
America's Amigo Mike Finoia has a new radio show on SiriusXM's Grateful Dead Channel. Mike is uniquely qualified for the gig because he knows the music and he knows the smell of deadheads | Everyone takes a turn doing their best Sebastian Maniscalco impression at the expense of DJ Lou | Jay and Bob have criticized the comedy special of David Vox Mullen and he has taken the high road by embracing their notes and even making merch out of Big Jay's comments! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf
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Bobby Kelly
I have great news. Malcolm in the Middle is back. My life is fantastic now in a four part event.
Jay Oakerson
All I had to do is stay completely away from my family.
Bobby Kelly
Your biggest problem is that we exist. Everyone's invited to the Can't Miss reunion of the year.
Jay Oakerson
This family's behavior is toxic to me. We all just take turns fighting and creating disasters.
Bobby Kelly
That's what families do. Malcolm in the Middle Life's still unfair premieres Friday, April 10th on Hulu and Hulu on Disney. For bundle subscribers terms apply. If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place. From H vac and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.
Jay Oakerson
And now the bonfire with Big J
Bobby Kelly
Okerson and Robert Kelly. Yeah.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
Oh, the magic's been hanging out with his black girlfriend again. It's the joint. She said something recently to him about like, oh, you don't know this. This is old school.
Jay Oakerson
I don't know anything.
Christine
According to she goes this song is all my grandparents met too.
Bobby Kelly
Is she black? Yeah.
Christine
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
I thought she. She looks more Indian. You look something different than you are. Wow. You get. You stick up for her like you stick up for Eddie Veter. You just snap.
Christine
I mean, two loves.
Bobby Kelly
He really the two loves his girl and Eddie Vet.
Christine
You can take a hot on his twin brother's head. You don't give a.
Bobby Kelly
Doesn't give a. He'll stab you in the neck immediately. You talk about Eddie Veter and his chicken.
Christine
His black chick.
Bobby Kelly
I don't know why is that an insult?
Christine
And why any better?
Bobby Kelly
She's American. But so is he. Why is being looking Indian or a little Indian? That's not an insult.
Christine
Looks like she has Indian in her family. She has a good hair.
Bobby Kelly
I took it.
Jay Oakerson
I took it wrong. You're right.
Bobby Kelly
You did. I mean, isn't that the dream of all black girls have Indian. Indian lady hair.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, you're right.
Bobby Kelly
Right.
Christine
And she has nice long hair.
Bobby Kelly
Yes, she does. She has beautiful hair. She didn't buy it.
Christine
It's probably because there's Indian in her bloodline. And you should apologize to Robert.
Jay Oakerson
Sorry, Robert. She doesn't have that nappy hair.
Bobby Kelly
She has beautiful long Indian hair. I was talking about those people Whoa. Sorry. Geez.
Christine
No, I like what he's saying. She has normal people lips. She has.
Bobby Kelly
She does have normal people lips.
Christine
She has a thin nose.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Her fingers are not ashy or. Nor her elbows.
Christine
American nose for sure.
Bobby Kelly
Does she have creams and stuff at the house? Oh, yeah.
Jay Oakerson
The best skin.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, there's. No, that's not my question. Is there a lot of like creams, Cocoa butter. Oh, because of the ashy elbow thing.
Christine
Oh, wow. Damn, dude.
Bobby Kelly
You said what I said. I. You should talk to her. I think she has a little. A little something in her. Not just she has a little something. She's a mix.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Lose dick.
Christine
That's the kind of burns you're gonna be catching all day. From our guest, Mike Fenoy in the Chicks Love Dicks.
Bobby Kelly
Mike's got a new show. He's. He's part of the love Dicks.
Christine
Chicks love dicks.
Bobby Kelly
Little dicks. I love chicks with dicks.
Christine
Chicks with dicks.
Bobby Kelly
Chicks with dicks. Chicks with chicks, man.
Christine
Will that ever be shouted by a group of thousands?
Bobby Kelly
Yes. Sooner than you think. This country keeps going the way it is, Jay.
Christine
Will that ever be yelled out by a group of thousands? How chicks with dicks. Jack's wet.
Bobby Kelly
If we ever get a trans president, we gotta do that.
Christine
That will not happen in our lifetime.
Bobby Kelly
You don't think so?
Christine
No, I don't.
Bobby Kelly
We're so close.
Christine
That's not even so true.
Jay Oakerson
Unless they keep it a secret until the last day of the term.
Christine
Oh, yeah, Tell me. You show me the trans that's passable, that's also got it in them. To run for president, you're either dedicating your entire life to be as much as a woman as possible, so you have to surprise people last minute with your big huge flopping dick. Or you could be a Janet Reno looking fucking bitch. And in politics.
Bobby Kelly
Janet Reno, what a pull.
Christine
No.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, imagine like a lady with an Abe Lincoln beard to cover her Adam's apple.
Christine
Yes, yes, that kind. Like a Chaz Bono.
Bobby Kelly
There's a girl out there right now, we call them unicorns, that has it all.
Christine
Absolutely.
Bobby Kelly
And I will vote for her immediately.
Christine
Bailey J. For president. That makes sense to you? Mia Isabella for president.
Bobby Kelly
No, she's too talkative.
Christine
What are you talking about? What we need.
Bobby Kelly
No, dick's way too big.
Christine
Dick is way too big.
Jay Oakerson
What if they identify as president and vice.
Christine
Okay, I don't mind that they them. Now do you think. Are you thinking more of like an Emma Rose? Like a tiny little penis chick with dick president?
Bobby Kelly
No. I think for an American, we have to have an American cock. It's gotta be perfect. Like the American, you know, standard. You came too small.
Christine
Like eagle wings on the side.
Bobby Kelly
That wouldn't be bad.
Jay Oakerson
High cholesterol.
Bobby Kelly
She shaves her bush fat into like fucking the flag.
Christine
Yes.
Bobby Kelly
I think it's. Hers is a little too small. I think. I think her weenie is a little too small. And Mia Isabella too big.
Christine
How about the other one we had in here? What was the name of the other one? No, no, no, that was abba. No, no, no. Mia Isabella came in with another lady set over here that Christine discovered eventually was a pretty good looking guy with a pretty big dick.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
And then became a strange looking lady with a. With a. I guess, okay. Sized dick.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
I don't like that. She puts a flannel on and calls it a day.
Jay Oakerson
Is that a prerequisite? You have to have like Mia Isabella, Bailey J.
Christine
Not bad. That's a good point.
Jay Oakerson
Quite a lot of that, huh?
Christine
Emma Rose.
Jay Oakerson
Emma Rose, Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
I think you do have to have two first names.
Christine
They just have to be both women's names. Two girl names. Cancel your boy name.
Bobby Kelly
You have to take all those letters and make your original name Ralphie.
Jay Oakerson
One boy name equals two girl names.
Christine
We should say this weekend, Mike Fenoy is in Sugarland, Texas, and Biloxi, Mississippi, with Ron White. On tour with Ron White as we speak. And starting this spring, you can hear Mikey. This is big news.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
Every Saturday night, his own show on the grateful dead, channel 23, right here on Sirius XM.
Bobby Kelly
I'm gonna give it a shot. You know, I. I hate the dead. I hate fish. But I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna. One night on Saturday I'm gonna get in a chair, a nice boring chair. I'm gonna. Maybe outside with a cigar and I'm gonna put your channel on. Okay, I'm gonna give it a shot. Thank you. I'm gonna give. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna give. Not you. Because I believe in you.
Christine
Okay.
Bobby Kelly
I believe in you. You I believe in. Did you get your teeth done? You look good. Yeah, sparkling, dude. They look great. I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give the Dead another. Another try. Is it all dead?
Jay Oakerson
All dead all day.
Bobby Kelly
All dead. All day. All night.
Jay Oakerson
All night.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, God.
Jay Oakerson
Why don't you let me know what night you're listening and I'll play the most boring fucking Dead songs.
Christine
I think you should your. I think, Mike, if you time it right, there's A way Mikey could talk in between a song enough that you can make a song with the amount of time like you have. Talk time. Yeah. Versus music time.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
I bet you can stretch a song out the entire time.
Jay Oakerson
I totally.
Christine
We're coming back with the third stanza of.
