Taking Jacob

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Taking Jacob
Date: February 4, 2026
Host: SiriusXM
Main Theme: The hilarious, escalating bit of what it means to be "taken" to a concert, injected with raucous inside-jokes, band talk, and a lampooning of musical gang movies.

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Overview

This episode centers on the uproarious concept of "taking" someone—specifically, Jay "taking" Jacob to an Iron Maiden show—and all the loaded, faux-intimate shenanigans that come with it. Jay, Bobby, Jacob, and the crew spin the bit into satirical, absurd sexual innuendo, stretch it into a running joke, and intersperse it with real talk about concerts, band fandom, failed guest plans, and mocking classic "tough guy" musicals like West Side Story. The tone is classic Bonfire: rowdy, honest, and irreverently affectionate among friends.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "Taking" Jacob to Iron Maiden

Timestamps: [10:12–19:00, 20:00–24:00]

• Jay proclaims he's "taking Jacob" to see Iron Maiden, turning a basic concert invitation into a full-blown faux-romantic, almost possessive gesture.
• The guys break down what "being taken" entails: buying merch, sitting together, public displays of (mock) affection.
  • Jay: "I'll buy you some swag if you like. I want to dress you up in fits." [10:32]
  • Jay: "You're not gonna buy one here either. I'm buying them for you. Cause I'm taking you to this concert." [10:39]
• Bobby and the crew escalate the bit—asking about seating, merch, and whether Jay will whisper secrets to Jacob during the show.
  • Jay: "I'll put my hand on his leg while I'm driving though...Once in a while I'll look over, just giving a little wink. Hello." [16:22]
  • Jay: "80% of the show, I'm gonna be behind him with my hands in his front pockets..." [16:39]

2. Concert Rituals, Band Talk, and Fandom

Timestamps: [01:51–10:00], [12:00–14:40], [16:00–17:10], [32:44–36:00]

• Initial banter about Iron Maiden, favorite songs, and the ritual of buying T-shirts at shows ("You have to take your other T shirt and wrap it around your waist and put the new one on." [10:44])
• Jacob—revealed as an Iron Maiden super fan—talks about seeing the band live, wanting to drum "Where Eagles Dare", and his souvenir choices.
• Extended riffing about band members' style choices (the "poodle hair" of Steve Harris, stage presence).
• Anecdotes about past concert experiences (Sammy Hagar, Van Halen), how expectations shift with aging rock stars.
• The line between being "taken" and just "going" to a concert is explored and lampooned, with personal stories about being taken or "not taken" to shows.

3. The Emotional Arc & Satirical Intimacy of Being "Taken"

Timestamps: [19:00–24:30], [29:51–32:00]

• In-studio demonstration—Jay physically "takes" Jacob to show how he'll act at the concert: holding hands, hands in pockets, whispering, making Jacob "half hard."
  • Jay: "I'm gonna push back so it makes your wiener, like, start to, like, jostle." [17:05]
  • Jacob (awkward, but game): "I felt safe for sure." [20:52]
• The joke carries undertones of real affection among the crew, with Bobby feigning jealousy and Jacob both enjoying and feigning discomfort.
• This dynamic leads to a humorous taxonomy of concert companionship—"goers," "taken," "blue ballers," and those who "watch others being taken."

4. Musical Parody and West Side Story Breakdown

Timestamps: [37:07–49:49]

• The show pivots to roasting classic musicals as actual "tough guy" prototypes—how West Side Story's singing/dancing gangs undercut supposed street menace.
• Play-by-play mockery as they watch and narrate a West Side Story gang scene, noting the absurdity of "threatening" white boys snapping and pirouetting in Technicolor.
  • Bobby: "Could you imagine, though, being, like, the neighborhoods being terrorized by these dancing whites?" [38:00]
  • Jay: "Could you imagine if your ball got stolen by guys dancing with your basketball?" [41:46]
  • Jay: "This is what this movie's about...We were still getting rid of some of Hitler's work." [44:58]
• The intersection of musical theater and street toughs is ridiculed, with jokes about brownface, tough guy choreography, and white-kid basketball.
• They debate whether being a "taker" or being "taken" is gayer, getting meta about their own bit.

5. Recurring Jokes, Failed Guest (T.J. Miller), and Inside Banter

Timestamps: [07:24–09:50]

• T.J. Miller was supposed to be a guest, but canceled last minute. This becomes an interrogation of Christine, Jacob, and the tangled communication, complete with awkward passing of blame and comedic grilling.
• Tangents into language malapropisms ("bringing up a whole prolific of things"), tossed around with mock academic seriousness.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

"It's like when a child walks in holding a teddy bear to an orgy."
— Big Jay, describing Jacob's innocent energy compared to their rowdy bit [03:17]

"I'm gonna take you. I'm gonna take you there. I'll get you something nice too, while you're there."
— Jay's mock-sugar-daddy concert gesture [10:25]

"I'll be stroking his like dick hair through the lining of the pockets, through his quinces."
— Jay, escalating the innuendo describing his plan for Jacob mid-concert [16:47]

"It's not gay. It's taken. Which is a different thing somewhere."
— Bobby, after the full rundown of Jay's planned concert affection [19:01]

"Have I been taken somewhere? Where was I taken ever? Craig Gass used to take me to things."
— Jay, pondering his history as the "taken" [31:07]

"Could you imagine, though, being, like, the neighborhoods being terrorized by these dancing whites?"
— Bobby, on gang musicals' lack of intimidation [38:00]

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Segment Timestamps

| Time | Segment | Summary | |---------|-----------------------------------|-------------------------------------------------------------| |00:56-03:51| Iron Maiden banter, music tastes | Riffing on songs, Jacob's fandom, general energy shift | |07:24-09:50| TJ Miller Cancelation | Christine/Jacob's mishap with failed guest, comedic inquest | |10:12-19:00| "Taking" Jacob bit starts | Jay's elaborate bit about taking Jacob to Iron Maiden | |19:00-24:00| In-studio demonstration | Jay acts out "taking" Jacob, awkward affection escalates | |29:51-32:00| Reflections, being "taken" | Jay reflects on persons who've "taken" him | |32:44-36:00| Concert nostalgia | Anecdotes about Van Halen, Guns N' Roses, and meeting idols| |37:07-49:49| West Side Story breakdown | Roasting/mocking musical gangs, racial casting, choreography| |50:08+ | Plugs, ads, post-show chat | Announcement of gigs, end-of-show wrap-up |

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Tone & Language

The crew deploys their signature blunt humor, often laden with innuendo, affectionate insults, and over-the-top metaphors. Everyone—Jay, Bobby, Jacob—is both victim and instigator of the chaos, with each adding layers to the central bit. The mock intimacy, wrestling with awkwardness, and meta-commentary on their own friend group dynamics keep the episode rolling at rapid pace. It’s rowdy, crude, but fundamentally warm—comics roasting each other and every absurd bit of pop-culture they encounter.

