Sugar Gliders with Luis J. Gomez

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: Sugar Gliders with Luis J. Gomez

Release Date: July 16, 2025

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Introduction

In this lively episode of The Bonfire, hosted by the sharp-witted comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, listeners are treated to a blend of humor, sharp social commentary, and spontaneous banter. The episode delves into a gripping and unsettling video from a PTA meeting, seamlessly transitioning into an animated discussion about sugar gliders, blending serious topics with comedic relief.

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Main Discussion: The PTA Incident

The episode kicks off with a profound yet humorous contemplation:

• Big Jay Oakerson [00:00]: "If you could hear love, what would it sound like?"

This philosophical opener quickly shifts tone as Robert Kelly brings up a personal topic:

• Robert Kelly [00:11]: "Son, can we talk about your drinking?"

They segue into addressing excessive drinking with an initiative reference:

• Big Jay Oakerson [00:15]: "Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like."

However, the focus soon pivots to a startling video from a PTA meeting, capturing audience attention with its intensity. Robert Kelly introduces the central piece of discussion:

• Robert Kelly [03:04]: "I wanted to show something while you were in here... it was, I guess, a PTA meeting... arguing about needing armed guards at the school."

The video depicts a dramatic confrontation where a parent, David, escalates his argument by brandishing a knife to emphasize his point about school safety:

• Robert Kelly [04:11]: "It's like severance on this floor."
• Big Jay Oakerson [05:14]: "Gotcha. But this guy's voice, even alone, he's going to go like. Yeah, let's say I'm going to attack you."

The hosts dissect the video, highlighting the absurdity and danger of the situation:

• Robert Kelly [06:35]: "With protests now, they could block the street. That's 15 minutes, 15 minutes minimum."
• Big Jay Oakerson [07:15]: "Now, that's just the cops. Never mind your mom or dad."

The conversation underscores the unpredictability of violent actions in public settings, intertwining humor with serious undertones.

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Humorous Interlude: Buying Sugar Gliders

Transitioning from the intense PTA discussion, the hosts engage in a lighthearted conversation about sugar gliders—a type of small, nocturnal marsupial. This segment showcases their trademark humor:

• Big Jay Oakerson [26:49]: "Can you get one? Are they legal to get?"
• Robert Kelly [27:04]: "They're so cute and they just jump on and they hug you."

The dialogue evolves into playful debates about the practicality and hilarity of owning sugar gliders, complete with exaggerated scenarios:

• Paco [28:29]: "They're so cute and they just jump on and they hug you."
• Big Jay Oakerson [29:25]: "I'm gonna get you a nice woke sugar glider."

Their imaginative banter includes ideas like vending machines dispensing sugar gliders and the notion of "sugar glider poachers," blending absurdity with comedic timing.

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Pop Culture and Personal Anecdotes

The hosts occasionally weave in references to pop culture and personal stories, enriching the conversation with relatable content:

• Robert Kelly [33:00]: "The Gremlins went nuts. Yeah, that's our sugar gliders."
• Big Jay Oakerson [36:54]: "He comes in your dreams."

They discuss classic horror movies like "Nightmare on Elm Street," analyzing iconic scenes with their unique comedic perspective. Personal anecdotes about childhood experiences with cable TV and black-and-white televisions add a nostalgic layer to the episode.

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Closing Remarks and Teasers

As the episode nears its end, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly transition into promotional segments, discussing upcoming shows, book pre-orders, and humorous plans involving sugar gliders:

• Big Jay Oakerson [43:00]: "Tell everybody. Tell everybody. And come down."
• Robert Kelly [45:14]: "The Punisher's coming in tomorrow."

Their playful interactions and teasers keep the audience engaged, blending promotion seamlessly with their comedic flair.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Big Jay Oakerson [00:15]: "Maybe that's what love sounds like."
• Robert Kelly [03:04]: "It was like severance on this floor."
• Big Jay Oakerson [05:14]: "But this guy's voice, even alone, he's going to go like..."
• Robert Kelly [06:35]: "With protests now, they could block the street."
• Big Jay Oakerson [26:49]: "Can you get one? Are they legal to get?"
• Paco [28:29]: "They're so cute and they just jump on and they hug you."
• Big Jay Oakerson [29:25]: "I'm gonna get you a nice woke sugar glider."
• Robert Kelly [33:00]: "The Gremlins went nuts. Yeah, that's our sugar gliders."

---

Conclusion

This episode of The Bonfire masterfully balances dark social commentary with lighthearted humor. By dissecting a real-life intense situation and transitioning into a whimsical discussion about sugar gliders, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly showcase their ability to navigate varied topics with ease and humor. Whether addressing serious societal issues or indulging in playful banter, the hosts deliver an engaging and memorable episode that resonates with both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

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Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you could hear love, what would it sound like?

[Robert Kelly]

Son, can we talk about your drinking?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Dad, I think we should. Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like. [e-mail] An OHA initiative.

[Christine]

We all belong outside. We're drawn to nature. Whether it's the recorded sounds of the ocean we doze off to or the succulents that adorn our homes. Nature makes all of our lives, well, better. Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it. But the outdoors is closer than we realize. With alltrails, you can discover trails nearby and explore confidently with offline maps and and on trail navigation. Download the free app today.

[Robert Kelly]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Good night.

[Lewis]

New moonlight ladies.

[Robert Kelly]

Rock of eyes. How many years Bobby have to do this show before he rises? He always goes to the bathroom and comes back sleep after the show's back on.

[Paco]

That's nice. James is gone. Bobby's gone. Wait a minute.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no. And Paco's gone.

[Paco]

Oh, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God. It's like a fucking gay play happening in the bathroom right now. Everyone's all pretending to be overly proud of James going to the bathroom by himself. Yay. Look at you. You're getting so big, guy.

[Lewis]

You're getting big.

[Robert Kelly]

They're all whacked out on fucking steroid coffee. Paco, you took in the bathroom just left him with Bobby.

[Paco]

Wait, what? Where the fuck Paco? He's not gonna find his way back. And there's no way to communicate with us.