Bobby Kelly
Right now. Mike, you don't have to worry about what I'm listening to, because every song to me is boring. So. I mean, I just don't like him. I don't get it. Okay, but I'm gonna give.
Christine
Michelle. There's no song at all, ever. I mean, they made a Song for the world, and I have to say, it pretty much worked, right? Touch of Gray. I mean, put on Touch of Gray. Come on. I like Touch a Gray. It's great lyrics.
Bobby Kelly
You.
Jay Oakerson
You like more dead than you think you do.
Christine
Well, I like.
Bobby Kelly
That's true, Jay. You like way more than you think you do.
Christine
This song rules.
Bobby Kelly
I just think it's kind of.
Christine
They came out in the 80s and they were like, hey, guys, listen, here's a song for you guys. Yeah, here's a song for you. The regular people who just like music and don't want to experience something with every song.
Bobby Kelly
This is the part that. This is the. That goes on too long for me. And then his voice.
Christine
Well, the guy was dying. Always. He always had something in his throat.
Bobby Kelly
It's all right. It sounds like he can. And don't. Please don't attack me like Lewitt. If I was talking about Eddie Vedder.
Jay Oakerson
Please.
Bobby Kelly
I know that you love them, but it sounds. His voice. It sounds like he can't sing, but he's singing, you know? Bobby, does that make sense?
Christine
It does. He can't sing. You're right. He's not a good singer.
Jay Oakerson
He's.
Bobby Kelly
He's. I.
Jay Oakerson
He's one of my favorite singers, but
Christine
he's not a good singer. He's not a good.
Bobby Kelly
Better than Journey. Yeah. Really?
Jay Oakerson
I like him better than.
Christine
No, you don't.
Jay Oakerson
That's why I don't have a show on the Journey Channel.
Christine
No, you like him better, for sure. But I'm saying something about, like, a talent of voice. I'm not talking about how people sound versus what they.
Bobby Kelly
I'm talking about talent.
Christine
I. Eddie Vedder doesn't have. I'm so sorry. Doesn't have a good voice. It works for the. He does a music choice that makes sense for what he sounds like.
Bobby Kelly
Right? Jim Morrison doesn't have a great voice. He didn't.
Christine
No, not at all.
Bobby Kelly
Can you just deal with the question? Was prop.
Christine
I Agree.
Bobby Kelly
Okay. But melodically, it works for him. Melodically.
Christine
Good words, good voices. There's like. Meatloaf had a good voice.
Bobby Kelly
Sure. Steve Perry has a great voice.
Christine
Great voice.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Great voice.
Christine
Absolutely. Getty Lee, It's a thing. He has a thing.
Jay Oakerson
Mark Knopfler thing. Thing.
Christine
He has a thing.
Bobby Kelly
Ozzy Osbourne thing. It's a thing. I thought Ozzy had a good. It's a thing. Only he can sing it like that.
Jay Oakerson
Let me ask you a question.
Bobby Kelly
Yes, sir.
Jay Oakerson
Do you like Crosby and Young that harmonizes?
Bobby Kelly
I don't like the Young part because I think he is not a good singer.
Christine
He's a terrible singer.
Bobby Kelly
Terrible singer. He's not a good singer, but he. That's his thing. You know what I mean? I get it.
Jay Oakerson
I think a lot of these dudes probably got. From this era, Neil Young, Grateful Dead, whatever, they kind of, like, fell into it and they're like, well, you're the best of the worst singers.
Bobby Kelly
Right? I think that they're great musicians. I think they love jamming. And then one guy had to sing, and they picked the best of the guys that could sing.
Christine
Well, Bobby, also, you're not. I'm surprised you don't like the Dead more because. Or are you. Are you a guy who, like, do lyrics smack you?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, lyrics hit me, because that's why I'm surprised.
Christine
Touch of Gray, I thought it's got such, like, the concept of the song. Every silver Lining's got a touch of gray. It's such a good.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, it's a really well written song. But you know what?
Bobby Kelly
I'm gonna give it a shot, dude, I'm telling you.
Jay Oakerson
Let me know what day you're listening.
Bobby Kelly
Don't.
Christine
Don't. Play the worst Touch of Gray over and over again.
Bobby Kelly
Play the best. I'm gonna hear the best.
Jay Oakerson
Truck.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Again, it's like tr.
Christine
No trucking. Stinks.
Jay Oakerson
Doesn't stink.
Christine
It's not good. Friend of the Devil's a good song. Really good song.
Jay Oakerson
I don't know.
Bobby Kelly
It sounds good.
Jay Oakerson
I like all of it.
Bobby Kelly
I like the devil. Anytime the devil's in the. In the title, I'm. It sounds kind of. But I bet it's not, like, devily.
Christine
No, it's not devily.
Bobby Kelly
Probably hippie, right?
Christine
It's.
Bobby Kelly
I think if I did drugs, I would like it more if I could get high.
Jay Oakerson
If. If the Grateful Dead is what gets you back on drugs, mission accomplished.
Bobby Kelly
That'd be great, wouldn't it?
Jay Oakerson
Let's do it.
Bobby Kelly
I just became a Deadhead. That's it. I just.
Jay Oakerson
You came back the right way. Just psychedelics.
Christine
Leave your family.
Bobby Kelly
I just smell and travel the country.
Jay Oakerson
Do I smell?
Bobby Kelly
Sometimes Bad. Good.
Jay Oakerson
Okay.
Christine
I'm gonna call you Bob. I'm gonna call you Bob Hanian.
Jay Oakerson
I love you, Bobby.
Christine
You're. You're Bob Hanian.
Bobby Kelly
I love, I love, I love. I love when people grab my muscles.
Christine
Dude, I would love to see bohemian Bob Boho. Bobby Boho Bobby. Just traveling around making grilled cheeses for everybody.
Bobby Kelly
I make my own hats out of t. Sh hurts.
Christine
Yes.
Jay Oakerson
It is what it is, bro.
Bobby Kelly
Hey, man, you just gotta go with what you go with.
Christine
Bobby's smoking a cigar and a leather jacket. Being the head of the NOS mafia
Jay Oakerson
final fat with a pH.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, it's a good idea. That's how Jay would do it.
Christine
That's it. Get some sleep tonight.
Bobby Kelly
What is that, Bob? No, it's too sexy.
Christine
That's way too sexy.
Bobby Kelly
I'm not a fucking honest.
Christine
Bohemian wigs.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, that's too hot. You gotta. It's gonna be dirty. I'm not gonna wash it. Yeah, I'm traveling.
Christine
Maybe some dreads.
Jay Oakerson
If you grew your hair, where would it grow?
Christine
I'd like Bobby with some white boy dreads.
Bobby Kelly
I would have hair all around the side and then a nice little baby curl on top.
Jay Oakerson
You really. You get it?
Bobby Kelly
Like, right here. Right here. I have a patch which.
Jay Oakerson
And I get the shower curtain.
Bobby Kelly
You get it.
Jay Oakerson
I have like. If I let it grow, I have like, fucking.
Bobby Kelly
Dude, we should let our hair grow for a year. Let's do it and just see what happens.
Christine
Can we have. Can we get two of these? Can.
Jay Oakerson
Me and Bobby wouldn't touch one in that year.
Bobby Kelly
Doesn't touch a. Now, I had a fight this morning with Don. I'm like, I keep giving you compliments. I keep telling you you're pretty. I keep snuggling up to you. I keep doing all the stuff that my therapist told me to do. And you give me lookouts. Could you do. I was last night, in the middle of night, I got a hard on that I almost took a picture of. It was so good. It was filled. I will next time. I didn't think of that.
Jay Oakerson
You should have got.
Bobby Kelly
Dude, it was your butt. Now, granted, I was lying and all the fat was. You know. But I had it with my hand. And then another hand.
Christine
Nice.
Bobby Kelly
And I was holding it and it was full. You know how your penis sometimes can fill completely?
Christine
Just. Just so the world understands? I want to make sure we're painting the Picture correctly.
Bobby Kelly
Yes.
Christine
Because I understand what you're doing. Two fister. Sure.
Bobby Kelly
Two fister.
Christine
I've gotten two fists on my thing.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
That bottom fist, though, is really pounding down into your fucking base.
Bobby Kelly
It's down to the bone. It's down to the cervix.
