Tammy The Protector

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: "Tammy The Protector" (Released July 25, 2025)

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In the episode titled "Tammy The Protector," hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly dive into a myriad of humorous and insightful discussions, blending personal anecdotes with broader societal observations. The conversation seamlessly transitions from amusing encounters at events to incisive commentary on movements like the Sovereign Citizens and law enforcement dynamics.

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2. Encounter at a Comedy Event

The episode opens with Jay recounting his experience at a comedy show in Charlotte, where security personnel, particularly a formidable guard named Tammy, manage interactions with fans and ensure the hosts' safety.

Jay Oakerson (05:12):
"I was in Charlotte doing shows. Security guard, out of control."

Robert Kelly (05:58):
"I'm gonna say something about that. In a terrible mood."

Jay describes encountering Sam Roberts and a fan who mistakenly didn't recognize him, leading to a humorous exchange about favorite drinks and missed autograph opportunities.

Jay Oakerson (05:42):
"You recognize my drink, but you don't recognize me?"

Robert Kelly (05:45):
"This makes me sick to my stomach."

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3. The Role of Tammy the Protector

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around Tammy, the security guard, whose aggressive approach to fan interactions becomes a central theme.

Jay Oakerson (07:25):
"I never told you about my security guard lady."

Robert Kelly (07:55):
"I took her for dim sum on Saturday."

Tammy’s overzealous protection extends beyond typical security measures, as she orchestrates meet-and-greets and handles fan interactions with an iron fist.

Jay Oakerson (08:01):
"She is aggressive beyond belief with fans."

Robert Kelly (08:11):
"She's like karate chop their hands, their arms down or slap their phones down on the table."

The hosts humorously critique Tammy's methods, highlighting the fine line between security and overprotection.

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4. Satirical Take on the Sovereign Citizens Movement

Shifting gears, Jay and Bobby delve into a satirical analysis of the Sovereign Citizens movement, inspired by the movie "Sovereign" starring Nick Offerman.

Jay Oakerson (20:08):
"The actual underlying belief is I can buy anything I want from you on credit. And then if I never accept a bill from you, I don't owe you the money."

Robert Kelly (21:07):
"They have like, amazing coffee shops. I bet you go in there and have coffee. These great. This great cup of coffee and you."

The duo explores the absurdity of the movement's legal misconceptions, using movie scenes to illustrate the disconnect between belief and reality.

Christine (22:16):
"They have their own laws. They can sell drugs."

Jay Oakerson (22:35):
"The movement is sort of like a weird commune."

Their discussion underscores the comedic elements of the movement while subtly critiquing its real-world implications.

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5. Reflections on Law Enforcement and Public Interactions

A substantial segment is dedicated to the hosts' perspectives on police behavior and public interactions, blending humor with critical observations.

Jay Oakerson (41:17):
"They should be the least."

Robert Kelly (42:03):
"Who's that? Zoltan."

The conversation touches on gender dynamics within policing, the portrayal of female officers, and the challenges they face in the field.

Jay Oakerson (46:03):
"A female officer has nothing to worry about with me because I'm not this problem."

Robert Kelly (48:53):
"I'm gonna pee on her feet. While she's yelling at you face to face."

Through exaggerated scenarios and playful banter, Jay and Bobby highlight the tensions between law enforcement and civilians, emphasizing the need for mutual respect and understanding.

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6. Humorous Anecdotes and Audience Engagement

Throughout the episode, the hosts share a series of humorous anecdotes, often involving friends and personal experiences, keeping the tone light and engaging.

Robert Kelly (24:31):
"She lost a lot of weight, man. She looks fantastic."

Jay Oakerson (27:55):
"How do we become sovereign citizens?"

Robert Kelly (40:03):
"10 or 2. 10 and 2."

These interactions showcase the chemistry between Jay and Bobby, as well as their ability to weave humor into everyday situations.

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7. Upcoming Shows and Promotional Segments

Towards the end of the episode, both hosts promote their upcoming stand-up shows, providing details on dates and locations.

Jay Oakerson (66:11):
"Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, July 25th and 26th."

Robert Kelly (66:20):
"And Big J is going to be at the Tacoma Comedy Club in Washington August 1st and the 2nd."

Additionally, brief promotional segments for sponsors and partners are integrated seamlessly, ensuring the content remains engaging without disrupting the flow.

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8. Closing Thoughts on Personal Growth and Possibilities

In the final moments, Jay shares a reflective take on the concept of possibility and self-confidence, intertwining it with a humorous nod to fashion.

Jay Oakerson (67:00):
"What does possibility mean to you? That's a hard question. Something that you can strive for. I'm able to do anything I set my mind to."

Robert Kelly (67:26):
"You can, like, express yourself. In the right shoes, anything is possible."

The episode concludes on an uplifting note, encouraging listeners to embrace confidence and the endless possibilities that come with self-belief.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jay Oakerson (05:12):
  "I was in Charlotte doing shows. Security guard, out of control."

• Jay Oakerson (20:08):
  "The actual underlying belief is I can buy anything I want from you on credit. And then if I never accept a bill from you, I don't owe you the money."

• Jay Oakerson (46:03):
  "A female officer has nothing to worry about with me because I'm not this problem."

• Robert Kelly (24:31):
  "She lost a lot of weight, man. She looks fantastic."

• Jay Oakerson (67:00):
  "What does possibility mean to you? That's a hard question. Something that you can strive for. I'm able to do anything I set my mind to."

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Conclusion

In "Tammy The Protector," Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly deliver a richly engaging episode marked by humor, personal stories, and sharp social commentary. From the antics of an overzealous security guard to satirical takes on legal movements and police interactions, the hosts maintain a lively and entertaining dialogue that offers both laughs and thoughtful insights. This episode serves as a testament to their ability to blend comedy with meaningful conversations, making it a must-listen for both regular fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Jay Oakerson]

The Bad Guys are back in badness for Dreamworks Animation's new movie the Bad Guys 2.

[Bobby Kelly]

A high octane action comedy packed with.

[Jay Oakerson]

Attitude, swagger and laugh out loud humor that will appeal to everyone thanks to an all star voice cast of hilarious actors and comedians. The incredibly cool and visually dynamic animation style levels up the action for insane.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cinematic sequences like you've never seen in animated movies before.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is a movie made for the big screen experience. Get your tickets now for the baddest comedy of the summer. The Bad Guys 2 is in theaters August 1st.

[Christine]

Fresh, sweet and bursting with flavor. It's Summer Fruit Fest now at Whole Foods Market.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look for juicy sales on organic yellow peaches, blueberries and red cherries. You'll also find savings on no antibiotics ever meats and sustainable wild caught seafood.

[Christine]

Heading to a picnic. Grab prepared sandwiches, sushi and strawberry quinoa mint salad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Celebrate Summer Fruit Fest at Whole Foods.

[Christine]

Market, in store and online.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I'm not in a bad mood.

[Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Craziest, craziest.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby. Doesn't matter if you're still mouthing the other part. Oh, oh, yeah. I just realized it's hard to mouth it without saying it. You're going to sort of say it. Oh, no one cares about this guy. No one ever said. Can I just interview Vinnie from Naughty by Nature? Poor Vinnie Tretch happened to be so cool. And Vinnie was always like your dad's friend Vinnie.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's so ruthless looking still.

[Jay Oakerson]

Who? Oh, Tretch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's just ruthless.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah. He's just tatted up heavy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, teeth. With the teeth.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine missed him. She'd have melted.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should get gold teeth.

[Jay Oakerson]

I should get gold.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should get a couple gold tifis.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you see him turn around hard for Black Lou? That made Black Lou feel so black. Yeah, it did. It really did. Black L. Black Tretch. He was like, what's up, Tretch? Trust me. He goes, hey, my man, what's the turn around? Gave him a whole thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And you smiled like a white lady.

[Jay Oakerson]

I. I nodded to him, letting him know, although I am white, I am familiar with who you are. You went like this and you hid in the elevator.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did not hide.

[Jay Oakerson]

You hid from him.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did not hide.

[Jay Oakerson]

You did. And you clutched your purse.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you never know. You know, he's not as big as he was.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's in a bad mood.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am not. I am not.

[Jay Oakerson]

I understand. It's okay. But you have to. You have to let it go.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, I am. I'm in a fantastic mood now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Outside. You had your balls kicked in a few times out there. I know that must suck. Listen, when I walked up. Can I say what I saw?

