Writing & Stealing Jokes

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: Writing & Stealing Jokes

Date: May 21, 2026
Platform: SiriusXM Faction Talk, Channel 103

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Episode Overview

In this lively, unfiltered episode, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly dive into the art and agony of writing new jokes—and the persistence of joke theft in the comedy world. With biting humor and plenty of self-deprecation, Jay and Bobby take listener calls, crowdsource premises for an upcoming New Joke Night, and riff on the often chaotic process of building fresh material. A spontaneous detour into a notorious joke theft incident on Australian TV adds an extra layer of industry commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Reality of Building New Material

• Both hosts are preparing for a "New Joke Night" at the Fat Black Pussycat in NYC, where they'll challenge themselves to write and perform brand-new material based on random premises.
• Jay: "I wanted to use my one skill I never developed: joke writing." (04:00)
• The challenge: no crowd work, just raw joke testing—no falling back on performance skills honed over decades.

2. Listener Participation: Joke Premises Draft

• The bulk of the episode features listeners pitching joke premises for the hosts to draft and write material on.
• Jay and Bobby stress they want just premises (the setup), not fleshed-out jokes.
• Some callers over-elaborate; hosts roast these meandering stories while extracting the core premise.
• Great recurring banter about how “every subject’s been covered”—the real test is originality of perspective.

Notable Premises from Callers (Timestamps Given):

• Running out of toilet paper in public / alternative toilet paper (12:21)

  • “Alternative toilet paper. Where you going with it?” – Bobby

• Returning food on a date (13:40)

  • “That’s gonna go into Jay’s act... his next hour.” – Bobby

• Modern road head (difficulties in new cars) (06:32)

  • "My belly isn’t making her right ear lay on the horn the whole time." – Jay

• Difference in 'bases' (dating/sex) from youth to adulthood (07:57)

• Beard/moustache hairs curling up into your nose (11:29)

• Meta premise: people calling in to give comedians joke premises (16:14)

  • "This is meta... you could work this in an alternative room..." – Jay

• Cardi B removing her BBL (15:09)

• A riddle-style premise: A cop steps on a truck, says “ow”—why? (18:16)

3. Self-Deprecation and Honesty about the Process

• Jay and Bobby openly discuss the fear and humility of doing new jokes, even as seasoned professionals:
  • "If you can be confidently not funny, you’re still gonna get away with it." – Bobby (05:25)
  • "Can we go back to our roots... just go up and say, ‘here’s my new thoughts’?" – Jay (10:52)

4. Industry Commentary: Joke Theft

• The hosts reference a viral joke theft scandal from “Australia’s Got Talent” (Jordan Paris), breaking down the situation and watching the infamous bombed follow-up performance.

• Notable quote:

  • “He should have gone underground forever. Or just denied it to his deathbed.” – Jay (40:28)

• They reflect on how TV, fame, and the internet expose comedian missteps in new, lasting ways ("You'll never hear from me again. Goodbye.").

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Alcoholic Puss. That was my mother's nickname in high school." – Bobby (01:36)

• "If it's new joke night, let's do his new joke night. I've got a couple new things here I want to try..." – Jay (03:19)

• "You don’t want to use your, your 30-year skills." – Bobby (05:37)

• "Can we spike that ball by Monday? Can we do it?" – Jay, on writing a joke from scratch (10:33)

• [Caller] “Returning food on a date.”
  [Jay] “Damn. I kind of hope I get that one.” (13:45)

• On meta joke premise:

  • “It’s like taking a picture of someone looking in a mirror. There’s a thousand of you in that picture. It never ends.” – Jay (27:47)

• On being given hacky topics:

  • “Any subject, any subject. Every subject’s been covered already. Leave it to us.” – Bobby (13:32)

• Watching the "Australia's Got Talent" joke thief bomb:

  • "Sounds like his teeth are gonna come out... Take a sip of water, you dry mouth Aussie." – Bobby (40:05)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Description / Highlights | |-----------|----------------------------------------------------------| | 01:25 | Show intro; playful banter about Irish tragedy | | 03:15 | Announcement & setup for New Joke Night | | 04:41 | Why crowd work isn’t allowed—testing true joke writing | | 06:02 | Begin taking listener calls for joke premises | | 12:23 | Callers: Running out of TP/alternative TP, returning food| | 16:11 | Meta joke premise: people calling in for jokes | | 17:18 | Caller’s “cop says ow” riddle premise | | 27:08 | Jay summarizes collected premises so far | | 37:12 | Watching “Australia’s Got Talent” joke thief segment | | 40:00+ | Full breakdown and cringe commentary on joke theft issue |

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Other Fun Digressions

• Offbeat discussion of cosmetic procedures: BBLs and penis fillers—in true Bonfire fashion, the talk turns hilarious and raunchy.
• Bobby and Jay roast each other and share humblebrags (“That was my stage shirt!”; “I wanted to use my one skill I never developed…”).
• Reflection on how hacky topics remain perennial—what can you add as a pro?
• Running jokes about the hosts' own past cringeworthy appearances on old TV/standup tapes.

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

• Honest, self-effacing, and thoroughly raw: Jay and Bobby pull back the curtain on the insecurities even comics at their level face with new material.
• Audience interaction is central: the process of shaping jokes from random premises is made collaborative, unpredictable, and meta.
• Industry insight with edge: They skewer both the tradition of joke theft and the hacky fallback premises that plague open mics, while celebrating the possibility of finding new angles.

In summary:
This episode is a must-listen for fans intrigued by how stand-up is built, the sweat (and embarrassment) of starting from scratch, and the hard truths about joke theft in comedy’s digital age. The banter is fast, foul-mouthed, vulnerable, and smartly self-aware as ever.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, Danny boy. Everything Irish is tragic.

[D]

Alcoholic puss.