Jay Oakerson
You got a pinky in the butt. It's.
Bobby Kelly
It's down.
Christine
And the top. And the bottom fist is also actually two fingers with two. With the two bottom ones resting on your ball bag.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Yeah.
Jay Oakerson
There's ball skin coming through the finger creases.
Bobby Kelly
Oh. I was pushing with all my strength.
Christine
The first one's doing. The right arm is doing the heavy lifting that left. Just getting a grip of what's. Of what you're exposing.
Jay Oakerson
It's tying off a balloon.
Bobby Kelly
I was. I was slapping it. I was slapping it, knocking it around.
Christine
I call that.
Bobby Kelly
I'm sitting there, I'm like, this should be in something. This should be making a girl go. And then that last. Nothing. No. All I hear is no. Oh, God.
Christine
Meanwhile, you're fucking alto clarinetting your fucking wang.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, man. I almost.
Jay Oakerson
I almost Clearing the. Clearing the spit valve.
Bobby Kelly
I actually turned on that. That. I had my phone in my hand. So I went to that Philly porn girl and I brought up a video, and I watched with no sound, a little bit of the video of her. And then I shut it off. I was like, this is too creepy. My wife is right there. There's a vagina right here. I could just stick it in. I think I might just stick it in. I mean, I might just. Just.
Jay Oakerson
How long you been married, dude?
Bobby Kelly
Coming up on 19 years.
Jay Oakerson
You could do that imminent domain or something like that, right? Something like that, yeah.
Christine
Public domain.
Bobby Kelly
It's public domain.
Christine
It's public domain.
Jay Oakerson
Isn't like 2ft of everybody's yard, like, belong to the state?
Bobby Kelly
It does, yeah. That brick wall in your backyard. Not yours, not yours, not mine.
Christine
I think marital rape is off the table after 15 years. You say that?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Yeah. It would just take me so long to just rub it for it to break the seal and the lava to come out.
Christine
Yeah. I hope you get her pregnant and make her have an abortion.
Bobby Kelly
I'd have to put a pussy in the microwave to fucking heated up. Oh, my God.
Jay Oakerson
What if you dream raped her? What if that happened?
Bobby Kelly
Let me take the time.
Christine
Yeah. If she wakes up while it's happening, you act like you just woke up too. I did what?
Jay Oakerson
Oh, my God. We don't have sex conscious. We must be having sex unconscious.
Bobby Kelly
There was a Time where I was having sex dreams and I was. I think I told you this. I was. I. The Indian on the butter. Remember her?
Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Land O' Lakes.
Bobby Kelly
I was. I saw her by the river and I went down to her and we started making out and we were just fucking passion kissing. And then I woke up and I was making out with Dawn. Apparently in my sleep, I was. I guess I rolled over and started kissing Dawn. And I woke up and I was kissing dawn and she was up fully making back out with me. And I was like, oh, fuck, now I have to. I'm not going to fucking Indian. I'm going to fuck a Pollock from Everett, Massachusetts.
Christine
Yeah, it is different.
Bobby Kelly
Bobby's.
Jay Oakerson
Bobby falls asleep.
Christine
Not like Vijay Lou, who gets that sweet Indian loving every single night.
Jay Oakerson
Bobby falls asleep and he's buttering an English muffin.
Bobby Kelly
What's up?
Christine
We should order two of these. You know, listen to Mike's show.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
With dreadlocks on our head.
Bobby Kelly
I think that's perfect. That's exactly what my hair would look like. I'd have to shave like a little circle on the front.
Jay Oakerson
Dude, imagine male pattern baldness dreads.
Bobby Kelly
They have you bring that up. That happens to be.
Christine
Yeah, that happens. What are you talking about? Of course it happens. Comedian Warren Hutchinson's going through that.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
Wclef Jean went through it for a while. And then. What's. What's the biggest. Dude, Billy Ocean looks crazy.
Bobby Kelly
Stevie Wonder.
Christine
The worst.
Jay Oakerson
Eddie Grant. Does he have him?
Christine
I don't know, but I'll tell you that for sure. Billy. Oceans are gnarly.
Jay Oakerson
Whoa, look at that one right there. Dead center.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, that's rough. But they got. They probably went bald from those dreads, right? Don't you go bald from dreads?
Christine
I think it's not. We're not, buddy. Because we're going to put dreads over our heads.
Bobby Kelly
Whoa, look at that. Do you know about dreads being in the culture?
Jay Oakerson
Shut up.
Bobby Kelly
I'm just.
Jay Oakerson
What's the culture like?
Christine
Someone's definitely asked you to tighten their fucking dreads before. Someone just need to twist the fucking
Jay Oakerson
bases before I tell you.
Christine
We've been doing this while you were telling a story. Goes. Yeah, dude, fourth set tonight was sick.
Bobby Kelly
You've definitely. You've definitely been in a teepee. Titan and dreads.
Jay Oakerson
No, I will tell you. And you know how germaphobe I am. I don't fit in well to the things I love. You know what I mean? One time I got a rogue dancing girl dread in the eye. And like, I Was convinced I was gonna get, like, look, eye like one. I was just gonna get my eyes in a fill with pus and gross. Like, like every time I sneeze, like, Grateful Dead bears are gonna fly out of my eyes and stuff. But I got, like, a dread in the eye and I got like, I need to go, like, rinse my eye.
Christine
Felix. If Felix Unger went to fucking, wasn't Felix the uptight one? Yeah, yeah. If you went to, like, fucking Dead show is Mike's. People are dancing around, like, just keeps spraying them with, like, Lysol and stuff.
Bobby Kelly
He keeps picking up pieces of Dread with his umbrella.
Jay Oakerson
One time at a Fish concert, I turned to my two friends and I go, do you ever feel like it's us versus them? And he was like, what the fuck are you talking about? The audience, them versus me and my two buddies. Because everyone's, like, loud and dancing and having a good time. I just want to be like, but they are.
Bobby Kelly
But they are, like, smelly people. Not all of them, but there are smelly people.
Jay Oakerson
Just like there are smelly people at but, you know, Aerosmith concerts.
Christine
I would say there's more smelly.
Bobby Kelly
I would say if we had a smell test, I'm sure I'd say the
Christine
Smellies are the smelly Go to. What? You go to.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Well, you smelly smell, but you too. That, that.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, Juggalo. I mean, that's.
Bobby Kelly
That. That's the smelliest.
Jay Oakerson
That is the smelliest.
Christine
Well, I don't know if that's true because I feel like most people from that one came. Well, it's three days. Only a year.
Bobby Kelly
Can I just say this? I think that they look the smelliest. I think the Dread girls at least have sundresses on, you know? Yeah.
Jay Oakerson
You guys are wearing, like.
Christine
I don't know, there's something about suits.
Jay Oakerson
Like.
Christine
Yeah, but they're not like Snyder, but that's not like a cut off. It's not like a cut off jean shorts, like, been wearing the same underwear for, like, five days. Culture that, like, this doesn't lean into that. Those guys go three days and just go gross to the max.
Jay Oakerson
They pour soda on themselves in the heat.
Christine
It's disgust in those three days. It's gnarly.
Bobby Kelly
Wash with soda. They do.
Christine
No, you're right. But here's the thing. If they were Grateful Dead or Fish people when they packed up after the gathering of the Juggalos without a shower again, they just go on to the next concert and start all over again.
Bobby Kelly
But your fans accumulate smell yes. Over a year.
Christine
They're a traveling funk.
Jay Oakerson
Yes, totally. There's layers of funk.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Oakerson
Now what I would do when I was on the road for like, couple weeks at a time.
Christine
Oh, is this travel and funk?
Bobby Kelly
Oh, you did it.
Jay Oakerson
I did. I did. Like Long Runs.
Christine
That's my favorite song. It's traveling funk.
Jay Oakerson
It's Franklin's Tower and you know it.
Christine
Traveling funk. Girlfriend ain't watch the in one fortnight.
Jay Oakerson
I'll tell you what. It's an honor to be hosting this new show on the Grateful Dead show for you. Heads out there. You know where to find me.
Bobby Kelly
Well, there's a. It's a huge fan base.
Jay Oakerson
What I used to do was I would get a bottle of Pantene Pro V because I had pour it all over everybody and every river that we drove by or whatever. A pond. Yeah, I'd running in there. And I would take gas station showers at like, the pilot. Did you say on the highway?
