Titanic True Romance

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire – Titanic True Romance

Date: June 10, 2026
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Main Guests/Participants: Christine, Jacob, and additional crew members
Network: SiriusXM Faction Talk Channel 103

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire, titled "Titanic True Romance", leans into the show's signature unscripted, laugh-out-loud banter, blending comedian hangout with semi-serious niche passion. The focal point is a recurring riff on producer Jacob's singleton lifestyle, his Titanic obsession, and the crew's dream of arranging the ultimate, almost-cinematic romance for him. As always, Big Jay and Robert blend personal jabs, quick-fire pop culture, obscure history, and raunchy hypothetical situations into a rolling, fast-paced comedic narrative.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

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1. Jacob's Solo Lifestyle and Comic Roasts

[01:26 – 03:59]

• The episode opens with the crew ribbing Jacob about doing things alone (restaurants, movies, theme parks).
• Numerous jokes are made about “ordering for one,” with recurring bits like:
  • “How much is a ticket for the movie?”
    “How many seats?”
    “One.”
    [02:57 – 03:03]
  • Jay and Christine keep riffing on “one” meals and “the family” being just him.

“8:00pm Dinner reservation for one, please. The family.”
— Big Jay Oakerson [02:47]

• Bobby insists he prefers cooking at home and even walks to get takeout as a calorie burn.
• They poke at Jacob about his meticulous, almost clinical eating and cooking habits.

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2. Titanic Obsession & Girls Who Love Shipwrecks

[07:31 – 12:01]

• The group speculates about finding Jacob a partner who shares his love for Titanic and quirky interests—bow ties, salmon, rubber band workouts.
• Bobby launches into a Titanic “sister ship” trivia dump (Olympic, Titanic, Britannic), to which the others react with mock-exasperation.
• Hilarity unfolds regarding the “Chinese guys” that survived the Titanic and jokes about their physical prowess.

“You need to find a girl that also loves the Titanic like you do. That’s one of the things that bonds you together.”
— Christine [07:57]

“There were eight Chinese people [on the Titanic] and six of them survived.”
— Bobby Kelly [11:37]

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3. Titanic Deep Dive: Sister Ships and Dark History

[13:11 – 25:01]

• Bobby explains in detail:
  • Olympic: sailed first, uneventful life.
  • Titanic: famous sinking.
  • Britannic: converted to hospital ship, sank on a German mine in WWI.
• Bobby's historical descriptions are consistently derailed with jokes about ship names, opulence, and the movie version (“The Panty Dropper”, “Finger Blast”).
• They fixate on Violet Jessup, a stewardess who survived both the Titanic and Britannic sinkings. The crowd jokes that she's the common denominator in disasters.

“She survived both wrecks... Maybe she's the one who caused all this shit.”
— Christine [22:47]

• Wry banter about opulence (“I basically knew what it was.” — Christine [19:26]), and Billy Zane’s role in the film.

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4. Romance Schemes & The Prostitute Adventure

[33:32 – 44:44]

• The group devises a mock plan to set Jacob up with a prostitute who’ll cosplay as the perfect Titanic-loving soulmate, embarking on an epic “true romance” adventure.
• Jay fleshes out wild scenarios:
  • The woman saves Jacob from danger and they go on the run, leading to international adventures in favelas (Brazilian slums).
  • A supporting cast includes an androgynous “little thing” sidekick who sacrifices themselves for Jacob.

“Let's make it realistic. Say you're getting attacked by somebody who's mopping the floor with you, and then she kills him—Fake, you don't know that. Now you feel this protection over her.”
— Big Jay Oakerson [34:31]

• They riff on every detail: fake murders, horse escapes, salmon dinners, Titanic book readings, emotional sex, clues leading to Brazil, and the sidekick taking a fatal blow for Jacob.
• The bit crescendos in a mock heartfelt speech and melodramatic “adventure of a lifetime.”

“After he's done cleaning, she grabs him—she could be a human stool or let him leapfrog her—either one works though, getting him fired into that bed.”
— Big Jay Oakerson [39:01]

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5. Overanalyzing Escorts: Imaginary Casting for Jacob

[44:44 – 54:15]

• The team trawls escort listings, humorously critiquing fake profiles with remarks on looks, “party energy,” acting ability, and cost.
• Christine and Jay suggest extra pay to get Titanic-related tattoos for the role.
• The conversation gets raunchy but always circles back to Jacob’s potential awkwardness and reluctance facing these dream scenarios.

“She journals. She’s 23, full of books… I like it when there’s tension between us, when our eyes tease before our hands do.”
— Big Jay Oakerson (reading an escort bio) [51:43]

• Frequent callbacks to earlier bits (“Violet Jessup,” “Asian girls” and their supposed “broth and ginger” scents) surface as the group loses themselves in increasingly absurd details.

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6. Accidental Cultural and Historical Lessons

[55:14 – 60:07]

• Between wild improvisation, the group delivers actual facts about Brazilian and Colombian architecture, such as the tax loophole of unfinished homes.
• Christine drops a construction tidbit:
  • “They don't have to pay taxes until the house is finished. If it never gets finished, they don't pay taxes.” [60:17]
• This thread always turns back into comedy (“You can’t get poop to stick to a top up like that.” — Jay [60:07]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I know how to do everything perfectly, Bobby. Yes. Cooking is my… Except find love.”
  — Jacob, roasted by Jay [07:03]
• “We're gonna hook you up with a nice… a nice international prostitute romance. She has to role-play learning the Titanic, cook salmon, and save you from being raped.”
  — Christine [37:40]
• “She likes tension, eye contact, games. I’m paying her. She likes me, huh?”
  — Bobby Kelly, poking fun at the transactional aspect [52:04]
• “Let me take you away from all this.”
  — Jay, tongue-in-cheek about Jacob ‘saving’ an escort [54:42]
• “You have a one-bedroom full of books and movies on the Titanic.”
  — Christine [55:05]
• “If there’s a girl out there, please just get in touch. We want to make this fantasy happen.”
  — Christine, summing up the mission [60:58]

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Description | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------|-------------------------------------------------| | 01:26 | Jacob's solo dining bit | Running joke on being a loner | | 07:31 | Titanic love interest fantasy | Hypothetical women for Jacob | | 13:11 | Titanic sister ships history | “Olympic, Titanic, Britannic” | | 21:18 | Britannic's opulent-to-hospital transformation | The “opulence” segment | | 33:32 | The prostitute adventure scheme | Riffing the “true romance” scenario | | 39:01 | Emotional surreal sex scene and “human stool” joke | Climax of the romance plan | | 44:44 | Escort profiles and dramatic casting | Mock-critique of online escort bios | | 51:43 | Potential Jacob matches: “eye contact, tension, Nazis...” | Profile read aloud | | 60:07 | Brazilian/Colombian unfinished homes tax loophole | Unexpected real estate lesson | | 60:58 | Open call for Titanic-loving women | Wrapping up the central bit |

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Episode Tone & Style

• Loose, irreverent, quick-witted: Banter flows rapidly; the lines between fact and absurdity are intentionally blurred.
• Raunchy, over-the-top, affectionate ribbing: Everyone is fair game, especially Jacob, who is simultaneously the butt of every joke and the quietly respected “character” of the episode.
• Occasionally informative: Titanic history, immigration trivia, and tiny bites of global culture sneak in, always twisted with comedic intent.

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Summary

In “Titanic True Romance”, The Bonfire delivers a masterclass in comedic improvisation anchored by the real-life quirks of its offbeat crew. What starts as relentless teasing of Jacob’s solo lifestyle and Titanic obsession evolves into a fully-formed, madcap movie pitch for a prostitute romance/adventure, complete with global travel and heart. Underneath the relentless laughter and raunch, Bobby Kelly’s Titanic facts and Christine’s offbeat trivia add surprising substance. For fans, the episode presents everything that defines the show: unfiltered conversation, camaraderie, and an endless willingness to push the boundaries of taste—always with heart.

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Ideal For: Listeners who like barroom banter, pop culture vox pop, and seeing how far comedians can stretch an inside joke into a two-hour fever dream.

Transcript

[Announcer]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. Damn, dude.

