Skiing While Influencing

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Skiing While Influencing"

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Date: March 17, 2026
Platform: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

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Overview

In this episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, joined by their regular crew (Christine, Jacob, and Lou), dive deep into themes of influencer culture, family, personal quirks, weapon fascination, and comedians’ views on blending their public and private lives. The crew’s signature no-holds-barred banter covers everything from influencer parenting and the dangers of oversharing to a surprisingly robust segment about knives and the ongoing quest for comedic nicknames.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Influencer Parenting – Bobby as "The Influence"

• Jacob’s Compliment to Bobby: Jacob expresses fascination (and healthy skepticism) about Bobby’s open approach to documenting family trips online, dubbing him “Influencer Bobby.”
  • Notable Quote [01:44 – Jacob]:
    “If you followed him this weekend, you went on a journey. He takes you on vacation with him. He, Max and you, the viewer, go on vacation. The three of you."
• Bobby’s Response:
  • Bobby reflects on his role as a dad and how sharing his family experiences can encourage other dads to do the same. He humorously admits to editing out the less flattering parenting moments:
    • Quote [03:01 – Bobby]:
      "I did edit out or didn't film the parts where I yelled at Max and had to say sorry... I've learned that from the outdoor boys—you edit that part out, the, you know, the abuse."
• Christine & Jay’s Skepticism:
  • The crew jokes about influencer authenticity vs. reality, referencing notorious influencer scandals and the dichotomy between private chaos and public presentation.

2. Comedian Nickname Brainstorm—Crafting Identities

The group spins an extended, irreverent brainstorm on creative nicknames based on each team member’s persona or quirks:

• Christine desires to be called “The Science” [06:10]
• Jacob cycles through “The Vacation” and “The Family” due to not having a family but embodying the concept in his solo routines [07:51]
• Big Jay as “The Science” and Bobby as “The Influence” becomes a running joke [42:05]
• Lou gets “The Beef,” "The Board," and other variants; the group debates which is funniest and least problematic [49:00]
  • Memorable Nickname Sequence [52:30]:
    The crew roleplays their nicknames: “What’s up, Cackle?” (Christine), “It’s the Fluence!” (Bobby), “Family in the house!” (Jacob), “Where’s that Beef?” (Lou).

3. The Knife Segment – Obsession & Legality

A full segment is devoted to knives, sword envy, legality, and odd knife shopping stories.

• Christine’s Trip to ‘We Be Knives’ in San Francisco:
  • She describes buying a butterfly knife and slicing her finger while impressing the clerk with knife tricks:
    • Quote [15:22 – Christine]:
      "By the third time, he asked me if I wanted a Band Aid, dude, it was running down my hand. And he was like, you sure you don't? I go, yeah, that thing was sharp, huh? I didn't feel that."
• Knife Law Quicksand:
  • The group jokes about the technicalities of New York knife laws, window breakers, and scenarios involving defending oneself (or, more likely, being arrested for illegal possession) [16:43].
• Samurai Sword Fantasy:
  • Bobby aspires to own a real custom katana, leading to a riff about sword prices, authentic weaponry, and imagined martial prowess.
    • Quote [23:01 – Bobby]:
      “Because of my aikido skills. And my honor that I have with you.”

4. Guns and The Apocalypse

• Bobby’s Prepper Streak:
  • The conversation segues into Bobby’s firearm obsession, from carrying handguns while hiking to boasting about stockpiling ammunition for apocalyptic contingencies.
    • Quote [31:45 – Bobby]: “I have Don so mad at me. I bought 2,000 bullets.”

5. Skiing While Influencing – The Family Vacation

• Bobby Returns to the Slopes After 30 Years:
  • Shares a vivid—sometimes gross—story about his past failed ski trip with a then-girlfriend who suffered an unfortunate gastrointestinal mishap [38:38], and contrasts it to a more wholesome experience with his son Max.
  • Recording His Slopes Journey:
    • Bobby attempts to film himself skiing for his influencer story, only to fall and provide comic relief to himself and the crew.
      • Quote [46:02 – Christine]:
        "Someone always has to go, oh, my Christ, are you okay? And you have to go. Go totally golden."
  • Discussion of Skiing “Difficulty”:
    • The others continually downplay Bobby’s mountain bravado, but ultimately acknowledge the accomplishment.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parenting as Content [03:01 – Bobby Kelly]:
  “I allow the viewer to be right with us in the car and to follow along with this journey because there's a lot of kids out there and there's a lot of dads out there that, you know, maybe they don't... should I take the kid? Or should... and it's like, no, man, go spend time with your kid. And you know what? You're gonna have a good time with your kid. Watch this. I'm going to show you.”

• On Knife Laws and Urban Defense [16:43 – Bobby Kelly]:
  “That's a felony in New York... That automatic part. You'll go to jail.”

• On Gun Stockpiling [32:16 – Jacob & Bobby]:
  Jacob: "You're supposed to have 10,000, I think. Yeah, that's what they say."
  Bobby: "I'm not done yet."

• On Bro Bonds & Knife Rituals [19:39 – Bobby Kelly]:
  “How about this? After the show, we cut our hands and we do... we'd be bear. Bear brothers.”
  Christine: “I'm okay with that.”
  Bobby: “Do you have aids, too?”
  Christine: “Okay. Thank you. Good.”

• On Influencer Mishaps [46:29 – Bobby Kelly]:
  “Did you hear this? Just snap it just right at the end. It just snapped off and I went head first into the mountain.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:44] Jacob’s ‘Influencer Bobby’ compliment, kickstarting the influencer culture riff
• [03:01] Bobby discussing the reality of influencer parenting
• [15:22] Christine’s knife shop accident story
• [16:43] Knife legality and spring-action knives discussion
• [23:01] Bobby’s samurai sword aspirations
• [31:45] Bobby’s ammo stockpiling for the apocalypse
• [38:38] Bobby’s tale of a disastrous first ski trip with his girlfriend
• [42:05] "The Influence," "Science," and the nickname games begin in earnest
• [46:29] Bobby’s ski mishap captured on film—“the price of influence”
• [52:30] Extended roleplay with everyone using their new nicknames
• [55:17] Discussion of sound effects for Christine as “the Cackle” and for “the Science”

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Tone and Style

The tone is classic Bonfire: openly irreverent, deeply self-deprecating, and driven by quick-witted, inside-joke-laden camaraderie. The banter is unfiltered but affectionate, playing off the comedians’ shared histories and eccentric obsessions.

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Summary

“Skiing While Influencing” is a quintessential Bonfire episode blending family talk, influencer insanity, and wildly tangential humor about knives, guns, and niche personal branding. Bobby’s attempts to bridge the influencer and comedian worlds carry the through-line, inspired by real-life fatherhood and a relentless appetite for content. The crew’s running gags—knife fetishes, forced nicknames, Bobby’s “fluency” in influencer culture, nicknaming Christine "the Science," and imaginative worst-case scenarios—showcase why Bonfire remains a unique blend of chaos, honesty, and comedy for fans who love behind-the-curtain talk as much as punchlines.

Transcript

[Announcer]

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[Commercial Voice]

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[Christine]

Lower that light, Christine, and turn that heat down. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's hot.

[Christine]

Pin it. Jacob did it. He's a monster.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pin it. He is a monster.

[Christine]

He's a liar. He's a fink.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a snake.

[Christine]

He's a snake in the grass.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's just a cold blooded animal.

[Christine]

Jacob broke my heart this weekend.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did.

[Christine]

You saw it. Oh, you saw it unfold.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Christine]

We all thought. He said. No one thought he was going to the.

[Jacob]

No, no. Everyone knew, except you that you weren't going. Yes, I wanted to.

[Christine]

Keep it from me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to know.

[Jacob]

That wasn't keeping it.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is what Jacob does. He says stuff like it's facts and it's not facts.

[Jacob]

That's. Go ahead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Okay. First of all, before, before, before we get into this.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to get my compliment from you. Jacob said he had an on air compliment he'd like to present me before we get into this heated debate. Jacob, the floor is yours.

