Stinky Trojan Horse

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "Stinky Trojan Horse"
Date: August 6, 2026
Podcast Host: SiriusXM, Faction Talk Channel 103

---

Episode Overview

In this characteristically unfiltered and raucous episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly are joined by Christine and Esty for a wide-ranging, laugh-filled conversation. The crew riff on pandemic nostalgia, movie remakes (especially "The Odyssey" and the infamous Trojan Horse), pop culture mishaps (Kelly Clarkson’s onstage confession), the absurdity of group dynamics and celebrities, and the ongoing swirl of sex scandals in the entertainment business. With their signature blend of irreverence and honesty, Jay and Bobby veer from burly debate to real vulnerability, making this a prime episode for Bonfire regulars and new listeners alike.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Pandemic Memories & Mask Fashion

• Mini Paper Towels and "Survivalist" Habits
  • Jay shows off his stash of coin-sized expandable towels, launching a discussion of pandemic scarcity mentality (03:14).
  • Christine shares, “I used to have a little dinosaur you could put into a 2-liter bottle… Through the same technology.” (01:50)
• Masking Habits Post-COVID
  • Jay admits he still wears masks, but only to ward off subway B.O. and cologne:
    • “I still wear a mask every day on the bus. Why? Smells. BO is the number one offender. Number two, bad cologne.” (03:10)
  • The gang riffs on the stigma returning to people in masks: “I love that we’re back to people wearing masks in public are psychos again.” — Jay (03:33)

2. Pop Culture & Concert Tangents

• The Rock's Branded Masks and Merch Suckerhood
  • Jay’s confession: “I’m a fucking big sucker. You smell what I’m cooking.” (04:42)
• Kelly Clarkson Concert and Scandal
  • Jay receives a Kelly Clarkson concert tee, then the crew riff on rumors of her onstage accident:
    • “Would you wipe her up? And if she was like, hey, I like to keep the corn to make necklaces…”— Jay, on his loyalty to Kelly Clarkson (06:46)
    • Hilarious debate on who they'd "clean up" versus who they'd ditch given an accident, showing classic Bonfire boundary-pushing.

3. The Comedy of Small-Town/Lake Community Social Dynamics

• Jay airs grievances about cliquish lake communities and his “outsider” status among generational property-owners (08:00).
• Debate over ethnic backgrounds of neighbors with the last name “Diamond,” leading to comic back-and-forth on Jewish, Greek, and Anglicized surnames (08:21–09:03).

4. Deep Dive: Modern Odyssey Film & Trojan Horse Logistics

• Movie Recap and Satire
  • Jay champions a new “Odyssey” adaptation, addressing both woke casting critiques and the new practical approach to the Trojan horse:
    • “You don’t even get bumped by any of the shit that the, the what’s her name did…”— Jay referring to supposed “political” casting (10:01)
    • “That part, the actual Trojan part was… it was so cool the way he did this.” — Jay (15:33)
• All the Unspoken Truths of the Horse
  • Crew debates the reality of sitting in a giant wooden horse for hours: “One thing nobody ever thinks about, they had to piss in there. Shit in there. They were running out of food.” — Jay (22:13)
  • Christine proposes the “human centipede” solution for waste in the horse (26:13)
  • Esty brings up the likely horrific odor: “Can you die from the smell of…[ten] guys are…in basically a 10 foot space?” (27:27)

5. Digression: Ancient Diets and Shitting Techniques

• Jay and Christine compare homeless shits to ancient diets, joking about “loaf formation” and how squatting improves evacuation (29:03–30:40).
• Christine describes their own toilet/bidet habits in graphic detail, offering more laughs over “blooming” techniques and water retention mishaps (31:13–32:41).

6. Hilarious Takes on "Odyssey" Adaptations and Sex Appeal

• The new adaptation features more “modernized” casting — male nudity, “landing strips,” and diverse Spartans (33:28).
• Jay asserts, “This ain’t your granddaddy’s gay ass Odyssey. Different, dude. There’s fucking Duke in this one.” (33:23)
• Christine laments the lack of explicit sex in Nolan’s films: “Christopher Nolan, you let me down again… No pussy.” (40:16)

7. Celebrity Sex Scandals & Power Abuse

• Jared Leto and Rockstar Sex Allegations
  • The group weighs the ongoing Jared Leto allegations, dissecting power, consent, and jealousy over celebrity lifestyle (47:31–54:56).
  • “Jared Leto is a great example of a person…everything about him that I go are all things that I am probably just envious.” — Christine (47:59)
  • Jay: “If you’re doing this stuff, I mean, that’s a real picture. Like, he’s a broken dude.” (55:16)
• Unfair Bias Against Male Victims
  • The crew flips the script, discussing why there aren’t documentaries on famous women abusing male fans and coworkers. “It can’t be just all men. Women are pigs too, of course.” — Jay (58:44)

8. Classic Bonfire Vulgarity: Fame, Abuse, and Hollywood

• Debate about 1970s/80s rock stars with underage girlfriends, and the nonchalance of the era’s groupie culture (64:18).
  • “Anthony Kiedis…he went to the parents and had them hand over custody.” — Jay (64:22)
• Christine on backstage groupies: “If you say I’ll just take any and all comers, you’re good to go.” (66:44)

9. Callback to the Main Theme: Power Dynamics and Comedy Culture

• The hosts wrap up riffing on the blurred lines between consensual sexual experiences and abuse, particularly from the male point of view, and muse about the lack of public reckoning for powerful women in showbiz (60:49–62:18).

---

Most Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I still wear a mask every day on the bus. Why? Smells. BO is the number one offender. Number two, bad cologne.” – Jay, (03:10)
• “Would you wipe her up? And if she was like, hey, I like to keep the corn to make necklaces…”— Jay (06:46)
• “The Trojan horse actually wasn’t that big… I’d be afraid that would be turned away at the gates and going, we don’t want this. Why do we want a giant fucking whore?“ — Christine (22:42)
• “What they should have done was they should have human centipeded and had the last guy just have his butthole at the horse’s butthole.” — Christine (26:13)
• “Jared Leto is a great example of a person…everything about him that I go are all things that I am probably just envious.” — Christine (47:59)
• “If you’re doing this stuff, I mean, that’s a real picture. Like, he’s a broken dude.” — Jay (55:16)
• “It can’t be just all men. Women are pigs too, of course.” — Jay (58:44)
• “Anthony Kiedis…he went to the parents and had them hand over custody.” — Jay (64:22)
• “If you say I’ll just take any and all comers, you’re good to go.” — Christine (66:44)
• “Doesn’t Jacob have to watch you masturbate to completion twice?” — Jay (67:27)
• “Keep on a crackling.” — Christine (67:52)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Mini Paper Towels & Pandemic Security: 01:34–02:35
• Masks: Smells, Safety, and Stigma: 03:10–03:36
• Kelly Clarkson Concert & Public Pants Mishap: 06:00–07:00, callback at 43:00–44:44
• Jay’s Small Town Outsider Rant: 08:00–08:49
• Greek/Jewish 'Diamond' Surname Debate: 08:21–09:03
• Modern Odyssey Movie Talk: 10:01–11:46, 15:31–18:05, and 21:06–25:03
• Trojan Horse (Size, Logistics, Smells): 22:13–27:07
• Ancient Poop and Homeless Shitting Technique: 29:03–32:41
• “Not Your Granddaddy’s Odyssey”: 33:23–33:50
• Jared Leto Allegations, Power and Consent: 47:31–62:02
• Groupie Culture and Historic Rock Star Scandals: 64:18–65:31
• Comedy Culture, Gender Power, and Theories: 60:26–62:18

---

Flow and Tone

As always, the Bonfire crew’s tone is brutally honest, explicit, teasing, and quick-witted, peppered with both relentless jokes and the occasional moment of real vulnerability. Jay and Christine’s interplay delivers non-stop laughs, abetted by Esty’s dry realism and droll comments. They don’t shy from the uncomfortable but always pull back to keep the room light and their fans engaged. No-topic is off-limits, and all is filtered through the uniquely Bonfire lens — equal parts comic improv and real talk.

---

Takeaways

This episode shines as a prime example of The Bonfire’s strengths: a blend of no-holds-barred comedy, genuine conversation, and off-the-cuff commentary on the absurd, sometimes dirty truth of showbiz, history, and everyday life. Whether they’re discussing ancient warfare, celebrity secrets, or the logistics of public accidents, Jay and Bobby guarantee a vulgar, raucous hour that will have you laughing even while you cringe.

---

For Bonfire fans, this episode is a must for its blend of showbiz news, classic bits, and an honest look at the strange, human realities behind the stories we hear every day.

Transcript

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

This podcast is supported by Nurtec ODT Remedupant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take Nurtac. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura. In adults, Nirtek can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nirtec is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtek odt. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NYRTAC or visit nyrtac.com all right, back to your podcast, playlist or whatever's keeping you going today.

[Gabby Windy]

Grainger knows. When you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Christine]

And now the bonfire with Big J

[Big J]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. You see that?

[Christine]

I see it. I don't know what it is.

[Big J]

What do you think it is?

[Christine]

A tiny paper towel. Am I right? And now it becomes a big paper towel because you wet it.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I used to have a little dinosaur you could put into a 2 liter bottle that was empty and it would turn into a big dinosaur. Through the same technology.

[Big J]

Yeah, same technology.

[Christine]

But I am the science. I have, don't forget.

[Big J]

You are. I knew you know what it was. I have 10,000 of these.

[Esty]

I know.

[Christine]

You gave me piles of them.

[Big J]

Did I?

[Christine]

That's why I'm aware of what they are

[Big J]

I love.

[Christine]

Because I've ever to wet it and make a giant paper towel out of a little fucking certs.

[Big J]

When the world ends and you run

[Christine]

out of paper towels, I'll be so happy. I have those somewhere.

[Big J]

I'm telling you right now. When everybody ran out of toilet paper during the pandemic.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J]

At a box of these thousands.

[Christine]

Did you use them?

[Big J]

No, I had paper towels. And it wasn't that crazy.