[Christine]

You like a lot of songs with the N word in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black people rule.

[Christine]

Black people do rule.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you ready to laugh now? Yeah, you already laugh now.

[Christine]

Woo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You ready to laugh now? Thank you, Jamie.

[Christine]

Jamie. Song didn't affect Jacob at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, he started just talking louder over it. He was like, blah, blah, blah. White nonsense, white nonsense.

[Bobby Kelly]

Trying to get through to Bobby.

[Christine]

God. You what?

[Bobby Kelly]

I was trying to ask Bobby a question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wish you wouldn't write this music off is what you quote, unquote. You said jungle music. Which is crazy. Crazy to say in today's temperature. In today's temperature, racial climate.

[Christine]

We did the. We do the meeting on Mondays at 11 and I had to do it in the car and dawn was in it in the car. And as soon as the screen came up, the zoom and she saw everybody's faces, she went, what's wrong with Jacob? I go, that's his face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh no, it's just how he kicks it.

[Christine]

That's his. That's his face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes, what's wrong with Jacob? And you went, oh, he must have amazing news.

[Christine]

She literally looked at Jacob and thought he, Jacob was pissed off about something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course.

[Christine]

I go, no, that's just him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He is.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have resting misery face. And you know this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's the family dude.

[Christine]

Yeah. I had to explain to her about the family. He is the family.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The family. You don't need no family.

[Christine]

Who is the family when you is the family

[Big Jay Oakerson]

dinner.

[Christine]

I think it's funny though that sister my, you know, doesn't knows Jacob knows about him and then sees his face and go, why is he so bummed out?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

8:00pm Dinner reservation for one, please. The family.

[Christine]

How much is a ticket for the movie? How many?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One. Well, how many. How many seats do you need? One.

[Bobby Kelly]

You go as a group.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll go to a movie by myself.

[Christine]

How much is a ticket to Universal for one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. Hey, is there a different line if you're riding the roller coaster by yourself?

[Bobby Kelly]

One ticket for Harry Potter world, please.

[Christine]

Oh, one wand, please.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, my name's Jacob. Whatever you're gonna say. Pedophile. One adult Harry Potter world.

[Christine]

It's funny, too, because you brought up a good little idea. I like when you're brainstorming, you like, hey, what do you think about this? And I was like, you know, that's great idea. I liked it. And Jacob goes, this. Already do that. Don't they already do that on the. On the. On Larry the cable guy or somebody else? He does that. And I look at him. I'm like, well, why would you do that? And he goes, no, no, no. That's a good idea, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But who. Larry who? What does Larry the cable guy do?

[Bobby Kelly]

I said, you were on the show. It's kind of like what they do, but I don't think they don't do it in the fishbowl, which is a good idea.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did they do on the show?

[Bobby Kelly]

On a show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Larry the cable guy, he just morgia.

[Bobby Kelly]

Foxworthy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was never on a show with you Foxworthy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it was Larry. But he does. He'll interview comics from, like, Jay's idea.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm talking about getting them together in a room. The interesting thing is to see where the. That's what he does.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's why I said, that's different. That's a good idea to do it in. Zoom.

[Christine]

You bring up the comparison.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just want to hurt me.

[Christine]

I mean, I heard his idea. I was like, that's a great idea. I just said, it's no if it's a great idea. You go, that's a great idea. You went, oh, yeah, they kind of do that already.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're doing the fishbowl. Jacob, how many tickets do you need for your friends and family? None.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't need any.

[Christine]

How many hamburgers, sir? One.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One. Can you do a half? Could you do a half a burger

[Christine]

with no bun, please?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I guess one.

[Christine]

Then I'll have one with nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just a little shake of fries. Just one little handshake of fries.

[Christine]

Do you guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on.

[Christine]

One fry and a sip of a shake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. One order for family. I'VE got one French fry, half burger,

[Christine]

no bun, no lettuce, no ketchup, mayonnaise,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

slap it, smack it up. I got one sad drip.

[Christine]

Jacob better play by himself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you do when you order food out?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't.

[Christine]

He doesn't ever?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no. I cook at home.

[Christine]

Yeah, we're gonna order one burger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. It is hard to order for one, I think.

[Christine]

Do you guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm in the mood for a slice of pizza.

[Christine]

Do you guys sell one pork chop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, if I go out, if I'm gonna get food out, I walk to get it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To go get it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I have never had food delivered in.

[Christine]

How is that walk?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why? You know, trust Asians in your building?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like the. I think that's crazy. It's like a. An industry now.

[Christine]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Delivering food.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everyone has now. They don't even leave to get their food.

[Christine]

Well, I mean, once in a while, though, you just kind of have it delivered. I do that once in a while. No, you just. You walk to the.

[Bobby Kelly]

For me, it's a calorie burn of, like, if I'm gonna eat ramen, I have to at least walk to get it. That's how my brain works.

[Christine]

Can I ask you a question?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you're breaking your rule and eating ramen, you go.

[Christine]

You walk and eat the ramen there. You don't bring it back to your place?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I bring it back because I have my whole setup.

[Christine]

You have a what?

[Bobby Kelly]

I have my ramen bowls, and I add an egg that I make a ramen egg.

[Christine]

What, you make the soy sauce egg?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

What, you make your own?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sometimes I do soy, but most of the time not.

[Christine]

So you know how to cook an egg perfectly, so it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know how to do everything perfectly, Bobby. Yes. Cooking is my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Except find love.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, yeah, I was talking about food.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Before you hurt me.

[Christine]

Yeah. You spent so much time on food, you forgot about relationships.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's love out there for you, Jacob. It exists.

[Christine]

Yeah. You just have to stop eating like a fucking serial killer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You won't let us find her for you.

[Christine]

I really. I really want to find somebody for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How could you not, Jacob?

[Christine]

You should have somebody in your life. There's. There's somebody out there arguing. There's somebody out there, like bow ties and salmon and rubber band workouts and talking Japanese culture. Yeah. Talking about the Titanic.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was about to say, I'm nothing like the way you described me on air, and then you mentioned the Titanic. I said, oh, wait, they do have to put up with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We nailed it.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

You need to find a girl that also loves the Titanic like you do. I know One of the things that bonds you together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A woman is willing to pick you up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where are they?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A woman who's willing to pick you up under the armpits and put you on bed.

[Christine]

Is there anybody still. Is there any women still alive from the Titanic we could hook him up with?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, or maybe Molly Brown's niece or something?

[Christine]

Yeah. Is there somebody. How about somebody related to somebody that was on the Titanic?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I give you a weekly build a camera story?

[Christine]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Bobby Kelly]

A little fun fact. You'll like this one. This is actually about Britannic, Titanic's youngest sister.

[Christine]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

There are three sister ships. I thought you knew. I must have said this a bunch of times. It's a good story. There's what Titanic was. The middle of three sister ships is Olympic.

[Christine]

Was that the biggest one?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they're all the same size. They were twin triplets.

[Christine]

They made three ships the same thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, but Titanica, every one of them had some upgrades.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know the ships are in organic materials though, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

They have no relation in the. In the industry. They're called sisters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They are?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know that. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, the Titanic's Olympic and Britannic are always referred to as sisters.

[Christine]

And all ships are women.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not in Russia. In Russia, it's. It's reversed. In Russia, it's. It's male, but every other place in the world, it is female.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And penises should always be like full, proper names. Like this is. Have you met Lawrence? Well, you wouldn't say Larry. No, it's Lawrence. Yes, for your penis. Yeah.

[Christine]

Have you met Sylvester?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, do you know Jonathan? You writing it down for the.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no. I'm writing down you writing down dick

[Big Jay Oakerson]

names for the people that watch on the computer screen.

[Christine]

That's how this felt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're.

[Christine]

We're giving it right to him and he just goes to the typewriter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, we're looking directly at you and you checked out as an audience.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't. I was writing.

[Christine]

What were you writing? A note. What was the note? Name your dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm writing so I don't forget. Later. For later. I have to get my penis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jackson. Now that laugh didn't seem real. Now, didn't it hurt?

[Bobby Kelly]

I was making up for the other.

[Christine]

So tell us about the sister ships.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, so Olympic sailed first.

