Strong Island Stabbing

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Strong Island Stabbing (June 30, 2026)
Main Theme:
This episode explores the hosts’ frustration and observations about the shift toward “serious” comedy podcasts, shares wild stories from Robert Kelly’s weekend at Governors Comedy Club in Long Island (including a real-life stabbing), and provides a hilarious, irreverent breakdown of fight culture both in reality TV and in real life—especially within the comedy and kitchen worlds. Jay and Bobby riff freely on the modern comedy scene, the fight-filled Zeus network show "Baddies", and the surreal true events that unfolded during Bobby’s recent gigs.

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The State of Comedy Podcasts

[01:35 – 08:48]

• Comedy podcasts have become more serious. Jay observes that almost every podcast with comedians has shifted to somber, heated takes rather than just jokes or bits:

  “All I see is clips of comedians talking serious. Maybe that's the only thing that's going viral but everything seems serious.” (Big Jay, 01:35)

• Classic funny podcasts are rare. They reminisce about shows like Legion of Skanks and remain baffled that mainstream podcasts rarely just stay silly.

  "Legion of Skanks is the only podcast... where it goes crazy. And it's all about like being funny. And this is a comedy, like show through and through." (Big Jay, 07:04)

• Comics want to be taken seriously. Bobby jokes that some comedians chase "red carpet" seriousness, but real comics "just make things funny":

  “Rock stars want to be comics. Comics want to be rock stars... But real comics, I think, did this because they had no other choice, because we’re just funny” (Bob Kelly, 09:41)

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Viral Drama and The Comedy Community

[04:01 – 07:40]

• Jay and Bobby lampoon the endless waves of “drama” and “callouts” among comedians on social media—referencing notable figures like Yamaneika, Chelsea Handler, Tony Hinchcliffe, and Godfrey.
• Memorable quote on cloud chasing:

  “It’s cloud chasing. It’s to get people interested in your... thing. People are gonna fight over it.” (Bobby, 04:47)

• Fake “fourth wall” moments: Jay mocks how people will “break the fourth wall” for dramatic effect, but it just calls out how much is performative.

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Staying Funny vs. Getting Serious

[08:27 – 11:03]

• Jay and Bobby detail how even the darkest news stories (“mass shootings”) are dissected by comics for laughs—not in a callous way, but because it’s innate to their craft.

  "Now I want to talk about that same mass shooting, but I got some funny ideas about it—too soon." (Jay, 08:27)

• They champion “fucking with each other” and using humor to soften life’s hardest blows.
• Memorable moment:

  “Tracy Morgan just described that... he goes, I could teach anybody to be a comedian. He goes, but funny is like a way of life. Funny is like a way of being. It’s like, inside of you... well, then fucking say something funny, God damn it.” (Jay, 10:40)

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Inside Stories from Show Business

[11:05 – 14:23]

• Bobby recalls being sidelined at a press junket for "Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll," despite being the funniest one in the room:

  “I went, hey, I’ll give $100 to anybody asking me a question... [Reporter:] do you really have $100?” (Bobby, 12:23)

• They describe the awkwardness and forced praise among actors and comics—acting “circles around” someone is not even a thing, Jay says.

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Ego, Insecurity, and The Comic’s Psyche

[15:04 – 17:02]

• Discuss the paradoxical comedian temperament: massive insecurity plus enough ego to get onstage after someone crushes.

  “To be a real good comic, you have to be really insecure with ego. I think you have to have those two things running at the same time.” (Bobby, 15:30)

• They riff on self-deprecation and the challenge of fielding extreme compliments from fans.

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Reality TV Chaos: Breaking Down "Baddies"

[18:13 – 24:06]

• Jay and Bobby analyze "Baddies," a Zeus network reality show featuring constant fist-fights among women on a tour bus:

  “...the entire episode of Baddies yesterday was fighting in a phone booth. They got on a tour bus in the beginning of the show and they fist fight so much on the show... they just would never stop fighting for six and a half straight hours.” (Jay, 19:10)

• Security is “referee, not security”—let things go until it’s “enough damage.”
• Hilarious breakdowns of the show’s wild dynamics, including a fight that breaks out over someone saying another girl has a skin tag.
• Memorable moment:

  “You go to the zoo and look inside and go, I wonder what they're thinking. No, you just watch an elephant be an elephant... Just watch a baddie be a baddie.” (Jay, 23:18)

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[25:00 – 28:49]

• They shift briefly to UFC commentary, mocking the press conference drama and a fighter's bizarre "Michelle Obama's a guy" comment.
• They celebrate the rare and awesome moment of hearing a real “sound effect” in a fight:

  “I've watched fights since the beginning, have ever heard a kick make the... sound. Why the guy's face. It was like one of the greatest things I've ever seen.” (Bobby, 27:29)

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Bobby Kelly’s Wild Weekend: The Strong Island Stabbing

[35:45 – 44:18]

• Bobby’s trek to Governors Comedy Club, Long Island, is an agonizing odyssey through traffic, frustration, and, eventually, a near-tragic incident.

  “No. But to get out to Long Island is... a traumatic experience. [...] It's not a traffic jam. It's 14 traffic jams...” (Bobby, 36:03)

• Receives warnings about a stabbing at the club the night prior.
• Gets confirmation: a fight/stabbing took place between two kitchen workers—NOT during the show or involving comics.
• Owner James reacts coolly, tries to get the show running, even though there’s a crime scene outside:

  “Nothing happened in the showroom. It happened in the kitchen and outside. This isn’t really, you know, need to be out here. It’s not a crime scene.” (Jay, channeling James, 43:36)

• The stabbing stemmed from a kitchen feud, “They’re all friends... It just escalated,” (Bobby, 44:22).
• Bobby dryly recounts how “the club had no kitchen that night,” and how he jokes about it onstage:

  “Just not for nothing, there’s an availability in the kitchen tonight if you guys are looking for anything.” (Bobby, 50:04)

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The Chaos of Kitchen Life

[45:22 – 47:39]

• Bobby and Jay riff on the high-pressure violence and ball-busting in restaurant kitchens.
• Great ball-busting story where Bobby almost got his throat slit just for requesting a lasagna during a rush.

  “He came around that thing. He had a knife. And he's like, you fucking talk to me like that, I'm gonna fucking cut your throat from your mouth to your balls...” (Bobby, 46:25)

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Long Island Comedy, Ex-Wives, and Fat J

[51:00 – 52:54]

• Jay discovers his ex-wife Carla is hosting, and her new boyfriend is "Fat Jay," which delights both hosts to no end.

  “When your friend’s ex wife is on your show, you’re like, oh, God, I hope this isn’t going to suck...” (Bobby, 51:37) “There’s a Jay, Carla, and an Isabella in the house. Now all is right...” (Jay, 53:17)

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The Gift Economy of Hardcore Comedy Fans

[53:30 – 55:57]

• Bobby revels in the generosity of Long Island fans:

  “I walked away with so many gifts... cigars... a box of rare Pinks... three hatchets... I love gifts, dude. I’m a gift guy. You give me a gift, I’ll take it.” (Bobby, 54:11)

• Jay jokes about ratcheting up their gift expectations each visit:

  “We should ask for more expensive gifts every time we go there and see where it drops off.” (Jay, 61:24)

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Miscellaneous Highlights and Quotes

• On bow and arrow technology:

  “Somebody did make an automatic bow and arrow...” (Bobby, 57:36) “When you said automatic, you were assuming they were just going to go like fire more than one at a time. It doesn’t do that.” (Jay, 59:13)

• On zombie-fighting accuracy:

  “Never seen them miss on the Walking Dead. Everyone is a headshot, Jacob.... It’s just ridiculous sometimes.” (Bobby & Jay, 60:40)

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• [01:35] Jay: “All I see is clips of comedians talking serious. Maybe that's the only thing that's going viral but everything seems serious.”
• [04:47] Bobby: “It’s cloud chasing. It’s to get people interested in your... thing.”
• [08:27] Jay: “Now I want to talk about that same mass shooting, but I got some funny ideas about it too soon.”
• [10:40] Jay: “[Tracy Morgan] goes, I could teach anybody to be a comedian. But funny is a way of life... well, then fucking say something funny, God damn it.”
• [12:34] Bobby: “She [reporter] goes, you really have $100?”
• [15:30] Bobby: “I think to be a really good comic, you have to be really insecure with ego.”
• [19:10] Jay: “The entire episode of Baddies yesterday was fighting in a phone booth... they just would never stop fighting for six hours.”
• [23:18] Jay: “You go to the zoo and look inside and go, I wonder what they're thinking. No, you just watch an elephant be an elephant.”
• [46:25] Bobby: “[The chef] came around that thing. He had a knife. 'You fucking talk to me like that, I'm gonna fucking cut your throat from your mouth to your balls.'”
• [54:11] Bobby: “I love gifts, dude. I’m a gift guy. You give me a gift, I’ll take it.”

