The Samurai & The Cowboy w/Justin Silver

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Episode: The Samurai & The Cowboy w/Justin Silver
Release Date: February 20, 2025

---

Introduction

In this lively episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, hosted by SiriusXM, the blunt and candid duo welcomes Justin Silver as their guest. The conversation spans a wide array of topics, including Japanese culture, the comedy industry, personal anecdotes from the road, and an upcoming charity event. The hosts engage in their trademark humorous banter, providing listeners with an entertaining blend of insights and laughter.

Japanese Culture and Societal Norms

A significant portion of the episode delves into Japanese culture, exploring societal norms and personal experiences in Japan.

• Public Conduct in Japan:
  Robert Kelly discusses the strict societal expectations in Japan, humorously highlighting how even minor infractions can lead to misunderstandings.
  Quote:

  "It's illegal to be loud in public. Japan is so proper there." [01:16]

• Personal Experiences Abroad:
  Christine shares her memorable experience on a 14-hour flight to Japan, where she indulged in excessive eating, leading to uncomfortable situations upon arrival.
  Quote:

  "When we got off the plane, I farted because I ate everything." [04:47]

• Japanese Etiquette:
  The hosts discuss various aspects of Japanese etiquette, such as the prohibition of sticking chopsticks upright in rice, likening it to disrespectful behavior.
  Quote:

  "You can't stick your chopsticks upright into the rice. It reminds people of death." [12:07]

Insights into the Comedy Industry

The episode offers an insider's look into the comedy world, focusing on management dynamics and personal journeys within the industry.

• Managing Comedians:
  Robert Kelly recounts his experiences with managers like Barry Katz, detailing the challenges and eccentricities faced while managing comedians.
  Quote:

  "Barry Katz was managing comedians, and everyone jumped ship due to his management style." [29:22]

• Personal Anecdotes:
  Christine and Robert Kelly share stories about their interactions with managers, including humorous and awkward encounters that highlight the unpredictable nature of the comedy business.
  Quote:

  "I drove him and a girl I didn't know, and he asked about a commission in a parking lot." [24:31]

Personal Stories and Road Experiences

The hosts and their guest exchange amusing and sometimes outrageous personal stories from their time on the road.

• Life on Tours:
  Discussions about the daily grind of touring, including mishaps and memorable moments, provide listeners with relatable and humorous content.
  Quote:

  "We spend two hours a day, eight hours a week on the show, but it's always wacky." [05:59]

• Interactions with Friends and Family:
  The conversation takes a personal turn as the hosts talk about their relationships, living situations, and the humorous challenges that come with them.
  Quote:

  "Jacob's terrified to open his shades because of Wayne's parties." [36:26]

Upcoming Event: Funny for Fido

In a heartwarming segment, the hosts promote the Funny for Fido event, a comedy show benefiting animals affected by the LA fires.

• Event Details:
  Justin Silver announces the event, highlighting the lineup of comedians and the charitable cause it supports.
  Quote:

  "Funny for Fido at the Cutting Room on February 19th. All proceeds benefit animals wounded and displaced by the LA fires." [49:54]

• Charity Insights:
  The hosts discuss the impact of the fires on animals, emphasizing the importance of community support in such times of crisis.
  Quote:

  "Animal shelters fill up, and it's a nightmare for months after." [50:21]

Humorous Banter and Closing Remarks

The episode concludes with the hosts engaging in their signature playful and irreverent humor, touching on topics like invasive species and personal quirks, ensuring listeners end the episode with smiles.

• Invasive Species Joke:
  Robert Kelly humorously tackles the topic of dealing with invasive species, blending factual information with comedic flair.
  Quote:

  "I throw rocks at iguanas in Florida because they're invasive." [52:02]

• Final Thoughts:
  The hosts wrap up the episode by reiterating event details and sharing final laughs, leaving listeners entertained and informed.
  Quote:

  "We're hanging out with Justin Silver. Funny for Fido happening February 19th." [56:57]

---

Key Takeaways

• Cultural Insights: The episode provides an entertaining exploration of Japanese societal norms and the cultural adjustments faced by travelers.

• Comedy Industry Dynamics: Listeners gain a behind-the-scenes look at the complexities of managing comedians and the personal stories that shape the comedy scene.

• Philanthropy through Comedy: Highlighting the Funny for Fido event underscores the podcast's commitment to supporting charitable causes through entertainment.

Notable Quotes

• On Japanese Etiquette:

  "You can't stick your chopsticks upright into the rice. It reminds people of death." [12:07]

• On Comedy Management:

  "Barry Katz was managing comedians, and everyone jumped ship due to his management style." [29:22]

• On the Upcoming Event:

  "Funny for Fido at the Cutting Room on February 19th. All proceeds benefit animals wounded and displaced by the LA fires." [49:54]

Conclusion

This episode of The Bonfire masterfully blends humor with insightful discussions, offering listeners a comprehensive and entertaining look into diverse topics. From cultural explorations and industry anecdotes to charitable initiatives, Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly, and Justin Silver create a rich tapestry of content that resonates with both comedy enthusiasts and casual listeners alike.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Blue. You have. I forget what they are. It's why I love. I know you capture the shows and pay attention. There's got to be a couple of brand new Jacobs. We had some few things in the past, like week or two.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That have been some doozies.

[Christine]

He won't stop squealing symphony. Did we get him working out? Did you get any from him? Working out? Yeah, but it's not his best. You want to hear a little bit of it? I would love to.

[Jacob]

I told you not to record me.

[Christine]

I don't want to be recorded. I got you too, dude.

[Jacob]

No, but I said don't. I don't like being recorded when I'm not.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's the thing. New York is a. I know this from watching a lot of true crime. New York is a single person. What's that called?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Melting pot.

[Robert Kelly]

No. A single person dating app. No. Like compliance or something. Only one person has to know they're recording. You don't have to let somebody know.

[Jacob]

I'm in my home.

[Christine]

Yeah, I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Huh.

[Jacob]

I'm in my home.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, your image is being broadcast into his home. Yeah.

[Christine]

You're on zoom. Which is a. Which is.

[Jacob]

And then I said to all three of you, Judas says, don't. I don't want to be video.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. But that's what I'm sure the guy said before he got caught whacking off that one time in the meeting.

[Christine]

You know, Can I say something, though? I don't want you to think that me and Lou. And Lou were conspiring. I did it on my own without telling anybody. And so did Lou. We did it like individually made decisions on our own.

[Jacob]

Fair enough.

[Christine]

Yeah. So I, I have you.

[Jacob]

But I didn't, I, I, I would never cut funny. And so I, I don't edit myself.

[Christine]

Is that what you call it? Cut funny?

[Jacob]

Well, I always think of the line from my favorite year. King Kaiser says it's funny. And in my business, you never cut funny, so. I know.

[Robert Kelly]

I said I don't know. I don't know what that movie was or anything.

[Jacob]

My favorite year is from the 80s. Peter O'Toole.

[Christine]

I'll tell you what you're not doing now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't cut funny.

[Christine]

See, you're definitely cutting funny right from.

[Robert Kelly]

The 50s, by the way. This is so great when you were like, I barely know Kendrick Lamar is let alone any of those song. Peter O'Toole is such a great reference for an older gentleman.

[Jacob]

I hate how Christine looks at me.

[Robert Kelly]

When you say things like Peter O'Toole. Yeah.

[Jacob]

I think she's so much better than me because she knows Kendrick Lamar singles.

[Robert Kelly]

She just knows. She just understands your age and she's looking at you, making sure you're okay.

[Justin Silver]

I know Japanese culture comment in our meeting too.

[Christine]

What was that?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, she did Shane Baggy on that.

[Christine]

What was wrong? What's up with J? I love.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob didn't understand. He said that the people of Philadelphia would be. Should feel ashamed at how the Japanese culture would look at their behavior.

[Jacob]

That's not what I said. She's reverting. No.

[Robert Kelly]

Am I saying it wrong? She may have said it differently. I may have took it wrong. What did you say?

[Justin Silver]

They would be so disgusted.

[Jacob]

No, I said Japan is. I mean, it's not new information there. You could. There's no crime there, right?

[Robert Kelly]

It's true.

[Jacob]

Tokyo, illegal anywhere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They cane you for farting in the street in that place.

[Christine]

No, that's. That's Thailand. Thailand. In Japan, it's illegal. Japan, it's illegal to be loud in public. It's against.

