INTERVIEW: Keri Hilson On Returning To The Spotlight, Public Relationships, Beyoncé Backlash + More

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Breakfast Club – "INTERVIEW: Keri Hilson On Returning To The Spotlight, Public Relationships, Beyoncé Backlash + More"

Release Date: April 9, 2025

In this compelling episode of The Breakfast Club hosted by DJ Envy, Charlamagne Tha God, and featuring special guest Keri Hilson, listeners are treated to an in-depth conversation about Hilson's return to the music industry after a significant hiatus. The discussion navigates through her personal struggles, professional challenges, and the journey toward reclaiming her artistic autonomy.

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1. Welcome and Introduction

Timestamp: [01:04] Charlamagne Tha God opens the show with his usual flair, introducing Keri Hilson as the special guest. DJ Envy and Just Hilarious join in the warm welcome, setting the stage for a candid and revealing conversation.

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2. Keri Hilson’s Hiatus and Return to Music

Timestamp: [01:15] – [03:29] Keri Hilson discusses her absence from the music scene, clarifying that she remained active by engaging in acting and writing but faced substantial challenges in releasing new music.

• Charlamagne Tha God: "It's been a long time since we've seen you back with some music."
• Keri Hilson: "I've been around. I've been alive, clearly. I've been doing movies, making music. Couldn't release it, but been around." [01:25]

Hilson attributes the delay to contractual issues, emphasizing her newfound independence:

• Keri Hilson: "I'm free. I belong to myself. I was not the same girl I was at 20 when I signed that contract." [02:16]

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3. Contractual Constraints and Artistic Control

Timestamp: [02:16] – [05:09] The conversation delves into Hilson's struggles with her record label, detailing how she was constrained to produce music that didn't align with her artistic vision.

• Keri Hilson: "There were things you kind of had to play... I released songs that I didn't really love." [02:23]

Hilson expresses frustration over the lack of creative freedom, highlighting the necessity of playing the "politics game" within the industry.

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4. Personal Struggles and Mental Health

Timestamp: [03:49] – [07:08] Hilson opens up about her battle with depression during the peak of her career, despite achieving significant success with hits like "Pretty Girl Rock" and "Knock You Down."

• DJ Envy: "Was that intentional or was it the industry bullshit kind of made you feel like, you know what?"
• Keri Hilson: "A lot. It was personal... I was really, really depressed." [03:49]

She credits various coping mechanisms, including writing, exercising, and spiritual retreats, for helping her navigate this difficult period.

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5. The Digital Series "We Need to Talk"

Timestamp: [05:28] – [09:10] Hilson introduces her digital series "We Need to Talk," describing it as a "Me vs Me" conversation that explores her internal struggles and the complexities of returning to the spotlight.

• Keri Hilson: "The digital series sums up the conversation we've had this morning and how I feel coming back in." [50:35]

This series serves as a precursor to her new album, providing listeners with personal insights that complement her musical work.

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6. Public Relationships and Handling Rumors

Timestamp: [21:15] – [26:25] The hosts probe Hilson about her past relationships, some of which were mistakenly rumored to be with high-profile artists like Soulja Boy. Hilson clarifies these misconceptions and discusses the toll of public scrutiny.

• Charlamagne Tha God: "Do you miss the love? Do you only focus on the negativity?"
• Keri Hilson: "I was doing it on Twitter... people rarely recant their false stories." [23:35]

Hilson emphasizes the frustration of dealing with unfounded rumors and the challenge of maintaining personal relationships under public pressure.

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7. Lessons Learned and Reconnecting with Purpose

Timestamp: [09:45] – [16:10] Hilson reflects on her hiatus, articulating the vital lessons she learned about purpose and the dangers of stepping away from her passions. She acknowledges the necessity of setting boundaries to protect her mental health.

• Keri Hilson: "It taught me how dangerous it is to step away from your purpose... but also taught me to re-engage in a better way." [09:56]

This period of introspection reinforced her commitment to authenticity and shaped her approach to her comeback.

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8. Upcoming Album "We Need to Talk"

Timestamp: [50:12] – [55:00] Hilson details her upcoming album, "We Need to Talk," structured in three parts: Love, Drama, and Redemption. Each segment explores different facets of her experiences and emotions.

• Keri Hilson: "The album is released in three parts... it's all one album called 'We Need to Talk'." [50:35]

She emphasizes that this project is a culmination of her personal journey and a statement of her artistic evolution.

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9. Interactions with Beyoncé and Industry Dynamics

Timestamp: [40:05] – [47:13] A significant portion of the interview addresses Hilson's interactions with Beyoncé, clarifying misconceptions about their relationship and expressing mutual respect.

• Keri Hilson: "I have forgiven her... I'm a fan. There's utmost respect for who she is." [42:22]

Hilson discusses the misinformation surrounding their interactions and underscores the importance of maintaining professional integrity within the industry.

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10. Protecting Self and Future Endeavors

Timestamp: [12:26] – [49:18] Hilson speaks candidly about safeguarding her mental well-being against industry negativity. She highlights the role of her manager in providing support and ensuring her autonomy.

• Keri Hilson: "The only thing I owe anybody is me. To have the fresh start that I've been fighting for." [49:04]

She underscores the importance of self-protection and setting firm boundaries to maintain her peace and creative freedom.

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11. Conclusion and Final Insights

Timestamp: [55:00] – [56:24] As the interview wraps up, Hilson shares her hopes for the future, including potential collaborations and the positive reception of her new work.

• Charlamagne Tha God: "A beautiful platform, a big one... People are going to understand."
• Keri Hilson: "I hope so. Because I became so guarded... I want people to understand who I am."