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For listeners who love inside-joke escalation, the difference between being a "goer," a "taker," and being "taken," and want to hear what happens when stand-up comics break down both their friendships and the musical canon, this episode is top shelf Bonfire.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

I'm JC all the way, baby.

[B]

High above the golden calf. What are you going to get? Jacob went to get the 10 command.

[A]

Come on, Jacob, do it. You do it.

[B]

Oh, he's gonna break him in half.

[A]

Sucks.

[B]

He's gonna break him in half.

[A]

I never knew. I actually like the song until now.

[B]

It's a great song. It's all you sitting in high places. Ray's gonna fall on you.

[A]

Hey. Really sing about anything.

[B]

Can't you spoke to? No.

[A]

Do we have to?

[B]

No, we don't.

[A]

Come on. Shut it off. It's bumming me out.

[B]

I like a lesson in my music.

[A]

I don't. I want to put on some.

[B]

Run to the hills, dude. Run the hills. White man came across the sea to bring us painting.

[A]

You're gonna get Jacob all whipped up now because of the cowboys and the. The Comanche.

[B]

He does. Jacob hates an American Indian.

[A]

He does.

[B]

He thinks they took our land.

[A]

Yeah. He's like John Wayne and the researchers.

[C]

Probably my least favorite Iron maiden song.

[B]

Shut up, Jacob. Sing the song right now. Give me an American history lesson.

[A]

Now. Now.

[B]

Brought us pain and misery we fought. Oh, you started too high.

[A]

That's how you do it, Jacob.

[B]

Jacob. That's how you do it.

[A]

You got to want it.

[C]

Dude, that is great. You did a good job. I did ask you a couple of months ago if you wanted to see Maiden. Yes, but. And then I don't remember when the show's coming, but it's coming.

[B]

It's down the road. No, no, no. It's down. It's down. It's in Jersey, in Harris.

[C]

Jacob.

[A]

Jacob's energy.

[B]

Megadeth.

[A]

Going from what we just did and then right to Jacob's energy. It's like the. You know those big buoys that. Jaws pulled down to the bottom of the ocean. You can't take three.

[B]

It's like when a child walks in holding a teddy bear to an orgy. That's what it feels like. Everyone's having a ball and someone notices a baby. They're going, guys, are my parents here? And you go, oh, fuck. Who brought this kid?

[A]

Yeah, it's nuts. It's dramatic.

[B]

I was so alive just a second ago. I thought you were gonna put a fucking chair through a window in here. That's your favorite group.

[A]

Then he just went like this.

[C]

I party.

[B]

He goes, iron Maiden's coming around shortly. We may have missed it.

[C]

I'm. No, I know we didn't miss it. I didn't remember the date, but I think it's summer sometime.

[A]

Have you ever just let loose, Jacob? Have you ever just, like, at home, gone nuts?

[C]

Yeah. There's a lot you don't know about me, Bobby. There's. There's on air Jacob, and then there's private Jacob.

[B]

I kind of know people in anthrax.

[A]

Don't you think private Jacob would be awesome on air?

[C]

Who can't do. I can't do both, Jacob.

[B]

What are you talking about, dude? Yes, you can. Yeah, you can get on this desk. Slap Bobby.

[A]

Wait, stop. What did you say? Slap Bobby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, no, no, no. I'm.

[B]

Slap me.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

No, now I want.

[B]

Now you don't get cock.

[A]

No, I want it.

[B]

I'm sorry. I was giving you the cock slap, and then you were like, oh, I got cock slap.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Well, now you have to do the next one.

[A]

All right, fine.

[B]

First cock slaps me. Jacob, if you would. Now it's when you slap my face with your cock. You don't even know what a cock slap is. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

It's a Sports Illustrated stadium. Yeah, I know. I kind of know Anthrax guys. I kind of know them. I don't know if that's a good hookup enough, but sort of.

[A]

I bet you Josh knows him. Why don't you add Josh to the mix to get it going?

[C]

He does.

[A]

Yeah, I know him, and I can get it. How much money do you make a year? I haven't been Josh in a long time. I'm kind of craving.

[B]

Come get some Josh this weekend. A poc.

[A]

Kind of craving it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Little Joshed.

[B]

You can get a little Josh this weekend, dude. He's gonna be hosting for me.

[A]

Oh, I do a Little guest spot. He'll bring me up wrong.

[B]

Absolutely. He'll bring you up wrong and late. You.

[A]

It's bop, bop, you, Bottom, bottom, bop, bop you.

[C]

I told you. She released another clip where he's giving the. Telling the drummer when to. When to do the hits. When I'm doing this, you need to do. Boom.

[B]

You need to do this. That's what he's doing is like.

[C]

She's not timing the hit. It's got to be a crash when he does. When he lands.

[A]

How do you think it ends for this guy?

[B]

For Corey Feldman?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Does it just fade away? Get old rugs?

[B]

Probably like a surprise drug thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Possibly suicide. I don't think so, though.

[A]

You don't think full recovery's in the mix? Become a normal person. Wind up on the show and say sorry. Says sorry to you.

[B]

Apologize to me for.

[A]

Well, he just says sorry, you know. Hey, man, I. I knew you were just joking. I know comedy. I'm sorry.

[B]

We're not joking. We're dead serious about that music. It's.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

It's Christ almighty awful. But it's. You know. But yeah. No, I have no personal issue with Corey. I find him wildly fascinating.

[C]

I love him.

[B]

He's so fascinating.

[C]

I love him more after the doc. I wouldn't. We want a tour with him. But he's just.

[B]

Why? Because he's gonna be in a hot bus, dude. Because we're tired and hot on a bus, dude.

[C]

Friend of the show. Katie is a, like a crazy fan. She's been sending me. He's at the NAMM convention and he's just like in a booth.

[A]

What's a NAMM convention?

[B]

It's like Katie. 800 pound gorilla.

[C]

Yes, but it's all the instruments. Every. Every musical brand shows off everything they have. Guitars, drums, everything they've got is all at the NAMM convention.

[B]

Wait, didn't Katie get us TJ Miller today?

[C]

I thought.

[A]

What happened?

[C]

He must be walking in anytime soon.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

I love tj. Where is he coming in?

[B]

He's coming in today, right?

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Timing was incredible.

[A]

I love TJ. Is he coming in?

[B]

TJ's coming today, right?

[C]

Yeah, he'll be here. Isn't it on the list?

[A]

When's he coming?

[B]

Look at. Jacob's voice cracked.

[A]

When's he coming? When it's time to change.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Christine, why are you throwing it over there? We're looking right at you. You're the producer of the show, I believe.

[C]

He's not coming into this.

[B]

Wow. What happened?

[C]

True men. You have to cancel. You have to re.

[B]

Cancel today.

[C]

Yeah, he rescheduled.

[A]

Why?

[B]

He canceled on his last minute today. T.J. miller did that?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

No.

[A]

For what? What was the reason?

[C]

I don't know the reason.

[B]

T.J. miller.

