This Woman's Work

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly Episode: This Woman's Work
Release Date: July 18, 2025

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1. Vietnam and Military Hazing ([01:07] - [03:30])

Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly kick off the episode with a humorous take on Vietnam War tropes, discussing the imagined experiences of soldiers arriving and undergoing hazing. They illustrate this with a fictionalized scenario where new recruits are subjected to playful yet tough initiation rites.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay [01:24]: "A scared kid is landing in a helicopter for the first time. He doesn't know what the fuck's going on."

2. Celebrity Encounters and Impersonations ([03:30] - [09:00])

The hosts reminisce about spotting Michael C. Hall, blending reality with comedic imagination. They explore the idea of impersonating David Bowie, leading to an impromptu performance where both attempt to mimic Bowie's distinctive style.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly [07:15]: "I've got Campy stolen. Pretty good."
• Big Jay [08:50]: "Please make this go away. Thank you. I've been working here, guys."

3. Musical Parodies and Comedy Skits ([09:00] - [16:00])

Delving into musical comedy, Jay and Bobby perform a parody of Maxwell's "Woman's Work," infusing it with their unique humor. This segment showcases their ability to blend serious themes with comedic delivery, highlighting the challenges of maintaining relationships.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay [23:00]: "I'm putting this out there. To all the ladies listening... you have to aggressively rape passed out women in between. So, Dawn, Christine, we can give you that kind of affection at home if that's what you're looking for."

Note: This quote contains sensitive and offensive content that may be intended humorously in the context of the podcast but is problematic in broader discourse.

4. Cruise Ship Policies and Racial Commentary ([40:00] - [60:00])

The conversation shifts to a critique of Carnival Cruise Line's newly implemented policies, which the hosts interpret as racially biased. They humorously dissect the rules, such as age restrictions and bans on certain fan types, suggesting underlying racial motivations.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly [42:32]: "How racist is Carnival? Cruise is in the background."
• Big Jay [46:00]: "He's the best ninj in all ninja movies."

5. Relationships and Personal Anecdotes ([16:00] - [40:00])

Jay and Bobby share personal stories about relationships, blending heartfelt moments with their signature humor. They discuss the complexities of love, the impact of music on their emotions, and the often comical interruptions from significant others.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly [20:07]: "It's the sexiest, prettiest, nicest song. In the middle of that."
• Big Jay [30:08]: "You take her shoe and you rub her feet from a hard day's work."

6. Interactions with Guests and Audience ([09:00] - [16:00])

Regular guest appearances add spontaneity to the show, with interactions ranging from playful banter to impromptu performances. The hosts engage with their audience, fostering a sense of community and shared humor.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay [09:50]: "He's professionally gay."

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Closing Remarks

In this episode, The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly masterfully intertwines humor with social commentary, personal anecdotes, and musical parodies. The hosts maintain a dynamic and engaging conversation, ensuring that listeners are both entertained and provoked to think about the topics discussed. Through their unfiltered honesty and comedic timing, Jay and Bobby create a lively atmosphere that captures the essence of their live daily show.

Remember: To catch more fiery conversations and laughs, subscribe to The Bonfire on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103, and consider subscribing to SiriusXM Podcasts+ for ad-free and early access to episodes.

Transcript

[Narrator]

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[Big J Okerson]

August 1st gets crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

I like to stop by the bar.

[Big J Okerson]

After, have a few cold ones.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't drink at all until 4 o'. Clock. We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night. Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us. A few drinks, a few nights a.

[Big J Okerson]

Week, it can add up.

[Robert Kelly]

And suddenly we're at greater risk for.

[Big J Okerson]

Long term problems like heart disease, cancer and depression.

[Robert Kelly]

Reason enough to rethink the drink more at rethink the drink. No ha.

[Big J Okerson]

Initiative.

[Narrator]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Big J Okerson]

You think John Fogerty picked. He was going to be Nam soundtrack music. You need to start a band for like people going to and coming back from Nam.

[Robert Kelly]

It really is. It's not there, but it is going to and coming back.

[Big J Okerson]

It's. It's arriving, arriving and coming home.

[Robert Kelly]

But it's not. Not fighting or in the general league.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not really combat. No, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It's more like where they're still smiling and goofing around. Maybe a frisbee being thrown.

[Big J Okerson]

But it's. But a scared kid is landing in a helicopter for the first time. He doesn't know what the fuck's going on.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. There's a bunch of guys in those shirts. They've been there for months and they're. Yeah, they're like, yo, give me that Frisbee. Hits him in the face.

[Big J Okerson]

They go, oh, what's up fish? Mass hall's that way. Hey, do me a favor. And he spits in something. He goes, throw this out for me.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

How much can haze him a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

He goes, how much you weigh? He's like a buck 75. Throws a cigarette down. Step on that. Nice. And all the other guys go, good one. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And he goes, what's your name? Private. I don't care. Getting a little first day hazing and nom. Dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't take a little ribbing? You're gonna be able to take Charlie in the rice patty. Is that the Right war.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob comes up. It is the right war.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay?

[Robert Kelly]

He comes up and he's like a. You know, he's like a general or lieutenant. He's a ball bus because he went to college.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He's an officer.

[Big J Okerson]

And he's got the chip.

[Robert Kelly]

He's got the chip on his shoulder.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. That he never saw combat.

[Robert Kelly]

Never saw. Can't see combat. He knows how to type.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he can. They put him in intelligence. But he always. He says he wanted to be out there always. Can you please give me some more John Fogarty, please?

[Robert Kelly]

He said he wanted killing.

[Big J Okerson]

This now I don't know what. Now I don't know what happened next, but they can't. I can't even guess what happened next.

[Robert Kelly]

What the fuck is that? What's happening right now? We're going to Vietnam, boys.

[Big J Okerson]

Fortune, son.

[Robert Kelly]

No. Oh, there you go.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, you're right. Visit.

[Christine]

Together, we conquer.

[Robert Kelly]

You see? See Jacob sweating, glasses on.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Typing something away.

[Big J Okerson]

Writing different Asian, ethnic slurs on his bullets.

[Robert Kelly]

That he never gets to use. He go into the. The Delta Force just to admire the. The ear belt the guy made. He holds it in his hands someday.

[Big J Okerson]

And he says things like this. I wish I could be out there with you boys. Son of a. God knows I wish I could.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know there was going to be a height requirement for battle.

[Big J Okerson]

Unfortunately, that's that cartoon dog over there says you have to be this tall. I'm sorry, Jacob. That was a goodie, though. That'd be great. The recruitment office. There's a cartoon dog doing this with his paw. You be this tall to join, you.

[Robert Kelly]

Have to be at least taller than the guys we're fighting.

[Big J Okerson]

That's how you should have done intelligence. You should have been a spy, dude. We could have taped your eyes back and sent you through the vents.

[Robert Kelly]

We could have suck him right through the holes. He could have been. He could have one of those. What do they call them? The rat holes.

[Christine]

The tunnel rat.

[Robert Kelly]

Tunnel rat. You could have been a tunnel rat. Yeah. Damn, you would have been a good one, huh?

[Big J Okerson]

All right. If we ever start a war, which we're thinking about. We just saw Sam Roberts outside. We're thinking about starting a full on War with Sam Roberts show. Yeah, we might need you to go in. Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Not his morning show, his afternoon show. We might just, you know, we're going.

