Target Practice

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly – Episode: Target Practice

Release Date: July 1, 2025

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Introduction

In the "Target Practice" episode of The Bonfire, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly dive into a myriad of hilarious and heartfelt conversations, blending their trademark blunt humor with moments of genuine reflection. Skipping past the initial advertisements, the hosts engage in candid discussions ranging from personal anecdotes to humorous debates about everyday topics.

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Key Discussions and Highlights

1. Revisiting Past Moments: Lewis's Poem

   The episode kicks off with Jay pulling out a memorable song for the "Jacob Cold montage," leading to a nostalgic trip down memory lane about their friend Lewis and a poem he wrote. Jay shares an amusing story about advising Lewis against sending a vulnerable poem too soon after a breakup.

   Big Jay Oakerson [04:21]: "It's never gonna get any better. I've never..."

   Robert Kelly [05:35]: "He said he wrote a poem to her and he sent it. And you never brought it up, but you never said, can I check it out?"

2. Creative Ventures: Airbrushing and Artistry

   Robert reminisces about his days in art school, detailing his attempts at airbrushing sorority shirts to help his ex-girlfriend attract attention at hockey games. The conversation highlights both the comedic mishaps and the creative efforts involved.

   Robert Kelly [12:08]: "Can you make us all sweatshirts? Because I was airbrushing at the time..."

   Big Jay Oakerson [16:39]: "I get them laid."

3. Navigating Personal Relationships and Growth

   The hosts delve into personal growth, discussing how having children changes perspectives and priorities. Jay reflects on his own experiences raising Josh, while Robert shares his thoughts on balancing personal life with career and friendships.

   Robert Kelly [48:28]: "Yeah, your kid? Josh."

   Big Jay Oakerson [48:46]: "Daddy's home, Daddy."

4. Humorous Debates on Contemporary Issues

   A segment of the episode features a lighthearted yet provocative debate about the usage of certain terms that have evolved into slurs. The hosts navigate the complexities of language, culture, and humor with their usual irreverence.

   Big Jay Oakerson [29:00]: "People of Arab origin is commonly used against those who wear a keffiyeh..."

   Robert Kelly [29:46]: "Don't throw thus in there, you theater girl."

5. Engaging with the Comedy Sphere and Politics

   The conversation shifts to discussing their involvement with the broader comedy community, including interactions with fellow comedians like Dave Smith. They touch upon how comedy intersects with politics and media appearances.

   Robert Kelly [43:26]: "What's it like with Dave Smith on the news?"

   Big Jay Oakerson [44:31]: "He's like, you gotta settle down a little bit."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [04:21] Big Jay Oakerson: "It's never gonna get any better. I've never..."

• [05:35] Robert Kelly: "He said he wrote a poem to her and he sent it. And you never brought it up, but you never said, can I check it out?"

• [12:08] Robert Kelly: "Can you make us all sweatshirts? Because I was airbrushing at the time..."

• [29:00] Big Jay Oakerson: "People of Arab origin is commonly used against those who wear a keffiyeh..."

• [48:28] Robert Kelly: "Yeah, your kid? Josh."

• [56:25] Robert Kelly: "I hate Sex and the City. It's so unrealistic. Everybody has a perfect apartment."

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Insights and Reflections

Throughout the episode, Big Jay and Robert offer insights into their lives as stand-up comedians navigating personal relationships, creative endeavors, and the ever-evolving landscape of humor. Their candid revelations about past mistakes, artistic attempts, and the challenges of maintaining friendships provide listeners with a blend of humor and relatability.

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Conclusion

"Target Practice" encapsulates the essence of The Bonfire—a blend of unfiltered honesty, humor, and spontaneous conversation. Whether reminiscing about old friends, tackling sensitive topics with a comedic twist, or sharing personal growth stories, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly deliver an engaging and entertaining episode that resonates with both longtime fans and new listeners alike.

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Listen Live

Subscribe to The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103, and join the conversation every Monday through Thursday at 5 PM Eastern/2 PM Pacific.

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Disclaimer: The conversations and opinions expressed in this summary are based on the podcast transcript provided and reflect the hosts' perspectives during the "Target Practice" episode.

Transcript

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

Welcome to paradise with the platinum card.

[Robert Kelly]

Unlock over $1,500 back in value annually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

On select purchases across travel, entertainment and dining.

[Robert Kelly]

Now let's make our trip next level.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hottest restaurant booked with resi. Unforgettable experiences Event access Endless vibes Late hotel checkout.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, please. Platinum card membership for a trip that's nothing less than iconic. Learn [e-mail] Explore Platinum Terms apply. And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. Yeah, boy. I got another song for the Jacob Cold montage.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you do?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. This is stained. I forgot they used to mope like children, too. Turn it up, Lou.

[Christine]

I just want it warmer in the fucking studio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm so cold inside. I'm so cold. Dude, a guy describing himself as cold is hilarious. Especially like when it's like, sad cold, they mean. Yeah, not temperature inside. Cold.

[Robert Kelly]

Sad, cold. Sad, cold.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sad cold. That's the first line of Lewis's poem. It's one of the best things ever in recorded history, is now that I'm feeling cold and alone cold.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, blue, you're the best, man. I feel hurt, Lou. Just got my phone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cold.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice. That's a. That's a who he is thing right there. What are you doing? Where are you going?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Change these chairs. They're always. Oh, shitty. They're all shitty.

[Robert Kelly]

Sad, cold.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Lou, turn it back up. Stain's coming in for a landing.

[Robert Kelly]

You're the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. So.

[Robert Kelly]

He. Inside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob's co. Oh, is this the first you could play? Yeah, you could play Louis. The first line of Lewis's poem.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob. Sad, cold. I never. I never. I never realized how sad cold he was until right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The first line of Lewis's poem is the best.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, man. This photo of you guys is the best. So old dude, you with long hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Dave hasn't changed his look since he was 10.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He just doesn't shop in the.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, dude, it's the same.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't shop in Modell's Clearance Rack.

[Robert Kelly]

Anymore, buddy, it's the same look. He hasn't changed his face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His face is the same.

[Robert Kelly]

You went through 17 different looks since I've started the bonfire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Totally. Remember my kabuki year? That was crazy. My kabuki year. Go, Christine. Play it. Let's get him up.

[Robert Kelly]

Explain this again. What is this again?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is. I apologize. I should have explained that.

[Robert Kelly]

I got you, buddy. This is a duo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was good. The little shit.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm going to throw it up and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then you hit it. If you know Legion of Skanks and you don't know the poem, you fucked up. Because if anyone ever asks me, and we gotta be in a Thousand Plus Skanks episodes at at least, and in all those episodes, I always say we never. We peaked at episode 20, the Lewis poem, where Lewis was. I revisit this a couple times a year myself. Just on the road where I show it to people.

[Robert Kelly]

So you're saying that episode 20 was. That was the. The best it's gonna get.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's never gonna get any better. I've never.

[Robert Kelly]

How many are you up to now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thousands. Maybe at least a thousand.

[Robert Kelly]

I think that's true with every podcast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 20 was our peak. At least for me. I haven't laughed this hard since. You hear why I laugh every year at this and I listen to it is to remind myself there was a time in my life where I laughed. Actually, I enjoyed it. At Lewis. At. No, with. Instead of at. But anyway, Louis, when we were younger and he lived around the corner from me, he was dating this girl, cute young girl. And then when they broke up, you know, she left. He got in the car with me one night and he goes. He was like, oh, man, I'm really. He's like, you know, I don't say her name, but, like, she left me. Whatever. And I'm like, oh, man, that sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. He's like, yeah, I wrote her a poem. I was like, ah, that's cool, man. But, you know, just don't send that yet, just because, you know, just think on that for a day because it's pretty fresh in my mind. I know it's going to happen, which is what happened. He's going to send it, and she's going to laugh with all of her friends at it.

