White Devil

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "White Devil"
Date: May 5, 2026
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly
Recurring Guests/Producers: Christine, Lou
Theme: Blunt, funny camaraderie as Jay and Bobby riff on sports, comedy life, and a comically escalating feud about the Skankfest poster artwork.

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Episode Overview

In this raucous episode of The Bonfire, Jay and Bobby open up about their passionate (and at times ridiculous) sports fandom, including the highs and lows of watching the NBA playoffs together and enduring each other’s team victories. The comedic centerpiece is Jay’s hilarious retelling of a real-life road rage spat with a bus driver—culminating in being called a "white devil"—and a deep-dive beef over the art that represents them for Skankfest. The banter is genuine, fast-paced, and loaded with inside jokes and self-deprecation, as well as the hosts’ signature honesty about their place in the comedy scene.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Sports Talk: NBA Playoffs & Watching the Game

• Jay and Bobby debate the play styles of the Celtics and Sixers.

  • Bobby marvels at the "all-white" Celtics and their three-point shooting.
    • "The Celtics are all white, which is nuts. And they're just shooting threes. It's crazy." (03:02, Bobby)
  • Jay laments how hard it is to defend teams reliant on outside shooting.
    • "You hope that they're just having an off night. But man, when they're on, it's on." (03:20, Jay)

• Atmosphere of watching the playoffs at Jay's house.

  • Bobby details the comfort of Jay's home, the fire pit, pergola, and indoor/outdoor setup. (05:58–07:00)
  • Teasing each other about who pauses the game and how they watch live vs. delayed sports.
    • "If it starts getting crazy, I will eventually end up fast forwarding." (05:43, Jay)

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2. Jay's Road Rage: The "White Devil" Bus Incident

[Main segment: 07:00–13:30]

• Jay recounts a confrontation with a bus driver who nearly ran him off the road.

  • "I see him with the [bus] door open. So I roll the window down... He goes, 'You fucked up, man.' I go, 'Fuck you, pussy, you drove me off the road, you fucking cunt.'" (08:06–08:18, Jay)
  • The resulting blow-up includes both exchanging profanities and slurs (notably, Jay admits using the f-word for shock value).
  • Amidst the heated exchange, the bus driver yells, "You white devil!"
    • "Getting called a white devil twice is one of the funniest things ever." (10:54, Jay)

• Christine, on the phone during the altercation, provides a secondhand account and moral support.

  • "You really? I was like, you're at a place in your life where yelling a couple of these words on the street could just be detrimental to everything you have." (17:20, Christine)

• Reflection and comedic unpacking:

  • Jay and Bobby riff on racial and homophobic slurs in road rage, dissecting the social boundaries of insults.
    • "You know, sometimes you waste a little bit of time and your own credibility...But calling a black guy who's not gay that word? Yeah, it hits like thunder." (11:50, Jay)
  • Jay is (mock) proud of himself for going for the jugular but not "dropping the nuke."
    • "But let's all remember the important thing of this story. I didn't say the N word." (15:34, Jay)
    • "You could have done your secret move in Tekken and got a KO, but you didn't. You just got the win." (16:21, Bobby)

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3. The Ongoing Skankfest Poster Feud

[Major segment: 22:00–55:55]

• Bobby's annual complaint about his Skankfest festival artwork.

  • "For the fourth year in a row, I've been fucked with the Skankfest photo." (22:06, Bobby)
  • He compares his looks in the posters unfavorably to other comics ("fat robot," "drag queen," "vampire hunter holding elixir") and accuses his friends of malicious intent.
  • "I'm not promoting false advertising. I look like a vampire that's too fat to bite a neck." (23:32, Lou, describing Bobby's art)

• Spirited debate over artwork details:

  • Comparing prior years' posters: "fat robot," "alien," "Flaming Bob Dandy" (his unwilling drag persona).
  • Bobby wants to look "badass" with a weapon, not like a tired old man with elixirs.
    • "We don't even know what a fucking potion does to a vampire." (51:17, Bobby)
  • Jay (mock helpfully) offers to swap his stake for Bobby’s potions just to make peace.
  • "How about the crossbow is a cross?" (59:04, Jay, riffing on weapons for Bobby's depiction.)

• Serious and satirical plea for improved depictions:

  • Bobby: "At some point, you can't lay down because that's how they walk on you." (54:10)
  • Jay teases with new poster ideas (fat bats, suicide themes).
  • "If Christine doesn't have the artist make me a new—two fat bats, I don't know what's wrong with..." (54:49, Bobby)
  • Riffing on dragging up as "Flaming Bob Dandy" and its merits over sad elixir-holding Bobby.

• Visual jokes and punchlines:

  • "You made me a drag queen last year without me knowing. And then a fat robot the year before." (54:01, Bobby)
  • "They should definitely make us two fat vampire hunters. Two fat guys on tiny scooters." (40:30, Bobby)
  • "I just want a weapon, and I want to look at the camera." (51:34, Bobby)
  • "I want to go through the Lev [filter]… just give me a weapon." (52:01, Bobby, on getting the same artist as Lev)

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4. Vampire Lore & Comedy Digression

[Vampire Themes interspersed, 41:25–43:45+]

• Why are there so many fat vampires on TV? Jay and Bobby riff on the absurd logic.
  • "No one's looking to add a fat soda to their crew. Hey, let's slow everything down a bit, huh?" (41:45, Jay)
  • Digression into logistics of fat vampires—what happens if you’re bitten in your “off season"?
    • "If someone told me I planned because you're going to become a vampire in a year, I would go into hardcore training." (44:43, Jay)
  • Bobby imagines being stuck as a fat vampire and never able to slim down:
    • "I just want to get rid of that before I become a vampire. Hey, is there any way you could bite down here and suck this out for me?" (45:23, Bobby)

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5. Comic Roast & Poster History

[49:00+]

• Christine and the group further dissect and roast each other’s festival portraits, comparing jawlines, under-eye bags, and posing.

  • "I want the Lev filter... just give me a weapon, no potion." (52:01, Bobby)
  • Jay offers mock humble trades: "You can give me Bobby's elixirs and bags." (52:22, Jay)

• Old promo posters resurface, leading to plenty of visual gags and self-deprecation.

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6. Comedy Scene, Closing Banter, and Plugs

[60:02+]

• Jay recounts past comedy gigs and being intro'd as the "super heavyweight" of comedy in his early days.
  • "He gave me ten extra pounds... then called me the super heavyweight champion of comedy." (62:41, Jay)
• Casual sharing of upcoming stand-up dates, mostly in Jay and Bobby’s familiar bantering style.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Jay, after being called 'white devil':

  • "Getting called a white devil twice is one of the funniest things ever... I never caught a 'white devil' before." (10:54)

• Bobby, on being misrepresented in festival art:

  • "Every... I don't know what that's about. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it because I'm actually friends with the person who owns it and runs it." (24:28)
  • "At some point, you can't lay down because that's how they walk on you." (54:10)
  • "I'm not a fucking nerd. I'm a hunter, fucking fighter for the argument." (52:09)

• Jay, on comedic escalation:

  • "But let's all remember the important thing of this story. I didn't say the N word." (15:34)

• Roasting each other about old promos:

  • "You look like a vampire that's too fat to bite a neck." (23:32, Lou)

• On the absurdity of fat vampires:

  • "Two fat bats in heelys... walking in heelys because we can't do the heels." (55:15, Jay)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:07–07:00] – Sports, Celtics vs. Sixers, watching at Jay’s house
• [07:00–13:30] – The "White Devil" bus driver story
• [22:00–55:55] – The Skankfest poster drama (with diversions into vampire lore and visual jokes)
• [41:25–43:45+] – Imagining fat vampire lore and casting
• [49:00–55:55] – Deep dive into event poster history and roast
• [60:02–end] – Old comedy stories, plugs, closing out (skip ad blocks)

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Conclusion and Tone

This episode captures the raw, rapid-fire chemistry between Jay and Bobby: self-deprecating, wildly honest, and endlessly riffing. Even as they poke fun at themselves and each other—whether over sports heartbreak, road rage, or getting drawn as a fat robot—they never lose the sense of camaraderie. Beneath the roasting, the theme is acceptance and perseverance, always filtered through their unique lens of blue-collar Northeast comedy.