[Christine]

Yeah, it wasn't that crazy, but I did.

[Big J]

I had the security of knowing that I. If I did run out of paper towels, there they are. I could use these.

[Christine]

Do you remember the. The fucking bullshit of that? That's like whatever product they would just say is going to run out, it just. It's what ran out. Because then when they were like, actually, the toilet paper is going to be fine. And then it just wasn't a problem anymore.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Remember one day it wasn't a problem

[Big J]

anymore when masks were going to run out. And then they were like, hey, not everybody needs to wear a mask. Just the people in the hospitals. Mm. Because they couldn't get masks.

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J]

Cuz some stupid fucking old guy bought all the mat. The N95 mask. And then we're like, okay. And then as soon as they got enough, they're like, okay, you need to wear a mask. I still wear a mask.

[Esty]

Me.

[Big J]

What? I still wear a mask every day on the bus. Why? Smells. Why don't you put something but smells?

[Christine]

Are you worried about getting sick?

[Big J]

I'm worried about people's smells. BO is the number one offender. Number two, bad cologne.

[Esty]

Okay.

[Christine]

All right. So it's better just to wear the mask.

[Big J]

I'm happy I still have my mask.

[Christine]

And it makes you look like you're just doing it for safety. So. Okay. So they just think you're a psycho. They don't think you're an asshole.

[Big J]

I love that. We're back to people wearing masks in public are psychos again.

[Christine]

Yeah. I judge it again. All over again.

[Big J]

I actually have a photo on my phone. I took a plane during the pandemic. A guy had a mask and then he had a SWAT helmet on with a plastic. I was like, this is.

[Christine]

That's too much.

[Big J]

And then he would lift the mask down, the visor up, and the mask down to eat his little meal.

[Christine]

I will tell you. I'll tell you what, though I didn't mind. After a while, I did get a little used to the idea of always having a bandana around my neck. Like I was in Def Leppard, which.

[Esty]

That thing.

[Big J]

No germs.

[Christine]

It made me feel. They didn't stop any germs. In fact, on planes, it was hit or miss.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

If they would let you use it. But I just wore it every time. And then if they said I had to Put a mask on. I'd put the mask on. Still put the bandana over it again.

[Big J]

So you look cool.

[Christine]

So I always kept it pretty cool.

[Big J]

I actually.

[Christine]

I didn't look cool in a mask, that's for sure.

[Big J]

I ordered the Rocks mask. He had good masks with a little Brahma bull, a little silver Brahma bull on the side.

[Christine]

You ordered his brand?

[Big J]

He had a brand of mask with a little silver Brahma bull.

[Christine]

He sees 10amile away. You're a sucker.

[Big J]

Oh, I'm a fucking big sucker. You smell when I'm cooking.

[Christine]

I didn't get. It was funny. We did it long enough, the mask. So that people did start thinking about getting the ones that'll have like a mouth.

[Big J]

Yeah, that's a cool mask.

[Esty]

What?

[Big J]

That's a great looking mask. Look at that mask.

[Christine]

It's like a ninja mask.

[Big J]

Is it that. That Brahma bull on the side? Silver, too. It's got a little silver. It's got a little flare, a little. Little pop. I popped.

[Christine]

But releasing the mask is still pretty lame.

[Big J]

What do you mean releasing the mask?

[Christine]

Like him stamping his thing on a mask at all. Stupid.

[Big J]

I disagree.

[Christine]

Opportunistic.

[Big J]

I'm a big fan of the fucking. The Rock. I'm a big fan of it, man. He's the. It's the Rock, brother.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. Well, the Rock also had his own vaccine. You. That also.

[Big J]

Did he?

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big J]

Oh, really?

[Christine]

It's got a Brahma bull on the side of the syringe.

[Big J]

I'll fucking try. You like my Kelly Clarkson shirt I'm wearing?

[Christine]

I do. It looks like an Aussie shirt almost.

[Big J]

Liz and Esty went to Vegas and they went to her live show.

[Christine]

Really?

[Big J]

She's doing a residency.

[Christine]

No shit. Estee was up that late?

[Big J]

I think it was an early show.

[Christine]

Okay, good.

[Big J]

And she called me. Liz called me from it. I'm like, you bitch. I want video and I want a T shirt. And she got me the. The shirt, which I love.

[Christine]

They get a video for you?

[Big J]

They gave. Sent me. She sent me three videos and. God, is she good.

[Christine]

From what? Break away.

[Big J]

Oh, what was this song? No, it wasn't Breakaway. It was so good.

[Christine]

Didn't she. Someone said she just. Her pants. Was that Jacob saying that?

[Big J]

All right. Yeah, she should. All right, whatever. I mean, listen.

[Christine]

Was it at that show?

[Big J]

No, it wasn't at that show, I think. Was it?

[Esty]

I'm not sure.

[Big J]

It was at one of her shows.

[Gabby Windy]

She.

[Christine]

Her pants on her show.

[Big J]

She. She was during the show. She had a Dude, what do you mean?

[Christine]

Ooh, that's. That's enough. That's all of it right there. She had muck butt.

[Big J]

Yeah, well, she. No, she didn't. In the show. She went backstage and her pants. Okay, yeah, dude, we're humans.

[Christine]

Yeah, she's a human.

[Big J]

That's what. That actually endears her to me, that she's such a big star.

[Christine]

Would you clean her up? Let's say it was a nutty, corny one.

[Big J]

Yep.

[Christine]

Would you wipe her up?

[Big J]

I would wipe her up. And if she was like, hey, I like to keep the corn to make necklaces. I would clean the corn off.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Big J]

And dry it out and clean the corn. And I would put the sun for it to dry out for her. And then once you felt better, I'd be like, hey, the corn's dry.

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Would you do that for Dawn?

[Big J]

No, I wouldn't even. No, I'd leave Don if she.

[Christine]

If she. Her pants, you just move.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

If.

[Big J]

I must have left her last week when she fell off that bike. You.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, I understand that.

[Big J]

Dude, what are you doing?

[Christine]

You definitely can't go back to that. Can't go back to that place where the bikes are.

[Big J]

No, no, not on a bike.

[Christine]

That was by the lake.

[Big J]

Dude. That was.

[Christine]

That was by the lake. That wasn't up in gnomes.

[Big J]

That was. No, not at.

[Christine]

No, that was. By the way. Oh, no. I was only saying it because if it's by the lake, you're going to see these people. And she's now the lady who got dragged by the bike.

[Big J]

Yeah, where the.

[Christine]

You're the guy who snapped. It's people that were trying to help.

[Big J]

No, I'm the guy that got bitched out by the other guy.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot. You're the guy who wouldn't stick up for himself in front of his boy.

[Big J]

Yeah, I'm that guy.

[Christine]

Oh, right.

[Big J]

I'm the guy. I'm the guy who has no confidence.

[Christine]

You think that town's just trying to funny farm you out of there, you know? I mean, where they're all just like, fucking. They're just being as awful as possible.

[Big J]

You know what's weird about it is that these people all have been up there for. Since it started. It used to be an old camp, and they. These. They bought it.

[Christine]

And you're a newcomer. They don't like you.

[Big J]

They parceled it out. Right? So the people, then. It's generations of families. But I've been going up there for 30 years with my uncle. But now that we own. When we walk down to the beach, it's these big cults of families. They're nice, but it's not like they're not our type of people. Like, we don't go over and talk to them. There's one family that I like, the Diamonds. He's great.

[Christine]

Jewish?

[Big J]

No. Greek?

[Christine]

No.

[Big J]

Diamond's Greek.

[Christine]

Jewish?

[Big J]

No, he's Greek.

[Christine]

Pretty sure Diamond's Jewish.

[Big J]

I don't know, but he's Greek. He's Greek. 100% Greek.

[Christine]

Not 100%.

[Big J]

You don't even know. I don't understand when you do this,

[Christine]

because his name's not Diamondopolis.

[Big J]

He might have a little Jew in him. He's.

[Christine]

Yes. Whatever diamond is.

[Big J]

Maybe diamond is short for something else.

[Christine]

How many different ethnicities could diamond be?

[Big J]

Is Diamond? Is Diamond Irish, English and Jewish?

[Christine]

Maybe it's an Ashkenazic.

[Big J]

Oh, all right.

[Christine]

Surname.

[Big J]

Well, maybe he's a Jewish Greek. Maybe you're right.

[Christine]

Yeah. Can a Greek be last name Diamond? Is diamond the Greek last name?

[Esty]

He might have cut it from Diamond.

[Big J]

Yeah, it might have been Diomedes or some diabetes. They might have shortened it from Diomeces.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah.

[Esty]

Yeah.

[Big J]

Dude, I saw Odyssey. Yeah, yeah. When I need business.

[Christine]

I mean, where'd you find the time?

[Big J]

I, I, I have the VC box.

[Christine]

Oh, you watch it at home?

[Big J]

I watch it at home.

[Christine]

Really?

[Big J]

Yeah. It's not a good version of it. And I'm gonna go to the theater.

[Christine]

Why?

[Big J]

Because I want to see it in the imax.

[Christine]

We won't make this the clip. You could say you speak freely.

[Big J]

No, it's fine. I'm gonna go to the theater and

[Christine]

I'm gonna watch it again.

[Big J]

I'm in the union, the writers union in SAG and after. So I will go see it again. It's that good. I would go see it again because I want to see it the way it's supposed to be done in the big theater. It is fucking great. It's great, dude. It's. It's great. And you, you don't even get bumped by any of the shit that the, the what's her name did.

[Christine]

You go in 40x where the seat jerks you around, slaps in the face of water?

[Big J]

I would definitely see it there. Yeah, it's. It's such a good movie, man. It's really good. Matt Damon kills it. Everybody kills it. Even John Leguizamo is fucking great.

[Christine]

Who does he plays? Diamond Diamocles.

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

Yeah.

[Big J]

I'm telling you, I think that's his name. I think that That's. He's one of those. It's a lot of those names. Diamond. Diamond.

[Christine]

I was just going with the Greek. Diamond is not a Greek last name. It is not.

[Big J]

I'm gonna text. Can I text him now?