[C]

That's right. That was my mother's nickname in high school.

[B]

Alcoholic puss.

[C]

Alcoholic puss.

[B]

Nice old alcoholic Puss Kelly. I like that.

[D]

Suck it.

[B]

I like the sound of that. It's the bonfire. Faction Talk, SiriusXM103.

[C]

I think peanut M and M is the best little chocolate snack when you're looking for something. Just a little chocolate. It's the best.

[B]

P. M is pretty good.

[C]

It's pretty goddamn good. Better than an M and M. I'm not into Peanut M. M, regular M&M's. Boo.

[B]

We got some. Okay, yeah, I already see. Let's take some of these calls because I'm gonna let them tell us.

[C]

Just let everybody know. If you're just tuning in.

[B]

We're looking for premise.

[C]

We're going. We're looking for premises. Me and Jay are doing new joke night Monday night. Willis events next Monday at the Pussycat Lounge.

[B]

I never do spots in the city ever. Well, I mean weekends sometimes when I'm

[C]

home and you can call up and give us our premises. I'm gonna pick three through a draft. 8, 6, 6, 9 6, 9. 1969 call up.

[B]

And where's new jokes? Upstairs room, Right.

[C]

No. Yeah, Pussycat Lounge. Yeah. Where my show is on Tuesdays. Right.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

And it was packed last night. You didn't go in. But it was. It was sold out.

[B]

No, you walked into the room.

[C]

I walked into the room, and I was just standing there looking at Will,

[B]

and you say, why you look at me, Bobby Kelly, he didn't.

[C]

He didn't acknowledge me.

[B]

Why are you looking? He.

[C]

Why, why, why, why, why, why? Why are you standing there, Bobby?

[B]

Now, I'm gonna warn you. If it's new, if Will hosts it every weekend, every week, he hosts it.

[C]

Every Monday night, he hosts it. Yeah.

[B]

He has new joke night. Will's gonna stay in that room and he's gonna. He's gonna want to back and forth with me.

[C]

Yeah. Just so you know, he might even be on stage. Come up on stage with you.

[B]

It's possible. No, that was never our thing. But he'll be in the audience, but he'll want to talk. So I'm gonna have to get. We're gonna do three jokes a piece.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm have to be like, will, let me get my jokes. Because here's the thing. I don't want to. If it's new joke night, let's do his new joke night. Hey, everyone. So I got a couple new things here I want to try and then start doing your jokes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If I ingratiate them with talking with Will and the crowd and stuff, it's not going to be fair. Because like. Or even if you did that, it wouldn't be fair. Because I go, well, they're going to like it. You set a tone. That's almost the point of that kind of crowd work. You're setting a tone. They're going to like you and they'll work with you. You want to go, is this funny? Is this shitty joke I wrote this weekend funny?

[C]

Right. Yeah. You want to go up and just go. All right, first joke.

[B]

Okay, here you go. Got a couple things here.

[C]

Couple good ones.

[B]

So we're taking. We're looking for premise ideas. We're going to get a pool of premise ideas.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Maybe 10, 12.

[C]

Well, hopefully.

[B]

And then we'll. No, for sure. I mean, the lines are filling up, buddy. They always do. The listeners are the best.

[C]

The best.

[B]

They wish we had guests.

[C]

Except for that one guy who ratted

[B]

us out to that one guy. But he, man, well, he loves us.

[C]

Loves us, but he fucked us Just

[B]

got an evil spirit inside of him that wants to hurt David. David Vox Mullen more than ever. I wanted to. Never wanted to hurt him ever.

[C]

Never.

[B]

But we're gonna take get a bunch of suggestions and then we'll do like a draft where me and Bobby are gonna be picking each other's topics.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

So if. Just know if marshmallows is a subject, it's probably gonna come this way.

[C]

100% going your way.

[B]

It's probably gonna come my way. How do I plug in marshmallows and hot chocolobolus? Oh, man, you guys got a fun show coming Thursday. I'll let you know that. Today's our double day show. Our Thursday early show is funny.

[C]

Hey, David, you should tune in Thursday if you're going to tune in at all.

[B]

Dvm tune in. You want to see somebody go to work on somebody. You got off easy compared to Bobby.

[C]

Dave, that one's for you, buddy.

[B]

We owe you. And then we're going to find me eating shit somewhere too.

[C]

I'm going to do that.

[B]

Not that you ate shit. That's not what I'm trying to say.

[C]

That's not what we're saying.

[B]

I'm going to stop talking.

[C]

If you can be confidently not funny.

[B]

That's fair.

[C]

You're still going to get away with it.

[B]

That's what I'm saying about Monday night. If I go up there, there, I'm gonna be confidently not funny. If I start yapping to the crowd first.

[C]

Yeah, you don't want to do that.

[B]

No.

[C]

You don't want to use your, your 30 year skills.

[B]

Yeah, just. Yeah, I wanted. I wanted to use my one skill I never developed. Joke writing.

[C]

Apparently after Thursday show, neither did I.

[B]

Classic joke writing. All right, let's take some of these calls. Bobby, what do you think?

[C]

All right, let's go.

[B]

You want to throw some darts, Lou?

[C]

Yeah. Let's go to Michael.

[B]

Michael in Pennsylvania. What's up? You're on with the bonfire. Throw us a subject. Is that good?

[C]

That was fantastic.

[B]

Thank you.

[E]

Hey, what's up, Big J? Not Dan.

[C]

What's up, buddy? How are you?

[E]

Good. How about yourself?

[B]

Oh, we're hanging in there. Do you have a good idea for a joke we should do?

[E]

Yes, absolutely. Road head in modern cars.

[B]

Oh, I had a thing about that already. I had a thing.

[E]

Really? Like.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

The center console being so big and the ding ding when you unbuckle the seatbelt.