[Robert Kelly]

So you tried to get him not to send it. So that's when you still had human in you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, I did. I was like, yeah, Yeah. I was like, buddy, don't. Well, there's no such Thing as podcast back then or anything.

[Robert Kelly]

That's when you were still little J from Philly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Podcast didn't exist.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, dude, you don't do that yet. When you gave sage advice, you never. Instead of now, where you give podcast advice, dude, send that immediately.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This.

[Robert Kelly]

Give me a copy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This. Before you thought about hurting your friends for content. Yeah, way before. Yeah, I need some content. I'm gonna break my friend's heart. So no, he. I was like, hey, just don't send it yet. Just sit on that for a day or so. And he goes, I already emailed it. And I was like, oh, Christ.

[Robert Kelly]

You gave him the restraint of pen and tongue and then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Never. I never. We never discussed it again. It never came up again.

[Robert Kelly]

He said he wrote a poem to her and he sent it. And you never brought it up, but you never said, can I check it out?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wouldn't have showed it at the time. And I just forgot. It's just like it was. Time went by. It was so long ago. And then five years go by.

[Robert Kelly]

Five fucking years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Five years went by.

[Lou]

If he had given it, he probably didn't have his own copy of it even at that time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he just. He put it in an email. Body and email. He wouldn't even had it anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he typed it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So. So he bumped into her five years later and. And Beatrice is in the background of this clip. She's Petrus is pregnant with James Lewis's son, which is hilarious in the year. And. But Louis, somewhere in New York City, bumped into the girl he wrote the poem for and asked her. He goes, hey, do you by any chance. This is pretty cool of him. Any chance. Do you have that poem that I sent you when we split up? And she was like, oh, yeah. And she sent it back to him. And this is me reading it to Lewis and Dave. Lewis hasn't seen it since he wrote it five years ago. I'm not looking forward at all, really. I'm only allowed to look like two sentences at a time. I'm like scrolling up. I'm reading it in Lewis's voice with beautiful music. And Dave listening. Also listening in the background, Lewis's ex with child. Go ahead. You can give him a second of it. Now that I'm feeling cold and alone.

[Robert Kelly]

You doing Lewis voice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the first line. Now that I'm feeling cold and alone.

[Robert Kelly]

He's crying. Is he crying or laughing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, we're laughing. I've never laughed this hard in my life.

[Robert Kelly]

Sounds like he's laugh crying because it Hurts still.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to start it over.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, we have five minutes of this music.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The first line lived up to my expectations already. It's already everything I hoped for. Did I love the Trump denier? Dave Smith in the background? Stop reading down. Oh, my God. I'm not. I'm trying to see how I go down.

[Robert Kelly]

Zionist later.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Scroll with your thumb. I got you. Okay. Anti interventionalist Dave Smith at least teaching.

[Robert Kelly]

You how to use an iPhone. Your thumb. Use your thumb.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it was all new.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Jay. What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My sidekick wasn't doing that.

[Robert Kelly]

Sidekick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Beginning again. Take this from Jump. Now that I'm feeling cold and alone it dawned on me that I never wrote you a poem.

[Robert Kelly]

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Oh, man. God damn it. God damn it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I give you a few more lines as a taste, then you gotta go watch the clip.

[Robert Kelly]

I got subscribe to Gas Digital, whatever. You making money?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Technically it's supposed to be money for us too. This is a YouTube clip. It's called worst poem ever.

[Robert Kelly]

How do you think that money for coffee?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd always say watch the YouTube clip because it's nine minutes long and it's just. It's so funny. Go give him a couple more lines. I mean, they don't get any better.

[Lou]

I love you. Said dawned on me. Because later. Didn't he say that nothing's ever dawned on him ever?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a funny sentence actually. Nothing's ever dawned on me. I've never learned a lesson from something. It was. Oh, wait, that's part of the poem. Huh.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that dangerous?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. When you start it, you're not going to stick. You got it. You gotta read it, Jay. After two and a half years, there's so much to say, so much to cry for, to beg for and pray.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm going throw up. I'm going throw up. I can't this when Lewis prayed, I guess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good. If you were the one that could make me feel more. I knew you were innocent. I knew you were young. I knew you were beautiful. I knew you were fun. Oh, it gets worse. Did you hear me laugh? I mean, you've never heard me laugh like that. Sweet, sweet job.

[Robert Kelly]

I remember this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sweet job. Ryan Young with fun. Holy St. Louis's living room. Continue. Finish it. I'm starting that line over. I almost want you to bring it back to the beginning. Continue. Oh, my God, dude, I'm sorry. Just continue, please. For the love of God. You're killing me. I knew you were innocent. I knew you were young. I knew you were beautiful. I knew you were Fun. I'm crying. I'm literally crying. This line's the best. I think. I can't believe you're crushed. Oh, fuck. Okay, okay, okay. All right, ahead. That was a problem. You knew I had problems. You knew I was fat. But you took a chance, and I thank you for that. You gotta go listen to the rest yourself. That's the best one ever.

[Lou]

I remember listening. I was in the cringe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You knew I was. You knew I was fat, but you took a chance, and I thank you for that.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not a bad rhyme. It's not a bad rhyme.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man, what a lyricist I have.

[Robert Kelly]

I wrote. It was. I think it was 17 or 18. My girl. My first real girlfriend. Kristen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Who I went to the prom with. And, I mean, I loved her. I found out she was cheating on me with a. She went to college and she joined a sorority, and then they used to go to the hockey games. And I. I found a dude's number in her purse. Steve. And I was like, who's Steve?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your belly's angry about that.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry. Oh, Steve.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I remember Steve.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. Who's Steve. She goes, it's my cousin. And I was like, you have this cousin named Steve? One of. She was a hockey player.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

So the sorority would go to the games, and I was in art school or whatever. I was whatever, trying to be an artist. And she goes, can you. Yeah. She goes, can you make us all sweatshirts? Because I was airbrushing at the time, so I made.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

She goes, I made the sorority.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you make one says long and thick? That's just this one guy's nickname.

[Robert Kelly]

I made all them. The sorority logo and the hockey. So I made all these sweatshirts for all these sorority girls that would. She would go to the hockey games, and she wanted to just fucking get plowed out by one of those hockey players. So she broke my heart. I mean, we used to go to karate together. We used to get tuna melts together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus.

[Robert Kelly]

We got. We went from skinny, and we got fat together. In two years, we became fatties and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Started fucking Steve, the hockey player.

[Robert Kelly]

She started.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He likes a fat, warm.

[Robert Kelly]

So this dude. And then I. I remember I. I went to the library in Malden on a rainy day, and I went. I wrote her a poem. I wrote this magnificent poem.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Please tell me you have any copy of it anywhere.

[Robert Kelly]

My mother might have it in the attic. When I moved from Boston to New York, I gave her all my stuff. She. She might have the poem in a. In my art stuff because I have all my art stuff at her house in the attic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That would be pretty great. It's a. I definitely wrote a poem. I don't remember exactly to who, when. Yeah, I'm sure it was terrible. I couldn't know where it was. But every time, anytime I've ever written a poem, which saying, if it's one, maybe two times, I do know that when I've sat down to do it, I was sitting in front of pen and paper, like I would write it.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I wrote it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

In the library. Rainy day in front of a. Just a rainy window in the library.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I put a lipstick kiss the bottom of it.