[Christine]

Sometimes it is. Yeah. Americanized form of Greeks are names like Diamantis.

[Big J]

Yeah, it's probably Diamantis that they named diamond just to be cooler.

[Christine]

No, Maybe.

[Big J]

Maybe they moved to a Jewish neighborhood as Greeks and were like, let's name it Diamond.

[Christine]

Can't you just ask him?

[Big J]

Huh?

[Christine]

Can't you just ask him?

[Big J]

I'll ask him right now. Neil Diamond's real name is Diamond.

[Christine]

He's Jewish.

[Big J]

He's Jewish.

[Christine]

So Jewish. Barry diamond, the comedian? Jewish, I think.

[Big J]

But it might be. It might be like, what the. What the Jews did?

[Christine]

What? Invade Palestine and start blowing up hospitals and killing children?

[Big J]

No, not that part. That's what they do now.

[Christine]

This is what I read this morning.

[Big J]

What they did. What's your algorithm? What they used to do.

[Christine]

What are they. Blowing up hospitals and committing war crimes constantly. And the leader's gonna get. What was that? That was the lamest thing to be in the news. To me at least. I don't know. Maybe it's awesome. It was like, mom, Donnie says he's gonna try to arrest Netanyahu war crimes when he gets here.

[Big J]

Like, shut up.

[Christine]

Sit down, Aziz. Relax. Settle down. Just get bum shoveling snow. We got you. Chill out.

[Big J]

I know, Aziz. Yeah, he did. He wanted to arrest them for war crime.

[Christine]

He knew he was never gonna do it. He knows nothing. It's just like. That's like, look at me, look at me. Shit. That's gay. Yeah, but it's also not a homosexual way. It's in like a men having sex with men kind of way.

[Esty]

Relax, honey. I don't bite.

[Big J]

Jacob's in town. Yeah. He's saying a lot of crazy shit. They asked him about Hamas and he's like, they are definitely a terrorist organization. And so is Netanyahu. Terrorists committing genocide.

[Christine]

Well, listen, I don't know, but maybe all that's true. I'm not even saying maybe Netanyahu is a war criminal. Maybe he is completely righteous. Either way, Mamdani was never gonna arrest him in fucking New York. That's the thing I'm saying is fucking lame about it all.

[Big J]

Yeah, he has just.

[Christine]

The thing goes. And he's doing press conferen battle. He wants to. It's like, shut the fuck up.

[Big J]

He has diplomatic immunity, of course. Wherever he go, wherever he is in America is Israel yes. You know, and his. Hamas. His. What are they. What's his. The people around him. What are they called? Not Hamas. Mossad. Mossad was like, let him try. We'll fucking put a bullet through his head.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Fucking lay out the. The terrified NYPD really quick.

[Big J]

I'll crop MAGA.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J]

All these motherfuckers.

[Christine]

The massage. Fucking 18 fucking cops laying on the ground with thr. Knives in their throats.

[Big J]

Yeah. All their phones blow up. But it is funny that if you watch. Because I. I was watching Sean Ryan and he had. So he had a CIA. There was a CIA guy. He's just a podcast guy, like a Rogan type of dude. He was in the Delta Force and ufc. No, Delta Force is actually the tip of the spear. It's like you have the. The seals and above that is Delta Force, buddy.

[Christine]

I know they don't just let Lee Marvin and fucking Chuck Norris into some old faction.

[Big J]

No, Jake, that. That's not. I mean, that was Delta Force in

[Christine]

the movie, but absolutely.

[Big J]

Dude, it's not. They don't.

[Christine]

First of all, they had the. I don't know if you know this, but at one point, Robert Forrester and blackface was a terrorist in pure blackface.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

They don't see Thomas Howe in Soul man.

[Big J]

And they don't have motorcycles with rockets on it.

[Christine]

What?

[Big J]

They don't.

[Christine]

That's not true.

[Big J]

I swear to God.

[Christine]

I guarantee you there's a motorcycle with rockets on it.

[Big J]

No, you don't want to drive a motorcycle. It's kind of noisy. I think their whole thing is being stealth.

[Christine]

Yeah, well, not if you're going to shoot the missiles from far away, like he did at the very end. I don't know if you remember, at the very end, they gave us the final. The money shot where he did use the missiles. He used the fucking. They teased him early in the movie, I think.

[Esty]

Yeah.

[Christine]

They had him on the bike and then fucking. At the end, he fucking aimed it and then they moved and it shot. It looked so lame coming. It looks like when you shoot, like, a water rocket off your lawn, the way it takes off out of the thing, it's like. It's like a firecracker that goes off and then goes.

[Big J]

I think you can see the rope that is attached.

[Christine]

It's like riding.

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

Yes.

[Christine]

It's like. That's what it is because it takes off in, like, an unnatural, like.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Oh, dude, was that good gaffing right there?

[Big J]

That's not gaffing.

[Christine]

What is it?

[Esty]

Foley.

[Big J]

Foley work.

[Christine]

No. What a Gaffe. That was.

[Big J]

I mean, it was a gaff. If you want to make a new word. Yeah, we're gaffing.

[Christine]

Gaff's a word.

[Big J]

Let's gaff the whole show. Betty.

[Christine]

What a gaffe. We just shared.

[Big J]

No, I watched the Odyssey and I was totally like, you know, they. They tried to make it some woke and you're going to hate it. And how is she? It's so good. And you don't. I didn't get bumped one time by anybody. Everybody not killed it. And you've seen this movie before.

[Christine]

Were the Trojans good?

[Big J]

Huh?

[Christine]

Were the Trojans good?

[Big J]

That part, the actual Trojan part was the. It was so cool the way he did this.

[Christine]

Was it ribbed for her pleasure?

[Big J]

Are we gaffing again?

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

Dude.

[Christine]

Guys, gaff alert. Gaffing Jay's on gaff alert today. Christine liked it.

[Big J]

The Trojan.

[Christine]

She's just coming off a big birthday.

[Big J]

The Trojan thing in all the other movies is this huge massive horse that they wheel in.

[Christine]

Spider Man's in it.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

What's the problem?

[Big J]

He's. Everybody's in this fucking movie.

[Christine]

Why does he just fucking solve whatever the thing is?

[Big J]

He doesn't play Spider Man. Oh, he plays Matt Damon.

[Christine]

Oh, it's Christopher Nolan. So Batman's in it?

[Big J]

No, Batman's not in it.

[Christine]

There's no Batman.

[Big J]

There's no Batman. There's no superheroes. But there is. It's Greek. Greek mythology.

[Christine]

So it's all bullshit still.

[Big J]

It's all bullshit. Still got you. Yeah, it's all bullshit. Which was one of the points was Guy was making. He was like, you guys are all pissed off that this guy, this trans person is playing a man when there's a cyclops in the movie. You fuck.

[Christine]

I would have to say it. It is funny. It suddenly should be called fantasy and it's all fictitious. So why did they decide to make all of these fantasies where the all the men are a light like brisk walk away from their wangs just flapping around. They all wear little tiny like short skirts. They're dressed like.

[Big J]

Well, back in the day they did wear that stuff. You cannot. You didn't have pants for dudes back then.

[Esty]

Why?

[Big J]

Because you're gonna.

[Christine]

You gotta take your out and take figured out swords.

[Big J]

Yeah. They figured out steel.

[Christine]

Yeah. Beautifully manufactured helmets. They couldn't figure out pants.

[Big J]

No pants was like, later, dude.

[Christine]

Clearly that's not your fantasy.

[Big J]

What was I gonna say?

[Christine]

That's not your mythology.

[Big J]

I had a point.

[Gabby Windy]

I.

[Big J]

Forget it. Anyways, it was the. Oh, the horse thing. Because I've seen. I. I actually watched. There's a. There's a. There's another movie called Odyssey. And bring up the other movie. I think it was done in the

[Esty]

70s or 80s with Armand Asante.

[Big J]

With Armand. And he kind of. It's so weird because in a lot of the scenes he has that little, like the little cupid outfit like I wore, and it looks like he has tits. He's not like in shape. It's like when actors really did. They got into kind of shape, they didn't get like, Matt Damon lost 40 pounds to play this guy. Aman Desanti didn't lose an ounce of weight and just put the outfit on and is. At one point he's holding a baby and is like, it looks like he has tits. Yeah.

[Christine]

Do you remember were you. Were you and Louis, Were you and Louis, like, friendly or tight when he was banging Armand Asante's daughter for a little bit? He was one of those girls that came around for like two months. It was just like, is Armando Sante's daughter again? Like, what a weird, like, random person.

[Big J]

I know.

[Christine]

She's gorgeous.

[Big J]

Somebody was banging Montel Williams daughter for a minute. Who was that?

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Big J]

Somebody was banging her for a minute.

[Christine]

I don't know. I know. Jason Andor is one of the funniest things. The comedian Jason Andor is, who's a white comedian who was in the black circuit, who then eventually. He's Jewish, who then eventually moved to Puerto Rico to become like, you know, Hassan un fuego. Some kind of weird, like.

[Big J]

Right.

[Christine]

He does like, I comedy now, even though he's like a Jewish kid.

[Big J]

How does that go? How does the III comedy go?

[Christine]

I don't know Spanish. But he's like. He's like, estuda beste este el blanco. And they love it.

[Big J]

Let me tell you something. I'm gonna start saying I.

[Christine]

The one on the left.

[Big J]

Oh, she's hot.

[Christine]

Yeah. Well, she's actually kind of weird looking there. But she was definitely. She was definitely.

[Big J]

You know, Amana Sante always purses his lips in every photo too, even while he's acting. He does his little lip purse. You see it?

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big J]

He puts his lips together like he's about to kiss you. The kid's arm a mom.

[Christine]

Look at her. He wouldn't hug her if he knew what Lewis did to her. He goes, hey, Armando Santa, you put her in the best private schools and probably took care of her with all that shit. And then she just bangs some fucking Puerto Rican with A lip ring selling tickets to her and her friends on the streets.

[Big J]

If we're friends of Lewis, if he ever dies, we should immediately go get him and step on his phone.