[Big J Okerson]

To sabotage the wrestling show.

[Christine]

We just missed Ron Dexter.

[Big J Okerson]

No, we didn't. Oh, we didn't. Well, we didn't miss. We saw Dexter come outside. I mean, you thought Trump was walking by? Jesus Christ. It was a mob for him out there.

[Robert Kelly]

It's weird because he winked at me. Did he wink at you?

[Big J Okerson]

No, he didn't.

[Robert Kelly]

He winked at me.

[Big J Okerson]

We had a lot of. But we. I'll tell you what is funny. We just witnessed. I felt for the first time in 10 years almost here. I've been working here 10 years for the first time. And me and Bobby, I don't know if he experienced this before. Seen when a celebrity walks out 1. We had an actual crossover of audience. There's people that like broke off the Dexter thing to come talk or take a picture with us. But then as we were walking in, people with a bunch of pictures of Dexter came over and just started taking pictures with us because we'll figure out later who it is. And that was weird, right? I mean, there was a sweaty chested shirt, black guy who definitely crawled out of his mom's basement for this Dexter thing. And that guy was like, you my boss? Do you want. You're like. You don't know the. I am.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, sure, but you look more you. You have more flair. I might look like the guy walking you into the building.

[Big J Okerson]

No, not those glasses too. Those glasses say somebody.

[Robert Kelly]

These glasses do say somebody. Want to have these on?

[Big J Okerson]

Now? This wasn't who we saw outside. Bring up his song. Bring up his song where he sings like a girl.

[Robert Kelly]

Does he sing what Dexter sings?

[Big J Okerson]

We've definitely gone over this in the show before.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah, that was long time ago, but.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it wasn't that long ago. But I mean. Yeah, please bring it up, Christine. Actually have Christine bring up so we can see it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you look. I don't know. You could be either a rapper. You definitely look like a rapper.

[Big J Okerson]

A white rapper. I am Jewish. That's all it takes these days. And I hate Dave Smith.

[Robert Kelly]

Fucking Dave Smith. Goddamn.

[Christine]

Didn't we see David Lewis?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, did we see that? Should be new merch. I hate Dave Smith.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, if you hate Dave Smith. I hate Dave Smith. Don't tell him though.

[Christine]

Brian Bosworth put out his own T shirts hating Brian Bosworth.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice.

[Christine]

And he made like a hundred thousand dollars in one weekend.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, this isn't performing it live. Yeah, I'll take it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's a real singer, Jack. Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you what, even when he was walking out of the building though, he looks like a mega serious, not fun dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he had cancele so it was fun before that. I heard.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you didn't.

[Robert Kelly]

I swear.

[Big J Okerson]

Dexter was a blast.

[Robert Kelly]

He was A blast before the old C word came into his life. Look at that drummer.

[Big J Okerson]

He takes it way serious, too.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no. What was that?

[Big J Okerson]

That's the background of his face.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he really is. Oh. Oh, God. Oh, he's David Bowie. He's a David Bowie Rip. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Is.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, come on. I can do this.

[Big J Okerson]

Do an impression of David.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I can do this right now. I've got Campy stolen. Pretty good.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Can I try? Everybody knows me now.

[Robert Kelly]

We can both do it.

[Christine]

It's good too.

[Robert Kelly]

We can do it. Both do it at the same time. Ready? Goddamn bridge.

[Big J Okerson]

Now go to the song. Go to the one. Go to the one where it's like a. He has a club song that's like, really. He puts on lipstick and glitter.

[Robert Kelly]

Can we play this? Here we go. Ready? I'm in danger. I mean, I'm doing it. Ready? Come on. I've got nothing left to lose.

[Christine]

Bubba, you got down the.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm so high I makes my brain whirl where your head boo I drop.

[Jacob]

My cell phone down below.

[Robert Kelly]

I can.

[Big J Okerson]

He's doing a Bowie song that included the word cell phone.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll look.

[Big J Okerson]

I promise. There's no good Bowie song that has the word cell phone in it.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God. He's just looking into the crowd like Michael Bigler at the Cellar. Please get the balcony.

[Big J Okerson]

Get his original funky song, though. Make this go away. It's making me hate him. And I don't want to watch. I want to watch Dexter resurrection.

[Robert Kelly]

I think I'm gonna let out an album. I'm gonna do this.

[Big J Okerson]

Just Bowie covers.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, just Bowie covers.

[Big J Okerson]

Star man waiting in the sky.

[Robert Kelly]

We can just do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Please.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm begging you to make this go away. Thank you. Thank you. I've been working here, guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Remember? For 10 years.

[Big J Okerson]

I need my Michael C. Hall to be really gay.

[Robert Kelly]

Who is that?

[Big J Okerson]

Who?

[Christine]

Pete?

[Robert Kelly]

Dominic. Dominic.

[Big J Okerson]

Dominic. Oh, before he was let go, he worked here 10 years.

[Robert Kelly]

What the fuck? I can't. Again.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, there's those Muppets. He's doing the song with puppets. Like, Mike Vecchion used to do comedy like this. He used to read a poem to a paper bag puppet.

[Robert Kelly]

See the dancing. I'd rather watch that.

[Big J Okerson]

Me too. But you have to like how he just goes full on gay screamy. What's his singing voice? He's just like an EDM guy.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a Broadway queen.

[Black Lou]

Yeah, there's videos of him in the Angry Hedwig and Cabaret. So he does.

[Big J Okerson]

But he's not gay. Right? He just lives a gay Life.

[Robert Kelly]

He's into gay stuff. He has gay, gay accoutrements.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. He's like.

[Christine]

He's married to a sister on the show.

[Big J Okerson]

He's professionally gay.

[Robert Kelly]

Professionally gay? Yeah. He's a tad English gay.

[Big J Okerson]

He's a real life.

[Robert Kelly]

He's gentleman gay.

[Big J Okerson]

Real life. Straight. Straight.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, what is happening?

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Black Lou]

I think he was gay and six feet under.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Played a gay character for sure. That's probably when this talent got fucked into his butt.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow, this is crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll listen by myself at some point, though.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you won't.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, when he hits that scream.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Why does he have the warriors gang face paint on? What was that? The Yankees? But were they the bats.

[Big J Okerson]

Coming?

[Robert Kelly]

I can't. Can't do that live. Oh, wow. He's so happy after that scream.

[Big J Okerson]

Say what, though? I'm lying if I tell you. I'm not gonna put this on. One night.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

In a car by myself, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no. I mean, what does this song does? Nothing.

[Big J Okerson]

It'll make me do this. I'll get you in a car with it, you know. We're in a car, buddy. Me and you groove.

[Robert Kelly]

You do get me. You got me last night, big time. And you got me where I didn't think you were gonna get me, but you got me right out of the gate. As soon as we left the stand, you put on Lisa. Lisa.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, you didn't. Well, it was on SiriusXM.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

In fairness, it came on Woof.

[Robert Kelly]

So good.

[Big J Okerson]

And do I know every word to that song?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Lisa. Lisa. And full forces parts. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I'm looking at this video. I realized it was.

[Robert Kelly]

It's such a weird song for two guys to come from the skanks and that heavy alpha male vibe. And then we jumped right into your truck. Your ram truck. One of the biggest, baddest trucks out there, if not the big. And then alone on a Sunday morning.

