Snake Monster with Mike Finoia

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly Episode: Snake Monster with Mike Finoia
Release Date: May 22, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Snake Saga

The episode kicks off around the [01:17] mark, immediately delving into a comedic yet unsettling story shared by host Robert Kelly about a massive snake found in his shed. This sets the tone for an afternoon filled with humorous exchanges and entertaining anecdotes.

2. Robert Kelly's Snake Encounter

Robert Kelly narrates his terrifying encounter with what he initially believes to be a dangerous snake in his backyard shed.

• Robert Kelly ([26:05]): "I got a... you know, like a cobra in my shed."

• Big Jay Oakerson ([27:07]): "Look at the size of this fucking snake that was in my shed?"

As the story unfolds, Robert describes the snake's size and behavior, emphasizing his fear and the absurdity of the situation.

• Robert Kelly ([27:18]): "This thing is bigger in person."

3. Comedic Solutions and Banter

Mike Finoia, the guest, and Big Jay interject with humorous solutions and playful banter to Robert's predicament.

• Mike Finoia ([32:05]): "I have to act now. I have to act now."

• Big Jay Oakerson ([33:12]): "So you think it's Harry Potter, dude."

Their attempts to lighten the mood highlight the show's trademark blend of humor and candid conversation.

4. The "Snake Guys" Discussion

The hosts delve into a playful discussion about having "snake guys" or pest control experts to handle such wildlife issues.

• Robert Kelly ([28:28]): "I got a... you know, a man pest guy."

• Mike Finoia ([32:22]): "Can I have them?"

This segment showcases their chemistry and ability to weave personal stories with comedic elements seamlessly.

5. Escalating the Snake Story

As the narrative progresses, the tension humorously escalates with vivid descriptions of the snake's movements and Robert's frantic attempts to remove it.

• Robert Kelly ([35:03]): "This thing's ten foot long."

• Big Jay Oakerson ([35:37]): "You're gonna have such a..."

Despite the increasing absurdity, the hosts maintain a lively and engaging conversation, keeping listeners hooked.

6. Shared Experiences and Relatable Humor

Mike and Big Jay share their own experiences and fears related to snakes and other creepy creatures, creating a relatable atmosphere for listeners.

• Mike Finoia ([36:47]): "I hate snakes."

• Robert Kelly ([36:12]): "I have a humidor."

Their exchanges are peppered with jokes and playful teasing, exemplifying the show's dynamic style.

7. The Final Confrontation and Wrap-Up

As the story reaches its peak, the hosts decide to wrap up the intense snake saga, transitioning back to lighter topics and upcoming events.

• Big Jay Oakerson ([38:01]): "We gotta wrap it up. We talked about too long."

• Robert Kelly ([39:37]): "Somehow, I took him to the snake place, and I was holding the fucking thing..."

The conclusion ties together the humorous narrative with promotional content for upcoming shows, maintaining the episode's flow.

8. Notable Quotes

• Robert Kelly ([26:05]): "This thing is long as fuck."
• Big Jay Oakerson ([33:40]): "Chase being serious. Comedy is just comedy."
• Mike Finoia ([36:17]): "Joe didn't like snakes too."
• Robert Kelly ([37:35]): "I hate snakes."
• Mike Finoia ([44:09]): "If you come out of the house and you find that this anaconda in your shed..."

9. Insights and Themes

Throughout the episode, The Bonfire seamlessly blends personal anecdotes with humor, creating an engaging narrative that resonates with listeners. The story of the snake serves as a central theme, illustrating the hosts' ability to turn even the most unsettling experiences into comedic gold. Their candid discussions about fears, handling unexpected situations, and supporting each other highlight the camaraderie that defines the show.

10. Conclusion

"Snake Monster with Mike Finoia" is a testament to The Bonfire's unique ability to tackle bizarre and humorous situations with wit and honesty. Whether it's dealing with an unexpected snake encounter or navigating everyday challenges, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly deliver an entertaining and relatable episode that keeps audiences laughing and engaged from start to finish.

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For those who haven't tuned in, this episode offers a perfect blend of horror and hilarity, showcasing the hosts' impeccable timing and chemistry. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to The Bonfire, this story-driven episode is sure to entertain and amuse.

Transcript

[Big Jay Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

How many discounts does USAA Auto Insurance offer? Too many to say here.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Multi vehicle discount.

[Robert Kelly]

Safe driver discount, New vehicle discount. Storage discount.

[Mike Fenoya]

How many discounts will you stack up? Tap the banner or visit usaa.com autodiscounts restrictions apply.

[Robert Kelly]

And now the Bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Mike Fenoya]

If you suck my pussy, I'll suck your dick. I'll do to you, honey Till I make you oh baby oh baby, honey.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Do it all night long do it to me, papa do it to me, papa.

[Robert Kelly]

Come.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Wow.

[Mike Fenoya]

Lucille Bogan, everybody. You know the Bonfire has moved on the purely public domain music. We do not access any of the Sirius XM Library.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Jacob. Jacob laughed, but he didn't want to.

[Mike Fenoya]

I'm always gonna trust my funny instincts over Jacob's radio instincts. Well, and that was funny.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Let's see if we join them together. You have funny instincts.

[Mike Fenoya]

Jacob's instincts would say that was worth every second. We're not allowed to sing along and play more than 30 seconds of songs on serious faction 103. So we've now rewarded the public domain. We can sing Happy Birthday for two straight hours if we wanted to. Stop me. We signed contracts. It's too late. You got us for two years. Are you going to pay us to sit home?

[Big Jay Okerson]

What if we did that for two years?

[Robert Kelly]

Does that count? Also Eddie Trunk singing guitar riffs Whoa.

[Mike Fenoya]

I asked that question. I asked that question. But. And DJ Lou said no music unless it's live performance on Eddie Trunk.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep. He don't play songs.

[Mike Fenoya]

No songs at all. He just talks to guys. Yeah, guys who are in the current versions of Great White.

[Christine]

He just talked.

[Robert Kelly]

Did he seriously?

[Christine]

I believe so.

[Mike Fenoya]

He's never not talking to Ingwee Malmsteen.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, he's always here.

[Robert Kelly]

He lives on Park Avenue.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What's his name again? Ingway. Now he's bald now, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Malmy, Is he bald?

[Mike Fenoya]

I think he is.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I think he's bald. Which is not cool.

[Mike Fenoya]

Well, his long hair wasn't cool. But there Was a time where it made sense. But that guy is the make solo music. Why is his name known? I mean, I know the name very well. I know what he looks like. What the fuck was Ingway Malmsteen in? Was he in bands?

[Christine]

He was always solo. Schwarzenegger.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He was the Kenny G of fucking guitar rock.

[Mike Fenoya]

No way.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Is that what they call?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, they're the Kenny G of guitar rock.

[Robert Kelly]

It was him. Joe Satriani. Blue Sarancino.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, he was cool looking.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, he had great hair.

[Mike Fenoya]

I was wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

Lars Gilbert Cur.

[Mike Fenoya]

I thought he had awful curly like tight poodle hair.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I think that was Joe Satriani who had the curly goofy.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, that guy's the asshole. Rips.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Is it Ingve? What is it Ingway?

[Mike Fenoya]

I'm gonna go. Whatever you say. It is Robert Kelly. That's Robert Kelly, everybody. The great Robert Kelly sitting across from me as always. I'm Big Jay Okerson. This is the bonfire. It's our last live show of the week. We have a great, a great pre record for you guys tomorrow on Thursday, sitting in with us for the final show of the week. The final live show of the week, everybody. He's gonna be at McGuire's in Long island this weekend, May 16th and 17th. After that, Chicago, Bloomington, Mohegan, sun, all on deck. You can also check out his podcast, are We Old? Anywhere you get your pods, you can follow him on social media. Ikefanoya. It is America's amigo, Poncho. Mike. Mike Fenoy.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, Mike.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Mike. Are you leaving today to get to your show on Friday at McGuire's?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, might as well.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh my fucking.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Dude, that fucking thing would stress me out months ahead of time.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, well, I have in a couple weeks. It's a good thing. Like there's a. After this weekend, Cincinnati. I don't have a flying gig for a couple of weeks because one of the in between ones I do have is Governor's Levittown, which isn't even that deep into Long Island.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No.

[Mike Fenoya]

But Friday it is going to suck shit so hard.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the worst going there.

[Mike Fenoya]

Saturday's gonna be a breeze.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You have to leave like at noon.

[Robert Kelly]

I have to leave at noon.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You have to leave at noon. And here's what I do. There's a cigar lounge out there. Go to the. You smoke cigars, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I want you to. Don't assimilate Michael.