[Christine]

Wow, you've been waiting for this moment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing happened to Olympic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Actually, Christine, I hope you Brought an extra pair of panties.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine likes my Titanic talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn right.

[Bobby Kelly]

We had a contest, remember? I mean, I won.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She likes the movie Titanic. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who doesn't? Who doesn't?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I couldn't give a. I liked it the first time I saw it.

[Christine]

I watched it once. Couldn't watch it twice. I got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I watch it going down again. That part. But I couldn't care less about the

[Bobby Kelly]

whole second half of the movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. I watched the second half only. I don't care about this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fucking this stupid DiCaprio. Fievel mousing his way onto the Titanic.

[Christine]

Yeah. All the bullshit they made up to make the sinking.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a week. I mean, if there's a weak link, it's the. But you know, they're there just to take you around the ship.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The love story.

[Bobby Kelly]

The love story. You gotta.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But Billy Zane was a real person.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's just a ship.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Billy Zane was a real person.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he was not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. He didn't his character represent a real person? No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I mean, there were rich first class, but they had actors playing the real people.

[Christine]

They really have dirty immigrants on the, like, the lower decks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Third class.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stupid pieces of shit.

[Christine]

Did they have smelly potato people on the.

[Bobby Kelly]

They did, actually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Disgusting mix.

[Christine]

How much was a ticket for? 1.

[Bobby Kelly]

Eight Chinese people.

[Christine]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Eight Chinese cost you.

[Christine]

They ate Chinese people.

[Bobby Kelly]

There were eight Chinese people and six of them survived.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I thought he was saying the ticket to get on board. The price was eight Chinese people. We had Chinese slaves.

[Christine]

I thought they said they ate Chinese people, the third class. No, they had eight. Well, they had to do laundry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Six of them survived and one of them. There's a deleted scene. We actually filmed one of the Chinese guys. He had to balance, unlike a piece of wood.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

On his hands and knees.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're good at that, though. They're circus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Keep their body above his chest, above his core, above the water until a life. A lifeboat came and picked him up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got him.

[Christine]

Did he stand on one leg like the crane?

[Bobby Kelly]

That was the Jack and Rose inspiration. He. But he cut. No, the. The Chinese guys. The Chinese guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's nothing more fun than peppering a story of the funny, but the person's telling the story linearly.

[Bobby Kelly]

So then I can't deviate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He can't deviate. You can say that. Goes. Could you go. Was he doing the butterfly. The butterfly kick technique on the piece of wood? And he goes. So that is what that was based off of from the Titanic, the butterfly kick.

[Christine]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't listen to what you said at all.

[Christine]

So he was keeping his core up. Is he the only one that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not gonna match wits with you, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're doing great.

[Christine]

Was he keeping his core? It's like a Chinese technique. He knew that.

[Bobby Kelly]

He literally bounced on his hands and knees for I think, a couple of hours until a lifeboat came back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, keep in mind he's also injured. He was cheated in earlier in the tournament.

[Christine]

Is that true?

[Bobby Kelly]

They were all third class.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The lifeboat. The lifeboats just ahead. Can he keep his torso above as long as possible? Finish him. Oh, my God. What is that? His chest is going underwater. Lifeboat. Lifeboat.

[Christine]

Yeah, lifeboat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chinese guy did it. Everybody held his chest above the water until the lifeboat got there. Oh, my God.

[Christine]

It's unprecedented.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Unheard of. God, dude, you know what? Now I think back about it. The Titanic was a great movie. It was a great movie that remind me how good the Titanic was.

[Christine]

And that that Chinese person is cooking lo in St. John's as we speak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

As we speak.

[Bobby Kelly]

Make me food.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that him?

[Christine]

Is that him?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know we had audio. Raw audio.

[Christine]

That's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Audio this whole time.

[Christine]

So the sister boat, Olympia.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Olympic.

[Christine]

Olympic. I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And what's the other one? Freebird.

[Christine]

How come nobody know? Everybody knows the Titanic. And nobody knows about the sister book. Olympic. And Maria. Maria Santa Maria. The Pinta.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, this is. It's interesting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So Titanic, Olympic and the pussy snatcher. The third owner was hilarious.

[Christine]

The Olympic. And what was the other one?

[Bobby Kelly]

Britannic is the youngest.

[Christine]

Britannica like the encyclopedias. Britannic like to see encyclopedias?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's Britannica.

[Christine]

Oh, Britannica.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I thought.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I see why you got made the mistake.

[Christine]

I thought they made so much money off of the encyclopedias, they could afford to make a ship.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Brady, Olympia and Titty. That's what I call them. I'm their friend. I was friends with. With the sisters.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We had little nicknames for him. Titty.

[Christine]

Now, after the Titty went down, did the.

[Bobby Kelly]

They made upgrades to. To Britannic? Look, they obviously they. They got to have enough life.

[Christine]

Did they get a better captain that didn't hit icebergs?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he was at fault.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did they ever do the third one? Florence? Was it the third boat? Florence? No. Olympia. Olympia. Is that wrong?

[Bobby Kelly]

Olympic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Olympic.

[Bobby Kelly]

They all end with ick. Olympic, Titanic, Britannic.

[Christine]

The story ends with ick.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna like my story, but you're not letting Me?

[Christine]

No, I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, if I'm a girl, I've already left your apartment freaking the fuck out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's why I'm telling you in here on live radio.

[Christine]

I'm taking my half a hamburger and I'm losing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm fucking out of. Stop trying to talk to me. I'm just a delivery guy.

[Christine]

I'm gonna take my free exercise bands that you said I could have and my half a hamburger and I'm gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob's afraid if he gets delivery food, he's gonna invite the guy and never let him leave. You're my best friend.

[Christine]

Now I'm gonna drill in your head so you stay.

[Bobby Kelly]

By the way, I know not to talk like this in front of women.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, Good, good, good.

[Christine]

Let me tell you something.

[Bobby Kelly]

I already know that instinctively.

[Christine]

If you found a woman and then she brought up the Titanic and the Olympic and the. In the Santa was the last one

[Bobby Kelly]

there was like, you know by now the Maria.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, sea monster.

[Christine]

Sea monster. If she brought up the Olympic in the sea monster, would you. Would you flip the fuck out?

[Bobby Kelly]

Just on our own.

[Christine]

Yeah. If she just brought up, like, you

[Bobby Kelly]

know, I didn't meet her from the show.

[Christine]

No, you were at your house on a date, and all of a sudden. Did you know that there was two other ships other than the Titanic? The sister ships. Would you lose your mind?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Propose the pint. The pint in the panty dropper.

[Christine]

Jacob. This would be. Jacob. Ah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I. I would be very careful not to get too crazy, but I have to go. Oh, do tell.

[Christine]

No, you'd be like, can you excuse me? I got. I just got to go to the bathroom real quick. And she'd hear. In the bathroom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Christine]

Anyways.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you come out of the bathroom and she's sitting with her legs crossed reading your Nazi. Jacob, I thought you might be in there for a little bit longer. I was just coming through your Nazi books.

[Christine]

Yeah. Just wearing a bow tie. So it's the Olympic and the.

[Bobby Kelly]

So Titanic is. Sank.

[Christine]

Sank. Yes, we know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

And the America on purpose because of the Federal Reserve.

[Christine]

No, no. Oh, isn't that. Isn't that like a conspiracy theory that. But they sunk it, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's just. It's saying because of. He went full. Full throttle into an iceberg.

[Christine]

Why did he do that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. It's bad captaining, to be honest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Titanic, Britannic warnings.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now, let's say. So you didn't get some of them. But it was enough. You don't do what you did.

[Christine]

Can't you see the iceberg?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. No. You couldn't see it until it was way too close.

[Christine]

Wasn't there a guy with a flashlight going, icebergs?

[Bobby Kelly]

The water was too calm, so there was no breaking at the. At the base of the icebergs. And it was also a perfect night, which is bad for spotting icebergs.

[Christine]

So you don't. You don't want perfect sight when you're. You don't want calm water. You want it to be.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want it a little rough so that it hits and makes a little wave. Wave. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So if we were on a date, I would have stuck my dick in your mouth to shut you up. By now I'd have been like, I'm not even gay, dude. But here, just taste it and stop talking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I can wait, because listen to this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay, okay?