[Big J Okerson]

Outside I hear the rain is fun.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, dude, we were at the top of our lungs.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you know the guys. You know that song? Jacob, right?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, the guys who sing are the bad guys from House Party. Full force. Big, full force. I always thought full force when I saw House Party were rappers. They are completely singers. Isn't that weird? Those big, muscly, weird guys. They're beautiful R B singers. These guys can sing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So we were listening to this song and, I mean, just note for note.

[Robert Kelly]

Nailing it, it was almost uncomfortable and. And sexy at the same time.

[Big J Okerson]

And I said, let's just go let's make the theme for this drive back to Bobby's car. Highly sexual black music. Not even. Not even. How you say. Some Highly sexual. But emotional.

[Robert Kelly]

Emotional.

[Big J Okerson]

Praising your queen. Yeah, a lot of. Like, a lot of Giving your queen what? The respect and love that they deserve or.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a lot of I up and I wish I didn't because you're the best thing that happened to me.

[Big J Okerson]

Right. Right.

[Robert Kelly]

This is. This is that song. I remember the song. When I got caught cheating for the first time years ago, I played this song.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, to beat yourself up.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Because she's sad.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Don. Singing her parts. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you tell me if I sound just like full force when he comes on?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Promise?

[Robert Kelly]

If you tell me if I sound like Lisa. Lisa.

[Big J Okerson]

Good. Yes. Jacob. You think I won't know every funny part of this? Because I do. Now picture me as a big, muscular black guy.

[Robert Kelly]

There we go. Ready?

[Jacob]

All over.

[Big J Okerson]

You never want you to see things.

[Robert Kelly]

Your way I had to go astray.

[Jacob]

Oh, why was I such a fool?

[Big J Okerson]

Now I see you. Come on, B. Why is it too late for me.

[Jacob]

To find my way home? How could I be so bold all alone?

[Big J Okerson]

Don't you know the heart will cause an inferno?

[Jacob]

Romance up in flames why should I take the blame? You were the one who left me the blame. I'm so sorry. Apology not accepted. Add me to the broken heart. You correct.

[Christine]

Jerk off. She's marrying.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, love you.

[Robert Kelly]

That's pretty good.

[Big J Okerson]

You are Lisa.

[Jacob]

Oh, cr.

[Robert Kelly]

Out.

[Big J Okerson]

Out.

[Jacob]

Over you. I've cried out too. Whoa, whoa.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, it's uncanny.

[Big J Okerson]

You think I'm not bringing this home hard? His best parts still haven't come up yet.

[Robert Kelly]

This is.

[Christine]

This is the exact opposite guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine.

[Jacob]

And you. I left you so confused. Cried out. Now I'm all crying.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody in the room.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on.

[Jacob]

How are you?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, in the car after skags. Me and him up his house.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you guys for sticking around for Dexter. So good we have a little audience in here. We're pretty stoked on that.

[Robert Kelly]

So we're gonna get in trouble for that.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way. No free. Fair use. We talked over. We sang over the whole time.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. They can't jam you up for that.

[Big J Okerson]

We can't jam us if we sing the entire song every time. We could play four hours of straight music if we sing over it all. Fair use.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay?

[Big J Okerson]

Till it works. Fair use. Fair use. Till it works. Dude, I looked into it.

[Christine]

Looking at this Michael C. Hall video. I'm thinking about bands for hire. And it sucks. Just like Corey's band when if you're a band for hire, you have to adopt the look of the singer. So the drummer's got glitter under one eye like Michael C. Hall.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. He makes them all gay. It's the Rob Halford effect.

[Christine]

Corey has to dress. The band has to dress exactly like Rob Halford effect.

[Big J Okerson]

That's why the band was mad when. When they. They didn't care that he was gay, they realized that he was dressing them gay. He's like, oh, wait, we're all wearing leather Gay shit, motherfucker.

[Robert Kelly]

Why do you think I had a Louis bag? I'm part of this bonfire band.

[Big J Okerson]

So. So last night. Last night, we leave skanks. We're drinking in our beautiful. We're like, it's gonna be black soul the whole way up.

[Robert Kelly]

There's nothing better to me when I'm in the car with jay because he DJs. He takes over and it's not. It's not just a ride. You don't have to. You're not. You're going to be thinking about like he has a theme or something that's happening. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's not just that. You're not going to sit there and wonder what to do or get it. You're not getting on your phone. You kind of. You're involved in it.

[Big J Okerson]

Me and Fenoya twist into a zone. I don't know what else to call it, but, like, sometimes I don't want to listen to music at all in the car. And I end up just putting on like. Like talk or funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Or I just got like serious play in the background. Just flip through and see if anything catches me. But I'm feeling. I'm feeling it.

[Robert Kelly]

You felt it.

[Big J Okerson]

And last night I was feeling it. And then we did a little tender love by force. MDs. Come on. That's another man. You just want to get a. Just a fucking honey dip and fudgeing. Take her down. Fucking flap those skins. I'm talking straight. Late 80s, early 90s black talk.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Flap those fucking skins to this shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Just making out in the back seat, trying to. Oh, this is making out. Summertime, late night in the car park somewhere. Throw this tape in. It's a tape.

[Big J Okerson]

I can play the piano right now. Jacob gonna be so hard.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't even look at Jay right now. No, you're looking right at me.

[Christine]

Power come.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you can't look at him. Look at. He's singing, right? Oh, stop looking at me. And look at that guy singing at you right now. Look at your negative, kid. Don't look away. Look that way. You feel warm, though, don't you?

[Big J Okerson]

So we jump. So we're listening to this, we're feeling great. Then we put on. I go, oh, dude. How about this Woman's Work by Maxwell?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Now, I was. It's weird because I was at the taping. The unplugged taping.

[Big J Okerson]

Went to the fucking unplugged taping. This comes on.

[Robert Kelly]

This comes on. I remember him coming out. He was on before Jewel. And this guy came out and I was like, everybody's in. Fell in love with this guy.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't sing this song. No.

[Robert Kelly]

Nobody can sing this.

[Big J Okerson]

Watch.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

But this song is fantastic.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the sexiest.

[Big J Okerson]

So good. It's the sexiest, prettiest, nicest song. In the middle of that.

[Robert Kelly]

And this is a song about. About how much. How beautiful women are.

[Big J Okerson]

It's just about, like. It's really just paying tribute to your queen. That's what this song is totally about.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I know. I know you've done everything you can. You put up with my shit. But this woman's work, it's never done. And you do it. You fucking put your head down and you do all the things that we need to make us, to allow us to be.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Then the phone rang, and it was Christine. And she goes, hey, guys. And I went, can you please? Me and Bobby are listening to a song. And then I was like, what the fuck, man? Can two guys just fucking hang out? I'll call you when I drop Bobby off. And then I. And then we hung up the phone and went right back to, like, you are my queen.

[Jacob]

I need you by my side. You do everything to make me.

[Robert Kelly]

All right.

[Black Lou]

It's important to note I was calling him back. Also, I was returning a phone call.

[Robert Kelly]

We were talking about this Maxwell when he wrote the song, whatever woman was alive didn't go, hey, what's up? Like, if I called if don't want to do pizza. Yeah, what's up? Where are you? Max is taking his shit. I made goulash. Yeah.

[Black Lou]

You probably knew her for like, a month and then wrote this song about the idea.