Fans—and newcomers—can appreciate the blend of personal storytelling, affection disguised as hard jokes, and unfiltered humor that’s always just outrageous enough to be endearing.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Christine]

Hey, everyone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Check out this guy and his bird.

[Christine]

What is this, your first date?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.

[Lou]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Bobby Kelly]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. What is this? Who is this?

[Jay Oakerson]

Desiree.

[Bobby Kelly]

Desiree? Yeah. What is. What is that?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's Des Ray.

[Bobby Kelly]

Des Ray? Yeah. Can you do me a favor? Can you stop that for one second? Thanks. I love it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You put together a whole piece for him. I asked you to play a song, Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

One sec. Come on, everybody.

[Jay Oakerson]

Since late last night, you went into heavy production work.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wouldn't say heavy. Hang on a second, Jay. Three to one, three to one, three to one, three to one, three to one. It's over, over, over, over Love you a bounce on the bed till you come in with marshmallows Woo, woo, woo.

[Lou]

You got to give.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on.

[Lou]

Every production.

[Jay Oakerson]

You didn't behave like this yesterday.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was saving it.

[Lou]

Killer production. I mean, you got to give it up for the production value.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jay, I didn't realize we could do whole skits and routines.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you gotta. You gotta have a little motivation. You gotta call somebody up.

[Lou]

Ask and you shall receive.

[Jay Oakerson]

I do call. I call and I just go. I go, hey, nothing hard.

[Christine]

Just.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just play this and then play this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the problem. You have a theme song, the Celtics don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's fair.

[Bobby Kelly]

We had to come up with a little unique way to make a theme song for the Celtics. Because you have your shitting on your theme song.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I like the melting of my theme song was pretty great. That's pretty undeniable. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's just about a wrap.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a bat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Be nice if they could Win one more maybe take it deeper. I just take it. Two more games. Be nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

And he came back for nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing. Here's the thing though. Is that it? First of all, the Celtics are all white, which is nuts.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they're just shooting threes.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's they do?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's nuts.

[Jay Oakerson]

They shoot 40 to 50 a game.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's crazy. How do you. How do you defend that? Just pass, pass, pass three.

[Jay Oakerson]

You hope that they are just having an off night. Just. They just go. They live and die by it. But man, when they're on, it's on.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's on.

[Lou]

That is fun though, to watch What?

[Bobby Kelly]

For me, it was.

[Lou]

You like watching it as much?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I loved it. I loved it. Oh, you asked Jay. I'm sorry, you're asking Jay? Go ahead.

[Jay Oakerson]

I just think. I think it's scary to be a full three pointer team. I mean, I think like inside games, more fun, but I mean, what a fucking skill. Jesus Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. And it's a bunch of little white dudes doing it, which is not a

[Jay Oakerson]

bunch of little white. They're humongous white dudes, most of them. One little white dude was uncorking on us. I mean, it was crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, this guy was. He had freckles on his shoulders.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's so ugly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he had freckly shoulders. That's how ugly.

[Jay Oakerson]

He just. He just buzzes his hair looks. He does it at home by himself.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got those sunken eye sockets.

[Jay Oakerson]

He is unimpressive looking. But God damn, it's like no one saw him out there because he just kept scoring.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kept scoring. He looks like he sold like crack. When it was like in a black neighborhood.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think it was halftime. He does. It looked like it was going to be. I think it was halftime or right before halftime. It was like, all right, we got down to like 17. So it's like you can cut into this lead a little bit. And then he. And then he just hucks one up. Just like, ah, time's running now. Just hucks one up right in. You see Embiid almost turn around at that point and go like, I don't know, man. It ain't our night. Yeah, it was like not our night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Two seconds left in the half funk. Just shot it from half court.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, not even. He just threw it because it was like that was it. Time was out. And he got around Embiid and just threw it up. Like he did one of those, like his. His knees bent completely in the air and just Threw it from his chest, right in.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was like he was going to win a Chrysler if he hit that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Ye. Eagles are going to be intense, though, this year.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they're going to be intense.

[Jay Oakerson]

The Eagles are going to be so good this year.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Wait a minute, though. We're still. We're still into the Sixers, though. You still have a shot.

[Jay Oakerson]

Series ain't over.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not over. It's going to be in tomorrow night.

[Jay Oakerson]

Very possibly it'll be tomorrow night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, fantastic. And I was at your house.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're making me go to the Comedy Cellar party, so I'm going to miss some of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, we can always turn it on. The TV's upstairs. No, let's. No, let's. No, let's watch it.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't want to. I want to watch the whole game when I go home.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It'll be the last game of the season.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you really going to want. What. Let me ask you a. Are you gonna call me before you watch it to see if you wanna watch. Are you just gonna watch it anyways? No matter the outcome, I'm gonna watch it.

[Jay Oakerson]

If it starts getting crazy, I will eventually end up fast forwarding and watching in fast forward motion. I do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, good. Yeah, it was fun.

[Jay Oakerson]

When you're live, it's live. We have no choice, but you gotta just watch it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did pause it a couple times.

[Lou]

How did you watch it? What was the whole atmosphere?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, the atmosphere. Went to Jay's house. Awesome. Jay's house is the best. I went through the backyard. He has a fence around his house, but he's got the big. The big gate that you could, like put a tractor through. And his lawn. When you walked up in his lawn, I was, Jesus Christ. It's like a golf course. So I walked up there, came through the back gate. They were in the back lighting a fire. Had to help Jay light a fire because, you know, he doesn't understand about fire pit. No fireplace. They have a beautiful fireplace under their palapa. What do you call it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Pergola. You told me that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pergola. Yeah, pergola. I mean tv. Couch comfortable. Not like that outdoor. Shitty furniture. That's not. It's like an indoor couch. Outside, they had the heater going, plus they had the fireplace going. And then they had the TV going. Then. I mean, tv. Same tv, same tv. It's a good size tv, you know?

[Lou]

All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I don't want to get into it. I don't. Listen, he's been through enough Jay's been through enough. I don't want to get into the tv. Could be. Whatever.

[Jay Oakerson]

I gave it all to some bus driver today on the way to work.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got into a fight today?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I think if he could have pulled over and stopped driving a bus, he would have liked to.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you get a fight bus driver?

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you exactly that. This guy, the fucking. I don't know if it's MTA or New Jersey Transit. Those buses on the highway, they don't give a fuck.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

When they're going into the tunnel, they will run you off the road.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they will.

[Jay Oakerson]

They just come over. They just go, I'm coming over no matter what. And, like, you almost. Like, there's been times where I've had to, like, in, like, traffic, had to back up.

[Lou]

Swerve or die.

[Jay Oakerson]

Swerve or die. That's it. So this guy did that. He was driving me into another car.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

That I was able to, like. I mean, like, dangerously avoid this happening. And I look back and I see this guy, and I see he's, like, jawing as he's getting, like, behind me and coming around me. And he's coming up beside me. I see he's got. He opened his. He opened the bus doors on the highway.

[Bobby Kelly]

Driving.

[Jay Oakerson]

Driving to start saying something, and he. He. He. So I see him with the door open. So I roll the window down, I go, what? He goes, you fucked up, man. You fucked up. You see I'm going somewhere. I go, fuck you, pussy. You drove me off the road, you fucking cunt. And he was like. And he goes. He goes, wait, what was the next thing I said? I go, oh, yes. And then I called him. This is great. I knew we were, like, gonna be not near each other anymore, so I called him Bobby's favorite word in the world, the F word.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh.

[Jay Oakerson]

I gave it to.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's actually four favorite words in the world.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I was a little. I was nervous.

[Jay Oakerson]

The F.1. I said it to him, and he went, oh, and he's driving a bus full of people.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was really mad at that. So he must have been one of the other favorite words. I don't like that word.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, here's what I was going to say.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said, oh, he's typing.

[Jay Oakerson]

I called him. I called him the F word. Nice and good. Nice and loud.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did you. And then he went, what'd you put on the end of it? Let me hear it again.

