Whiteboy Weekend w/Chris Stanley

Summary

The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

"Whiteboy Weekend" w/ Chris Stanley

Original Air Date: July 14, 2026
Guest(s): Chris Stanley, Mike Fenoya
Key Contributors: Jacob, Intern (unidentified)

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of The Bonfire, guest-hosted by Chris Stanley in place of Big Jay and Robert Kelly, delivers classic Bonfire hilarity, offbeat nostalgia, and sharp cultural commentary. Joining Stanley are comedian Mike Fenoya, producer Jacob, and a rotating crew who dive into rants and reminiscences about drugs, weird food stories, and “Whiteboy Weekend” antics from their misspent younger days in New York and beyond.

The crew bounce through music jokes (Rob Zombie, White Zombie, Ministry), horror stories about ancient snacks, paranoia about Walmart bread, and raw accounts of the party drugs that shaped their comics-and-radio careers. Tales of early drug experiences, festival mishaps, stripper-driving, and questionable urban legends abound.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Rob Zombie, Music Routines & Performing Live

• Opening Riff: They lampoon Rob Zombie and similar industrial rockers for formulaic songwriting (01:05), predicting that every song’s title will be the chorus, dropped four times, with music cutting out for effect.
• Chris Stanley: “There’s some science to the idea that if you like Rob Zombie, you like routine. Sometimes you don’t want to be challenged at all.” (01:05)
• Music Dropouts: The guys joke about musical dropouts exposing bad live singing, sparking banter about whether performers sound any good without their heavy instrumental backing. (01:51)

2. Old Studio Snacks & Gross Food Stories

• SiriusXM snacks are ancient:
  • “I’ve had dust on the pretzels inside the bag.” – Chris Stanley (02:55)
  • Mike Fenoya details finding mealworms in ancient Swiss Miss packets in college (03:11), and disgust over possible mouse bones in snack dust.
• Food Conspiracies:
  • They lampoon viral videos about fake Walmart bread repelling water, discuss preservatives (“Quick Crete,” “Rain-X,” “Monsanto bread”), and joke about eating wiffle ball bats for “macro plastics” but drawing the line at microplastics. (04:09–04:39)

3. Energy Drinks and the “Generic Guy” Stereotype

• Debate over who actually drinks C4 and similar energy drinks (06:11).
  • “If you’re drinking an energy drink, it’s because you want to stay awake to finish that Maxim magazine on your way home from a Hooters.” – Chris Stanley (06:38)
  • They riff hard on “manly” product marketing and the Spike TV/X-Games bro archetype. (06:51–07:11)

4. Urban Legends and Outlandish Claims

• Cynicism about clickbait and fake “rat in a can” stories, making fun of energy drink scare stories and bizarro claims about Ozempic and other drugs being based on reptile venom. (08:52–10:03)
• “One day you can just wake up blind from Ozempic—they say it’s like Gila monster venom!” – Chris Stanley (09:40)
• Mocking TikTok “doctors” who peddle half-true or absurd warnings: “Why is that guy allowed to do that?” (10:46)

5. Drug Lore: Quaaludes, Xanax, Ecstasy, Molly, and More

• The crew trade war stories (hilariously unreliable lab science included) about decades of experimental partying:
  • Mike Fenoya recounts accidentally eating a heroin pill (“banana splits”) and the immediate effects (19:38–20:11).
  • Jacob tells a story about allegedly buying a Quaalude at Hunter College post-9/11, passing out, waking up with imaginary “giant titties” and no memory, and linking that to missed OnlyFans opportunities (14:14–15:21).
  • On Xanax: “A zany bar and three beers was my favorite.” – Mike Fenoya (18:09)
  • Riffing on how some drugs kill the ability to climax but not the urge to try: “I’ll fuck until the skin comes off the side of my dick before I cum.” – Chris Stanley (13:06)
• Fond memories and critiques of raver pills:
  • They detail the different “eras” (Mitsubishi Turbos, double stacks, etc.), joke about the meth content, and share close calls with bad batches at concerts. (19:13–20:07)
  • “You guys sound like American Psycho’s friends!” – Chris Stanley (19:30)
• “You holding?” becomes shorthand for being ready, or not, for anything. (18:46–18:49)

6. First Drug Experiences & “Whiteboy Weekend” Anecdotes

• Stanley’s first mushrooms trip (“Whiteboy Weekend,” featuring a Puerto Rican), sharing hotel rooms for Philly UFC and Ozzy fest, and failed attempts to confront rude fans at events. (35:47–36:47)
• Classic deadpan: “We tried to do the thing where we waited for them outside...with 63,000 people.” (36:45)
• The supposed lesson: He never truly “submits” to drugs enough, always ready to “act normal” even when super high—“I’ve always been able to be like, ‘No, I’m not stoned.’” (38:44–39:12)

7. Comedy, Responsibility, and the Drug Divide

• Stanley compares his raising-a-daughter years to his friends’ reckless 20s:
  • “So many of my friends did all the cocaine and partied…while I was raising a daughter, and now at 48, I’m pretty responsible. You guys wanna try crack once? ‘No, dude, I’ve been to rehab three times already.’” (30:41–30:56)
• Jokes about driving strippers, the “opportunity to see pussy,” and how it didn’t make him wild—just “pussy adjacent.” (27:09–27:47)

8. Hunter Biden & Rob Ford: Crack Lore

• Sticking up for Hunter Biden as an icon of radical honesty:
  • “Hunter Biden’s pretty awesome. He owns it completely, right? Everything.” – Mike Fenoya (31:51)
  • “He videotaped everything… I’ve seen his dick mad times. He’s got a whopper!” – Jacob & Chris Stanley (32:13–32:20)
• Discussing the notorious video scandals of Canadian mayor Rob Ford and how he got re-elected after his “crack tape.” (33:08–34:00)

9. Urban Legends & Drug Rumors Debunked

• Classic urban legends about “embalming fluid weed” or “paint thinner” in New York, and the impossibility of knowing an embalming fluid dealer. (42:52–43:30)
• "You have to have an embalming fluid guy!” – Mike Fenoya (43:18)

10. Comedic Reflections and High School Regrets

• Stanley suspects he’d have enjoyed high school more with weed, envying the “pot with embalming fluid in it” tales and Method Man’s weed legends.
  • “I wish I’d discovered weed in high school…I would’ve enjoyed high school a lot.” (42:02)
• They trade jokes about failed microdosing, packaging science, and Jim Morrison dying from a “poop cuticle” not drugs. (28:54–29:29)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There’s some science to the idea that if you like Rob Zombie, you like routine. Sometimes you don’t want to be challenged at all.” – Chris Stanley (01:05)
• “That ain’t salt, that’s mouse bones.” – Mike Fenoya (03:00)
• “I freak out about microplastics, but I’m stoked on macro plastics. Yeah, I’ll eat a wiffle ball bat, but I don’t want any little plastics in my candy.” – Chris Stanley (04:30)
• “I’ll go one milky eye to maintain losing weight.” – Chris Stanley on Ozempic risks (11:10)
• “I was the girlfriend at that point, but two people maybe... My vice was not getting laid necessarily...it was pussy adjacency. Get to look at pussy.” – Chris Stanley (27:09–27:47)
• “Do you visit the dark web?” – Mike Fenoya, searching for Quaaludes (13:49)
• “You guys sound like American Psycho’s friends!” – Chris Stanley (19:30)
• “He videotaped everything...I’ve seen his dick mad times. He’s got a whopper!” – Jacob & Chris Stanley on Hunter Biden (32:13–32:20)
• “We tried to do the thing where we waited for them outside…with 63,000 people.” – Chris Stanley, on Whiteboy Weekend/UFC scuffles (36:45)
• “I wish I’d discovered weed in high school…I would’ve enjoyed high school a lot.” – Chris Stanley (42:02)
• “You have to have an embalming fluid guy!” – Mike Fenoya (43:18)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• 01:05 – 01:51: Rob Zombie formula/jokes; “routine music” theory.
• 02:55 – 03:11: Ancient SiriusXM snacks and wormy Swiss Miss.
• 04:09 – 04:39: Walmart bread/video evidence and “macro plastics.”
• 06:11 – 07:11: Energy drinks, Maxim magazines, and manly branding.
• 08:52 – 10:46: TikTok doctors, urban legends, and Ozempic venom claims.
• 11:10 – 11:24: Would you go glass-eye for weight loss? (Stanley’s willingness to risk weird side effects.)
• 13:06: “I’ll fuck until the skin comes off…” Side effects of painkillers.
• 14:14 – 15:21: Hunter College Quaalude story—giant tits, missed OnlyFans.
• 19:13 – 20:11: Ecstasy era nostalgia—Mitsubishis, bad batches, and accidental heroin pills.
• 27:09 – 27:47: Stripper driving, “pussy adjacency,” and not running wild.
• 30:41 – 30:56: Reflections on responsibility and late-in-life “crack curiosity.”
• 31:51 – 32:20: Hunter Biden: crack, pride, and a “whopper.”
• 33:08 – 34:00: Rob Ford’s Toronto crack saga.
• 35:47 – 38:44: First mushroom trip & “Whiteboy Weekend.”
• 38:44 – 39:12: “I can act normal even when I’m high.”
• 42:02 – 42:14: Regrets about missing out on weed in high school.
• 43:18 – 43:30: Dramatized embalming fluid stories and urban legend debunking.