[Robert Kelly]

Nah, I go.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I go for the I love you, dude.

[Mike Fenoya]

He doesn't. And there's not a chance he's gonna sit in the cigar lounge.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Me and Mike are the exact same dude, by the way.

[Mike Fenoya]

Well, just with different stuff.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, different stuff and different tastes in music.

[Robert Kelly]

You'd be surprised.

[Mike Fenoya]

Now you guys have a lot of crossover.

[Robert Kelly]

You generalize me into just being a deadhead.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I do. But I think that's just what everything raging. I don't think you like the dead. I think it's the only thing that you found that kept your inner rage.

[Mike Fenoya]

So you don't murder fucking theory that I like to hear right there. Mike has listened to jam rock so he doesn't kill it will.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that jam music.

[Mike Fenoya]

Is the only thing keeping him from falling down the entire fucking city.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, he would have ripped out Estes trachea years ago.

[Mike Fenoya]

Fucking roadhouse style. Fucking three finger claw.

[Big Jay Okerson]

All the club owners would be what.

[Robert Kelly]

Choke Vinnie with his old phone cord.

[Mike Fenoya]

Hey, would you mind if we bump you for John Mayer?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Sky? Mother.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you.

[Mike Fenoya]

Hey, there's a new gay Indian who wants to do a spot. Can I bump you for him?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Sky Michael, you host Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

[Robert Kelly]

I host no more.

[Mike Fenoya]

Can I do a spot? No spot. Roadhouse.

[Robert Kelly]

When I was driving my excavator this week, I listened to nothing but Van Halen.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, that thing. That's some manly.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll tell you, there's something about doing manual labor that makes me want to smoke cigarettes. Eat sandwiches wrapped in deli paper.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Eat lays potato chips. Not this fancy. How's. I want like.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You want grease or utes?

[Robert Kelly]

I want nice like.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, you want your. You want your fingers to feel weird afterwards and your. And your breath feels weird because there's a. A sheen of grease and butter coating your throat.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Is it utes or uts?

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm doing that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I thought it was uts.

[Robert Kelly]

I say utes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You know what?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I don't.

[Robert Kelly]

I never knew it was.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm not gonna micro correct you. Let's go.

[Robert Kelly]

No one ever taught me how to say that name.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's Utz.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's Utz.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's a Pennsylvania company.

[Robert Kelly]

I believe they're fantastic chips.

[Mike Fenoya]

It depends.

[Robert Kelly]

Their sour cream and onion.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Hey.

[Robert Kelly]

Are very good.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Let's go get American flag tattoos on our thighs together.

[Robert Kelly]

All right. You got it. I'll get one half of the eagle.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Let's get the constitution on our backs.

[Mike Fenoya]

Christine. And the mystery.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It sucks.

[Robert Kelly]

All right. Uts potato chips.

[Mike Fenoya]

And your whole life's different from this day forward.

[Robert Kelly]

It is. I said oops.

[Big Jay Okerson]

How many times you walk in and go you have any uts?

[Robert Kelly]

Give me uts.

[Mike Fenoya]

Do you have any Utes? Are you looking for children?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Is it. What's a ute?

[Robert Kelly]

If I've missed cigarettes, the two utes. If I've missed cigarettes in the past five years and not smoking, it was the past couple days.

[Mike Fenoya]

Excavator.

[Robert Kelly]

Driving an excavator.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Are you gonna start Cigars, dude, Even.

[Robert Kelly]

Just to have one in my.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Just to have it in your mouth.

[Mike Fenoya]

Cigar would have been nice.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Ye.

[Robert Kelly]

A stoke would have been great.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Chew it and just chew on a bag.

[Mike Fenoya]

But you're right. Yeah, not on. Not like one of those big fatsies you smoke, Bobby. Like one of the stick ones.

[Big Jay Okerson]

They're called. Yeah, they're called Italian cigars.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, yeah. Where you bite them all the time. They're the like the doc. Holidays.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, right.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, you bite it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Clint Eastwood. They call him Clint Eastwoods because that's the one he used to use.

[Mike Fenoya]

Okay.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And he would. He would somehow light a mouse.

[Mike Fenoya]

I'm younger than you, so I go with Doc.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Holly, Doc Holliday is actually.

[Mike Fenoya]

But yours is old. No, Doc Holliday has Val Kilmer's dog.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Right, I get you.

[Mike Fenoya]

You mean Clinton Eastwood. My grandfather did watch those films. I'm aware of them. I know what he looks like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

There it is, buddy. I love that. In a western he would be in a windy desert, pull out a match, flick it with thumb and just light a cigar. It's impossible.

[Robert Kelly]

It's impossible.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's impunible. Have you seen.

[Mike Fenoya]

Can I have them? What?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Those cigars. They're Italian cigars.

[Mike Fenoya]

Can I get those for my house humidor?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, you can get them.

[Robert Kelly]

You're getting a humidor now.

[Mike Fenoya]

I have a humidor.

[Robert Kelly]

You have a humidor?

[Big Jay Okerson]

You do?

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, I mean like a box. Yeah, yeah. Big one.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, you do have a big one. Oh, the come the right brands. Yep, those are them. Those are giant cigars. Yep, that's them. Those are real good.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what the algorithm sent me the other day? This forever match. You see this thing?

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's actually Jim and Nicky's.

[Mike Fenoya]

You hear about this?

[Big Jay Okerson]

You see this.

[Robert Kelly]

See this thing? See this thing?

[Mike Fenoya]

Are you working on your monologue with us right now?

[Robert Kelly]

So the algorithm the other day. Look at. There it is. It's a once want you never need another match ever again.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I had one of those dead. Well, I got into lighters for a minute. One of my addictions. And I was a lighter slut for a bit. And no, they're really good. They're cool.

[Robert Kelly]

But it's kind of mislighting when you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Light a cigar with those. Because it's butane it up the cigar. It's good to light a cigarette. But when you light a cigar, you need it. You need it to be able to not have that go into it.

[Mike Fenoya]

There's butane in this with like Zippos.

[Jacob]

Don't you like cigars?

[Big Jay Okerson]

No, you can't. You're not supposed to. They do. Some guys do. But you're not supposed to because the. The. The lighter fluid will go. That's. That will go into the cigar and ruin the taste.

[Mike Fenoya]

And that's the reason I don't smoke cigars at all. Because I have to zip everything I do. And then at my first puff, I have to take around my head like dice. And that's not going to work out with a cigar.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you can't go.

[Mike Fenoya]

You can't dice a.

[Big Jay Okerson]

They do it. They make a Zippo torch. So you can get that.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[Jacob]

I thought the torches were for cigars. Those aren't butane.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, Tor. Yeah, but the way it comes out, it' you toast the cigar. It doesn't go into it on the liquid. The liquid is coming out of the. The flint hour with Bobby. Yeah, the wick. Actually, there's a wick that goes into the thing and uses a flint almost like a gun.

[Robert Kelly]

Recreational chemistry.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah. You don't want to use that.

[Robert Kelly]

I only use lighters that I can open with my jeans. Remember that lighter? Remember the Zippo trick?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I can actually light a match off my skin.

[Mike Fenoya]

Nuh.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

What? Do it right now. I swear to God you could do it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Get me a match.

[Mike Fenoya]

Why are you drinking? Jacob, can you please run out and grab some strike anywhere matches.

[Robert Kelly]

Some Ohio blue tips.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's how. That's. That's how awful my asshole skin is.

[Mike Fenoya]

I watched a. I guess a real this morning. Yeah, those are the things that'll catch me. And it was Phil Anselmo through the years, lead singer of Pantera. And it shows him at 22 to like 26, 28, 30s, whatever, 40s. And now to what he is here. And I will tell you what ages people a lot on their faces. And I'm trying to look at it in all my friends now. Your eyebrows. Your eyebrows go when you're young. Most people just have like a thick regular, what I would describe as my eyebrow. Good, Mike, you still got. It's starting to happen. I bet if you look at a young picture of your eyebrows, your Eyebrows are way darker and different.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at me like I have male pattern eyebrows now.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Mike, your eyebrows are fine.

[Mike Fenoya]

They're fine.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You can't go by fucking Sasquatch over here. His eyebrows are perfect. His eyebrows.

[Robert Kelly]

He gets them did.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, you got. You got. Yeah, he's got.

[Mike Fenoya]

They don't add hair.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You got Armenian eyebrows. No offense, Christine.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, they are hairy, gross people.

[Robert Kelly]

You have rug salesman hair, my friend.

