The Mandarin Suite with TJ Miller

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: The Mandarin Suite with TJ Miller
Original Air Date: March 26, 2026
Guest: TJ Miller
Location: SiriusXM Faction Talk

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Overview

This episode features comedian and actor TJ Miller as a guest, joining hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly (with Louis J. Gomez participating as well). The trio dives into stories from the road, particularly focusing on the unique and often hazardous comedian lodgings in Jacksonville, Florida, and the colorful, sometimes hostile audiences they've encountered. The conversation meanders through St. Patrick’s Day antics, personal philosophies on comedy, adventures (and misadventures) at the Jacksonville Comedy Zone, as well as TJ Miller’s new projects—including a techno-thriller film and his innovative stand-up special, “The Philosophy Circus.” The episode combines irreverent humor, candid backstage tales, and a look at the daily realities of a working stand-up comedian.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Comedy Camaraderie & Mentorship

• The episode opens with playful ribbing among the comedians, reflecting on the dynamics of mentorship and “father figure” relationships in the comedy scene, especially between Bobby Kelly and Louis J. Gomez.

  • “[Louis] looks for that in a thing. It’s...why he worships Steve Jobs. He wants men to tell him philosophies.”
    -- Robert Kelly (04:13)
  • “Like any son, eventually he figures he can beat you up, so he stops giving a—”
    -- Robert Kelly (05:01)

• The comedians punctuate the conversation with banter about tech nostalgia, such as early Mac computers and classic video games, evoking both generational humor and personal quirks.

2. St. Patrick’s Day Mayhem

• TJ Miller recounts a hilariously chaotic St. Patrick’s Day, featuring early-morning drinking, hiring his own bagpiper, and nearly getting into a bar fight over “his wife’s” green glasses (that weren’t hers at all).

  • “I was like, who broke these glasses? And they're like, those aren't your glasses. I'm like, of course they're not, they're my wife's glasses...I have to go back into a place I almost got in a fight to be like, you guys are absolutely right. You ever do a drunk apology? Those are always really interesting.”
    -- TJ Miller (11:12)

• The gang riffs on classic “manly” drunk apologies and how defending a partner’s honor in a drunken daze often ends with a sheepish retreat.

  • “If I'm gonna fight you for my wife's honor...then that's what I do, I'm a man. But I'm also being a man just by saying I was wrong.”
    -- Jay Oakerson (12:36)

3. The Comedy Zone: Legendary Awful Lodging (The Mandarin Suite Story)

• The heart of the episode is a raw—and often absurd—exchange about the notorious Mandarin Suite at the Ramada Inn by Wyndham in Jacksonville.

  • Motel Horror Stories:

    • Broken or missing smoke detectors, mysterious stains, traces of drug use (needle caps), and, as Robert describes, a room that seems to be an active crime scene.
    • “That was the other suite. My wet floor that I told you—that was the other suite.”
      -- Robert Kelly (35:08)
    • “You know how happy Jay was that he found two different fingernails in front of his door?”
      -- Louis J. Gomez (36:40)

  • Audience Encounters:

    • Both Jay and TJ recount being confronted—sometimes physically—by upset audience members or angry partners of hecklers.
    • “[The woman] would not shut the fuck up. And I addressed it a couple times...then I tried to get through it. And at the end, I said, 'This next character is a person who should not go out until she's ready to enjoy things and not make everyone around her feel terrible.'”
      -- TJ Miller (20:10)
    • “She flipped the fuck out and walked on stage, which is the worst feeling for a comic...She couldn't decide which hand to use [to hit me].”
      -- TJ Miller (31:00)

  • Physical Fear and Paranoia:

    • TJ reveals his real fear when, after making jokes about his suite on stage, the disruptive couple knows exactly where he’s staying.
    • “As I realized that, I just—I'm very high—oh my god, they know I'm in the Mandarin Suite. [Knock] on my fucking door. I rush into the bathroom, turn off all the lights, lock the bathroom door, hide in the bathroom, call Kate...That action was cowering like a coward, like you should be.”
      -- TJ Miller (35:14)

  • Camaraderie in Risk:

    • Despite being offered buyouts to stay elsewhere, Jay and Robert joke about their “punk rock” status for choosing the dangerous but infamous comedian motel experience.
    • “Well, I stayed there kind of as a joke...this is funny to me.”
      -- Jay Oakerson (37:23)

4. Comedy in Dangerous Places: The Jacksonville Crowd

• The comedians explain the unique energy of the Jacksonville crowd, notorious for over-the-top heckling, pride in Duval County, and a tendency to escalate situations.
  • “If you catch them in that Duvall thing, they won’t stop doing it...It’s the county, I believe.”
    -- Robert Kelly (29:16)
  • “What is a county? Why don’t you lead with that, Jacksonville?”
    -- Jay Oakerson (29:39)

5. TJ Miller’s New Projects

• Upcoming Film: Techno-Thriller about AI & Dating

  • TJ discusses his role as the comic relief/tech partner in a new thriller about a developer whose AI app helps him hook up with women—until the AI starts taking over his life.
    • “It’s a techno thriller...about AI and this guy who sort of hacks AI and gets enough dating advice from online...the AI will help him hook up with girls...but then it starts to take over and fuck with his life…”
      -- TJ Miller (42:12)
  • Frustration at a joke being cut in the trailer, plus a candid view on how he chooses film work now.
    • “Any of my fans or anybody knows me is gonna be like, what the fuck? And it was very fun, but I only shot a couple days...Movies have to sell themselves on...America decides if a movie is good or not.”
      -- TJ Miller (45:02)

• Streaming vs. Theaters:

  • Discussion about whether the film will end up on Netflix, Prime, or Tubi.
    • “You can make more money at Tubi…[it’s] cable, you know… You can’t subscribe to Tubi.”
      -- Jay Oakerson (47:19)
  • “[Black Lou, the producer,] has got his own seven movies directed on Tubi!” (47:31)

• TJ Miller's Special: The Philosophy Circus

  • Out now on YouTube, blending stand-up, philosophy, juggling, trombone, and avant-garde ventriloquism.

  • “It’s philosophy, but it’s also juggling like cigar boxes, an audience member plays the trombone, there’s terrible ventriloquism...You have to see it to fucking believe it.”
    -- TJ Miller (48:01)

  • TJ reflects on being hurt when previous co-hosts hadn’t watched his special, highlighting the challenge comedians face in supporting each other’s work amidst busy schedules.