[Jay Oakerson]

And he goes. And he just goes, oh. Oh, this is the best too Christine was on the phone with me. She was on the phone with me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And she could hear him. And this is the best because after this moment, I remember, I go, did you catch that? And she was like, yeah. He goes. I was like, you know, I gave him the old T. And he goes, you white devil. You a white devil. And then I just. I gave him these. And I started laughing. Yeah, I started laughing. I gave him devil horns. I started laughing at that. That was hilarious. I never caught a white devil before. You white devil. There you go.

[Bobby Kelly]

And seek high.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then I rolled the window up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And Christine, as well as myself, impressed. Didn't call me. N word. Wow. Now, you know when I argue, it's something like that in an argument, especially where it's like, it's fleeting. You know what I mean? Like, you're gonna be there, so it's not like a long term friend or person. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're going for it. And you're like, I've got seconds. My mind just goes like, go for the jugular. Like, get him in every way you can. Get him to make him irate. And the fact that I didn't hit the N word.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a hero.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, black.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a hero. You're a hero. You've grown, Jay. I'm gonna say this. You've grown.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, Jamie. Thank you, Jamie. She's so supportive. She hates racism.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she hates it.

[Jay Oakerson]

She hates racism. But she loves me. But she hates racism.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can't stand it.

[Jay Oakerson]

She can't stand it. Yeah, I was really. I was like, so happy with my. I was weirdly happy with myself. I thought the interaction went wonderfully.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I mean, white devil is hilarious.

[Jay Oakerson]

Getting called a white devil twice is one of the funniest things ever. By the way, he's in a bus full of people screaming at the door, you white devil. While he's driving.

[Bobby Kelly]

White people on the bus going, oh, shit.

[Jay Oakerson]

The people on that bus were definitely like, ah, shit. What? This guy's unhinged. Because the bus people would have to know because he almost ran me into another car. It was crazy. It was one of them. Like, he's coming on. He's coming on an on ramp.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but they don't care.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know, but you're supposed to wait until there's an opening in traffic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody on the bus is like, do whatever you gotta do to get me the fuck where I gotta go.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't disagree with that. I agree with what I'm saying. But they Would like. It doesn't matter. He makes the move and then to go defend the move, to go around and start, like, trying to start jawing at me is crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bet everybody on the bus was like, yeah, that fucking goddamn white devil.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, probably that's where I would say if I was at his driving mercy. That was crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so funny that that word made him infuriated. Yeah. You knew.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, sometimes you waste a little bit of time and your own credibility, your own willingness or ability to be right in the situation if you zip that out there. But calling a black guy who's not gay that word. Yeah, it hits like thunder. Maybe as much. But society is not going to come at you that much.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you get what I'm saying?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I think we've all learned that, especially you at a young age, that black guys don't like gay jokes. No, they don't like it. You ready to laugh? Y'? All? Listen,

[Christine]

that is great.

[Jay Oakerson]

You ready to laugh, y'? All?

[Bobby Kelly]

You ready to laugh? Y' all ready to laugh now?

[Jay Oakerson]

You already laugh now.

[Bobby Kelly]

You ready to laugh now? You should have said that after you called him the to. You ready to laugh now?

[Jay Oakerson]

All right. Laugh now. Yeah. Black guys don't like being especially old school black guy like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it near 42nd Street? Where were you coming in?

[Jay Oakerson]

Highway.

[Bobby Kelly]

Highway?

[Jay Oakerson]

What? What?

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Oh, on the highway coming. Was it going into a tunnel or something?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, it was just like coming. Like he was coming into traffic from an on ramp.

[Bobby Kelly]

And the bus drivers that come out of New York, out of Penn Station to go to.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're amazing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I used to go to Atlantic City and you would have to just take it. Like, remember there was a time where those buses were just fucking flipping over and people just like, yeah, what are you gonna do? And they would actually give you $25 if you made it to Atlantic City when you got there, that would pay for your bus ticket. And you could use it on slot machines because it was. They're so fucking dangerous. They do like a hundred miles an hour from Penn Station through everything down there. They take the turns the. You could hear the wheels skidding just being on, like the side of the bus.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, as a tunnel every day. And Lou, you're on the bus going through the tunnel every day. They don't. They mean. It's like, it's. I can't believe there's not more. I bet the. I bet the New Jersey Transit buses have to pay out a lot of money a year in just settlements. I Mean, how many times? If I didn't move, I'm getting hit by one of these things is crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I'm also a. Let people in. Like, I don't do that. I'm like, yeah, zipper in.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're very. You're very casual. Casual traffic driver. You are.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm actually Find my spots, but I'm also like, if someone's cutting, if there's. If. If I'm the car that would have to let the car coming out of a parking spot or something out. Like, I let him get out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you know? I mean, I'm not like. So it's like, that was wild. So. Yeah.

[Christine]

Road.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They think they own the road, and they're all unhinged. And even the happy ones are a little crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you ever been in a bus that's fucking almost smashed into somebody? Yes, I've been in a couple. And you were on the bus driver's side, right? Because you want to get home. I didn't even see it. I'm so wrapped up in my stupid phone. Oh, when you get on the bus, you just go in your phone, you go away.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's where he writes his lyrics.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's where I do my business.

[Lou]

To do that three times, Lou.

[Jay Oakerson]

Eight miles his way home every day he writes down his lyrics of the day. Yo, Bobby did a good one. When the Cell Ticks won.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

All right. All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, they really did last night. It wasn't. You have a great party, though. What a good time. Good time.

[Jay Oakerson]

Party's wrong word when you feel like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I felt like it was a party. Yeah. No, on my end.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was a party.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Inside, I mean, tracks, I suppose it was. So, like, the indoor part was great. Then when we took the whole thing inside, pizza was great. Just a celebration. It was, I think, just a really beautiful celebration.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Well, I took it out on that black bus driver today.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

But let's all remember the important thing of this story. I didn't say the N word.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't. You are hero.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you. Nickelback and Saliva take it away. Nickelback and Saliva Ain't no harm for a hero.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so funny because, jokes aside, you really are proud of yourself.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Yes. I'm telling you, historically, I just throw that hat in that scenario, which I don't know if I've been in that exact thing. I'm just saying, like, I just know myself in my mind. I'm like. I'm like. There I go, it's like, I only got three seconds with this guy. Let me just hammer him so the rest of his day is ruined. This guy almost fucking killed me. I'm gonna ruin the rest of his day. But I was just like, you know what? He went low. I go high. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You could have done your secret move in Tekken and took it and got a ko, but you didn't. You just got the win.

[Jay Oakerson]

I could have KO this guy. That bus would have swerved if I did that. I didn't want to hurt those people.

[Bobby Kelly]

You would have heard the bus go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

The hydraulics would have been offended.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't want that guy to. I don't want the driver to die, you know, I just wanted to ruin his day.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't want to kill everybody on the bus.

[Jay Oakerson]

He would have just worried about the people on the bus. It was me and this guy's world at that point.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He's not worried about the people on the bus either. To open his fucking door.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's not worried about people on the bus at home.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you know how illegal it is to open your door on the highway? I know of a bus.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, he's probably not gonna do that again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not anymore, he didn't.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't think he wrapped his brain around the idea that I could yell back. I was like, yeah, Christine, being on the phone is the funniest part of it. I go, hang on a second. She just hears the wind. Like, So proud of myself. I really am.

[Bobby Kelly]

Were you proud of him, Christine?

[Christine]

I am proud of him. I'm proud of him for a long time, though. I remember I said. I was like. I was like, you really? I was like, you're at a place in your life where yelling a couple of these words on the street could just be detrimental to everything you have.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Christine]

I go, it's just the world we live in. I was like, maybe, cunt. Like, nobody's mad. And you really. He's not a. I mean, even the other one is, like, very rare.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's the problem? They don't have context. They're not gonna understand the context.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he understands how. You know, that is a real dig to the guy who's saying it to. If you said that to a white guy, he'd be like, no, I'm not right.