[Mike Fenoya]

I have my friend hair.

[Robert Kelly]

Cow.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Nobody can compete with Jay's eyebrows.

[Mike Fenoya]

My head hair is not very thick.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Your head hair is be. Are you crazy?

[Robert Kelly]

It's fine.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's fine.

[Big Jay Okerson]

But it's not very thick. My eyebrows thicker than anybody else's in this room.

[Christine]

Shut up.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, shut up, Jay. We don't talk about hair. Stop bringing up hair.

[Robert Kelly]

Where. Where are my eyebrows going?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Dude, your eyebrows are fine. I just.

[Mike Fenoya]

Your eyebrows are fine. Your eyebrows are fine and they still have the shape of eyebrows. But I'm telling you, the day might be coming if you look at a young picture of you, Mikey, are your eyebrows substantially different?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know.

[Mike Fenoya]

Is this it?

[Jacob]

It's a YouTube one.

[Robert Kelly]

I never thought.

[Mike Fenoya]

How long is it now? I'm definitely gonna now then it's not this.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Don't. You gonna get space wig for your eyebrows.

[Mike Fenoya]

But, you know, this will probably work. Yeah, this will probably work.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Look.

[Mike Fenoya]

Look at him there. A nice, thick, well designed eyebrow. Look at that. Nice eyebrows. Handsome guy. Look at those eyebrows. Sultry, good looking fella.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Fenoya]

Then he started shaving the head, but the eyebrows were still there. Yeah, eyebrows starting to fade a little bit now. You can see things are getting different. Yeah, can't tell. It's too blurry. Okay, you can see now. This is a little all over the place.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's not really going up.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe it's just the rest of his head's fallen into his face.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, maybe.

[Robert Kelly]

And the eyebrows get lost.

[Mike Fenoya]

If you can get to it now. If this isn't even good now. His eyebrows are so sparse now.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Maybe it's the racism.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe it's all that yelling.

[Mike Fenoya]

Show me a young picture of Bobby Kelly.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I don't think that Jay cares about eyebrows. Jay's gonna look like Mickey Rourke in 10 years.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a propane grill.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Dane Cook is gonna go, what the happened to Jay's face?

[Mike Fenoya]

I'm gonna go, guys, when the swelling goes down on these cheekbones.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, you gotta stop, Jay.

[Mike Fenoya]

I'm not doing any work to myself. What, like surgeries or anything? What have I done?

[Big Jay Okerson]

No, just, I mean, a couple things.

[Mike Fenoya]

I wish you could see this particular video I watched because his eyebrows are. Look at him. Yeah, go over there to the blabbermouth thing on the right. His eyebrows are just.

[Jacob]

God, he looks horrible there.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's a big, bushy.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Doesn't look good. But his eyebrows don't look bad.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, but they're changing substantially.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Never once given thought. The only time I give thought to my eyebrows is when I got a fucking scraggler and I got a. I.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Always have luck when I have a long eyebrow hair. Really? Yeah. Dude, I. I get very superstitious.

[Mike Fenoya]

You look like a lunatic, though.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I know, but I get things. I manifest things.

[Robert Kelly]

When that happens, it's like an antenna to the universe.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah. It goes out into the world.

[Mike Fenoya]

Bring up a young picture of my.

[Robert Kelly]

Play with my butthole.

[Mike Fenoya]

Bring up a young Robert Kelly picture.

[Robert Kelly]

My eyebrows had dreadlocks when I was back doing Fish Tour.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Jay, you have to keep laughing. Jay, you have muppet eyebrows. We can't compete.

[Mike Fenoya]

I'm asking you. Compete.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay. One time I was a best man in my friend's wedding and I was.

[Mike Fenoya]

Home visiting from Denver, and I look at those eyebrows.

[Big Jay Okerson]

They're the same.

[Mike Fenoya]

Not even sort of kind of. Christine, back me up.

[Jacob]

They're lighter now.

[Robert Kelly]

I think there's just different.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm saying this. Christine, thank you. Let me see your tone. Turn around. I want to appreciate your tone. His aggressive tone. Christine, look at those. Back me up. And you went. They're lighter.

[Mike Fenoya]

You called them exactly the same.

[Big Jay Okerson]

They're exactly the same.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they're pretty much the same. Turn around.

[Mike Fenoya]

In your mind.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, where the middle is missing.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What do you mean, the missing middle?

[Robert Kelly]

Do you. Do you take care of your unibrow?

[Mike Fenoya]

You don't do anything.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I've never done anything to my. Once, ever, ever.

[Robert Kelly]

I do that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No.

[Christine]

Well, do they put.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Zoom in on color?

[Christine]

They color correct in the movies.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, they color correct. Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Color correction issue.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's. That's actually a movie.

[Mike Fenoya]

Shape and size.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That is a movie. They color corrected the movie. The makeup they put on me.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, stunt double Justin Silver.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Can we just stop right now? I was smoking.

[Mike Fenoya]

You were an Adonis. A lot of us don't get a chance in our lives to be an Adonis.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Look at my earring. I had a. I mean, I was. Fuck. If I could have kept that. If I could have just stayed that.

[Mike Fenoya]

Everybody else in this room, by the way, is past the time. Will never experience that. None of us will ever experience that.

[Robert Kelly]

I hate that. Loose collar.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah. I hated that outfit, dude. It really bugged me.

[Mike Fenoya]

I hate the loose collar. I hate the loose collar, too. But I'll tell you what. I wouldn't think anything of it if I saw you at a store doing so. I wouldn't be like, oh, look at the asshole's collar. I wouldn't wear a collar like that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm on a motorcycle. They got me wearing a blouse.

[Christine]

Well, when you got traps, you show them.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I did have traps.

[Robert Kelly]

Project trap neck.

[Christine]

That's a trap shirt.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Look at that. Look at that. Look at the upper chest.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a thirst trap shirt.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Fuck God. What happened? Why did God steal it?

[Mike Fenoya]

He took your eyebrows.

[Christine]

Your traps are popping there.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I mean, popping. But now it's like, first things first.

[Mike Fenoya]

He trimmed your eyebrows down.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

He fucking balded up your eyebrows.

[Big Jay Okerson]

My eyebrows are not.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby. You know what's weird? I had beautiful, lush hair like that, too.

[Mike Fenoya]

And eyebrows.

[Robert Kelly]

And eyebrows. Still have the eyebrows.

[Big Jay Okerson]

God damn it, J.

[Mike Fenoya]

Well, they're not the same, though. You just saw it in.

[Robert Kelly]

You think that God only gives us a certain amount.

[Mike Fenoya]

You've never.

[Robert Kelly]

With nice hair.

[Mike Fenoya]

You've never paid attention to that detail before, have you?

[Big Jay Okerson]

God damn it, Jay.

[Christine]

I think they are as thick. They are just lighter.

[Mike Fenoya]

You're out of your goddamn mind.

[Christine]

Can you turn the meat?

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, they don't even go as long as they used to.

[Robert Kelly]

What's your DMV smile right now?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm just trying to really enhance.

[Christine]

Honest to God, Jay, I just think it's lighter.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

What are you.

[Christine]

I think it's going.

[Mike Fenoya]

Are you going to ask Bobby to borrow money?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I agree with Jacob.

[Christine]

I bet his height.

[Mike Fenoya]

Bring up. Bring up a picture. Get him out of the. Get him out of the movie shot and bring up a picture of young Robert Kelly.

[Christine]

If I colored his eyebrows and, you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Know, bring up all the same 17 fats I went through. I mean, what the.

[Mike Fenoya]

Man.

[Jacob]

That's not what I clicked on.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What did you type in Fatso Bob Kelly?

[Jacob]

Young Robert Kelly. And I clicked on this picture and it took me to.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I type Big Bobby Kelly. Jesus Christ.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like one of those things like you just thumb through and it moves.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm gonna kill myself. Christine, if you keep scrolling.

[Jacob]

No, look here.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, now go. Now zoom in on his eyebrows.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I just threw that jacket out, by the way.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that Picture is only $375 on Getty Images.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You can buy it.

[Mike Fenoya]

Well, if it ever comes up. Well, I guess it's removed.

[Big Jay Okerson]

They removed it when the sales went down.

[Robert Kelly]

Jesus, look at that picture.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, look at the meat one. Look at that fato one man.

[Mike Fenoya]

Really. It really is you and R. Kelly, huh? It always comes down to that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yep, it does.

[Mike Fenoya]

Scroll.

[Robert Kelly]

There we go.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'll tell you right now, you know what I was doing in that photo?