    • “I came in, and I remember I was so hurt and confused...[but] none of us have any time to watch anything, not even our own shit.”
      -- TJ Miller (48:41)

6. Endearing Insanity & Community in Stand-Up

• The episode is peppered with inside jokes, call-backs, and a camaraderie built from the often absurd and sometimes dangerous world of stand-up comedy on the road.
  • “I love Tubi. I’m a Tubi guy.”
    -- Jay Oakerson (47:27)
  • “You have to see it to fucking believe it.”
    -- TJ Miller (48:01)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments by Timestamp

• Mentorship & Comedy Scene:

  • “Like any son, eventually he figures he could beat you up, so then he stops giving a—”
    —Robert Kelly (05:01)

• St. Patrick’s Antics / Drunken Honesty:

  • “I have to go back into a place I almost got in a fight to be like, you guys are absolutely right. You ever do a drunk apology?”
    —TJ Miller (11:12)
  • “If I'm gonna fight you for my wife's honor...that's what I do, I'm a man. But I'm also being a man by just saying I was wrong.”
    —Jay Oakerson (12:36)

• Mandarin Suite Motel Horrors:

  • “You know how happy Jay was that he found two different fingernails in front of his door?”
    —Louis J. Gomez (36:40)
  • “That action was cowering like a coward, like you should be.”
    —Robert Kelly (35:46)

• Film/Media Real Talk:

  • “Movies have to sell themselves on...America decides if a movie is good or not by watching the movie or hearing from somebody that they know who watched the movie. They don’t give a fuck if I’m like, I love this movie.”
    —TJ Miller (45:02)

• Comedic Absurdity:

  • “It’s philosophy, but it’s also juggling...an audience member plays the trombone, there’s terrible ventriloquism that’s Inception style—you have to see it to fucking believe it.”
    —TJ Miller (48:01)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:00] – Comic mentorship and Louis J. Gomez’s “philosophy search”
• [08:47] – TJ Miller’s St. Patrick's Day bender & bar fight story
• [17:10] – Discussion on professional bagpipers and event pricing
• [20:10] – TJ’s early horror stories from the stand-up stage, including hecklers in Atlanta
• [29:00] – Jacksonville, Duval County pride and crowd behaviors
• [31:00] – TJ recounts physical confrontations with hecklers in Jacksonville / Jacksonville Comedy Zone stories
• [34:54] – Realization the rowdy couple knows his suite, hiding in the Mandarin Suite bathroom
• [35:55] – Robert’s observations on Florida roadside motels and their dangers
• [42:12] – TJ introduces his new AI techno-thriller film project
• [48:01] – TJ’s “The Philosophy Circus” special on YouTube

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Conclusion

This episode encapsulates everything fans love about The Bonfire: subversive and authentic behind-the-scenes comedy talk, war stories only road comics can tell, and a poignant mix of humor, horror, and honesty about life as a comedian. TJ Miller’s guest spot is a highlight, bringing both wild energy and introspection, whether discussing a wild St. Patrick’s Day, the gritty road-life of a comic, or his creative projects. In between the laughter and chaos, themes of vulnerability, creative pride, and the unglamorous grind of stand-up comedy shine through.

Essential listening for fans of uncensored comedian storytelling, road-warrior tales, and irreverent, brotherly banter.

Transcript

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[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

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Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

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Anyways, only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Jay Oakerson]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Look, you falling in love with Paco all over again.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I. I told you I wasn't. I'm more excited that he's coming with me than he's been.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he doesn't care about working with you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then he was like, oh, I. I go, you've been there before. He's like, yeah, I've been there with Lewis. I was like that. There's no way that was funner than being with me. And he was with Lewis with his chick.

[Robert Kelly]

Paco said the words to me. I've learned all I can learn from Bobby Kelly.

[Jay Oakerson]

Repeatedly, he said that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, then you're gonna. You're gonna learn more this weekend.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, what are you gonna do? You're gonna attack him?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, going out. He's going from elementary school to high school.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's when people start sleeping with teachers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's right.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like that. You didn't say university. He's just getting to high school.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, he hasn't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Junior college.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's not there yet. He's not there yet.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe junior college it is. The Bonfire faction talk series 6M103, the science, the Influence.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What's up?

[Robert Kelly]

In the house with you. We have a fantastic guest here with us. He's gonna be at the Comedy Zone in Jacksonville. Mild stomping grounds.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

March 27th and 20th. Whatever sickness I had, I promise you, I left in room 272. After that, he's going to be in Indianapolis, Virginia beach, and Bloomington. You can get tickets at. TJ Miller does not have a website. It is the hilarious TJ Miller joining us.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hello, everyone. What fun. What's up, buddy? So bright. You gotta wear shades.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So there's a video. That's a video camera.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, great. That's exactly what I need.

[Robert Kelly]

Also is also his white wife gives him black eyes. But they don't call it that in the community.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, they call it raccoon.

[Jay Oakerson]

They call it slightly darker. Yeah. TJ Miller does not have a website for all those dates. And my line of peanut butter. And my line of hot sauce.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Peanut butter, by the way. You gave it to me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I had to. On your podcast. Your wonderful podcast.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was awesome.

[Jay Oakerson]

And we got deep on your podcast. You really go right in for it. I mean, you're talking about life within. It's a couple of minutes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a different podcast.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I love that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We like to get. We like to get psychological on the ykwd.

[Robert Kelly]

A lot of people sing out a product. Not really give two shits about it. I've watched Louis, like, I watched him care about body, brain. He cares coffee and stuff. And like, you are involved in your hot sauce and peanut butter, which is funny.

[Jay Oakerson]

He does. Yeah. I'm the Paul Newman of comedy. But I think Louis is really funny because he. Do you remember when we were on. We were on one show, the last show that I did with you, by the way. I was horrible. It was so bizarre. Something about the chemistry. I just was like flatlining the entire time. But I went on once and Louis talked about how he got fired from, like, what was the gym that he used to work?

[Robert Kelly]

Equinox.

[Jay Oakerson]

Equinox. He got fired and he got fired again or something. And he just was passionate about the culture, the corporate culture of Equinox and their mission statement and everything. It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard in my entire life. And he stood by it. I think after the thing, I was like, that's insane. Are you kidding about that? He's like, absolutely not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love that he just thought he worked there. He went.

[Jay Oakerson]

He did.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, he went there.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, he worked. He was selling memberships.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, was he?

[Jay Oakerson]

And he had gotten in his head.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Kicked out too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, I thought. I didn't know. Got fired.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think so, right?