[Big J Okerson]

He's going back to this song. God, these.

[Jacob]

Christine said.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine said basically that every girl turns into our chicks after a month. You think Christine. Christine was sexy when you first met her. You could have sang the song to her.

[Big J Okerson]

I would have played it. I would have played it for her for sure. Yeah. It's funny.

[Robert Kelly]

I got home last night. Don had a baseball hat on to cover her roots song. Fucking stinks.

[Big J Okerson]

You come home from this song, all.

[Jacob]

The things I should have said, but I never said.

[Big J Okerson]

You walk in and she's like, don't go in the bathroom in our thing. I clogged it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Can you take the dog out? She hasn't pissed since this afternoon. Yeah, I can. Fucking Maxwell sucks.

[Big J Okerson]

I got my period all over everything.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, if anybody needs me, I got my period all over anything.

[Robert Kelly]

I haven't heard Don say that in four years.

[Black Lou]

I'm looking at a picture.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so up that we were so.

[Big J Okerson]

You understand.

[Robert Kelly]

We were so emotional, feeling this way for.

[Big J Okerson]

We were thinking. We said. I was like, man, I want to love a woman like this.

[Jacob]

You can't. You can't. Because of their voices.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't stop.

[Jacob]

See?

[Robert Kelly]

You can't. You can't. They have. Here's a way this song makes sense if our girls were like this.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, baby.

[Robert Kelly]

How was work today? I made you a little something. If you. If you're too tired, maybe I could just give you a massage, rub your feet.

[Big J Okerson]

I was thinking about you. I just wondered when you were coming home.

[Robert Kelly]

I miss you so much. If they were like. If Don was like our boys downstairs, he had a hard day sleeping. So when you come home, I'll be in the bed waiting.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine goes, hey, can you grab my vape charger?

[Robert Kelly]

Max is still up. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm tired.

[Jacob]

Oh, the things that should have said, but I'm upset. All the things I should.

[Robert Kelly]

Make sure you take your peptide. Do the needle right so you don't bruise your fat stomach.

[Jacob]

I'm also.

[Big J Okerson]

Lift your gut up and see if it fits.

[Black Lou]

I really don't think either of you resemble Maxwell very much either.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh.

[Black Lou]

I didn't know you were a smooth Lenny Kravitz type.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, you didn't.

[Big J Okerson]

You're unaware of that. I don't know if you've heard me singing here for the past half.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, Christine, direct your face towards him, not me. Okay? I have my own, thank you very much.

[Black Lou]

Are you guys both Max?

[Robert Kelly]

I think Jay, I think actually, you kind of look like upside down Maxwell.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Black Lou]

Look at that smile. You guys are never that happy.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at his.

[Robert Kelly]

We were last night before you called.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it. We were happy before. We were happy before because we both forgot that you and dawn exist. And while we were driving, we were like, dude, yeah. Oh, there was a girl comic that followed me and Bobby to the car last night. That definitely would just let us go to work on either end of her 100.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I could have. You drove. And then I could have drove.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely. Take turns, same time. Give her the full bonfire experience to bfe. Give her the full BFE bonfire.

[Christine]

A bang.

[Big J Okerson]

And then we got the car. And then we were just like. We were so full of hope. We're like, look at us, dude. We still got. What's that girl, 24, five, maybe?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we were talking some. Oh, my God, you've never been happier.

[Big J Okerson]

And then we were like. And then we were like, dude, you.

[Robert Kelly]

You really leveled it up, though. You went, lisa, Lisa. And the cult jam, you went.

[Big J Okerson]

Was it Tender Love?

[Robert Kelly]

Tender Love. And then you went to Maxwell. And we were actually thinking of girls named Lynn and. And Stacy.

[Big J Okerson]

We pictured them.

[Robert Kelly]

We pictured him.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. And by the way, did we have a whirlwind romance from about 10th Avenue and 23rd to like fucking 9th and 50th? Man.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy. Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn, I forgot. And then Christine called. Remind us. He goes, oh, right, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Where?

[Black Lou]

Oh, no. There's a woman at home waiting to order me dinner and clean the house.

[Jacob]

Oh, the things are good.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Black Lou]

There's a girl cleaning my kitchen right now, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a salad on the table. The lettuce is wilted. Cause they added the dressing at the place. You want something else, let me know. But other than that, I want to kick Maxwell right in his teeth for giving us hope. I want to smash him right in his stupid pretty mouth.

[Jacob]

I should have said.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, off.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God, dude, I want to. Damn. I want to feel like I would cross an ocean for a girl.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, I would. I wouldn't. I wouldn't put my jacket over a puddle. Goddamn. Yeah. Hey, Max, why don't you date a Pollock from Everett, Massachusetts? Try to write a song like that, you piece of doc.

[Big J Okerson]

Who is he singing about?

[Black Lou]

Maybe Julisa Bermudez. That sounds like the girl you sing the song about.

[Robert Kelly]

Who?

[Black Lou]

That's who it says one of his girlfriends was.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, she.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh. I'll be honest with you, Christine. You're right about this one. This one eventually went. Hey, if you stop at the store grabbing Newports.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Black Lou]

Or she tried to fist fight him.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, man, she's hot.

[Black Lou]

But I get going high, Going on high notes.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me tell you something. You don't write this song in a tiny house with a fucking. A menopausal middle aged woman.

[Jacob]

Christine. You forgot to flush the toilet again. Watch you get rid of your fake titties and go back to your little itty bitties. She's covered in dark hair. I wait outside, your little black cup comes off the floor. I gotta clean it up. It makes me want to throw up. All the things I've ever said that I said. All the times that you fart in your sleep. All the times that you snoring while I'm watching tv. I gotta sleep with headphones on. Cause you snore so loud, I wanna punch you right in your face. You talk to me like we're two dudes hanging out.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God, she waste I. You know, but she has a point, though. I think every woman, the first couple months, you can write this song. And after. After they get to know you, it's like. It's just their voices changed and just turns into, hey, what time are you gonna be home?

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Huh? Where are you?

[Big J Okerson]

Huh? How was the show where they sleep like this?

[Robert Kelly]

I really wanted to. I thought of covering Dawn's nose and mouth one night.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought about just making a fucking left instead of a right on 50th. And me and you just going and starting somewhere fresh.

[Robert Kelly]

We'll pick up that little goofy redhead that wouldn't have her blow us all the way up to the tiny house.

[Big J Okerson]

Yo. Hey, Ginge, you blow us up to the tiny house.

[Robert Kelly]

I just play this song over and over, over.

[Black Lou]

She's going to want you guys to take her seriously as a comedian.

[Robert Kelly]

As soon as we get up there, though, she's like, do you guys want to get some burgers?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, we drove four hours for this.

[Jacob]

All women said that would never said.

[Robert Kelly]

There had to be a time. I know. Remember I gave. The first time I hooked up with Don, I had a mixtape from a chick. It was all girls, you know, Sarah mcglobin and all that. And I gave it to Don. Hey, check this out. I made this tape. It wasn't me. Some chick made it for me and I gave it to him and I go, give it back to me tomorrow. That was like the first time she.

[Big J Okerson]

Kind of like, give it back to me. Yeah, you can borrow it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I want to get more. That's how I got my. Hey, check this out. I have a. I like chicks too, you know? Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I made Christina CD when we first started dating. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What was on.