[Robert Kelly]

You want me to wait outside? I'll wait outside for him.

[Paco]

Yeah, wait for him. Obviously, if you don't know if you're ever gonna serious exam. It's a maze of hallways that all look the same. It's like severance on this floor.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it is a lot of ways. We're also just whacking numbers. We don't know what the we're doing. Just gotta see what it looks like. It feels right. I'm out of shows right now. Bobby.

[Paco]

I'm out of shows too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

What, you gotta pee faster?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wound up talking to. I'm sorry. I wound up talking to Christine and then James, you went down the wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

Way, had a. Whoa, Christine, you're talking in the hallway. We got a show on the air.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know it was gonna take that long. My fault. It's my fault. It's my fault.

[Robert Kelly]

It's both your fault.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's all my Fault. I'm gonna take the hit. You know what?

[Robert Kelly]

I am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm taking the hit.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay? I. I apologize. We're back. It's Bonfire. Facts talk series xm103. Big Jokers and Robert Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're, like, scolding people.

[Paco]

Well, you know what else is scolding? Potty brain Coffee.

[Robert Kelly]

You add to scolding. Hot water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Your protein drink that didn't really work. Or a cup of cheese. I wanted to show something while you were in here. Le Crazy Christine. Can you find this video? I'll just explain what I saw on something on YouTube. But it was, I guess, a PTA meeting or some sort, or just teachers at the school or parents at the school talking to teachers in some room. And there was a guy, one of the dads. It just struck me as. It was like, me or you at one of these PTA things or something. Like, gruff, young, and going in, and he's like. He's arguing. I think that they should have armed guards at the school. That kid. They should be guards there to make sure the kids are safe. And then to. While he's trying to make his point, he starts, like, fake, like, talking shit to one of the teenage kids and going, like, what are you gonna do now? What would you do? What would you do now if there's no guards? And then, you know, the crowd just kind of like, what? And he just pulled out a fucking knife on the kid and goes, how about now? What are you now? All to make his point about, like, there should be an armed guard there. It's. Fuck. Could you imagine finding out that happened, like, in the school and your kid was in that school?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, finding out that it wasn't your kid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, I went to a kid. I went to a school with armed guards.

[Robert Kelly]

We did you. Yeah, I went to a school that had armed guards, for sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, they had cops. They had, like, a lot of cops. Lawrence High. Lawrence is a terrible part of Massachusetts. And I was.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's what it was. Was Neighborhood Wars. I was watching.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is Neighborhood Wars?

[Robert Kelly]

It's a great show on A and E. It just has great videos of neighbors fighting each other. But. Yeah, so turn us up.

[James]

In Rocky Point, Long island, parents and students alike have gathered to discuss ways to do just that.

[Bobby]

I'm considerably larger than you, okay.

[James]

But after one high school senior finishes telling officials how he's against armed guards in school, a man calls him over.

[Bobby]

If something happened, if I decided to attack you, it would take the cops 3 to 5 minutes to come here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I just ask you a question?

[Robert Kelly]

Pause it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy that's talking is the adult.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the kid that he's talking, that's a boy with the long hair.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's talking to another young student about somebody. He does.

[Robert Kelly]

Somebody's parent is talking to some other student about not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not wanting armed guards. This kid doesn't want. This dude's like, fuck you.

[Robert Kelly]

We don't need armed guards.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gotcha.

[Robert Kelly]

But this guy's voice, even alone, he's going to go like. Yeah, let's say I'm going to attack you. How much bigger than you? Okay.

[Paco]

This guy's a fucking badass. I don't know what you guys are talking about. It's got Rul.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lewis loves him.

[Paco]

Yeah, he's. Look how he's jacked. He's huge.

[Robert Kelly]

He's definitely got a backwards rich voss. He's definitely.

[Paco]

He's stocked up on Tonga.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ollie, he's got a leather scally cap on.

[Robert Kelly]

This guy is lines maned up the ass.

[Paco]

Dude, this guy's got ashwagandha coming out his pores, coming out of his proverbial tits.

[Robert Kelly]

Back it up. I love this, by the way, his timing. It's such like a speech, like you. Like in a movie. You walk in, you go 10 minutes. The average body lasts for 10 minutes once the femoral artery is cut. You know that kind of speech. He's doing one of those. The way he gives the. You know, he gives a speech like that, like it's gonna take the cops 5, 10 minutes to get here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn, if there's traff. You know what makes it even better? There's a nice American flag behind him while he's giving the speech.

[Bobby]

If something happened. If I decided to attack you, it would take the cops three to five minutes to come here. Probably ten if the traffic's.

[Paco]

And you know how it is.

[Robert Kelly]

For now, dude, if this. With the wind coming in at 25 knots from the east now, let's say the speed of bullet travel. I could end your life before you.

[Paco]

Even, depending on the time of the day. I mean, if you come in from maybe 8 to 10am there's going to be real problems and you never know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With all the protests now, they could block the street. That's 15 minutes, 15 minutes minimum.

[Robert Kelly]

Little fender bender holding up people up there on the bqe. It's going to be a son of a bitch getting in. If I were you, I take the midtown tunnel, swing it down the fdr and go around, avoid the traffic. And if it's raining, you're gonna do a few more miles, but you're Gonna save yourself 10 minutes on the back end. Now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, now, that's just the cops. Never mind your mom or dad.

[Robert Kelly]

By the time we get a hold of them, you see your dad's. What? Your dad's probably home. He's out backing around, so it's probably gonna take him with seven minutes. What's kind of. What kind of shoes he has? Do they slip on? Do they slip on. He's got to tie them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's got New Balance, the Velcro.

[Robert Kelly]

Right now, we're looking at about. That's going to be a good 12, 13 gets here.

[Paco]

Your mom carry the one.

[Robert Kelly]

Bing, bang, boom, you're dead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Don't forget the ambulance.

[Paco]

This guy rules.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't even get me started on the ambulance. He just pulls a knife out on this child.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Watch.