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Episode Flow

• Banter on the “serious-ification” of podcasts
• Inside showbiz anecdotes; how performers juggle ego and insecurity
• Deep-dive commentary on "Baddies" and fight culture
• Recap and black humor about a real club kitchen stabbing, how comics process (and joke about) dark real-world events
• Fan gifts and comic camaraderie
• Light, free-flowing tone with spikes of irreverent absurdity

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For New Listeners

This episode embodies classic Bonfire: bawdy, unfiltered, and deeply inside comedy culture—equal parts therapy, stand-up green room, and reality TV recap, with heavy New York attitude and a “laugh at life, especially when it’s confusing or dark” ethos. Recommended if you enjoy comedians processing showbiz, real-life chaos, and current events in the most unfiltered fashion possible.

Skip to [35:45] for the full “Strong Island Stabbing” club story if you want the episode’s wild centerpiece.
For reality TV fight breakdowns, start at [18:13].

Transcript

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[A]

And now the bonfire with Big J

[B]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[A]

Nice jacket.

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Thank you. It's bearskin.

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Bearskin.

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For a company I would love they

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would probably love to sponsor us, but we don't have room for ad reads in the show. We're bringing too much funny.

[B]

Dude. Bearskin would be such a good they have jackets and hoodies. They got raincoats, they got pants. It's probably one of my favorite. I mean there's true classic. I mean I'm head to toe true classic. I mean if they make a sock, I'm buying a sock and make a sneaker. I'm buying a sneaker.

[A]

We were talking outside a little bit about I don't know if the pot the podcast swing of comedians doing podcasts has gotten to no one's everyone's serious now. Everyone's shows are completely serious show All I see is clips of comedians talking serious. Maybe that's the only thing that's going viral but everything seems seems serious. I'd have to say the remaining comedy podcasts this Yep. Skanks?

[B]

Yep.

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Regs. Yep.

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You know what dude?

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Are you garbage Yep.

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You know what dude? There's a lot you know what dude.

[A]

You know what dude?

[B]

Yeah. God damn.

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I thought you I don't know. It's the original no I know none

[B]

of you fucks would be here.

[A]

I thought you were saying but it's a little bit interview style that can get have you had serious ones? Not really, no.

[B]

Here's the problem with you know what? Do it. And I will take full responsibility. I love to be interviewed, Jay.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I have to. I. It's here. It is hard as a comedian to. When you get into. When people get you in interview mode and you kind of. If you're not. If you're not aware of it. If you're not aware of it, right.

[A]

You're like, let me get these actual thoughts. I have some smart, real thoughts also. I wanna get out there. That's the problem. You gotta not think you have smart, real thoughts out there.

[B]

I've been in interview mode, where in the interview mode, I'm like, fuck, I'm in interview mode. And I'm trying to get out of it.

[A]

Only one thing for sure will get me. Dude, you wanna start talking about the fucking. The science and the business of comedy? Yeah, let's fucking roll, dude, you wanna get me? The funniest of me. Let's start talking about comedy we think is shitty that can't be broadcasted. And then. Besides that, I pretty much go funny with broadcasting. But you can get me. That's why I said, after show, green room and go into a real. God forbid. It's local openers. All the questions you have, guys, please, now's the time. I could smoke inside. Ah, perfect. Now, you were saying, young man, I

[B]

was thinking of getting you a green room jacket that you can put on after your show.

[A]

Smoking jacket.

[B]

Like some type of jacket with maybe the science on the back.

[A]

Yeah, Smoking Jack would be lovely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Talk about the science of comedy. But all these podcasts, like, everything's like a heated discussion or a debate about something. We were watching the Lisa Trager shit last week.

[B]

Yeah.

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And her hands are, like, running through her hair like, the.

[B]

What's going on?

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The world's going crazy. And, like, all this stress. And we were watching outside, like, Yamanika yelling at someone. And I was saying, I was watching Today Godfrey and Jeannie Yashere. It's all like, everyone's a racist and comedy's racist. Like, it's also heated up. Kill Tony. Kill Tony's comedy podcast, obviously.

[B]

Well, we were watching Yamaneika and Yamaneke did, you know, say she stuck up. She said, tony's not a racist or a misogynist, but. And I love Yamanika. I love her so much. I do. I love her. I think she's hilarious. I think she on stage.

[A]

Disclaimer.

[B]

She's no. On stage. No. But when she said. She said this. I'll break the fourth wall, which is very telling if you have to say, I break the fourth wall, to be honest about Tony Hinchcliffe or a comic that everybody's calling a racist. To me, that's what the fourth wall is like. The other shit's fake. You're acting. This is real. Right? So you're saying that when I. When people talk about this other shit, it's all bullshit. It's. It's to get. It's cloud chasing. It's to get people interested in your. Your thing. People are gonna fight over it. But now she, you know, I didn't like that. She did just say that he's not a ra. You know him, you've met him. And he's never been a racist or a misogynist to me. I don't think that. Why can't you just say that?

[A]

For sure. But it also, the caption is, Chelsea Handler's roast writer speaks out, which is funny. Like, now I start coming out there like, I wrote her. It was like the Jesse Joyce used to be like, you know, that's like Greg. Geraldo's like, roastwriter, man. I'm really. For that reason, if nothing else, I'm so happy. I wrote it myself. People around like, yeah, I did. That one's me. Yeah. Oh, that was mine. I would make me. I'd be sitting around going, like, ah, stop. Stop taking my clothes off in front of everybody. It's so uncomfortable to credit now when

[B]

I get brought up. I got brought up as Jay Hall's roast rider. I mean, Jay y Roast rider. It's on the bonfire. And ro for Jay Okerson on the roast.

[A]

I don't mind that. That should be the title of everything. Jay Okerson's roast rider.

[B]

I did. I did tell you that some of your jokes are good.

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You did? I ran. In fact, I thought of a few of them just walking with you.

[B]

So I consider myself a part of the process.

[A]

You are part of the process.

[B]

I'm part of the process 100%, which could be a great new nickname. I am the fluence. Part of the process is pretty cool, too.

[A]

Part of the process, which could be

[B]

a great new podcast between me and you.

[A]

Well, Joel Embiid, the entire Sixers last decade has been called the process.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

But part of the process is nice. You are part of the process. That's a funny thing. Kareem Green comments. The hair looks nice, Yami. It does.

[B]

It does.

[A]

I do like her hair. Yeah, I. You know, the thing that sucks, too, is Having to watch all this stuff. It's like when you're watching like friends, like do the stuff and you're kind of like, ah, like, you know, I mean, what do you. This one is again, it's not. I'm talking about even what they're saying. I'm not talking about like the content of and who you don't like or like or think is race. That's for comics to attack. Comics is always so lame that regard anyway. But we do it, so it is what it is. I'm saying it's like it's so serious. That's what's blowing my mind. Like there's no Allegiant of Skanks is the only podcast, I think, where it goes crazy. And it's all about like being funny. And this is a comedy like show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Through and through. I mean, the regism.

[B]

The reg is almost too not serious.

[A]

The what?

[B]

The regs. If you get serious on that, you'll get attacked viciously.

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Yes. As it should be.

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Yes.

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Rogan's podcast is an interview podcast. You know, I mean, it's become an interview podcast. It's supposed to. I guess there's ones that are extraordinarily serious.

[B]

He's never been that, though. He's never been a. He does. He's a comic that always. He started doing like alien jiu jitsu guy stuff. Hunting. His podcast was never a bunch of. Because I started when he started and mine was always like me and Derosa just fighting with each other and trashing people. And, you know, Burr was just him talking to himself, being all the other people, you know, give he. You know, because he was just doing it by himself. So he had to be like, you know what, dude? You fucking do that. And then. And. Which was a comedy podcast. But Rogan's never been comedy. He's always been in stuff he's been into, he talks about.

[A]

But I mean, like, I couldn't imagine like coming in every day and just being like. So today in news, another mass shooting takes place and, you know, just give information and facts. Sounds so terrible. Well, now I want to talk about that same mass shooting, but I got some funny ideas about it too soon. Some might say per Schnapps, there's nothing

[B]

funnier than when I bring in a story about, you know, going camping and I'm seriously delivering it. And you're peppering it the whole time.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Attacking the whole.