[B]

I didn't even think of the ding ding. No, my thing just goes with my. I don't know how I did it when I was a teenager, because I did get it done to me when I was a teenager. But now there's no way that it could be done without a. Unless I was leaned back like a Puerto Rican gangster. There's no way that my belly isn't making her right ear lay on the horn the whole time.

[C]

I do like the. He actually thought the joke out a little bit. He wrote some of it for you. The ding ding from the seatbelt.

[B]

Well, that's good. It was a good concept.

[C]

I'm.

[B]

Put it down, Bobby, because we could always throw this to you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Road head modern ding card.

[C]

Suck my dick, ding.

[B]

He gave it to you. Oh, my God. Can you please click that? Can you please click your.

[E]

I have another one, too.

[B]

Fire dude. Okay, so I'm gonna take names of these. This is Michael from P.A. mike from P.A.

[E]

yep.

[C]

Do we have to announce that when we do the joke? This is from Michael and PA yeah,

[B]

we should let people know the ones we picked. They should be able to get credit later on for what they need at

[C]

the end of the joke. If it does good, we should go. That's from Michael and PA. From Michael and PA yes.

[B]

Michael and PA says, do a joke about road head modern cars. And here's my respons. Hey, people, have you ever gotten roadhead? Modern cars Start to joke. What's the other one?

[E]

All right, so the next one is the difference between, like, you remember back in the day when you were with a girl and was like, hey, first base, second base, third base. So the difference between when you get

[B]

older and what the bases are.

[E]

Yes. It all changes.

[C]

Yeah, you just become the umpire.

[E]

Position becomes like second base. You know, you touch a titty, you're probably gonna get in there.

[B]

I understand what you're saying. I like it.

[C]

I like it.

[B]

It's in there. We have those two from Mike and PA. All right.

[C]

Thank you, Mike Premise. Michael.

[B]

Good premises. You think he's just warming us up? He's going to try to night his own thing. Then we're gonna see, like, joke thieves. Real nice. Who else you got? Who else you got for us there, Louis?

[C]

Try Fredo in Texas. Fredo.

[B]

Fredo.

[C]

Fredo. I knew it was you. Fredo. Fredo. What's up, buddy?

[B]

Yo, what's up, my man? What do you got? Throw us a couple of Joe concepts here.

[E]

Okay. So when I was young, we were always in the backyard hanging out, and I was always wondering why my parents keys. They always smelling their keys. I thought the Keys smell good. And to me, they just like the smell of metal. But after that, they got all turned up and they got excited and then playing on that, they always. We never had a bank account, never had credit cards, but they always had cards on them and they always turn them out. So they always had a compact and they always had credit cards. And same thing every time they take them out, they go disappear together, but then they come back with their keys and their credit card. They never leave home without them. But we never had a car.

[B]

All right, Jacob. Our concept. Jacob. Did fall apart from that one. Good job, Fredo. I will say the concept we're doing here is not hitting the way we want it to. We're looking for basic premise. These people are giving us constructed jokes about their family doing cocaine.

[C]

Yeah. We need a premise. Like on the first round. Like alligator farts having sex in modern cars.

[B]

That was good. Roadhead in modern cars is a good thing.

[C]

What was the other one he gave? That was the all right one, too.

[B]

Difference between the bases, young to old.

[C]

Yeah, that was a good premise. We're looking for a premise.

[B]

This was all worked out.

[C]

Yeah. Want a fleshed out joke?

[B]

And I'm sorry about what your parents did in front of you.

[C]

Yeah. That was a child.

[B]

None of that was your fault.

[C]

Nothing.

[B]

Whatever happened to you wasn't your fault, Fredo. Don't blame yourself for that. So, yeah, we're looking for more like. Exactly. Like going to the zoo with a kid.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Doing the thing.

[C]

We're looking for more of the setup than the punch lines and stuff.

[B]

We'll knock it down. That's the skill. Can we take your premise.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And spike that ball.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

By Monday. Can we do it?

[C]

Who we got? Lou.

[B]

Now, I know what you say. Seven million people do it on Kill Tony every Monday. Sure. But can me and Bobby do it once?

[C]

Yeah. Here's the thing. We're doing hours every weekend. We're always headlining.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Can we go back to our roots?

[B]

Can I go back to my roots and just go on here and just pop in and go, yo, here's some new thoughts. It's only my new thoughts. Not a set. Not designed into a set.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Go up. Hey, guys, got a couple things here I want to try out for you. Okay. How about this?

[C]

Exactly. What do you got? We got Mike. It seems to be another cokehead from Texas.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[C]

What's up, Mike?

[B]

Mike? What's up?

[C]

What's up?

[B]

Slow down.

[E]

Hey, you know, Fredo's parents sound like they party, so I'm down with that.

[B]

Hell, yeah, they did.

[E]

My premise is just those rogue little ass nose hairs or the beard hairs that get in your nose when you're just. No matter how fresh it is.

[C]

Wait, say the beard hair or nose hair?

[E]

The beard hair. Yeah. So like your mustache, where it flips up in your nose and you just can't get rid of that.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Write that down.

[C]

We both have mustaches.

[B]

Goes into nose. There you go. Mike in Texas. Okay.

[C]

You got anything else, or is that it, Mike?

[E]

Simple. I'll let you guys. I'll let the pros handle it.

[B]

Oh, we're gonna thank you.

[C]

Oh, we're gonna thank you. I appreciate that.

[B]

Mustache goes into nose.

[C]

Love that.

[B]

Okay, who else we got? Dutch in Tampa.

[C]

Good name. What's up, Dutch?

[E]

Hey, what's up, boys? Bobby, I'm sorry I missed you in Sarasota.

[C]

I am, too. Dutch, where were you?

[E]

I was at the cigar lounge waiting for you, brother. Sorry about that. My bad.

[C]

That's all right, buddy. Next time.

