We're Just Fat with Adrienne Iapalucci

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Just Fat with Adrienne Iapalucci"

Episode Title: We're Just Fat with Adrienne Iapalucci
Release Date: November 28, 2024
Podcast: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Host: SiriusXM
Guest: Adrienne Iapalucci

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Introduction to Adrienne Iapalucci

At [02:33], Big Jay Oakerson warmly welcomes Adrienne Iapalucci to the show, highlighting her recent Netflix special, The Dark Queen. The hosts express their excitement to have Adrienne join the candid duo for an engaging conversation.

Big Jay Oakerson (@02:48): "She's got a new special right now called The Dark Queen. It's streaming right now on Netflix. Absolutely hilarious."

Navigating Travel and Personal Experiences

A significant portion of the discussion delves into the duo's tumultuous travel experiences, particularly focusing on their trip to Cuba amidst hurricane season. They recount chaotic moments, interactions with locals, and the challenges of traveling with Ari, a central figure in their stories.

Robert Kelly (@31:54): "The fact that a hurricane came in saved my life. Do you understand that?"

Stories from Cuba

Adrienne shares vivid anecdotes about their adventures in Cuba, including navigating through dark alleyways, encountering unexpected situations like finding a pig in a record store, and dealing with the impending hurricane.

Robert Kelly (@43:57): "I'm like, Ari, Ari. And he's just going through jazz, fucking Cuban jazz records. I'm like, yo, dude, there's a pig in this room over here."

Interactions with Ari

The hosts discuss Ari's eccentric behavior and how it impacted their trip. From insisting on off-the-beaten-path excursions to managing logistics under pressure, Ari's actions add both humor and chaos to their journey.

Big Jay Oakerson (@35:03): "He puts a special out and then they go, irons hot dude. Let's go right now. Let's tour. And he goes, now I'm gonna vanish for a year."

Plane Etiquette and Personal Quirks

Transitioning from travel tales, Big Jay and Robert delve into their personal quirks and challenges while flying. Topics include managing space on planes, dealing with fellow passengers, and their humorous takes on in-flight behavior.

Robert Kelly (@13:30): "I didn't know that I snored on planes until I woke up mid-snore."

Big Jay Oakerson (@10:05): "I have a flat ass my entire life."

Comedy and The Dark Queen Special

A highlight of the episode is the discussion about Adrienne's Netflix special, The Dark Queen. Both hosts praise her comedic prowess, sharing personal experiences of watching her performance and encouraging listeners to check it out.

Robert Kelly (@46:35): "I sat down with ... I like hers. She thought it was hilarious. It's an amazing special. It's on Netflix right now."

Big Jay Oakerson (@46:38): "It's called The Dark Queen. Streaming right now on Netflix. Go to Punchup Live."

Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events

As the episode wraps up, Big Jay and Robert promote upcoming shows and encourage listeners to engage with Adrienne's work. They also share humorous sign-offs, maintaining the podcast's signature blend of comedy and candid conversation.

Big Jay Oakerson (@47:17): "We're talking in compass directions now. You're not even talking about a certain part of town. Let's head east."

Robert Kelly (@48:00): "Make sure to go 4 o'clock big Punch Up Live. Big Jay Oakerson. Robert Kelly."

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Notable Quotes and Moments

• [10:05]

  Big Jay Oakerson: "I have a flat ass my entire life."

• [31:54]

  Robert Kelly: "The fact that a hurricane came in saved my life. Do you understand that?"

• [43:57]

  Robert Kelly: "I'm like, Ari, Ari. And he's just going through jazz, fucking Cuban jazz records. I'm like, yo, dude, there's a pig in this room over here."

• [46:37]

  Big Jay Oakerson: "Our Queen."

Key Insights and Themes

1. Chaos and Comedy in Travel: The episode emphasizes how unpredictable travel can lead to both comedic and challenging situations, especially when traveling with eclectic personalities like Ari.

2. Plane Etiquette and Personal Boundaries: The hosts humorously explore the nuances of flying, highlighting the importance of personal space and the quirks that come with air travel.

3. Support and Promotion of Fellow Comedians: Big Jay and Robert showcase their camaraderie by promoting Adrienne's work, underscoring the supportive nature within the comedy community.

4. Balancing Personal Stories with Guest Experiences: The conversation seamlessly weaves personal anecdotes with Adrienne's professional insights, offering listeners a well-rounded and entertaining narrative.

Conclusion

In this episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, listeners are treated to a blend of humor, candid storytelling, and insightful discussions. Adrienne Iapalucci's presence adds depth to the conversation, making it an engaging listen for both long-time fans and newcomers alike. From chaotic travel tales in Cuba to promoting Adrienne's successful Netflix special, the episode encapsulates the essence of The Bonfire—a space where comedy, friendship, and real-life stories intertwine.

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Note: For those interested in experiencing The Dark Queen or attending upcoming shows, visit Punchup Live and check out Adrienne Iapalucci's special on Netflix.

Transcript

[Big J. Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J. Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

I love guy talk. And I love manly alpha male places. And this sounds like the best place for me.

[Big J. Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J. Okerson]

Ooh. Are you ready to have your own High Five moment? Well, visit High Five casino dot com. That's high. The number five casino dot com. No purchase necessary void were prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. Jacob, what'd you say? The drummer of AC Killed a kid.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no. He tries to have his assassinated. I said it was a pedophilia. And he goes, no, his tattoo. His wife. Assassinate. Assassinated. Which I was like, not as bad.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, it's not as bad. Especially if you don't pull it off. That's what rock stars thinking. You could hire someone to kill, not murder.

[Robert Kelly]

I think that's pretty rock and roll. You just, hey, can I get this chick killed?

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean, real metal would just do it yourself, T.R. you know what I mean? That's why Courtney loves so metal. She did it herself. She got her hands dirty that day. Phil Rudd's great, man.

[Robert Kelly]

He plays with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth.

[Big J. Okerson]

I appreciate that. Never give up, dude. Never quit. Don't be. No. Yeah, that's what I'm doing, dude. Smoke till the wheels come off.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, or your tongue.

[Big J. Okerson]

Or my tongue comes off like Eddie.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's A lead pick. Really great. I went to your show. You smoked 7,000 cigarettes.

[Big J. Okerson]

Great. Now I'm going to have to. I know. I love. That was his pick, his metal pick he used.

[Robert Kelly]

Loser.

[Big J. Okerson]

What an. Everybody, she's has a new special right now called the Dark Queen. It's streaming right now on Netflix. Absolutely hilarious. Thank you so much for being here. It's the great and hilarious Adrian Appellucci joining the show. Hi, Adrian.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Hi. Thank you for having me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Of course. Great intro. Good intro.

[Robert Kelly]

You had a little thing in the end. Because I did a good one yesterday, but you showed me what's what today. Because you add a little thing at the end just before you said her name.

[Big J. Okerson]

A little schmutz, a little.

[Robert Kelly]

Little zing to it. You had a little. You. You. Like, you showed me everything, but not everything.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, a couple more. I put a couple more adjectives.

[Robert Kelly]

You did before, et cetera.

[Big J. Okerson]

I like the lovely, the vivacious. Vivacious and hilarious.

[Robert Kelly]

That sounds.

[Big J. Okerson]

Adrian Appaloochi.