[Jacob]

Yeah. Before the negativity. I'm so fascinated with influencer Bobby.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

If you followed him this weekend, you went on a journey. He takes you on vacation with him. He, Max and you, the viewer, go on vacation. The three of you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And it starts literally in his driveway. We're leaving now. He gets into the car, they're driving. And then you all arrive at the. We all arrive at the tiny house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

But don't forget, we settle in, then we go on the ski slopes.

[Bobby Kelly]

We do stop at the Charlton Plaza where we stop as a family all the time.

[Christine]

I'd like to explain to you, Bobby, though, that I don't feel so far. This is a compliment.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, he did. He did. Tell me at the beginning. You might. I hope you know it's a compliment.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I do. As an influencer, I do Take it as a comment, because in my world,

[Christine]

as an influencer, I don't know if you could pick up sarcasm.

[Bobby Kelly]

These were these words to you as a stand up comedian, in that I live in both worlds. I'm what they call a day walker. I live in the stand up comedian world, which is vicious and mean and sarcastic and, you know, you're just on your own. But in the influential world, we bond together. It's a, it's, it's, it's about storytelling.

[Christine]

Is Jacob an influen?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm not.

[Jacob]

But that was a compliment. I can't. I, I'm like you, what you brought up last week. I could never allow the access. Poppy gives you access.

[Bobby Kelly]

I allow the viewer to be right with us in the car and to follow along with this journey because there's a lot of kids out there and there's a lot of dads out there that, you know, maybe they don't. Maybe I. This weekend's tough. Or should I take the kid? Or should. And it's like, no, man, go spend time with your K. And you know what? You're going to have a good time with your kid. Watch this. I'm going to show you. I'm going to take you on a little journey. Now, I did edit out or didn't film the parts where I yelled at Max and had to say sorry and the parts where he fucking annoyed me to no end and he ate like a fucking billy goat in my car. And I was like, you get in French fries everywhere. I've learned that from the outdoor boys that you edit that part out. The, you know, the abuse. Yeah, you got to leave.

[Christine]

This is, that's what that Jody Hildebrandt did, that famous. Whatever that influencer girl was, the Mormon lady who had all the kids. And they found out the kids were all being, being beaten in like locked in cages and.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, very.

[Christine]

But in between that, but in between that, they were doing crafts.

[Jacob]

Crafts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I, the, the outdoor boys, I've talked about them before. He's just, he does this whole thing with his kids. He goes in the, out in the middle and builds a snow fort and sleeps for three days with his three kids. Yes, but there's always, if you watch close enough, there's always a clip where you, where one of the kids does something. You can hear him, you know, snap a little bit. Yeah, he gets a little. But they cut it out in mid snap. Like right at the beginning. Hey, Doc.

[Christine]

Hey.

[Bobby Kelly]

And me and Max, we recreate it so it's like hey, duh. And then it cuts. We're like. We recreate. I'm like, I told you not to do that. Jacob, put it down.

[Christine]

I will tell you. And we'll have to wait for the pre record this week.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

To tell. But a little teaser. I heard something in the background of the David Vaux Mullen special that I never heard before that changes laughter almost everything. No, no. But it changes everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really, it changes.

[Christine]

There's a part we already watched.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

But there's something said in the background that none of us ever caught before, myself included.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I'm excited.

[Christine]

It's really good.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's great. I love it. Oh, don't do it. No, no, don't bring it up. Don't bring it up.

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Take it down.

[Christine]

Just this part we got. We already watched this part.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, this is. This is.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is tomorrow. We do it tomorrow.

[Christine]

Jacob Desper wants to know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Patience is a virtue, Jay.

[Jacob]

No, no, I just want. I can wait till tomorrow. I want to finish my compliment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, please.

[Christine]

Sorry. We did.

[Bobby Kelly]

We did se. Let me get him a compliment.

[Christine]

Let me get to where you were. I don't know how Bobby does it. Just letting everybody see every single thing he does well along the line. So weird that, like, you never think to just spend the time with your family. You want to show people you're spending time with your family. I think you were over there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't forget the part where we went. I could never do it.

[Jacob]

Well, here's what I couldn't do it because you don't have a family.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, we're gonna do it. By yourself.

[Christine]

It would be sad to do it by yourself.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it would be sad, considering Bobby inspired me. I did want to do sad. One day of sad influencer Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

I told him to do this he should do set like a band workout by himself in a mirror.

[Christine]

Yeah. You don't need a family vacation, dude. You are the vacation. I'm working on nicknames for people, by the way, too. You're gonna be the vacation.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Jacob is the vacation. I got mine. I'm the science.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

I'm gonna. I want that word spread out there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

I'm the science.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right?

[Christine]

And when people see me, she'll be like, yo, what's up, science? Like, I wanted to catch.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want people to walk up to you and go, what's up, science?

[Christine]

It came to a good thing. We were doing a body brain coffee read.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. As we all do.

[Christine]

No, I don't get paid for that. So I probably should get some. Maybe a new nickname.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he started paying us, though.

[Christine]

I don't like. Did he?

[Commercial Voice]

No.

[Christine]

Interesting. I keep making the joke that I don't drink coffee. I don't like coffee at all. But I want to support the brand, so I've been shooting it up my ass.

[Jacob]

Nice.

[Christine]

Boofing it, if you will. And legally, because there is no physical science on this happening, Lewis has to say at the end of the day, goes by the way. He goes, that's just Jay's claim. It doesn't. There's no science backing it up. And I said, I am the science. Yeah, Jay the science. I'm not like, morbidly obese anymore. So Big J doesn't even really fit anymore. Who cares? Big's gone. J the science. Okerson Science. But you could just call me Science Science.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like science.

[Christine]

It's good, right?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Christine]

Jay Okerson is the science.

[Jacob]

And you have to have a backstory.

[Bobby Kelly]

And why is he vacation, may I ask?

[Christine]

Because he doesn't have a family, so he's just vacation.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought Lewis should be more vacation because he takes one every other week.

[Jacob]

Makes sense.

[Christine]

Or. Oh, yeah. We can call Jacob the family. He doesn't need a family. He is the family.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is.

[Christine]

I like that. That's what it is. It's always what you don't need because you are it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. So you, I think, lonely Jacob influencer. Fantastic. You just eating alone.

[Christine]

Well, no, not loan. Not loan.

[Jacob]

Then on a Friday, it was the family.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's the family.

[Christine]

Family dinner. Family vacation. Because he's the family.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right, Gotcha.

[Christine]

You understand now, right?

[Jacob]

I was going to do like. And we're going. We're going now. Because you say where? And I was going to say, we're going to the laundromat now. It's Friday night. And then. And then we. And then I'll argue with one of the Mexican moms over the folding table. That's good content.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fantastic content.

[Christine]

But, you know, do you go do laundry on a Friday night sometime Saturday.

[Jacob]

That's a.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a Friday night for him, Jay.

[Christine]

Saturday night. Night.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's less people, buddy. He's with his family.

[Jacob]

I'm the family.

[Christine]

Oh. Oh, it's fam. I didn't realize it was a family. Family laundry.

[Bobby Kelly]

He said where. He didn't mean where he went. The family with the family and I are going to do laundry on Friday night.

[Christine]

Yeah, we're just the family.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just the fam. Just the family.

[Christine]

Family laundry night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Family laundry night. And you go Down. You do it.

[Jacob]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Christine]

And they go, where's your family go? I am the family.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am the family.

[Jacob]

What happened to the reason I can't do what Bobby does, though? Is that. I mean, the access part, it's like the. What. What's the. The Architectural Digest videos where the celebrities give a walking tour schematic of how to kill them.

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Jacob]

A lunatic.

[Commercial Voice]

What?

[Christine]

I don't know. I know you're talking about the walkthrough things.

[Jacob]

Yeah. Like, I don't understand celebrities to give you that much information about the insides of their house. That's crazy to me. Well, you. You do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do, but there's rules. You can't have license plates, you know, you'll never see a license plate.

[Jacob]

You see, this is what I need to learn.

[Bobby Kelly]

You need to learn.

[Jacob]

I don't have a car, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can't do a license plate.

[Jacob]

Bobby, that doesn't bother.

[Christine]

If somebody wanted to find and kill your family, it could happen in moments.

