Christine]

Just stay neutral. The entire country pays your salary.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're saying it's not him. Oh, it's not him. Are you. Oh, really? Okay. Oh, good.

[Christine]

I actually thought, that's impossible. Kurt Russell would have never raised him better.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nice. Jacob loves Kurt Russell.

[Christine]

I do love Kurt Russell because he's a real man. And Kurt Russell is not a nitwit actor who weighs in on everything. He just makes entertaining movies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kurt Russell. Yeah. 74. He ain't going out there.

[Christine]

He wouldn't if he was 34. He wouldn't do it. He's too busy making movies people want to see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Everything that guy needed Mexicans to build has been built. I don't know. I would be. I'm not understanding it at all. I'm not understanding the level of, like, violence. It's at. On Both sides. I mean, I shouldn't even say that. I do understand firing rubber bullets at people that are throwing fucking bricks at your car.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, back in the day they would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Again, it's why I wouldn't be a cop. I would handle this very. I was a copy back in the day.

[Bobby Kelly]

They would actually shoot people. The cops would shoot you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

So it's like now they're using non lethal weapons to get people out, which is, Is crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what I'm saying. I see the fear of. When you're trying to even retreat. The cops are retreating, which is ridiculous. And then they're trying to. And people are throwing bricks and shit at the cars. I'm like, I throw a fucking grenade. How could you deny. Like, yo, this is crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

So let me ask you a question. If you saw like a crowd of people being violent and then just cops came out and just, you know, just mowed them all down, would you be all right? Would you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm not all right with it. It's, it's. I shouldn't even say that. Maybe I'm. Maybe all right with it is the word. I think that's awful. Does that make sense? I think it would be an awful, awful thing. But also, I don't know, I don't think. Don't put yourself in a situation where the cops are going to mow you down. You know what I mean? You're saying being violent. I'm not talking. You're not talking about. I mean, there's no way to justify. People are holding signs and yelling and the cops mow them down. That's fucking not that crazy. But they're trying to bust into somewhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm talking about the people that are throwing bricks, lighting stuff on fire and being violent towards police.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Asking for that.

[Bobby Kelly]

If, if the cops just unloaded, just went, you know, guys, stop. Or it's got. And then. And they took them all out. Would that. Would you still be on the cop's side?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would think the whole situation's on the cop side. No, I would be, I would be understanding of like, what is it? What are you gonna do? Yeah, I mean there's like a thousand people trying to bust into the police station while you guys are sitting there. What's, what is your. What are you supposed to do?

[Bobby Kelly]

Should be able to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna let him get in there and like get to the guns. This gets crazy. And fuck cops, by the way, half the time, you know, I mean, I have such a thing with like, I've got Plenty of run ins with shitty, shitty cops being shitty, shitty people. So I'm talking about just like the, the element of it, you know, I mean like the cops in general, like the job they're being sent out to do is crazy. And they're getting attacked non stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just hate the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy does look awesome though. The guy with the flag and the no shirt. And JNCO jeans though, does look dope on top of that truck.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're actually. FBI's trying catch him right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fuck you, Waymo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at all these cop cars that they're hiding under. Because they can't shoot back, they can't protect themselves. So they have to hide like fucking scared deer under these people that are waiting for them to come out so they could. They can throw rocks at their fucking heads. That's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not that you can't shoot back, it's like you couldn't. You can't even do the same thing though, right? They're not supposed to even be shooting rubber bullets at that or any of that stuff or.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, the police don't have all that stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's all the ICE people.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the. No, the National Guard and the ICE have the rubber bullets. The police, they're underneath this freeway and these people above are just waiting for them to come out and throw rocks to them like fish in a pond.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The cops aren't allowed to shoot tear gas and stuff at a riot scene.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't have it. They're hiding the guy. One guy actually ran out. That's why they sent the National Guards. The police there can't do anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, they all have their guns.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but you can't shoot somebody for throwing a rock at you for some reason in la. I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you sure about that, buddy?

[Bobby Kelly]

They're not. What if someone show that guy again? Show this guy no back. Right here. No, no, no back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If somebody throws a brick at a cop car while a cop car is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Driving, I think go back, shoot that guy. Watch this guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They tried to kill you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at this guy. This guy right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they got him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right, but all the rock.