[Bobby Kelly]

You can.

[Jay Oakerson]

I walked up and saw Sam Roberts speaking with Bobby. Paying his respect to Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

As he should.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's standing. I'm sitting.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He's paying his respects.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course. Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

He was paying a tribute to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was doing this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Looking up. You were looking up at him, and he was. He had to come to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

He came to me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

On the phone. Had to wait till I was done with my phone call.

[Jay Oakerson]

There you go.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then when I. Then I was done, he grabbed my hand, and I believe he brought it up to do that. And I went, no, not anymore, kid.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Anymore, kid. You're there.

[Jay Oakerson]

You were feeling great. Top of the world.

[Bobby Kelly]

Feeling fantastic. We were wrestling talk.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then y. I walked up, I sat down, and I don't know, probably Tretch. Tretch was in the building. That might be who people were outside waiting for. And a big black dude came up and asked Sam Roberts if he wouldn't mind giving him an autograph.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So Bobby starts making a little noise in the background, trying to make sure the guy recognizes Bobby, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it wasn't noise. I said, this makes me sick to my stomach.

[Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

If that's the noise you're talking about when I said what it was, this grosses me out that it did make.

[Jay Oakerson]

Him sick to his stomach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Intern that sang Happy Birthday with his shirt tied up like a little girl to me 15 years ago is the king of Sirius satellite Radio right now, while my friends are on AM radio and. And the other guy I knew is doing a podcast on an iPhone. Fucking nine.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, your other friend's sitting right across from you, bud.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, my. My friend friend is here now. Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

So this guy asked Sam for an autograph. Sam signs it. And then he. The guy says to Bobby, he goes, you recognize Sam? He doesn't recognize me.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. He recognized my drink. Oh, he didn't recognize me. He went, yo, man, nice drink. He saw my.

[Jay Oakerson]

He goes, I like that drink. And so Bobby goes, you recognize my drink, but you don't recognize me? Then the guy goes, no, I know who you are, man. I just love that drink. And then walked away and didn't ask Bobby for an autograph. Didn't know me at all. I believed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now, in defense of Starbucks, new summertime tea splashes. These are great drinks.

[Jay Oakerson]

Passion fruit, for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it's Unbelievable.

[Jay Oakerson]

No one's going to argue.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, you got to sugar up the fuck out of it, though. You do three Splendas, easy, easily. Yeah. So then we go, hey, let's start to pre record a little bit earlier today.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Everyone's got a little pep in their step. That little snafu's over now. Sam's gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

Me and Bobby, the big dogs in the house again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let's go inside.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's go.

[Jay Oakerson]

And when we start going inside, the autograph people start coming over to me and going, hey, can I take a picture with you, man? And I go, yeah, sure. So the guy takes a picture and he goes. He goes, you're a comedian. And I was like, yeah. And I took a couple pictures.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sign some autographs. Then who comes strolling over, the big black guy to go, hey, man, do you mind if I get a picture, too? And a couple autographs. And I gave him some autographs all while Bobby was standing waiting for me at the revolving door. It never came around to Bobby at all. And I. You're rightfully.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna say something about that.

[Jay Oakerson]

In a terrible mood.

[Bobby Kelly]

I ruined both of those photos because I was in the background in between going, just given I smell shit, but I don't know where it is face. So both of those photos have my twaty face in.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I knew Bobby was behind us doing that, by the way. There's no way Bobby was gonna just lay back and chill.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am. It motivates me to become. To get a TV show. I really just want to become successful. And then, like, the fifth year, after a couple Emmys, I want. I. I memorized his face.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't have.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I hope he comes up to me and whatever.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't have a TV show. Yeah, you're in a couple more years of radio, and these people are going to be out there waiting for you, too, to sign autographs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on a second. You peacock. You.

[Jay Oakerson]

You.

[Bobby Kelly]

You peacock. I can't say it. You peacock better than me.

[Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean? You.

[Bobby Kelly]

You look like this drink half the time. Oh, stop it. You look like a summer blast.

[Jay Oakerson]

Summer refresher from Starbucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I look like a. I look like old cup of coffee.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, you got an aura, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Aura.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're an aura.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had an intern sign an autograph in front of me, and then they complimented my drink.

[Jay Oakerson]

He was. I will say it felt exponentially better when the big black guy came back over to go, oh, and jump in a Picture.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. It felt good for you. Well, there you go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, we're going to a concert. Well, I guess we'll talk about on the live show, because timelines will be all screwy.

[Bobby Kelly]

All screwy.

[Jay Oakerson]

All fucking screwy. Louie, I can tell you this story because it's not timely about my last weekend when I was in Charlotte. I never told you about my security guard lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tammy, buddy, I was. Someone told me you were in Tampa.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

One of the boys said. I think it was James was like, jay's here. And then Max was like, you're here. So I thought you flew into Tampa to be part of the special and hang out. I was so excited, and I was truly bummed out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I was like, christine, is Jay here?

[Jay Oakerson]

She's like, no, maybe because Christine was coming. They thought I was coming with Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, something like that. The wires got crossed. So I was bummed out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. No, I was in Charlotte doing shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Security guard, out of control.

[Bobby Kelly]

Black lady.

[Jay Oakerson]

Black lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course you do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

She. She also knows you, probably the way she'll tell people she knows me, but doesn't know anything about you at all and what your personality is. She is aggressive beyond belief with fans. Now, here's what's going on. Clearly, in this place. It's a black comedy club.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mostly, it's black.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a black comedy club. So they are protective over you. The way D.L. hughley wants to project that he is being protected. You know what I mean? Black comics more want to come have, like, entourage and security going through people and all that kind of.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You have Dylan.

[Jay Oakerson]

I have Dylan.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have Mush.

[Jay Oakerson]

Exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Joe Russell.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Just someone who could handle the. But he's also. I don't. My audience really doesn't require security for me. Yeah. And I don't need organized meet and greets. I'll go outside, smoke after the show if I. You know, if I have to. And, like, yeah, you know, if I can't, I don't really like smoking inside, but, like, I'll go outside and smoke, and then anybody who comes up, I'll take pictures. I'll bullshit with you, whatever you want. She kept. They asked you 700 times, were you gonna meet and greet? Are you gonna do meet and greet? Are you gonna meet people? And I was like, yeah, I don't do anything organized. Like, I'll go outside, though, afterwards. Out the side there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And she goes, okay, I'll make sure that. Meet you, everybody. Meet you over there by the side. I'm like, you don't have to make a team of security and cops. Meet me on the side. I'll just go out there. Okay. And then they keep coming in with stories of someone like, there's a blind guy, he's got a gift for you. Should I just bring him in the green room? And you're like, well, just. I'm gonna go smoke. So, like, bring him outside, I guess. But like, this is so, like, how are you so involved?

[Bobby Kelly]

The blind guy was at my show. I didn't know he was blind. I thought he was just not interested in me.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's just right up front.

[Bobby Kelly]

He sits right up front. The sweetest guy ever.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sweetest guy. Daniel, I believe his name.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gave me honey butter.

[Jay Oakerson]

He gave me Biscoff butter. I believe. I believe, yeah. People gave me Biscoff butter.

[Bobby Kelly]

You try it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we've tried it. That's the stuff that you loved in the fondue.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do love it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I just get weary about taking a jar from a. You know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, because of Tammy, I brought home several gifts, actually. I gotta bring them in. I just got a couple things for Lou for the Lou's and Jacob, too, that was given to me. But, yeah, it was everything. But the problem was she was also, like, organizing it. Will you take a picture with these people? Will you meet these people? I'm like, sure, I'll meet whoever. And then it's also like, if they leave and didn't take a picture and they walk over and they go, hey, you know what, dude, I gotta get a picture. She's like. She's like, no, get out. You can't come back. And I'm like, it's Kaylee. It's fine. Everything is fine. She would walk me. So one of the funnier things, again, the tell, it's a black comedy club. So this is so funny. This might be burying the leave of the funniest part of it, but when I was getting ready to go on stage, you know, you walk into the showroom and then you have about. You walk by 30, 40 people to get to the backstage. Walk right in Charlotte, you know what I'm talking about?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. On the left side, you walk to.

[Jay Oakerson]

The left and there's people in booths and people in chairs right against, like, the bar area there, I guess, like the barrier. And you walk through that, like, 40 people. When I was. When I was waiting to go on.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I was there, you actually got to sit there.