[Christine]

He doesn't quit. I like it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you say it, though? With my wiener in your cheek? So, yeah. Oh, him. Vic, you're not gonna. Weird. Crazy.

[Christine]

All right, so go ahead. The Olympic. Olympic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Titanic's been sank.

[Christine]

Yeah, we know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Britannic is the last of the three sisters. And it was going to be a luxury liner, an ocean liner like Titanic and Olympic. But World War I broke out, so it was immediately converted to a hospital ship.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. It was stripped of all its opulence. And then in 1916, to be fair,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

because Bobby has no idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Explain what opulence is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, all the luxury. I think I got that. I'm. I'm praying to God I got that word right. All the luxury of first class Titanic.

[Christine]

I got it. He was being a dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was stripped to.

[Christine]

He was making me look like a dink. I know what opulence means.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Well, it was stripped to just be a very basic hospital ship.

[Christine]

Hang on a second. I don't appreciate you in the middle of this story in front of Jacob throwing me under the bus like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think you took it the wrong way.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was more for me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know what opulence means for sure. So I was throwing it to you like you were the dumb. Dumb. So you explained to you. And then I could be like, I'm

[Christine]

just gonna tell you right now that I. I basically knew what it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I mean, contextually, I think I kind of got it.

[Christine]

But, I mean, I don't know what that means.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It made me.

[Christine]

I do not know what that means. I think it's. It's Some type of texture.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a texture, all right. Sorry, Jacob, you're talking about2016. I believe it's the Pinto and the Finger Blast.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's November 2016. Or October. Anyway.

[Christine]

What year?

[Bobby Kelly]

Britannic. 2000, 1916.

[Christine]

Thank you. Because I was saying, that's very close.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. So Britannic hits a German mine and sinks off of the coast.

[Christine]

No, this company stinks. They can't see anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They make their boats out of.

[Christine]

What are they. Yeah, Saran Wrap.

[Bobby Kelly]

An ocean liner wasn't made for war, but they had the big hospital ace on it.

[Christine]

Can I just say something, please? I'm not stepping. You said they fixed it after the Titanic. They fixed the other two ships.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, to hit an iceberg, not to hit a German mine.

[Christine]

Well, I mean, some things you can do the same thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Potato, potato.

[Christine]

Look what an iceberg did.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

For warfare.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not for warfare.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right. I'll be honest with you. I hope that company went under. I don't feel bad saying it.

[Christine]

They did most of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Under the ocean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. They don't exist. Two thirds of it are under the ocean. That whole company. Oh, man. My shares. But I bought shares in those companies.

[Bobby Kelly]

So Britannic sinks. It's about 812ft long, but it sinks in 400ft of water. So the bow, the ship hits the ground before the rest of the ship. So it's ass out of the water. Right, right. So here's the trivia. Nobody actually died on board Britannic when it sank. However, they managed to get everyone off the sailors on board. A couple of the. The lifeboats launched too fast before the captain told them to and died because the propeller of the ship was still moving. Sucked in the boat and 30 people got Swiss cheesed by the propeller of the Britannic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's not Swiss cheese. That's fucking shaved hammed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Except for one woman, a nurse by the name of Violet Jessup. She jumped off in the nick of time. The propeller hit her head, fractured her skull.

[Christine]

That's the name of the woman you should marry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

What's her name again?

[Bobby Kelly]

Violet Jessup. I believe.

[Christine]

That's what I would think. The type of woman you marry. And finally said Viola Jessup Batat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Violet. A woman who wears sweaters all the time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. She's passed.

[Christine]

Takes you 30 minutes to get have sex with her because you have to undo her corset.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God, she's wearing so much stuff.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the cool part about Violet. You think that's cool enough. She survived that. No, she was also a stewardess on Titanic. She survived both wrecks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She called them stewardesses.

[Bobby Kelly]

Titanic.

[Christine]

Can I just say something, though? Maybe she's the one who caused all this shit. It's pretty fucking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. She is a common denominator there.

[Christine]

Common denominator. Maybe she's the one who. The guy was like, iceberg. And she was like, it's not an iceberg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's been working for the Japs.

[Christine]

Yeah. Maybe she's working for the germs and the Japs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do we have a problem with the Japs then?

[Christine]

Yes, we did.

[Bobby Kelly]

We did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, World War I, we did not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay. Who do we hate? World War I?

[Christine]

Germans.

[Bobby Kelly]

Germans.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Germans. Germans.

[Christine]

We didn't really hate them. We just got involved because we had to because France and England were getting their butts whipped again and we had to step in and take over and everybody up again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn. I love Bobby's. Once he got 50 late night documentaries. No one else will watch info. I like that.

[Christine]

Yeah, we.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's fun.

[Christine]

World War II, we weren't even involved. We had a, you know, the jab sucked us in. Then we said it. Now we're going to take over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So we had to help the Jews.

[Christine]

No, no, it was the other one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, World War II.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was two.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what he just said.

[Christine]

Oh, oh, World War II.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We.

[Christine]

We got in because of the Japs. We weren't involved in that thing. Jews, The Japs and the Russians. Can we say Japs?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course.

[Christine]

Japanese. Japanese. The Japanese, which I love.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're using that time periods language speaking

[Big Jay Oakerson]

as a character for the time period.

[Christine]

They dragged us into the war. We wanted nothing to do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We.

[Christine]

We were out of it. Even our president was like, look, we're not doing this. We're not getting in war. We're not dealing with the Roman camps. And then we had to because they. They us up in Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

On my birthday of all days.

[Christine]

Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pearl Harbor Day.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think of it more as Jay's birthday.

[Christine]

So the Nina and the Pinterer. And was it the hop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Panty dropper.

[Christine]

Panty dropper.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a good story, right? That's interesting trivia. What I love about the show, it's not always about the laughs. It's about learning.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course, the Titanic, the Olympic and the Britannic and Gloria's gift.

[Christine]

It was up to you. It'd be all about learning you can dive.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to be an extremely accomplished technical Diver, but people. And you have to get clearance from the, the. From Greece to dive the. The Britannic. But there's great videos of. The thing is, you say great videos

[Christine]

of people diving on this ship because

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll be honest, we couldn't find a great video of P. Diddy's penis earlier.

[Bobby Kelly]

We've been trying perfectly preserved. So if you dive the Britannic, it's like you're diving Titanic.

[Christine]

It's perfectly preserved.

[Bobby Kelly]

It sank and it's in way better condition.

[Christine]

You said they took all the opulence out of that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened to the opulence?

[Bobby Kelly]

Bones of it are ident. Almost identical to Titanic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now we're down to the bones. The story's changing a lot.

[Christine]

Yeah, dude. You see, the Titanic had opulence.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, that all went away though.

[Christine]

Yeah, but it's still there. They still have the tiles and the spa and all that stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

The spa is there.

[Christine]

You said that the Turkish past, the new one, they took all the opulence out. So it's just. What is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stupid fucking boat for assholes.

[Christine]

Just medical beds and fucking IVs and every, every.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's identical in the way you would walk it to Titanic.

[Christine]

But no spa, no restaurants, no fancy stuff, no first class.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. I guess the restaurant was converted into a freak offer. I don't know the specifics.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is there a smush room?

[Christine]

Yeah. Any happy ending places? Could you get a happy ending on the Titanic, you think?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

Banged in a car?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, those Asian people down the little thing down there.

[Christine]

Oh, that's why they were there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Christine]

Makes sense though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When they're done shoveling cold and hey, on the.

[Christine]

The middle sister ship, is that still around?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's Titanic.

[Christine]

The. The first one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The funky dumpling.

[Bobby Kelly]

Olympic had a long career.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think anyone except DJ Lou's enjoying all of my just naming the third boat. Stupid boat names.

[Christine]

I'm enjoying every. I'm letting you do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love it. Cutting all of them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay, I'm in the zone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I understand, I understand. But I'm always gonna name the Titanic one of the other ones. And then I'm hitting you with some kind of hilarious.

[Christine]

The Titanic.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm the stat guy.

[Christine]

The Titanic.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Olympic was the first.