[Bobby Kelly]

Actually, Max found all my information on the Internet in one day and went, dad, you know, this was here in the yellow page.

[Christine]

Someone sent that to me the other day. Someone sent me holding it, just so you know. And it was like my address, my thing. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, well, great.

[Jacob]

I've never been to your home, but I know how to find you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can find me at. In the big house. If you come to the tiny house, I have around seven guns waiting for you. Yeah, I know, and I sleep with one.

[Christine]

But it takes you a while to get them because you keep banging your head and elbows trying to open things.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I. I actually can't turn the gun, so I have to hold it up to the ground.

[Christine]

You took your family to a. Took your family to a shoebox with windows.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can only shoot people outside.

[Christine]

If you shoot that gun inside your house, everyone's ears will bleed. You'll blow. Eardru.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, yeah, we. I went skiing, Jay, for the first time.

[Christine]

This was this Walton Goggin showing his house, and he's showing the height marks from other people's kids.

[Bobby Kelly]

He lives in an old, stupid house.

[Christine]

Oh, probably.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He lives in an old.

[Jacob]

I like his house, but I know it's not for everyone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course you would. There's too much wood.

[Jacob]

It's not my first house.

[Christine]

People who carve their shitten.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is an old house in Hollywood that stars would live in over the years and they would put their stupid things in it.

[Christine]

Also because Jacob does look so much like young Charles Manson. The Family also works with that, too. Yeah, Jacob is the family.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we could actually put his face and eyes on all the, like a. Like, hair, like you're the family. If you make your sisters and your brothers and your mothers and your fathers all around you and we just put your face in it because you're the family.

[Jacob]

The family.

[Christine]

If you took a pic, Jacob, he would do the picture of you like, like with your eyes open like this and gritting. You would side by side with Charles Manson. Young Charles Manson. Young, handsome Charles Manson. The one that got all the.

[Jacob]

Well, there's one I had in the front of my CD rack. Yeah, it looks exactly like young Charles Manson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the one. That's a dead ringer for you.

[Christine]

Jacob's got a couple. He looks just like young Chaz, man. Look at, look at, look at it right there. Oh, my God, Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, you gotta let your hair grow out a little bit.

[Christine]

Look how cool you would look with a buzz cut and a full beard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Real quick. I think we found his style, by the way. Young Charles Manson.

[Christine]

Yes, I agree.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your style.

[Christine]

I've said that for the longest time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, we should get you one of those shirts with the ropes. The rope tie in the front.

[Christine]

You should dress like Peter Pan.

[Jacob]

I despise the hippie look, man.

[Christine]

No, not the hippie. I don't want you to do the hippie look either.

[Bobby Kelly]

God bless America, Jacob Jerk offs. Are you done with your compliment, by the way?

[Jacob]

That's basically it. Yeah. How about that? That was a good band workout. Come with me to the kitchen while I fill up my water bottle.

[Christine]

Hey, Jake, I'm sorry, real quick. I'm just gonna take this pen right here. I'm gonna draw a little something between your eyes here. Hang on. Just. Can you, like, make your forehead tight? Thank you. Okay, we got it. And there it is. What do you think of that, Bobby? Swastika between the eyes? Doesn't that do something for you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right on the money. You should bring that on vacation.

[Christine]

You should take that to the vac.

[Jacob]

I'll pose in front of the swastika

[Christine]

book Shows from swastika book.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now I tell you what, when we do the zoom call, there's nothing lonelier than Jacob's apartment.

[Christine]

Can I show you guys a little thing I bought?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I was out in San Fran. My hotel is right by the wharf. I never go walk around and do stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it a keychain? Dildo?

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Christine]

It's a knife.

[Jacob]

I'M already.

[Bobby Kelly]

You bought a knife?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, here, let's settle down because I bet it has some. Some silly on it.

[Jacob]

I'm already.

[Christine]

Well, maybe it doesn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on, dude.

[Christine]

Silly.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you know what? I apologize. Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay. I'm sorry. From. I'm a knife guy and I lashed out. I lashed out and I'm sorry you bought a knife.

[Christine]

And I'm proud of the store on the wharf.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Christine]

We be knives. They had everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

We be knives.

[Christine]

We be knives. It wasn't black at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not what I was gonna say about it.

[Christine]

They had everything. They have actual batter.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's a Batarang?

[Christine]

Like the. The Chinese stars are the bats for a Batman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Christine]

Like they have the actual sharp like throwing, like, like throwing knives of the Batarangs.

[Jacob]

Wow.

[Christine]

It's pretty dope. They have Rambo knives, Weeby knives. There it is. There's the Batarangs. So I was like, you know what? You know what? I missed a lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that knife right there.

[Christine]

Do you know what I missed a whole lot?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

My butterfly knives. So I don't know if you recall, Christine got caught trying to smuggle them onto the plane, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because she's. She's a ninja.

[Announcer]

She's successfully smuggling them through jfk.

[Christine]

Jfk don't give a. Dude, you bring double blades. I don't give a. They thought she was. So I go, do you have butterfly knives? He goes, yeah, we got a whole bunch. I mean, ranging up to 500 some dollars. Some of these butterfly knives.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Christine]

And yeah, and so I had the butterfly knife and I was like, well, should probably show this guy. I know the basic open and close flip flop of the thing, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

So why wear the mittens if you're not going to do button?

[Christine]

So no mittens. And I went, I went bing bang, boom, open, pink bank, boom, closed. Felt the knife itself, like tap my finger, of course, but like, but it's only one sided blade. And the guy goes, he goes, yeah, you want to do that? Always holding the side with the mechanism on it. And I went, oh, did I do the other one? He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. You mean your finger? And I went, I go, oh, yeah, just a little. So I like sucked the blood off my finger.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you actually choked because it was so much blood.

[Christine]

And then I'm pointing at other things. I'm like, what is that right there? He goes, that's an Italian stiletto switchblade. And I go, I go, can I see that?

[Bobby Kelly]

1.

[Christine]

He goes, do you want a Band Aid, man? I go, oh, no, it's fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

As he's pointing, it looks like a Pollock painting in the back, buddy.

[Christine]

By the third time.

[Bobby Kelly]

By the third guy's eye.

[Christine]

By the third time, he asked me if I wanted a Band Aid, dude. It was running down my hand. And he was like, you sure you don't. I go, yeah, that thing was sharp, huh? I didn't feel that. So then I put the butterfly knives away. I'm like, no more of that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then you're too old for a butterfly knife.

[Christine]

The stiletto Italian. Yeah, stiletto butterfly knives. One had ram horn like handle, but those are the ones where you push the button. It side ejects and comes up highly beat.

[Bobby Kelly]

It highly illegal in New York.

[Christine]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Highly.

[Christine]

Okay. Well, that's was beautiful, but he was like, this isn't like functional really much at all in life. This is a showpiece.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

This is something you show. And I go, oh, I'd want something that's a little more functional. And we're going around and. And then we landed on this. Jacob, do you want to look? Because Bobby thinks it's gonna be silly.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think it's gonna be silly.

[Christine]

Come over here so I can show you in private.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on, show me.

[Christine]

Come over here.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, show me. Dude, I'm sorry. Can I apologize?

[Jacob]

This is what I meant.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would like to see.

[Christine]

You want to see it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Bear. Bear, I apologize.

[Christine]

Tell me you think it's going to be a cool knife.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's going to be a really cool knife. Oh, you have a microtech. Is that Microtech?

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, listen to that snap.

[Christine]

That spring action is nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, that thing. Can I just real quick. That's a felony, by the way.

[Christine]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a felony in New York.

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's too small now, dude. That's a. That. That automatic part. You'll go to jail.

[Christine]

Like, leave me fairly. Put your fingerprints in this real quick. Just hold this for a few seconds. Just for a few seconds. Just really can feel the grip, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. Ian Finance just got arrested with one of those.

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they saw. The cops saw it in his pocket and he took it out and it was an automatic knife and they. They took him away.

[Christine]

So I better. So if I pull it out, it has to taste blood.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's got to taste blood.

[Christine]

I'm going to jail anyway.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Y. Yeah.

[Christine]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's automatic.

