
Jacob educates the guys with an intriguing story about the Titanic and its sister ships. Jay and Bobby turn his story into a search for love. It is Bonfire lore that poor Jacob always finds himself without romance. Jay imagines that he can find the perfect woman who has the same interests as Jacob, such as nautical wrecks. Bobby tries to find him a professional escort to take on a Brazilian adventure, where they will realize their destiny. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf
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Big Jay Oakerson
And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. Damn, dude.
Christine
You like a lot of songs with the N word in it.
Big Jay Oakerson
Black people rule.
Christine
Black people do rule.
Big Jay Oakerson
Are you ready to laugh now? Yeah, you already laugh now.
Christine
Woo.
Big Jay Oakerson
You ready to laugh now? Thank you, Jamie.
Christine
Jamie. Song didn't affect Jacob at all.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jacob, he started just talking louder over it. He was like, blah, blah, blah. White nonsense, white nonsense.
Bobby Kelly
Trying to get through to Bobby.
Christine
God. You what?
Bobby Kelly
I was trying to ask Bobby a question.
Big Jay Oakerson
I wish you wouldn't write this music off is what you quote, unquote. You said jungle music. Which is crazy. Crazy to say in today's temperature. In today's temperature, racial climate.
Christine
We did the. We do the meeting on Mondays at 11 and I had to do it in the car and dawn was in it in the car. And as soon as the screen came up, the zoom and she saw everybody's faces, she went, what's wrong with Jacob? I go, that's his face.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh no, it's just how he kicks it.
Christine
That's his. That's his face.
Big Jay Oakerson
She goes, what's wrong with Jacob? And you went, oh, he must have amazing news.
Christine
She literally looked at Jacob and thought he, Jacob was pissed off about something.
Big Jay Oakerson
Of course.
Christine
I go, no, that's just him.
Big Jay Oakerson
He is.
Bobby Kelly
I have resting misery face. And you know this.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's the family dude.
Christine
Yeah. I had to explain to her about the family. He is the family.
Big Jay Oakerson
The family. You don't need no family.
Christine
Who is the family when you is the family
Big Jay Oakerson
dinner.
Christine
I think it's funny though that sister my, you know, doesn't knows Jacob knows about him and then sees his face and go, why is he so bummed out?
Big Jay Oakerson
8:00pm Dinner reservation for one, please. The family.
Christine
How much is a ticket for the movie? How many?
Big Jay Oakerson
One. Well, how many. How many seats do you need? One.
Bobby Kelly
You go as a group.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'll go to a movie by myself.
Christine
How much is a ticket to Universal for one?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, yeah. Hey, is there a different line if you're riding the roller coaster by yourself?
Bobby Kelly
One ticket for Harry Potter world, please.
Christine
Oh, one wand, please.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, my name's Jacob. Whatever you're gonna say. Pedophile. One adult Harry Potter world.
Christine
It's funny, too, because you brought up a good little idea. I like when you're brainstorming, you like, hey, what do you think about this? And I was like, you know, that's great idea. I liked it. And Jacob goes, this. Already do that. Don't they already do that on the. On the. On Larry the cable guy or somebody else? He does that. And I look at him. I'm like, well, why would you do that? And he goes, no, no, no. That's a good idea, too.
Big Jay Oakerson
But who. Larry who? What does Larry the cable guy do?
Bobby Kelly
I said, you were on the show. It's kind of like what they do, but I don't think they don't do it in the fishbowl, which is a good idea.
Big Jay Oakerson
What did they do on the show?
Bobby Kelly
On a show.
Big Jay Oakerson
Larry the cable guy, he just morgia.
Bobby Kelly
Foxworthy.
Big Jay Oakerson
I was never on a show with you Foxworthy.
Bobby Kelly
And it was Larry. But he does. He'll interview comics from, like, Jay's idea.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm talking about getting them together in a room. The interesting thing is to see where the. That's what he does.
Bobby Kelly
No, that's why I said, that's different. That's a good idea to do it in. Zoom.
Christine
You bring up the comparison.
Big Jay Oakerson
Just want to hurt me.
Christine
I mean, I heard his idea. I was like, that's a great idea. I just said, it's no if it's a great idea. You go, that's a great idea. You went, oh, yeah, they kind of do that already.
Big Jay Oakerson
We're doing the fishbowl. Jacob, how many tickets do you need for your friends and family? None.
Bobby Kelly
I don't need any.
Christine
How many hamburgers, sir? One.
Big Jay Oakerson
One. Can you do a half? Could you do a half a burger
Christine
with no bun, please?
Big Jay Oakerson
I guess one.
Christine
Then I'll have one with nothing.
Big Jay Oakerson
Just a little shake of fries. Just one little handshake of fries.
Christine
Do you guys.
Bobby Kelly
Come on.
Christine
One fry and a sip of a shake.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. One order for family. I'VE got one French fry, half burger,
Christine
no bun, no lettuce, no ketchup, mayonnaise,
Big Jay Oakerson
slap it, smack it up. I got one sad drip.
Christine
Jacob better play by himself.
Big Jay Oakerson
What do you do when you order food out?
Bobby Kelly
I don't.
Christine
He doesn't ever?
Bobby Kelly
No, no. I cook at home.
Christine
Yeah, we're gonna order one burger.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. It is hard to order for one, I think.
Christine
Do you guys.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm in the mood for a slice of pizza.
Christine
Do you guys sell one pork chop.
Bobby Kelly
Well, if I go out, if I'm gonna get food out, I walk to get it.
Big Jay Oakerson
To go get it.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. I have never had food delivered in.
Christine
How is that walk?
Big Jay Oakerson
Why? You know, trust Asians in your building?
Bobby Kelly
I don't like the. I think that's crazy. It's like a. An industry now.
Christine
What?
Big Jay Oakerson
Delivering food.
Bobby Kelly
Everyone has now. They don't even leave to get their food.
Christine
Well, I mean, once in a while, though, you just kind of have it delivered. I do that once in a while. No, you just. You walk to the.
Bobby Kelly
For me, it's a calorie burn of, like, if I'm gonna eat ramen, I have to at least walk to get it. That's how my brain works.
Christine
Can I ask you a question?
Big Jay Oakerson
If you're breaking your rule and eating ramen, you go.
Christine
You walk and eat the ramen there. You don't bring it back to your place?
Bobby Kelly
No, I bring it back because I have my whole setup.
Christine
You have a what?
Bobby Kelly
I have my ramen bowls, and I add an egg that I make a ramen egg.
Christine
What, you make the soy sauce egg?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
What, you make your own?
Bobby Kelly
Sometimes I do soy, but most of the time not.
Christine
So you know how to cook an egg perfectly, so it's.
Bobby Kelly
I know how to do everything perfectly, Bobby. Yes. Cooking is my.
Big Jay Oakerson
Except find love.
Bobby Kelly
Well, yeah, I was talking about food.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Before you hurt me.
Christine
Yeah. You spent so much time on food, you forgot about relationships.
Big Jay Oakerson
There's love out there for you, Jacob. It exists.
Christine
Yeah. You just have to stop eating like a fucking serial killer.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. You won't let us find her for you.
Christine
I really. I really want to find somebody for you.
Big Jay Oakerson
How could you not, Jacob?
Christine
You should have somebody in your life. There's. There's somebody out there arguing. There's somebody out there, like bow ties and salmon and rubber band workouts and talking Japanese culture. Yeah. Talking about the Titanic.
Bobby Kelly
I was about to say, I'm nothing like the way you described me on air, and then you mentioned the Titanic. I said, oh, wait, they do have to put up with that.
Big Jay Oakerson
We nailed it.
Guest/Additional Speaker
You need to find a girl that also loves the Titanic like you do. I know One of the things that bonds you together.
Big Jay Oakerson
A woman is willing to pick you up.
Bobby Kelly
Where are they?
Big Jay Oakerson
A woman who's willing to pick you up under the armpits and put you on bed.
Christine
Is there anybody still. Is there any women still alive from the Titanic we could hook him up with?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, or maybe Molly Brown's niece or something?
Christine
Yeah. Is there somebody. How about somebody related to somebody that was on the Titanic?
Bobby Kelly
Can I give you a weekly build a camera story?
Christine
Yeah, go ahead.
Bobby Kelly
A little fun fact. You'll like this one. This is actually about Britannic, Titanic's youngest sister.
Christine
What?
Big Jay Oakerson
What?
Christine
What?
Bobby Kelly
There are three sister ships. I thought you knew. I must have said this a bunch of times. It's a good story. There's what Titanic was. The middle of three sister ships is Olympic.
Christine
Was that the biggest one?
Bobby Kelly
No, they're all the same size. They were twin triplets.
Christine
They made three ships the same thing.
Bobby Kelly
Yes, but Titanica, every one of them had some upgrades.
Big Jay Oakerson
You know the ships are in organic materials though, right?