[A]

What's the reason?

[C]

I didn't get a reason.

[A]

You just got with canceling.

[C]

He hit today? Yes, yesterday.

[A]

Oh, yesterday, Last night.

[B]

That's weird. It is weird.

[A]

And they didn't tell you? They said he has to cancel.

[C]

I was on the email with Christine.

[A]

Why do you keep bringing her name up?

[C]

Because we're talking. I didn't start it.

[A]

We're talking to your face.

[C]

Right. Apparently he was booked and then he didn't. And then he came.

[B]

I bet you'd like to sing Run to the Hills now, wouldn't you?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

I bet you hit that note now, won't you? You gotta ask Jacob things he doesn't want to answer.

[C]

I don't know what the big. He cancele.

[B]

But when did he cancel?

[C]

Yesterday.

[A]

For what?

[C]

Wasn't it?

[B]

Well, I think that's when we found out. Sure.

[C]

We found out yesterday.

[B]

But did he cancel yesterday?

[A]

Why is Black Lew shaking his head now?

[C]

I think. What happened? Am I supposed to say something or not? I think he. Maybe he forgot that he couldn't make it. So she said he couldn't make it.

[A]

You really crumble under pressure, don't you?

[C]

Is that what happened or not?

[B]

Is that wrong?

[A]

I don't know. I have. No. I. I don't know because I'm out of the loop.

[C]

I didn't know. It's a big.

[A]

I'm asking the person that was on the email and he's kind of evading the question.

[C]

I didn't even start this email.

[B]

He's evading.

[A]

Were you on the email?

[C]

The cancellation email I was on.

[A]

You weren't on the original email?

[C]

No.

[A]

Who was on that?

[C]

If I say it's Christine, you're going to say me. Why am I. No, I'm not.

[A]

Go.

[C]

Christine.

[A]

Why would you pass the buck every time?

[B]

Got canceled yesterday. Damn.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

There is a miscommunication. What was that? It was. He thought he was on. He canceled a while ago. But we didn't get the message.

[C]

No.

[B]

Why don't we get the message?

[A]

Why don't we get the message? It's just. It was honestly, like, I thought, you know, somebody thought he was going to reach out directly. He didn't. We didn't know.

[B]

Make sense of all this for me.

[C]

That's the story.

[B]

Just in general, just Say white people. Crazy ass white people. Crazy as white folks.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

That's all I need. Crazy ass white folks. I'll take you to Iron Maiden, Jacob. I like calling it taking you. Even though we're both adults. Even though we're both adult males.

[A]

It's like PDD buying 50 cent clothes.

[B]

Yeah, I want to be. I'm gonna take you. I'm gonna take you there. I'll get you. I'll get you something nice too, while you're there.

[A]

I'm gonna buy him some. Some swag.

[B]

I'll buy you some swag if you like. I want to dress you up in fits.

[C]

I never bought a concert T shirt at the show.

[B]

You're not gonna buy one here either. I'm buying them for you. Cause I'm taking you to this concert.

[A]

But you have to take your other T shirt and wrap it around your waist and put the new one on.

[B]

For the record, we could all go to the concert. I'm just taking Jacob. But we go. We could all go. But Jacob's being taken by me.

[A]

Does he have to sit next to you?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Correction. I bought a Corey Feldman T shirt.

[B]

And people are also, by the way, gonna be. You guys are gonna be upset being like, Jesus Christ. I thought we were all gonna hang out together. And Jay and Jacob are like just off in their own little world, doing their own little thing because I took him. You understand?

[A]

I am fine with that.

[C]

It's a different energy.

[A]

I want to concert with you and Josh. And somehow I.

[B]

Right. I take him seriously.

[A]

He was taken by you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because somehow he winds up next to you.

[B]

No, no. We all go to the concert. But I go with him. By the way, at all costs. He'll leave fenoia up in the rafters if he's getting close to me.

[A]

He really did. You don't mind, do you?

[B]

You don't care that I left Mike Vanoy upstairs? Look at this guy's got Iron Maid in the brain now. I do. You're all working.

[A]

What's your favorite song?

[C]

Probably it's. It always comes between two songs because I want to drum the one of them where eagles dare and the rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.

[A]

You like the second one because you like to say it.

[B]

Yeah, Those are deep cuts. What's the.

[A]

What's the.

[B]

What's the trooper number?

[C]

I'm in the Ancient Mariners. It's a poem.

[B]

Oh, Jesus.

[A]

A good song.

[C]

This is like a 12 minute song.

[A]

It's a good song.

[B]

Well, seven minutes of it is five and about filler. I'd say a little filler.

[C]

There's no filler in this song.

[B]

Jacob Drummond. Dude, it's your dream.

[A]

Let's hear him sing.

[B]

Go.

[A]

Sing it in the mic.

[C]

The sea I can't do. He's an operatic voice. You do it better.

[B]

He did.

[A]

I did it. But you. I tried. I don't know how to sing.

[C]

And the mariner tells his tale.

[A]

Yeah, there you go.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Come on. Go.

[B]

Jacob. You could sing the song. Or I could just ask you more about your sex life. If you want me to keep guessing you awkward. Jacob, how big's your penis? Have you ever tried to suck it?

[A]

Are your balls tight or they hang low?

[B]

How do you jerk off? Show me with your hands. Or sing the song.

[C]

There's a little break here.

[A]

A lot of breaks.

[B]

Skip ahead five minutes.

[C]

But my dream is to be able to drum where eagles dare. But it's probably one of the most difficult songs. That's one that's like a drummer's gold song. Little fill.

[A]

Right here.

[C]

Right here is my favorite part.

[A]

Let's hear it loud.

[C]

No, no. This is the guitar.

[B]

No, I know. Do the guitar.

[C]

Third one, fourth one. It's just all bass here. That's the best.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you doing? You fingering a baby?

[C]

You're holding Steve Harris. I'm doing Steve Harris guitar.

[B]

Look, you're holding a baby and looks like you're playing.

[A]

Why is your base so far out? It should be up here. Bas is like up here.

[C]

I hold where Steve Harris.

[B]

What are you, Paul McCartney?

[C]

Steve Harris points it like a gun. That's his signature move. I love it.

[A]

The whole time.

[C]

No, he chooses the moments. He puts his one leg on the amp, on the. On the monitor and he. He machine guns the audience.

[A]

That's original. I've never seen that at a rock concert.

[B]

He also.

[C]

That's his signature.

[B]

He also still has poodle hair. He will not change with the times.

[C]

I got a picture with him here.

[A]

Poodle.

[B]

He has poodle hair still. He won't get rid of the 80s hair.

[A]

I think Jacob should get poodle hair when he gets his hair weave.

[B]

Jacob, when you get your weave, you should get poodle hair.

[A]

Yeah, you should get poodle hair.

[C]

Then I can do it.

[B]

Before we walk getting you all the surgery. Why don't you just let us get you a full on hair weave and we'll see how you look with it.

[C]

No, I want the surgery.

