Transcript

Big Jay Oakerson (0:01)

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Robert Kelly (0:02)

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Big Jay Oakerson (0:07)

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Robert Kelly (0:11)

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Big Jay Oakerson (0:30)

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Shannon Glazer (0:50)

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Big Jay Oakerson (0:51)

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Shannon Glazer (0:52)

$45 for three months, $90 for six month or $180 for 12 month plan taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy. See terms.

Big Jay Oakerson (1:01)

And now the bonfire with Big J.

Robert Kelly (1:03)

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

Big Jay Oakerson (1:07)

Yeah, my squad stay on point. These headphones are. Gotta slap them to work in both ears. Someone should burn this place down. All right, don't. I take it back. Don't.

Robert Kelly (1:20)

I bought my own headphones, but these headphones are welded into it. So I always have to have this guy's headphones in front of me.

Big Jay Oakerson (1:29)

I'm getting in ears. I'm done with this shit.

Robert Kelly (1:31)

I got in ears. I like those.

Big Jay Oakerson (1:34)

Welp, I'm have to bring some here. I brought some a couple weeks ago. Here, where? Yeah, our last week. And then I threw them in the.

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: We Don’t Need Another Hero
Date: January 14, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode centers around the theme of "heroes": what defines a hero, how mundane heroics play out in real life, and the stories listeners and the hosts themselves bring to the table. Comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, broadcasting live from New York, riff on everything from the perils of lightsabers in the Star Wars universe to listeners recounting their bravest moments. The hosts’ trademark crude and irreverent humor keeps the discussion lively, with plenty of spontaneous asides and banter.

Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Headphone Troubles and Banter

[01:07‒02:09]

The show opens with Jay and Bobby grumbling about the bad headphones in the studio and the merits of in-ear monitors.
Bobby brags about his customized “bam bam” in-ears from his time on Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll.

2. Star Wars Lightsaber Dangers

[03:06‒08:13]

Jay and Bobby go off on a hilarious tangent about the practical dangers of having a real lightsaber in daily life.
- Jay: "Who says no to that [real lightsaber]?" [03:52]
- Bobby: “I'd fucking wind up cutting a lot of shit down.” [03:54]
Discussion about whether you need “the Force” to wield a lightsaber, with “even Chewbacca” entering the debate.
Joking about accidents: "You have to have the Force in you to use it." [07:05]

3. Star Wars Movie Critique

[11:28‒13:30]

Deep-dive into prequel action scenes, specifically Yoda fighting Count Dooku.
- Bobby: “That was stupid, him bouncing all around.” [11:28]
- Jay: “What was stupid about it...he just got his cane back and started walking.” [11:48]
Extended bit about age-inappropriate Hollywood scenes (referencing The Professional and Cape Fear).
- Bobby: “She does a little tee hee, right?” [14:17]

4. Sports Superstition and Voodoo

[16:06‒18:50]

The conversation transitions to Jay’s and Bobby's football team loyalties.
Bobby describes “cursing” Dan Soder’s 49ers via phone in jest, and how Dan takes it super seriously.
- Bobby: “He called me it back and went you got to take the curse off, dude.” [17:58]
- Jay: "I'll tell you what you have to give him...a real day or two to come to his own rationalization that he has behaved like a lunatic…" [17:17]

5. Defining Heroism: The Hero Tent

[19:01‒24:00]

Bobby proposes celebrating everyday heroics among listeners and in his own life, joking about the “Hero HQ.”
Playful mockery around the idea of “analog hero” and superhero fandom.
- Jay: "You're an analog hero." [19:01]
- “Maybe the fans of the show are heroes…and maybe they didn’t have… Well, you're probably going to meet a bunch of them@Hero HQ." [19:28]

6. Listener Call-Ins: Hero Stories

[34:12‒50:42]

A. Narcan Rescue

Caller (Courtland/Renee): Saved someone from a suspected overdose in a halfway house using Narcan.
- Jay: “Did you thank you?” [37:23]
- Caller: “He was like, ‘what the…?’ Didn't even know where he was at.” [37:25]
The hosts joke about "California Sober”—only using cannabis and occasional drinking.