[Robert Kelly]

Vivacious sounds.

[Big J. Okerson]

Vivacious is nice. It's a lovely term.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I like vivacious.

[Robert Kelly]

What is vivacious?

[Adrian Appalucci]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, me neither.

[Adrian Appalucci]

It sounds like. It sounds like it's a good thing.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, it's a good. Outgoing, vivacious.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I don't know if that's me.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she's very outgoing. Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Lively and animated.

[Robert Kelly]

Apparently you've never been on a flight with Adrian. Not very vivacious on a flight.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Why would I be vivacious on a flight?

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, some people are vivacious on flights. Yeah.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Louis Gomez.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Louis J. Gomez. We talking about that? Someone starting a conversation with you on an airplane like, I hate it. Yeah, I know, but I keep headphones on the whole time. But Louis got into it with somebody over. The guy was on a phone call and he couldn't let it go, and then so he had to say something to the guy. And then other people, though, gave Louis the. Like, you did the right thing. That's the last thing they gave the. Thanks. But yeah, I also. I would want to. I'd like to see a. Get a little scan of what the people who did this to Louis looked like themselves. You know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

That's how they killed witches back in the day.

[Big J. Okerson]

It says different people for different things, too. And Bobby, I think your perspective changed when you had a kid, too, on certain things. We were saying the baby crying when I talked to Fenoy about that. Fenoy has no kids, doesn't want kids. So when he has like a. We're on the tarmac and this fucking baby and then I look over the. One of the ladies got me last time. He goes. I look over and the lady's changing her baby's diaper, like, right in front of her. Oh, on the plane scene, you're like, where do you want him to go? Like, it's like, it's like, I promise you, those parents are as like they are inside going, everybody fucking hates us. Yeah.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Like, dent that. Also, when there's a kid on a plane, I get it. Like, you have to fly, but there should be a plane just for.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay's absolutely right, though. You have to know that the parents are, I mean, thoroughly embarrassed.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Well, then show it like this to the kids. Give a thumbs down, thumbs down, let me know. You also hate this.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's funny. The kid doesn't know you really can. While the baby's gonna look at everybody else and be like, this kid sucks. Yeah, this kid's the worst.

[Robert Kelly]

We were flying to Aruba with Max. He started crying his brain. And I literally, I stood up and I was like, we suck. I'm sorry. We suck.

[Adrian Appalucci]

If I know you hated, then I'm okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I, I, if I could do anything to stop this kid from being a, A screaming ass right now, I would. I apologize to everybody. Of course, in Comfort Plus, I mean, the people in the back go yourself.

[Adrian Appalucci]

They deserve that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, of course they do.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Really? Also, if you're in coach and you're complaining about a baby, get your fucking life.

[Adrian Appalucci]

You barely made it on the plane.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Guess what? You and that baby were the same boarding group.

[Adrian Appalucci]

That's right. But you don't matter.

[Big J. Okerson]

You've had a whole life and career, and you and that baby are on the same boarding. You deal with it. Yeah, I don't know. I've, I've always felt that more with that. But I said someone on their phone too. I am so quick on that plane to trying to check out completely.

[Robert Kelly]

You are. I've flown with you.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I get that.

[Big J. Okerson]

Headphones on. Whatever I want to hear.

[Robert Kelly]

If there's a comedian on the plane, mask.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Don't even look at me.

[Big J. Okerson]

You do eye mask.

[Robert Kelly]

If there's a comedian on the plane, though, if we're flying together, I want the first 20 minutes. I love texting while people are boarding. Just trashing everybody. Like, look at her face. Look at this. That he looks like this. I like, I like having fun for the first 20 minutes, and then I'll.

[Big J. Okerson]

Shut it down too early.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I don't.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I like a fight breaking out that I could watch.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Love that.

[Adrian Appalucci]

There was a guy that was, like, very upset he was not getting on the plane. And he's like a big, just burly black dude who's mad, and then he's trying to fight this gay, like, flight attendant. Everyone's like, that's not even fair. But they were right near me. They're right near me, and I was just looking the whole time.

[Big J. Okerson]

So great.

[Adrian Appalucci]

It is.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, it's having. Right at your seat, and you're just watching them.

[Adrian Appalucci]

He's like, I'm getting on this plane. He's like, you're not. Then they call, like, you know, the police of this guy. Whatever.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm also. I'm a big oaf. So I also. I also understand being a big oaf, like, in people's way. But I am also blown away how much people don't give a fuck about spatial awareness. Like, I always. Very on purpose when the plane stops and you hear bing is when everyone's clicking and just piles into the aisle. I stay. I always just stay. I'm like. And by the way, I'm gonna be in the first, like, six to ten people who leave.

[Robert Kelly]

We get it, Jay. You're first class now.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's nothing to do with that. I'm just saying. But even if me and Adrian.

[Robert Kelly]

A comfort Pl. No, you were Zone two. You're Zone one.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm sure Zone is great.

[Robert Kelly]

We.

[Big J. Okerson]

But, like. But it's pretty nice.

[Robert Kelly]

We get it. You have a door deal after 5,000.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, but how much people, like, they just pile in there and take. And swing things over their back and just. I've been. I've been hit in the head with bags and, like, not even an acknowledgment.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Have a fight with somebody that is getting off the prime time. One time, a lady. Her luggage was behind me, and I guess her husband or something was in front of me. She took her luggage and put it over my head. I was like, why didn't you. You're right behind me. He's right in front of me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, it's.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like. I don't like when they have. They don't have bag awareness when they're getting on the plane or they give a backpack on, and they'll just turn and just smash you in the face.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

And not constantly that happens.

[Robert Kelly]

Not only. Not even acknowledge that you just got whacked in the face. And it bugs me that nobody else.

[Big J. Okerson]

Goes, hey, you just hit him in the face.

[Robert Kelly]

Nobody says anything. They're just happy. It wasn't Them.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I think a lot of these people too probably don't fly that often. Like I'm very aware of that stuff because I'm flying all the time. I think most of these people are not no to.

[Big J. Okerson]

They're once a year.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Yeah. So they have.

[Big J. Okerson]

They still dress.

[Adrian Appalucci]

They're also excited for it. To fly in a plane.

[Robert Kelly]

The fucking lady who wants the window.

[Adrian Appalucci]

The window and leaves the friggin thing up and it's the only. I sit near that person all the time.

[Big J. Okerson]

She needs to be murdered.

[Adrian Appalucci]

It's the morning, it's dark and she's got the fucking light.

[Big J. Okerson]

Or the full like cross country or four hour plus flight where the guy got on in full suit and everything. And you're like. When you land you're gonna look like shit. And they always do. And you're like are you going somewhere right now? They always look off.

[Robert Kelly]

If I have. If the. If I once I put my seat back. If the window becomes mine. I shut that window too. I want all the window. I don't want fucking the sun coming.

[Big J. Okerson]

Through if there is. I know exactly what you're saying. If there's a peak of sill of the window behind me I will dominate control over that. To be like no, that's one's going down. You want to be a lunatic with the one next to you.

[Robert Kelly]

This one's not gonna be up 20% mine.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, I've had that. The half window stay open and it's just beating on a part of your neck. You feel like an ant being burned by a fucking.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I would also think people are not going to say anything to you even if they're mad.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well I don't do anything like.