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Tone & Style

The episode is raw, unfiltered, and self-mocking, with cannily delivered punchlines and wild digressions keeping the pace quick and unpredictable. Stanley and Fenoya riff with playful cynicism about the hack cliches of “manly” culture and treat their own youthful excesses with both pride and ribbing. Throughout, the group’s banter is fast, irreverent, and rife with dark and self-deprecating humor.

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Episode Highlights for New Listeners

• The “routine” music theory applied to Rob Zombie and industrial rock (01:05)
• Soviet-grade snack horror stories and the Tarantula Song (02:55–03:11)
• Food fakery jokes and “macro” vs “micro” plastics debate (04:09)
• Drug histories: wild tales of Xanax, qualudes, Molly, heroin, and fake acid (14:14–20:11)
• The roots of “Whiteboy Weekend” and comic self-analysis of doing mushrooms with friends (35:47–38:44)
• Cynical breakdowns of viral food/pharma myths and TikTok “doctors” (08:52–10:46)
• Blunt, funny reflections on Hunter Biden, Rob Ford, and their public drug personas (31:51–34:00)

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This episode delivers the signature Bonfire blend of honest reminiscence, gonzo observational humor, and a clear-eyed view of how wild youth, urban legends, and the comedy world collide. You'll laugh, wince, and likely come away with less fear of Walmart bread, plus a new appreciation for the hard-won wisdom (and dumb luck) of comics who survived to tell the tale.

Transcript

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[Podcast Announcer]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Chris Stanley]

I bet there's some science to the idea that if you like Rob Zombie, you like routine, sometimes you don't want to be challenged at all. I said to Chris, I go, this is Rob Zombie's new song. I haven't heard it yet. I go, but I already know how it goes. He's like, how? I go, well, it's Rob Zombie song. So the name of the song will be the chorus four times. And on the fourth time the music will drop out. And I mean, I just put it up, turn it up. Here it comes again. Tarantula, Tarantula.

[Mike Fenoya]

How many tarantula?

[Chris Stanley]

Okay, here it comes.

[Mike Fenoya]

What kind of spider?

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, it didn't drop out there.

[Mike Fenoya]

He screwed up. It's like ministry.

[Jacob]

He's changed.

[Mike Fenoya]

Burning inside. Burning inside.

[Jacob]

How could he do this? The fans.

[Chris Stanley]

I'm a sucker for a musical dropout. I love it. Except when someone sucks live and the other thing drops out. You hear their shitty voice in between.

[Robert Kelly]

Boo.

[Mike Fenoya]

Get off the stage.

[Jacob]

Put more music behind your voice.

[Mike Fenoya]

You suck.

[Chris Stanley]

Stop doing that. He's such a good performer, but sounds

[Jacob]

better when there's music underneath it.

[Chris Stanley]

I watched a White Zombie like parts. I skimmed through a White Zombie concert on YouTube this morning. And so if I went through the comments and it was like, you can just going through the comments, it's like, Rob Zombies always sucked. You can't eat on air. I don't know why she brought those.

[Jacob]

Don't you do it, Mike.

[Mike Fenoya]

On air. I've been on air before when there's food in the room.

[Chris Stanley]

You just taking some cookies? I was looking at them for snack for later, you know, just looking at them.

[Jacob]

Just.

[Chris Stanley]

I like to look at them a little bit.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna make a nice mix.

[Mike Fenoya]

I was just checking the expiration date. I want to make sure all my friends are safe.

[Chris Stanley]

Long live Tarantul.

[Mike Fenoya]

Sounds like ministry.

[Jacob]

SiriusXM has been feeding us 17 year old snacks.

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, for sure, dude. I've had. I've had dust on the pretzels inside the bag.

[Mike Fenoya]

That ain't salt, that's mouse bones.

[Chris Stanley]

Who said that?

[Mike Fenoya]

You ever pop a fucking hot cocoa packet and you go to pour it in and there's worms in it?

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, God, no.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah, but there's. I don't. You've had it.

[Mike Fenoya]

How poor were you? Let's play it.

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, I don't know.

[Mike Fenoya]

In college we had a box of like Swiss Miss and we opened up the packet packets and there were little like mealworms in it.

[Chris Stanley]

Like little grubby meal strangeness in it. I don't believe any of those stories. Who told me recently?

[Mike Fenoya]

Why would I tell you something that's not true?

[Chris Stanley]

Sounds like you're lying, but you probably remember it.

[Mike Fenoya]

You just go, oh, yeah, I don't, I don't believe any of those I'm having.

[Chris Stanley]

I'm having.

[Mike Fenoya]

Because I'm getting towards 50 maggots in my hot chocolate. You don't believe me?

[Chris Stanley]

I believe you. This is this person. That's not your nails.

[Jacob]

I like the videos where people. I just bought this from.

[Mike Fenoya]

It was exactly like that.

[Jacob]

Oh, were they, were they moving?

[Mike Fenoya]

It was, it was like in the back of our thing in college.

[Chris Stanley]

Back in the back of your meal. World Farm.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Do you ever see the videos where people buy food from Walmart, bring it back to the house like on a loaf of bread and they're just pouring water on it and it doesn't absorb

[Mike Fenoya]

the water because full of preservatives, I guess.

[Jacob]

And the food isn't real.

[Chris Stanley]

What's one of the preservatives? Rain X feeds up, man.

[Jacob]

This is mostly Monsanto Quick Crete.

[Mike Fenoya]

Is that what's on it?

[Jacob]

There's a lot of people believe that the food's real, especially from Walmart and such.

[Chris Stanley]

It's not real. Like it's plants.

[Jacob]

This is from social media. I'm not saying this myself.

[Mike Fenoya]

Walmart food isn't Real. It's just filled with stuff.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Dollar tree food.

[Chris Stanley]

I freak out about microplastics, but I'm stoked on macro plastics. Yeah, I'll eat a wiffle ball bat, but I don't want any little plastics in my candy.

[Jacob]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Mike Fenoya]

You ever put chalu. You ever put chalua on a wiffle bat? Good, dude.

[Jacob]

Hey guys.

[Chris Stanley]

Burrito. A little bat burrito.

[Mike Fenoya]

I like to fill, you know the little hole for air. I fill it with condiments. It's like a little calzone.

[Jacob]

Ketchup ball.

[Mike Fenoya]

This is great flavor pocket.

[Jacob]

Couldn't cost around the house.

[Chris Stanley]

Jacob, are we. Are we any further along and who we're going to interview? Rob Zombie or Marilyn Manson at the concert? Because you promised me. For sure. Definitely one of them. I am working on it. Remember you said. Remember you said a thousand percent, and I was like. And I was like, that's not even a real percentage. And then you went, it is now.

[Intern/Guest Speaker]

No, no.