Bobby Kelly
They have no relation in the. In the industry. They're called sisters.
Big Jay Oakerson
They are?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
I didn't know that. Okay.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, well, the Titanic's Olympic and Britannic are always referred to as sisters.
Christine
And all ships are women.
Bobby Kelly
Not in Russia. In Russia, it's. It's reversed. In Russia, it's. It's male, but every other place in the world, it is female.
Big Jay Oakerson
And penises should always be like full, proper names. Like this is. Have you met Lawrence? Well, you wouldn't say Larry. No, it's Lawrence. Yes, for your penis. Yeah.
Christine
Have you met Sylvester?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Oh, do you know Jonathan? You writing it down for the.
Bobby Kelly
No, no, no. I'm writing down you writing down dick
Big Jay Oakerson
names for the people that watch on the computer screen.
Christine
That's how this felt.
Big Jay Oakerson
We're.
Christine
We're giving it right to him and he just goes to the typewriter.
Big Jay Oakerson
I mean, we're looking directly at you and you checked out as an audience.
Bobby Kelly
I didn't. I was writing.
Christine
What were you writing? A note. What was the note? Name your dick.
Bobby Kelly
I'm writing so I don't forget. Later. For later. I have to get my penis.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jackson. Now that laugh didn't seem real. Now, didn't it hurt?
Bobby Kelly
I was making up for the other.
Christine
So tell us about the sister ships.
Bobby Kelly
Okay, so Olympic sailed first.
Christine
Wow, you've been waiting for this moment.
Bobby Kelly
Nothing happened to Olympic.
Big Jay Oakerson
Actually, Christine, I hope you Brought an extra pair of panties.
Bobby Kelly
Christine likes my Titanic talk.
Big Jay Oakerson
Damn right.
Bobby Kelly
We had a contest, remember? I mean, I won.
Big Jay Oakerson
She likes the movie Titanic. Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Who doesn't? Who doesn't?
Big Jay Oakerson
I mean, I couldn't give a. I liked it the first time I saw it.
Christine
I watched it once. Couldn't watch it twice. I got it.
Big Jay Oakerson
I watch it going down again. That part. But I couldn't care less about the
Bobby Kelly
whole second half of the movie.
Big Jay Oakerson
Right. I watched the second half only. I don't care about this.
Bobby Kelly
I get it.
Big Jay Oakerson
Fucking this stupid DiCaprio. Fievel mousing his way onto the Titanic.
Christine
Yeah. All the bullshit they made up to make the sinking.
Bobby Kelly
It's a week. I mean, if there's a weak link, it's the. But you know, they're there just to take you around the ship.
Big Jay Oakerson
The love story.
Bobby Kelly
The love story. You gotta.
Big Jay Oakerson
But Billy Zane was a real person.
Bobby Kelly
It's just a ship.
Big Jay Oakerson
Billy Zane was a real person.
Bobby Kelly
No, he was not.
Big Jay Oakerson
No. He didn't his character represent a real person? No.
Bobby Kelly
Well, I mean, there were rich first class, but they had actors playing the real people.
Christine
They really have dirty immigrants on the, like, the lower decks.
Bobby Kelly
Third class.
Big Jay Oakerson
Stupid pieces of shit.
Christine
Did they have smelly potato people on the.
Bobby Kelly
They did, actually.
Big Jay Oakerson
Disgusting mix.
Christine
How much was a ticket for? 1.
Bobby Kelly
Eight Chinese people.
Christine
What?
Big Jay Oakerson
Eight Chinese cost you.
Christine
They ate Chinese people.
Bobby Kelly
There were eight Chinese people and six of them survived.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, I thought he was saying the ticket to get on board. The price was eight Chinese people. We had Chinese slaves.
Christine
I thought they said they ate Chinese people, the third class. No, they had eight. Well, they had to do laundry.
Bobby Kelly
Six of them survived and one of them. There's a deleted scene. We actually filmed one of the Chinese guys. He had to balance, unlike a piece of wood.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
On his hands and knees.
Big Jay Oakerson
They're good at that, though. They're circus.
Bobby Kelly
Keep their body above his chest, above his core, above the water until a life. A lifeboat came and picked him up.
Big Jay Oakerson
Got him.
Christine
Did he stand on one leg like the crane?
Bobby Kelly
That was the Jack and Rose inspiration. He. But he cut. No, the. The Chinese guys. The Chinese guy.
Big Jay Oakerson
There's nothing more fun than peppering a story of the funny, but the person's telling the story linearly.
Bobby Kelly
So then I can't deviate.
Big Jay Oakerson
He can't deviate. You can say that. Goes. Could you go. Was he doing the butterfly. The butterfly kick technique on the piece of wood? And he goes. So that is what that was based off of from the Titanic, the butterfly kick.
Christine
No, no, no, no, no.
Big Jay Oakerson
I didn't listen to what you said at all.
Christine
So he was keeping his core up. Is he the only one that.
Bobby Kelly
I'm not gonna match wits with you, Jay.
Big Jay Oakerson
You're doing great.
Christine
Was he keeping his core? It's like a Chinese technique. He knew that.
Bobby Kelly
He literally bounced on his hands and knees for I think, a couple of hours until a lifeboat came back.
Big Jay Oakerson
Now, keep in mind he's also injured. He was cheated in earlier in the tournament.
Christine
Is that true?
Bobby Kelly
They were all third class.
Big Jay Oakerson
The lifeboat. The lifeboats just ahead. Can he keep his torso above as long as possible? Finish him. Oh, my God. What is that? His chest is going underwater. Lifeboat. Lifeboat.
Christine
Yeah, lifeboat.
Big Jay Oakerson
Chinese guy did it. Everybody held his chest above the water until the lifeboat got there. Oh, my God.
Christine
It's unprecedented.
Big Jay Oakerson
Unheard of. God, dude, you know what? Now I think back about it. The Titanic was a great movie. It was a great movie that remind me how good the Titanic was.
Christine
And that that Chinese person is cooking lo in St. John's as we speak.
Big Jay Oakerson
As we speak.
Bobby Kelly
Make me food.
Christine
Yeah, that's him.
Big Jay Oakerson
Is that him?
Christine
Is that him?
Big Jay Oakerson
I didn't know we had audio. Raw audio.
Christine
That's crazy.
Big Jay Oakerson
Audio this whole time.
Christine
So the sister boat, Olympia.
Bobby Kelly
No, Olympic.
Christine
Olympic. I'm sorry.
Big Jay Oakerson
And what's the other one? Freebird.
Christine
How come nobody know? Everybody knows the Titanic. And nobody knows about the sister book. Olympic. And Maria. Maria Santa Maria. The Pinta.
Bobby Kelly
All right, this is. It's interesting.
Big Jay Oakerson
So Titanic, Olympic and the pussy snatcher. The third owner was hilarious.
Christine
The Olympic. And what was the other one?
Bobby Kelly
Britannic is the youngest.
Christine
Britannica like the encyclopedias. Britannic like to see encyclopedias?
Big Jay Oakerson
No, it's Britannica.
Christine
Oh, Britannica.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
I thought.
Big Jay Oakerson
I see why you got made the mistake.
Christine
I thought they made so much money off of the encyclopedias, they could afford to make a ship.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, Brady, Olympia and Titty. That's what I call them. I'm their friend. I was friends with. With the sisters.
Christine
Yes.
Big Jay Oakerson
We had little nicknames for him. Titty.
Christine
Now, after the Titty went down, did the.
Bobby Kelly
They made upgrades to. To Britannic? Look, they obviously they. They got to have enough life.
Christine
Did they get a better captain that didn't hit icebergs?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, he was at fault.
Big Jay Oakerson
Did they ever do the third one? Florence? Was it the third boat? Florence? No. Olympia. Olympia. Is that wrong?
Bobby Kelly
Olympic.
Big Jay Oakerson
Olympic.
Bobby Kelly
They all end with ick. Olympic, Titanic, Britannic.
Christine
The story ends with ick.
Guest/Additional Speaker
No.
Bobby Kelly
You're gonna like my story, but you're not letting Me?
Christine
No, I'm sorry.
Big Jay Oakerson
By the way, if I'm a girl, I've already left your apartment freaking the fuck out.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, that's why I'm telling you in here on live radio.
Christine
I'm taking my half a hamburger and I'm losing.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm fucking out of. Stop trying to talk to me. I'm just a delivery guy.
Christine
I'm gonna take my free exercise bands that you said I could have and my half a hamburger and I'm gone.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jacob's afraid if he gets delivery food, he's gonna invite the guy and never let him leave. You're my best friend.
Christine
Now I'm gonna drill in your head so you stay.
Bobby Kelly
By the way, I know not to talk like this in front of women.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay, Good, good, good.
Christine
Let me tell you something.
Bobby Kelly
I already know that instinctively.