Hilson's journey is portrayed as one of resilience, self-discovery, and unwavering dedication to her craft, culminating in a revitalized artistic presence poised to make a meaningful impact.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Keri Hilson: "I'm free. I belong to myself." [02:16]
• Keri Hilson: "It taught me how dangerous it is to step away from your purpose... but also taught me to re-engage in a better way." [09:56]
• Keri Hilson: "The only thing I owe anybody is me. To have the fresh start that I've been fighting for." [49:04]
• Keri Hilson: "I have forgiven myself. That's how I move forward." [36:27]
• Keri Hilson: "Authenticity said the entire time, this can't be the only way to become." [32:21]

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Conclusion

Keri Hilson's appearance on The Breakfast Club is a poignant exploration of her personal and professional rebirth. Through candid reflections and insightful discussions, she articulates the challenges of reclaiming her narrative in an industry fraught with complexities. Her forthcoming album, supported by her digital series, represents not just a return to music but a declaration of her evolved identity and unwavering commitment to authenticity.

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Note: Timestamps correlate to the provided transcript segments for reference.

Transcript

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[DJ Envy]

Early in the morning. The Breakfast Club.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Morning, everybody. It's DJ Envy. Just hilarious. Charlamagne. The God we are the breakfast club. Lauren LaRosa is here and we got a special guest in the building.

[DJ Envy]

Yes, indeed, Kerry Hilson.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Welcome.

[Keri Hilson]

Hi. Thank you.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

How you feeling?

[Keri Hilson]

Oh, man, I feel good.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

It's been a long time since we seen you back with some music.

[DJ Envy]

Where you been? How many times you done heard that question? Since you've been making the rounds, where you been? Where you been?

[Keri Hilson]

A lot. I've been, I've been around. I've been alive, clearly. I've been doing movies I had been doing, making music. Couldn't release it, but been around. I've definitely been around.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

How can you release it?

[Keri Hilson]

Been finding my happy contractual issues, you know.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

So is that all over now?

[Keri Hilson]

Freedom? That's all over. I'm free. I belong to myself.

[Just Hilarious]

I was an independent.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah.

[Just Hilarious]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Was that your choice?

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, I don't like. Cause really? Cause I'm not the same girl I was at 20 when I signed that contract. However old I was, it was around that early twenties. Like I'm. I'm not that person anymore. And now I deserve a lot more say in my career and the decisions I make in the songs that I'm cutting and the. And releasing and, you know, I just. You deserve that control. You've kind of outgrown things so people.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Would think that, you know, as an artist you're able to do what you want to do musically, but you're basically saying that's not necessarily true.

[Keri Hilson]

It was not the case for me. I was signed to a label and a sub label that had its own heads, you know what I mean? So, yeah, there were. There were. I released songs that I didn't really love. I had to record songs I didn't love. So even though I was known, like, as a songwriter, I was a new artist. So there are things that you kind of. You got to play the politics game. And to me, that. To me, that doesn't really go with art being political.

[DJ Envy]

So, yeah, I wonder why wouldn't they trust you? Especially because of your pen.

[Keri Hilson]

Right. I mean, I think to a certain degree, but again, it was just politics sometimes over the. My feelings, the statements I want to make, the artist I see myself as. It was just like, no, but you have to. We have to have a song by this producer, because I've had this side conversation with that producer. Promise them a song on your album, basically. And no matter how the session turned out, we got to put this out right? So it's like, you know, things like that can happen. And no, I. I didn't have the say because I wasn't distributing. I wasn't. You know what I mean? On that end of things, when you.

[DJ Envy]

Think about Carrie Hilson, like, you were everywhere in the late 2000s, writing. You were your own artist, and then you took a step back. Was that intentional or was it the industry bullshit kind of made you feel like, you know what? I don't want to be involved, or did they push you out a little bit? Like, what was it of the industry?

[Keri Hilson]

No, no, it was definitely very intentional. I was actually going through quite a bit. Personally, I was really, really depressed. And at the height of my second album, One Night Stand was out. Pretty Girl Rock was out. These are huge. You know, knock you down was still even in rotation. You know what I mean? Like, things were really, really good, but I was really, really low. Really, really bad. But it was personal for the most part. And some professional woes, again, not having a say in decisions that are being made that I have to stand for and represent and do that with whatever level of grace I could have for those decisions being made for me. And just kind of just. You don't. You don't always agree with who you do business with.

[DJ Envy]

Absolutely.

[Keri Hilson]

And so. But, yeah, that wasn't. It was not. It was my choice, for sure.

[DJ Envy]

You weren't blackballed?

[Keri Hilson]

No.

[DJ Envy]

Okay.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

And how'd you get out of that funk because you were in a depression. How did you get out of that depression? Was it more writing? Was it family? Was it all of it?

[Keri Hilson]

All of that and vacations and philanthropy and all the things. Exercising and. And like journaling, writing, you know, privately and for others, spiritual retreats.

[DJ Envy]

You went on a healing journey.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, I went on what I call Eat, Pray, Love.

[DJ Envy]

Absolutely.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah. So. And there were times where I would just say yes to shows that were in places that I wanted to visit. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like, otherwise I'm not performing. Like, I want to go there. Yeah. Say yeah. So it's just that.

[Just Hilarious]

So with the album, we need to Talk, you have this digital series and we had this conversation. So it's like, yes, whatever, but. So you have this digital series called we need to Talk as well. And it's like a you to you conversation. It's Carrie Hilson to. Or Carrie Lynn talking to Carrie Hilson.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah.

[Just Hilarious]

And you got very.

[Keri Hilson]

He versus me.

[Just Hilarious]

You versus you. You got very in depth about a bunch of different things. Relationship, you know, just coming back and doing this whole thing again, the press runs and all that different stuff. And now you've been out, you've been talking to some press. Is it what you expected it to be? Do you feel like people are like. Because it kind of seemed like you think. You thought people were going to be out to get you and you wanted to protect yourself from that coming back into it.