[Jay Oakerson]

We got.

[Bobby Kelly]

I could actually watch the show from that section.

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't do good Numbers. Last time I was there two years ago, I did good. This time, numbers were good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good for you.

[Jay Oakerson]

But when I was walking. But when I was getting ready to go up, she goes. She goes, you want a hand towel for. For your face sweat? And I went. I started almost giggling, and I was like, this is such a hilarious, like, black club. Black comics bring a hand towel on stage for that stage sweat.

[Bobby Kelly]

They sweat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. So I go, no, no, no, I'm okay. I need hand towel. She goes, I'm gonna get your hand towel. And then she sends. She sends the white waitress to get me. Who brings a rag that seems not clean anyway already? And she goes, is this good? And I went, for what? And she goes, for the hand. I go, oh, I've never brought a hand towel on stage in my entire life of comedy. I go, I'm okay with it. But then she just gave it to me. So I'm holding it. And right before I go on stage, like, backstage, I just put. Leave it on, like, a stool or something. But as I was walking up, she goes, I'm gonna get you another clean one for next show, too. She's not understanding. I don't need a hand at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

She probably saw your old Def Jam clip when you did your little dance moves. Oh, this big boy's gonna sweat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he move around.

[Bobby Kelly]

He move around.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's wearing sweat.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's wearing a lot of clothes, and he's doing a lot of hand jobs.

[Jay Oakerson]

I told the blonde guy who was gonna go home drunk and Marco Polo beat his wife. He's got a girlfriend. She's like, you're being crazy, Daniel. He just takes wild swings at the air.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, him and. Him and his buddy, they're such big, big, like, you know, rednecky dudes. And they're the sweetest.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're the sweetest guy. Yeah, they said that. There goes. They're regular. They come there every day. They love.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right?

[Jay Oakerson]

But awesome dudes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, awesome guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

One guy came in. I'm not going to talk too much about it, because I don't know real or dangerous this is. But some guy came in and gave me a bunch of. He said he knew me. This security guard comes in. She goes, this guy knows you? And then she showed me a military coin, told me a name, and I was like, it's not ringing a bell. She goes, he says he knows you. He's in uniform, too. He comes in. He's not in uniform.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

He's just dressed. I mean, he's dressed like retired military. I don't know what else to call it. Huge guy and starts give you a challenge coin. Mm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Amongst other things.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gave your other stuff?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ear. No, this is from Iraq.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if I should talk about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you should.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know, dude. Was it like Christine's even saying no? I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really.

[Christine]

For how up his ass the security was. It's very, very weird.

[Jay Oakerson]

This was crazy. And I said before. And then I said, before, I said, when the guy left, I was like, I go. I go, that guy should have come in to talk to Bobby. That might have interest. Like. Like interested Bobby. No, he didn't. No guns. All. All literature. All paperwork and literature.

[Bobby Kelly]

He gave you, like handwritten literature from his. From his manifesto.

[Jay Oakerson]

Listen, I don't know if any of it's real, but one of the things was he also feels we need to have a 35, 45 minute meeting so I could become a lobbyist for this. Cause that is true.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should.

[Jay Oakerson]

But anyway, I said the lady, I was like. I was like, you should have let that guy in with Bobby Kelly. That would have really interested him. And she goes, but before I said that would really interest him, she goes, I know, right? Bobby would never have played that shit. I'm like, tammy, what are you talking about? She.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're friends, me and Tammy. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Chicago never played that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I took her for dim sum on Saturday.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you? No. Oh, I believe you, Tam. She was. Oh, she was telling me the story of when she shot down her. The WI fi cables in her neighborhood by accident. Shooting her gun off in the air. Took out the WI fi cables.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she's no joke.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. Stood outside the door the whole time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

Would escort me to places I did not require escorting. Just took the job extremely. Oh, then when I was walking off the stage, she meets you at the end of the walk and then walks past those 40 some people with you again. And when they would reach out to knuckle pound me, she would like karate chop their hands, their arms down or slap their phones down on the table. And I'm like, dammy. You know, like, they hold the crowd back like I'm Keith Richards walking through. I'm like, relax, it's fine. If I walk through and shake a few hands and whatever, it's fine.

[Jacob]

Packages on the move.

[Jay Oakerson]

God damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The ostrich is moving. Alpha team Delta. Oh, by the way, they're on comms. They're on the whole, like, we're gonna bring them out back if we have two people meet out the back door and open the back door like, yo, we are absolutely. Meanwhile, there's an 18 and over club that is jumping next door that hires two girls in bikinis with crazy like BBL bodies, like goofy bodies, disinterested, have to stand outside while definitely 15 year olds in droves walk through it. And every time they get past security. Cuz where the door is, where I go outside to smoke is between security and the front door of the club. Right, right.

[Bobby Kelly]

That little back door.

[Jay Oakerson]

That little back door.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

They have now. So I was out this probably when you went to go smoke cigars.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's why I was smoking cigars. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So when you're standing out there, every time they get past security, you see the girls go like. Like we did. Like they have like, oh God, it worked face. You just see him going snatches, everything hanging out. It was crazy. It was a different time.

[Bobby Kelly]

It really is nuts. That 18, that was 18 and under, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's 18 and over.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it 18 over?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's 18 and over.

[Bobby Kelly]

Definitely look like 18 and under.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, a lot of it was 18 and under for sure. And apparently it's so funny. It looks like it's like a fucking VFW hall attached to the place. I don't know where it goes or how it goes. They show me, Tammy showed me pictures of inside. When it's a club, it's one of those like humongous stage, multi level, like people like on balconies and stuff. Like crazy. Like Vegas nightclub. It's stomping nightclub in there. Outside, it looks like nothing. Yeah, looks like absolutely nothing. The side of a library.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It looks like an old factory.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know where the fuck it goes, but. And then every time we were leaving, like you have to walk around the corner to get an Uber for some reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you. They won't. The traffic is so bad because of that club.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That they, they won't go over there. So you have to.

[Jay Oakerson]

I had to walk around the corner.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got he. We drove, but it took us like 15 minutes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just to get out of the parking lot.

[Jay Oakerson]

I bet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So. But even you start walking and you're like, tammy, we're fine. Tammy, if anything happens, we have to help you. Do you understand that? She's like walking with us like, I'll protect you from whatever you need protection from, Tammy, you're fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

She would walk us to the car at night. I'm like, honey, there was 30 people there. One of them was Blind. I'm all right.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm okay. Then the blonde guy attacks you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Oh, there it is, right there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that. Changes ownership. They said every couple like years. It probably goes under from underage drinking and then just reopens again. Because it's just Latina. Latina night dancing. But it's just. It's all. It's all kinds of just kids. White, black, every. There was no like racial. No, that means racially diverse. I mean it was like all over the place.

[Bobby Kelly]

I heard it gets a little crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I also found on the ground a unfired Hollow Point Luger 9 millimeter round.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did you know that?

[Jay Oakerson]

It says it on the back of the casing. It said 9 mil. It's a 9 millimeter Luger, but. And then I. I assume that's is a hollow point like the point it was dug out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's a dugout. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's to kill cops, right?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's why you have them, Jacob. Other things, Jacob. That's why you have them. Doy.

[Bobby Kelly]

You found one. You just found a bullet on the ground.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not a good sign.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was a. It's a weird sign for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Means they couldn't get the last one in because their thumbs are weak. That reminds me, probably some 12 year old girl going, I can't get the last one in.

[Jay Oakerson]

That reminds me because I've been talking about guns so much. Me and Christine started watching a movie last night called Sovereign starring. It's new movie with Nick Offerman. You know he is a comedian. He was. He's a comedian and it was always in comedy stuff. But he's like. Plays a serious character. It's him and his son. He's like. Without giving any spoiler. Well, yeah, actually haven't finished it yet. That guy, yeah, he's great actor. But it's about him and his son and he believes he's a sovereign citizen. He's like fighting for. It's a very dark like dramatic movie. But I never overly look into sovereign citizen stuff other than like I know they're driving thing when you get pulled over.

[Bobby Kelly]

That horseshit.

