Independent Women vs. Male Ego: Who’s Really the Problem?

Summary

The Breakfast Club
Episode: Independent Women vs. Male Ego: Who’s Really the Problem?
Release Date: April 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode features Lauren LaRosa hosting a lively, honest discussion about the challenges faced by independent women in dating, and how male ego and societal expectations often complicate relationships. Special guests Brandon (producer/co-host) and a caller named Shameika add depth to the conversation. The discussion is sparked by a recent Ari Lennox appearance on the Poor Minds podcast, where Ari shared her struggles as a successful woman attracting the “right” kind of men. The show explores personal anecdotes, gender roles, ego, and the search for partnerships rooted in genuine connection rather than competition or validation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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The Catalyst: Ari Lennox’s Dilemma – Success as a Turn-Off?

• [02:24] A clip from Ari Lennox on Poor Minds podcast sets the stage. Ari voices her surprise that her success and accomplishments are not seen as attractive by men she dates.
  • Quote (Ari Lennox, [02:24]):
    “All of these ambitious goals of mine that I've been able to achieve, I thought that would be attractive... none of them would ever, ever talk about how exciting it is that I have invested in properties... I think it deters them. It intimidates them.”
• [02:49] Lauren and hosts agree, sharing that their own achievements similarly seem to be minimized or even a detriment in the dating world, and that many men are intimidated.
  • Lauren, [02:50]:
    “Men do not care about that. I always say, just get rid of your shit. Cause they like girls without you. … It really is hard to find a man that can just really support you and be happy and [say], ‘look at my girl.’"
  • Brandon:
    “But you not Jay Z either!” in a lighthearted jab about unrealistic expectations.

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Caller Perspective: Shameika’s Story of Independence and Intimidation

• [04:58] Shameika, an entrepreneur and CNA, shares a story:
  • She dated a man who eventually told her, “You don’t need me.”
  • They’d dated for about two months, had a good connection; both were homeowners, stable, and independent.
  • She never asked him for help; he ultimately ended up marrying someone else.
  • Shameika, [06:22]:
    “I was raised not to need anyone… I’m very independent, but I am in my soft girl era. I think it’s unfortunate... you can miss out on your blessing.”

Hosts’ Analysis

• [09:46] Lauren notes men struggle to admit when they’re not ready to meet a woman at her level, especially financially.
  • Lauren, [09:46]:
    “Instead of just saying, I’m not in a space to receive all of this right now, you guys will want to stick around... and then it's like, now we're trying to figure out what we did wrong... you guys are just not good at being like, not right now.”
• Brandon links finances directly to self-worth and emotional health for men:
  • Brandon, [10:14]:
    “Our finances directly correlate to our emotions and ego.”

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Gender Roles, Ego & the "Need to Be Needed"

• [13:55] Brandon describes how men will sometimes keep dating while struggling internally, only cutting ties later when the gap becomes too wide (financially or otherwise).
  • “We’ll continue to date, see if we can really handle it and if we can’t... we gotta cut ties.”
• Lauren candidly unpacks her own blindspots:
  • Lauren, [14:22]:
    “I literally had to have a conversation recently where I was like, ‘I want you to know I don't know how to ask you for help.’”
    • She recognizes that not seeing healthy dependency in relationships growing up shapes her difficulty trusting and relying on partners.

Memorable Exchange

• [16:17]
  • Brandon: “If you think you lonely now, you shouldn’t be.”
  • Lauren: “Brandon said, listen...”

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Substance vs. Surface: What Attracts Men and Women?

• Discussion on how men and women weigh success, appearance, and partnership.
  • Brandon, [19:05]: “Men build attractive by their success and money and stuff like that. And I think for some reason women think it’s the same for them, but it’s not. I don’t think men care.”
  • Lauren, [18:26]: “Men will go find a girl with nothing but one pair of panties and will build her a girl under the bridge.”
• Lauren points out cultural double standards:
  • For men, dating down in status doesn’t come with stigma; for women, it brings scrutiny from friends and family.

What Men Want

• Brandon, [19:27]: “The physical is a big thing for men. But like the companionship. Can I hang out with you and really be so who you are as a person? We care much more about that.”

