The Dance Gauntlet

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Episode: The Dance Gauntlet
Release Date: March 21, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "The Dance Gauntlet," hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delve into a mix of humorous anecdotes, personal stories, and lively discussions surrounding dancing within the entertainment industry. Joined by friends Christine and Jacob, the conversation weaves through various topics, maintaining the show’s signature blend of candidness and comedy.

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Bathroom Chronicles and Personal Anecdotes

The episode kicks off with Big Jay and Robert sharing humorous and somewhat risqué stories about their experiences in bathroom settings, highlighting the awkward and often funny moments that arise in such private spaces.

• Big Jay jokingly states, “[00:57] I try to make sure that no one even knows I'm present in that stall.”

• Robert Kelly adds, “[03:24] I actually stood up during your dump… had a 2-second fear that somebody opened the door and saw my little bubble gum in the afro.”

The banter continues with Christine chiming in on the hosts’ revelations about gay porn, leading to a lighthearted exploration of their understanding and misconceptions about the genre before partnering on the show.

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Discussion on Representation and Personal Preferences

The conversation shifts towards the representation of transgender individuals and the use of props to create illusions of physical attributes.

• Robert Kelly humorously remarks, “[05:02] I want one of those chicken cutlets for men. And it has the shape of a hog. A droopy hog.”

The hosts debate the practicality and aesthetics of such products, blending humor with commentary on gender presentation and societal expectations.

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Introducing 'The Gauntlet': A Talk Show Concept

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to introducing and brainstorming the concept of "The Gauntlet," a segment where guests must navigate through a series of dance-related challenges as they enter the studio.

• Big Jay suggests, “[31:41] For every guest we have moving forward, do a full gauntlet.”

• Robert Kelly emphasizes the importance of energy and enthusiasm, “[43:04] Now he's gauntlet o'clock.”

The idea is inspired by existing talk show tropes but aims to inject a fresh, humorous twist by forcing guests into uncomfortable yet entertaining dance scenarios.

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Attempting 'The Gauntlet': Embarrassing Dance Attempts

In an impromptu segment, Big Jay, Robert, Christine, and Jacob attempt to perform "The Gauntlet" themselves within the studio, resulting in a series of comedic failures and exaggerated dance moves.

• Big Jay humorously critiques their own attempts, “[34:16] You're not his dance coach.”

• Robert Kelly encourages participation, “[38:42] Come on, Christine.”

The segment is filled with laughter, self-deprecation, and playful jabs, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and willingness to embrace their shortcomings for comedic effect.

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Reacting to Byron Allen's Segues and Industry Insights

The hosts reflect on Byron Allen’s show techniques, particularly his use of segues, and how they perceive its impact on comedy and audience engagement.

• Robert Kelly comments, “[55:10] But I do say Godfrey did one of my favorite things on it.”

• Big Jay adds, “[56:06] Let’s unleash these comics.”

They analyze the effectiveness of Allen’s transitions, sharing personal insights and favorite moments, while also critiquing certain aspects that they find less effective or overly rehearsed.

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Final Thoughts and Future Plans

Wrapping up the episode, Big Jay and Robert Kelly discuss future plans to incorporate "The Gauntlet" more formally into their show, considering the reactions and the comedic potential it holds.

• Robert Kelly states, “[43:40] But Christine and Jacob, I'm excited.”

• Big Jay affirms, “[43:42] Yeah, that sounds good.”

They express enthusiasm about involving more team members and possibly expanding the segment to include a diverse range of guests, ensuring it remains fresh and engaging.

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Conclusion

"The Dance Gauntlet" episode of The Bonfire offers a blend of personal stories, comedic improvisation, and creative brainstorming. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, along with Christine and Jacob, engage listeners with their humor and candid discussions, all while exploring innovative formats to keep the show entertaining. The introduction and playful execution of "The Gauntlet" highlight their commitment to evolving the show’s dynamics and engaging their audience in new and unexpected ways.

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Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay: “[00:57] I try to make sure that no one even knows I'm present in that stall.”

• Robert Kelly: “[03:24] I actually stood up during your dump… had a 2-second fear that somebody opened the door and saw my little bubble gum in the afro.”

• Robert Kelly: “[05:02] I want one of those chicken cutlets for men. And it has the shape of a hog. A droopy hog.”

• Big Jay: “[31:41] For every guest we have moving forward, do a full gauntlet.”

• Robert Kelly: “[43:04] Now he's gauntlet o'clock.”

• Big Jay: “[34:16] You're not his dance coach.”

• Robert Kelly: “[38:42] Come on, Christine.”

• Robert Kelly: “[55:10] But I do say Godfrey did one of my favorite things on it.”

• Robert Kelly: “[43:40] But Christine and Jacob, I'm excited.”

• Big Jay: “[43:42] Yeah, that sounds good.”

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This structured summary encapsulates the essence of "The Dance Gauntlet" episode, providing a comprehensive overview while highlighting key moments and quotes to engage readers unfamiliar with the episode.

Transcript

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[Big J]

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[Robert Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Big J]

I've been sitting here just wasting time. Bobby pooping in the lobby bathroom.

[Robert Kelly]

It's been a couple of months in.

[Big J]

I gotta waste a little time. Bobby mistimed his dump, so it's untethered. J. Everyone's favorite. Unfortunately, we're not live, so I can't have you J. Up the room with filthy emails from people and gay porn on the screen. I mean, I could. By the time the gay porn's up there, it's just gonna upset Jacob. Jacob has to stare directly at it, whatever we put up on that screen. Poor Jacob. Poor, poor Jacob.

[Christine]

Yes. You've seen some things about gay porn from this show than. Well, I learned everything from the show about gay porn.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J]

Until you started the show, you were like, where do their penises even go? I'm like, they're butts and mouths. Jacob. Look, look. Right here. I'll show you.

[Christine]

When you think about it, we learned about the preamble, the gay punching.

[Big J]

Oh, a little bit. A little bit of wrestling. Yeah, like wrestling. George Takei told us that on the. On the Howard Stern show years ago, right? He said him and Brad, him and his husband would have little wrestling matches that would turn into gay sex.

[Christine]

And then you showed us what it.

[Big J]

And then you didn't know what that was. I wasted some time, buddy. In fact, I'M playing kid rock song. Wasting time while Bobby's taking his missed times. Work dump. What's happened, buddy? You've covered for me for a work dump.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I was dumping next to a hip hop dude.

[Big J]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J]

Who was it? Black Sheep?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. I was trying to see by the sneakers, but I couldn't tell.

[Big J]

I like guessing.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he. But the music was great.

[Big J]

Cool. Modi.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. He's playing some good stuff, man.

[Big J]

Wait, he was playing it?

[Robert Kelly]

Playing music? Yeah, playing some music in his stall. In his stall.

[Big J]

Wow. I try to make it sure that no one even knows I'm present in that stall. Except for see my shoes. So you don't try to jiggle the door.

[Robert Kelly]

I think I actually was running.

[Big J]

Jiggle the door though. My turds will go back up my butthole into my throat. I actually stood up during your.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, when I was done, I stood up with my pants still down and like my ding ding exposed. And I had a 2 second fear that somebody opened the door and saw my little. My little bubble gum in the afro.

[Big J]

Oh, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. For a second I was like, if someone was at the door, I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna quit.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm just gonna walk out. I'm gonna turn my badge into the front. Be like, hey, man, tell G I love him. Tell the boys I said, christine, bye. Bye. But I gotta go because there's somebody in this building that knows what my dick looks like.

[Big J]

I would grab. Why don't you grab the head and stretch it real big.

[Robert Kelly]

I wouldn't have time. That was my fear that they open it.

[Big J]

Damn.

[Robert Kelly]

And it was just this little spring mushroom.

[Big J]

But make them think they saw it wrong by the things you say. Like, God damn it, cock. Hit the water again.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, find them.

[Big J]

See how things out.

[Robert Kelly]

I should find them and then get it half hard and like wake them up in the middle of the night. Be like, shh. And then this is what it really looks like.

[Big J]

Maybe stuff the next couple days at work. Stuff your pants and make sure that person sees you.

[Robert Kelly]

Can. I know they do have. They have this. You know, women have chicken cutlets.

[Big J]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

That they can put in their boobies.