[Jay Oakerson]

They always say I'm traveling on your roads. I'm traveling. Not driving. It's like driving. The terms are amazing that they use. But the actual underlying belief is I can buy anything I want from you on credit. And then if I never accept a bill from you, I don't owe you the money. Is that what sovereign citizenship? Am I right, Christine? Isn't that what he Basically kind of does it.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're like. The whole idea is they're coming to foreclose on his house and he's like, I've never received anything from you guys. Like receiving is an option. You have to receive something. You could have sent something. But I've never received anything from you, so I don't owe you anything. And it's just like. It's so pompous and hilarious. It's. I don't understand why isn't there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Isn't it. Isn't that like a sovereign city? Didn't they try to create one of those? And was it Seattle? Isn't that what happened during the bml? They tried to create, I believe Black matters lives. They tried to create a sovereign city where they.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that Yoda's movement for black matters lives?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think Christina Ville in Denmark is that too.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think the sovereign city concept in Resettle for the Capitol Hill occupied protest, also known as the Capitol Hill autonomous zone Chaz, or Capitol Hill organized protests. It was a six block area in the Capitol neighborhood that protesters occupied. So they just said they.

[Jacob]

Yeah, this doesn't fall into the loons.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I think in Denmark they actually did that and they gave them the part of town. So when you go in there, the laws, they don't have to abide by the laws of Denmark. They have their own laws. They can sell drugs.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's called Christina Lands. That's like Dave Smithville, I believe. Build your own roadsville.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean Ari went to it and they were like, you got to be careful because no one, you know, there's no laws.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nobody's going to roads or cameras or anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

They have like amazing coffee shops. I bet you go in there and have coffee. These great. This great cup of coffee and you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can buy drugs, but they don't have electricity or television.

[Bobby Kelly]

There it is right there. Yeah. Free Freetown.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christiania.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christiania. That's called Christiania and Copenhagen and partially.

[Jay Oakerson]

Self governing and autonomous community often describes a commune or intentional community. It has its own set of rules and customs including a ban on certain activities like running and taking photos of certain areas. While it has its own unique character and some degree of self governance, that's not a fully sovereign city and remains part of Danish state. Okay, so it's like sort of.

[Bobby Kelly]

So these fucking drug addicts and hippies just like this is ours.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, fuck you.

[Bobby Kelly]

We own it.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's like Midsummer. That's where Midsummer happened, that movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a weird commune.

[Bobby Kelly]

They have all kinds of artists there and you can buy art, but you can buy drugs. But it does get kind of dangerous in some.

[Christine]

My best friend's mom does like, like, spiritual psychologist type stuff, but her seminars are in Denmark. I didn't know that Denmark was like. Yeah, it's probably somewhere around here. It's a remote island.

[Jay Oakerson]

I noticed you're checking out Christina over there. And I gotta say, next time we do a show, Christine's gonna be 40 years old. And she's looking, I don't mind saying, damn good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is she? Are you. Is your birthday this weekend?

[Christine]

No, it's after Monday. I thought it was this Monday, too, but it's not.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's not this Monday.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should have celebrated your birthday in Tampa, too. Why don't we do that?

[Jay Oakerson]

Because it's Rebecca's birthday. It's still a couple weeks away.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's right. You should write two Mondays from now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine is looking really good.

[Jay Oakerson]

She wants you to know that's why she wore. I don't know if you noticed, but you can see her entire giant nipples see through on her shirt and little bra thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

We can see her.

[Christine]

What are you talking about? I'm wearing a bra, a shirt, and a shirt over it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just say something? We see her nipples.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, no, now you're wearing. You're wearing the flannel now, but on the tank top, it's all full nip and areola outline.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's the way she. She always dresses. Like a dance instructor. Yeah, we see her nips every day, Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know, but today they're see through.

[Christine]

Oh, how are they possibly see through?

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't cover.

[Jay Oakerson]

I have no idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now we're gonna want to.

[Jay Oakerson]

I guess that's something to do with, like, the materials used to make your clothing. I don't know how see through works.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what? Just work it, girl.

[Jay Oakerson]

Work it, Work it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who cares?

[Jacob]

From here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, stop looking.

[Christine]

I thought J. I was like, why is Jay complimenting me? And I'm like, oh, to give me about my nips?

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm not giving you about your dip I took. Obviously. You look so. You're looking damn good.

[Christine]

Thank you.

[Jay Oakerson]

That was a compliment.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was a. It was a J compliment.

[Christine]

I'm tan.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're tan, but your skin is beautiful. You lost a lot of weight and.

[Jay Oakerson]

A lot of weight.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did.

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Christine]

I did.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby thinks you need to be losing a lot of weight.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she lost a lot of weight, man. She looks fantastic. I was checking you out this weekend.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now she's showing her titties. Now she's showing your titties.

[Christine]

Well, my titties on Saturday, too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, she's showing nip.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Is it really nip?

[Bobby Kelly]

Relax.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I can't. I want to see some titties. Well, open your shirt.

[Christine]

It's in the sun.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's in the sun? Yeah. You got to come outside on the break from here.

[Jacob]

You can't see.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. You got to get in the sunlight.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't want to go on the break today.

[Jacob]

By the way, Christine, you're not a California flower child.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that was a draw.

[Christine]

You try to act like I didn't grow up in California and you're still.

[Jay Oakerson]

On your flower child.

[Jacob]

She's arguing with us.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you grow up, you are working with a drop. But that is also.

[Jacob]

She gave me the look because she.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really got mad at Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

Not a flower child, Christine, because you were born in the 80s, not the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They didn't have flower childs in. In the 80s, 90s.

[Jay Oakerson]

You were just California girl. You didn't have a beach body, so you had to find a different identity in California and you went with that.

[Christine]

That's very true.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you not have a beach body?

[Christine]

I've never had a beach body. I didn't know I was a 200 pound 11 year old. There was no beach body.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

Even when I lost weight, I had still been fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are there photos of you? 200 pounds?

[Christine]

Very few. Max is California.

[Bobby Kelly]

Max is not 200 pounds at 12.

[Christine]

Oh, I was a big old fatty. They put me on ephedra when I was like 11, didn't I, like, ate right through it. My whole family worked for herbalife. She beat ephedra, but, you know, discovered speed quite young.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's wild.

[Christine]

I tried everything. Ephedra, throw it up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you know what you got? You got in shape. You chewed food and spit it out.

[Christine]

The dolly parton diet. Found out about it, had to try it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that her diet? You chew it, taste it and spit it out. And that works?

[Christine]

No, nothing worked, Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

She said she tried it, like for a meal.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

She didn't. She didn't hunker down and do it for a couple months ago. This isn't for me. She went, is it what dolly parton does? That's not as fun as swallowing it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Remember Joe. Joe piscobo used to smell food. Remember that? When he got shredded, him and his. His wife, they were both shredded. They would get sundaes and just sniff.

[Jay Oakerson]

Them, Which I think he also said he did the same thing. Like the chew and spit it out. To when Howard Stern.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was. Yeah, fucking weird.

[Jay Oakerson]

Chew it up and spit it out. So that's probably. I think I would hate that. Worse than just eating something different.

[Bobby Kelly]

Chewing it and spitting it out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Rather than chew and spit out, like McDonald's. I'd rather just eat, like, fucking balsamic vinegar and vegetables or something. Yeah, you know, I mean, I'd rather just do that and spit it out. God, that was a delicious Big Mac. Just a pile of fucking shit in front of me.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should try that for lunch today.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just chew and spit it out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Spit it out.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll throw up. We're always doing that just sitting there. Everyone's got to walk by us with piles of chewed food. I'm like, oh, sorry. We all weren't given God gift bodies. Sorry. Jacob will yell at you as you ingest your protein bar like a. Like a fatso swallowing your food like a pig.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

How do we become sovereign citizens?

[Bobby Kelly]

We just say it. I think you just say it.

[Christine]

You know what they do a great job of in this movie and we do have to finish it, is just every time he speaks, he speaks with such, you know, like. Like he knows exactly what he's talking about and everything sounds pretty incoherent, like he'll go through a spiel and you're like, what the did he just say.

[Jacob]

Like, unlimited amounts of. So he speaks like video for him to research.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jacob]

I mean, Nick did exactly what I do on my. My regular weekends. He watches hours of sovereign citizen to prepare for the role.

[Bobby Kelly]

You watch that?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I watch them too. Yeah.

[Jacob]

They're the best videos. The court ones and the pulling over ones are the best because they have.

[Bobby Kelly]

To know, like, they have to know the law. Like a lawyer, right?

[Jacob]

No, they know nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

They just. They just make it up.

[Jacob]

The law doesn't apply to them. Okay, Cop says radios in immediately. We got a traveler.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, travelers.

