Standing On Business

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: Standing On Business
Date: September 2, 2025
Platform: SiriusXM Faction Talk, Channel 103

---

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire finds Jay and Bobby riffing on classic Bonfire territory—brutally honest and hilarious takes on aging, comfort at concerts, and deeply unserious product ideas, all while launching into a loving, wild skewering of reality TV’s “Baddies.” The hosts, joined by regular contributor Christine, bounce between stories from their personal lives, the current state of live music, and a deep-dive into the chaos of contemporary “fight house” reality programming. The recurring throughline is their attempt to decode “Gen Z” and “reality TV” lingo, applying it with relentless, self-deprecating humor to their own lives and comedy careers.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Concert Standing vs. Sitting—Comedian Old Guy Problems

[01:19 – 07:36]

• Jay and Bobby joke about the evolving challenges of standing at concerts as they age.
• Jay’s stamina for standing (“I’ve seen you stand for 13 hours straight!” – Bobby, [02:12]) versus Bobby’s need to sneak away and sit down.
• Discussion of comfortable shoes for concerts (Hoka shoes, Nikes) and the shame/aesthetic trade-off.
  • “I feel like an old man piece of shit when I wear them.” – Bobby, on Hokas [03:05].
• Debate about wearable standing chairs—exoskeleton “invisible chair” products for concert relief.
• Bobby fantasizes about a version “that doesn’t make you look like an asshole,” leading to riffing on 90s JNCOs, pants with built-in chairs, and Jay’s invention for a “butt plug tripod.”
  • Memorable riff: “You get one pole…and then one end is a diagonal, like cut rubber…The other end is attached…[with] a butt plug, and now you are a human tripod.” – Jay [10:18]

2. Pedro Pascal Goes Anxious: Joking About Celebrity Boundaries

[12:00 – 17:43]

• The guys riff on Pedro Pascal’s reported nervous habit of touching women for comfort and Willem Dafoe’s odd behavior at Walk of Fame ceremonies.
• Jay and Bobby elaborate the bit into personal hypotheticals about boundaries, anxiety, and feigned excuses for bad behavior.
• “If I motorboat your wife when I’m nervous, is that okay?” – Jay to Bobby [14:18]
• “Would you rather me have gay sex with your son or have a public freakout?” – Jay [15:43]
• They spiral the premise out until Bobby recalls Dan Natterman complimenting his young son’s body in Aruba—“He’s got a fine torso on this young lad” [17:07]—and apply the “baddies” lingo to their own relationships.

3. “Baddies” Deep Dive: Fight House Reality TV & Slang 101

[17:45 – 43:50]

• The main thrust of the episode is an extended breakdown of the “Baddies” universe on the Zeus Network—a reality show where women physically and verbally fight for dominance and jewelry (“chains”), with Jay as enthusiastic tour guide and Christine providing expert commentary. Subtopics include:
  • The show's structure (house full of women, voting, $50,000 prize).
  • The lingo: “stand on business,” “ten toes down,” “keep it a buck,” “I’mma need that.”
  • “Christine came out of the bathroom and we started scrapping” – Jay [18:42]
  • The absurd extremes of the show’s violence and language, and the cultural differences between American and African/Australian participants.
  • Jay on “Baddies”: “They accomplish nothing.” [23:43]
  • Recaps of specific fights, confessional moments, traumatic wig removals, and chain ceremonies.
  • “Is she the CEO of Baddies?” “She is. Natalie Nunn. None of you small dicks.” [24:36]
  • Discussion about the appeal and psychology of the show, the chaos of hair, makeup, voice loss, and “putting it all on my mama”—the performative pledging of authenticity.
  • “I’m ten toes down. Stand on my business.” [28:13]
  • The drinking game suggestion about taking a shot every time the word “on” is used [27:44].

Notable Quotes:

• “You got to put stuff on your dead father…Yo, I stand on business, I put that on my dead mama.” – Jay [31:02]
• “Why are you explaining fights to me? You don’t think I know how to throw hands?” – Bobby [43:21]

4. Race, Class, and Reality TV—Could You Do “White Trash Baddies”?

[41:07 – 42:58]

• Lively speculation about variants of “Baddies” using white trash, Puerto Rican, or other ethnic archetypes.
• Christine: “White trash girls for sure.” [41:14]
• Jay asserts “trashy” is universal, and a white trash version “would be fantastic.” [41:50]
• The formula: feed them booze, give them no activities, let chaos reign.

5. Comedy Plugs & Finishing Riffs

[43:50 – 45:59]

• Big Jay and Bobby plug their upcoming gigs, with mutual back-patting for ticket sales and a return to the “stand on business” lingo.
• “You’d stand ten toes down though. You stood on business.” – Jay to Bobby about his upstate gigs [44:06]
• Shout out to comics Joe DeRosa and a quick-lived fake memorial.

---

Highlighted Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Aging and Concerts:
  • “I had to sneak my sits away because I didn’t want to disappoint Jay.” – Bobby [01:58]
• On Footwear:
  • “I feel like an old man piece of shit when I wear them...But Hoka is like walking on pillows.” – Bobby [03:05]
• On Inventions:
  • “Now you are a human tripod and you don’t even need to worry about two poles shooting out. The one’s always running down, connected to your asshole.” – Jay [10:18]
• On “Baddies” Lingo Decoded:
  • “She kept this stack, dude. She kept it a yard. Like, what do you not understand about this lingo?” – Jay [17:58]
• On Reality TV Violence:
  • “Feed them booze and let them, tell them to wear almost no clothes and fucking set them up to fight each other.” – Jay [42:37]
• On Fatherhood Self-Worth:
  • “I’m doing fine. I am a great dad. And Don’s a great mom. We’re great. Everything’s okay.” – Bobby [29:18]
• On “Reality”:
  • "Nothing sexier than a black girl who’s not done up... I kind of like that." – Bobby [36:10]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:19 – 07:36: Standing at concerts, comfort vs. cool, exoskeleton chair riff
• 10:15 – 11:40: Jay’s “human tripod”/butt plug chair invention
• 12:00 – 17:43: Pedro Pascal riff, comic boundaries
• 17:45 – 43:50: “Baddies” breakdown—structure, personalities, slang, fight recaps, cultural dynamics
• 41:14 – 42:58: Discussion of “white trash” or other “Baddies” spin-offs
• 43:50 – 45:59: Comedy road dates and plugs, “ten toes down” lingo

---

Conclusion

In classic Bonfire fashion, Jay and Bobby blend comic invention, confessional humor, and exuberant breakdowns of the trashiest in reality TV, all while applying “street” lingo with the earnest confusion of two middle-aged white guys. The episode delivers on the show's promise: no-holds-barred laughs, camaraderie, and a gently unhinged look into modern pop culture—and, as always, a few lines that’ll stick with you in the best (and worst) way.