[Jacob]

They're so proper there. They do not want to offend anyone. And it's spotless there. But I just said, can you imagine the. Basically, can you imagine the Japanese looking at Philadelphia?

[Robert Kelly]

You're right. They would look at us as trash. Garbage, yes. Our concern was more that you spend time of your life when you're not talking to women, looking into deep cuts. Japanese culture, YouTube videos. That seems bizarre.

[Jacob]

Tamashi from Japan. And I watch restaurants cooking for like two hours straight. Just the lunch order.

[Robert Kelly]

Just performing the meal.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Jacob]

Because I love cooking. And they're cooking ramen and fried rice and all that at a really quick pace.

[Robert Kelly]

So you just watch. You watch a lunch service? You oversee a lunch service on YouTube? That's crazy, Jacob.

[Jacob]

No, I watched the prep and the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lunch service in real time, Jacob.

[Christine]

You can't be with.

[Jacob]

You can't be hours long.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd be less worried if you had a hooker problem. If you had. Like. I'm. I think I'm addicted to hundreds of.

[Jacob]

Thousands of views, if not millions.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you wear a ghee while you're doing it?

[Jacob]

No.

[Christine]

Do you sit on your knees?

[Jacob]

But I told you, I'm massively into sumo now. That's another thing.

[Christine]

Me and Jay were too, a couple years ago.

[Robert Kelly]

Not by choice.

[Christine]

When I got to Japan with Colin and Nick Tapo, when we got off the plane, I farted.

[Robert Kelly]

Colin Quinn punched you in the stomach?

[Christine]

No, I farted. It was a 14 hour flight and I was fat, Bobby. I ate everything. Everything. We were in business class too. And there was one point where there was cake and cheese on a platter together. It was just like a tray of cakes and cheeses.

[Robert Kelly]

That's odd. That's an odd combo. That's an odd combination of the meal.

[Christine]

Well, it was, it was savory and sweet, like a little snack in between meals.

[Robert Kelly]

Nope.

[Christine]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, there shouldn't be an option on one tray. That would be like, hey, do you want cake or cheese? That just doesn't go together ever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jenka, pay attention. This is Japanese culture.

[Christine]

Jason, right now, I hate when you do this, when you. I have to like go back now. I have to call Colin and go, do you remember the cake and cheese tray? And he's like, yeah, it was a cake and cheese tray. Yes, there was a tray of cakes, cookies.

[Robert Kelly]

What airline was this?

[Christine]

It was. I believe it was Cathay Air. No, it might have been United. It was, it was from New York to Japan. It was a 14 hour flight.

[Robert Kelly]

Look up New York to Japan. United cake and cheese service.

[Christine]

I mean, this is nuts that you're. I mean you always have to investigate this. Well, we have to.

[Robert Kelly]

We fill two hours a day. I mean, we do eight hours of show a week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, he's become quite the contrarian.

[Christine]

He's not noticed.

[Robert Kelly]

That's how radio works.

[Christine]

Very.

[Robert Kelly]

It's very big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's humpus though.

[Christine]

He's very Billy Burr.

[Robert Kelly]

A bit ick. What? What do you say?

[Christine]

Yeah, it's like you say something, he goes, that's not true.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not Bill Burr. I think that they should not murder CEOs of healthcare places. I don't think you should murder people.

[Christine]

Now the whole story's ruined. I can't even go into it. Cause I have to prove my point.

[Robert Kelly]

But no, you could still tell the story. Just because you were wrong about what was on the tray.

[Christine]

No, I don't wanna tell it anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

Now if you said it was a cheese tray and you brought your own cakes, that would have made sense to me.

[Christine]

Maybe this may cheese. And there was desserts. What was that? That wasn't me.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know it wasn't me.

[Christine]

It wasn't my stomach. I'll tell you this. That was too high. That was high pitched.

[Robert Kelly]

Was that your stomach of lies? No, but here's the thing. Can I backtrack a little bit? Can I give you something?

[Christine]

Okay, give me something. I like getting things.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know if I Would have even stopped pull the brakes on this story.

[Christine]

You've been pulling the brakes on a lot of my stories.

[Robert Kelly]

We have two hours to fill it down. Okay, but still, I like to pull the threads.

[Christine]

And you pulled the threads yesterday. And all the threads were real. Everything.

[Robert Kelly]

Until you backed down. When you said. When I was like, hey, Colin, Bobby says he could beat the shit out of you right now. And you. You didn't want him to hear that.

[Christine]

I didn't want to. He's an old man. I didn't want my friend to know that I could fight him, that I think I could beat him up.

[Robert Kelly]

You said he would hatchet kill you.

[Christine]

He tried to again.

[Robert Kelly]

I still your stories, dude.

[Christine]

If you got. If you watch the DVD of the making of a cd, that's the tip. You will see. You will see ahead of my time. Have you. If you watch that, the blue balls.

[Robert Kelly]

Of a DVD taking you to a moment and then go, now put in just the audio CD and don't watch anything for a while. You're begging people to just start playing Angry Birds.

[Christine]

Do you know how mad Jack Vaughn was? The head of Com? He's like, I really think you should film the show. I go, no, that's not it. You put the dvd, you put the CD in and it's audio. That's the thing. He goes, yeah, but I really. You're there. Just film it and have it. I go, nah, it's not the thing. This is. This is going to get people. And it really didn't get. Didn't get anybody on your rca.

[Robert Kelly]

Jack Vaughn may have been the person. They stopped me at one point. I was like, when I did my first album, I was like, let's do like a B side thing of like shit, like stuff eating shit. And they were like, what? I was like, yeah, like outtakes of like things that didn't go well. Or times like me eating shit and they're like, why would you want that out there? Like so. Or it's like this is your first thing you're putting out. You want to show. It's like so. Also sometimes it goes miserably bad.

[Christine]

Yeah. So anyways, I ate everything on the plane.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me finish. I never gave you your flowers. Here. Well, my apologies. My back.

[Christine]

Can you make it instead of flowers, can you make it cakes and cheeses?

[Robert Kelly]

I can. Can I back and say we had. May have had a miscommunication here. Yeah, because I'm thinking how it hit my ears. Cake and cheese. That sounds ridiculous. Sounds like you're getting Those two things together. But let me say.

[Christine]

Sounds good to me.

[Robert Kelly]

No, if you said. If you added the word fruit, cake, cheese and fruit, I feel like I would have come around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anchors it on the far end.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Let me say this. There was a tray. So they served you like four times on this flight. Like meals in business class.

[Robert Kelly]

Four times. I'm kidding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One less than five, One more than three.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, we're done.

[Christine]

I mean, we're supposed to be a team here.

[Robert Kelly]

As a contrarian, everything feel like I'm like four times. Four times.

[Christine]

This like c. I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine, look up any airline and see how many times they'll serve you in a. What are we looking? Eight hour flight. Eight hour flight.

[Christine]

So they, they. They had a tray in between at some point of snacks. How's that, buddy? Snacks.

[Robert Kelly]

This story would have been over if you started with that. There's no thread to pull there.

[Christine]

All right, so sound.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, if you told me their snack selection involved cake and cheese, I'm pulling the brakes again.

[Christine]

Well, they had snacks and I went up and they were wrapped in the cakes and the cookies were wrapped in plastic. And I went up and snuck up because I thought they gave them to you. I didn't know they were just there. You can grab them and have as much as you want. Because I'm fucking ghetto and I'd never been in really business.

[Robert Kelly]

I blew your mind. Yeah.

[Christine]

I went up and grab them and put them in my pocket like my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Grandma does when she goes to funeral.

[Robert Kelly]

Like Sweet and lows.

[Christine]

So I grabbed cookies, I grabbed this stuff and I put it in my. My hoodie pocket and I fell asleep. And I guess it got balled up into a cheese snack cake ball and it fell on the floor. And the waitress, the stewardess comes over and she picked it up. She goes, sir, is this yours? It was just a. Like a smushed up ball of cheese and cookies and cakes, whatever it was. And I go, yeah. She goes, sir, you can have as much as you want. You don't have to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She picked up your rations.

[Christine]

You have to store it.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the worst.

[Christine]

And Victor Paul's heart was.

[Robert Kelly]

Sir, you don't have to put on a fake nose and glasses to come back up here at Golden Corral. We want you to keep coming back up to the buffet.

[Christine]

But I got off that plane and I had this shit so bad. And I farted on the. Because you get off the plane in Japan, you go to a bus, they don't pull up to the gate.

[Robert Kelly]

That Bus is full of farts.