[Mike Fenoya]

Living with much thicker eyebrows.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, that. You know what? I can't stand you.

[Mike Fenoya]

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[Big Jay Okerson]

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[Mike Fenoya]

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[Big Jay Okerson]

And home and save up to 10%.

[Mike Fenoya]

Tap the banner to learn more and.

[Big Jay Okerson]

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[Mike Fenoya]

Folk are. Amina Fortuna coming at you. Coming to number seven on this week's charts of royalty free music. Your home a public domain.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You guys fan of Conan the Barbarian? Well, listen up. We got an hour of music for you.

[Mike Fenoya]

15Th caller gets tickets to the Boston Pop Symphony.

[Robert Kelly]

Domain in the membrane.

[Mike Fenoya]

Domain in the membrane.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Mike's got such man hands.

[Mike Fenoya]

The guy's been.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Look at that dude. Look at these hands.

[Mike Fenoya]

I know, but let me tell you, that man, who did not have a good father who was also very womanly like us because.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, grab it. Look at that.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, no. Mike's got a lot of masculinity to him, but also lousy dad shit. So sure it's the. He's definitely got a lot of. And I don't mean like pussy, I mean like chick in you. As I have also. And Mike. But Mike goes for it. Mike. But the juxtaposition of this guy, what he was doing this weekend, an excavate. He had an excavator delivered to his house so he could do the stuff. Digging up giant rocks and holes to plant trees and all this crazy shit.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I almost bought one excavator. Yeah, on Teemu, I think it is.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's crazy.

[Big Jay Okerson]

800 bucks.

[Mike Fenoya]

Shouldn't do that.

[Robert Kelly]

Those things are like 100 grand.

[Mike Fenoya]

If they were not that one.

[Robert Kelly]

But.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, you never know.

[Mike Fenoya]

But. So Mike. So very masculine.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm gonna buy you a excavator.

[Mike Fenoya]

Take an excavator.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm just gonna get one if you're.

[Mike Fenoya]

Gonna get one anyway.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Mike, you want one?

[Mike Fenoya]

Yes, I'm gonna get you one. Anybody? I got a leaf blower. I'm pretty excited about you get a backpack. No.

[Robert Kelly]

Bring me fucking. I told you we could have went backpack.

[Mike Fenoya]

Don't need that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Can I stop you? Jay? I'm gonna tell you right now, I didn't get the backpack either. I was going to get the backpack. Mac was like, max, get the backpack, dad. And I got bitched out of that, like I did today. The suit should have got the backpack.

[Mike Fenoya]

Why?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Because it has an extra battery and it lasts forever. And when the leaves come down and you're doing your backyard, but I'm not.

[Robert Kelly]

Doing my extra battery. It runs on two cycles.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He doesn't do his backyard.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Even anyway, we mow our lawns, it's.

[Mike Fenoya]

Worked wonderfully to blow the leaves away from the pool area. The way it needs to do a.

[Robert Kelly]

Backpack blower is fun, but thank you for.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It is, but.

[Mike Fenoya]

So, Mike, we do man stuff while he has, like, a. Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We do the.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, buddy. I have an audio recording of how masculine Mike is.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Here we go.

[Mike Fenoya]

All right, we. Don't worry. We make sure we got.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Here we go.

[Mike Fenoya]

Mike sent me a picture that I could only have assumed was fake when he sent to me in the morning that I woke up sick. That's what I told you this weekend. I was very shy.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Giant cocktail, sorta almost.

[Mike Fenoya]

He sent me a text. But I woke up early in the morning, and when I landed feeling like I was sick all weekend on the shows. I came home feeling sick, and I had to drive from LaGuardia all around things. So I'm on the phone, me and Mike kind of link up, and I see this picture, and then I call him when I get in the car because he goes, found this motherfucker in my shed today.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I was on that, Jane.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, you weren't.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, it was.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he was.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I was. Don't say no, I wasn't.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, just didn't answer.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It was 100 on it.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, you just didn't answer.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I didn't. I didn't answer because when he got it. When I got it on the plane, and then I fell asleep.

[Robert Kelly]

That's fine.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Who cares? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It doesn't matter.

[Big Jay Okerson]

But I knew he was coming in on Wednesday.

[Mike Fenoya]

No. No, you didn't.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I did.

[Robert Kelly]

We figured that out yesterday.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yes. Official a day for you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yes. No, but I knew. I knew that eventually he would come in. That is true. On Wednesday.

[Mike Fenoya]

Okay. There. We can't argue that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I mean, we can.

[Mike Fenoya]

That one, Bobby. I don't have. I can't poke a hole in that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, I'll tell you what I did do. I researched what the snake was.

[Mike Fenoya]

Well, now you've You've blown the wad. You've blown the wad. No one said the word snake.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I fucked up.

[Mike Fenoya]

I fucked up my storytelling, dude.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Hey, watch this. I'm gonna help this story.

[Mike Fenoya]

Is your mic off? No, put it back on.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I really suck.

[Mike Fenoya]

He goes, this motherfucker was in my thing. And he sends a picture to me. And I'll say what I saw to us, both of us, that I thought was a joke, because it was. I can't describe as anything other than an escaped zoo snake at best. To be in this part of the globe, I would assume this snake needs to be. It's displaced because it's an Amazonian python or something. That was Jacob. You think you got problems with rats?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, buddy.

[Mike Fenoya]

This thing will solve them. Yeah, if you got a problem, yo, he'll solve it.

[Robert Kelly]

This thing. Okay, so my shed has a door that there's two sheds, and one of the sheds has a door that you unlock from the top and it comes down as a ramp that you would drive a tractor or a snow blower off of. So there's.

[Big Jay Okerson]

There's.

[Robert Kelly]

There's room on either side for to get in and out. And Lisa went to the shed to get some, like, pots and stuff to plant. Oh, my God.

[Mike Fenoya]

Text her side boyfriend.

[Robert Kelly]

Text her side boyfriend. Oh, my God. Keep the dog away from here. I go, why?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Her side boyfriend put that in there for Mike.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Well, let me tell you, Lisa's future side boyfriend, if you want to get rid of me, this is how you fucking do it. I walked over to see this anaconda, this fucking thing. Christine, do you have. Look at the size of this fucking snake that was in my shed?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

This thing's supposed to be in your yard.

[Robert Kelly]

That thing is, I mean, just gigantic. It's long as fuck.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Okay, well, you saw it. Did you go. Did you grab it?

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Mike Fenoya]

So your house, you're supposed to be Watutsi or something.

[Robert Kelly]

Honestly, that's like that thing shows up and ruins your Thai vacation, right? Wow, look at that thing. It's coiled around itself.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Is that part of it on the left side?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, dude.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Coming out of the shed.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Mike Fenoya]

Wow.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Dude, that's fucking huge.

[Robert Kelly]

Gigantic.

[Mike Fenoya]

Look at the head.

[Robert Kelly]

It's at least 10, I'd say at least 10ft.

[Mike Fenoya]

It could definitely eat Mike, huh? Completely.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's not poisonous.

[Robert Kelly]

So it's a black rat.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I do it again? Did I do it again? No, no, no, no, no.

[Robert Kelly]

I call my guy. I call my guy.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You have a snake guy.

[Robert Kelly]

I got a. You know A man pest guy.

[Mike Fenoya]

I have a man.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, you have a man friend?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I have a lot of. I have a lot of street dads.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I have a lot of street. Dude, I have a lot of street dads, too.

[Robert Kelly]

Because I. My dad.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of dudes.

[Robert Kelly]

My dad would have been like, don't bet the dolphins. He would have told the snake. Yeah, but basically. What?

[Big Jay Okerson]

There was a thing in my fridge I couldn't open, so I had to call my guy friend Paul G. And he came and used his man hands and opened it.

[Mike Fenoya]

A jar.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Now it's a thing in the back of the fridge. You couldn't get it out. You needed real big man hands to get it out.

[Robert Kelly]

We approach it and it just disappears you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And it goes.

[Robert Kelly]

It goes into the. So I call my guy and I go, dude, I got like a fucking, like a cobra in my shed. And he goes, what? And I'm like, dude, this fuck. And I sent him these pictures. He goes, it's not a cobra. It's a rat snake. It's actually great to have. It eats rodents and rats. And you're like.

[Mike Fenoya]

So I assume the Bronx Zoo's looking for this thing or anybody miss something, Mike Tyson or something lost this.

[Big Jay Okerson]

So funny that Mike has so many rats. This thing's eight feet long.