[Christine]

Oh. If we care about him at all, or we just let it free to the world. Like, we. Like, we are all so now, like, released also. We're like. We're like, guys, we can finally tell you. Look at this. Look at his behavior.

[Big J]

We just started company, and once a month we release a new phone video. And then one month, it's dawn.

[Christine]

We were all shocked. None of us could believe it.

[Big J]

Yeah, this. This movie. I watched this whole movie the other night. It's on the VC, but it's.

[Christine]

Damn, dude. You watched 2 Odysseys watch 2 Odysseys. Were you alone?

[Big J]

Yeah, I've been alone for three days.

[Christine]

Yeah. Okay.

[Big J]

I've been. I come home at night, nobody's home. The whole house is clean. It's perfect. I don't mess anything up. I just sit on the couch and I watch. I watch that the other night, and then I watch the real one and. Oh, the Trojan horse thing. Like, in every one. You've seen. You've seen this movie 100 times?

[Christine]

Sure.

[Big J]

And everyone. The horse is huge. This one, it was so cool. They. They actually did it where they had the. The horse. They got it. They were all inside of this horse for a long time, and it literally was on the beach and got, like, sucked into this. The sand and. And then they finally came and. What's the trans actor's name? What's it.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Was it Elliot.

[Big J]

Elliot Page.

[Christine]

Oh, Nicky Norton.

[Big J]

Elliot Page. The way they did it.

[Christine]

Elliot Page is in it.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

What does she plays? What? The looks.

[Big J]

He plays. Sorry, that plays. No, he.

[Christine]

That.

[Big J]

No, he. He likes to be called he.

[Christine]

It plays.

[Esty]

He.

[Big J]

He. He. That. That plays really? The role. The way they casted. He's. They show him as a little kid, John of Arc. It was Amelia Earlhart they casted. Well, because the. The man that he does play is a little man, a little lady man, a little thin. He was actually good. You don't even get bumped by it.

[Christine]

His voice sound was actually good. Come on, you be nice. Do the right thing.

[Big J]

They were in the horse. And one thing nobody ever thinks about. They had a piss in there. Shit in there. They were running out of food.

[Christine]

Well, they didn't have to. They could have just bailed on the plan. I would have been saying that the entire time. First shit in front of everybody. I go, guys, let's just go back. We just didn't think this through.

[Big J]

Do you think they would pick me and you to be in the horse? You don't think they would have been like a pile of rocks with a rope that we'd have to hold? And if we're heavy in the pile

[Christine]

of rocks, we're definitely. The guys had to drag the horse.

[Big J]

Yeah, we're not going in the horse, dude.

[Christine]

The Trojan horse actually wasn't that big. You're saying it's not that big? I will say it does make sense for it not to be that big because you're accepting something as a gift. Like, you're like, I'd be afraid that would be turned away at the gates and going, we don't want this. This takes up every bit of space we have. Why do we want a giant fucking whore? It's the whole. Every time they show it, it's like the whole internal square of the castle is the whore. I'm like, well, get this thing the fuck out of here. We don't want. Or leave it outside. We'll check it out out there.

[Big J]

It's like somebody gifting you a credenza.

[Esty]

It's.

[Big J]

I have no room for credenza.

[Christine]

It's like, literally somebody gifting you a fucking. A Clydesdale.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Hey, you want a Clydesdale horse?

[Big J]

Look how big it was in the other movie. It's just so massive.

[Christine]

Yeah, there's a problem.

[Big J]

That's a problem.

[Christine]

Blocks everyone's view. Yeah.

[Big J]

It takes up the whole market.

[Christine]

You gotta.

[Big J]

You gotta kick out the tomato and the lettuce guy, because that's his spot.

[Christine]

It's always. Look, it's bigger than the whole fucking place.

[Big J]

Yeah. The one they had was. It was actually really interesting the way they played the horse. And. And then when they brought it, they had like. Like, they had like.

[Christine]

Was everybody just like, fucking, like, cheek to cheek, ass to ass, nuts to butts? Just.

[Big J]

They would. I mean, just jammed in this thing, dealing with piss shit, no food.

[Christine]

See, Again, why would be saying, let's go back? I'm like, guys, we're gonna get out of here. We're gonna be all delirious and covered in shit and piss, and we're not gonna be good at fighting.

[Big J]

Well, the only thing that they were supposed to do is come out and open the gates, because the thing with Troy, you couldn't get in.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J]

So they. Their whole thing was go out, open the gates, hold people off, and then the army would be there. And that's what happened.

[Christine]

But I thought they tell it as the entire army was in the horse.

[Big J]

No question. No. Yes.

[Esty]

In the movie, do they address, like, why does the horse stink? Like the people outside, they smell like. Who shit themselves.

[Christine]

It's an authentic horse.

[Big J]

Well, the guy did. One of the guys, they had like. It had like 20,000 guys dragging it through the sand back to the. Which was. I'm glad they did that because in my brain I'm like, how the. Are they getting that out of the sand? You know What I mean?

[Christine]

20,000 of them.

[Big J]

I would have just left it. We can't get it out. But they had.

[Christine]

That's what I would have been saying too. Me and you have been those two guys.

[Big J]

Yeah, just leave it here.

[Christine]

The Diamond Brothers. I don't think we're using our best stuff here. Should we put some cardboard under the wheels?

[Big J]

Maybe we leave it for a beach monument.

[Christine]

We're fighting against the traction of the. The ocean's dragging it in.

[Big J]

I don't know. I think it looks pretty here. The sun, the ocean.

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

Guys.

[Christine]

We need to work smarter. Not harder.

[Big J]

Smarter, not harder. So they. The guy. When they brought it in, a guy went up with a sword and stuck. Was sticking the sword in. And it actually hit one of the guys. They were just like testing it to make sure nobody was in it.

[Esty]

Yay.

[Christine]

Nay, Wilbur. Yell anything.

[Big J]

As soon as the sword hit the guys back, they all just grabbed his mouth and held it like, don't scream you. But it was. It was.

[Christine]

Don't scream. I just got stabbed with old timey swords.

[Big J]

They're all thick and they never showed.

[Christine]

They're all thick, dense, bad. They're not even sharp.

[Big J]

I know.

[Esty]

Nobody smelled like 20 guys duty.

[Big J]

No, they all were. There was a funny skit I saw somebody made a skit where they were in the. Pretend there was three dudes in the horse. And they're like, yeah, we've been here for a long time. It's like, hey, dude, I got. I got a real small bladder. I'm sorry. And he just starts peeing on the other guy's faces. Like, come on, man.

[Christine]

What they should have done was they should have human centipeded and had the last guy just have his butthole at the horse's butthole. And then it's just like. They're like a functioning. Like they are the intestinal tract.

[Big J]

Let me just. Let me. So one guy shits in the other guy's mouth. Then that guy shits. So all the shit gets swallowed and shit out all the way to the end.

[Christine]

Eventually the guy at the end who definitely drew the short straw Is even though he's only eating one guy's shit, eventually that last guy, depending on how long they're in there, is gonna be eating. They're not gonna be able to go in order like that. That's crazy. Even when the middle guy shits first, the guy behind him gets the shit. It's always ending at the last guy. And then the last guy will take, I can only assume, horse sized Trojan horse sized shits. And if his asshole is just like out like a little opening and like the back of the horse and he's. You'd always be like, it's a really. This is like a very realistic piece of art. We got you.

[Big J]

And that's why you're the science.

[Christine]

That's why I am the science.

[Big J]

You're the science.

[Christine]

Weird human centipeding would have. Well, there wouldn't have been that problem Jacob, had they chose the human centipede instead of going in there all dick to face.

[Big J]

Are you listening to the science?

[Christine]

Yeah, but I don't think the science is vogue.

[Big J]

The scientists spoke, no more questions.

[Esty]

Would have been perfect. But I don't like you. Can you die from the smell of.

[Christine]

Yeah, like if inside a little.

[Esty]

10 guys are. I don't know how many are in the horse. They're all in basically a 10 foot space.

[Christine]

I might puke to death. Can that happen?

[Big J]

I think they're probably their shits. Me and Ari were talking about this the other day.

[Christine]

Why?

[Big J]

What do you mean? Not this about that.

[Christine]

Why did this come up?

[Big J]

Well, he was talking about Way to London.

[Christine]

And you called him for this?

[Big J]

No, we were talking and he was. He was talking about how homeless people like you. When you see like you. You know, it's human shit on the street. But homeless people shit is like really good.

[Esty]

No, it's not. It's the worst.

[Big J]

Every homeless person I've seen is like nice and form. Like I. Yeah, like Ari's like, I've never shit as good as a homeless person. And it's like maybe not eating as much, you know, makes you better. Like the food we eat so much. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, all the food we eat. Maybe that shit, our shits are never really good.

[Christine]

You should go on like a bum diet.

[Big J]

That's what I'm thinking.

[Christine]

No, but just like, just eat stuff that's like left in wrappers. Whatever's left in wrappers.

[Big J]

It's a leftover diet.

[Christine]

Exactly. It's like you open up someone's like McDonald's wrapper, but it's because they don't like onions or pickles. Just a little pile of ketchup. Onion and pickles. If you just eat that, you should only eat.

[Big J]

You can only eat stuff that has bites taken out of it.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Fibrous.

[Esty]

Lewis and I can attest that we smelled homeless duty in Austin. And it's worse than anything. And now so magnify or contained.

[Big J]

We're not talking about the smell. Talking about the loaf formation.

[Christine]

The loaf itself.

[Esty]

Why do you care about if they're regular or not? I'm saying this because the loaf, the logs are beautiful.

[Big J]

The loaf of a homeless man is a grilly. They always have something to witness. When you see. When you see on the street, you know that's human.

[Christine]

I will say I've never felt as satisfied after a dump, I assume as when I've seen videos or whatever of homeless people taking shits. Like when they're done, it does. I'm like, that's all of it? Yeah, all of it came out. And it's also because. And will I say this? A lot of homeless people do. I know it's a little thing to say. They're a little hoity toity. And a lot of homeless people will shit Japanese style.