[Christine]

They put. I farted so bad. Nick Topola just started fucking screaming. You fuck. What the fuck? The fuck's wrong with you, you ass. We're jammed in. You know the Japanese. You know Japanese culture. They jam you in. And the lady.

[Robert Kelly]

That sounds very refined. Sounds very refined. Everybody smushed in.

[Christine]

They. The lady handed me a piece of paper that said that we had to shut the fuck up. It says you a list of things in Japan. And we weren't supposed to be loud in public. It's against the law. And it was. And then they just had to sit there in my fart, which was fantastic.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you keep folding your hands and saying so sorry to everybody?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So sorry. So sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

So sorry.

[Christine]

And you're not supposed to put your chopsticks in rice. Did you know that?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I didn't know that.

[Christine]

That's against the. That's. That's.

[Robert Kelly]

That's where I draw the line now. Am I allowed to use a fork the way I'm going to when I'm bringing my own? Don't worry, guys. Brought my own. Your food's stupid.

[Christine]

You can't stick your right. Your chopsticks in.

[Jacob]

I watch sumo food every day. They're always using.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob, you gotta get in the porn.

[Jacob]

They're stable.

[Robert Kelly]

You should get into porn a little, Christine.

[Christine]

Pill up in rice. You're not supposed to stick it in.

[Robert Kelly]

You can. We can.

[Jacob]

That's all they do.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob, there's porn related to all of your interests. You could find very Japanese cultural porn where they blur out the wieners and stuff. All these things. You like sumo? You could watch fat guys have gay sex. All the things that have your interest, huh?

[Jacob]

You would love sumo.

[Robert Kelly]

I doubt it.

[Christine]

If you would stick your chopsticks upright into the rice. It can remind people of death and it is considered disrespectful.

[Robert Kelly]

So upright.

[Jacob]

You said eating with it.

[Christine]

You said stick it in the rice.

[Robert Kelly]

You said sticking in the rice.

[Jacob]

I thought you said eating with it.

[Christine]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, the problem is you're trying to translate into Japanese in your mind. So it's confusing you a little bit. Sometimes the tenses are off. You'll understand. Straight up and down. They're saying don't do is the thing you put in sideways.

[Christine]

Jay, can I ask you a question?

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Christine]

Why can't they show penis in Japanese porn? Deal.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. Any idea? No, they just disgusting. And I think it's like a big deal when they show it. But when I would get a three pack. Pornography, magazines When I was younger, sometimes, I mean, I really enjoyed the Asian ones because they were. The thing was, they were the nice hair on the very soft, nice hair. But they would tile it out and it was still like a bit of a. They'd show the hair. The hair wasn't the issue. It was like pussy lips or dicks load on the face. A.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, that's fine. That's a bukkake.

[Robert Kelly]

But. There's no but. You can't show the actual thing or dick in the mouth or in the pussy. Now when they do. When they do it, it's like. I think it's like, holy shit, uncensored Japanese porn. It's like a big deal.

[Christine]

What is the one where the guy would be jerking off and then there'd be somebody at a bus stop or a train stop and they'd throw it on him.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't remember what that was called exactly. But sharking was also a very big Japanese thing. That was the going and running up behind a woman, lifting her skirt, pulling her panties down or like pulling her top. But very, but. And by the way, they're very real ones out there. But most of them fake. Were fake. Most of the people who were definitely expecting that because the way they just like. But it is funny even when the real ones seeing a girl get like, like so quickly, because you could also correct it very quickly, the guys run off immediately, right? It's piece of shit thing to do. But they lift their skirt up, pull their panties down, their pussies out for like, you know, two seconds tops, if not more. But the funny thing is like when the guy runs off, when the guy hauls ass. Hauls ass out of there. All the woman can do is just like. It's such like a thing of like how Bam Margera's dad used to handle stuff. There's like. Gotta pull their panties up like. Like, what's going on, man? Crazy out here stuff. This town's getting wacky.

[Christine]

Did you ever see the Hundred Man Mob in Japan?

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Christine]

So there's. They get a hundred people and they run up like on one guy with a briefcase. Like they just come out of nowhere. They run up as quiet they can surround the guy. All of a sudden there's a hundred people around the guy. And then they just pick him up and just start throwing him in the air like a bar mitzvah. They just start throwing him in the air and then they just run away.

[Robert Kelly]

Did he love it?

[Christine]

He just. He's walking down the street with a briefcase, just going to Work. And all of a sudden he's being thrown in the air by a hundred people like joy throw. And they just leave. And he's like what the f. It's the same. It's the same reaction when the girl's panties come down. Like what the fuck just happened?

[Robert Kelly]

You know, for being a curmudgeon as I am sometimes.

[Christine]

Sometimes lately we're getting.

[Robert Kelly]

Times I can be. We are getting old. I will say if I saw a well choreographed flash mob with lots of things people coming out of all different places. I would be sitting there and clapping like a grandmother. I'd be like this is so great. I'm like this is one of the greatest things I've ever seen.

[Christine]

There's one where they run around and they get around this one guy and they all are walking and then they go huh. And they like up something's coming down. They go all at the same time I go huh. And this guy goes huh. And he just. And then they just leave. Hundred man mob in Japan. Fucking hilarious. Japanese people have great TV prank shows.

[Robert Kelly]

Well there's nudity on everything. Is there because they're very proper.

[Jacob]

No, they'll. I watch one because I study Japanese.

[Robert Kelly]

But you know they also. It's also a culture jig that has a game shows where it's like whoever can come the first. Yeah, first. Like I mean they're on network tv.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They could show tits.

[Robert Kelly]

I believe so. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really? But no but no bush, no pnvg.

[Christine]

They have a who can come first.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean there's all kinds of weird like hold who can hold in enemas. Like it's like chick squirt contest. It's like pornographic type of thing. Now I'm not saying it's not like their Brazer's house fucking just pornography things. I'm just saying like they're not so refined over there. They have like a dark. I mean they're the. The Japanese underground. Not the. Not the daytime bullshit you're talking about Jacob. You know like a bunch of fucking fun Godzilla stores and shit. I'm talking about nightlife do Tokyo Drift type shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Yokomoto.

[Christine]

Jacob's offended face makes me when I'm.

[Robert Kelly]

In there with the yakuza and shit. Yeah, we're moving chicks.

[Jacob]

You only care about the dark side of Japan.

[Robert Kelly]

I only care about dark side of Japan. I want to find the green eyed girl. And I'm going to take David Lopin somebody in that car, right? It's big trouble in little China, Jacob. I do know that one David Lopan. He was looking for the green eyed girl.

[Christine]

He just said, somebody in the car is happy right now.

[Robert Kelly]

Somebody in their car just went, big trouble, little China.

[Christine]

Somebody just went, dude, I love Japan too, Jacob.

[Jacob]

I want to go. I want to go for one of the grand sumo.

[Christine]

Did I ever show you the video where we were in this beautiful, I don't know, 2000 year old garden? It was swans and all kinds of beautiful geisha women going over bridges, those Japanese bridges. And Colin Quinn had a mood swing and he took a quarter out and fucking hucked it at a swan. And he just hit a swan and then ran like a three year old.

[Robert Kelly]

You really have. This has been like an exposing of Diddy. What you've done for Colin Quinn over the past two days. You've really painted the picture of a diabolically bad man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was having a bad day.

[Christine]

Mm.

[Robert Kelly]

This goddamn swan.

[Christine]

We showed it a tough crowd, but it didn't go. People were like. People were like, why did you do that, Jacob?

[Robert Kelly]

What's stopping you from going to Japan? Are you worried they don't make samurai costumes in petite?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'd be the tallest guy there, dude.

[Jacob]

I'd be average, I think.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Would you be awesome?

[Robert Kelly]

So, yeah, Justin, when he went over to Asia, pretty cool for that. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. See the top of the refrigerator?

[Robert Kelly]

Justin's at least. Justin's at least a small forward. Power forward out there.

[Christine]

Do they have refrigerators or they just use ice?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They have refrigerators over there. In fact, they make them.

[Christine]

They make refrigerators.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it true they do everything, including buttering toast with a sword? I would. I would always like, oh, shit, did you want butter on that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're like, kill Bill.

[Robert Kelly]

You must spread the evenry.

[Christine]

How did you make a perfect Taking unsheathing a samurai?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, that's Jay, if he goes with you to Japan.

[Robert Kelly]

By the way, this. Nothing in the world makes me happier than. And I will always be happy to say, I can't believe these guys are still in management.