[James]

The parent whose two daughters attend the school has a different opinion on the need for armed guards. And to prove his point, he does something alarming.

[Bobby]

What are you going to do now?

[Robert Kelly]

Pulls out a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I say something, though? What kind of. What kind of knife is that?

[Paco]

It says he didn't. If he doesn't unsheath it. Yeah, I'm gonna sound like a hypocrite because the. The. The. The guy at the car dealership didn't technically unsheathe his sword when he attacked me with it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Paco]

And I really had a lot to say about that guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you know, he has honor. He's. He's actually a samurai.

[Paco]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You do not unsheath your story.

[Paco]

He doesn't open the knives. He does. Is it.

[Robert Kelly]

It is. It's a very small. It's a weirdly small.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The rules of a sword are different. If you take the sword out, you have to draw blood with it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to murder you.

[Robert Kelly]

Lewis doesn't know Bushido code, and I'm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not going to start, but you do.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not going to be your ground level Bushido code coach.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

You follow the way of the samurai, and then we'll talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Have your coffee.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Enjoy your coffee. I'll be over here. Obeying the sun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bushido. How do you know about the Bushido?

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby]

What are you gonna do now?

[Robert Kelly]

No. That's close. Man.

[James]

Pulls out a switchblade.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's closed.

[James]

Taking the team.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, guard.

[Paco]

And it's also not a switchblade.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, that's actually a knife from Alaskan. Inuit people made of whalebone.

[Robert Kelly]

But just. But just the fact that someone in the back, finally a parent just goes, hey, that's enough. What is this point you're making? I'm bigger than you. If I attack you, someone should already be like, hey, sir, did you tell that as a student?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you hear the beta dad go, yeah. Stop it.

[Paco]

Stop it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you're gonna. You're scaring him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But can you rewind out here? The little. The little, little guy dad, what are.

[Bobby]

You gonna do now?

[Robert Kelly]

What if the kid pulled out his own knife and stabbed the out of that father? What are you gonna do now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ah, threat. What if you do a samurai sword and cut his head off?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And just held it up? This is what you do.

[Robert Kelly]

What are you gonna do now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna do. He sliced him and it just. Half his body slides off.

[Robert Kelly]

I've been waiting. Yeah. He does something very quick. And then you see the dad just smile and then his head falls off his neck. Thank you, Daniel. That was a very nice presentation. I do. We will note down that you do not think we need armed guards.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got it.

[Robert Kelly]

Switchblade.

[James]

Taking the teen off guard.

[Bobby]

You think, what are you gonna do now?

[Robert Kelly]

Stop it. Yeah.

[James]

Shocked by the man's actions, neighbors are.

[Robert Kelly]

Unsure by the way most of the parents just sit there and eat the of a way earlier, in that weird forehead to forehead confrontation he's having with him, I'd have been like, what is this? You have to ask what's happening?

[Paco]

He's calling you gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

As soon as the guy went, stop it. He just threw it and hit the guy's forehead.

[Robert Kelly]

Stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop it.

[Robert Kelly]

God damn it.

[James]

Shocked by the man's actions, the neighbors are unsure how to handle the situation as a man holds a knife in the air.

[Bobby]

I just walked into with this. It's not a gun, but I can do a lot of damage with it.

[Robert Kelly]

Who says this?

[Paco]

Just so you know. I mean, you catch me on the wrong day, I'll. I'll fillet you like a fish.

[Robert Kelly]

25 or 40. You're coming to the hospital too. And I got femoral, ephemeral, carotid. Carotid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Somebody's getting herpes too.

[Paco]

This is called a butterfly knife.

[Robert Kelly]

I will open you from tits to navel. Are you familiar with a Columbia necktie where I will take out your throat and pull your tongue through it? Anyway, these are the things I could do with this. Just a stupid little knife.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He keeps going, this is not a.

[Robert Kelly]

Gun, but I could cut your fucking eyes out with it. Do you understand?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But it's not a gun.

[Robert Kelly]

It is not a gun, however. But I did walk right in with this. I could flay all of you like a flounder.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's below 4 inches, so it's legal.

[Robert Kelly]

Anyway. Have fun, nerds. Anyway, we need guards. Later, nerds. Or Doyle rules.

[James]

With the students and other parents in attendance.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's illegal.

[Robert Kelly]

By the way. Why? You could. You can't even see the guy saying, that's illegal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you know who.

[Robert Kelly]

No. You could tell by the tone of it. Almost.

[Paco]

Somebody looks like Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

But it's this. It's definitely this. It's illegal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's a heckler. It's a heckler. That's a coward.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, it's the way he just says everything. He goes, hey, stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then he points to the guy.

[Robert Kelly]

In front of you. He goes, this guy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

This guy's cuckoo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, These guys stink. You know, if that was Lewis, he'd be like, put the knife down when I hit you in your kidney.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna count to five backwards, tell.

[Paco]

Them what I can do.

[Robert Kelly]

And Pacos to show him, like, a rib bruise.

[Lewis]

That's insane.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you think?

[Robert Kelly]

A guy with a gun. No, that's completely legal, by the way. Someone's trying to have his back to go, what do you think a guy's gonna do?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that a real person talking?

[Paco]

And it's so funny because they're debating it and then some. The woman went, this is why we need security.

[Robert Kelly]

He proved his point. She goes, what do you think a guy would do?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me hear that again. I want to hear this little squeaky voice.

[Lewis]

You can't pull a switchblade out on a kid in school. That's insane.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you think?

[Robert Kelly]

A guy with a gun.

[Lewis]

No, that's completely legal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is why we need security. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Someone doesn't want to have a mix up so bad, they agree that it may have been a good lesson to learn. She goes, well, look, I can imagine if that was a gun. It's not. It's a knife. It's a guy with a knife.

[Paco]

She didn't realize that she was even saying it until she said it. She was like, oh, that was the whole point. Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

And then she goes, everybody stop.

[Paco]

Genius.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God, we got it.