[Big J]

They have bulges for men.

[Robert Kelly]

They have a chicken cutlet for men. And it has the shape of a hog. A droopy hog.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So you can put it in your little bikinis, in your underwear. And it will. It looks like you got a nice package.

[Big J]

Okay. I'm proud to say I will kill myself before that really? Yeah. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Am I sorry.

[Big J]

Is that a fart?

[Robert Kelly]

No, that was my baby stomach. Oh, no, that's just a dildo, Christine.

[Big J]

No, that's like.

[Robert Kelly]

That's.

[Big J]

You put your wiener in it.

[Jacob]

Trans men will wear those sometimes.

[Robert Kelly]

Why do trans men. When they don't. They have it.

[Jacob]

No women.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, women and men. That way. I never think of that way. I only think of trans people as men to women because that's. That's what I like.

[Big J]

Yeah. You like what?

[Robert Kelly]

You know, that's what I mean. First of all, I want one of those. That hog, that middle penis. Oh, I want. Right, that one. Look at that one.

[Big J]

Yeah, I want it, like, in life. I don't want to wear one.

[Robert Kelly]

I want one of those.

[Big J]

Oh, cs.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to give that for our anniversary. I want to give Don that.

[Big J]

If you're a guy who wears a cock like extender in clothes. That's just brutal.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought you're gonna say manly.

[Big J]

No, man.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry. Yeah, well, you know, me and you don't agree on everything, and we don't have to. That's what makes a show. Spicy. I think it's. You know, it's actually. It's actually not that bad. I might try it if. If I can. The one I was thinking, though, doesn't have the thing. It has the imprint of it. So it's just like a chicken cutlet with the imp. I don't know what's going on with the imprint of the penis. So it's one piece. It doesn't have a full. I don't know if I wear the full hog, but it's like a chicken cutlet with the. The little bulge that's. They're all one. It's all one piece without the. The veins.

[Big J]

It just lays over your flat dick.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like a. Yeah, it's a chicken cutlet for a hog.

[Christine]

So you just have the. Like the Robert Plant imprint on your jeans.

[Robert Kelly]

Just got the. You just got the imprint on the jeans. So you can slip it out real quick, Right? So say you're gonna have sex with a girl. Like, hey, give me a sec. I'm just gonna wash my junk.

[Big J]

Which I do. Better than seeing you're a liar. Better that she should feel that you're a liar.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Well, let me ask a question. Do you wash your junk before you. When you used to hook up with girls, before you fell in love with.

[Big J]

Christine, Now I hook up with women.

[Robert Kelly]

That's such a cool thing to say. He said it without blinking. Now I hook up with women. But when you used to meet chicks, when you met them for the first night, would you. Would you do the courtesy wash and, like, you know, clean it up and make it nice? Or would you just say, hey, lick.

[Big J]

The stink in the time? Maybe I'd slap a baby wipe on it. But like, no, that's not my dick stink and dirty isn't my concern. But definitely I. It's gonna have to be fluffed to some degree, which I think, like, I'm not just pulling out my wiener blindly to a situation. There's got to be some, like, something to get it going there. Whether it's a little make out.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you can't just whip it out.

[Big J]

No, I'm not letting a new girl see it. Work me up from nothing. You have to get to know me first.

[Robert Kelly]

But you. So you would never do a courtesy clean?

[Big J]

Well, it depends what you're saying. I mean, like, if there was a.

[Robert Kelly]

Hook up, say, I'm gonna hook up with Christine. I don't know her. I met her at some trashy club. She's like, oh, my God, you're so funny. And I. Oh, my God, you made me laugh. I never laugh at anything. And I'm like, yeah, you. Yeah, we laugh at this. And then we start. I take her to some weird tea shop because I know she likes tea. Sure, late night tea. And we talk, and she's like, yeah, I'm gonna do this. And I'm from California. And then. And then we go back to my place. And she's like, oh, my God, this is so nice. You need. You know, you need incense. You need an incense. I'll get you one. Don't worry about it. I'm like, oh, cool. I would go, hey, give me a sec. And I would go into the bathroom because I probably did a couple shows and I would clean my junk off and make it nice and fresh. Before, she was like, you know. Well, let me say what I really do. Good. And then she'd go down there, so it would be nice. You know what I mean?

[Big J]

Listen, freshness and smell are big, Very important to me. For myself, I mean. So if I thought there was any kind of an issue. Of course, of course.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, anytime you meet a chick at show night and there is an issue because you.

[Big J]

Well, you know, I don't. I was gonna say I sit on a stool. So I'm not like, I'm not leaving it all up there on stage.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but you are sitting on it for a couple hours, which is worse.

[Big J]

Sure, but I mean, just a hot Cock with. Right. But I.

[Robert Kelly]

You on top of it.

[Big J]

But I took a shower one hour before going to the club.

[Robert Kelly]

Right, dude?

[Big J]

I mean, that's a lot of it too now. Absolutely. What you're saying for sure, if I took my shower 8:00am, 9:00am yeah, probably. In fact, I'd probably try to find a way to finagle a shower and if I took a dump at all during the day. Shower dump, definitely.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. Because even if you dump.

[Big J]

If I took a dump, I'm saying after shower emergency dump. Yeah, yeah, without a doubt.

[Robert Kelly]

Like right now, I just took an emergency dump. I took my. I usually take my. I have a bite of something in the morning and I'm going, yeah.

[Big J]

Do you want Christine to blow you and see if it stinks?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I do. The last thing I want is Christine's face that she gives me while I'm talking in the studio. Looking up at me when she's blowing me.

[Big J]

Your sour asshole.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but let me ask you a question, Christine. Do girls do it? Is that a thing you would do? Would you give a courtesy clean or you like man up and be a man and get down there? If you like pussy, then do it.

[Jacob]

Oh, man, I don't think that I've ever gone given myself like a whore bath right before I fucked a guy. No, but you know, if you know you're gonna hook up, you probably take a shower and stuff. But I'm sure there's just been baby wipe situations too.

[Robert Kelly]

So you never went in and said, let me clean this up a little bit. I've been dancing the fucking witch dances all night. I've been.

[Jacob]

Look, if I was going, I mean, generally a little drunk to worry about, you know.

[Robert Kelly]

So you just don't.

[Jacob]

You're not gonna wash your puss in the sink.

[Robert Kelly]

I love that Wash my puss. That's so hot. Why is that so badass? I like when girls say like that.

[Big J]

Wash my puss in the sink.

[Robert Kelly]

In the sink. What do you do? You have to go on your tippy toes.

[Big J]

You like when they say it. You don't like when they do it.

[Robert Kelly]

She has to splash it on her like she's feeding a bird.

[Big J]

Yeah. Come back to life. I know this has been a week of showing and telling and you Funny things that I found last weekend while combing through the world wide web.

[Robert Kelly]

Yesterday was amazing. So good.

[Big J]

So much going on yesterday. Yeah, well, Hecate's. Hecate's torch. Hecate. He. Kate.

[Robert Kelly]

I believe that it was. They said it.

[Big J]

Hecate. It.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a Hecate you called it He Kate. What did you.

[Big J]

He Kate.

[Robert Kelly]

He Kate.

[Big J]

He Kate's torch.

[Robert Kelly]

He gates torch.

[Big J]

But this is saying Hecate my like.

[Robert Kelly]

He had like he gates torch better.

[Big J]

But me too Hecate. Maybe when they become friends of the show we could work that out with them.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you applying have you said a.

[Big J]

Thousand times in your head yesterday though forced to embrace.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob, are you applying for a new job today? Yeah.

[Big J]

Is everything all right? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What's up?

[Big J]

Did you go to a funeral this morning?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. What's up with the shirt?

[Big J]

You doing some light?

[Robert Kelly]

It works the way things outfit. That is a good outfit if you're gonna be a manager of a subway tomorrow.

[Big J]

Jacob though wouldn't it be funny if you get fired? You're worried about serious firing you if you get fired by Sirius. Wouldn't it be great though if like all the employees got together like in a Joe Clark lean on me way and we're outside singing. Singing the SiriusXM fight song for you.

[Robert Kelly]

What's that?

[Big J]

And they go we don't want this. We want Jacob Atopek.