[Robert Kelly]

I think I. I think I drew clouds on the top of the page.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way. I suffer from that too. Bobby. Over decorate for no reason. A page. It's like. Well, I mean, I did put a little sun there, so I might as well put some, like, ground. And the ground's gonna need to have a couple little sprouts of some kind of, like, foliage coming out of it.

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta put a tree for the owl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I can draw a rock on the ground. But then I have to draw three rocks. Cause I don't really have to do one rock perspective wise, but I can do three clustered together. And that looks cooler.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. If I find it, I'll bring it in. But it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you did with the shirts. I was doing never. Even for a girlfriend. I just used to draw. I drew once, like a. I think fenoia, because I drew one for fenoia to be funny. The brick wall busting with your name coming through it. And a bunch of, like, graffiti with the things. That same thing. You're like, you're being used, but in your mind, you're like, all these chicks want to hang with the cool artists. And you're like, hey, can you draw this thing for my binder? And beat it, you fat turd, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I wasn't even good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The names, too. I always went to. I was in West Philly, so I'm like, here. Damana, Dixon. Here, lashanta, Frederick.

[Robert Kelly]

I wasn't even good at airbrushing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just, you know, me had it.

[Robert Kelly]

I was an airbrush where you put it all in a pressurized tank. Like, all the colors. So you could just switch, you know, airbrushing. You had to pour the ink in individually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

But you know me, I'm a gadget fucking weirdo. I bought the latest and greatest that you could put all the paint into this big pressurized thing and then switch it on the fly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

And I didn't even have to airbrush.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So I just had the airbrushes.

[Robert Kelly]

I had the best airbrush system you could buy. I think my grandmother helped me buy it because I didn't have credit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I just started airbrushing in my basement. And then she's like, hey, can you do. And I was like, yeah. But the shirts were so, like. Like the logo. Like, some of them had it small. Like, they were all uneven. It wasn't the same, like, logo. And I think I fucked up one of the names on it. And I just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just fixed it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I left it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, I was. I can't spell. I'm dyslexic. It was so terrible, man. I made. I think it was like a triangle. Some type of sorority. Suffolk University sorority. And I made. And I stayed up all night. I had to do, like, 15 sweatshirts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it was for them to wear to the hockey game to get banged out. So some other guys.

[Christine]

It wasn't perfect. It worked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it worked. It helped. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All they needed, all those girls needed for was really wipe. Wipe up all those hockey players. Splats. He goes, hey, I don't care what you put on the front of the shirt. If you just make sure the inside's real terry cloth, because we have a lot of splat to fucking Zamboni off our bodies, if you know what I mean.

[Christine]

Tried your best, and it was enough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, buddy, I get them laid.

[Robert Kelly]

I wrote the poem, and then she called me up two weeks later. I gave her the poem. Then she called me up. She wanted to get back together, but I was like, I've. I gave her something like, no, I'm. I'm good. I work through it. Like, that poem helped me. The poem, my own words helped me get through the. The Kristen breakup. I was living with the foster father, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got it out.

[Robert Kelly]

I was living with foster father, this guy Ken Laos, this Jewish dude. And this other dude, he had another foster son, Carmelo Sanchez.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. And not biological.

[Robert Kelly]

Not neither one of us. Yeah, we used to live with this dude. He was a real sweet guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But to you. He raped the shit out of that Hispanic kid. He was very good to you because you were a Christian white. But that Mexican kid got fucking his ass whaled. Talk about a midnight operation. Midnight hammer.

[Robert Kelly]

I had to use Carmelo's dental insurance once because I had my tooth got up and I didn't have dental. So the guy was just. Use Carmelo's. Go in. I'll make an appointment for Carmelo. So I went in, and I don't know why I was thinking that I had to speak in his Spanish. I could have just went in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, what a racist.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm coming. So I went and went, hello, I'm Camilo Sanchez.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hurts like a. I chipped the front tooth.

[Robert Kelly]

I gotta get it fixed. So I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there in the thing, in the dark. The dad is like, so where are you from? Like, originally from Lawrence, Massachusetts, but now I live with my foster father originally from Lawrence, Massachusetts. All of a sudden, the girl from my class comes in from high school who's a dental assistant or some. She's like, carmelo. And she saw me, and I was like. I was like, hello, how you doing? She knows I'm Bobby Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I am undercover.

[Robert Kelly]

I was like, please don't say anything. I have no doubt that she's okay. I had to sit there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In fact, she's grabbing a kisser. Lady, come here. And then like, please, God, don't this up for. That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

Come here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have just been seduced by Coro.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll make you a hoodie. I had airbrush.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, Doc, extra Nova cane, please give me the laughing gasp. And he just laughed like normal. No, I do not giggle.

[Robert Kelly]

I do not giggle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do not choose to giggle.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. My name is Camelo Sanchez. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, I gotta say, I hope we're making. Maybe we should be making. I don't know if we should be making more or less money than Roxanne Shantae. She's a legend for sure, and God bless her, maybe the most entertaining show on Sirius XM at this point. Apologies, Howard Stern. Apologies, Bennington. Apologies, Sam Roberts. The show, it came on today. I mean, it's Must hear radio.

[Robert Kelly]

What is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She starts off saying, it's hot out there, y' all. Like, in between casinos. Walking hot. Which is a good description. Then she goes, I want you all to remember, drink water. Drink water out there. Stay hydrated. But don't drink too much water. Yeah, a lot of people don't tell you that. Don't drink too much water. I mean, enough to stay hydrated, but too much water is bad.

[Robert Kelly]

That's good advice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then she goes, it's bad. It makes you shit. And then.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, it's. That's good. I didn't know that. Did you know that? I never knew that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then the. By the way, her co host goes and pee. And she goes, sure, but it make you shit. And when you get older, the shits get loose and sour. They loose and they sour.

[Robert Kelly]

She drinking milk with the water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. She goes, that's what happened when you get. Oh, yo, you get loosey goosey. All right, this is empd, EPMD with crossover. And they just send it to a song.

[Robert Kelly]

But how much money did they get?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know, but she. You know, I was gonna say maybe she should. We should make more, but maybe she should make more because she's willing to go there. And she is a legend of hip hop, right? Roxanne Shantae. But I don't know. I couldn't guess what she makes over at LL Cool J Rock the Bells radio.

[Robert Kelly]

And when it gets hot, you're supposed to drink the water. But if you drink the water, don't drink too much because make you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Make you. And if you old, it makes sour. Yeah, you make loose, sour shits that be smelling sour.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that is true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'd be Lucy Goose.

[Robert Kelly]

That is true. I had a sour yesterday. There's nothing worse than a sour, hot, hot day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like when an Iranian lunatic bombs Times Square. That's what's going to be talked about in one of the rooms of this building while that happens. She goes, and you know what? I'mma shitt it on myself. You guys hear that? You guys hear that? Hold on. So anyway, I was like, my was loose and it was smelling, and I know somebody saw my feet and my shoes is dope. So I know they saw my shoes and they gonna associate that. Hang on. What's that saying? Oh, y' all hear that, guys? Y' all hear. Battles don't happen outside.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, speaking of all that, it's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice to be right in Times Square when. Right when we've provoked. Isn't like the terrorism place, like, terrorism hq.

[Robert Kelly]

Taking the subway now is fucking. I'm. I'm getting paranoid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you must be getting paranoid, especially because despite all this, you back every one of Trump's moves, and I think before the show said something about like, good night, towel heads. Can you even say that anymore?