[Robert Kelly]

I swear to God, dude. I'm like, what the fuck's in my yard? I'm like, is this thing eating dogs and shit? Like, that's all.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's called a wolf snake. It eats wolves.

[Robert Kelly]

I go, is this like a. Like a mid transformation spell? Like, is this a sorceress that, like, turn left at Halloween.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You think it's Harry Potter, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

So I'm talking to Jay the next day.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Jacobs.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm talking to Jay the next day.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You talk to Jay on weekends?

[Robert Kelly]

No, this is weekday.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Okay. I just got nervous. I thought you actually got phone calls from JAM weekends. And I got scared. Go ahead. Weekday jail.

[Robert Kelly]

We could put a pin in that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Okay.

[Mike Fenoya]

Sundays.

[Robert Kelly]

Sundays are technically weekdays.

[Jacob]

Who are never not on the phone.

[Robert Kelly]

Who, me and Jay?

[Jacob]

Yeah. It's just constant.

[Robert Kelly]

We got a lot to talk about.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You guys talk all the time. We never. I mean, I. Nothing from you. I'm in a queue all weekend.

[Mike Fenoya]

Wait, what?

[Big Jay Okerson]

You don't. What? Yes, it is.

[Mike Fenoya]

I call you back and you don't answer.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's not true. I always answer.

[Mike Fenoya]

Remember I FaceTime you that one time, buddy.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It was one time. I was taking a.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, you weren't. You were on the regs. Oh, is that what you call taking a. I like that. I was taking a verbal dump.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm on the phone with Jay the next day.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You're on the phone with Jay two days in a row.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, no, no. Jay and I have been on the phone.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, let's not oversell. Let's not just try to make Bobby jealous.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait a second.

[Mike Fenoya]

We didn't talk Saturday. Okay, but Sunday we did.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And Monday, Yes. Yeah. And Tuesday, no. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

We didn't talk yesterday.

[Mike Fenoya]

Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

That's because I was too busy excavating.

[Mike Fenoya]

You excavated a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

Anyway. Anyway. Anyway, anyway, I did. I tried to FaceTime to show you how great of a job I did.

[Mike Fenoya]

He texted me. Excavating.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Anyway, did you see the excavating photos?

[Mike Fenoya]

I saw a fake. We got a FaceTime me one time with some excavating.

[Robert Kelly]

So listen to me.

[Mike Fenoya]

I try to facetime you to show you stuff, and you didn't care.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm talking to Jay, and I go on. Now, this is like in a movie. I see the back of that fucking monster, okay? Like, this much of it sticking out of the shed, slithering into the shed. And I go, jay, I see it. I see it. I go, stay on the phone with me.

[Mike Fenoya]

This thing's ten foot long. Ten foot long. And it's. I mean, thick as a. An arm. I mean, it's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

This thing is bigger in person.

[Mike Fenoya]

Unless I'm not seeing it, right?

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, dude, in person, it's worse.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I thought you're gonna have a little more description. You said thick as an arm. You got me excited. You went, arm.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Jacob]

I didn't know snakes like this existed just in the yard.

[Robert Kelly]

Neither did I until fucking this.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. This seems Amazonian.

[Jacob]

If I saw this in my yard, I mean, I'd be like, you know, first. The first thing you're like, dog is like, the dog.

[Mike Fenoya]

I mean, it looks like one of those snakes that they. You get arrested for having an illegal snake or something. I know exactly coming and goes, oh, my God. That's like the horn tooth. Whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

And what pisses me off is everyone I've showed it to that knows fucking anything is like, what are you, gay? Goodness, dude. I'm like, that thing. They're like, that thing's great. It's keeping. I go, what kind of rats do I have bonus?

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, your house came with a rat snake.

[Robert Kelly]

So I open up the shit. I go, jay, I got to get this thing out, right? And he's talking to me, and he recorded the conversation, and I told him.

[Mike Fenoya]

I go, buddy. I go. Because I hear him. We're just talking at the point. He's doing like, all right, dude, stay on the phone me. While I try to go get this thing. I'm gonna try to go get it. And he starts going in. He's real shaky voiced and understandably so.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm never like, can we stop.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Before we do this? Mike, you came in today and you showed me all your excavating stuff, and you showed me all the things you do in your backyard. And I was like, wow, man. Mike is a. I saw your hands. I'm like, mike is a man. I. I really love that you're. Yeah, me and you're out in the suburbs. We're doing stuff around. I was like, mike's a man. Is this gonna change that? When I hear.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, sure. Okay, if you think that me being petrified of that Satan.

[Mike Fenoya]

Bobby, what do you do to this thing?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I have one up in New Hampshire in my wood pile.

[Mike Fenoya]

You bought it. You got to. You got it on purpose.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I bought two.

[Robert Kelly]

Dennis the rat snake.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I bought two for the wood pile, for the, you know, the chipmunks.

[Mike Fenoya]

What do you mean you have.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I have. I have a snake. A big snake in my wood pile. But it eats all the chipmunks. The chipmunks dig underneath my tiny house and they. They'll eat all the wires and like that. So it's. Instead of me picking them off with a BB gun and killing them.

[Mike Fenoya]

More fun.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Which it's totally more fun.

[Mike Fenoya]

But it's better to have your house just be dominated by a gigantic Tyrannosaurus snake.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, I mean, if it was a snake that was venomous, it would be one thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I tell you about these things?

[Mike Fenoya]

They squeeze or constrictors.

[Robert Kelly]

They constrict. And also they climb trees and they drop down from the trees.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

And they'll go up your ass, I think, and go through your whole body and come out of your mouth and.

[Robert Kelly]

Come out of your.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Don't threaten me with a good time. Why do you think I bought 2?

[Robert Kelly]

2, please. To Thailand for that. So I called.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I want one going in and one coming out at the same time.

[Robert Kelly]

So my plan was. My plan was to open the shed. And I started banging on the side of the shed with a hoe, thinking. And he's going, bang harder.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's your wife. Don't just say that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, and I have one in the kid, too.

[Mike Fenoya]

Get over your hoe.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I was trying to trick between Puerto Rican or black jig. Nah, the wife thing was choice.

[Robert Kelly]

This Thing was wrapped around my weed whacker like, three times. And then it was going from the weed whacker.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's also. He means his wife. That's why I call Christine my weed whacker, my trimmer, my weed whacker. Hey, why don't you whack my weed.

[Robert Kelly]

And then, like, tell them.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I love when comics is telling a story and there's other two comics and we just keep zinging in. I know.

[Mike Fenoya]

I do know the frustration Mike's going through right now too. But it is just comedy radio hell, where I know.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not frustrated. I'm thinking, oh, I get frustrated. My head's with the snake right now. And it was terrifying.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Are you flossing as you're telling the story?

[Robert Kelly]

It's a nervous thing.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Ever since I've excavated, I want to smoke cigarettes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

So, you know, you don't get cancer from that. What? Cigarettes you can smoke. Go ahead.

[Mike Fenoya]

You're allowed to now.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Anyway, a lot of snake was then on the lawnmower, coiled up and looking at me.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Just turn the lawnmower on.

[Mike Fenoya]

He thought, I gotta go by that.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought about it, but then what did I do? I grabbed the hoe and I go, I'm gonna pull the lawnmower.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

I got my wife's teeth around the lawnmower. No. I grabbed the hoe and I was like, I'm gonna pull the lawnmower out.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Double hoe jokes. Classic and comedies and threes. One more is coming.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep. So I had the hoe in my hands.

[Mike Fenoya]

What?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, you should have hit her.

[Robert Kelly]

And the snake looked at me, and it. It slithered up at me.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No way.

[Robert Kelly]

And I ran away. I threw the hoe.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What do you mean it slithered up at you?

[Robert Kelly]

It moved. It moved up the mower.

[Mike Fenoya]

It comes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

But it didn't. It didn't get up on itself like a cobra.

[Mike Fenoya]

You said it was.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it was off the mower. So, like, my mower's got, like, the leaf collector thing on, like, up here. And it was like this. And then it went up like this as I was pulling the mower towards me. And I went and I screamed and I ran. And I'm not. I'm fine saying that. This thing's huge. And I don't like snakes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Okay.

[Mike Fenoya]

Joe's didn't like snakes too.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. And he's a man.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You don't like snakes. Have you ever held a snake?

[Robert Kelly]

I hate snakes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, you just don't like.