[B]

No, obviously with surgery. But first just to test things out.

[C]

Let's get. I'm ready to jump in.

[B]

Maybe a lace front wig. I've been watching a lot of baddies. The baddies make up their own words. By the way. I've heard some good ones. We took some notes. I thought at one point. But what does the girl say when she's getting mad? At one point she says like she goes, when you bringing up that you bringing up a whole prolific of things. She tried to say plethora for sure. She goes, you're bringing up a whole parithia of things.

[A]

Can I just say something? I don't mind it.

[B]

See, that's on YouTube. Tommy Lee.

[A]

I might add that to my lexicon.

[B]

Prolific prolifness, y' all being prolific. They all. And by the way, no one ever stops another per in mid argument firing at each other. The easiest shoot down to be like. Well, you just said isn't a real word. They never do that. They just believe it is a word.

[A]

Because it does make sense.

[B]

Yeah, you're chunk happy less. What? Say it again. I can't. I don't remember what I said the first time. It was just noises. These guys keep that 80s hair. Look at him machine gunning with his base.

[C]

That's what you live for. For Steve Harris to do that, man, that's like the highlight.

[A]

You've never been to a concert? Iron Maiden?

[C]

No, I've been to three Iron Maiden concerts.

[A]

But you went by yourself or with people?

[C]

With my friends.

[A]

Were you ever taken?

[C]

No, it wasn't taken. This will be my first taken to a show.

[B]

I'm gonna take you.

[C]

Nobody's ever taken me to a show.

[B]

You're sitting in the passenger side with me on the whole drive.

[A]

Why don't you just put him on your lap?

[B]

No, no, that's dangerous. But I will let him know. I'll put my hand on his leg while I'm driving though. And every once in a while, like, while like Christine and you guys are all in the back like talking. Once in a while I'll look over. I'm just giving a little wink. Hello.

[A]

Are you gonna sit on the back of your truck with him on the. Put the truck bait down while we're tailgating.

[B]

I'd say 80% of the show I'm gonna be behind him with my hands in his front pockets reaching around him and just kind of like. Like I'll be stroking his like dick hair through the lining of the pockets, through his quinces.

[C]

His pocket hand. What I want to do. Back pocket.

[B]

No, no, you should definitely be. You should definitely be cupping my supple ass. But me, I'm going in for the front on you, buddy. I'm gonna get you worked up. You're gonna be half hard most of the show.

[C]

I'm gonna be half hard from I'm.

[B]

Just putting my hands in your pockets, and I'm gonna push back. Like, I'm gonna push back so it makes your wiener, like, start to, like, jostle.

[A]

I'm getting hard now. I'm hard right now.

[B]

I know this. It's gonna be great. Well, you'll be right there because you're going to the concert.

[A]

I'm going.

[B]

Not taking you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Taking Jacob.

[A]

No, I don't want to be taken, but I would like to be.

[B]

You'd like to be taken?

[A]

I'd like to be. Why? I'd like to watch someone be taken. That's my thing. Yeah, I don't like to be taken. I like to watch people being taken.

[B]

It seems nice, right? You're gonna see Jacob's face. You know, he's being a princess for a day.

[A]

See his little. His little button sticking out in the front?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna get him worked up almost the entire show. He's gonna be most hard most of the show.

[A]

Right. What about in the little. When we take a little food break? What are you gonna do? You just take him away?

[B]

No, I'm gonna. No, no. We're all go together, but I'm gonna keep like. Like, I'm gonna do a lot of things, right? My arms around him the whole time, and then I'm gonna say stuff to you guys and then turn into his ear and say things you guys don't get to hear at all.

[A]

You're gonna whisper.

[B]

It'll be so frustrating for all of you.

[A]

Whispering so rude.

[B]

I know, but I'm gonna be like, doesn't matter. I took Jacob here. You guys are here.

[A]

What are you gonna whisper in his ear?

[B]

You don't worry about it.

[A]

Well, give me a little taste.

[B]

Let me take you somewhere sometime.

[A]

I don't want to be taken.

[B]

I want to be taken.

[A]

I don't want to be taken.

[B]

You don't hear the secrets.

[A]

I like to watch people being taken.

[B]

Yeah, but the person watching someone being taken doesn't get the secrets. You're also just watching the secrets happen.

[A]

Right? So if I want the secrets, I gotta be taken.

[B]

You have to let me take you somewhere, and then I have to take you somewhere where other people that we know are going to, so we can shift off and just be like, just gabby little.

[A]

You gonna go to the bathroom together?

[B]

We'll go to the bathroom together. Okay. And we'll. But when we go in, though, we won't. That's when we just split ways. But when we come back out, we actually been waiting for each other the whole time.

[A]

So one's gonna wait for the other one.

[B]

Yeah. And then the other one goes in.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This way. We trying to act like we're a gay couple, but I mean, it's definitely. It's definitely a gay couple. We're going as. But I just want people to know at the core of it, it's not. I'm just taking Jacob.

[A]

It's not gay. It's taken. Which is a different thing somewhere.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's not gay.

[B]

No, it's just for the night. Listen, I'm also not crossing over. I'm not going to behave like that at work with him. But when we go out that night, I'm going to. I'm going to test the waters. I'm going to give him some, like, back of the neck kisses and see if he, like, moves or if he, you know, he might give me a little like the shoulder shrug. Like, I don't like that. And then I'll know where I stand. And then maybe goodbye the rest of his own fucking waters.

[A]

I wish you could try, like, show us some of the taking right now.

[B]

How I would take him.

[A]

Yeah, just like a little taste of it to see how it.

[B]

How he reacts, how we'd watch the show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna show you here, Jacob, if you don't mind.

[A]

I guess Jay's gonna walk over to Jacob and show us.

[B]

Well, Jacob's come over here.

[A]

Can we play some music, though, in the studio?

[B]

A little Iron Maiden. You can come over here. I'll position.

[A]

You don't have to worry about it. You're taken. We're at the concert.

[C]

Concert, concert.

[B]

We're facing the concert here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm putting my hand to you so you can get across the aisle because some people aren't letting you through. I go, excuse me, guys. I talk. I took him here. And I'll get you across the aisle. Go. Come on, guys. Sorry, sorry. Get over here. Get over here, you. Where the hell you been? And then we're gonna watch. And I'm like, God, people say they're not romantic, but they really are. And then I'm going, hands in his front pockets. And then I'm like, pushing back. I'm making his dick jostle around because I'm Pushing back on his upper thigh, and it's making his dick go like this a little bit in his pants.

[A]

He seems a little uncomfortable right now. His face is weird.

[B]

No, he's loving it.

[A]

Well, whisper something. Pull that thing back in.

[B]

And by the way, before I neck kiss him, I do awkward movements where I just do this. Like I completely push his head over. Like I'm like a vampire and I just suck on it.

[A]

I can't wait to watch this. That got me going right there.

[B]

Absolutely it did. Dude, you've never been taken to a show.