[Adrian Appalucci]

But if you put that window.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, I got you.

[Adrian Appalucci]

They're like. I assume even if they want to say something they're not going to.

[Big J. Okerson]

The only thing I know that I do which also. I'm not going to get a fart pillow but I need to get an ass pillow for a thing. I have a flat ass my entire life.

[Adrian Appalucci]

All get a bbl.

[Big J. Okerson]

And I've been thinking. I said I would love that I have said if the audience. If we could. I said if we could crowdsource that we can crowdfund that and get a gofundme that gets me a BBL. I'll get a fat ass for sure. I 100% would do that. But in the meantime. What I spend most of my time. Yeah I spend most of my time on a plane. I sleep the whole time but waking up every half Hour at best. And it's to do this simply is to completely get out of my seat and put it on my right cheek for a while. Now.

[Adrian Appalucci]

You better not go into a coma.

[Big J. Okerson]

And then. Yes. And then.

[Adrian Appalucci]

And then a flip every half hour.

[Robert Kelly]

And then a flip cloth that shoot up into his heart.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm going to wake up just screaming like, my ass hurts so much.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a comic that died from blood clots.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sore ass.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he had. He didn't move around in his coma. He got the blood clot. You can die on the plane.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Your circulation doesn't happen and they get blood clots and they shoot up to your brain.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Yeah. You're supposed to wear socks, like. Yeah, you're supposed to socks up to your knees.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they're. They're compression socks. Oh, there's terrible sit bone hips. It feels like nylons.

[Adrian Appalucci]

It's not the greatest.

[Big J. Okerson]

Does it have an eagles logo on it? I love it. I want that so bad. Read the reviews.

[Robert Kelly]

Please carry a CPAP machine on the plane if you're gonna.

[Big J. Okerson]

I have a lumbar pillow, too, that Mike feared for me. It works. It's so good.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Do you bring it on the plane?

[Big J. Okerson]

I did and I brought it on one gig. Brought it on the plane. Left it at the hotel completely. It's too big for me to remember, but an ass pillow. Because what I do, I start off always left cheek. I know. Now put no pressure on the right cheek if you can, because when you have to do the switch, it's the only way, or else they're both going to be sort of sore the whole time. So left ass cheek against the window. I'm assuming I windows over here. I'm always against the window and try to curl up in a ball to not bother anybody. I've lost weight enough that I can click the seat, no problem.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, how does that feel?

[Big J. Okerson]

Seat belts. Great. Yeah. What I was always. I never needed. I named the extender one time on a plane ever. And then it was all. But I was always pin it to the very end and then click it. And it would be like, just getting around. Like now there's, like, space on, which is good.

[Robert Kelly]

I had to travel with mine, and I had a continental one. So everybody on Delta knew because the seat belt's a different color. So I had a blue and then a gray seatbelt. So it's just fatso.

[Adrian Appalucci]

All of us, our weight has gone up and down and up and down and up and down.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Oh, I've had. Yeah, I've had plenty of fluctuation, but.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, being able to use the regular seat belt is such a. One of the greatest.

[Big J. Okerson]

But where someone hates me on every flight, if there's somebody to my right at some point when I do that cheek shift, I'm trying not to, but I am certain you've experienced with me, Bobby in a car, many, many years ago. I'm certain this guy is watching just like a mouth open, like, right at his fucking ear almost for so long. And when I flip cheeks again, I always open my mouth and go, oh, this must have been terrible for him. Well, he's gonna get about a half hour reprieve when I switch over to his left cheek.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, I told you.

[Big J. Okerson]

And I go back over. But if you're a guy sitting right to me, I'm definitely awkwardly close to you. I have a feeling sometimes.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know that I snored on planes until I woke up mid snore, because I was actually doing this. I was going. And I woke up going. And I just looked at the person next to me, and they were just looking at me like, what the fuck am I sitting next to?

[Big J. Okerson]

He goes, are you joking? I'm like, are you faking being asleep?

[Robert Kelly]

Do you. Are you a Three Soldiers fan?

[Adrian Appalucci]

That is bad when you wake yourself up snoring.

[Robert Kelly]

I would go. And my lips would be numb because I must have been doing it for 20 minutes.

[Adrian Appalucci]

It's so funny that no one ever wants.

[Big J. Okerson]

I had this last. I had this last night in bed. And I have had this happen on a plane before, especially because, like, I kind of keep, like, my phone, like, on my lap. I'm almost, like, holding it and just listening to Howard Stern or whatever, and I just lean against. And then if you feel the phone just, like, jostle or something at all. Just a severe overreaction of, like, Joe, like. And you're like, hey, no, nothing's wrong at all. You have to look at the person next to you like, are you all right, dude?

[Robert Kelly]

I dropped my headphones one headphone on a plane once, and I was too fat. I couldn't. I couldn't get down and get it. I was trying to hold my breath. I had to wait till everybody left the plane and then get on my stomach and reach down and get it, because I couldn't bend down.

[Big J. Okerson]

I can do it.

[Adrian Appalucci]

But you did get it. That's what's important.

[Robert Kelly]

I did get it. I did get it.

[Big J. Okerson]

And then when you got it, you ate it.

[Robert Kelly]

We were talking about. We went to Leah I think I told you about this. Leah's Louis assistant's wedding, which was. Look it.

[Adrian Appalucci]

It was fun.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a fun wedding. As far as.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wait, is that when you went the wrong day?

[Adrian Appalucci]

No. Yes, that is when you went the wrong day.

[Big J. Okerson]

I forgot about that when you were a tuxedo twice.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, Dawn. What a. I was so mad at her. Yeah, we went. We showed up at the wedding and.

[Big J. Okerson]

You went Louis Vuitton shopping.

[Robert Kelly]

I got her one.

[Big J. Okerson]

You were so mad at her and you went and go bought her. How does she learn, Bobby, if that's how you reward her?

[Robert Kelly]

You know what it was? It was a. I was trying to shake it off, you know, but it was.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, unfortunately, before you heard the Corey Holcomb tells you just to put her face on the glass, smoosh it up against the glass and let her know I should have that you're a man.

[Robert Kelly]

Ford Rangers fucking glass. And then open the window and push her out the window and let her get some air.

[Big J. Okerson]

I heard someone talking negatively about that Corey Holcomb thing with Cam Newton. Obviously, like the face on the glass thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Did you see my Cam Newton just tell her so. No. So Cam Newton is a retired football.

[Robert Kelly]

Player, late for the Patriots.

[Big J. Okerson]

He was a.

[Robert Kelly]

Dresses like three musketeer.

[Big J. Okerson]

He dresses crazy. He's a super high fashion guy, but he's also a religious guy.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Dresses and stuff.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, but like fishnet like stuff. No, not that.

[Robert Kelly]

Rimmed hats, a lot. A lot of colors, patterns, wear shit like.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh yeah, but like, exactly. He would wear like an ascot and like shorts with a braided belt. It's like goofy.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Oh, yeah, yeah, there you go.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's just like a boy scout.

[Adrian Appalucci]

He's pretty hot.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, the guy's in shape for sure. But Cam Newton had Corey Hol. You know, Corey Holcomb is right.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Yes, I know Corey. He's super funny.