[Big J]

Squatting. Yeah, that's the way we're supposed to shit. We are not supposed to sit.

[Christine]

I know. The homeless did figure that out.

[Big J]

Well, we. We are supposed to squat and shit, Mako. You can attest to this and eat

[Christine]

fucking fish bones and whatever other bums do.

[Esty]

I think you're missing the point. I'm saying I'm concentrating on the smell. And you're saying, oh, if. If I was in the horse with you and I watched you shit, I would say, oh, but that's a beautiful log. Can I tell you why you look regular.

[Big J]

Back then, what they were eating didn't have all the preservatives and the corn syrup and the enriched flowers. Back then they were eating regular stuff like go probably, probably once a day. I'm saying their shits. Have you ever shit where it's perfect, fluffy, loafy, and it doesn't smell almost exclusively. Okay, there you go. So you. You would be the perfect guy to be in the Trojan horse.

[Christine]

Not in years have you know they'd

[Big J]

have to weigh you and then smell your. Before you go.

[Christine]

I think my body is now adapted to when I sit on the toilet. I don't even. Unless it's like, it's like an emergency, have to go to the bathroom. I almost purposely not push at all. And just hit that bidet first and Just get it all wet up there. Let's just get the. Let's just get the pipes going.

[Big J]

You mine your asshole.

[Christine]

I mine it.

[Big J]

Yeah. You water. Mine it immediately. Yeah, I don't do that because then

[Christine]

the funds, like, trying to hold it from coming out while the thing is still out shooting in the water. And then you hit stop, and then you hear it retracting. You're like, come on, get back a bit. And then you can go, blah.

[Big J]

I like doing the first one and then getting the other one that doesn't want to come out.

[Christine]

I do that a lot. Well, I like that one sometimes. That's my second trip in. Well, just trying to get that one little nug when I get there. I'll tell you what. That nug would possibly not come out till the next day without even causing you a problem where it doesn't even slow your day down at all. But when you get it out, you're like, that's awesome. Yeah, because that was it.

[Big J]

That was there, and it comes up. But the problem with that is that you can't. You can't stick around with the water too much, because then you'll walk around and some of it's in there, and I got to go back in and release that water.

[Christine]

I've never held onto the water like that because I.

[Big J]

You haven't trained your asshole like me.

[Christine]

No, no, I think I have. Where it's like, I know how to. I know everyone doesn't like this term. I blossom. I kind of bloom and let the water come out. I bloom a little.

[Big J]

I hate that. I hate it.

[Christine]

But I'll tell you what. If you bloom is the best way to take the water in my asshole. If you push out a little tiny bit and you feel like your butthole starts, that pucker is somehow. Even though it feels in your mind. I feel like I'm tightening the hole by doing that in some weird way because it's pushing and then. But for some reason, that's how the water shoots up there the absolute best. And then when you feel it in your tummy, you're like, I'm doing good, my asshole.

[Big J]

I've trained to, like, almost sip it like a Puerto Rican girl at a fountain.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah. Just like, over. Like in the middle of the ark. Right? Just like that.

[Big J]

Yeah. I can open it, and then I can shut it down and kind of swallow a little bit of it.

[Christine]

But the fact that you can leave with water still up there is surprising to me.

[Big J]

Well, I. I don't know why it happens. But it does happen. I'll go walk around and be like, I gotta go. I, I, I swallowed a little too much water. Yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

You gotta throw up a little bit.

[Big J]

Yeah, I gotta throw up a little water. Christine, is the, Is, is it cold in here? I'm hot. Why am I hot?

[Esty]

You almost drowned your.

[Big J]

I'm hot.

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

I don't know.

[Big J]

Was it all the way down?

[Christine]

Well, we're talking about all the sexy ass shit.

[Big J]

I didn't even think of that.

[Esty]

I'm thinking Homer. Homer didn't think through the Odyssey. Now, I never contemplated.

[Big J]

This isn't his. This is a woman. There's a woman author rewrote the Odyssey. He used her version.

[Esty]

And she talks about making like having the shit.

[Big J]

Yeah. This is not that. This is a.

[Christine]

This ain't your granddaddy's gay ass odyssey. Different dude. There's fucking Duke in this one.

[Big J]

This is a different book. Yeah, this is a remake of that book by a woman.

[Christine]

The women all have landing strips. They all have landing strip pubes. It's great, dude. Breast implants. A different Odyssey. This ain't your old dumb ass Odyssey. You grew up with Armanda Sante. This is different, dude. This is guys swinging dick. Black Spartans. No dicks, but black Spartans.

[Big J]

They have a, they have a black queen.

[Christine]

There we go.

[Big J]

Twins. The twins.

[Christine]

Oh, I don't remember seeing that on Mount Olympus.

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

No.

[Big J]

Yeah. What's her name? Emily Wilson.

[Christine]

Yeah, she rips apart the film. Says she'd be ashamed to have written the script.

[Big J]

Well, that's where he took it from. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. We talk about this company a lot. I talk about this company a lot and to a lot of people because it's amazing. You've heard about therapy with BetterHelp, but do you know how much people love it when they use it? See for yourself. Check out an amazing customer reviews they have updated every [e-mail] reviews. Find hundreds of people sharing how much better help has helped them. The feedback from people who have used BetterHelp speaks for itself. I mean, that's it right there. Because BetterHelp has the average live therapy session rating of 4.9 out of 5 on over 1.7 million client sessions reviews. It's no wonder why more than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally. Haven't tried it yet. BetterHelp makes it easy to get started. Just answer a few questions, get matched with a therapist. You're in good hands. BetterHelp therapists have at least 3 years and 1000 hours of hands on experience. See the reviews, see what stands out and see if BetterHelp is right for you. Visit betterhelp.combonfire that's B E T-E-R-H-E-L-P.combonfire this

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

podcast is supported by Nirtek ODT Remedupant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take Nurtec. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura. In adults, Nirtec can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nirtech is right for you because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nirtek ODT Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue or throat. High blood pressure and raynaud syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-8334 NERTEC or visit nertac.com all right, back to your podcast playlist or whatever's keeping you going.

[Big J]

Today, Adobe Firefly is the all in one creative studio with AI powered image and video editing for today's creative process. Built for creators of every kind, Firefly helps you generate, edit and experiment fast because the asks aren't getting smaller, the budgets aren't getting bigger, and the timelines. Oh yeah. Still tight. With all the best creative AI models in one place, Firefly brings your ideas to life. Unlock a better way to make. With Adobe Firefly, it's like math. McDonald's is now introducing all new Caesar sauce plus an even crispier McCrispy strip.

[Christine]

This all equals a creamier creamy snack wrap. Try the new Caesar sauce house at McDonald's.

[Big J]

You guys know I love to travel. I've been to Cuba, Guatemala twice, Brazil, all over Europe and Costa Rica, where I became a hero. But the one thing that bothered me in all those places, I didn't know the language. When I was in Cuba and they had a blackout, no electricity. I didn't even had to buy food. It would have really helped me to learn the language of the country I was in. Look, you heard all the usual travel advice. Pack light, bring a pillow, keep a portable charger handy. But here's a real travel hack don't wait until you land to start learning the language. Instead, try babbel. Even just 10 minutes a day with babbel can help you start having real conversations in as little as three weeks. Instead of memorizing random vocab, you're learning phrases you use ordering dinner, asking for directions, or talking with locals. Lessons are quick, practical, and built by more than 200 language experts. Yeah, right now I'm learning Spanish because I plan on going back to Cuba. I want to be able to order food. I want to be able to say my name. Cuala sun hombre. You know what I'm talking about, Lou. You don't because you don't use Babel. I do. Okay, amigo, if you got summer travel coming up, now's the time to start so you can actually use what you've learned on your trip. Right now, Babel's offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to babbel.com bonfire. That's Babbel. B A B B E L.com bonfire for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply.

[Gabby Windy]

Everyone's talking about protein lately, but how do you actually get enough of it? Muscle milk. Muscle milk has a great tasting new formula with no artificial sweeteners, flavors or added colors. It's high quality, complete protein designed to support healthy muscles with fewer ingredients than the previous formula and 2642 grams of protein for when you're stuck in meetings or need a post workout recovery. Available in chocolate, vanilla, cream, cookies and cream, and strawberries and cream. Try the new great tasting muscle milk today. Available in stores nationwide. Muscle milk. Protein for all.

[Christine]

And she hates it.

[Big J]

She hates it.

[Christine]

Yeah, I love that.

[Esty]

It's.

[Big J]

It's real. I'm telling you right now. It's. It's such a good movie.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

But she just. It's a translation of it, though. She didn't rewrite it.

[Big J]

Yeah, it's a translation. But it's her. Her translation of the book. It's not his. It's not the original.

[Christine]

It's a poem.

[Big J]

Yeah, whatever it is.

[Christine]

It's poem.

[Esty]

No, it's a book.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

It's an epic poem.

[Big J]

It's a. Yeah, it's like. Yeah, it's like a book.

[Christine]

Beowulf's a poem.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah, an epic poem.

[Big J]

And it's not.

[Christine]

Say epic poem again.

[Big J]

Christine means long. Christine, back off.

[Gabby Windy]

Right.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Just means long.

[Big J]

Epic.

[Christine]

Oh, really? Does that explain my epic wiener?

[Big J]

Yeah, we got epic dicks.

[Christine]

Yeah. Yeah. What does with mean? Mondo. I have a mondo wiener. That means wide.

[Big J]

Have a mondo Epic cough.

[Christine]

We all wish. I think it's mondo epic. Yeah.

[Big J]

There was not really that much sex in it, but everybody in it was. There wasn't that much sex.

[Christine]

Christopher Nolan, you let me down again. I noticed that in Batman there was also no sex or nudity. Wait, was this guy sucks. Inceptions, all about dreams. No pussy.

[Big J]

I did watch. I did watch a movie the other night. It was a French werewolf movie. Why? I don't know. It was three hours long.

[Christine]

Were you shaving your legs during that?

[Big J]

I don't know. It was a. It was a werewolf movie. A French werewolf movie.