[Robert Kelly]

What's that new talk show where the guest has to walk through the gauntlet of the producers and showrunners and pas and they sing funky songs.

[Jacob]

Jennifer Hudson.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Jennifer, buddy, I haven't seen this. I would fucking leave. If you have to walk through the gauntlet of them singing some funky song and you have to turn the corner, go through the gauntlet and kind of. Yeah, here it is.

[Big J]

So Sherri shepherd took over Wendy Williams stuff and. And this is her taking. Jennifer Hudson's taking over the Ellen DeGeneres. Make every cool person in Hollywood look like a 55 year old mother of four.

[Robert Kelly]

This ridiculous.

[Big J]

You have to behave like an.

[Christine]

Wait, so Jennifer Hudson makes her crew dance while she walks down the hall?

[Robert Kelly]

No, the crew is the gauntlet of people. Almost like blood in blood out a gang but you. It's through dance. So they sing a song. My. My stomach is crazy today.

[Jacob]

And.

[Robert Kelly]

And the guests have to walk through the gauntlet as the. The watch. You can see it right here. Play this. Look at, look at the.

[Christine]

The guy who's dressed like me looks so uncomfortable.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, of course he is cuz he's around a bunch of people that don't look like you.

[Big J]

Oh my God, that is hilarious. The staff is 700 black women and fucking two white staff writers. Two Jewish guys and the two white staff writers have to do.

[Robert Kelly]

They hate it. They hate. They are forced to do this almighty. And it's. It's not just.

[Big J]

I would rather Ellen DeGeneres force eat my pussy than have to be a part of that every day.

[Robert Kelly]

But go to. You got to go to the. These are the people. These are the black guests that.

[Big J]

These are ones that enjoy it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Go to the white guest that is like me. I don't understand what's happening.

[Big J]

That seems like a nightmare.

[Robert Kelly]

The guy from Will and Grace. God, he. Did he pull it off?

[Big J]

Could you imagine? Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, sir.

[Big J]

Are you happy? Yes, I'm happy in many ways.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you're not done yet?

[Big J]

No, no, sorry. Are you happy in a lot of ways? Like, do you worry about getting before you had any, like, self respect that you knew of?

[Robert Kelly]

I got self respect.

[Big J]

Yeah, yeah, you have self respect now.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, I didn't know that.

[Big J]

I don't know. I guess my question would be then, would you be a part of the Jennifer Hudson gauntlet if you had to go on that show? And I Now I'm starting to think the answer is yes. But I'm worried about you because when you were really chasing acting stardom.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J]

When you were really chasing that hard, I worry about all the things you would have said. You would have been on shoe cam on Wendy Williams. You would have let her do your shoes. You would have sat and talked to her. You would have, you would have loved to shoot this shit on a talk show. Now, by the way, I. On one talk show and I, it was fine. But I do look back on it with cringe of just sitting there in my blazer on top of my hoodie and. And really a leg crossed, finger on the mouth, talking to Conan about, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's a funny story that we didn't work out for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

And have I dreamed of paneling and having light quips and banter? Yeah, yeah.

[Big J]

But also doing the thing. Like, would you have done a two minute choreographed routine with Ellen DeGeneres? I think the answer is yes, it is, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

100% yes. And here's the thing. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Of course, if Kelly Clarkson came and knocking tomorrow, I'd be her sidekick and I pretend I was gay. Kelly, you can't say that. Why are you. Oh, my God, Kelly, you're crazy.

[Big J]

Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Woo woo. Kelly. I go out into the crowd. Come on, everybody. Kelly's here. She's the best singer ever.

[Big J]

You'd be the rude Jude of Kelly Clarkson.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd be like, kelly, these meatballs are not as good as my grandmas, my nanas.

[Big J]

How many times have you done Byron Allen's comic?

[Robert Kelly]

Now Byron Allen's thing. I did it one time, I believe. Two episodes, one thing. And that's where I drew. I really couldn't do that. Anything with comedy. There's a thing like that. I was fucking livid, dude. I was so mad.

[Big J]

I turned them down on 17 different ways of communication.

[Robert Kelly]

But I didn't understand what it was, though. I thought it was that you go on and hang out and talk and.

[Big J]

I thought, he's gonna throw you horrific Segways.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know he was gonna be so. Bobby, you're Irish, but you look Spanish. Tell us about that. Oh, my God. I did not.

[Big J]

Bobby, I heard you're from Massachusetts. That's a funny word.

[Robert Kelly]

I heard you. I heard you could have sex with a stool. Show us. Yeah, dude.

[Big J]

While you're looking for that, while we're talking, also look up, look up compilations of Byron Allen trans. Byron Allen Segways. I think they'll do it because that's. Those are always the best. Russ Maneve had a great one on there. When Byron Allen goes from somebody else, he goes. He goes. That's crazy. Well, I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, Russ. Miniv. A lot of shark attacks happening lately, huh? Like what?

[Robert Kelly]

Byron Allen. This is the craziest thing, the reason why. Gazillionaire, one of the richest guys in Hollywood, okay?

[Big J]

But he's the Weather Channel.

[Robert Kelly]

He owns.

[Big J]

Proud to say. Jews still control the weather, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's. Here's why he's so rich. When TV only had like five, six stations and at night they would go off, he bought commercial time and said, well, you're not doing anything. Let me buy it. It was cheap. Bought the time, like two hour time slot.

[Big J]

And he put up like press junket.

[Robert Kelly]

He would go to a press junket, which anybody could get and do interviews and put them up, come in up Brad Pitt and he'd do his thing and he bought the commercial time and became a fucking gazillionaire.

[Big J]

Lechlu. Why haven't you tried to do any of this? You haven't even put a bid on the Weather Channel.

[Robert Kelly]

But he. This is why I kind of respect him. Because one of the. When I was doing his dumb show and I was backstage and I needed a piece of paper to write something down and somebody really kind of like was like, I don't know. I don't, you know, something like that, like some rude shit. And he saw it and he walked over in front of me and said, this is a comedian. These are the people. These are the reason we're here, you show them the respect they deserve. If he needs something, you get it for him, because he's about to go out there and create, and he needs all he can to get out there and make people laugh. You understand me? And I'm sorry.

[Big J]

And this negative energy is why it's going to be sunny with a chance of showers from 7pm to 10pm tonight.

[Robert Kelly]

God forbid. You wrote down. You didn't write down the title is his joke. So I would have my segues. So I did respect him for that. That was pretty cool that he stepped in and scolded some producer for being a twat. But what is this?

[Big J]

There's a thing of Natalie Cuomo talks about her video.

[Robert Kelly]

Damn it.

[Big J]

I know so many things at once.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry.

[Big J]

We're doing Byron Allen. Allen. Byron. Byron Allen.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's do Byron Allen. Then we go back to the white people dancing through the Garden.

[Big J]

Wait, no, no, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait.

[Big J]

All the way back to white people dancing through the gauntlet. We're out of order.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, let's go to the white people dancing through the gauntlet. Here we go.

[Big J]

Oh, Alex Edelman.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that Alex Edelman?

[Jacob]

Isn't it Ethan Slater?

[Robert Kelly]

Is it him?

[Jacob]

I don't know who he is.

[Big J]

Ethan Slater.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big J]

God, but that's also Alex Edelman.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, Alex Edelman just won a. A Tony and an Emmy. No, dude. A special Tony and an Emmy.

[Big J]

Ooh.

[Robert Kelly]

And the reason why I can't have a resentment against Alex Edeman, it's because he controls Hollywood. That. That is one of the reasons. But the main reasons, every time I see me goes, my mom loves you so much, Bobby. You're her favorite comic. And I'm like, well, I like you, so tell her that.

[Big J]

Maybe your stepson, dude, Maybe.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, let's watch this. Oh, no. Oh, God. He's got nothing.

[Big J]

Yeah, he doesn't want to dance in front of all these black chicks. The interns are busting it open, but.

[Robert Kelly]

They had to slow it down, though. Oh, man, that's the worst.

[Big J]

And he is just right at the very end, he gave him a little. A little elbow bump that.

[Robert Kelly]

Why would you do this to a.

[Jacob]

Guest that makes people not want to do the show?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God. This is why I wish Patrice was Gwen Stefani.