[Robert Kelly]

He goes, thank you. I've been the Dick Hills. I've been the Dick Hills Playhouse.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't even talk like that. He's like that. He's really the theater director.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you very much.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you. I just wanted to teach everybody a lesson that we do need security.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not even a real knife.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a stage knife. He stabs himself in the chest with it.

[Robert Kelly]

Nothing. God damn situation.

[James]

The man is escorted out of the building. The story is covered by multiple news outlets. And while school.

[Paco]

I'm gonna let you let me. I'm gonna let you let. Make me leave. But just so you know what I.

[Robert Kelly]

Could do with this knife. He goes, I could have split every one of you ear to ear and watched you bleed out while danced.

[Paco]

I'm choosing to leave.

[Robert Kelly]

He goes, give me the knife. Nah, I don't want it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How embarrassed do you think his kid was?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's what I'm saying. That kid's gotta go to school. He goes, hey, here. Dad put a fucking knife on Jeff yesterday. Yeah, Yeah, I did. Jeff, you're not mad at me, are you? My dad's a whacker, you know? I know, dude, but that was weird. Yeah. He just wanted you guys to know that it could have been a gun and also that he could have killed every one of you.

[Paco]

So I think that that guy is libertarian.

[Robert Kelly]

That was dav.

[Paco]

Is that what we're learning right now, what libertarianism is?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Dave was the guy in the back.

[Robert Kelly]

That's illegal for Dave to pull a fucking gun out of the PTA meeting to prove a point. This is what will happen if you let one black student into this school. Now, I think my point is made.

[Paco]

What are the chances, like, that your kid dies in a school shooting? I feel like it's the thing that we. I understand it does happen a lot in this country, but I mean, it's like aids.

[Robert Kelly]

It only happens to gays. Paco liked it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paco likes everything.

[Paco]

But I mean, like, aren't you more likely to get hit by a car or get into a car accident?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Paco]

Or a million other things?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, they are.

[Paco]

I bet you you're way more likely to die in a car accident than you are to get.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but here's the die in a school shooting.

[Robert Kelly]

How about a mass shooting?

[Paco]

Yeah, no, I. Car accidents happen all the time. We know people that have died in car accidents. Yeah, we don't know anybody that's died in a mass shooting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do.

[Paco]

No, you don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't think you're gonna call me on. I thought you're gonna be intrigued.

[Robert Kelly]

Also, Bobby's nephews were the Boston Bombers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey. And what the are you doing?

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you doing?

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's Time. I'm sorry. You can't scare me away. People have to know your past. Bobby comes from money. His parents are still together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow. Okay, great. Luke.

[Robert Kelly]

Bottomless money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Luke, can you get me that? Send it to that. Remember that email I sent you?

[Robert Kelly]

Bottomless. Bobby comes from bottomless. Generational bottomless. He's been hiding. He's been hiding it from us. His parents are still together.

[Paco]

The odds of dying in a car crash are 1 in 93 over a life that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's actually not.

[Paco]

That's impossible.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

That's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's. I don't.

[Paco]

Like, if you told me anything was gonna happen one in 93 times, I wouldn't even go outside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But she's getting it from Zeus to something. The Zeus? The seductive eagle?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck does he know?

[Paco]

Oh, you're on Reddit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Zeus, the seductive eagle is not the guy I'm getting my stats from.

[Paco]

That's school shooting.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you want it from Copernicus to seductive Al. That's Google.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whoa, Per. I could even say it. I wouldn't even try to say it.

[Robert Kelly]

Copernicus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? I don't think I can say it.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you say it?

[Paco]

Copernicus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I have a sip of that? God damn it.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it be brain?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's, ah. It's hot coffee. I thought it was water.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I need water. I'm dehydrated.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine's gonna hand you water right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I love you so much, Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at her getting in the game like that. Fantastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love your girl.

[Robert Kelly]

Dying in a school shooting is very, very low, but the fear surrounding it is understandable.

[Paco]

One in five million.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, nice.

[Paco]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's good. So we only got 1 in 5 million kids gets killed. Fine.

[Paco]

I mean, you. You're more. You're more likely to get hit by lightning. You're more likely to win the lottery.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't. You can't. I mean, would you take that. What if.

[Robert Kelly]

What if you remember?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if you're.

[Paco]

There's just not anything we should be spending many resources on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think schools should have cops.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you remember the old David tell joke about the. When the girl got her arm bit off by the shark and he goes, she wanted Oprah. And she was like, well, Oprah, these things happen. And he goes, actually, shark girl, they rarely happen. He goes, you have more odds of eating a bagel with Hitler while he goes eating a smelt bagel with Hitler on top of your lottery winnings. Then you do of having your thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's a genius.

[Robert Kelly]

So funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think. I think young kids up until high school should have cops at the school just in case something happened, you know, whatever the happens.

[Robert Kelly]

So I guess what we're saying is, James, get a gun and make history, dude. Because the odds are it's not going to happen to you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't do that.

[Paco]

I mean, but there's. There's more kids that die in bus accidents on their way to school than get shot in.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, kill the first girl you like. You're never gonna get over that pain. If you can't have her, nobody should be able to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, just get her pregnant and stay with her forever.

[Robert Kelly]

Or get her pregnant. Stay with her forever. What? I didn't curse.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, James. James, I want you. I want. Will you let him come up with me and Max for the weekend? I know you can't do it.

[Paco]

Yeah, we're hanging out in Tampa this weekend. Yeah, but are we letting them be alone in the. In the Airbnb when we go up and do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I think Thursday night I'm going to be with them. Friday night. Yes. And Saturday night. I, I, buddy, I think they should come Saturday night. I think they should be part of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you should have James introduce you. Yeah, doing that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

James should not introduce, but should come up at the end. That'd be a good moment. See your dad.

[Paco]

It's literally not acute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not Nate.

[Robert Kelly]

Nate's a actually for doing that, because everyone's kids go, oh, I really. Isabella, still, like, you've never had me do anything. Introduce you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on. Not introduced. But at the end, he should come up, get a moment. At the end, he can't watch it, but he can come up the end. We'll get him.