Bobby Kelly
I'm sorry, you said you went into a pond and showered?
Christine
Yeah. Because why not rinse out your Pantene with fish?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Why not have turtle jizz all over your head?
Jay Oakerson
That's the best stuff for your dreads. What do you think keeps those things together?
Christine
Fish? It's really what tightens up the bases.
Bobby Kelly
Would you wipe your ass with a lily pod?
Jay Oakerson
No baby wipes, man.
Christine
That was really funny, by the way, watching when I was on the tour with Corn. I forgot when I interviewed Fieldy, the bass player who never quite liked me. Yeah, I love that he was replaced with a guy who's a straight up fan. Raw. What a great dude. He was replaced with a guy who, like, loves me.
Jay Oakerson
That's great.
Christine
But he. Fieldy, when I was on tour, they wanted me to go interview him in the afternoon, the tour for, like, their socials. And I went on his bus and it was just so funny because he was in the process. Like, his crew guys that are all have to be like super religious and stuff too. Like, they all have to like do Bible studies if you're on his bus.
Bobby Kelly
Really?
Christine
He was super serious. But funny enough, he quit the band ultimately a couple years ago now. Maybe like three, maybe like five, six years ago now. He kind of left the band because he was relapsing, I think. But so he's in all the Jesus stuff and he just had a crew of other Hispanic and white guys on his bus that he's teaching them how to like, dreadlock there. He was like, red locking people's hair for them. Like, he's the guy to go to on the corn tour. You know what? I've been out long enough. I want my dreads. All right, man. Come on the bus.
Jay Oakerson
Go to the creperie.
Bobby Kelly
When you make a dread, do you have to like, you use your own poo? Like, how do you make your own dreads?
Jay Oakerson
They use, I think like a beeswax kind of thing, you know? It's beeswax, isn't it?
Bobby Kelly
Beeswax? Dude, you're the dread.
Jay Oakerson
It's been a couple years. I'm sure the technology's changed.
Christine
I think I heard one point the best stuff to use is beeswax, which is very certain brand. But I heard it from some girl I don't know. She want to suck my dick. I didn't let her.
Bobby Kelly
Did you ever hook up with a dread chick?
Jay Oakerson
Yes.
Bobby Kelly
How was it?
Christine
Stank.
Bobby Kelly
How did you get through the forest?
Jay Oakerson
I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you the truth.
Christine
It's one of those pussies where like if you look while they're fucking, there's like a. There's like a milk gathering around like where your dick's going in there. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's like a froth.
Bobby Kelly
You had it to eat her pussy. It's like looking for a pimple and a beard spreading.
Christine
Oh, that, that muck. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about, dude, it's like brie cheese on the outside of your ding dong. But it's coming from inside of her
Jay Oakerson
like a broken burrata.
Christine
Yes, a busted burrata.
Bobby Kelly
Looks like one of those Chinese omelets.
Christine
You guys make the best high end food references.
Jay Oakerson
A busted burrata. I. I have a thing I got. I can't be with a girl that's got hairy armpits, hairy legs.
Bobby Kelly
Fuck all that, right?
Jay Oakerson
No fucking way.
Bobby Kelly
So you never hooked her up? I'm Italian, right?
Jay Oakerson
As an Italian American, fish as Italian.
Bobby Kelly
And the hairiest women on the planet.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, you gotta wax that.
Christine
But at least she makes a good Sunday gravy.
Jay Oakerson
Treat us with some money.
Bobby Kelly
Golf. So you never hooked up with a chick?
Christine
We're bumming out, Lou.
Jay Oakerson
No, we're sorry.
Christine
We're not making fun of Sebastian.
Jay Oakerson
No, no. We're making fun of other ones.
Christine
God, you love this guy so hard you let those talk about my comedy. Lou, why was you doing Lou? You're just gonna let that stunard and that gabon.
Bobby Kelly
I was talking to Corey, Ellie, and he said you were letting him talk about me.
Christine
He Said you were laughing.
Jay Oakerson
Did I ever invite you over for Sunday sauce?
Bobby Kelly
You gotta go over and hit the button. The button.
Christine
Maybe they'll invite you over to their house for San Gennaro.
Bobby Kelly
I'm never gonna hook you up with a scally cap again.
Jay Oakerson
My wife's knitting you a garlic bread necklace.
Christine
Lou. I gave you the Discman they gave me in my Oscar's gift bag.
Bobby Kelly
Go.
Jay Oakerson
Would you have a Vince Vaughn's Wild west comedy door poster over your bed if it wasn't for me?
Christine
You. You're gonna make fun of me with those two fat assholes? And why and where and who.
Jay Oakerson
You call yourself a compadre of mine.
Christine
You're supposed to be a bison. Where? When? Why would you do that?
Bobby Kelly
I allowed you to produce my show, and you date a black girl and you do this behind my back?
Jay Oakerson
I let you borrow my Firebird for your first. First date.
Christine
You bring one of these Dutchoons to my house and my wife's cooking for. They got different palates.
Bobby Kelly
I had to get hot sauce.
Jay Oakerson
You got me googling plantains over here. Keep it in the family.
Bobby Kelly
I don't want to have to make you pick, but it might be coming. Forget about it.
Jay Oakerson
I listened to that Vitalogy, that elderly woman behind the counter of a tiny little store in the suburbs.
Christine
He keeps singing about how sad he is about stuff. I mean, shouldn't he be embarrassed?
Bobby Kelly
You know, that Vader guy is a fan of mine.
Jay Oakerson
Hey, he's playing.
Christine
He's playing a tiny guitar.
Jay Oakerson
This Jeremy won't shut up in class. If I talked in class today, Back of the head.
Christine
My father. If I came home and told him that I was getting in trouble in school, he'd shoot me at the house.
Jay Oakerson
He'd say, hey, you're nine. Start a business. All nervous.
Bobby Kelly
Lou, you gonna cut all that out?
Jay Oakerson
You want me to spin the black sweet St. Lucia?
Christine
Oh, I let you sleep in my slave quarters when you come out the Los Angeles.
Bobby Kelly
I let your girl go in my po. Even though something might have happened, the color might have changed.
Christine
I let your girl go in my pool knowing her hair might clog my drains.
Jay Oakerson
Oh, I don't mind stealing bread.
Bobby Kelly
I had to clean the shower drain. There was a torch spider from her head.
Christine
My wife jumps. She goes, oh, what is this?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, he relax, relax.
Christine
What are you doing?
Bobby Kelly
Why you doing.
Christine
Why are you doing that?
Bobby Kelly
Why you going to go?
Christine
Why would you even do that?
Bobby Kelly
Why would you turn against me?
Jay Oakerson
She called it Parmesan cheese. I said, what? Parmesan.
Christine
It's not Phonetic. You bang bad.
Bobby Kelly
I had to get avocado for the salad.
Christine
She says she wants me to find out jokes. It's 10pm.
Jay Oakerson
What do I. What am I, Trader Joe?
Christine
You want me to find all choke at?
Bobby Kelly
I'm going to choke this broad right now.
Jay Oakerson
What are we living? What are my green acres growing? Artichokes.
Christine
Beverly Hills, that is.
Bobby Kelly
She asked me who Frank Sinatra was.
Christine
I almost went upside at night.
Bobby Kelly
Ah, Lou, God bless you. This has nothing to do with me.
Christine
I know he's your godfather.
Bobby Kelly
Would you pick up any affiliation with Sebastian Maniscalco?
Jay Oakerson
I hope your first two child is a masculine.
Bobby Kelly
I had to let Lou go. He was dating one of those colored girls.
Christine
He kept bringing her to the shows, bringing down the property value. Why?
Jay Oakerson
What he doing?
Bobby Kelly
Why? I like looking out and seeing white faces.
Jay Oakerson
I treat StubHub like Zillow. You got to keep those prices up in the neighborhood.
Christine
Oh, oh. I like a good old Sebastian. Lou Jabs.
Jay Oakerson
It feels so good on your throat. Sebastian.
Christine
It's so fun to do. Sebastian.
Jay Oakerson
Sometimes I do Sebastian in my dog when I'm just walking. You're gonna take a dump there, Mikey.
Christine
Call my phone real quick.