[B]

What is this? Dutch and Tampa?

[E]

I got. Yeah, I got two for you.

[B]

Nice one.

[E]

Running out of toilet paper in a public bathroom and possibly having to use a sock.

[B]

Love it. Just alternative toilet paper.

[C]

Alternative toilet paper. Where you going with it?

[E]

Alternative toilet paper.

[C]

Been there.

[B]

And we gotta say, we also acknowledge me and Bobby. I don't want you guys to think a lot of these things we've been given to us already are extraordinarily hacked subjects. It's now our job to make. How do you take this running out of toilet paper and you gotta blah, blah, blah. Yeah, how do you bring that up to a professionally funny level?

[C]

Right?

[B]

And can we.

[C]

Can we? We might not.

[B]

I might just hit you with the same thing. Like, what's with the grill marks on the airplane food? What, is there a little tiny grill up there? Am I supposed to think.

[C]

Here's the thing.

[B]

Running out of tc.

[C]

The best part about this is that they film all these shows. Oh, we'll have.

[B]

That's right. I forgot. Yeah. Don't have to, like, fill out some kind of, like. They can use it forever in perpetuity.

[C]

No, you've actually filled that up by walking through the door. They scan your eyes at the Comedy Center.

[B]

I love that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Running out of tp. We got that one. Dutch, do you have a second one?

[E]

I do, but I'm still worried about you. Call me a hack. And now I'm gonna.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

No touch. Dutch, these are premises.

[C]

Any subject is any subject.

[B]

Every subject's Been covered already.

[C]

Leave it to us. We're gonna take your subject and bring it to another level.

[E]

I'd expect nothing less. All right. The second one is returning Food on a Date.

[B]

Oh, okay. Damn. I kind of hope I get that one.

[C]

Maybe you will. I kind of like that one.

[B]

Yeah, that was a good. That's a great. That's a fucking great premise. That's a great one, Dutch.

[C]

Good premise.

[B]

That's not even hacky. Even sort of.

[C]

No, that's gonna go into Jay Zach. That's gonna be his next hour.

[B]

He's gonna be my next. My one man show.

[C]

He's gonna have to pay you $50 for that joke.

[B]

That's genuinely.

[E]

It would probably be great if you did that in a dinner show. Maybe in a diner somewhere in New Jersey. Know any places?

[B]

I do. Well, there's one place I'm gonna be performing a lot. It's coming around the pike pretty soon. The Greek Diner. It's a Greek diner. Thank you, Dutch. Those are two good. Those were great.

[C]

Thanks, Dutch.

[B]

Those were great. One person just wants us to know that David Vox Mullens respond to comments. I know, we know, we know, we know. Listen, on Thursday.

[C]

We know he's having fun.

[B]

He's enjoying it.

[C]

Try Don in Pittsburgh.

[B]

Yeah, Don in the Berg.

[C]

What's up, Don?

[E]

Hey,

[B]

what's up, buddy?

[E]

It's a real honor to be talking to you guys. The Legends.

[C]

He's got a good premise here.

[B]

What's your premise? Fluency.

[C]

Science. Fluency. The science in the house. Fluency.

[B]

Science here.

[E]

I'd recently heard that Cardi B is planning on removing her bbl. And I was thinking now something you could work with or maybe even throw it the fluence way. See where he goes with it.

[B]

It's. We could. We can see one of us. That's another good one, Don. I gotta give us another good one. Thank you very much, Don. Don, in Pittsburgh.

[C]

I mean.

[B]

Cardi B removes BBC.

[C]

I already got a thing.

[B]

BBL. BBL. BBL.

[C]

BLL. What's a BBC?

[B]

Big black hawk.

[C]

Oh, Big black.

[B]

Well, it's also the British broadcasting. Whatever.

[D]

But more importantly.

[B]

But.

[C]

But more importantly, Big Black Hawk.

[B]

If. If it's typed into my computer.

[C]

It's big black clock.

[B]

It's big black.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

If it's type in Jacob's computer. It's the BBC.

[B]

It's definitely the BBC.

[C]

And suspenders.

[B]

It's like a. Another take on the Titanic that hasn't been done yet.

[C]

Yeah, they're doing a documentary on. On hound hunting.

[B]

Who else we have here Wheeze Brother Weez in pa. Oh, Brother Weez, the Wheeze. Wheeze.

[E]

What's going on, brothers?

[B]

What's up, Wheeze and pa. Hey, man.

[E]

I've been listening to you guys since day one, and you guys rocked.

[B]

Oh, thank you so much, my man. You got a joke premise for us. Here's the. Huh?

[E]

Bunch of people calling in to give you jokes.

[B]

It's meta.

[C]

Jesus Christ. He's being meta right in front of us.

[B]

It's right in front of us.

[C]

We were walking by that penny and we never bent down to pick it

[B]

up in to give jokes.

[E]

Never did.

[B]

It's fucking meta.

[E]

Down the road.

[B]

It's meta. And this is one of those things. This is good because this can work in an alternative room. Well, I don't know what they call those now, but like an alternative room where you can kind of go in there.

[C]

They call those room.

[B]

Oh, just rooms now?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Now you can just go and people. Because that's where you go. It's like, dude. Because this is a joke I wrote by people calling in about the concept of people calling in to give me jokes. And they're just going to be like,

[C]

heads going to explode.

[B]

This might involve the audience snapping in rhythm. Yeah, joke. I don't know yet. I'm just thinking out loud. I'm brainstorming early.

[C]

It might have more clapter than laughter in this joke, which is fine.

[B]

You'd be surprised how quick I could turn this into a fucking Free Palestine message.

[C]

Is that it, brothers, you blow minds.

[B]

Thank you, Wheeze. It's Wheeze. Wheezy the Wheeze. Let's take one more here. Let's take one more. We got Jerry. Jerry in Kansas. Jerry.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

You're on the bonfire.