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Navigating Independence, Vulnerability, and Control

• [22:07]–[24:07] Lauren observes:

  • Many women keep their independence as protection against being manipulated or controlled, especially if they've dealt with controlling, successful men.
  • She wants a relationship based on trust and partnership—not having to “build a bunker” in case it all falls apart.
  • Lauren, [22:26]: “So many women operate from a place of, like, imma show you I don’t need you because I don’t want you to manipulate me... I never want to plan for, like, let me go build my bunker...”

• Brandon counters the stereotype of successful women talking down to men with less:

  • “Very successful women do talk down on... a man that's not doing as well as them.”
  • Lauren concedes and reflects on her own “but who gonna check me, boo?” attitude, stressing the importance of “checks and balances” and mutual respect.

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Toxicity, Thrill-Seeking & Emotional Maturity

• They explore the trope that “nice guys are boring,” especially as voiced by Ari Lennox in another clip.
• Lauren debunks the idea that “thrill” needs to come from chaos or toxicity, noting that healthy relationships can be exciting in much richer ways.
  • Lauren, [27:16]: “That is the stupidest thing ever... If you really had that man feeling a certain way, it wouldn’t even feel good to him to hurt you.”
  • She notes, with maturity, the true appeal of “peace” and stability.

Brandon’s Reflection

• He shares a personal insight about his upbringing:
  • Brandon, [31:00]:
    “I recently learned something I had to unlearn—not being so comfortable, like, arguing all the time... Some people just don’t want [that].”

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Accepting Good Love, Not Self-Sabotage

• Lauren, [29:00]:
  “Because I’m so used to like, bullshit. And what I realize is everybody comes with their shit. Like, a good man doesn’t mean he’s a perfect man. It just means he’s a good man. His character is good... I also have to trust it.”
  • She warns against sabotaging good relationships out of unhealed wounds or misplaced self-protection.
  • The key is not to let past experiences poison new opportunities for happiness.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Ari Lennox, [02:24]: “All my accomplishments were minimized, just realizing, wow. I think it deters them. It intimidates them.”
• Lauren, [09:46]: “You guys are just not good at being like. Not right now either. For finance, especially if it’s a financial reason.”
• Brandon, [19:05]: “Men build attractive by their success and money... for some reason women think it’s the same for them, but it’s not. I don’t think men care.”
• Lauren, [27:26]: “That thrill comes so many different ways in so many different, like, things. Once you really find and lock in with a person and once you emotionally mature.”
• Shameika, [19:51]: “Ultimately just be yourself when it comes to dating. The person that gets you will get you.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:24] – Ari Lennox’s “success as a turn-off” clip
• [04:58] – Shameika’s example: “You don’t need me”
• [09:46] – Lauren on men’s struggle to express when they’re intimidated
• [13:55] – Brandon on men dating while feeling “behind”
• [14:22] – Lauren’s vulnerability about never learning how to ask for help
• [19:05] – Brandon on success and attraction for men vs. women
• [22:26] – Lauren on independence as a defense mechanism
• [27:16] – Lauren and Brandon on “thrill” and emotional maturity
• [29:00] – Lauren talks self-sabotage and learning to accept good love

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Final Thoughts & Takeaways

• The pressure for women to be both independent and traditionally “needy” creates challenges in dating.
• Men’s egos, financial insecurity, and society’s expectations all play a role in dating dynamics.
• Both men and women can (and must) unlearn toxic patterns and learn vulnerability and partnership.
• True connection transcends surface achievements and demands open communication, self-reflection, and mutual growth.

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Where to Find More

• Shameika’s brand and “battle of the sexes” game: MixItUpGame.com and @mixitupgametime on Instagram.

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Tone: Playful, honest, and brimming with “grown woman energy.” The conversation is both unfiltered and deeply self-aware, tackling real gender issues with humor and authenticity.
Recommended for: Anyone navigating modern dating, gender roles, and personal growth—especially independent women and the men who love (or are intimidated by) them.

Transcript

[A]

This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.

[B]

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[A]

I'm the homegirl that knows a little bit about everything, and everybody knows you

[C]

don't lie about that, right?