[Christine]

Somehow he walked by us the night of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I just realized who this is.

[Robert Kelly]

I was gonna reach out. I was gonna reach my hand out and be like, hey, Jason, what's up? This these guys again. This story's been told a bunch, but it always bears repeating. The Steinbergs were everyone's manager at one point. And as much as every the older comics indoctrinated the younger guys like me and Kurt at the time, coming in to go with them months to maybe a year into being with them, those same People were going like, you gotta get out of there, man. Patrice. Bob, were you with. No. You were never with them?

[Christine]

I was the first one to leave.

[Robert Kelly]

First one to leave. Burr.

[Christine]

I was the first one to take off.

[Robert Kelly]

Burr Voss. I mean, everyone at that table. I don't think Norton ever.

[Justin Silver]

Patrice, right.

[Robert Kelly]

Patrice, for sure. Patrice is the one. That last one that sold me. He goes, stop and come to the Steinbergs. And then I went to Steinbergs. And he was like. And, I mean, three months later, Patrice was done with them already.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I was there for, like, another, like, year or two or something. But then the one. The big galoot brother, who's the fucking. And by the way, Helg Brother, by the way, the person I'd rather hang with of the two if I had to.

[Christine]

What was his name again?

[Robert Kelly]

Evan. Yeah, Evan's the one who. Evan's the one who fucking. He hung a. He hung a lug. Before we went on our way to a meeting to mtv, he told me a story about this lady who was crippled who was really winging pussy to everybody. She's like an older comic. I can't remember her name at all, but she was like, blonde lady. She was in, like, a Jazzy. She was definitely like a lame Boozler. No, no, no. Apron, Macy. No, no. This is like a big older, not very attractive lady. And he was like. We were at a party. I mean, Evan's room, I guess. And she was there when we all started leaving, like, derose and stuff. We all started leaving. And then he goes, bonnie, no, no. This lady might be dead.

[Christine]

I mean, she was slinging some stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

This lady might be dead. And he's like. When I saw him that morning before the meeting, the mtv. And he goes, hey. He goes, after you guys left, he goes, put that girl in the bathtub. She was a projectile squirrel, dude. I mean, this was an unheal. This lady could be living in a bed, and you wouldn't be surprised by that. You know what I mean? And then I was like, okay, he was wearing a shirt with a rip in it, like Rocky1, and had his hand in it. And before we started pitching the show to mtv, he brings flies. Before we started pitching the show to mtv, he had a.

[Christine]

He was using his. The hole as a pocket, like, to hold his hand.

[Robert Kelly]

100%. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like an arm holder.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And then he reached forward. He goes. He goes, you mind? There was an empty cup on the thing. He goes, you mind? And he grabbed. And he goes. And he puts it back on the table. He goes, now, let's talk about a game show idea that my client has over here. I'm like, we already didn't get this. We already did not get this. This was his brother. This was the guy, the businessman over here who married a frightened Asian lady and now dress a samurai picture. Jacob, this is gonna be you, dude.

[Christine]

Evan used to dress as a cowboy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. And then he. By the way, he had a bolo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tie, a T shirt.

[Robert Kelly]

When most of us left, left them as management. Jason stayed on the manager. You think he starts, like, Donnell Rawlings maybe or something? There's a few people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does Aaron. He does a few.

[Robert Kelly]

Jimmy Martinez.

[Christine]

He has Aaron Burke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Does he really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

So hilarious. But, yeah, a couple people, like, stayed with him for sure. But, I mean, everyone kind of, like, jumped ship, dude.

[Christine]

I jumped ship. And I was in. Remember the Vegas festival they had for.

[Robert Kelly]

A couple of years, I think one year?

[Christine]

Yeah. Yeah. So I was there with Dane at his height, and we were going into this. This party, this crazy party, and there was a VIP line. And I looked over, and this is right when everybody left. Jason and I looked over. He was drinking. He was dressed like Rain Man. I swear to God. He had his hair slicked back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I lost 40. 47 clients. 47 clients.

[Christine]

He was just standing behind the stanchion looking like Rain man with his hair slicked back. And he was like, hey, Bob. And I was like, hey, Jay. He was trying to get in this party. Cause they were giving away free computers or some shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I know they were known. They were known, like, notorious for being a tough crowd and just, like, hovering over the craft service table.

[Christine]

Oh, he took donuts from Caroline's Christmas party.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me tell you what's the funniest.

[Christine]

With a hundred donuts on his face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He pulled a U on the Japan flight. Huh.

[Robert Kelly]

That's always my. That's always my first thing. Like, I talked to him on the phone. He was like, yeah, let's do it. Let's, like, work together. And I was like, yeah, great. And I went. I left like, the day after we talked about that meeting official. I remember leaving for the. I did the four or five dates with a tell on the Insomniac tour on the bus. The last show was at Westbury Music hall in Long Island. And he goes, hey, is it cool if I come to that show? And I was like, yeah, dude, for sure. I'll get you hooked up, I guess. And he was like, yeah. He goes, let me know. Put me on your list. So I can come backstage and stuff. And you're like, it's a little awkward. It's like. You know what I mean? We've met a number of times, but, like, this is weird. You know, we just said, let's start working together. But I'm like, okay. Shows up. He brings a girl. Fine. He's backstage the whole time, hovering over the food, like the food in the green room, which was weird. After the show, we're walking. He goes, hey. He goes, could you. You drove, right? But I didn't. I took the. I was there on the tour bus, but Carla met me there and with the car, and we lived in Queens. And he goes, would you mind giving me a ride back to my place? And I was like, well, I live in Queens. He was like, yeah. We're like, right over the bridge. And so I was like, yeah, sure. So I'm driving him and a girl I don't know he's on a date with. And me and Carla up in the. And as we're getting into the car, he goes, do you want me to commission? You want to take care of this commission tonight, or do you want to just send it to me later? And I went, this. By the way, this is how I understand this math to this day, because he did it in this parking lot of Westbury Music Hall. He goes. He goes, well, what did you make for this thing? And I was like, I'm just gonna use numbers. I was like, four grand. And he was like, okay. He's like, so, 15% of that? And I was like, yeah, maybe I'll just work it out with you later. Cause I don't know how to do the math on that. He goes, no, it's easy. You take 10% of it. And he was like, so that's 400. Because that's 400. And then 5% is half of that. So 200. So it's easy. It's 600 bucks. And. And he. And I just. I gave it to him in cash standing in that parking lot and drove him past. I drove past my home. I could see it from the. The highway.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You were his Gunga Din, Jay.

[Robert Kelly]

That was wild, dude. I mean, that was my first impression. That's wacky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is wacky.

[Robert Kelly]

What a weird thing in hindsight to hear. And again, that's that thing where you're like, that. He got me because he knew that I was just like, well, it's like, I work for you, right? I mean, that's how I saw it always. I know they work for us. But it was always like, you accepted me as a client. Like, you know, I didn't know. What a dummy. But now he's a samurai.

[Justin Silver]

His feature work, he had nothing to do with his feature work. He had nothing.

[Robert Kelly]

That was booked. That was Dave Attell calling me and asking me if I would do it weeks before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Quick question. What is the context of this? Is this a Halloween costume?

[Robert Kelly]

We're taking this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is serious.

[Robert Kelly]

He took an oath.

[Christine]

Is it an oath?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's an oath.

[Christine]

I don't know if it's an oath.

[Robert Kelly]

It is. If the sword is unsheathed, it must taste blood before it returns to its own.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, is that right?

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know the code of the samurai?

[Christine]

I think it's a code, not an oath.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, the code of the samurai. Maybe.

[Christine]

Yeah. I went to. I went to Brazil with him and Evan with all the guys. And let me tell you something, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

One raped and one did gay stuff.

[Christine]

Evan stayed in a hotel behind the hotels in some weird. It's weird, like, brothel. Yeah. Like a hostel hotel. It was like 50 bucks a night. And.

[Robert Kelly]

And I remember this is not. This is not the samurai. Anyone, if you're listening, this is the one cowboy. This is the cowboy who eventually quit, managing to become a. And quote unquote shaman in the deserts of Arizona.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, brother, drink this ayahuasca tea.

[Christine]

I remember he was like, yo, I'm le. You can you. He goes, you can have my hotel room. Because I didn't want to bring girls back to my room. I wanted a side room. So he goes, I'm leaving so you can have mine. He goes, come over and get the key. And I was like, all right. I come over and get the key. He just opened the door completely nude with his massive, massive.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, that would blow my mind.