[C]

What's up, Jerry?

[E]

Hey. I really enjoy you guys. Thank you.

[B]

Thank you, my man. You got some joke premise for us?

[E]

Yeah. A truck driver pulls on a scale and a police officer gets up on side of his truck to talk to him and he says, ow. Now you got to come up with the reasons.

[C]

What?

[B]

Wait, what? I didn't understand almost 100 of that black blue actor. He knew, but then he didn't know at all.

[C]

Can you say it again, but slower, in a different accent?

[E]

That's the only accident I have.

[C]

I try. A white guy accident.

[B]

This guy? Yeah.

[C]

Not your white guy. Like New York white guy. Like a rich white guy from New York. Like, hey, how are you like that Eddie Murray talk like a black guy. White guy.

[E]

Hey, how are you there you go now.

[C]

Say it again.

[E]

All right. A trust. Drivers stops on a scale, and the police officer gets up on the side of his truck and he says, ow. Now you come up with the reason why. I have a story for it.

[C]

Okay, don't tell us.

[B]

That's. That'll be next week. We have to get the actual. We write a joke about why does the police officer. I'm right poor. Step up on truck. Scale on truck. That's on scale.

[C]

Truck is on the scale. Police office steps up on the truck to check it.

[B]

Officer says, ow.

[C]

Officer says, yeah, I get it. I get it.

[D]

Different type of joke, I guess. That's a challenge.

[C]

That's a challenge.

[B]

It's a bit of riddle.

[E]

It's a challenge. Yes.

[B]

I like that.

[E]

I believe in you.

[B]

Thank you, Jerry. Thank you, sir.

[C]

Yeah, Jerry, thank you.

[E]

And you did something. What's that?

[C]

You did A perfect black guy doing a white guy. By the way, it really cleared things up.

[E]

My daughter was married to a black guy, so I think that's why.

[B]

Oh, that's why you stay on that road trucking, dude. That's why you stay on that road trucking. Oh, my God. What are you gonna do? Sitting there and tell them to turn their music down every single night? No way, dude. You know what they're doing in that room?

[E]

Never have a daughter. That's the. That's the ideal.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. My. Well, I had a daughter. I just. I ran away from her life when she was 12, so I never had to worry about those things.

[E]

I was with mine. So that was the problem.

[B]

Oh, boring. Thank you, Jerry.

[C]

Thanks, buddy.

[E]

Another story, please.

[B]

Sure.

[E]

I was in St. Louis delivering an X ray machine at the airport one time.

[B]

What machine?

[E]

X ray Ever seen? I forgot. I forgot. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

[C]

Thank you, Jerry.

[E]

Walked out of the airport with a. With a very well groomed standard poodle. Okay, so she's high end. Her dog's high end. I'm standing there with the police officer. She walks right over to the grass and lets the dog crap in a paper towel in her hand. And the dog was looking back at her like, what in the heck are you doing?

[B]

Oh, I feel like the dog is aware that she does this all the time.

[E]

Yeah, it was the craziest thing I've ever seen.

[B]

Caught in a paper towel.

[C]

What did she do with it, though? Did she. Didn't. Did she eat it or did she wrap it up?

[E]

She did sniff it a little bit. I don't know what that all, man.

[B]

She's into some sick shit. Those rich people are some sick. I bet that goes back to the Epstein files.

[C]

Oh, P. Diddy.

[B]

If or at least P. Diddy.

[C]

Yeah, P. Diddy paid her at very least the punishment.

[B]

Thank you so much, Jerry.

[C]

Have my standard puddle into a napkin and smell it. That's the only way I come.

[B]

Yo, I have to hire a male stripper to come over here and dookie my girl's paper towel hand.

[C]

Do me a favor. I want you to take the dog downstairs, have a into a paper towel in front of the cop. Damn. And then sniff it if the girl

[B]

lets you in her hand that she's got a paper towel and she loves you.

[C]

Yeah, for sure she loves that dog.

[B]

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[B]

what we got so far. Bobby. Yes, we have mustache goes into nose. There's a premise Running out of toilet paper and alternatives for that.

[C]

I like that one. Running. Running out of toilet paper in a public place, which matters.

[B]

Sure. Returning food on a date. So good.

[C]

That's okay. Returning food on a date.

[B]

The very meta idea that people are calling in to give us jokes and then we will be in fact doing a joke about people calling in to give us jokes.

[C]

So it's people calling in to tell us.

[B]

The joke itself will be about people calling in to give us jokes. When this joke in fact will be the joke you wrote. It's like one of those like I

[C]

don't even know what's going on.

[B]

It's like when someone takes a picture of someone looking in a mirror. There's a thousand of you in that picture. It never ends. And it got the whole world laughing. It's still my favorite thing ever. The weirdest when the guy on was it Australia's Got Talent? The kid who came out with the big teeth and like he I guess he stole jokes the first he did one of the first weekend killed and then they finally he stole jokes like before the next episode came out. And when he came out the next episode he got the game. You know, he's moved on so they couldn't disqualify him. So then he comes out. They should have actually disqualified him. But they instead let him come out and try again. And he goes out and what he did instead of doing, he did like two or three jokes, bombed, and then did a full stage production of I started a joke and sang the whole song with the background singers and everything. It's crazy. You never seen that now?

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Do you have that? Christine, it's so worth it. While I talk about these, I'm gonna assign you one of these.

[C]

Can we go through them all first?

[B]

Oh, yes. I'm sorry, I thought we did. My apologies. You're right. Why? We have the riddle of why would the police officer who jumps up on the truck that's on the scale at the way station for truckers. Cop jumps up on the truck, says, ow. Why? Yeah, we have oh, roadhead in the modern era. Modern cars. Difference between the sex bases from young to old, what they were when you were young to what they should be now.