[Big J. Okerson]

Who I love. I think he's hilarious. But you know, he is what he is. It's very like that kind of Patrice esque raw. But he was on his podcast. He was on this guy's podcast, Cam Newton, and he was talking about women. He was just like, look. He goes, you don't hit women, man. He's like, but every once in a while you gotta put their face on the glass. He's just about mushing their face in the glass. They start putting videos of me and Bobby doing it to dawn and Christine just facing on the glass for their behavior.

[Adrian Appalucci]

How did he respond to that?

[Big J. Okerson]

Huh?

[Adrian Appalucci]

How did Cam respond to that?

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, that's what's funny. So Cam Newton, you see, but he's in it now. So when I hear some of, like, the people critiquing him, it's like. And Cam Newton just kind of. You see Cam Newton being like, ha. Corey. I don't. You mean like. You mean like, for example, like something like. He's like, no, put a face up on the glass. He's like, yeah, I don't. I don't know if I could.

[Robert Kelly]

This is the clip right here. You gotta watch. It's pretty funny. Sometimes you gotta hold her head to the glass just to let her know you stronger than her. If she don't know you stronger than her, she gonna talk crazy. Hold her head to the glass. That mean even if she called the cops, ain't no proof you held her head to the glass. At least that's how I live. Hold her head to the glass.

[Big J. Okerson]

When they see that he's wearing a jumpsuit made of AIDS quilt.

[Adrian Appalucci]

He's also. I was like, is that Cam? Actually.

[Robert Kelly]

Except there is a little evidence. It's called her mush face print on the glass.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's her nose grease.

[Robert Kelly]

Her tears on the glass. Nutcase.

[Big J. Okerson]

But go back to. I want to see what Cam Newton.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, subservient the woman has to be to let you mush her face against the glass.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Also, you can only do it one time. As soon as I see that hand coming a second time, I'm going to go back. You know what I mean? You could do it once.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, it's fine. The hand on the glass. I think what he's implying is you got the head on the glass, so now there's a foundation. So what I assume is happening, if you have a woman who's not accepting this, which I assume most wouldn't. The concept is it's like a cartoon. They're up against the wall and all this does nothing. They can't reach.

[Robert Kelly]

Like putting your hand on top of the head.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's the putting the hand on top of the head of some. But you. You put a hand on top of someone's head, they can. Deacon. Go around your hand, you have them up against the glass. There's a little more of like your thing. So the swings don't really do anything. I'm not saying it's not brilliant thinking. I'm just saying it's immoral.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I think it's good for one time.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, maybe two.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, one time. You don't see, because first you're going to be stunned, like, oh, I'm being touched. This has gotten physical. And then when you realize, like, this isn't painful, but it is humiliating, and my face is. Especially if something's on the other side of the glass and people have to see, like, this, like, face, like, hey.

[Robert Kelly]

A whole restaurant full of people.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm being corrected. Sorry. Oh, yeah, Steve, did we get to the Cam Newton part? Do this again. They'd be like, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. That's what it's all about.

[Robert Kelly]

Male dominance. You gotta establish women's hats.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Male dominance. And they're dressed like women.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's dressed like golden girls. Established male dog. Is this a mauve or a pink?

[Big J. Okerson]

He is dressed like an aging hot wife. Corey Holcomb.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he was just like a couch in the 80s.

[Big J. Okerson]

God damn, dude. He looks so funny. But that is. But, yeah, you'll see Cam Newton just. He has to, like, sort of. And also, you can see Corey Holcomb is getting that slight feeling of like, he's not taking this ride with me. Exactly right.

[Adrian Appalucci]

He's not on this journey.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. He goes. Because he goes, discipline a woman. Show you strong. Like, Corey Holcomb's words are fading off.

[Robert Kelly]

Around your woman, and she thinks that you are equal to her.

[Big J. Okerson]

You going to have to put up with the.

[Robert Kelly]

Every girl I've been with over six months, head to the glass.

[Big J. Okerson]

Carried away.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm a little fired up cuz I'm.

[Big J. Okerson]

Here with you, brother. Best ever do it. By the way, Cam Newton right here.

[Robert Kelly]

Punch your woman or n. Sometimes you got a whole.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, you got to find Cam.

[Robert Kelly]

Can we. Can we please show Adrien the. Did you see this? With probably not the Total Channel. You didn't see this?

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, you have to.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm so glad you're in here. Physique. This is one of my show.

[Big J. Okerson]

Adrian, too.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Is that the head against the glass?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yes, that's me. That's me straightening Christine shit out. By the way, we found out, me and Bobby both found out that, like, the actual nature of the relationships we have is. Both of these pictures start off with us going, like, Christine kicking over here. And she was like, what am I doing? I go, putting the face in the glass thing. She goes, oh, okay, I'm gonna make a face.

[Robert Kelly]

At least your girl was on the show and knew it. I had to go into detail about, like. No, no, no. It's like, Corey Holcomb. Who on the show.

[Big J. Okerson]

And you think that's okay to put. It's like, no, the bit is that people. Can you just put your face against the glass.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Please do it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Christine was like, what? She's like, oh, I got it. She, like, placed her face on the glass.

[Robert Kelly]

Tell me. At first you're just like, come over here. You're like, lean by the window. Can I see yours again? I want to see yours again. I like yours. You could tell Don was half into it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine really, really sold it.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Yeah, she closed her eyes, too.

[Big J. Okerson]

I was frowning.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you look like.

[Adrian Appalucci]

You look like you're learning lessons.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, this is.

[Adrian Appalucci]

You're getting the point of it.

[Robert Kelly]

This is your fifth day. This is your fifth time getting your face to the glass.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, yeah. I go, put your cheek up on your cheek marks.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Jay has his nails here.

[Robert Kelly]

You get your face to the glass by a transition.

[Big J. Okerson]

What happens when you say you don't like my nail color?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, so there's a web Instagram, YouTube guy who. It's called Total. The channel is called Total. And he puts out these.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, it's a different thing because he's. He's not. It looks like it's in the world of these.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, like.

[Big J. Okerson]

Like the hate podcasts. But he's a fan. Like, contacts us fans.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, if you watch this, at first you're like, who the fuck is this motherfucker? But then as you watch it, you're like, oh, this guy's hilarious.

[Big J. Okerson]

And he's making it all up on per. Like, hit my. The one about me goes that I'm a. I'm actually hiding that I'm evangelical Christian. I want you to think I'm a nu metal looking guy because I'm hiding the fact that a big J comes from. They used to call me Big James because I would always read the King James Bible to people. It's like, ridiculous. It's purposefully ridiculous. Like, Sodas is like Sodor. It was Comedy Partners with Lou Vega. And then Lou Vega went to go on making up Not Mambo Number five after he found out Soda was writing a song called Mambo Number four.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like they did one with Lewis. All of his was actually true.

[Big J. Okerson]

The one with Lewis was true Lewis as he has a bunch of shell companies and it's like gas Digital story wars. Legion of. It says Legion of Skanks is a fully scripted show. It's so funny. The guy's great. We've hired him for stuff since.

[Robert Kelly]

But they did this.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I think you like this one.

[Adrian Appalucci]

There's two.

[Robert Kelly]

That one.

[Big J. Okerson]

This one here.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's that one, right?