[Christine]

Olympic was the first one that's gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was just decommissioned and dismantled in like 1930.

[Christine]

They took it apart.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Yeah, it was scrapped after 20 years.

[Bobby Kelly]

What breaks my heart.

[Christine]

What do they do with it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, actually, I mean like there's a hotels that have The. A lot of the stuff. I think the grand staircase from that is in some hotel. All the furniture.

[Christine]

So they can just. They'll just take the whole ship apart and it's gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

It didn't mean anything back then. What are they doing everything today.

[Christine]

Make something.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think they just for scrap. Yeah, they take it all out. Sell what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which one? The Titanic.

[Christine]

Go ahead, Jake. Come on, get it together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Check out this one. Just get excited now. Just getting ready to start them. Who are you talking about? Titanic.

[Christine]

What's wrong with you? Dude, you smoke too much weed. Come on, it's the Titanic. The. The last. What's the last one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't now.

[Christine]

I can't. It's gone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to get out, but I think enough vaginas have dried up with me telling all that information.

[Christine]

Yeah, but there's one vagina out there right now that's wet and we have to find you that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, I'm not so sure about that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me play the flute. I haven't played in a while. Hang on.

[Christine]

Hey, Jay. Yeah, I'm oh, so sorry. Please go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Beautiful.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They only wrote songs for Titanic, not the Britannica or Little Stinker.

[Christine]

First of all, I gotta say, when you said you were gonna get the flute and learn that, I didn't think you were gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you thought I was. Told you. I go. I'm only gonna learn the first verse, but here goes. Here's my best. Okay. All right.

[Christine]

I can't believe you did it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, hold up, hold up. Okay, hang on. I got it.

[Christine]

Whoa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go on. It's pretty impressive. I'm singing also.

[Christine]

How do you do?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry.

[Christine]

Why do you have the flute on you all the time? How come you have the flute on you all the time? You knew we were doing this today

[Big Jay Oakerson]

in case I ever meet Lizzo again. I really felt like I missed an opportunity to play flute for her when I saw her.

[Christine]

Are you trying to open for Davitel?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we're gonna go be the fucking the brass section of comedy. Yeah, I think.

[Christine]

I think. I think what we could do is the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

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[Christine]

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[Christine]

I went to Cuba last year, went through a hurricane and didn't speak Spanish. And it really hit me. I speak one language. Most Americans only speak one language and everybody else speaks two or three. And I vowed that day to learn Spanish. And I'm going to go back to Cuba and know how to get bread, say hello, check into my hotel, do all the stuff I wanted to do that I couldn't do last year. That's happening with Babel. If you're traveling this summer, here is a real travel hack. Don't wait until you land to start learning the language. Instead, try babbel. Even just 10 minutes a day. That's what I do with Babbel can help you start having real conversations in as little as three weeks. Lessons are quick, practical, and built by more than 200 language experts. And instead of memorizing random vocab, you're learning phrases you'll use ordering dinner, asking for directions, or talking with locals. That's what you need. This is how you learn the language. By speaking it. Now I can go into a store, I talk to the guys at the garage. I can actually have a conversation. Am I fluent yet? No, but I'm definitely getting better at Spanish. Babel's awesome. If you've got summer travel coming up, now's the time to start so you can actually use what you learn on the trip. Right now Babel is offering listeners up to 60 off. Go to babel.com bonfire. That's Babbel B A B-B-E-L.com bonfire for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply. You ever wonder how far an EV can take you on one charge? Well, most people drive about 40 miles a day which means you can do all daily stuff no problem. Go to work, grab the kids at school, get the groceries and still have enough charge to visit your in laws in the next county. But they don't need to know that. And the best part, you won't have to buy gas at all. The way forward is electric. Explore EVs that fit your [e-mail] I think what we. I like. I like when Jay gets a nice full belly. You're so relaxed.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

The whole point of the story. The girl that was in both.

[Christine]

Yeah, that was a cool story. That was a great story.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Half hour.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all I didn't take half hours.

[Christine]

Christine. We have to add some to it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Because if Jacob tell a story fun fact. You could look up at a boring article.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah. What are we going to do? Just let him talk. Hey Jay. What we could do and I'm just spitballing here because we like to spitball. We get a prostitute that can role play that she loves the Titanic. The Olympic Funky dumpling. The funky dumpling. What's the other one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The shits and gigs.

[Christine]

The shits and gigs that she loves it. She you know kind of school around it. We pay her a little extra money to do a little research and then she they we just have her bump into Jacob somewhere on the train. They start to talk. She will have her have a Titanic book out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I add to this idea please? Could we then have her go on a true romance like adventure in life. Like we feign a whole thing where it's like you end up having to help her. Somebody go or she let's make it realistic. Let's say you're getting attacked by somebody who's mopping the floor with you. And then she kills him. But it'll be Fake. You don't know that. You're gonna think now. And now you feel this protection over her, and then she takes you on a wild series of adventures, maybe even out of the country.

[Christine]

We could actually set up a pimp scenario with somebody. One of the comics that maybe he doesn't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob's not gonna go. He's not gonna take a girl from a pimp. He's gonna think if she. If she's a prostitute, he's gotta feel like he met a girl, they bumped into each other and then. And then she had to kill a guy to save him from being raped.

[Christine]

Yeah, she. He wouldn't. He wouldn't go. He wouldn't go to a pimp's house to get that. Get her freedom is what you're saying.

[Bobby Kelly]

Neither.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She just saved him from being raped.

[Christine]

Right? Yeah, you're right. He doesn't have the courage to go to the pimp's house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wants to.

[Christine]

He wants to, but he just doesn't

[Big Jay Oakerson]

have it in his heart of hearts. He wants to for sure.

[Christine]

Okay, so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But right now he's just happy that he didn't get raped.

[Christine]

He didn't get raped in front of that girl, and she saved him. But there's a murder and they're in on it. They kind of have to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, she did it for him, so it's like. Yeah, he's very attracted to her.

[Christine]

How do you. She, like a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like a rusty. Something on the ground, I assume. It's happening outside.

[Christine]

Right. Okay, great. And then. So then they fall in love. She starts to cry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy's an actor, by the way. We need some practical effects for this because we're not. We're not killing a guy.

[Christine]

No, we're not gonna kill. Of course not. We're not gonna kill a guy. So then. So then that's when she starts to cry. Breaks down. He has to go over to her and go, it's okay. And she's like, no, I killed the guy in front of you, and now you're an accessory. And I don't want you to be. You just leave me. Leave me. And he's like, I'm not leaving you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not gonna leave her.

[Christine]

He's not gonna leave her. And then they start to kiss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you realize, though, that she's a fucking wild card. That everywhere you go, she causes major problems. Really, you have to get into all kinds of stuff, but everything's set up, Jacob. You're not gonna lose one fight.

[Christine]

Can I add a little?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course.

[Christine]

So when they have the breakdown, and she's crying, and she's like, I killed a guy. You need to go. And he's like, but you did it for me. And then they kiss. At that moment, she kind of. She kind of breaks the monotony. She goes, I could really go for some salmon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That would be nice.

[Christine]

And he goes, what did you just say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck did you say to me?

[Christine]

I just. I don't know. I just love salmon. I just would love some salmon right now. And he's like, I know how to cook it perfectly. What'd you say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said, I know how to kick it perfect.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do.

[Christine]

You like salmon, too?

[Bobby Kelly]

Love salmon.

[Christine]

I love salmon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, can we also add. Bobby, can we add that also the guy that attacked Jacob and that she fake killed.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He rode up on a horse. So they now have his horse.

[Christine]

Oh, thank you. So. Yeah. And she's like. I know. She's like, but he knows how to ride a horse because he was a cowboy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And she doesn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Christine]

She's a little scared. He has to help her up as a cowboy would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you worked at a horse farm in Jersey for a little bit.

[Christine]

And then they go back to his house, and she. He cooks the salmon.

[Bobby Kelly]

Perfect.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Perfectly.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was a rancher for a whole summer.

[Christine]

We got that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I worked on the horse farm.