[A]

I've never been taken.

[B]

It feels nice to be taken to a show, doesn't it, Jacob?

[C]

It did not feel nice. You felt.

[A]

You felt safe, right?

[C]

I felt safe for sure.

[A]

Do you think you're going to enjoy the concert more now that you're taken at the show?

[C]

Be there, but.

[A]

Yeah, but you don't worry about anything at the show. When you're just there and you go to the show, you're kind of on your own and you kind of have to look around. You're by yourself, but you're going to say, sit down.

[C]

No, you're going to be, I'm enjoying.

[B]

No, I'm all yours. That's what I'm saying. Like, Bobby might look over some point, and DJ Lou's, like, doing something else. Black Lou's completely disengaged. Very white music.

[C]

Defend me.

[B]

Yeah, but now, exactly, like, you'll be like, God damn. Jay and Jacob haven't stopped, like, talking, and they're looking at each other and they're singing the words and air guitar together like they're a really annoying couple. And then I'll correct people. I go, we're not a couple. I just took them.

[A]

He's taken.

[B]

I just took him here.

[A]

Now, let me ask. When he. When he kisses your neck, are you going to close your eyes? You're going to keep them open?

[C]

I'm not sure.

[A]

Is that a game time call?

[C]

He does the whole vampire.

[B]

I really aggressively push his head down on his own shoulder and then suck on his neck like a fucking corn cob. Oh, I leave a lot of wet, too. I leave a lot of wet.

[A]

Are you just gonna leave it?

[B]

Yeah, he's gonna have to do this afterwards.

[A]

Wipe it off.

[B]

And then I'm gonna go, you don't like it? And he's gonna go, no, no, no. I wasn't expecting this. It's gonna make my. It's making my cologne come off.

[A]

We'll look over. DJ Lou's gonna be gone. I Can't take the Taken.

[B]

I took Lou. I took Lou to a concert before.

[A]

You were taken?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

None of that happened?

[C]

No. Wow.

[B]

Yeah, well, Lou's a little frigid.

[A]

I didn't know how to play.

[B]

He wasn't receptive. Every time I put my hands in his pockets, he'd go, hey, yeah. I go, hey, man. Plus, I took you. I go. I took here. That's what I realized. The guy's a. What do you call. He's a blue baller. That's what he does. This guy allowed me to take him, knowing he wasn't gonna put out.

[A]

You know, he's a blue ball. Everybody in, Jerry. All gays in Jersey know that.

[B]

Loser. How did I not know that? This guy will take you right to the edge and then flat leave you, dude, just by. Those two gay guys didn't even jerk off. Or they didn't even. That night, they jerked off individually. Tease, dude. Nuts.

[A]

How are you gonna. If you.

[C]

If you.

[A]

If you take Lou, though, how'd you get his big booty close to you? Do you have to arch your stomach into it, like, form to his.

[B]

We were in the pit.

[A]

Oh, in the pit.

[B]

Yeah, we were in the pit. So there was a. We had a wide berth. And I'm telling you, Lou was not feeling my sexual advances. In fact, he didn't even feel any of them happen. He just sat there enjoying the music.

[A]

I did tell you I loved you once, though.

[B]

He did say he loved me once, and that's what I thought was thinking. I started tilting my head to the side, moving in, and he just turned around.

[A]

So you misread it.

[B]

I misread it completely. You didn't know. Hey, I love you. I go, oh, my God, this is it. And then I closed my eyes. And then I closed my eyes, and it was like, in blink of an eye, he was already. He was, like, getting a soda or something.

[A]

Tease. What a. You can't say I love you to somebody when you would take it.

[B]

Oh, my God, he says, I love you. Some stupid Pearl Jam song was playing. It was the perfect moment. And I looked over at Lou, and I was like. He goes, I love you. And I went, oh, my God.

[A]

This is it.

[B]

This is it.

[A]

This is what you.

[B]

You got. And then I was like. At one point, I was kind of like. I moved in really far to not feel another mouth yet. And I looked up, and Lou wasn't there.

[A]

Anyway, that sucks.

[B]

He said he went to the bathroom, but I saw him on a different part of the pit. Chump jamming. The music. Still ditched me because I tried to kiss him after I take him to a concert. I took you.

[A]

Those are the best seats I've ever had, so I certainly would have let you do it.

[B]

Whatever you wanted. Thank you. Well, you didn't make it seem that.

[A]

I didn't know the protocol.

[B]

You could have. You could have been a little more open. You could have bloomed for me more.

[A]

I hate that. God, do I hate that word.

[B]

Could have presented a little bit when you notice I was throwing at it. You saw me tilt my head for that long French.

[A]

Christine, have you ever been taken to the concert? I've been taken to many concerts by Jay.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Not like this.

[B]

No. I mean, I pay.

[A]

We've been together a long time.

[B]

I pay. So it's like I pay, but like.

[A]

She just goes, she's a goer.

[B]

She's a goer.

[A]

She's not a take. She's never been taken.

[B]

Maybe a long time ago I took her to a concert. Now she goes.

[C]

Do you ever enwrap Christine in your arms at a show?

[B]

Never.

[C]

No.

[B]

No.

[C]

Never.

[A]

Gas, snacks, tolls. This trip is draining my wallet.

[B]

Yeah, but we'll be.

[A]

You're in a good mood. What's your deal?

[B]

What's my deal? I saved at Metro with no activation fees and I got one line of 5G for just $25 per month. Kept the phone I love and a 5 year price guarantee on my top tuxt and data detour to Metro.

[A]

Get that more for your money feeling.

[B]

Only at Metro by T Mobile. Just bring your number. $30 first month at $25 after with autopay not available. If with Metro or T Mobile in the past 180 days.

[A]

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[B]

There's no way that happened. No, I was wrapped up with Josh in his disputes, with his people in his left the whole time.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Flossing. Oh, it's fucking gross. I hate thinking about it.

[B]

Well, it occupies me during a concert, you see.

[A]

Well, if you're not taking anybody, what.

[B]

Are you gonna do if you're not taking anyone? Anyway, mothers fucking sit there. Josh takes me. I have to be privy to all his dumb. No, I've been taking Christine to a concert in a long time. But we go to a lot of concerts.

[A]

What concert would you take me to?

[B]

God, I'd love an Aerosmith reunion. That would get you so worked up.

[A]

Kelly Clarkson would get me nuts.

[B]

Yeah, but you're giving. But you're giving too much to Kelly Clarkson.

[A]

You're right. I'd be too wet.

[B]

And then I'm getting, like. What I'm getting is the spillover of, like. She's working you up. So you're accepting me.

[A]

Can't do that.

[B]

But if I take you, I need you to know that you're there with me.

[A]

I gotta be taken.

[B]

You have to be taken, right?

[C]

Taken at that show. You just have him. Kelly Clarkson.

[B]

No, I know, but I'm getting. He's seeing. He opens his eyes, he's seeing. Kelly Clarkson. I'm Kelly Clarkson that night. I'm not being no one's fucking substitute. Kelly Clarkson.