[A]

Lauren came in hot. Hey, y'. All, what's up? It's Lauren LaRosa, and this is your daily dig on all things pop culture, entertainment news, and all of the conversations that shake the room, baby. So on this episode, we are getting to the listeners. This is on the line with Lauren LaRosa. We've done this before, but it was some time ago, and you guys loved it, so we are bringing it back. And here with me for this segment, we have Brandon.

[C]

Nice to see y' all again. Thank you for having me back on. I'm excited.

[A]

You know your timeline here.

[C]

It's my timeline.

[A]

You're the one who told Michelle Obama to show.

[C]

See, you made the people hate me the first time. I thought we could move on and have a.

[A]

You guys will remember Brandon.

[C]

I thought they didn't remember me the first time.

[A]

So you guys will remember Brandon from him telling Michelle Obama shut up.

[C]

That's crazy. I did not. No.

[A]

So disrespectful like that is actually, like, just even saying that. I feel like I'm like, this dishonoring the country or something.

[C]

He said no such thing.

[A]

Okay, well, okay, so we're going to get into it this episode. We want to talk about a few different things. I feel like there's always these very healthy and sometimes unhealthy conversations between men and women. And recently, my girl Ari Lennox sat down with the Poor Minds podcast. Everybody in the room. I just love them. I love the Poor Mind podcast host. I love Ari Lennox. So great combination. Great conversation. But they sat down and they talked a bit about how when you're a woman with things, when you come to the table with things, how men, Brandon, how y' all receive it.

[C]

Explain things, though. You mean like assets, success.

[A]

Well, we'll let. We'll Let. We'll let the clip explain it. So you guys take a. Take a. Listen to this clip.

[D]

All of these ambitious goals of mine that I've been able to achieve, I thought that would be attractive. And in meeting men and dating a lot of successful men, none of them would ever, ever talk about how exciting it is that I have invested in properties or would ever even want to come to see my house. All my accomplishments were minimized, just realizing, wow. I think it deters them.

[A]

It does.

[D]

It intimidates them.

[A]

I agree with that. Cause I used to feel that way too. Like, I used to think, he gonna care that I got my degree. He don't care that I'm success. We don't care that I got my own shit. I paid my own bills. No, men do not care about that. I always say, just get rid of your shit. Cause they like girls. Without you, it's so crazy because it really is hard to find a man that can just really support you and be happy and be like, look at my girl. Like, you think that everybody wants to praise Jay Z and Beyonce, but a lot of y' all could not be Jay Z sitting there in the crowd cheering for her like that. They can' And Jay Z be like this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And y' all be praising. Yeah, but y' all not Beyonce. Okay. But you not Jay Z either. So we are gonna get into it. We have a caller on the line. We solicited some callers. We have a caller on the line and we'll engage in the conversation as well, too. All right. And we want to see you guys in the comments or on social, if you are listening. Lauren LaRosa everywhere. L O R E N L O R O S hey. So let's get the caller on the line.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

Hey, how are you?

[E]

Hey, how are you?

[A]

I'm doing good. I heard you wanna talk to me about some things.

[E]

I do. Thank you for giving me the time of the day.

[A]

Yes. And Brandon's here as well, too, our producer for the segment.

[E]

I'm excited. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

So you are now on the line with Lauren LaRosa. This is a new segment that we're implementing within the podcast. And you've been. Listen to the podcast. You're one of the low riders.

[E]

I have, I have.

[B]

How long you been.

[E]

Congratulations. Recently. But I've been following you forever. But I've been tuning into your podcast. Congratulations on your one year and black girl power. I love it. I love it.

[A]

Thank you. Well, look, speaking. Speaking of black girl magic and brown girl grinds in power. Ari Lennox sat down with the host of Poor Minds podcast and had a conversation about, you know, just how it is having all that power. And when you come to the table dating with all that power, I know you got a chance to take a look at the clip. What did you. What did you think about it? Have you ever experienced that?