B. Forklift Office Rescue

Shannon (show staffer): Recounts being the only one with first aid training and saving a coworker who had a seizure and was choking on her own tongue.
- Bobby: “When you hear help, that is the… that’s the people run towards it or they run away from it. And you ran towards it.” [43:01]
- Shannon: “When I moved her head in that direction, it cleared her…her tongue out of her airway and she started breathing again.” [47:13]
Discussion of whether helping someone is heroism vs. just “being a decent person.”

C. Hurricane Maria Relief

Renee from Denver: Raised $6,000 and flew one-way to Puerto Rico to support hurricane victims.
- Jake (producer): "This is a Good Samaritan but not a hero." [55:04]
- Jay: “You’re a hero. Hero tent for me.” [56:14]

D. Childhood Rescue

Caller (Chris): Tried to rescue his sister from being suffocated by another child (“big ass sits on chest” story), but their mom ended up doing the real saving.
- Bobby: "I'm gonna Xnay this hero... Because in my story, he is the little girl that said, ‘help.’” [60:30]
- Jay: “Your mom is the fucking hero.” [61:13]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the hazards of lightsabers:
“Every swing has to be completely measured and calculated…you start putting [replica lightsabers] on, and when you make connection, it does like… They're good.”
—Big Jay Oakerson [05:16]
On Yoda in Star Wars:
"That was stupid, him bouncing all around... It's like, so what are you. Are you super healthy, or are you decrepit and old?"
—Robert Kelly & Jay [11:28-11:49]
On football superstition:
"He called me it back and went, 'You got to take the curse off, dude.' In the middle of the game because they started losing. Like it worked."
—Robert Kelly [17:58]
Defining hero status:
"You're an analog hero."
—Big Jay Oakerson [19:01]
"If you have a hero story, call in right now. 866-969-1969."
—Robert Kelly [21:38]
Listener hero stories:
(on Narcan rescue)
"Dude, he came back. He came...I don't know what the hell is in Narcan, because that's for like, opiates."
—Renee (caller) [36:53]

(on office rescue)
"When I moved her head in that direction, it cleared her...her tongue out of her airway and she started breathing again."
—Shannon Glazer [47:13]
On what doesn't qualify as heroic:
“Your mom is the fucking hero. You understand? I'm the hero. I saved the girl.”
—Bobby [60:54]

Funny & Recurring Segments

Hero Tent & “Proof” of Heroism
Proposed at Gang Fest, only those with legitimate heroic acts (to be judged by Jay & Bobby) are allowed in the VIP Hero Tent.
- "You have to have proof. Shannon's got to bring us this blue-faced lady..." —Jay [48:45]
Cultural/Accent Jokes
The hosts riff on caller accents, "Costa Rican" vs. "Mexican," for several minutes, lampooning each other's poor attempts.
Banter on Clothing/Fashion
Jay gets animated about baggy Adidas snap pants and recounts breakdancing as a "B-boy" [57:45]. Bobby tells a story about stripping his own track pants for Billy Burr.

Timestamps for Key Segments

Star Wars/Lightsaber Dangers: 03:06–08:13
Yoda/Prequels Critique: 11:28–13:30
Football Jinx/Team Rivalry: 16:06–18:50
Hero Tent Proposal: 19:01–24:00
Listener Narcan Hero Call: 34:12–39:44
Shannon’s Choking Rescue: 42:35–49:05
Puerto Rico Relief Story: 53:36–56:18
Bobby Rejects “Kid Hero” Claim: 59:31–61:16

Tone and Delivery

The show leans heavily into the comedians’ frank, irreverent tone.
- They frequently mock each other and the callers, but with an undercurrent of camaraderie and genuine curiosity about their audience.
- Sensitive topics (ODs, serious injuries, disasters) are met with trademark dark humor, but also honest appreciation for people’s good deeds.

Episode Takeaway

“We Don’t Need Another Hero” is a classic Bonfire mix of crude laughs, nostalgia for 80s and 90s pop culture, and genuine moments of human decency—sometimes found in unexpected places, sometimes not recognized at all. By the end, listeners and hosts alike are left pondering what really makes someone a hero, all while laughing at the pitfalls and absurdity of both real and imagined heroics.

For More:
Catch The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly live Monday–Thursday, 5pm ET/2pm PT on SiriusXM Faction Talk, Ch. 103.

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We Don't Need Another Hero