[Christine]

That's what it Is.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's that little button right there.

[Jacob]

And you're.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And I don't know. Does this have over 3 inches?

[Christine]

Does this have a safety?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

That if I push it against something, it, it kills itself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it won't. If you put. You won't be able to. You couldn't put it against somebody's body and it shoot out.

[Jacob]

You can't put it into a notebook, into the tissue box. Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it won't. It won't even.

[Jacob]

It will actually damage your.

[Bobby Kelly]

It will unhinge and you have to reset it.

[Christine]

Well, I mean.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really? That's.

[Christine]

It is unhinged though. Yeah, it shoots out a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll. You'll. A little bit, but it won't go in them.

[Christine]

I mean.

[Jacob]

That's a nice spring. It's a nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a nice spring, dude.

[Christine]

Yeah, just like the very tip.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

So it would hurt you.

[Bobby Kelly]

It would. They probably wouldn't feel it. They probably.

[Christine]

So sharp.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they probably like. You didn't feel that you sliced your finger up and down to the tendon.

[Jacob]

You have to.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you. And you were flicking blood in a guy's eye. Just like that. Can I see it? Can you pass it over to me, Jacob? No, no, no, no. Yeah. No, no, no. Pass it over. It's knife etiquette.

[Christine]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, now that you're a knife on it.

[Christine]

We have to pass the knife to the right hand side.

[Bobby Kelly]

We pass the knife to the right hand side.

[Christine]

Pasty knife to the. All right, here we go. Switchblade is any knife that opens automatically by a button springer device or handle that. What does that mean? It's illegal. Yeah. Okay. Including lilas. Beyond standard switchblades. What's the standard mean? Gravity knives. What's that?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a knife. That.

[Christine]

Metal knuckle knives are the coolest ones. Cane swords are illegal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Oh man. I got happy about the city now.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's nice, man. This. I'll tell you, I have one of these.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have a Microtech which is the name brand of these type of knives. This one is. This is a solid knife. Buck 50 and that's cheap. And the microtech is like 400 bucks. 300 bucks.

[Christine]

He said that was a really good one.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is great. And it has a little. This right here smashes a window.

[Christine]

Oh really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Glass breaker.

[Bobby Kelly]

Glass breaker right there.

[Christine]

I didn't know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a glass breaker. Keep this in a glove box. Anybody cut like the guy today in the thing you could have got out

[Christine]

there was an Asian guy going super slow. I would like to put that in his tire.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And then also maybe do something where it's like I run it down my tongue, like intimidation tactics. And maybe, like, point it, like, to my eye like this. Like, look in his window while I got up. Touching my eyes.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about this? After the show, we cut our hands and we do. We'd be bear. Bear brothers.

[Christine]

I'm okay with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

We do. We do.

[Christine]

Do you have aids, too?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. I'm not gonna just. I'm not gonna just give you aids.

[Christine]

Okay. Thank you. Good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you pass that back to us? Welcome to the brotherhood, Jay.

[Christine]

It's a very cool knife.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'd be funny if somebody from the show, a listener from the show, rats him out and there's just cops waiting from up front.

[Christine]

It looks like it's a keychain more than a window breaker.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you can. You can use cordage to put that on there to keep it around, you know, make a little loop on it if you want. But it's a glass breaker. Keep that in your glovey. Then when you get pulled over by the cops and they find that, you

[Christine]

go, james, glass breaker anymore?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you. That's a glass breaker.

[Christine]

He says it's for a keychain.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a keychain. But you can break the glass on the end of that, too. That's why they put them there.

[Christine]

I'm using this exclusively to stop rapes. But rapes of me.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not a keychain. You actually put the knife to your own throat.

[Christine]

First things first. I welcome a rape. And then I fight. And then I fight it. I walk around ass out in the gayest neighborhood in New York City.

[Bobby Kelly]

You mean New York City?

[Christine]

New York City, west side. Constantly bending over to pick up Lou's change. Asshole. Pre wet.

[Bobby Kelly]

We saw the gayest guy in the world today.

[Christine]

And then he comes up behind me.

[Bobby Kelly]

The springtime brings out the gays. We saw a guy in black short shorts, a tank top that didn't fit, but it was a woman's tank top with his little belly out with white tube socks up to the ankle. And as soon as I saw him, I was like, that springs back, Springs back. And then he walked by the boys, and they saw him, too.

[Christine]

He's dressed like the guys who serenaded Constance Fry in Trading Places.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dressed like Constance.

[Christine]

Constance Fry. Constance Fry, you looking. What a gra. What is a gravity knife?

[Bobby Kelly]

Gravity knife is just. You use. It

[Christine]

drops out centrifugal force. Yeah, it just drops out, but that doesn't. They're not fun.

[Jacob]

They're very dangerous, actually.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's very dangerous. You don't want that knife. But because it uses gravity, it's crazy. You know what I mean? Remember the knife I gave you for comedy camp when we did it, that. That, like, it just drops out and you hold it with your thumb, and that's what keeps it out. If you don't put your thumb there, it will slice your finger off.

[Christine]

Oh, Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, those.

[Announcer]

That's illegal in New York.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that one isn't. Those are 100 legal.

[Christine]

No, it says gravity knives are illegal.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, the one I gave you is illegal. This actually drops out of it and it flips around almost like a butterfly knife, right? And then you. You lock it in like that.

[Christine]

We be knives had swords. A mace. Yeah, like the stick with the ball and the spikes on the end of it. It's crazy. Can I bring all this home in us in a suitcase? He goes, if you check it, yeah,

[Bobby Kelly]

you can check anything.

[Christine]

Like I could check a mace. He goes, yeah, I have.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you seen my knife collection?

[Christine]

Weeby knives. That little girl, you're able to throw knives at her, and she keeps vanishing.

[Bobby Kelly]

She catches him.

[Christine]

She's a ghost. She's a grudge. So the guy who works there, he's just throw knives at her. But she's just. She's not. She's better than even there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that knife.

[Christine]

We be knives.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to go there.

[Christine]

We're on the wharf.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want a samurai sword. That's like a real samurai sword.

[Christine]

They had them.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want a real one, though.

[Jacob]

I can put you in touch with them.

[Christine]

So.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, real one. A real.

[Jacob]

I want to make it from scratch.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want a real one, though. The way they made him. They made like. They make him. All right. Yeah. Okay. I want one. A real samurai sword.

[Christine]

Why do you feel you deserve that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because of my aikido skills.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

And my honor that I have with you.

[Christine]

Just spend a couple hundred and get one.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I want. I want a real one. Those are fake.

[Christine]

That says authentic.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The Internet is always the truth.

[Christine]

I mean, there's another one. The samurai store. It's the store for samurai.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but there's different levels of samurai.

[Christine]

Please go to the samurai store. Please up if you want to get one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay, use your knife.

[Christine]

Oh, so it can't be reached. You probably have to have samurai training. That's why I said you can't really Get a real one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I have samurai training.

[Christine]

Do you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. I don't tell you everything, bro.

[Christine]

Where's your graduation scroll?

[Bobby Kelly]

My graduation scroll and my kata that I had to do for my graduation, but you didn't know that.

[Christine]

Oh, and I bet your big giant pants and belter and the cleaners.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, and I have my baby samurai knife. In case I dishonor anybody, I kill myself.

[Christine]

And your one piece hair, that's a top ponytail that you have. I guess it's on your mannequin head at home.

[Bobby Kelly]

How much is that one? Oh, Katana, that's what I want.

[Christine]

Katana, how much is that one? Well, it depends what you're willing to put in.

[Announcer]

41,000.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, get it, buy it, I'll pay you back.

[Announcer]

I do think these are real though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, those are real.

[Christine]

Yeah, those are 41,000. How about the $9,000 one? Will that not kill?

[Announcer]

I don't think as good as a 41.

[Christine]

It will kill like. Well, is that going to dull out after I take on a bunch of Japanese guys are all wearing the same black masks and suits?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they never dull out. That's the thing. They can slice bullets.

[Christine]

But I'm wondering if the 9000$1 does dull out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, the 9000$1, the more expensive one is the, the sword maker. So the sword maker is more prestigious than it's more money. And the older it is, it's probably older. The, the more expensive one is probably old one.