[Robert Kelly]

He got fired for sure. But he.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He wound up getting kicked out for fighting a guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Almost as one of them. He took a couple of gym jobs, different places, and he tried to do the high end ones, but no, he. He gets very. Again, that's Lewis not having a father figure ever in his, like, young years at all. He looks for that in a thing. It's. Why is that he like how much he worships Steve Jobs.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He named his dog after Steve Jobs. And then he got a. A tattoo of a. A Mac computer on his arm. That's serious. Yeah. For Steve Jobs, it's the Mac Classic. But it's like he likes philosophies of men. He wants men to tell him philosophies. So he. So Equinox.

[Jay Oakerson]

That must be why he likes you so much.

[Robert Kelly]

Must be. Yeah, it's.

[Jay Oakerson]

He.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but it's why. I mean, he. Bobby. Bobby. You were a big part of that in his life for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

At the beginning. Yeah, I mean, podcasting. I got him into podcasting.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, like any son, eventually he figures he could beat you up, so then he stops giving a. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He'll come back, though, when he's 50.

[Jay Oakerson]

You have a. You have a father figure kind of vibe, Mr. Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. That's crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The Mac Classic. The first portable computer.

[Jay Oakerson]

By the way, he is a very. Well, all computers are portable.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, that was the first one that you could put. I had that one. And you could. It came with a targus bag, and it weighed around 17 pounds. And I would go to college with that on my shoulder.

[Robert Kelly]

I never thought you were supposed to really bring that one around.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was the first one that you could.

[Robert Kelly]

With the little square discs.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Little square. It had this. Yeah, the floppy. Floppy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Floppy disc. And, man, that was for 52k modem. Era.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

My friend had a Mac, took 20

[Louis J. Gomez]

minutes to get on the Internet.

[Jay Oakerson]

We downloaded pornography. It came out line by line.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But I feel like that wasn't even on those.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's it right there.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel like that's before Internet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, that was 14K. It was called. 14K was like, oh, my God. Internet.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, I'm telling you, the Mac that I'm thinking of, the Macintosh was not.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, there was a Mac before that.

[Robert Kelly]

There was no Internet yet. This was just like the computer.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And. But it had great game. My friend John had one, and he had a boxing game that was on it. That was. It was. You could be like a kangaroo versus, like, Sylvester against, like, Rocky. It was so. At the time, it was unbelievable.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. This one had Pong.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And it was like, oh, my God, I can't believe this is on a little screen.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there. There was. First game I played. I have no idea what it's called, but it was almost like it was a little H. And you could kind of. You're going through a maze, sort of. Really?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's called adventure. And you'd have to go. And the dragon would come out. You'd have to go get keys, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I think it was more simple than that even. Yeah, but it was right around the Internet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was just a maze and you were the h. And you would go through the maze and you'd have to get a key. But there were dragons would come out of the side.

[Jay Oakerson]

Maybe that's what it was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Adventure.

[Robert Kelly]

If you saw the kind of irate I would get at video games when I was younger, it was crazy. But also the kind of crazy that I think back on for the games that it was like, you're like that third alligator keeps getting me on Pitfall man. And I gotta take the controller with the cord and bash it on the ground a bunch of times.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's it right there, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I remember when Laura Croft came out, I just couldn't believe it that they had a sexy girl video game.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's not able to complete anything because

[Louis J. Gomez]

you're masturbating the whole time.

[Robert Kelly]

I tell you, I, I again, it's to me, I found, whether it be my dad's or whatever, pornography early enough and found access to pornography early enough that I was never taken back. I remember like friends that were like leisure suit Larry. It's like a computer game where they show like girls, like cartoon. You're trying to get a girl's top off and you're like, yeah, I'm just gonna go watch this girl get gang banged who looks like my mom's friend Darlene.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Across the street there was a guy had a huge Playboy collection. Boxes and boxes of boxes. So yeah. Yeah, that was great. I didn't even really get it before I fist pumped you. People call boxes came afterwards. You know what I mean? Yeah. I still don't get it. I thought you were gonna say cops.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's feed it to me again. Let's try it one more time.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay. There were boxes of, boxes of pots.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, just go.

[Jay Oakerson]

He had just had assholes. No, I need to go on the road with you. I could step it up from science class to philosophy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look how excited he is from the pot. Going on the road with me, pal.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm very excited about it. This is a kill box. When you're with Robert Keller, I would

[Louis J. Gomez]

love to go on the road with you.

[Jay Oakerson]

That would be a lot of fun. But you don't drink is the only thing that would make.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would start to drink with you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Perfect.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's always a fun time. I can't believe I'm alive right now. After Kate and I went, I. So yesterday I did Jim Kerr's show. The, like, legendary New York radio personality. And he has a Irish breakfast every St. Patrick's Day. It starts at 5am People go there and start drinking at 5am I went. Dave Hill performed at 7, and then I went on at 8, and Kate and I just got wrecked. And then after it was over, and I hired my own bagpiper. So he was there for. To be. To do the rim shots instead of. I would, like, tell a stupid joke and then point to him, and he'd be like. And then I'd be like. And he'd be like, all right. And it was so funny. Way too expensive.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But that was a perfect bagpipe, by the way.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was wondering how you're gonna pull it off. You did.

[Jay Oakerson]

I did.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You did.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Bag your pipe. All right. Yes, I think I got it. He goes, yeah, that's great. So I take note. My unbagged.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't follow the move, though. You always. You give the knuckle pounds and then see if you understand.

[Jay Oakerson]