---

Noteworthy for fans of: inside-comedy life, reality TV mechanics, new slang of the streets, and the perils of aging on the live event circuit.

Transcript

[Fan]

We all have that piece. You know the one, the thing that's so you. You've basically become known for it. And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on ebay. Let me put you on fashionistas. Ebay is where you'll find those. One of a kind. Can't stop researching. Stay up dreaming about pieces again and again. I'm talking that Miu Miu off the Runway red leather bomber, the Custo Barcelona top with the cowboy on it, or that Patagonia fleece in the 2017 colorway.

[Bobby Kelly]

All.

[Fan]

All these finds are on ebay and they even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee. Ebay is the place for pre loved and vintage fashion. EBay, things people love. If you're a custodial supervisor at a local high school, you know that cleanliness is key and that the best place to get cleaning supplies is from Grainger. Grainger helps you stay fully stocked on the products you trust, from paper towels and disinfectants to floor scrubbers. Plus, you can rely on Grainger for easy reordering. So you never run out of what you need. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Toto plays a nice jam of a song. That guy really wants to shred. He wants to shred it out on all the tunes. I'm sorry, Steve Lucather. I'm so. I'm used to. That would have been a fun one. Yeah, we did it right. We had like a sweet thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That we were showing you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll be honest with you. That looks for me to be able to sit down for that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If we saw Pantera like that, that would have sucked.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

That was a perfect show to have that set up for because it's like such a loungy show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I was looking forward to food. Yeah. I was looking forward to this show. To sit down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean? Because the last couple. Last couple. Since we were standing up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I had to sneak my sits away because I didn't want to disappoint Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not disappointing me by sitting down.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but I feel like I am a little bit. No, dude, I am, I am. I'm. I know I was. Dude, if I. If you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I'm a stander at concerts.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you have, you have. That's your X Men power. I've seen you stand for 13 hours straight. And I don't know how you do it. And this was when you were heavy. Yeah.

[Christine]

Rain, snow, sun.

[Bobby Kelly]

It doesn't make sense to me. And I've talked about this with our friends behind your back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, Jay can stand for hours and not even hint at sitting down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. But then when I go back to the car, my feet are asleep. Like I'm going to lose them with diabetes or something. It's like it's pins and needles almost underneath my foot. And I know it's because I just wear fucking shitty shoes. What I have to do is give a fuck about my feet and go to a goddamn doctor and get like an orthotic.

[Bobby Kelly]

A hoga.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you get a cool hoga. No, you can just put a thing for your feet in cool shoes.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can, but it's not. It's not as cool as Hokasir. What hoka is Bobby.

[Christine]

Do you think hokas are cool?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no. I absolutely. I feel like a old man piece of shit when I wear them, and I. It really embarrasses me. But Hoka is one of the most comfortable. It's like walking on pillows all day long. It's so comfortable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you've worn hocus at concerts and it did not work.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it did work. What didn't work is why I wore my. I tried to be last when we went. I wore my brand new Nikes, trying to, you know, fit in with the crew.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, go to hip hop show.

[Bobby Kelly]

I went to a hip hop show. So I wanted to wear my. My, my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Want to get hip hoppy A little.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hip hoppy as much as I can, and it hurt. When I got in the car that night, I took my shoes off and rubbed my feet like a hooker after a long night's work. Oh, boy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I will say, after Pantera, when I got in the car, I was like, all right, my legs need one. That's. That was four concerts in a short amount of time.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wonder if anybody invented like, a standing seat for concerts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like where you can just wrap it around your waist and just shoot it out of your ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I think it's attached to your pants.

[Christine]

Yeah, like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the. Why do I not have that? What is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You just drop down and just creates a seat right where you're at.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen to me. I want everybody to understand me right now. Listen to me. Don't ask me what I want. Listen to me. My birthday is 10-8-19. October 8th.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One day after Isabella.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's great. I want I want this. I want this.

[Christine]

Bobby, you can't have this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shut your face. This is not for you. Bobby, listen to me.

[Christine]

You lost a lot of weight to avoid this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is what you're avoiding with the weight.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

What are you going to be one of these?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there another version that's not as.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, there's another. There's lots of other versions, but they're all going to make you look an.

[Christine]

Yeah, there is not a single one.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's got to be one that doesn't make you look like an asshole.

[Christine]

Like, we don't want to be seen with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go back. Well, go back. Is there one that I could put in my pants? Like down the back of my pants?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not down the back of your pants.

[Christine]

I guess if you had really baggy pants.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's see.

[Christine]

Like, if you wore like 90s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you could wear them under some jancos.

[Christine]

Get some jancos.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know what jancos are, but I'll get them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Those are the pants with the crazy wide legs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, the parachute. The hammer pants.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Jenkos were more like gothy.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I didn't have a golf. I was never ever. I would never, ever into goth like that. Yeah, I never. I would never wear those. I wouldn't wear those. If I wore those. I want. I'd kill myself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you love to rave.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would jump off, but you could.

[Christine]

Probably fit your little seat in them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Could you imagine me in those? What a moron. I would look like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to get a couple of gencos together?

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, if you're doing it, I'm doing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We gotta start having like outfits when we go do festivals or something each day it's like, you know, tomorrow's Jenko's, today's country western. We're doing emo goth. Emo goth. Today we'll do what Lewis does at Skank Fest. Me and you. The bonfire will do what Lewis does. We're going to theme each day ourselves.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that what he does?

[Christine]

He started in the last couple years.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't even. I don't even notice him.