[Keri Hilson]

I still think that.

[Just Hilarious]

Okay. She's very like, skeptical because the landscape has changed.

[Keri Hilson]

I'm just cautious. It has, right? Because it wasn't this salacious. It wasn't quite this, like, you are correct. Ugly or nasty or like, you know, driven by negativity. It just wasn't that when I was. When. When I was last here sitting in this chair. So, yeah, I'm freaking sad. That's a lot.

[DJ Envy]

Because it was bad. 15 years.

[Keri Hilson]

It was bad already. Exactly, exactly. And now it's just worse. So, yes, that. That fear is real. That is. That is a dialogue that I have with myself daily. It's. It's literally a prayer at night. It's just like. And the struggle really is how authentic and truthful can I be when I don't feel safe?

[Just Hilarious]

Right.

[Keri Hilson]

Oh, like when that is not in. Intact. When your safety is not there. Just like in a relationship, you're not your most vulnerable. When you don't feel safe, like, no, you're not going to open up. You're not going to have these innermost feelings. Be expressed. But, like, I. It's part of what we do, so I have to find that even in the environment. So, yes, that's how.

[Just Hilarious]

How have the last couple days been for you? Has it been triggering?

[Keri Hilson]

Not yet. I think that doesn't really happen until the clickbait begins. Okay, so as these interviews are rolling out and you see how things could get twisted and how people misunderstand what you're saying or how the commenters will choose the most negative perception to have about what you stated. You know what I mean? That's the scary part. I love the people.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Do you miss the love? Cause I've seen you. What, last year, we were in Newark, Michael B. Jordan's thing, and the love was amazing. I've seen you another time overseas in one of the Caribbean islands. You were performing, I was DJing, and the love was there. Do you miss that part of it? Do you only focus on the negativity and forget about that part?

[Keri Hilson]

No, no, no, no, no. I think it's just different with how people treat interviews and then how people treat your craft. That state, that remained the same because that was literally all I was doing. I wasn't doing interviews. So I always. I don't miss. I couldn't miss the love. Cause I was still performing. And even when I went to movies and things like that, like, it was just. It's been all love. I just know stepping back into music is a different. That's the only difference is the interviews and the clickbait and the. It's just talking. I just be like, all right, how many ways can this be taken? Prepare for it. Get ready. Because people are committed to misunderstanding, of course, who you are, and it becomes now a character attack. And I don't. That's kind of difficult when you do feel as though you're a good person and you do do right by people and you have integrity and you move in a certain, you know, way.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

The sad thing about it is, you know, we reward negativity.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

You know, and me and Charlamagne had this conversation all the time. Somebody can get on, you know, social media right now and talk about your outfit, right? And be nasty as hell. They get a million views, but he gets paid off of that or she gets paid off of that. So what does it do? They'll make him. They'll do it again, and they'll do it again. They'll do it again, and it's positive, and they get paid for it. So you gotta understand that and take it with a grain of salt.

[DJ Envy]

Facts you should do the R B Money podcast. And the reason I say that with Tank and J. Valentine.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah.

[DJ Envy]

Is because you made me think about something. It's like, well, damn, is there a safe space for artists? And it's like, yo, when you see artists who start their own platforms, they probably understand. They overstand how you understand. So they created that safe space for you.

[Keri Hilson]

They have. And I've done it. I've actually done the R and B month. Yeah, we did it. Was that last year or year ago? I think it was last year.

[Just Hilarious]

I said it was a minute ago because I watched it in preparation for your interview.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, I think it was around the time when we went on tour. Yeah. So it was mid last year.

[DJ Envy]

So when you talk about the depression and you talk about the spiritual journey, the spiritual healing, what did that chapter of your life teach you about purpose?

[Keri Hilson]

It taught me how dangerous it is to step away from your purpose, to step out of your purpose and away from your gifts. But it also taught me on the flip side of that, that sometimes you have to do what is necessary to re engage with your purpose in a better way. And so both of those things happen for me, learning that it was necessary to pick it back up, but it was also necessary to, you know, be boundaried and not have it by any means, at any cost, but to protect myself in certain ways. So, yeah, I learned a lot about purpose. Yeah.

[Just Hilarious]

You have a song on the project we need to talk called Weigh Me down. And then I hear you talk about purpose and just stepping back into things. And I know there's different things that can weigh a person down, but were you ever worried that the weight that made you want to step away and take some time would make you forget or, you know, just lose the passion for the purpose?

[Keri Hilson]

Yes, I was concerned with that, and it did happen. I lost passion for quite a while. It was really difficult to create at times. My life was radio silent. I didn't listen to music. I didn't sing or hum in the shower like I did since I was yay high. Like, I lost so much passion for it. But I realized that that was really. It was also necessary. Talk about a clean slate. That's what, you know, me stepping away created the cleanest slate possible. And that's why it's so scary, because I'm so freaking peaceful. Like, life is calm. It's cool. I like my. I like my friendships. I like my circles. I like the safety that I feel in daily life. And stepping back out into the spotlight, it that's what the fear is really all about is like, am I going to lose how safe I feel? Am I going to lose my peace, my, my sanity, my mental health? Am I going to be affected? It's, you know, because of the sleep deprivation and, you know, just not, not just comments. I'm, I, I have a thick skin because I'm so much more self aware also of who I am and also what I'm here to do and what my gifts are, what my weak strengths and weaknesses. Like, I'm very clear. So I don't think that they will ever cut me the same way. But it being there at all is just. Can spark a little fear.

[DJ Envy]

How do you protect your piece in an industry that thrives off, you know.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Controversy, negativity and hate?