Christine
If you found a woman and then she brought up the Titanic and the Olympic and the. In the Santa was the last one
Bobby Kelly
there was like, you know by now the Maria.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, sea monster.
Christine
Sea monster. If she brought up the Olympic in the sea monster, would you. Would you flip the fuck out?
Bobby Kelly
Just on our own.
Christine
Yeah. If she just brought up, like, you
Bobby Kelly
know, I didn't meet her from the show.
Christine
No, you were at your house on a date, and all of a sudden. Did you know that there was two other ships other than the Titanic? The sister ships. Would you lose your mind?
Big Jay Oakerson
Propose the pint. The pint in the panty dropper.
Christine
Jacob. This would be. Jacob. Ah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Bobby Kelly
Well, I. I would be very careful not to get too crazy, but I have to go. Oh, do tell.
Christine
No, you'd be like, can you excuse me? I got. I just got to go to the bathroom real quick. And she'd hear. In the bathroom.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, my God.
Christine
Anyways.
Big Jay Oakerson
And then you come out of the bathroom and she's sitting with her legs crossed reading your Nazi. Jacob, I thought you might be in there for a little bit longer. I was just coming through your Nazi books.
Christine
Yeah. Just wearing a bow tie. So it's the Olympic and the.
Bobby Kelly
So Titanic is. Sank.
Christine
Sank. Yes, we know that.
Bobby Kelly
I know.
Guest/Additional Speaker
And the America on purpose because of the Federal Reserve.
Christine
No, no. Oh, isn't that. Isn't that like a conspiracy theory that. But they sunk it, right?
Bobby Kelly
No, it's just. It's saying because of. He went full. Full throttle into an iceberg.
Christine
Why did he do that?
Bobby Kelly
I don't know. It's bad captaining, to be honest.
Big Jay Oakerson
Titanic, Britannic warnings.
Bobby Kelly
Now, let's say. So you didn't get some of them. But it was enough. You don't do what you did.
Christine
Can't you see the iceberg?
Bobby Kelly
No. No. You couldn't see it until it was way too close.
Christine
Wasn't there a guy with a flashlight going, icebergs?
Bobby Kelly
The water was too calm, so there was no breaking at the. At the base of the icebergs. And it was also a perfect night, which is bad for spotting icebergs.
Christine
So you don't. You don't want perfect sight when you're. You don't want calm water. You want it to be.
Bobby Kelly
You want it a little rough so that it hits and makes a little wave. Wave. Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
So if we were on a date, I would have stuck my dick in your mouth to shut you up. By now I'd have been like, I'm not even gay, dude. But here, just taste it and stop talking.
Bobby Kelly
Well, I can wait, because listen to this.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jay, okay?
Christine
He doesn't quit. I like it.
Big Jay Oakerson
Can you say it, though? With my wiener in your cheek? So, yeah. Oh, him. Vic, you're not gonna. Weird. Crazy.
Christine
All right, so go ahead. The Olympic. Olympic.
Bobby Kelly
Titanic's been sank.
Christine
Yeah, we know that.
Bobby Kelly
Britannic is the last of the three sisters. And it was going to be a luxury liner, an ocean liner like Titanic and Olympic. But World War I broke out, so it was immediately converted to a hospital ship.
Christine
Wow.
Bobby Kelly
Right. It was stripped of all its opulence. And then in 1916, to be fair,
Big Jay Oakerson
because Bobby has no idea.
Bobby Kelly
Right.
Big Jay Oakerson
Explain what opulence is.
Bobby Kelly
Well, all the luxury. I think I got that. I'm. I'm praying to God I got that word right. All the luxury of first class Titanic.
Christine
I got it. He was being a dick.
Bobby Kelly
It was stripped to.
Christine
He was making me look like a dink. I know what opulence means.
Bobby Kelly
Right. Well, it was stripped to just be a very basic hospital ship.
Christine
Hang on a second. I don't appreciate you in the middle of this story in front of Jacob throwing me under the bus like that.
Big Jay Oakerson
I think you took it the wrong way.
Bobby Kelly
It was more for me.
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know what opulence means for sure. So I was throwing it to you like you were the dumb. Dumb. So you explained to you. And then I could be like, I'm
Christine
just gonna tell you right now that I. I basically knew what it was.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. I mean, contextually, I think I kind of got it.
Christine
But, I mean, I don't know what that means.
Big Jay Oakerson
It made me.
Christine
I do not know what that means. I think it's. It's Some type of texture.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
Okay.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's a texture, all right. Sorry, Jacob, you're talking about2016. I believe it's the Pinto and the Finger Blast.
Bobby Kelly
I think it's November 2016. Or October. Anyway.
Christine
What year?
Bobby Kelly
Britannic. 2000, 1916.
Christine
Thank you. Because I was saying, that's very close.
Bobby Kelly
Right. So Britannic hits a German mine and sinks off of the coast.
Christine
No, this company stinks. They can't see anything.
Big Jay Oakerson
They make their boats out of.
Christine
What are they. Yeah, Saran Wrap.
Bobby Kelly
An ocean liner wasn't made for war, but they had the big hospital ace on it.
Christine
Can I just say something, please? I'm not stepping. You said they fixed it after the Titanic. They fixed the other two ships.
Bobby Kelly
Well, to hit an iceberg, not to hit a German mine.
Christine
Well, I mean, some things you can do the same thing.
Big Jay Oakerson
Potato, potato.
Christine
Look what an iceberg did.
Guest/Additional Speaker
For warfare.
Bobby Kelly
Not for warfare.
Big Jay Oakerson
All right. I'll be honest with you. I hope that company went under. I don't feel bad saying it.
Christine
They did most of it.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
Under the ocean.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. They don't exist. Two thirds of it are under the ocean. That whole company. Oh, man. My shares. But I bought shares in those companies.
Bobby Kelly
So Britannic sinks. It's about 812ft long, but it sinks in 400ft of water. So the bow, the ship hits the ground before the rest of the ship. So it's ass out of the water. Right, right. So here's the trivia. Nobody actually died on board Britannic when it sank. However, they managed to get everyone off the sailors on board. A couple of the. The lifeboats launched too fast before the captain told them to and died because the propeller of the ship was still moving. Sucked in the boat and 30 people got Swiss cheesed by the propeller of the Britannic.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, it's not Swiss cheese. That's fucking shaved hammed.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Except for one woman, a nurse by the name of Violet Jessup. She jumped off in the nick of time. The propeller hit her head, fractured her skull.
Christine
That's the name of the woman you should marry.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
What's her name again?
Bobby Kelly
Violet Jessup. I believe.
Christine
That's what I would think. The type of woman you marry. And finally said Viola Jessup Batat.
Big Jay Oakerson
Violet. A woman who wears sweaters all the time.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. She's passed.
Christine
Takes you 30 minutes to get have sex with her because you have to undo her corset.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, my God, she's wearing so much stuff.
Christine
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Here's the cool part about Violet. You think that's cool enough. She survived that. No, she was also a stewardess on Titanic. She survived both wrecks.
Big Jay Oakerson
She called them stewardesses.
Bobby Kelly
Titanic.
Christine
Can I just say something, though? Maybe she's the one who caused all this shit. It's pretty fucking.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. She is a common denominator there.
Christine
Common denominator. Maybe she's the one who. The guy was like, iceberg. And she was like, it's not an iceberg.
Big Jay Oakerson
She's been working for the Japs.
Christine
Yeah. Maybe she's working for the germs and the Japs.
Big Jay Oakerson
Do we have a problem with the Japs then?
Christine
Yes, we did.
Bobby Kelly
We did.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
No, World War I, we did not.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, okay. Who do we hate? World War I?
Christine
Germans.
Bobby Kelly
Germans.
Big Jay Oakerson
The Germans. Germans.
Christine
We didn't really hate them. We just got involved because we had to because France and England were getting their butts whipped again and we had to step in and take over and everybody up again.
Big Jay Oakerson
Damn. I love Bobby's. Once he got 50 late night documentaries. No one else will watch info. I like that.
Christine
Yeah, we.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's fun.
Christine
World War II, we weren't even involved. We had a, you know, the jab sucked us in. Then we said it. Now we're going to take over.
Big Jay Oakerson
So we had to help the Jews.
Christine
No, no, it was the other one.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, World War II.
Bobby Kelly
It was two.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's what he just said.
Christine
Oh, oh, World War II.
Big Jay Oakerson
We.
Christine
We got in because of the Japs. We weren't involved in that thing. Jews, The Japs and the Russians. Can we say Japs?
Big Jay Oakerson
Of course.
Christine
Japanese. Japanese. The Japanese, which I love.
Bobby Kelly
You're using that time periods language speaking
Big Jay Oakerson
as a character for the time period.
Christine
They dragged us into the war. We wanted nothing to do.
Big Jay Oakerson
We.