[E]

I did. You know what? I do have an example. I was getting to know a gentleman, and everything was well. He didn't have anything negative to say about me. We clicked. We had a great connection. But he made a comment. He was like, you don't need me. And so that. I'm like, I don't need you, you know, And I didn't get it. But reflecting on it, in hindsight, I just feel like that can be intimidating if you're doing your thing. And I'm not falling out of control by far, but I do have great things going for myself. I am determined. I'm making moves. Yes, that in itself can be intimidating to a guy. You know what I'm saying? Just depending on their head. You know, head frame, their way of thinking and doing things and maneuvering if they don't feel like they measure up are good enough. But, yeah, it just. Every guy is different. Some men, it's like, hey, you got to bring to the table what I'm able to bring to the table. It's all about an individual state of mind, ultimately. But, yeah, that was my experience. And he. He did get married and had a baby recently. And I'm like, okay, I was gonna

[A]

ask, you know, you said.

[E]

And that worked for him, but I don't. I was raised not to need anyone.

[A]

So you guys.

[E]

So I'm very independent, but I am in my soft girl era, and I'm going to accomplish things and do things. So I think it's unfortunate, but. And you can miss out on your blessing. I don't get it. But this was just one date. I'm still trying to maneuver through it. I thought that was. That was something when I took a look at the clip, and I'm like, wow. You know, even she is as successful as she is, she's struggling with men. That's on her level.

[A]

So you guys only went on one date? You guys only went on one date?

[E]

No, we went on multiple dates and really got to know each other, and I would say a good two months in.

[C]

Okay, what made him say that? Like, he saw what a car, your house, or what made him. Do you feel like God made him feel intimidated?

[E]

I have a. I live In a townhouse. Nothing immaculate, you know, nice. I don't have a flashy car, you know, I'm not driving anything flashy. I don't know. And he was a homeowner, veteran dental assistant. You know, he had great things going for himself. He was a single father of three. Great dad. I have no idea. I mean, he just spoke positive things about me. He said it wasn't me, so that's why I said it's the state of mind. But it had to be something that he saw that was like, you know, what this,

[C]

what was your interactions like? Were you like trying to fix him or something? Or were you telling him he needs to do this, this and this with his life? Like, what were your interactions like? Nothing like that.

[E]

Nothing like that. I mean, we would, we would go to lunch, we would do next break, we would have great conversations, we would be on the phone for hours. I. Your guess is as good as mine. Like I said, he was a homeowner, very responsible. He was a single. He was a single father of three boys. Very great with them making moves on it, you know, on its own.

[A]

I have a question. What do you do for work? Or like, what is your.

[E]

So I'm a certified nursing assistant and entrepreneur, so I work for myself. I have a private client that I work with and I do well with, you know, with that and I have my mix it up brand. But yeah, I mean, I'm nothing over the top or crazy were there ever.

[A]

So, because, so because you're an entrepreneur and it seems like you're very goal oriented, did you find yourself at any point ever just naturally not. Not depending on him for things like, just small things like needing your car washed. He's there even letting them take the trash out. Going to him about things that you need and help with. Like how. How good were you at saying I need help?

[E]

I. I never asked him for help. I never asked him for any help.

[C]

Honestly, I still don't think that's the reason to leave though.

[E]

The only thing that I can think of, Lauren, is maybe like, because he was a single father of three and a homeowner, his money wasn't. He did make that known. His money wasn't where it needed to be.

[A]

Okay, hold on real quick. Don't even continue. Can I just say right here, that and Brandon is the man in the room. What I've learned about men is instead of just saying, I'm not in a space to like receive all of this right now, you guys will want to stick around. We'll do the things and then it's like now we're trying to figure out what we did wrong when realistically you guys are just not good at being like. Not right now either. For finance, especially if it's a financial reason.

[C]

I mean that our finances directly correlate to like our emotions, your emotion and your ego. I see the meme the other day was like if a man starts beating you out of. Out of nowhere, he just went broke. I think we'll.

[F]

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[B]

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[G]

On the Serving Pancakes podcast, conversations about volleyball go beyond the court.

[A]

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[G]

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[C]

Since the day we met.

[G]

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[D]

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[C]

Like we'll continue to date see if we can really handle it and if we can't, it's like, ah, yeah, I gotta cut ties. Like if we can't, you know, keep up or we feel like we're drowning in this situation because finances, man, I can't take you out as much as you would like or you wanna go on a trip. A dude would start an argument if you start bringing up trips, oh my God, my counties in the negative.