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Thank God.

[B]

When Max went to the sauna, I. Which was a great day. My son spent with. To the bathhouse it was a cub.

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Was an awakening form.

[B]

Some say, yeah, man, it was an

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awakening for your son.

[B]

But it's. It's like if. If we just taught. If you were just like, man, that sounds. It's cool that they hung out. I mean, the story would be over really quick.

[A]

No. Or if. No, it's more if I came to you and I go, do you know those are like gay cesspools? Yeah, those places are for gay cesspool. So send your son. There is actually. Is actually fucked up.

[B]

Unless you. Unless you want to Send you. Unless that's what your son's into.

[A]

Unless it's what your son's into. Then it's okay. Then we have a different conversation.

[B]

Yeah, we have a different conversation, but

[A]

that will also be very serious. Stop. Everyone's frowning all the time.

[B]

Everybody. Comics love to listen, man. You know the. You know, the thing. Rock stars want to be comics. Comics want to be rock stars, actors. We want to be taken serious.

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

I know you don't, but. But comics. These guys, these people want to be in front of a red carpet going, how does it like working with Tom Hanks? Tom's. You know, I. I loved him since Forrest Gump. And to be. This is a dream come true. They. That. That's in them. They want that. But real comics, I think, who did this because they had no other choice, because we're. We're just funny. That's what we did. Hanging out with our friends, that's what we do. We fuck with each other. We make things funny. Any bad situation, I know that when I call one of you guys up with a serious thing, somebody's gonna make a joke at some point to make.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's gonna hurt, but it's gonna be funny. God, I hope so. Yeah.

[A]

The hurt is what makes me laugh more.

[B]

I know, I know, but it makes me laugh. It takes a couple months, you know?

[A]

It's hilarious. Funny. Funny. You say that. Tracy Morgan just described that same thing you said very eloquently and very seriously. He was talking about the difference between, like, funny. And he goes, I could teach anybody to be a comedian. He goes, but funny is like a way of life. Funny is like a way of being. It's like, inside of you. I could teach anybody to be a. And it's like. He's just. It's two minutes of that where it's like, well, then fucking say something funny, God damn it.

[B]

I'm gonna tell you, for the love

[A]

of God, stop being so serious.

[B]

When I was on sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and we had to do these big red carpet. The upfronts, then the upfronts. The world press comes there, right? And you go into a big. You go into these big rooms, small rooms, and there's like 50 tables. You have to go table to table, and they pair you up with people from the show, and you go table to table to table. So they paired me up with Rehab, the. The guy I was with on the show. And he's an actor. He's a, you know, thespian. He is through and through.

[A]

Actor, inside scarf type guy, right?

[B]

Yeah. And I was having fun at every. Every interview was me busting balls, saying funny things. Robert, if I may, and. Yeah, right. And he was, like, looking at me like, what are you doing?

[A]

I approached the scene with the fear of an insect.

[B]

And even the people interviewing, like, oh, my God, that was so funny. That was the best. I didn't get any press. They didn't post anything of me. I was in a room with all the press at one time. And I'm sitting up there for 25 minutes, 30 minutes, and no questions were coming my way. They're all John Corbett, Dennis Leary, and Elizabeth.

[A]

Question for Robert Kelly. What are you doing here?

[B]

That's what exactly.

[A]

I'm on the show, dude.

[B]

At one point, I went, hey, I'll give $100 to anybody asking me a question. And some lady stood up, she goes,

[A]

do you really have $100?

[B]

She said that?

[A]

Nuh.

[B]

Swear to God. She goes, you really have $100? I was like, I pulled it out. I go, right here. She goes, how does it feel working with Dennis Leary? I go, well, you know, I first saw Dennis back on mtv. No cure for cancer. And it was. I was like, can you say this on t. Can this be done? And now to sit next to him and to be near him and John Corbett and this cast, to me, I've achieved something in my life. And then the lady walked up and asked me for a hundred bucks, and I gave it to her.

[A]

You really should have given it to her. I thought. The point I thought was making more the idea that she said, you said, I have 100 bucks for anybody who asks me a question. And I go, I have a question. Do you have 100 bucks? And then you'd have to give me the 100 bucks. I just asked you a question.

[B]

Yeah, that was a question.

[A]

That's. Yeah, that sounds terrible. I'm gonna sit there and wait. But again, like, you answered too honestly.

[B]

You.

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You can't you get. You went interview mode because you were surrounded by people in interview mode.

[B]

Oh. Oh. The question wasn't that. I was joking. That was. I was.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh. That was just a. I was acting, Jay.

[A]

Oh. Oh.

[B]

I was acting. That music. It's not me. It's the music. When I hear a sound bed, Jay,

[A]

it comes over you.

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It's something inside of me as a child, and maybe it's because I didn't have a dad, or maybe the dads I had weren't good dads. And maybe one day that I realized that I'm the dad. And now when I hear a sound bed, something inside of me takes over, and feelings and honesty and truth comes out, and I. I can't fight that, and I don't want to fight it.

[A]

Stop. You don't have to explain. I know. I know, and I'm sorry.

[B]

I love you, Jay.

[A]

I love you. All right. Did you see? I did a lot of face acting before I jumped into the scene. I was doing face acting. I don't think I was getting any credit.

[B]

I'm gonna tell you right now, listening is the hardest acting. You were listening in the world, and you're listening. Motivated my. My little monologue.

[A]

Face acting. There's nothing more than. I love when an actor sucks the asshole of another actor about how great they are. Bob, working with Bobby made me a better actor, and it's all you want to hear. I mean, I'm just trying to be that other. I'm out there just trying to keep up, you know? Like, these guys are acting circles around me, which isn't even an action. You could talk about doing circles around somebody in.

[B]

I feel uncomfortable when someone comes up to me after my show and goes, that was the best show I've ever seen. I'm like, I mean, that's not the. I mean, if we really. You've seen other shows that are good, too. I mean, it was good, but thank you. I get, like, fucked up. It's like.

[A]

I know. I hate that when someone's like, you're my favorite comedian. He goes, well, there's a.

[B]

There's a lot of comedians, a lot of us.

[A]

So it's like, you probably, like, next week it'll be somebody else.

[B]

How many shows are you gonna do? This is my first one. Okay, well, you have time. Other people. No, but comics, we have where.

[A]

Where.

[B]

I think to be a real good comic, you have to be really insecure with ego. I think you have to have those two things running at the same time.

[A]

You have to, you have to. But I don't know if you have to be in touch with it or like, I'm more in touch. I, I, I understand to me the value far more of like self deprecation. Well, just like, just like I, the, the weight I would carry of being like, fake. Like so, yeah, dude. I mean, I'm the shit, you know, like the, the, the, the what I would have to carry, like doing that and being like, Never read a comment of somebody going like, this guy thinks he's this shit. It's the same. It hits me now so hard. All the Michael Jackson stuff I watched recently, when they started, when people started not liking him, they start calling this self proclaimed king of pop. And you're like, yeek. Like, you forget he did that. He's just like, I'm the king of pop. And they're like, yeah, okay, but what

[B]

gets you on stage in front of those people after somebody's killing or on a big arena, what gets you up there is that thing in you. I, I got this. You know what I mean? But it's also combating I'm gonna die. You know, it's like these two things, because you can't go on stage, you can't affect us on stage because we know what pieces of we are. We, we've, we're constantly going through that, right? And other comics are constantly attacking that. As soon as you walk in, whatever that thing you were like, is this shirt? Is this shirt all right? As soon as you walk in, it's like, dude, what's up with that fucking shirt? It's like, ah, shit. I was right.

[A]

It was a fucking dumb shirt, right? Well, the point of all this is Yamanika's hair does look good.

[B]

You know what the freakiest thing about her hair is? We did, when we did Just for Laughs together, when I just started knowing her and she came, I was like, oh, your hair is so beautiful. And I was like, I, I love it. And I go, I got it. She just did the Josh's Thing comedy jam and she murdered. I mean, it was one of the craziest songs. I was like, oh my God, she's so talented.

[A]

What'd she do?

[B]

I forget some crazy, some. No, is that just for laughs? Oh, it was, I think it was another Aretha Frankfurt or something like that. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

[A]

She does ceelo you a lot.

[B]

Ceelo you. And I was like, blown away because I didn't think people were good when they did that. I thought it was More like karaoke.

[A]

Excuse me.

[B]

And I. I didn't see you yet.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I didn't see you yet.

[A]

That's fine. You don't see any more.