[Christine]

And black and white.

[Big J]

They. They had a lot of sex in that one. No, it was color and it was nudity, but it wasn't a werewolf. It was actually at the end of the movie, somebody went to Africa and got baby tigers and trained one of the tigers to attack people. And then they just put, like, a costume on it.

[Christine]

I will say, you don't have to train tigers to attack people.

[Big J]

Well, they trained it to not attack them, I think.

[Christine]

Gotcha. Yeah. Domestic for them. And set it free on the world.

[Big J]

They trained it to just. Hey, come here. Like that. It was the dumbest three hours of my life. But I couldn't stop. I had to find out what the fuck a wolf was. It wasn't a werewolf. It was just a tiger.

[Christine]

He's saying this is. He's calling this an Oppenheimer prequel. I guess it is technically.

[Big J]

What, this.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

No, it. That's. It's. The Times critic is saying that. It's like. She's saying that. That's not from Christopher. No.

[Christine]

You will defend Christopher Nolan until you last breath. Just one thing about her I fucking hate.

[Big J]

Yeah, it's a good movie. I went in it, like, thinking, like, oh, this is gonna be weird. Not one. I wasn't bumped once. Not one time.

[Christine]

I would watch that this weekend with my dog just to, like, kill time,

[Big J]

but go see it.

[Christine]

I can't.

[Big J]

Why? Oh, you can't?

[Christine]

No.

[Big J]

Why, dog? Oh, you don't have three hours to kill. It's a long movie, dude. Yeah, I was up till 5.

[Esty]

5.

[Big J]

5. 5 in the morning?

[Podcast Host (Ad Read)]

Yeah.

[Big J]

I didn't know it was that long. I. I just thought it was gonna be like an hour and a half, two hours maybe.

[Christine]

Why didn't you just stop it?

[Big J]

I don't know. It was so good. I just kept watching it and then.

[Christine]

Was it.

[Big J]

Well, I mean, you thought you were

[Christine]

falling asleep, and it's like everyone's duking on each other. Let me go make some microwave popcorn. I'm gonna finish this. Actually,

[Esty]

you know what?

[Christine]

I'm about to finish this, I think.

[Big J]

And I'm glad the ending could have ended. You know when movies end and it's. They just fucking make it like the hero wins but doesn't win type shit. It's the ending you like. Good.

[Christine]

By the way, you did a pretty great move also. And I've noticed it took a while for me to figure out what you've been doing. You've done it great.

[Big J]

Yeah. What's up?

[Christine]

You have everything to crossing your arms to block your shirt, to jumping into a three hour long poem. The Odyssey. Epic, epic poem. The Odyssey.

[Esty]

Yeah.

[Christine]

All to distract because we were about to dig into Kelly Clarkson shitting her pants.

[Big J]

Listen, here's the thing about this.

[Christine]

And you immediately go, I watched the Odyssey. Everyone in the Trojan horse was ass to mouth and they were all shitting on each other. And then, you know, that gets me. You know my subjects, you know my passions. Dude, you got to get me talking about something else.

[Big J]

Kelly Clarkson, dude, I love that she's so honest. On. On stage. She said this on stage in front of a live audience.

[Christine]

It's got that young Jenny McCarthy thing though, that I don't like, where it's like the, the, you know, I mean, like, sometimes I eat my boogers. Whatever. It's like, just shut up. Don't say. You don't have to do that. Yeah, but I'm a regular person. I eat my boogers.

[Big J]

I don't know. I think, I think Kelly Clarkson right now is probably one of the best pop singers out there. And she's also adorable and she's also hilarious. What?

[Christine]

Hilarious. You are smitten, dude.

[Big J]

I am smitten. Hilarious manifesto.

[Esty]

Kelly Clarkson reveals hilarious.

[Christine]

She wants destroyed a trash can while pooping backstage.

[Big J]

Dude, that's a dude. If a comic was gonna describe it, we'd use destroyed trash can. Those are good words.

[Christine]

Well, destroyed's pretty linked to destroyed. Destroy about with shitting.

[Big J]

Dude, I destroyed a trash can. It's pretty good. She's in a trash can. You know, she has a dressing room. She just went backstage and in a can. How do you not love her?

[Christine]

She's an animal.

[Big J]

How do you not love her? She pulled down her wranglers and just shit in a can.

[Christine]

Oh, my God. That means she didn't wipe either.

[Big J]

She probably wiped. She has an assistant with baby wipes somewhere. She probably grabbed.

[Christine]

Hang on. While I'm standing over this can, I'm gonna wipe. No, she walked fucking Doo doo butt nose. No. At least a little bit to get to an actual bathroom.

[Big J]

Well, maybe she probably has a different outfit she put on. She's not just. She's not a savage.

[Christine]

She is not a savage. Just shit in a trash.

[Esty]

No.

[Big J]

She's a fucking down to earth person that cares about people and is a beautiful voice.

[Christine]

She's a drunk.

[Big J]

She's not a Dr. She doesn't drink.

[Christine]

That's drunk behavior.

[Big J]

That's not drunk behavior. That is fat, little chubby girl behavior. Maybe she ate a little too much at the craft services. Who eats before a show, alcoholic puss? Shut up, Jacob. You're an asshole. She probably just had a little snack.

[Christine]

She had to run backstage for a quick change, grab this poor trash can, and boy, I destroyed it. It was bad. It was bad. You were backstage for a quick change. There's a bathroom somewhere.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

So it wasn't at her talk shows? At an arena show.

[Big J]

Yeah, she was doing an arena and she called it a lettuce.

[Christine]

I got some kind of wrecked from some kind of food. Wrecked up.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And I literally. We were in an arena. I shouldn't tell this story, but I like, said I don't have a filter.

[Big J]

Good.

[Christine]

I had to run backstage to my quick change. I grabbed this poor trash can and I. Boy, I destroyed it. It was bad. It was bad Clint Eastwood. And we might have to edit this out, but I'm just saying it happens. What are you supposed to do? Sure, yeah. I'm just saying keep it to yourself. That story's enough. Yeah, that there's the. The sexuality of Kelly Clarkson is gone now.

[Big J]

Not for me. It makes it so now when she

[Christine]

winks at me in that video, because she winks at me in that video, I go, beat it, turds.

[Big J]

You think she winked because she's like, I just. My pants.

[Christine]

Yeah. Get out of here, loaf.

[Big J]

Hey, guys, I know something you don't.

[Esty]

She says in the articles no guy would ever be with her if they smelled it or something like that.

[Big J]

Yeah, I mean, look. I mean, I would

[Christine]

bottle it.

[Big J]

I would have thrown up.

[Christine]

But watch when she tries to do this again.

[Big J]

I love it.

[Christine]

I don't want this. What?

[Esty]

God, she just looks constant.

[Christine]

What's wrong? Something wrong with your eye? You pig. What's wrong with you?

[Big J]

No, that's right when she realized she had a. Yeah. Her eye went oh.

[Christine]

She's like, oh. She goes, I got a turtle praying right now.

[Big J]

Play it again. Can I see it again?

[Christine]

Yeah, she winks to. She. She let it a little fart oh, that was probably her little fart when she winks.

[Big J]

Ah, I love it. All right, don't ruin the wink, dude.

[Christine]

No, that was her. That was her letting a little air escape, thinking maybe that would buy her another 20 minutes.

[Big J]

That. That was just like.

[Christine]

And then she went. No, no, no, no. It's like right there. It's right there. It's right there.

[Big J]

That was her little tail sticking out.

[Christine]

Yeah, right on that wink. A little something like. Like a little like a sliver just came out of like the. All those tight lines. Yeah, like a little like play doh piece came out.

[Big J]

Yeah. She felt it tap her nylons. Her toes curled a little.

[Christine]

Could we talk? I wanted to get in this right away, but the Jared Leto stuff, he's a lot of accusations.

[Big J]

I saw. I saw a piece of the documentary,

[Christine]

but I say I want to be. I told it's the outside too. Yeah, I want to be. I want to listen to both sides of this. And I'm going to say why I immediately. Jared Leto is a great example of a person. Like, why everything about him that I go are all things that I actually am probably just envious. He's a fantastic actor.

[Big J]

Gorgeous.

[Christine]

He's handsome in shape all the time. And then he even does the fucking stupid. I'm going to start a band and they're huge.

[Big J]

Band first, correct.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

No, no, because he was like, on myself.

[Christine]

I mean, sure, maybe in the way that they say Johnny Depp was a musician first, like, I guess, but no one knew he was.

[Big J]

Didn't become popular, like, famous. Famous from that song first and that he was famous before that.

[Christine]

Oh, he was like. He was an A actor, but, like, not like. And crazy. He was in that one. Like, I love the first thing. I remember him from when he was young. I know he was on TV shows and stuff, though, but it was a movie where he did with Danny Glover and Danny Glover, one of those two. One of the two of them were a killer. I forget what it was, but like, he's a doctor or something. Jared Leto, he was like a young doctor, but I just always thought he was a good actor. He's obviously handsome as all hell.

[Big J]

He's just gorgeous.

[Christine]

And then so, you know, like, his life has just been a series of, like, having to, like, spin, kick pussy off of him.

[Big J]

You'd assume he's what Josh wants to be.

[Christine]

Right. So when you hear the demise, when you hear. It's like, he's an awful guy who does these. And by the way, also hateable enough when you see Him. Even his fashion. You're like, oh, dude, you showing up to a thing wearing lace gloves. And then you're like, you know what? It's just. Because I wouldn't think I could pull that. Do you get what I'm saying?

[Big J]

I watched a video of him at a restaurant eating just, like, little slivers of peppers. And then they got him a blanket to put over his shoulders because it was a little chilly at the. At the restaurant. So then he has just a blanket. It's like. Like, off, dude.

[Esty]

Yeah, just.

[Big J]

Why don't you put a shirt on? Stop wearing a cape.

[Christine]

That's what I'm saying.

[Esty]

Yeah, but.

[Christine]

But at the same time, you're like, he's in his world, pulling it off.

[Big J]

Would you ever think to ask for a blanket?

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

No.