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't say that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You didn't?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I did not say that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You said some of it, though.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I didn't say.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did I make up all that?

[Robert Kelly]

I just. You made it all up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. All right.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm very. I'm actually very sad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pro towel heads?

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no. All right.

[Robert Kelly]

Not any. Did you not say something about what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The word towel heads?

[Robert Kelly]

I've only used A towel on my. I don't have hair. I don't even use it on my head. I don't even say towel head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, you know what this might be. Listen, years ago, we remember, I accused Christopher Cross of being a pedophile. And there's no such allegations ever on his name. So sometimes I fuck up. Maybe. You never said towel heads today. Three or four times.

[Robert Kelly]

I never said it at all. Not three or four times. I would never.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, no, that's what I'm saying now that I'm thinking back on it. I don't think you said it three or four times at all. Maybe not even at all.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. I don't even want to get into the pol. Let's leave this for Dave Smith. But I went to Iraq with Quinn and we were, you know, in Baghdad and we were doing these shows. This is just funny. I don't know if it's funny to you, but they would. They have Iraqis work in the bases, you know, they would have Iraqi people from the city. No, they got paid. But they would work in the basement.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, not fair rage.

[Robert Kelly]

But it was. It was raining out and a fucking dude came in and he had a towel wrapped around his head. And he walked in and I just looked at him and I just. I went. I just smiled and he went. And he just unwrapped it. He goes, man, whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really.

[Robert Kelly]

He knew. I just looked at him and he looked at me and he was like, nah, you son of a. I'll take the towel off my head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe that's the towel head you said.

[Robert Kelly]

I would never say cow head. I feel bad that I. I'm very bummed out that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you can't sand in word on the.

[Robert Kelly]

I would never say that either. If I was going to do it, I would never say that. I wouldn't call them sandies. I wouldn't do anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that a thing?

[Robert Kelly]

That's a thing, I guess. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that bad?

[Robert Kelly]

That's bad Sandy's. That's what history, Hines.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not allowed. You can't. You're not allowed to take bullshit words and say you're not allowed to say them anymore. It got through the. Listen, it got through S and P. It made a slip through. If you decide at some point to start saying spoon instead of. You start saying. You can't say. Well, you can't say spoon sucker now.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You found the loophole.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, they call. I was talking to Yanis about this on the high Knees. They have names for everybody. It's pretty funny. They call black dudes Namins.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Which I didn't know. I was like, why not mean. I was like, that makes sense. Not to me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They figured out. They figured out Canadians. So.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I didn't say anything. But I really. That did freak me out this weekend because I had like. I'm like, okay, we bombed Iraq. What if they start bombing Iran? I ran Iran. Sorry, Iran. They bombed Iran. And then if. What if we. They start bombing Manhattan? Don was back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I'll tell you what's gonna happen. You're gonna be running here screaming, iraqs come to attack us.

[Robert Kelly]

Me and Max were up in New Hampshire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, fucking ground zero.

[Robert Kelly]

And they were. She was down here like, do I come back and get dawn? Or do I just say, hey, make your way up if you can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Radiation is not getting up there to that fucking Ryan Reynolds mountain where you live on. Yeah, the Blake Lively mountain.

[Robert Kelly]

It would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The radiation. No way, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

It was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My ears weren't even open up there.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's 40. 40 mile radius. I believe if it's a nuke, one of the nukes we have 40 miles out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not one of the nukes. We have one of the nukes. They have.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but they have. I don't think they have any more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you don't think.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I think, but I think there's one more hidden.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think they had one special one in somewhere else.

[Robert Kelly]

If you were to entertain my little fantasy for a second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

If I was up in New Hampshire with Maxipoo and shit happened here. I just let dawn go, Right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, for sure. Say goodbye and, you know, remember.

[Robert Kelly]

I should probably tell her to go to you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get Avenger in some way.

[Robert Kelly]

Avenger for who?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know, but I just remember what it was you said. You and Max spent this week up weekend up in New Hampshire training to kill tow heads.

[Robert Kelly]

No, that's not true. We never. That is 100% not true, Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you not say any of this to me?

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know. I never said any of that to you. We were up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck am I hearing?

[Robert Kelly]

You're making stuff up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'm making stuff up?

[Robert Kelly]

We were in the. We had towels. We went to the beach.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You had towels. And you shot guns.

[Robert Kelly]

We shot guns.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We didn't say the towels.

[Robert Kelly]

No, we didn't practice. No. We didn't wrap towels around targets.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't say anything about targets.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, you actually can't even at the gun. Range use targets with people in them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that can't be true.

[Robert Kelly]

Mine. Yeah, they don't. They don't want you to use.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think it might be certain ones that can't be true across board. That's gotta be the most fun.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I would imagine so. But yeah, our thing, they're like you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My first target is gonna be an outline of Christine at her happiest. I don't know what that is. Just like, just in all of her.

[Robert Kelly]

Glory in the pool while Dawkins is in her pool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna put one in each eye.

[Robert Kelly]

This one when you're getting in a car to go to the airport, is that when she's at her happiest pro?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's when she's at her sleeping. Yeah, she knows she could. Yeah, for sure. Probably the door closes and she's like, just goes to a full. A full house. Sonos horrible music party.

[Robert Kelly]

The name is hate your house when you're not around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe. Oh, man. We had a neighbor yesterday. It stopped pretty quick, but I mean cranked music in the backyard real loud, but for like 10 minutes and then it stopped.

[Robert Kelly]

What type of music?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It wasn't good. Maybe electronic, dancey type stuff. Like a little EDM ish sounding.

[Robert Kelly]

So is there what is. Because I'm afraid to play music in the backyard. Still. Yeah, just the neighbors. I don't know how loud. Like the old house, I knew how loud I could play it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Because the neighbor to the left was cool as shit and the neighbor to the right were these hippies and they were fine with shit they didn't buy. But the new neighbors, I don't know how loud I can play it like. You know what I mean? Like, I haven't had a party yet to see the temperament of the neighborhood and the people to the left of me go to bed at like, I think 7:30. Like I've literally like, their lights are out at like 7:30, 8:00 clock, all the lights in the house are out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you have to wake up stupid early?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I think they're retired.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get down the mountain.

[Robert Kelly]

No, there's nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's an older retired couple.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not. No, he's not that old.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You live on top of a mountain.

[Robert Kelly]

I do not live on a mountain.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You do.

[Robert Kelly]

I do not. Yeah, it's not a matter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to go to the highest peak where the tail heads can't get you.

[Robert Kelly]

I never said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I swear to God. You said this outside.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, towel heads are India. Oh, that's not Iran.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you were. It didn't even make sense, what you were saying.

[Robert Kelly]

No, what you're saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What I'm saying.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What I'm making up towel heads is our Indians. That is right.

[Robert Kelly]

Towel heads. It's not. They're not Indians, but it's a certain. It's a certain religion.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You call them Indians.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't call them engines. No, those are American Indians.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you call them engines.

[Robert Kelly]

Those are American Native. How many words do you have to say now? American, Native Indian. What is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Indigenous.

[Robert Kelly]

Indigenous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Native.

[Robert Kelly]

Native American. Eskimo Indians.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Eskimo Indians.

[Robert Kelly]

Indian, American. Those. Those are not towel heads. Oh, regular Indians. It's Sikhs, I believe, have the towels. I mean, the heads. The wraps. Not. They have wraps on their heads that look like towels. It's not a towel head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thus. No slur. Tow heads.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't throw thus in there, you theater girl. Thus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Alas.