[Jay Oakerson]

They don't want to hear that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

When society would inevitably see the video of me yelling at this bus driver and saying the N word, they're not going to want to hear That I just go for the jugular when I only have five seconds now when it shows, they'll be like, you feel that way? I go, no, just like, I want to ruin that guy's day.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

And that will ruin his day. But I found another way to ruin his day with only offending the gays.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Such a fucking amazing, funny way I say that, too. I will say in. That is like the. When you're trying to get somebody riled up and you call them the F word. I will. It is insane how far from my mind anything relating to gay has to do with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

It has nothing to do with them.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's really like, if it was that, I'd call somebody gay. And that's usually done more, like, in, like, a jovial thing. You know what I mean? You're being gay. But, like, that aggressiveness of that is not. It just like, seems like. It's like. Like. What do you call it? Like, a synonym for, like, pussy. They call somebody a pussy. But I already called him a pussy first.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's. It's probably. It's pussy on steroids.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, I gave him pussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Guy kept jawing, no, it's not gonna work. Yeah. F word. White devil.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, White devil Ultimate. You just called me, like, 75 pussies.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

In one pussy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, that's exactly. The F word's like a ball of pussies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a ball.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's like throwing a giant ball of pussies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's just. It just hits you all over your face, and you're like, whoa, what's going on?

[Jay Oakerson]

Think of the F word as machine gun pussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. One. And it didn't do anything, but the machine gun took him out.

[Jay Oakerson]

It took him out.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you didn't need to drop the nuke.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I didn't have to drop the nuke.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Call me a white devil. Went about his day. It made me feel. I've never been. That's never been yelled at me before.

[Christine]

I said, isn't that more of, like, an Asian insult?

[Bobby Kelly]

What's the white devil? No, no, that's a white guy.

[Christine]

Is that more black now?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's.

[Christine]

I thought that was Asian to white people. I thought it was, like, a very Asian thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you think Asian people.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I think they do say that also, but I think that's a pretty.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a black thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Look at Christine trying to take another creation away from black people.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's crazy, Lou. I'm sorry. Black little.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sorry about that, Lou.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus Christ. White.

[Jay Oakerson]

White women, the worst.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're the white liberal.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think that's an Asian thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think that they came up with that. The Asians.

[Christine]

White devil. I mean, it sounds pretty Asian.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never heard an. First of all, it would be white

[Jay Oakerson]

devil thinks that white people came up with the blues.

[Bobby Kelly]

It wouldn't be stir fry.

[Lou]

Stir fry.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's also right that we would have thought. I've always said we would have thought of peanut butter eventually. You know, it's gonna eat a jelly sandwich the rest of your life like a maniac.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

White people would have come to peanut butter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we would have mushed those peanut butter, those peanuts up.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think I speak for all white people. I say black people, stop sucking your own dicks about peanut butter. Keep sucking your own dicks because have the ability to suck your own dicks. Yeah, but not because of the peanut butter thing. Suck your own dick because you can.

[Bobby Kelly]

What else did they invent? Peanut butter?

[Jay Oakerson]

Air conditioning, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

Air conditioning? No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Well, they didn't have black people to fan them, so they.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus Christ.

[Christine]

What the.

[Jay Oakerson]

So they had to think up. I think it's. I mean, it's probably it. I don't know why white people can think of white people were hot. It's not as hot as black people. They weren't doing all the work. Can't believe Jews didn't figure it out. Back in the pyramids, they did.

[Bobby Kelly]

They used to have white people.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's called Free Aunt. Joseph Moses. It's called Free Aunt, and it works through this small filter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here I am. I'm kind of. I've been on the Internet all weekend. You know, I'm trying to stay off of somebody.

[Jay Oakerson]

The F word.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm trying to stay off of it a little bit this week. Trying to. And I keep going on, and I keep getting hit with this fucking thing, and I can't get it out of my craw.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, what is it

[Bobby Kelly]

again? For I believe the fourth year in a row, I've been fucked with the skankfest photo. Oh, everybody's photo. I saw Lev Furze.

[Jay Oakerson]

How could it be bad this year? Everyone looks cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

I saw Lev. They made him thin and put him in a button coat that actually buttoned.

[Christine]

Wait, did you see the original Lev, though? Because we had to have it redone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, have you seen mine where it looks like I'm dying in real time? Yours is mine. Mine sucks. It. Fuck. It looks like I'm contemplating my life and I'm about To die. Bags under my eyes. I'm fucking old. I'm square. I mean, what the fuck do I gotta do? Chris, Wait, hang on. You look.

[Christine]

Let me show you left.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has a button vest on. Okay, that. First of all, the first one is more what I would accept.

[Lou]

Oh God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at. That's him. Now go to that one. Yeah, fuck off.

[Christine]

But we had to redo it from that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well look at the one you redid. You still gave. He looks fantastic. Now go to mine. Go to my atrocious.

[Christine]

Wait, did you not post it?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm not posting. I'm not, I'm not. Why would I post that? Why?

[Jay Oakerson]

He won't be a part of it.

[Christine]

I will. Promoter festival.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I'm not promoting false advertising.

[Lou]

He looked like a vampire that's too fat to bite a neck.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he actually bit too many necks. He drank too many. He drank too many rats. Yeah, yeah, he missed. He just. He drank a bunch of fat kids.

[Jay Oakerson]

Rat blood is more fatty. Yeah, it's the whole milk of blood.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's hilarious that they made him into

[Jay Oakerson]

this like skim blood.

[Bobby Kelly]

Lev isn't going to be able to button a vest.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gave him a button down vest. That's nuts.

[Jay Oakerson]

He looks awesome. What's Bobby look like?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, what do I look like?

[Jay Oakerson]

Bring it up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't look awesome.

[Christine]

I got it saved on the computer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, did you?

[Jay Oakerson]

Everybody looks awesome.

[Bobby Kelly]

You look fantastic.

[Jay Oakerson]

I look awesome.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great. You look, look. I don't. I expect you to look awesome. It's your festival.

[Jay Oakerson]

I haven't always looked awesome in those.

[Bobby Kelly]

You've looked good all the time. Pretty much. I've always looked like a lump of shit fat robot.

[Jay Oakerson]

They do try to make you look like shit every year.

[Bobby Kelly]

Every.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I don't. I don't know what that's about.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm trying to get to the bottom of it because I'm actually friends with the person who owns it and runs it. I'm friends with all three of the people. Own it. Run has to be a saboteur. It has to be. There's something that's malicious, okay? It's nefarious. And that's the only two big words I know that I can add to. Thank you very much, Lou.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you say vicious?

[Bobby Kelly]

I said vicious. Nefarious and downright rude. Down. It's not a big word, but yeah, downright.

[Jay Oakerson]

Downright was nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Downright is fantastic. Down. Downright insulting. I'd say insulting. Downright insulting that she my friend. I mean, I was at her house Last night, I feel like me and Christina, friends and. And Rebecca. I love Rebecca. I fucking love them like I do anything for them.

[Jay Oakerson]

They don't love you.

[Lou]

They don't love you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they. It's not. It's not even like they don't love me. It's. They don't care.

[Jay Oakerson]

They don't give a shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't care.

[Jay Oakerson]

They take your love for granted.

[Bobby Kelly]

They take my love for granted. And they just fucking expect it now. I went to Skank Fest, the first one when I didn't even have to go. When it was a creek in the cave.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I was going was like, hey, man, we got Bobby, we got Colin, we got all these people.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a favor.

[Bobby Kelly]

When was a favor? And then Brooklyn a favor. And now I guess you're big time. I get it. I'm not a favor. Shane's a favor. Tim Dillon's a favor. The big names are a favor. I'm just. I'm expected to be there. You're Bob. You got to come. I don't have to go.

[Jay Oakerson]

You don't have to go.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. I don't have to go.

[Lou]

What was the original? There were two years in a row they did you dirty with. I remember Fat Robot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fat robot. I don't know. The other one was a fucking alien.

[Lou]

Alien.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's this year, Ms. Cleo?

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, when you see it, I look

[Christine]

like I'm so sad. You hate this so much. Honestly, I think you look badass.

[Bobby Kelly]

I look. What? What am I holding?

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby? That was a bad. That's a bad description you were giving by that. That's not a bad picture. What I. My argument here. That's not a bad picture at all. What my argument would be was it doesn't look like you.

[Bobby Kelly]

It doesn't look like me. And why do I have. When you're making a photo of somebody, why do you have to give me bags? Even if I had bags, I have beautiful skin.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you why they tried to do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

To make me look old as shit. They made Jim Norton. I mean, Jim Norton looks like Jim Norton. He looks like a fucking worm with teeth.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you why? I'm telling you why.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bring Jim Norton's back. Oh, yeah, Sal. No, Sal's fucking. Yeah. He's fantastic.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm telling you.