Christine
We were out of it. Even our president was like, look, we're not doing this. We're not getting in war. We're not dealing with the Roman camps. And then we had to because they. They us up in Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor.
Big Jay Oakerson
On my birthday of all days.
Christine
Jesus.
Bobby Kelly
That's right.
Big Jay Oakerson
Pearl Harbor Day.
Bobby Kelly
I think of it more as Jay's birthday.
Christine
So the Nina and the Pinterer. And was it the hop.
Big Jay Oakerson
The Panty dropper.
Christine
Panty dropper.
Bobby Kelly
That's a good story, right? That's interesting trivia. What I love about the show, it's not always about the laughs. It's about learning.
Big Jay Oakerson
Of course, the Titanic, the Olympic and the Britannic and Gloria's gift.
Christine
It was up to you. It'd be all about learning you can dive.
Bobby Kelly
You have to be an extremely accomplished technical Diver, but people. And you have to get clearance from the, the. From Greece to dive the. The Britannic. But there's great videos of. The thing is, you say great videos
Christine
of people diving on this ship because
Big Jay Oakerson
I'll be honest, we couldn't find a great video of P. Diddy's penis earlier.
Bobby Kelly
We've been trying perfectly preserved. So if you dive the Britannic, it's like you're diving Titanic.
Christine
It's perfectly preserved.
Bobby Kelly
It sank and it's in way better condition.
Christine
You said they took all the opulence out of that one.
Big Jay Oakerson
What happened to the opulence?
Bobby Kelly
Bones of it are ident. Almost identical to Titanic.
Big Jay Oakerson
Now we're down to the bones. The story's changing a lot.
Christine
Yeah, dude. You see, the Titanic had opulence.
Bobby Kelly
Well, that all went away though.
Christine
Yeah, but it's still there. They still have the tiles and the spa and all that stuff.
Bobby Kelly
The spa is there.
Christine
You said that the Turkish past, the new one, they took all the opulence out. So it's just. What is it?
Big Jay Oakerson
Stupid fucking boat for assholes.
Christine
Just medical beds and fucking IVs and every, every.
Bobby Kelly
It's identical in the way you would walk it to Titanic.
Christine
But no spa, no restaurants, no fancy stuff, no first class.
Bobby Kelly
No. I guess the restaurant was converted into a freak offer. I don't know the specifics.
Big Jay Oakerson
Is there a smush room?
Christine
Yeah. Any happy ending places? Could you get a happy ending on the Titanic, you think?
Big Jay Oakerson
Of course.
Bobby Kelly
Banged in a car?
Big Jay Oakerson
No, those Asian people down the little thing down there.
Christine
Oh, that's why they were there.
Big Jay Oakerson
Absolutely.
Christine
Makes sense though.
Big Jay Oakerson
When they're done shoveling cold and hey, on the.
Christine
The middle sister ship, is that still around?
Bobby Kelly
That's Titanic.
Christine
The. The first one.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
I'm sorry.
Big Jay Oakerson
The funky dumpling.
Bobby Kelly
Olympic had a long career.
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't think anyone except DJ Lou's enjoying all of my just naming the third boat. Stupid boat names.
Christine
I'm enjoying every. I'm letting you do it.
Big Jay Oakerson
I love it. Cutting all of them.
Bobby Kelly
Jay, I'm in the zone.
Big Jay Oakerson
I understand, I understand. But I'm always gonna name the Titanic one of the other ones. And then I'm hitting you with some kind of hilarious.
Christine
The Titanic.
Bobby Kelly
I'm the stat guy.
Christine
The Titanic.
Bobby Kelly
The Olympic was the first.
Christine
Olympic was the first one that's gone.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, it was just decommissioned and dismantled in like 1930.
Christine
They took it apart.
Guest/Additional Speaker
Yeah, it was scrapped after 20 years.
Bobby Kelly
What breaks my heart.
Christine
What do they do with it?
Bobby Kelly
Well, actually, I mean like there's a hotels that have The. A lot of the stuff. I think the grand staircase from that is in some hotel. All the furniture.
Christine
So they can just. They'll just take the whole ship apart and it's gone.
Bobby Kelly
It didn't mean anything back then. What are they doing everything today.
Christine
Make something.
Bobby Kelly
I think they just for scrap. Yeah, they take it all out. Sell what?
Big Jay Oakerson
Which one? The Titanic.
Christine
Go ahead, Jake. Come on, get it together.
Big Jay Oakerson
Check out this one. Just get excited now. Just getting ready to start them. Who are you talking about? Titanic.
Christine
What's wrong with you? Dude, you smoke too much weed. Come on, it's the Titanic. The. The last. What's the last one?
Big Jay Oakerson
I can't now.
Christine
I can't. It's gone.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's gone.
Bobby Kelly
I want to get out, but I think enough vaginas have dried up with me telling all that information.
Christine
Yeah, but there's one vagina out there right now that's wet and we have to find you that.
Bobby Kelly
Hey, I'm not so sure about that.
Big Jay Oakerson
Let me play the flute. I haven't played in a while. Hang on.
Christine
Hey, Jay. Yeah, I'm oh, so sorry. Please go.
Big Jay Oakerson
Beautiful.
Christine
Wow.
Big Jay Oakerson
They only wrote songs for Titanic, not the Britannica or Little Stinker.
Christine
First of all, I gotta say, when you said you were gonna get the flute and learn that, I didn't think you were gonna.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, you thought I was. Told you. I go. I'm only gonna learn the first verse, but here goes. Here's my best. Okay. All right.
Christine
I can't believe you did it.
Big Jay Oakerson
Wait, hold up, hold up. Okay, hang on. I got it.
Christine
Whoa.
Big Jay Oakerson
Go on. It's pretty impressive. I'm singing also.
Christine
How do you do?
Big Jay Oakerson
Sorry.
Christine
Why do you have the flute on you all the time? How come you have the flute on you all the time? You knew we were doing this today
Big Jay Oakerson
in case I ever meet Lizzo again. I really felt like I missed an opportunity to play flute for her when I saw her.
Christine
Are you trying to open for Davitel?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, we're gonna go be the fucking the brass section of comedy. Yeah, I think.
Christine
I think. I think what we could do is the.
Big Jay Oakerson
What?
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Christine
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Guest/Additional Speaker
The whole point of the story. The girl that was in both.
Christine
Yeah, that was a cool story. That was a great story.
Guest/Additional Speaker
Half hour.
Bobby Kelly
First of all I didn't take half hours.
Christine
Christine. We have to add some to it.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Because if Jacob tell a story fun fact. You could look up at a boring article.
Christine
Yeah, yeah. What are we going to do? Just let him talk. Hey Jay. What we could do and I'm just spitballing here because we like to spitball. We get a prostitute that can role play that she loves the Titanic. The Olympic Funky dumpling. The funky dumpling. What's the other one?
Big Jay Oakerson
The shits and gigs.
Christine
The shits and gigs that she loves it. She you know kind of school around it. We pay her a little extra money to do a little research and then she they we just have her bump into Jacob somewhere on the train. They start to talk. She will have her have a Titanic book out.
Big Jay Oakerson
Can I add to this idea please? Could we then have her go on a true romance like adventure in life. Like we feign a whole thing where it's like you end up having to help her. Somebody go or she let's make it realistic. Let's say you're getting attacked by somebody who's mopping the floor with you. And then she kills him. But it'll be Fake. You don't know that. You're gonna think now. And now you feel this protection over her, and then she takes you on a wild series of adventures, maybe even out of the country.
Christine
We could actually set up a pimp scenario with somebody. One of the comics that maybe he doesn't know.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jacob's not gonna go. He's not gonna take a girl from a pimp. He's gonna think if she. If she's a prostitute, he's gotta feel like he met a girl, they bumped into each other and then. And then she had to kill a guy to save him from being raped.
Christine
Yeah, she. He wouldn't. He wouldn't go. He wouldn't go to a pimp's house to get that. Get her freedom is what you're saying.
Bobby Kelly
Neither.
Big Jay Oakerson
She just saved him from being raped.
Christine
Right? Yeah, you're right. He doesn't have the courage to go to the pimp's house.
Big Jay Oakerson
He wants to.
Christine
He wants to, but he just doesn't
Big Jay Oakerson
have it in his heart of hearts. He wants to for sure.
Christine
Okay, so.
Big Jay Oakerson
But right now he's just happy that he didn't get raped.
Christine
He didn't get raped in front of that girl, and she saved him. But there's a murder and they're in on it. They kind of have to.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, she did it for him, so it's like. Yeah, he's very attracted to her.
Christine
How do you. She, like a.
Big Jay Oakerson
Like a rusty. Something on the ground, I assume. It's happening outside.
Christine
Right. Okay, great. And then. So then they fall in love. She starts to cry.