[Mike Fenoya]

Are you guys. Are you guys gonna be doing from the. From the concert now? That's awesome.

[Chris Stanley]

Well, on a zoom like a local podcast, but yeah, thousand percent means you're

[Jacob]

gonna interview them 10 times in a row.

[Chris Stanley]

No, that's gonna be so great. I'm just gonna Columbo. Every time I go Marilyn Manson. If I could. Just one more thing.

[Jacob]

I have 20 hours with Marilyn Manson.

[Mike Fenoya]

They go, listen. He goes, listen. What we got you was Rob Manson, local Jersey guy. Huge fan.

[Jacob]

Like four of these interviews are gonna be for the baddies podcast.

[Chris Stanley]

But isn't there with the food stuff? Not the maggots thing. But I. When I. That's what I said when I didn't believe is when they. Everybody has like the. I opened up a. A can because I got a C4 recently. Like the energy drink. And someone's like, you know, one of these are some brand and like, oh, it's not that, but there's a. There was a rat in the can or a mouse mechanic. Get the out of here.

[Mike Fenoya]

Well, there's one.

[Jacob]

Whatever you're buying a can of energy drink that's. That's marketed towards C4.

[Chris Stanley]

So that dessert, that deserves a rat inside of it. And for that you deserve to drink rat piss.

[Jacob]

I'm starting one called Ted Offensive energy.

[Guest/Caller]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Bay of Pigs energy. You know you're a man, right? And you like war and energy.

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, I do agree.

[Mike Fenoya]

Of Hormuz.

[Chris Stanley]

I do agree.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

Listen, energy drinks in general are right in the wheelhouse of like if you're drinking an Energy drink. It's because you want to stay awake so you can finish that Maxim magazine cover to cover on your way home from a Hooters.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

While driving.

[Jacob]

You're a generic man, aren't you? And you like fucking Hiroshima energy drink.

[Chris Stanley]

And you don't even care what's on. You just DVR Spike TV all day.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I'm a loyal Spike tv. I also have a subscription to stuff for, you know, a man who wants to buy things and likes tits.

[Mike Fenoya]

I gotta stay up for the last episode of Scare Straight.

[Chris Stanley]

He goes tits in. Crashing cars.

[Jacob]

I'm literally cattle. And I just like tits and things to buy.

[Mike Fenoya]

Fake bread.

[Chris Stanley]

Let's see fake bread. Let's go.

[Mike Fenoya]

This lady's on baddies fake breadies.

[Chris Stanley]

She got the headgear.

[Jacob]

All right, fake bread. I got five instrumental underneath it. Sick.

[Chris Stanley]

That's fantastic news. I'm tripping. Or is bread not supposed to do that? I crushed the bread.

[Guest/Caller]

And look at this.

[Chris Stanley]

That's pretty weird.

[Mike Fenoya]

That is weird.

[Chris Stanley]

Goldfish, dude.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's that Subway yoga mat bread.

[Chris Stanley]

But what's the name? So she's squeezing the bread up and it just kind of comes back its original shape, which is strange. But what's this brand of bread that have to do with the brand of bread?

[Mike Fenoya]

Brand of bread.

[Chris Stanley]

Well, I'll tell you what you might even realize. I don't know, dude. I have the. One of the few things in the world where they go gluten free. Where I can notice a discernible difference is fucking bread. Gluten free bread sucks shit. And it looks like it might do that.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's fucking hard as shit. You know what I mean? There ain't no gluten in it.

[Mike Fenoya]

You know, it's funny, I read something

[Chris Stanley]

gluten was the actual glue.

[Mike Fenoya]

Those probiotic sodas and shit like that.

[Jacob]

Oh, it's huge. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

And the sugar free. It ain't sugar free. What it is is, it's like a new, like a sugar adjacent thing.

[Jacob]

It's monk fruit. They pump monk fruit in it and monk fruit, some weird ass fruit that, you know, tastes sweet, but it's not the calories of actual sugar.

[Mike Fenoya]

But it might make you go colorblind

[Chris Stanley]

or whatever when you're.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They just don't know yet.

[Jacob]

And it's also. Soda's just pumped with protein because you need 20 grams of protein and your delicious taste is.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

What the fuck's up with protein now even? Like, it's smart.

[Chris Stanley]

It's so funny being like a Hypochondriac as I am.

[Jacob]

Don't be.

[Chris Stanley]

No, I am very much so. But I'll tell you when it comes to, like, how much I'm happy with the way I was able to lose weight from Manjaro. They just did a thing yesterday. It was like, Ozempics actually, like, under major fire. For like, ozempics under major fire. Because it does something that people were like, you could wake up just blind one day. And it's happened to a few people. Here's the thing. One that's probably bullshit because I really. Do they really give you too many things that are like, fact check. And I think it says, is it ozempic that they say is. It's like. It's the spit of. It's like the venom of like, some kind of weird fucking snake. And it's like now it's. Then you look it up and it's like it mimics that. It's like they figured out a way to mimic, like. But it's like, yeah, you're just. You're injecting the spit of a viper into your stomach.

[Mike Fenoya]

I'm sure AstraZeneca is sending some guy out to fucking milk a snake.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

But I feel hot, though. So it's fine. With all this snake juice inside, it's like.

[Chris Stanley]

It's like a tarantula venom or something.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a gilla monster.

[Mike Fenoya]

Who hasn't done a line of that?

[Chris Stanley]

No, but it's. But it's inspired by this guy's like, you know, you're just injecting gila monster poison.

[Mike Fenoya]

Wow.

[Jacob]

You know, I've been working on gila monster poison. I think it could work for us.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. Are Gila monsters, like, no fat? Are they, like, ripped?

[Jacob]

They're keto. They're keto.

[Mike Fenoya]

Intermittent fasting.

[Chris Stanley]

Well, they didn't call. They call it carnivore diet, but I

[Jacob]

called south beach and that's where they're from.

[Mike Fenoya]

Look at Gila 90X.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

The inspiration for goes epic. But here's the thing. Look up. Has anybody gone blind from ozempic?

[Jacob]

They also say, like, if with, like, anesthesia and shit. I don't know.

[Chris Stanley]

But I really gotta say, I don't know how long. Like, I don't know. Again, I'm surprised about the legality of a guy being on a thing. Being like, I'm Dr. So and so, and I'm telling you that ozempic is Gila monster venom. And then you just look it up. One thing. It's like, it's not.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

So why is that guy allowed to do that?

[Jacob]

Well, no one really is. They just do it. They just do engagement, right?

[Mike Fenoya]

Clicks, baby clickbait.

[Chris Stanley]

Dr. Clickbait.

[Mike Fenoya]

Dr.

[Jacob]

Scary the amount of doctors on Tik Tok spitting out. Come on, man.

[Mike Fenoya]

Also, I saw Dr. Oz is the

[Jacob]

head of health or whatever in the country with RFK Jr. They're just engagement.

[Mike Fenoya]

CRFK Jr. Put a snake in the pool with his kids.

[Intern/Guest Speaker]

It's hot.

[Chris Stanley]

No, but I'll tell you.

[Mike Fenoya]

A snake in his pool.

[Chris Stanley]

I'll tell you this, dude, I'll go one milky eye to maintain losing weight.

[Jacob]

It would look cool.

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Would you go. Would you go glass eye? If you got a milky eye, would you replace it with like, a skank's eye?

[Chris Stanley]

Full Marilyn Manson? I. Yeah.

[Taboola/BetterHelp/Odoo/TextNow Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Or like the dude in still, my favorite thing ever at any skank fest was when you had to, like, get serious for a minute and go to the hospital to check on Isabella. And you had

[Robert Kelly]

flame.

[Mike Fenoya]

He looked at me and he goes, dude, he goes, isabella's in the hospital. And he had like.

[Jacob]

Like a goth girl on.

[Chris Stanley]

I go, you're gonna keep your total slut. Like a real. Like a real lip spreader.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but you're. But you're only selling le. I bet I'm going to see her vagina.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, no, it's like, take those out before he talks to them about insurance. I saw a thing that said ozempic is causing longer life. Christine.