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, yeah. I haven't quite all the way figured that out, but I think it's a daily. I feel like it's going to be a daily practice saying no to certain environments that you just kind of already know are not going to be conducive to what you've worked. I've worked so hard. It's like I was telling her yesterday, once you have seen darkness, you will fight tooth and nail to never see it again. To never have to be that low, quite that dark again. And I think it's gonna be a daily struggle, A daily, not struggle, but a daily effort in that regard.

[DJ Envy]

Because you want to enjoy the process, right? Like, you don't want to walk into every room and feel like, okay, when's the other shoe going to drop? You know what I mean?

[Keri Hilson]

Right. That's no way to live. You're right. But I think, yeah, I think there's enough about this that I do enjoy that. I think it'll just overshadow, I'm hoping, but we'll see. I think it's gonna be a lot of prayer. It's gonna be meditation. It's gonna be listening to the music that, you know, eases and calms my nervous system in moments when that's necessary. It's gonna be just making sure that the enjoyable moments can be as enjoyable as possible.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Well, what pushed you to come back out then? Because I mean, it's. Yeah, you're making music, making money from writing. You've wrote in so many records at your discography now it's just so many records. What made you say, you know what? I want to put that foot back out and go in the line of fire?

[Keri Hilson]

I felt, I felt clogged. I felt burdened, clogged, stuck. And that would really sum it up. I. I felt like there. I had more to. More to say, more to do. Because I know I say it in the Me vs Me series. Like, I wasn't done. I sat down for a second, but I never felt done. I toyed with the idea. Like, am I. Am I finished? Do I ever want to do that again in that way? But the answer was yes, just my way. I have to have a certain level of control now over, you know, my image, my brand, my words, my. My dialogue. Just all the stuff. But, yeah, I just felt like there was. There is so much more. And I never stopped creating, so I also know what's in the arsenal.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Gotcha.

[Keri Hilson]

And my confidence was built back up. And I just. In recent years, I just felt ready. I felt ready.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

You think people forgot what's in what you've created, what you've written, the songs that you put out? Because I'll be honest, I forgot until I just looked at the discography and I'm like, jesus. Like, there's so many records writing.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Both writing and the records that came. And I'm like, there's a lot I don't know.

[Keri Hilson]

I don't know. I don't know. And I don't. I honestly, I kind of don't care either, because it's like, clean slate. Here we are again. Everything. People only care about what you do. That's new. Sure, you may have been impacted positively by things that I've done, but. And it was so long ago, and I'm proud and I'm really grateful, but I don't know that that matters as much to me. I don't look back a lot. I'm really focused on what we're, you know. Yeah. What I'm venturing to do again.

[Just Hilarious]

When we talked before, you talked to me about the dark space that you were in and just trying to get up out of that, but not kind of. It's like a hard thing to push yourself up out of.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah.

[Just Hilarious]

I started thinking about it after the conversation. And I know with R B, a lot of times people jokingly say, like, we want R B artists to be in this dark, traumatic place because the music is better.

[Keri Hilson]

Yes.

[Just Hilarious]

When you hear people say stuff like that and you done got over so much and you in this peaceful space, like, do you. Are you like. No. Y'all relax. Cause I need to sell some music. Like, how do you feel about that?

[Keri Hilson]

Okay. I've also. As I stepped away, I was able. Able to become a fan again, too. Like, as I was emerging and Starting to listen and look at the scope and in some cases they're right. Heartbreak makes for a beautiful record.

[DJ Envy]

Heartbreak, though, not depression.

[Keri Hilson]

Not depression. Yeah, it can.

[Just Hilarious]

It can't operate in. Yes, it can, but it. I think it depends. It all goes. It all kind of meshes together. If the wild dark is dark.

[Keri Hilson]

True. And I never really did dark music, but I definitely have F that in music. You know what I mean?

[DJ Envy]

Just fuck that nigger. For the white people that might be.

[Keri Hilson]

Listening, not the hard er. Yeah, I have that and I still have that. You know, that's part of my story. So I'm not doing all positive. I think they're right. There are artists that we can look at and be like, dang, it just never hit quite the same when it was not good. And that's sad to say. It's. It's effed up on the artist side, but it's. There is some truth to that. You have to find now new ways of expressing, I guess, the highs and making that cool and fun and, you know, because I think people feel the other stuff a lot deeper because it's more relatable. Most people know what a messed up or toxic relationship feels like, or they know what it's like to affect someone in a toxic way or whatever that is. It's just more compelling.

[DJ Envy]

What did your ego say when you stepped away? Like, when you stepped away, like, you know, like, people may not recognize your pin the way that they should. I may not recognize the hits. Like, how was it easy for you? That's like an egoless move to just step away and be like, y'all can have it for a while.

[Keri Hilson]

What did my ego say? I'm sure. I'm sure there were bruises. There were moments where I wasn't proud of, like, the invite, like, the bookings I would get, you know what I mean? There were times where my ego was like, I'm better than this.

[DJ Envy]

Jesus, Surely I. Tuesdays, $2 tacos and tequila. What am I doing? It wasn't that bad.

[Just Hilarious]

She would have just went back to just solely right throat if it was good to that. Don't tell them. Don't play with your checks. Okay?

[Keri Hilson]

I mean, yeah, it was never that bad, but there were moments where I'm like, surely I'm better than this. Like, wow. You know? But yeah, there were times I definitely had to, had to, but I stepped away again. The whole intention behind it was to kind of kill my ego. That was the journey I went on, literally was like, let's just be a human let's, you know, try to look as little like Keri Hilson as you can and kind of reemerge as a human. As a. Like, who am I? I've been in the industry since my first group. We talked was about. I was 14 years old. We signed when I was 17. And then I quickly. When that group disbanded or near the end of it, I began songwriting. And so my first placement at. I wrote it 17, it came out at 18. That was my first. What first five figure check that turn into six figures by 21. Like, you know what I mean? So I've been in this industry now I'm 42. So that would be 20 years in a couple years. Wow. No, excuse me. 30 years.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

30 years.