[Christine]

No, but he's got the same eye thing you have.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they did to almost everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me show Joe Derosa

[Jay Oakerson]

bags.

[Christine]

Yeah. With a sandwich. Look at him. Garlic. But here, look. It's just this I don't know. It's just a style. I thought it was a good Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

What I would say about your thing is that it just doesn't like. It doesn't look. But it's there. They should have done the beard or something more. Because the issue with Bobby is because

[Christine]

he did the gray beard.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't care about the gray beard. My eyes look like.

[Jay Oakerson]

But that's not a. That's not an insulting picture of you.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's this. It's when you go, bring up Jay. Let's see how great Jay looks.

[Christine]

Bags.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but he has them. He has them.

[Lou]

He has.

[Jay Oakerson]

We all have that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't have. Look at Jay. Bring up Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

You think you know circles on your eyes, buddy.

[Christine]

Jay got the eyes too.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got little T. You look fantastic.

[Christine]

You want to make you look like you're 15.

[Lou]

I.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but I'd like to look less than 68. How's that? Where's. Do you have Rich Fossil?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't think you look old at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's bring up.

[Jay Oakerson]

You look old.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think badass. That's fine. I do and I hate it. Well, I don't look badass.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can hate it. I guess they'll change it, but it's not a bad picture. How do you make Buddy, I can't wait. Listen, who was more behind you on Fat Robot than me?

[Christine]

I mean, Fat Robot was a little crazy. That was what taught me that I should make sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go to Ari.

[Christine]

Expect things before I send them to people.

[Jay Oakerson]

Chris Stephano's got bags and looks gay as well.

[Bobby Kelly]

He is.

[Christine]

Wait, go to Ari.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go to Ari. Top right. Right there. It looks like that's what Ari looks like. Jewish propaganda stuff from the war.

[Jay Oakerson]

It really does.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's like what the Germans would put out. You're not wrong. I guarantee.

[Jay Oakerson]

All you should have had was. All you should have had was money coming out of the neck of his shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, exactly. It's terrible.

[Jay Oakerson]

Should have had dollar bills coming out of the neck of his shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do me a favor. Go to Rich Voss. Do you have Rich Voss? I'd love to see what Rich Voss looks like.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if we accepted him this year. I don't know if we took Rich boss this year.

[Bobby Kelly]

A few.

[Christine]

They're done by a few.

[Bobby Kelly]

This. I want this guy. Can this guy do mine? Whoever did this, that's what I want.

[Lou]

I see the original.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. By the way, I will say this doesn't even look. It would be the same person that

[Bobby Kelly]

did Bobby it's not the same artist. That guy I want whoever that guy

[Jay Oakerson]

is who made this guy did mine

[Bobby Kelly]

Lev fur looks sexy as go back to mine. No you're the same guy as mine.

[Christine]

These here, however many they are like 20 are the same person.

[Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

I think one's AI versus an artist. Maybe I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

They think it looks. I don't think it looks good at all.

[Lou]

I actually don't agree with you but I I. Aside from it just not looking like you, I don't think you look old. I just think the eyes are not

[Jay Oakerson]

they didn't capture something that makes it look like you but but also insulting picture.

[Bobby Kelly]

But here's the thing also what am I doing?

[Jay Oakerson]

False looks ridiculous again.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks like Jewish propaganda footage. I mean this is this guy but that's funny. I bet the guy's an artist. I mean that that looks.

[Lou]

We know how he thinks that looks

[Bobby Kelly]

like he has a box of gold. He has a box of gold and he's run so wild.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you should have no complaints, my man.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, dude, I want that. I want that. Look at how great he looks.

[Lou]

Can we see the original Lev fur one again?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, the original left fur. I don't know.

[Christine]

I honestly didn't know that we let Lev see it and then I saw he posted this.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's just a fat vampire.

[Lou]

Bring the rats to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bring the exact 18 love so so in the. Yeah, exactly. Do you understand what they did to Lev? They he looks sexy as sure just

[Christine]

make me also like 29 but you

[Bobby Kelly]

don't have to make me look. You can actually make me look good in the thing.

[Christine]

I'm gonna send you through the love filter.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a created choice. You can say, hey, we can make him look. Oh, man. How about having me do something? What am I doing? I'm not even doing. I'm just looking down like the. I look sad as.

[Christine]

No, I think you're like the priest look it. Oh, wait, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm like, there's something over. You're holding something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put your headphones on. You keep one off. It does that.

[Jay Oakerson]

What are you?

[Bobby Kelly]

I look like I'm.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, cigars. What is it you're holding? The thing of cigars.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't even. It looks like it's potions. Yeah, I'm a potion guy. That's what I want. Yeah, he's a vampire. You're fucking Dr. Jekyll.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody's a. What am I?

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm just a guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, you're cool as shit.

[Christine]

I think you're a vampire hunter. And those are your potions.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, give me a fucking leather strap around my chest and a sp. Yeah, like a crow. Give me a. Like a weapon.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're. You're. You're. I mean, they made your. Your head slim. Yeah, you do look cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really cool.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's just. I'm telling you, Bobby, what you're. All it is, is. I just don't. There's. So there's got to be something to your face done that makes it look like you that they didn't capture. That's what I'm saying. Yes, it happens sometimes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And give me a. Something like a weapon. Like I'm killing shit. Instead of a thing of elixirs.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm holding a joint. You don't want to get the potions.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't want to be the. I don't want to be the fat Potions master.

[Christine]

Join the steak. You're a hunter, too. You're a priest.

[Bobby Kelly]

See? Yeah. That's good. He's a priest.

[Christine]

Jewish priest.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's got an awesome spike.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jewish hunter. Priest.

[Bobby Kelly]

And look at behind him. It's all great. Look at his neck is. His jawline is shredded. Your hair, your fade is amazing. Everything about that is so much better. Go back to my photo. Yeah, look at. I look sad as I look. I look like I'm. I have dementia and I lost my sight.

[Jay Oakerson]

The difference isn't enough.

[Lou]

If it was a cross in your head, you'd look like you're hunting vampires.

[Bobby Kelly]

If I had something than a bushel of elixirs. It might make me feel better.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think it's kind of cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

Elixirs are cool. Yeah. No, that's what everybody wants. The elixir guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you ever play Castlevania, most of the time your best weapon was when you were throwing the bottles of stuff. Holy water.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're fighting real vampires, Jay. I would like to have. What you have a weapon.

[Jay Oakerson]

I have a stake in a joint. You'd rather throw Molotov cocktails of elixirs at these things?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't have. No, stop.

[Christine]

You want to be a warlock?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. What?

[Christine]

A warlock.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not a. That's what it is. I'm nondescript.

[Jay Oakerson]

She asked if you would like to be a warlock. They're gonna change your picture. You are hostile about this?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I am hostile about this.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're overreacting.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Jay. How about every year? I gotta deal with this every year? And now it's getting too much.

[Jay Oakerson]

In the past, you have been bent over and dryly fist fucked up the shitter.

[Bobby Kelly]

The fucking shitter.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is not the case this year.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you know what?

[Jay Oakerson]

You're overreacting.

[Bobby Kelly]

This. It's not the case. Where I went. Wow. You fucking did it. It's. It's meh. It's meh.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think you have no problem with that picture. If the face resembled you more.

[Bobby Kelly]

If it was. If it looked like me and I was badass.

[Jay Oakerson]

At least Jim is not badass. Jim has a much bigger complaint than you.

[Lou]

I would. Yeah, yours is much.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jim looks like a larva with a cape on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can only. I can only defend myself right now. And I can't defend Jim. Yes. But I. For me, I would like to be a little more badass. Christine. And I would like the other artists to do it. I would like. I'd like to be lev'd up a little bit. How's that? Can you make that happen? Okay, great. Thank you.

[Christine]

Tell Rebecca right now and I don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can you, Lev? Me too. Just so we can see. Guy's better idea with Lev left stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, okay. So someone's jumping on the old bandwagon.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, might as well see what it's like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'd like to see what it's like too.