[Paco]

I mean, you're putting me on the spot because now I say no. It seems like I'm being a dick to my son.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. Dude. I would have done it for my child for sure. And Bobby definitely has done it with Max so many times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

100. He came up.

[Robert Kelly]

But listen, if you're worried that James is gonna steal your shine of your moment, it's. You're right, James. He's right. It's his moment on Saturday, so if you could just stay in the background and let him shine.

[Paco]

Stay back at the Airbnb by yourself.

[Robert Kelly]

By yourself with access to a credit card.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you guys doing? We're just sitting by the pool. Where's your dad? He's filming a special that's old enough.

[Paco]

For them to just hang out by the pool.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's old enough to go to a special and see his dad fucking film something epic with his other friend.

[Robert Kelly]

It's old enough to figure out that the local newspapers usually have hooker ads in the back and they're cash home.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, come on. Listen.

[Robert Kelly]

What, did you guys not know that? Is that new information for everybody here? Paco, I know it's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if we can't get a babysitter?

[Paco]

Well, no, they'll probably come Saturday and hang out in the green room.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But Friday night maybe Friday night I can go back.

[Paco]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And hang with them. Because you have shows. I need to see the first show. Yeah, and I gotta go there early anyways. But I think that you can.

[Paco]

I think James will be a good influence on Max. But Max is a bad influence on James. So that means they both die.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they'll die, but it'll be like. It'll be like wherever they do though, it'll be like two like. Like Max and James shaped ashes of like James with his hand on Max's shoulder stopping him from pushing something. And then when you guys close, fork into a. And then when you guys close the door, the wind makes the ashes just go. Just crumble away.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like endgames.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you remember. Yes. Do you remember the first time that they met?

[Paco]

The first time they met on my lawn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The first time they were hanging out.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a meet cute, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they were sitting on.

[Robert Kelly]

They were both feeding ducks and they were like, I don't think you can feed these ducks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they were like, we're sitting out in front of my house and they're both on the lawn in their diapers just hanging out and we're looking at them. And then Max just grabs a toy and smash his birthday and just smashes James in the head with it. And Lewis goes, you kid just assaulted my kid.

[Paco]

Yeah. I think I met every year for like six years he did it. And then I started realizing that Max likes the attention he gets for assaulting James on his birthday.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice.

[Paco]

So we just stopped going to his birthday parties.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's one way to handle it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A little like Nerf gun. And then shot me in the eye.

[Paco]

Oh yeah, point blank. He had a Nerf gun. They give a two year old a nerf gun point blank. He just goes shoots James in his eyeball.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

James was fucking eyeballing him to look down.

[Robert Kelly]

You handed him a gun at 2 years old and said, kill everyone. Let God fucking sort him out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, maybe you need a fucking an armed guard at the party.

[Robert Kelly]

That's true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He grabbed the gun and then he went.

[Robert Kelly]

Just smiled and shot you in the face.

[Paco]

Right in the eyeball.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's evil behavior.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

More powerful, do you think?

[Robert Kelly]

Have you thought about maybe he's possessed? You are religious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He might be strong.

[Robert Kelly]

But what if he's possessed by an evil spirit? You think we can get it out of him?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we can with Jesus and Dave.

[Robert Kelly]

I've been working with Dave Smith and Jesus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We can make him a libertarian. We can send him to the upper sphere of Rogan.

[Paco]

Imagine that.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice up there in that upper part of the sphere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See if I can find that video where they are.

[Robert Kelly]

They kick down our crumbs to me and Lou. Me and Lewis get the pizza crusts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did you guys call yourselves last night? You were. What are they, little monkeys? What are they?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you fucking. The little flying things. You said.

[Paco]

Oh, oh, we're sugar glider. Yeah, we're sugar gliders. We're fun, we're cute.

[Robert Kelly]

We just come or play. We act like we're gonna hump the. The werewolf and stuff. And Dave's just like.

[Paco]

Dave's like a big regal.

[Robert Kelly]

Dave's like, I'm Basset Hound. I'm here to talk about, you know, serious shit and wars and whatever's going on. Shut up everybody. Have you noticed that everywhere you go it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well, at Metro, they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered. And you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number. Not available. If currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, Talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on eligible plan exclusions apply details at metro by t-mobile.com Guys, you know, running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive. And since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right, Odoo? That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM manufacturing, websites, literally every kind of software and it's all on one platform, so it works together and it's quality software so you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o.com odoo.com we all belong outside.

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[Robert Kelly]

Shut the up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he did say that he's in a different sphere, Dave.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

In a different sphere.

[Paco]

Look at these little guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it me? And you are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are sugar gliders?

[Robert Kelly]

We're sugar gliders now. Is that because we both have biopsy scars?

[Paco]

Look at this guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God. I want one.

[Paco]

They're so cute and they just jump on and they hug you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you get one? Are they legal to get?

[Paco]

Yeah, you can get them. They. They just boil themselves regularly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do they? What?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah they dive into.

[Paco]

They dive into. Like, if you're like making spaghetti, you turn around your sugar lighter, just plunk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So don't get a. Don't make spaghetti around your sugar glider.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on.

[Paco]

I'm not giving up spaghetti.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, man. That's got to be my life. Sugar glider or spaghetti?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You just lock the have a sugar glider room. No spaghetti allowed.

[Robert Kelly]

I won't make rules like that. That's crazy sounding. No sugar glider.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How much is your sugar glider?

[Paco]

I think they're cheap.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm buying every. If they're cheap. Everybody's getting a sugar glider. You get a sugar glider. You get a sugar glider. James, can you have a sugar glider? You have a sugar glider.

[Robert Kelly]

So they're gonna have two sugar gliders in their household?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, there's two households, so they're gonna make two houses.

[Paco]

They're gonna meet. Now we're hundreds of sugar gliders. This is a business.

[Robert Kelly]

We're gonna be sugar glider poachers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got an idea. Vending machines with sugar gliders, sugar gliders.

[Paco]

In the vending machines.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go.