[Black Lou]

Was basically the playlist he put together the first night.

[Big J Okerson]

So Marilyn Manson. Yeah. Some Deftones.

[Robert Kelly]

Was there ever a time.

[Big J Okerson]

Some corn.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't think there was Ever a time with me when this song. I could put that song on and look at Don and not laughing and her not laughing. My face too. I mean, she'd be like, what the are you doing, kid?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, Putting on this woman's work.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. If I put this on, If I put this off with Don and just started kissing the next, she'd be like, I'm hot.

[Big J Okerson]

Just so you know.

[Jacob]

Just.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, we understand this, and I'm putting this out there. To all the ladies listening. I want you to listen right now. Put on this woman's work behind me, please, if you could. We all would hope that. Like the Huxtables on television, once in a while when the kids were all out of the house, you put on some light jazz, you go around and like, very romantically, you take off her foot or you take off her shoe. You take off her shoe.

[Robert Kelly]

Take off her foot.

[Big J Okerson]

You take off her shoe and you rub her feet. From a. Please. From a hard day's work. You want to make her feel better, you rub her shoulders, maybe start kissing her neck. And you'd see that, and they'd kiss and just lay there and just really be into each other. But in order to achieve that, it turns out you have to aggressively rape passed out women in between. So, Dawn, Christine, we can give you that kind of affection at home if that's what you're looking for. If you're looking for Maxwell affection, just know that in my downtime, I will apparently be having sexually assaulting passed out. That's the only way you can make that happen. That's my math. Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby and Claire Huxtable had romantic times together, and he was able to have that deep into the relationship because he was raping in between.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right.

[Black Lou]

I'd rather you just be you.

[Robert Kelly]

What is that?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not a rapist.

[Black Lou]

I guess.

[Robert Kelly]

This is. This is more of our music right here. Boom boom. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Bill Coz, man, that made me laugh so hard in that car last night.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, man. It was a. It was a eye opener of reality. Just a. Just.

[Big J Okerson]

It didn't hit us. We just wanted to hear the song. So we asked Christine if she could let us go because we didn't have much time left in the car, and we wanted to finish this song and then hung up and then realized the lyrics went right into, like, everything that.

[Jacob]

You did to help me.

[Big J Okerson]

Everything.

[Jacob]

Jason, as soon as he had up.

[Robert Kelly]

The phone, he went, what the. She ruined it.

[Big J Okerson]

She ruined it.

[Jacob]

We were having a moment. We were Just in love with these.

[Robert Kelly]

Girls that didn't exist. And then the phone rang when he was like, hey, where are you? Almost. He's like, I'm just calling you back. I'll call you back. God damn it. He went right back in.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine's been in the car.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

With me. When someone's interrupted.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

We get a good jam.

[Robert Kelly]

Him, I mean, usually get.

[Black Lou]

We usually yell at the person more than. You yelled at me. You didn't really yell at me.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't yell at.

[Big J Okerson]

Because you were calling back. Because you were calling back.

[Robert Kelly]

I would never yell at you to your face.

[Black Lou]

I would have yelled at you.

[Robert Kelly]

I would never yell to your face. But when Jay was yelling about you, I was right in on it. I was like, God damn it. It. I mean, no, I brought through dawn into it. Same.

[Black Lou]

The poems and songs you two should write about me and Dawn.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

We would. We would.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, you could pretend it's about you, but it's going to be about this fictitious, I believe. Was I with Stacy or was I with the other one?

[Robert Kelly]

Yo, you were with I.

[Big J Okerson]

You.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm with Lynn. You're with Stacy. I'm with Lynn.

[Black Lou]

Probably Stacy. Because your memories.

[Big J Okerson]

God, by the way, it's hilarious. Just so you know, Bobby picked those names arbitrarily.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Big J Okerson]

Right in this moment.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. What?

[Big J Okerson]

But I didn't even think. But I was like, stacy. There's a girl I hooked up with years ago named Stacy. Oh, it's that girl.

[Black Lou]

But she was a playmate.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, there you go.

[Big J Okerson]

She was a playmate.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that song would go good with her.

[Big J Okerson]

She's no longer a playmate.

[Black Lou]

Yeah, you could have sang that to.

[Big J Okerson]

Her back then, Bobby. She's no longer a playmate. Now she's a. Where you at?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, she became that. Yeah. Yeah. That's what a committed relationship does to a woman. Where are you? Listen, I made a pot roast. It's in the thing. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm exhausted.

[Black Lou]

You guys like Wilter Flowers?

[Jacob]

It's us.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Why don't you guys. Why don't you water your garden?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You guys.

[Robert Kelly]

How's that?

[Big J Okerson]

You guys get out. You guys stay out of the sun.

[Robert Kelly]

What happens? Yeah, why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't you take a walk, Dawn?

[Jacob]

All the things. I did it.

[Black Lou]

You should be crying in pain over your love for.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, we cry.

[Big J Okerson]

Look, I cry in pain. It's not with love.

[Robert Kelly]

I was actually thinking about dawn today. I was working out. I took the dog For a walk. Working out?

[Big J Okerson]

Is that your motivation? You work out, Just think about it when you're gonna be able to beat the out of her one day.

[Robert Kelly]

And then, I swear to God, I was in the sauna, I'm like meditating. I'm trying to be grateful. I'm thinking of my. I'm just thinking about it. I'm like. And then a thing on my TV in the gym comes up with all my photos and it's her and it's this beautiful hair mane. She just go. I'm like, ah, man, I'm so happy. And then she came up, she goes, I just heard Bobby, Barbie, there's bags in the car. Can you get the bags out of the car? I was just like, yeah, I'll go get them. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Let me tell you something. Workplace stress and anxiety is just killer for me. I'm a stand up comedian. I'm in show business. I do podcasts. I work with some of the funniest people in the world. You think it's all fun and games. It's not. I got to deal with egos. I got to deal with insecurities. I got to deal with all kinds of stuff. I don't want to bring that home to my family. I want to have great days. I want to enjoy what I do. BetterHelp helps me actually deal with all the stress. Workplace stress is one of the top causes of declining mental health. We can't just quit because it's stressful, but we can start with small and little focus of wellness. Therapy is the way you do this. Therapy can help you navigate whatever challenges the workday or any day might have. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It works. It's convenient, too. You can do it from anywhere. You can join a session, click a button, bang, you're in. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] bonfire. That's B E T T E R h e l p.com bonfire.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

It's never like.

[Robert Kelly]

Then I went upstairs. She's. Oh, she doesn't listen. She interrupts. She's. I'm like. She. I'm like. She tries to guess what I'm gonna say, which fucking sucks. I'm like, I'm gonna call Dr. Steve. And then you're gonna shut the up.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys have to maybe adopt.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Me and Christine's idea of alone, almost dead silence. You have limited vocal interaction. You could be in the same room, but if you never speak, it can't.

[Robert Kelly]

Go haywire because you can't hear that voice.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Black Lou]

Talk to the dog.

[Big J Okerson]

No. About an hour, we talked to the dog. Dog. And then now, because there's no shows on that we have. So it's like now it's. I do about 45 minutes of going through every app and saying there's nothing else. There's nothing. Until Christine gets sleepy. And then I put on something I want to watch.

[Robert Kelly]

Right? Yeah, I'll try that. I will try that.