[Big J]

Oh, dude. Gwen Stefani. I'm surprised she didn't start doing the worm.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, she goes, oh, there you go. You know, there's some black girls from black colleges in that. That stomp. You hear that? Stomp. Doom.

[Big J]

Yeah, that's what happens. You employ Heavy set, black chips.

[Jacob]

I feel embarrassed. I mean, it's one feel embarrassed.

[Robert Kelly]

It's one of the most atrocious things I've seen on TV in a long time. This is 30 times worse than Ellen's dance.

[Big J]

Well, yeah, she's forcing you into it too much.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a gauntlet of.

[Big J]

Who's this?

[Robert Kelly]

People with funky rhyme and beat and then just white people that don't know what the they're doing.

[Big J]

Is this Kim Jong Un?

[Robert Kelly]

That's actually. That's Steve Burns's brother. He was in the war.

[Big J]

Bill Byrne.

[Jacob]

I think he's from everything everywhere all at once.

[Big J]

No, no. Do you think it's him? But you're being racist.

[Jacob]

Lee Jung.

[Big J]

Yes. Godzilla. No, it's Squid game.

[Jacob]

Oh, Squid Game.

[Robert Kelly]

Squid Game. And he's also Brad Pitt's taekwondo instructor.

[Big J]

He is also Bradford's taekwondo instructor. And he is also from everything. Everything.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, this is gonna be bad.

[Big J]

And he's also Kim Jong Un.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he can't do it. Be great if a Trinitron screen just fell on him.

[Big J]

This guy would rather play a to the death squid game.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank.

[Big J]

This guy would rather have his life on the line on a completely impossible guessing game than have to suffer through that again.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you see that?

[Big J]

They made the line people crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

They made the gauntlet a little shorter for him because he couldn't. He couldn't last through the whole gauntlet.

[Big J]

Absolutely. Oh, Ray Romano.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Ray Romano's gonna bomb.

[Big J]

He's gonna pop lob.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he. Oh, he doesn't know how to clap.

[Big J]

He's clapping off time. He's.

[Robert Kelly]

Ran. Then he ran.

[Big J]

By the way, they only gave him four employees. No one gave a shit about him.

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah, there's a lot. I bet there's a lot. There's a little controversy about which guests get how many people.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, of course.

[Big J]

Oh, look at that. Ray Romano's black stylist is fucking twerking down the aisle.

[Robert Kelly]

How great was she, though? She was fantastic.

[Big J]

This is brutal.

[Jacob]

And then this is Teddy Swims.

[Big J]

Oh, Teddy Swims.

[Robert Kelly]

I guarantee he doesn't swim. Fat fuck.

[Big J]

Oh, come on, now. Y'all crazy with it.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Big J]

Y'all come on. What? Come on. Y'all can't. What do the pressure you have to feel to be in rhythm with these black chicks?

[Robert Kelly]

But do you understand how less people these white people get than if it's a Black guest? There's 75 people in the hallway, buddy.

[Big J]

I would do.

[Christine]

I want less.

[Big J]

I would do a full black, like, college stomp. Look, at me. Can't believe it.

[Robert Kelly]

He can't. He. He. He went by too quick.

[Big J]

He's like, shouldn't y'all be at work?

[Robert Kelly]

Whose idea was this?

[Big J]

Yeah, are y'all vaccinated? God, I hate that.

[Robert Kelly]

This is.

[Big J]

I hate that so much. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like being a Patrice.

[Big J]

You love it. I love it. You love seeing white people uncomfortable. I just love the. The vibe it gives off. It gets you ready for the show. Like, I feel like we need to incorporate this into one of our.

[Christine]

It doesn't, though.

[Robert Kelly]

This reminds me.

[Big J]

You know what? I. I don't say another word.

[Robert Kelly]

God damn it. I had a joke three times, and you stepped on it three times. Son of a. It's a good one, too. It's all right.

[Big J]

Great radio hosting, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Keep it up. Thanks, man. I had a good one three times to try to. Goddamn.

[Big J]

Where did I. Would you lose it?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. You. Every time I said it, you looked at black glue and asked him another question. Kept trying to get it out. It's a good one.

[Big J]

What is it now?

[Robert Kelly]

Set it up again.

[Big J]

I don't know where it was coming.

[Robert Kelly]

I. Forget it.

[Big J]

Were we back at the squid game, guy?

[Robert Kelly]

No, we were fucking going through the thing. Forget it.

[Big J]

We need to set up.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine took the screen down.

[Big J]

She's gone.

[Robert Kelly]

She's with you.

[Big J]

She's still pissed off from blowing you with that swamp ash.

[Christine]

Embarrassed watching that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

You know, it's like. It's so awful. It makes you feel like you're there feeling the. The humiliation with the guests.

[Robert Kelly]

But I don't know how your. Your manager convinces you to. There's got to be somebody who's not gonna do it. There's no way Al Pacino or De Niro or somebody.

[Christine]

Go, Al. Go Al Pacino. Can you imagine?

[Big J]

He'll just walk through and wave. Probably.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But someone's just gonna walk through and not do anything, and they're going to be screaming and yelling as.

[Big J]

I feel like a lot of people can walk through and go like, hi. Hey. Thank you. This is unnecessary.

[Robert Kelly]

We should go on it together. We should have. We should just have somebody get us on there. The only show. And we should do a choreographed thing.

[Big J]

Yeah. Like.

[Robert Kelly]

Like a stomp dance from a college or, like, somewhere.

[Big J]

Like, I get on my hands and knees, and you jump over me and get on your hands and knees. Like, this is really, like, over the top.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know if we can. I don't know if we can jump. I don't know. I think we're reaching too hard. Maybe we could roll over each other. Like you bend over and I roll over your back.

[Big J]

No, we could jump over each other on all fours.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't jump over you. You're six something.

[Big J]

I. No, no, no. On all fours.

[Robert Kelly]

So on all fours.

[Big J]

If I was like a table, you could jump over.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I could jump over. I could fall over you. Yeah, I could jump over.

[Big J]

I could jump over you as a table.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you could do a table. Let's do tables. We'll do a table to a chair.

[Big J]

Okay, how about this? Okay, how about like the 300? Our staff builds a staircase of themselves. Yes. They make themselves steps. And then I run up everyone's backs and do a kick flip off the wall. Land it. We're through the gauntlet.

[Robert Kelly]

I love it.

[Big J]

And everyone's involved. Everyone gets to do their thing.

[Robert Kelly]

I love it, I love it, I love it.

[Big J]

And then maybe you go up the the steps after and do your kickflip. Land on my shoulders.

[Robert Kelly]

How about this? You catch me. Like Dirty Dancing.

[Big J]

I have no problem with it. Well, in the lift, I'm not gonna be able to do that. But I can catch like a baby.

[Robert Kelly]

I run up the ladder, dive in the air. You catch me. I roll.

[Big J]

I catch you. Like, like you land on. Across my arms?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, over. Across your arms.

[Big J]

Oh, I don't.

[Robert Kelly]

And you spin onto the stage.

[Big J]

I don't mind that. And you have your arms out like an airplane the whole time.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And then they take the rest of the guys out in an ambulance from their spines being snapped from all of us climbing up their backs.

[Big J]

No, no, no. I'll be light on my feet. I promise. I promise. Guys, I'm not gonna put all the weight down.

[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J]

Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage. Switch to USAA auto insurance and you could start saving money in no time.

[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J]

Restrictions apply.

[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J]

Your apps, maps, music and more. And Equinox is now available in a brand new trim named Active, featuring a.

[Robert Kelly]

Rugged off road inspired design for those.

[Big J]

Whose passion begins where the pavement ends. The all new 2025 Chevy Equinox. It's everything you want in an SUV.

[Robert Kelly]

Learn more at Chevy.com Equinox Are you holding back on foreign travel plans this year because you are afraid of the language gap? Well, no need to mind the gap if you have Babbel this year. Speak like a whole new you with Babbel, the language learning app that gets you talking. Babbel's 10 Minute Lessons, created by over 200 experts, help you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your own pace. With a focus on practical, real world conversations. It makes learning to communicate easy and effective. I use it. I use it once a day. It pops up on my phone. I take a nice quick lesson and I tell you what, it's been helping me out because I want to travel to South Mary, I want to go back to Cuba and I don't want to be stuck sounding like a jackass going how do you say I want to speak Spanish, I want to speak Italian and Babel is helping me get there.