[Robert Kelly]

Alas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And alas, Muslims are troubled by the towel head title. Okay. All right, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You may have to slow down on that word.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't use the word. I've never used it in front of you. You've made it up. I've never called anybody a towel head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, is this crazy? Is this possible? Making every bit of this up completely doesn't seem right.

[Robert Kelly]

It doesn't seem right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God, I'm going into a shell. So cold. People of Arab origin is commonly used against those of Arab descent, particularly those who wear a keffiyeh.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep, that's correct.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or a similar head covering.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's not a. It's not a towel head. That's Indian. I think it's Sikh. Am I right? I mean, is it Sikh?

[Lou]

It's. I mean, what is. What they used to say was towel head or dot head? They're both s. Slurs.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but there's actually a seek. Yeah, that's sick. Yeah, Seek. Wrap it around. And they have beautiful long hair under there. Yeah, that's what. And their beards connect to their hair, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I lost Shick Razor Beard of the game, it was to a Sikh guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Was it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Remember, Christine, when you.

[Lou]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't even remember when I almost won Razor Beard of the game at the Sixers game? The guy that did win was a guy. A Sikh guy.

[Lou]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With all the crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

And it's called the turbo. Not a towel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't throw around crazy stuff like that. That's your Boston upbringing.

[Robert Kelly]

I haven't. No. First of all, I. I understand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I made it up a year ago. Says it I don't look sure. Did I make it up? Fine. Yes. But you do say it all the time.

[Robert Kelly]

Probably. I've never. Probably. Why do you keep you can't say I say it all the time and then slip in whisper probably at the end.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you probably do say it a lot.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't say it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you and Max's weekend kept saying it before you fired your guns into tree stumps that you put we didn't find which is ridiculous cuz that means you were shooting at seek targets. Not even Iranian people.

[Robert Kelly]

I was not shooting at any.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You were shooting at Iraqis. You were in the wrong country. I did everybody. Have you noticed that everywhere you go it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well at Metro they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number not available currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network Talk text and 5G data for customers activating on eligible plan exclusions. Apply details at metro by t-mobile.com Imagine.

[Robert Kelly]

Being out at the lake having a fantastic day. The grill's on the families there, the dogs barking. It's beautiful. But guess what? Now imagine you smell. You got body odor that stinks. Well, Dove Men plus Care Whole Body Dio helps keep your BO from ruining the good days. From pits to privates to feet, you can feel confident with 72 hour protection in all your odor zones. Dove Men Whole Body Dio goes on instantly dry with an aluminum free vitamin E infused formula with whole body freshness and care. Dove Men plus Care Whole Body do get everywhere. Everywhere care even down there. Find it on Amazon or at Target today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Guys, you know running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive and since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo? That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing, websites, literally every kind of software. And it's all on one platform, so it works together. And it's quality software so you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o.com odoo.com hey.

[Robert Kelly]

You got any fun trips coming up? One thing you probably haven't put in your packing list Learning a new language. But with Babbel, you can start talking in just a few weeks. Start speaking a new language with confidence thanks to Babbel's conversation based techniques that quickly teaches you useful words and phrases about the things you actually talk about in real world. Babbel's awesome. It sends reminders to me. There's over a dozen languages available to learn at your own pace so you can achieve your goals with material tailored to your individual proficiency level. It's sentence building, spelling, reinforcement. It has all this stuff that makes me feel good about learning a language. Spanish is the one I'm learning and I have Italian on the side. Learn another language. Babbel is gifting our listeners 55% off subscriptions at babbel.com/bonfire get up to 55% off that babel.com/bonfire spelled B A B B E L.com bonfire babel.com/bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. Gracias. They nada Buffalo. I did get the compound bow out this weekend to start getting my my sphere energy up just in case because here's the thing. You got in I the way you got in is not going to happen again. That was a a once in a million. Hey, get us in. You're in. The next one is gonna be like, hey man, I can't just let that happen again. It's gonna be like, you can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're right. He can't let everybody who asks.

[Robert Kelly]

It's over. So you're a veteran, dude. I'm actually I got the compound bow out this weekend. I started shooting at some targets.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you, the target should be shooting at somebody else in the Rogan sphere You take them out?

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, some guy Torelli picks made a beautiful welcome poster for me and Lewis into the Sphere. Awesome. With all the characters on it.

[Robert Kelly]

Should be. I wanted to be a magnet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And we're on the. Yeah, it's really cool this.

[Robert Kelly]

What sad I was though. I looked and I was like, am I. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Metzger's in there.

[Robert Kelly]

Metzger's in there. Where is. Let me see who else is in there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Alfredy Newman from Mad magazine. Also.

[Christine]

Is there Kurtz in the Rogan sphere?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, apparently. Well, listen to me. He lives there now.

[Robert Kelly]

Lives there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he doesn't go on the show a ton, but he goes on.

[Robert Kelly]

But he likes him and Ro.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Is him in the sphere?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tim Dylan, Brian Simpson. Dave Shane.

[Robert Kelly]

Joey Diaz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Joey. Coco Diaz. Theo Vaughn, Alfre Newman, Ari. Tony Inchcliffe, Tom Segura, Kurt Metzger, Burke Kreischer, and now the two of us. But I'll tell you what, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If there's one part you could either. You could wait for Kurt to vibrate so fast that he just disappears one day.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, the jewel lasers might take him out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take him out. Absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

Who's the. Who's the guy on the left? Down the bottom left? The black dude?

[Lou]

Brian Simpson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Brian Simpson.

[Robert Kelly]

Brian Simpson. There's only one black dude in the sphere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's it.

[Robert Kelly]

That's so wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's plenty. Everyone's represented.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the same face. It's literally the same face seven times. Everybody in the sphere is basically the same dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lewis is only the third sort of ethnic.

[Robert Kelly]

There we go. Coco Diaz is Cuban.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You got Puerto Rican.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Tom's half something.

[Robert Kelly]

Tom's half span Mexican.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mexican.

[Robert Kelly]

He's Mexican. Yeah, I believe it's Mexican. His mom's Mexican.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, his mom's something.

[Robert Kelly]

His mom is Mexican.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why are you committing to that?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. I just wanted to. I just wanted to be confident with it and it worked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is she like. Is she like Latvian or something?

[Robert Kelly]

No, she's Mexican.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's not, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at me. She's Mexican.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The video of Tom Segura's mom's farting is my favorite video of all time on the Internet.

[Robert Kelly]

One of the greatest things I've ever watched.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just. Put it on again right now, Christine. It'll never not be funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, put it on. It's in Spanish. In Mexican.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Put it on nine foots.

[Robert Kelly]

See, I love that you lost weight to get into the sphere too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because if it's not going to be lifted up on shoulders, you can be.

[Robert Kelly]

On the shoulders because that wasn't. The guy would have had to, like, made Joe's knees wobbling.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, I mean, put knee braces on him. But now you look fantastic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. There is a weight limit at the Sphere, as Christine will tell you about a lot of, like, those Hollywood type parties.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at. Look how fat Cigar used to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a weight limit here. This is Thompson.

[Lou]

There's a weight limit at this party.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know, I know. Rogan's fear.

[Robert Kelly]

And just that shows you that God is real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God is good all the time.

[Robert Kelly]

This is a magical moment. Let's do a volume up. I love. And let's. Let's. Let's watch. I can't believe I'm finally. And his mom doesn't know that he's filming. So she turns right at the end, she has a little smirk, like, yeah, baby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You ever tell you the things he had to do? Did you ever hear the things he had to do to, like, get her to let him put this up?

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He, like, sent him to the casino with, like, some weird amount of money and spending money in cash and, like.