Big Jay Oakerson
This guy's an actor, by the way. We need some practical effects for this because we're not. We're not killing a guy.
Christine
No, we're not gonna kill. Of course not. We're not gonna kill a guy. So then. So then that's when she starts to cry. Breaks down. He has to go over to her and go, it's okay. And she's like, no, I killed the guy in front of you, and now you're an accessory. And I don't want you to be. You just leave me. Leave me. And he's like, I'm not leaving you.
Big Jay Oakerson
He's not gonna leave her.
Christine
He's not gonna leave her. And then they start to kiss.
Big Jay Oakerson
And then you realize, though, that she's a fucking wild card. That everywhere you go, she causes major problems. Really, you have to get into all kinds of stuff, but everything's set up, Jacob. You're not gonna lose one fight.
Christine
Can I add a little?
Big Jay Oakerson
Of course.
Christine
So when they have the breakdown, and she's crying, and she's like, I killed a guy. You need to go. And he's like, but you did it for me. And then they kiss. At that moment, she kind of. She kind of breaks the monotony. She goes, I could really go for some salmon.
Big Jay Oakerson
That would be nice.
Christine
And he goes, what did you just say?
Big Jay Oakerson
What the fuck did you say to me?
Christine
I just. I don't know. I just love salmon. I just would love some salmon right now. And he's like, I know how to cook it perfectly. What'd you say?
Big Jay Oakerson
I said, I know how to kick it perfect.
Bobby Kelly
I do.
Christine
You like salmon, too?
Bobby Kelly
Love salmon.
Christine
I love salmon.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, can we also add. Bobby, can we add that also the guy that attacked Jacob and that she fake killed.
Christine
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
He rode up on a horse. So they now have his horse.
Christine
Oh, thank you. So. Yeah. And she's like. I know. She's like, but he knows how to ride a horse because he was a cowboy.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
And she doesn't.
Big Jay Oakerson
Right.
Christine
She's a little scared. He has to help her up as a cowboy would.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, you worked at a horse farm in Jersey for a little bit.
Christine
And then they go back to his house, and she. He cooks the salmon.
Bobby Kelly
Perfect.
Big Jay Oakerson
Perfectly.
Bobby Kelly
I was a rancher for a whole summer.
Christine
We got that.
Bobby Kelly
I worked on the horse farm.
Christine
Right. And then they go back to the house, and he looks over at one point while he's cooking the salmon, and she's slowly taking her bloody clothes off from the murder, and she grabs the. One of the Titanic books out, and she starts reading it. She's like, this is my favorite one. And he's like, that's my favorite one, too.
Big Jay Oakerson
And then she says something like, no.
Christine
We cut to a smash cut a little background, them on the couch. He's reading. It's opening the book. She's pointing. They're laughing. All of a sudden, they're reading. Really? Oh, my God. And then they look at each other, and then they look over because it's the Titanic after it sinks, and it's at the end, and he looks over at her, and she looks at him, and there's one tear coming down each of their eyes because it's such a tragic loss. And then he reaches over and wipes the tear out of her eyes, and then they kiss again. Oh, my God. And then Jacob goes. She's like, I want to make love to you. And he goes, I have to do the dishes first and clean up.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
But as soon as I'm done cleaning Everything up so there's no mess. I'll meet you in the bedroom and
Big Jay Oakerson
then you can put me up on the bed.
Christine
Put me up in the bed. She has to put him up on the bed.
Big Jay Oakerson
Just put him up on the bed.
Bobby Kelly
Of course.
Christine
So you're saying that she'll. After he's done cleaning, she grabs him.
Big Jay Oakerson
She could also be a human stool or let him leapfrog her. Either one works, though, getting him fired into that bed, though. I would like Jacob to talk to her and Rip from Yellowstone.
Christine
I like that.
Big Jay Oakerson
She's like, are you ready to. Do you want this forever? He goes, if forever is forever with you, would feel like just moments in time, baby. So, yeah, I think I want to do forever.
Christine
Do you want to. Do you want to make love to me right now?
Big Jay Oakerson
If making love. Do you mean laying down with the woman that I love and looking into the eyes of forever and seeing my future? Well, then, yeah, I think I want to make love.
Christine
Can I spend the night?
Big Jay Oakerson
No. No. My wife's coming home.
Christine
What? I thought you would.
Big Jay Oakerson
My wife's coming home. I can't. You have to go, actually. Gather your stuff, please. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck. You just reminded me she's coming home and she is gonna be pissed as
Christine
soon as they make love. The phone rings and he goes, I gotta get that. That's Jim, my boss.
Big Jay Oakerson
I. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. Jim's gonna eventually call and take you out of your adventure. But you might already be in Zimbabwe, by the way.
Bobby Kelly
Jim calls. I gotta pick up.
Christine
Yeah, you gotta pick up. Hang on one second. Just give me a second. That's my boss. Hi. No, I took that out. No, I know. They were watching the video. I tried to describe it. I know.
Big Jay Oakerson
How about this? So then when Jacob's feeling comfortable with her and they're taking care of each other, they think the dust is settled. One day she's just gone. But there are a series of very simple clues that are going to lead Jacob on. Definitely, like, out of the country adventure. I'm thinking, like, Brazil maybe. Something like that. Like something. Well, we can get a Brazilian.
Christine
We could get a Brazilian prostitute to play this role.
Big Jay Oakerson
She was taken back to her place,
Christine
and she leaves clues back to Brazil, to the.
Big Jay Oakerson
But by, like, bad. Like warlord.
Christine
She's in the favelas. She's in the top of the favela in Rio. And he has to.
Big Jay Oakerson
Is that a resort?
Christine
No. You know, the. See Brazil, the projects, they're all on the hill. Yes, she's at the very tippity top. And he's got his. Make his way from the airport to the beach and then make his way up into the favelas.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'd like him along the way to make friends with a local boy who he feels he could trust for some reason or the other.
Christine
I would say. I would say that's fantastic. But I say when we make him a boy, I would say, you don't know if he's a boy or a girl. I want him to be very androgynous.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay?
Christine
Yeah, okay.
Big Jay Oakerson
An androgynous child.
Christine
But I want the child to fall in love with Jacob.
Big Jay Oakerson
No matter what it is.
Christine
No matter what, he falls in love with Jacob. And Jacob has to actually get to the point where he's like, I can't be with you.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, I'm here looking for love of my life.
Christine
I can't be with you. I. I thank you.
Big Jay Oakerson
He doesn't know. As a hired prostitute, right?
Christine
Exactly. He doesn't know that yet.
Big Jay Oakerson
He doesn't know it yet.
Christine
And then he makes his way. The little boy, girl or whatever the. He's like, I will still take you to the. To the top of the favela. And he. They make their way through gangs, through fights, through drug dealers. And he gets to the top of the favela and she's there.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, Christ almighty.
Christine
Yeah, she's there. And he walks up and he's like, what's her name? What do you think your name would be?
Big Jay Oakerson
One of those awful sounding, like real. Like a. Like a real thud of a name. You know what I mean? Like one of those real. It's ugly. It sounds like a belch.
Bobby Kelly
Mildred.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, no, no, it's something foreign. Y. But like a real. Like a pud name. Like a real Fracas or something like that. Like a woman named Fracas.
Christine
Fracas. Fracas.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah,
Christine
her name's Fracas.
Big Jay Oakerson
Fracas.
Christine
And because he has to say that with love, he has to say, fracas. Yeah, it's me, Jacob. And she turns around, she goes, what are you doing here?
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, your friends say you are Bessie. You in the wrong place now.
Christine
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
And they kill Jacob.
Christine
Well, they don't kill him. I say that. The little boy, girl, androgynous thing.
Bobby Kelly
Same thing.
Big Jay Oakerson
A little thing. Little thing.
Christine
Little thing. That's. That's the little thing.
Big Jay Oakerson
Little thing. It's probably sort of Chinese even maybe not. Why?
Christine
Steps in front of the knife, the machete. Oh, that Fracas is about to use. And kills. Kills Little.
Big Jay Oakerson
Little one kills little thing.
Christine
Little Thing
Big Jay Oakerson
that sucks. And we're already over here in the.
Bobby Kelly
I'm not.
Big Jay Oakerson
What?
Christine
What?
Bobby Kelly
I'm not doing all that.
Big Jay Oakerson
You haven't seen the prostitute yet?
Bobby Kelly
Come on.
Big Jay Oakerson
She's gonna be a high laugh.
Christine
You don't even know she's a prostitute.
Bobby Kelly
You think she's a. I'm not gonna fall for it.
Big Jay Oakerson
Hang on.
Bobby Kelly
Do me a favor. On the. On the. On the train.
Big Jay Oakerson
What's the popular. What's the. The arrows go to the woman that's got the pill. Let's find you. I'm gonna find you this Brazilian prostitute that you're gonna go overseas for. She's. She's in there, Jay, you know.