[Keri Hilson]

Good Lord. I didn't. I think I didn't. That was a. I didn't want to.

[DJ Envy]

Admit that nobody in here is a math major, so we wouldn't. YouTube would have called it later for sure.

[Keri Hilson]

For sure. I'm like, wait, now it's almost 30 years. Almost 30 years. So, yeah, I kind of felt like the break was really wanted and the ego kill was necessary too. I wanted to be human and I wanted to be a great one. I wanted to be a good human. So like, what is it, you know, what does that mean? And I had to go on that journey and figure that out, you know.

[DJ Envy]

So there was a point where you looked in the mirror 15 years ago and was like, I don't like what I see. I don't like who I've become.

[Keri Hilson]

Yes. On the low end of that for sure. Not necessarily because I felt I had a huge ego, but because I had made some mistakes and I had lived in shame and embarrassment and. And then too I was going through heartbreak. So that was all kind of coupled together. So, yeah, yeah, I didn't like who I saw because I knew that I was a higher vibrating person than those things. Sometimes when you, you know, you step away from the integrity or you find yourself in scenarios that you didn't have control over that rub. Rub your spirit in a certain way and you're like, that is. That was a mistake I really could have done without making, you know. And when that happens, you. You. You're not going to like who you. Who you see. Yeah. For many different reasons.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Your relationships were public though. Would you ever have public relationships again or. Hell no.

[Keri Hilson]

I'm trying not to.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Trying not to.

[Keri Hilson]

I'm trying not to. Only two of them. Only really one of them.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Two.

[Keri Hilson]

Two. Okay, two. Two.

[Just Hilarious]

Which two you talking about?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Do your Googles People could do their Googles.

[Keri Hilson]

Googles.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Yeah.

[Just Hilarious]

No mind. I'm just wondering where.

[Keri Hilson]

Where he search. Yeah, that. That would be the one that I would say is a public relationship. The other was like, okay, was that.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Real or was it fake?

[Keri Hilson]

Which one?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

The younger one.

[Keri Hilson]

They were both younger than me.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

All right.

[Keri Hilson]

But they were both very real relationships.

[DJ Envy]

I'm just asking, little girl.

[Just Hilarious]

I think he's asking about the soldier boy dating.

[Keri Hilson]

Oh, that was not. Oh, no.

[Just Hilarious]

There was a. There was always a rumor that you guys were. I think it was like, 2009, 2010.

[Keri Hilson]

No. Yeah. Say their names from now on. Let's clear that all the way up. No, no, no.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

You never dated Soulja Boy?

[Keri Hilson]

No.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Oh, okay.

[Keri Hilson]

No, I get that from that.

[Just Hilarious]

That's. That's a picture. Yeah.

[Keri Hilson]

Where? So he. I think we might have been in New York, actually, and we were just at the same studio at the same time, I think either studio or was it at a show? Whatever the case is, it was like a visit. Like a. Like a dressing room or studio visit. And he came by and it was like, I think our first time meeting. And he put his chain on me. Like, he had his chain, and I was. Maybe. I tried it on. I don't remember how the chain got around my neck. This is 20 years ago.

[DJ Envy]

What it smell like?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Yo, shut up.

[Keri Hilson]

What?

[Just Hilarious]

What it smell like?

[Keri Hilson]

Smell fine.

[DJ Envy]

Good answer.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Good answer.

[Just Hilarious]

Yes.

[Keri Hilson]

I just.

[Just Hilarious]

Welcome back. Yeah.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Kelly Wilson put on Soulja Boy chain.

[Keri Hilson]

Okay. And pictures were taken, and it was just a fun moment between two artists. Like, that was the beginning of, like, oh, I can't even take pictures with people because I'm now dating everybody I take a picture with that was like, yeah, yeah, so. And Lil Wayne, all that same. Never dated. No, just pictures. Chris Brown. Never dated.

[Just Hilarious]

Did any of that. Because I know as a woman, like, that has to be annoying because you don't have the choice to be like, this is what I'm actually doing. And you take too much time when you're doing it right. How much did that impact you career wise? Or did it even. Or did it just, like, piss you off to the point where it's like, I can't say anything because Soulja Boy or whoever at the time, they're also big artists. So you might got labels that are like, well, just let it ride. Maybe it's selling music and you're trying to be like, no. But as a woman, I want to say, this is what I'm doing.

[Keri Hilson]

Right. I think I dispelled all of the ones that I wasn't actually dating, but I was doing it on Twitter. And you know when people see. That's the thing about blogs, when they are posting something, a story that you know is not true, and you say. You come out and say it's not true. They don't always come back and recant.

[DJ Envy]

Never.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Never.

[Keri Hilson]

They hardly ever do. I mean, I've seen it, but it's like one out of 100.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

And it's not as big.

[DJ Envy]

It's never as loud as the rumor.

[Keri Hilson]

Never as loud as the rumor. So that part is annoying. But, like, people thinking that I'm dating other people. It depends on who it is. That, I guess, determines how annoyed I would be. But. Yeah.

[DJ Envy]

You said you was getting over a heartbreak. Was that one of the reasons that you had to take a.

[Keri Hilson]

Yes.

[DJ Envy]

Step back?

[Keri Hilson]

Yes. I was in a relationship for 11 years.

[DJ Envy]

And that was.

[Keri Hilson]

Which is a long time. That was not Surge. No.

[DJ Envy]

Oh, that wasn't Surge.