[Christine]

We get highlights. When he sent. He sent a picture of himself in the. In the. The overalls, the American flag overalls. And me and Rebecca just like died laughing through text.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fucking twin cannon.

[Bobby Kelly]

So. So there's no version of that. That where it's in awesome. Like pants that have it in it. There's going to be a look about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at, type in standing seat attached.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, like pants standing Seat attached.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You doing another one?

[Bobby Kelly]

We could see so we can.

[Christine]

I don't like typing in front of you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna type in an awful thing and I'll fix it. I'll tell you what better thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Type because you he'll correct you and make you feel bad about your typing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not how that works.

[Bobby Kelly]

It does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just what she's looking up is probably the wrong thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've been correct on this show and it doesn't feel good when you do it because your eyes are so magical and your eyebrows go up. So judgmental. And it makes me feel like I'm in sixth grade again. And you miss Irving.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First of all, I don't like how you're having this confession and you wouldn't look me in the face while you were saying it. You couldn't look at me. You only looked away. You were like, you do this every day and I hate it and it bothers me. A wearable chair, Bobby. There it is, dude. That's the whole thing. There it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, here it is. Now if. Oh my God. Christine. I can wear that under. Oh my God. How much is this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever it is, dude, more than worth it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can wear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It can hold up to 220 pounds per leg.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm in. I can wear that to the concert under my pants, under my shirt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. An exoskeleton. And it'll be like, why do you have spurs with little things in the back of them? Dude, look at what a jerk off you'll look like. It would be so great, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I will sit down in the middle of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jacob can't see. Oh, you have to see what Bobby's going to be wearing, Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't be excited for me to see this.

[Bobby Kelly]

These are great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This will be fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please don't be. A thousand dollars.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A thousand dollars.

[Bobby Kelly]

And please be real, please. I don't want this to be some, you know, fundraiser, you know. Oh, look at strap it around there round my thighs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have different, different kinds of grips.

[Bobby Kelly]

It has. Does it have concert grips? Like if I'm on a grassy knoll versus a parquet floor, you're always gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Feel those little things touching your tussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I like that. Dude. How crazy.

[Christine]

69.89.

[Bobby Kelly]

How much?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

60 bucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buy them. I want them. Yeah.

[Christine]

The chairless wearable invisible chair. 59, 89.

[Bobby Kelly]

Invisible chair.

[Christine]

Chairless chair with wearable legs.

[Bobby Kelly]

68 bucks and you can adjust the length. Why? Why would. Why do we not have Those here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're not idiot assholes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, to each.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah, we are. Why? I don't know. We've never thought of it.

[Christine]

I mean, just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what, and I Hope you're listening. SiriusXM. This fucking exoskeleton ass chair that connects to my legs is definitely more functional and comfortable than any chair you Provided us in 10 years of working at Sirius XM Radio.

[Bobby Kelly]

Any chair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like to suggest that instead of our chairs, everybody, guests included, has to get exoskeleton. Wearable chairs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Helps them walk into the studio. Sit down, look at. What's it called? Gnome. What is it? Nomi. Nomi.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you could be extra small. You see the different size on the side? It was extra small. Small.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go, Jacob, you can get a pair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They have it and they have it in boys. Petites.

[Bobby Kelly]

They have extra small. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that, dude. Exoskeleton. Oh, I'm going to work on a jet engine like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would think that you can't conceal those, but by wearing, like really baggy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Bobby's gonna wear some sweats. You wear some sweats, I'm out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there now because the engineer inventor in me, because I did invent the flanker originally and my brain's just going right now. What if there was a belt, right? I wear a belt and in the belt it comes down to where I can shoot out poles on either side that shoot down that I can lean back on. You understand? So it's a way. And then when I want it like, this is always out. Is there something that can shoot like. What's the word I'm looking for?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think I have it. Yeah, I think I have it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And listen to my design. Yeah, okay. Yeah, there will be. You're thinking too much. You're thinking poles. Your overhead, your margins are getting all fucked up. Then you get one pole and you have it on the end of that pole. One on the one end is a diagonal, like cut rubber. Stop. Almost like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

For the floor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For the floor, right? So it stays there for you. And the other one is attached. The other end of the pole has a. What do you call that? Butt plug. A butt plug in it. And then now you are a human tripod and you don't even need to worry about two poles shooting out. The one's always running down, connected to your asshole. And it's like a kickstand.

[Bobby Kelly]

But how.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, he's kicking out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm with you, dude, on this. And I'm loving It. But how am I going to get it in my ass, Right? Does it go in. Does it push the jeans and underwear into my bum? How does that happen?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You will have a very discreet hole.

[Bobby Kelly]

So it comes with jeans on the outside. It comes with certain jeans.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you have to ruin all of your jeans for this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So if you want to sit in these jeans, you have to pick a couple pairs of pants. You want to be your sitting pants, right.

[Bobby Kelly]

So.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you just drop down, and then your body will sit on the. It's not gonna mean your. Your asshole's only so deep, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it's pretty. I mean, it's gonna get deeper. So we're gonna start off at certain height.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think it coils around a little.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bit, and then it's gonna go in further and further. Be funny if. If I. If I sit on. It just goes up into my heart. Just. It takes me out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This sounds more of a question for Pedro Pascal. Did you let Pedro Pascal finger your wife because he's anxious? Have you seen all that?

[Bobby Kelly]

What with William Defoe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, that Willem Dafoe one is so weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

He just touched her chin, Right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's weird. It's really fucking weird the way he did it. He just turned around. Pedro Pascal apparently says when he's anxious.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has to touch people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Women.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's got to start touching women. But this is wacky.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he. So it's. It's there. It's at Defoe's star, right. Walk of fame. I believe it's his walk of fame or star on the Walk of Fame.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I thought it's like a Fantastic Four promo or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pascal is. No, it's at his. Yeah. What is it? Yeah, it's at his walk of fame, I think he's getting a star, and he's there as a friend, and then he apparently gets up and grabs his wife's. Just does the chin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does the chin like. Like grab with the two fingers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. To stars.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's something you do before you're gonna kiss a chick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Or before you're about to give her presence as Santa Claus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's true. I guess.