[Big J]

At a restaurant, outdoors?

[Esty]

Sure do.

[Christine]

No, I wouldn't. But he. Yeah, but I'm saying. So everything. So I start to feel like every of my prejudging comes from pure jealousy.

[Big J]

Envy. Jealousy. Yeah.

[Christine]

So let's. Let's see if he did it. Well, Jared Leto himself says, let me see a sexy face while I read this. I have. No.

[Big J]

No.

[Christine]

I have never sexually assaulted anyone. Amid new allegations. These claims are categorically false. I'm looking in those eyes. I believe them.

[Big J]

Well, one of the girls was 17.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J]

And she told him he was 17. She also said that my father is in law enforcement.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Big J]

And they were talking about the legal age in California. And she let them know. I know it's. It's 18 because my dad's in law enforcement.

[Christine]

Is it 18 in California?

[Big J]

18?

[Christine]

She goes, it's less in New York.

[Big J]

She said, yeah, weird. Because we're better and we have.

[Esty]

What the.

[Christine]

Does that mean?

[Big J]

We have hotter young chicks.

[Christine]

Oh, my God.

[Big J]

I gotta bring that down a little.

[Christine]

Holy. I have a daughter out there, Bobby.

[Big J]

I know, but. Yeah, so she was. She was saying that she went to a party with him at Chateau Maman. Is that what it's called?

[Esty]

Yeah.

[Big J]

And all his friends. And there's a documentary coming on that place too, by the way. All the nefarious that went on.

[Christine]

That was really good table bread, though.

[Big J]

It's all rock and roll bands and singers that you. They used to go there because it was the only place that you could go. And he goes, it wasn't threesomes. It was twelvesomes.

[Christine]

Really.

[Big J]

Oh, you'd just be walking.

[Christine]

That's right. Because you could stay there.

[Big J]

You could stay there. And they were like, dude, you'd walk up and just one of. They Wouldn't say his name. He'd be like, you just see a famous guy getting a blowjob on the stairwell and be like, what's up, man?

[Christine]

What?

[Big J]

It was like one of those.

[Christine]

What years was that? Because that's not what happened when I went there. When I went there.

[Big J]

You got eggs Benedict.

[Christine]

I thought it was kind of. You could smoke outside.

[Big J]

Yeah, yeah, it's. It was pretty crazy back in the 80s, early 90s, that place was the place to go. And all food was rock and roll. People went, their bands to go. And the documentary looks really good.

[Christine]

Food was good there.

[Big J]

But yeah, she was there with them. And he was with all his friends. I think what he did was he A motel bathroom.

[Christine]

A motel.

[Big J]

He got a lot of these girls. In a weird way, what bothers me about him.

[Christine]

Jay Motel.

[Big J]

What bothered me about him is that he's so good looking, he's so famous, that he doesn't have to send somebody out into the crowd to get some girl. You know what I mean?

[Christine]

Is that what it says happened?

[Big J]

That's what the girl said. That someone came up and said, hey, he saw you and he would like to meet you.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J]

And then they. They said where they're gonna meet. And then they. She went and met the. Him and his friends.

[Christine]

I do. I mean, the amount of like. Like, you think he would marry the girl that he said, I have to meet this woman from seeing her from the audience, because. Exactly. When he gets off stage, he's gonna walk back and the. The cute girl who comes in to fill the sodas in the fucking fridge would go like, do you want me to wipe sweat off your dick, sir? He doesn't take a step where there's not a girl going like. Yeah. I mean, he's one of the. I bet when he walks by the fat black lady, security guards are even

[Big J]

like, all right, you think Liz blew him?

[Gabby Windy]

All right, mister,

[Big J]

I would suck his.

[Christine]

Absolutely. Estee would drop to her knees and jaw that thing.

[Big J]

Janet, hold my. Wwe.

[Christine]

Leslie Jones, hold my hair.

[Big J]

You hold my hair. So take a video of this. Yeah, I think. I think that that was. What's funny, dude, when you see these girls that he hooked up with that are accusing him. I guess when they were young, they might have been cute, but they're all just dumpy chicks now.

[Christine]

Yeah, well, that's also the thing too, is, like, say all this kind of stuff is, like, not about, like, getting hot chicks. I mean, one of the chicks. The thing. I mean, like, one of the chicks

[Big J]

that he was with was a cute little Mexican girl. Now she's just a fat little taco lady. You know what I mean?

[Christine]

Well, dude, she's like, he took me

[Big J]

back to the room.

[Christine]

Well, I gotta say, that is. That is the. Probably. This is up. I know this is up when I'm saying it, but especially let's go. Let's go on the idea when they make these documentaries that get innocent until proven guilty. We'll say, right, and that is the thing. Like, that's what we're supposed to do when they come out there. No, I know, but even like, the thing, like, the Marilyn Manson, I think, had a lot of these where it was like. And then like, I wonder if Marilyn Manson's watching that. And they go, I thought you got

[Big J]

a Chinese star at me.

[Christine]

No, he's just like, no, I, I. Even if his mind's going, like, I didn't do anything to that woman already. There he goes, oh, God, look at her now. It's always like a morbidly obese lady. He's like, that's when Brian let me

[Big J]

in the back room and told me

[Christine]

he's never seen anyone as beautiful as me.

[Big J]

And he had to chase me.

[Christine]

And he's like, oh, God, please. He's been. Please, someone show a picture of her when she was at the concert. It's years ago now.

[Big J]

Yeah, they. Do you ever go on Facebook and look how many bullets we dodged. You ever go back on Facebook? Oh, God, I almost. That would have been a nightmare if I didn't wear a rubber that night. Fuck.

[Christine]

My right after high school girlfriend is like. I think looks every bit her age.

[Big J]

There was a girl I was in love with that looks like my mom. Now one of my girlfriends, like, dude, this would have sucked.

[Christine]

No, it is. It is pretty hilarious to see that.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

See that unfold. But, but he. Again, like, it's so he's got. If he's doing this stuff, I mean, that's a real picture. Like, he's a broken dude.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

He's a sex cult, though. It's like, oh, surprise, surprise. Guy that ran sex cults doing weird stuff sexually. And I think he doesn't think there's anything wrong with teenagers.

[Big J]

Can I ask a question? Can I ask a question? Why become hugely successful in a band and as an actor and be a millionaire and be gorgeous and have long, beautiful hair?

[Christine]

Make decisions.

[Big J]

What's the point of being that, Getting all that if you can't just fuck a lot?

[Christine]

Because that's what his thing. He's over fucking a lot.

[Big J]

Are you supposed to, Are you supposed to not do weird sexual stuff?

[Christine]

Well, yeah, but the thing is when maybe when it's going that great. Yeah, when it's going that great. The thing is like, what's. The next thing is like Charles Manson, like, kill for me.

[Big J]

Yeah. One of the girls, you know, I

[Christine]

mean, you have to do something like more like that's what it is like now it's like, it can't just be like, I can anybody now I need like a bunch of women around like literally worshiping me. And then it's like, well, let's see how far they'll go worshiping.

[Big J]

One of the girls said that he. It was weird because I was 17 and he, he was making me call him daddy and, and I was like, I've done that.

[Christine]

What?

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

What?

[Big J]

I've done that.

[Christine]

What?

[Big J]

I've made a girl call me daddy.

[Christine]

Why?

[Big J]

I mean, look, she was 48, but I've made her do it.

[Christine]

I believe that. But even like, like any, if a woman's older, younger than me, anything, just with the dad, the line, daddy does nothing for me. Yeah, the dad, I guess because I'm a father of a daughter.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Like that just doesn't strike me in any kind of sexual way.

[Big J]

He was 30 something and she was 17 and she was like calling him daddy. He wanted that. Which. And then there was another girl he was into squirt. He's like, do you squirt? He was really trying to see if she squirted. I guess he was into some squirt and stuff.

[Christine]

That's pretty cool.

[Big J]

Yeah, you like that?

[Christine]

That's chill.

[Big J]

Yeah, it's chill. I mean, look, but here's the thing though. When are they going to come out with a documentary? When are they. When is the documentary going to come out?

[Christine]

This is a good call of a

[Big J]

famous woman who's sexually abused men. Because, you know, we dude it. We know it's happened.

[Christine]

No, we do know it's happening.

[Big J]

We know it's teachers, we know famous women that have done crazy shit.

[Christine]

Do I?

[Big J]

I'm just saying that for the camera so we can get some clicks.

[Christine]

Oh, tune in next week when we start naming names.

[Big J]

Yeah, next week we name names.

[Christine]

I'm looking at you, Diane Keaton.

[Big J]

I'm looking at you, Olivia Newton John. I know you're dead, but it doesn't matter.

[Christine]

Doesn't matter. Your crimes still live on. The people you've hurt still deal with the pain every day.

[Big J]

O N.J. sally Field.

[Christine]

Oh, you sissy Spacek. The people you've Left in your dust and you're wake.

[Big J]

No, but there are, there has to be women.

[Christine]

Slam an Ellie. I mean, my point is just being. Even if you said yes, even if you agreed, if at some point in the middle of it you feel like you're being abused, just teasing.

[Big J]

You're actually 10 years old in there and she's. No, but there has to be a woman famous person, actress, singer, who's done Create comedian, who's done. Who's a bunch of teenage boys. No, that, that have taken advantage of younger people underneath them and made them do stuff. I'm just saying.

[Christine]

Hearsay.

[Big J]

There has. It can't be just all men. Women are pigs too, of course. And women get power and like sex and like dirty stuff. It's not just, it's not. Guys are just the dirty pig.

[Christine]

No, no, I agree.

[Big J]

There's women that are dirty.

[Christine]

It's just the problem. The problem is like even with the power dynamic thing it does, it's not like if you're the CEO of a place sitting in your desk and you're like not a very like good looking guy, you're like fine, average looking at best, whatever. And you. And a beautiful like cleaning lady comes in, you start really throwing like hard like, hey, we should. Hey, you want to hook up? You know, it's like you're, you're probably gonna get in trouble. It might work out. Maybe the girl is like attracted to you and you have that she's being hoary in that moment and you go for it.