[Jacob]

Yeah, let them know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

Let. To let their. The next cop that's coming. There's a sovereign.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Yeah, because also they need to speak to your direct sergeant. They will not deal with you. Oh, that bugs me European. They also believe they are. I'm going to go on by this movies things that they're peace officers technically, of their sovereignty. That they are peace. He goes to court for something with his son, stand there and makes like a scene. And when the. The judge is leaving, he's like, no, I don't accept that ruling, Judge. And the judge, like, I don't give a kind of thing, and walks out of the courtroom. And he goes, he abandoned his post. Everybody sees that he is hereby abandoned his post, which is a breach of the US Constitutional thing of a judge. So that. And when they walk out, you can see the sun's frazzled. And he's like, he's like, oh, man. He's like, dad, what happened back there? He's like, what? We won. He's like, what do you mean? That went fantastic. That went swimmingly. And then they just take his house, like. And he's like standing there like, what do you mean you're taking my house?

[Bobby Kelly]

So the post thing is not. He's just making that up. It's not a thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, there's some kind of like, it's. They're finding like a thing. It's always like, I reference you. The US versus whatever. There's always some thing where like some dimwit got through. You know what I mean? Something happened or, or they were just able to get out of something. But his job in the movie is like consulting and doing seminars on, like, why you don't have to pay your mortgage. And then people. It's like when the guy used a fake credit card to pay my phone bill when I was a teenager. What happened at the end there? It's when I first started doing comedy. There was a criminal who did comedy with us and he said that he could pay off my cell phone bill. It was crazy high one month. And I just didn't pay attention enough to the nights, weekends thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, back in the day when they would tag you for that.

[Jay Oakerson]

And he goes, I could take care of it for 100 bucks. I gave 100 bucks, needed a thing. And then when it came back, I was completely. I had to pay like all of it. Thank God I didn't get in trouble, like legal trouble. They just like charged me all the money again. But that's. But that's almost the point of it is like I ended up just getting charged all the money again. Do you know what I mean? So you did the goofy thing and it never stops going. So it's like they just believe the world stopping around them because everybody. Have you noticed that everywhere you go, it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying at the grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well, at Metro, they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee. On talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower family plans also lowered and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on eligible plan and exclusions. Apply [e-mail] Guys, you know running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive and since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo? That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing, websites, literally every kind of software and and it's all on one platform so it works together and it's quality software so you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o.com odoo.com hey.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

Whether it's the recorded sounds of the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ocean we doze off to or the succulents that adorn our homes. Nature makes all of our lives, well, better. Despite all this, we often go about.

[Jay Oakerson]

Our busy lives removed from it.

[Bobby Kelly]

But the outdoors is closer than we realize. With alltrails, you can discover trails nearby and explore confidently with offline maps and on trail navigation. Download the free app today.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're doing their thing. You know what I mean, Bobby?

[Jacob]

Treat yourself to the best videos on YouTube. They also have no ID that anyone in the. In the United States would recognize as legal. They just make up their own id.

[Jay Oakerson]

But also still want, like, the things they want, like electricity and to watch television, cable, whatever. They have, like, they have amenities of socialized life, citizens. Yes, right. But they just like, also go, yeah, but I'm not paying for this house. It just seems like a broke move is what it is.

[Jacob]

It's whenever the things are negative towards them, then they don't want it, then they resist. But they're. They use the country for everything they need but groceries.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they still do all these things. And the whole thing is he keeps talking about his seminars about how money is nothing. It's backed by. Which is pretty interesting speech because I think there's a lot of truth to a lot of that.

[Bobby Kelly]

But money is nothing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. He's just talking about how they break it up and what the banks do with money. It's kind of an interesting speech in the movie, but at the same time, the. The humor of what's happening is he's doing these seminars and then his son goes around with a box to collect money from people so they can live, like, because they need money. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, when it applies, it's very like, they don't make the guy seem smart. They make him seem like he's like, problematically up. Right?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

So these are the guys that get pulled over and they just, I don't have to do this. I don't have to do that.

[Jacob]

No insurance, no id because they don't. They don't want to have to do any of that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Okay.

[Jacob]

You don't want to pay for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've seen those.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're also Consider themselves representatives of what their name is. They're representatives of that name because that name is. What did he keep calling it?

[Jacob]

They didn't.

[Jay Oakerson]

What do you keep calling his name is? That's like a color or something? Yeah, that's a color. Something name.

[Jacob]

Oh, so he's like, they didn't ask for this birth name.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's a g. He's a G. Administrator for Jerry. Whatever his name was.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you have to memorize all this horseshit that doesn't. Is not real.

[Christine]

But he has. Yeah, he has his son memorizing. But it's like actual, like codes. Like law codes. Can you son reciting it back? Well, you know, it's like. I mean, people misuse the Bible too Christian. Abuse the law.

[Jay Oakerson]

See if YouTube has the. The girl with the friend lawyer on that. Whatever that show was called on. We went through it on here years ago, like Dark Shadowlands or something. It was on Peacock.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

About all, like, the weird people. And that lady who was in the Insurrection, who was like, you know, in her court. In her court case, they were. Well, she. Before she went to court for what she did in the Insurrection, she was talking to this guy who is a window installer. Old white guy, but also a lawyer who they will not allow in the courtrooms because he's too good. He's like, they won't let me in that courtroom because I'll. I'll whip their ass up in there so quick they won't see it coming. But he schools her on what to say when she goes there, and it's just as nine. It's. What is. What's the word? He breaks down. That doesn't make it. He's just like. He's like. This word means he's just making up a bunch of facts. And she goes to court with that, and it didn't matter what he said to her. She goes in her testimony that she says, all we did was ask to speak to Nancy Pelosi. We wanted her to come out, and we wanted to meet with her as citizens. We deserve to meet with her. And then they were like, okay, exhibit A, the video from the thing. And they play in court. And then she goes, bring Pelosi out. We're gonna hang the bitch. And you get to see her sitting in court going like, oh, I guess it was different than I remember it. And then she got, like, the full penalty she could have possibly gotten. And he's like, it's because I wasn't in there. The guy's listening. He's like, no, you have to say, you don't answer questions because you don't adhere to the laws of the United States of America.

[Jacob]

I just watched a video Sunday, the sovereign citizen is in court. He could get off with a misdemeanor, but he doesn't recognize the United States of America. So now he's going to be charged for a felony offense for not showing up. Because anyway, he. He's in court. The judge. The judges have a feast on these people. But they're also aggravated because they are just completely wasting court time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, every time I watch it, they're very taxing. It's like, because as soon as I get pulled over because I have cops in my family, I'm ten of two. I'm yes, sir. No, sir, And I'm sorry. And whatever it was, I apologize. I never. What? What?

[Jay Oakerson]

Just give me a minute to collect myself and I'll jump back in the conversation.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you mad that I'm.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, you said something wacky.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? I say 10 of 2. 10 of 2.

[Jacob]

10.

[Bobby Kelly]

10 and 2.

[Jacob]

People say 10 and 2.

[Bobby Kelly]

10 or 2. 10 or 2. 10 and you want tenant. You want the and do you need the and? You need. If you need the end, I'll give you the end.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't need.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you need the and to forward the story, I will give you the and.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wait a second.

[Christine]

It's the same thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is the same thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

10 or 2.

[Christine]

Same exact position.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the same. 10 or 2 or 10 and 2.

[Jay Oakerson]

All right. Right.

[Jacob]

10 of 2.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said 10 and 2.

[Jay Oakerson]

10.

[Bobby Kelly]

10 of 2.

[Jay Oakerson]

You said 10 of 2.

[Bobby Kelly]

10 of 2. But it's the same thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

The question is happy accident that it works out.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I say 10 of 2.

[Jacob]

So both your hands would be.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think when. When in. In the manual for driving. It's 10 and two or 10.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think it's 10 and two. That's what I've.

[Bobby Kelly]

10 of two. 10 of two.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

But I'll tell you 10 of two.

[Jay Oakerson]

The fact that it's working out is making me. I'm enjoying it. I now enjoy what you said it.

[Jacob]

Would be 150 on both hands on one.

[Jay Oakerson]

It ref time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

10 and 2 is a phrase. Context of driving.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Jay Oakerson]

But it does work.

[Bobby Kelly]

10 of 2. Yeah, because it's 10 of 2.