[Christine]

Is it gonna rust in the rain when I stand in a suit holding it outside in Chinatown, calling out the Triads?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, it doesn't.

[Christine]

That's the thing, it won't. No, it will not rust because they know rust. I'm gonna feel like a real ass if I get out there calling out the Triads. Sword breaks in the first sword fight.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you buy a 201, yes, it will rust, okay? But if you buy one of these, a real one, it will not rust.

[Christine]

Now, I don't like gratuitous violence. So when one of these, these, these triad suckers comes at me on a what I can only assume is some kind of rice burner motorcycle, it's not gonna be one.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's gonna be more than one.

[Christine]

But the first one that comes, yeah, when I pull the sword out and hold it like to the side like this, it's got to be able to take his head clean off. One shot. I can't have it like. Do you remember the first beheading? Remember why it was so bad? We all thought Someone was gonna get their head cut off in one shot. And then it turns out it's more meaty than that. Well, you have to really get in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Also, those guys don't have knife sharpeners in caves in Afghanistan.

[Christine]

That is correct. They did have dull objects. But I'm saying, well, this particular knife take off a yakuza's head completely off, and then I can do, like a thing. But then afterwards, it would slice a tomato.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, what you want to do. Yes, it's a very. It's like ginzu. What you want to do is after you slice the head off, you. You snap the blood off and then you wipe it on your inner. Right, your inner.

[Christine]

But then. Can I cut a shoe in half?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, of course.

[Christine]

I used to work for Cutco, so I have high standards.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, Cutco is the American samurai.

[Christine]

It's the American samurai.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the American samurai.

[Christine]

Have you thought about having having the sharpest guy, you know, make you a samurai? Sw. How.

[Bobby Kelly]

How awesome is it having Cuckoo in your house when you have to cut anything?

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, why? You don't have cuckoo?

[Announcer]

No, we do.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have cuckoo.

[Christine]

We have a buttering knife and one other knife I got the same cucko. We got that Eric from Cutco gifted us, which are very, very sweet. I don't have Cutco knives.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have one. Yeah, he's a sweet guy. I have. He gave me one too. I have the same.

[Christine]

I've been thinking about moving Christine out, though, and moving Cutco knives in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I tell you what, I can

[Christine]

only live with one or the other.

[Bobby Kelly]

I never get excited when she makes a roast beef and I can cut. Use my Cutco knife and make it thin, I bet. Thin or thick? Whatever. Whatever you want, dude.

[Christine]

My roast beef's all ragged and thick.

[Announcer]

Well, maybe you haven't tried the Cutco carving knife we were getting.

[Christine]

It's like sourdough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I have the bread knife too, from Cutco.

[Christine]

Jacob got us a bread knife, and I'll tell you what it's done more than anything else. Taking off Christine's fingertips. Christine has bread knife. Sliced her hand a dozen times since he gave us that beautiful knife. That knife rules, by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the best.

[Christine]

I don't know why she doesn't fully understand yet how sharp it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you get the bagel?

[Christine]

She just cuts bagels like though. It's the bread. Jacob got us a bread knife.

[Bobby Kelly]

The round. It's round.

[Christine]

No, I have a Cutco knife like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Christine]

Jacob gave Us. Not a cutco knife. A great bread knife.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, the guy who gave us.

[Jacob]

No, it's black maple. No, I got them a bread knife. Serrated. I got them serrated.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

Which is, I think, 17 times. Christine's going like this with a bagel, so who wants. But yikes. And just like the bagel in one shot and then the button in this middle of her hand, because she's used

[Bobby Kelly]

to growing up poor, she didn't have money. So the. The knives she used her whole life for bagels have been not good knives.

[Christine]

Yeah. She's not safe around. That's why I got to keep this blade on me.

[Bobby Kelly]

That blade's nice, man.

[Christine]

She ain't safe around blades.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should get a chain, put it around your neck, right? Yeah, I should. Yeah. Actually get the chain for your wrist, that barbed wire chain, and hook it onto that so you can flip it up, push the button.

[Jacob]

You need a neck knife.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Christine]

I thought I needed a boot knife all this time.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can put that in your boot.

[Christine]

So when Jax Teller walks around.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

With a thigh strapped or, like, hanging off his belt, like a real long knife. Illegal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it automatic?

[Christine]

No, no, but it's big.

[Bobby Kelly]

If it's big, yes. In New York City, I think it's four inches. Right.

[Christine]

This is.

[Jacob]

I don't know where they are in that fantasy town. Nobody gets arrested.

[Christine]

This is Redwood, California. I'm talking about.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know about California. I know New York.

[Christine]

It has Redwood, California, the fictitious town of Redwood, California, where the anarchy are from.

[Jacob]

You can walk around with a machete there.

[Christine]

It's not a machete. I don't think this guy even watched the show. It's like a buck knife, though.

[Announcer]

They're from Charming.

[Christine]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

But the Redwood Originals.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, a lot of. A lot. Most places you can walk around with a knife, like the Hampshire. I can have as big a knife as I want on my hip, and I usually carry one on my hip.

[Christine]

No, you don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I do. Okay. I don't. But listen, the thing is, I've always wanted to, but Don doesn't let me. I came out of the house with my. My Bushcraft knife. On one day we were going hiking. She goes, what's that for? I go, in case something happens. She goes, you gonna stab it?

[Announcer]

You don't carry a gun on you, Dawn.

[Christine]

Don. Play dead. I'm gonna stab this bear.

[Bobby Kelly]

I carry my.380 on me when we hike now, which is the best feeling in the. I used to be. I've always Been afraid hiking because there's bears and, you know, big cats and all that out there. Whatever. I've always had that fear of, like, what's that noise? But when you put a handgun in your little. My little backpack and you walk through the woods, you're like, bring it on. I want a fire.

[Christine]

First of all, what you should be doing is forget your fanny pack. You got to get one of those three strap things where the gun's on your chest already so you can just walk around like this with it and then pull it out in case you need it. Yeah, maybe. I'll be honest with you. The way Dawn's been talking to you lately, maybe flash your hair a little bit. Just let her know she's a fucking. She's a squeeze away, dude, from being fucking with the angels.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, a.380 won't kill a bear.

[Jacob]

Pissed them off.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you. You'll be a black bear. You'll scare it off with a.380.

[Christine]

Squeeze away from making her pasta fajo for Jimi hendrix, Janice Joplin.

[Bobby Kelly]

A.380 will. Will scare a bear away. It could.

[Jacob]

I'm saying if you have to shoot

[Bobby Kelly]

it, well, it's not gonna. Not hurt it.

[Christine]

Bobby's a crack shot, though, too. Keep in mind.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I just think it's gonna piss it off.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not gonna piss. A grizzly bear. Yes. A black. A brown. A black bear. They're not.

[Christine]

The first shot Bobby's gonna put through the soft tissue of the arm to let him know he's not his business, but then the second one will be one that puts him down. And then. And then the next one's gonna be. And then the next one is the kill shot. Yeah, but that's if that bear wants to play hardball.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do have a 9 millimeter sig I just got with a laser scope on. A laser. Y', all, dude, it's so nice.

[Christine]

I'm talking about Terminator. Gonna find John Connor.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Mike Calta sent me one. He just sent me. He just sent me a cig. I know my. My safe in the dark house is nuts.

[Jacob]

There's half the house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I want this world to come apart right now. I just want to go to the house and sit in my window and

[Christine]

wait until you run out of bullets. Then you want the world to come back.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have.

[Christine]

All right?

[Bobby Kelly]

I have Don so mad at me. I bought 2,000 bullets.

[Jacob]

I think that's why you let no one you're there, Bobby.

[Christine]

It's not enough.

[Bobby Kelly]

2000. No, that's enough. No, I have one of those big metal containers.

[Christine]

Yeah. Of an ammo container.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have an ammo container because it was. I was buying. I was buying rounds. Nine millimeter rounds. No, I was buying the AR rounds. And he was like, well, you can buy this, but if for $10 more, you can just have this big container and I just give you that. Dude, I have so many.

[Christine]

All my garage furniture would be boxes of rounds.

