Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode Title: Subway Bris
Date: December 30, 2025
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly
Platform: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire takes listeners on a raucous, freewheeling ride through the hosts’ irreverent takes on New York street life, public hygiene, Jewish culture, concert antics, and, of course, their favorite subject—big, swinging, culturally-specific breasts. The crew blends stand-up level comedy banter with candid talk about tradition, family, and the perpetual hunt for a good laugh (and, maybe, a heavy-titted soulmate). The title "Subway Bris" sets the tone—expect stories that are deeply New York, deeply Jewish, and deeply inappropriate… in all the best ways.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Open Jams, Bad Impressions, and Studio Antics

• The episode starts with impromptu singing and jokes about eating on air—a running gag after trucker “JD” called to complain (01:12).
• Bobby and Jay attempt, and fail, at doing Trump impressions, sending themselves into fits of laughter (03:09).

Quote:
“Neither one of us can do a Trump. We don’t... try it... let me hear yours.”
—Bobby Kelly, [03:09]

2. Jewish Superhero Jokes & the Mysterious Subway Bag

• Jay pokes fun at Jacob’s “Jewish superhero outfit” in his backpack, suggesting side gigs like “Subway Circumcisions” and the fictional "Subway Bris" web series (04:04).
• Christine steers the conversation toward outrageous hygiene stories on the NYC subway, triggering one of the wildest segments.

Quote:
“Are you doing Subway Bris? Your new web series, Subway Bris with Jacob Batat.”
—Big Jay Oakerson, [04:18]

3. The Subway Poop Pole Video: Scatological Showstopper

• The crew launches into a disturbing viral video review: a (possibly homeless) man smearing his bare, unwashed butt on subway poles late at night (05:06–08:48).
• Everyone debates the mechanics, gross-out factor, and public hygiene implications, tying it back to subway cleaning standards.

Quote:
“He takes his pants down all the way, stands up on the chair... opening his asshole and smushing his asshole up and down the pole… It’s like ash juice!”
—Bobby Kelly, [07:15, 07:49]

• Discussion spins off to the realities (or myths) of subway sanitization, with references to spotless Japanese trains and an impromptu WWII Japan vs China riff (10:46–11:56).

4. Japanese vs Chinese Porn “Bush” Debate

• In classic Bonfire fashion, the group evaluates the aesthetic differences between Japanese and Chinese porn actresses, especially relating to pubic hair (“bush”) and archetypes (11:56–13:47).
• Jay reminisces about an infamous Ed Powers porn video involving an accidental fart—his “favorite” teenage porn outtake, which the group attempts to find online.

Quote:
“Japanese girls… always like super pale skin, schoolgirl look… Chinese are just hot in like a regular old Chinese way.”
—Big Jay Oakerson, [13:09]

5. Concert Culture: Dua Lipa & Old-Guy Moves at MSG

• Lou describes attending a mega Dua Lipa concert at Madison Square Garden, where everyone—except him—came dressed in lingerie (14:43–15:08).
• The show turns into a dance contest as the hosts challenge Lou to show off his “bop dance,” riff on feeling ancient among Gen Z fans, and describe Dua Lipa’s “pencil sharpener” moves (18:10–21:07).

Quote:
“You were dancing like an old woman.”
—Bobby Kelly to Lou, [19:18]

6. Religion, Synagogue Safety, and Jewish Guilt

• Christine prepares to leave early, sparking a round-robin of questions about her synagogue trip, what she’s carrying (“Is that the Torah?”), and security anxieties given recent tensions (23:08–24:31).
• The hosts lampoon Christine’s desire to “go incognito” at temple, offer (fake) limo rides, and muse on synagogue escape routes and etiquette for ogling “fine Jewish asses.”
• The conversation gets real about nervousness for Jews in places of worship due to geopolitical conflict ([29:33]).

7. Jewish Tits: Stereotypes, Comparisons, and Comic Anthropology

• Jay and Bobby launch into a prolonged, riff-heavy deconstruction of “big Jewish tits”—their markers, areolas, gravity, and how they compare to Israeli vs. American Jewish women (31:14–34:33).
• The banter edges into WWII history, blending dark humor with sexual anthropology and their own family memories.

Quote:
“Even if a girl has big tits when she’s Jewish in America, big tits at 18 years old, they already look like tits of a 42 year old.”
—Big Jay Oakerson, [33:48]

8. Family, Grief, and Jewish Ritual

• As Christine heads off to synagogue to mark her late father’s memorial, the crew shifts tone, showing support and affection for her family ties and hesitation about religious tradition (36:34–41:14).
• The show closes with encouragement to “find a heavy-titted woman to love you, buddy,” bookending the episode’s blend of camaraderie, crude comedy, and heart.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On Subway Hygiene:
  “He takes his pants down all the way, stands up on the chair... opening his asshole and smushing his asshole up and down the pole… It’s like ash juice!”
  —Bobby Kelly, [07:15, 07:49]

• On Japanese vs. Chinese Porn:
  “Japanese girls… always like super pale skin, schoolgirl look… Chinese are just hot in like a regular old Chinese way.”
  —Big Jay Oakerson, [13:09]

• On “Big Jewish Tits”:
  “Even if a girl has big tits when she’s Jewish in America, big tits at 18 years old, they already look like tits of a 42 year old.”
  —Big Jay Oakerson, [33:48]

• On Temple Security Risks:
  “Why would anybody do something terrible inside of a synagogue?”
  —Big Jay Oakerson, [29:30]

  “Both of them. Palestinians and the Jews. Let’s push ‘em out.”
  —Big Jay Oakerson, [29:44]

• On Friendship and Tradition:
  “The bonfire is always with me.”
  —Christine, [42:24]

Memorable Moments & Callbacks

• The utterly disgusting—but weirdly clinical—“subway ass juice” discussion, which morphs into a treatise on mass transit cleanliness.
• Jay and Bobby’s comedic anthropological breakdown of “Jewish tit” physiology, tied into global and historical context.
• The ongoing (futile) quest to find both an obscure porn video and an old movie about an Italian woman seducing a mentally challenged neighbor.
• Lou dancing at the Dua Lipa concert and the crew begging Christine to secretly snap “heavy Jewish tit” photos at synagogue (34:39).

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Eating on Air & Trump Impressions: [01:12] – [03:30]
• Jew Superhero/“Subway Bris”: [04:04] – [04:18]
• Subway Ass-Pole Story: [05:06] – [08:48]
• Japanese vs. Chinese Porn Bush Debate: [11:56] – [13:47]
• Lou’s Dua Lipa Experience/Dancing: [14:43] – [21:07]
• Synagogue Safety & Ritual Talk: [23:08] – [24:31]; [29:33] – [41:44]
• Big Jewish Tits Riff: [31:14] – [34:33]
• Endearing Farewell to Christine: [41:32] – [42:29]

Tone & Language

With their “blunt, unfiltered honesty,” Jay and Bobby blend crass humor with warmth and genuine affection for each other and their crew. Every tangent comes loaded with nostalgia, neuroses, raunch, and New York attitude. There’s a constant undercurrent of friendship: whether they’re roasting Lou about his age at concerts or hyping Christine up for synagogue, the love (and the jokes) are always on.

TL;DR

If you want a hysterical, no-holds-barred crash course in New York weirdness, Jewish sexuality, and the kind of crude, clever comics that made “the bonfire” famous, this unhinged episode is a must-listen. Just maybe bring some hand sanitizer for the subway.