[Jay Oakerson]

I hope the new guy makes me a fat vampire.

[Bobby Kelly]

They just change.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sloppy. Yeah, they just put me. What if they make Lev's hair shorter?

[Bobby Kelly]

What if they make me a fat vampire slayer and you're a fat vampire?

[Jay Oakerson]

It'd be something funny about that. No take backs. We can't take back whatever they come up with next. We have to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is the thing. If they had a funny bone in their body, they would definitely make us

[Jay Oakerson]

two fat vampire hunters. Two fat to us on tiny on

[Bobby Kelly]

tiny scooters, like the fat guys on the little mini bike.

[Lou]

This is why I hated that show, True Blood. First of all, they destroyed vampire lore. They were just basically nothing to do with vampires anymore. They just hung out at night. So many morbidly obese vampires.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that was the best.

[Lou]

How did you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Cleveland show had a great take on True Blood. When they go, the wife was laid up in bed and she goes, hey, can you take these DVDs back to the store? She goes, I thought I rented True Blood, but it's just some gay guy's nightmare. Did they just show, like, two vampires? Guys going,

[Bobby Kelly]

vampires?

[Jay Oakerson]

She goes, I thought I was droopla. But it was just some gay guy's nightmares.

[Bobby Kelly]

That sums it up perfectly. But let me ask you a question. You talk about lore, vampire lore. When you get bit, you're that way for life. So if he bit a fat guy, say he was feeling weird, he was sick of hot chicks or hot dudes, and you saw a fat guy just sleeping in a park. If he bit the fat guy, doesn't he just stay fat for the rest of the drink?

[Jay Oakerson]

No one's looking to add a fat soda to their crew. Hey, let's slow everything down a bit, huh?

[Lou]

But in True Blood, hey, they wanted fat, gay vampires only.

[Bobby Kelly]

It'd be funny just to see him turn into a fat bat and he can't take off.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah,

[Bobby Kelly]

just keeps hitting the ground.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just a walking bat.

[Bobby Kelly]

It just obviously walks. Every time he tries to fly, he breaks a wing. Snaps.

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't really want to fly. What are you doing? He goes, no, I'd rather walk. I'd rather walk. You guys want to turn back into people vampires now? Hey, when you guys. Hey, wait. You know, guys, we should probably just go as people vampires for this.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, we have to go now. Now.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, let's just like. Let's just walk. It's nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't want to turn into bathroom because you're fat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Guys, why don't we stop sleeping upside down by our feet? Let's just sleep in beds.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. The tree bench cannot hold you. That's why he's the one who invented the coffin, the fat vampire. Hey, guys, I got a new idea. We don't hang upside down. We sleep in a coffin. It kind of brings in the Whole dead thing, you know what I mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

Listen, sometimes liking it into a cake, There ain't no light getting into that coffin. A big, huge, cushy coffin.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hear me out, okay? I'm hitting you out.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then during the day, we just sleep.

[Bobby Kelly]

And at night we eat late at night, overeat late at night.

[Jay Oakerson]

I bet you vampires, you see only fat vampires. The only ones that like blood and food still. He goes, you don't have to eat anymore, though. You don't need that. He goes, I like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if you tried the cellar wings with the cellar sauce. I really like it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just folding the slice. You don't even digest this, you're dead. I know, but I don't know what it is, man. It hits the lips. Something about that taste. I think I'm addicted to the taste. Not so much the eating it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a supertaster, I think since I became a vampire.

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember one you, vampire deliver late night McDonald's to. He goes, oh, thank God. Everybody else is sleeping.

[Lou]

I remember one of the fat vampires in particular. I can never get him out of my head thinking, how is this guy a vampire?

[Bobby Kelly]

The fat vampire is always tired because he's up late waiting for food while they're sleeping.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, fat gay vampires, that make sense though, too. You want to get that cake? You know what I mean?

[Lou]

Yeah, more cushion for the pushing outrageous vampire parties. Gay vampire parties.

[Jay Oakerson]

And here's the problem. Whatever. You turn somebody as they're that forever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So thank God if you're in your best shape. That must suck to turn into a vampire on one of your, like, up and downs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my fourth fat just. I look like a fat Puerto Rican guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man, I wish you would have. Where was. Where were you a year ago? Lestat.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn. Hey, can you come back in, like, six months? Six months? I'm gonna be in shape. I'm getting this surgery. I swear to God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Vlad, can you give me, like, six months? If someone told me I planned because you're gonna become a vampire in a year, I would go into hardcore training.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd be in keto with Lewis the whole year, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

Also, all my social media would just be me doing, like, cross cables. I'm training for death. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know that movie?

[Jay Oakerson]

I can't wait to become a vampire so I can eat a cheesesteak.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know that movie? If a vampire was gonna bite me now, I'd be like, please not now. Please not now. Give me just one more year of trying.

[Jay Oakerson]

They go, you're only supposed to be hungry for blood. He goes, I know, but I don't know what it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know best.

[Jay Oakerson]

I still am. I'm still hungry for regular food.

[Bobby Kelly]

I still have this little thing above my cock. I just want to get rid of that before I become a vampire. Hey, is there any way you could bite down here and suck this out for me?

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, you guys want to split up? You guys want to split a prostitute and a pizza? Hey, hey, master. I'll give you two of my slices of pizza. Or I'll give you a little bit extra my part of the blood if you give me two of your slices of pizza.

[Bobby Kelly]

Riches. Riches is just outrageous. It's just. It's just.

[Jay Oakerson]

You should be angry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it looks like something Dave Smith would put out about having him as a guest on his podcast.

[Jay Oakerson]

Rich Voss came, stole my rubles and left it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, it looks like rubles. Oh, man, look at that. Look at the one last year. Go ahead. Click on fat robed Bobby. Yeah, there you go. Oh, there's Queen Kelly.

[Jay Oakerson]

You look like a fucking asshole.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. That. That's fucking great.

[Christine]

That's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's great. Was that the first year, right? Second year.

[Christine]

Was that Brooklyn First Skank Fest Vegas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Fantastic. That looks fantastic. Go to the next.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's when they still thought you were doing the whatever for them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And then. Oh, yeah, old fat fucking cane Bobby,

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't mind that. Except you. Except you look like Roy Orbson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Lou]

Christine, can you go back to true blood? Bob.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you also Bobby, there you could

[Lou]

be when we just saw the first one. No, you just showed it.

[Christine]

This one?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, that's me. That's me as a vampire. Hey, guys. I got. I got bit during a parade.

[Christine]

You're a court, Chester.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Not really. I look like a court.

[Jay Oakerson]

I thought that was local drag queen Bob Dandy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's my drag name. Bob Dandy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bob Dandy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Bob Dandy. Danny. Hey, what's up, boys? Look at you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is Robert Kelly doing Bob Dandy this year at the fest?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll do. I'll do Bob Dandy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bob Dandy.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should do a drag queen show at the fest.

[Jay Oakerson]

All of us perform.

[Bobby Kelly]

We all perform.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bob Dandy. Good God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Lou]

I look.

[Jay Oakerson]

What are you and your partner's problems? But this is. Is this Lewis's underlying. Yeah, this is daddy issues.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, make my. Make.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby wouldn't be his daddy, so he's upset.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, make with Bobby. I guarantee he leans into whoever's. Yeah, make him look like a idiot.

[Jay Oakerson]

What does Lewis look like?

[Bobby Kelly]

Fantastic. Fantastic.

[Christine]

He's the like painted like he was last year.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Papa Shango. Yeah, I saw that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there it is.

[Christine]

Wait, you see it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, to the right. No, that's Nick Mullen. Looks fantastic.

[Jay Oakerson]

Rocha.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Rochefort. Yeah, everybody looks great. Except for old blind. I look like I'm blind.

[Jay Oakerson]

You don't not look great. You don't. That look great. Doesn't look enough like you.

[Bobby Kelly]

It doesn't look. It looks like I'm blind, holding fucking medicine. It looks like I have my medicine in my hand.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, there's context to these pictures.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I have medicine and I didn't take it. That's why I can't see. That's what it looks like.

[Lou]

I never saw that last year when the parade queen.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't either. Didn't either.