[C]

Difference between the sex spaces between now

[B]

and when you were young.

[C]

When we were young.

[B]

Your kid. Yeah. Cardi B removes her bbl.

[C]

Cardi B removes her bbl.

[B]

That's all we have.

[C]

Not her BBC.

[B]

Not her BBC.

[D]

You say Removes her bbl. Is that. That's an implant or that they just raise your ass?

[C]

No, they just take out all the fat. It's all fat.

[B]

Whatever they put in it.

[D]

So what? They put her fat?

[B]

Well, because they got implants or if they got like, just like that fat injection.

[D]

So she. If she removes it, she's either getting fat sucked out or silicone. Some.

[B]

Something.

[C]

Yeah, she's getting something taken out maybe. But therein lies the haha.

[B]

Also, maybe this isn't true at all.

[D]

That's right.

[C]

Right. Therein lies the.

[B]

She's undergoing further procedures to remove her remaining butt. Injections. And implant. And implants. Okay, there you go. She's had to fix some issues from past illegal biopolymer silicone injections. Good, good.

[D]

That's permanent.

[B]

Yeah, I know. How about the people when it's like. Didn't you see people got like a bbl and it's like they put cement in my ass. Like cement. It's crazy. You just come out of that and he goes, after a week you go, I don't think this is right. I think this is.

[C]

Why don't you think it's right?

[B]

I don't know, man. Because like local kids keep coming by and putting handprints in there and they just stay.

[D]

I just watched. There's a documentary coming out on penis enlargement. Girth only. Girth only.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You are.

[D]

But there's two versions that you can do. You can either get some. It's kind of something acid that they put in, make your lips blow up. It's the same thing. They'll still. They'll make your dick widen. Really widen out. Yeah.

[B]

That's gonna change the way it feels, though.

[D]

That's the safest one. You have to do like multiple treatments.

[C]

The acid is the safest one.

[D]

That's the safest one because it dissipates.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

It's a. It's a filler, that natural filler that goes away, but it'll go away.

[B]

So your dick will be fatter for a little bit.

[D]

Yes. You have to keep maintaining it.

[C]

This is like when you're meeting a new girl.

[D]

There are guys, they said that they're A lot of them, they're already huge. They're just. They're crazy. A lot of them are going broke doing this. They just can't stop widening out their. Their penis.

[B]

Well, it's only going to get so wide, but you'll get to your maximum possible width.

[D]

Well, what they do is they give you. They actually make you keep holding bigger sized dildos or something like that to say, this is what I want my penis to be. And then the doctor says, well, that's going to be seven procedures, seven injections.

[C]

Well, can't they just make something up that actually makes a vagina smaller and tighter?

[B]

Yeah. Instead of their big disgusting. That make my wiener feel small.

[C]

Yeah. Can they just make that tighten up? Can they get like a.

[B]

Can it be their fault?

[C]

Can they get the stuff you put under your eyes to make the bags go away? Just rub it inside of a. So it tightens up.

[B]

Yeah. We already make them get abortions. And like, can't you just deal with all of it and shut up already?

[C]

Yeah, Their body, their choice.

[D]

Yeah, I think you can get.

[B]

If it's your body, your choice. Enough. Shut up. Make your pussy tight.

[C]

Yeah, man.

[D]

You can get your puss tightened, I think.

[C]

Really? How.

[B]

How'd you get your vaginal rejuvenation? They call it.

[D]

Yeah, you. You can tighten your puss. It's in the Godfather book.

[B]

I don't remember the book.

[C]

I saw the movie.

[D]

But anyway, the second version of that is.

[B]

You knew. I didn't know.

[D]

Permanent.

[C]

He knew. We both did.

[D]

Oh, I said that before.

[B]

I like the way you said it. He goes, you know that. No, you know I didn't. You jerk off.

[C]

You knew. You knew. Both of us didn't read the Godfather book.

[B]

I make you feel good?

[C]

Yeah, you feel good?

[B]

Now take a big man. Mr. US soccer team.

[C]

Yeah. Mr. We're not good enough to talk to ladies.

[D]

The movie's much better.

[B]

Better.

[D]

Okay, you're fine. But the other version is silicone and it's permanent silicone injections. But the problem is the silicone moves with time. So they end up like having a lot of them. It just clumps into like a pyramid at the. At the head of the penis. And it just looks like a mangled.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[D]

And they end up having to have surgery and some of them can't be fixed. So it's a silicone injection, the permanent version.

[C]

And then you had turned into a pyramid.

[D]

All the silicone, like cuz your pee, your penis is down, so it just. All the silicone just drops to the head of your penis.

[C]

So you have like one of those, like, you know, those monkeys with the big long noses. Like one of those dicks.

[B]

Like a monkey nose dick.

[C]

Like a monkey nose dick.

[D]

Worse, I think.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You never saw those monkeys with the big dick noses? Wow. All right.

[B]

Big monkey dick knows.

[C]

You never saw the big monkey dick knows.

[B]

Thought you're a documentary guy.

[C]

Thought you're. Yeah, I thought you were into that stuff. If it's not written, you don't check it out.

[B]

I thought you were a nature guy.

[C]

Yeah, there you go.

[B]

I thought you knew about nature. What is this? Is this their dicks with the. With the thing with the silicone in it? Is that what it is?

[A]

This is with the acid fillers.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Hyaluronic acid.

[C]

But do you have to have those lumps on your dick?

[B]

I don't know. What's the girth change?

[C]

Changes a lot.

[D]

It varies. The more. The more you do it, the thicker it gets.

[B]

Could it fuck your boner up?

[D]

I don't think so. They said it's the safest one.

[B]

I don't like that. Doesn't look good.

[C]

Yeah, that looks like a missile dick.