[Keri Hilson]

It was before Surge.

[DJ Envy]

Okay.

[Keri Hilson]

Yep. Right before Surge.

[DJ Envy]

Oh, so Serge was a rebound.

[Keri Hilson]

No, wasn't a rebound. It was years in between. No.

[DJ Envy]

Humble him a little bit. Let him know he was a rebound. Humble Surge. Just a little. Serge, you are a rebound, okay? I don't know if you knew that, but you are.

[Keri Hilson]

That's not true.

[Just Hilarious]

And he gonna look straight to camera too, like he was doing something crazy. Straight to camera is crazy.

[Keri Hilson]

Straight to camera. He was not a rebound. It was maybe three years after that 11 year relationship was over. I do believe in healing in between relationships. I do believe in that. So I'll be single for years in between relationships.

[DJ Envy]

I think that's the one problem with being an artist is that nobody believes that y'all are real people. And so when you are going through real things, nobody will take that into consideration. It's more entertaining for them to be like, the beehive ran her out of town.

[Keri Hilson]

Right. That's way more entertaining. But also because I think when you're rich, like, people are like, they don't empathize with you.

[DJ Envy]

That's right.

[Keri Hilson]

They. They can know you're human, but they don't give. They don't care because they're like, whatever. She. She's rich. She'll be fine. It's like, damn, I ain't got no heart. You know, I can't feel. I can't go through love and heartbreak. And, like, you know, I think people.

[Just Hilarious]

Don'T realize how much the noise that they throw it, like, gets to you or not even if it doesn't break you. But, like, you see it. You can't not see it.

[Keri Hilson]

Right?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Trolled and jumped before. It was a thing. Think about it.

[Just Hilarious]

Yeah, I was going to say, because I wasn't jumped. Well, B, had people get.

[Keri Hilson]

I was never jumped. No one ever put their hands on me. No one ever.

[Just Hilarious]

I'm peaceful. Don't play with me, though.

[Keri Hilson]

Okay.

[Just Hilarious]

It's Miss Car, baby.

[DJ Envy]

Digital.

[Keri Hilson]

Digitally. Digitally.

[Just Hilarious]

He talking about the beehive swarming.

[Keri Hilson]

Let's kill that. Right.

[Just Hilarious]

Where are you from?

[Keri Hilson]

Atlanta.

[Just Hilarious]

Atlanta.

[DJ Envy]

Yeah.

[Just Hilarious]

Okay. It came out real quick. Hold up. No, I think he's talking about the. The beehive. Just all of the comments and stuff from the. The song leak and all that stuff. And.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah.

[Just Hilarious]

Now, today, at this point, are you looking. Like when you look back at that, because. And people will bring it up. So I'm sure you're kind of preparing yourself for that. How do you. Do you not even explain it, but, like, how do you look back on that? What are your comments on it now? So far removed from it.

[Keri Hilson]

Um. It's a regret. It's a regret, but not in the way that people would think, because that's a song that I actually didn't write. Those are not my words. Um. I was on tour. Polo wanted. Wanted me to do a remix to Turning Me On. Um, he had produced the record and I wasn't. Because I was on tour with Lil Wayne, I wasn't able to, like, lay anything down. He had been on me for a couple of weeks about, we got it. We need to do a remix. Okay. So I take off. It wasn't happening quick enough for him. I take off. We fly in and some. He had another writer in our camp at the time. He had her write this. So he played it for me, like, this is the remix. Because I'm thinking, I'm coming in to go write a remix to Turning Me On. Like, the whole time I had been writing concepts like, what would I say? What. How do I even remix this? Like, what. What do I want to. So I had lines and I had, you know, things that I would have said, but I come into the studio and he plays me this verse and I'm like. Automatically I'm like, that is. That's. I'm not saying that that was my position and that.

[DJ Envy]

But you knew it was Shane when you heard it.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you could, but you. I didn't know really who it was about, but, I mean, one could guess. And, you know, it just was. I'm like, I'm an athlete, but I'm a. I'M a finesse player. I'm not a nasty player. I'm not a dirty player. I don't even look at things like that. I'm competitive in a. I'm also a swimmer, so that's a self sport. That's like an inside game and that's how I played every sport that I played. So I never found it. But we, we disagree there, Polo and I. Because he believes in kind of the shock jock mentality. He believes in kind of playing dirty to a degree and I don't. It's not rap, so. Exactly. Exactly. So I tried to fight him on it and I began writing my own. That's what I did with my time there. But he. I want to be careful with the word I use. It was quite forceful, you know what I mean?

[DJ Envy]

In an executive artist way.

[Keri Hilson]

In an executive artist way only, you know, involving others and kind of threatening my career in a sense, in a real sense, like you're not coming because my album wasn't out yet. So it was like, you're not coming.

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[Keri Hilson]

And the mistake that I made was not continuing to fight, but I was in tears. I was crying. I was adamant that I did not.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Want to do that for people that don't know. You were signed to Polo.

[Keri Hilson]

I was signed to Polo and Tip. Yep. In a joint venture at Interscope Records.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Yep.

[Keri Hilson]

And I was young. I was super young. I felt I had no power I felt I had no choice, but I did record mine. My version, which had nothing like that in it. It was on subject. Song is about men. And I think days. Was it days after. He remembers more because he was there. He remembers more. Was it days after when it leaked? It leaked like days after I did it, but he promised me that wouldn't happen. So it leaked. And that was. That was that. And I. I protected him. I protected the girl that wrote it, who went on to become famous. I protected everyone in the story. So I had to eat that. I had to eat that. And I am still eating it to this day because I'm getting asked about that 15, however many years, 16, 17 years later, it's like I've worn the scarlet letter. Really? Have you?