[A]

Yeah. I might push his hands away at one point because I think Kelly's looking at me. I don't want Kelly to see me being taken.

[B]

Yeah. What if she looks down? She sees my hands in Bobby's pockets pushing back on his upper thigh so his dick goes up and down the way I like to do you know my move, Jacob?

[C]

I sure do.

[B]

Jacob, you're Familiar with my move? Oh, yeah, dude.

[A]

Being taken sounds fun.

[B]

It's probably very nice. Have I been taken somewhere? Where was I taken ever? Craig Gass used to take me to things.

[A]

Oh, you were taken by Craig Gas?

[B]

Oh, Craig Gass took me to things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just skirted around with him. Wherever he went, he's like, hey, you want to leave watching your favorite band and go meet the Light Rig guys for the band that was on earlier? I go, I do want to do that. I do want to do that. No, he's got a lot of stories you don't care about, so. Or. Or you could sit and watch System of It Down. I know they're, like, on the verge of breaking up, but this guy's a good dude, dude. And technically, he's the guy who got us the past.

[A]

What a taxing dude that guy is.

[C]

Did you see Van Halen with him? No, never saw Van Halen.

[B]

No, not. I saw Van Halen dressed like a woman in up at Mohegan Sun. We were filming Z Rock, and the last scene we filmed, I was wearing a girl's golf outfit from the golf store there. It was like a part of the joke of the thing. And then they were like, yo, they got four more songs left, so if you guys want to go, because we're done filming finally. And they go, if you want to go, go now. And I ran in there in a girl's golf outfit. Yeah. And I mean, David Lee. Rolfe is bald. Everyone looked wrong. Everyone was wrong that night. They were. It wasn't as exciting as I was hoping it was going to be, because it was just again, it's the moment. My first time seeing Guns N' Roses, I had to get that thing out first. That I'm like, it's not gonna be Axl Rose running around the stage. Welcome to the jungle Paradise City. It's just not that anymore.

[A]

So.

[B]

Yeah, once you get past it, though, you're like, dude, I'm seeing Guns N Roses live, and it's awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

That'd be like seeing when Led Zeppelin got back together. For a minute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You had that expectations that. And then you realized, oh, this is Robert Plant.

[B]

They can't do it anymore.

[A]

Led Zeppelin. Yeah, his.

[C]

Dave lost his voice decades ago.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You think so, Dave? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He can't sing the way he used to sing.

[B]

No, not like that, I guess. But, I mean, Sammy Hagar can't sing like he's saying, but he still sings pretty good.

[A]

Sammy Sings better than David.

[B]

Oh, for sure. He keeps going, though. He never stops performing. He's like the house band. That is stupid Mexican resort.

[A]

Yeah. What is it? What is it called?

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. The Cabo Wabo lifestyle does not seem alluring to me.

[C]

He loves it. He's so happy.

[B]

He's so happy, but it's so not my thing.

[A]

Get your toes in the beach.

[B]

Wear shells around your neck.

[A]

Yeah, it sucks.

[B]

I'm 70. Yeah, it looks like he still was. Wraparound shades in the back of his neck when he performs. He's almost 80. Huh?

[C]

He's almost 80. Still got set of pipes.

[B]

Is he almost 80?

[C]

Yeah. He can still sing. Yes. I think he's 79.

[B]

Don't curse me. Didn't curse at me at all. Stop cursing at me, Jake.

[A]

Yeah. You want to be taken? You know, you stop cursing.

[B]

This is no way to get taken somewhere.

[A]

78. Wow.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[A]

That's old as fuck. He was born in 47.

[C]

10 years older.

[A]

That was like. That's three years. That's two years after the World War II was over.

[B]

He looks like the third screen in the middle. He looks the third screen of the American Werewolf in London. Transformation. Like the third time they went back to him. Like, some of the face hairs coming in. Oh, dude. The origins of Cabo Wabo. I know it.

[C]

I'm not drunk.

[B]

Millionaire wants to not pay taxes.

[C]

I was always David Lee Roth. Van Halen first, but he's so likable. You just want to hang out with Sammy. He has such good stories. Everyone loves him. Every artist loves him.

[A]

I saw Sammy live. They're actually pretty good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, right. When they. They got together, I saw them up in Rochester.

[B]

Oh, when they first got together.

[A]

Yeah, they were good.

[B]

Oh, so you saw young Eddie Van Halen?

[A]

I saw. I was. I was literally front row.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Front row. General admission at the Red Wing Stadium. Like the Triple A baseball team up there. I just ran up front. Got up front. Eddie was right there.

[B]

By yourself?

[A]

I went with this other dude, but.

[B]

He take you?

[A]

I think I. I was taken, but then I didn't want to be taken, and I ran up front.

[B]

That's bad. Party foul, Bobby.

[A]

Yeah, but I was gonna be up front.

[B]

God forbid. Yo, watch. Watch a disc Iron man concert. Watch Jacob try to run forward, away from me. There's no way, dude. I wouldn't allow it.

[A]

Well, it was. It was general admission, and I was.

[B]

I don't give a. You're my shadow, dude.

[A]

I took you here's the thing, though. Don't get him drunk. This guy got me drunk before the concert. Now I was drunk. I was 15. And once you get me drunk, you. I can't be taken.

[B]

Well, he's trying to. He was trying to molest you.

[A]

No, he was my age.

[B]

He was trying to take you.

[A]

He's trying to take me. He was my age. He was maybe 2 years old.

[C]

You saw that 5150.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's great.

[A]

I got so drunk and I was up in the front and it became so crushing. Like people were crushing behind me. I panicked. I got a migraine headache and I had to slide out the side and go sit in the bleachers by myself.

[B]

You could do right. Holding my head do right now, dude.

[A]

It was amazing, though. Where he was right there. He looked right at me.

[B]

No, he didn't.

[A]

Yeah, he did. He went there. He went like this. Bob.

[B]

Oh, dude. I saw Sean and I when I was young, they let me come on stage and snap with them.

[A]

No way.

[B]

No, they got to go. Who put the bop in the Bob? I put the Bob. Bob. Bang, bang.

[A]

I just watched Shine on him. Bowser. Bowser was just a fucking nerd.

[B]

Bowser's so ugly always. And then the poor guy thought that his, like, signature was. He had to go, ah. Like, open his mouth real big and make some weird face. It's awful.

[C]

They had their own show like this. And I remember looking back now, he had no arm.

[B]

He's bony.

[C]

He's bony. But when you're a kid back then, before, you know, Arnold came on into the world, you thought that was muscles.

[A]

Well, that's what. They had their own show, and I watched a couple of their episodes. And that's when TV was just. The expectations for TV was so low. I mean, it just sucks.

[B]

It's also just the idea that back to the concept of, like, a musical about gangs, it never makes sense, you know, I mean, like anything where it's like. Like the Grease or whatever. Like, those are the badass dudes. Those are the guys who have switchblades and have rumble fights, but also once in a while, just sing and dance together.