[Chris Stanley]

Well, that's so.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's just the opposite.

[Ad Voice]

It's just.

[Chris Stanley]

That's the general thing of it all. Losing weight.

[Mike Fenoya]

Well, they're saying even like. Yeah, though, of course, but.

[Jacob]

And there's also the thing of, like, ozempic. Any of them really are just, like, causing less little gambling, less drug use, less.

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, addictive things.

[Jacob]

Yeah, less like also, like, feelings of like, lust. Like killing. Killing sex drive. Like I'm hearing, you know, you read all this. Who knows what the is real or not?

[Chris Stanley]

I never had sex drive killed by medication ever. When they said they have. I've never had much side effects of things.

[Jacob]

That's great.

[Chris Stanley]

Lexapro never had, like, vivid, scary dreams like they said, or like all that kind of. Or the. If I've gone off it, I've never gotten the zaps.

[Jacob]

What are the zaps?

[Mike Fenoya]

Brain zaps. Like, it's like your serotonin is all out of whack. So it's. You're getting like. Like you can almost hear it. Oh, I got that bad. Also, Lexapro gave me like, real bad double vision and shit. Like, I feel like I could, like, see through fucking stuff.

[Chris Stanley]

I've never had boner problems or any. The only thing that's ever been a side effect is that if I take a painkiller, I will.

[Mike Fenoya]

You want them?

[Chris Stanley]

I will fucking. I will fuck until the skin comes off the side of my dick before I come.

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Intern/Guest Speaker]

That just.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah. They'll kill the ability to know.

[Ad Voice]

It's.

[Chris Stanley]

I know, but you. But you're horny.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

So you really want to keep going. You're like, it's gonna get there eventually. And then you're like. And then eventually you start hearing, like, it sounds like corduroy's walking.

[Jacob]

That's why there was that song that popped on Tick Tock. Fuck Him Off. A perk. Yeah, it was a great. It's a banger. Really great chorus almost. Rob Zombie, like, where he just keeps saying, fuck him off.

[Chris Stanley]

Is there a drop off? That's my thing.

[Jacob]

There isn't.

[Chris Stanley]

It's like my whole thing.

[Mike Fenoya]

Is there anywhere on the Dark Web to get a hold of some, like, legit lewds?

[Chris Stanley]

Why are you staring at Chris on that?

[Taboola/BetterHelp/Odoo/TextNow Ad Voice]

I.

[Jacob]

Probably not. I mean, there's probably.

[Mike Fenoya]

Do you visit the Dark Web?

[Chris Stanley]

I wouldn't even know the beginning. I just recently found out where you could find hidden requests for messages on Instagram. Did you know that's a thing?

[Mike Fenoya]

No.

[Chris Stanley]

They're right there, dude. Thousands of people.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

They're sending requests.

[Mike Fenoya]

I just want to find. I just wanted one day. I want to try lewds.

[Jacob]

Well, there's probably loads, right? Someone probably has a jar of lewds back from the 70s or late 60s. But the half life on them probably mean that they just aren't as effective like that. As pills get older, they lose their effect.

[Chris Stanley]

You did take lose before.

[Jacob]

So one time at Hunter College, there was this guy who he, you know, knew me be like, oh, this guy, like, would buy stuff. And I was like, he's like, I got Quaaludes.

[Chris Stanley]

I'm like, how old was this guy?

[Jacob]

This guy was probably a few years older than me. This is probably the early 2000s. What you do 911, right? And it was probably right after 9 11.

[Chris Stanley]

Long hair Chris.

[Jacob]

Yeah, long going. Getting the long hair Chris. And the guy's like, you want to buy a Quaalude? I'm like, yeah, I'll buy a Quaalude. And so I take it, I eat it, and then I'm just in my apartment just popping a quailude. And or what was I? What I was told was a quaalude. And then I fell asleep then woke up. Estrogen, full tits, giant titties pierced too oddly enough.

[Chris Stanley]

Holy shit.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Very sexy.

[Chris Stanley]

He goes not am I a girl now I'm a slut.

[Jacob]

I wish onlyfans was still around right now. Instead stupid 2002.

[Chris Stanley]

Could you imagine if you hadn't pierced nipples and fucking sick tits years ago? You could have thought of only fans.

[Jacob]

I think yes.

[Chris Stanley]

That's how I feel. I could have thought of Zeus network society wouldn't judge a white guy fucking mastering around black people fist fighting each other all day.

[Jacob]

Not then than the Patriot Act. So then no. I woke up with half of 22 a col 45 drank and Chinese food on my table and I had no recollection of. Now I don't know.

[Chris Stanley]

Billy. Billy D. Williams coming. Your ass.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh yeah.

[Jacob]

My. It was just leaking. I'm like what's that?

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh there was a lit.

[Chris Stanley]

Billy D. Williams said next time young

[Mike Fenoya]

man, there's a lit cool cigarette in the ash.

[Podcast Announcer]

Great.

[Chris Stanley]

Billy D. Williams.

[Mike Fenoya]

You had a whole night. No recollection.

[Jacob]

No recollection whatsoever. But then I woke up and was like whatever. I was like kind of still high. But no. So your dance, your question is. One time I thought I bought a quail, but I don't think I did.

[Chris Stanley]

You died three times.

[Mike Fenoya]

I would love to try it. It's so good.

[Chris Stanley]

I always. I was always told that's the one that I would like the most. Which just means heroin is the one you'd love the most.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

Do you make it?

[Mike Fenoya]

Listen, I fucking love ketamine and I'm sure that's kind of like it.

[Chris Stanley]

I get God bless Ronnie B. The fact that he hasn't pushed off yet with some heron.

[Jacob]

I mean Ron, you know, he's all about them lewds because he was in the heyday.

[Mike Fenoya]

He was in the lewd's day. Yeah, yeah.

[Taboola/BetterHelp/Odoo/TextNow Ad Voice]

His story.

[Mike Fenoya]

I talked to him about it.

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah. But if I was. If I was getting cancer treatment, I'd also be doing heroin.

[Jacob]

But our. In my day it was just his annex sticks. Yeah, the bars. With the bars. Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah dude, you take the whole thing.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

So the idea. What's the.

[Jacob]

I mean whatever. If you like a full football size which is what a half a milligram? Milligram?

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, half milligram. And a Zany bar is 2mg 2 and change maybe.

[Chris Stanley]

Remember I tried to give you time released, right?

[Jacob]

No.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh you snort once you can snort him, bud, dude. So we had an apartment right after. Right after high school, and I was on a ton of acid, and I had to cut it out. I had to wake up. My buddy goes. He was leaving. I'm by myself, tripping. He goes, take this and listen to this. And he gave me a zany bar and the Steely Dan box set. And he's like, you'll be fine. So I love the zany bar. I go, can I have a lot more of those? He gave me more. I took one. My buddy goes, I'm moving out of the apartment. We need. We needed him to pay the rent. And everyone's yelling at him, you fucking idiot. You told us you were gonna live with us. Blah, blah, blah. I'm on a zany bar. I'm like, guys, guys, guys. Go easy on them, okay? Everything's cool. I black out. I go to sleep. I wake up, he's moving out. The zany bar is not in my system anymore. And I'm like, what the do you think you're doing? And he's like, I'm moving out. Fucking moving out, you asshole.

[Chris Stanley]

Situations intense for Steely Dan, dude.

[Mike Fenoya]

I know Cousin Dupree is playing in the background.

[Chris Stanley]

This is intense.

[Mike Fenoya]

But the Danny bar, I had a. The Chris Stanley lewd moment where I don't even remember being, like, sticking up for the dude. I was like.

[Jacob]

I remember being went on Xanax. Like, alcohol tasted like soda, so. And it's very dangerous. You should not drink on Xanax or clown.

[Chris Stanley]

Delicious.

[Jacob]

Delicious soda and just, like, pounding booze.

[Mike Fenoya]

And it was bad zany and like, three beers was, like, my favorite.

[Chris Stanley]

I'm weirdly, like, pretty drug naive for the most part.

[Jacob]

What do you want to know, man?

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah, what do you want to know? How awesome heroin is.