[Robert Kelly]

But like, little. Like brand newbies. Like in little. Little. What do you call that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you get. Dehydrate the them.

[Robert Kelly]

No. What's the thing? Try them out. Incubators. Little incubators.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How much is a sugar glider? Christine, tell me that's a bird.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a snake while you're at it.

[Paco]

That's Superman.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby, check on a tiger, please.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't get a tiger.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't. Well, you could now with your new lawn. How terrifying.

[Paco]

I think Jersey is a no tiger rule.

[Robert Kelly]

How did Mike Tyson live there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's true.

[Robert Kelly]

He had white tigers always.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's also the champion of the world.

[Robert Kelly]

No. No, he's not the champion.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

150.

[Paco]

Oh, to a thousand is crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I would get a thousand dollar sugar. God. I'd get you guys 150s. I would get.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you're gonna get us. You're gonna get his carnival goldfish. Sugar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't. Your sugar guys can't fly. They don't glide. They're just sugar. They have diabetes.

[Paco]

Buy two, get one free.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'm in.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want that.

[Paco]

Sugar gliders for Jews.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you, I wouldn't like it. If I was holding in my hand, I would be like, no, get out of my hand. Yeah, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Soft it is.

[Paco]

Look at him.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but they're little. But their little hands are little of rat.

[Paco]

Oh, they're cute little. The little hands are the Cutest part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If they get mad at you, they throw their. At your face.

[Paco]

Did you know that you can't do that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they grab their and they throw it and then they glide away.

[Paco]

Just hurt. Bobby just found out these things existed a moment ago.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, look there. There's one wearing one of the hats that was anti Trump. Okay. I do like a sugar now if we're. Bobby, if you're gonna buy a sugar glider. So you have political lineups. I appreciate that. I will take that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna get you a nice woke sugar glider.

[Robert Kelly]

If I can get a woke sugar glider who really disapproves of my humor, I'm gonna get. I need something to even me out, you know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna get him a Republican conservative sugar glider.

[Paco]

I like it.

[Robert Kelly]

Until you need your sugar gliders for Trump. Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What a sugar. When he flies, he. He does the seek heil with his hand.

[Paco]

A make America great again. Little sugar glider hat. How cute would that be?

[Robert Kelly]

That would be pretty cute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So is it. Is it so.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want to touch it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

950. Does that say 950 in stock for a sugar glider clothes?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it's only $10 per outfit though.

[Paco]

But you could also. You could push your glider clothes on your. Just so you know.

[Robert Kelly]

It's true. It's true. I'm just gonna say, eyeballing it up, I will say that sugar gliders hat would fit on the tip of my penis.

[Paco]

I would say my dick is exactly one sugar glider.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

James is not laughing. He's putting his head down.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but thicker. James. Yeah, I. No, he thought you were saying that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But as soft.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but it's soft on the outside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the same type of tribal.

[Paco]

I'll say that my penis is as adorable as a sugarcooler.

[Robert Kelly]

And also similar colors as a sugar. I also do put doll eyes on the head.

[Paco]

Christine's losing herself in these shaped sugar letters now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're not Fendi bags.

[Robert Kelly]

There's tiny make American great again hats.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would get one of those for my penis. How much? Where can you. Is there anywhere around here we could buy sugar?

[Robert Kelly]

Like in Jersey?

[Paco]

Yeah, there's a place. There's a place called New Jersey Exotic Pets, which is pretty close to where I live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they have.

[Paco]

And I believe they have sugar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We should go and buy like 100 sugar gliders and just let them loose in Jay's backyard.

[Robert Kelly]

They're going to say like at the end of Lewis special, just send sugar gliders out. You're Releasing doves. We release sugar gliders. A real problem. It's like gremlins bite on their faces. Yeah, they're biting people. They're. They're fucking throwing popcorn everywhere, messing up the cameras. They're pulling the film out of the cameras.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We just went and bought a bunch of exotic pets and let them loosen Jay's backyard.

[Robert Kelly]

That would be a funny prank to play on somebody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He has a sugar glass.

[Paco]

Until you find out inside of the popcorn machine.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, until Christine calls me, calls me crying and goes. I don't know who thought it'd be funny, but I came home and let Dawkins outside and a monitor lizard ate her. What? A monitor lizard? Yes. It's powerful jaws broke her immediately.

[Paco]

I'm still laughing at sugar gliders reacting like gremlins.

[Robert Kelly]

They went evil. You could tell because my sugar glider has a mohawk.

[Paco]

Hell yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a monitor lizard. Hey, wouldn't that be funny to put a monitor lizard in Jay's backyard?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just threw an alligator and a monolith in your backyard.

[Paco]

We have one sugar glider with lipstick on. It's a sexy sugar glider.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. It's come out wearing like a halter top. Oh, I guess that's the chick. They had to make one slutty Christine. Please go to the Gremlins. Take over the movie theater scene, please.

[Paco]

That's the best. Do you ever see the key and peel gremlins 2 pitch?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's the best.

[Paco]

It might be the funniest. Key and peel sk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it good?

[Paco]

It might be the funniest one.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you got me with the. The burned up.

[Paco]

Burned up. Burned up guy's great.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude.

[Paco]

First key and peel. Just rule.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, the burned up. He was hilarious.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought I could, but I can't. Oh, yeah. The Gremlins went nuts. Yeah, that's our sugar gliders. And taking over side splitters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If he came out on the second show is just sugar gliders.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. By the way, had the Gremlins all of a sudden, like have personalities and. Yeah, dude. I mean, like heavy personality. They're like, oh, let's put on sunglasses and watch them.

[Paco]

Where they also get gremlin sized clothing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they also got gremlin sized.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a black gremlin.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, do you guys happen to have 15 glittery blue jackets for gremlins? I thought of a couple. The. When you put logistics back into movie. How funny things are. Jacob, you'll love that. This one the other day I was thinking about. Do you remember the opening. The very opening scene of Nightmare on Elm Street. It's Freddy, actually. Craftsman making the glove. It's actually a pretty impressive thing he does. Like, I couldn't build that glove. He just. He memory just throws a bunch of knives down and takes the things off, and he's just making it perfectly. So at one point, he wasn't haunting dreams or being evil or saying some quippy punting children. Right. But in between that, when he burned.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Up when he's in hell, he was a craft.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. While he was down there in the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Boiler room, he had an Etsy page.