[Jacob]

You're supposed to have 10,000, I think. Yeah, that's what they say.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

For the apocalypse.

[Jacob]

For the apocalypse. You want 10,000 rounds?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not done. I'm not done yet.

[Jacob]

No. I mean, other people have way more, but that's the bare minimum.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's bare. Bare minimum. Bare bear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bare bear.

[Christine]

I would say 100, 000 rounds, no less.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a lot, huh? I have a tiny house, gonna kill

[Christine]

a lot of people.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd have to make furniture out of the round.

[Christine]

Make it your siding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Outline your house with the boxes. Now it looks you have a big house. Most of it is made of ammo.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just put an addition on. Made of ammo.

[Christine]

Yeah. Just. Just stack ammo outside and then put drywall around it. Now you have a medium house.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love bullets. I know I do. There's something about holding a bullet. I don't know what it is, but

[Christine]

any instrument of death. Really?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I mean. I mean, how many times I'm like, open this knife in a mirror and flick my tongue out like a lunatic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you show us right now?

[Christine]

Yeah, maybe. Because when you have to torture somebody who you've caught, I love that you

[Bobby Kelly]

have your knife and a Louis Vuitton crossbody. Hang on one second. Let me see. Scary, man.

[Christine]

Yeah, Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's good. You have another look, though. Is that the only look?

[Christine]

Well, I just want to tell you I want to do this and look at the guy and be like. Like, look at my face and maybe cut myself a little. Yeah, Yeah. A lot of that kind of shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You should cut a piece of hair off and then eat it.

[Christine]

It. Maybe I'll use some of my hair. That would send a message.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's nuts. Oh, that's. That sounds great. Do it again. Oof. Highly illegal.

[Christine]

No, that's not true. It can't even kill a tissue box. Now, once it's out, I could bury it in the face of anybody in the world. Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stab it in the tissue box now, see if it works.

[Christine]

Yeah. It doesn't give up on that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Yeah, yeah. That's Awesome.

[Christine]

I don't know how sharp.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if I'd film that.

[Christine]

I don't know how sharp.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if I was.

[Christine]

Pretty sharp, I guess.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, let me see. It's not Katana shop.

[Christine]

No, no, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to sharpen that.

[Christine]

Yeah, well, I have to forge it with my own fire.

[Bobby Kelly]

All the stuff Jay's done since he got it, all the stuff he stabbed it into.

[Christine]

That's it. That's. Those are the first few things I stabbed it into.

[Bobby Kelly]

What kind of steel is it?

[Christine]

I danced around Christine sleeping last night, though, with it open.

[Bobby Kelly]

You put a hand on the table and did the.

[Christine]

She's heavy. Yeah, I called her. I made sure she was snoring. She had REM sleep. And then I did the fingers between the knives thing. And I'll tell you what, Christine, show me your hands. Nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Perfect.

[Christine]

Nothing.

[Jacob]

There's an American swordsman who makes katanas in Georgia. Walter Sorrels. Who? You can commission him to make a.

[Christine]

A.

[Jacob]

A real bad. A real katana.

[Christine]

Now, is he aware there's no such thing as a swordsman anymore?

[Jacob]

No, not a swordsman. He's a. He's a sword maker. Walter.

[Announcer]

What's his name from Walter.

[Christine]

What's his day job?

[Jacob]

He's an engineer.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Jacob]

He said no. He's a full time knife maker now. But he wasn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want like, stingray. You know, the stingray handle or shark skin.

[Jacob]

You could do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want that.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He knows how to do that.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. I want one.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Ad Voice]

I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay, where I go for all kinds of things I love.

[Christine]

And there it was. That hologram trading card. One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams. One of a kind. Ebay had it. And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just beautiful. Millions of fines, each with a story.

[Christine]

EBay. Things people love.

[Ad Voice]

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[Commercial Voice]

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[Ad Voice]

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[Bobby Kelly]

I want one. I want to use it.

[Christine]

Who are you going to kill with first?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not. I'm going to practice in the backyard in New Hampshire.

[Christine]

Jacob, he doesn't have.

[Jacob]

No, that's everything. Now, for some reason, every site you go to is getting that. What is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, because serious satellite, they don't want you to go to like bad sites.

[Christine]

Oh. They don't want you to buy weapons to use at work.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Jacob]

Literally every site I've gone on is having blocked.

[Announcer]

There's a problem.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, if you go to. I mean the sites you go to, I mean, they should be blocked.

[Christine]

Yeah. They probably need to confiscate your computer all together.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

See what's in there. You son of a. You sick son of a. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Little boy outfits. Yeah. Dude, I went skiing this weekend with Max. I haven't skied in 30 years. I told you the last time I went skiing, 30 years ago. Same mountain.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Same Place. My beautiful girlfriend at the time who was the first love of my life, Kristen Foley, AKA Foofus. That was her nickname, Foofus. And the science. She.

[Christine]

That's the family.

[Bobby Kelly]

She went, she went. She was like, I want to go skiing. I was like, I don't want to go skiing, it's too expensive. Finally broke me down, gets me up there. We get a little shit motel cabin, whatever it was. We go up. She shows up in a beautiful snow bunny, white snowsuit, little hat, blonde hair. Com. She looked fucking great. She had a big ass. We go up the mountain, she goes down. I go down by myself. As I'm coming down, it starts to snow. And I'm like in the snow, going back and forth. I was like, this is the most serene, beautiful thing I've ever done. And I get to the bottom of the mountain. She's standing there in front of the lodge waiting for me. And I kind of ski up and I go, I'm so sorry that I fought you on this. This is amazing. I'm so glad we came. She goes, we gotta go. I go, what? She goes, yeah. I shit my pants. She got a stomach virus, I guess. And on her way down, she in her snowbody outfit. She just fucking shit all weekend. All weekend. We're in this stupid motel. She's just in her pants and she only brought like nice sexy lingerie. She just had G string. So the diary was just coming out and separating. I had a cleaner underwear in the tub because she had no underwear, so she. I had to clean it.

[Christine]

That's horrible.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was the worst weekend of my life.

[Jacob]

You broke up with her after that?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

After you washed her diary?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. She wound up cheating on me. And then I found out she wanted cheating on with a hockey player.

[Christine]

Did you show the hockey player the shit stained underwear you clean?

[Bobby Kelly]

We were waiting to. Waiting to get out of there and return the skis. And these two dudes were like flirting with her and I was like, you can take her, dude, she's got shit in her pants.

[Christine]

Have her, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but I stink. I actually went, I went there this weekend with Max. He's. You know, I always thought he's lying.

[Christine]

Did he himself?

[Bobby Kelly]

He didn't shoot himself. He. He always. He goes to ski camp every Friday. He's been going for a couple years, but he's always like, dude, I went down a black diamond. All this. I'm like, okay, sure you did. That's cool. You got a big imagination. This fucking kid. He really does. He. We went down, I. We went we took a ski lesson together, and he doesn't ski snowboards, but he took it with me. So we did it. I fell immediately. Then this big lady came over, this fat lady who. Who was my ski instructor. She came over and she taught me a few things. All of a sudden, I'm skiing down the mountain. I'm doing it, and I'm like, oh, my God. I picked it back up because I think skiing is all mental. If you don't think you can do it, you won't do it.

[Christine]

Correct.

[Bobby Kelly]

But if you feel like you can do it, if your brain. It's just like Heelys. Yeah, it's like Heelys. It's a Healy thing. Right.

[Christine]

I don't think I could do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

So we wound up going up to the blue. Up. You know, up the mountain on the. The gondola. The. It's not the highest point, but it's. It's up there.

[Christine]

Ski lift.

[Bobby Kelly]

I went up in the ski lift, and we. So I. I'm like, you know what? I got this, dude. I went down the. That mountain, that blue trail, a couple times. Didn't fall. It was great. I. So I'm like, I'm gonna videotape me skiing. I'm gonna. You know, because I'm a. I'm an influencer.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

We need to see the story. The story.

[Christine]

Well, you're the influence.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Robert the influence. Kelly, there's yours.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I love it.

[Christine]

The Influence. We gotta find everybody else's in the room.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it. I like that. The family. The influence.