[Big J]

It's my genre on porn, by the way. Real maid walks in.

[Christine]

I like that too.

[Big J]

Oh, you like that one?

[Christine]

It's not real most of the time.

[Big J]

I know, but they do good, good, good acting sometimes.

[Esty]

Yeah.

[Big J]

And they give you the story, which I like story. I like when the door opens and they're. Oh, I know.

[Christine]

But the point is the odds of more of like a female CEO who's like again, average together, body's fine. And a guy comes in to like fix a chair in her office and she was like, do you want me to suck your dick or you want to fuck me over this thing? Like you got a probably like 7 out of 10 shot of the guy being like, there's.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And if. And the other two of the 3% that's left is not him turning it into a fucking like civil case.

[Big J]

CEO. I'm going actress, I'm going singer, musician, comedian. There's gotta be.

[Christine]

Keep hammer that comedian.

[Big J]

Well, I'm just saying there's gotta be. There has to be. I would love to see that documentary. Go do the research. There's got to be got. Here's the problem is guys will never ever. Guys don't feel abused. Guys feel like it was just an experience, you know, I mean, sex, right? Guys don't feel abused. It's. It's like there's no guy with him. Like I was taken advantage of.

[Christine]

I think Bill Burr said it to me best. We were in a car ride one for a long time ago. It always.

[Big J]

Anthony Comey is a racist.

[Christine]

It always stuck with me when he said it. Cause I was like a good. And it wasn't about like. It wasn't about sexual abuse or anything. It was talking about the decision of sex, basically. Yeah, it's more how I remember the conversation. Just about the idea of yay. But it's. But it's always kind of like more intimate to the woman because like they're the ones getting you're fucking. And I was like, you know, so you're putting your thing in something, but they're like accepting something and it's like,

[Big J]

dude, that thing, their vagina, dude. It's inside them, dude. It touches their liver, dude. It goes all the way in their heart to their heart bone, dude. They're hot, dude. Your penis is like covered, dude. Yeah, it's like. It's like a missile, man. There's nothing getting in there.

[Christine]

I think women can like turn off that thing and just like fuck because they want to fuck. That doesn't like blow my mind at all. I'm saying abuse wise though, it's still going to be more. It's like the guy like abusing a woman. It's like he's like putting things inside of her, making her do whatever. And if a woman's abusing a guy exactly that. It's like, eat my pussy or get hard and fuck me. It's like all these. It's like for some it just always hits the ears different.

[Big J]

There are guys out there who have done stuff with women because they were. They had to.

[Christine]

Of course.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Well, they thought that it would get them something. Right? I mean, that's why girls do it. You think it's gonna get you something

[Big J]

or it's like, look, if you do this or you lose your job, you're gonna lose something. It's not. You're gonna get something. You do this or you're gonna lose something. There has to be those stories out there.

[Esty]

Of course.

[Big J]

But I would love to see a document. I would love to. I mean, you know, Rita Rudner I

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

know you'd love us to be as awful as you guys are, but we're just not.

[Big J]

Christine, first of all, you are.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I know you'd really love be as.

[Big J]

I'm gonna hire. I'm gonna hire one of these journalists to go on you to find out about you. I bet. I bet there's a couple comics at Skank Fest that got in.

[Christine]

I think. I think Brett. I think Brett Butler was a rapist. Where's my camera? Brett Butler, the. Your crimes will never go away.

[Big J]

I mean, like, they took out. They took out Ellen for being. They take out women for being mean. Mean.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J]

But there has been something somewhere where a woman did something.

[Christine]

Well, they. Again, then when you read the story, you're like, I don't know, like, do you remember Lizzo? When people came at Lizzo.

[Big J]

Oh, for fatness.

[Christine]

No, no.

[Big J]

Oh, sorry.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big J]

Okay.

[Christine]

But no, they had the big story on her was like, she took her. It sounds to me. Again, bring the story up and we'll talk about when we come back. But it sounds to me like she took her crew, like, her background dancers and the crew when they were in Amsterdam to one of the live sex shows and was like, like, like, like teasing, like, her crew. And like. And like, we didn't want to watch that show. We were. It's like that kind of. It's like, so we were, like, abused. And it's like, yo, it sounds like she's like, saying, like, let's do a fun, stupid thing. And some people are uptight, like, okay, yeah, relax.

[Big J]

But, like.

[Christine]

But maybe she finger people, for all I know.

[Big J]

But there's. There's definitely a situation somewhere where you

[Christine]

want that so bad.

[Big J]

I would like to see, because it's. It seems to me you're wondering why

[Christine]

no one's ever just. Just. You could Sexually abused you.

[Big J]

You could go. You could probably take out any famous singer. You could take out you There there. You could take out the guy from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the lead singer of Aerosmith.

[Esty]

You.

[Big J]

All these guys have allegations. All these guys lived in a time when they. This stuff was.

[Christine]

No allegations. The guy, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, I think in his book, was like, she was 16, long and lean. I was 39 and looking fine. He's really like, he doesn't give a shit.

[Big J]

He went to the parents and had them hand over custody.

[Christine]

Is that true?

[Big J]

That's true.

[Christine]

Anthony Kiedis.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Disgusting. Was that real?

[Big J]

He went to the.

[Christine]

Is that what California.

[Big J]

This is. Allegedly. He went and had them give custody to Him. So he was her legal guardian living with your daughter.

[Christine]

She's gonna pack it back and live with me till she is 18. That's when she's ripe on the vine.

[Big J]

They.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Oh, it says you're mixing up Anthony Kiedis with Steven Tyler.

[Big J]

Well, Steven Tyler has allegations now too,

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

but about the taking custody of the 16 year old.

[Big J]

Oh, was it Steven? Was it Stephen Tyler? Okay, yeah, he's got stuff. So. But you could, if you wanted to, I think you could go back and take out any of these guys in bands. You could take out Molly Crew buddy,

[Christine]

the girl off road that went on Stern years ago. One of those things was like, I got gang banged by the Allman Brothers backstage when I was 15. And she's like, but she's like, it was awesome. So for that reason, no one like looks into it at all. It's also a bazillion years. It's too late now. But I mean, like, so it's a but that. But the Allman Brothers are psychos for doing that.

[Big J]

Yeah, yeah.

[Esty]

Jimmy Page live with like a 13 year old or something.

[Big J]

Yeah, Jimmy Page is.

[Gabby Windy]

That's what I don't understand.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I'm like, was it just like it seems like back in the day, high schoolers, like 16 year olds being around like that was just way more accepted and normal in a completely different way than it is.

[Big J]

There's a video online and it's outside at a Judas Priest concert and they're interviewing all the fans and it's like these dudes.

[Christine]

This is the most heterosexual thing I've ever been a part of. Halford is rock getting, doing drugs and

[Big J]

this guy is sitting there going, Judas is the best man. And he's hanging with this chick and they were like, how old are you? And she's like 15. And he's like, how old are you? He's like 22. It's like nobody cared back then.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I would have loved to hang out with my favorite bands when I was 15, 16 years old. Like I would have. If I was hot enough to be a groupie, I would have been right there.

[Big J]

You weren't hot enough to be a groupie?

[Esty]

No.

[Christine]

If you're sucking, you'd be surprised. If you're sucking and you'll get back there. I mean, these weren't like hot ass bands you're talking about. You want to go be like Pennywise? You could have definitely gone backstage that.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Our recipe scrolls are so hot.

[Christine]

It doesn't matter. But if you were going like, by the way, I'm Gonna become a pin cushion for Cox. You'll get back.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

They're all pincushions too.

[Christine]

No, some of the hotter ones. Be a little discerning. Maybe if you say I'll just take any and all comers, you're good to go.

[Big J]

We gotta take a break.

[Christine]

I know.

[Big J]

We gotta take a break before Jacob tries to to jerk us off.

[Christine]

Yeah, absolutely. Who's that girl? Who's the comic who's got the Netflix show now?

[Big J]

I don't know all of them.

[Christine]

Leanne Morgan.

[Big J]

Okay.

[Christine]

I heard she has A harem of 15 year old boys at her house. Look into it. I call it. I call it Morgan Gate. Morgan Gate.

[Big J]

Nikki Glaser raped Ryan Hamilton.

[Christine]

It's absolutely true. You heard it here first.

[Big J]

That's why he wasn't a Mormon. He is now.

[Christine]

Face your accuser and accept your fate.

[Big J]

Doesn't Jacob have to watch you masturbate to completion twice?

[Christine]

Absolutely he does.

[Big J]

We're gonna keep that on the camera.

[Christine]

I might make it his Christmas present.

[Big J]

Oh, that's good.

[Christine]

I might go back to back so the second load's not so big. I don't want to cover the poor guy.

[Big J]

Make sure you check out bigj comedy.com and check out his all his podcasts and make sure you go to punch up.live Robert Kelly for all my dates

[Christine]

and try to pre record them all.

[Big J]

Enjoy the pre record and we will see you guys next week.

[Christine]

Until then, keep on a crackling.

[Big J]

Oh, I like that. Thank you.

[Gabby Windy]

Hi, I'm Gabby Windy with Long Winded. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm desperate. I'm desperate for your attention in any way possible. So listen to my podcast, won't ya? It has great insights, exceptional humor and plenty of pop culture to fill your dark souls. And some even say it's a great way to fall asleep due to my soothing voice. And I don't take that personally. Fall Asleep. A listen is a listen even when you're sleeping. And a view is a view even with your eyes closed, if you dare. And it doesn't take much gumption. Enjoy. Listen to Long Winded wherever you get your podcasts. Everyone's talking about protein lately, but how do you actually get enough of it? Muscle Milk. Muscle Milk has a great tasting new formula with no artificial sweetener, flavors or added colors. It's high quality complete protein designed to support healthy muscles with fewer ingredients than the previous formula and 26 to 42 grams of protein for when you're stuck in meetings or need a post workout recovery. Available in chocolate, vanilla, cream, cookies and cream and strawberries and cream. Try the new great tasting Muscle Milk today available in stores nationwide. Muscle milk protein for all.