[Big J. Okerson]

It doesn't.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's the one that's it. That's it there. Okay. Yeah, this is the one.

[Big J. Okerson]

Some type of long con where he essentially kills off his own career, but only because he's secretly been building another me.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I've seen this.

[Big J. Okerson]

Even Adrian is actually really just Bobby Kelly. It seems that Bobby Kelly had mastered the art of association and moved on to the art of appropriate. And there's plenty more strange things about this guy like Bobby Kelly.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I mean, I have seen this.

[Robert Kelly]

The transformation though when it does go to you. I mean, we look exactly alike.

[Adrian Appalucci]

We're just fat. Like that's the thing. Everyone just thinks if you're fat, you look like. We really look nothing alike a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

We have the same eyes.

[Adrian Appalucci]

We're just fat.

[Big J. Okerson]

You got to see Bobby in his glasses. It's different. But this guy, yeah, he's great. Shout out.

[Robert Kelly]

Total fantastic. When work gets crazy, I like to.

[Big J. Okerson]

Stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't drink at all until 4:00. We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night. Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us. A few drinks, a few nights a week, it can add up and suddenly.

[Big J. Okerson]

We'Re at greater risk for long term.

[Robert Kelly]

Problems like heart disease, cancer and depression. Reason enough to rethink the Drink more at rethinkthedrink.com an OHA initiative.

[Big J. Okerson]

At Metro get an iPhone 12 with 5G and a dual camera system on us. Take amazing pictures and share them instantly. And don't put up with life's yada yada yada like photo bombers, zoom crop.

[Robert Kelly]

Out yada yada and by you.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Don't take yada yada in life.

[Big J. Okerson]

Don't take yada yada from your wireless provider. Get iPhone 12 with 5G with no activation fees and nada yada yada only at Metro By T Mobile Switch now bring your ID inside for a Metro Flex plan offer. Not available if currently at T Mobile or been with Metro in the past 180 days. Cascade Natural Gas believes a warm home, hot water and natural gas energy should be available to everyone. That's why Cascade established the Oregon Low Income Bill Assistance and Energy Discount Programs. These programs provide income qualified applicants a discount on their monthly bill and if needed, help with past due balances. Qualifying for assistance is easy by calling Cascade or any of our partner community action agencies. Get complete bill assistance info [e-mail] help.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you holding back on travel plans this holiday break because you're afraid of a language gap? Well, no need to mind the gap if you have Babbel. I use Babbel all the time. I just went to Cuba, it was so frustrating and not be able to ask for certain things. You know what? I just turned on my babbel app. All of a sudden I was speaking sentences, saying good afternoon. I got to go in and say pour favour queso, which means please cheese. This app was amazing because it teaches you in a fun, relatable way that all of a sudden you just know words and they're in your lexicon. I'm learning Italian with my son. I put my whole family on babbel right now with a quick 10 minute lesson handcrafted by over 200 language experts, Babbel gets you talking in a new language. Just three weeks. And with the advanced speech recognition by babbel, it's like having a personal language tutor in your pocket, helping you pronunciate whenever you open your mouth. I got Babbel. I hopefully know Spanish and Italian by the end of the year and I already know a bunch of words. I know a couple swears too. Not on there. From the guy I met in Cuba. Here's a special holiday deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for the bonfire with big J ogerson and Robert kelly. [e-mail] Bonfire get up to 60% off babbel.com Bonfire spelled B A, B B, E L. Rules and restrictions may apply. Tiamo. Gracias.

[Adrian Appalucci]

That's very funny.

[Robert Kelly]

So how is the special doing?

[Adrian Appalucci]

I mean, I guess good. What is the.

[Big J. Okerson]

Can't know.

[Adrian Appalucci]

You don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

We were in. When we were in Cuba.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I remember that.

[Adrian Appalucci]

That fun situation.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was fantastic. But I remember we have this hurricane coming in. We have nothing. And then I went to. I had to find a cafe that still had WI fi.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And all of a sudden I start getting text messages from you and Louie pretty much threatening Ari. Threatening Ari through me.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I thought I was being pretty nice. And then, like, he just wouldn't give in. And I was like, I'm gonna have to go tell dad.

[Robert Kelly]

You went and told fucking dad?

[Adrian Appalucci]

So I told dad.

[Robert Kelly]

And then you got the other fucking cousin involved.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Who was the cousin?

[Robert Kelly]

Me.

[Adrian Appalucci]

You. Well, you had. It was your phone, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but it was my phone. All of a sudden I just keep getting these text. And then Louie sent me a text message.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ari's happy to go off the grid a week before his first prod that's gonna make it to Netflix is coming out.

[Adrian Appalucci]

And then you can't get in touch with him. And he's like, just call my manager. I'm like, no, I didn't deal with your manager.

[Big J. Okerson]

I dealt with you.

[Robert Kelly]

But Louie sent a call. My producer's manager, Louis, sent a talking to.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Good. I mean, that's what he needed.

[Robert Kelly]

He sent it. Listen, Bobby, I know this. I. I need you to make sure Ari sees this and then went on this. I mean, a talking to. Let him know how life works, how things happen. If you're a producer and I read this thing, I was like, oh, shit. I was so excited to read it.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Did you read it to. How long did it take for him to go? Okay, well, we.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean, they also had three minor fights while out in Cuba, so it's probably a good time of day to go. You know what, Ari? If you think I'm wrong about you, hear what Louis thinks about you. Louis CK Also, for the regular, does. No. Directed the special.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Right?

[Big J. Okerson]

Directed the special. Re produced.

[Adrian Appalucci]

But you also knew what happened because I seen you in Austin.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appalucci]

He's being insane.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Ari, I had no idea what was happening.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Oh, I didn't even know.

[Robert Kelly]

I was very excited that he produced it and Louis directed it. I was like, you. You to me. I told you this before. You're one of the funniest people out there. And I was excited that people were getting behind you on this. And then all of a sudden, all this shit started coming in, and now there's a hurricane coming in.

[Adrian Appalucci]

No, I know.

[Robert Kelly]

And we're. I just got service. I'm. We're just trying to find food that day. And Ari's like, we should go to the beach and check out the ocean. I'm like, but there's a hurricane coming in. You know?

[Big J. Okerson]

He's like, dude. He goes, I got a special premiering on Netflix this week. There's a lot of things going on. Let's go to the beach.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Who cares? Let's go off the grid.

[Robert Kelly]

So.

[Big J. Okerson]

God, dude, whatever's gonna make us the least reachable, please.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, this is a very important.

[Big J. Okerson]

Time in my career.

[Adrian Appalucci]

No. To me.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Adrian Appalucci]

Do you not know what happened?

[Robert Kelly]

I do not know what happened.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I shouldn't say it. I'm not gonna say it.

[Robert Kelly]

I just know what was coming through my phone. It was all to Ari.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Threw me from something to piss me off. And also said, hey, can you email the booker at Mothership and tell him I want to take this flight? So I had to do an errand. I didn't do an errand. For him while he also was destroying my life.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you do it?

[Adrian Appalucci]

I did do it because I knew. Come around. But, like, the fact that he even did that was so crazy. I thought you were reading it, knew it was happening.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I had no idea. I just. He was like, all right, I can't.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Wait for this to be over so I could tell you.