[Bobby Kelly]

Santa Claus has done a lot of chin. And he does it twice, right? Oh, why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I just. I'm replaying it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. That's weird, right? And the phone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cutie, patootie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a very pedophile move. It really is. Right. His pants. It's disgusting, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, he's non, isn't he? He said he's non. Binary Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's non binary. But look, how can I just say something? As soon as he does it to the girl. Watch his wrist. How he transforms. He just becomes gayer after when William Defoe goes, yo, motherfucker, don't touch my wife.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't be silly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go back. Christine, go back. Watch his wrist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's around.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look. Look at. Hello.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, look at. Look at. Watch magic. Go away.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ew. Your wife has a.

[Bobby Kelly]

He goes from, yo, what's up, baby? What do you mean no? Look at my hand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Willem. Willem.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like, yo, baby, stop it. Yo, baby, what are you doing later? Stop. Stop it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He also touched Willem Dafoe. Are we gonna ignore. Ignore that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, I don't give a. About any of this. I don't care at all. But it is very funny that his excuse was, oh, when I get anxious, I gotta finger your chick.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry. I'm really.

[Christine]

I'm not saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, listen, I go when I come up to where you live. Like you're up there in the mountains a little bit and like the heights and the thinness of the air, like it would be. You wouldn't have a problem with me just like Motorboat and Dawn's, would you? No, just like it's like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's my binky, you know, it's my. It's my safe place.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What if Don's not home? It's just you and Max though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Would that be. Listen, I'm asking out of the thing. I'm non binary. I want to know. This isn't a sexual thing at all. Do you mind if I motorboat Max's asshole with my face and just like a real Baromski in there?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But. No, you don't understand. My nerves are at fucking 11 and I want to be good for you. I need to be 100% for you here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm just real quick. Is there any medication that you could take that could help with the nerves?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think there's a. I think there's a whole industry of. Right of. Of medications made just for this situation. But I'm a natural. I'm a holistic guy. Oh, so it's actually easier for me. Listen, I could take Lexapro, I could take Zoloft. I'd rather just fucking put my fingers inside of your lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, why don't we try this. Why don't you try a cup of body brain coffee, okay. And see where that helps. If that helps you. Maybe that might Relax.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? I'll get some of that L. Theanine in me.

[Bobby Kelly]

The L Theanine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I'll put some tongkat Ali and your lady, just to make myself feel a little less stressed out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd rather you try to have sex with my lady, if that helps you, than my son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But if she's gone, we can talk.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I get nervous.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know you get nervous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to see me. What would you rather me do? Have gay sex with your son or have a public freakout?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what? You're making a good point. I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you want to see me? You know, the newspapers. There's cameras everywhere. People are going to see me have this public discomfort.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want my neighbors to see that, because then they're going to be fucking, you know, they're going to report me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I was like, well, I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don'T want to be fucked up in the association because you had a. Yeah, Pascal had a freak out at the end.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then when people are mad at me, I'm going to be like, well, Bobby wouldn't let me put his son's mud on my onion.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, whatever. You. Listen, if you have to, you have to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, but I'd love you to try. I will not to. I'll try not to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, great. Like, don't immediately get nervous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm going to try to listen. I'll do a little meditation before I leave the house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that has historically failed me. Historically. That is not. It's not banned out wonderfully.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there anything else you could do to my son besides motorboating his. I mean, French.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just soft kisses.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, I'd rather that. Is there maybe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or maybe I can just rub his face in my finger and keep complimenting his body.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what? That's what Dan Natterman did in Aruba.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, you have a really great body.

[Bobby Kelly]

He kept doing that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, you have, like, a crazy body, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

I swear to God, Daniman. When we first brought Max to Aruba, he was like. When he got a little, like. I think it was like five or six. He was like, your son, he's. He's got a great torso.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was like, what the fuck did you just say?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's like, yeah. He goes. His torso. He's got a fine torso on this young lad. I was like, what the fuck are you doing, dude?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your boy's a brick shithouse is what I'm trying to say.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your boy's gonna grow up and be just the type of guy I like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you fight Dan Ederman?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I yo, I'm gonna need that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna need that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what I've been. That's my baddies lingo I'm picking up on. Yo, I'mma need that. That's why I tell Christine now, whenever she comes out of the bathroom, I see her, I'm yo, I'mma need that. And I get up and then we black chick square up like this and then we go in for some hair pulling fights. That show is so good.

[Christine]

Jay went all baddies on me last night.

[Bobby Kelly]

What you do?

[Christine]

She came, said I was walking around thinking I was so cute. And he attacks me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cute. So I told her, I'm going to need that.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you hit her?

[Christine]

I stood on business though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She did. She went, she went. She stood ten toes down.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? I'm sorry, what the happened?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She kept this stack, dude. She kept it a yard. Like, what do you not understand about this lingo?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't understand all of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's over here thinking everything's all kumbaya and a buck. I keep it a buck, dude, 10 toes down, you keep it on all business.

[Bobby Kelly]

10 toes now a buck. What's a. But like a dollar just got here. Is that a dollar?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy here? Should I keep it a yard, man?

[Bobby Kelly]

A yard. A full stack?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, full stack.

[Bobby Kelly]

A full stack. Like a thousand bucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I keep it like that with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, with me I'm a stack.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Christina, I'm about to need that. I'm gonna need that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna need that? Well, you're gonna have to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're big one.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're talking like bread, like Tom Papa knead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who's Tom Papa?

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, forget it. I'm sorry, are you talking like kneading bread or you're gonna knead it to have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, I don't even know what this white boy talking about. Baddies, baddies shot a clock. That's what happened. So Christine came out bathroom and we started scrapping. I thought, I'm gonna need that. And we started scrapping. And then Isabella just started saying, baddies, baby, shut a clock. And then me and Christine both stopped and started shaking our asses.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rolling like this. And she goes, baddies, baddy shu.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please tell, please tell me I'm imagining in the kitchen in our living room. I thought it was at the kitchen counter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Baddies, baddies shot a clock. But I'm gonna need that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gonna need that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, I'm need that I'm gonna get my baddies chain. How much these girls flip out if they don't get given a shitty Teemu chain that they give away on the show they cry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where is this on again?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Zeus network.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to order Zeus. I probably have it on my thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Today's show is sponsored by Better Help. Hey, who do you go to in order to solve your life's problems? Group chat or oversharing with a bunch of strangers like a weirdo? There's a difference between that and actually talking with a therapist. That's where BetterHelp comes in. With clinically trained and licensed therapists, they've been around for over a decade. They've helped millions and out of 1.7 million client reviews, they've got a 4.9 rating. That's pretty good. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time. It's fully online and you can pause your subscription whenever you need to. With over 30,000 therapists, better help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people with a 4.9 rating. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of Expertise. Find the one with Better Help our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] Bonfire. That's betterhelp.com Bonfire everybody. Have you noticed that everywhere you go it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well, at Metro, they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, Talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on eligible plan exclusions. Apply details at metro by t-mobile.com so.