Exactly. You just go first. Yeah, yeah. Shoe first, get boxed later. All right, I'm done with it. I'm sorry. It was a mistake to do that. Second.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm a good person to do it with. I'm always coming, excited about it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're into it. And somebody was like, do you always have a bag, Piper? And I was like, what fucking question is that? I go, yeah. He follows me around. It's very expensive, but I think it's worth it. I'm in a lot of debt. He was very expensive. So we did that. Kate and I just got wrecked. And then we went home and, like, slept. We took, like, a disco nap because she had a really important dinner with art collectors and stuff. And I said I would go. We got up. We were like, okay, let's get together. Let's get going. And we just started drinking Guinness. It just began all again, you know? And then we went to this. And it was this fabulous gay guy who worked with Marc Jacobs. He was, like, one of the main people at Marc Jacobs. I think he came up with Marc by Mark. And we had this very. This guy's. I mean, he's a fantastic souse. He's not even a lush. He's just. And so there's just bottles and bottles of wine. We were like, oh, my God. Dear God. And we got to the end of it. He went home. But we were with Kate's friend. And so everybody goes out and keeps drinking. And it was like St. Patrick's Day. I was like, what do I have left to do? I've been Guinness, Jameson. I was up drinking before 7am like, what is left that could make this more St. Patrick's Day? A fight. So then what is more Irish than all of those things? Plus a fight at the bar. I thought somebody had broken Kate's glasses. Cause she was wearing green glasses. And I was all decked out in green bow tie and everything. And I was so drunk. And I was like, who broke these glasses? And they're like, those aren't your glasses. I'm like, of course they're not. They're my wife's glasses. I wouldn't fucking wear those glasses. And they're like, alright, relax. They're not your wife's glasses. And I was like, bullshit. They look exactly the same. Just immediately starts to just get to blows. Like, I'm like, like the bartender's like, fuck you. And there's some other guy that works there. And he started being like, what do we want to do? Do we want to go outside and get this? I'm like, absofun. We go outside. Kate's like, we're going home. We get in the. And I have the glasses, the broken glasses. We get in the car. She's like, TJ, what the fuck are you doing? I'm like, It's St. Patrick's Day. I'm trying to get in a fight. What's the deal? She's like, those aren't my glasses. I lean forward, I go, we're gonna need you to circle the block. Cause now I have to go back into a place I almost got in a fight to be. Like, you guys are absolutely right. You ever do a drunk apology? Those are always really interesting. You're just kind of like, hey, look, I want to say this is on me. And I didn't mean to make you feel whatever you felt. If you didn't feel bad, if you're angry, I don't want you to do that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Christine's nodding her head right now.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you call yourself a man? A couple times. And I'm a man?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'll come in as a man and I'll come, I'll say, I'm a man and I did the wrong thing

[Jay Oakerson]

and I'm a man. So if I'm gonna fight you first, my wife's honor, defending her honor, then that's What I do, I'm a man, but I'm also a being up man. Just say I was wrong.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He keeps showing.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are we good?

[Robert Kelly]

Are we good?

[Jay Oakerson]

Are we good? We're good, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're good. And then I try and go back into the bar and they're like, no, wait, wait. I just apologize. Like, get the out of here. I was like, well, this is a good St. Patrick.

[Robert Kelly]

I've made everything right.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry. Set the course to brightness. So it's pretty righteous of me, but, yeah, that was so. I was just so hungover today. And I take brain medication because of my brain injury. The problem is it really dehydrates you. So I get lightheaded if I have too much alcohol in my system and I didn't drink enough water. Let's drink a lot of water. So it was a St. Patrick's Day to remember.

[Robert Kelly]

Hell, yeah. That sounds corned beef.

[Jay Oakerson]

What? Yeah, okay, Corned beef, potatoes. So many potatoes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That makes me want to drink. Well, I went home last night at 11:30 and just had a meal by myself on a paper plate.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I did have a scally cap on, though. It was corned beef.

[Jay Oakerson]

Got it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was. No, it was lamb. She made lamb. Not very Irish, but there was. There was the cabbage. There was cabbage. Nice cabbage and little baby potatoes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Cabbage and lamb.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Cabbage and lamb is good.

[Robert Kelly]

I would just say it should have been corned beef.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It should have been, but she didn't make it. She bought lamb. I Can't you talk to her? I can't. Maybe I'll have.

[Jay Oakerson]

Guys, can you call? I'll talk to her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right? Please call her. Okay, but I want you to call.

[Jay Oakerson]

I apologize to her. Let me get drunk first.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can you hire the bagpipe guy again?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I really could. He's great. His name is Chris. That was a perfect impression that I did.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was unbelievable. How much does it cost for a bagpipe guy?

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, do you ask a woman how much she weighs? Robert, I apologize, Bobbert.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I apologize, man.

[Robert Kelly]

I got a bagpipe player to play the opening of the song Shoots and Ladders by Corn when I did at the Comedy Jam.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Robert Kelly]

And the guy came out and played the whole, like, intro, this cool intro. And it wasn't mic'd to the. The audience couldn't hear it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, it is a loud instrument, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, think. I'm telling you, it just. Everyone was like. It was. And while he's doing the whole thing, they're going like, can't hear you.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's the worst.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, and then I had to go out there with the cool moment where the song kicks in and everyone's like, I guess, I guess you're doing the thing. Then the drummer did. The drummer did the stop on the wrong part. And I ah, I thought this was going to be great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jay, how much is a bagpipe guy?

[Robert Kelly]

How much was the bagpipe guy?

[Jay Oakerson]

It was a friend. It was like a friend of Carla's. That's right. That's right. You got to get a professional bagpiper from NY bagpiper or new yorkbagpiper.com but it's expensive. His like hourly rate. He was like, it's fifteen hundred dollars.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Holy crap.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I didn't pay that. I just like, I was like no. And he was like, all right, what do you think's fair?

[Robert Kelly]

What do you think?

[Louis J. Gomez]

300.

[Jay Oakerson]

The next thing to be.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you think is fair? Means he knows it was lofty.

[Jay Oakerson]

But there's, there's also a thing where this guy is like, oh, it's the guy from. Yeah, that's him, that's Chris. But there's a thing where it's like I can't lowball him. Like 300 bucks. I am. 1,000 bucks. I'm in.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's good because it's the day that you he. That's his money making day.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's his money making day. And he went from the morning from doing it in the morning. He went to another gig afterwards and then he had another. He's like a stand up comic doing more than one show all in the same Patrick's gigs.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's on the circuit.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's a, he's a bag piper and he has spots all over town.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's his season. Yesterday was his season. That's where he makes his money. That's where he make his money for the summer.

[Robert Kelly]

You get two, you get three things, dude. A cop or a firefighter. Death and fucking St. Patrick's Day.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're praying for cops deaths.

[Robert Kelly]

And if the lead singer of Corn can't play for himself for some reason and he needs to hire a, you

[Jay Oakerson]

know, and I'm sure he does Irish weddings. I think it's probably a thing, but I think you're right. I do. You know what though? I don't think he has another job. I think he does this full on professionally. And then he was going to like a like tech bro afternoon party thing and I'm sure they give him fifteen hundred dollars an hour. So he cleared. I'm sure he cleared fifteen thousand dollars yesterday. That's great, you know, because they wanted him.

[Robert Kelly]

But this about him. He goes. He goes. I don't know. I guess he's also huge in crypto, but besides that, he's, I think, just bagpiping.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's had Bitcoin since 2008.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But, yeah, he's got to wear a skirt all day. It was cold out yesterday. 15. 1500 is not that.

[Jay Oakerson]

But when it blew up into the air, that was. That was the true St. Patrick's Day.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. A real Irishman will just have his bag and balls hanging out, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

I kept urging him to come over near the grate with the steam that goes out. Come on, let me talk to you over here.

[Robert Kelly]

You want to drop his bagpipes and do his Marilyn Monroe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Exactly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're really renting two bagpipes?