[Robert Kelly]

I was like. I was like, listen, dude. I was like, listen, you just gotta sign this thing. We gotta. We gotta download this and sign it. Then we got into a fight over him signing it because I'm like, okay, I'll figure it out for you, because it's on my phone, you know? And he's like, I got it. I got it. I'm like, you don't have it. You have a flip phone. You don't even know what the you're doing.

[Adrian Appalucci]

You got a flip phone back again.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know what the. He has.

[Big J. Okerson]

I know it's got some wacky burner.

[Robert Kelly]

He showed up in another country with Canadian money.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Yeah. I mean, he's not doing well. It's just like. He's just so. I can't wait to tell you what he did.

[Robert Kelly]

So he. I'm sitting there trying to. I actually was like, okay, dude, you. I had to, like, let it go because I was fucking panicking. We had.

[Big J. Okerson]

I know Bobby's worried about tangible problems. Like, why do we come to Cuba in hurricane season? Oh, especially double hurricane. The description of what they said was coming to Cuba was the exact verbatim description of Perfect storm in the film Perfect Storm.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you guys can.

[Big J. Okerson]

Two hurricanes are coming towards each other.

[Adrian Appalucci]

And they're like, great.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, Bobby, I get a little bit of a theme with this one. I was like, they said, a hurricane's going. Bobby said, we're okay, but the hurricane's coming night. I went, I don't know why they did this dumb trip.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I ask you a question? Because I've never gotten your perspective of when you guys were back here. Did you guys know what was coming? When we got that text from you.

[Adrian Appalucci]

We were like, okay, he's alive.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I realized I hadn't heard from you for a couple days.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I text Donna. It's like, Bobby's like, he's here.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, he's alive.

[Big J. Okerson]

Back to back, perfect storm, two hurricanes, two days, meeting on the place they decide to go. Fucking Havana, where they're walking down dark alleyways. Ari doesn't want to go on a vacation. Ari wants to travel. There's a difference in that.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Risk it all yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ari's going to go. You want to go to a place and enjoy the beach and the lovely thing?

[Adrian Appalucci]

Ari's like, yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ari's like, I think there's a forest you can go into where the monkeys kill.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say something? I want to say this. The fact that a hurricane. The fact that a hurricane came in saved my life. Do you understand that?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

We were supposed to go to, like, three different spots, and the hurricane, he's got to go and killed all that stuff. So we were supposed to go to this jungle part and hike. We were supposed to go to, like, Trinidad part. On the other side, we had.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ari's got a checklist of things. It's like a scavenger hunt of things you shouldn't be doing. It's like, start a fight with a local Cuban biker gang. Okay, let's try this next, Bobby. Let's go to the seediest place in the dark.

[Robert Kelly]

But I'm going to do it in Spanish, even though I don't know Spanish fully.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Ari also wanted to take all of his walks. He's like, all right, it's pitch black now. Let's go down this dark alley where someone's crying down there. We should see what that people are crying about.

[Robert Kelly]

But he. We were sitting at this cafe, only place open, and it had WI fi. I'm trying to download this stuff. It's taking forever. I had to keep, like, cutting it off, putting it back on. The stuff would come in, it wouldn't open. So I'm. I'm his assistant at this point, right. I'm getting yelled at by Louie.

[Big J. Okerson]

Tell Adrian to tell the mothership I need a new flight.

[Robert Kelly]

But that's what he's doing. He's like.

[Adrian Appalucci]

He's like, nope, deal with my Mandra. And then also, can you do this for me?

[Big J. Okerson]

Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

At one point, I was like, dude, you gotta just take care of this. You gotta remember where she is right now. This is the biggest.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Also, if that didn't work, I was gonna call all his friends and have them call you. Or like, why? Why? Because you were the only communication I had. I was gonna Rogan you.

[Robert Kelly]

You accepted everyone.

[Big J. Okerson]

You accepted full. You accepted full Ari responsibility.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Yeah. When you're with him, he's your child. You're his. You're handling him.

[Robert Kelly]

I wish I could read Louie's fucking.

[Big J. Okerson]

And there's certain things too, where you go, hey, can I talk to Ari on your phone? You go, I can't, because if I forget to say something, he's gonna tweet out that I'm the N word, gay. Or I'm dead or I die. Or have you ever wanted. I love you all. I'm dying in Cuba.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You can't give him the phone.

[Big J. Okerson]

And then you have to go, hey, man, my family saw that and he goes, all right.

[Robert Kelly]

But the worst part is they laugh.

[Adrian Appalucci]

You're dead.

[Big J. Okerson]

Did they get it? They don't get comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

The worst part is, is that I finally. He finally signed it. I sent it back, and then you're like, hey, I think. Can he sign all the things on the.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I think he signed the wrong place.

[Robert Kelly]

I was like. So I had to go back in and be like, hey, bro, you gotta resign. Oh. He's like, where? I signed it. I'm like, listen, dude, this isn't my thing. Like, I'm a comic too.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I never apologize to you.

[Robert Kelly]

It's okay. You don't need to apologize. I feel bad that you had to go through that fucking rigorous.

[Big J. Okerson]

The flip side of it is that there's also no. I mean, like, how much I know with me. So I assume with this. I know he's very passionate about your special. So it's like he's so hands on. And so walking it through the process found me, for me particularly, you got, like, my producer, the director, everything was like, through Ari. And he did. He really made it, like plug and play for me, which is awesome, but exactly that. You know, he might do something like. It's like, oh. But he did that. Then he wore a Klu Klux Klan thing and climbed the Washington Monument. Oh, Jesus.

[Robert Kelly]

I was dealing with.

[Adrian Appalucci]

He said, nevis on fire.

[Robert Kelly]

I was dealing with. I was dealing with Traveler. I was dealing with that Ahri.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Then there's your special Ari, who is very caring and really gives a shit. Yeah, I was dealing with. I don't talk to anybody. I just want to go learn a new language and eat some type of fruit that you're not supposed to eat. You might die from.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, I can't right now. I'm learning how to fire walk. He's the best, though.

[Robert Kelly]

But God damn, he is the best. But you got it done, right?

[Adrian Appalucci]

We did get it done.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And that was the only thing you needed? That's the only thing I needed was just the signal. What was the imp. Why was it so important to get that? Why couldn't you wait until he came back?

[Adrian Appalucci]

Because I think he was going to come back. Like, they needed it on that Friday, I guess, like deliverables or whatever. So I guess they need the Friday before. It's airing on that Tuesday. And he was coming back Sunday. Listen, at the end of the day, somebody would have just forged his signature, like, if he wasn't going to do it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

You just put a star David with an A. Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Just says mazel.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Does it just say the word mazel with a Jewish star?

[Robert Kelly]

Just draw a big nose that looks like an A. Yeah, it was. It was.

[Adrian Appalucci]

He was trying to hold it up. I'm like, don't you want your money back? You paid for this. Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's what we were talking about. Your thing was, don't you want to recoup the money you put in this?

[Robert Kelly]

None of it made sense to me.