[B]

And then she's in the hallway. I'm like, you were so good. I got to do it tomorrow. That hair is amazing. She took it off and gave it to me and I literally was like, huh? And I actually wore it on stage playing the drums to AC dc, which was a wrong move, by the way.

[A]

Yeah, it was.

[B]

I couldn't see anything. It was hot. It was a hot weave.

[A]

Hot wig. Ass hot wig.

[B]

It was a hot wig, dude.

[A]

Yeah. If you. If I'd have had Baddies in your life more of the time, you would have understood that's what was going to happen. If you asked for her hair last night, Betty's episode. And I mean, this talk about. Do you remember the. Are you an old boxing fan at all, Jacob? When the big fights are on, I'll watch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Diego Corrales versus, I think Juan Luis Castillo was. Was one of those. It was a crazy fight. It was. Went the distance, I believe. No, somebody had been knocking out. The guy was getting his ass kicked worse, which I think was Diego Corrales, who almost got knocked out several times in the fight, ended up winning by knockout in this crazy fight. They did it in a fucking phone booth, they called it, because they were just. They never were, like, not right in front of each other swinging for the fences.

[B]

I know the terminology.

[A]

Did you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jacob doesn't.

[B]

Okay, well, look at him.

[A]

It means they fought really close together. Nerd.

[B]

You nerd.

[A]

And they. Maybe for the people listening at home, they didn't know and that the entire episode of Baddies yesterday was fighting in a phone booth. They got on a tour bus in the beginning of the show and they fist fight so much on the show. It's for. I mean. And they show you the hours of the day. 3:30pm, 4:15pm, 5, 6. At 9:30, someone goes, I gotta get off this bus. I need to get some air. And they get off the bus and they go, where are we? Two miles down the road. Because the driver refused to drive while they were fighting like that. And they just would never stop fighting for six and a half straight hours. Non stop fight. One girl's face is so fucked up, it's crazy. Turn up the volume. You got to hear what they're saying.

[B]

Can I ask a question before we watch a video?

[A]

We're not going to watch this video. I just want you to hear them

[B]

Cackling I want to hear. But I don't understand because I know you're trying to get me on this baddie thing and it's not happening.

[A]

You're on it.

[B]

It's.

[A]

You don't even know you're on it, dude. You're on it.

[B]

Is that how it happens?

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

This security everywhere. Big fucking security guys.

[A]

Oh, yeah. When you hear a quote from one of the security guys this week. Ah, bitches biting me. This bitch is biting me. That happened this week.

[B]

But these guys are like seller security. And I don't understand how a fight could break out.

[A]

No, no, no. Bobby, you think the idea of the show is they're trying to mask the idea that like they're never supposed to fight? No, no. They give them space to fight and then once they. It's to their decision to their discrepancy discretion. What they think when enough damage is done. Done. Or that one girl's like really wailing on the other girl, they come break it up.

[B]

So it's not a dentist reset them. It's not security. It's more of a referee.

[A]

Yes. 100.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

It's a great way to put it. Guardians. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, they have a name.

[A]

Yeah, which. I need to get one of those shirts. Yeah, I need to give me a Zeus guardian shirt.

[B]

Look at this guy. Look at the security guard right here.

[A]

They don't care. And by the way, the perk of the job is you just got to break them up. You might catch some shots, you might get bit, but you are going to see non stop. I mean, so much pussy that you're also seeing asshole and titty almost 100% of the day. That's happening now. They're gonna be attached to some of these fucking giant fucking praying mantis monsters. But still go give a little volume on this so you could hear what hell was going on.

[B]

They're all. They're all hanging onto the roof. Of course of the bus.

[A]

It was moving at first.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, no one likes pressure, Jacob. To answer your question. Look at me. No one likes pressure. She's been a problem from the get go. Do tell. Pressure's a big fat slut.

[B]

Pressure sucks. Oh, it's not pressure. Like you have pressure.

[A]

You like. No, her name is pressure.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Pressure's been a real bitch the whole show. She's fucking shitty to everyone and she deserves everything she gets. Go ahead.

[B]

I feel bad for all these security guards. They all have the same face. Like this sucks.

[A]

Do you know one of the fights Pressure gets Into so that right there, Bobby in the middle there. Her name is Fania. She's very pretty. Pressure is behind her. You can't see her, but you can see her old dirty bastard hair sticking out. The one girl is now standing in front of her, almost protecting her later in this episode. Did you see that little thing on her face right there? I don't know. It's new in something. You see where Christine's pointing it out?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A little thing on her face. When everything calms out at one point, the girl behind her goes like, oh, you got a skin tag on your face. And she goes, you still pretty, though. And she was like, oh, thank you. And then stands up and just starts beating the shit out of. They start fighting.

[B]

Immediately she starts fighting the other girl because she said she had a skin tag.

[A]

She said, let's fight.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then the girl with the skin tag steps off. The girl with the skin tag goes, let's fight. Fuck that. And she jumps off and steps into the middle of the bus to fight. And while she has her back turned, the girl punches her in the back of the head. You just said she had a skin tag. There's no rhyme or reason to the fights. You're looking for logic where there is none.

[B]

If someone said, I had a skin tag and acknowledged it in front of a group of us, I would probably. We want to fight them. Too embarrassing.

[A]

Do you go to the zoo and look at inside and go, I wonder what they're thinking. And you just watch them do their thing. Okay, right.

[B]

Yeah, I like the zoo.

[A]

Yeah. But you don't sit there and go, like, I wonder what the elephant thinks of us. And what do you think? What's going about the society and the way society's supposed to behave? No, you just watch an elephant be an elephant.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Such as this.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Watch a baddie be a baddie.

[A]

Just watch a baddie be a baddie. Step out of the world.

[B]

I'm just glad that you. What? You picked the right animal.

[A]

If I believed. If you believed.

[B]

I know where you're going with that.

[A]

If you believed that this was anything indicative of, like, society in any dangerous capacity, you would think that we should get nuked.

[B]

So this. Yes. This is just fighting. This is like a. Like bare knuckle on a bus.

[A]

A little bit of sisterhood in between.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

Sisterhood.

[B]

So this, if you look at it like, all right, this is just a new fighting sport. The security is not security. It's referees, and the bus is the actual ring. This episode, this Episode.

[A]

They just have to get from LA to Phoenix for a gig, man. They got a rap to do.

[B]

They got a rap party to do.

[A]

But all the important rappers, I'll say I noticed not on this bus ride. They put the backup and the not important girls on this bus ride and just let them beat the living shit out of you. That is definitely by design and it's brilliant. Well, there's some girls. I forget.

[B]

One girl.

[A]

None of the draws. None of the girls who are draws.

[B]

Like, I don't stay on that bus. Like, they really like, Tommy Lee's not on the bus. If Kamala wins in 28, do you think she'll. Have.

[A]

Fingers crossed.

[B]

She'll think have this at the White House. I want running.

[A]

I want Michelle Obama to become president

[B]

now so they could have the baddies at the White House.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On the, on the front lawn.

[A]

Then she has to prove to that UFC guy that she's going to be the first female president because he's not going to believe it. He's supposedly getting fired, that guy. Is it happening?

[B]

Dana White?

[A]

No, the Josh Hokut guy. Are they gonna fucking wonder what the penalty is? You know, upon more videos. I watched that, Bobby. You nailed that. You were. I was like, really? When I looked at him at the press conference and you said his head was down, I go, oh, yeah, dude. I bet Dana White went back there and was like, hey, I'm gonna go out there and make it not a huge deal, but fucking shut the fuck up forever.

[B]

This whole thing was supposed to unite Americans as, like, people who like fights and, you know, take away the thing away from Trump and let's all get together and do something.

[A]

I mean, his birthday.

[B]

Well, it's not.

[A]

Remind everyone what he said.

[B]

Well, it's. It's not. It's not a. It's not like you're going to do it 100%, but it could, if it came off as a great night, great fights, everything, that it would have been good. This guy did exactly what people needed him to do to hate this event. He said he's. He won the fight. Wasn't supposed to. Everybody thought he was going to get his ass kicked. Beat. Beat the dude. Bash bad. And then at the end when Joe went up to him, he said, you know, thank you, blah, blah, blah, God bless whatever he said. And then he said, michelle Obama's a guy.

[A]

I don't think he said thank you. God bless anything.

[B]

It's not funny.

[A]

It's not funny, dude.

[B]

First of all, listen, Jacob, stop.

[A]

To each their Own.

[B]

Okay, all right, fine. You're right. That is America. It is America.

[A]

Ain't that America?

[B]

We have the second Amendment. Is that it? Is that the one?