[Jay Oakerson]

150. No, it's not 10 of 2. But it's 10 and 2.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's 10 of 2.

[Jay Oakerson]

But it also happens to be 10 of 2.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Christine's nipples are piercing through that shirt right now with excitement. We can't believe that.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I remember like, I remember like mob. I always see. Every time you see the mob get pulled over by the cops, I like the way they do it, you know, they're. Yeah. Yes, sir.

[Jay Oakerson]

Respectful.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're over respectful and they'll throw in a little dig at some point to get smacked in the face or whatever, but they just pull the car over. They all get out of the car, put your hands on it. They all put their hands on. It's like, yeah, do your thing, officer. Whatever you got to do, pal. To get, you know, I mean. But these people that fight cops now verbally, I hate it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I just tell you it's not going to go your way ever. Because they are. And I watch so much body cam shit. Hyper emotional guys. Police officer. It's the thing. They should be the least.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And it's what they absolutely are the most.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

They are so emotional. They. I scream at people constantly and lose their cool all the time.

[Bobby Kelly]

And that's why you're voting for Zoltan for mayor of New York City.

[Jay Oakerson]

Who's that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that Adam Sanders character, whatever his name is.

[Jacob]

Magician.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's his name? Zoltan.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, I'm writing Corinne Fisher what I'm gonna write.

[Jacob]

Oh, you're right. It is the first name.

[Bobby Kelly]

Zoltan. Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that the guitar player for Five Finger Death Point?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, that's the.

[Jacob]

I think it is our next mayor.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the next man.

[Jacob]

Zorin.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Zorin. I think Zoltan is the guitar player for Five Finger Death.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think Zoltan is the actual.

[Jacob]

That's a comic book.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it' Gypsy who gave. Made Tom Hanks small.

[Jacob]

Made him young machine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry. Yeah. He can make you a kid again.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, look. And Zoltan is also the guitar player for Five Finger Death Punch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that. Is that the guy that didn't get us the.

[Christine]

No, no, that can't be his name.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

Zoltan Bathory?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I think he's Middle Eastern.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at his hair. Why couldn't it be his name? He's wearing a. A dreadlock ponytail.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Does it call him. Does he say he's a musician and martial artist?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I didn't see that coming.

[Bobby Kelly]

You could say that. Didn't you take her out of.

[Jay Oakerson]

He knows the Five Finger Death Punch. I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Zoran. What is his name? How do you say it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Zoran.

[Bobby Kelly]

Zoran.

[Jay Oakerson]

I get. I don't know. Yeah, that's his first name.

[Bobby Kelly]

He Thinks that we should get rid of the cops. He.

[Jay Oakerson]

He actually said rid of them all together.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, not all together. He said the last thing you want. We already got rid of those. It's a 70 minority police force in New York.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that possibly true?

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe 65.

[Jay Oakerson]

Even black doesn't even make black Lou feel safe. Yeah, he said they come in. But what.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I think it's 60 or 65 to 70% minority police force.

[Jay Oakerson]

What is it, 39%?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's not true. You don't want no blacks, Asians, Hispanics. How can it be 32%? No, it's.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Got it. No whites, non, Hispanic. I don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wait a second. No, that doesn't make sense. So anyways, all together.

[Bobby Kelly]

He said it's weird.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a weird contradiction. That's a weird. That's weird. He said that the last thing you want when somebody. A heated situation is a alpha guy showing up with a gun.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which. That's it. To me. That's exactly what you want when it comes down to it. Because if you see dogs and you see a dog being a. And then the alpha dog comes up. You ever. Have you seen that. That alpha dog thing, the King Charles thing on Facebook? You ever seen that? There's. There's all these dogs and there's one dog just being a dick to all these other dogs. And then the alpha dog comes up, who's not even that. And he comes up and literally. Fucking Great Dane, Dolman, Pinscher. Just look at this guy. Yeah, watch. Watch him. Look at him. Look at him. That's what you want. Yeah, he literally. This dog was being a fucking asshole. And this guy, this alpha dog, King Charles comes up and says, settle down and puts his par in his fucking head. And every dog just.

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that dog, that King Charles dog is a. Look at. Watch this. Watch. Yeah, he. Look at that. That's like a Great Dane. And it's just holding this big black demon down. I mean, voice. Gracie, when you show up and somebody has a. It kind of should settle things down, you know what happens if that person is gonna flip out the guy in the ascot or the sweater around his neck. Hey, man, just chill out a little.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't. Let me tell you something, though. I do love now as an adult, going back and forth with the cops when I am certainly done nothing wrong and they're being like shitty cops.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that takes balls.

[Christine]

Well, that was really living on a cop block and just being around so much, man. Smothered in cops at all times.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cops can be things.

[Jay Oakerson]

I said to those cops.

[Bobby Kelly]

But if they know you, if they know you, it's great like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't like that particular. I didn't like that the ones that knew me were fucking overly nice and like, you know, like real, like friendly. I didn't like. Because the opposite of that. The ones who had no idea who I was always treated us like, like right, like real bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh really?

[Jay Oakerson]

And then I would get into things with the shitty ones and then the other ones would come out and they'd be like, you know, it goes, Jay, you give my guys a hard time kind of attitude. Like the. Playfully. He's like, you know, it's like, ah, dude, they're just. But I'm like, you're like, yo, get that dumb Puerto Rican cunt under control. And he'd be like. And he'd be like, come on, man. Come on, dude, you go easy on her. And then she's like, she was like, I want to press charges. Like, press charges for what? You dumb. Oh, I was furious.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's funny because. Not. I mean, look, have women cops, I guess.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, don't stop that. In fact, all together, except unless it's anomalies. Show me the LeBron James of female cops. Give me the anomaly, the, the freakish. You know what, the girl who just won the title. She could be a cop. She could absolutely be a cop. Because your, your most average random thug on the street. One on one, she will him up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right?

[Jay Oakerson]

That's absolutely true. She. And I'm not saying like in a stand up, like square up punching match. I'm just saying she just knows. She'll know how to grab him and fuck his shit up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. When you get, you get a little chubby chick on the street with a gun, she has a chip on her shoulder. Anything that is said to her, and then most of the people that she's going to try to detain are going to fuck her up. And you're gonna have to use some type of force. If you see mostly the video. There's a video. Oh yeah, what's the video?

[Jay Oakerson]

A stranger just saved a lady. It's. It's the hundred thousand, buddy. I didn't see it yet, but it's. It's the thousands when I've seen. I love them all. I love everyone.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's one that just happened I believe in New York with this. These two women cops. One was like a Little chubby redhead and this. This Muslim guy. They were trying to detain these crazy Muslim dudes and they were like that. And he blasted this bitch in the face. He took out all of them. He took out all of them. And she's just crying. She's crying with a bloody nose. It's like, you can't. You have a gun, you have a taser. You have a. You have a nightstick. Use something.

[Jay Oakerson]

All those things are too heavy for them.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't. You can't cry.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course they can't stop girls.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bite his ankle. Do something.

[Jay Oakerson]

They got nothing. I watched it. I watched. I watched a lunatic with his gown off that left the hospital. And they told. When I was on the phone, they sent two girl cops and he stood there and peed on their feet. He didn't give a fuck. And they had no idea what to do because if they got aggressive with him without shooting him or tasing him, he could have fucked them up much bigger than both of them.

[Jacob]

The one I just sent you, I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Think it's the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard in my life. I'm gonna do that to dawn next time she pisses me off.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm just gonna pee on her feet. While she's yelling at you face to face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just bping on her foot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I said I didn't want chocolate. I'm a piss on her feet. Right? At an ice cream store. What's up, Jake?

[Jacob]

The one I sent you over the weekend. The female cop just pulls over a guy. The guy must be 60, just medium build. She pulls him over for a traffic violation. Stay in your car. He gets out of the car. Don't get out of your car. Get back in your car. No. And then he just starts shoving her because he wants nothing to do with her. And then he tackles her. And then about five civilians have to get out of their cars and save her. Oh, this is it.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's walking up. She's walking up to the right side of this Chevy Malibu and he's just.

[Jacob]

An angry guy, is having a bad day.

[Bobby Kelly]

57 and a 35. Wow. He just gets out of the the car immediately.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, cuz I don't have my driver's license.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you driver license in the back seat. What a loser. Who does that?

[Jay Oakerson]

She's calling him because she's terrified.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she's terrified.