[Robert Kelly]

You were drug naive. You've. You've experienced things and.

[Chris Stanley]

For sure, but I've never. I've snorted. I snorted two lines of cocaine ever and ever in my life, and one sobered me up. And then the other time, I don't remember doing anything but me, as soon as I did it, I was just kind of like, oh, dude, I'm not gonna do.

[Guest/Caller]

You're sorry.

[Jacob]

Just cut some rails sober. It'll be really.

[Podcast Announcer]

Get the head off.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's when you know. It's like, yeah, middle of the day, you're doing a fucking line of yak by yourself.

[Chris Stanley]

You got it. You holding.

[Mike Fenoya]

That's when you know.

[Chris Stanley]

You hold. Right now things are weird. No, I definitely. I don't. I don't have no desire to try that again at all. I've done Molly a few times. Pretty great. For the most part. Painkillers rule.

[Mike Fenoya]

I was doing. We were. I mean, 2000. 98, 99, 2000. That was like the pressed ecstasy pills where you didn't know what you were

[Jacob]

getting, why you were laughing.

[Robert Kelly]

102,000, 100.

[Mike Fenoya]

2.

[Chris Stanley]

03.

[Jacob]

Double stack. Pikachu. The Mitsubishis.

[Mike Fenoya]

Mitsubishi Turbos.

[Guest/Caller]

Yes.

[Mike Fenoya]

The Big fatties. Yeah.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Purple 2000s.

[Jacob]

And they're mostly filler with like a

[Mike Fenoya]

little bit of meth.

[Chris Stanley]

You guys. You guys.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. Yes.

[Chris Stanley]

You guys sound like bisexual yuppies one time. You guys sound like American psychos. Friends.

[Ad Voice]

I bought.

[Mike Fenoya]

I bought some.

[Podcast Announcer]

Boom.

[Mike Fenoya]

I bought some pills. I bought some pills in the fish parking lot and I was eating it and they were called Banana Splits. And I ate one and this dude came running. He goes, nobody eat the banana splits.

[Jacob]

Gulp.

[Mike Fenoya]

And I ate it and it was all smack, dude. It was just a heroin pill. And I was just chewing on my lip and like scratching and just.

[Chris Stanley]

You became a junkie the first time.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, dude, you're eating a hair. You're eating like heroin since.

[Chris Stanley]

You know. But I didn't know. The first time you do heroin, you immediately become like the. You're just like this.

[Mike Fenoya]

Chains, smoking cigarettes.

[Jacob]

You're just scratching. It's the best scratch you'll ever have in your entire life.

[Chris Stanley]

I definitely woke up.

[Podcast Announcer]

It's the best.

[Mike Fenoya]

You're like a dog.

[Chris Stanley]

I woke up with a sore jaw before. That sucks. Awkward time to ask this, but. Hey, did you download the trail map?

[Jacob]

Yeah, no, I don't need to.

[Mike Fenoya]

I don't understand. You're trusting your signal out here.

[Chris Stanley]

I'm trusting T Mobile. They have the best network. And if we end up in bumtots nowhere. Well, we've got T Satellite for backup.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Chris Stanley]

I don't trust my carrier that much. We'll just use your phone as a flashlight.

[Mike Fenoya]

With America's best network and T satellite,

[Chris Stanley]

we're keeping you connected in places you.

[Mike Fenoya]

You never thought possible. And if you switch today, you get

[Ryan Reynolds]

free phones for zero down and only

[Mike Fenoya]

25 bucks a month per line for four lines. Find out more@t mobile.com or visit your local store.

[Mint Mobile/T-Mobile Ad Voice]

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[Intern/Guest Speaker]

mobile.com this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Everybody deals with stigma. Everybody has, you know, things that build up. You know, I got in a fight with a friend and I didn't call them, they didn't call me to where we didn't talk for months because it got so overwhelming. I was going to lose a friend over it. But you know what you do do what I did go to BetterHelp and talk to somebody. You talk to somebody about it and you get a little direction and you get it out. And then I repaired this friendship. It wasn't even as big as I thought it was. I just built it up in my head that it was gonna be crazy. Even in 2026, stigma can get in the way of a lot of things, like getting support for your mental health. Maybe you've encouraged friends to consider therapy while avoiding taking the first steps yourself because you're busy, worried what others would think, or telling yourself you should handle it on. But therapy with BetterHelp, the world's largest online therapy platform, can be a space to slow down and talk through what's been building up before it feels unmanageable. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and Preferences and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. Their industry leading match fulfillment rate means BetterHelp typically gets it right the first time. Feel confident knowing betterhelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the in the US don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Bonfire. That's B E T T E R

[Chris Stanley]

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[Podcast Announcer]

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[Mike Fenoya]

Ecstasy pills were the best.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it was a fuck. You're spinning the wheel on what you're getting.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you wanted the heroin ones, the ones that were coming.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, I wanted the speed ones.

[Robert Kelly]

No, the speed ones were too speed.

[Mike Fenoya]

No way, dude.

[Jacob]

Well, it depends on who's pressing them.

[Guest/Caller]

You know what I mean?

[Jacob]

Like some guys like, yeah, I'll put a little more speed in this one.

[Mike Fenoya]

You had a fish concert like Jesse Spano.

[Jacob]

I remember in the fish parking lots when it flipped from, from E pills to Molly.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And it was just like, I'm gonna take as much molly as I did ecstasy. And that was a bad, bad idea.

[Mike Fenoya]

Then you're up.

[Chris Stanley]

While you guys were doing all this, I was at the good Boy Awards. That's pretty cool. I was at the Good Boy Awards.

[Guest/Caller]

Wow.

[Jacob]

Three years running.

[Mike Fenoya]

Gel tabs, Remember? It was like happy giggly acid, and then it went to ecstasy.

[Jacob]

All right. So they used to, you know, gel tabs. It's like, you know, like a Tylenol or whatever. Right. Where? And where there's like, dust in it, which is the actual drug. I bought a bunch of them in the parking lot of Exit Molly. And then I went to the show. And it was in the winter, so in the show it was really hot. And all of the gel tabs melted together.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, baby.

[Jacob]

And then I was like, pop it. Yeah. Like, I almost. No deed. It was really bad.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

But I'm still here.

[Mike Fenoya]

That acid. I did that with acid.

[Robert Kelly]

Melted together. And you took it.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. Well, no, because you know what it is? It's like a little tiny, like little frozen jello, you know? And I thought I bought a 10 strip and they gave me two 10 strips stuck together.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

So I thought I ate two, I ate four, and then my buddy did more and we had a good time. 1 When I was popcorn outside when

[Chris Stanley]

I was younger, I took my stepfather's Newport 100. Me and my friend smoked in a corner. We were little bad boys for a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you were driving strippers around.

[Chris Stanley]

We looked at pornography. I didn't do drugs with them either. They did drugs. Really?

[Jacob]

How you with the strippers?

[Chris Stanley]

No.

[Intern/Guest Speaker]

Damn.

[Chris Stanley]

No. That would. That would have scared the shit responsible.

[Jacob]

That's good.

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah, I didn't really drink much at that point. I was like 18, 19, 20 when I did that. So I didn't really drink at all. That was never the thing I say. It was funny. My vice would have been that moment. Much more was not getting laid necessarily, because I only happened probably a. Well, he's a. I was the girlfriend at that point, but two people maybe. So it wasn't that My vice was pussy. My vice was opportunity to see pussy. Does that make sense? So in my mind, I took the job of like. That job was completely like being pussy adjacent. Get to look at pussy, and then I'm driving the pussy home and maybe she'll show me her pussy. You were a bird watch. And then what you do is you end up actually just picking up a girl from an abusive household or leaving her kid behind so you can take her to go get fucked by some weirdos.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Dropping off with abusive men and then

[Chris Stanley]

dropping her back off to an abusive man while she looks sad the whole time. Counting come covered dollars, wet dollars.

[Mike Fenoya]

She said, can I add the dollars on the dashboard minus a couple of

[Chris Stanley]

those little stinky wet dollars that I slid off top for myself because they weren't good tippers.