[Fan]

I was just parking my car and then I saw you.

[Natalie Nunn]

The Gecko.

[Fan]

Huge fan.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild.

[Fan]

The honor is mine. I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, the Geico app is top notch.

[Fan]

I know you get asked this all the time, but could you sign it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sign what?

[Bobby Kelly]

The app. Yeah, sure.

[Fan]

Oh, that means so much. Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it. Could you sign it again?

[Bobby Kelly]

Anything to help, I suppose.

[Fan]

You're the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get more than just savings.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get more with Geico. Ever pick a vacation spot based on where you don't need a phrasebook? With Babbel, the language barrier no longer has to hold you back. Start speaking a new language with confidence thanks to Babbel's conversation based techniques that quickly teaches you useful words and phrases about the things you actually talk about in the real world. There's over a dozen languages available to learn at your own pace. So you can achieve your goals with material tailored to your individual proficiency level, interest and time availability. I love it. I'll tell you why. The dialogue practice part of it is awesome. But it has games which makes it fun. It's not this learning thing that makes you feel guilty when you don't do it. You actually want to do it. Sentence building, the spelling, reinforcement and the languages are awesome. German, Spanish, Italian, French. I'm learning Spanish and Italian right now. Babbel is my favorite app on my phone. Learn another language. Babel is gifting our listeners 55% off [e-mail] Bonfire get up to 55% [e-mail] Bonfire spelled B A B B E L.com Bonfire Babel.com Bonfire rules and restrictions may apply.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You probably definitely have it on your thing. Baddies baddies Baddies Gone wild is this.

[Christine]

Season which I've gotten invested. It took me a while to get into these new girls.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And it was like a new thing because it is more. I don't know. I don't know if it's better or worse than bad girls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's where it's better because it is worse.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They accomplish nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The idea of the show is to the very first episode I didn't even see. Apparently the very first episode this year of the Africa show. Baddies. Africa. There's only two Africans. They just bring a bunch of pieces of shit from America over there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To do the thing. But the very first episode, apparently it goes to a blank screen because one girl got into a fight so bad with one of the security guys. He punched her in the face and busted her lip. She was gone for a few weeks. Had to come back.

[Bobby Kelly]

She go back to her tribe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She wasn't one of the African ones.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But one of the African ones is the one that sang the. Which I sing is sweeping the nation by now. Bad Black Beach. Bad black bitch. Everybody here is a bad black beach that goes all out to all the bad black bitches. That song's called Bad Black Bitch. I'm Bad Black Bitch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Baddie. CEO of. Is she the CEO of baddies?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Natalie Nunn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Natalie Nunn. None of. What? None. None of Small dicks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. None you Small dicks.

[Bobby Kelly]

None of you small dicks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there's a girl crying over not getting her chain.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Is this Africa?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, wait, you gotta hear how she knocked it when they give the other girl the chain.

[Bobby Kelly]

This has to be Africa, though, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is no Brazil. This is bad. He's gone wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Brazil.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That's Nicki Minaj's sister right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's the big fucking big chick? The old bitch in the back with a lot of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a lot. That's Daisy Dukes and Daisy Dukes don't fuck around. She'll fight everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

I tell you what, right now, one of my things is that shaved head. Black girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, she had to. She's Australian. And she had to shave her head because the big fat one in orange ripped her fucking hair right out of her head.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did her a favor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She did. Oh, wait, go back. Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's that ghost?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, this is the girl. No, no, wait till they give it to the other girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then here, what is this called again? Baddies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bad. This is bad. He's gone wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

Baddies gone wild.

[Christine]

Let me get.

[Bobby Kelly]

And this is Brazil.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're in Brazil.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. And all these women. It's all women. Why are they in the house together? Are they winning a prize?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I guess. Apparently there's, like, a voting thing that goes on, like you voting for who you think is the baddest bitch on whatever criteria you have. And at the end, somebody will win $50,000.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, do they have to do, like, tasks, like going to a target and see who can take as much stuff out without getting caught?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's more like they're like, hey, today we're gonna go do something fun. And then in the van ride over, they beat each other to blood and cuts and, like, loose tooth.

[Bobby Kelly]

So it's torgasm with black chicks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

I think this is where she starts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it is. This girl is explaining why she deserves her chain.

[Bobby Kelly]

And this chick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is T.T.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looks like she's.

[Christine]

These girls are not in control of their emotions.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, this girl.

[Natalie Nunn]

No disrespect to Daisy. I fuck with you. We built a real bond in real life, Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now you'll hear. You'll hear real quick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is what I was talking like. I know you were confused back there when I was saying that, what you considered to be. And I'll use a quote, mumbo jumbo.

[Bobby Kelly]

This hijinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hijinks, yeah. Just a bunch of yippity yap.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a jack and ipes talk, sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A lot of blah, blah, blah. But when they put it together so quickly as they do, you'll see it works.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just say, I'm new real. You knew it. But you did a great job.

[Christine]

Ten toes down, I started saying finna.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I don't know what the fuck that is, but this voice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm finna I'm fitting to come over there and fucking kiss you on the face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Relax.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm finna do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

This voice right here, that. That specific voice that Scratchy been screaming her whole life at people is one of the most scary voices. If I hear that voice in public, I literally just walk away. Like, if I'm somewhere and I hear this voice that Scratchy kind of been through some.