[Jay Oakerson]

Step over here now. Have a seat on the ground.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

Have a seat.

[Bobby Kelly]

This guy is not that big. I'm not sitting. He's wearing gloves, driving back up.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're getting physical. We're getting physical.

[Christine]

Hands behind your back.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is gonna be so good. If you're gonna do. At this point. He should be tased now.

[Bobby Kelly]

He already touched you. Tase him. Do not get close to him. Oh, God. Oh, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, they are in a. By the way, this guy's the only reason this is going even sort of. Okay, first, he's old as.

[Bobby Kelly]

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, just a big fat dad comes out with a sleeveless shirt and grabs a guy and takes him to the ground.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like. I like. Whenever I see a crime scene, I like the great. When you see, like, the. The sergeant shows there. And I'll be like, you know, he's like, oh, Houlihan, talk to the victims so and so. Go over there. It's like, denise, go look for shell casings or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, go put the cones down.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wish we could ever find the one. It was like a Cops episode where a lady approaches a guy on a porch. And it's the one where I, like, started making my jokes about female cops being ridiculous. It's just because when they. It's. She has to get into the house with this guy. I think he was, like, hurting a dog or something. He was, like, beating up a dog. So she went to go check on him, and he tries to run into his house, and she goes in after him, and it's just nothing. And then all the cops come, and she is in the middle of the pile, just in the way, you know? I mean, like, they're all got him. It's like they're like, get the fuck out of the way. Like, she's just there. She's just like. Just to me. She's part of me. She's, like, holding a hand on him still. Like, I have a shoulder. I got a shoulder guy. The guys are in a major scrap with him. And she's like, I'm involved also. Like, you caused all of this, you dingbat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Find the Muslim. The Muslim dude beating the shit out of the two female cops. It's so sad because then the guy cops come on and it's over in five seconds.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not sad. No one's ever been honest with these ladies and said, what the fuck are you doing?

[Jacob]

I don't know why people have a problem not recognizing their limits. Like, I couldn't be a cop. I don't have the frame for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm okay knowing you do a desk job. You could. You could actually do something.

[Jacob]

I'm not gonna be on the street. I know. I shouldn't be.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can't dunk. You won't be in the NBA. It's like all these things.

[Jacob]

Exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

You could do fingerprinting, and you could show up and do 100. I don't cut yourself short. And that wasn't a pun.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but I mean, no, of course you could do fingerprint.

[Jay Oakerson]

You do administrative work for sure. Yeah, but you don't want to be the person who's holding the. The thing to bust the door down for the bust.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ye. Jacob. Me and Jay would come to me and be like, we got to get into this guy's email. He'd be like, all right, give me a sec.

[Jay Oakerson]

And you go to your. Can you crawl. Jacob, could you crawl into his email for me?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not supposed to do this, Fellas. All right. Hey, Jacob, we're gonna take you out this weekend for some chicken at Ted's place that Dan takes you to, right? All of a sudden, your little fingers start going.

[Jacob]

I can be the. The. The Jewish nerd.

[Bobby Kelly]

Computer.

[Jacob]

Computer whiz. That helps.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not what he's talking about. He's talking about the people in the action. Boots on the ground, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Never be. You could come after.

[Jacob]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

You could come after him and put, like, the yarn from where the gun went to, like, where the bullet kit, you know. Hey, man, this is the trick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dexter, like a blood spatter guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, you could be a Dexter.

[Jacob]

Why am I okay with not knowing that I have these limitations?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I don't know what you mean.

[Jacob]

Fine knowing this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, but was there something you were pursuing? It's. If you're pursuing something maybe, and it gets taken away when you just realize that you have limitations to it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it's like Trump's assassination. I mean, when you watch that video, you see the girl, chubby girl, Secret service, who can't even get her gun back in because her fat gut, her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Side gut, her period panties are sticking out of the back.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like, come on, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

Here's the problem. The problem with this girl. All that gun. There's guns, uniform just like everybody else. Sunglasses, a butch Dikey haircut, the whole deal. Still underneath all that is panties and a pussy, which just is not tough in any situation.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's not gonna be all right the whole month.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. In somewhere, if you're in a mixed up thing with them, she has another hole in her body. You can just shove things into and finger if you have to get out of something important.

[Jacob]

And by the way, I'm not. I want to sell myself short. I believe I could take this guy that we just watched.

[Bobby Kelly]

That guy.

[Jacob]

Yes, Yes, I could take him. I still know I shouldn't be on the street.

[Jay Oakerson]

You should absolutely shake him. You're like a year older or a year younger than that guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That guy, that science teacher who was still forced to retire.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I could take him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, of course you could.

[Jacob]

I still know I shouldn't do the job.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that the guy got out with these. These work gloves on, too. He's driving with work gloves. The guy's mentally ill. As soon as he. When I said, stay in your car, and he didn't, I would shoot him in the chest with my taser. You should be able to shoot somebody with your taser at any time you can.

[Jay Oakerson]

If a guy gets out of the car and starts coming at her like that, I mean, she absolutely should have tased him before she pushed him like that. Before you engage in a thing where she. When he's. When he stopped coming at her, she, like, shoved him, like, almost onto the ground into the car. You know what I'm talking about?

[Jacob]

Yeah. But here's the thing about respect. If there was a big male cop, he never would have gotten out of the car.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, here's what happened. He yelled at her and stuck his finger in her face, which now hurry goes. Her ego's hurt. So she pushed him.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's right here. Yeah, it's when he's like that, right there is where he's like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't push a guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no pushing in the manual for restraining a. Restraining.

[Jay Oakerson]

A female officer has nothing to worry about with me because I'm not this problem. I will submit to the thing. Even if she goes, I have to arrest you. And I go. That's like, you know. It's like, you know what? My license isn't suspended. I know for or if she says it is. And I'm arguing with her like, you're making a mistake. Yeah, I'm still. When she goes, get out of the car, I don't go. I'm not getting out of the car. I'm just going. I'm have to go through the. Yeah, I'm have to go through the motions and guess. Figure this out. And this lady. I guess.

[Bobby Kelly]

But, like, I get electricity from Jersey. I'm a sovereign citizen. My pool is my own domain.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is my domain. You have to come get me in my Pool one thing. Get your gun wet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you find the one where the Muslim dude. I think it was England. It was England. England's the worst. UK is the worst. Because here's the thing. If you take away the cops, I say make all the cops giants. Just make them fucking killers.

[Jay Oakerson]

Machines.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, machines.

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

And nobody's gonna fuck around. Nobody's gonna fuck around.

[Jay Oakerson]

People will. Here's, you know, look, I don't know the answer to this. I said the problem with cops always what the job requires. That if somebody unloads a clip at you, if you're a cop and misses you every time, and then puts the gun down and goes, I submit you have to go over and call him Mr. And put his hands behind his back. You know what I mean? Like you have to do all those things. Like still. And I couldn't do that. Once he was out of bullets and I realized that I wasn't hit, then I'm like, I'm gonna put every bullet I have in this guy. Like, why wouldn't you? Because that's a human reaction.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I went to New Orleans for the first time and I was on that, you know, main drag and how rowdy and how up it was.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bourbon Street.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bourbon Street. And they're like, oh, they're going to close it down soon. I'm like, how? How are they fucking shutting this? There's no way. And they have the most alpha cops on horseback in cars and they don't fucking take shit for a half a second and they shut it down. The same thing with Ybor City. Ybor City. That I don't know if you've been there. It's.

[Jay Oakerson]

I've been there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nuts.

[Jacob]

It's.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, but I didn't see it policed well either.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, dude, at a certain time when they shut that down, they, they just go right down the street with cars and horses and cops with like mesh wife beaters on and their badges on chains and they're just like shredded. Looks like it looks like a gay police. Looks like a Bruckheimer film. Right?