Bobby Kelly
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Jay Oakerson
Are you on silent?
Christine
No. Why would. It's not that. No, it came through, but I just. You can't see.
Bobby Kelly
I'll call you again.
Jay Oakerson
I'll call you again.
Christine
It's. It's not making it calling. It's just doing. It's not failing. It doesn't matter because you can still see. Look at the picture when Mikey calls me.
Bobby Kelly
Is that Sebastian?
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, it's Sebastian like this?
Christine
It's Sebastian like this. The best one, huh? Did you see the. His newest promo? Promo photo? I sent it, yes. It's so Italian.
Jay Oakerson
Befuddled guinea.
Bobby Kelly
Isn't he like something else? He's not full of Italian, right? I think he's not full Italian.
Jay Oakerson
He's 38% hilarious.
Bobby Kelly
Sicilian. Is he full Sicilian?
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, some people.
Bobby Kelly
Is that what he told you, Lou, when you read my bio on the air?
Christine
He does or what? He does.
Bobby Kelly
I don't want them to know about my Albany.
Jay Oakerson
You might have seen him in Toscana as a baby.
Christine
Oh, it's. Every time I call it, this going. What do you want?
Jay Oakerson
You're calling me now to talk?
Christine
Yeah. You want to talk now.
Bobby Kelly
Why you got to get in a queue?
Christine
Where?
Bobby Kelly
Why?
Christine
How au. And sometimes. Why would you do that? I remember when sometimes I just stare at this picture basket that's the newest. Bring it up. Why somebody's newborn. He goes, what?
Bobby Kelly
Just.
Christine
I can't even get started with anything. I'm so much going on in my head at once.
Bobby Kelly
He go, is that his pinky? Really?
Christine
Yeah.
Jay Oakerson
He goes.
Bobby Kelly
The algorithm, Christine.
Christine
It's in the. The bonfire.
Bobby Kelly
When I saw Sebastian at Madison Square Garden, 2024.
Jay Oakerson
He had.
Bobby Kelly
I was backstage. Jacob. I'm telling a story. Whoa, now you don't get it.
Jay Oakerson
No, I want to hear it. Tell me. Tell me. They had cardboard cutouts of him making
Bobby Kelly
that face every so you could take a selfie with it. Plus, in his backstage, all the pillows
Jay Oakerson
had Sebastian's face on it.
Bobby Kelly
It was that face everywhere you look.
Jay Oakerson
That's so great.
Bobby Kelly
I want a Sebastian pillow.
Jay Oakerson
I'm befuddled as well with the guy.
Christine
Even my couches don't know what's going on.
Bobby Kelly
Is your back hurting? Use my face. I identify as confused.
Jay Oakerson
He.
Christine
Hey, who? Huh? Why? Why, why? Who?
Bobby Kelly
You third base.
Christine
If you don't make good meatballs, I don't care.
Jay Oakerson
So my kids, they keep growing.
Christine
I guess that's what they do.
Bobby Kelly
Hey, honey, Lou wants to come over with that black chick again. What should I do?
Christine
What do I do?
Jay Oakerson
She didn't even take her shoes off
Bobby Kelly
last time she took home desserts. Who does that?
Christine
Yeah, who takes home dessert?
Jay Oakerson
You can't bring a box of anginets with you. Read the room guy.
Bobby Kelly
She brought a queen of mine. What the gay dessert is that?
Jay Oakerson
You never heard of Panettone, huh?
Bobby Kelly
Or Toblerone, maybe?
Jay Oakerson
There it is. Why you do it?
Bobby Kelly
A nice tattooful.
Christine
Maybe the ticket prices have gone up 32% you're gonna make a thing about.
Bobby Kelly
But I'm not worth 32%.
Christine
You're gonna get to see me in the round.
Jay Oakerson
The thing is, I'm 38% more hilarious.
Christine
Sebastian Maniscalco.
Jay Oakerson
It's a 5%.
Christine
The only comedian who uses 99% of the stage.
Bobby Kelly
Corn, sour cream chicken. This chipotle fuck.
Christine
God damn. I'll tell you though, Josh just took some good pictures. But God bless people. To post your own picture of you in action shot is just. It's tough. I can't do it. He did. He took some. You saw Josh yesterday's thing. He had some nice.
Bobby Kelly
Josh is very photogenic.
Christine
Very photogenic. He looks. He looks good in the pictures. It's just like to take. But a lot of people do that.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
Like just got some new pictures and then it's like pictures of you. Like it's just pictures of you. Like.
Bobby Kelly
Oh my God. Can I say something though? You should squatting down like you're taking a. In Japan is not a good picture.
Christine
Well, I don't know. It doesn't help. There's a rang. His shaved orangutan thing. Since he's got. He's probably got an orangutan. No, no.
Bobby Kelly
Could somebody take that and make him into an orangutan Dang.
Christine
I've had to take. I've taken 7 million pictures like this. You're terrible at it. With everywhere I go. Of course.
Bobby Kelly
You're the worst picture taker I've ever taken pictures with.
Christine
But I've taken.
Bobby Kelly
We had to tickle you.
Christine
When I was just in San Fran, they did a bunch.
Jay Oakerson
The guy downstairs.
Christine
Yeah, yeah. He took me downstairs and did it again. I know.
Jay Oakerson
That's my favorite one.
Christine
You're not wrong.
Bobby Kelly
They're terrible. I'm just saying that's when Jay had no self awareness.
Christine
Oh, no. I was aware this was bad.
Jay Oakerson
We talked about this one.
Christine
I was aware this was very bad. When it took. It was. What's his name? Lamont. Lamont took those. These were all, I think, primarily his ideas.
Bobby Kelly
Your beard was actually. This is where my chin should go.
Jay Oakerson
Demo by day, comedy by night.
Christine
Yeah. A little light demo.
Bobby Kelly
His comedy was a sledgehammer.
Christine
But I'm saying I've never. Oh, and I've gotten any of my headshots or new photos done or something like that. I've never been like, hey, everyone, here's a look at my new photo. They become. They're just completely like, the club needs pictures. I give them to my management and they send them off to the thing.
Bobby Kelly
You don't put a collage up on Instagram?
Christine
I don't, but a lot of people. People do. Yeah, a lot of people do it.
Jay Oakerson
If you want to give props to the photographer, that's what he's doing. Feel good.
Christine
That is what he's doing.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
He says. I think it's all he does in it. Right. Go back and look.
Bobby Kelly
This is where I supposed to picture. This is me looking like a chimpanzee.
Christine
It's all shout out. That's pretty funny.
Bobby Kelly
He's holding his knuckles. Yeah.
Jay Oakerson
He's like, I'm gonna throw poop at you soon.
Christine
Yeah. The first thing he does is give her is he gives her.
Jay Oakerson
No, I get it.
Bobby Kelly
But if. If there was one, but go to the next one. Okay.
Christine
Oh, there's like. There's like 20 of them.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, I love my dog. This is my girlfriend.
Jay Oakerson
I'm gonna stop looking.
Bobby Kelly
There you go.
Jay Oakerson
What's this, a Janko ad now?
Christine
Or what's. What did the one. A kiff is whatever. What did Jerry Seinfeld do? Dude, Jerry Seinfeld posing in his little boy clothes is the funniest thing ever. He's like, what Sometimes like to throw a sweatsuit.
Bobby Kelly
It also gives credit that he was.
Jay Oakerson
I wear a Backpack.
Bobby Kelly
Sometimes styled by Zip my zipper from the bottom to the top.
Christine
Yeah.
Jay Oakerson
I'm so wacky. My jacket works backwards.
Christine
We all. Oh, I couldn't post. I couldn't post my own head shots.
Bobby Kelly
This is gold fashion.
Jay Oakerson
I'm too funny for my jagged zipper. It's.
Christine
That's what it is.
Bobby Kelly
I don't have a woman in my life, but I got, like, a dog.
Christine
It's also seeing whatchamacallit.
Bobby Kelly
It's also about, like, seeing his shredded arms.
Christine
No. Like, posting. And then what I would feel like is that like a thousand. Like, what we're doing right now is what's gonna happen. They're not. They're unarguably nice pictures. It's just a matter of, like, why are you posting all the pictures? These should be your promo pictures when you're promoting something.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, he'll be in front of some building or some ship.