[Christine]

We try to get a better view.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm out. I leave because I know shit's about to go down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd also like to suggest if you want to play a drinking game where you go to the hospital, do it with the word on this show, because that's how they go.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't even know the. You talking about you with the wrong over here. And I'm not exaggerating.

[Christine]

And weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody's weird. Yeah. Also, yo, you, Bobby. You weird, yo. Yo. Why are you all up in my. You got your own family to worry about. Yo, you're weird. That's such a. Yo, bro, you weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a nerd word.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are weird. Weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everything all kumbaya and weird, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm going toad. I'm going 10, 15. How many toes down? 10,000. I'm going 10 toes down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's good, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna get. I'm. I need you. I need you. Something business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo. Keep it a buckle.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm Stand on business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stand on business all day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Weird, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, you a weird, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, you weird, bro. Yeah, you're a.

[Bobby Kelly]

On fake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fake.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where the real at in this Place.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell you I'm looking at two right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then fight me outside.

[Bobby Kelly]

I will fight you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then fight me outside. Anywhere, anytime.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm done. I'm done. I can't.

[Christine]

You guys need wigs to fight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh they're also yes. All the hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Natalie Nunn]

Because I'm going by what Natalie's saying and what I got the master bedroom. Nobody kicked me out of what I just got the first chain in this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I ask you. There's a lot. There's a lot of teeth sucking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Christine]

They didn't take Toastmasters, Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They are. They're pieces of. Every one of them is going back to a trashier life than the next. They are.

[Bobby Kelly]

What you saying? Bizarre. I don't even fucking neck. I'll suck my ass.

[Christine]

They have to get home to their children.

[Bobby Kelly]

They have kids. Of course they have kids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Almost 100% of them and most of them just. And they just hang out with their snatches and tits out. They don't give a fuck.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just tell you something right now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm doing fine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am a great dad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Donna's a great mom. We're great. Everything's okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So what you let your co. Your best friend and radio co host sleep in his bed when he comes over. So what?

[Bobby Kelly]

But you said you get nervous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I get nervous. Okay so I need that. You need it And I've said this what a great guy you are but.

[Bobby Kelly]

You'Re gonna try to do something else.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You deserve a chain than.

[Natalie Nunn]

Real life. Is you talking about if nobody understand that I know the people I've been with y' all understand that. Is you talking about I deserve the first train in this. I even fought my and still laid in my by myself. Is you talking about. I'm going by what you're saying but what. What are we doing? Like I feel like I deserve that in real time I'm initiating real what? Cause I'm listening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The best part is she's eventually gonna go. You already know now she's going to go. Well the next chain goes to not you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean the girl to the right is kind of the Brazil girl. That's her glasses.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's Hurricane.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's cute but she's definitely not. She's. She's got a little. She's got a little dude look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's all dude look. Yeah, there's the girl. The bald headed girl is actually very pretty.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you know I like that small little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The girl behind her is very pretty. Jaden.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is pretty naturally Nicki Minaj sister's pretty. Nick Minaj sister is pretty, but she's all fucking face tattooed and shit. And then I could tell you a positive thing about the rest, but at the core, it's not the same, right? Please.

[Natalie Nunn]

Got tall ass wigs. Bitch is going out bad in this bitch. My soul. I don't even. What.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I forgot my city. Oh, I forgot to also. You got to put shit on your. On your. On your dead father. You got to put stuff on your mama, on your soul.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, like, like shirt. Like clothes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, like on it. Like you got like. Yo, it's like, yo, Bobby, yo, you know I stand on business, man. I put that on my mama. I put that on my dead mama.

[Bobby Kelly]

What am I putting on my mom? My mom. What am I putting?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you put it like business? Well, you're standing on business.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm joining businesses with my mom. Like, she's part of my corporation.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you're gonna stand on the business. I'm 10 toes down.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm 10 toes. I have 10 toes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

10 toes down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you fit in the. You fit in the. Stand on some business.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a stand on my business. I'm putting it all on my mama.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you put it all. And it. And that is. And that. Not all that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm putting it all on my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's on your. It's on your mama. Or it might be on your daddy's grave.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yo, my daddy's still alive. I'll put it on your daddy's grave. Ten toes down. Don't put nothing on my daddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is quick. He's getting.

[Bobby Kelly]

My daddy's where I'm at. Come on, get some of that shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the acting background.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I don't need this. Oh, I did a kiss. That's not good, right? I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That one girl in Africa, she just goes, like, what? She talks. She goes, you talk about this, Minnesota. She just says, see, it just curses.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're retired. Have they ever mixed. So this is basically racist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Non stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is the Bachelor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bachelorette type of show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have they ever mixed rate, like white chicks.

[Christine]

There's white chicks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's one big fat white chicken. She doesn't see a lot of white penises.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not. Yeah, that. I'm not talking that. I'm talking white chicks like sorority girls. I'm talking like Lewis's girlfriend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Christine]

So they just get beaten to bloody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These girls are. They put on cakes and cakes of makeup because they. When they all get done up they all. Some of them look weird ridiculous points. But when they get done up nicely for some reason they have to. They all look pretty good. But you see them 90% of the show in various states of that outfit. They look great in being ripped off their head so now they're bald or have goofy cornrows that are all frizzled out and and their tits hanging out and they're fucking and they're stupid weird like fat roll that they aren't hiding. So you see them in their worst.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is funny though because you're looking at the set and the set is up from fights. So there's like this plant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah, there's this plant.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's plant stuff on the stage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's it say in the background?

[Bobby Kelly]

What does it say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Betty. Betty shot a clock. Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

You ain't gonna catch me out like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know me and Bobby stood on business there hard yo. We stood on business hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stood on all 10 toe. I put it on my mom's face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Put it right on your mom's face.

[Christine]

You know she got up early. She just has a red eye the whole show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Early in the show. The big. The big fat one. The big fat one in orange on the first episode just decked her in the eye and her high's been bloody the entire show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Man. Listen, comedy on camp. I should have did this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I should have just brought y club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is our odd thrle dude. The odd thru was going to be this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my.

[Christine]

Do you want to hear her? Do you want to hear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I feel like I should have got the chain.