[Christine]

It was. I was just. It was huge. He's like, what's up, man? Come on in. I'm like, I'm good, dude. And he goes, come on in. Don't worry about it. He's like, don't worry about my huge hog hanging out.

[Robert Kelly]

That weird smile, dude.

[Christine]

Yeah, big, big, big piece, man.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. That didn't blow my mind at all. He was a galoot. He was a big motherfucker. Yeah, but, yeah, I think he was just like. I think he was an athlete. It didn't work out, so he was just like, hey, little dumb. Hey, dumb Jew brother, what do you do? He's like, well, I manage comedians. Well, I'm doing it with you now. Now I'm a Manager too. I mean, Bill Burr fired him in Aspen because he had Conan O'Brien like up against the wall going, why won't you let Bill Burr panel on the show Drunk? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tuned up.

[Christine]

What do you say? Tequila, sweet lady, Tequila. He worked for Barry Katz. Him and Barry Katz.

[Robert Kelly]

Jason did.

[Christine]

Jason worked for Barry Katz. He ran the Door at Boston and then he worked for Barry Katz.

[Robert Kelly]

Boston Comedy Club was the first club I worked up in New York at all. It was at a time, the place. Barry Katz was a well known manager of the time in comedy.

[Christine]

He came from Boston.

[Robert Kelly]

The 90s.

[Christine]

Yeah, he came from Boston. He ran a club in Boston, became successful in Beantown.

[Robert Kelly]

What was that called?

[Christine]

It was called. I don't know, it was a weird name. And then he ran. He ran Stitches in Boston, which was a well known club and he ran his own little gig in Boston. And then he moved to New York and started Boston Comedy Club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Great.

[Christine]

And it was, it was a great room, but it wasn't. And then he made it a great room. And then he had everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he was managing. I mean, that's like. So that was the time at this club. Not the comedy seller. This club. You were seeing like Jon Stewart, Dave Chappelle, Jay Moore, like young Jay Moore. Like, it was. It was not. Even though it's so funny when you go back, that's where those wonder things like the killers, they talk about like Red Johnny, the round guy, but no one knows them as a comedy stand up thing anymore. They're like voice, like one's like huge.

[Christine]

Voice, the other guy's not in the business out.

[Robert Kelly]

Just left the business. And they were like, do not follow Red Johnny in the round. Like it was. These people were like supposedly murderers.

[Christine]

Yeah, they were committed murder.

[Robert Kelly]

And that was all like at this one time over there. And then he became a manager and kind of checked out of the club, I think.

[Christine]

Yeah. But Jason had a breakdown because Barry did something to him. And then he had a nerve. He had some type of breakdown and went away.

[Robert Kelly]

Judaism.

[Christine]

And then he came back and then Barry started losing all his clients to. To Jason.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he came back to Tony Woods.

[Christine]

Tony Woods, Patrice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Burr, Me, Norton from Barry Katz from Barry. We all left Barry because Barry was.

[Robert Kelly]

He was giving. He was like putting it all into like Chappelle and Danny Chappelle and Moore.

[Christine]

And Jay Moore and all that. So then he.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he then was like, hey, you know what? These two dumb brothers will handle it for me. Probably. One's dressed like a samurai dealer but dressed like a cowboy. It's like the two faces of fucking David Carradine. I am the spirit of the ninja David Carradine. And I am the spirit of the. Of the Western. Dude, yeah. Evanston is so funny. I'm gonna go be a shaman in Arizona anyway, so fuck y'all.

[Christine]

Is he still doing it?

[Robert Kelly]

Can we find a picture Shamany? Yeah, Doubtful.

[Justin Silver]

I think he might. I can't find him on Facebook.

[Robert Kelly]

Once in a while, he would send me, like, a bonkers, like, text, like, thread. It was pretty wacky.

[Christine]

Barry Katz would always give you pep talks before you're going on, like, these showcases. Remember the showcases we had to do?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, no, I wasn't really there for those.

[Christine]

So back in the day, you would have to do a showcase. You'd have to go to LA and then invite cbs, NBC, all, everybody, Fox to the improv. And he would put all his clients up, and you'd have to go up and do this showcase. And then everybody would get deals except for me. And he came up to me. What? He goes, hey, buddy. Because I was nervous. And he goes, hey, buddy, if. If your jokes were drowning, which ones would you save? And I go, wisdom, dude. He goes, do those. And I was like, I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

He goes, I mean, I guess I would save the ones that were the most dense because they're gonna sink to the. But wait, can these jokes breathe underwater, Barry? I don't. Your analogy's fucking wigging me out.

[Christine]

Let's put this way. All my jokes drowned that night on stage.

[Robert Kelly]

CBS said, you should have gotten the ones off the sea floor. You may have drowned the wrong ones, bud. I met Barry Katz very. It was like, he was. My interaction with him was pretty limited. Oh, that's when he says he was.

[Christine]

He was a character dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. No, that wasn't the same. He called Patrice, called Kurt Metzger, Quentin Tarantino face. But that's the. That's the outside of the roast thing. But, like, he was. I remember, like, him yelling at Barry Katz. To him, he had. Did not have his finger on the pulse anymore. And he was saying, like. That's what he was saying. I say, you missed Kev. Like, Kev was standing right there. He's like, you missed this dude quick.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I think Barry talked to him for a little bit, and then Dave Becky swooped in. That's like the big, big dog, Dave.

[Christine]

Becky's the big guy. Know.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. He looks like Dane Cook weirdly yeah. Like, it was weird. Dave, Becky. Because he had Dane Cook too, right?

[Christine]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Did he not have Dane Cook?

[Christine]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

He looked like they both like. No, like, both guys.

[Christine]

He had Louie. He had Louie, Kevin, Billy, Dave, Becky.

[Robert Kelly]

Looks like he likes to wear a. He likes to wear a jean with a nice. With a nice button. With a nice button pocket on the ass.

[Christine]

You know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

Like one where you really got to button it shut.

[Christine]

But he wears a scarf in the summer.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Justin Silver]

Red leather jacket.

[Christine]

He always has a nice scarf around his neck.

[Robert Kelly]

He's gotta be bananas rich. I mean, he's had, like, the dogs of. The dogs of the day, man. It's fucking pretty wild.

[Christine]

Yeah. Look at that. He's with Louis with all those Emmys.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. And then he came out. Yeah, he was the one. They stood there, though, like, he would come in and call the girls and be like, what do you want for Louis? Whacking off. How much money you want from whacking off, Dave? Becky. What a weird thing to have to do. I make Justin do that for me. Yeah. He goes, listen, Jay may have gotten carried away, beat up off on your.

[Christine]

Shoulder, and it might have took a long time.

[Robert Kelly]

You understand? He's a good guy at the core of it. Don't be a. Now you want to watch me flex while you wipe that load off your face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is so accurate.

[Robert Kelly]

His 8.8.7 million on the Palisades Riviera, Isn't that just burned down?

[Justin Silver]

It may have burned down.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no. Oh, no. I guess he's going to have to rebuild it with all of the other money he had. Oh, man. $8.7 million. Motherfuck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a nice place.

[Christine]

It's all right. I hate l a place.

[Robert Kelly]

I tell you something, when I see that too, when I see the prices of the things, when I see. I'm always like. I get like.

[Christine]

I guess 8.7 million. You should like the fact that you're on a cliff and you can't go around your whole house or you'll die. It's just like, this is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And people are like, well, they own the down part.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you going to do with that?

[Christine]

It's like, dude, when we were staying in that Airbnb, we were just. It's just a straight drop down. A fucking pure death. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

One wrong earthquake. Is that you careening to your. To your pool filled death?

[Christine]

I was terrified every day. And then we could just look down into people's lives. Remember that old couple, naked people, man.

[Robert Kelly]

That made me so happy. Bobby. Bobby scouted that so good. He goes, that girl, that lady over there is getting ready to take her bathing suit off. And she just peeled down. And those big old flopping mom tits and the guy, they were both just confident living life. And me and Bobby had binoculars.

[Christine]

Well, the binoculars were the houses.

[Robert Kelly]

The binoculars didn't belong in the house. But it was like. And they were there. Why else would they be there? They're there to be like, hey, look at the neighbors if you want to. That's sort of the hills thing, I assume, in the hills. Everyone for one another, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a weird place.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Illuminati. So everybody fucks everybody. And you send your kids over to the other people's. And then their kids go over there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's like, a purple gown, then money.