[Robert Kelly]

But he made that glove.

[Paco]

I wish I could make like that, dude. I would. I would. If I could trade my unwillingness to have sex with children for the ability to have the craftsman. Craftsmanship to be able to make a glove like that, I would do it in a heartbeat.

[Robert Kelly]

So if you could have the handiness, the handyman ability of a Freddy Krueger, you would accept his very fate?

[Paco]

I would accept his desire for children's souls, yeah. Both in life and after death.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I think it was just their buttholes when he was here.

[Paco]

I don't think, actually, to be honest with you, they never really said that in the first one. Well, you said he was just, you know, murdering children as a child murderer. But you got to figure you're not. You're not. You're not wasting the meat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's a way to put it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's exactly the way to put it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't care about the people who found this land?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm caring about. I'm scared about James's son behind him trying to figure this out.

[Robert Kelly]

But the Blackfoot. The Blackfoot tribe will tell you use all parts of everything you kill.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's true.

[Robert Kelly]

The knuckle hinge work on this glove alone, it's crazy. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm saying. He puts it on, he's like, at all. Wow, look at that. He's pretty impressed. He's impressed with himself. Like, it works.

[Paco]

I wouldn't know the first step to create a knuckle hinge.

[Robert Kelly]

And what is he? Is he like a. Like a measure twice, cut once guy or is like. What's. Did you have to play around it? Was he like this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I gotta start over on this knife. I put my thumb on the wrong. Well. Welcome to prime time. Welcome to. Welcome to prime time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I made a left hand.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. Where would I use that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is them recreating it.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want to see this guy dweeb yeah, this is. This is who Freddy Krueger is in real life. A dork with a Sharpie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This kid actually killed and molested molested kids to make this.

[Robert Kelly]

Just to get into the headspace.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, space.

[Robert Kelly]

Just to get in the headspace. Where the fuck did they find tiny gremlin clothes?

[Paco]

I almost feel like if you have this blowtorch, use that as the weapon instead of the glove. It's a better weapon.

[Robert Kelly]

Until you run out of the. You get away from the fucking. Your tank runs out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How long does it take to burn through a kid's chest to get to his heart?

[Robert Kelly]

No. You could.

[Paco]

That's a fun way. It's a fun way to murder somebody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

15Min.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but it's always screaming. But it's always fire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Even the kid gets tired of screaming.

[Robert Kelly]

Picture all of the deaths in Friday the 13th if it happened with fire. Instead, if Johnny Depp just had to burn forever in his own bed while he was watching Miss Nude America on black and white regular tv.

[Paco]

Nightmare on Elm street was four and a half hours long.

[Robert Kelly]

Another problem I had with that movie, never. Even as a kid, I knew that was ridiculous. He was watching an old black and white TV in his bedroom room with headphones on right before he gets killed. Johnny Depp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why does that bother you?

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's not that. It's what he says he's watching. He goes, I'm watching Miss Nude America on TV right now. Like Miss Nude America. We've never been on a TV that's on black and white tv.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you're having a problem in a movie where a guy came back from hell with a glove that he made.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he comes in your dreams. But the part that you up. That you couldn't suspend reality is the misty. The nude Miss America.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. Because if we break reality in the sense that haunting your dreams is real and someone can come in and out of dreams to kill you at will in this universe that adds up, what's to say that all of a sudden in 1984, on regular television there was a Miss Nude America pad? That's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe he had HBO.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't have HBO on a black and white TV.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why not? I did. I did.

[Robert Kelly]

It didn't happen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you didn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, I did.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you didn't.

[Paco]

I had a black and white.

[Robert Kelly]

Cable on it. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I had. What? I had a black and white TV and I had cable on it.

[Robert Kelly]

What'd you connect it into with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Into the back with the little. Was that little Spin thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Coaxial cable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Huh?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

The black and white, black and white.

[Paco]

The two prongs that went down to a little box with a thing that you screw in. Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, the pro. Yeah, The RF can rf.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was like this. And you went in and then you hooked that, and then you hooked that.

[Paco]

We need Freddy Krueger to answer this question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That thing, I'll tell you.

[Robert Kelly]

You're talking about a coaxial cable XY panel. If you splice it, always use copper wires because it conducts better and you get a sharper P. You see, it's all about pixelation. 1080p. Yeah, the RF modulator. That's what it was. Oh, yeah. And you'd have to go and like there was a slide on that.

[Paco]

That would be like cable to like satellite or whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

None of the TVs were equipped for it yet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. So you had to have some.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was like a middleman thing. The RF cable. Yes, you could. But if you. If you had cable and a black and white tv, you're a dumb.

[Paco]

Oh, we just had an. It was an extra. It was an extra TV there. And when our TV broke, we.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had a. We had the regular TV in the living room that was hooked up with cable color. And then we had a little black and white that they gave me.

[Robert Kelly]

I had a little black and white. My room at one point for sure. But it would. No cable. It was just the. I think at the time, four or five channels. Fox.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was five. Whatever, 56, 38. I had 56, 38. Fox, whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

You're giving us your local channels. SB, NBC, CBS, ABC.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was a three.

[Robert Kelly]

Then Fox was UHF and there was no one UHF. And then they added UPN.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

UPN.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it was whatever became the CW and whatever became the upn. Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And that's where the cartoons were on. Creature Double feature was on 56 or whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

It was wrestling late nights. Wrestling.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. WWE at the time.

[Robert Kelly]

You got cable pretty young, though. You had cable. Yeah, I didn't have cable young until I was 16, I think.

[Paco]

Oh, yeah, I got cable pretty young. But it was like it would go off. It'd be on for like two or three months. My mom wouldn't pay the bill. Then she would shut off. Then she'd put it back on in the cat's name. Then it would get shut off. It was my whole life, dude. It was my tv, my cable, the. The phone, just regularly, just being off. So embarrassing when your friends call you. It's like you're you're just letting everyone know how poor you are.