[Christine]

Right. And then they go back to the house, and he looks over at one point while he's cooking the salmon, and she's slowly taking her bloody clothes off from the murder, and she grabs the. One of the Titanic books out, and she starts reading it. She's like, this is my favorite one. And he's like, that's my favorite one, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then she says something like, no.

[Christine]

We cut to a smash cut a little background, them on the couch. He's reading. It's opening the book. She's pointing. They're laughing. All of a sudden, they're reading. Really? Oh, my God. And then they look at each other, and then they look over because it's the Titanic after it sinks, and it's at the end, and he looks over at her, and she looks at him, and there's one tear coming down each of their eyes because it's such a tragic loss. And then he reaches over and wipes the tear out of her eyes, and then they kiss again. Oh, my God. And then Jacob goes. She's like, I want to make love to you. And he goes, I have to do the dishes first and clean up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

But as soon as I'm done cleaning Everything up so there's no mess. I'll meet you in the bedroom and

[Big Jay Oakerson]

then you can put me up on the bed.

[Christine]

Put me up in the bed. She has to put him up on the bed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just put him up on the bed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course.

[Christine]

So you're saying that she'll. After he's done cleaning, she grabs him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She could also be a human stool or let him leapfrog her. Either one works, though, getting him fired into that bed, though. I would like Jacob to talk to her and Rip from Yellowstone.

[Christine]

I like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's like, are you ready to. Do you want this forever? He goes, if forever is forever with you, would feel like just moments in time, baby. So, yeah, I think I want to do forever.

[Christine]

Do you want to. Do you want to make love to me right now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If making love. Do you mean laying down with the woman that I love and looking into the eyes of forever and seeing my future? Well, then, yeah, I think I want to make love.

[Christine]

Can I spend the night?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. No. My wife's coming home.

[Christine]

What? I thought you would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My wife's coming home. I can't. You have to go, actually. Gather your stuff, please. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck. You just reminded me she's coming home and she is gonna be pissed as

[Christine]

soon as they make love. The phone rings and he goes, I gotta get that. That's Jim, my boss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. Jim's gonna eventually call and take you out of your adventure. But you might already be in Zimbabwe, by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jim calls. I gotta pick up.

[Christine]

Yeah, you gotta pick up. Hang on one second. Just give me a second. That's my boss. Hi. No, I took that out. No, I know. They were watching the video. I tried to describe it. I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How about this? So then when Jacob's feeling comfortable with her and they're taking care of each other, they think the dust is settled. One day she's just gone. But there are a series of very simple clues that are going to lead Jacob on. Definitely, like, out of the country adventure. I'm thinking, like, Brazil maybe. Something like that. Like something. Well, we can get a Brazilian.

[Christine]

We could get a Brazilian prostitute to play this role.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was taken back to her place,

[Christine]

and she leaves clues back to Brazil, to the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But by, like, bad. Like warlord.

[Christine]

She's in the favelas. She's in the top of the favela in Rio. And he has to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that a resort?

[Christine]

No. You know, the. See Brazil, the projects, they're all on the hill. Yes, she's at the very tippity top. And he's got his. Make his way from the airport to the beach and then make his way up into the favelas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd like him along the way to make friends with a local boy who he feels he could trust for some reason or the other.

[Christine]

I would say. I would say that's fantastic. But I say when we make him a boy, I would say, you don't know if he's a boy or a girl. I want him to be very androgynous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay?

[Christine]

Yeah, okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

An androgynous child.

[Christine]

But I want the child to fall in love with Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No matter what it is.

[Christine]

No matter what, he falls in love with Jacob. And Jacob has to actually get to the point where he's like, I can't be with you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm here looking for love of my life.

[Christine]

I can't be with you. I. I thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't know. As a hired prostitute, right?

[Christine]

Exactly. He doesn't know that yet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't know it yet.

[Christine]

And then he makes his way. The little boy, girl or whatever the. He's like, I will still take you to the. To the top of the favela. And he. They make their way through gangs, through fights, through drug dealers. And he gets to the top of the favela and she's there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Christ almighty.

[Christine]

Yeah, she's there. And he walks up and he's like, what's her name? What do you think your name would be?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One of those awful sounding, like real. Like a. Like a real thud of a name. You know what I mean? Like one of those real. It's ugly. It sounds like a belch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mildred.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, it's something foreign. Y. But like a real. Like a pud name. Like a real Fracas or something like that. Like a woman named Fracas.

[Christine]

Fracas. Fracas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah,

[Christine]

her name's Fracas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fracas.

[Christine]

And because he has to say that with love, he has to say, fracas. Yeah, it's me, Jacob. And she turns around, she goes, what are you doing here?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, your friends say you are Bessie. You in the wrong place now.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they kill Jacob.

[Christine]

Well, they don't kill him. I say that. The little boy, girl, androgynous thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Same thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A little thing. Little thing.

[Christine]

Little thing. That's. That's the little thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Little thing. It's probably sort of Chinese even maybe not. Why?

[Christine]

Steps in front of the knife, the machete. Oh, that Fracas is about to use. And kills. Kills Little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Little one kills little thing.

[Christine]

Little Thing

[Big Jay Oakerson]

that sucks. And we're already over here in the.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not doing all that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You haven't seen the prostitute yet?

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's gonna be a high laugh.

[Christine]

You don't even know she's a prostitute.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think she's a. I'm not gonna fall for it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do me a favor. On the. On the. On the train.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the popular. What's the. The arrows go to the woman that's got the pill. Let's find you. I'm gonna find you this Brazilian prostitute that you're gonna go overseas for. She's. She's in there, Jay, you know.

[Christine]

You know, it'd be even better to this story if.

[Bobby Kelly]

If.

[Christine]

If we're just joking around. But in real life, he does meet this smoking hot Spanish girl that loves all these things. Titanic salmon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he treats her like.

[Christine]

But no, he love. But he does it. He thinks it's us setting him right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He treats like.

[Christine]

Yeah, he's just like, oh, off. I know what this is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Plaything. Go to New York.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd like her to be local until she ends up in Brazil.

[Christine]

Yeah, we're gonna get you, dude. We're gonna. We're gonna hook you up with a nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, Clarence realized Alabama was a. A prostitute, but she said yes, I was hired. But I love you for real.

[Christine]

But she was also like everybody. The way they got you out of it. She was only a call girl for two days. This is her. Her. That was her first. That was her. Listen, you need a little bit to suspend reality to live your life, Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go back to. Go back to what you just had on there, because there's already. So. I already say three. That Jacob was.

[Christine]

When I asked dawn if she still loves me, she says yes. You understand? You need a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is an actress.

[Christine]

Yeah. She knows what she's doing. She's a professional wife.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Scroll down. All right, Melly, you're 100. Yeah, maybe not now. I changed my mind.

[Christine]

She got too big. That's too. Too much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. All right, so far. Keep going. Scroll down.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're looking at Lacey a little.

[Christine]

What about that right there? She's beautiful. Big lips. None of them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you know what? All the way on the right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All the way on the right. Yeah. There's a strong chance.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

The Yellowstone girl.

[Christine]

How much is. How much is she for? How much? We need three weeks for this romance

[Big Jay Oakerson]

before she runs off and makes Jacob on an international adventure.

[Christine]

Yeah. Three weeks or Two weeks. I see this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think two weeks. An intense Two weeks that changes Jacob's life forever.

[Christine]

An intense.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's gonna cost us a lot in.

[Christine]

It's gonna be worth it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is. But they have to. Here's the thing. She has to him, like, it's like a passionate. Like, they're gonna be going at it, like, two times a day, three times a day on the weekends.

[Christine]

Not them making love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, right.

[Christine]

You have to make love to him. You have to look him in the eyes. When he cries, you cry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, time your cries with Jacob.

[Christine]

Jacob will cry. I bet. I bet after the first, third time they have sex, he's gonna cry, what's wrong, puppy? And she's gonna be like, I just can't believe I found it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It three times.

[Christine]

The three after three times. Have it making love to her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right?

[Christine]

She'll catch you crying in bed, and then she'll be like, puppy, what's wrong? And you're gonna be like, I just. I just can't believe I found true love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, go back to our stats. I want to see. Go down there. Yeah. What did it say? Oh, 25. Okay. I thought I said 35.