Jay Oakerson
Well, you know what? It is, too. It's like. It's like. And then you. You know that you got. He's going back and checking. Checking it. That's the hard part.
Bobby Kelly
The sad part about that.
Jay Oakerson
Anybody would.
Bobby Kelly
Of course, that picture right there, that's happened to my jackets because of my stomach. The zipper has gone.
Christine
His unzips that way. Yours blasted open.
Jay Oakerson
He bought his like that. You threw yours out like that?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, yeah.
Christine
Go down.
Bobby Kelly
I had to take my jacket off like a sweater. These are all black and white shots, and it says gray hair by stress, but his hair's dyed blonde.
Jay Oakerson
Right now, he looks like Scott Whelan now.
Christine
Goes. Go. Scroll up to the things I want to see if any comics jumped in the mix.
Bobby Kelly
I had to tell him last night. I go, do you gotta stop talking so fast? I can't keep up.
Jay Oakerson
Oh, you saw him last night?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, I was hanging out last night. Yeah, me and Jay did new joke night.
Jay Oakerson
How was that?
Bobby Kelly
We were trying to get out of it up until the point we got in the room. We walked up, and I was like, dude, our name's on. On the list. He goes, let's go. We were five seconds away from just going back in his car and leaving.
Jay Oakerson
Really?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Oakerson
But Will got.
Bobby Kelly
Got you. No, Liz. My life.
Christine
Not one comic we know now has shown up on this to say anything.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, it's. No one's gonna. What are you gonna do? Hey, it looks great.
Bobby Kelly
What's your name?
Christine
Of course, no one's in there busting balls.
Bobby Kelly
No, he does look fantastic. How much money do you make?
Jay Oakerson
I'm surprised. Christine, you know what I'm surprised he didn't do the eye color. Stays color. That seems like something that, you know, like the one.
Christine
Like the red balloon of Signals list.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, like a French film.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, like a David Bowie type thing,
Christine
you know, I know we're. We should talk this out on the air here, because I know we're not. We're not supposed to go through the special anymore.
Jay Oakerson
Right.
Christine
But. Dvm David voxmoen, the voxinator has now reached out at this point and said he was like, I love the roasting. Got such a great attitude about it. I gotta say.
Bobby Kelly
There's only two ways to go.
Christine
But he handled it a very magnanimous way.
Bobby Kelly
And we. I mean, we handled it. I give us credit. We handled it very good too.
Christine
Well, in the fact that we stopped talking about it all together because I would have kept going. In fact, he suggested that I continue to write Roll.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
Making fun of it. But he then suggests. So he sent us a thing. He sent us a message.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
Christine. He sent to you, right? Or he sent it.
Bobby Kelly
He sent it to me.
Christine
He sent to Christine.
Jay Oakerson
Oh, well, I got it too.
Christine
The same thing. Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Do I not follow?
Jay Oakerson
Can you bring me up the speed?
Christine
Yes. So David Vox mo and we found together, or we came across our path in Nashville.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, that's the special. That was at a bar where there was sports.
Bobby Kelly
Yes. There was a lot of Fly.
Jay Oakerson
Was his hand Christmas.
Bobby Kelly
It was Christmas. There was Wednesday specials. Everything was Tuesday specials, upcoming events. Jukebox was going.
Christine
Now it does turn out that several of the instruments on the stage were for him.
Bobby Kelly
We did not get to it.
Christine
We didn't get to it because this all blew up and it got back to him before.
Jay Oakerson
Right.
Christine
We were able to get deeper into it. And then you, you know, we don't want to make fun of Guy, have him here feel bad about it. We were supposed. We were trying to do it tastefully behind his back, but the.
Bobby Kelly
The. We told the fans, we said to the fans, please do not go and trash this guy in his comments. Please do not be mean if you're
Christine
going to go just like Corey Felton,
Bobby Kelly
say great things and, you know, you can do a little dog whistle. A little dog whistle. And the comments, Mike, were, I dare I say, genius. Some of them.
Christine
Some of them hilarious.
Bobby Kelly
I mean, I'd like to go check out some of them.
Christine
Maybe there's some new ones for sure.
Jay Oakerson
Did they throw like crackle crackles in there? And they threw some.
Christine
But the problem was one guy decides to go total heel and Messages him like, hey, dude, two real comedians were all over your special and making fun. And that's honestly the funniest thing about it.
Bobby Kelly
And.
Christine
And it was just so mean. It was very, very mean.
Jay Oakerson
That's not nice.
Christine
And it was like, yeah. So then he checks it out and then he jumps in and he goes high road, like, this is hilarious. Blah, blah, blah. Thank you. I could have done. He sent us personal messages saying, thank you. Couldn't have done it without you.
Bobby Kelly
It's true.
Christine
It's true.
Bobby Kelly
He's got thousands of views.
Christine
Numbers are way up.
Bobby Kelly
He went from 66 views.
Jay Oakerson
2.3.
Christine
2.3 thousand. Yeah, I think he had. He had 19, I think, when he started. Or 63.
Bobby Kelly
63.
Jay Oakerson
I mean, this is. It worked.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, it's great.
Christine
And his subscribers are up, you know, a bunch.
Jay Oakerson
He looks like that Scott Aukerman comedy Bang Bang guy.
Christine
He does. He actually does look like that guy. And so we started, like, hearing stuff. We stopped talking and we said, we're not going to talk about it anymore. We felt terrible. Now it's very hard because I don't know if you see this Mike, he's getting ready to sing a song, several songs, which is so easy to go at, but he wrote a thing. Christine had what I can only describe as a pretty brilliant idea.
Bobby Kelly
Today he did two things. He also changed his website.
Christine
Well, yes.
Bobby Kelly
So if you look at his website.
Christine
Watch Facebook. It's his Facebook.
Bobby Kelly
His Facebook page. Sorry.
Christine
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
So he.
Jay Oakerson
He's heard frequently and what.
Bobby Kelly
As heard repeatedly and unpaid on the bonfire.
Jay Oakerson
All right.
Bobby Kelly
And then it says, trust the science, which I don't know if you know, that's.
Christine
I'm the science.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Bobby's the fluence.
Christine
That's the fluence. That's the family.
Jay Oakerson
I'm the amigo. You have been.
Christine
You have to give your respects to the family. Family.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
Black Lose the beef.
Bobby Kelly
FYI, Theme song. Theme song of Madison, by the way. The fam.
Christine
The fam.
Bobby Kelly
That's the same theme song. That's every song in the show. I swear to God, it's every song in the show. It's just me blubbering, isn't it? It's just Michelle Pfeiffer in a river crying.
Christine
Lose the magic, of course. And Christine's the cackle. So everybody's got their thing now.
Jay Oakerson
I love it.
Bobby Kelly
And Mike's the amigo.
Christine
And Mike is the amigo. Proud America's amigo.
Jay Oakerson
And you know, real quick, before I've been, I've been paying respects to the family. Without even knowing I was paying respects to the family with our back and forth. Well, mainly me given to you, Sydney Sweeney pictures I keep sending. When I come across a real nice Sydney Sweeney, I text it to this guy and he writes back, good lord.
Bobby Kelly
I mean, is that.
Christine
We've been spending so much time at home pounding out family.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Is that why you're faking a cough every other day?
Christine
Guys, I still have the sniffles, and I can't keep my hands off my cock.
Jay Oakerson
Mike, stop texting him. So back to David Vox Mullen Scott, dbm.
Christine
Heard he put it out there that he's on the show. He's as heard repeatedly. Repeatedly on the thing. Trust science very. I like what he's done.
Jay Oakerson
Fantastic.
Bobby Kelly
There's the bonfire theme and logo up there.
Christine
Then he sent us this. I absolutely love the roasting. Jay is welcome to keep blasting. But I do think it's only fair that y' all get me on the show. Wink. And then his tiny URL is DVM Science, which I love now.
Jay Oakerson
I don't like the word y'.
Bobby Kelly
All. Christine, Jay does.
Christine
He's made west. I don't think I say y'. All. I'm almost certain I don't.
Jay Oakerson
You don't say y', all.
Bobby Kelly
Because I would.
Jay Oakerson
I would.
Christine
No, no, no. In. In my first ever set, we. We've only listened to the intro so far.