[Big J Okerson]

But if you try light to zero communication in the household, you can kind of just pass in the night. Right? That'll be like the dog. You will speak through the kid.

[Robert Kelly]

Kid.

[Big J Okerson]

Pleasant.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you get through this? Because Dawn's getting jealous of me and Max's relationship because when I come home, when I'm around, all she wants to be with me.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I come home, he's like, dad, I gotta go talk to you. And she's like, you know, he wants to just talk to me. That's just gay. What's that?

[Black Lou]

You're, like, gone most of the day. She's home with him. So it's like. It's probably just the excitement of, like.

[Robert Kelly]

When you're the dad and I'm cool as.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, you're the one that comes for money. So if he's gonna go, he knows that you're the one that comes from massive amounts of money. So if you.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna say guns. Huh? Who's.

[Christine]

Which one's buying the guns?

[Robert Kelly]

I want to say this.

[Christine]

You are.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, Mike Halder gave me the guns for free. That's pretty wild. Thank you. Mike shouted out, I know you were.

[Big J Okerson]

Loading them up, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

He's sent. I said I wanted to pay for him. He just sent them to me. But it's. I'm not. I want to say this to you, and I mean this. Tread carefully on the. I'm rich and I come from money. That's all I'm gonna say. Listen, I'm just saying this. Whatever. Whatever. You're going. Tread carefully on that.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

You know? See what I'm saying?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I hear you.

[Robert Kelly]

You understand, right?

[Big J Okerson]

I do understand, yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you come from, like, shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, right.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, next subject. So the Carnival Cruise things, they're very powerful people. He comes from. You don't understand.

[Robert Kelly]

What'd you say?

[Big J Okerson]

Nothing.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't. What'd you say?

[Big J Okerson]

Nothing. I'm trying to give Jacob a little direction here on the show, okay? Please, God, this is so disjointed.

[Robert Kelly]

All right. I thought you said something.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no. I'm just making jokes, man.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. All right. I'm. Hey, man, I am too, bro. Right, right.

[Big J Okerson]

So the Carnival Cruise Line has some crazy stuff going on.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you. This is pretty funny. This is. Dude, it's all over the Internet. And it's funny because they're like. Black people are adding that. What was it called again? Black. What was it Black people came up with? The black fatigue. Fatigue, yes. So a lot of black people, like, yo, man, there's more black fatigue. Because I guess they. They had a bunch of voyages, I believe they call them. Okay, a voyage where a lot of. A lot of shit went down. And they came up with these rules. But basically these rules are like, yo, man, no more black people on the boat.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. That's the best. When someone just makes rules for no black people without saying it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It's amazing.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a teen curfew.

[Big J Okerson]

All right, so let's see. Effective June 2025, this is happening now, right now, right before the Kitten plays Hip Hop Spectacular Cruise Teen curfew. Guests under 18 must follow a 1am curfew in public areas unless with an adult 20, 21 plus under 18. Yeah. I mean, that's fair.

[Robert Kelly]

That is. Is that a. But is that a black thing? To have your kids out at one.

[Big J Okerson]

In the morning on a cruise?

[Black Lou]

Non ship rocked. It was very much a white thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. Such a white thing on a cruise, it's not.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, no, it's not crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, There you go. So that's not it.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not a crazy thing.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not a crazy thing.

[Big J Okerson]

You think it is? I mean, they can't be getting into anything good around that time. That's what I'm saying. It's. I don't think it's like, I think 1 o' clock under is 18, by the way. That sucks. Here's my thing. It blows dick for a 17 year old.

[Black Lou]

They're not carding. If somebody's like 17, they could probably get away with being 18. They probably just don't want like little kids running around.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they don't want to look out and see.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it says also you could be with somebody who's 21 and over.

[Robert Kelly]

They don't want to see a 7 and a 12 year old taking care of a 3 year old. By the on the lido deck.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

This means 12 at night.

[Big J Okerson]

You can go anywhere you want with your child broadcast because you're 21 plus.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go.

[Big J Okerson]

So you could take her wherever you'd like to go.

[Christine]

I like this.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd say take her to the darkest corners where no one can see in international waters.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Take her up to the basketball hoop. Nobody's there at night.

[Big J Okerson]

Age polo cruisers must be 21 plus or sail with someone 25 plus. What?

[Black Lou]

This doesn't really make sense to me. It sounds at first like if you're 18 to 20, you could be booked with 25 plus.

[Big J Okerson]

But they're just trying guarding. No, this one is about black people. They're trying to confuse you with math and be like, I gotta figure all that out. 25 plus. Was someone bought solo 2118-20 book man. Some white bullshit.

[Robert Kelly]

One, two.

[Big J Okerson]

So that's racist for sure. Fan ban. Carnival has banned folding clack fans inside nightclubs. So that's saying no more gays or Asians. And indoor dance floors for safety, battery powered fans are still allowed. So you can have the little one that that Black Lou uses. Yeah, but you can't use the one that I use all summer, which is a. And and fan myself.

[Robert Kelly]

Yo, no more fans.

[Black Lou]

No more fans.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, and why is that?

[Robert Kelly]

You can see why they're saying for.

[Black Lou]

Safety is what they're saying it's for.

[Big J Okerson]

Right? Safety of whites.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, this safety. Exactly.

[Big J Okerson]

Appreciate that. Thank you, Carnival. Thank you for thinking about me.

[Christine]

What's happening with these fans that they're.

[Robert Kelly]

Getting razor blades on the end? I don't know if you saw a kung fu movie on the end there's razor blades and you can slice somebody's throat with it.

[Big J Okerson]

If my. And the only reference I have on this is a film called Revenge of the Ninja where Sho Khashogi was fighting. No, I'm sorry. This is Ninja 3 the Domination starring Lucinda Dickey. When the original ninja is Fighting the copy. He opens up a fan and does some fan stuff and slaps down towards a police officer's face. Takes off half his fucking muscle.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's why.

[Big J Okerson]

That's why. Because. Because, Jacob, that's why.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you feed me?

[Big J Okerson]

Does that answer all your stupid questions? Does that answer your batshit stupid questions?

[Robert Kelly]

The fact that Jay doesn't have a show like an interstitial on fucking dumb facts that nobody knows.

[Big J Okerson]

But he knows Shokashugi was a ninja.

[Robert Kelly]

3 Also, though, who could pull Shoka Shugi out of their asshole?

[Big J Okerson]

He's the best ninj in all ninja movies.

[Robert Kelly]

What's this one?

[Black Lou]

Just more fan dancing on cruises.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, no more fans.

[Christine]

I mean, it looks fun.

[Big J Okerson]

It does look fun.

[Christine]

I couldn't do it.

[Robert Kelly]

Not until you get into a fact.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd be. If I saw. If I saw this when I was on a cruise, I be, oh, that's neat. Just a bunch of fat people playing with fans. I was like, why does everybody have a fan? Like, have you seen them? Because that's why. Because the boat's tipping very large. Okay, let's go back to the rules, please. All right, we get it. Black people love dancing with fans. But battery powered fans they can't afford. So they figured that'll just be the whites. Okay. Fan band. That's racist for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

So you have to have battery op, non battery fans you can't have.

[Big J Okerson]

You're not getting a brother to pay. No money for a fan like that. Except blue. But Lou got it from his white in laws pool chair rule. Here we go. So, so far I'd say age policy by pure confusion and fan ban. Because the only people I've seen dancing with fans on these cruises now has been black people, black people, Gays. I would say so. And gays. But no, I haven't seen. Well, gay blacks.