[A]

It was insane. It was the stupidest fucking move.

[B]

It was shocking.

[A]

Novi should be fired.

[B]

It was shocked. It was immediately like, come on, dude, you fucking idiot.

[A]

Well, it's like he shouldn't be fired because of the ideas then. I mean, the storyline you've built for like any black guy to get in there and beat the shit out of him, except he's beating the shit out of two of the best black guys from the thing so far. It's crazy.

[B]

And it's also what Trump does. It's like, Trump will do something great and then in the announcement of something great will say something fucking stupid and ridiculous. We're like, come on, dude, you were almost just read the fucking teleprompter. Stop winging it, you know?

[A]

So stupid.

[B]

Yeah. This guy's in trouble. In trouble. But nobody's talking about. The most. The most amazing part of the fight. The most amazing part of that fight to me, Gaethje won, which was great. Six to one, White House. Joe Rogan's tie was way too small, which was awesome.

[A]

That was funny.

[B]

The kick that was thrown, that had the sound effect.

[A]

Oh, I forgot about that.

[B]

But that was.

[A]

You heard a guy's leg like, slice wind. It was crazy.

[B]

We were outside, by the way, and all of a sudden Jay, we all heard it, but Jay was like, did that make a sound? And he rewound it. It was like a Chinese movie. It was fun.

[A]

Yeah, Kicks. He misses and he goes.

[B]

It was fun. Nobody's talking about it. I've never in my life, I've watched fights since the beginning, have ever heard a kick make the. Why the guy's face. It was like one of the greatest things I've ever seen.

[A]

It was wild.

[B]

It was crazy.

[A]

I can't remember who it was, but you're like, oh my God. If he made contact with that, it would have sent the guy's jaw into the first row.

[B]

I think it was gaii, wasn't it? Gaii might have been gaii. I think.

[A]

I think it was earlier in the night than that.

[B]

It was a spinning back kick and it went. Missed the guy's face.

[A]

And you heard it might have been the guy that fought the Diego Lopez.

[B]

Was it?

[A]

I think as he started out. We're starting, sugar.

[B]

No, it was somebody. I can't. I've never heard a sound effect in real time. I didn't know they really made sound. I thought it was just a guy on a mic. Oh, you. You take your peanut butter and get it in my chocolate. Oh, your chocolate is in my peanut butter. Shout out Alder. Benny's. What's up Al? The monkeys and the monks. First. First kit. Yeah, he. Yeah, he's in.

[A]

You have the. The sound of the kid.

[B]

I'm trying.

[A]

It's the. The whole thing's not loading. Oh, don't worry about it.

[B]

I love when Christine becomes Breakfast at Tiffany's. Not loading's not loading.

[A]

It's not loading.

[B]

It's not loading. And it's raining out today and I can't go to my favorite place in the world.

[A]

The gloomy place, isn't it? Is it? I don't know.

[B]

I don't remember who it was or.

[A]

Oh, it might have been that guy. I do think it might have been cu. He was like lanky, right?

[B]

Yeah, it was epic surprise.

[A]

Is not.

[B]

I'm surprised that it's not all over the place.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That everybody like that.

[A]

Oh, you're just looking for it like. Oh, you'll never find. You're never going to find.

[B]

I'm surprised. That's the one thing that shocked me after the fight that no one's talking about that nobody's talking about. An actual spinning kick with a sound. A real sound effect was nuts.

[A]

Give Bobby a little taste of the bass here before we switch topics because I got a. I would see somebody here want to ask him about his weekend.

[B]

What? What?

[A]

They gave you that little teaser with that little ramp up sound. Jacob. He knows at the end of that ramp out someone's getting it kicks to the face. They don't give a. Dude.

[B]

It's a dog pile.

[A]

Jacob, you could come to this dude for sure. I would totally give you my password, but my password. Isabella's password. I'm starting to think that we might be the only two people in the country that have a password. So I want to get more business. I feel like Zeus owes me.

[B]

Oh my God. What's wrong with her lips?

[A]

She's painting a star on them and it makes her face look fucking weird. I mean, look at that face.

[B]

I have to say that.

[A]

What a burden.

[B]

One of these ladies looks happy.

[A]

None. No, there's one. There's a really, really stupid stripper on here who's happy as fuck. And there was actually. There was actually a moment that it was the most honest I've ever seen. One of the girls be on this show is. She has the. One of the big fat Ladies, who's got a semi rap career shows up to a dance studio and the stripper girl's there like dancing around and like worshiping her feet and starts dancing. And she goes, I really think that I should be. You should let me be a background dancer for you on the thing. She goes, you want to be a background dancer for me? And then she dances around and she goes, you're not really good at dancing. And yeah, that girl right there. Yeah. She goes, you're not really good at dancing. And she goes, yeah, you're right. It was the most self reflective thing I've seen a baddie do ever on the show. She goes, yeah, no, you shouldn't take it.

[B]

I have a couple comics. I want you to do that too.

[A]

Here you go.

[B]

Look, I have a couple friends of ours. I'd like you to say the same statement, see if they can be honest here.

[A]

Look at this. Back it up.

[B]

Oh, no, it's coming up. She's. Is this a.

[A]

No, she said she's going to show her. This is a background dance.

[B]

Is this a stripper studio right there or a dance studio?

[A]

It's probably a pole dancing class studio. Not from the very beginning.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

You were right there 10 seconds.

[B]

Yeah, so.

[A]

Damn it. Yep.

[B]

So. So this. Why. Why are they just in a dance studio? Because they have to dance too. Is this like she want to ask her.

[A]

I ask her to meet her there. I mean, this is production already.

[B]

They have like a rehearsal space. So this is like torgasm with black chicks where they have to get somewhere.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they have to give them little things to do just to make a show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

21 plus. So tell me about your weekend, Bobby. You were working out in governor's Long Island.

[B]

Oh, my God. Governors. First of all, I love the club and I love. I love Long island people.

[A]

I do feel there's a big butt coming.

[B]

No. But to get out to Long island is. Is such a traumatic experience. Like, I don't think they. You say it. Every comic says it. People don't understand the process. It's not a traffic jam. It's 14 traffic jams that you.

[A]

That for some reason there's like a half a mile of not traffic jam. Where you're like, I've. Traffic where you're like, I did it. I've gotten past it. And then starts right over. Dead stop.

[B]

Exact. That's the exact. It gives you hope.

[A]

Did it.

[B]

Every day gives you hope. And like, I'm out. I'm through. And you're flying and you're like. And you're looking at the map and it's all blue.

[A]

And then one and a half miles,

[B]

bang, you're in it again. And then it goes. And it's. It's like hope. And then they snatch it away from you all the way to the exit to the club.

[A]

Is there anything funnier? I was in a traffic jam. I was. Man. When I was coming home the other night, the story wars. I forget what it was. It took me like two hours to get home. Like the trap over by the. But it was construction.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It wasn't even like the like, FIFA stuff was too late for that. But it was. Everything was redirected over there. It was terrible. And then there was like a little like, dinger, I guess accident must have happened at some point. And then as you're going past that, you see like two guys out of their car and you really want to roll your window down and be like, figure it out fucking later, dude. There's no way there's major damage in this situation. Just fucking pull over when it opens up.

[B]

Yeah, it's if. And that's the thing too. If there's any.

[A]

Making another traffic j. There's already traffic jam. And now you're making people merge another lane is crazy.

[B]

It's the worst. It's the fucking worst. But I was leaving Friday and before I was leaving, I kept getting messages on Instagram. I guess there was a shooting on Thursday night. I mean, a stabbing on Thursday night.

[A]

Fantastic.

[B]

So there's like. It's on. It's like major news where it's like stabbing at comedy club Governors. Thursday night that actually happened? Yeah.

[A]

Really? Yeah, in the club.

[B]

In the club.

[A]

Who was it? What was the show?

[B]

Ben Bankus.

[A]

Nuh. Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so there's a stabbing in his show?

[B]

No. So I get there finally. I get there way early. I take Max with me too. We leave it, I think 3 o', clock, 3:30 to get there for an 8 o' clock show.

[A]

Max did the stabbing?

[B]

No, Max didn't do the stabbing. I take him with me on Friday and I always go, there's a cigar lounge right around the corner where I know the guy. And I called him up, I go, look, I got my kid with me. Do you mind if we go in the lounge? And I'm gonna smoke? He's. Yeah, bring him in. That's fine. But we go in the lounge and it's all Long island guys, which is a different type of. It's, you know, they're just different guys. It's a. It's not New York City, it's Long Island.