Jay Oakerson
I thought you meant real life.
Christine
No, no, no. But my intro is. We gotta see. I'd like to see actually how that's been popping on the comments since you put the intro out, But. So DVM sends us this. Christine, when she showed me that earlier, had a great suggestion. What I thought was very. No, no, no, no. We make David Vox Mullen. Since our whole thing was trashing his special.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
We have him review everyone's new specials. Like, call us and give us, like, the mark. Norman just dropped a new special. Let him go with that and give him every opportunity to all over.
Bobby Kelly
Well, because. Can I just say something, though? He does. He is a master at improv.
Christine
He is so.
Bobby Kelly
And he loves to live in the absurdity. Absurdity.
Christine
We should have him do. We should have him do. What is it? What is his favorite favorite style?
Bobby Kelly
Absurdity is my favorite style of comedy.
Christine
What's some other things, Some other advice you can just give us real quick?
Bobby Kelly
If you can be confidently not funny, you're still going to get away with it.
Christine
Okay. All right.
Bobby Kelly
He pulls that off.
Jay Oakerson
He says it like it's. I mean, it's like it's Right. Like a magic eye puzzle.
Christine
Absolutely. All this time you were stupid for not knowing.
Jay Oakerson
I wonder if he.
Bobby Kelly
I would love to give. I would love. I know we're not going to watch it anymore, but I would love to give Mike a little T. Taste.
Jay Oakerson
Well, what I heard. Can I. Can I say. Can I say what I'd like to. I heard he does impressions of, like, presidents.
Bobby Kelly
No, not impressions. Master impressions.
Jay Oakerson
Master impressions that. That I'd love to see because I would like to hear, like maybe like Ronald Reagan review Sam Morrell's new special kind of thing.
Christine
Oh, in his impressions.
Bobby Kelly
I would like to do it in the Obama, because I think his Obama is the best.
Jay Oakerson
Is it. Can I see the Obama?
Christine
Oh, it's my favorite.
Jay Oakerson
Is that okay?
Bobby Kelly
It's the best.
Christine
Yeah, it's okay. This is. This is water under the bridge, this part.
Jay Oakerson
You guys are friends now. You and dvm. Regular pals.
Bobby Kelly
I would like to. I would love to see a little music, though.
Christine
But do you. I know, me too. I want to see some of that music. Well, get him in the.
Bobby Kelly
Why don't we do this? Why don't we show him a little Obama, give him a little taste, maybe swing over to the comments, see if any more genius comments are in there and then. And then maybe pop over and just. I mean, just take a little taste of the music.
Christine
But what do you feel about Christine's idea? I thought it was a really good, good one. We don't have an incorporation of anybody else. We gave this guy the biz and he's being a great sport about it.
Bobby Kelly
Right?
Christine
How do we not make him our call in when we have a new special we need to review? By the way, should be started with a special of yours and mine.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, but we already. Well, you know, I mean, okay.
Christine
And just let him give his, like, he gets to. We give him like a 5, 7 minute, like, rant on whatever special.
Jay Oakerson
That's a long time.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, it's a long time.
Christine
Maybe a three minute rant.
Bobby Kelly
Maybe. Maybe a maybe. We have buzzers and when the rant is over, we hit a buzzer and we're like. Like the Gong show and we decide when the rant is over.
Jay Oakerson
Three minutes is a long time.
Bobby Kelly
Three minutes a long time.
Christine
No, 90 seconds to talk about it. Someone special. I give a full review of a special. You have three minutes.
Bobby Kelly
You have 48 seconds.
Christine
No, I think it's perfect.
Bobby Kelly
Well, three minutes, one minute review.
Christine
Christine, I apologize. Everyone hated your idea.
Jay Oakerson
No, that sounds fun.
Bobby Kelly
I think it sounds fun. Why don't we call him right now?
Christine
Let's get him on the horn. By the way, that song. Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
The URL redirects to this new shirt. That's merch. He's this, this guy is. Has no soul.
Christine
That's great.
Bobby Kelly
He has. Has your trust. The science. He made a shirt.
Jay Oakerson
I think it's fantastic with your.
Bobby Kelly
Your name first of all. That should be your shirt. Validated methods. You should be making. You should be making that money on that shirt.
Jay Oakerson
Evidence, reason, knowledge.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, wow.
Christine
I am the science that is of comedy.
Bobby Kelly
He took. He took your merch.
Christine
Oh, by all means.
Jay Oakerson
Jay doesn't even sell merch. I've been begging him to sell merch for years. I've come out, I come up with ideas.
Bobby Kelly
Kevin made that for him.
Jay Oakerson
He spelled all the words right, though.
Bobby Kelly
Is he. Is he his own merch company? Is that his company too?
Jay Oakerson
Can I hear the Obama?
Christine
Can't you just blame me? Can I hear it? Can we hear the song, please?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, well, let's, let's go to the Obama. We got to give a little backstory to Mike.
Jay Oakerson
I've never heard the Obama and I'm, I'm a big fan of.
Bobby Kelly
Can you make some more noise?
Jay Oakerson
Good Presidential master impressions. Not impressions.
Bobby Kelly
Christine, is there any way you could like, smash that? I know, right? Yeah, do that. Yeah. Craig that. Slap the bike.
Jay Oakerson
Smack that.
Bobby Kelly
Can you scrape your teeth on the screen protector?
Jay Oakerson
Smack that. How old is this gentleman?
Bobby Kelly
He's.
Christine
I think he's somewhere between 40 and 70.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Around there. His gentleman jacket. 12.
Christine
Great Scott.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, yeah. He does. I let you know he does interstitials in between his set. He goes to a candy shop.
Jay Oakerson
Cuz he has diabetes.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, he does.
Christine
Had diabetes.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, he doesn't anymore. He lost a lot of weight.
Jay Oakerson
I didn't, I didn't. We do.
Bobby Kelly
We do respect that on the show.
Christine
I haven't watched.
Bobby Kelly
We do.
Christine
By any means necessary. However. You lost weight. I respect the.
Bobby Kelly
Out of it, Mike, real quick on the, on the wide shot, you don't want to look too long because you'll have a stroke from the blinking lights in the background.
Christine
Oh, my God.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, I'm looking at that now.
Bobby Kelly
Just at our age, you have to be careful of that laser Floyd.
Jay Oakerson
What's with the Santa, the. The snowman?
Christine
It's probably around Christmas time.
Bobby Kelly
It's Christmas time in the bar he did this at.
Jay Oakerson
It's not his.
Bobby Kelly
You can't just take it off.
Christine
Well, you know it's Christmas time because there's big games on the screens. There's a lot of big games going on. Michigan's about to take the title.
Jay Oakerson
All right, let's hear it.
Christine
Yes, he's wearing his merch mike.
Jay Oakerson
Yes, he is.
Christine
Yes.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, it's a logo that looks demonic, but it's dvm.
Christine
Pentagram.
Bobby Kelly
It's a Vox.
Jay Oakerson
Is that part of the science?
Christine
It's the Vox, dude.
Jay Oakerson
Looks like a vw. That's like a VW logo.
Bobby Kelly
Like a tie dye, too. You like that, right? Yeah, bro. Yeah.
Christine
Are we getting hoodies? It's a Voxogram.
Bobby Kelly
I want a jacket.
Christine
A Voxogram.
Jay Oakerson
A hexa box.
Christine
I thought we bought the merch. I thought we did that.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Christine
Didn't I have a. I thought I had a tie.
Jay Oakerson
Kind of got. Hey, Bobby, look at him from the. Doesn't he got a little bit of, like, Tom Cotter head?
Christine
Wayne Fetterman. He's got all the same people.
Bobby Kelly
He's actually got the head from every comic in the early 90s.
Jay Oakerson
Tom Van Horn.
Christine
I was gonna say Tom Van Horn. Absolutely. He's got a Lenny Marcus.
Bobby Kelly
He's got a Dan Natterman.
Christine
Oh, my Christ. Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
He's got a Tim Young.
Christine
I don't know if Dan Ederman doesn't like me, is terrified of me, or what. When I see. When I see him, it's. His recoil is bizarre. For a guy that I spent years with on a nightly basis.
Jay Oakerson
He.
Christine
I'm like. I was like, hey, Danny. And he does like a. He, like, looks away and, like, gives me like a hey. Yeah, it's very strange. I mean, there's a guy I've talked to at length. He knows my daughter.