[Jay Oakerson]

I've. I want to tell the Jacksonville story, if that's okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, please. Well, yes, because I. I just saw the thing. You're going to Jacksonville? I just got back. I sent pictures. The room that was next to my room was a crime scene, I believe, maybe active. A blinky light that never turned off.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jesus.

[Robert Kelly]

I wanted a lampshade done. Some sort of stains all over the. Do you have the. Yeah. Look at this room. This is the room that was next to my room. And it never wasn't this dirty.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's so fat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm pretty sure a rabbit was living on the bed.

[Jay Oakerson]

On the bed.

[Robert Kelly]

See it? No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nothing either. Hooker like Raisinets on the bed.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no smoke detectors in any of the rooms.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's crazy. Oh, Jesus.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And they were like, this is totally fine.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no. This lady, you know, she says. That's why I said it was funny. I forgot until I saw you on there. She says that you're coming, and me and you, specifically, you and I are the only two comics that go. Not that they stay there, but that merrily, when they say to us, they'll tell both of us. I'm sure they tell you, please, we'll give you a buyout. We'll put you down the road. When I had to start changing rooms this time, Leah, the manager, was sweet. She goes, please, I will drive you to another hotel. Please stay. Paco stayed with me at the hotel last time. It's hilarious. The buffet is shut down now. No seafood buffet, crab buffet, not till Easter.

[Jay Oakerson]

Asian crab buffet, not till Easter.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not open until after Easter.

[Jay Oakerson]

I Love that place. So funny to get the tiniest crab legs. Tiniest crab legs.

[Robert Kelly]

Pac liked to open them for me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I couldn't do it. I was like, you also don't want

[Jay Oakerson]

to mess up your gloves. My nail polish.

[Robert Kelly]

That is true.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're the only guy I know that can pull off the. I do a French tip when I get a manicure that works. I haven't done it right now, but you're the only guy that can really pull off, like, the full color.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. My hands are a little light now. I feel like a fat girl kind of. I don't know. Something about the. My hands are too big.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, I guess I like you more.

[Robert Kelly]

Thanks.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like fat women.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Guy likes a guy with a girl with a trunk. Oh, there's the needle cap that was outside my room.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God. Wild. So I stay there, and they give me the. There's two suites. One of them is the Mandarin. Yeah. Oh, great.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't worry. They don't exist right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

There's no sweets?

[Jay Oakerson]

This is terrible.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're rescheduling.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm going back after Easter for those sweet, tiny, succulent crab legs where you got to suck it out. That's all there is.

[Robert Kelly]

One of my guilty pleasures in shitty foods, though, is. And Paco, watch this. I like. I got the other day, the imitation crab. Shredded imitation crap. And I mean, they have. One of the dishes they have at that buffet is. I mean, a pile of. It's just that it's like eating crab spaghetti. It's so good.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I love that. So they have two sweets. I would always stay in the Mandarin Suite. So you know how people ask you, like, what's your. Your biggest horror story? From doing stand up? There's. Everybody always asks that question. So mine used to be. I was in Atlanta at the Punchline. It was a long time ago at an earlier. Like, at a different earlier location. And I was doing. This is like when I first started, and I was doing my set, and this woman would not shut the fuck up. She just couldn't shut the fuck up. And I dressed a couple times, but I wasn't as comfortable riffing, really. So I dressed a couple times, and then I just tried to get through the whole thing. And then at the end, I do these characters. I did these characters, and so I finally. I had to get her. So I said, and this next character is a woman. Oh, no, no. Here's what happened. So before that. This is crazy. I was like, excuse me, miss. What do you do for a living. She was like, nursing, and I'm ready for this. It's gonna get fist bumps. I go, what is that? Like on Craigslist, businessmen pay to come and, like, you know, be their nurse and put them in diapers. Ting, ting, nice. And. And she goes, no. I was nursing my baby boy until he died six months ago. And it was so real. It was so real. And it just. Of course, the room just flatlined. I mean, no one knew what to do. And I was like, I'm sorry to hear that. And then I was starting at negative six. And so by the end of the show, I got it, like, to zero. And they go to. This next character is a person who should probably not go out until she's ready to enjoy things and not make everyone around her feel terrible. And this guy, the guy next to her was like, hey, you're talking about my wife. I was like, no, I'm not. This is somebody that I went to college with. I mean, this is Will Smith style shit. I just realized. And he ran. He started running. And I saw he was going to stage to fight me, and I was like, look, man, you know, if however this fight is going to end up, the audience is the real loser. And he got pretty close. Another great one, TJ. Way to go, TJ. You have a Martin Luther King mid 2000s. TJ.

[Robert Kelly]

Is this what people you think want to see? Yeah, Men going at other men, lifting each other up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you lucky it's not St. Patty's Day, motherfucker.

[Jay Oakerson]

Break your glasses, they return them because I'm a man. So the bus boys and some other people grabbed on. He was in like, like camo shorts and a fucking wife beater and a camo trucker hat. And so they got him.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacksonville tuxedo.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. So they kicked him out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what these days feel like? Everything costs more. Groceries, gas bills. It all adds up. And we've all felt the pressure of trying to make our money stretch a little further. I'm always going over the budgets and what I can buy and my wife's. You don't need it. We can't get it. It's a real tough thing to actually take care of what you're spending, have a savings. It's just rough out there for everyone. So when the tax refund hits and you're thinking, what's the best way to keep more in your pocket without giving something up? Well, here's the real life hack for you. Switch to Metro and save with no activation fees and get one line of 5G for only 25 bucks. Yep, only 25 bucks. And no contracts that get in the way. The best thing, you can keep the phone you love and keep your number. That's a lot of ands, but that's exactly the point. Get that more for your money feeling only at Metro. Visit your local store on metrobyt mobile.com and switch today. $30 first month, $25 after with autopay.

[Robert Kelly]

Guys, you know running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive and, and since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Odoo?

[Robert Kelly]

That's what. Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing websites, literally every kind of software and it's all on one platform. So it works together and it's quality software. So you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it. Right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o.com odoo.com a

[Louis J. Gomez]

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[Jay Oakerson]

And I like, you know, close the show, go into the green room. I'm like, oh my God, I think I should quit comedy, right? This is a dangerous endeavor. And then after a little while, like my waitress, we used to call him at the time, came in and was like, you should come outside. And I was like, I don't really want to like meet people or doing that stuff. She's like, no, really, you should come outside. And I go out and everybody was waiting for me. And they gave me a standing ovation, which was just incredible because they knew how terrible that situation was. So I go to, everybody leaves. I go to the, I'm about to leave. And the bartender's like, hey, let me buy you a whiskey. And I was like, no, I don't feel like, you know, really having drinks. I'm just gonna go back to the hotel. He's like, come on, you ever had Macallan 12? And I was like, no. He's like, I'll buy a McAllen 12. So he supports me. I finish it, talk to him. All right, I'll see you later. And he's like, let me buy you another one. And I was like, no. Okay, I'm going to go back to the hotel. He's like, you ever had Macallan 18? And I was like, no. So he gave me one more. And then I was like, all right, I'm going to take off now. He's like, no, you shouldn't. And I go, why? He's like, that guy's in the parking lot waiting for you. And we just called the police, but they haven't got here yet.