[Big J]

I believe it's El burro, not jackass.

[Robert Kelly]

El burro.

[Big J]

You're being a real El Burro.

[Robert Kelly]

Gracias. Jay Omegle. Let's get more of you talking in a new language. This year. Babel is gifting our listeners. This is crazy. 60% off [e-mail] bonfire get up to. I'll say it again. 60% off babbel.com bonfire spelled b a b b e l.com bonfire babbel.com bonfire rules and restrictions apply. Did you see Christine? Can you bring it back up again? Was that the only white guy? This has to be a thing, right? Like people are just putting up uncomfortable people dancing on it.

[Christine]

Isn't this the same as like when you go to TGI Fridays and the staff has to come out and sing Happy Birthday.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And you know they don't want to do it and they don't care about your birthday because they don't know you.

[Robert Kelly]

But this is worse because you're famous. Yes, it's You're Ray Romano, and you just want to go promote your stupid. Whatever you're doing, and you don't even want to be there. You're uncomfortable by staff, and then they mock. They make you go through Brown University.

[Christine]

Yeah. These girls don't care about Ray Romano.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It's like, you're out this guy Easton Slater. This is definitely a cultural difference between, like, this is definitely a black thing, right? Black me up blue.

[Big J]

Oh, absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. This is. This is a soulful. This is, you know, which white people are like, okay, I'll do it, but I feel uncomfortable now not to say that white. I think all white people want to do this, have the desire to do it in their inside of them. When you see that, when you love to just funk it down there, I.

[Big J]

Don'T know why we don't. For every guest we have moving forward, do a full gauntlet. Yeah. If we're gonna do it, let's do it right. I think it starts with Black Lou, Jacob, Christine, me and you. We probably need DJ Lou to keep a beat for us.

[Christine]

I would suggest actually getting some people from the comedy department to extend it.

[Big J]

I think we should have as many people as. I think we should have an obnoxious amount of people when they're coming through. And we will jam up this extremely thin hallway here, and we will make them gauntlet through. Oh, no. Maybe we make them gauntlet through. The cut through.

[Robert Kelly]

The cut through is perfect.

[Big J]

The cut through is perfect.

[Robert Kelly]

We do the cut through because it's so small. But what song we're gonna use, that's the key.

[Big J]

I think we have to do it different for each person.

[Robert Kelly]

I think we. The first one we do is Ain't. Oh, Holla, Batgirl with. For what's her name? We use that one.

[Big J]

Does that one use it as a template?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, template. What?

[Big J]

And I think you find the like for each person, you know, I mean.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, all right, who's coming in today?

[Big J]

Well, nobody today, but yesterday we had.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, Farah, Abraham Farrell, who came in. Who's the other guys we have come in?

[Big J]

Derek Drescher and Geo Prez.

[Robert Kelly]

We should do with them as a guy. We do with them. Right. As a prototype, and we play some prison, you know, song.

[Big J]

But no, it's got. But it's got. Should we be hyped? Like, it can't be. Like.

[Robert Kelly]

How about some Vaseline? Like Ice Cube? Vaseline.

[Big J]

No Vaseline.

[Robert Kelly]

No Vaseline.

[Christine]

This music, we have to be.

[Big J]

It's different every time.

[Christine]

But it's a genre of music.

[Big J]

Yeah, yeah, it's basically. It's clap. Yeah, it's clap. Like excitement kind of thing.

[Robert Kelly]

So, Jay, you pick the music because you know what song we're gonna play for those guys.

[Big J]

But I think each one we gotta design like. Like, oh, you went to prison and you made it through with your butthole intact. Butthole intact.

[Robert Kelly]

You sell fags. Oh, sorry, I can't say that. Write that down.

[Big J]

Prison sex in your butt. Prison sex in your butt. And maybe we have black lute, drum major. The whole thing. Just non stop with this. With the cane.

[Robert Kelly]

With the cane. Why don't we get him a little drum kit and he'd be. Rip that. Pop it again. Oh, yeah, just snap it up.

[Big J]

I like that. And then, Jacob, just. You non stop popping and locking. Just.

[Christine]

I'll do it.

[Big J]

Break it open.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you got? Show us a little popping lock.

[Christine]

Well, I. I don't know what the. I mean, I was just going to pop and lock.

[Big J]

Come on, dude. Like breaking. Like the movie breaking.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I don't know what I got, but I was just going to groove into it.

[Big J]

That's not bad.

[Robert Kelly]

It's in them, dude, I told you. It's in all of us.

[Big J]

But Jacob, I got to be honest with you. You haven't kept it pointing at the guest. Now your rhythm's all kinds off. Those claps haven't lined up once.

[Christine]

Put me on the back her stink face. Just because I'm doing that. She just seen the look.

[Robert Kelly]

She. She. Buddy. She. That's her look.

[Big J]

That's just her look. She will do no better. I promise me.

[Christine]

So now I don't want to do it because I'm being judged by her.

[Jacob]

Much better dancer than that. I don't know what was going on. What's that movie where they can't smell? Snap on rhythm.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Jacob]

It was like that.

[Christine]

It's not my type of. It's not my signature dance style.

[Jacob]

I mean, you're better than what you just displayed.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, wow. I mean, listen.

[Christine]

You won me back with that one.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen. You're such a ass. Don't look at. Don't look at Christine when you're doing embarrassing things. She will make you feel terrible. Yeah, look at Jay. Jay's. Look at his eyebrows going.

[Jacob]

Yeah, Jay's a better.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what? Christine makes me. Valid point. Don't look at anybody in this room. There it is. Come on.

[Big J]

Wait, Jacob, what's happening, buddy?

[Robert Kelly]

Let's work with him. Let's.

[Christine]

Not listening.

[Robert Kelly]

What were you listening to?

[Christine]

The music.

[Big J]

All right.

[Robert Kelly]

That's fine.

[Big J]

Yes, he was. Yes, he was. Yes, he definitely 1000% wasn't.

[Robert Kelly]

What music. What music were you going to?

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Jacob]

Were you singing a different song in your head?

[Robert Kelly]

Was it the music inside your soul?

[Christine]

I was doing the chaotic. No, I was doing the. I was doing the go somebody. Go, somebody.

[Big J]

By the way, both times, Jacob, you accidentally clapped the microphone.

[Jacob]

I mean, click a song.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you. Do you have a song that he could do? Let's.

[Big J]

Jacob, did you have a high paced rap song and ballad in your head at the same time?

[Christine]

I was trying to do what they were doing the acapella, the stock.

[Jacob]

Do you want me to just play one of the videos?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, play one of the videos.

[Jacob]

Okay, hang on.

[Robert Kelly]

Play one of them.

[Big J]

Now.

[Christine]

You'll see that I'm in perfect sync.

[Big J]

Okay.

[Jacob]

Okay, we'll do watch and learn. You know what? Here, let's actually find somebody who's into it.

[Robert Kelly]

That's like when they do that gauntlet. That's like when. When the sun went down to Patrice's barbecue. That was a joke I was gonna do. There you go. Thanks. That would have been a good one if I got it off.

[Big J]

I got it in little inside baseball, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Little inside baseball. But you know what? Not all this is for the fans. Some of it's for me and you.

[Big J]

That's true.

[Robert Kelly]

We're here to make each other laugh.

[Big J]

Janelle James went for it.

[Robert Kelly]

Go. Come on. You got to get more enthusiastic than. Come on.

[Christine]

Hear it yet.

[Robert Kelly]

Here we go. Wow. Black people are so much better at dancing. I don't know what this they're doing.

[Big J]

They're doing a harmony.

[Christine]

I can't feel this one at all.

[Big J]

This is what isn't your fault. They're literally singing two songs.

[Robert Kelly]

You got me here. You can't. You can't do this. What's he roller skating?

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Jacob]

Roller skating?

[Robert Kelly]

Why? Who is that? Is that Usher?

[Big J]

You want to get the out of there?

[Robert Kelly]

That guy's an ass.

[Big J]

Well, also, if he stands in front of a woman too long to get herpes, I disagree.

[Jacob]

I don't think these are the best spirit.

[Robert Kelly]

If he stands in front of a guy too long, it gets hard.