[Christine]

What does Kevin's house look like now?

[Robert Kelly]

Kevin Hart?

[Christine]

Yeah. He's got to have, like, a compound. See those guys live with, like, Lane?

[Robert Kelly]

I do. It's at least 300. It's at least 3,000 square feet.

[Christine]

He's got to have 3,000.

[Robert Kelly]

I think so. Yeah. I'd say it's probably like. He's probably with the kids. Probably five bedrooms.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

It's because of Jay that in nine years I've had my apartment, I've never opened the shades.

[Christine]

Why?

[Jacob]

Because I remember him telling me about Wayne's parties. Everyone just watch, everyone. I was like, so I'm never opening my. My shade. And I never have.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Someone's on you naked?

[Jacob]

In nine years, my shades have never been kept open.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't you do it? Sometimes you whack off. That's called paying it forward, dude. If you whack off so the neighbors can see, maybe once in a while you will eventually see somebody else whacking off. Don't you want that for your life?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm into that.

[Christine]

That explains your skin color.

[Jacob]

I get all my sun when I go down the floor. That's the last.

[Christine]

For as long as it's gray most of the time.

[Robert Kelly]

Why? Just because people are probably watching you masturbate.

[Christine]

What a nightmare life. Poor Jacob lives just to be part of the show he has to deal with. He's terrified to take the garbage out, and he can't open his shades.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, why don't you move? You just sit in the dark and look at Japanese culture and wish for a better world.

[Christine]

Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you come up and move in with Max's apartment? You can share Max's apartment.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, you want to Go on. Casa de Max. Casa de Maximus.

[Christine]

We'll put a wall up in the middle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll name it Dojo de Max.

[Christine]

Nah. Do we get drops?

[Robert Kelly]

But I'll tell you this, if not this year, next year, everywhere you sit will be covered in Max.

[Jacob]

Yeah. No, no. I'm going to decline, especially the age he's entering.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah. You don't want to wake up and he's romping your leg a little.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Jacob, I. Your coat. Apologies. I realize now that I've come. I realize now that I've come that. That it's. That's not a cool thing to do. But I gotta be honest with you, was calling me and you left it out and you. And the way it was folded, it looked like a.

[Jacob]

Everything's a nightmare. The city's a nightmare. Oh, well, you know, I. I just want to reiterate because I was saying about those drops. They're bumming me out because I know they're funny and I give to the show and I won't stop. But at the same time, whenever Lou plays the drop, I picture like tens of thousands of vaginas just drying instantly because it's the most unmasculine.

[Christine]

That's not sound.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

No, I think you're right.

[Robert Kelly]

I think a woman hears that and goes, that's a guy that'll fucking take care of me.

[Christine]

Yeah. That's a guy who knows how to come like a woman.

[Jacob]

These are not helping a guy who's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Going to listen to her stories.

[Christine]

Let me hear you see.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go.

[Christine]

That's a look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had a hard day at work today.

[Robert Kelly]

No, miss, let me grab that door for you.

[Jacob]

They make me laugh, but they're terrible for my.

[Christine]

Every time I pick up the trash can lid.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I tell you something I learned?

[Jacob]

It hurts my soul to hear something.

[Robert Kelly]

I learned a long time ago. Especially in the world of funny, funniest things. The funny is what's winning. Doesn't matter. Nobody wants to hear a funny person be cool.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, I mean, like, the goofy is what makes it funny.

[Jacob]

Exactly.

[Robert Kelly]

When you react. Ridiculous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The self deprecation.

[Jacob]

Look where I am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I. I think you should move in with us.

[Jacob]

I can't.

[Christine]

Yeah, come on.

[Jacob]

No, for the exact reasons. Because your son is entering an age where this is going to just give me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They have drums at the house, but it's teenagers everywhere.

[Robert Kelly]

No, there's going to be teenage jizz everywhere. But here's the thing. You can call if you're living in the house for A family meeting where everybody gets together and maybe they can talk. We could talk about Max. Keeping it to one particular room.

[Christine]

Yeah, we have a nice island upstairs. We can meet around the island once a week and talk about.

[Jacob]

How much are you going to yell at me if I use the drum set a lot?

[Christine]

No, it's electric. We have an electric. We have acoustic. But I do have an electric.

[Jacob]

I can use the acoustic.

[Robert Kelly]

But you're going to have to use the acoustic in. In hours. That makes sense, Jacob. I mean, you have to. Come on.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah, they are in.

[Robert Kelly]

Max. Dawn. Yeah. Dawn's a. Dawn's a housewife. You can't. You're going to drive her nuts. We play the drums, then you have electric drums. You can put headphones on. It sounds just like drums. And it's so fun.

[Christine]

Jake, I'll let you sneak up while Don's in the shower.

[Robert Kelly]

Take a look. Oh, you want to take a look?

[Christine]

Want to take a quick peek? I'll leave that door unlocked. I do you want to see one boo bigger than the other?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

If you get. I'll tell you, though, you might save a marriage if you get a boner looking at Dawn, Bobby's gonna want to her immediately.

[Christine]

Yeah, you could save us.

[Robert Kelly]

You could really save them by moving in. And then also then you can occupy Max by letting a masturbate on you while they're upstairs.

[Christine]

You can really help our family, Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

You could.

[Jacob]

We will work out single handed.

[Robert Kelly]

Bring the family together. Yeah, and let me tell you something. You're up by nature up there. My ears popped. Going to Bobby's house? No, it's up there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Teach Max how to make sushi.

[Robert Kelly]

You can. You can show Max your Japanese culture.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, teach me how to throw knives.

[Robert Kelly]

You go, Maximus. First of all, we take our shoes off when we enter the DOJ show, huh?

[Jacob]

Don, you're taking the night off. I'm cooking for. For the family tonight. How does that sound?

[Christine]

Oh, that would be great. Oh, it's gonna be so like, Don gets a girlfriend. Well, man, I mean, a boyfriend girl.

[Jacob]

There we go.

[Christine]

A boyfriend girl. Don hasn't made a friend in 3:13 years.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you'd be a great girlfriend.

[Christine]

Oh, you guys could read books together. You could. You. You can watch the Resident. Do you like the Resident? No, I don't know what it is she does. So maybe you could watch that with her.

[Jacob]

I watch manly shows.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, she goes, bob, I can't sit here and listen to Jacob with the Japanese culture anymore.

[Jacob]

Well, it's downstairs. Max and I are Going to learn about Japanese culture.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Different kinds, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Start a little kumite down there.

[Christine]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna set up a little. Little room for you downstairs. What size bed do you get?

[Jacob]

A twin room. What do you want, a twin queen. Queen size?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it sleeps on wood.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Japanese, Quinn. That's true. That's a bed. Should be a futon.

[Christine]

Yeah. Every day you wake up and you fold your bed up and neatly put it away.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sleep on nails.

[Robert Kelly]

You're doing the Japanese thing now. You will eat on the floor.

[Jacob]

I don't mind that.

[Robert Kelly]

Eating on the floor.

[Jacob]

Well, the whole setup, the Japanese setup. I like that.

[Christine]

They sit well, set it up downstairs. Dude, come up, live with us. You get out of that shitty place.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go. There you go. Jacob. Just a. Just a fucking futon mattress and a slab of wood.

[Christine]

Oh, I can make that.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Bobby could probably make that for you.

[Jacob]

Not going back to a fucking futon. I've never used one.

[Robert Kelly]

He's gonna make that for you. Make it?

[Christine]

I could.

[Robert Kelly]

I think you should.

[Christine]

I'll make it for you.

[Jacob]

I love America, too. Don't get me wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

It's too late.

[Jacob]

My bed.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby's making it for you.

[Christine]

I'm gonna make the actual mattress out of Max's jizz.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, like a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that possible?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you dry it, and then you. And then you have to, like, shave it off. It's. Now, it's a lot of shavings.

[Christine]

You have to dry it and then comb it and fluff it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And make.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then it goes inside. What, like a mattress cover?

[Christine]

Well, you have to wet it again. And then. And then you do. It's a process.

[Robert Kelly]

The rehydration process.

[Christine]

They rehydrate it and then comb it again. It's almost like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it like a cast?

[Christine]

It's like cotton candy.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's like. It's like an atomization. I can't explain all of it to you right now. I'm not gonna. He's gonna understand. What. I went to a bad kid school. This is Kev's place, I think. Decent.

[Christine]

I mean, it's. All right.