[Jacob]

Oh, that sucks. That's shitty.

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Counting up rolled up bills, just unrolling them with dust on them.

[Robert Kelly]

Zanny bars, dude, are they meant to be split up? Like, are you not supposed to take the whole thing? Are you supposed to take a little bit of time?

[Chris Stanley]

Definitely. They're perforated for that reason. That's the drug addict's mentality that goes, are they meant to be broken up and taken individually? He goes, I guess you can. It's like, yes, it's for that specifically.

[Jacob]

It looks like, I guess in some weird alternate universe you could break some

[Mike Fenoya]

weird happy life when you have those and don't need them.

[Chris Stanley]

This must be a. This must be a joke written by some comedian already. But how is it the thing. One of the most emergency problems you can have in the world is diarrhea and opening a single Imodium AD and getting it into your palm. It's the hardest thing in the world.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

You might need a scissor. And even when you get into the scissor, you might have to hurt your fingers getting in that hard plastic for that. Perfectly sealed. There's not even a little room for it to jiggle around.

[Mike Fenoya]

Then you're wiping your diarrhea ass with a bloody open.

[Chris Stanley]

And that's how you get sepsis.

[Jacob]

Whatever. Packaging science.

[Chris Stanley]

That's what killed Jim Morrison.

[Jacob]

It's a piece of literally, like, come on, man.

[Taboola/BetterHelp/Odoo/TextNow Ad Voice]

Man.

[Chris Stanley]

It's an emergency situation Jim Morrison died from in a hangnail. Did you guys hear that? It wasn't drugs at all.

[Jacob]

That's, that's, that's news to me.

[Ad Voice]

This is great.

[Chris Stanley]

Everyone thought it was an Indian who gave him crack or something, but no,

[Mike Fenoya]

it was a poop cuticle.

[Chris Stanley]

A little poop cuticle.

[Robert Kelly]

A poop.

[Mike Fenoya]

Cuticle. I like a tell's joke where he's like, micro dosing. He's like, never had that. When we were doing cocaine nose and we're like, hey, let's save some for tomorrow.

[Chris Stanley]

What?

[Jacob]

What psycho would say that?

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah, I said, always heaven. Isabella saved me probably from doing like, like trying more stuff. Even at the time.

[Jacob]

That's good.

[Mike Fenoya]

You know what I did? And I think at the time I thought it was awesome, but now I'm like, were we just like. We used to put cocaine on weed and smoke it?

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's waste of the coke.

[Mike Fenoya]

Waste the coke, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Burning the coke. That's why crack exists, because you can't smoke coke.

[Jacob]

Exactly. Or just smoking bass or whatever.

[Mike Fenoya]

We were like, man, do you guys

[Chris Stanley]

want Christina to give you the recipe for crack from memory?

[Mike Fenoya]

Yes. Do you put nutmeg in your crack?

[Chris Stanley]

When we were watching. When we were watching the show Snowfall and they were making crack in the movie, Christine was biting her bottom lip like she was listening to fucking Journey. Look at him go. She goes.

[Mike Fenoya]

All of a sudden she's standing up.

[Chris Stanley]

Look at those sweet, sweet, beautiful rocks. I. What's funny is again, like, mike, you're sort of like that. Chris, you're one of my friends. Like this. So many of my friends.

[Jacob]

What's that?

[Chris Stanley]

Did all the cocaine and partied all when we were all in our 20s and I was raising a daughter, and now I'm 48. And I'm like, oh, I'm pretty responsible because you guys want to try crack once? And everyone's like, no, dude, I've had to go to rehab three times already.

[Jacob]

Smoke it once and then just put it down. And never.

[Chris Stanley]

The only person who will. The only person. The only person who will come to me still to this day, I assume, and go, hey, you want to do coke? Is Joe the Rose. And I'm not doing it with him. No, I won't be another one of his fall asleep at his house sexual victims.

[Mike Fenoya]

I'll tell you what, I'll sit with you. Any drug you want to do, I'll make sure you're okay.

[Chris Stanley]

Crack cocaine. Sure, let's do it.

[Mike Fenoya]

I don't want you to do it,

[Chris Stanley]

but you're gonna do it with.

[Mike Fenoya]

But if you're gonna do it, I'll

[Chris Stanley]

do it with me.

[Mike Fenoya]

No.

[Chris Stanley]

So I'm just gonna suck your dick.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, you don't have to suck.

[Jacob]

You're not gonna get hard.

[Chris Stanley]

I'll be on crack, dude. Mike, have the crack.

[Robert Kelly]

Because if he has a crack, he might suck his dick.

[Mike Fenoya]

And I'll go, come on. What hand is it?

[Chris Stanley]

Put it behind your balls and say, no hands.

[Jacob]

I like 100 people busting 100 Biden's balls on Twitter.

[Guest/Caller]

And.

[Jacob]

And they're, like, posting, like, crack pipes. And he's like, that's not a crack pipe. That's a meth pipe. Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, dude, I love him.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't smoke meth.

[Mike Fenoya]

Hunter Biden's pretty awesome.

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, yeah. He, like, owns it completely, right? Everything.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude.

[Mike Fenoya]

He's like, I smoke crack in a hotel in West Haven, Connecticut.

[Chris Stanley]

Right? You had sex with Pride.

[Mike Fenoya]

Prostitutes.

[Chris Stanley]

He goes, well, I Was on crack.

[Jacob]

I remember watch. Someone had started a telegram channel with all of his videos because he videotaped everything. Like all of his.

[Ad Voice]

All.

[Jacob]

Everything he was doing with all these. These prostitutes.

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, sex and. Yeah.

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah. I've seen his dick mad times.

[Chris Stanley]

He's got a whopper.

[Jacob]

Does he has a nice.

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And it's like dark. There's guns and weighing out. Coke and crack. There was one girl where, like, she had a ring of blood around her nose. Now, she seemed like she was having a good time, but I was like, I'm spotting that. That's not good. This is dark.

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, maybe she's the fire starter's dad.

[Jacob]

Possibly.

[Chris Stanley]

Maybe she has Firestar's dad powers. You guys think about that. If anyone has that. If I ever do coke and my nose starts bleeding, go, did you do coke? I go, no, no. I just made some guy do what I wanted with my brain. It takes a lot.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

When I think kill someone, my nose bleeds.

[Jacob]

Someone's had exploded across the country.

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm a scanner.

[Mike Fenoya]

I mean, you got to own it if you're going to be the president's kid.

[Jacob]

No one's on it more than that dude.

[Mike Fenoya]

Right? I like it.

[Chris Stanley]

They just says he did it.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

How about the guy? Man, that was a great. Was that an untold. What was it?

[Mint Mobile/T-Mobile Ad Voice]

Doc?

[Chris Stanley]

They did a documentary not too long ago about Rob Ford again. The guy from. The guy from Toronto. I mean, that guy was just the best guy ever.

[Intern/Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Speaking in past.

[Chris Stanley]

What do you have to say about. What do you had to say about your secretary or whatever saying that you want to eat her? And he was like, oh. I go, she's a liar and it'll all be proven in court. Plus I got plenty to eat at home. Why throw that back? He just like came back for like a little.

[Jacob]

Because he was constantly speaking in patois and he could pull it off, too.

[Chris Stanley]

Are you sure you're not thinking of Chet Hanks?

[Jacob]

No. Oh, he big blow. Chet Hanks away with his Rob Ford crack video released.

[Mike Fenoya]

How amazing.

[Chris Stanley]

But I didn't realize when I watched the documentary, and I might be getting this wrong, he won again. He had like crack things already and won again.

[Jacob]

I think he was a good guy.

[Mike Fenoya]

Was in a phenomenal shape, dude.

[Chris Stanley]

Toronto, you mean?

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. I don't care what you're doing.

[Jacob]

Tdot. That's what I call it.

[Mike Fenoya]

I don't care what you're doing.

[Jacob]

Me and my man Drake, dude, the

[Mike Fenoya]

people that he presses down, the people

[Chris Stanley]

he has the pictures With. It's always just so. Just young thugs.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

Who sell crack. And he's just sitting there going. He goes, none of you guys ever went to private school.