[Robert Kelly]

You, like, one time on ass, like.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Indiana Jones type of Hate.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I hate them.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

One time on acid in my apartment in college, my buddy had a. Like a ball python.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And he put it out on the table and it was like, slithering around, and I was tripping my balls off. And I was just like, I have to. I'm moving. And I went, like, packed. I never moved.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, they say the ball pythons, these type, they don't bite and stuff. Like, they're very. And they're not. Max wanted a ball python. I took him to the. The snake place, and I was holding the fucking thing, and it went to snap at me, went to bite me. And I was like, I thought, they don't bite. He goes, he must be hungry. I'm like, what must be hungry.

[Mike Fenoya]

This one's a.

[Robert Kelly]

This thing was gigantic and scary.

[Big Jay Okerson]

This one has an attitude.

[Mike Fenoya]

This one's actually really. Sorry. I didn't know that they're usually cooler than this.

[Robert Kelly]

So I'm talking to Jay through this, which is hilarious, because this is like two girls talking through a break in.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Is this on Sunday?

[Robert Kelly]

Monday.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, it's a Monday, Okay.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, it's a Sunday, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, you're right. Because Mother's Day. Because I tried to call people to help and it was Mother's Day and nobody would come help me. All my. The guys in my life were with their mothers.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I was around.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I didn't know. Robert, I sent you the text. You didn't answer, so obviously you didn't care about this.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I was doing the regs.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, got it. You're with the other rattlesnake.

[Mike Fenoya]

Always doing the right.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

You're dealing with your own snake.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I. I was dealing with a fucking worst snake.

[Mike Fenoya]

That one is venomous.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, exactly.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't get bit by either.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Definitely. It definitely constricts around your fucking nerves.

[Mike Fenoya]

So it squeezes down on you. Everything out of you, and you're like, all right. Different. It's different, though. This is different. This is good.

[Robert Kelly]

This one didn't give me a podcast. So I freaked out and ran and it crawled down the lawnmower and into the shed where it now owns it. And I'm scared of it and I'm never going.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Do you want me to come get it? Sure, dude, I'll come over and get it.

[Robert Kelly]

I would love that because.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What?

[Mike Fenoya]

No, you're not. What?

[Jacob]

You'll go get a snake?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Why not? Yeah. A ten foot snake when I was a kid.

[Robert Kelly]

What are you gonna do with it?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I would take it out and throw it in the woods.

[Mike Fenoya]

Damn it, dude.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'll take it up to. I'll take it up with my other snake. You can give your buddy Rebecca and Christine. That's what I named them. I didn't know you guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Snake Fest give a reason.

[Mike Fenoya]

You think Snake Fest different Rebecca, Bobby, take it and see if you could train. If you could learn to. For the react to flute.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe I should play flute.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Can we play that song?

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. That's got to be public domain, right?

[Christine]

Do you have a burlap bag hanging.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but can I tell you what. Can I tell you what's now, Jacob, When I. Oh, God.

[Mike Fenoya]

You see all those eggs? It lays so many eggs.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Can I say something? Probably what it was doing was trying to find a warm place to lay.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, that's probably what it was.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah. So it's in there? Yeah. You're gonna have 15.

[Jacob]

15.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, my God. You know what snake eggs means? Snake omelets.

[Robert Kelly]

Bacon, snake and cheese.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You can get a Moon's over my snakeies.

[Robert Kelly]

I hate this thing. You can have it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

When I was. When I was a kid, we used to go after school every day to the field and go catch snakes. Like garden snakes, little ones, big ones. But these ones, dude, we caught ones like this big. Dude, we got big snakes.

[Mike Fenoya]

This thing Boston.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

What Boston doesn't have, like, I didn't grow up where we would be able to go to fields and just find snakes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah. In Medford, we had a field by Tufts. Tufts University had a big field.

[Mike Fenoya]

You grew up rich, dude.

[Big Jay Okerson]

No, dude.

[Mike Fenoya]

I thought you were a fucking tough street kid like me. We didn't have snakes. Our snakes were people tough.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I grew up with a tough area, just wasn't poor.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. It was just a nice. A beautiful, nice area with great things.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Snakes.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. Beautiful things and beautiful people. It was a nice upbringing.

[Christine]

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You can grab that snake. I was in. I went fly fishing. I took Ari fly fishing up to Roscoe Livingston area. And we were in the. We're in this beautiful river. First of all, we get there.

[Mike Fenoya]

Ari shafir.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Ari shafir. We get up there, and there's two acidic Jews doing a ritual. It's called a mikvah in the beautiful river. About the fly fish. I was like, what are they doing as they get to Mikvah? 40 ounces of water, whatever. They'll be done in a minute. And they did their little thing, which was annoying that there was just two Hasidic Jews in the middle of the woods splashing water on their balls.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And so we get into the water. And I put him over here upriver so he'll, you know, whatever. And I'm over here. And then he's, snake, Snake. There's a huge water moccasin coming down the river at him. And I'm just like, dude, just chill out. It won't even bother you.

[Mike Fenoya]

He's like, chill out. You stay in the water with it.

[Robert Kelly]

Chill out.

[Mike Fenoya]

Are you wearing those boots?

[Big Jay Okerson]

No, I was wearing water water shoes. Not my boots, but.

[Mike Fenoya]

And what, shorts?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, water shoes.

[Mike Fenoya]

So your legs were in the water and you were gonna let a fucking A monster go by you?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, I just. I said, just slowly back out. And he backed out. It went right by all of us. It didn't even bother.

[Mike Fenoya]

Did you. Have you ever watched anaconda or anaconda 2? Blood diamond?

[Big Jay Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Or Snakes on a Plane?

[Big Jay Okerson]

I watched two. No, no, but look, I mean, I'm.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure this thing is harmless and I'm sure that it doesn't own religious beliefs. Fine. Yeah, they that fine. Whatever it wants to be.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's. Listen. Its stance on abortion is not what I share. But listen. To each his own. That's why we're a free country.

[Big Jay Okerson]

She's showing us.

[Mike Fenoya]

I don't like being surprised. What you showed me, Christine, the other day.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

If it's real, okay, that's probably real.

[Big Jay Okerson]

If I saw that snake, I would be scared. That's an anaconda.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's the first time you get scared.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I would be scared at that.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's the. That's the base size of a snake. That scares you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I would. I would be scared at a cobra. Anything venomous.

[Mike Fenoya]

What else are you gonna surprise with, Bobby? Would you be afraid of a full size dragon? No.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Again, you can train those. You can train.

[Mike Fenoya]

You can train.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, dude. You can train them. All you need.

[Robert Kelly]

You never saw Pete's dragon.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, or you can train a dragon.

[Mike Fenoya]

Or how to train your dragon. There's actually a film that tells you how to do it.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Dude, you just got to have the.

[Mike Fenoya]

Same trouble with the cops come, the cops come. He goes, people reporting you have a dragon in here. He goes, I'm trying to train it. I don't think you can train your dragon. You go, well, tell it to Dreamworks.

[Big Jay Okerson]

But mama go back to that. That's not real. That's not.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's what she said it was.

[Big Jay Okerson]

There's no way it's real. Wow. That's not real.

[Robert Kelly]

That snake's got a river on it.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's not 30 meters in length.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's not that's not real. That's fake.

[Jacob]

You don't know that.

[Mike Fenoya]

I don't think it's fake.

[Robert Kelly]

That was in my shed. Robert. That's the one you want to bring to New Hampshire.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, is that one. Make sure there's no chipmunks under your tiny house. That thing would eat your tiny house like fucking oyster crackers in a soup.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And maybe I could get my suit.

[Jacob]

All right.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And my bag.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I just.

[Mike Fenoya]

You know what'd go good with that bag? A suit.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I want to be a suit slut.

[Robert Kelly]

If you come get that snake, maybe you could take out your shark suit with snake skin.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I'm telling you right now that that snake is eating all the rodents and all the bullshit in your backyard.

[Mike Fenoya]

So thank him.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You're gonna have such a. That's like having a big spider. I had an orb spider in my backyard. It was massive. They call it a banana spider. Pull up. That I've seen. I came out one day and that was a huge orb web in my backyard. And I left it. It was right by my garden. It ate all the bugs. So we had no. Like. We had no bugs in the backyard that year because it was just trapping all the mosquitoes, all the bullshit, and eating them all.

[Mike Fenoya]

I don't know anything about science at all, but I do believe if you come out of the house and you find that this anaconda in your. In your shed, and you see that the inside the body of this thing is the outline of your wife. I do believe from following movie logic, that if you can somehow cut her, cut the snake in the middle or coax it back out of her. I'm calling the snake of her also out of the mouth of the snake. She will survive, I think. Depends on how Jon Voight was dying. But then when they. When he barfed him back out, the snake bars met. He winked. Remember?