[Jay Oakerson]

By the way, that is the gayest thing I've ever seen.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't see that last year. I never approved that.

[Christine]

I never sent that to you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let me just tell you.

[Christine]

Maybe it was redone before.

[Jay Oakerson]

Before it got to you.

[Christine]

I just have it in my drive.

[Jay Oakerson]

After seeing all that, I'm really glad I got that F word out of the way when I was here with that bus driver, Jacob. There's no reason to take a note. I said the F word.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, stop taking notes, you rat. Yeah, look at how fantastic Lewis looks. And by the way, he's fat right now.

[Christine]

So he could be fat under that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, he is not fat at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at his jawline is super sexy.

[Jay Oakerson]

You guys took that to make it a full on attack on Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a full on attack, but just Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

For the record though, Louis even has a bag under his eye makeup. So the bagged eye thing seems to be this guy's story.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, but if you look at the bags, most of the bags are little lines or very close. Go ahead, you can look, look, Bring another bag.

[Jay Oakerson]

I told you what it is. That. That's a lot of. It is one. You have lines under your eyes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, that's fine. But I don't have that. They're lower and bigger. And I'm look at. Everybody's looking at the camera.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, Sal's guy.

[Lou]

Sal looks like Sal, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's what it's all it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sal looks like Sal.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has. How many. Do I have bags? Like big bags under my eyes? No, do I. I'm asking everybody. Do I have Big bags under my arm. Could you go back to my photo? Big bags. The bags that are in that drawing. Do I have those bags under my eyes? Look at me.

[Christine]

These are a little slight. These are slider bags.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm asking. Look at my face.

[Jay Oakerson]

Stop making us tell you. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell me those.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh,

[Christine]

I mean, like, if I'm looking right at you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look right at. Do I have those bags under my

[Jay Oakerson]

eyes right now, Bobby, Maybe the angle. I'm looking at you at identical bags to that picture.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not talking to you, funny man. I'm talking to honest people. You have to come up with mean shit to say to be funny. Look at me, Christine. Be honest. Christine.

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't be honest.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can be honest. You can. Do I have those bags under my eyes, Lou? Do I have those bags under my eyes, Lou?

[Jay Oakerson]

You guys are in a pact.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's similar. I wouldn't say it's that far off. And I have a lot of bags in real life, so. You do. You do.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are you hurting me? I'm not afraid because you hurt me.

[Jay Oakerson]

You asked him to hurt you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hurt people. Hurt people.

[Christine]

Why are you trying to get hurt, you masochist.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know what? That's fair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hurt people. Hurt people.

[Lou]

I think you look like. You look like a. Like a grizzled vampire hunter. Good. That looks cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then give me a fucking cool shirt.

[Lou]

You need a crossbow for sure. Or stays.

[Christine]

You have the coolest jacket on.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not a cool jacket.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's a very cool jacket.

[Christine]

Dressed leather.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody else has, like, tone.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, I don't know. You got a set. You're a bad guy. You're holding a bag of fucking stuff. Potions.

[Bobby Kelly]

We don't even know what a fucking potion does to a vampire.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nothing in Castlevania, it kills them. If it's holy water, it could be fire stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go back to mine, please. Real quick. If you look. Look at my shirt, too. It's like. Everything's like. Everything's, like, not even tight.

[Jay Oakerson]

What are you talking about?

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want a weapon. I want a weapon, and I want to look at the camera.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your complaints about this are crazy, but I'm telling you, if we take those bags away, it's gonna look less like you.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about. You know what? Fuck you. You have red dog pots. Listen, I want you to add those. Oh, great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sorry.

[Christine]

I'm sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry. Sorry. We both spiral. You have to change it, like, 75 times.

[Christine]

Jay and Bobby both want to go through the left filter.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to go through the lead filter. I. That's all I want. And just give me write down weapon.

[Christine]

I said. I said they want to go through the left filter and Bobby wants a weapon.

[Bobby Kelly]

No potion fucking weapon. I don't want elixirs. I'm not a fucking nerd. I'm a. I'm a hunter fucking fighter for the argument.

[Christine]

These are hand drawn in the venue, though, so I do need to have it edited or I'm not gonna have it to hang in the venue when

[Jay Oakerson]

they switch it out so they can make things nice and easy. You can give me Bobby's elixirs and bags.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. All right, well, then give me his spike. Give me his thing that kills my dagger. You know what? I don't. I don't like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like your little fucking. Your fake humble thing you just did. I'll take the Eliskus.

[Jay Oakerson]

You liked it? For a second.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. For a second I thought about it, and then I realized what you were doing. You dirty vampire.

[Christine]

Jay, you look like the guy from the Boys. You do butcher.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, you look like the guy from NSync.

[Jay Oakerson]

Joey.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, always. He looked like Joey Fatone.

[Christine]

He lives life looking like Joey Fatone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, I. Look at. I. You have a collar that's popped. You got a. You get tattoos. You got your sleeve. You're making fists. You're looking right down the barrel of the camera.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no fist. I'm holding a steak and I'm holding a joint.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but. But look at the way you're holding it. You're holding it like I'm a motherfucker. Go back to mine. Look the way I'm holding my. I'm barely holding up my elixirs.

[Christine]

No, you're holding them like.

[Lou]

Yeah, the lettering is covering your elixir.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you can't even know it's an elixir. You don't even know what it is.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the elixir's being there. It does.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I'm like. Like I'm out in the woods.

[Christine]

Well, that was condensed here.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like everybody else has, like these great backgrounds with shit.

[Lou]

That picture of you back here is astounding.

[Bobby Kelly]

The back.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's only a few. There's only a few backgrounds.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want. I want a cooler. I don't want the woods. Just an old man lost in the woods with dementia and a bag of elixir.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're assigning a lot of things to this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am, I am, I am, I am. Sure, because it's years of trauma.

[Jay Oakerson]

He looks like a badass.

[Bobby Kelly]

They made me a drag queen last year without me knowing. And then a fat robot the year before. How far can I. At some point, you can't lay down because that's how they walk on.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, but you have to admit this isn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

That.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is way better than that.

[Bobby Kelly]

It could go there. If I don't put my foot down now and make a stink about it next year, what am I going to be dead? Am I going to be a fat. What's next year's thing Theme?

[Jay Oakerson]

Who know? It doesn't. It depends where we're at, huh? Maybe it'll be Seattle. It'll be suicide.

[Lou]

The.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they'll just have me hanging, but I break the beam because I'm so fat.

[Lou]

Oh, fat bat that can't get off the ground.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby hanging from a noose while a house is bending in the middle would be such a funny picture. You hung himself by a. By a ceiling fan in the middle of the house. And the house bends in the middle.

[Bobby Kelly]

If. If Christine doesn't have the artist. Make me a new. Two fat bats. I don't know what's wrong with.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, we should be fat bats together.

[Bobby Kelly]

The bonfire poster should be just two

[Jay Oakerson]

fat bats on the ground.

[Bobby Kelly]

Walking bats, but one holding pizza and one holding a wing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude. Dude. Two bats fucking walking with sneakers with hokas on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have Brooks, you have hokas.

[Jay Oakerson]

Two fat bats in heelys. Walking in heelys because we can't do the heels.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I have a knee brace on one of my fat bat legs. Oh. Oh, God. Dude. Well, I'm. I'm hoping that. I'm sorry for bringing it up, and I. I understand what you're saying, but I. I have to. I had to put my foot down, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

I understand.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's getting a little.

[Lou]

Getting a little there.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's getting a little. It's getting a little disrespectful for where. You know, where I came in the. When I. When I. I was there at the number one.

[Jay Oakerson]

You.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was there.

[Jay Oakerson]

You were doing a favor. Now they treat you like you're doing, like they're doing you the favor.

[Christine]

Well, I thought you'd like it this year.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Christine]

I really did not think that you were gonna have a problem with that. I wouldn't have said. After what we've gone through with fat robot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I didn't. I wouldn't have said it if I thought that you

[Bobby Kelly]

made me a fat robot one year. And that doesn't exist in robot lore.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it doesn't matter. There are fat vampires. Sure. Well, you showed us that with lead.

[Christine]

I didn't make you a fat robot. I just didn't catch it. You were a fat robot before I attached a picture to anybody.