Christine
You know, it'd be even better to this story if.
Bobby Kelly
If.
Christine
If we're just joking around. But in real life, he does meet this smoking hot Spanish girl that loves all these things. Titanic salmon.
Big Jay Oakerson
And he treats her like.
Christine
But no, he love. But he does it. He thinks it's us setting him right.
Big Jay Oakerson
He treats like.
Christine
Yeah, he's just like, oh, off. I know what this is.
Big Jay Oakerson
Plaything. Go to New York.
Bobby Kelly
That's it.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'd like her to be local until she ends up in Brazil.
Christine
Yeah, we're gonna get you, dude. We're gonna. We're gonna hook you up with a nice.
Bobby Kelly
Well, Clarence realized Alabama was a. A prostitute, but she said yes, I was hired. But I love you for real.
Christine
But she was also like everybody. The way they got you out of it. She was only a call girl for two days. This is her. Her. That was her first. That was her. Listen, you need a little bit to suspend reality to live your life, Jacob.
Big Jay Oakerson
Go back to. Go back to what you just had on there, because there's already. So. I already say three. That Jacob was.
Christine
When I asked dawn if she still loves me, she says yes. You understand? You need a little bit.
Big Jay Oakerson
This is an actress.
Christine
Yeah. She knows what she's doing. She's a professional wife.
Big Jay Oakerson
Scroll down. All right, Melly, you're 100. Yeah, maybe not now. I changed my mind.
Christine
She got too big. That's too. Too much.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, yeah. All right, so far. Keep going. Scroll down.
Bobby Kelly
We're looking at Lacey a little.
Christine
What about that right there? She's beautiful. Big lips. None of them.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, you know what? All the way on the right.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
All the way on the right. Yeah. There's a strong chance.
Guest/Additional Speaker
The Yellowstone girl.
Christine
How much is. How much is she for? How much? We need three weeks for this romance
Big Jay Oakerson
before she runs off and makes Jacob on an international adventure.
Christine
Yeah. Three weeks or Two weeks. I see this.
Big Jay Oakerson
I think two weeks. An intense Two weeks that changes Jacob's life forever.
Christine
An intense.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's gonna cost us a lot in.
Christine
It's gonna be worth it.
Big Jay Oakerson
It is. But they have to. Here's the thing. She has to him, like, it's like a passionate. Like, they're gonna be going at it, like, two times a day, three times a day on the weekends.
Christine
Not them making love.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, right.
Christine
You have to make love to him. You have to look him in the eyes. When he cries, you cry.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jacob, time your cries with Jacob.
Christine
Jacob will cry. I bet. I bet after the first, third time they have sex, he's gonna cry, what's wrong, puppy? And she's gonna be like, I just can't believe I found it.
Bobby Kelly
It three times.
Christine
The three after three times. Have it making love to her.
Big Jay Oakerson
All right?
Christine
She'll catch you crying in bed, and then she'll be like, puppy, what's wrong? And you're gonna be like, I just. I just can't believe I found true love.
Big Jay Oakerson
Wait, go back to our stats. I want to see. Go down there. Yeah. What did it say? Oh, 25. Okay. I thought I said 35.
Christine
How much?
Big Jay Oakerson
25.
Guest/Additional Speaker
It does not count. Good pricing.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, it does. Sometimes does.
Christine
110. Go to our website.
Bobby Kelly
Market price.
Christine
Market price. She's like a. She's like lobster.
Big Jay Oakerson
I like that. Keep it guessing. She's interested in men. All right, go back, Jacob. For sure. You're international for her. Keep going.
Christine
She was very, very Yellowstone, that girl.
Big Jay Oakerson
Wait, go up.
Guest/Additional Speaker
I mean, should I just click on college girls?
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, yeah.
Guest/Additional Speaker
If we want to get them, let's get them.
Big Jay Oakerson
Sorry. Long line of pedophiles.
Guest/Additional Speaker
I don't know what we're doing over here.
Big Jay Oakerson
College girls, only nine.
Christine
Oh, Jacob. Right.
Big Jay Oakerson
But I bet seven of them. That's not. Those are zero. Those are ads, I think, up there, aren't they? Yeah.
Christine
Back to gold.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, no, no, no. Go back to what?
Christine
You're not made of money, Christine. Don't go to gold.
Big Jay Oakerson
Go down. It's just that first line, I think is not.
Guest/Additional Speaker
It's only nine, it says. And that's nine people.
Big Jay Oakerson
See? So. No, none of these. No, that's Rochelle Ryan, who. Right there.
Christine
Is that the Asian girl that survived the Titanic?
Big Jay Oakerson
No, that was a guy.
Christine
Oh, that was a guy. Well, she could have been a guy back then, and now she's a girl.
Big Jay Oakerson
Very possible. Times are changing.
Christine
Times have changed. What about that little nerdy one with the glasses right down below? Below her? What about that one.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, not for Jacob.
Christine
No.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jacob, he hates Asians.
Guest/Additional Speaker
He. Nobody wants to be Japanese. He wants a little Japanese.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, he hates Japanese women, though.
Christine
No, you like Japanese. You said they smell different. Why? Like what?
Big Jay Oakerson
Like.
Christine
Like broth, ginger. Do they smell like. What do they smell like? Why would you say that? Broth, ginger and wasabi.
Big Jay Oakerson
What's that stupid. What's that stupid. Fish.
Christine
Fish.
Big Jay Oakerson
Fish juice. What's the fish? Miso?
Christine
Yeah, miso. They smell like. They smell like socks.
Big Jay Oakerson
Fish piss.
Christine
You think Asian girls smell like wet socks? Is that what you said?
Big Jay Oakerson
Damn, you're up.
Christine
That's messed up, dude.
Big Jay Oakerson
Christine, go back to other prostitutes, please.
Guest/Additional Speaker
Arrows verified?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, let's get the ones that are verified. So they're not gonna us over.
Christine
We're not gonna you over. Jacob. This. This is gonna be love.
Big Jay Oakerson
Not her, but sky for sure.
Christine
Yeah, we can't go.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, no, not with the tattoo.
Christine
No, he's not gonna like it too much for him. Unless it's a tattoo of the Titanic.
Big Jay Oakerson
Absolutely. Whoever this is for sure.
Christine
Jay, real quick thought we pay her extra to get tattoos of things Jacob loves.
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't mind that.
Christine
Like the Titanic.
Big Jay Oakerson
Absolutely.
Christine
We could get. What else does he love?
Big Jay Oakerson
Nazi books.
Christine
Nazi books?
Big Jay Oakerson
Dumplings from that one place. I don't know if I pay attention to Jacob a lot. I think something you said with knives. I like the girl, not her.
Christine
Well, go back to the girl with the little. Does she have big tits and then small tits?
Big Jay Oakerson
Is that. She's got too much of a party energy going. No, not her. No. We need a. Lauren.
Christine
We need next door.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, we're looking. Arrows verified?
Guest/Additional Speaker
Yeah, they're not really coming up on the arrows verify page.
Big Jay Oakerson
Slow down.
Bobby Kelly
Curl next.
Guest/Additional Speaker
Next door.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay, go up. None of these.
Christine
What about the one to the left over there?
Big Jay Oakerson
No way.
Christine
Why?
Big Jay Oakerson
She's busted. Go the other way.
Christine
She's busted.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, busted for Jake. I know what Jacob likes.
Christine
I thought you didn't know.
Big Jay Oakerson
I think he's gonna like Haley for sure.
Christine
Where's Haley?
Big Jay Oakerson
I mean, jeez, Jacob, you don't hate hair.
Christine
Is the butt too big?
Big Jay Oakerson
But's big. But. I don't know how but big the butt is that her fucking frame is so tiny. She's a very tiny girl.
Bobby Kelly
She just looks like.
Christine
Now she's trash.
Bobby Kelly
She looks like surgery and software and
Christine
she's not gonna be able to pull off the acting job we need.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay, you're right. Get rid of her.
Christine
Yeah, get rid of her.
Big Jay Oakerson
Go back.
Bobby Kelly
She is not real.
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't want to see Brazil every time.
Christine
I know.
Big Jay Oakerson
Here. Daniela's too old, clearly.
Christine
Jacob, anything, please scream.
Guest/Additional Speaker
Chloe is definitely a bitch.
Bobby Kelly
Only in Christine's head.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, hang on. Ember. Maybe Amber.
Christine
Where is she?
Big Jay Oakerson
All the way to the right. Amber.
Christine
Now she's a brunette. She's got. Looks like natural boobs, but not little small waist.
Big Jay Oakerson
She's hot, huh?
Christine
And she's got a big gap. I mean, that gap is big.
Big Jay Oakerson
She loves to party. Jacob. Come on, dude.
Christine
Look at her gap. Jacob, that thing at the Titanic. Could make it through that without hitting anything.