[Christine]

How much?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

25.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

It does not count. Good pricing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it does. Sometimes does.

[Christine]

110. Go to our website.

[Bobby Kelly]

Market price.

[Christine]

Market price. She's like a. She's like lobster.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that. Keep it guessing. She's interested in men. All right, go back, Jacob. For sure. You're international for her. Keep going.

[Christine]

She was very, very Yellowstone, that girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, go up.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

I mean, should I just click on college girls?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

If we want to get them, let's get them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry. Long line of pedophiles.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

I don't know what we're doing over here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

College girls, only nine.

[Christine]

Oh, Jacob. Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I bet seven of them. That's not. Those are zero. Those are ads, I think, up there, aren't they? Yeah.

[Christine]

Back to gold.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, no. Go back to what?

[Christine]

You're not made of money, Christine. Don't go to gold.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go down. It's just that first line, I think is not.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

It's only nine, it says. And that's nine people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See? So. No, none of these. No, that's Rochelle Ryan, who. Right there.

[Christine]

Is that the Asian girl that survived the Titanic?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that was a guy.

[Christine]

Oh, that was a guy. Well, she could have been a guy back then, and now she's a girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very possible. Times are changing.

[Christine]

Times have changed. What about that little nerdy one with the glasses right down below? Below her? What about that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not for Jacob.

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, he hates Asians.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

He. Nobody wants to be Japanese. He wants a little Japanese.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he hates Japanese women, though.

[Christine]

No, you like Japanese. You said they smell different. Why? Like what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like.

[Christine]

Like broth, ginger. Do they smell like. What do they smell like? Why would you say that? Broth, ginger and wasabi.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's that stupid. What's that stupid. Fish.

[Christine]

Fish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fish juice. What's the fish? Miso?

[Christine]

Yeah, miso. They smell like. They smell like socks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fish piss.

[Christine]

You think Asian girls smell like wet socks? Is that what you said?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn, you're up.

[Christine]

That's messed up, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, go back to other prostitutes, please.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Arrows verified?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, let's get the ones that are verified. So they're not gonna us over.

[Christine]

We're not gonna you over. Jacob. This. This is gonna be love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not her, but sky for sure.

[Christine]

Yeah, we can't go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, not with the tattoo.

[Christine]

No, he's not gonna like it too much for him. Unless it's a tattoo of the Titanic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. Whoever this is for sure.

[Christine]

Jay, real quick thought we pay her extra to get tattoos of things Jacob loves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't mind that.

[Christine]

Like the Titanic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Christine]

We could get. What else does he love?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nazi books.

[Christine]

Nazi books?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dumplings from that one place. I don't know if I pay attention to Jacob a lot. I think something you said with knives. I like the girl, not her.

[Christine]

Well, go back to the girl with the little. Does she have big tits and then small tits?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that. She's got too much of a party energy going. No, not her. No. We need a. Lauren.

[Christine]

We need next door.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we're looking. Arrows verified?

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Yeah, they're not really coming up on the arrows verify page.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Slow down.

[Bobby Kelly]

Curl next.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Next door.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, go up. None of these.

[Christine]

What about the one to the left over there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No way.

[Christine]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's busted. Go the other way.

[Christine]

She's busted.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, busted for Jake. I know what Jacob likes.

[Christine]

I thought you didn't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think he's gonna like Haley for sure.

[Christine]

Where's Haley?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, jeez, Jacob, you don't hate hair.

[Christine]

Is the butt too big?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But's big. But. I don't know how but big the butt is that her fucking frame is so tiny. She's a very tiny girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

She just looks like.

[Christine]

Now she's trash.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looks like surgery and software and

[Christine]

she's not gonna be able to pull off the acting job we need.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, you're right. Get rid of her.

[Christine]

Yeah, get rid of her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go back.

[Bobby Kelly]

She is not real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't want to see Brazil every time.

[Christine]

I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here. Daniela's too old, clearly.

[Christine]

Jacob, anything, please scream.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Chloe is definitely a bitch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Only in Christine's head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, hang on. Ember. Maybe Amber.

[Christine]

Where is she?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All the way to the right. Amber.

[Christine]

Now she's a brunette. She's got. Looks like natural boobs, but not little small waist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's hot, huh?

[Christine]

And she's got a big gap. I mean, that gap is big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She loves to party. Jacob. Come on, dude.

[Christine]

Look at her gap. Jacob, that thing at the Titanic. Could make it through that without hitting anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Christine]

Come on, Jacob. What about if she.

[Bobby Kelly]

You look like she's. I mean, they can't see this to people, but it looks like very different photo, different people.

[Christine]

Because the same girl, she changes her look a little. But for you, she's gonna be the brunette. She's gonna wear a sweater, go down to her stats, turtleneck, the nerd. She's gonna have corduroys on. Yeah. She's gonna have a backpack.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's 23, full of books. She's 110 pounds.

[Christine]

She journals.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's in the couple's Men and Women. She says, here, go up to her. I'm gonna read her thing here. I like it when there's tension between us. When our eyes tease before our hands do. I'm in the games, experiments, and pushing boundaries. With me, it's never boring. I know how to make you want more.

[Christine]

This is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She sounds lovely.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm paying her. She. She likes me, huh? What game?

[Christine]

Can I say something, though?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're paying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not even gonna know that.

[Christine]

Jacob, when you get to the top of the favela, you don't know what's gonna happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have to. I have to make her like me.

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. Do a series of Donkey Kong, like, rescues of her. Constantly climbing favelas to get to the top and defeat the giant monkey throwing barrels at you.

[Christine]

Don't forget the new friend you have. Little thing that's gonna die for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't forget about little thing who's gonna actually take a sword in the chest for you, I think.

[Christine]

Come on. This is an adventure of a lifetime.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Come on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are we talking about, Bobby? That was a good sales tactic. All right, come on. That's enough of this.

[Christine]

Let's do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We got you. We're doing this. We're doing this.

[Christine]

You're doing it. Two weeks of your life that are gonna be so. Oh, my God. Exciting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Vanessa Blue. Bring up Vanessa Blue. I'll tell you this because I. I gotta be. He didn't seem to like Ember the way I thought he was going to. I thought Ember might have been the one. Vanessa Blue might be the one. Oh, now black Lou says Vanessa Blue is Jacob's style. Look at this.

[Christine]

She's a. She's a brunette. She's very petite. Looks petite.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look how smiley he is.

[Christine]

She's got around little. She's got. I think. What is that, a B cup? 30, 32B.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, we see. We can see them. Look at her stats. I bet she has a really flappy, beefy.

[Christine]

Yeah, but can she act, Jay? Can she act? Does she role play?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's 23. She's Middle Eastern and white.

[Christine]

Oh, boy. She's out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he's a.

[Christine]

You know what he is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's also in call only. Which means you have to go to some weird place to meet her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Forget it. I'm not getting. I want her handler killing me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, hang on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me tell you about her handler squashing me like a grape.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, before you think that's what's gonna happen. Unless you find out she's Vanessa Blue. She's sweet when you first meet her. A little dangerous once you get closer. She loves playful conversations, teasing smiles in that moment when eye contact says more than words ever could. Smart, soft, and confident in her femininity, she enjoyed subtle tension, slow chemistry, and attention that feels effortless. She appreciates good energy, a sense of humor, and she likes to party as well. With her, it's never rushed and never boring. Get closer, she promises. She's even better in person.

[Christine]

Can I say something, Jake? If you're gonna write a girl that you wanted, I think you would write exactly those words.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Eye contact, tension.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nazis, Titanic, Titanica. Whistle.

[Bobby Kelly]

It seems like you have to win all of them over.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

I'm here with my friends. We are looking for fun and love.

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh?

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Christine]

She's looking for love. Jacob, you think these girls are doing this because they want to? They're waiting to meet a guy like you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

They all want to be pretty Woman.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you be the first person to ever tell her? Let me take you away from all this.

[Christine]

Yeah. Let me take you to a one bedroom and tell you Titanic factors. Never, never fun and never get takeout. I'll always cook at home and I'll walk to get it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, no guys ever thought to tell these girls that you can take them away from this and make their life better.