[Robert Kelly]

Gay whites too.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, well, with fans in general. But on the. But on the cruise they were just showing black.

[Robert Kelly]

Black people have. It's a fan. I think it's a dance too fan. Yeah. So I mean.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you mean like an organized thing. It must be. Yeah, they all knew it. But I don't. I've never.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's a thing. So it's like, hey, we got to take this away. Yeah, you can have regular.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so black. I don't even get the reference. It is. Black people don't buy batteries for their smoke detectors. See, so that's another thing where they're not going to get. You're going to buy for their fans, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, there was one. There was two black guys, Republican guys. And this one lady was talking about all these rules. How racist is Carnival? Cruz is in the background. All of a sudden the guy goes, is that a fucking fire detective? Battery. This bitch is so fat and lazy. She don't replace the battery.

[Jacob]

Beep.

[Robert Kelly]

Every couple of minutes.

[Jacob]

Beep.

[Big J Okerson]

Whole life he was like this.

[Robert Kelly]

But it was two black guys saying, this fat bitch don't replace the batteries in her fire.

[Big J Okerson]

Do black people not put batteries in their fire detector? Because they put them in their fans and figure if there's a fire, the fan will blow out the fire? That's a great question. Thank you. If you could take that back to black HQ and run up the ladder, let me know what comes back with Pool chair rule. Leave your chair for 40 minutes unattended. The crew may clear your items.

[Robert Kelly]

Damn, that's good. Well, because people.

[Big J Okerson]

We take it.

[Robert Kelly]

People are coming in and leaving their stuff on the chair and then taking off for the day.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, and then going back. I want this.

[Robert Kelly]

They're going forgetting. Going get up, going to get food. And then in the, you know, an hour or two.

[Big J Okerson]

This definitely. I think it's as white as it is black a situation. I think the black gets pointed out more because the white person's not going to be as confrontational. And they tell. They say that thing's been unattended for a while. They said. So it. Maybe it's racist, but that was written. Well, I think. Why not seem racist?

[Robert Kelly]

I think white people get up early to get the chair.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you got to get it pretty goddamn early to fool black people.

[Robert Kelly]

Not really. What, noon?

[Big J Okerson]

You gotta wake up the crack at.

[Robert Kelly]

1011 by 1145, the latest if you want to fool black people.

[Big J Okerson]

So that's. Well, that's well worded, that one. That's the. That would get thrown out in court, that one. But the other two, age policy and fan band so far are straight. Black people stay away.

[Robert Kelly]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Behavior equals consequences. All right, now we're back now. Now we're cooking with gas.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Behavior equals consequences. Disruptive guests can be removed with no refund and fined up to $500. Can I say something? Not bad. If you want to go ham on a fucking cruise ship up to 500. Come on.

[Black Lou]

Are they putting you in the jail or are they, like, airless?

[Big J Okerson]

It doesn't matter. Do it on the last day. Start DDT and the crew.

[Robert Kelly]

The last cruise, there was fights. There was fights. And they actually banned these people for life off of All Carnival Cruise. You can never go on back. They handcuff.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the only one.

[Robert Kelly]

They put you in the brig and then you get removed. As soon as they get to a port, you're off the boat. They. They. So they. Yes, they handcuffed this. These people. There was a group of people. I think there was nine life. Put them in the brig and then as soon as they got to a port. Go on. Police. Grab him. You're off.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, there are a lot of black Carnival Cruise Line fist fights that show up on World Star Hip hop.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a thing on the. On the Carnival cruise. Like it's drinking.

[Big J Okerson]

Kid and play just performed. Everyone's fucking hyped too. Hype.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And you know, black chicks don't take shit too.

[Big J Okerson]

Hype was a kid and play song.

[Robert Kelly]

White chicks will go complain to like. Like a porter. A blackjack would just slap you in the face with a chair.

[Big J Okerson]

True that. True that. Because her father don't put her hands on her. 500 bucks, man. That seems worth it.

[Robert Kelly]

You ain't getting that if you just.

[Big J Okerson]

Want to throw a fight. Five hundred. Fine. All right. That seems. Now that seems drunk more than black or white. Yeah, well put. Well put. Behavior equals.

[Black Lou]

We have the guy. Remember the guy that escaped imprisonment.

[Big J Okerson]

That was the best.

[Robert Kelly]

That was the best. What is it?

[Big J Okerson]

This guy was watching. He got into a fight while Suicidal Tendencies was playing on stage.

[Black Lou]

On the deck.

[Big J Okerson]

On the deck. So they grabbed him and they're putting them in the brig. And he asked them, he goes, hey. He goes, let me go to my. He goes, let me go to my room, like get some stuff at least, you know, I mean, so that they do, you know, take. If he wouldn't like pull a gun at or something. They just got no fight. So they let him go to his room. He goes in his room, goes in the balcony and starts doing the climbing around the balconies. Which is not a super difficult thing to do other than it's death defying in. In what you'll feel, you know, I mean, if you were doing. If you had to get. If you had to make that same climb in this room, you would think nothing of it. Yeah, but because something goes haywire, you're dead. He did it for about five or six. Like, he went way down.

[Black Lou]

I mean, he's definitely hammered. So he had.

[Big J Okerson]

He waited for the first one that was open and he came out of the room and went back. And then they found them 20 minutes later, right back in front of the stage, just fucking rocking up the suicide. And when they called him that time, he just went, ah, okay. You just let him arrest him. He's like, all right.

[Black Lou]

I think he knew enough to, like, go down far enough where he wasn't coming out.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, right next to where they were.

[Big J Okerson]

So funny, though. They caught him again. He was like, okay, I'm not running anymore. You got me crazy. Is this the last one?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Boarding requirements. Check in online by midnight before sailing. Print your boarding pass and luggage tags. Bring all required travel. That's not. That's.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, there's another one too, apparently.

[Big J Okerson]

No do rags there.

[Robert Kelly]

No. No Jersey. No, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Lots of kids.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

All your cousins?

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Black. Lou, do you have black cloth? I was just. I was gonna say there's a video in the tracker that has a couple more rules.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a couple more. Yeah, yeah, do that. There's a couple more rules that are a little on the nose. Yeah, yeah, a little more on the nose. I mean, durags is pretty much on the nose.

[Big J Okerson]

My dad's Chilku Charlie's, that club in Alaska. Used to have a sign on the front door, though. I used to always say that you might as well say, no black people. It's like, no jerseys and no. No durags. No backwards hats.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, here you go.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, is it. Bill Dawes came out and said.

[Robert Kelly]

So you think the fan ban wasn't enough stuff? Watch this.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Last part's the wobble dance.

[Big J Okerson]

They're saying no more wobble dance because.

[Robert Kelly]

It'S causing too many problems. Carnival came at you. Carnival came out. What is the wobble dance?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. Do you know what it is, Lou? Oh, yeah. It's one of those line dances that's just. There's the fan thing. They're all doing that.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never seen a fan with it, but it's like a group line dance. Yeah. They're banning the electrics with the black electric slide. They're too good at. They're making the white people feel silly. It's too complicated, I bet.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, here it is right there.