[A]

They talk a lot.

[B]

Well, one of the guys knew me immediately. And I know he was like, hey, man, are you. And I'm like, here. You know? Yeah. You're Bob Kelly, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then now I know the next.

[A]

You were stressing until he said the name, though.

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, we did the ru. You were like, I think I am.

[B]

I know, it's the worst.

[A]

You gotta wait. Are you Paul Verzi?

[B]

No, I'm not. That's not me. Which would have been better because I know when they know.

[A]

And when you go, I'm Bobby Kelly, you go, you know Paul Versi, Then tell him how much we love him.

[B]

Good guy, great guy. No, but now I know the cut. You know, the conversation is going to be about comedy for the next hour and a half. And they were, I'm cool with it. I don't mind all that. I get it. I know, I just.

[A]

We love to be interviewed, but it's

[B]

like, it goes into, you know, this guy, you know, and then it's like, what do you. It's always, what do you think about her? And you're like, you know, great, man. You know, comedy's different for everybody. You know, I, you know, maybe not my cup of tea, but I very successful. But they don't. The thing about Long island people, they don't care. They're who they are 100%. Doesn't matter if there's a nun there, if there's a 13 year old boy

[A]

there and they know you're fucking faking the funk with that fucking half cocked, stupid diplomatic answer. No, the comedy's subjective. Everybody has their own tastes. I just don't want to successful. Who's this she and who are we shitting on? Chelsea Handler.

[B]

No. Well, yes, they brought her up and they brought somebody up and one guy

[A]

goes, who else do you bring up?

[B]

What do you think about her? And I was like, hey man, you know, she's doing great. And it just in front of Max, she's a cunt. And Max's eyebrows went up, but happy. He's like, do we get to say cunt?

[A]

Because he knows.

[B]

I literally had to.

[A]

Rex know who the person is?

[B]

No, he has no idea what it is. I literally had to grab his leg and go, you can't say cunt. And the other guy was like, yeah, she is a cunt. Right? I'm like, look, I don't, I don't, I don't really, you know, I don't know. I, you know, it is what it

[A]

is well enough known that it made its way to old fucking Long Island Italian Cigar club. Who's the girl comic? Who are there?

[B]

But they're, they're not basing this on anything. They're just.

[A]

Who do they even know to even say they think she's a. Yeah. Whitney.

[B]

No, they're Schumer.

[A]

What was the Schumer? Amy Schumer. I forgot her name. Maybe you just said the girl held up the head of the president.

[B]

Oh, God. Thank God.

[A]

Kathy Griffin, she became a guy.

[B]

Thank God. They would have took me to the back room where they all really meet.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know if you saw the movie, but they finally foiled her scheme of making children kill in the night for her to keep her young. So Kathy Griffin is now aging and. And dying.

[B]

Yeah, she's no more kid blood for her.

[A]

There's no more child blood for her from the killings of people at 1:57pm 1:57am in the morning. 2:17. 2:17am no more pizza gate. All the children. What a ghoul.

[B]

And then we went to the club and I love James so much. James, the owner of that club is one of My favorite owners.

[A]

I'm surprised you're able to go on stage, but I'm surprised you guys ever let go of that handshake where your other hand is constantly touching the other guy's cheek. Hey, so happy to have you back here. No, come on, you gotta be here more often. No, I like it when you come here. No, you come on. Try. Enjoy. Anything from our 17 page menu at a comedy club? Doesn't make any sense.

[B]

Don't forget the secret menu. James's menu.

[A]

James menu.

[B]

They have a steak, but he comes in the green room and. And me and Max are there, and then a couple of the commerce come in and he just starts telling stories, but he doesn't hold back. It's not like he doesn't. He just starts talking, saying the N word, and he's telling us what happened. You know what I mean? And he's. I'm like, well, you know, was it in the room? He's not one of the cooks and one of the other guys working in the kitchen, they got into an argument. They always fucking argue. And when I'm here, I go in, I tell him, hey, break it the fuck up and nobody's getting money tonight. And then they break it up. And later I come back in, they're laughing and smiling. I just had to go to the other club for 25, was gone for 25 minutes. And apparently they, they, you know, I had to go get juice at the other club, so I was like, I'll just go over and get it. And apparently he came back and they got into a big fight and they, they took it outside and it got crazy. And it was so funny though. He's like. And then all of a sudden there's like nine detectives there and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, you know, you know, and they're like, I had 250 people. So I said, the detective, I said, hey, I'm gonna start the show. And he's like, you can't start the show. It's a fucking, you know.

[A]

So I had nothing to do with

[B]

Ben bank, nothing to do with Ben Bagus and the police officer.

[A]

That was a good cliffhanger though, because it made me think it had everything to do with Ben Bankers.

[B]

Well, James is so fucking smart. He goes, hey, nothing happened in the showroom. It happened in the kitchen and outside. This isn't really, you know, need to be out here.

[A]

It's not a crime scene.

[B]

So he. The guy. So he wound up, he's like, we can do the show. I got Two of it. So he did the show, but there was no kitchen.

[A]

Oh really? Because two guys try to kill each other.

[B]

Yeah. So there's no kitchen.

[A]

Did the one guy. Is he hurt? The guy got stabbed. I mean hurt. But is he up bad? This article says critical condition. Really?

[B]

Yeah, I think that's hurt.

[A]

Damn boom bots. These things happen, eh?

[B]

It's kind of sad because I, I've actually know the guys. One of the guys and he's. They've both been there for years. They just got. It got escalated.

[A]

That's the guy murdered.

[B]

No, that's. Yeah, that's the guy who got hit in the head with something.

[A]

Yeah, he got hit and he stabbed the other.

[B]

But he's a, he's like a. He's been there for years. They're friend like the, they know the family. They're like. They're all friends. Like he loves the game, loves these guys and it sucks that it just escalated. And you. I've worked in kitchens and kitchens escalate quick.

[A]

That wasn't the energy you just gave when you were saying. He was talking about that he cared deeply for these guys. Well, he, he was going like, great, drag him the fuck out here. Let me start this show, eh? Come on. I got Scoongee Leon in there.

[B]

He felt bad. He did. Because he does love those guys, you know.

[A]

Wait, what's that?

[B]

This just went away. But it said he stabbed him in the back.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

With a knife. Yeah, he stabbed him in the back. Oh, and they were fighting outside and he took a nice.

[A]

The victim was transported hospital. He's in critical condition. What are they saying now? Because this is a while ago now. What's the update?

[B]

The other guy's going, he's in, he's, he's, he's going to jail for attempted murder.

[A]

Oh, for sure. But I'm saying is the guy out of the hospital or.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Because if he dies now, he's in jail for murder.

[B]

Well, I got in trouble cuz I was on stage that night.

[A]

54 year old guy working in a kitchen. You might as well stab a guy to death. Just get a new fucking track on life. Maybe jail's fun. This guy's not crushing pussy or nothing. It's fine. It reminds me of the stress of the kitchen service when I was at working in the restaurant. And it's through the roof. You would love to stab every Asian you worked with, you piece of shit. I mean they're holding chef knives. So he just didn't let go of his. I assume. Did you used to daydream about running through John Wickstyle and throwing knives at everybody? Who were your enemies in the kitchen? That's what I picture you doing the kitchen.

[B]

Have you ever worked in a kitchen?

[A]

Never. It's.

[B]

It's. Dude, I worked at La Familia, Giorgio's in Italian kitchen. It was all Spanish guys. It's all. It's the one Italian lady who. Nona prepares, right? And then the owner who's out front and you know, doesn't go in the kitchen unless something like this happens. But it's all Spanish and it gets. It gets violent. Like they bust balls bad, and then it gets violent quick. I had one of the guys bus balls bad.

[A]

It's fun to say one of the guys.

[B]

I was fucking with him one day, and I've always fucked with him.

[A]

No, I saw you're doing. You were busting balls bad.

[B]

I was busting balls bad, yes. And I went in the kitchen and I needed a. They had a. They had a lunch special. It was five dishes for five bucks. You got a little piece of each. So it would always be like an eggplant parm, some type of lasagna, and then three other dishes, like a pasta.

[A]

It's called the tour of Italy and Olive Garden.