[Christine]

Yeah, dude, you have a. You have a one bedroom full of books and movies on the Titanic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got an Opportunity here to be the first man in history to tell a fucking escort, prostitute or porn star that you're gonna fucking get her out

[Christine]

of that and never happened before. You could take her away from all this junk.

[Bobby Kelly]

I look at all these women and the only thing I think about is the Russian handler that's gonna kill you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's only for this is in call. You're right. Get rid of this. Christine, we need some alcohol here. This girl's gotta be involved in a fucking international espionage scheme.

[Christine]

We need out calls only.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rachel's too fucking thick butted, I think,

[Christine]

and you don't want it. Asian, you know Asian, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Rachel also has a thick face. What the going on? Rachel's face.

[Christine]

What? You would like an Asian?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Asian is good.

[Christine]

Well, out of the brunette, blonde, or Asian, what would you rather have?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How about this Middle Eastern guy named Rachel?

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

It's a Japanese woman. And their family takes you in and you get to like, wear all the traditional clothes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like your agent.

[Christine]

You could tell them you know how to make the egg.

[Bobby Kelly]

Egg.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

But they like really accept you.

[Christine]

She'll be cooking the ramen. You're like, I got the egg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know. I do it perfectly.

[Christine]

No, you got that. I make it. You'll be like, I got. I got the egg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's like Mr. Suki, your new boyfriend, to take a big ribbon tea with the egg.

[Christine]

And then you walk up with the eggs in your hand and you bow when you hand it. And then they. The father takes it. And I hand you the egg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I take the egg from your hand.

[Christine]

How is the egg, sir? Is it. Does it live up to your family's tradition, the egg?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No good. What is this at home? Pictures.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

I just want to see what Montana Christine looks like.

[Christine]

First of all, Christine, that looks like one of your friends. She's got purple hair and a weird ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's three Montana. There's three Montana escorts. One's got a dump ass.

[Christine]

It looks like everybody Christine has taken a photo with on her instag.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who's that? What's her name? Paola.

[Christine]

Hey, Christine.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Look at this sad luxury.

[Christine]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

So depressing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Luxury's top tier out there, though. Go back to the other one. What's the one? The other over here. Her tits are coming out of her thing. But, like, not to be sexy. That's just where they are now.

[Christine]

Yeah, look at.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look.

[Christine]

Go back to the one with the ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The dump butt. Yeah, I want to see dump butts. Pictures. Oh, my God, look. She washed up.

[Christine]

Yeah. In the ocean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. The pictures of her just hitting land from the water.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's how she takes her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sadly, they're real photos of her on the, at the beach.

[Christine]

Oh man.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She seems like a lovely chick though.

[Christine]

Yeah, she seems like she passes out at the beach a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I gotta standing up. I've walked away from a place with worse in my life.

[Christine]

I mean, look, definitely, if we're gonna be honest, I would definitely, I would definitely.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

We don't her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know about Jacob.

[Christine]

If that, if that came into me at Skank Fest around two at night when I was on my scooter back to my room, I would definitely throw that tub of on the back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is the 2am skank would be like, yeah, all right.

[Christine]

Sure. I'd wash the stink off her butt.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

She's in the salt water. She's getting clean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dude, God's dish.

[Christine]

You have to duck that in the Mississippi before I took it back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God's dish.

[Christine]

Yeah. I mean what about that one, Jacob? Is that, is that a no?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's look at her. Let's look at her. Give me a write up. I want to see her write up. God damn it.

[Christine]

I better write up is like, look, I'll do whatever you want. Just pay me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

About me. Hi, I'm Paola, the beautiful girl you've been daydreaming about. I'm a full time student, part time glamour model.

[Christine]

Yeah, I love that it's daydreaming and not night dreaming because you have to be kind of awake to even think of that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And occasional companion when the mood or the right company calls for it. I have a soft spot for nice dinners, spontaneous.

[Christine]

I bet it's in her knees,

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

right to her legs.

[Christine]

Her ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ass. She has a saucep for. Oh, Bobby, this is good for us. Hang on a second.

[Christine]

She has, she has a barrel chest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, if we can get this woman carved up to be with Jacob once. Listen what she says here. She's got a soft spot for nice dinners, spontaneous getaways. That would be really good for our international thing. And she also is Hispanic, keep in mind me.

[Christine]

But. But they do speak Portuguese. So we would have to go. We'd have to change locations to maybe Guatemala or Nicaragua or somewhere else.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Because literally anywhere else, every one of

[Big Jay Oakerson]

those places, also any one of those places must stacked house neighborhoods. Right? I assume they're all pieces of awful places.

[Christine]

Brazil has the famous favelas, but yes, other Colombia, they're all pieces of just Bogota has it.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Tijuana looks pretty gnarly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Colombia, right? That's disgusting.

[Christine]

Yeah. Colombia.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

It's not. Yeah. I mean, it's not disgusting, but, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sick. It's gross.

[Christine]

No, it's a nice house made of their own. Well, you know why? The reason why they don't finish the top of the house. When you see these places, you can't

[Big Jay Oakerson]

get poop to stick to a top up like that.

[Christine]

Well, if you. If you are still constructing your house, a lot of these houses you'll see are built on top of one another, and then they'll have, like, beams going up like they're gonna. They stop building is because you. They don't have to pay taxes until the house is finished. And if it never gets finished, they don't have to pay taxes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the idea that the part they shouldn't finish. Would it be the roof?

[Christine]

The roof? Yeah. Like, they're gonna. They kind of build it up.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

You can.

[Christine]

They build it up a little bit like they're continuing, but they don't. That's a fun fact.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a sad fact.

[Christine]

Why don't you look that up, Christine, and prove me wrong? Like you love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She does love that.

[Christine]

I mean, immediately.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What a bad person.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

That's great. If you can just keep building your house and never pay taxes.

[Christine]

Not here in a third world country.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. There, you know, Piece of. Please.

[Christine]

Jacob wants to jerk both of us off real quick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it time?

[Christine]

We're gonna have to take a break.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you feel my tension? Yeah, you're right.

[Christine]

Guys, if there's a girl out there, please, please just get in touch with us. We want to make this fantasy happen,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

but you can't have a job where it's gonna cause a problem when we have to send you away to a foreign country to be, quote, unquote, rescued by Jacob.

[Christine]

You have to speak Spanish or Portuguese. We can go back to Brazil if

[Big Jay Oakerson]

you speak either way. I need this guy in a kayak in a river.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Drinking out of Bobby's river straws.

[Christine]

Oh, and we need a little kid, too, to play little thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A little thing. And you should be. You should be gender ambiguous looking. You know, you are weirdo.

[Christine]

You can be 30, but you have to look 12.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Big Joe Kuson's gonna be in Spokane Comedy club this weekend, June 5th and 6th. Then the Pantage Theater in Minneapolis, June 12th. And then the Egyptian Theater in Boise, Idaho, June 13th. After that, he's going to be in Buffalo, Harrisburg, Penn. Winnipeg. For tickets and tour dates, please go to bigjay comedy.com YouTube.com bigjokerson get your tickets now for this guy. All his shows are selling out. He is one of the hottest comics out there. So if you want to go, don't wait. Get him now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Bobby Kelly's gonna be a governor's in Levittown June 19th and the 20th. Then the comedy mothership in Austin, Texas, July 3rd through the 5th. After that, Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Saratoga is it Portsmouth, New Hampshire? Is that one thing?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

[Christine]

Get the date for that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Portsmouth, New Hampshire Saratoga Springs, Brooklyn, New York. All on deck. For tickets and all tour dates, visit Punchup Live. Robert Kelly. Check out his YouTube channel at robert Kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, including tonight, the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Cellar. See him run that six fat we'll be right back to bonfire. The 2026 FIFA World cup meal at McDonald's is underway with one of nine legendary cups in the lineup. Christian Pulisic, David Beckham, Lamino Martin, Ronaldinho, Thierry Henry, Son, Hyung Min, Alfonso Davies, Santi Jimenez and between the posts, it's Grimace. Get one of nine collectible cups with a FIFA World cup meal at participating McDonald's for a limited time while supplies last. All rights reserved. 20:26 McDonald's at FIFA World Cup 20:26

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