The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly
Episode: Taking Jacob
Date: February 4, 2026
Host: SiriusXM
Main Theme: The hilarious, escalating bit of what it means to be "taken" to a concert, injected with raucous inside-jokes, band talk, and a lampooning of musical gang movies.
Overview
This episode centers on the uproarious concept of "taking" someone—specifically, Jay "taking" Jacob to an Iron Maiden show—and all the loaded, faux-intimate shenanigans that come with it. Jay, Bobby, Jacob, and the crew spin the bit into satirical, absurd sexual innuendo, stretch it into a running joke, and intersperse it with real talk about concerts, band fandom, failed guest plans, and mocking classic "tough guy" musicals like West Side Story. The tone is classic Bonfire: rowdy, honest, and irreverently affectionate among friends.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. "Taking" Jacob to Iron Maiden
Timestamps: [10:12–19:00, 20:00–24:00]
- Jay proclaims he's "taking Jacob" to see Iron Maiden, turning a basic concert invitation into a full-blown faux-romantic, almost possessive gesture.
- The guys break down what "being taken" entails: buying merch, sitting together, public displays of (mock) affection.
- Jay: "I'll buy you some swag if you like. I want to dress you up in fits." [10:32]
- Jay: "You're not gonna buy one here either. I'm buying them for you. Cause I'm taking you to this concert." [10:39]
- Bobby and the crew escalate the bit—asking about seating, merch, and whether Jay will whisper secrets to Jacob during the show.
- Jay: "I'll put my hand on his leg while I'm driving though...Once in a while I'll look over, just giving a little wink. Hello." [16:22]
- Jay: "80% of the show, I'm gonna be behind him with my hands in his front pockets..." [16:39]
2. Concert Rituals, Band Talk, and Fandom
Timestamps: [01:51–10:00], [12:00–14:40], [16:00–17:10], [32:44–36:00]
- Initial banter about Iron Maiden, favorite songs, and the ritual of buying T-shirts at shows ("You have to take your other T shirt and wrap it around your waist and put the new one on." [10:44])
- Jacob—revealed as an Iron Maiden super fan—talks about seeing the band live, wanting to drum "Where Eagles Dare", and his souvenir choices.
- Extended riffing about band members' style choices (the "poodle hair" of Steve Harris, stage presence).
- Anecdotes about past concert experiences (Sammy Hagar, Van Halen), how expectations shift with aging rock stars.
- The line between being "taken" and just "going" to a concert is explored and lampooned, with personal stories about being taken or "not taken" to shows.
3. The Emotional Arc & Satirical Intimacy of Being "Taken"
Timestamps: [19:00–24:30], [29:51–32:00]
- In-studio demonstration—Jay physically "takes" Jacob to show how he'll act at the concert: holding hands, hands in pockets, whispering, making Jacob "half hard."
- Jay: "I'm gonna push back so it makes your wiener, like, start to, like, jostle." [17:05]
- Jacob (awkward, but game): "I felt safe for sure." [20:52]
- The joke carries undertones of real affection among the crew, with Bobby feigning jealousy and Jacob both enjoying and feigning discomfort.
- This dynamic leads to a humorous taxonomy of concert companionship—"goers," "taken," "blue ballers," and those who "watch others being taken."
4. Musical Parody and West Side Story Breakdown
Timestamps: [37:07–49:49]
- The show pivots to roasting classic musicals as actual "tough guy" prototypes—how West Side Story's singing/dancing gangs undercut supposed street menace.
- Play-by-play mockery as they watch and narrate a West Side Story gang scene, noting the absurdity of "threatening" white boys snapping and pirouetting in Technicolor.
- Bobby: "Could you imagine, though, being, like, the neighborhoods being terrorized by these dancing whites?" [38:00]
- Jay: "Could you imagine if your ball got stolen by guys dancing with your basketball?" [41:46]
- Jay: "This is what this movie's about...We were still getting rid of some of Hitler's work." [44:58]
- The intersection of musical theater and street toughs is ridiculed, with jokes about brownface, tough guy choreography, and white-kid basketball.
- They debate whether being a "taker" or being "taken" is gayer, getting meta about their own bit.
5. Recurring Jokes, Failed Guest (T.J. Miller), and Inside Banter
Timestamps: [07:24–09:50]
- T.J. Miller was supposed to be a guest, but canceled last minute. This becomes an interrogation of Christine, Jacob, and the tangled communication, complete with awkward passing of blame and comedic grilling.
- Tangents into language malapropisms ("bringing up a whole prolific of things"), tossed around with mock academic seriousness.
Notable Quotes & Moments
"It's like when a child walks in holding a teddy bear to an orgy."
— Big Jay, describing Jacob's innocent energy compared to their rowdy bit [03:17]
"I'm gonna take you. I'm gonna take you there. I'll get you something nice too, while you're there."
— Jay's mock-sugar-daddy concert gesture [10:25]
"I'll be stroking his like dick hair through the lining of the pockets, through his quinces."
— Jay, escalating the innuendo describing his plan for Jacob mid-concert [16:47]
"It's not gay. It's taken. Which is a different thing somewhere."
— Bobby, after the full rundown of Jay's planned concert affection [19:01]
"Have I been taken somewhere? Where was I taken ever? Craig Gass used to take me to things."
— Jay, pondering his history as the "taken" [31:07]
"Could you imagine, though, being, like, the neighborhoods being terrorized by these dancing whites?"
— Bobby, on gang musicals' lack of intimidation [38:00]
Segment Timestamps
| Time | Segment | Summary | |---------|-----------------------------------|-------------------------------------------------------------| |00:56-03:51| Iron Maiden banter, music tastes | Riffing on songs, Jacob's fandom, general energy shift | |07:24-09:50| TJ Miller Cancelation | Christine/Jacob's mishap with failed guest, comedic inquest | |10:12-19:00| "Taking" Jacob bit starts | Jay's elaborate bit about taking Jacob to Iron Maiden | |19:00-24:00| In-studio demonstration | Jay acts out "taking" Jacob, awkward affection escalates | |29:51-32:00| Reflections, being "taken" | Jay reflects on persons who've "taken" him | |32:44-36:00| Concert nostalgia | Anecdotes about Van Halen, Guns N' Roses, and meeting idols| |37:07-49:49| West Side Story breakdown | Roasting/mocking musical gangs, racial casting, choreography| |50:08+ | Plugs, ads, post-show chat | Announcement of gigs, end-of-show wrap-up |
Tone & Language
The crew deploys their signature blunt humor, often laden with innuendo, affectionate insults, and over-the-top metaphors. Everyone—Jay, Bobby, Jacob—is both victim and instigator of the chaos, with each adding layers to the central bit. The mock intimacy, wrestling with awkwardness, and meta-commentary on their own friend group dynamics keep the episode rolling at rapid pace. It’s rowdy, crude, but fundamentally warm—comics roasting each other and every absurd bit of pop-culture they encounter.
For listeners who love inside-joke escalation, the difference between being a "goer," a "taker," and being "taken," and want to hear what happens when stand-up comics break down both their friendships and the musical canon, this episode is top shelf Bonfire.