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Mike Fenoya]

So I'm thinking, like, you could probably survive. So you guys are fine.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's. Cause he's a Republican, you know, the.

[Mike Fenoya]

Snake'S gonna eat your wife before you. That's why I always look at it like that. If there's a monster in my house, it's going to kill Christine first.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Look at the size and I have.

[Mike Fenoya]

Time to get away. Ye.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Look at the size of that spider.

[Mike Fenoya]

What about it? Do you keep it that?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I kept it in my backyard.

[Robert Kelly]

If that thing was.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And then me and Max. Me and Max took it and we brought it. We brought it at the. Up in the woods at the end of our house. We brought it and let it go up there.

[Robert Kelly]

And now it's infested everywhere, probably. And we all are gonna have.

[Mike Fenoya]

We're all gonna die now.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We're all gonna die now they're around.

[Robert Kelly]

That thing is the COVID spider.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's not. It's an orb spider.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, you can. So you see that? So one night when you were asleep and they start crawling out of your eyes and mouth.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Do you have a garden?

[Robert Kelly]

I do. Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Dude, you want that?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But I also like animals that have the right amount of legs.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like snakes. I don't like things they have no legs.

[Mike Fenoya]

No legs.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You like no legs and you don't like eight legs, right?

[Robert Kelly]

I like four or two. And that's it?

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, it's just made of all inexplicable muscle, like fucking middle.

[Robert Kelly]

And it's quiet and it's like. When are they like. You know those facts where it's like spiders always around you, you know that fudgeing dumb shit.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I hate that shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Like the thing like where you eat nine spiders a year.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, here's the thing.

[Mike Fenoya]

I've now turning the lights on outside, out back my house. When I go outside to smoke at night, I turn the lights on because what I'm. I'm telling you, the day that I see a possum just walk through my yard, I'm going to crawl over the. The. The. The couch. I'm going to crawl over the couch like this, like. Like it's a horror movie. And he's coming for me. He's going to be walking by smiling. I'm going, oh, God, coming for me.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Well, you know, you're going to see first in your backyard. Skunk, Skunk. Skunk's going to be in your backyard. Your backyard, because he has this. So he's gonna have that beautiful back. And a skunk's gonna walk right past you. But do not freak out.

[Robert Kelly]

And they're blind.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, we got exterminators to come.

[Big Jay Okerson]

They don't exterminate. They can't kill a skunk.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, they don't kill it. They spray. So these things will come around.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Wow. It's. They use coyote piss.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, but also.

[Big Jay Okerson]

So you can. You can actually go and get coyote piss and put it around the edges of your house.

[Mike Fenoya]

And see, I just been making Christine, just same thing. I go. Christine go around, just squat piss and everything.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And she goes, here, buddy. Which here.

[Mike Fenoya]

She laughs while she pees.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Witch piss is the same thing, Jake.

[Mike Fenoya]

Huh?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Witch piss is the same Thing.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh yeah. Which piss almost cures everything, which deter.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Deer, but it detracts little kids like candy.

[Robert Kelly]

When you come over and pee in my shed.

[Mike Fenoya]

Pee on the.

[Robert Kelly]

Burn down the cabin.

[Mike Fenoya]

She goes, mike, look away or don't. I gotta tell you one thing, I'm not enjoying as you're making that noise. But we can get on this another time, maybe for next week. I shouldn't say I'm not enjoy. I'm enjoying the action of it, but I'm not enjoying the mental feelings I feel when I'm on this bidet that I have now learned. And just sitting like this and just like really like. Yeah, just like moving like this. And just it looks like I'm trying to sensually like get it up my ass. Like I'm like, wait, hang on.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, there it is. Are you.

[Mike Fenoya]

There it is. Push full. Push full now. And I'm still having to dig way up there after you're supposed to let it run for the full timer. Two minutes.

[Christine]

I don't know what timer, what.

[Mike Fenoya]

I think the thing is, it starts counting down from two minutes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He has the tushy, right.

[Robert Kelly]

So it's a two minute spray.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The tushy is way more powerful.

[Christine]

Yeah, it's just full blast.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's a full blast. One thing. But the ones we have are the advanced ones where it's a little more gentle and you can height breaking bit. You can make it the pressure more and more and more.

[Mike Fenoya]

Well, I have the pressure all the way up, but it's.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It.

[Mike Fenoya]

As soon as you push it, it starts a timer for like a minute, 50 seconds.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah. So you should go the full timer.

[Mike Fenoya]

Two minutes of having my asshole squirted.

[Big Jay Okerson]

If you're, if you're a real man.

[Jacob]

How long are you spending afterwards?

[Mike Fenoya]

So more than two minutes.

[Robert Kelly]

So wait, have you gotten off. Have you gotten off the bidet and been like, oh, shit, my asshole's still dirty?

[Jacob]

No, he goes inside his butt. Nobody does that. But he does.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I do. I wipe like I'm trying to get wine out of a couch cushion.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean? Like I scrub.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's this, it's. It's a cheek open. Look at this, Bobby. I got my hands out, cheeks open from behind, right?

[Big Jay Okerson]

You open your cheeks? Yeah. Don't you.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't do that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Don't you open it and then put it down on the seat so the seat keeps your cheeks open.

[Mike Fenoya]

Talking about after I stood up already, I've bidet and I did my lift cheek wiping to make the Exterior's clean.

[Robert Kelly]

I kick a leg up on the.

[Mike Fenoya]

Towel rack before I stand up. Exterior is clean. Now I stand up. And first of all, you have to let things mellow out a little bit. Dry out a little bit.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That wasn't me, by the way.

[Mike Fenoya]

And okay. Things got to mellow out a little bit. And then a butt cheek spread. And I have my hand fingers that are wrapped in toilet paper like a mummy. And then I get in there and I really. I open the hole almost. Jacob. You can get pictures with like side finger here. Like, I really get in though, and I do a. Like a scrape down. Like a scrape down and up. And if there's turds in there, it'll leave a little like the. It hits the. It's like hitting the tip of a marker that's still up there. And that'll drive me nuts. I'll live with that all day.

[Christine]

Was gonna happen when you moved to New Jersey. Happened the exact opposite happened in every way.

[Robert Kelly]

Like how. What do you mean?

[Christine]

I mean, you kind of became more feminine.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What?

[Christine]

The bidet is not doing anything. I thought it was gonn it life changing for you.

[Mike Fenoya]

I like it. I like it a lot. I use it every day.

[Christine]

No, but it's not functioning. I thought you were going to give up all this old old timey thing like. Like wipes.

[Mike Fenoya]

I don't use wipes anymore.

[Christine]

But you're saying it's not doing the job.

[Mike Fenoya]

I'm saying I still have to do. I get up in there for some aggressive wiping still and there's turds up my butthole. Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Can I say something, though? You are. Look it. Your. Your poop might be the problem.

[Mike Fenoya]

Problem?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Maybe you might have to change your diet a little bit to get a little harder poop. So when it all comes out, it comes out in one chunk. Like a dog. Like a dog.

[Mike Fenoya]

If I stop smoking, my poops will be better.

[Robert Kelly]

It will. They will be. They will be.

[Christine]

So I know you got this highfalutin bidet. I'm thinking maybe the tushy is. Is more.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Can I say something?

[Christine]

Because it just blasts as a man who.

[Big Jay Okerson]

A man who has both. Yeah, I have both. Max has the tushy down in casa de la Max.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, it's for a child's butthole.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And. And I have the. The toto bidet upstairs. Max's cleans my. I'll go down if I know I got a real one on me. I go down to Max's bathroom because the toto, I mean, power washes your asshole. But the thing, the problem with the one where you go a minute or two minutes, it is. I'll get up and it's putting water in my butt, so it's almost like an enema. And I'll get up and walk around and be like, oh, I gotta sit back down because I gotta release the water that somehow got up in there.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, see, I like that. I do that. What I do is I bloom for it. So when I feel it hit the hole, I push out.

[Christine]

That's the tushy.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. And then I let it. And then I try to.

[Robert Kelly]

That's called the brown loaves.

[Mike Fenoya]

I try to relax. Yeah. And then I try to relax it so it takes it in with it a little bit.

[Christine]

Why don't you treat your asshole like.

[Robert Kelly]

It'S Charlton Heston during warm months during baseball season. Maybe you should run outside and just, like, sit on a sprinkler. No, and just let it. Like.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You should change your diet a little bit. Because if you dogs take a shit, pinch it off, and then put their asshole on your face, there's nothing.

[Mike Fenoya]

Mm.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It might be your poop. You might have to harden your poop a little bit, change your diet. So you. When it get you shit, it comes out and there's nothing mushy.