[Robert Kelly]

Is Tom Segura's mom Mexican?

[Lou]

Peruvian.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Lou]

See, I'm trying to find what his father is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You said Mexican.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you committed hard to it, dude. So you're saying Peruvians. Mexicans are just the same. Just like towel heads and Iranians.

[Robert Kelly]

Peru was part of Mexico until it broke off in the 1368 War of Peru. Where the Algonquin Mexicans.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. If you could. If you would have kept talking, if you would have stopped.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

After the first sentence, I would have just moved on subjects because I don't know if for sure if that was true. But then you started showing your own ass. You kept going.

[Robert Kelly]

The gun quit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but the first thing when you said Peru broke off in Mexico before I went to wherever I was gonna.

[Robert Kelly]

Be, like, 1368 war.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. But that may have happened. I go, I have no idea where Peru is.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so funny, too, to have all this happen this weekend and in the news and then just to see Dave Smith as a professional person on all the news outlets. And I'm like, I know that guy. I did a podcast with him where we said some really awful weird and we did some crazy. And he's on the news just laying it out to these guys and holding his own, talking about. And I'm just like. I don't know what the he's saying, but it sounds Fantastic dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I said, I told him. I said Dave. Though he does Legion of Skank still solely so he still is able to talk to anyone who doesn't have a stupid Lord of the Rings accent. Everyone he debates is always. He always has the guy like shim, Shadow, Bim, Dave and you, Dave and then you don't know because you've never been a bit. And he's a big. Nigel, Nigel, can I answer the question? Well, Nigel, if you let me finish.

[Robert Kelly]

Nigel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nigel, if I could just. Dave. But Dave Smith, you. He has to come to Legion of Skank just to hear some guys say dude. Also on piers. I listen to Dave on piers more. He's always great. I listened to one Piers Morgan this weekend, Dave Smith and he. The first time I caught him like doing like he was having a debate with like a. Some like dignified whatever guy and he said dude, yeah, I caught a dude for the first time, Dave. He's like blah, blah. Dude, what are you even talking about? You're like, oh that's, that's out. That's out of the range of what this is.

[Robert Kelly]

We got to get Dave in ears in your head because he has. He's the only one on the TV with headphones on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah, we got to get him.

[Robert Kelly]

In ears because he's got to look, look, he's rocking it but he's got headphones on and he looks like a radio dj. We got to get him in ears so he looks professional. Put the in ears in his little logo on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I need him with a TV next to him so he can show me the day's goings on something.

[Robert Kelly]

Right? It's pretty wild man, that that dude is in the midst of these goings on politics like talking about Iran and America and Trump and they're going to Dave Smith to. For his opinion. That's a wild life to live. To be able to hang out with you and fucking Louis. To be able to go to Skank fest and do all this crazy shit and then go on the news and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He'S like, hang on, Fox. Knightley needs me.

[Robert Kelly]

It's such a crazy life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey guys, I gotta hit the McLaughlin group so catch you queefs later. Yeah, he's very comfortable on those shows. He doesn't feel like, you know, I mean he doesn't go out.

[Robert Kelly]

Has he always been like, has he always been in the background? Like have you known him to know about this stuff and be into all this stuff?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Well, he just is doing the same thing. He was Doing then in the sense like he's just saying it into a microphone now. But as far as like he's just being like a. He's just like a commentator. But when did he like running for anything or anything?

[Robert Kelly]

I remember him from like being in the MMA Hammer fisting him and Lewis and I remember but I never, I never knew when he transitioned to politics. Like, was he always into politics back then?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he just tried years ago on gas station when everybody tried to do like their own thing too. He thought he'd do a thing. He started up with this kid Travis Pinon that went haywire and then he tried like another guest like or a co host or two and they started just doing it by himself. With Robbie the Fire.

[Lou]

Yeah, they started like a Facebook series Dave Smith on. He was doing that for a while, but he was always into it. But it was, I mean, maybe what, like eight, nine years ago where it started like meshing more and he started doing more stuff publicly like as it.

[Robert Kelly]

Because most people stick to what. What brought them, you know what I mean? They dance with a. Brought him like, you know, he's hanging out with you guys, he's in the skank world, blah, blah. It's so successful. It's a very successful world you guys live in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's been a good place for him to also pull people because there's fans of ours who do give a. About political stuff. We don't get me and Lewis don't give a. But like, you know, I mean, so Dave was able to like, there's people who are like long term Legion of Skanks fans that are like also now into whatever Dave's goofy politics are.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sure it's great. I just can't build my own roads. Sure, whatever he wants us to do is fantastic, but I can't build my own road. It'll never happen. I'll procrastinate forever. Never, ever happen.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's. It's funny because you, if you, if you talk to Voss, I'll call him and he'll talk about politics. God bless Voss. I love him. I know, I know his heart's in the right place. But he just goes on and on about politics.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And you're like, you gotta settle down a little bit. You sound ridiculous. A little bit. I understand. I get it. But then you listen to Dave. He's well read. He's. He like the amount of work he has to do to deal with these people, he can't around because these people have highly Intelligent people that he's talking to. Sure, but I'm talking, I'm talking. Well read. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's also a world where you can like, you could say like. Oh, yeah, no, I guess that's true. I mean, he's like. Change his opinion on stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I, I used.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To be pro choice.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. Is he. For Christ's sake. And he's not anymore?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think so.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just now.

[Robert Kelly]

It's pretty wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nerd.

[Robert Kelly]

You'll get religious someday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

You will. No, you'll find. For that you'll find God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where?

[Robert Kelly]

He's with you right now, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everywhere?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's everywhere. Your God. Your God is with you right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You can't have my God though. You can't handle my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who's your God now?

[Robert Kelly]

Did I. Quinn, I can't talk. No, he used to be my God, but not anymore because he, He. He got married. Ever since he got married, I couldn't be my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, that's whack.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Steve Byrne was my God for a minute, but you know Steve Byrne? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't see that coming at all.

[Robert Kelly]

The whole Buddha thing, you know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, but he's too skinny for Buddha stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I, Yeah, I became the Buddha.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Steve's religious at all?

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, he is. I think he is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, his, like, his calm down and his personality since having kids and stuff is pretty crazy. Yeah, it is funny that we've done this long enough to see people go from like pretty wild late night every night, guys to like, my back hurts. I have to mow the lawn tomorrow anyway, so I'm getting out of here.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we talked about that last week when it was. It's like when you have a kid, all of a sudden you get some type of empathy for the world or people and your kid and things matter differently. And it. It. Before a kid, I really didn't give a. About anything. Yeah, it's like everybody. What? I don't care if I live. I've lived in a hole and I was fine. I live with Billy Byrne, an African dude. And it was awesome. I never even thought it sucked. I was like, this is great. I got blow jobs in the hallway if Billy was home. And I, you know, I smoked cigarettes and got a cup of coffee and I did comedy. It was awesome. But then when you have a kid, you have to provide and you get nervous about all kinds of other shit, but you also start to open up, like, things. Your heart opens up a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I have to tell you, with me, I know that because I had a kid young, though, and all my friends didn't. Is that now I'm like, hey, you guys want to just do something recklessly and smoke pot and go to a concert and get fucked up on a Tuesday and like, buddy, I got the kid. And you're like, oh, you're supposed to have done that already. All right, fine. I guess I'll do that. That with my kid instead of you, then.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, your kid? Josh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm gonna bring my boy Josh.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll go with you, man. I'm here. I'm never having a kid, Daddy. My jizz don't work. I do so much stuff. Inject it right into my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Daddy. Daddy. Yeah. Oh, you're home, Daddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd rather get a pair of Travis Scotts than have a baby. Come on, Daddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on, Daddy. I hope Josh was calling me Daddy. Daddy, Daddy's home, Daddy.