[A]

I'm outta that phase of my life. Okay? I'm in a very good, you know, my man does very well for he takes very good care of me.

[C]

That's great.

[A]

But learning partnership is a thing. And that's why I asked you that, Shamika, because like I've always been. I didn't realize until I got what a person who is like able to do and not even just financially but just like, because he's, you know, we're both in very good places in our career and like, even though we're still building, we're in spaces where like we can do for each other. I'm not used to having that. I'm used to being a person that does everything for Everybody in my businesses and work life. I literally had to have a conversation recently where I was like, I want you to know I don't know how to ask you for help. So, like, when I say to you that, like, you know, I might get mad and be like, I don't need you, and it's like, no, I really do. I'm just upset that I don't know how to tell you that and that you don't just naturally know to, like, see that in me. And I was like, that's not fair. So I had to have a conversation with him and be like, I don't even know how to tell you I need you sometimes. So, like, I don't want. Because he was like, well, am I supposed to, like, read your mind? And I'm like, I don't want you to read my mind. But, like, then I started thinking about it. I'm like, how can you even answer that? Like, I don't want you to read my mind. But what, Lauren? Like, it's either you do or you don't. So I had to be real with myself and be like, okay. Because I've never seen a woman really rely on a man. I've never had men in my life that I could, like, fully, solely, 100% rely on. But I'm telling God, like, okay, I want a partner. I want someone whose vision I can trust. I want to, you know, I'm telling God all that. Then this person is brought into my life, and I'm like, girl, you in your own way. Like, you're. It's like you're moving a goal post and you're setting, like, a finish line that he doesn't even know is there.

[C]

Well, you know what? That's not your fault if you've had to do that, because essentially, whatever task needs to be done, so you had to take that role. But I think if you are a man that is fit to lead, you're gonna earn it regardless. You know what I mean? So I don't even think you should. Like, I don't think he should have left you. Shamika, by the way, according to yourself,

[A]

Brenda said, listen, if you think you lonely now, you shouldn't be. That's what Brandon just said to you.

[C]

But, I mean, if he was, like, fit to lead, he would have, you know, eventually earned it. Naturally.

[A]

Yeah. Figured it out.

[C]

Well, yeah, figured it out. You know, for example, take out the trash. He would do that on his own. And just, like, you know, I use

[A]

that as, like, a surface level thing because I Think sometimes with women, like, you know, and taking it back to what Ari Lennox said, right? Like, she was saying how, like, she keeps meeting men that she's so secure in herself that they don't even. Like, they don't like her because of it. Sometimes you do meet men who are just jealous of the women that they encounter. That is a thing for real. Like, that happens. But I think sometimes if we are looking deeper into it and looking at, like, where both of us come in, I think everybody has these insecurities around being wanted and needed, but none of us ever want to admit it.

[C]

Can we talk real quick, though? Because you think him approaching and texting Ari Lennox and being on the phone and dating, he didn't know who Ari Lennox was, and he didn't expect her to have her.

[A]

Some. Some. Let me tell you. Some. Some men get off on. I've conquered a woman like Ari Lennox, and I can make a woman like Ari Lennox question herself. And women I like, I literally tell, like. Like, I have so many homegirls that are like. Like, out here. Like, when I say, like, killing it, I mean killing it. But there are men in their lives, and I'm like, you don't see the pattern? Like, this man gets off on making you feel like you are not who you show up every day to the world to be. And there are men because. And I don't think that it's like, all men are horrible. And that's why I think men have their own insecurities. I think men have their own trauma that makes that okay in their mind. And it's not okay. I don't think no woman should stick around for that. Vice versa, too. I know women who, like, they need to date men who are doing less than them. And I was like, at one point, I thought I was gonna end up like that.

[C]

I think women think that all those accomplishments is gonna make her more attractive. And it doesn't. I think men don't think.

[A]

Let's get into that.

[C]

I don't think men care. Yeah, as long as you like taking care of yourself, you're not, like, I guess, bleeding as dry, essentially. Like, I don't think men really care about, like, I don't think y' all don't.