[Christine]

Science.

[Bobby Kelly]

Science.

[Christine]

The science.

[Bobby Kelly]

The science or science?

[Christine]

No, it's the science. But, like, people don't have to say, like, Elvis was the King.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Christine]

But when people saw, they go, what's up, King?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Christine]

Hey, King.

[Bobby Kelly]

But with me, you have to say the in front of it. The influence.

[Christine]

No, you say influence. What's up? Influence. To me, it was a fluence. What's up? Fluence.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I like fluence, too.

[Christine]

What's up? Flu.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I was coming down the. I put my phone in the spot to. To videotape. This is the only videotape I got to be scanned right here. This is me.

[Christine]

I saw this.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is me skiing.

[Christine]

Now, is this going to take a commercial break? How long is this? It's a long mountain with a long, big, long, perilous trip.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is. This is a blue. This is a blue trail. It's pretty up there. You can see it's high up there. You can't see the lodge, but I just want you to notice at the beginning. If you notice what I notice after I film this, play it. Who's in front of me?

[Christine]

Don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just a guy in a wheelchair ski.

[Christine]

Oh, really? Look. Oh, Jesus Christ. Look at that.

[Bobby Kelly]

This guy's going, well, that's easier. How is that easier? Because there's no consequences. Yeah, what are you gonna do, get paralyzed again?

[Christine]

You're not even gonna fall.

[Jacob]

The mountain, it looks straight.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that. That's a. That's a off. Right over that little hump right there. It goes down.

[Jacob]

Oh, I don't see that. I didn't get to that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you can't get to that. You look how high up I am. You can see the clouds, Jacob.

[Christine]

You can see the clouds wherever you stand in the world. They're up.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I'm closer to the clouds.

[Christine]

Well, it looks like you're below the trees, which are way below the clouds.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not up at the top, but I'm up there. It's high.

[Christine]

Okay. All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

I haven't skied in 30 years.

[Christine]

Sure. I wouldn't do this at all. I praise you.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, it doesn't sound like you guys are praising me. It sounds like you find flaws.

[Jacob]

I didn't watch the video, so I don't know when they.

[Christine]

I just. You. You're describing this as, like. Like you are. This is like you catching air.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no.

[Christine]

And I mean, you're. You're not in the sky. You're on the ground, well, below clouds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at. I'm. Look. Look at. Look at the mountain in the distance.

[Christine]

It's not Everest, dude. This is somewhere by your tiny house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, I'm not saying it's Everest. And I don't know why I said

[Christine]

Everest like that, because they always say when you go down this mountain here, if you don't see skeletons, it's crazy. But most people don't make it down the mountain.

[Ad Voice]

This is.

[Bobby Kelly]

This. This is. This is pretty high for me. And see where that little. See where the. There that goes down and goes down again and then goes down again.

[Christine]

It's a ski hill.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a. It's a ski mountain, Jay. It's. It's a mountain.

[Christine]

It's not a hill skiing mountain.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a ski mountain. It's loon mountain.

[Christine]

For skiing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Not loon hill. This is a mountain.

[Christine]

It's loon mountain.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm on a mountain.

[Christine]

Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, here we go. Play it now. Watch me. Look at this.

[Christine]

I'm gonna try to see through the clouds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look. Stop right there. Stop, stop, stop, stop. That's the other. Okay, whatever, whatever. That's the high. I'm not doing that. No, I'm halfway up the mountain.

[Christine]

Right, right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

And you stay there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch. Hey, look at this. Pretty good, right?

[Jacob]

Watch.

[Christine]

I thought so. Back, back forth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here I go. Back again. Look how good I'm doing.

[Christine]

And I thought you were doing really good for you turning too wide.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I turned to it.

[Christine]

Yeah, you turned too wide. You panicked. You panicked. Jesus Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go back a little, Christine. Go back just a little bit before I fall. If you listen, you can hear this lady. Immediately

[Christine]

turn too wide.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, listen,

[Christine]

Did you hear my Bob? You get asked if you're okay that. Yeah, I heard you give the verbal. The thumbs up to the Indian guy at the. Someone always has to go, oh, my Christ, are you okay? And you have to go. Go totally golden.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I literally. I did go.

[Jacob]

I'm good.

[Bobby Kelly]

I stuck my thumb up. It's my go to. But did you hear my binding just snap off my ski?

[Christine]

Is that what it was? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you hear this? Just snap it just right at the end. It just snapped off right here. Did you hear that click? The ski just snapped off and I went head first into the mountain.

[Christine]

Then you clear it off for us. Always the influence, dude. The influence. Taking a miss a moment.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, right here, dude.

[Christine]

Clear off that cheesecloth or whatever the. Over your stupid camera.

[Bobby Kelly]

There we go. Of course I do. God damn. Hurt too, man. It hurt. It did not not feel good.

[Christine]

It's the price of influence.

[Jacob]

But, yeah, you didn't. It didn't. You didn't dawn on you to not, not film that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, buddy, listen, man, when you're the fluence. I'm the fluence, dude.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah, dude, the influence.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm the influence, dude. I gotta do it.

[Christine]

Let's pick one for. Let's do DJ Lou.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, dude, the board. No, I like sound, man. Nope.

[Christine]

Too much.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope.

[Christine]

The something. The board. I like the board.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like the board.

[Christine]

You don't like it?

[Jacob]

The boring.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like the board, dude.

[Christine]

It's the B, O, A, R, D.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about the button?

[Christine]

The magic.

[Bobby Kelly]

The magic. How about the magic?

[Christine]

Magic?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're the magic. Oh, Jesus. Do you have a sound effect for ours? For Jay?

[Christine]

I don't know if you heard. On the science.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, for the science. I have. Okay, good. Let's hear it. Oh, I'd say the science.

[Christine]

I'm the science. I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Bob Bobby, you're the influence. I'm the influence. Oh, Yeah, I do like that.

[Christine]

Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

And what about the fam?

[Jacob]

Crickets.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, wait for the fam. Sounds sad enough. Yes. Here. Here's your sound.

[Jacob]

Ready?

[Bobby Kelly]

I got it. Jacob the fam.

[Christine]

Deafening silence.

[Jacob]

Play the violin, Lou.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah, Sad violin.

[Bobby Kelly]

He knows the part.

[Christine]

He goes, oh, the family's here. Jacob, the family bat.

[Bobby Kelly]

This should be playing in the background of all your videos, by the way. This should be. Get this from Lou.

[Christine]

What's up, y'?

[Jacob]

All?

[Christine]

What's up, y'?

[Bobby Kelly]

All?

[Christine]

It's the family here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, I'm having salmon again tonight. Want to watch me cook it?

[Jacob]

I was gonna make salmon for the audience.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you want to watch us? Do you want to watch us cook it?

[Christine]

It's called Black Lou the Beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

The beef.

[Christine]

People say, where's the beef? There's the beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's the beef.

[Christine]

That's the beef right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does he have a beef? I don't know if he has a beef.

[Christine]

Oh, a beef. Oh, like battle beef? No, I was just saying he's our beef. Like, probably the big swinging wang in the room.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think he. I don't know if he does.

[Christine]

You don't know if Black Lew's got a big, huge black penis?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think he does.

[Christine]

Possibly. Might not.

[Jacob]

I don't. Do you have a big confirmed.

[Christine]

Depends on what you think.

[Commercial Voice]

Big is.

[Bobby Kelly]

What I think big is anything over five inches.

[Christine]

Oh, then he's fine. Yeah. And I have a monster cock. Bobby, look out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've seen yours.

[Christine]

Bobby, look out. I have a monster.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's close to not big.

[Christine]

You saw it in a very different state.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine. Christine smiling right now, too.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

She could laugh, I guess.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the beef. What's up, Beef?

[Christine]

Beef's here.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, beef?

[Christine]

Was that. Oh, man. Come on now. You know that Beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got to get him up with Christine now. We just missing Christine.

[Christine]

Are we going with the beef? We like the beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

You like the beef?

[Christine]

We like the beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you like the beef?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Unless you like respectfully better.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do like respectfully.

[Christine]

It's two verts, too. Too many words. The beef you want. The nickname's got to be short.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

You know what I mean? That's Lou the Beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

What about Speck?