[DJ Envy]

I'm sorry, but when you answer it once, like, give people an actual answer, I think that makes it go.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

They can't ask again.

[Just Hilarious]

I was going to say is. I think this is the first time I've heard this like I have before.

[Keri Hilson]

But yeah, maybe you guys is a. A beautiful platform, a big one. And maybe, hopefully this is the last time I need to talk about that. But that. That is definitely a regret of not fighting even stronger. But I. Again, when your career is on the line and they make it that be the way that you perceive the situation. Not perceived, but it was pretty clear. But when you're that young, you're just.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Kind of like, maybe they know better than me, right?

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, maybe. Well, I never felt like they were right. I never felt like they were right, but because my authenticity. My authenticity said the entire time, this can't. This can't be the only way to become like, I was already doing well.

[DJ Envy]

Yeah.

[Keri Hilson]

And in my eyes, although it gained the popularity and the recognition, the song, okay, we had a lot of spins, but that I. From that moment on, I was like, this. This ain't even my path anymore. Now I gotta. Now I gotta ride out.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

What did Timberland say?

[Keri Hilson]

I think he just went. Because they were partners. I think he just went along, but I didn't. I don't remember that we involved him or that he was involved at all, because he did. He hadn't produced that record. But I wonder now. I would love to ask him, like, what. What do you. What did you think about that? What I do know is he went on to work with B and J, so deploy and tour with them, and so did Polo. And I'm sitting there like, wow. But. But again, I protect. I never. I was trying to keep peace and also not wanting to put my career. They were still my bosses. I didn't want to put my career further into detriment, so I, you know, I just didn't want to step in the shit anymore, though. So I didn't want to hold no magazine with her on the. I just froze. I just was, like, shook. So whenever anybody brought it up, probably the last time we were here, like, please don't bring up Beyonce. It was probably that kind of environment because I was shook. I was scared. I was not of her. Like, I love her. I think she's incredible. She's one of the greatest artists of all time. And I'm a fan. Like, have always been. That's never been in question for me. But now I just. It's a name I can't say. It's a magazine I can't hold. It's a conversation I don't want to have publicly just because I don't want to piss anybody off. I don't want to make things even more weird than they already were. I just wanted it to go away. I wanted it to go away. I wanted it off my Scarlet Letter, you know what I mean? I wanted to clean myself up and just have the career that I wanted to have, But I didn't know how to do that. I didn't know cleaning it up would mean that. It just felt like a messier situation.

[DJ Envy]

I think people understand the industry now, so they understand, like, you know, producers or executives telling you, yo, you know, dis this person or say this about this person, or, you know, stir up some controversy. I think they can understand that. And they can understand 15 years ago, using a younger artist in a completely different space. How you. How you could be pushed to do something like that. I think so now.

[Just Hilarious]

Yeah, now I think we can now.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

They could back then, I think it was. People probably felt a different way. And.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, and if you believed. You knew I was a writer. If you believed that those were my words, then there's no backing out of that. But they're not my words. Why did you.

[DJ Envy]

And they weren't just about. I mean, the diverse. Wasn't just about a Beyonce. I mean, I remember it was a to the left line in there. But if you were shooting at women.

[Just Hilarious]

In general, but I think it was.

[Keri Hilson]

Because you can women, I guess, in the industry.

[DJ Envy]

She can sing like you.

[Just Hilarious]

It was the move to the left that. I think it was a couple other things, but it was the move to the left that I think people kind of parallel, but. And that's why I'm Wondering, like, at what point did you realize, like, oh, like, here's the. I guess it's all these women, but, like, here's the. This is how this is going to be taken. And, like, I'm in the middle of this now.

[Keri Hilson]

When it happened is when. When it leaked and when. I guess we must have seen comments or think pieces and headlines, and it was like, all of a sudden, all the good headlines just went to that, and they're forever there. I think I just realized it as other people, like, okay. But as I was singing, I was like, is this. Because that whole time, it was begrudgingly that I went through with his request, but it was like a promise, like, you can write your own if you sing this. And then it leaked. So it was all part of the plan. So I wasted my time even working on my own verse, because that was what he wanted to happen.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

What did your team say when the backlash happened? Did they just step away and say, you on your own now? Or did they say, that's what it felt like.

[Keri Hilson]

That's what the fuck it felt like. That everyone went on to normalcy, and I'm the only one left. Like, this is what it felt like. I'm being crucified. I'm being murdered. And I would say Carrie the human was looking at Kerry Hilson, the artist, like, you deserve that shit. You should have fought harder. You know, I understood it. I got it.

[DJ Envy]

Give yourself grace, though.

[Keri Hilson]

Absolutely. Well, it's tough to do. Cause that's something that I held onto. Not again, girl.

[Just Hilarious]

Every time we together, it's okay. I got you, sis.

[DJ Envy]

But, Lauren, her wig smells like onions.

[Keri Hilson]

First of all, thank you for making.

[Just Hilarious]

Whatever makes you laugh.

[Keri Hilson]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

That wasn't true, though.

[Keri Hilson]

But y'all are crazy. But that is. That is what if. Oh, give myself grace Yeah, I do now I do, I do, I do. I have forgiven myself. But that's what. It goes back to the shame that I felt for so long. I'd be ashamed to walk in places or look like myself at times for that reason. Because I'm not a hater. I'm really not, like, to the point where I never even read chart positions. I never even cared about how many sales I have or how much. Like, I'm not that girl. Because I'm not driven by what others are doing or the competition that I feel has nothing to do with what anyone else is doing. I've never felt like shooting anyone else down for their greatness made me greater. I'm not that naive. I'M not that immature. So I just always felt like what I do is what I do, and I feel like I do it damn well, but it has no bearing on what they do. So I just felt like that was such an ungraceful mistake to make or to be forced to do and to not stand up for myself. That was the shame that I wore, was like, I should have fought harder. Should have fought harder. I should have fought harder. I should never have done it. I should never have recorded that. I should have outed them well before now. I should have. You know what I mean? And I still am protecting the writer because I feel like. Like she might have been doing what she was told to do. I. I hope that now that's a.