[Big J]

We're trying to see if Jacob can clap.

[Jacob]

He's got a groove, so I'm trying to here.

[Big J]

Okay. I'll tell you what the problem is going on here, and I have to say, it's your spirit. The spirit tunnel. I have to say they're gonna have to choose, and I'm sorry. This system Is going to be very difficult to talk about in a meeting. We got to go with the whites or the blacks on the staff. It's got to be. You got to leave the whites. Someone's taking that rhythm off on these now, too. Do you see that? They're all. None of them are clapping at the same time.

[Robert Kelly]

Because you're saying you either have a white gauntlet or a black gauntlet.

[Big J]

Got to be a white gauntlet or black gauntlet.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't have both do it. It's not that they don't. Some of them do, but they can't.

[Big J]

They do, but they can't.

[Robert Kelly]

They can't.

[Big J]

And they fall into that white hole that you fall into as you got panicky because. Because black Lou was looking at you. Yes, You. You panicked.

[Christine]

I believe in my skills.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, we'll try it one more time. Go ahead. Play Christine.

[Big J]

No. Just put that song back on that you were playing before. Put on this from breaking. It's got a rhythm.

[Robert Kelly]

How about this one's got a bad one. Pretend you're at a wedding.

[Big J]

This is Bobby. That's Bobby clapping, by the way.

[Robert Kelly]

It's good, right?

[Big J]

But let Jacob do it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but I was trying to get him.

[Big J]

You're not his dance coach.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm trying.

[Big J]

He has to stand on his own two feet.

[Robert Kelly]

My name is Bobby fosse.

[Big J]

Look at him. Everyone look away. Everyone look away and let him get it. And then we'll jump and look back at him.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, Go ahead.

[Christine]

I feel.

[Robert Kelly]

No, make it louder. Clap, dude.

[Christine]

Now it comes in.

[Robert Kelly]

Go. Get into it, dude. Yeah, there it is. Feel it.

[Big J]

Now throw the limb prop into that.

[Robert Kelly]

Ooh, this guy's a knob. Keep smiling, dude. Don't look at Christine or jay.

[Christine]

I look at all of you.

[Big J]

Okay. All right. Now he's going. He loosened up.

[Robert Kelly]

I like this confidence. I like it. Oh, look at that clap.

[Christine]

Smell my dude.

[Big J]

Oh, shut up.

[Christine]

Who doesn't have it, Christine?

[Big J]

Not you.

[Jacob]

I knew you had it, but you were not showing us you had it.

[Christine]

I'm a cowboy.

[Big J]

Christine, technically did bring this out of you.

[Jacob]

You're welcome.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she really had to make you mad enough for your superhero power to.

[Big J]

Come out, because what was happening in the beginning there, Jacob, was not okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Now. All right, now you gotta shut it off, because you can't shut it off. I can't turn it off now.

[Big J]

Take it out to the hallway.

[Robert Kelly]

Take it out to the hallway.

[Big J]

Go do a lap around the.

[Robert Kelly]

Go, go, go, go. Go out to the hallway.

[Big J]

Hit a lap around the old fishbowl.

[Jacob]

I feel spin coming on.

[Big J]

You know what? That might be ultimate test. There's a lot of black people in the lobby. Jacob. If you went into the fishbowl and just started breaking into a dance, I bet that would change things around here for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

He just did a robot.

[Christine]

I'd freeze up immediately.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you see the robot? He just did a random robot.

[Big J]

Did you hit a little robot?

[Robert Kelly]

Do a robot?

[Christine]

I can.

[Big J]

That robot's motions aren't robotic enough. There we go.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go. He needs to be yelled at.

[Big J]

Jacob, you gotta. Jacob, you gotta let him see that. The one part's broken.

[Christine]

Oh, hold on. Okay.

[Big J]

That'S not broken.

[Robert Kelly]

That was.

[Big J]

That's swinging too high. It's gotta just fall down. You gotta let it go. It's just swinging. You're broken. And then maybe you wind it back up.

[Robert Kelly]

Swing it too high up. Ooh.

[Big J]

Jacob. Jacob, we have to test this in front of blacks.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob. Jacob, go into the bathroom.

[Big J]

Jacob, take this to the bathroom.

[Robert Kelly]

Take this to the bathroom.

[Christine]

Cannot dance in front of just the lobby full of blacks.

[Big J]

I don't know if you heard, but there's a guy in there just playing a concert. When Bobby was taking a dump, there was a guy playing music next to him.

[Christine]

He's the last person I want to dance in front of.

[Big J]

Popping lock, dude.

[Christine]

There it is. I'm ready for the Gauntlet.

[Big J]

You're not. Not ready.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I would love to do this as an actor, not as a stand up comedian.

[Big J]

Why don't we just do it?

[Christine]

Can I see Bobby's gauntlet?

[Big J]

Spirit gauntlet.

[Robert Kelly]

You want. You want to see what's inside of me?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I.

[Christine]

Maybe you were pretty hard on my.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I wasn't hard.

[Big J]

You know what, Christine? Put it on me and Bobby same time.

[Christine]

Show.

[Big J]

This is the Gauntlet. We'll show you on either side what's gonna be going on.

[Christine]

Can I dance through Jacob?

[Big J]

You want to put us on the spot?

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big J]

We're fine. We'll handle this one.

[Christine]

Let's see it.

[Big J]

Give you some gauntlet music.

[Christine]

Can you two be on the same side so he doesn't have to go?

[Big J]

That really wouldn't be gauntlet.

[Christine]

No, no. I mean, you're facing each other, but.

[Robert Kelly]

Wants to walk to the middle of the gauntlet.

[Christine]

No, I won't walk. I just want to watch.

[Robert Kelly]

I know you want it.

[Big J]

I know you want it. I mean, enough room over here to do it the way you're saying. Okay.

[Christine]

I'm going to come around the corner like the Guest.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Big J]

If you could.

[Christine]

Can I come from Christine?

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he can come from Christine.

[Big J]

Maybe. Lou. Oh, I thought we were going with the same one as before. I was enjoying Jacob's. We'll do whichever one you want to do.

[Robert Kelly]

I think this one works better for you guys.

[Big J]

Buddy, play it on. Oh. Woo.

[Robert Kelly]

Woo.

[Big J]

Oh. All right, man. Now that's a gauntlet.

[Christine]

All right. You guys proved it.

[Big J]

That's a gauntlet right there.

[Christine]

I'm not gonna lie.

[Big J]

Suck my nuts, J. Hood. Yo, J. Hood. Suck these nuts.

[Christine]

I don't have a single negative thing to say about that.

[Robert Kelly]

I think all guests should come through the bonfire gauntlet.

[Big J]

Yeah. Watch how much we panic when it's a black guest.

[Robert Kelly]

Do me a favor, Lou. Check that video. Make sure my stomach didn't pop out on any of those videos.

[Big J]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

And if it did, cut that part out.

[Big J]

Lou. Let me know if you have to slow the video down because my moves were moving too hot. Wow. That was good.

[Jacob]

I really do love the idea of the guests just having to walk through you guys doing that.

[Big J]

An uncomfortable gauntlet.

[Robert Kelly]

Can we please do this?

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, good. When the guys come in, hold them at the door. Me and you stand there, right? We make him walk through, but play it through this. The thing, through the whole thing so we can get it on video.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that sounds good.

[Big J]

So there you go.

[Robert Kelly]

But Christine and Jacob, I'm excited. You have tonight. You have to come. You have to be in the gauntlet. Yes. Right.

[Big J]

Christine will freeze immediately. Black Lou has to film it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J]

And DJ Lou's got to play the music. I think DJ Lou could play the music. I bet you do. Someone who doesn't want to do it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, exactly, dude.

[Big J]

You know, be better if you just jump from building to building. Know. I know. We were all going to do it.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I. Can I see something real quick?

[Big J]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Because we just did it. Maybe Christine and Jacob could show us their gauntlet.

[Big J]

I'd like that.

[Robert Kelly]

What if. What if one of us isn't here and we have to do the gauntlet?

[Big J]

We're dead.

[Robert Kelly]

We're dead. Why don't you get up over there and, Christine, why don't you show us your gauntlet?

[Big J]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, Christine.