[Natalie Nunn]

I'm not even playing. I don't give a what it what it look good or none of that. I came here to do a job and I did just that is you talking about I'm changing looks is not real baddies breath stank got tall ass wigs going out bad in this my shit so I don't even what I'm not playing what I my city know what the going on Minnesota riot.

[Bobby Kelly]

I deserve to you earlier she ain't looking at me. She's looking no nobody in the eyes. That's why I was talking to you earlier.

[Christine]

This is like a She's having a little psychotic EP in her head right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what I'm telling you right now. I'll tell you right now. These look at me Jay look at me. I ain't looking at you but you look at me. Yeah, I'm ten toes down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. No, you stay ten toes down. Yeah, you've been straight. You've been real the whole time.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, man, I've been straight all the whole time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you stand on business.

[Bobby Kelly]

I stand on business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My mama's.

[Bobby Kelly]

My mama's tits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo. You don't take? No, I don't take.

[Bobby Kelly]

I suck on my tits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And your wigs is tight.

[Bobby Kelly]

My wigs is tight. Go.

[Natalie Nunn]

What are we talking about? What are we talking about? No. Fade. And I stick up for myself every time. Every time. If A was on that, I was on that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think she's yelled. I think she's yelling at producers.

[Christine]

Yeah, I think she is talking to. Because she's just yelling at them off camera.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks like. Oh, she's talking to the producers.

[Natalie Nunn]

Minnesota.

[Bobby Kelly]

I respect it.

[Natalie Nunn]

A lot of people looking at me. Are you talking about I got something to prove out of you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I like that. I got. I want to get out of here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then she just gives the next chain to that bald lady. Is the funniest thing. And everyone hates. People kind of hate that bald. So she's like, oh, this is so great. That girl just goes like, ah. She just loses it.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's nothing sexier than a black girl who's not done up. Like, she just, you know, because they're, like, in their little shorts and they got the thing around their hair and a little tiny shirt. I kind of like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nothing sexier than it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh. 100. A lot of times. I'm not saying for effect. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm like, there's nothing sexier. I'm like, they're just showing a girl with a bonnet with a man face. Nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm literally. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thing for a fact. That chick's a dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The next chain goes to chain is going to Baha'.

[Bobby Kelly]

I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See that girl's face. She's just like the Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, she gave her a fake. Oh, man. Mmm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's her, by the way, done up.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is. This scares the shit out of me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's a scary show. You have to watch it and then realize you just. If you just talk the talk, I think you walk out of any of these situations. I could walk through. I've got enough where I could walk through the baddies. I was passing through, and I have to ask a question and then get out of there. Good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like, what's up, ma? Y' all standing on business up in here. All right, all right, all right. Yo, on my mama. I just need some directions. Do you know if the fucking Waffle House up this way?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's up There, motherfucker.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. All right, all right. Y' all keep your door doing what you do. Yo, y' all finding a, I guess, with your wig.

[Bobby Kelly]

And who the are you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm the. That's staying on business asking you that. Hell yeah, mama. I'm just keeping in a buck with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at this ex chubby coming in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The yard with you, girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, go ahead there, Metallica face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, we gonna.

[Bobby Kelly]

Suck your dick all the way down to your balls and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then spit on your stick.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm spit on your nuts and look you right in the eye and call you a. What do you think about that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We got to look up what these chains cost.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's free, dude. You get that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me ask you a question now, do they?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So these girls look good done up, but when they're not done up, some.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of, like, face scars and.

[Christine]

Some of them are cute. They just. When they're going back and forth from, like the confessionals to the show, you almost lose track of who's who because they do look so different. They change their wigs all the time.

[Bobby Kelly]

They.

[Christine]

I mean, they do their makeup like drag queens.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's fucking hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she is cute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a third chain, by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

A third chain.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Y' all. Weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

These girls all lost their voice on the first episode, huh? From going, motherfucker. They're all. All their voices are just gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The first day, Nicki Minaj's sister and some other fricasseed hair bitch just started smashing clams together in a. In a fucking hot tub. Then the next two days, they fist fought.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's.

[Christine]

It's psychotic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They actually had full on lesbo sex and then fist fought.

[Christine]

Like you do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

As often will happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, boy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, she works harder. She's. Every day she wakes up and just attacks somebody.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like physically just attacks someone. And they're like, I've been doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm telling you. It's because these girls are. They just feed them alcohol all day, and the producers encourage them to fist fight each other. The security is there. Like fucking. Like dog fighting doesn't die, but you let them go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then when they get, like, wrapped up into a fucking thing or biting and shit, like, dude, Africa one last night, two girls got into a scrap, and the other guy, she goes, oh, damn, you bit my nipple, titty bitch. My titty nipple.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then the African bitch was like. And a tiger ran through the fucking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they love it because she goes. She was like, you bit my. You bit my titty nipple. And then they show in her confessional, and she goes, girl bit my titty, goes. That means I had her freaked out. I had her scared.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow, that is. That is true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's like, that means I had her in the fight. She was nervous. She didn't know what to do, so she bit my titty. Proud of themselves, going, Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

So the African. I'm sorry, The African girls. There's two African girls and they're from Africa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there a difference between the African girls and the American black girls?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Probably money and beauty.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so the African girl is the one who goes, bad black bitch. And the other one looks like God, like, went to, like, a. He had, like, a leftover, like, eyes pile, like, for people that only were born with one eye. And he just gave her two separate ones. He goes, I know these aren't the same size, but I'll. I'll do something about it later down the road.

[Bobby Kelly]

I swear to God. I'm a little busy right now. He goes, I'm gonna get to you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I swear to. But you need eyes, so I'm just gonna get you the eyes. I'm gonna get you the eyes, first of all. And then, like, we'll see. Maybe they'll even out, right? Maybe your head will grow lopsided.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But, yeah, one eye is little, one eye is big. And no one seems to acknowledge it. I'm sorry, but she's starting to get into fights now, which is nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Actually, real quick, one of those is a monkey eye, but one of them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is possibly a monkey eye.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's fine. It's fine.

[Christine]

Bahati's African on this show, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's Australian.

[Christine]

Oh, she's Australian.

[Bobby Kelly]

Australian, yeah. So most of these girls come from America.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they send them. It's so funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. Nicki Minaj's sister right there.