[Robert Kelly]

So he was just stalling.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was like, I'll have a Macallan 20, please. Yeah, he was just trying to stall me and like, not scare me, I guess. Cuz I was really a young comic at that point. So that was my horse right now. It's not that it's in Jacksonville, because I was another fucking. Excuse me. Another fucking white woman, okay? And she just will not shut the fuck. Cuz in Jacksonville they get like Jacksonville drunk. Oh, yeah, they have their own version.

[Robert Kelly]

I've had people who have featured for me there Get Lost. And like, if you catch them in that Duvall thing, they. They won't stop doing it. They'll just keep saying, yeah, they'll keep doing that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is that?

[Robert Kelly]

It's the county, I believe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's the county. And. And everyone's like, what? And they're like, we're the biggest county in the United States. And I'm like, I'm trying to give a. Like, what?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't even know what county I live in.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, what is a county? Why don't you lead with that, Jackson? What the fuck is a county?

[Robert Kelly]

He goes, you don't talk shit like that in these county borders that we're all very aware of.

[Jay Oakerson]

They just love it. It's all they have. So in Duval county, they got some

[Robert Kelly]

shitty shape of it on like shirts.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I think they really some weird border that makes no sense.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're strange people, but they don't have a lot going on. And so I do love them. But this woman would not shut the fuck up. Another white woman. So drunk. Yeah, so drunk, you know, kind of like falling onto the guy she was with or whatever. And finally I'd say like 35 minutes into the set, I was almost done. I was like, hey, you gotta shut up or I'm gonna kick you out, okay? And she's like, you don't know I was like, I know that you're a bad mother. I definitely know that. So that's just a line, right? And she flipped the fuck out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You should have said that to the first lady.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. She nursed her baby until she drives my baby until she died. She goes, what was in that? Breast milk.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're a shitty nurse.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Atlanta breast milk is just lean.

[Robert Kelly]

There was scissor kids.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's West Atlanta, motherfucker. And so I go, I know that you're a bad mother. And she flipped the fuck out and she walked on stage, which is the worst feeling for a comic when somebody breaks that barrier. It's really scary. So she got up, and I could tell she wanted to hit me in the face, but she was doing this weird thing where she kind of couldn't decide which hand to use. It was so bizarre. And then the guy that I was touring with, Lance Weiss, who's really funny, and then the bartender jumped the bar and they ran over. Cause there's, you know, there's the cop that has a gun there. He was doing some other event on Saturday, which was perfect. Great. Love that. That's the only time I need a guy to have a gun is when this fucking girl is on stage with me deciding which hand. They grab her, they take her off. They don't kick her out. She just sits right back down where she was. Thanks, guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Thanks.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacksonville Comedy Zone. So we're in the zone where we don't kick anyone out.

[Robert Kelly]

So, you know a girl. I told story, but a girl came back in the backstage area. I was waiting there for it to empty out a little bit, and she just came in the back and dropped to her knees and started grabbing my feet and telling me she knows she's not supposed to be back there, but she found me.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

And you don't know what to do? You're like, okay, yeah, it's terrible.

[Jay Oakerson]

If I get out of here, I shouldn't have to do that. So she sits back down, and I just go. I kind of go. You're right over there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. What are you doing, Paco?

[Robert Kelly]

Making sure the batteries.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, cool. That's awesome. Fuck is going on, dude?

[Robert Kelly]

Right in the middle of this guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. This is more XM than serious. Let me put it that way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So I Tago, pago, stop.

[Jay Oakerson]

So. And then I look, and her boyfriend, who had a goatee that the length can only be described as Sons of Anarchy.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay?

[Jay Oakerson]

And he was in shorts the whole thing. He was just mad dogging me. He was looking at me like, I'm gonna fucking come up there right now and kill you. And I tried to sort of ignore it at first, and then he just would not. And I was like, if this guy's gonna get up here, this is gonna be a real disaster. She already did. Clearly, as a couple, they don't have a problem with that.

[Robert Kelly]

They've already made it clear you can get on the stage here.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is the place to get on the stage if you wanna hit somebody with either one of your hands. And so I finally was like, I gotta address this. And I was like, what the fuck are you looking at? What's the situation? What needs to happen here? Are you. Do you think that your wife or whatever the fuck this is, is more important than everybody else? Do you think it was okay for her to come on stage and fuck up the show like that? Just tell me. Tell me if you think that that's okay. And I could see him being like, I'm gonna fucking kill you, man. But I just kept hitting him and hitting him and hitting him. And then finally he was. I could tell. He's like, yeah, that wasn't okay that she did that. Yeah. But logic. Ready for this? You got through it works in Duval County. Only in the county. Yeah. Yeah. And so I. Okay, so, like, I'm. I figured that out. Then I, you know, end the show, come back and come out for the meet and greet. And, like, he and this girl are there waiting for me. That's very, very clear. And I'm like, you got to get him out of the hotel. You got to get them out of the club. I can't. I cannot meet with these people. So I go back, wait for them, then they come back to get me, and they go, we made them leave. They're out of here. And then I, like, finish the meet and greet, whatever, and I go back to the suite. And when I'm in the suite, I smoke a little weed, because that's what needed to happen. Not real weed, because it's Florida. It was real weed. Oh, they cannot hear me, can they? So I go back, I'm high, and then suddenly I remember that they know which room I'm in because I made a joke about it on stage and said, there's two sweets, and they gave me the good one, the other one's shitty.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

But if you're a movie, you can stay in the Mandarin Suite here at the Ramada Inn by Wyndham.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And you can walk right up to the door, by the way.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can go into that yeah, that's right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You can park in front of my room.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can park in front of my room. And then as I realized that I just.

[Robert Kelly]

My wet floor, by the way, was the other suite. My wet floor that I told you it was the other suite.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God, it's terrifying. So right as I, like, realize this, I'm like, they know what? I'm very high. Oh, my God. They know that I'm in the Mandarin Suite. On my fucking door, and I'm like, this is the end of my life. So I rush. Because I'm a man. I'm a man. So I rush into the bathroom, turn off all the lights, lock the bathroom door, hide in the bathroom, call Kate. And I'm like, listen, what happened? She's like, what's going on? Are you okay?