[Adrian Appalucci]

He doesn't care, though. He really is like, bite your nose. Just bite your face.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, when he shuts down, when he goes on that travel, he. He didn't want to. He. He was like, we're not looking at our phones. We're not doing any Internet. We're not around with any of that. He wanted to stay in, like. Thank God Christine and Jay talked to me before because he was like. Wanted to stay in the. In the hood. He. Like, where. He wanted all the hoods. No. Well, yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's a place called Bat Castle. It's full of bats.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he was like, I don't want to stay in the tourist spot. I'm like, I'm pretty sure there's no, like, tourist spots are just safer spots. It's Cuba, right? I don't know if it's not, you know, Saint Martin. Martin. You know what I mean? It's right. He was like, I don't want to stay. I don't want to see other people having fun. I'm like, not at all. Like, do you want to just see people struggling?

[Big J. Okerson]

Like, you don't vacation in a place where most jobs that are there require a machete.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

So almost everything, whether you're a coconut cutter or a tour guide or a car repairman.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Jay and Christina, at the last minute, they were like, dude, you can't stay there. You have to stay. Like, we looked at other places, like.

[Big J. Okerson]

By the way, to stay at fucking Escobar's place was like $1,000 a night. Like, the greatest places in the world there were cheap for what it was.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Why don't you guys stay there?

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean, really don't.

[Robert Kelly]

My wife wound up finding a really nice spot in on, like, no.

[Big J. Okerson]

Literally.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J. Okerson]

She didn't. She sent them to a fucking Cuban hostel is what happened.

[Robert Kelly]

No, absolutely.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Our loves a Hostel.

[Big J. Okerson]

There was eight hostile other people. Obviously. I went out back to enjoy a cigar while this other family was having a conversation. There was kids playing and whatever. I'm like, that's not comforting at all. No, that you were staying at a guy's house.

[Robert Kelly]

You do that at a hotel. There's people there. It was a whole building they owned. And it was. And it was.

[Big J. Okerson]

You stayed with the family.

[Robert Kelly]

It was on a historic street where nobody could go down. It was like the end when the.

[Big J. Okerson]

Power came back on you and that family celebrated. The family whose house it was, who let you stay there? You guys were there like exchange students.

[Robert Kelly]

We did. We did throw rice in the air.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Did you hit a pinata?

[Robert Kelly]

No, it was.

[Big J. Okerson]

I think it's where El Guapo's birthday happened. In the Three Amigos.

[Robert Kelly]

I looked at the other places we were going to stay and they were in the fucking hood and, like, the buildings were just crappy.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

The place we did stay, the one. It's literally the one block in downtown Havana that is historic. And they keep it up and it was beautiful and the family was great. I would stay there again. I would stay there again.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Did you sleep with your money in your pocket?

[Robert Kelly]

I actually slept with it on my waist. I had a money belt and I had all my money on me at all times. Yes.

[Big J. Okerson]

Damn, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

And then probably left it on the counter. Oh, Ari, I. Dude, I brought my Canadian. Nobody wanted his money. I had to use my money all the time. I don't know why. And then he made me bring two dollar bills. He's like, make sure you get like 200 in two dollar bills. Because they love that down there. They love a two dollar bill. Is like.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ari read like an article that said, like, the two dollar bill is coveted in Cuba. So Bobby, of course, over extreme everything. Bobby got six grand and two dollar bills. And then nobody. And then nobody. They were like, we don't even accept these.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, they took them. But they were. They were just $2, right? Like, they took them.

[Big J. Okerson]

Like. Oh, I put. Weird.

[Robert Kelly]

I put the first one down and I kind of slid it to the guy as a tip. And he was. And Ari was there and I slid. I go, here. He goes, thanks. No, no, no. Two dollar bill. He goes, yeah, thanks. I pre. Gracias. Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

He goes, I just want you to know you're dealing with a big dog. That's dos doleros.

[Adrian Appalucci]

That's not even a fucking word.

[Big J. Okerson]

Dos de lairos are. There they go, see?

[Adrian Appalucci]

Okay, you guys are supposed to go on a scavenger hunt or something?

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no. We were supposed to go. He. Look, he wanted to go out. He. I wanted to stay in the city and kind of go out from there. He was like, we'll get the place in the city. Finally conceded to the place that I got. And then we were supposed to take a. A bus or a. Oh, my God, it's one of those cars way out into the country.

[Big J. Okerson]

The bus is mostly for chickens, but they allow some people. It's a chicken bus, but they also will once in a while. Oh, hey.

[Robert Kelly]

So we were supposed to go. He wanted to go west, very far. Two and a half hours out into the jungle.

[Big J. Okerson]

You guys are talking in compass directions now. You're not even talking about a certain part of town. Let's head east.

[Adrian Appalucci]

And so what did you guys do instead since you had the hurricane?

[Robert Kelly]

We couldn't leave. It was illegal to be on the streets.

[Adrian Appalucci]

You just were in the hostel for.

[Robert Kelly]

A day and a half in the hospital, and then for another day probably. You couldn't really go out. You couldn't go out at night because it was pitch black.

[Big J. Okerson]

They were staying in a beautiful place with his family. Unfortunately, it was wet, so they had to huddle up in a hallway that wasn't being flooded from the hurricane. This is a horrible idea.

[Robert Kelly]

Ari's room.

[Big J. Okerson]

Led by Ari's horrible ideas.

[Robert Kelly]

Ari's room was flooding with the hurricane. So he. I just went outside and he's outside taking all his socks, jamming it into the window because it was coming in. And then there was a lady next door. Now we have. The water comes from downstairs and goes up to the roof. And then everybody kind of has their own. But we shared a big tank of water with the lady who was next to us. But she was like Romanian. She was like this weird, like seven different. She was skinny, fat, skinny, fat, skinny, fat. She was just a weird bodied woman. And she wound up taking a bath.

[Adrian Appalucci]

In using all the water.

[Robert Kelly]

So we went to turn the water on. It's just gone because this tub of. Took a bath. She took a bath and then she opened her door. She's like, I made. I made the rice and beans. She was like in the bath water. No, she was doing dishes. So her taking a bath and doing dishes took all the water for a day and a half. We had like bottled water. We had to brush our teeth with.

[Adrian Appalucci]

That sounds like the worst trip ever.

[Robert Kelly]

It was actually, by the way, it's the worst and best.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's the worst trip ever. Exclusively but also not.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not.

[Big J. Okerson]

No. You didn't enjoy it at all.

[Robert Kelly]

I had a great time.

[Big J. Okerson]

You were messenger for terrible news to Adrian. The whole thing was.

[Robert Kelly]

We had a. With all the shit that went down. Fucking blast. Did a lot of great shit.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Ari pays extra for the castaway style adventure. Let's go. And actually not be.

[Robert Kelly]

I told Jay this story. My rule in my brain was like, I'm going here and I'm gonna just. I'm gonna go with Ari. I'm gonna try to. Because I'm afraid when I travel. I was so. I'm like, I'm just gonna go.

[Big J. Okerson]

You can't do that in jungle. Not in the jungle. You could do it like in. I did this. I did the exact same thing with Ari in Toronto.

[Adrian Appalucci]

I was just gonna say you could do it in Toronto. Can you not do it in Toronto?