[B]

Yeah, I don't want. Yeah, that's the problem. Like I don't want my fucking. My shaft to get much thicker than my dickhead. My dickhead doesn't get thicker.

[D]

That's what I'm saying. We're looking at pictures. The guy's already got a. A big piece.

[B]

Yeah, the guy had a solid dick.

[C]

I don't think you can get your dickhead bigger. I think your dickhead is. The cake is baked. I think the dick part is flexible.

[B]

Possibly, but that's what I'm saying, like, so I don't then I definitely would not want substantial girth change.

[C]

First of all, that guy's dick right there was perfect.

[B]

May I say he's got a fantastic dick.

[C]

Fantastic dick. And then he ruined it. Now it looks like that's what they said.

[D]

Most of them already have a large penis.

[C]

Now he has a water balloon dick.

[B]

Yeah, but now it's ugly.

[C]

Yeah, it's an ugly.

[B]

That guy shouldn't have done that. Is there another example?

[C]

Oh, God. I only want foreskin dicks, please.

[B]

All right, now, here you go. Now this guy did the what? What's the difference there, though? What is his girth difference? Sorry, it keeps jumping. Where'd he go? Where's this guy's thickness?

[D]

That's a. I don't know if you can. If there's pictures of the mangled ones, but apparently it's disgusting.

[B]

Let's see. He had a 4.7. I hate this site. I hate it.

[D]

Well, anyway, I mean, it can go like 2 inch difference.

[B]

The mangle took me to like a surgery thing. I'm trying to find just a. I think like that.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

What's one. Is that where the silicone all goes into the head? Oh, get that the fuck out of here. Get that out of here.

[C]

Yeah, I don't want to see it.

[B]

No, no.

[C]

Why are you scrolling?

[B]

I hate it. Oh, my God. Why didn't. Taking a guy's full.

[C]

Oh, fuck.

[D]

They talked about one guy. Apparently he lost his entire family. He just kept going for injections. They had no money, they couldn't afford food, but he kept going for injections. Lost their house.

[C]

That looks good.

[D]

Went back in to move back with an ex girlfriend and then move back with his mom, and he still goes back for an injection.

[C]

So you get. You get addicted to it.

[B]

I want, I want. I would. I want this in theory, but you get. I gotta be honest. None of them look good.

[C]

You get addicted to it.

[B]

Nice.

[D]

I think the thing is to stop like one or one.

[C]

Well, let's. Jay, we gotta. We gotta pick these jokes right now.

[B]

No, we don't. We have another day tomorrow. We can get more suggestions.

[C]

I'm not coming in tomorrow. Oh, I'm gonna work on my jokes all day.

[B]

Well, I'll tell them to you when we get the more.

[E]

Tomorrow.

[B]

Yeah, we should get. We should gather some more of these. I know we got to go in a second, but I did tell you I wanted you to see. This guy just bails on his set when he got called for.

[C]

Did they call him? Did they catch him? Did they inform people.

[B]

It was like, whatever. Fucking stupid. Australia is like Australia tonight. The guy who just got passed through the first round of was a joke thief. Australia's Got Talent was a joke thief. And they say who he stole it from. I forget. I know the other guy's name, though. I've heard the name. The other person. I forget who it was.

[A]

Lee Mack and Jeff Keith.

[B]

Lee Mack. That's what they go. Yeah. All right.

[C]

Let me see this guy.

[B]

Should we go from the beginning or when he get his shitty jokes? This is. This. This is the thieving stuff, right?

[C]

I've only got three requirements when it comes to girls. Number one, are you a girl? Number two, have you always been a girl? And number three, if not, can you keep a secret?

[B]

I mean, like, it's one of these ones again. It's like the people saying that, like, Schumer was stealing Patrice saying Dirty Sanchez. This joke is the. Why do the musicians always ask you to sing it? Like, I'm paying you. You sing the fucking song. That's the joke. But that's what he's doing right here. She did steal it, Bobby. That's where you clap. You son of a bitch. Now go to the next one where I just can't.

[C]

He was so nervous. His teeth were dry. You could hear his teeth slapping. Did you hear it?

[B]

Well, he was stealing jokes, and then it became a whole. What? It's not great quality. Let me hear it. What is. Oh, it's. The audio's okay.

[C]

This is him the next week.

[B]

So this is when he comes out? Yeah, yeah. They already talk about the.

[D]

I'm sorry. What's the setup here? So this guy.

[B]

So this guy, that first set, he kills on Australia's Got Talent. I did set this up, though. He bombs.

[C]

I was listening.

[D]

I was typing.

[C]

Then.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[D]

It is my fault.

[B]

He bombs on the first week, or. I'm sorry, he kills in the first week with other people's jokes and then they find out after the show's over. And it goes like. You know that comes out on tv, that it's stolen jokes. He gets called for it by a bunch of people, and he doesn't even really argue it. He kind of just goes like, all right. So he comes back on with his own jokes to try to do a thing. This is what he decided to do.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

We went through this years ago.

[C]

This hair is amazing.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I mean, guy's super handsome. That's why you thought he could do this.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But this. This is the douchiest thing Ever. And it really is. You're watching a handsome guy, like really eat hard. Okay,

[C]

this second time today we watch a handsome guy eat. Well, the truth is I just sacked my two riders, Coffee and pace. So now my comedy career looks like it's over. I gonna have to be doing Colgate commercials for the rest of my life. Can you hear his fucking teeth?

[B]

Can you? I've heard every. I hear his tonsils throbbing.

[C]

Sounds like his teeth are gonna come out, this guy. Take a sip of water, you dry mouth, Aussie.

[B]

I'm getting there.