[Robert Kelly]

Technically. That is springing into action, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that is.

[Robert Kelly]

You just bring it to an action.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. And that action was cowering like a

[Robert Kelly]

coward, like you should be. There is not, first of all, slept in the bathroom.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love that.

[Robert Kelly]

For Florida.

[Jay Oakerson]

Not joking.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You can see right into the room, by the way. They saw you.

[Robert Kelly]

Of course you can.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're watching you. Be a coward.

[Jay Oakerson]

He got into the bathroom.

[Robert Kelly]

For Florida to be the place that is, like, popular. The popular hotel style there is being that motel style, your room goes right to the outside. For that being Florida's thing. There's of any place where there should be more of a barrier than a thin, shitty door between you and the place you're in is fucking Florida. It's always. I've had people come up because, again, they know you're in that one suite. I've had people come knock on the thing before, too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I love that you two both could stay at a better hotel, but you choose this life of danger.

[Jay Oakerson]

Punk rock.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you are.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's what Jay is. Fucking punk rock.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know how happy Jay was that he found two different fingernails in front of his door?

[Jay Oakerson]

Jeez.

[Robert Kelly]

Two fingernails. The thing, the needle cap, and then the do my wet socks drying on the air conditioner. That was hilarious. The guy kept telling me he was going to come change the air conditioner in the new room. He gives him a come change the air conditioner. And he kept changing the thermostat. And he goes, I don't know why this thing's not working. And then I just pushed the button on the air conditioner and he goes, oh, this one's not set up to the thermostat. Oh, nice. And he just left.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But if you look in the Door, the deadbolts. It's just all the wires. They connect everything. They're in the deadbolt hole where the metal goes in to lock the door.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You have that picture. Christine, show them the deadbolt. Show them the deadbolt wires.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, that's wild. So I guess I won't stay there. But I stayed there kind of as a joke. Like, I've done that quite a bit. It's just like, this is funny to me to do this, if this might.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, here's the thing. I may have still thought it was kind of funny, my socks getting wet. By the way, Bobby's pointing it out too. How many times has that door been tried to be kicked the fuck open? Look at those scrapes. They keep saying there's no more drug accident. And prostitutes. I didn't see, really prostitutes, but, I mean, I was watching somebody shoot up in the ice cubby.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They can't get them all, Jay. They can't get them all.

[Robert Kelly]

You're not wrong.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're like mice.

[Robert Kelly]

Year round, though. That pool's water crystal blue. I'm not getting in it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think one year. Yeah. And it's such strange people there. But I. I remember one year they have an ice machine, but there was no ice bucket. And I was just like, what?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Guys, you have to go with your hands.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, go back to the. The video of the room next to me because I want to show you something interesting in that picture also. Oh, John Card, my. The guy was featured. My buddy was featuring for me. They had to. They said the terms steal towels from a different room so he could have towels because he didn't have any to begin with. They did this to me one day. They go, there's not smoke detectors in a lot of these rooms.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I went, it's gonna be okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's gonna be fine.

[Robert Kelly]

You have the video of the room? Yeah. If you look. Pause it. Not that you're not yet. Hang on. Pause it right there. Look under the desk right there. That's the only do not disturb sign in the entire building stuck in a room. Crime scene that they can't open legally, I believe, until they find her either who committed that murder or they find that little midget poltergeist lady who's gonna get the room clear?

[Jay Oakerson]

Bill, you have to come in and clear the room.

[Robert Kelly]

Why leave the light on? Someone's walking around this hotel when you have a window that's wide open for the three days I was there or two days, and, I mean, the light's flickering inside and it looks like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Close it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Maybe they don't have enough money to have an exorcism to get the ghosts out of the room.

[Robert Kelly]

But the gut. They put me on a room on either. I moved rooms three times, twice. And the second time between. The second time, it was from 270 to. Or 268 to 272. And there's only the one room in between was that. And that was they. The people who put me in the room walked by that and were like. Didn't think to go, shit, let me go. Close that curtain. At leave nothing.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think that there's a level of. And I had a job once. It was kind of like this. But there's a level of contempt for the workplace. And the fact that you have that job that there is almost like, fuck it, I am going to leave the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, but it could have been a crime scene. And the police said, listen, don't touch anything in this room because we have to get evidence. Oh, it might have been evidence.

[Robert Kelly]

It's very possibly evidence. I would say something terrible happened in that room.

[Jay Oakerson]

I also love that the cops were like, all right, just don't touch it. We'll get back to it in, like, next week.

[Robert Kelly]

Leave it be.

[Jay Oakerson]

We'll get there when we get there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We have a lot of stuff going on in this hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

Tell you the power I felt at one point, though, because my key stopped working in my room, so of course I had to go. And then the night manager fell asleep in the back, so they couldn't get a hold of him. So they gave me and Carden the fucking. The master. They'll give you the master key that open up any room that really dare. That really feels there. You feel that moment of power, though, where you're like, I could go into any of this. Would be fun to just go and just start clicking rooms and throwing it open and see what you see.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just open up. All the hookers are in one room. They're hiding. While you were there that weekend, it

[Jay Oakerson]

definitely was a place where people were having sex with prostitutes. It's always sort of been that. And then it has a vibe that people who are at the pool are maybe not staying at the hotel.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, we. And pack everything.

[Robert Kelly]

Me and Paco subscription.

[Jay Oakerson]

They have a membership. It's a swim club. And you go and get your steak and shake. You swim for a little bit. And then you.

[Robert Kelly]

When they were telling me, because we got to move some of the people from this building over to that building where the Internet is. Because apparently they're with TPC Sawgrass. The, like, the huge golf tournament was in there the weekend. They're like, you have people from that staying here? That's crazy. Me and Paco got accosted by a. A giant trans woman. I mean, could have beat the out of both of us. We accepted her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yum, yum, yum.

[Robert Kelly]

We accepted. We accepted her weird kindness.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a perfect excuse.

[Robert Kelly]

We accepted a weird kindness because we were intimidated by her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Honey, she would have beat me up if I didn't. Yeah, I didn't.

[Robert Kelly]

What did she say to us? Paco, My.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Both of you.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. We saw her in like a smoke shop or something. She goes, I knew I'd see y' all here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I want the gay one to suck my car first and then the Asian. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, sorry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fist bump.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's all right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We got your trailer.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's really exciting movie. It came out today, the trailer, and it just. It was at south by Southwest and I didn't go because I was doing stand up stuff because it's what I love.