[Big J. Okerson]

No, no, it was Toronto exactly. We went in the night before on purpose. And Ari. These things I would never do. He goes, let's go eat at the restaurant where you can't see it's a thing. Let's go experience it, dude. Then he goes, let's just do a bar crawl. Let's just go find places, have live music, and we'll walk from one. Making our way back to the hotel. Buddy, I had a blast. We had such a good time. That's out of my comfort zone. It's not what I would do. I'm so a hotel dweller. So I'm like, he got me out and we did it. And then the next day was the show. We walked around the town, like the farmers market thing they have, or like the flea market all day. And then went to the show. It was great. I. The ones you're talking about, stuff like that. He goes, oh, because you wouldn't go to Trinidad Tobago? It's like, no, because you don't want to go to a resort, dude. You want to go live like fucking people who, like, pierce their own faces.

[Robert Kelly]

I did the same thing you did in Toronto. I just did it in a third world country during a. Yeah, it's a little bit hurricane.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's crazy what you did.

[Robert Kelly]

So he. One day he goes. He goes, yo, I want to go to this record store. So I'm like, okay. So we're walking and walking and we get. You know, it's in the ghetto. And then all of a sudden, we couldn't find it. And some like, he's. He see, the guy's like, well, you record? And he's like, yeah, yeah, record Store.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's good Spanish. Thank you, Babel.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you very much.

[Big J. Okerson]

Thank you, Babel.

[Robert Kelly]

Babble's the Babel app. So we look up and there's just record records on the wall of this dilapidated building. And so we're walking up three stories. Then we have to walk through some lady's kitchen with her, I don't know, son in law and a baby and food cooking. And then we go through their living room.

[Big J. Okerson]

No communication.

[Adrian Appalucci]

It's just like in a guy's house.

[Robert Kelly]

It was in the guy's house. But then we go into a room. It's just this dilapidated room with all kinds of records. And I'm like, we're gonna be murdered. Yeah, but Ari's like, this is great. And I'm sitting in the corner literally looking for weapons. And I. Behind me, I just hear a noise. I'm like, what the fuck is that?

[Big J. Okerson]

Shop owner's wife.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm like, there's somebody snoring in the room next to me. Like, there's a bedroom back here. I put my phone around the corner in this room. There's a full grown hog. There's a pig in the room, like desperately going, get me the fuck out of here, bro, because they're going to eat it.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Yeah, of course.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm like, ari, Ari. And he's just going through jazz, fucking Cuban jazz records. I'm like, yo, dude, there's a. There's a huge pig in this room over here.

[Big J. Okerson]

He said, I saw that. But here's Air Supplies, greatest hits, first pressing.

[Robert Kelly]

My brain first goes, this is what they're gonna feed us to this, right?

[Adrian Appalucci]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

This is why this pig's so big. From the other Canadian tourists that came up here to buy a goddamn record.

[Big J. Okerson]

Is already gonna bring home records.

[Robert Kelly]

Did he buy any record he bought? Of course he did. He bought like 50 records. 50 records.

[Big J. Okerson]

How do you get them home?

[Robert Kelly]

You can. He just took them home. They took his cigars. They didn't take his records.

[Big J. Okerson]

He brought 50 cigars. He brought a suitcase this time.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he brought a duffel bag and he carried. He did. He had two things of cigars from the Hotel National. That describes him perfectly.

[Big J. Okerson]

I admire so much his, like, fucking go for it. Even the things like when he describes what he's doing with his life, he's like doing the farewell tour and then he's gonna go. He's like, yeah, I think we're just gonna go live in London indefinitely. And I'm like, that sounds like a fucking nightmare to me. Like, what you're describing. It's like. It's so you don't know this.

[Robert Kelly]

He's going down for six months to South America.

[Big J. Okerson]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

He's going from Alaska all the way down into South America. And then he's going to live.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. By my calculations, usually what he normally does, why all of his team usually hate his guts.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Quietly puts a special out.

[Big J. Okerson]

He puts a special out and then they go, irons hot dude. Let's go right now. Let's tour. And he goes, now I'm gonna vanish for a year and then when I come back, everyone will have moved on from that special and then the ticket sales won't change and it'll start over again.

[Robert Kelly]

But you know what? Your special is out right now. And that's right.

[Adrian Appalucci]

Go watch it.

[Robert Kelly]

And it's killing it.

[Big J. Okerson]

Our Queen.

[Robert Kelly]

I watched it with.

[Big J. Okerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I sat down with. I go, you gotta watch this. Loved it. Thought you were hilarious. Which I. When she watches, she'll get up in five minutes if it's not funny. She thought it was hilarious. It's an amazing special. It's on Netflix right now. What a great name. You fucking murder it. You're one of the funniest people out there right now. And I'm so glad. Netflix, it's a very.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're a very easy person to be happy for, Adrian. Everyone's very excited for you. This is great. Yeah, it's. It's an awesome special and one of the funniest doing it out there. Make sure you check it out. The Dark Queen, streaming right now on Netflix, of course. Go to Punchup Live. Robert Kelly for all his dates. Mars Plains, New Jersey, Dojo. A comedy. That's this weekend, everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, a few tickets left. I don't know what show, but a.

[Big J. Okerson]

Few tickets left for that Friday show. Oh, sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

Friday night, one show. Saturday Deuce shows.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nice holiday show. December 7th. Dose dose. December 17th. I'm sorry. 7:00pm the Village Underground, New York City. Reserve your tickets. Comedycellar.com Check out our YouTube page, of course. And me. This weekend, everyone. Saturday and Sunday, that's all we got to worry about. Saturday and Sunday, I'm in Houston. They move the days around because I'm filling tires on Friday. After that, Philadelphia. Everybody, let's fill. There's very few tickets left, I think for most of the show. So fill them up. There was a mistake saying there was a Sunday show. So if you bought tickets for it, get your head out of your ass. The Eagles play at 7 o'clock.

[Robert Kelly]

Make sure to go 4 o'clock big punch Up Live. Big Jokerson. Robert Kale. A big Punch Up Live. Slash Robert Kelly.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Punch Up Live.

[Robert Kelly]

Go there.

[Big J. Okerson]

Owned by.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't own it now.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're the proprietor.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't even know what that means.

[Big J. Okerson]

I understand. You're just the face of the big.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not a face.

[Big J. Okerson]

You know, it's fine. Your face.

[Robert Kelly]

You're number one on the thing.

[Big J. Okerson]

Thank you so much, Adrian. We'll be right back to say goodbye. I think. Maybe not.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, maybe.

[Big J. Okerson]

Isn't it funny? Before we go, can I say this is pretty funny that when you walk in, the energy, the fact that our last day of the week broadcasting is Wednesdays and it's hump day for everybody else. When I come in, I come in with such a, like, pep. Cause it's like the difficulty of the week is over. And you're like an hour and 45 minutes of talking to one of my best buddies on the air. It's gonna be delightful. But everybody else leaving here is like, I can't believe I have two more fucking days of this.

[Robert Kelly]

But they have one more day of us. Thursday.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go. Enjoy.

[Big J. Okerson]

Crackle.

[Robert Kelly]

If you could hear love, what would it sound?

[Big J. Okerson]

Son, can we talk about your drinking?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Dad, I think we should. Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like. [e-mail] an OHA initiative.

[Big J. Okerson]

@ Amica Insurance, we know it's more.

[Robert Kelly]

Than just a house.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's your home.

[Robert Kelly]

The place that's filled with memories. The early days of figuring it out to the later years of still figuring it out. For the place you've put down roots. Trust Amica Home Insurance. Amica empathy is our best policy.