[Robert Kelly]

You're gonna get me. You're gonna eat the rest of that hamburger, Daddy. Cause I will.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Daddy, can we do McDonald's? I was good. I was so good.

[Robert Kelly]

Daddy, can I get my phone back from the last time I made you mad?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Daddy? Daddy, can I please drive the car this weekend? Susie wants to go to a movie, Daddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Susie. He'll wind up with a Susie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was always. Was that a good go to for Bruce Springsteen? It was like, Susie and me, we're doing something at a lake in a up car, and we were out later than we shooted. And the local sheriff that she had to go home and whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

Are we supposed to like him? I've never liked Bruce.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They rearranged the lobby.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. I walked in, I thought we were definitely getting fired today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No couches on commercial break. I'm gonna go suck him in the face out there. Is he out there? Let me know if he's there. Black. Well, I'm gonna sock him in the face. Huh?

[Christine]

That's who's coming in.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That's why they rearranged the thing, because he doesn't. He didn't like the feng shui. The police. I don't know, guys. I feel like the couch is really uninvited.

[Robert Kelly]

America's in trouble. We got to get rid of these couches given to some Mexicans. I'll come in if you give those chairs to some people that need them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right. I do a couple radio interviews, and I go to split some wood.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so funny to me that these guys act like they're so down to earth. He hasn't been down to Earth in 40 years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Christine]

Southern, but like cowboy. This is.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, these like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's trying to put on my John Varvatos cowboy suit.

[Robert Kelly]

I got. I got this belt buckle made of gold just for me. I never rid a horse in my life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Time to go feed. It's time to go to the stable and bail some hay in my Ferragamo cowboy boots. I don't want to get dirt on them.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, do me a favor. Hold this Rolex while I pat this horse.

[Christine]

35 minute train ride to New York City.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's very dusty.

[Christine]

Adjourning town to where I grew up. Freehold. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nowhere to go, man.

[Robert Kelly]

God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nowhere to go.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you like. Do you like big cities?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

30 minutes south.

[Robert Kelly]

You like. You like Bruce? Yeah, I like him. You love him?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course. Dude speaks to it.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it your. Your life's work? No, no, but it's adjacent. It's adjacent.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's seven songs he sings that Lou cries to.

[Robert Kelly]

What song do you cry to?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Seven of them.

[Robert Kelly]

What? I like the hits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no. What do you cry to? Is it this one?

[Robert Kelly]

No, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You always put this one on.

[Robert Kelly]

Bruce Springsteen's Never Made Me Cry. It'd be funny if Black Lew just brought him in and we're trashing them. We don't tell Jay. Just keep singing. Hey, that's pretty good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get him in here, Bruce.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll tell him he stinks to his face. Get him in whiskey. I'd be like, I'll never. I never got you. You rambling. You haven't affected me once.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listening to Purple Jam on a small speaker.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't sing that well. And sometimes my wife jumps in and she can't sing too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chewing so. Cigarette gum.

[Robert Kelly]

I got a big. I don't know their names anymore. I don't even know what they do. I hate big. I hate when they have a big band. Just a bunch of people you don't need. You need a guitarist, a bass, a drummer and maybe a keyboard. Yeah. This jam band. Go. Two guitar players, two drummers. Suck it. Some in the back doing some stupid. I hate it. A horn player. That's piano.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, go back to the other one. I like the towns.

[Robert Kelly]

What's this one? What's this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was glory days.

[Robert Kelly]

Glory.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's easy to write lyrics for this. Loose pants are tight. He's acting wet for his. Can you do.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you do Lewis's poem to this song? Can you do Lois's palm to the song, huh? Can you do Lewis's palm for this song?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now they don't feel cold. I never wrote you a poem. I am fat. But thank you for that. It's a perfect hometown.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a perfect Brinky, St. Louis. Dude, you gotta. You gotta redo it. Do you have it? Do you have the words for the poem? Christine? Oh, look at shooting guns with my boy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Killing some tail heads.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, we didn't do that. We never said. I would never. Bobby Town. I don't. I mean, Jesus, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby Town.

[Robert Kelly]

I am not. I'm against what we did this weekend. I'm for Dave Smith for president. Whatever Dave says, I say.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine's watching Schitt's Creek.

[Robert Kelly]

David.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that new Sex and City show.

[Robert Kelly]

I hate Sex in the City.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She does not.

[Robert Kelly]

I hate it. It's so. It's so unrealistic. Everybody has a perfect apartment. Everybody's rich and has a perfect department. It makes me sick. Is there a new Sex in the City? Is there a new Sex in the City?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, there's dykes and lesbos. Now some of them are lesbians. Christine says she hates. Christine says she hates it. But. But you have to watch it. But people are begging for it to stop.

[Robert Kelly]

It's terrible. It's got to. I mean, it's got to. I mean, who watches?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I heard like the wok is the woke. Like really? I've crow bought everything in there possible because they. I'm a trans gender comedian lesbian.

[Lou]

Yeah. They do two they them storylines.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's what happens. Because when they first started it, the rest of the girls were all just actresses that needed money and needed a gig. David. And by now they're all millionaires and they can live in their little bubble and be whatever the they want. And the short redhead girl's nuts. She ran for a mayor, right? Did she real? She ran for me, I believe.

[Christine]

Something new.

[Robert Kelly]

Ah, she's out of her mind.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The ugly ginger girl.

[Robert Kelly]

And they got rid of the hot one, the slutty one, because she was too slutty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She hasn't been hot since 86.

[Robert Kelly]

What happened? What were they fighting about? Really? Kim Cattrall wasn't taught the girls are not as hot as when she was in Mannequin. But she's hot. Remember Mannequin? Kim Cattrall with me, Shakti Taylor. Who's the short haired dude?

[Lou]

Cynthia Nixon. Miranda.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Miranda Les. Transgender.

[Christine]

I didn't kill off her character. She's alive and the character's alive.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't they.

[Lou]

She's in English.

[Robert Kelly]

Did they have a real trans girl in the show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Real trans girl?

[Lou]

No, it wasn't trans. It was a they Them comic.

[Robert Kelly]

Who's they them Ser.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you say Jessica?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sarah Jessica. Dan.

[Robert Kelly]

Jessica.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To the malt shop, because there's still a malt shop.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's her.

[Lou]

Yeah, they did her Netflix special taping, and I had Jay watch it. Just show him how horrible it was. Was embarrassing to watch.

[Robert Kelly]

It can't be that bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's not that bad.

[Robert Kelly]

It's got to be great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Put it on his private.

[Robert Kelly]

Great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think you should put it on especially for Pride month.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me hear it. Let me hear a little bit of it. Let me hear a little bit of it.

[Christine]

When she get. This is a trans.

[Lou]

Was she they them non binary.

[Robert Kelly]

Was she an alien?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everything's over.

[Lou]

Okay, that's not trans.

[Robert Kelly]

Was that the girl in Alien?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that would be. That lady would be substantially older than this lady.

[Lou]

Yeah, she was on Grey's Anatomy, though. She had beautiful long hair.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, Jay. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They ever performing it when Jay answers.

[Robert Kelly]

You Seriously, we joking around for an hour and 40 minutes? No, no, no. That would have been way old. She'd be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hour 40 is my limit after that. I take everything literally.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

After 1 hour 40, it's something weird in me. It's in the. The internal clock. They say they go up. We're at a 135. That's why we had to stop the show at 146. You. I've gotten way serious.