[Big J]

It's gauntlet o'clock. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on. Come on, Christine.

[Big J]

Oh, here, please let me move this so you can get some gauntlet.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, Christine. Let's see the gauntlet.

[Big J]

Should I walk through? Who's gonna walk through?

[Robert Kelly]

No, you.

[Christine]

Jay Walk through with the camera, maybe. Oh, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Walk through with the camera. Yes, exactly. There you go. Here we go. Let's see what this looks like, Jay. Here we go, Christine.

[Big J]

Juice me up over here, Lou.

[Robert Kelly]

Gotcha.

[Big J]

All right. It's Gauntlet o'clock.

[Robert Kelly]

Gauntlet.

[Big J]

Some guests coming in.

[Robert Kelly]

What's up, everybody?

[Big J]

Black Lou will be representing Ludicrous. And this is what will be happening if Ludacris ever was to come in the studio. Jacob, there's no music happening yet.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, stop getting up here.

[Big J]

There's not, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Why does Christine look violently angry? Jacob, you need headphones.

[Big J]

Christine hasn't danced in 15 years.

[Robert Kelly]

She's mad. Why are you mad? This is going to be fun, Christine. Here we go. Ready?

[Big J]

She hates fun.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on. Play it loud in the studio.

[Big J]

Oh, yeah. How excited, Jacob? Not excited. Christine is.

[Robert Kelly]

Invite our guest in, Jay.

[Jacob]

I don't know this music. It's before my time.

[Robert Kelly]

You know this song.

[Big J]

Play.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on.

[Big J]

It's got a rhythm.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on in. Welcome to the bonfire.

[Big J]

Oh, thanks for coming. Ludicrous.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, look at l. He can't keep it in. Look at. Christine's into it now, and she comes right out of it.

[Big J]

It was a little bit. It was a little bit monotonous. One move, like me and you. I feel like we really stirred it up. No, no, listen, Jacob. She was giving you nothing.

[Christine]

She was giving you hurt.

[Big J]

Jacob, give me nothing back.

[Robert Kelly]

You did great. Black Lou, I mean, was amazing. The rhythm was, as the guest, as ludicrous. I mean, you great.

[Big J]

Thank you, Christine. The rhythm was there. That wasn't the issue. It was the energy. It's just the energy. She wasn't. Our guest would feel like she was being forced to do it.

[Robert Kelly]

It was just.

[Big J]

It's not going to read good.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You look like the Jewish writer that was in the line over there.

[Big J]

Christine's the Jewish writer?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. What's wrong? You didn't feel it? You didn't like it?

[Jacob]

No, I felt it. I clapped. I was on rhythm. That Some deep.

[Big J]

I like bare minimum.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, that was the bare minimum.

[Big J]

Bare minimum. C, A High C, high 7.

[Jacob]

I got up and did it.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God. It's like having a little.

[Christine]

It was a chore.

[Robert Kelly]

Snobby dog. I did it all.

[Big J]

Gave some. But some. Gave all.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine, I feel like you have dance in you. I feel like you're a dancer, like you're.

[Big J]

And an actress.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Once upon a time.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it dead in you? Is dance dead?

[Jacob]

No, I liked. I took dance classes up until we moved because I just wasn't near, like, the Gym I went to. Had dance classes.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm talking like boogieing. Yeah.

[Jacob]

I haven't been out dancing in a long time, but I used to have a lot of fun going.

[Robert Kelly]

And what do we need to do to rekindle that in you?

[Jacob]

I guess, like, maybe I'm like, like, isn't that for, like. Should 40 year old women be going out to, like, nightclubs the way 20 year olds do?

[Big J]

I have to go to nightclubs necessarily.

[Jacob]

So that's where you dance.

[Big J]

You don't have to hang out at Marquee.

[Robert Kelly]

Have to do Molly at a nightclub.

[Jacob]

I mean, that's what I'd prefer is to, like, do Molly and go to Marquee, but I'm not allowed to have that kind of fun anymore.

[Big J]

No one's stopping you.

[Christine]

What about just getting the guests hyped?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

We're supposed to be a gauntlet.

[Big J]

You could do Molly and get guests.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, well, we're going to try it today, so we'll see if it works. But I think, Jay, we should do it. But I think Jacob and Christine should be in the gauntlet too, because it's not really a gauntlet with two dudes who really have the passion.

[Big J]

We need several more people for the Gauntlet. I agree. We should have the comedy department come down. Jim McClure should be involved in the Gauntlet.

[Robert Kelly]

Absolutely.

[Big J]

Sorry, Jimmy. Going to have to leave 15 minutes later. We need you for the Gauntlet.

[Robert Kelly]

And I think Jack Vaughn, if he's around.

[Big J]

Jack Vaugh, Absolutely. I think the Russian guy who only knows hello and goodbye, who sits at the security desk.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we should get the Spanish girl who's I think white but grew up with Spanish people.

[Big J]

I don't think she's pretty sure she's white.

[Robert Kelly]

Pretty sure she's white. But I think she's Spanish because she grew up with Spanish. There's people.

[Big J]

You're just judging her jeans.

[Robert Kelly]

And she calls me Poppy.

[Big J]

Oh, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

That's fine.

[Big J]

Anybody who's in the bathroom we should involve in this. And Ram man, the guy with the beard, what's his face? Puppy baby Monkey. The guys who stare. The guys. Hey, guys, instead of just staring, you want to come be part of a gauntlet and then you can come look at the buttons and say everything's fine.

[Robert Kelly]

That's f. That's fantastic.

[Big J]

I like that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J]

I'm telling you, it's weeks. We're weeks away from Scott Greenstein himself coming off his perch to come down here.

[Robert Kelly]

He has a perch.

[Big J]

Yep. Jennifer Wits is going to be Right here doing the Gauntlet with us because it's going to be the talk of the building.

[Robert Kelly]

What if he gets sued for stealing the Gauntlet?

[Big J]

Very possible. We might get sued. You can't steal. It's a soul train line. You can't steal a gauntlet.

[Christine]

Well, we're not going outside. We have to do it in the studio. Right? Like, they come in and they're surprised.

[Big J]

No.

[Christine]

Oh, here's to get clearance.

[Big J]

Here's the issue what the issue is. What do you say we need what clearance to do? That's what nerds do.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, do me a favor. Stop one second. Go get your tie and put it on. If you're gonna talk to us like that, I need a tie on the top button. Button.

[Big J]

He's not wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you're not being button.

[Big J]

And get your goddamn tie. If you're gonna say crazy, like, if.

[Robert Kelly]

You want to keep the show where it is, go ahead, go get your tie and make conversation like that. We're trying to find other things with this show to take it to the top. Okay.

[Christine]

I mean, a gauntlet in the room is bad. I'm all for it. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

We got to do the Gauntlet outside in the hallway as they come down into the room. This is where we do the show.

[Big J]

We have to make waves in this building. Jacob. It's so quiet and dead out there. And this is a pre record.

[Christine]

There's nobody here.

[Big J]

There's a prerecord day. We are here in business hours. There's no one here.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. They have good snacks right now.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Come 5:00, we're gonna get nuts and raisins and open free range salad.

[Big J]

That's it. Loose salad.

[Robert Kelly]

Loose salad and water from a tap.

[Big J]

God damn it. And water and paper cups. Oh, it's so humiliating. We have guests in here and we have to go. Would you guys like a paper cup of water? Drink it quick, because the cup's gonna really soften over time. Hey, make sure you drink that quick. Edie Falco.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't want coffee. No, that's water. We only have one cup for all liquids.

[Big J]

You guys don't have nobody's. Let's make it run the Office Depot maybe and grab a couple pallets of water for 20 bucks. No, no, no, no. We'd rather get coffee cups to put water in with lids.

[Robert Kelly]

We have that in.

[Big J]

We also have loose ice.

[Robert Kelly]

Stearn's car elevator. We have extra water, but not for you guys.

[Big J]

I bet. There is so many pallets of water in the stern part. Of the compound. He's not even here in the building. I bet if we reached out to Howard Stern. Ask Howard Stern. Christine, take a memo. Howard Stern, can we have your water? That's all. That's all. Attention, attention, Baba Booie. Yes.

[Christine]

My only thing was, you know, for the people who are still here outside.