[Jay Oakerson]

And they just, we're here, we're queer, we're not taking any shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they don't around man. And, and, and nobody with no, nobody on New Orleans and on. What is that? Bourbon street people just left because apparently they've just beaten ass to where the fact that it's like a comedy club. You tell people to shut up. If you kick them the out. Everybody else is going to know when you come back. Oh, you get kicked out when you beat the out of somebody because they're being an Everybody who comes back the next week goes, dude, don't do that. We gotta go. Because they beat the shit out of a guy with a horse last week, you know, So I. Trying to. Trying to take cops away in New York City and add therapists to come down. I hope they do it. I say do it all. I say do it all. Make shit free. Give everybody everything and take the cops away and let this city burn. I'd love to see it. I'd love to just see some guy in a fucking. Like some sports coat try to. Some guy in a diaper who's throwing at everybody. Sir, what happened to you? He just eats his eyes, you know?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I mean, what's happening right here? Is there any update? See Christine, also, if there's any update on that, I forget where it was that the worst announcement ever on the news was like, hey, everyone. The first ever, all female, like, shift like, of police is happening. And maybe it was Michigan or something. It was just like, you're announcing, like, so all cross. It's like the. The Purge. All crime is legal between the hours of 9pm and 4am yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Find the stats on robberies and murders that night.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where is that? Purgeville. Oh, yes. Purgeville, Oregon, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do it all. Let. Let them all in. Let all female cops in Times Square on fucking New Year's Eve. Let's just see what happens.

[Jay Oakerson]

Purge.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at this guy. Oh, guys, it's time to purge these dudes, these Muslims. Manchester. Manchester Airport. It was in the airport, too, which. When I go to an airport, I'm on a. I'm on. I been in situations. Like last week, going to Tampa. They took my bag, both bags. I just got that guy, like, every other lane. The guy looking at the bags was empty. These other people just letting shit fly through. But my guy. There was 15 bags. This guy was searching everything, any little thing. I just got the TSA guy that took his job way too serious. God bless these people. But he got my bag twice, and then he went through it, and he goes, is there an. It seems to be a knife in here. I'm like, you know what? We gotta go. I gotta go. We're gonna miss our flight. Max is sitting there. I'm like, buddy, I don't. But in my brain, I'm like, maybe Max took my bag and threw a knife in it or something. I'm like, I don't know. I'm helping him go through this. There's another pocket. And then he goes, I have to run it again. I'm like, go, run it again. Whatever you gotta do, buddy. And he goes, okay, just take it. I'm like, all that for nothing. This maniac saw something and you had.

[Jay Oakerson]

A knife the whole time.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did not have a knife. Yes, I did not. I've had knives. That's embarrassing when he takes out a full tang six inch fucking knife.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine got nailed with two butterfly knives. Yeah. That was the craziest thing ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is embarrassing. It's almost laughable. You're like, ah. He goes, you wanna. What are you gonna do with this? I'm like, oh, you can just take that. I'm sorry.

[Jay Oakerson]

Am I gonna do that? I'm gonna bury it in my ex. Say something crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

But. But in airports I am on my best behavior because I don't want to not fly.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to not get somewhere. I keep it down. But these guys just beat the out of these cops.

[Christine]

Apparently there's like 10, there's like big tension between Muslims and police officers in general right now in England, they said. When I was looking for this, it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Said, oh, because the police are Jews.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't know if that's it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's not. Oh, maybe you're right.

[Christine]

So it's all cctv.

[Jay Oakerson]

So yeah, my friend. It's not reading my card.

[Bobby Kelly]

So here's the cop. The cops are behind them trying to talk to them, doing that, you know, hey, we're nice. And these guys are just ignoring. Here comes this redhead. This redhead walks up. Look. Excuse me. Tries to grab this guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

But why are they grabbing him?

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I don't know what they did, but.

[Jacob]

Well, it says it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch this. Ready and see you later.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's all girl cops.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, the two girl cops. Just get this one. Goodbye. And two, See you later.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bye. And then the guy cops have to step in, but then this big Muslim grabs the guy cop. Oh, man, look at that. That guy's just.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we'll put this out at the bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like, why would you. This guy's tasing that guy. He gets the shit out of.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's really like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then the blonde finally takes her taser out and takes that guy down. But the redhead is finished. She's out of the game.

[Jay Oakerson]

Female cops, they should listen. Just like Jacob on the force. Jacob and the girls should be in intelligence.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. 100% yes. Yeah, yeah, man. You guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, you should be offended that you. Exactly. They do.

[Jacob]

I don't want to be putting their counter category. I know better I'm still stronger than this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course. But Jacob, you wouldn't join the academy for this reason. This girl is just like. It doesn't matter. She's like, I'm gonna be great at this.

[Jacob]

Exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

She can't even put the cuffs on him.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course not. Those cuffs are made of hard metal.

[Jacob]

I want to be a world class pitcher in mlb. I'm not gonna. It's not. It's not gonna happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. Did you have any dreams that were attainable at all?

[Jay Oakerson]

That's one. No.

[Jacob]

But everyone wants the major league pitcher.

[Bobby Kelly]

Him.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you have to be tall to be a pitcher?

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to be.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't recall that. You have to have an arm, but that could. You're talking about things you could have trained to do. You know what I mean? You could have trained to become a MLB pitcher. What you probably were never going to do is dunk a basketball. Do you know what I mean?

[Jacob]

Sure. I'll give you that too.

[Jay Oakerson]

So. And the thing is. And because. And because of your jumping and whiteness, probably would have not made the NBA. You know, there was no path to that, really, for you. You MLB pitcher. There is cop. There is technically him. If Jacob became a trained weapon. Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

A trained weapon?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like what?

[Jay Oakerson]

Like if you knew multiple kinds of martial arts and like, was like super into like gun and like, was like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really like gun jitsu.

[Jay Oakerson]

Gunjitsu.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. If you can do gun jitsu, maybe.

[Jacob]

If you're already a lethal weapon before you join the academy, then yes. Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

And Jacob, with your size, you could have done gymnastics and karate, which is known as Jim kata.

[Bobby Kelly]

He just flips out of the way.

[Jacob]

See you, Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're already talking with Jim Carter.

[Jacob]

I'm a lethal weapon before I join, I sign up for the account.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, you took Jim Carter.

[Jacob]

I'm saying I learned what I need from the academy.

[Jay Oakerson]

What about your years of gym?

[Bobby Kelly]

He does a somersault in.

[Jay Oakerson]

I took lots of years of gymkata.

[Bobby Kelly]

He somersaults in, somersaults out. You can't see him. Where is he?

[Jay Oakerson]

Jim Kata. Someone should really put a teacher. Jim Carter class. Just a pommel horse in the middle of the room and figure it out from there. Ah, man, I love the movie. Jim Kata. Kurt Thomas. Was that the gymnast's name?

[Jacob]

I can't remember.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, you'd be the head of all the women, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

You would. It's not like you're like Charlie from Charlie's Angels.

[Jacob]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has an Indigo Charlie.

[Jacob]

Yeah, he sits behind an intercom.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, My Angels.

[Bobby Kelly]

How bummed about would you be if you met Charlie and it was Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

Angels, good to see you all abroads.

[Jacob]

To do his work. Yeah, Yeah, I can do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

By bet, Charlie said every time they come home alive, it's a goddamn mystery to me. Girls, go take down this dangerous drug dealer. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. They're back. Unbelievable. They go, charlie, mission accomplished. He goes, what? Hang on a second. What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we beat everybody up in high heels.

[Jay Oakerson]

Also, we got a letter that says you got life insurance on all three of us. What? No. Well, girls, that's part of the biz.

[Bobby Kelly]

It really is. We did it.

[Jay Oakerson]

We took down that. We took down that evil. That evil military operation by ourselves. God damn it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, July 25th and 26th. That's Christine's birthday weekend.

[Bobby Kelly]

Happy birthday.

[Jay Oakerson]

After that, he's gonna be in Rochester, Tampa, Emmaus, Pennsylvania. For tickets and all tour dates go to Punch up that live. Robert Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Big J is going to be. He's going to be at the Tacoma Comedy club in Washington August 1st and the 2nd, and the comedy Store in Los Angeles for Story Wars, August 4th and 5th. After that, he'll be at the Punchline, Sacramento, August 7th through the 9th. For tickets and all tour dates, go to his website, bigj.Comedy.com and YouTube.com bigjokerson for both his specials. And his double album is coming out shortly, so make sure you get that, too.

[Jay Oakerson]

What does possibility mean to you? That's a hard question. Something that you can strive for. I'm able to do anything I set my mind to. You're confident in yourself and you believe in yourself. Stuff that you could achieve. I feel at Saita, anything is possible when you're more confident. Shoes are a huge part of that. They are the most important part of my style.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can, like, express yourself. In the right shoes, anything is possible.

[Christine]

Dsw.

[Jay Oakerson]

Countless shoes at bragworthy prices.

[Christine]

Imagine the possibilities.