[Robert Kelly]

Because you get way serious and you wind up talking about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're like, who's this dip? I go, I don't think it's a dip.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to try that out today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think it's just a guy who's just being cool.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna try that end of the show. Just start asking you questions.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big J town.

[Robert Kelly]

What's her name? What's this girl? This.

[Lou]

On the show it's J. Diaz, but the actress, Sarah Ramirez.

[Robert Kelly]

Sarah. She's a. So she's just an actress, is she? Is. Is it they them?

[Lou]

Well, this article says Sarah Ramirez wants to remind you they are not actually Che Diaz. So I think the actress is they them.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, her actor, what would you be, Jay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He.

[Lou]

He, he.

[Robert Kelly]

Her. He her. Is that a pronoun?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ew, Ew and yuck in her. Whatever else you want to say.

[Robert Kelly]

How about boo? Is there a boo?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pronoun town, Pronoun town, pronoun town.

[Robert Kelly]

This is how good you have Bruce Br. He been singing great songs for the last 15 minutes about anything. Castle just comes up with a slow beat and starts humming microphone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's give some of her comedy. Did I vamp enough?

[Lou]

You did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm the episode coming up, so I didn't.

[Lou]

No, you didn't have enough pronoun.

[Christine]

We're watching. She does comedy within the. The show.

[Robert Kelly]

In the show she's a stand up comedian. In life she's an actress. But in the show she goes by. Was it Joe Diaz or something.

[Christine]

And they're watching her comedy on the. In the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they go to see it because they. And they can't believe. Because girl, she has got it.

[Christine]

Oh, I have to see this.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't believe that she got you to watch this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They had a comedian, right? I love watching terrible comics. Funny stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

You like Sex in the City?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Watch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe watch that scene.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, just that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. You don't watch Christine's shitty shows.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean sex. The other one is all right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Schitt's Creek is good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby just said creepy stuff, dude. Gay things.

[Robert Kelly]

Schitt's Creek is not gay. If you like it. No, it's not Bobby town. It's a small town that they own. No, we shotguns all weekend. Bow and arrow in between kisses. We don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't say it was open mouth.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, well, now we're all thinking it. No. Jesus Christ, man. This is on the verge. Bobby M. I mean, dude, this is. I'm gonna call HR on you right now. This is nuts. Went to the gun range. Yeah.

[Christine]

What'd you shoot?

[Robert Kelly]

We shot the.38 and the.22. Just both. Both.38s? Yeah. Small.38 and the easy.38 easy. And then the.22 rifle. He's a. He's great shot. Really? Better shot than me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What does he shoot?

[Robert Kelly]

The.22 rifle? He shoots everything. Shoots all the guns.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Every single one of them?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Why are you vamping with me right now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you talking about?

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, now you draw. You do. You're vamping. I know what you're doing. I know you, you ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you talking about?

[Robert Kelly]

You have a marker and you just drew something and you're vamping with me so you can get to your point. Now Black Lou's up videotaping whatever you're doing that I can't see, and you're drawing. You're using your. Your. Your. Your art skills.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the big thing? Dude?

[Robert Kelly]

It's not a big thing. You're stalling why are you stalling?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you talking about? I was just showing everyone the targets that you guys were shooting at.

[Robert Kelly]

That's an Indian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a towel.

[Robert Kelly]

You said Indian guy. That's a sickness.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why is he sticking his tongue out at you?

[Robert Kelly]

Why would I shoot at a cab driver guy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

What's wrong with him?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What a terrible person.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, that's not. I would never. That's an Indian. That's not a towel head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

That's not. That's not. That's not the terrorists.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like towel in his head.

[Robert Kelly]

No, they're not terrorists.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, wait, was it this guy? Did I have to have the. The.

[Robert Kelly]

The MMA beard?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Did he have to have the MMA beard? This beard? Is this more of your target?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, that beard is terrifying on anybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That really is.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it is that. That mma.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Except the hipster kid.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but when. Now that's Puerto Ricans. Get it now? And it's. It's terrifying that. That beard with no mustache frightens me every time I see it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to sniffer marker, dude? That's got to be above board.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, sure. What if that takes me down? Look at Lou's, like. Don't do it. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I take you down?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, probably. Can't take me down. Can't take me down. Can't to get a song for that. Can't get a Bruce stink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are. Dude, I could do like two markers a day.

[Robert Kelly]

I hope you just get addicted.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That you think in hilarious addiction, you.

[Robert Kelly]

Got kicked out of the sphere because you got addicted to markers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, could you imagine, dude, out of the sphere, if I was the first person that would beg to be in the sphere and was led into it? I want to be the first person removed, told after, I'm sorry, you have to leave the sphere to take a patch off of me. What a sad day. Oh, my God. That's gonna take a break.

[Robert Kelly]

We're gonna take a break. Thank God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Radio Town.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank God. We're gonna take a break because Bobby's gonna be somewhere. Bill. All right. Don't. Don't say. I'm not killing anybody.

[Christine]

We're coming back to watch this. I gotta watch this. And just. And just like that. Stand up comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

I hate you itching.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to attack this.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want to attack that. I do not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just a picture, Bob. He's not a real towel.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a beautiful. I love that you stuck his tongue out. He's taunting me. Big J is gonna be this weekend. He's gonna be at what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not this weekend.

[Robert Kelly]

Not this week. Oh, you have two weeks off, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

More than that.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Two more. Two more weeks off.

[Robert Kelly]

July 11th and 12th at Comedy Zone in Charlotte. Great club. After that, he's going to be in Tacoma, Los Angeles and Sacramento. For tickets and all the tour dates, go to bigjaycomedy.com and go to YouTube.com bigjokerson Watch both the specials. Speaking of they them. That's the name of the special pronoun town. Pronoun town.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pronoun town. Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, July 20th. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. July 25th and 26th. Watch out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

After that, he's gonna be in Rochester, Tampa, Emouse Penns strapped in, everyone.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's all those good towns. Look at Rochester.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He will eliminate the front row to make a point. I've seen him do it. Punch up top live Robert Kelly for all those dates.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And make sure you catch him every Tuesday down at the Fat Black Cat at the Comedy Cellar. Except for a few. You gotta take off and hang.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm taking a couple off and I'm taking all of August off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but you're gonna take them off and go and be in New Hampshire the whole time. You gotta have enough on hang a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm coming on July. I'm taking two off. I'm gonna give it to the cripple.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, the cripple.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who's that?

[Robert Kelly]

Keith Robinson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he goes, tiny house.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you give him the show?

[Robert Kelly]

I give him the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's why they're singing the Tiny House. Keith by himself. That won't be a good. That will be okay.

[Robert Kelly]

He takes over my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a snake in the house.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a white lady next door.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, I have to read a commercial. Bobby, you got a commercial, so. Yeah, I have a commercial I have to read. So if you wouldn't mind, we'll be back.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, this. Can you get that off?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? I have a commercial after read. I mean, jeez, Jay, I'm sorry. I gotta read the commercial.

[Robert Kelly]

We'll be right back.

[Oregon Lottery Representative]

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[Lou]

DSW's semi annual sale is fast. Take 40% off all clearance shoes in stores for a limited time. Literally every single clearance item at your DSW store is on sale right now. Sneakers, sandals, any style. If they're on the clearance racks, they're 40% off.

[Robert Kelly]

So what are you waiting for?

[Lou]

Don't sleep on these savings. Get to DSW asap.

[Robert Kelly]

It's all or nothing, people.

[Lou]

Shop the DSW Semi Annual Sale today.