[Christine]

What did we just see, Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

This is a guy on the highway and as the cop cars are driving by, or just regular there, he's taking rocks. He has a pile of rocks. He's just smashing them in the windshield, which could kill anybody, by the way. And look at. This is all the ICE cars, immigration cars, all the cops, he's taking all these rocks. He's got a helmet on too, which is hilarious. And he's just throwing rocks. Everyone's covering their faces right there. He smashes the front. This guy gets right in the windshield. And this was happening. This was happening on the bridge too. These regular police, la police officers, right? Which is not SWAT, not National Guard, not ICE. They're just regular cops with a 9 millimeter in mace. They were running back to get to their cars, right? And they were throwing boulders off the. Off the bridge. And it hit one of the cops in the head. And you hear people like videotaping. Oh, that just got a good one. It's like, how could you? I could. I could never be happy. Seeing anybody get hurt in any form would make me. I don't like any of that shit. Even if it was a protester. Except for that news lady getting whacked with a rubber bullet. That was hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you know, we have to wrap this some bitch up.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it. I don't want to wrap it up on fucking serious border crimes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's not serious at all, dude. You're super into Mexicans getting killed by police.

[Bobby Kelly]

You actually, for the police, just mowing down protesters, which is good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. Yeah. I mean, if you want to funnel it down to Brass Tax, sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, we're not, you know, we're not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Short?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. But we are not short. From a tall man, this might mean a lot. I hope no one gets hurt. I hope there's no violence at all. But also, if you don't have paperwork, I think you have to get it. Like I think you have to do. You have to be here legal, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up? What are you gonna say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I think we need to recount. I think we need to remeasure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I feel like later on in the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Day you might shrink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou doesn't like being.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou doesn't like me. He doesn't. He thinks his measurement was wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

They just. They sure. People do better in little packs. Yeah, like the elves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

They always have to be like, you're a tall guy. You can just be out there by yourself. I'm tall, I can just roll. I don't need a bunch of people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The short kings, they got to work together.

[Christine]

Average height for a man in the United States is 5 foot 9.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's average height.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

This is what I said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's my low average.

[Christine]

Oh, under five nine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Bobby's slightly below average.

[Christine]

That's three quarters of an inch.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you're actually seriously not even near average. And you're short.

[Christine]

You're short, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're short, Bobby. You're shorter. I'm not.

[Christine]

You are.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a quarter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, don't worry. You and Black Lou are gonna be able to touch the stars because me and Bobby will pick you up.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, there we go. Big J is gonna be in San Diego this weekend, June 12th through the 14th. Don't talk over me while I'm doing my plugs, you friggin narcissist. The 12th through the 14th. After that he's gonna. Don't put your head down like a weak person. After that he'll be in Charlotte, Tacoma and then Sacramento for. Maybe Sacramento. They might have riots there. You should get involved.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I must pick up some more work paper. This hotel room.

[Bobby Kelly]

For tickets and all the tour dates, go to bigjaycomedy.com and go to his YouTube page and watch his specials. They're both up there right now killing it. And make sure you go to Punchup Live Big J Okerson, and get on his mailing list and watch all his clips up there and see his dates right there. You can buy tickets off of that too. So check that out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Also, story was going on the road a little bit. We have some stuff. Stuff. LA is coming up in August. Bobby Kelly is gonna be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland. That's a fun club in Portland, Maine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it fun?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like a kill box. It's a small place. It's not a big money maker.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought you told me it wasn't good. And then I canceled the Thursday because I thought it was miserable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I mean. But you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. Don't. It's a great club kit post 24th or 26th. After that he's gonna be in Rochester, Tampa and Emouse, Pennsylvania. For tickets and all tour dates, visit Punchup Live. Robert Kelly, we love you guys. I hope you love Bobby and Ron this week. How exciting was that?

[Bobby Kelly]

That was so good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not tomorrow. It was yesterday.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right. It's. I. I fixed it. I had a mouthful of. A mouthful of beef jerk jerky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're getting the jerky time. Bobby's trying to grow before the next measurement.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ron is the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ron is the best. He's the best. I'll be back. We'll be back on Monday together again for the whole week this time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just a couple regular hype guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

Shop [e-mail] 1-2-3-4 those are numbers, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You already knew that. If you want to know what number.

[Bobby Kelly]

You'Re going to pay each month for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your car, use Kelley Blue Book My Wallet on Autotrader. They're really good at numbers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Autotrader.