[A]

Y' all will go find a woman,

[C]

become a baddie because he affiliated.

[A]

That means men will go find a girl with nothing but one pair of panties and will build her a girl under the bridge.

[C]

But she bad, y'.

[E]

All.

[A]

Would y' all do anything?

[E]

Men literally do anything.

[C]

But why not anything? If she's a nice lady and she's.

[A]

Because for a woman. Because I think it's the stereotype. Because for a woman. Shemeika, you can assess to this too. For a woman. If you are a woman that has your job, Shamika, you said, you know, you got your town home, so you a homeowner, you got your car, you're comfortable in your life. If you bring anybody that is other than what you can equally doing for yourself. You hear from friends, family, like they're confused why that you're even dating that person. A man doesn't get that.

[C]

I think off my point a little bit. My point more so is that men build attractive by their success and money and stuff like that. And I think for some reason women think it's the same for them, but it's not. I don't think men care. Some do, obviously, but I don't think for the most part like we're looking for a reason.

[A]

So what are y' all looking for? Because when we say it's just the physical, then I mean it's not.

[C]

The physical is a big thing for men. But like the companionship. Can I hang out with you and

[A]

really be so who you are as a person?

[C]

Yeah, I think we care much more about that.

[B]

Really.

[C]

You. You've seen other things.

[A]

I'm joking. I'm joking, I'm joking. Shamika, you still there?

[E]

I'm here.

[A]

We just wanted to say thank you for calling in and sharing your story and I, and, and you know, adding to the conversation. Did you have anything else that you wanted to add? You know, just in what we were talking about.

[E]

So, so yeah, I definitely. Brandon, you. You highlighted some things. Lauren, you highlighted some things. But ultimately just be yourself when it comes to dating. The person that gets you will get you. You know what I'm saying? And don't let anybody, you know, don't get. Try to get validation from anyone. You know what I'm saying? The gentleman that I was talking about, guess what? He married a young lady that worked with him. They had a baby together. So what's for you is for you and that's about it. I love these healthy dialogues and seeing both aspects of it from a man and a woman. And that's a part of my brand as well. Mix it up. I have my battle of the sexist game. So yeah, where can people get your

[A]

game and where can they follow your brand? Mix it up for these conversations. I know you said you do events too. Where can they follow you to find

[E]

out more information sure. So mix it up. Game time on Instagram. Shameika Licep on Instagram. And the website is www.mixitupgame.com.

[A]

got you.

[C]

And Shamika's DMs are open. Am I right? Shout out to Instagram guest Shamika.

[A]

She ain't say no either. She ain't say no.

[E]

What God has for me, God has for me. I'm definitely. I'm open. And it's funny that we're speaking about Ari because she was on. On Instagram Live last week promoting for her tour vacancy. I think that. Is that what it is?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And I told her the album. Yes. I gotta catch her when she comes to Atlanta or Charlotte. But I told her, I said, I can match make you. And she was like, what's this sign? I said, libra. She said, I could deal with a library. They're liars, but I'll give it a roll. So I'm putting that out in the universe. Maybe I can help Ms. Lennox with her true love. So I'm open. And yeah, I'll vouch for the Libras, you know, go through with it. Okay.

[C]

Thank you, Shamika.

[E]

Thank y' all so much. Brandon and Lauren, I had a great time. Thank you.

[A]

Later. It's crazy, though, that we're at the age now where, like, I think it's just, like, even if men can go grab a woman with nothing, and y' all love to do that, Substance matters.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, what I'm hearing from you, even though I was like, fake surprise. It do be surprising, though, like, because there are a lot of men who, like, substance does not matter. It's all about the look. And a lot of times or the next is talking about experiencing men with things that don't. Like women who come to the table with things. Child, try experiencing men with things who want to control you because of those things. Like, so many women operate from a place of, like, imma show you I don't need you because I don't want you to manipulate me. It's sad. It's not even like, a thing of, like, the man doesn't want you to have things or whatever. It's like a defense. Like, just in case you ever try, I'm gonna make sure I got my own. And the type of love that I always want to be in and experience. Especially, like, talking about marriage and stuff. I never want to feel like that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I never want to plan for, like, you know, let me. Let me go build my bunker over here in case the war go down over There. You know what I'm saying? But, like, that happens too, with, like, men that are successful and that come with their own things as well.

[C]

And on the flip side, I have seen where, like, very successful women do talk down on. And I'm not talking all.

[A]

No, I had to get better about that.

[C]

They do talk down on a man that's not doing as well as them. And obviously, like I said, it's not all women, but I have seen those cases, and I feel like I can understand a man that doesn't want to be in that situation.

[A]

That's true. And even I feel like, too, like, what I had to gather my lips to shut up and not happen is I think sometimes when you're so used to being, like, the person that everybody goes to for everything or whatever, your attitude is so much like. But who gonna check me, boo?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you meet somebody that, like, y' all should be. It's. It's checks and balances across the. And it just.

[G]

You.

[A]

You just have to learn a whole new way of life. Vice versa. But it sounds like an Ari situation. Whoever she was sitting down with is a little toxic, and I don't know why. All right. I love you, sis. Every guy that is just always so

[C]

toxic that she meets.

[A]

It sounds like it.

[C]

She. She says she gets bored of the nice guys.

[A]

She did. Ari.

[C]

She did another clip.

[A]

I know you're gonna see that.

[C]

Yeah, she should have said that.

[A]

I know you're gonna see this, right? And I know she was explaining more about the. The guy that she had talked about while she was on the Breakfast Club, and people were pissed off about her too, and that was a toxic situation as well. But, Eric, all right, when you see this, what I had to learn was it's not about, like, good guy, boring, bad guy, not boring. It's about, like, all right, what am I attracted to? Why am I attracted to it? And what does that say about myself? Because you can find somebody that, like, you not going to play around with, and he don't have to be super toxic either. Like what?

[C]

Sorry, go ahead.

[A]

No, that. That I'm just. Because. Because I think a lot of women, especially the younger you are. That's your mindset. It's like, I want to run around with the bad guy. And it's like, no, you can get you somebody that'll sit like, she still

[C]

needs some, you know, amount of that thrill. So I would suggest just getting you a nice guy that could still fulfill some of that excitement and thrill somehow.

[A]

But you know what? I Learned when the time that I was single from my last relationship, that I was in for a super long time to like, being by myself, what I learned was that the need for that thrill, or not even need for the thrill, because you can have thrill in a person. If you're attracted to a person, things are going to bring you through, right? That I feel like we, as we met, when we say stuff like that, we mask it as, oh, my God, I need that thrill, or I need him to be rough or I need this. And it's like, no, you don't understand that you're worth enough for someone to treat you good. You think that that thrill, that excitement, it. There's something that it, like, brings in you, and it's a feeling it brings in you. But, like, to be honest, like, when I started thinking back about, like, the people that I was dealing with and why and the things that I like them for, I'm like, dang, what do I think about myself?

[C]

So I've had this conversation with some female friends, and it seems like, especially when they hit, like, 30s, when they get more mature, they more so want piece. But what, like, I want to hear, like, what your point of view is. Like, what kind of like, changes and what do you replace that, what you're

[A]

seeking for, it doesn't. When you meet the right person, it doesn't replace, like, it's still there. That whole, like, you know, for me, I definitely, like, I'm not for everybody. Like, I need somebody that's going, you know, get with me a little bit. You know, my mouth a little crazy sometimes. I also want somebody that, like, you know, I can take around my family, my friends and, you know, where I'm from and all that. And they're comfortable. So, like, cut from a certain cloth is. Is definitely like, you know what I want. But at the same time, like, I thought. I remember being younger and thinking it was just like, I thought that it was so attractive that, like, I'm arguing and I. I gotta. You're cheating and you're. It's like, okay, it's the bad boy. That is the stupidest thing ever. Like, I.

[C]

It is, but I get it also because some people come from that world where it's like, if you don't care, you're quiet, you yelling and showing some passion and some means you care.

[A]

But if you with a person, y' all gonna yell about something. And the yelling, true, but the yelling can happen. I don't want to yell about, are you cheating on me? I don't Want to put my body safety at harm. I don't want to raise my kids in a household where they're used to seeing their dad treat me like, you know, ways that I don't want my daughters to be treated like. It's so much things now that I think about, I'm like, yo, you know, that was crazy. Like, you, you thought that, like, that meant, like that you had that man feeling a certain way. No, if you really had that man feeling a certain way, it wouldn't even feel good to him to hurt you. Yeah, because the yelling and that's what I'm saying. Like, that whole passion and the thrill and like, whatever, that's going to come in so many other ways other than he treats you horribly or he's putting his own life at risk trying to figure out certain things or whatever. Like, that thrill comes so many of them, my man, that. That thrill comes so many different ways in so many different, like, things. Once you really find a lock in with a person and once you emotionally mature. But like me, sometimes I think back, I watch old Breakfast Club segments when I was like, single and I was like, just like not too long ago. And I'll be sitting there like, like, what, what was my mind state about myself at that time?

[C]

Yeah. I don't know. I think it was you talking about it and maybe we could wrap it up with this. But you were talking about how you accept good thing things. Like you. Sorry. You were talking about how you don't want to mess up. Like, you have a good man. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, you have a good man. Like, how do you not, like, mess it up?

[A]

Because. Yeah, because.

[C]

Sabotage.

[A]

Because I'm so used to like, bullshit. And what I realize is everybody comes with their shit. Like a good man. Doesn't mean he's a perfect man. It just means he's a good man. His character is good. I know he's going to treat me good. I can trust that. But I also have to trust it. So for me, it was like. And even now, like, sometimes it's any little thing, I'm like, oh, nope. See, this why I got my own. And I'm trying to, like, really teach myself to not be that way. Because I feel like you, you take away from your experience. Like, it's. It's like if you're outside in the summertime, 90 degrees, it's not supposed to rain, but you're anticipating rain. So you outside all bundled up, hot walking like you're not getting to experience the full Summer day. Like, think about that, right?

[C]

What you saw.

[A]

Because I'm really trying to explain, like, sometimes like the place I put myself in mentally and I always have to talk myself back off the ledge, cuz even my crash out around, it, it be like. And it's like, yo, you just did all of that. And it's like, why? So I think there are men and women, I know men who have experienced this too. But I think that that's a. That's also something that, like, you realize not even as you get older, just as you get away from certain things and you see people in. In like, good situations. Like, I always thought, like, I. I didn't know people who were happily married. For real. For real. Like, maybe only a few of them, but not no young people. I have like one, maybe two young couples that are happily married too, that I can think of right now. Other than that, I, you know, my friends that have kids, like, you know, it's not like a. You're married, you're happy, you and kids are blessings. But like, what I saw wasn't what I wanted.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I just was doing what I knew, you know what I mean? And then I realized I'm like, girl, you gone. You're never going to enjoy that summer day like this. And then you gonna run that man away, even though he not perfect too. You gonna run him away. Like, I don't want to be the reason that like, I mess up something good. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. But I don't want to cause the issue.

[C]

I recently to learn something after unlearn with like, just not being so comfortable, like arguing all the time, like trying to like, talk it out more. Because I kind of grew up in a household where like my parents, like, would argue, but they're really homies. They know each other since like high school. Yeah, they were like, at the end of the day, they're probably watching tv. So I always thought that was like, you could really argue all the time and still be like, that's your dog. But like, some people just don't want, you know, so I'd be surprised. Like, you want to break up because we're arguing too much. Like, it was confusing, but like, some people just like that.

[A]

So, man, it's so much out here that you got to figure out in

[C]

relationships, like so much and there's no right answer. That's this constant learning.

[A]

No. And sometimes, to be honest with you, I feel like, like with R. Lennox is talking about in the dating phase. Sometimes you experience stuff like that so you can know what you don't want to experience again, too. So, you know, everybody go through Ari. Girl, you gonna be good. You might need to just take some time of, like. Like, just cleanse to yourself, like, I don't know. But this has been another episode of the latest with Lauren the Rosa. We were on the line with Lauren the Rosa today, talking all things men and how they can't handle when you bringing your own table to the table.

[C]

Great.

[A]

Let's see you in the next episode. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.