[Jacob]

Light up.

[Mike Fenoya]

You think Tim Hortons is open? Look at him hammering a chicken wing.

[Jacob]

Hell, yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

Awesome. And he was just getting the screaming matches.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

He would. He stepped down from no fight, but

[Chris Stanley]

they said he got done.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Very good drug dude, in that regard.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

Cocaine's a hell of a drug. Who else was caught? Famous Marion Barry.

[Mike Fenoya]

What was the first drug you did that wasn't weed? You wouldn't do any dumb.

[Chris Stanley]

Like mushrooms?

[Taboola/BetterHelp/Odoo/TextNow Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

No. Molly. Did you do Molly before mushrooms?

[Chris Stanley]

No, I did mushrooms. No, no. All false. I did mushrooms with Lewis and Dave. And that was our weekend when we went. We did a white boy weekend featuring a Puerto Rican, and we all went to the U.S. i mean, the worst thing that happened at a UFC happened at this ufc. It was me, Dave, Lewis, and their friend Wes, who at the time, I really did not get along with. He didn't know that Wes was unaware of that. It was just. Wes wasn't my kind of guy. And. But Lewis and Dave, I loved. And they came down. We, we, we. It was a white boy weekend. We were doing fights. UFC fights. And then an Oz fest, or maybe opposite that. Maybe it was like an Oz fest. And then the next night was UFC in Philly. We all did in Philly. Got a hotel room. One. We're broke, right. So we're sharing hotel room.

[Mike Fenoya]

All four.

[Chris Stanley]

Four of us.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yikes. And one guy you don't like.

[Chris Stanley]

Well, there's a girl with us at the ufc, and we were. The thing in front of us. There was just a bunch of guys in front of us, and they just started saying some shit. They just. They're being dicks for some reason, like, towards us. And it got where it was like, kind of like a bit of a pissing match or something. There was. I don't know if there was more of them or was. Whatever it was. We just. We. We didn't want to get kicked out. I think, like, everything about it, like. But these guys were, like, saying shit. And they said something to the girl, who was a girl Lewis used to date, but not at the time, but she was just a friend. And he goes, like. He goes, yeah, why don't you shut up? He goes, you and that fat bitch. And then all of our whole group got quiet because everyone was just kind of like. Like, I think Lewis has to handle that. And then Lewis was like, I thought we were all going to handle it, and then no one handled it. Then we tried to do the thing where we waited for him outside. Oh, yeah, let's wait for these four guys to come out with the 63,000 people. We're going to catch these guys outside. Don't worry. We're going to catch you outside and

[Mike Fenoya]

then be outside the south entrance.

[Chris Stanley]

Hey, why did we walk so much faster than ahead of them? And went out of a side door that no one thought we saw?

[Mike Fenoya]

We go, was this chubby, dyed haired Lewis.

[Chris Stanley]

No, I didn't know that Lewis.

[Mike Fenoya]

Oh, I never knew Louis was hair at all.

[Chris Stanley]

No, but wow. But so we did that. And then that night we drove home, me and his friend Wes in the car, got into a huge fight.

[Jacob]

Over what?

[Mike Fenoya]

On mushrooms?

[Chris Stanley]

No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't drive on my first time ever taking them. Now our plan was to do mushrooms back at my house. Carla and Isabella were gone. They were visiting her dad or something. I had to place myself. I'll take them for the first time. And I said, I may have been on SSRIs or Lexapro the point, which I think can affect this. Maybe not, because I've been on it and had mushrooms work before. Pretty good. It all depends, I guess. But I took it this night, and everybody did exactly what they told me their thing was gonna be. Dave was sitting on a couch, looking at shadows and trying to over explain that all light is connected to each other.

[Jacob]

That makes sense.

[Chris Stanley]

All light touc.

[Mint Mobile/T-Mobile Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Chris Stanley]

And I was like, sure, yeah. And then Lewis was wrapped in a blanket, a bedspread that I had in the closet that no one used. A bedspread. He was wrapped in it, sweating, Just head coming out of the swaddle and like. Like smile, like. Like smiling, like enjoying something that we're not seeing.

[Ad Voice]

Right.

[Chris Stanley]

That's what I thought mushrooms was. Not realizing it can be a lot mellower than this situation because I watched episodes of Howard Stern, TV on Demand. I took phone call, and I would do that. Someone would call. I go, oh, this is. You know, this is Carla. I think they got to the hotel or whatever. I'm like, hey. And then they would come out of there and be like, I can't believe you're on the phone.

[Mike Fenoya]

How are you talking?

[Chris Stanley]

Okay. I'm like, I don't know, man. Maybe it's not hitting me the same, but I'm enjoying myself. I'm like, hey, look, the tree looks weird. Yeah. But I said, I don't think I submit to Drugs enough. I think that's a lot of the thing. I think a lot of drugs. Sometimes I'm sure there's things you don't have to submit to. It's gonna do it.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

But I think you have to submit a little bit. Same thing. I've been the kind of high I have been in the moment of, like, watching something and probably having like, a stupid smile on my face and looking as, like, stoned as possible. Out of your mind. I promise that if a cop walked in that room right now, I was like, hey, I need to see everybody's idea. I go, what's the problem? I wouldn't be like, hey, man, is this happening? I'm like, I've always been able to be like, no, I'm not stone.

[Jacob]

But here's the problem that there is a solution. You just have to double down on the dosage, make you submit to it.

[Chris Stanley]

That's one of the people, mushrooms. They go, oh, you're not doing enough mushrooms.

[Mike Fenoya]

I mean, really? That's the truth.

[Robert Kelly]

When you took that three and a half bar, you had the best time.

[Chris Stanley]

I'm going do it again. Jacob, you're going to see me on that. Mushrooms, my man. I'm taking them after we interview Rob Zombie 1000% or 1000% Marilyn Manson, then we're going to do mushrooms. You going to take them with me? You can't wait? Dude, dude, take them.

[Jacob]

You know, just take them, man.

[Ad Voice]

What's good?

[Chris Stanley]

You've never taken mushrooms before?

[Mike Fenoya]

You no.

[Jacob]

Crack that mind open.

[Mike Fenoya]

Were you like, take a half a pill and then another half and then like two more? Or were you just three at a time?

[Chris Stanley]

What? You look at him.

[Jacob]

I have a lust for life.

[Chris Stanley]

Look at him.

[Guest/Caller]

What do you think?

[Jacob]

No, no, I just told you he

[Chris Stanley]

ate all the acid because the acid melted together.

[Jacob]

It was Molly.

[Mike Fenoya]

Talking about Molly. I'm talking about ecstasy.

[Chris Stanley]

Apologies.

[Mike Fenoya]

No, when it was like you didn't know what it was, was. You know what I'm saying? When you kind of like, roll the dice. Ecstasy.

[Jacob]

No, I was. I was very dumb. So I. So eventually I got to the point where, all right, give me a pill, I'll snort half, pop the other half. So I'll know exactly what it's going to feel like in 15 minutes and then another half hour.

[Chris Stanley]

And then, you know, if you're heading towards a nightmare with the most fun night of your life.

[Jacob]

Yeah. But then there was some guy who came by with like, oh, man, I think I'm gonna buy this bible of acid and I'm like. And he's like, you want to test it first? And I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll test it. It just testing random acid. And it was just trash acid. But also there's the thing of like, oh, as it hit for 10 hours, then it hits, right? And then it's just like. I thought it was best.

[Chris Stanley]

I wouldn't trust. I wouldn't trust that it was the acid anymore. I'd be like, well, this is the heart attack.

[Jacob]

This is my mind.

[Mike Fenoya]

A bad acid headache is like the worst headache in the world.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

I didn't go to Woods.

[Mike Fenoya]

It's like an ice cream headache for six hours.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's like a migraine almost. It's like just sharp head pain.

[Mike Fenoya]

And you just go, oh, this is awesome.

[Chris Stanley]

I did. I used to do the entire Thriller choreography for my mom. Mom. While you guys were doing those things.

[Jacob]

That's nice.