[Robert Kelly]

That's your passion?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it is my passion, but it's cool. I mean, the trailer is awesome.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is it about?

[Jay Oakerson]

So it's a techno thriller.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, not a comedy.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, not a comedy. And it's. I mean, I'm funny in it, sort of, but it's like they did fuck up one of my jokes, which is very frustrating. But it's. It's a techno thriller. So it's about AI and this guy who sort of hack. Hacks AI and gets enough of, like, dating advice from online and everything that he can, the AI will help him, like, hook up with girls and have sex with girls. And he's trying to kind of make it to be an app, but then it starts to take over and fuck with his life and fuck with the people that he's sort of drawn in without telling them and lying to them and everything. So it's really interesting because.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you the guy?

[Jay Oakerson]

No. The guy's like a handsome. It's a lot of television actors, but it's. The guy has to be handsome. So I'm. I'm his tech partner and I am in charge of the. The company and he's like the lead developer.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think you're handsome, by the way.

[Jay Oakerson]

Fuck you.

[Robert Kelly]

You're the handsome guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm a beautiful, strong trans woman. What is this? It's the largest growing sector. Love. No one can hack love, but maybe AI can. Hayden, I love your idea. I'm gonna go Masturbate. You're all welcome to. You can do it there in the boardroom. Maybe the molly. But,

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, I love you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Emergency. I need to report a missing person.

[Robert Kelly]

In hindsight, we should have talked about the movie for two more minutes and just posted the trailer. This is radio.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That's hilarious. Well, yeah. What do you think? I mean, it's. It's so. The reason I did it is. It's just, like, so different. I really haven't been in a movie like, that ever. Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Was it fun? Was it more fun? I mean, you're gonna be the comedy. Kind of like a break anyway. But do you have scenes, I assume, that are like you're scared or something?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's funny. They're kind of using me a little bit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you improv the masturbate line?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, totally. That's the one they fucked up because they needed to, like, do the back end of that, which was me saying something like, you know, everyone's equal here. This is a workplace where everybody should feel comfortable. So, yeah, I kind of. That's the joke of it. But I fucking love the trailer. And I think it's interesting. Like, I like the director. He's a soap opera star who banked all his money so that he could become a filmmaker. And he wrote. He wrote and directed it. And, I mean, all those guys were, like, great. But it's just like. I think it's interesting to be even in that trailer because any of my fans or anybody knows me is gonna be like, what the fuck? And it was very fun, but I only shot, like, a couple days on it because I'm only in, like, two locations.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But you got the.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I got the. And the. And I got the and. Amazing. I have the. And underwater also. But I just think. I think it's an interesting thing to be in. And I loved the director. I think he's really, really cool. But, you know, between all of us and the millions of listeners and millions. Millions and millions, and they kind of sort of lowballed me, and then they wanted me to come to south by Southwest, and I was like, all right, that's cool. And then I was like, no, I'm not really gonna do that, because it has to. Movies have to sell themselves on. You know, America decides if a movie is good or not by watching the movie or hearing from somebody that they know who watched the movie. They don't give a fuck if I'm like, I love this movie. It's great type of thing, and I'm not in the movie. That much. So it's, like, hilarious that I'm in the trailer. I also close the trailer with a joke that they fucked up because I say, maybe it's the Molly kicking in, but they cut the kicking in. Maybe it's the Molly is like all I say. But the point is it's really an interesting film to be in, and I'm kind of only interested in doing films that I write and star in or things like this where it's just totally different.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I feel the same way.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know you've always felt like that. That's why we're so close. We are very close friends.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's why I just like to do this and nine other podcasts. Because the right film hasn't come across my plate.

[Robert Kelly]

It hasn't come along yet. But when you do, you're going to get your teeth done.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nine other podcasts.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This looks great. And why it's great is the AI like, that is that is coming where guys are going to use AI to. To live their lives. Like, we're going to get this for Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

It's coming out. It's coming. It's coming out soon. It's not out yet.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, we don't.

[Robert Kelly]

Just the trailer came out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just the trailer. But, you know, is it in theaters, right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no, no, it's streaming.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just the trailer came out. And I think that they're waiting to. Yeah, so they have buyers in the mix. That's what's happening. So naturally Netflix likes it. So I bet it'll. It'll land at Netflix unless they lowball us. And if that's the case, then Prime. Yeah, it'll go somewhere else. But I, you know, it's so insane. But, you know, Netflix probably is a better brand name, but, like, you can make more money at Tubi. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, because it's cable, you know, it's. They don't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can't subscribe to Tubi.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, well, Black Lou chimed in on that one. That's the first time I saw him look over and go, tubi.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hell, yeah. Yeah, I love Tubi. I'm a Tubi guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Black Lou's got his own seven movies directed on Tube. Yeah, yeah, yeah, him and Quan Mills. Bitch got roaches in her crib. My pastor trying to eat my girl's dookie hole. TJ Miller's new special, the Philosophy Circus, is out now and streaming on YouTube. And again, you can catch him at the Comedy Zone, you know, what room in Jacksonville, March 27th and 28th. After that, Indianapolis, Virginia. Beach, Bloomington. For tickets and all of his tour dates go to TJ. Miller does not have a website.com all spelled out. Thank you so much for being here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I say one more thing? Philosophy Circus is. I'm really proud of it. And it's great. It's like philosophy, but it's also juggling like cigar boxes. An audience member plays the trombone. There's terrible ventriloquism that's like Inception style. So it's really worth watching because you got to see it to fucking believe it. And I remember I came on here, too. This was pre Robert Kelly. I came on here to promote my special, also on my. My channel, Dear Jonah. And I came in, and for some reason, I was positive that you will. You would have watched it. And then I came in and I. Yeah, even not yet. I came in and I remember I was so hurt.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no, I've watched it since. I haven't watched it. I didn't watch it when you wrote it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, and I remember I was so hurt and confused. And I got out and I think it was Kate, but I told her, I go, he didn't watch it. And she was like, who is gonna watch it? None of us have any time to watch anything, not even our own shit. And I was like, have you not seen it? And Kate's like, no, no, I've seen it. But. So, yeah, check out the Philosophy Circus. And I love you. It's going to be a lot of fun to see.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thanks for coming in. You're always awesome.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you. And I really had fun on your podcast.

[Robert Kelly]

Enjoy the prerecord tomorrow. Thank you guys for hanging out with us. We'll catch you next week. Crackle, crackle.

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[Robert Kelly]

and

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[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

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[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

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[Jay Oakerson]

liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty.