Best of full interview: Iyanla Vanzant Talks New Book 'Spiritual Hygiene', The Inside Fix, Leadership, Accountability + More

Summary

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The Breakfast Club: Best Of—Full Interview with Iyanla Vanzant

Date: April 8, 2026
Theme: Spiritual Hygiene, Leadership, Accountability, Healing, and Authentic Feminine Power
Guests: Iyanla Vanzant
Hosts: DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne Tha God, Lauren LaRosa

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Episode Overview

In this engaging and soulful episode, the legendary Iyanla Vanzant joins The Breakfast Club to discuss her new book “Spiritual Hygiene” and her latest show “The Inside Fix.” The conversation spans deep concepts like personal accountability, leadership, healing, feminine power (“lady balls”), and how to maintain spiritual wellness in challenging times. Vanzant’s wisdom is complemented by stories from her personal journey, candid humor, and a no-nonsense approach to self-work.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Iyanla’s New Ventures

• “The Inside Fix” Show:

  • Revisiting cases from her acclaimed show “Fix My Life” to extract further lessons and apply them to present-day challenges.
  • “We didn’t get all the juice out of Fix My Life. That’s why we can go back in and do it again today” (04:02)
  • The shift: She previously did the work for others; now, “I want people to do the work,” with each show accompanied by a downloadable worksheet. (11:14)

• “Spiritual Hygiene” Book:

  • A manual for maintaining spiritual cleanliness as part of daily living, similar to how people tend to their physical hygiene.

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2. The Power of “Lady Balls” and Authentic Leadership

• Feminine vs. Masculine Power:
  • “Feminine power is assertive... nurturing, nourishing. Masculine power is often domineering and controlling and directive, as opposed to collaborative.” (06:00)
  • “Lady balls are how a powerful woman lives in, moves in, stands in her power in a way that nurtures, nourishes, supports, heals, grows other people. It’s not testicles. Testicles are aggressive. They got hair, and sometimes they smell. Don’t ask me how I know.” (06:27)
• On Leadership:
  • “A leader has to have a heart. We see what it looks like when a leader doesn’t have a heart…A leader has to have a vision.” (12:31)
  • “Whenever money is the only thing that leads you, you’re going to have a problem.” (13:19)
• Self-Reflection and Growth:
  • Iyanla shares how the loss of her daughter transformed her nurturing side and allowed her to embody “lady balls” through grandmothering. (09:14)

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3. Distinguishing Assertiveness from Aggression & Heart Leadership

• Advice for Women:
  • “Lead with your heart and not with your head. That’s lady ball. Lady balls don’t come from the crotch. They come from the heart.” (07:17)
  • “The truth is that the mind was created to be a slave of the heart, but we’ve made the heart a slave of the mind.” (08:21)
  • Formula for decision-making: When at peace with a choice, one is aligned with true power; head decisions often lead to chaos. (09:01)
• On Emotional Literacy:
  • Importance of teaching children the language of emotions: “He (great grandson) knows the distinction between frustration and anxiety. He knows when he’s sad, he knows when he’s happy…most adults are emotionally illiterate.” (24:32)

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4. Spiritual Hygiene: Self-Awareness, Practice, and Healing

• Definition & Practices:
  • “Spiritual hygiene is the daily, daily commitment and practice of clearing your mind, of cleaning your heart, of strengthening your spirit. It’s not a one time thing, it’s a practice.” (16:07)
  • “Seven minutes, three times a day for 21 consecutive days. Shut your mouth, turn off everything, be still.” (20:19)
• Why People Struggle:
  • Most are “religiousized, not spiritualized”—functioning on tradition and intellect, not authentic connection. (21:21)
  • Fear of their own spiritual power and unworthiness inhibits growth. (21:56)
  • “People brush their teeth every day and go years without an examination of their own thoughts. They got fungus in their mind.” (16:07)
• On Prayer:
  • “Most people beg, they don’t pray…they don’t have the presence in the prayer.” (17:12)
  • “Praying is going to church. You’re going in the temple…You are the temple of God. So praying is going to church.” (22:43)

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5. Relationships, Accountability & Boundaries

• Truth & Accountability:
  • “Tell the truth…Be accountable. Don’t blame and project. Own your stuff.” (14:20)
• Boundaries vs. Walls:
  • “A boundary is built to keep you safe as you let other people in...A wall, you’re holding people out.” (30:06)
• Self-Sabotage:
  • “Protecting your peace or creating a boundary looks and feels very different than erecting a wall…Tell the truth about it.” (30:06)
• On Funerals and Grief:
  • Rituals can be important, but mourning rooted in regret/remorse is unhealthy. “Grieving is natural…Mourning is bad spiritual hygiene.” (36:57)
  • Emphasizes somatic (body-based) awareness: “Part of grief has to be somatic…Where is the grief in your body?” (38:50)

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6. Teaching, Legacy and Generational Trauma

• Assignments vs. Cases:
  • “I don’t have cases. I have assignments. I’m not attached to the outcome. I’m attached to the process.” (41:00)
• Impact of Her Work:
  • Many guests and viewers have found closure/healing; her role is to provide tools, not fix everyone.
  • “My hope, my prayer…is that I gave people skills and tools to take responsibility for themselves.” (46:20)

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7. Healing and Spiritual Evolution

• On the Messiness of Healing:
  • “Healing isn’t pretty…people think spiritual people shouldn’t get angry. I’m from Brooklyn. I don’t get angry. I get pissed the F off. And I’m coming for you now.” (48:02)
  • “The depth of healing that is required…is so much deeper…most people are afraid to go in.” (48:02)
• Integrity:
  • “Line it up and be willing to piss people off to maintain your own integrity. Honor yourself. Don’t dim your light. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” (47:06)

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8. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “I got a bra that I bought in ‘78.” (02:02)
• “Lady balls don’t come from the crotch. They come from the heart.” (07:17)
• “Your spirit has to be maintained. Like your teeth.” (16:07)
• “Most of us are emotionally illiterate.” (24:32)
• “Don’t dim your light like that. Take responsibility and just embrace everybody in the process.” (47:06)
• “I’m a hypochondriac. Every little thing, you know, a headache is a brain tube.” (54:41)

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9. Humor, Culture & Personal Stories

• On Buying Her Own Casket:
  • “My casket is bought. It’s not on layaway…when I’m not here anymore, all I have to do is call. They’ll deliver it in 24 hours.” (34:25)
  • Discussed funeral food: “Funeral chicken is some of the best chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cooks that?” (36:52)
• Dating & Love:
  • “People coming in and out of [my great grandson’s] life has a totally different meaning. His mom’s gone, his dad’s gone, his grandma’s gone. So I’m dating somebody for three months, and then they’re gone. What does that do to him?...But girl, I got. There’s some eye candy out there.” (57:22)
  • On age gaps: “I got bras older than you.” (60:34)
• Virgo Hypochondriac Humor:
  • Jokes with hosts about illnesses and doctor visits—relatable, light-hearted, and authentic. (54:41)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Intro & Book/Show Launch: 01:32–03:00
• On Revisiting “Fix My Life”: 03:54–04:54
• Definition of Lady Balls: 05:25–07:44
• Leading with Heart, Spiritual vs. Intellectual Decision-Making: 07:47–10:13
• Spiritual Hygiene Practices: 16:00–21:56
• Self-Awareness Exercise (“7 minutes, 3 times a day”): 20:19
• Boundaries vs. Walls, Self-Sabotage: 30:06
• Funerals, Grieving, and Cultural Perspective: 34:11–39:56
• Personal Accountability: 42:30
• Healing and Integrity: 47:06
• Mortality, Humor, Casket Story: 52:11
• Love, Dating, and Grandmotherhood: 56:10
• Closing Recognition & Affirmation: 62:41

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Final Thoughts

This episode is both deep and delightfully candid, balancing philosophy with humor, wisdom, and vulnerability. Iyanla Vanzant emphasizes that “spiritual hygiene”—the daily tending of mind, heart, and spirit—is essential for authentic, empowered living. Her call: do the inside work, lead with heart, and hold yourself accountable, even when it’s messy.

“Accountability is a hard concept for a lot of people to grasp…Take responsibility and just embrace everybody in the process.” (47:04, Iyanla Vanzant)

Her legacy is clear: tools for self-healing and collective uplift, available for all willing to show up and “do the work.”

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Transcript

[Charlamagne Tha God]

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[Iyanla Vanzant]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[DJ Envy]

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[Lauren LaRosa]

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[Charlemagne Tha God]

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[DJ Envy]

Hold up. Every day I wake up.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Wake your ass up.

[DJ Envy]

The Breakfast Club.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Morning, everybody. It's DJ Envy. Just hilarious. Charlemagne, the guy. We are the breakfast club. Lauren LaRosa is here as well. And we got a special guest in the building, the legend, Ayanla Van Zant. Welcome back.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

How are you feeling?

[Lauren LaRosa]

Good morning.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I am blessed. How are you?

[Charlemagne Tha God]

I'm doing amazing.

[DJ Envy]

Blessed, black and highly favored.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

All of this young energy, it just pull on me.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

I'll take the young.

[DJ Envy]

I was born in 1978. If I'm young to you. Thank you.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

78. I got a bra that I bought in 78.

[DJ Envy]

Ms. Montan, you never stopped working.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

No, no.

[DJ Envy]

You're here today because you got a new show, the inside Fix. But you just put out a book, Spiritual Hygiene in December. Why can't you ever keep still?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, because I don't want to grow roots. I want to grow roots. You know, roots are not. Not helpful. Yeah, it's good, you know, don't we need it?

[DJ Envy]

Absolutely.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

We need the work, so we need the energy. So I'm out here. Yeah, I'm out here. I could be on the pole. But this is so much more beneficial.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Well, I see the first episode. Hilarious. So for people that don't know, it's almost like, where are they now?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Where are we now? Not them.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Yeah, Where. Yes.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Where are we now?

[Charlemagne Tha God]

To break down the show. That's.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah. What I did was we went back into some of our highest rated shows.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

With the most memes.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Feed them. Huh?

[Charlemagne Tha God]

With the most.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I know. I'm a meme machine. Yes, ma'. Am. And we looked at those shows for issues that are going on today. Because the way we deal with stuff today is very different than we did 12 years ago. 12 years ago, these six women had a problem and they pulled their copy down off the Internet today, you know, that would be ig it Facebook. They would be canceled. And so how we deal with it today. But the issue of breakdown among women is just as prevalent today as it was back then. So how do we deal with that? How do we address that? So that's what we're doing. We're going back into the shows and. And looking at how to take those issues and apply them.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

I love how you did it.

[DJ Envy]

Why did you find that more appealing than revisiting? I mean, why did you decide to revisit older stories instead of helping new families?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Because I'm old.

[DJ Envy]

You're seasoned. You're not old. You're seasoned.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I'm old and seasoned. You know, because we just keep reinventing stuff and we don't even really get all the juice out of what we got. We didn't get all the juice out of Fix My Life. That's why we can go back in and do it again today. The things that are applicable. Back then, I did shows with mothers and daughters, and now you have mothers divorcing or daughters divorcing mothers, children, not speaking to parents. That wasn't going on back then. So. Yeah. And also to let people know that sometime you don't even know what you're looking at. Oh, yeah. Because people looked at that and got into the characters and the people, but they were looking at a whole nother thing.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yeah.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Just like in the world today, we don't really know what we looking at.

[DJ Envy]

Yeah, expound on that. Expound on that. We don't really know.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

You're trying to get me shot. Do I look Somalian? I don't want to stop.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Okay.

[DJ Envy]

I do wish DMX could have lived to be on this up on this show.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

He wasn't ready. I think he was willing, but he wasn't ready. And you gotta be both. Can't be just ready and not willing or willing. He wasn't. He wasn't ready.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

You also talk about lady balls.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Lady balls?

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Does Jess have lady balls?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

What? Who? Yes.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Okay. All right, cool.

[DJ Envy]

Now.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

But we gotta understand that lady balls and testicles are different, okay? Because testicles.

[DJ Envy]

You just said everything you see ain't what you see. Now what you say now?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, the hair you see on testicles is real. It's really there.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Break down, lady boys, before it just gets offended.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

You see, a lot of women, because of the. The way we are conditioned and programmed and educated take on masculine qualities, you know, and. And they think it's powerful. But feminine power is very different than masculine power. Feminine power is assertive. Masculine power is aggressive. Feminine power is directive. It's nurturing, it's nourishing. It's clear. And masculine power is often domineering and controlling and directive, as opposed to collaborative. So lady balls. You know, a lot of women today want to be the boss, and they want to be the diva and have no leadership skills whatsoever. Lady balls are how a powerful woman lives in, moves in, stands in her power in a way that nurtures, nourishes, supports, heals, grows other people. It's not testicles. Testicles are aggressive. They got hair, and sometimes they smell. Don't ask me how I know.

[DJ Envy]

You know, it's interesting, in one of the episodes, you point out that women don't know the distinction between assertiveness and aggression.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yes.

[DJ Envy]

How do you advise women to create a distinction between the two?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, lead with your heart and not with your head. Lead with your heart. That's lady ball. Lady balls don't come from the crotch. They come from the heart.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Did you come up with this term, lady balls? Did you come up.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Watch the episode with I said it for so long, but then when I went to try to trademark it, people have said that, but I spell mine differently. And nobody else has a deck of cards. My team created a deck of cards so you can pull your lady ball card.

[DJ Envy]

Oh, you said deck. I was like, what the hell is a deck of cards?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Got him confused.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Just because we're Talking about balls, Mr. Willie doesn't have to show up.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

What do. What do you say to women who have, like. Because a lot of women shy away from leading with their heart because they're called too emotional, or they. They're scared to be vulnerable and make decisions based off of emotion because they think that they're not thinking clearly. Right.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Why do you think the heart is about emotion?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

That's what Most people would relate heartfelt decisions to when it comes to women.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, who. Who? Men.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Yes, men and disciplines.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Because most women are so far out of their heart, they don't even know what the heart does.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Yes.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

The truth is that the mind was created to be a slave of the heart, but we've made the heart a slave of the mind or the intellect. Heart centered is grounded. It's clarity. And again, nourishing, nurturing, edifying. It's progressive. The heart is progressive. The mind gets stuck in the loop. That's why we have therapy, though. Nobody go to nothing to try to get their heart fixed. They try to fix their head. Yeah. The heart doesn't get stuck in a loop. The heart remains open because the heart is where God speaks. God doesn't speak in the intellect. God speaks in the heart.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

When. When did you realize how to best use your lady balls? Because I saw you talk about, you know, when you were raising your kids, you were being the father, and you weren't the mother. You weren't the most nurturing. So when did you realize how to lean into that?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I think when I lost my first daughter and I had to raise her daughter, and I looked at all the mistakes I had made, and I didn't want to be. Continue to be a father. So I got a chance to be a grandma doing a mom's job. So that was really, really helpful for me. The other thing is that, you know, I'm a student of a course in miracles, and a course in miracles says I must have decided wrongly because I am not at peace. So there comes a moment when we make a choice or decision, but we wrestle with it. We're not at peace with it. And Lady Balls allows you to be assertive and clear, grounded and peaceful. A lot of decisions I make with my head leave me in doubt and flux and craziness. But when I really do decide with my heart and I'm at peace, that makes sense, right?

[DJ Envy]

Absolutely.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah. So I think that's how I learned how to use Lady Ball's grandmothering.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Do you give yourself grace, though? Because when you talk about it.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Absolutely. I give myself a lot of grace. And when I say, like, I was a horrible mother, which I say in my book, or when I say I made a lot of mistakes with my son, with my children, it's from the learning, not from the condemnation. I don't judge it. You know, my kids chose me. I was just trying to get some nookie. They decided they wanted to be. They decided they wanted to be bored. So Here they come, intruding in my nude and lascivious activity. They chose me, so they came to learn too. So we're teaching each other. Grace is very important, even with your.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Your pet. Because your new show is, you know, the inside fix. Right. So you said you chose to go back and you know, to previous cases. Right. Do you feel at any time back then you got it wrong or you may have.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Oh, no, absolutely not. Not there. You know why? I prayed about every show, and that work was my ministry that was led by spirit. One of the reasons we're doing the inside fix is because back then I did the work. Now I want people to do the work. Every single show comes with a worksheet. Ever had a television show give you homework?

[DJ Envy]

No.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

No. So that you can look at the show and say, where is this in my life? How do I do this? Where have I done this? Where is this going on? Download the work. Free. Free. Don't we like free, free worksheet? So I did the work then. Now you do the work.

[DJ Envy]

I'll ask you a question about what you said about women having masculine qualities. No. Yeah, masculine qualities, but no leadership ability.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

They want to be the boss and the diva, but they don't have leadership tendencies. Leadership training, Leadership. Not even qualities. Because you can have leadership qualities, but you have to have. A leader has to have a heart. We see what it looks like when a leader doesn't have a heart. Let me put my glasses on. I don't look Somalian.

[DJ Envy]

Is that something you can learn or is that something that has to be in you already?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, I think that leaders are born, but they definitely have to be trained. Some people say leaders are trained, they're not born. I believe leaders are born.

[DJ Envy]

I agree.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Some people just rise into it. But there's certain qualities and characteristics that an effective leader needs. And the one thing is hard for people, another thing is a vision. Leadership isn't just about ordering people around and telling them what to do. A leader has to have a vision. And then you get people to buy into the vision and you lead them in that vision in a way that's whole and healthy for everybody.

[DJ Envy]

You know that in corporate America all the time, a lot of people in leadership roles and leadership positions, but they're not actually leaders.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

No vision. They're controllers. They're demagogues, they're bullies. There all sorts of things. And. And whenever money is the only thing that leads you, you. You're going to have a problem.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

What would you say to somebody who's like, say, in a workplace or in a relationship that wants that work relationship or real relationship to work.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Right.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

One of the exercises you did on the first episode, which was from what, 2014. I love it, was you brought everybody to a department store and you made everybody shop for each other. You buy this person an outfit, you buy this person. And then when you did, you said, well, why did you buy that person that? How do you look at them? So what would you advise for a couple or even somebody working to do to try to fix it because you can't be there or they can't afford you?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I should say, well, they can read my book. Because in spiritual hygiene, I have spiritual hygiene for relationships, spiritual hygiene for parenting, and spiritual hygiene for the workplace. Here's the thing. In any relationship, three things. Number one, tell the truth.

[DJ Envy]

That's right.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

One of the reasons our relationships are dying and drying up is because we lie about everything. We lie about what we feel, we lie about what we want. Sometimes it's not a conscious lie. It's a lie driven by fear.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yeah.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

The fear of losing, the fear of being harmed. So we don't want to be vulnerable. But in order for anything to grow and thrive, you got to have some truth. The other thing is accountability. All the stuff that we're not seeing in the world today, tell the truth. Be accountable. Don't blame and project. Own your stuff. Own it. And be accountable for every choice, every word, every action, and know what you're bringing to the table. Particularly in the workplace, people go to work to make money. People go to work to. You know, very few people go to work to serve. So what are you bringing to the table that you want something in return? Give me, give me, give me, give me, give me. What are you bringing to the table? So I think that if we did that in relationships, if we did that in the workplace, we'd have a lot more respect and honor for if. I can't believe that your mother, your grandmother, didn't die again, for the third time.

[Lauren LaRosa]

I use that one a lot.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

How you gonna look at me?

[Lauren LaRosa]

You know I use that one.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lauren LaRosa]

I mean, she only died once, but if I keep saying she'll die, you

[Iyanla Vanzant]

know, where do you. Where can you look somebody in the face and believe that what they're telling you is the truth, that they're not trying to take you down or get something from you or it's.

[DJ Envy]

Can we stay? I want to stay here with the spiritual hygiene. First of all, I love the title of the book. What. What is Spiritual Hygiene. And how do people tend to it?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

It's the daily, daily commitment and practice of clearing your mind, of cleaning your heart, of strengthening your spirit. It's not a one time thing, it's a practice. Your spirit has to be maintained. Like your teeth. You know what, people brush their teeth every day and go years without an examination of their own thoughts. They got fungus in their mind. Many people are emotionally constipated. Still bad about, mad about something that happened in 56. How do you clean that up? You brush your hair, you, you wash your hoo ha, you know, but you don't clean your spirit, your heart, your mind. So spiritual hygiene is the daily practice of clearing your mind, your heart, your soul, your inner life so that your outer life can have a different appearance.

[DJ Envy]

So what about the people who pray? They go to therapy, they meditate, they sage, but they still stay toxic. Like what are they skipping in that?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

What's the prayer? What is the prayer? Most people beg, they don't pray, you know, and all of that is good. But what's your relationship? What is your relationship with God, Source, creator, spirit of your understanding? What is your relationship? God doesn't want your, you know, tithes and, and service only. What is the relationship? And most people, many people, I won't say most, I'll say many, many people learn the function and the doing of the prayer. But they don't have the presence in the prayer. They don't have the relationship with the very thing they're praying to. Why I didn't, I grew up in the church, you know. I'll tell you a real funny story. They were trying to baptize me. I must have been five or six in the Apostolic Church, you know, that's, that's. Everything's a sin.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes ma', am.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Rolling your lip is a sin. Anyway, they're getting ready to baptize me. And you know, they dunk you down in water and stuff and they say to me, will you take, do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior? Now this is way back when, that's how old I am. When Jesus was still on the cross with the little droplets of blood on his hands. I, me, the brilliant child, I look up and I say, who him? He can't help me. Oh my God, you know, I got beat into tomorrow, you know that, right? I said, who him? He can't help me because, you know, he's down off the cross now. You don't see him. But we were fed religion, we were told what to do. We weren't Taught to build a relationship. And it took me a long time to know that it wasn't about the doing of it. It was about the being in relationship in the presence, being present in the prayer, being still and knowing.

[DJ Envy]

When did you learn to pray? And I begged

[Iyanla Vanzant]

when the begging wasn't working. I just got tired of begging. And then I said, okay, what am I doing wrong? I'm begging and you're not paying attention. This is not the way a God is supposed to respond. When I learned two things. How to be still and how to know how to be still within my mind, my heart. Spiritual hygiene and how to know when I was in the presence, not when I was reaching out, but when I was turning in. And that was it for me. Instead of going out, go in.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

We see a lot of self.

[Lauren LaRosa]

What are some of the preventative measures that you take so you can, you can actually grow, grow up with these things? Like, like good spiritual hygiene. Because a lot of people would agree that bad spiritual hygiene is everywhere.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Everywhere, everywhere.

[Lauren LaRosa]

But if people knew how to, you know, simple, simple, you know what I'm saying?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Like how seven minutes, three times a day for 21 consecutive days. Shut your mouth, turn off everything, be still. Seven minutes, three times a day for 21 days. Do you know many people would rather lose their front teeth than to shut their mouth and get off the phone?

[DJ Envy]

That's right.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Just to be still. Because in the stillness, everything's going to rise to the surface. You can journal it out, you can speak it out, you just become aware of it. Because the first step, the first foundational principle of spiritual hygiene is self awareness. People don't know that they armpit stink. They don't know that they talk too loud. They don't know that, you know, people don't know nothing about themselves because they looking for everybody else to tell them something. Self awareness. Start there. Seven minutes, three times a day, every day for 21 consecutive days. It'll take you somewhere.

[DJ Envy]

Why do you think people are more committed to physical hygiene than spiritual hygiene? Because the spirit controls everything.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, yeah, but again, most of us were religiousized. We weren't spiritualized. And so we want to intellectualize the spirit as opposed to spiritualizing the intellect to go in there and get that up. And so we, we, we don't. It like everything else we're taught, it's a doing. We know how to do spiritual things. Do we know how to be in the presence of spirit? You know how to do that. And it's frightening. And the thing that frightens us More than anything else, I think in my years of working with people is their own spiritual power. That I amness. You know, we are an eachness and the allness of God, and that eachness is powerful. And people are so convinced that they're unworthy and less than till they have a difficult time embracing and stepping into the power and the greatness.

[DJ Envy]

I wonder why, like, my daughter asked me that. My daughter said to me, my daughter said, daddy, why do we pray but we don't go to church? And I said, because we are Jehovah's Witnesses. Like, we believe in spirit. We believe in spirit, not religion. Like, you know, going to church to me is a religious practice, but we are people that believe in the spirit.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

But can I ask you a question? Is it. Are you open to another possibility?

[DJ Envy]

Absolutely.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Praying is going to church. Praying is going to church. You're going in the temple. Know ye not that you are a temple, that you are the temple of God. So praying is going to church. Tell her that next time.

[DJ Envy]

I will.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

This is church, baby.

[DJ Envy]

Absolutely.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

I want to ask about self sabotage.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I'm grandmothering now. I'm raising my great grandson. That's why I look so young and fabulous.

[Lauren LaRosa]

That's right.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

And. And we pray at night before we go to bed. So one day he said, yay. Yay. That's what he calls me. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Who is it that I'm praying to? And I said, your higher self, your I amness, that thing that people call God. But it's not out there. It's in here. He said, where? Where is it? I said, it's in your heart, it's in your soul. It's in your DNA. It's in your bone marrow.

[DJ Envy]

Yes, ma'.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Am. So you know, that's how I'm teaching him. Nobody taught me that. They taught me the guy up on the cross with the little droplets of blood. And that when I said to them, you know him, he can't help me. How's he gonna help me? And I got beat. Oh, that was. I just remember I'm being traumatized right now. I'm having a trauma memory.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

But in moments like that, right, with your great grandson. Because then he'll grow up, he'll go through life. But you talk about in your book, like, even, like, ancestral trauma, being a part of things that you gotta, like, cleanse from when you're young, you don't even know what you're feeling. Even sometimes when you're grown, if you don't have certain experiences or pay attention. So how do you keep cleansing your spirit or yourself? Because at each level of life, things hit you different.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, he is emotionally literate. He will be an emotionally literate black man because I recognize I was raising somebody's father and somebody's husband. I wanted him to be emotionally literate. I wasn't raised that way. So he knows the distinction between frustration and anxiety. He knows when he's sad. He knows when he's happy. He knows when he's frustrated. Why? Because I taught him how to do that. Most of us are. Many adults are emotionally illiterate. We know happy, sad, good, bad, right, wrong. We don't know frustration, disappointment, exhilaration, bliss. Some of us don't even know peace or joy. So it's up to you. Do your work. That's your spiritual hygiene. In those seven minutes, three times a day for 21 consecutive days, call forth joy. What does joy feel like in my body? What does peace feel like in my body? What does. Where in my body is disappointment? The body is a living organism. Talk to it. It will respond. Yeah.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

I want to ask, you know, in this generation, sometimes I feel like.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Which one? Because I spend many

[Charlemagne Tha God]

this generation. I would say from. I would say maybe from 10 to 25. Let's. Let's talk that.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Right. Okay.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

I feel like sometimes talking hard to them, it's. They don't understand it, nor do they get it right. It feels. They feel a lot differently. When I see some of your past shows and your new shows, you talk hard to people. You talk real to people. Do you feel like the new generation is too emotional or too soft when it comes to seeing things at face value?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I think you can add us in there, too. The people in their 30s, too. I think you can add us in that.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, you know what? Because nobody told them the truth. They talked, Adam. Not with them. Talk with somebody. The greatest gift we have is a conversation. Most people don't know how to have one. But when you're going into somebody telling them what they did wrong, what's wrong with them? Asking them why they do that. Come here, baby. Come here. Sit right here. Put that down. Stop it. You know, be present. One of the reason the young people today, and I would say 10 and up, are so emotionally disconnected is because nobody's present with them. They sit in the back of the car on a device, looking at the back of someone's head who's on a device. Many of them don't eat at a table. They don't know how to set a table. They. They eat out of a styrofoam box on their lap or in a car. So some of the things that kept us grounded and human and connected with, we've given them up. You know, a lot of them can't cook. I. I met a 23 year old who, he can't cook. I said, well, how do you eat? Uber eats. That is not a recipe.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Right?

[Charlemagne Tha God]

But it's like the. Not on my watch, you'd be human resources.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Not on my watch.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

You teach it, you be at the principal's office. But those are the things that my teacher said.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I wouldn't do that to a 10 year old. I wouldn't do that to the tenure. I did that to those disrespectful women because I. Those were my lady balls. Let me set this standard right here. Not on my watch. People say that. They don't say the next part. Will you disrespect another woman? Yeah, they don't say that part. They just get on the. Not on my way. Am I putting all these little greasy fingerprints? That's okay, we wipe it down.

[DJ Envy]

Don't worry about it. Don't even worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. That's just the way the table set up. The way the table is.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

That's your fingerprints.

[DJ Envy]

Don't even worry about it.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

They're not Somalian.

[DJ Envy]

We're gonna be like, she's sitting right there.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

But we. I wouldn't talk to them like that. You know, those women were conscious and intentional in their maliciousness and I was not going to accommodate it. Sometime you have to tell the truth in this way. And sometimes it has to be cold water in your face. Sometimes it just has to be who

[DJ Envy]

holds you accountable when your hygiene is off, when your spiritual hygiene is off.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I have a whole team of people.

[DJ Envy]

They tell you when you stink.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Oh, hell yeah. This is how they say it. Mama, I don't mean no harm or what I've taught them to do is to ask me for a hall pass. Because I'm the elder in the circle, you know, I have a whole school. I have a whole school. I have students, I have graduates, I have ministers, coaches. And so I say, listen, don't let me die. If you see me running out in traffic with, you know, toilet paper on my shoe, don't let me die. Tell me the truth. So they'll ask me for a hall pass. You know, in a hall pass you could go anywhere, right? They said, momma, I need a hall pass. I said, okay, let me get the brown liquor, and then we'll get. And then they'll tell me the truth. And because they love me, I can hear it. And it's nothing worse than to treat somebody how to be. And then they correct you when you ain't being that way. I love it.

[DJ Envy]

How do we tell the difference between protecting our peace and avoiding accountability?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Ah, good question. Yeah. Integrity. To tell the truth about it. Tell the truth because you know when you're avoiding or you know when you're afraid or you know when you're denying or projecting, you know. You know, I don't have to ask you. You know, tell the truth about it. And protecting your peace or creating a boundary looks and feels very different than erecting a wall. And sometimes people erect walls and call it a boundary. No, no. A boundary is built to keep you safe as you let other people in. If your wall is up, you're holding people out, you can create a boundary. This is what I need you to do, because I want to be peaceful in our connection. That's a boundary. Or this is what I'm asking you not to do, so we can be peaceful in our connection. That's a boundary. No, you can't come up in here with that. That's a wall. That's a wall.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I saw you just sit down with Oprah and you talked about your decision not to go to your daughter's funeral. You kind of put up your boundaries just because of some of the things that was happening within your family.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, not in the family with one particular grandson, her youngest son, who was just out of his mind. And I know it was grief, but I wasn't gonna put myself in jeopardy. I wasn't gonna give him the opportunity to disrespect his mother by disrespecting her mother. And I didn't know what he might do. But I was a trigger for him. I knew I was a trigger for him, and I had to tell the truth about that.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

How difficult was that for you?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, once I made the decision, because I made it from a place of love and care, I was okay with it. So I didn't have to go to the funeral. I went the day before. And I had my own thing with her. She was still going to be dead the next day. I didn't have to be there. You understand that the things that we do out of tradition, out of habit, that we don't even want to do, I'm not doing that. I'm too old and I don't have wrinkles yet. So I Don't want wrinkles.

[DJ Envy]

I don't do funerals either. You know what I mean? For the same reason that you just said, right? Like I want to remember the person the last time I saw them. I don't want to remember them in the casket. Do you feel like funerals are necessary for the grieving process?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

If we as people of color were doing our traditional burial rites. Oh, yes. I think it's very necessary to lay that spirit to rest to make sure that we're lifting that spirit and light. That's a very different thing.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Burial.

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[Iyanla Vanzant]

And.

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[Iyanla Vanzant]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Only pay for what you need. Liberty mutual.com

[Iyanla Vanzant]

rights are very different than a funeral. Can I tell you something? This is going to sound totally disgusting, but I'm going to say it. Okay. I bought my casket. My casket is bought. It's on, not on layaway.

[DJ Envy]

You got a casket on layaway?

[Lauren LaRosa]

Come on.

[DJ Envy]

Come on now.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Charlemagne got two.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

It's not on layaway. Not that I'm paying it off, but it's bought. Let me tell you why.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

I have mine, too. I bought mine, too. Me and my wife, we bought ours.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

You bought it? And was it like $2,700, $2,800?

[Charlemagne Tha God]

It was more than that, but, yeah, I did. But the reason I did, because I didn't want that. I didn't. That's one thing I didn't want my kids to have to worry about.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I didn't either. And also when I had to bury my daughter and they charged me $10,000 for a casket and I discovered that from the manufacturer it was 2,300, I said, let me go down here and get me a casket. So I went down and bought my casket and paid for it. Me too. Exactly what I want. And when I'm not here anymore, all I have to do is call. They'll deliver it in 24 hours.

[DJ Envy]

Yeah, I got it in my stick will to get cremated. Cremated and throw my ashes somewhere. Because you got to think about it. In 100 years, our tombstones ain't even going to be around.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

That is so on brand for you.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah, I can understand that. I don't particularly want to be cremated.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

How did your family feel about that? Like your wife and your kids?

[DJ Envy]

We're interviewing Ayanla.

[Lauren LaRosa]

But my thing is like, if you buy a casket too early, right? And then you know what, if you skinny when you buy it and then you die big, it's like, damn, you still gonna have to pay for them to upgrade it.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

No, you then just take a little of the padding out. But I want to go back to you with this funeral because the funeral is. It really should be a celebration of the life. And it's turned into this whole money making thing. And it's a. The hole in the ground is $1500 or more now. So what I say is if we're going to celebrate the person's life and if we're going to do the rights. For example, in my lineage and my tradition as a Yoruba, we once the person makes transition, we do a nine day prayer process, a 40 day prayer process, and then a one year prayer process to make sure that spirit is lifted and elevated as a. As a Tsleki Cherokee or I walk in the nation of the Lakota people, they plan their funeral and they are cremated. Many of them, they don't go on the ground. They go back to the earth and they're singing and dance. It's a whole celebration that doesn't have. And we do have food because I will say that funeral chicken is some of the best chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cooks that?

[DJ Envy]

Repair food? No.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Potato salad and macaroni salad.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

It really isn't. And so if we're going to do that, then let's do that. But just to sit around and weep and, you know, make ourselves crazy. And so many people get stuck in the morning. Bad spiritual hygiene. Grieving is natural. And I talk about grieving as a teacher and an initiation in the book Mourning is Bad Spiritual Hygiene. Oh, Morning says that there's regret, there's remorse. That morning is a process of, because this happened, or I lost this, or this person isn't here, this part of me can no longer go on. Like. Like when. When I lost my first daughter, I lost my mind. But with my second daughter, I didn't have the same feeling, feeling heaviness. And I didn't have that because I knew it was coming and I was prepared for it. And I can remember the days when I felt bad about feeling good. People think because someone dies, you got to feel bad. And I would catch myself feeling bad about feeling good. Bad spiritual hygiene. That's mourning. Feeling bad and believing that your life can't go on or you have resent or you keep resentment or remorse or because this happened, you can't do that, or you should have done this. That's mourning.

[DJ Envy]

But isn't that part of the grief process, though?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

It is a part of the process, but it happens organically, and it passes and, you know, takes different amount of time for everybody. But when you're. I'll never love again. My life is over. I'm going out, need some worms. That's morning. That's a different thing.

[DJ Envy]

You talk about unresolved grief living in the body the same way bacteria lives in the mouth. What's the daily practice to clean it up?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Acknowledge it, Acknowledging, you know, when you feel it, ask. And again, building that relationship with the body. Part of spiritual hygiene is somatic. You know, like we have a body. There's a distinction between the physical body and the somatic body. The somatic body is the energy and the feeling in the body. So we'll walk around and we know we have a physical body. Oh, this pain that leg this, that. But what is the feeling in there? Okay, your knee is hurting. Okay, what's happening? Knee? What. What are you doing here? So part of grief has to be somatic and people will grieve and get in the bed and stay there. You can be in the bed, but then get up and stretch. Get up and move. Where is the grief in your body? You know, the grief for my. My babies, my daughters, it's in my heart and where it used to be in the center, now it's just around the edges, and sometimes it comes up. My oldest daughter died on Christmas Day.

[DJ Envy]

Oh, man.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

So I've turned Christmas into a whole thing. It was her favorite holiday. So Christmas for me is not a day of mourning. It's all. We haven't for I will have a tree if I got to go out and cut it down myself, you know, because that grief is there, but it's there in celebration, not in mourning and remorse. So get in the body where's. Everybody has grief about loss of something, something didn't go right. But do you. Are you in relationship with it? Where is it? So it'll show up and then you'd be cussing out the Uber driver. No, that's. That may be grief that was unexpressed and it's in the body. Get in there and find out where it is.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Have you ever had a case, right, where you say, these people want any more than me? I don't think I can't. You know what I'm saying? Like. Like, after you've helped them, like, and they went on, did you ever say, like, I need to check on these people? Or maybe they need something far beyond what I can do?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Like, if you have me, my own self. No, I'm sorry. See, it's hard to answer that question, because I don't have cases. I have assignments.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Gotcha.

[DJ Envy]

Have the assignment ever been too great? You ever said, you know what you need?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

You need Jesus? It has felt that way. And then when I get still and go within and get the same guidance that sent the people to me is the guidance I get to find out what to do. It always works out because I'm not attached to the outcome. I'm really not. I'm really not attached to the outcome. I'm sent in to do what I do, and I do what I do. What you do with it is your business. You know, you've seen the show. There were some people who fought me all the way. The poor little child that ran out and left and didn't, you know, she wanted to beat me up. She told me she was gonna cut me, and I was like. And my son was there, and he would have cut her, and that would have just been the whole thing. So I figured, yeah, to just let her go. I've had guests walk out. Althea from Love and Hip Hop. She left. I had another couple. They said they didn't trust me. I left. You don't trust me, I'm out. There's nothing we're gonna do here. I'm not attached to the outcome. I'm attached to the process.

[Lauren LaRosa]

I think your work has gotten us attached to the outcome because so far, too many times I've seen. And that's also why I love watching your show as well, because I really love your. Oh, let me Stand up a show.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I'm shopping. I'm shopping. Just in the middle is this lovely voucher not covered thy sister's pants.

[DJ Envy]

You always have adhd.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

It did develop as I got older, the number of times I went upstairs and forgot what I was doing up there. And. Yeah, that's adhd. I'm sorry.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

No, no, no, the color, too. The color got you.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

She done went left, right, up, down.

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

I'm sorry.

[Lauren LaRosa]

But the reason why I asked that is because Kevin McCall, I was watching that. That's something that I remembered. And I had no idea that he had had. All we saw, all we see is Kevin's antics then and now, Right? But I had no idea that it was attached to his upbringing.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

You know, you had.

[Lauren LaRosa]

You had got him to reveal some things about his upbringing, that his mom, she wasn't the best mom, and how she was there not trying to take accountability either. And that's why. And when he'll go dormant for a while, then it'll come back and it's more antics. And that made me think of. I'm like, damn. Well, I need to call Ayanla to see if she can talk to him again. You know what I mean? Like, that's why I asked you, do you ever, after helping somebody say, look, they need something far more than me, or are you attached to the outcome like you say?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I'm not. And he got what he came to get. It's up to him to use it.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Got you.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

That's his spiritual hygiene. Like, you go to the dentist, they fill your cavity. But if you now then go eat 55 pounds of gummy bears, or when you have a temporary filling and you trying to, you know, eat popcorn, that's a problem. So in the same way with God, source creator, he can only do so much. She. He. It can only do so much. And then the rest of it is on us. That's why it's the inside fix. We could only do so much. Kevin got and every single one of my guests that was on that show, you know, I'm so grateful to them because the show really wasn't for them. The show was for the viewers. And I told them that I would tell them that. I want to be real clear, this ain't even about you. You were chosen, blessed, guided to be a demonstration. And how you show up, it's not only gonna help you, it's gonna help the viewers. We told the viewers that.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I remember you did the. You had the really big daddyless daughter segments that you would do, and you Would talk about the UN's, like, the things that they need to like, or the words they need to know, like, daddy's gone. And just the reality of, like, moving forward from.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

And I remember you're not triggered right now, right?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

No, I'm not triggered, but I used to watch. I used to watch the show because me and my dad at that time, it was like, early on in us trying to figure out, okay, he's new back into my life, how do I feel? Do I have questions? And I got to a point where. Where I was like, all right, you weren't here. Here's where my life is. Like, I don't want to be a victim or, like, a product of that

[DJ Envy]

she was Daddy list is what she was.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I just said that stupid.

[DJ Envy]

I just want to make sure she understands.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

But your series.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Dad listens.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Your series helped me, though, because my mom was one of the people that was like, very like. She just act like it didn't happen. You were. You acknowledged that it happened, but you didn't let people live in it. So it helped me to realize, like, okay, what are we going to do here? Like, what are we going to do with the relationship? Or what are we going to do with yourself and how you feel about that? And if it's not accepted from him or responded to in the way you want, you just. You can only control yourself.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah, but you. Because you get to choose, and he gets to choose. And sometimes the shame of it, the guilt of it, a lot of dads, moms, people can't show up. Husbands who cheat come back and they can never get it together. Or wives, because. Did you know wives were cheating?

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes.

[DJ Envy]

Black men don't cheat, but boy, what like women, you don't.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Your nose is growing. Let me move. Exactly. Yeah. But you know, my. My hope, my prayer, and I, I appreciate so many people are so excited about the show, about the book, and may my legacy be, if nothing else, that I gave people skills and tools to take responsibility for themselves. Because the world we're in right now, the mess that we're in, is because we were anticipating somebody else doing for us what we needed to do for ourselves. And so we got to do the work. You have to do your work.

[DJ Envy]

Accountability is a hard concept for a lot of people to grasp, Ms.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Von Zein. Awareness, accountability, and integrity. Integrity where your mind, your heart, and what you do are all aligned. Very often people think one thing, feel something, and do something else. Get an integrity, line it up and be willing to piss people off to maintain your Own integrity. Honor yourself. Mm. Don't dim your light. Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. Don't dim your light like that. Take responsibility and just embrace everybody in the process.

[DJ Envy]

I got a couple more questions. You always say healing isn't pretty. Why do people romanticize spirituality but reject the mess that's required to actually evolve?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Intellectualizing the spirit like people think spiritual people shouldn't get angry. I'm from Brooklyn. I don't get angry. I get pissed the F off. And I'm coming for you now. Okay? All right. You know what I'm talking about. I grew up with the bodega on the corner, okay? So I just don't do that. I'm responsible for myself when I do it, if I do it, and I don't stay stuck there. And that's not going to become an identity for me. Let me see you abuse a child. I'm coming for you. All guns drawn, cussing like a sailor, and hit you in your head. Punch you right in your throat. Okay. Disrespect a woman in my presence. I'm coming for you. You know, so even though I'm a deeply spiritual person, there's some times when you have to, again, throw cold water in somebody's face. But people want to intellectualize spirituality. Oh. You have to be kind and loving. Yes. You do all the not. But sometimes you are human, and it's okay in terms of it being healing, not being pretty. It's because most of us are not aware of the depth of healing that is required. We're not aware. We think it's just if he would behave or if they would come back or if they would say, I'm sorry, that it would be okay. It's so much deeper than that. So much deeper. And most people are afraid to go in. And when I say most people, I'm not generalizing. I'm speaking about in terms of the years that I've been doing this work and what I've seen, what I've seen. Don't want to go within. Don't want to look at within. Don't want to do the spiritual hygiene. No, no, no.

[DJ Envy]

Is there a difference between being spiritually clean and being spiritually sterile and what I mean by that? Can we ever over sanitize ourselves out of just human connection

[Iyanla Vanzant]

now that, I don't know. Spiritually clean, you're still among everybody. If you're not connected, then you're not spiritual at all. Because the deepest part of spirituality is connection. So I. I don't know about spiritually sterile. Let me write that down. Because, you know, I forget.

[DJ Envy]

The only reason I was like. Some people try to. Like you said, they try to set so many boundaries and they intellectualize spirituality to think that they gotta be away from people and be apart from people. That. To me, that's not.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

But some of them do. I mean, look at the monks. Some of them. That's their mission. That's their ministry. That's what they do. They go out there. I'm not. I'm not on that committee. I'm not on that committee. I'm a. I'm on the people committee, but I. But spiritually sterile. I. I don't know. That's a good. Thank you for that. That'll be my next book.

[DJ Envy]

I love spiritual hygiene, man, because there's a rapper named DG Yola, and he had a song, it's a. I call it a Negro Spiritual Call Ain't Gonna Let Up. And in the song, he said, nigga, get yourself together. Go get your brain a bath. Go to church. Start listening. Get on the right path. And that's what spiritual hygiene is. Clean up your spiritual hygiene.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

And I. You know, really, for me, the greatest thing was to see how far I've

[Charlamagne Tha God]

come

[Iyanla Vanzant]

because I wasn't spiritually clean. I wasn't. And to see how far I've come and. And look at the experiences that I've had. The divorce, the. The death of my partner, my. My losing two daughters. You know, all of it. All of it. And to see how far I've come. You know, you can't fall off the floor, so I was on the floor. So to see how far I've come from how far down I was. It's humbling. It's really humbling because millions didn't make it.

[DJ Envy]

How did all that death make you question your own mortality?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, I've decided I'm. I'm gonna stay here till I'm 102. And I'll still be walking in my low heels. See, I got on low heels now because I do believe we get to choose. I really do.

[DJ Envy]

I said 101.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah. I'm gonna do 102. And I'm gonna go to bed, and I'm just not gonna wake up. I just have to remember to put on panties because I don't want. I don't want, like, my son to come in and find my. See my hoo ha.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

I have to remember to put on

[Iyanla Vanzant]

panties because I think that would kill him if he saw his. Oh, my Mama hoo ha is hanging out. So I just have to remember I'm just gonna go to sleep. I'm not doing the suffering and the sickness. Like, you know, when I, I stuck on to my regular physical doctor. I have other doctors that I go to because at my age, they, they, they want something to be wrong with me. I don't take a pill for nothing. I don't have high blood pressure. I don't have the concuss, the bunchus, the husa, fada, nada.

[DJ Envy]

I don't know what none of that is.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

My blood pressure is normal. You know, I don't have any of it.

[DJ Envy]

That's not real record. I'm about to text my doctor, like.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Text your doctor.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

And you see, and so they don't believe me. So the only thing they could think to tell me was, well, you are obese. 10.

[DJ Envy]

They told you you're not obese, you're

[Iyanla Vanzant]

20 pounds over the what the white man. I'm supposed to be, but you know, my butt is the size of white boys want for my whole body to be. So I'm not worried about that.

[DJ Envy]

They pay for what you got nowadays.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Okay, but so I, I, I just not going to do all of that sickness stuff and I'm not going to live up to the standards that they set for me. Like they wanted to do these weird things to me and I said, well, why are we doing that? They said, because people your age, I don't have that don't have nothing to do with me. I don't have anything to do with me. I'm not doing that. You are not sticking that up there. No. Not doing that colonoscopy, you mean? No, I've done those.

[DJ Envy]

Okay.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah. Because my daughter died of colon cancer. So I take. But other things. Other things. Oh no, I'm not doing that.

[DJ Envy]

And this queen is 72, by the way. For anybody out there wondering, but I

[Iyanla Vanzant]

have a relationship with my body.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yeah.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

And you know, God is so merciful because I'm a virgo. I'm a hypochondriac. Me too. You too? Both. Every little thing, you know, a headache is a brain tube.

[DJ Envy]

Oh my God, I can see somebody else. Somebody died from aneurysm right now.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

So we go back and forth, be

[DJ Envy]

like, hey, I gotta go to doctor. I'll go to doctor too. I called him this week, I said, hey, I just got scared from head to toe. I said, the doctor doing brain aneurysm scans and everything.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

And I said, my appointment.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Right. So you understand what I'm saying absolutely. So God didn't give me any of that because I wouldn't survive. I would live in the doctor's. I'd have a box in the corner by the stove in the doctor's office. So I don't have that. But, you know, people want you to line up with what they think you should be. What you. Even as a spiritual person, you know, for years. And I. I say this. I've been doing this work since 1988, okay. For years, I was a demon. I was all sorts of things. They would not let me in a pulpit in the church. And then when my books started selling and people would come in, the offering plate would be bigger. Then I became welcome. Why? Because I didn't do it the way they did it. But that's not how God told me to do. I don't have to answer to you. When I get wherever I'm going, if I have to answer to anybody, it won't be you.

[DJ Envy]

That's right.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

So I had to follow my purpose, my mission, my life.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Have you been able to find that love that works for you yet? I remember in an earlier episode of Ayala Fix My Life, you were saying you stayed with a man for 14 years, but then you left him because you didn't want to teach.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Thirteen.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Thirteen. I'm sorry. Teach somebody how to love you.

[DJ Envy]

Right.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, you know, because I. Right after that, I left that relationship. He passed. And right after that, I got my great grandson. So I've been grandmothering him now, and I want to be fully present for him. This is a kid who doesn't have his mom or his dad. His grandmother, my daughter was raising him. She's gone. So now he's with me. And so I made a conscious choice right now. I don't say that's my man, because I don't, you know, but he has my heart, because the three hearts that were closest to him, he lost. I don't want him to have to compete for my heart. Yeah. So right now, he's my focus. He's eight now, so I. You know, hopefully I. Everything will still be working and in order.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes, ma'.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Am.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes, ma'.

[DJ Envy]

Am.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

By the time he's 10. And then, you know, because even to date, I don't want to bring. Because people coming in out of his life has a totally different meaning. His mom's gone, his dad's gone, his grandma's gone. So I'm dating somebody for three months, and then they're gone. What does that do to him?

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yeah.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

So I'm consciously parenting in a way that I didn't do with my kids. So I. I'm. I'm. But girl, I got. There's some eye candy out there.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

A lot of people be exhausted by outside the streets. Be exhausting some people, huh? A lot of people be exhausted by the dating life right now. You're looking forward to getting back.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I want to create what I want and call him in. I know what he looks like. I'm not doing this, you know, on the line, speed dating kind of stuff.

[Lauren LaRosa]

That's right.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I'm gonna sit right in my home and I'm gonna let my lady balls hang out and I'm gonna meditate, call him in, and he gonna show up.

[DJ Envy]

What about them spiritually transmitted diseases, though?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Spiritually. Spiritually transmitted.

[DJ Envy]

You might just be out there trying to get some pee pee, and then he doesn't put all his negative spiritual high.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Lauren LaRosa]

He.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

He can't. Because my qualifications or what I desire in a partner, number one, I want to make sure he has a good relationship with his mother and his children. That's number one. Because if you can't be in relationship with your mama, iyamla means great mother. I don't have a chance in hell. You got to be in relationship with your mom. You got to be in relationship with your kids. And I don't care how old he is. Although I'm going younger. I got to go a little younger.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Okay.

[DJ Envy]

Yeah.

[Lauren LaRosa]

You ain't trying to get that?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

No.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

You know what I mean?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Because. Right. And also because my experience is a lot of brothers in my age category

[Charlemagne Tha God]

have ed.

[DJ Envy]

Okay.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah. I can't do the blue pill thing.

[DJ Envy]

So it's an OG out there right now. I'll put that bluechew on you right now.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

No, you will not take your blue chew down in the basement. Get out of here. I am not on the bluechew committee.

[DJ Envy]

Did you know who bluetooth is?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah, I do. Okay.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

I'm sorry.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

What age is Mazan? Are you looking at like, 50, 40?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Oh, no. Oh, girl, that's robbery.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Oh, okay.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

My son is 55.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I just was asking.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I think for 70, I can do 68. You know what I said? Could he have babysat my son? See, if he's 68, he would have been 13. He could have watched my 10 year old.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Got you.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

That's how I'm doing that. Is that good? That's a good math.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes, ma'.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Am.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

What are the young boys gonna put it on you Listen, they gonna be in the DMs anyhow.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I had one roll up on me in the gas station, and I was so out of it, I didn't. And when I reckon, I said, are you hitting on me? He said, yes, ma', am, I am. I said, how old are you? He said, 37. I said, boy, please, I got bras older than you. He said, I would like.

[DJ Envy]

So did you get a number or not?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Did you get a number? I couldn't stop laughing.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Oh, yes.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

He said, I would love to see it. Yeah. Boy, you wouldn't even recognize it. You wouldn't even know what it was. But, yeah.

[DJ Envy]

Oh, we love you, man. And we value you and we appreciate you. Just. Thank you, man. I'm glad that God created you.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Thank you. And I'm glad you're here. And I'm really, really happy about you going to Netflix, right?

[DJ Envy]

No.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

January 26th of this year.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Yes.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Well, I should have waited. You go to Netflix January 26th. I'm going to the MGM theater. In my first public appearance in. Since 2019 was that I'm at the MGM theater at. In. In DC.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

In DC.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Oh, on January 25th in 2019? Yeah.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Wow, that's amazing.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

How can they get tickets?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Go to the mgm. The other thingy there. I'm so excited.

[Lauren LaRosa]

MGM theater thingy.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

That's right.

[DJ Envy]

You took a break to grieve.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

No, I just, you know, was Covid.

[DJ Envy]

Okay.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

And then I wasn't on the show, and then I was grandmothering, and then I just, you know, I've done little things here and there, but me on the stage doing Iyanla.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Oh, I haven't done that since 2019.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Get your tickets. Also, the Inside Fix premieres on the 17th of this month. And thank you for joining us.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Thank you for having me. I really.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

It was a lot of fun.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

And I. Can I say this?

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

First of all, you are absolutely gorgeous.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Thank you.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

You know that, right?

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes, ma'.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Am. Don't let Charlamagne tell you anything. Anything.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Okay.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Okay.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

Can you tell it to Lauren, too?

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah, well, she knows she's the baby girl. She's just a beauty. Little face.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

I'm going to tell Charlamagne don't bother. That's what. That was the part.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Don't bother.

[DJ Envy]

I don't bother.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Yes, he does.

[DJ Envy]

I'll be trying to get her to get her spiritual hygiene clean.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

I'm gonna get.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

And it's the MGM national harbor website.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Yeah.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Bring your tickets.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

You can go. And let me say this. I am so proud of you.

[DJ Envy]

Thank you.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Really, as an og, I am so proud of you and the way that you present. I mean, sometimes you all do a little controversial, but that's okay. I'm. I'm og, But I can do this. My little ones keep me up to date. Continue to represent yourselves and us in this really powerful, productive way. I was so excited when I heard about Netflix. Yes, good. So just continue to do it. Okay.

[DJ Envy]

All right.

[Charlemagne Tha God]

There you have it. It's the Breakfast Club.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Good morning. Yes. Hold up.

[DJ Envy]

Every day I wake up.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Wake your ass up.

[DJ Envy]

The Breakfast Club.

[Iyanla Vanzant]

Y' all finished or y' all done?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.