[A]

Yeah, see? Yeah. Once you add the gay to it, it takes all the other part, I mean, so much.

[B]

He goes, dude, what happened? Did you get any this summer? He goes, let's go sing on the bleachers about it. Shoot, pop up. Shoot, pop up. Bing, bang, bop, beep, bop, bing. Yeah. Hey, do you any place this weekend, guys, Give me a little snap. Four, four time, please. I met a girl.

[A]

Yeah. Grease.

[B]

Did the girl have big old titties? Did the girl have big old titties? Did the girl have big old titties? Big old titties Old titties Somebody bumble Big old titties, yeah.

[A]

Oh, and only one guy could always. The only one guy could sing.

[B]

Let's go up there he goes. Someone goes, I'm gonna stop. These guys are always singing downstairs. You go downstairs and they beat the out of you because they're a doo wop gang. It's two worlds that shouldn't collide so much. I don't want my rough and tumble singing and dancing so much. Already Hurt by the Jets. The jets and the Sharks.

[A]

Don't forget that. Don't forget the T Birds.

[B]

I know, but the west side Story guys, particularly that first one, when they're all just walking through the streets and gathering each other and the neighborhood's looking at them like, oh, here it goes with the gangs. And, like, the moves they're doing, they're going like, yeah, like, they're all, like, throwing their legs up in the air. When you're a Jet, I think, no, it's not that song. It's the very first thing when they're just coming out and they're all snapping and then more of them join up and then they start snap. Could you imagine, though, being, like, the neighborhoods being terrorized by these dancing whites? Not the new West Sides. Don't get the original. The. Are you showing me we're not gay? This is why I don't take her nowhere.

[A]

We like the original.

[B]

This is why Christine doesn't get taken anywhere. It's this behavior.

[A]

I love it, too, that the. The Spanish guys are just Italian guys with, like, brown makeup on their face. That one Spanish guy in that movie.

[B]

No way, dude. You don't let Spanish act this time.

[A]

Watch the credits. Antonio. Vinnie.

[B]

Oh, yeah. This is Al Jolson Times. All your black people are white guys wearing red lipstick. I do say. I do say I'm black.

[A]

Who's that?

[B]

Who knows, man? I don't know anymore. This building's gonna crumble. I know.

[A]

We did the show yesterday from home. That was. That was great until we were done.

[B]

Why you're wearing tights?

[A]

Yeah, I forgot I was wearing tights. That's not on video anywhere, is it?

[B]

I saw it.

[A]

Yeah, but it's nowhere, like, circulating.

[B]

I'm wearing tights right now.

[A]

Did you record that?

[B]

I did with my phone. I sent the chicks.

[A]

You said I had you the same ass as you Too, which I disagree.

[B]

We do have terrible asses.

[A]

I don't. I don't think we have terrible asses. We just don't have. We have small asses, but I don't think my ass is as small as your ass.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I would do an ass off right now.

[B]

You wearing tights?

[A]

No, but I'll take it out.

[B]

I'm wearing tights.

[C]

I would rate your asses.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Wait a minute.

[C]

I mean, if you want, I'll do it right now.

[A]

You want to do an ass off, but don't.

[C]

I don't want somebody to get upset.

[B]

Yes, Please turn this up.

[A]

I feel like Jay's avoiding it.

[B]

No, I'll do an ass thing with you, but let's do the thing. I'm wearing tights, though. You're gonna see my ass in tights.

[A]

You're not going to take it out?

[B]

No. I mean, I will if you want to see my ass that bad for it.

[A]

I want to see so bad. Jay, please show me your ass, Jay.

[B]

Make me feel wanted.

[A]

Dude, I want to see you a tight ass.

[B]

This is my favorite. Now, right away you go, there's a gang. But when they start snapping, you go, I don't know. I guess it's not that dangerous.

[A]

Jesus Christ. They are the white.

[B]

Yes. And then. And then a ball goes over for someone. One of their balls goes over to the guy, and he's afraid of them. He goes, hey, snapping queefs. Would you mind giving my ball back? What are you gonna do about it, mister?

[A]

That would frighten me if I just saw a bunch of white guys snapping in a park.

[B]

This is the absolute best. But here's where it gets not scary quick.

[A]

They're pirouettes.

[B]

It gets not scary so fast. Everyone's looking at him with the. With the respect.

[A]

Look at the kid way in the back, climbing up. Oh, they're gonna. Are they gonna do something to this girl? They gonna take her?

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Oh, they just walked by.

[B]

They're not hoodlums. They're talented dancers and gymnasts.

[A]

You know, this is old because there's white guys playing basketball.

[B]

Only white guys.

[A]

And they still have the nets and khakis.

[B]

Oh, my God. Could you imagine if your ball got stolen by guys dancing with your basketball? I mean, they stole a basketball and then did a routine with it. Yes. I'd go, keep it, guys. I don't want AIDS. This was the 60s.

[A]

Are these actors all closeted? Yes.

[B]

Don't say that. Two of them are in Twin Peaks.

[A]

Wait A minute. What was that move right there at the end?

[B]

No, but it's gonna get so much worse, right? Hey, guys, you ready to go show the neighborhood we don't play games?

[A]

Right here? The guy on the end.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait a minute.

[B]

They all start doing, why? Why?

[A]

What does that do? What does that do for. Is that how you take turns? You can only cross the street unless you do that.

[B]

Yeah, they're still looking both ways before they dance across the street. Could you imagine this? This is what's going on. There he goes. Oh, God, these guys are coming through again. Get in the house. Hide your wallets.

[A]

Someone should remake this. And then a real gang beats the out of him.

[B]

Right? That's what should happen right there. So an AI the jets getting beat up by a gang of three. Anything else but white dancers? He goes, we are in New York to dance now, is it just one Puerto Rican and the rest of us white dancers?

[A]

Is it Puerto Rican?

[B]

First of all, if you are white dancers in New York and the Puerto Ricans started moving in, you should be threatened.

[A]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

[B]

Puerto Rican dancers are going to beat your white dancers if this is only about the dance.

[A]

Oh, he clenched his fist. That's terrifying.

[B]

I know. Remember back when whites could scare Puerto Ricans?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's Lewis's dad also gets stabbed in the movie. Lewis's dad was killed dancing. I'm gonna tell Louis. I go, dude, I found out your dad didn't die in front of a thing. He was stabbed in a knife fight in west side Story.

[A]

Yeah. Your mom was dating a white guy.

[B]

Your dad.

[A]

Bernardo, the black face makeup in this is hilarious.

[B]

It's brown face.

[A]

It's brown.

[B]

You're racist now for saying that.

[A]

Same idea.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It's so funny. They had to do their arms and their necks, too.

[B]

That guy's got fetal alcohol syndrome on the left. I'll tell you what, it doesn't stop him from dancing. Look at this. He goes, I'm so angry. It's too many white people. We need to dance now that. Oh, no, that's the revenge.