[Robert Kelly]

We had electric shut off before for a couple days. Like, a day maybe, you know, because you got to go pay it right away. But it was like, that's the sign. That's like, no.

[Paco]

Pay your election, bitch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I never had. I never had anything shut off.

[Robert Kelly]

Huh. Of course you didn't. You come from bottomless generational wealth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody. Everybody's getting those little monkeys.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. And it's no weight off your shoulders, dude. No, it's nothing. Means nothing to you. It's fucking a pittance.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are they calling and see monkeys. What are they called?

[Robert Kelly]

Are you paying Bobby to direct this special? Because you don't have to. This guy comes from so much. I pay you to let.

[Paco]

I offered him money, and he said no. He didn't want to be paid out.

[Robert Kelly]

Really? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Way.

[Robert Kelly]

Because you've been complaining to me the whole time saying it's pretty fucked up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not paying you to you behind his back.

[Robert Kelly]

But I didn't know he offered to pay, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not on air.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I didn't know he offered to pay you. And you said no. You were just like, this guy thinks he's gonna get off on the cheap one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How am I gonna about it if he offered. That's like, on me at that point.

[Robert Kelly]

He's paying Christine 15,000.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? 15,000.

[Robert Kelly]

15 large.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How much he's paying Rebecca?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, more than that. She's doing a little EP work too. So I think he's getting her 25.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm doing for the love of the game.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he's given. I think he's given Zach 10k to open.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My family's actually paying everybody back.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Money. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That's pretty cool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And we're gonna. He's. They're actually gonna make him. He's gonna join the Illuminati. He's gonna be more successful than all of us.

[Robert Kelly]

Really. The most exciting thing about the special is that by this week time this weekend is over because of the amount that Max and James are gonna be together. James is really gonna learn some good new curse words. No. And if Max will never.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

James and Max.

[Paco]

James doesn't curse. I've never cursed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

James and Max are great together. When James comes over and stays over. Over.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They. They hang out. They have a good time.

[Robert Kelly]

James kicks Max's ass. Max curses.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, he really did Armbar that.

[Paco]

Max is also a particularly sweet, good kid. When he's at my house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Paco]

I think when he's out in the rest of the world, I think he's probably a nightmare.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But when he's at my house at all. That's ridiculous to even say. Max is a sweet idiot. I'll stop trashing your kid to his face right now. They're very. Two very good kids. Kids. Very good kids. And together I. They're probably my favorite out of all Max's little groups of people that he hangs out with. I wish James lived closer because they're together. It's my favorite pair of friends. Yeah, but they're good together. You know what I mean? They have little fights here and there, but they. They don't.

[Paco]

It's such a hilarious like kid an kid question. He went, who's your second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Favorite? It's Sammy up at the lake.

[Robert Kelly]

Isabella, the other person, Isabella. Max likes to spend time with Isabella also. We do camp outs and it's all above board. Though he's a little old for her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I gotta tell you something, Jay.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, what he told you? Oh, wow. The show flew by. Body Brain Coffee, everybody. Yeah, it's available.

[Paco]

Go pre order my book right now. Knives and spoons.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean this kid. Let's listen. Our job is to make him a 25,000 millionaire. 25 what? 25 million. 25 million and he's out of the business.

[Robert Kelly]

Then he gets out of everyone's lives.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's gone.

[Paco]

I mean, just disappeared. Gone.

[Robert Kelly]

All right.

[Paco]

Gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Boys, please buy Body coffee.

[Robert Kelly]

Get the book.

[Paco]

Tell friends about it.

[Robert Kelly]

Get the book. Go see him on the road. 25 mil. And just so you know, I got one of those thermometers in my house that I fill in red as it gets to our goal, like a telethon. Make sure you check out the coffee. The book, Knives and spoons available for pre order right now. It's moving like hotcakes. And he's gonna be at side splitters again, everybody. This Thursday and Friday show's still available, so get tickets for those and film.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tell everybody. Tell everybody. And come down. Even you don't get tickets. Come down. Hang out.

[Robert Kelly]

The after party.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

After party Saturday night. Saturday night.

[Robert Kelly]

Me and Lewis are gonna be doing story wars out in la first weekend, first week of August, Monday and Tuesday. So get your tickets for that. There's some tickets still available there. Lewis is going to be in Magoobies in Maryland for tickets and all of his dates go to louisofskanks.com and of course Robert Kelly is going to be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, July 25th and 26th, and from then on, straight, as long as the tickets keep selling.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I only have two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.

[Robert Kelly]

That's three shows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.

[Robert Kelly]

So four shows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shows, four shows.

[Robert Kelly]

So you've already added two shows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I only have two shows.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, guys, it's already happening. If you keep buying tickets, he will never leave Portland, Maine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Please don't buy tickets only for those four shows.

[Robert Kelly]

So July 25th and 26th are already happening, though. But make the 27th, 28th, and 29th happen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big J is going to be at the comedy zone, Charlotte, July 11th, and 12th. After that, he's going to be at Tacoma, Los Angeles, Sacramento. For tickets and all the tour dates, visit bigj comedy.com YouTube.com bigjokerson Both his specials are up there and his vinyls are coming out. Double. Double album. Double album is coming out through 800 pound gorilla. So that's coming too, man. So check him out. Check me out. Check out the app. Listen to the show. We'll see you guys next week.

[Robert Kelly]

Tomorrow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's not that day.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Wednesday. I forgot tomorrow. We have a guest tomorrow who's coming in tomorrow. Should we tell people?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Should we tease? Say the name. All right. It's a good one. Say the character, not the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not the person.

[Robert Kelly]

The Punisher.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Punisher's coming.

[Robert Kelly]

Punisher's coming in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Punisher's coming in tomorrow. Which we're all excited about.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but you were.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, don't do it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. We'll see you guys tomorrow. Thank you, Lois.

[Lewis]

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