[Big J]

It'S just us and call her daddy. To the best of my knowledge, Everyone else, I think it's pretty much us, Jose Mangan and.

[Christine]

And you want to have this energetic fun time outside and it's.

[Big J]

Buddy, there's only 12 people who work in this whole building anymore. We might as well use the space.

[Jacob]

Man, I forgot about the temperature of the building.

[Christine]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I was referring to. The temperature.

[Big J]

We have to use the space. Yeah, I'd like people to see. I'd like people to see on Lou's camera phone the emptiness of the hallways. The ghosts of DJing past that live in the hallways. Is that Nina Blackwood? What have we found out? Nina Blackwood on 80s on 8 died 12 years ago. And they just airbios.

[Robert Kelly]

Rick Springfield.

[Christine]

I mean, the three of us are just trying to lay low.

[Big J]

Oh, you can't lay low, dude. You're not gonna be able to lay low when we're having a full on party gauntlet every time a guest comes in.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, it's got to be the thing that's. That brings serious back to the. The top of the charts.

[Big J]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

This is like as big as when ob and Anthony was sticking. Wiffle ball backs up, girl.

[Big J]

Oh, when fair Abraham comes through tomorrow, could we like doodoo Brown? Doodoo Brown.

[Robert Kelly]

Because she did.

[Big J]

How, how, how, how? Face down ass. Remember? Because she.

[Christine]

Yeah, I'll do it.

[Big J]

I didn't know if you remember because she took a. I don't.

[Robert Kelly]

Where did she.

[Big J]

Huh?

[Robert Kelly]

Where did she just.

[Jacob]

On the floor.

[Robert Kelly]

What floor?

[Big J]

It looks like a bathroom. Maybe a closet. Doo doo Brown, stop. Everybody on the floor. Just pause.

[Christine]

She's gonna do that in my mouth.

[Big J]

Oh, my God. What a good Gauntlet song.

[Robert Kelly]

They're not gauntleting.

[Big J]

They're not gonna gauntlet. I mean, it'll be mean. You stand out there alone. Like, when we look down, there's only gonna be two sets of footprints in the sand.

[Christine]

I'll gone. Oh, I'll go.

[Big J]

Are you prepared to sing and clap with Doo Doo Brown?

[Christine]

I don't know the lyrics. They're not singing Doo Doo Brown.

[Big J]

I don't do brown.

[Robert Kelly]

What was the other Thing we were going. We're going to the gauntlet and then we're going back to something else.

[Big J]

And then we're going to segues of Byron Allen.

[Robert Kelly]

Byron Allen. Okay. Yeah. And then we're going to what's her name? Addresses her thing.

[Christine]

I want to hear that.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait, wait, wait. Let's go to. We did. We did Byron Allen. Do we do Byron Allen? No, no, let's do Byron Allen.

[Big J]

Just want to see if there's a little compilation of his best segues.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's do that. Will you want. You were never on it.

[Big J]

Said no 17 times. I counted them.

[Robert Kelly]

I've never been on it either.

[Big J]

Yeah, you did.

[Robert Kelly]

Nope.

[Big J]

Yeah, you did.

[Jacob]

We haven't recorded on.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't have. You have me?

[Big J]

Yeah, don't worry. It's gone. It's gone in a day, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like tomorrow.

[Big J]

It's over tomorrow. I lose so many things. I lose the guy bombing on who's got jokes. I lose that on my dvr. I lose Bobby Kelly. I lose my favorite Byron Allen transition is the Mike Vecchione.

[Robert Kelly]

What was his.

[Big J]

When he comes back from break and he goes, welcome back to Comics Unleashed, where the comics are always off the chain. I'm Byron Allen. Mike Vecchione. You work out. My guts go. Yes. You see working out. Yes. This is coming to his bit.

[Robert Kelly]

Was mine bad?

[Big J]

I don't remember what. They're all bad. Kevin Hart's. Listen, who am I to judge? Kevin Hart's done it like two or three times.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you have mine at all? Did you get mine? I want. I don't remember what.

[Big J]

I did ours on dvr.

[Robert Kelly]

I know, I know. I must had energy.

[Big J]

Pretty sure you hit marshmallows.

[Robert Kelly]

I did. I hit marshmallows?

[Big J]

Pretty sure you hit marshmallows. And something you do when you get like you. You do this. You make a squinchy face and like, do. You're very animated.

[Robert Kelly]

For sure. I had a lot of energy back then.

[Big J]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That was.

[Big J]

Barrymore's in the audience.

[Robert Kelly]

That was young, young Bobo.

[Big J]

All right, let's do it. Byron Allen.

[Robert Kelly]

Let'S unleash these comics. I mean, you look happy today. You just got back from England. You think Cuba's the place to be. You're a big sports fan. You keeping in shape? Who gives you advice? How you excited about Obama? I understand you're a big music fan. Well, congratulations. You're pregnant. So, Mike, who do you think should run the country now? Flip. What kind of women do you like? You get along with neighbors. So, Mike, how do you think California is different from New Jersey? So you don't think parents are strict enough, huh? Wow. That's all he did.

[Big J]

You know, he used. He used to come out and do stand up a little model. He stopped eventually. Just started taking it right to the. To the couch. Because the standup was so. Just written by somebody else. It was a stock joke. Half the time it's funny because the.

[Robert Kelly]

Crowd is so hyped up.

[Big J]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

The crowds are like. You could be like, yeah, my mom's a little chubby. Like, just fucking crazy.

[Big J]

But I. I say Godfrey did one of my favorite things on it. That's such a. I mean, he'd laugh at this, too, I'm sure. Is it me and. Me and derose always have laughs at this. The. He does the cast off after the impression or like a bit when you're doing a bit and you have to just break out of it and sit back down in a chair. You do like the. I don't know. Is it something like.

[Robert Kelly]

Like that?

[Big J]

You know, we talked about that before. Godfrey was like, yeah. You know, it's like Jason Statham. He's like, all right, all right, now.

[Robert Kelly]

We'Re gonna go and do this, and.

[Big J]

Then we're gonna kill him. All right. I don't know. It's something like that. It goes. I mean, they just fall back into their thing goes.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big J]

It's just whatever. It's. I don't know. I do a couple impressions.

[Robert Kelly]

That was pretty good, dude.

[Big J]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

I was. All right. All right.

[Big J]

And then Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to come out, like, get down. Evidence. The chopper. You have to do, you know, just him. Schwarzenegger. You've heard it a thousand times.

[Jacob]

I think that's Bonnie right there.

[Big J]

It is.

[Robert Kelly]

It's got to be Bonnie because she's dressed like a 1920s paper boy.

[Big J]

Yeah, that's when Bonnie. That's what she met Rich Voss when she dressed like Rich Voss.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. She actually transitioned into Rich Voss and now then she transitioned to Magnum PI she looks like she's solving crimes in Hawaii. Fucking.

[Big J]

I mean, just because, like, a flower shirt.

[Robert Kelly]

Will you dump that old Jewish guy and let him free so you can date women? I mean, she is just a dude now. I love Bonnie, but.

[Big J]

Give me a little more.

[Robert Kelly]

Welcome back to Comics Unleashed. So, Mike, you've been talking about people with bad hygiene.

[Big J]

It actually went up my nose.

[Robert Kelly]

I tasted it and it shot out my back. Who is that? Oh, look at her. The flip. You like to fly a lot.

[Big J]

You still live alone? Not just saying.

[Robert Kelly]

You just joined a gang. Richest guy in Hollywood. One of the richest guys. I mean, this business stinks.

[Big J]

It's so funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Really does.

[Big J]

So I hear you have a hard time buying T shirts.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you die. You're here.

[Big J]

Oh, we were talking in the back and something like. You don't like disco balls, right?

[Robert Kelly]

It'd be funny now. It would be a little different. So you're pro Palestine, right?

[Big J]

So let me understand. You're a heavy maga.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah, right?

[Big J]

Oh yeah, dude. Super big maga.

[Robert Kelly]

You're against trans, right? Tell us about that. What? What's wrong with trans? I won't let my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis symptoms define me.

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[Big J]

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[Robert Kelly]

The Quarter Pounder with cheese had many great things. Maple flavored griddle cakes isn't one of them. McDonald's breakfast comes first.