[A]

Oh, Dancing over their jet sign in the street.

[B]

Oh, dude, that's like when Terrell Owens stood on the Cowboy Star. You don't fuck around with that.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And then the other New Yorkers are going like, ah. Their dancing's a little ethnic for me. I'd rather have the white dancer gangs.

[A]

They should redo the wire with this.

[B]

Dancing just comes down, just different. Okay. Everything's cool. By the way, they just intimidated him now it's like the. The. The change of. Of power.

[A]

Well, there's three to two. There's three to two.

[B]

Yeah. But they didn't know that the other ones were there. Now there's so many, oh, no more whites.

[A]

And he took his apple back.

[B]

Now you guys go and everything's fine.

[A]

Why their hair's all yellow? Because they're white.

[B]

It's Technicolor.

[A]

Before they messed up the gene pool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At the end of this movie. That's what this movie's about.

[B]

Yeah. We were still getting rid of some of Hitler's work.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

They scared them off by going, cha cha.

[A]

That's why Hitler wanted to take over America, because we already did what he was trying to do.

[B]

Oh. But they got rid of them. Now they're cleaning up the streets.

[A]

Hey, we did it. We did it. We did it. There's not one.

[B]

These kids, these terrifying kids came down and they were doing ball, heel, toe chains.

[A]

There's not one disappointed dad yelling out the window, hey, knock it off. What'd I tell you about doing pararettes in the park, you queen.

[B]

Oh, my God. Dude. They really should. Dude, any black person just come take that ball back.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Puerto Ricans can't play ball either.

[A]

Yeah, he grabbed the bond. He doesn't know what it is.

[B]

He's like, what?

[A]

What is this? Is this a watermelon?

[B]

Is this orange shocker?

[A]

What is this?

[B]

Is this orange soccer ball?

[A]

Don't know. He kicked it back.

[B]

Thanks. Huh?

[A]

Oh, they do their belts on the side.

[B]

I'm thinking about doing that.

[A]

Don't.

[B]

I'm thinking about side belting like a dancer.

[A]

Do not side belt.

[B]

I think it's good for my dancing. Seems to work for these guys.

[A]

It seems like the Puerto Ricans are the originators of leather wrist gear. Well, that's like part of their thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's how you block knives.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, God. These guys might have to dance it out.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

They could just be friends. Nope. Damn.

[A]

Oh. Oh. He just shot him with energy.

[B]

First of all, he hit a 20 yard. A 20 yard pinpoint, and then he would have sex.

[A]

Now he's being taken.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, there's another one.

[B]

Stop having sex with this white guy in the park. Man. I would fight more if I could do it like this. If it was just shoving and dancing.

[A]

It was dance fights.

[C]

Dance fights.

[B]

I'll fight you outside like this tomorrow. It'll keep us warm out there.

[A]

How did anybody, like, enjoy this? How did any man back in the.

[B]

Are you kidding? If you were hanging out your window and watching all this, you'd be like, this is amazing. What are they doing? This is a fucking flash mob. Oh, it's gangland warfare. It's beautiful.

[A]

I would throw iced out my window.

[B]

Oh, guys, I think time is of the essence. Why don't we just run? Run.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, shit. They went down snapping corridor, just hopping over each other.

[A]

What was that? A Chinese guy? What was that?

[B]

He was being Puerto Rican, but is he Asian?

[A]

Oh, they put yellow on him, by the way.

[B]

It doesn't hold up. The yellow is gone. Like next scene. Like a cartoon. By the way. Pretty funny though. The Puerto Ricans only have yellow paint. What are they doing up there? Painting their pants. Come on, Jacob, let's go one Puerto Rican people wear yellow pants. They have flashy colors. I don't know if you remember now.

[A]

They'Re in the Puerto Rican.

[B]

I don't remember how our own DJ Lou used to dress. Remember Puerto Ricans dressed them?

[A]

They're in the Puerto Rican neighborhood now because all the buildings are rubble.

[B]

Oh, buildings are rubble. And they're throwing fruit. Puerto Ricans love selling roadside fruit.

[A]

Oh, he wrote stinks on the shots.

[B]

They're writing over.

[A]

Hey, where do you get a paintbrush and a little thing of paint like that so quick?

[B]

I'll tell you what, it's amazing how many things have unfolded in the five minutes. I mean, they've been two full on gang fights, three basketball games, four entire routines. Graffiti, graffiti, finished graffiti chases. But here's the thing. In the next scene, the Puerto Rican, the main Puerto Rican guy, just gonna be somewhere else, just watching what's happening. It's like, where's this guy's guy's omnipresent? Or do you think they all look the same and they're all wearing the same outfits to freak everyone out.

[A]

Oh, he's running through the schoolyard.

[B]

I know. It always culminates. All this Puerto Rican and white fights culminate in the basketball court because I guess there's no black people in New York yet.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

One guy beats him. The rest of them reach for the stars.

[A]

The twirlies as they go.

[B]

Guys, hear me out. Listen. Listen to me. Hear me out. Hear me out, gang. The next live performance, we do whatever it is. I don't know what it is.

[A]

No.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

No, it's not. No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You don't even want to try the choreography?

[C]

No.

[A]

It's a radio show.

[B]

Christine, you should be on Bobby's side. There's no chance you're doing it.

[A]

Doing this, not me.

[B]

Well, this is a boy fight. I just said the whole thing was gonna be a choreographed.

[A]

Yeah, we'll tie your hair up and paint your face brown.

[B]

We can paint you brown. You're ethnic enough.

[A]

There's a girl in the show that's a bit of a tomboy. I forget the character's name.

[B]

I thought it was a boy.

[A]

I love this. There's no. There's no words spoken that whole time. Not one piece of dialogue.

[B]

Except for they speak with the art of dance.

[A]

Oh, God, do I hate dance.

[B]

What?

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

You don't mean that.

[A]

I don't like dance.

[B]

What?

[A]

Luke, can you turn my mic and make me hotter?

[B]

You thought I couldn't hear you?

[A]

I hate dancing.

[B]

I'm in Nike this weekend. Yeah, Bobby's in Comedy Works south in Colorado February 5th through the 7th. Punch up that live Robert Kelly.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

BigJComedy.com. we'll be right back. Is the bonfire. This is Rich Cannon from Sirius XM NFL Radio reminding you that SiriusXM is the place to hear every NFL playoff game from the wild card round all the way through the Super Bowl.

[A]

Plus, you get to decide how you.

[B]

Want to listen to the game. We'll have the hometown announcers for each game and the national broadcasters on your radio and on the SiriusXM app. And if it's football talk that you want, just search for NFL radio on the app or tune to Sirius XM channel 88.

[A]

In your car this winter, Know what.

[B]

Your vehicle needs before it needs it. Visit your Buick certified service center and ask for a multi point vehicle inspection. And take advantage of stackable rebates. See dealer for complete details. Multi point vehicle inspections vary by participating dealer.