[Robert Kelly]

Damn. That's got. It is pretty awesome, though, to have a pool that you can, like, descend into. Like a beachfront. Yeah. Wow. You see, you just walk into the pool from the ground. It just ramps in.

[Christine]

I do like that. But that kitchen is too much.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait, go back to. I want to see some of those things again.

[Jacob]

That's what you say when you're never gonna have something that's too much anyway.

[Robert Kelly]

Pause it.

[Christine]

You think you would have, like, a pulley system around to get him around.

[Robert Kelly]

Are these. Is he in these?

[Justin Silver]

No, I think this is before he moved.

[Robert Kelly]

Or he.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You see a Packers fan?

[Justin Silver]

No, it says he built it.

[Christine]

It's a Packers fan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is all Packers.

[Christine]

Those are all Packers. He's a Packers fan.

[Robert Kelly]

No, Eagles guy. He is an Eagles guy. This is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This isn't his house.

[Christine]

This is not his house. House.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah. I don't think it's his house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is Bobby's house. J.

[Christine]

Whose house is that?

[Robert Kelly]

Why would he have a bunch of packers, though? Is he such a fake fan of the Eagles that he was also a Packers fan after the Giants fan? Oh, my God. There was a whole different fan chip in there.

[Christine]

That can't be his house. That can't be his house.

[Jacob]

I sent you the nicest house I think I've ever seen yesterday.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby's Goggins.

[Jacob]

Walton Goggins.

[Christine]

I liked it, but it wasn't. It wasn't.

[Robert Kelly]

Here we go.

[Christine]

Oh, that's. What is that?

[Robert Kelly]

Holy shit.

[Christine]

What is.

[Robert Kelly]

That is a tennis court. He doesn't. He plays tennis.

[Justin Silver]

This is a. Where the Kardashians also have their mansions, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

So.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's like where rich people live when they have all that land around them.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah. Calabasas.

[Christine]

Yeah. That's crazy. Why would he get a tennis court.

[Jacob]

Though, man, when you need a drone?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I think it's.

[Christine]

But here's the problem. Is that that person. The land next to you buy that?

[Justin Silver]

I think he did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He probably owns that, too.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That behind him right there. Yeah.

[Christine]

Next to him. It's like, buy that and put a football field or something, like a race car track.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he bought it for 135 million.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shut the fuck up.

[Robert Kelly]

He bought the land for that. Wow.

[Christine]

That's when he bought his neighbor's house. He bought the neighbor's house. And that. The land next to his house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you just buy the state.

[Jacob]

So it's his forever home?

[Robert Kelly]

And by the way, I do see the tennis court is a basketball court also. So that's actually pretty.

[Christine]

That. That's pretty nuts. And that's a dead end. Yeah. But if you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you have real money, you get one of these.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say this, though? And it is. It's beautiful and it's an amazing place. And I know you don't have to do anything when you're that kind of wealthy. Everything will be brought. If you say I should. I need toothpaste. Exclusively. There's persons running out and grabbing it. You'll have it in 30 minutes. But that's almost my point. If you go. I think I just want to take a drive and grab like a soda from this place. It's like I'll see in two and a half hours, I guess. I mean, you're in the middle of nowhere, Calabasas.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, it is.

[Robert Kelly]

It's out there.

[Christine]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Justin Silver]

But Calabasas has all its own as well.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not saying it doesn't have its own stores. I'm saying you can see where Kev lives. That's like a bit of a drive to getting the civilization again.

[Justin Silver]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I did. I was out there when I did the bird, when I did cabin. And believe me, I wasn't talking a lot. So I was looking around plenty. And it's. It's in the middle of nowhere.

[Christine]

Calabasas.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Isn't that where Whitney lives too?

[Justin Silver]

Is that where is Whitney's?

[Christine]

That's over on the other side of the 405, right in hills.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know anything about the woodland Hills. Is the other side Los Angeles?

[Christine]

No, no, I just don't like it.

[Robert Kelly]

Who.

[Christine]

You know, Russell Peters had a Malibu. He was in Malibu, but he had a house over there too. Jesus. And his. It was. It's just like you're right there, like your neighbor is right next to you.

[Robert Kelly]

I fully get. I definitely get the on the water mansion in California. The only thing is, why would you do that when it's definitely going to be underwater or on fire?

[Justin Silver]

Well, look, see. So right on the water is up here. And if you come down, I think this is sunset. So it's actually like you can get to Malibu and the beach quick from Calabasas as opposed to.

[Christine]

And if you go, that's Big Sur. If you go all the way up to San Francisco on the west coast, that highway, right.

[Justin Silver]

I mean this is all Malibu right here. But yeah, if you take the one up, you'll hit Big Sur before San Fran.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's just a two friends who.

[Robert Kelly]

Live in Malibu and they're just like somehow our two places are standing and everything around it is burned down. I don't know how it's possible.

[Christine]

It's crazy.

[Jacob]

As good as useless. Anyway, what are you doing there if you're in a wasteland?

[Robert Kelly]

But I tell you what, you're turning up to 10 and ripping the knob off on your volume, might as well, right? No one else is around. I'll tell you what, you're gonna. What a view. You're gonna scream, fuck. Oh, God. Oh, my God. We're fucking.

[Christine]

Like when we stayed in and when we did that Airbnb like, you. You're taking your top off, but you know people can see you. And it was kind of like, what? Just that somebody could be on binoculars, just, hey, look at these. Looking at us in a pool right now.

[Robert Kelly]

They wouldn't do that.

[Christine]

Yeah, they would.

[Robert Kelly]

No. Why would female nudity. For that. Daytime. Female nudity is the only way it'll work.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Any nudity that you're not supposed to see is good.

[Robert Kelly]

It is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it's just like the hills are.

[Christine]

Like, there's no privacy whatsoever in the hill.

[Robert Kelly]

It's way more exciting when it's a chick. It is. But if I was looking through binoculars and I just saw a guy whacking off, I probably gonna keep binocular until he finishes. I'm just like, I can't believe this guy's just doing this. Not thinking that anyone's watching his binoculars right now.

[Christine]

We were looking at that old guy's hollow for a while when the. When the couple his. His piece.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

Impressive piece, by the way. For sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gravity takes its toll, bro.

[Christine]

I was a nice hang before that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You know. No, they. They weren't or anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I know he was.

[Robert Kelly]

And I could see in the thing when he did the. Which is the move, dude. When my wieners hanging nice from a nice warm shower, I like to get the. The towel and really give a good, like, ball dry. And you're. And you feel your wiener kind of like do the watch across your arm like that because you're just doing right. Jacob's nodding his head. You know what I'm talking about. That's a nice feeling, that guy. I don't think he had to warm up today. I think he always has a fucking A. Dry your balls, flopper.

[Christine]

I never got the watch. I have the ring on my index finger.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, man, this show's flying by. We haven't even introduced the show yet. It's the bonfire faction talk, SiriusXM103. I'm Big Jokerson. That's the great Robert Kelly joining us today, everybody. It's the Beastmaster, Justin Silver. He's hosting Funny for Fighto at the Cutting Room in New York City. Wednesday, February 19th. That's next Wednesday, everybody. 8pm the lineup has Jordan Jensen, Ian Larr, Karen Feehan, Dan Soder, and so much more. Or maybe that's all of them. All proceeds benefit animals wounded and displaced by the LA fires. Get [e-mail] thank you. Was there a lot of animals displaced by those fires?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Fucking rich assholes can't find the dogs, the shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happens is the shelters fill up and then it's like. It becomes like a nightmare for like, months and months after. It's like a refractory period.

[Robert Kelly]

Seriously, I do like the other. Do you like the rich people? You shouldn't feel bad for at all. Theory.

[Christine]

Not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not. It's not. It's not those.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. I'm joking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Even the rich people, it's like, oh, I'm so. Oh, I'm sorry, Angelina. Joey, you fall apart.

[Christine]

What dog? What dog? Was it just rogue dogs? It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's a lot of that. It's a lot of people lose their houses, so a lot of those dogs have to go into the shelters right now. And then there was like all the. And then there was all like, the. The farm out, like the horses and shit like that. So then the ASPCs, they get overloaded. And then the normal dogs that are homeless.

[Christine]

There's so funny. So funny. For Fido takes care of animals, not just dogs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We do mostly the dogs.

[Robert Kelly]

Justin, I'm looking at this. That's why I'm looking at this flyer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is not me.

[Justin Silver]

What is this? Showing things that are.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm looking at Christine, please.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Show things that are relevant. Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I guess my whole joke, one.