[Big J Okerson]

Their own opinion. The black lady watching the white people do the wobble on the cruise does not look at it. She's not putting her full blackness into hers. Do you notice that? Look at the black chicken. Top corner one. She's not giving 100% because she sees the white girls working so hard. See, she's like. I'm not gonna put. Like, it's. It's gonna be. She doesn't want to seem at a place. She doesn't want to ask a bunch of questions like, how do you do that? Is it. Do you have extra bones?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, the black girl is way.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God. Now she connected to her big black hair.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no, that's.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, her lanyard got stuck. The white girl's. Lan, you're swung around from her. Oh, look at the gay cruise director guy. These guys.

[Black Lou]

I mean, to be fair, that girl's kind of hitting it, too.

[Robert Kelly]

Little chubbo, little chubby in the back.

[Big J Okerson]

She's doing okay, but I mean, the gay guy is just getting his pumped full of Polynesian come in that lower deck course.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, there's no. I mean, this. I've been on a cruise where they did this thing. Why I didn't do it, but I think.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, but why were you on the cruise that did this?

[Robert Kelly]

I. I've done a couple cruise cruises. I did a. I did a performing on the uni. No.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's right.

[Robert Kelly]

I did that.

[Big J Okerson]

Just go on.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I did that Thanksgiving cruise that I'll never. I'll never just go on a cruise again. I'm. You have to be. Cruise people are like a certain type of people. Like I. I. Me and dawn and Max. Max had a blast, but me and Dom were bummed out.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it sucks.

[Robert Kelly]

There's nothing. You have to be into these little wobble dances and.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you have to be into is excessive drinking.

[Robert Kelly]

Excessive drinking.

[Big J Okerson]

If you're gonna get obliterated and trying to get laid or come with somebody you're fucking, it seems like it could be fun.

[Robert Kelly]

They do have a. They do have a nude cruise.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. No one wants that. You don't want to be. No parts of that.

[Robert Kelly]

Now you know.

[Big J Okerson]

Exactly. Fly on a wall.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't think, though. You don't think the people on the news crew, what if they're hot? What if it's all. What if they had these rules? Like, they had rules for the nude cruise, like, only, you know, 45 and under.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You can't leave your room unless you're 3/4 hard.

[Robert Kelly]

Y. You have to trim all your fucking pubic hair. You can't come up with a bush. Fat that connects to your stomach, hair that connects to your nipples.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, look, this black lady is going to teach fat white women how to do the wobble dance. Please turn this up. Please turn us up. Please turn this up. All right, TikTok, next time you go to a wedding or a special function, you will be. I just love when fat People dance good.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, these are all fat people.

[Big J Okerson]

All right? Yeah. That's how easy the wobble dance is. It's for cruises. You know, it's for fat be people. They're not going to have pro dancers. But JLO ain't teaching you the wobble dance.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay?

[Big J Okerson]

JLo's not built for a cruise.

[Robert Kelly]

I got that. One, two. Turn to your right side and lean.

[Big J Okerson]

By the way, the lady on the right of her calls this exercise. This part of it. She goes, I did some exercise today. I went. Took a dance class that we did in super slow motion once for Tick Tock.

[Christine]

What about the wobble is. Is bad?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you can see what happened. The white girl got the black girl's hair caught in her lanyard and that starts a fight. And then the whole. Everybody's flipping out.

[Christine]

All right?

[Big J Okerson]

Everyone. Yeah, fucking. The lanyards are racist. Everyone's racist.

[Robert Kelly]

You get a bunch of. You get a bunch of people shit face doing that stupid dance and they're bumping into each other. Someone steps on somebody's hair.

[Christine]

It's a powder king.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I heard that one. One lady got really mad at these other. These little white kids because her, her wig fell off in the pool. And the kids started looking at her like pointing, going, look at her hair. It's like in the pool. Because they didn't understand.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at this bald lady.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And then she got mad at the kids instead of flipping out of the kids.

[Big J Okerson]

Bad black beach. Bad black.

[Robert Kelly]

What does it say?

[Black Lou]

This is the article he's looking at.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, perfect. No more hip hop. Although Carnival Cruise Line has not officially announced a ban on hip hop or rap music in their clubs. Significant online chatter from some black passengers. They noticed a reduction. Okay, that's perception. And that's also the DJ who's DJing or what kind of cruise. Like, it's like geared to. That's probably not like a ban on it. Seems pretty crazy. But wait. Some online discussions suggest the Carnival might be moving towards a more pre approved song selection for D Sucks, who should reportedly decline passengers requests. Really? The perception comes in the context of Carnival's efforts to address rowdy crowds and disruptive behavior on board. Limited unlimited drink packages.

[Robert Kelly]

Interesting. Yeah, there you go.

[Big J Okerson]

No more Bluetooth speakers at all.

[Robert Kelly]

That's definitely.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no. But here's the. In public areas, pools and hallways. I don't think that's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, that's. Is it. But is that a. Is that a black thing?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, the pool, hallways and public areas is a black thing for sure. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So funny. Because the boombox from our generation is the speaker now.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. But even that. I know. And then not every black guy carried around a boombox. A few did. I had a friend named Kenny who did. He was a giant.

[Robert Kelly]

How's he doing?

[Big J Okerson]

Private, I guess. Dead. I don't know. Ohio. Ohio. Friend. Didn't know him super well. But Kenny walked around with a boombox for sure. But it's a heavy thing to walk around with all the time. Time. Bluetooth speaker. You connect to your backpack strap.

[Robert Kelly]

But if you have six people with Bluetooth speakers all playing different. Even like when you go to the beach and you're playing your little. Like someone's playing music next to you and then you, you know, you gotta, you gotta be into it or it's.

[Big J Okerson]

Kind of, kind of sucks. I would put on headphones.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And not deal with anybody else. Stupid. Awful.

[Robert Kelly]

Of course you would. But if you're on a cruise, beach music, if everybody has a Bluetooth speaker and they're all playing different music, they're both black.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know if you heard this. We're not allowing blacks to this thing anymore. Didn't you hear the good news, Bobby?

[Christine]

That to me is the, the equivalent of.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you have any cruise people? Like white? Because white cruise people are like, yes, for sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Especially Carnival's the cheapest one.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, they're cheap. 290 something dollars for these cruise packages.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. What?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And there was one lady, this is like, I just saw the video. She was at the buffet getting yelled at because she, she had too much fried chicken on her plate at once.

[Big J Okerson]

They're like, we're making more come back.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, something like that. It's like he didn't have it. Now it's getting a little, getting a little crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. So. Yeah. So. So white trick, low rent whites.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Are pretty thrilled about this.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Because they can go back to their quiet little cruises.

[Big J Okerson]

And then also I do believe if you are subtle white trash like I am, I'd say, you know, I mean, I could like talk, I could be friendly and seem like a good part. But I could, I could pass for trash. I mean, I am trash. But I do think I can get away with walking through the hallway with my speaker on if I had that. I do think it's racist enough in that I think they would enforce that more on like a young black dude.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know if you had, if you had your hat on like that with a little bang sticking out, maybe that little cutie patootie look you got going today, I don't care. But if you have your leg, there's certain looks you have that you get stopped.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Sweatpant pant. Leg up, walking down. Yeah, sure. This little thing you're going on today, little sleeveless thing with your little curly bang sticking out.

[Big J Okerson]

They're not gonna bother me. I just painting a fence for a neighbor.