Big Jay Oakerson
Absolutely.
Christine
Come on, Jacob. What about if she.
Bobby Kelly
You look like she's. I mean, they can't see this to people, but it looks like very different photo, different people.
Christine
Because the same girl, she changes her look a little. But for you, she's gonna be the brunette. She's gonna wear a sweater, go down to her stats, turtleneck, the nerd. She's gonna have corduroys on. Yeah. She's gonna have a backpack.
Big Jay Oakerson
She's 23, full of books. She's 110 pounds.
Christine
She journals.
Big Jay Oakerson
She's in the couple's Men and Women. She says, here, go up to her. I'm gonna read her thing here. I like it when there's tension between us. When our eyes tease before our hands do. I'm in the games, experiments, and pushing boundaries. With me, it's never boring. I know how to make you want more.
Christine
This is.
Big Jay Oakerson
She sounds lovely.
Bobby Kelly
I'm paying her. She. She likes me, huh? What game?
Christine
Can I say something, though?
Bobby Kelly
You're paying.
Big Jay Oakerson
You're not even gonna know that.
Christine
Jacob, when you get to the top of the favela, you don't know what's gonna happen.
Bobby Kelly
I have to. I have to make her like me.
Christine
No.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yes. Do a series of Donkey Kong, like, rescues of her. Constantly climbing favelas to get to the top and defeat the giant monkey throwing barrels at you.
Christine
Don't forget the new friend you have. Little thing that's gonna die for you.
Big Jay Oakerson
Don't forget about little thing who's gonna actually take a sword in the chest for you, I think.
Christine
Come on. This is an adventure of a lifetime.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
Come on.
Big Jay Oakerson
What are we talking about, Bobby? That was a good sales tactic. All right, come on. That's enough of this.
Christine
Let's do.
Big Jay Oakerson
We got you. We're doing this. We're doing this.
Christine
You're doing it. Two weeks of your life that are gonna be so. Oh, my God. Exciting.
Big Jay Oakerson
Vanessa Blue. Bring up Vanessa Blue. I'll tell you this because I. I gotta be. He didn't seem to like Ember the way I thought he was going to. I thought Ember might have been the one. Vanessa Blue might be the one. Oh, now black Lou says Vanessa Blue is Jacob's style. Look at this.
Christine
She's a. She's a brunette. She's very petite. Looks petite.
Big Jay Oakerson
Look how smiley he is.
Christine
She's got around little. She's got. I think. What is that, a B cup? 30, 32B.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, we see. We can see them. Look at her stats. I bet she has a really flappy, beefy.
Christine
Yeah, but can she act, Jay? Can she act? Does she role play?
Big Jay Oakerson
She's 23. She's Middle Eastern and white.
Christine
Oh, boy. She's out.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, he's a.
Christine
You know what he is.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's also in call only. Which means you have to go to some weird place to meet her.
Bobby Kelly
Forget it. I'm not getting. I want her handler killing me.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, hang on.
Bobby Kelly
Let me tell you about her handler squashing me like a grape.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, before you think that's what's gonna happen. Unless you find out she's Vanessa Blue. She's sweet when you first meet her. A little dangerous once you get closer. She loves playful conversations, teasing smiles in that moment when eye contact says more than words ever could. Smart, soft, and confident in her femininity, she enjoyed subtle tension, slow chemistry, and attention that feels effortless. She appreciates good energy, a sense of humor, and she likes to party as well. With her, it's never rushed and never boring. Get closer, she promises. She's even better in person.
Christine
Can I say something, Jake? If you're gonna write a girl that you wanted, I think you would write exactly those words.
Big Jay Oakerson
Eye contact, tension.
Christine
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Nazis, Titanic, Titanica. Whistle.
Bobby Kelly
It seems like you have to win all of them over.
Guest/Additional Speaker
I'm here with my friends. We are looking for fun and love.
Bobby Kelly
Huh?
Guest/Additional Speaker
Yeah.
Christine
She's looking for love. Jacob, you think these girls are doing this because they want to? They're waiting to meet a guy like you.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Guest/Additional Speaker
They all want to be pretty Woman.
Christine
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Why don't you be the first person to ever tell her? Let me take you away from all this.
Christine
Yeah. Let me take you to a one bedroom and tell you Titanic factors. Never, never fun and never get takeout. I'll always cook at home and I'll walk to get it.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jacob, no guys ever thought to tell these girls that you can take them away from this and make their life better.
Christine
Yeah, dude, you have a. You have a one bedroom full of books and movies on the Titanic.
Big Jay Oakerson
You got an Opportunity here to be the first man in history to tell a fucking escort, prostitute or porn star that you're gonna fucking get her out
Christine
of that and never happened before. You could take her away from all this junk.
Bobby Kelly
I look at all these women and the only thing I think about is the Russian handler that's gonna kill you.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, that's only for this is in call. You're right. Get rid of this. Christine, we need some alcohol here. This girl's gotta be involved in a fucking international espionage scheme.
Christine
We need out calls only.
Big Jay Oakerson
Rachel's too fucking thick butted, I think,
Christine
and you don't want it. Asian, you know Asian, right?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Rachel also has a thick face. What the going on? Rachel's face.
Christine
What? You would like an Asian?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, Asian is good.
Christine
Well, out of the brunette, blonde, or Asian, what would you rather have?
Big Jay Oakerson
How about this Middle Eastern guy named Rachel?
Guest/Additional Speaker
It's a Japanese woman. And their family takes you in and you get to like, wear all the traditional clothes.
Bobby Kelly
Like your agent.
Christine
You could tell them you know how to make the egg.
Bobby Kelly
Egg.
Guest/Additional Speaker
But they like really accept you.
Christine
She'll be cooking the ramen. You're like, I got the egg.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, I know. I do it perfectly.
Christine
No, you got that. I make it. You'll be like, I got. I got the egg.
Big Jay Oakerson
She's like Mr. Suki, your new boyfriend, to take a big ribbon tea with the egg.
Christine
And then you walk up with the eggs in your hand and you bow when you hand it. And then they. The father takes it. And I hand you the egg.
Big Jay Oakerson
I take the egg from your hand.
Christine
How is the egg, sir? Is it. Does it live up to your family's tradition, the egg?
Big Jay Oakerson
No good. What is this at home? Pictures.
Guest/Additional Speaker
I just want to see what Montana Christine looks like.
Christine
First of all, Christine, that looks like one of your friends. She's got purple hair and a weird ass.
Big Jay Oakerson
There's three Montana. There's three Montana escorts. One's got a dump ass.
Christine
It looks like everybody Christine has taken a photo with on her instag.
Big Jay Oakerson
Who's that? What's her name? Paola.
Christine
Hey, Christine.
Guest/Additional Speaker
Look at this sad luxury.
Christine
Oh, God.
Bobby Kelly
So depressing.
Big Jay Oakerson
Luxury's top tier out there, though. Go back to the other one. What's the one? The other over here. Her tits are coming out of her thing. But, like, not to be sexy. That's just where they are now.
Christine
Yeah, look at.
Bobby Kelly
Look.
Christine
Go back to the one with the ass.
Big Jay Oakerson
The dump butt. Yeah, I want to see dump butts. Pictures. Oh, my God, look. She washed up.
Christine
Yeah. In the ocean.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. That's what I'm saying. The pictures of her just hitting land from the water.
Christine
Yeah, that's how she takes her.
Bobby Kelly
Sadly, they're real photos of her on the, at the beach.
Christine
Oh man.
Bobby Kelly
She's not.
Big Jay Oakerson
She seems like a lovely chick though.
Christine
Yeah, she seems like she passes out at the beach a lot.
Big Jay Oakerson
I. I gotta standing up. I've walked away from a place with worse in my life.
Christine
I mean, look, definitely, if we're gonna be honest, I would definitely, I would definitely.
Guest/Additional Speaker
We don't her.
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know about Jacob.
Christine
If that, if that came into me at Skank Fest around two at night when I was on my scooter back to my room, I would definitely throw that tub of on the back.
Big Jay Oakerson
This is the 2am skank would be like, yeah, all right.
Christine
Sure. I'd wash the stink off her butt.
Guest/Additional Speaker
She's in the salt water. She's getting clean.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, dude, God's dish.
Christine
You have to duck that in the Mississippi before I took it back.
Big Jay Oakerson
God's dish.
Christine
Yeah. I mean what about that one, Jacob? Is that, is that a no?
Big Jay Oakerson
Let's look at her. Let's look at her. Give me a write up. I want to see her write up. God damn it.
Christine
I better write up is like, look, I'll do whatever you want. Just pay me.
Big Jay Oakerson
About me. Hi, I'm Paola, the beautiful girl you've been daydreaming about. I'm a full time student, part time glamour model.
Christine
Yeah, I love that it's daydreaming and not night dreaming because you have to be kind of awake to even think of that.