Bobby Kelly
I told him you hate Jews.
Christine
Oh, okay.
Jay Oakerson
But he also. He also probably sleeps with tinfoil, like, wrapped around him or something. Dan's not a. I mean, no.
Christine
He's become, like, more and more abnormal.
Jay Oakerson
I see him and I'm like, hey, Dan. And he's like, we're at the Cellar.
Bobby Kelly
So he turns him into.
Christine
Don't.
Bobby Kelly
We looked over at him at a table by himself, just eating boiled chicken. I think it was boiled chicken at the Cellar.
Christine
Boiled chicken and vegetables. They don't have on menu.
Bobby Kelly
That's off the menu.
Jay Oakerson
They just shop for dinner.
Bobby Kelly
It's called Anatomy. It's Anatomy. It's asparagus and boiled chicken.
Christine
God bless them. God bless. God bless you.
Bobby Kelly
And a root beer.
Jay Oakerson
They don't have root beer there.
Bobby Kelly
They do phanatamin. It's in the back.
Christine
And, Jacob, I'll say this for you as well. It's a real testament to your inner will and spirit. And I'll say this for Dan Natterman all also that neither of you are not 700 pounds because the lack of enjoyment you get yourself but like enjoyment it seems you give yourself for things like it's like food would have to be one of those things for me.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
If you're not out like, if you're not out like actively trying to like crush or have a girlfriend or getting up or on drugs or anything like that. Yeah. The fact that you're not eating a ton of you still like maintain and keep shape is a real testament.
Bobby Kelly
If I lived an admin or Jacob life, I would be £700 on drugs and getting my dick sucked by every prostitute in the area of Queens. Have you ever got a prostitute? No. Well, I think we should take care of that.
Christine
Want one?
Bobby Kelly
You want one?
Jay Oakerson
Not really.
Bobby Kelly
So if you, if we sent a prostitute to your house and knocked on the door, you wouldn't let her in?
Christine
No. Maybe that could be the beginning of you getting her away from her dreadlocks pimp and then maybe going on an adventure with her.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, maybe you could find like a drugs and you take the drugs and then you try to sell them in LA to an actor friend of yours.
Christine
Bobby knows a couple big time directors
Bobby Kelly
actually for people I can hook you up. You meet him at amusement park though, because that's where he meets you.
Christine
Get in a meeting, you get a meeting with Dane. Let me finish
Jay Oakerson
before you say no. Let me finish. What if it's like a Julia Roberts pretty woman prostitute. Not like a, not like a Yo
Christine
baby one go, right. You don't have to take her away from a pimp. You just simply have to get the most gorgeous street walking prostitute off the streets.
Bobby Kelly
What if her pussy doesn't smell like snake shit? How about that?
Christine
If Julia Roberts, if Julia Roberts was a street walking prostitute, the way she fucking looked, her regulars would have murdered Richard Gere for taking her out of the fucking 100%. He would have been had a price on his head the rest of his life. He goes, you took that chick that I could fuck for $100 who looks like that off the street?
Bobby Kelly
Streets.
Jay Oakerson
You, dude.
Christine
No way you're not wiping up. This supposed to be a line like
Bobby Kelly
a good taco truck in front of her?
Jay Oakerson
Yeah, yeah.
Christine
Richard Gear. How do you just find her with other girls being talked to? Yeah, Julia Roberts didn't have a. Yeah, he would have. Like a car's honking down the highway. What's at the End of this. He goes, I just really hot frosties, no cutsies.
Jay Oakerson
Get in line. She's got a deli counter next to her. Dude, some guy would already been wearing her face. Dude, if she was working like a corn, are you kidding me? Jason Alexander would be wearing her face.
Bobby Kelly
Do you ever get a streetwalker?
Jay Oakerson
No.
Bobby Kelly
You?
Christine
Yeah, me too.
Jay Oakerson
I spoke to a girl in Vegas that I thought was a normal girl, and I was trying to book coming out. I spoke to a girl in Vegas. I was talking to a girl in Vegas, and I'm just thought I was trying to, like, flirt with a chick, and I'm like, you want to get out? Want to go grab a drink or something? She's like, well, I'm working right now, so it would be $125 dollars.
Christine
And I'm like, you're like, man, the prices. This place are crazy.
Jay Oakerson
And I'm like, for a drink. For a drink. And then she goes, no. I'm like. And I'm like, no. I go, you're not. And I gave her like a. Because, you know, I wear my emotions on my face. So I must have really been like, you. Yeah, You're a scumbag piece.
Christine
Oh, my God. You're a. Come dumpster. I treat you like a human.
Jay Oakerson
You're a human pile of garbage. She was like, oh, I'm. I have to. And I'm like, you're better than this.
Bobby Kelly
You said that? Yeah. Oh, God.
Jay Oakerson
And then I walked away.
Christine
Did you say, you can get. I can get you away from all this? I went.
Jay Oakerson
I go, my spit's not even worth your face. I'm spitting on the ground. Spit on the floor of the circus. Circus.
Bobby Kelly
She would have been in my room immediately.
Jay Oakerson
She had, like a sweater on. I was like, he found out at
Christine
the good time, man. That was the. That was that great Artie Lang. He was like, man, it's going so great with this chick. And then at the end, she was like, that's $5,000. Like, excuse me. Like, that was $5,000. He's like, oh, you weren't a girlfriend.
Jay Oakerson
Weekend experience.
Bobby Kelly
Girlfriend experience.
Jay Oakerson
Girlfriend experience would tempt me.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Apparently.
Bobby Kelly
They're just. They act like crazy hot. Yeah, they act like a girl.
Jay Oakerson
That's how. That's how bad being married is, is. They don't have the marriage experience. You just go to Vegas and fight with them. It's too loud. Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Can you turn it down?
Jay Oakerson
They go, you're snoring. Wake up.
Bobby Kelly
Are you gonna shower? You want steak or chicken?
Jay Oakerson
They Just go. They just show up in your hotel room and leave the bathroom counter wet.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Oakerson
With a curler plug. Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
You just go into the room. She's already sleeping.
Jay Oakerson
Bravo. Turned on. I'm watching that.
Bobby Kelly
A wall of pillows between you. That's the girlfriend. That's the wife experience.
Jay Oakerson
You eat dinner silently.
Bobby Kelly
Her legs are hairy all the time.
Christine
But, Jacob, you said you could do it. You said you could be with. You could be with the much younger girl and not be like, she's grossed out by me. Like, you could be like, I don't know anymore. Yeah, I. It bums me out.
Bobby Kelly
My age. I had a.
Christine
Well, I think I'm a little younger, but I'm saying I feel like the same, like, if it was like a young, like, fucking. Especially like some kind of Instagram influencer y chick. Like, stupid Belichicks thing. Like, the fact that he's every night is just like. No, she's super into it. I'm like. For reasons that are not. She's super into you.
Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Cause you made her a dildo out of hundreds.
Christine
Yeah. What the fuck?
Jay Oakerson
You finger her with your Super Bowl. Early birds always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine. Average savings $141. Select homes only.
Bobby Kelly
To realize the future America needs, we understand what's needed from us to face each threat head on. We've earned. We earned our place in the fight for our nation's future. We are Marines. We were made for this.
Date: April 3, 2026
Special Guest: Mike Finoia
In this episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly are joined by comedian and Deadhead Mike Finoia for a typically wild, free-roaming conversation. The trio bounces between sharp-witted banter about music snobbery, stand-up comedy culture, race, relationships, and traveling show life, all while roasting each other in classic Bonfire style. The underlying theme centers on the peculiar rituals and “funk” of touring musicians and comics—or, as the hosts keep calling it, that “traveling funk.”
This episode stands as a perfect microcosm of how The Bonfire blends sharp stand-up comedy insights, subculture analysis, and freewheeling crowdwork into a comedic “traveling funk” all its own. Whether riffing on the ranks of Deadheads, debating musical taste, lampooning identity politics, or daring fellow comics into self-deprecation, Jay, Bobby, and Mike keep things unpredictable, raucous, and hilarious throughout.
For fans with a love of honest, edgy humor about comedy, culture, and debauchery on the road, "Traveling Funk" is a must-listen.