[Christine]

Garbage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah. That girl, the green.

[Christine]

You could do this with, like, white trash girls for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Yeah. Like, white. That. I was saying, like, if you get the white trash girl, not like. Not like, you know, Hollywood girl Vicky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, like, white trash Vicky was on this show.

[Christine]

Well, Vicky was on Baddies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She got beat up out of it. She left. Yeah, she left Baddies. This whole thing, this initial concept was kind of done by, like, that blue face guy or something that kind of did it. But this was like, Natalie Nunn was a girl. She was on Bad Girls Club, I think one of the original ones yeah. And she broke off and like, did all this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. If you could do like Puerto Rican version, a white trash version, the white.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Trash version would fucking be fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

It'd be fantastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get hot. Well, here's the thing. They try to do it. The thing is there's so many avenues now. You don't have to water anything down anymore. So the Bad girls club was great. But you did. We ended up learning eventually. Like, the point, you'd have to fast forward because at the fourth, the 40 something minute of the show, like when you know how the show runs at 40/something minute. When they came back from commercial, it was just like a minute long back from commercial. That was like a funny. Like, oh, earlier in the day, like, is this my peanut butter? Where my peanut butter at, girl? You never bought peanut butter. That's right. It's like. Then back to commercials, like, nothing at all. So we need to get rid of that. And activities were a waste of time. Yeah, It's Just Ride 2 activities. Maybe they get in a fight, ride back. And then at nighttime when they're just drinking and coming back from the clubs.

[Bobby Kelly]

That would be fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They fucking go at it. This took everything like that out of it. They are just like, from the morning you wake up, feed them booze and let them tell them to wear almost no clothes and fucking set them up to fight each other. I mean, they just come down the stairs and they go, bitch, I'm gonna need that. And then they just go. They fight. And some of them go like, oh, I don't even know what we're fighting over. He goes, nothing. They just fight.

[Bobby Kelly]

This reminds me of juvie hall.

[Christine]

They all want that chain.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They don't want that chain. They want to be baddies. So they think that means you have to. And none of them can fight, which is good. If any of them could fight, they would. Somebody would get really. Because they. They beat each other. The blood and everything. They've been busted open and ice packs on their faces and are like arms and slings.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These girls get hands all up. They get up for real, because they just let them go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are you explaining fights to me? You don't think I know how to throw hands?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, I'm just keeping a stack with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, keep it in a stack over there. My stack is fine over here. I'm ryan. I'm having 10 GS in the flat with my 10 foot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What you say?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna spit it on your mother's grave. How's that sound? Oh, my mama oh my mama.

[Natalie Nunn]

Oh my mama.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there's no one to yell at. A lot angry. I'm not even drunk.

[Bobby Kelly]

They are Big J's gonna be a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can make some announcements on some of some new things here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's already in here.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to do it? Go ahead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you want to jump in and do it? Go ahead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me do yours first.

[Bobby Kelly]

Make some announcements.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby is going to be accommodate the Carlson who rochester his old stomping grounds. When he was a bad boy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Last time I got arrested.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When you were a bad boys club.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Last time I got arrested was up there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You would stand ten toes down though. You stood on business.

[Bobby Kelly]

I stood on my business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

October 10th and 11th. That's his birth. That's right after his birthday. That's birthday weekend, everybody. After that he's going to be in Tampa, Florida Emmaus, Pennsylvania and New Orleans for Skank Fest. Four tickets and all of his tour dates go to Punchup Live. Robert Kelly. Make sure you go to his YouTube page. New stuff going up all the time. Yeah, Robert Kelly comedy for me. I'm in Tacoma this weekend. We've added a show. What Four shows sold.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna be there forever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm there for the rest of my life. So if you keep selling out, I'll never leave Tacoma.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my God, that must feel good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not worried about it because the show we edit is a 4pm I believe on Saturday, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is. I'm so makes me happy doing my friends sell out. That's awesome, dude. Congratulations.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll see.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a dude off for you. Yo, own your world.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, world. I'm staying on business in Tacoma.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, stand fucking 10 tall.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

10 toes put my mama. I'm a dead daddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, man. You sold out another show. Motherfucking how many people go there don't even saw one motherfucking show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh my dead daddy. And then after Tacoma I'm going to be Dave Temple's going to be out there with me too. I'm going to be in Los Angeles is which with Luis J. Gomez. We're doing Story Wars Monday, August 4, Tuesday, August 5. Two shows Monday, one show Tuesday. And then we're adding a Wednesday standup show early Wednesday. I guess it'll be 8pm show Legion of Skanks presents.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yo, let me some money man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At the at Comedy Store.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me some of that Story wars money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo. You come in with that money, yo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yo man, why don't you give me a G?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, I'm on my business though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buy me that dildo ass chair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I'm on my business tip, yo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Give me that asshole chair, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I'll be in sacrifice Sacramento right after that for the 7th through the 9th, Friday, Thursday through Saturday of August, 7th through the 9th, for tickets and all tour dates, BigJComedy.com.

[Bobby Kelly]

Make sure you check out DeRose's new special. It's out right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Promise you a rose garden.

[Bobby Kelly]

Never. And yeah, you know what? Fuck him for not coming in this and skanks tonight. He fucking. I can't, dude, I can't make it, dude. I got a lot of stuff. Check out his special. It's actually hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rest in peace, Rob Shapiro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant Joe DeRosa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rest in peace and rest in peace Joe DeRosa. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That would suck if he died.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not dying.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not going anywhere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's beautiful. We'll catch you guys tomorrow, right here on Faction Talk, SiriusXM103. Until then, for Big J ogerson and the great Robert Kelly. Fuck off.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I love Geico's fast and friendly claim service. Well, that's how Geico gets 97% customer satisfaction. Yeah, I'll let you get back to your food. So are you just gonna watch me eat?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get more than just savings.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With Geico, Hataday presents.

[Bobby Kelly]

In the red corner, the undisputed, undefeated weed whacker guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Champion of hurling grass, a howling everywhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

And in the blue corner, the challenger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Extra strength Hadaday eye drops that work all day to prevent the release of histamines that cause itchy allergy eyes. And the winner by knockout is Pataday. Pataday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bring it on.