Big Jay Oakerson
And occasional companion when the mood or the right company calls for it. I have a soft spot for nice dinners, spontaneous.
Christine
I bet it's in her knees,
Guest/Additional Speaker
right to her legs.
Christine
Her ass.
Big Jay Oakerson
Ass. She has a saucep for. Oh, Bobby, this is good for us. Hang on a second.
Christine
She has, she has a barrel chest.
Big Jay Oakerson
Dude, if we can get this woman carved up to be with Jacob once. Listen what she says here. She's got a soft spot for nice dinners, spontaneous getaways. That would be really good for our international thing. And she also is Hispanic, keep in mind me.
Christine
But. But they do speak Portuguese. So we would have to go. We'd have to change locations to maybe Guatemala or Nicaragua or somewhere else.
Guest/Additional Speaker
Because literally anywhere else, every one of
Big Jay Oakerson
those places, also any one of those places must stacked house neighborhoods. Right? I assume they're all pieces of awful places.
Christine
Brazil has the famous favelas, but yes, other Colombia, they're all pieces of just Bogota has it.
Guest/Additional Speaker
Tijuana looks pretty gnarly.
Big Jay Oakerson
Colombia, right? That's disgusting.
Christine
Yeah. Colombia.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
It's not. Yeah. I mean, it's not disgusting, but, yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Sick. It's gross.
Christine
No, it's a nice house made of their own. Well, you know why? The reason why they don't finish the top of the house. When you see these places, you can't
Big Jay Oakerson
get poop to stick to a top up like that.
Christine
Well, if you. If you are still constructing your house, a lot of these houses you'll see are built on top of one another, and then they'll have, like, beams going up like they're gonna. They stop building is because you. They don't have to pay taxes until the house is finished. And if it never gets finished, they don't have to pay taxes.
Big Jay Oakerson
And the idea that the part they shouldn't finish. Would it be the roof?
Christine
The roof? Yeah. Like, they're gonna. They kind of build it up.
Guest/Additional Speaker
You can.
Christine
They build it up a little bit like they're continuing, but they don't. That's a fun fact.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's a sad fact.
Christine
Why don't you look that up, Christine, and prove me wrong? Like you love.
Big Jay Oakerson
She does love that.
Christine
I mean, immediately.
Big Jay Oakerson
What a bad person.
Guest/Additional Speaker
That's great. If you can just keep building your house and never pay taxes.
Christine
Not here in a third world country.
Big Jay Oakerson
No. There, you know, Piece of. Please.
Christine
Jacob wants to jerk both of us off real quick.
Big Jay Oakerson
Is it time?
Christine
We're gonna have to take a break.
Big Jay Oakerson
What do you feel my tension? Yeah, you're right.
Christine
Guys, if there's a girl out there, please, please just get in touch with us. We want to make this fantasy happen,
Big Jay Oakerson
but you can't have a job where it's gonna cause a problem when we have to send you away to a foreign country to be, quote, unquote, rescued by Jacob.
Christine
You have to speak Spanish or Portuguese. We can go back to Brazil if
Big Jay Oakerson
you speak either way. I need this guy in a kayak in a river.
Christine
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Drinking out of Bobby's river straws.
Christine
Oh, and we need a little kid, too, to play little thing.
Big Jay Oakerson
A little thing. And you should be. You should be gender ambiguous looking. You know, you are weirdo.
Christine
You can be 30, but you have to look 12.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
Big Joe Kuson's gonna be in Spokane Comedy club this weekend, June 5th and 6th. Then the Pantage Theater in Minneapolis, June 12th. And then the Egyptian Theater in Boise, Idaho, June 13th. After that, he's going to be in Buffalo, Harrisburg, Penn. Winnipeg. For tickets and tour dates, please go to bigjay comedy.com YouTube.com bigjokerson get your tickets now for this guy. All his shows are selling out. He is one of the hottest comics out there. So if you want to go, don't wait. Get him now.
Big Jay Oakerson
And Bobby Kelly's gonna be a governor's in Levittown June 19th and the 20th. Then the comedy mothership in Austin, Texas, July 3rd through the 5th. After that, Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Saratoga is it Portsmouth, New Hampshire? Is that one thing?
Christine
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Portsmouth, New Hampshire.
Christine
Get the date for that.
Big Jay Oakerson
Portsmouth, New Hampshire Saratoga Springs, Brooklyn, New York. All on deck. For tickets and all tour dates, visit Punchup Live. Robert Kelly. Check out his YouTube channel at robert Kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, including tonight, the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Cellar. See him run that six fat we'll be right back to bonfire. The 2026 FIFA World cup meal at McDonald's is underway with one of nine legendary cups in the lineup. Christian Pulisic, David Beckham, Lamino Martin, Ronaldinho, Thierry Henry, Son, Hyung Min, Alfonso Davies, Santi Jimenez and between the posts, it's Grimace. Get one of nine collectible cups with a FIFA World cup meal at participating McDonald's for a limited time while supplies last. All rights reserved. 20:26 McDonald's at FIFA World Cup 20:26
Announcer
the forecast sunshine with a strong chance of my Mochi ice cream. My mochi is premium ice cream wrapped in sweet, soft dough. It's creamy on the inside and chewy on the outside and comes in joyfully chill flavors like strawberry, mango and cookies and cream. Every box of my mochi has six mochis, so it's fun to eat and easy to share all summer long. Grab a purple box of my Mochi ice cream today and taste the joy.
Date: June 10, 2026
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Main Guests/Participants: Christine, Jacob, and additional crew members
Network: SiriusXM Faction Talk Channel 103
This episode of The Bonfire, titled "Titanic True Romance", leans into the show's signature unscripted, laugh-out-loud banter, blending comedian hangout with semi-serious niche passion. The focal point is a recurring riff on producer Jacob's singleton lifestyle, his Titanic obsession, and the crew's dream of arranging the ultimate, almost-cinematic romance for him. As always, Big Jay and Robert blend personal jabs, quick-fire pop culture, obscure history, and raunchy hypothetical situations into a rolling, fast-paced comedic narrative.
[01:26 – 03:59]
“8:00pm Dinner reservation for one, please. The family.”
— Big Jay Oakerson [02:47]
[07:31 – 12:01]
“You need to find a girl that also loves the Titanic like you do. That’s one of the things that bonds you together.”
— Christine [07:57]
“There were eight Chinese people [on the Titanic] and six of them survived.”
— Bobby Kelly [11:37]
[13:11 – 25:01]
“She survived both wrecks... Maybe she's the one who caused all this shit.”
— Christine [22:47]
[33:32 – 44:44]
“Let's make it realistic. Say you're getting attacked by somebody who's mopping the floor with you, and then she kills him—Fake, you don't know that. Now you feel this protection over her.”
— Big Jay Oakerson [34:31]
“After he's done cleaning, she grabs him—she could be a human stool or let him leapfrog her—either one works though, getting him fired into that bed.”
— Big Jay Oakerson [39:01]
[44:44 – 54:15]
“She journals. She’s 23, full of books… I like it when there’s tension between us, when our eyes tease before our hands do.”
— Big Jay Oakerson (reading an escort bio) [51:43]
[55:14 – 60:07]
| Timestamp | Segment | Description | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------|-------------------------------------------------| | 01:26 | Jacob's solo dining bit | Running joke on being a loner | | 07:31 | Titanic love interest fantasy | Hypothetical women for Jacob | | 13:11 | Titanic sister ships history | “Olympic, Titanic, Britannic” | | 21:18 | Britannic's opulent-to-hospital transformation | The “opulence” segment | | 33:32 | The prostitute adventure scheme | Riffing the “true romance” scenario | | 39:01 | Emotional surreal sex scene and “human stool” joke | Climax of the romance plan | | 44:44 | Escort profiles and dramatic casting | Mock-critique of online escort bios | | 51:43 | Potential Jacob matches: “eye contact, tension, Nazis...” | Profile read aloud | | 60:07 | Brazilian/Colombian unfinished homes tax loophole | Unexpected real estate lesson | | 60:58 | Open call for Titanic-loving women | Wrapping up the central bit |
In “Titanic True Romance”, The Bonfire delivers a masterclass in comedic improvisation anchored by the real-life quirks of its offbeat crew. What starts as relentless teasing of Jacob’s solo lifestyle and Titanic obsession evolves into a fully-formed, madcap movie pitch for a prostitute romance/adventure, complete with global travel and heart. Underneath the relentless laughter and raunch, Bobby Kelly’s Titanic facts and Christine’s offbeat trivia add surprising substance. For fans, the episode presents everything that defines the show: unfiltered conversation, camaraderie, and an endless willingness to push the boundaries of taste—always with heart.
Ideal For: Listeners who like barroom banter, pop culture vox pop, and seeing how far comedians can stretch an inside joke into a two-hour fever dream.