[Justin Silver]

Of the places we talked about donating to. Because they're helping a lot.

[Christine]

No, we're not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're not donating to them.

[Robert Kelly]

Why? Is it. Because, as this flyer shows me, that this girl is going around French kissing all the fucking dogs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do the independent. We do the independent rescues that take the dog.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, but is there gonna be. Is there gonna be any women having sex with the dogs at the one you're giving money to?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm open to that.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. All right. Now we're talking.

[Christine]

But you don't fuck with cats, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do too.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but you don't like. But you don't love them and don't think they deserve love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't love them as much as I love dogs.

[Robert Kelly]

And you wish that. It'd probably be better if the ones that did get out would have just died in the fire, so you wouldn't have to be bur.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Be more dog space.

[Robert Kelly]

And there's probably more space for the dogs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not gonna say it in those exact words, but I'm not saying I'm not feeling sorry for that.

[Robert Kelly]

So you're also saying so cats and you're saying the Asians should eat them because they're stupid soup food.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. Jacob. I go to you on this.

[Jacob]

That's a yes for me.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob murders iguanas by the. Does this guy don't give a You really?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He's got a tactical vest and it's just eight iguanas hanging dead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that legal?

[Robert Kelly]

Like John Popper's harmonicas?

[Jacob]

Encourage.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Florida, dude.

[Christine]

That jacket was made by them.

[Jacob]

No, I throw them out.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey.

[Christine]

So people.

[Robert Kelly]

He tries everything. He's drive by shot them. He's taking him down from a copter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's illegal to shoot an iguana.

[Robert Kelly]

Legal. They encourage it.

[Jacob]

They want you to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why? What do they do?

[Christine]

They're invasive species.

[Jacob]

Killed native animals and the habitat.

[Robert Kelly]

I threw rocks. I threw rocks at one when I was in Miami. I try to kill it. Like biblical.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They eat like a dog. Like a little dog.

[Jacob]

They eat animals and anything they can get their hands.

[Christine]

They dig under houses too. They ruin foundations. You can kill coyotes too, on site. They're invasive screens. You can see a coyote and just shoot it.

[Robert Kelly]

What a guy bringing Mexicans across the border.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's exactly what.

[Robert Kelly]

That seems extreme.

[Christine]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Guy just trying to help people get the free. Dude.

[Christine]

It's the new thing. He just put it into action. Trump just put it as. You kill coyotes.

[Jacob]

Kill a coyote?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't kill a coyote.

[Jacob]

No, you can. It's legal. But I couldn't. I could never do it.

[Justin Silver]

You can kill. That's real. You can kill a coyote.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I still tell you there's still. There's no. It's a shame there's no audio to it at all. But you'll hear the audio of us laughing. There's still no. Of all the Internet and all the funny on the Internet, the hardest laugh I've ever had. First time watching a video was the lady who can't get the fox in her yard off of her. And she just keeps spinning around wildly and it just keeps bite attaching to a different part of her body. I showed this to you, I think, on Zoom a long time ago because, you know, the lady attacked by. It's so it attacks her for so long.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A fox.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a fox. Yeah. It's little, but it bites her and she starts freaking out immediately and spin every time she spins and she like. She, like kicks at it and it's attached to her leg and then like it flips up and it's like on her arm and she's swinging her arm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's wild, like a cartoon.

[Christine]

Did it sound like working out?

[Robert Kelly]

It did, yes. You know what? We could audio this. We could make a good audio. If you make Jacob having. Yeah, this is it. I've never enjoyed a thing more in my life.

[Justin Silver]

Wait, do I see going.

[Robert Kelly]

How long is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kevin Hart's still bragging about his houses.

[Robert Kelly]

On some of the now. Boom. Here we go. Now this is a little space. This is a little matchbook I sleep in. Boom. Bam.

[Christine]

I've never been in this room.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, now look at that. I got a trophy. Bam. Boom. Okay, okay, now we going.

[Jacob]

This guy is the most popular voiceover artist who in the world right now. This guy does every.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's AI.

[Christine]

It's a. I did.

[Jacob]

No. What is that guy? Lewis sent me that.

[Christine]

AI.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now this woman is gumming the hair.

[Jacob]

And then maybe I heard a split second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, watch a sumo porn.

[Christine]

I want to see this AI to see something truly terrifying.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a fox sneaking up on a.

[Christine]

Woman in her front yard. From this angle, you can see the attack.

[Robert Kelly]

She kicks the fox over and over, but that animal keeps coming back.

[Christine]

It's biting her leg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like she's hacky sacking.

[Christine]

Dude.

[Robert Kelly]

If you put the Globetrotters music to that, dude, it looks like she's nailing it.

[Christine]

I love that Jacob. Screams are perfect for this lady.

[Robert Kelly]

I never. I'm telling you, my cheeks hurt the first I've watched. I'm like a little numb to it because I've watched it so many times, but it never doesn't make me laugh. I mean, the way she tries to kick it away and then it's like on her foot and then she just kicks it up to her own arm and like it keeps getting better and better position on her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you look at her face, doesn't she look like someone that would be attractive to a fox?

[Robert Kelly]

Look at her face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm sorry, miss. I thought you were my nana. Go to a different video of it too. There's videos. It doesn't have the talking over it too. Like. Yeah, that one there.

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah, I've had rabies.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh my God.

[Jacob]

Oh, that's why it went. Yeah, cuz foxes don't want to deal with the thing.

[Robert Kelly]

It's fine. Yeah, the beginning of it.

[Christine]

So this thing just came up behind it.

[Robert Kelly]

This thing didn't give a. It attacks her until a man finally shows up. And then. And then by the way. And when the man. When the guy just shows up, it runs away immediately. It saw weakness in this bitch, but it's Cujo.

[Christine]

Fox.

[Jacob]

Cujo.

[Christine]

Because she was releasing weak pheromone. What are they called?

[Robert Kelly]

Pheromones.

[Christine]

Pheromones out of her asshole. Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, pheromones. Good. Give me a little Sweet Georgia Brown.

[Christine]

You're about to see.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, he's getting in position. Oh, you crazy globetrotters. Show me what you got, Darlene. Okay. All right. I see what you're working with. Oh, whoops. Dip the doodle, flip it around, put it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This looks like something you'd see in America's Got Talent, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Legit one of the funny. Exactly. If you were like, this is a routine her and this fox have worked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Out, you'd be like, when it goes around the arm.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Sending it. Well, here we go. Through the legs, back up.

[Christine]

It sucks, too, for her Cu. You can see all our side facts.

[Robert Kelly]

It never stopped attacking her. Well, these are the animals.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna give money to everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

Good, good. So we're trying to save as many of those as possible and get them good homes. I know, but it doesn't. The guy. Finally, it's like, okay, never mind. Dude's here. She.

[Christine]

But that last kick was pretty good.

[Robert Kelly]

But it was still. But when she kicked, though, it latched onto her foot. It didn't even succeed in sending it away. Damn, that woman is biteable. We have to take a break, everybody. We're hanging out with Justin Silver. Funny for Fido happening February 19th. That's a Wednesday. It's a week from today, everybody. Jordan Jensen, Ian Larr, Karen Feehan, Dan Soder, of course, Justin Silver himself gonna be there. All proceeds going to benefit animals wounded and displaced by the LA fires or that have been kicked by that bitchy lady. You twat. FunnyForPhito.org FunnyForPhito check it out. Of course. Punch up. Live. Robert Kelly, BigJ comedy dot com. I'm in Syracuse this weekend.

[Christine]

I'm in Naples.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Naples. That's right. And then I'm in la, and then we're off. You guys are off. I mean, I'm off, too, I guess, but I was gonna be off, and you were like, dude, I'd love to run with guest hosts. I think that'll be fun. I can run with guest host for the week. I'm like, yeah, this way we get to save our vacations, for one. Like, we both are like, this is a good time. We both want to be out of here. One of us can run. We'll run.

[Christine]

Yeah, run it.

[Robert Kelly]

And Christine pulled a flim flam sham on us and got us to take off.

[Christine]

She called my wife behind my back.

[Robert Kelly]

It's crazy. Now Bobby has to take a trip with his family.

[Christine]

Dollars. I'm losing money this weekend because of Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine, you really fucked us six ways from Sunday.

[Justin Silver]

I'm sorry. You're right.

[Christine]

You're right, I'm wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

You have a dirty pussy everyone's going to smell. Yes.

[Justin Silver]

No.

[Christine]

We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.