[Jay Oakerson]

Everyone involved should know there's no such thing as a fat robot.

[Bobby Kelly]

I literally said to. I showed Max. He was like, why are you a fat robot? I mean, my son knew that they don't make fat robots.

[Christine]

I mean, but isn't fat robot, like, great to have in our history?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, no, it's, yeah, great to have in my history, but I don't want, you know, five by eight posters of it all around the place. Whatever.

[Jay Oakerson]

You make any, you make them Flaming Bob Dandy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You made me Flaming Bob Dandy. America's favorite.

[Christine]

I don't know if it exists.

[Lou]

Fat robot is a thousand times better than the. The drag queen one, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll be. I'll be honest.

[Jay Oakerson]

Flaming Bob Dandy.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually like Flaming Bob, Danny, More than I like this old elixir.

[Lou]

You're crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you don't know me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you're right.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't know who I am.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know what? I know Bobby Kelly. I don't know Flaming Bob, Daniel.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't know who that is?

[Christine]

This is what you got. That one never got sent to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what? I'll take that.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like Flaming Bob Dandy over that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I mean, y. I'm sorry.

[Christine]

I'm sorry. Jesus Christ.

[Lou]

Describe what we're seeing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, what we're seeing here is, I

[Jay Oakerson]

think, Flaming Bob Dandy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's Flaming Bob Dandy before it becomes flaming bomb. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is how Flaming Bob Dandy pulls up in his weird colored Toyota to sell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. This is when I. I'm at my apartment on. In Miami beach with my. My lover. This is before I go to become Flaming Bob Danny on Miami beach on

[Jay Oakerson]

my Saturday night, this Bobby Kelly calls everybody honey. Hey, honey, honey, honey. Okay, honey.

[Bobby Kelly]

I go like this, too. When I leave everything. I go, ta da, and I leave.

[Christine]

This was me learning from Fat Robot, okay? Not sending it to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And then getting sexy Bob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, listen, I don't mind gay magicians,

[Christine]

Bob, but can we do a slide where we just post all of these?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's with Bobby's long microphone?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, and why don't. Why do I have lips? Like I just sucked at somebody's balls, you know?

[Christine]

That's how you like to hold your lips, Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

You do put up dick sucking lips. You take Pictures. But this picture is all. It's an actual picture of you and it doesn't look like you. Again, this is bizarre looking.

[Christine]

No, it was put. A picture of Bobby was formed into this.

[Bobby Kelly]

No bags in that one, yo. Yeah, and flaming. But no, not. Not like the one they gave me.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, it's right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

They got the regular ones, not the not. Yeah, bags a little bit. Not too crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Will you wear your. You know what? Will you solve the bags? Have them wearing tinted glasses? Vampire hunter wearing tinted glasses.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Give him a cross. Cross made of swords or staffs or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would just take a cross made of like ivory or some. Like a real cross with some type of crossbow or some weapon.

[Jay Oakerson]

Two things maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen.

[Jay Oakerson]

Cross and a crossbow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. How about this? I'm giving the finger with a fucking crossbow.

[Jay Oakerson]

How about the crossbow is a cross.

[Bobby Kelly]

Holy shit.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wow. Blew your mind, dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, the evolution of the life I've lived in these photos is nuts. I've gone from me to fat to. I mean, you don't have to be

[Jay Oakerson]

realistic in one year to go from Bob Dandy Flamin Bob Dandy to fucking vampire elixir hunter.

[Christine]

Yeah, you for sure have a wanted poster from Skankfest south, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, what was it?

[Jay Oakerson]

They put your actual weight on there, make you feel bad about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like Alien.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did I ever tell you. Do you remember? I told the story a long time ago, but do you remember Bobby? I don't know if I've told you this ever. The guy. There was a guy named Cousin Vinnie. They called him Comic. When I started in Philly, it was one of the white guys that started in the black club. But he was like, super Italian, over the top. I forget his actual name, but I'm

[Bobby Kelly]

so glad they got out of that phase in comedy.

[Jay Oakerson]

What the. Over Italian?

[Bobby Kelly]

I love that. That over Italian guy just faded out. We don't do that anymore.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Is that what you think?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not what I think. I'm pretty sure it's the hottest thing that's serious in every other place.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, did I mention that I happen to be Italian?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, I don't like fat vampires.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know. They're so egotistical because they. They think they are. Where from? Where pizza came from. We're from where Pizza came from. You his whole channel. We can't even get our own studio.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing works.

[Jay Oakerson]

This must be. Well, we're probably going to be moving studios pretty soon anyway. When this becomes Lil Mozzarella's little Mozzarella radio.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's going to come in. Your sister.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your sister.

[Bobby Kelly]

How you doing? How you doing now? See you later.

[Jay Oakerson]

They also gave me a second channel called Lil Mo 101, where it's just me saying, how you doing? On a loop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, hey. Hey, yo.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, yo. So cousin Vinnie lost touch with him a million years before this. I went and did that beef and beer performance for my high school crush, Janess, for her dance troupe or whatever it was. Christine, right?

[Christine]

Yeah. Well, it's like she teaches kids.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And somehow she knows because they're all Italians from Philly. She knew cousin Vinnie, and he's hosting the show. And so bumping into him. First of all, that's one of the worst feelings ever. A guy who's, like, dabbled in it here and there since you saw him last, not really successful in that at all. I mean, I'm sure he's successful in life, whatever crime he does.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

But, like, in comedy, nothing. So it's like we're doing all the catching up. He goes, hey. He goes, what do you weigh?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

I went, whatever. It was at the time, I was like, you know, like, 280 or something. I don't know, like, why? He goes, I do a thing when I. Because I also do boxing, announcing that when I bring you to the stage, I give, like, you know, weighing in it, whatever fighting, you know, the heavyweight champion of comedy. I. I went, oh, please don't do any of that. I go, one, don't give my dimensions, Two. Please don't call me the heavyweight thing of comedy. He goes, no. I go, that's how I do it. I go, please don't say my weight. That would fucking kill me, dude, please. And he's just like. And I go, two. I did say 280, because I remember what he does. He goes. He goes, all right, you guys ready for your headliner now? He goes. He goes. Your headliner weighing in at £290. He gave me £10.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cause you said 280. And he went. Looked you up and down. He went, okay. And I think then he called 90,

[Jay Oakerson]

and I think then he called me the super heavyweight champion of comedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

290 is super heavyweight.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's being realistic. What a frightening thing to say.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why did he do that? I was just standing backstage waiting. I'm like, why is he doing that to me? I asked specifically, why do that?

[Bobby Kelly]

What you doing? Why would you do it? You're doing that. You dumb it. Why would you do it?

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm in Providence this weekend. Yeah, you at this weekend?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'M doing a gig in Jersey Friday night. I got a private. Oh, I don't even know if it's private. It's. Remember Sandy Marks?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He called me up. He's like, I got a gig in Morristown, Jersey, Friday night, so I'm gonna. I was like, yeah, I'll go see him, but I'll do it. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hell, yeah. You don't know what the show is, though, to promote it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll get it during the break and. But go to Punchup Live. That's Punch Belt Live.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's all over the place. Make sure you check him out. Cleveland, Stanford, Connecticut, New Orleans, Mobile, Alabama, Long Island. So much more. And we'll be right back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Jay, are you going to be somewhere? Are you going to be.

[Jay Oakerson]

I said I've been in Providence this weekend.

[Bobby Kelly]

Providence, The Comedy Connection?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Love that club.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then I'm at Netflix. Netflix is Joke Fest. Look for me there. A lot of story wars is there. Buy tickets for them.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll be right back. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Christine]

Hey, everyone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Check out this guy and his bird.

[Christine]

What is this, your first date?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Lou]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Bobby Kelly]

Breathe in. Feel the sense of calm that comes from having up to $300 in overdraft protection with go to Benefit bank now.

[Christine]

Did you say $300?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Now back to our breathing.

[Christine]

So if I overspend my balance, Goto bank has my back up to $300?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Can we breathe out now? Less worries, more zen. With over $300 in overdraft protection, tap to open an account today. Eligible direct deposits and opt in required for overdraft protection fees. Terms and conditions apply.