[Mike Fenoya]

Maybe. Well, it's also coming.

[Robert Kelly]

You know how you.

[Mike Fenoya]

Rough week stomach wise?

[Robert Kelly]

You know how you present? You know how you open up the. The. Your hole to mummify it to get in there with your finger?

[Mike Fenoya]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

What if. What if you did that for the bidet?

[Mike Fenoya]

I do. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

You spread your butt hole open.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, not my butthole. I'm not getting down there until I get good wipes. And. No, but I'm telling you, believe me, when I. The way you perch like this on the edge, you put a little perch like this. I know where it's lined up now. And it hits the hole and I get the. And you feel almost like you're getting like a colonic. You almost feel a little in your belly. A little something's happening in your tum tum.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah. It sounds like some type of Australian music. Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

A didgeridoo.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We gotta get to this before we go. I want to hear Mike. I want to hear what Mike being manly.

[Jacob]

This just loaded. This was the one you sent me.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's the video? Yeah.

[Big Jay Okerson]

They don't have the audio?

[Robert Kelly]

No, Jay's got the audio.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I want to hear the audio.

[Mike Fenoya]

Don't worry.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, good.

[Mike Fenoya]

I got you.

[Jacob]

I'll play this.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't say anything that's going to incriminate me, Jason. Do I.

[Mike Fenoya]

You do call it the N word non stop.

[Big Jay Okerson]

What? That's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Nocturnal. I call it nocturnal.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at that thing.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Dude, I want to say something about this snake. Now that I'm seeing this. This seems to be more layers of it than I. I first saw. I mean when I first saw it, it was a little ball. But now this seems to be.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's insane. And in that. So in my shed are these. You know, we just moved so you could get a.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Like a rake and pick it up that it's.

[Robert Kelly]

It's moving that black trash bag with its body.

[Christine]

Pull it out with like a hook.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, just grab its tail and pull it out. Grab the little thin part and pull it.

[Christine]

You can make a naked look at.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Look at.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at it. It's alive and it's moving.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh.

[Jacob]

So I would never. I mean I.

[Christine]

That's eating every bit.

[Jacob]

The shed is yours now.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I did. She goes to sheds you. It's his now.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, there's probably eggs in there now.

[Jacob]

Probably eggs.

[Big Jay Okerson]

He's probably going back to the eggs. Oh, she.

[Mike Fenoya]

Christine.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, they.

[Christine]

She might be pregnant.

[Mike Fenoya]

Can you find out where your recorded phone calls go? Yeah, because that might be an issue.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's in. It's. It goes into your photos. Photos.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you Jay? Did you. Did you proof. Did you.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I want to write this. I want to write a song for you called Suspicious Eyes.

[Mike Fenoya]

This is real.

[Big Jay Okerson]

When I say something, sometimes you look at me very suspicious.

[Christine]

If there's anything that you think we might not be able to play. Let's not.

[Robert Kelly]

Miss anything.

[Big Jay Okerson]

That's gonna.

[Robert Kelly]

That's gonna.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You what? Well, you don't say anything. You'd have to if it was me. You'd have to worry Jacob.

[Mike Fenoya]

Snakes. He's got some serious things he takes up about China. Israel.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, Israel.

[Robert Kelly]

What side is going off on the tariffs as they go in the Notes.

[Mike Fenoya]

App or voice notes.

[Jacob]

Says in the Notes app. I did a dedicated call recordings folder.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Can I look?

[Mike Fenoya]

Ah, got it.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh boy.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Okay, here we go. Is. Jacob's nervous.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's 17 minutes. We're not listening all. What are you concerned about Jake?

[Christine]

He just said that. So now you're saying. So now you're assuming it's true.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I was just playing. Oh, I'm on a comedy talk show on serious Saturday radio 103XM faction talk.

[Mike Fenoya]

I thought you think Jake. He's getting worried that we're gonna.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Mike's gonna say so I was just joking.

[Robert Kelly]

I said anything terrible.

[Big Jay Okerson]

I was just setting. Jacob, you're gonna want this for posterity. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's moving. Dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, I. I have to act now. I have to act now.

[Mike Fenoya]

Present the hoe. Present the hoe to it and see if it coils around that.

[Robert Kelly]

No, because then what? Oh, my God. It's trying to get to the other side.

[Mike Fenoya]

You could jam the hoe into the woods.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Chase being serious.

[Robert Kelly]

And what if it's.

[Mike Fenoya]

If it.

[Robert Kelly]

What if it stays attached? Yo, it's hanging like. You know those toys noise when you hold the tail of the snake and it stays up on its own?

[Mike Fenoya]

Huh?

[Robert Kelly]

It's doing that.

[Mike Fenoya]

Okay, I'm moving the mower.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm moving. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. Okay, I'm not moving the mower anymore. It's slithering off the mower onto the door.

[Big Jay Okerson]

You turn into a Long island woman. No, no, you can't go that way.

[Robert Kelly]

Why you got to be so big?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Holding on. Yeah, this sounds like the party went.

[Mike Fenoya]

Back in the shed.

[Robert Kelly]

It's deeper in the shed.

[Mike Fenoya]

Is it moving faster?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. It slithered back behind all my.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Oh, God.

[Mike Fenoya]

I can't. It's.

[Big Jay Okerson]

It's shed now. It's his shed now.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's preparing for battle.

[Robert Kelly]

It's his shed now.

[Mike Fenoya]

Dude, it's looking for weapons in the shed.

[Robert Kelly]

What do I do? I fucked up. I didn't move fast enough. Wait, I still see some of its body.

[Mike Fenoya]

What's it behind now?

[Big Jay Okerson]

Lisa, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay, so it's behind this. Like this. Oh, man. Oh, dude.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Is it your shed?

[Robert Kelly]

I have like a bunch of like, umbrellas for like the.

[Big Jay Okerson]

When you dance. Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Crazy umbrella dancers.

[Robert Kelly]

That's my dancing. It's behind there.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Dude, we gotta wrap it up.

[Mike Fenoya]

I know.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We gotta wrap it up. We talked about too long.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know what to do. I up.

[Mike Fenoya]

Well, you didn't up.

[Robert Kelly]

I up. Dude, when I pulled the mower, it. You should have seen it. It like came at me faster than the mower was.

[Big Jay Okerson]

Mike Fenoy is going to be Maguire Long island this weekend. May 16th and the 17th. After that, he's going to be in Chicago, Bloomington and Mohegan Sun. For tickets and all the tour dates, go to Punchup Live MikeFanoya and check out his podcast. We are all podcast. Wherever you get. Are we old? Sorry. Podcast and follow Mike Fenoya at Mike Fenoya on social media.

[Mike Fenoya]

Get something that may be coil.

[Big Jay Okerson]

So funny. I mean. Oh, and then just throw. Not really a man anymore, you know.

[Mike Fenoya]

While it's doing that.

[Big Jay Okerson]

And make sure you check out Big J this weekend. Big J is gonna be this weekend. He's gonna be at the Liberty Funny Cincinnati, May 16th and 17th Governors the 6th and 7th, 11th House San Diego, Charlotte, BigJ comedy.com and check out a special YouTube.com Big Jokers. Any go to our podcast. God damn it. Check out our podcast. I'm at Parks Casino.

[Mike Fenoya]

Download our pocket. I'll be doing Bobby's gonna be at Parks Casino on Ben Salem, Pa. May 22. One night only. First of all.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm gonna burn it down in a second.

[Mike Fenoya]

Then the dojo in Morris Plains, New Jersey. You should burn it. Maybe like throw fire in there. Yeah. Portland, Maine, Rochester for tickets and all tour dates go to Punch up that live. Robert have a great weekend.

[Big Jay Okerson]

We'll see you on Monday.

[Mike Fenoya]

Enjoy the pre record tomorrow. We'll see you on Monday. Take us out with some public domain snakes.

[Big Jay Okerson]

The Essential Mango Coconut Freeze. It makes its appearance at the dinner party right when the night could go either way. Between nice evening and legendary. Served in eight perfect stoneware bowls to the sounds of circa 1950 bossa nova seconds a good debate and an impromptu round of Never have I ever follow. It's gonna be a late one. The Essential Evening extender made possible with Vitamix. How many discounts does USAA Auto Insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi vehicle discount.

[Robert Kelly]

Safe driver discount, New vehicle discount. Storage discount.

[Big Jay Okerson]

How many discounts will you stack up?

[Mike Fenoya]

Tap the banner or visit usaa.com autodiscounts restrictions apply.