[B]

Is that what it's called?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they would have that every day. So we'd be jamming at lunch every day with all these nickel chases trying to get a big, big. It was a big portions, too. And I went in and I. I was like, dude, I. I need a lasagna right now. I need. They wanted I up. You got to give me. Come on, dude, give me. And I yelled at him. He came around that thing. He had a knife. And he's like, you fucking talk to me like that, I'm gonna fucking cut your throat from your fucking mouth to your balls. You fucking. Dude, I. I shit my pants. I just wanted a lasagna. And he went from my best friend for a year to going to cut me from head to toe, from my mouth to my dick in two seconds. But then later he came up, he goes. He hugged me. He's like, I'm sorry. A little stressed out doing the kitchen. It's okay. I was like, school, man. Whatever you need, dude.

[A]

He's a little stressed out, dude. So open you up from ear to ear.

[B]

They get heated, and then they cool down when the rush is done.

[A]

If somebody could have just kept this guy from stabbing the other guy in the back, they probably would have been fine by the end of the night.

[B]

I'm sure that having the place packed out and having the kitchen being slammed caused the argument.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And caused that shit. And you know you could have done to solve that problem is just have me work there Thursday night, and then the kitchen would not be slammed. You'd be fine.

[A]

One guy thinks.

[B]

One guy's not pulling his weight.

[A]

If I have to go to court. If I have to go to court, I will say the at fault here might be James, the owner, because he makes a menu far too complicated for a comedy club. And these guys got a job at a comedy club as part of their. Probably parole or whatever. And then they are. They can't get in trouble. They fuck up, and then you stress them out with a lot of more work than they thought. They thought mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, not that bad anymore. They didn't know they were going to make T bones. And.

[B]

No, they don't do that anymore.

[A]

They don't.

[B]

No, it's. It's just appetizers, wings, quesadilla. It's. They don't have that anymore. You can't get main courses anymore. Go ahead, scroll down. Quesadilla, wings, healthy.

[A]

A cheese board.

[B]

Yeah, cheese wings.

[A]

Go ahead down. Wraps.

[B]

Wraps. That's it. And then soups, salads, soups. You're done.

[A]

Now we're at sandwiches and then burgers, and you're done. And then we hit burgers, and then

[B]

you get some pizza.

[A]

Now we're tidbits. You can do a pizza, pasta and seafood. It keeps going.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Then there's desserts.

[B]

Yeah, but desserts are already made. You just take that out?

[A]

Yeah. So here's the thing. When you go, I'm gonna get a job at a comedy club cooking, you don't think you're gonna have to do fucking baked ziti. Smothered. A marinara or shrimp platter or fried clams or buffalo fried calamari.

[B]

I didn't know they had the flyer.

[A]

That's a crazy long menu, man. Tidbits.

[B]

It's a pretty big menu.

[A]

Four different pizzas. Keep going. So many desserts. No, no, go up. Is that. Is there another page?

[B]

No, that's it. That's it. They did cut. They used to sell steaks and all kinds of other shit. They don't do that anymore.

[A]

More. They haven't cut back that much.

[B]

A little bit. They cut back a whole page.

[A]

Let's see, do they. They may have. They got a steak sandwich. The Joey Cole they got the Joey Cola Burger. Yeah. Very obvious to see why they were going to kill each other.

[B]

Well, I was. I was on stage and I got a little trouble because it was this two Spanish guys on, and I was like, you Spanish? He's like, yeah. I go, hey, just not for nothing, there's an availability in the kitchen tonight if you guys are looking for anything. Right. We got a little space in there tonight. You guys are looking for some side

[A]

work or whatever, and you pull a knife on you and go, say it again, motherfucker. I'll cut you from here to here.

[B]

Well, it was also like, dude, this is the only club I work with. It was a stabbing. They're like, yeah, no, we're not canceling. Let's go. Let's do it.

[A]

Everything's fine.

[B]

But we had. I was on stage and I. I didn't know who I was. I knew I was bringing Joe Russell. Jokes Russell with me to feature. And then he was like, well, you know, you want to. Any openers? Like, nah, whoever. And I went on stage and I didn't hit me until I had the outro. I always outro all the comedians that were on. And I had to go, hey, give it up for Joe Wrestle. And make sure you give it up for Carla and Fat Che.

[A]

Yeah, my ex wife.

[B]

I had to give it for your ex wife and Fat Che.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Which was. I'm literally on stage going, wait a minute. That sounds familiar. For some reason.

[A]

It didn't dawn you at first.

[B]

It didn't even. Dude, I didn't even know they're a couple.

[A]

I think they're.

[B]

Are they really a couple?

[A]

I believe so.

[B]

I didn't even know that.

[A]

So fat. Yeah, so fat.

[B]

Didn't even know that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Who featured?

[B]

Carla hosted. He did a spot. I think he was probably gonna feature, but I brought. Joe.

[A]

Brought you.

[B]

Okay, so Joe featured.

[A]

He got bumped back. Yeah. I think that's her boyfriend now.

[B]

Yeah, good guy. Nice guy. They were cool and. Yeah, great. Carla did great.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

No, she did.

[A]

Who are you trying to convince, man?

[B]

I'm not trying to. I'm just saying that.

[A]

I'm not trying overselling it. I feel like.

[B]

Sure. Well, look, when you go, you, you know, look, I didn't. When you ex. When your friend's ex wife is on your show, you're like, oh, God, I. I hope this doesn't. I hope this isn't going to suck. You know what I mean? I don't.

[A]

But she was saying it was good enough.

[B]

She. No, she did Great.

[A]

So you sucked.

[B]

No, she did great. She did great. The other dude, I didn't know. I didn't know that was her boyfriend. I didn't even know her name was Fat Jay. I just thought it was Jay until he. I was brought to me that was fat.

[A]

He goes Fat J. Well, it is fucking hilarious, though. That is. I mean, been a good source of some chuckles for sure.

[B]

I was telling Max, you know, Carla has a type of.

[A]

She's got a tight, large guy's name, Jay.

[B]

There's a couple checkbox you have to have to date Carla, Big boy. Yeah.

[A]

Apparently she's a big boy.

[B]

Yeah. She wouldn't like you now.

[A]

Without a doubt. No. But there is something so that is just like a funny one that, like, I tell you this, I believe she likes him a lot. She likes him a lot. I didn't even know that because they didn't show any affection because there's no way. It's not a thing. Constantly brought up that she was with a guy who went by Big J. Goes by Big J. And now a guy named Fat J is pretty fucking hilarious. The idea of that is bonkers.

[B]

Yeah. Which should have been your name to begin with.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Your name should never been Big J.

[A]

This guy stole my.

[B]

Should have been named up so nonchalantly.

[A]

In our meeting today, Carla and Fat Jay opened for me. What you thought. You just thought maybe Bobby was mad at me? I've never heard of that. Fat Jay came out there and fucked

[B]

up the show, dude. It didn't hit me until I was like, oh, shit, this is weird. This is weird. The Fat Jay's on the show. Is there a Skinny J Now when

[A]

Isabella goes to visit her, the family's complete again. There's a Jay, Carla, and Isabella in the house. Again, there's a fat person named Jay, a Carla, and an Isabella in the house. Now all is right.

[B]

All is right.

[A]

All is right with the world.

[B]

No, the shows are good. It's. You know what's great about these fans? The dude, I. I felt like it was my birthday. I walked away with so many gifts when I do Long island, like, they're so generous, these fans. I. Every night, they give me cigars. Saturday night, bro, this one guy came up, gave me a thing of cigars. I got a box of rare Pinks, they're called, which is hard to get. I got that from the club. And then another. These two other dudes came up who were awesome. They come out of know that we got a gift for you. And I was like, okay. And you're thinking maybe it's a cigar. Whatever. They gave me three hatchets.

[A]

Three. That's a nice.

[B]

They go, listen, when Jay was here, we got him a Sony PlayStation or an Xbox.

[A]

They did.

[B]

It was in an Xbox.

[A]

PlayStation.

[B]

PlayStation. They go, we got Jay a PlayStation.

[A]

I'm sorry. You know, they're. They. I have no idea who they are. They left nothing. They just sit here, and with no information how to contact anybody or thank

[B]

them for that, they go, yeah, we got him. He said he wanted a PlayStation, so we got him a PlayStation. We didn't. We didn't know if you played video games or not, so we knew you like knives and shit. We don't want to get you. We know you probably had a lot of knives, so we got you some hatchets. But, dude, they gave me three hatchets. But, like, really nice camping hatchets. They give me a big hatchet survival hatchet. They gave me a smaller hatchet that goes on your belt.

[A]

And then in between hatchet and they gave me hatches.

[B]

They gave me hatchet throwing knives.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And then they gave me cigars, like, really nice cigars. I was. It was almost like, too much.

[A]

I was gonna say I'd start giving stuff back. Like, all right, guys, this is like, thank God I drove, dude.