[Christine]

Lou the Beef Johnson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Respect.

[Christine]

Respect.

[Bobby Kelly]

Respect.

[Christine]

I don't mind that.

[Jacob]

I was going to throw out Dallas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dallas? No. What is that? Outsiders? No, no.

[Jacob]

Dallas, Love of the game.

[Commercial Voice]

That's right.

[Jacob]

He's. No,

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't mind that. Is that too racist to call him I got it. Noogie or wobbledee? Dabbledy.

[Christine]

It's too wordy. Too. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about wobbledee?

[Christine]

Wabbledy? I don't mind.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about dabbledy? I like the other one. What's the other one?

[Christine]

The beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's right.

[Jacob]

He's Noogie Lamont.

[Bobby Kelly]

Noogie Lamont is good.

[Christine]

Noogie Johnson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't mind.

[Christine]

Noogie Johnson.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's close.

[Christine]

Johnson is good.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's. That has two meanings.

[Christine]

What? That's the other one. Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just Christine.

[Christine]

Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about the Medusa?

[Christine]

The produce?

[Bobby Kelly]

The Medusa.

[Christine]

Badusa.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about Medusa?

[Christine]

Yeah. Oh, because sometimes the producer and it's like Medusa, but she's a producer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Producer.

[Christine]

Too much to. People fear to figure out. Too much to figure out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

The beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about high? I got one. High cheeks.

[Christine]

High cheeks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she's got Indian high cheeks.

[Announcer]

Can Bobby's be shortened to just the flu?

[Christine]

No, the fluence. I said I like.

[Bobby Kelly]

The fluence. Is good. The fluence.

[Jacob]

Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

What about for Christine? I just had it.

[Christine]

What was it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. It had to do with her face. Oh, giggles. Giggles. How about the laugh? The cackle.

[Christine]

The cackle.

[Bobby Kelly]

The cackle. The cackle. Almost like the jackal.

[Christine]

Christine the cackle. Evans.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine. The cack. Elevens.

[Christine]

Yeah. What's up, cackle? What's up, Cac.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, Cacka lacka lack.

[Christine]

What's up, Cackle?

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, let's try them all. Ready? Here we go. What's up, Cackle?

[Ad Voice]

Hey,

[Bobby Kelly]

we gotta have Lou on point, though. Ready? We're gonna go Christine. We're gonna go Me. We're gonna go Lou. We're gonna go Jacob and then Jay, you ready? Okay. I'll go with Christine first, then you go.

[Christine]

I do you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You do me.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, Cackle?

[Christine]

Oh, it's the fluence. It's good. I like it. I like it. Family in the house.

[Bobby Kelly]

I forgot there was.

[Christine]

Oh, where's that beef?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not beef.

[Christine]

Yeah. Oh, Noogie Johnson.

[Jacob]

Noogie Lamont.

[Christine]

Oh, Noogie Johnson.

[Jacob]

That's right. He's Noogie Lamont.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you have to say the full one on that.

[Christine]

That Noogie Johnson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You can't just say noogie.

[Commercial Voice]

No.

[Christine]

You sure? As a noogie. You're right. What's up, Noogie?

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta be careful with that.

[Christine]

You know what? I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta be careful with that, man.

[Christine]

You can't Beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the beef's safe.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I'm saying?

[Jacob]

I like it better.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a little better. You know, he's screaming that out in the public. Did you just say Nuggie, by the way? I think I did.

[Jacob]

I never looked up. I looked up the character Noogie Lamont, and it's short for his actual name, as the character is Nougat. Nougat. Nogi Lamont.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. Nougat.

[Jacob]

That's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Why nougat?

[Christine]

Because somebody who rides Miami Vice is hilarious.

[Jacob]

I think Sonny used to call him

[Christine]

because he didn't know how to read and he couldn't tell how racist it was. That's the truth. You know how to read for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nougat.

[Jacob]

I mean, we all know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Isn't nougat what they have in Snickers bar?

[Christine]

Nougat.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's nougat. I'm sorry. I love nougat.

[Announcer]

We all love nougat.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love a nougat.

[Christine]

That can't be too much nougat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not too much Nougat, but I like just enough nougat with nuts on top, covered in chocolate.

[Christine]

A nougat.

[Jacob]

Is that a real name or is that completely made up for the show?

[Christine]

It's made up by somebody hilarious.

[Jacob]

I've never heard that before.

[Christine]

Right? Times are different.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, way different.

[Christine]

The times are different. Jacob. Damn right. He was known as a colorful, street smart hustler.

[Jacob]

No, he was great.

[Christine]

You never did mine yet. You didn't lay it on me yet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ready? Saving the best for la. What's up, Science?

[Christine]

Oh, hey. I love it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think we need a little more on your sound effect.

[Christine]

Probably Science.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think we need a little more.

[Christine]

I think maybe. Maybe add the. It's alive. It's alive.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I think we need that. We need a little more because, you know what I mean, it wasn't. It wasn't enough.

[Christine]

Or we could just do, like, the beginning of, like, weird and. It's alive. It's alive.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, science?

[Christine]

Weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whenever you're ready, though.

[Christine]

He's figuring it out on the fly. No, I meant.

[Bobby Kelly]

I meant that genuinely. Whenever you're ready, buddy.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah. Whenever you're ready. We'll sit here. Dead air.

[Announcer]

Wait, look at this.

[Christine]

When you Google. No pressure. We will not talk until you find this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right there.

[Ad Voice]

Sweet.

[Bobby Kelly]

We need the weird, and then we go. What's up, Science? Ready? We need weird. What's up, Science? What's up, Science?

[Christine]

Hey, I like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like it. Yeah. Then add that we all got new nicknames.

[Christine]

We all got new. Nick is the first. Jesus Christ.

[Announcer]

Wait, but look real quick. When you google, is nougat a real name? It just autocorrects to nougat and explains nougat. So I guess it's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no way they, they made that name up for him.

[Christine]

It didn't even ask, do you mean nougat? No, it says, it goes, nope,

[Bobby Kelly]

not anymore.

[Announcer]

You think it at least come up like Miami Vice?

[Christine]

Yeah, it was on episode of one episode of Miami Vice.

[Bobby Kelly]

In the 80s it meant nougat. But not now.

[Christine]

Weird. Oh, that's right. Bobby Kelly does stand up comedy all over the country. He's coming to a city near you. He's gonna be at the verve in Somerville, New Jersey on March 19th. Come for the pizza, stay for the comedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut. After that, April 17th and 18th. After that, Uncle Vinny's in New Jersey. Cleveland, Ohio, New Orleans. For tickets and all other tour dates, go to Punchup Live Robert Kelly and check out the YouTube channel at robert Kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Cell over 7pm get your tickets for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Big J is going to be at the Comedy zone in Jacksonville March 13th and the 14th. And I'm pretty sure every show he does from now until next year, he wants somebody to bring him a knife. So bring him a knife. Oh, yeah, yeah, bring him a knife.

[Christine]

I am the science.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he is the science. You have to yell that out when you see him. By the way, comedy on State in Madison, March 19th through the 21st. After that, he'll be in Phoenix.

[Christine]

You know what? Don't bring me a knife to Live Nation events though, because Live Nation clubs, because they will confiscate that from you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, please bring him knives. Listen, wait for him up front. Just hand him knives. Tempe, St. Louis. Just leave it by the backstage door with a sign that says science.

[Christine]

Leave it to Science Door tickets and

[Bobby Kelly]

all the tour dates. BigJ comedy.com YouTube.com bigjogison we will be right back.

[Christine]

I gotta get the science dot com. Get the science dot com real quick for somebody does it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sure that's taken already.

[Christine]

Oh, joy. Another day, another buzz delayed.

[Ad Voice]

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[Bobby Kelly]

You don't mind running late. What's your deal?

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[Bobby Kelly]

Only $25. I'm going to Metro when we hop off. Get that more for your money feeling

[Ad Voice]

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[Christine]

Just bring your number.

[Announcer]

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[Christine]

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[Announcer]

Exceptions apply.

[Christine]

See Sign for details.

[Ad Voice]

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