[Mike Fenoya]

I made close pin Jesuses too.

[Chris Stanley]

Huh?

[Mike Fenoya]

I made closed pin Jesuses.

[Chris Stanley]

That was part of her side business. She had you doing your mom with your grandma Chachkis.

[Guest/Caller]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

When I was in college, there was also a point of like, hey, you know, if you take a bunch of corin, like the over the counter medic cold medication, it will make you trip. And so I was like, okay, I'll do that. And I took like two boxes, of course. Seeing like a moron.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And then I went to class and the class was in an auditorium. It was called History of Math. So there's no actually math going on, just the history. Just a guy talking about the History of Math.

[Mike Fenoya]

First. There was one.

[Jacob]

Yeah, pretty much. And I don't remember anything.

[Chris Stanley]

A few days later, two rolled along.

[Jacob]

But I do remember he was like, anyone have any questions? And I raised my hand and someone told me later, oh, you just spoke gibberish. Not even words. And then I realized what was happening. Got up.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, Literally, that.

[Jacob]

That's what happened. And I got up and just walked out of the middle of class.

[Chris Stanley]

Nice. I. A part of me wishes I had discovered weed in high school. I think I would have enjoyed high school.

[Mike Fenoya]

It was awesome.

[Chris Stanley]

I would have enjoyed high school a lot.

[Mike Fenoya]

Going to high school, high was the best thing in the world.

[Chris Stanley]

Right? I would have done that every day, of course. And I would have. I said, it would have been a thing when you wake up in the morning. I think I would have got up and been like, looked forward to like, oh, I'm going to be stoned and see my friends. Instead of just being like, I hate homework. Everything's stupid. I'm not good at sports.

[Jacob]

Why can't I be good at sports?

[Chris Stanley]

Why can't I be getting sports again? All I got is these stupid wall drawings piling up. And by the way, I went to a predominantly black school, so I have the right. I'm having the right names bursting of all Khadijah.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah, you couldn't have done that on

[Chris Stanley]

some good Illy Donna Chuana.

[Mike Fenoya]

Yeah. And you missed the high school. Like pot with embalming fluid in it and like, all that cool. Like Illy.

[Chris Stanley]

We had Method Man.

[Jacob]

No, but people used to say, like, you know, the shitty weed was sprayed with, I don't know, roach spray.

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah, ye. But when they say it was the embalming fluid, I asked another one I never believed. I believe that like a rat in a Diet Coke, embalming fluid goes. Yeah. So my father's a coroner and he

[Jacob]

had an extra jug of embalming fluid laying around.

[Chris Stanley]

Oh, you can just buy embalming fluid anywhere, really.

[Jacob]

Paint thinner. Paint thinner was another one.

[Mike Fenoya]

This was before Amazon. Yeah, you had to know. You have to have an embalming fluid guy.

[Chris Stanley]

There's just no way. When they're like, oh, it's. It's weed dipped in embalming fluid. He goes, someone who's rolling handmade joints knows somebody with embalming fluid.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

Sorry. Is this the medical examiner's office?

[Mint Mobile/T-Mobile Ad Voice]

Sorry.

[Mike Fenoya]

If you don't mind, I just gotta

[Chris Stanley]

dip this in here real quick. And they gotta just sped three more of these.

[Taboola/BetterHelp/Odoo/TextNow Ad Voice]

I'm sorry.

[Chris Stanley]

Now this. Actually, this is pretty awesome.

[Mike Fenoya]

I was never here.

[Mint Mobile/T-Mobile Ad Voice]

You're doing great. This guy looks like he's just sleeping.

[Mike Fenoya]

Remember when you'd be on ecstasy? You'd be on ecstasy and someone would come up and blow like a Vicks Vapo inhaler into your nose and like that. That was kind of annoying.

[Podcast Announcer]

Annoying.

[Mike Fenoya]

I mean, I didn't like people.

[Chris Stanley]

Again, I did all these things when I was like an adult. So I don't have any of the childlike, like, things of it too.

[Mike Fenoya]

Like, a girl will come up and go like, blow like a Vix vapo thing, like a cooling stick in your nose. And it made you feel all.

[Chris Stanley]

No, not me. It's me and Ari Shafir in the Poconos trying to talk. And we go. I'm like making. Is this eye drooping? Is my eye starting to droop? No. We're okay then. We're okay. I love you, dude.

[Jacob]

I love you.

[Chris Stanley]

Mine is. I said mine. Oh, Chris, we got. Are you you don't do drugs like that anymore. But we would have a fun Molly time. Cuz anyone who's done it with me will tell you. You probably want to hear my life story. And then also peppered in between that, how long you and I have known each other?

[Jacob]

It's talking at me for a while now. Do you snort it or you drink the Molly water pill?

[Chris Stanley]

The. The pill.

[Guest/Caller]

Okay.

[Jacob]

All right. Good. Yeah.

[Mike Fenoya]

And he exhales cigarette smoke like this.

[Jacob]

Sure. All those teeth.

[Chris Stanley]

Yeah, but I. But every time I get that full exhale, I'm go. Well, we know each other now like 15 years.

[Jacob]

It's a while now, bud.

[Chris Stanley]

And I'm gonna go. When I met you, you were. And a bunch of things you don't want to care to talk about.

[Jacob]

Guys are saucers.

[Chris Stanley]

Right now I'm at this. Who is the intern kid?

[Intern/Guest Speaker]

The intern kid?

[Mint Mobile/T-Mobile Ad Voice]

You guys.

[Chris Stanley]

The intern with the teeth and the face.

[Jacob]

Oh, then turn that teeth in the face.

[Chris Stanley]

In the teeth guy.

[Mike Fenoya]

Jeff, you're fun.

[Chris Stanley]

Come on, come on, dude. We've known each other for now.

[Intern/Guest Speaker]

What is it?

[Chris Stanley]

I thinking now it's probably closer to 16 years.

[Jacob]

I'm doing the math.

[Chris Stanley]

I love telling people how much I was that a little smack my up. You're gonna bring us in with that Molly music. I know we gotta wrap this up. It's about that time another one flies by with the boys. Mike Fenoya, thank you for co hosting with me.

[Mike Fenoya]

Anytime, Cowboys.

[Chris Stanley]

He's going to be at Zany's, downtown Chicago, July 9th through the 11th. For tickets and all the tour dates, visit mikefenoya.com and make sure you check out the Saturday night shakedown. Every Saturday at 8pm Eastern on SiriusXM, Grateful Dead, channel 23. And follow him at mikefenoya on all socials, of course. Chris Stanley's on Bennington. Yes, right here on faction talk 103 weekdays noon to 2. And of course High Society Radio on Gas Digital and YouTube. Follow Bennington SXM on socials and listen to the Portcast Bobby Kelly, 7pm Fat Black Pussycat Lounge every Tuesday at the Comedy Cellar. He's also gonna be in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, July 25th. Two shows, one night after that, he's in Saratoga Springs September 11th and 12th. Never forget Brooklyn, New York on September 26th. Means nothing. For tickets and all other tour dates visit. Punch up. What do you make? What'd you say? Why'd you make a face?

[Robert Kelly]

You said means nothing.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Chris Stanley]

Saratoga Springs was September 11th and 12th. Oh, July 25th was two shows, one night thanks for slowing it down. Hey guys, if we're late on the ads today, it's because Christine just pulled the brakes. I don't even want to do ads anymore. Punchup Live. Robert Kelly. You can catch me. Richmond, Virginia, Long Island, Harrisburg. Sold out this weekend, but get some standby tickets if you can't. Oh yeah, in the Great outdoors festival. Two shows in one day. I just don't know what they are exactly. Bigjcomed.com might have tickets for that. YouTube.com bigjokerson of course. Listen to all my stuff and we'll catch you tomorrow. Bobby should be home, but the weather ain't getting any better. Nope, he might just be in Austinite now. Him and Joe DeRose are gonna be doing coke with trannies and bars.

[Mike Fenoya]

Vile and horrendous, let's hope.

[Chris Stanley]

Thank you so much, Chris.

[Jacob]

Chris, thank you.

[Podcast Announcer]

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