[B]

I loved it. I was. I was like, you know, I love gifts, dude. I'm a gift guy. You give me a gift, I'll take it. I don't. I have no more expensive to give you. Give me.

[A]

Give me a gift. I'll take it to gift, dude. Give me a gift, I'll take it.

[B]

You give me a Rolex. I'm not. I'll be like, thank you very much. I. But, yeah, they gave me these. All these gifts. I. I came home. I. I came in there with a box of. From the weekend from all the fans from being out there, and Don was like, what's that? I'm like, it's my gifts. Stay away. And I took out all my hatchets. She's like, what are you gonna deal with all your. Why do you need these many hatchets? Not the point. I don't need five hatchets. I don't need throwing hatchets, but I have them in case the zombie apocalypse happens.

[A]

And you need to get rid of five of them exclusively only.

[B]

Well, you take one back.

[A]

One of the throwing hatches, you take

[B]

them back if you can. You go back and pull them out of the skull. You got to hit him in the skull.

[A]

That's the Daryl Dixon conundrum. Right? Yeah, he was the coolest one. But you got to go retrieve your fucking arrows constantly.

[B]

It does suck.

[A]

How gross. Yeah, you could just have a sword, take their heads off and move on about your day. This guy's got to go keep redoing his bullets.

[B]

Yeah, and if you miss, you'll never get that arrow back.

[A]

Oh, and you got to eat knowing that, like, in a quiver in your back is like zombie eyeball juice. And he's not rinsing them off, he just wipes it on his clothes like an animal. Disgusting animal.

[B]

You gotta be careful with those. Do you slice yourself with an arrowhead?

[A]

Makes me sick.

[B]

Yeah, I never really like the. The bow and arrow guys.

[A]

Daryl had to make his own arrows. I believe he had a make in the Walking Dead. I mean, there's no more arrow making store manufacturing. So that's why I always like the Dungeons and Dragons bow and arrow. That's the dream. Bow and arrow. It's just the front of a bow, but then when you make the motion, an electric looking arrow, arrow and string will pop up and then ping. And then you send that off. The walking Dead.

[B]

Dungeons and Dragons, huh?

[A]

What'd you say? You played Dungeons and Dragons? No.

[B]

Yes, he has. Look at him.

[A]

Never in my life. Once.

[B]

How do you know about it?

[A]

Do I know what Dungeons and Dragons is?

[B]

How do you know the details?

[A]

Oh, the detail I'm talking about is from the cartoons, Right? Cartoon. It's from when I was a kid. I watched the cartoon.

[B]

Okay. And you weren't in a mall on a Saturday night.

[A]

I wouldn't even know how to start playing. See how it's like. There's no. It's just the front until he pulls it. It's the coolest.

[B]

Somebody did make a automatic bow and arrow where they just go. And they shoot out. That's pretty cool.

[A]

Crossbow.

[B]

It was. No, he made a. He. It was a cross. We made a crossbow and he made a. I think he made a bow and arrow.

[A]

There's no such thing as an automatic bow and arrow.

[B]

Pull it up. I think there is. There is.

[A]

That's a crossbow.

[B]

No, no, no. The middle one. I think. I think the guy made one. They made an automatic.

[A]

I want this to be true.

[B]

I think.

[A]

But it can't be. I think it is not a bow and arrow if you're not using your

[B]

automatic bow and arrow. That's what I typed in.

[A]

You mean a crossbow, Bobby.

[B]

No, no, no, it's not. You can't buy it. It's a custom made thing on YouTube that what?

[A]

Has a fake arm attached to it?

[B]

No, dude, this is guy. This guy that makes shit. Like he just thinks of something and makes it. Like he made a. They made like a real Iron man thing. Hand that shoots stuff. They made a. Like a real lightsaber that. That type of shit. He makes things. And he made an automatic on YouTube. What?

[A]

I think you're getting clickbaited, bro. I think you're getting AI'd.

[B]

I know now it was before.

[A]

It was before it just. You. Your. Your mouth just curled up on the sides realizing you never even considered these things could.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

What?

[B]

And then you can just pull it back. See? Automatic. It's not a. It's not like a.

[A]

The load. The load is automatic.

[B]

Yeah, but it's not just one arrow. It's like you can have all your arrows in this one thing and just pull it back.

[A]

No, no, I got that. But it's like the magazine. Like it's almost like a magazine that reloads it for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you said automatically, you were assuming they were just going to go like fire more than one at a time. It doesn't do that.

[B]

No, but you can just fire over and over again. Well, like an automatic gun, you have like an automatic handgun is. You got to pull the trigger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So I was right.

[A]

Jay and I, I. If you wouldn't let me, please. No, go ahead, Jacob. I'm sorry.

[B]

No, no, Jacob, please. This is a moment.

[A]

It's your show.

[B]

No, it's not about that. It's about a moment where Jay's going to actually apologize. Jay, go ahead.

[A]

I'm sorry. You were right. I was misunderstanding what automatic meant in that regard. And I came a little skeptical when you were right.

[B]

Right. I've been wrong before, so I don't. I don't. I'm not mad at you about your skeptic skepticism. Skeptic. Skepta. Skeptical. Skepticism. Skepticism. Thank you, man. I think I'm a little flustered that you actually apologized.

[A]

I wish we handled our problems more like baddies.

[B]

Dude, Christine just rolled her eyes.

[A]

This is what the baddies can't do. They can't work out the problems out like that. Maybe I was wrong, girl.

[B]

You guys don't want to fist fight? No, no, we can't want to just baddie fist fight.

[A]

Like we gotta take a break. They each other up hungry yesterday. Got punched so hard. As soon as she got punched, a welt like a knot jumped up on her head. Several of them have double black eyes. Like they don't fuck around. These girls rule. Black chicks rule.

[B]

What's up, Jacob?

[A]

I gotta make a new shirt. I was only gonna.

[B]

Black girls rule.

[A]

Black girls rule. Jay and I have discussed this before. The Walking Dead, the bow and arrows they use, they have to make their own bow and arrow. So they look like from the Museum of Natural History. Those types of the old fashioned bow and arrows, they never miss. They're making their own arrows. Their own. Their own bows. I've never seen them miss on the Walking Dead. Everyone is a headshot, Jacob. They had three to four years to learn. Yeah, you can't become a master at the bow and arrow. Three to four years of zombie fighting in real time. I mean, sure, it's probably a super quick learning curve. Yeah, okay.

[B]

It's just ridiculous sometimes. He's ridiculous.

[A]

He's ridiculous.

[B]

He doesn't think things through.

[A]

God, forget about it. Think about it.

[B]

It's when I bailed on the show, really like it went from loving the show to I hate watch the show. Jay, you know we should do in Long Island. Every time we play there. We should ask for more expensive, expensive gifts every time we go there and see where it drops off.

[A]

Yeah, I want next to my girl. What the fuck do I want? So I could bring home. I got a truck. I could bring home anything. Oh, yeah, that's what it is. Like a really Cuban chan. Fancy Cuban, but like the square cut Cuban and like. I mean Blingdale and 26 inch.

[B]

26 inch. Good. 22 crazy right away.

[A]

Like right around here.

[B]

Yeah, we don't go too crazy right away. I want an authentic samurai sword.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

From World War II.

[A]

What are we thinking? 26. I sound right?

[B]

26. Good.

[A]

I don't want a bracelet. I want a thick ass necklace. I want like what's his name? DJ Who? Kid who? Kids, remember who kid was walking around. You guys gonna back problems with those chains?

[B]

I want to thank you guys. They listen every day too. They were big fans of the show. Thank you for bringing all those things.

[A]

Thank you guys. I need high quality too. I don't want to know if shit's gonna turn green on me.

[B]

Thank you so much.

[A]

It'll bring no with her and green. I'm gonna sue you. Attempted murder. Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the Comedy mothership in Austin, July 3rd through the 5th. Portsmouth, New Hampshire, July 25th, one night only. Two shows after that. Saratoga Springs, September 11th and 12th. Never forget. And then Brooklyn, New York on September 26th. For tickets and all other tour dates, visit. Punch up that live Robert Kelly go to his YouTube page at robert Kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night you can see him 7pm at the Fat Black, Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar.

[B]

And Big J, he's gonna be at the Comedy Zone in Harrisburg, Penns July 10th and the 12th. After that he'll be in Winnipeg, Richmond, Long Island. And then for all the tour dates and tickets and all that stuff, bigjay comedy.com and go to his YouTube page. YouTube page YouTube.com bigjokerson we'll be right back. It's the bonfire. Hey, real quick.

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