[C]

I'm. I'm so nervous. My.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

That actually. That also. That is funnier. They're giving that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Little like his acknowledgment jokes of it have been like. They're just like. They're. This guy walked out and he didn't. The whole country hates him.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And you have to go out there and try comedy. He was dumb to do. He should have just been like, I'm going underground forever. You'll never hear from me again. Goodbye. Or flat out say you didn't steal it. Just go. Go to your deathbed lying and say you didn't do it. Because there's no way. We got. You know what, follow up early show tomorrow. Does Jordan Paris still work? Where's Jordan Paris? Now? That's a good question.

[C]

That's a good one.

[B]

That's a good one.

[C]

I bet he does.

[B]

Maybe.

[C]

I bet he's a huge star in Australia.

[B]

But watch the end of this real quick.

[C]

Oh, I hope they don't have these X's on Monday.

[B]

By the way, what's so funny is when you see what he does right here. Yeah, if they would have X'd him, it wouldn't have happened.

[C]

But they didn't.

[B]

Well, they didn't give him the third X. I mean, it's so cringe. Bom, bom, bom, bom.

[C]

Here Jordan sings a cheeky song that

[B]

we don't have the rights to.

[C]

Sorry, campers. Oh, my God. Australia sucks.

[B]

This is so uncomfortable. No one on America's Got Talent has ever done anything this memorable.

[C]

That's it.

[D]

Ever.

[C]

That's it.

[B]

That's it. His career's over.

[C]

Well, we don't know that yet.

[B]

That's right. We don't know that.

[C]

We're gonna find out tomorrow.

[B]

To be determined, I bet.

[C]

Is it just for laughs?

[B]

I started a joke.

[C]

I looked it up. Do you want to know? No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

We're digging deep. Tomorrow we dig deep. Jordan Paris. And by the way, you guys can Reach out and tell him we're making fun of him. That don't matter. He's in Australia.

[C]

Fuck him.

[B]

Fuck him, Bobby Kelly.

[C]

And do me a favor, though, real quick. If anybody can find Big J's comedy on Comic View. Comic View.

[B]

Or anything Canadian.

[C]

Anything Canadian. Anything terrible, please, please find it.

[B]

I may have eaten shit. I don't remember. I remember, like, not feeling. It went great, but it just wasn't the worst.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Of everybody when I did not. The World Stands Up. The Rotterdam TV show.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I know. You're talking about. I did it. We did it together.

[B]

No.

[C]

Didn't we?

[B]

No.

[C]

Me, you and Tony Woods.

[B]

No.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

No, no. I did it with the Rose and stuff. The Rose was bombing so bad on that one. I told you. When they. When someone realized they were on camera in the audience, they looked at the camera light and then just grabbed an empty glass and drank it.

[C]

I hope nobody finds my Rotterdam one either. Oh, I think I was wearing the same shirt. I was wearing.

[B]

Nice. Zoo York.

[C]

I think I was wearing that Zoo York shirt.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

That was my stage shirt.

[B]

Bobby's gonna be at Comics Roadhouse April 17th and 18th. Let's not forget this Thursday. Oh, that's right. Sold out, sold out, sold out. My apologies, but you can catch him in Cleveland, Ohio. Uncle Vinny's in New Jersey, New Orleans, and so many [e-mail]. robert Kelly, his YouTube channel. At Robert Kelly Comedy. And every 7pm, the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge. Right. At the Comedy.

[F]

So.

[C]

But I will be at the roadhouse the 17th and the 18th. Yes, I will be there. And Big J this weekend. Comedy on State. Best club. One of the best clubs in the country. In the world. This weekend, 19th through the 21st. After that, he'll be in Phoenix, Tempe, St. Louis. For all tickets and tour dates, go to bigj comedy.com and go to his YouTube page, YouTube.com bigjokerson this crazy train Irish. That's it, baby. Happy St. Patty's Day, everybody.

[B]

St. Patty's Day. Go get drunk on God.

[F]

I'll let you try my Wu Tang style.

[B]

You should have got us out of mezcal, bro.

[C]

I don't. I was sober, so I can't. But you don't.

[E]

You don't judge.

[C]

No, I don't. But I will if you want me to. If you put me in Wu Tang.

[B]

If you say so. Yes, I can.

[C]

I can be box. Yeah. Come on.

[B]

In the building. In the building. We in the building. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We in the building. In the building well, that was a dream come true.

[C]

I gotta go. I'm leaving. I'm quitting everything.

[B]

Keep it wrong in the building we

[C]

in the building yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the building let's keep it rolling and

[B]

keep it rolling and.

[E]

It.

[B]

That's my time, everybody. I'm Big J.

[C]

You're great. Big J and Bobby slinging comedy Jacob

[B]

and Christine always laughing

[C]

who can forgive to lose?

[B]

One's black and one's DJ Blue

[C]

Kicking all the logs screwing all your mind

[B]

Stand up for the soul it's time Time for my video Gather around the wire Go ahead and light your fire

[C]

get your ass ready for the bonfire. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[B]

Hey, everyone, Check out this guy and his bird.

[D]

What is this, your first date?

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

We help people customize and save on

[C]

car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[D]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways.

[C]

Get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. This show is sponsored by Better Help. Everybody has stuff that they're keeping inside. You have these things that are weighing you down. They're giving you anxiety and, you know, waking up. Listen, I've woken up in the middle of the night and just sat there and thought, and it's the worst thing you can do. You need to talk to somebody. You need to get the thoughts in your head and the things that stick in your chest out. And the best way to do that is therapy. And that's how I do it. And I've been doing it for a long time, and it's changed my life. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, stuck, anxious, or unsure, that's okay. Those feelings are more common than we think. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. A good reminder you don't have to go through those feelings alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can make all the difference. Whatever is keeping you up at night, therapy with BetterHelp can help you check in with yourself and gain support from experienced professionals. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and Preferences, and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. It's so easy. Feel confident knowing betterhelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US you don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10 off at betterhelp.com bonfire that's better. H E-L-P.com bonfire.