[DJ Envy]

I want people to really hold on to what you just said, though, because it wasn't, you know, the beehive getting at you. It was what you chose to do. Because I feel like if you had wrote that on your own and put that out and got that same backlash, you probably could have handled it better, but it was.

[Keri Hilson]

Can you elaborate? What do you mean?

[DJ Envy]

The fact that it wasn't you that wanted to even say that, like, you let somebody else make a decision for you. You know what I mean?

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah. Yeah. And I think we all have those moments in life where you're like, absolutely, dang, man, I wouldn't have gotten in that fight or I wouldn't have got arrested if I didn't even get convinced to go or if I didn't. Was it for, you know, whatever, where you're just like, I could have. I could have. I knew it.

[DJ Envy]

You never want to compromise yourself for a position because it makes you feel like. It makes you feel like, okay, I know I got faith in a higher power, but I clearly wasn't paying attention to God in that moment. And I know I got faith in myself, but I clearly wasn't paying attention to me. So why did I compromise myself? Why did I make these people feel like I'm not going to make it? I don't do what they want me to do.

[Keri Hilson]

How could I allow them that level of power? Like, you ain't God. You weren't even here at the beginning of my climb. You know what I mean? I would have kept climbing with. Just in someone else's hands. And that's why my trust is so, like, low. You know what I mean? Because I'm like, man, I've been effed and. And abandoned, so to speak. You know? So, yeah, that. That you always pay when you go against your intuition. You always pay for it. You always pay for it. You always pay for it. For it. You have to fight for what you feel. That nudge is there for a reason. It's there to protect you. It's there to keep. Keep your sanity. It's there to. To make sure that you are who you say you are and believe you are and. And just kind of keeps you in line. And that was. That was. That was my mistake.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Have you spoke to Beyonce or run into her? Because the industry is small.

[Just Hilarious]

It is.

[Keri Hilson]

It is. We ran into each other at a. At. Was it BET Awards? And she introduced herself. I didn't see her coming, but she came and her hand was out, and she introduced. She was like, hi, I'm Bea. Or she may have said her whole name. I also. And that was as it was happening, you know, I think I was. I think that was one I was performing at or something. I'm not sure. I don't. I'm not sure. But I was backstage for some reason. Maybe I was presenting or whatever. I hope it was BET Awards. I could be wrong about that too. But it was a. Some award show by the trailers, so backstage area, and she had introduced herself, and I felt like, you know, she was. That was a little bit of, like, you know, that's all right. I see you. Well, I know she does that to everybody, though.

[DJ Envy]

She does that to everybody. I tell her story all the time. I've seen Beyonce. I mean, I've only been around her a few times, but I've seen her walk up to people, say, hi, I'm Beyonce.

[Keri Hilson]

Okay, I thought it was G. No, no, no.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

She did that to me in a club one time I met her. And then one time at another radio station, she comes, hey, I'm Beyonce.

[Keri Hilson]

I thought she was checking you messed up, but no, I do. I thought it was G. I thought it lg. I was like, I fuck with that. I like that. I like that.

[DJ Envy]

Why didn't you try to have a.

[Keri Hilson]

Conversation, just be like, we just wasn't a place. And I did. Yeah. You know, it just wasn't the place. I hoped to always have that. B. If you're out there, I love you. I would love to do that. I'd love to do that. Because I don't know what's being said. I do know that my camp has worked with her. I don't know what was also said. They might have put it on me. They might have said she wrote that one. Like, I don't know what was said. I Would love to clear that up, because, like I said, I'm a fan. There's utmost respect for who she is as a songwriter, as a performer, as a woman, as a mom. Like, so much respect for her. And I was in a girl group, you know what I mean? Like, we looked up to them. There's so many reasons and ways that you can love her, and I would love to do that because I'm more so. Also to clear it up for sure. And to give her the respect that I felt she always deserved from me, because that was so. Not that, but also because I'm curious as to. What were you told about it?

[Just Hilarious]

If Polo and all, like, if they came back and said, hey, let's today, I don't know if they try. Have a conversation like, we're in different spaces.

[Keri Hilson]

To me.

[Just Hilarious]

Yeah, to you. Would you. Are you. Is that conversations you'd be down to have?

[Keri Hilson]

I think the conversation needs to be to y'all. That's. I felt unprotected. I felt, like, abandoned there. I think the conversation is to the public. I've forgiven him. He's actually even has records on this album. Oh.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

See, I work with each other again.

[Keri Hilson]

We have worked. I can be around. Like, I'm a really forgiving person. And again, I took full accountability. All this time, I just wore it. I ate it, I wore it, I lived it.

[DJ Envy]

But before y'all worked, do you say we needed to talk?

[Keri Hilson]

No, we. We were talking the entire time. Like, I never. I'm not a spiteful individual. I don't harbor ill. I would. I have said many times how I felt. You know what I mean? The whole while he. To this day, he just, you know, the definition of gaslighting.

[Just Hilarious]

But I don't understand the working relationship then. Cause, like, hearing you talk about him, it doesn't seem like someone you would want to continuously put yourself around.

[Keri Hilson]

I don't know him, but he can never force me to do anything I don't believe in again. That's what I know about me. So I can be around someone and know that I'm in control of me now. You know what I mean? You'll never make the same exact mistake twice. I will never let that man coerce me to do anything ever again. You know? So it's just that. It's just that, like, I can be and we're cool. Like, it's just. It is what it is. But I will keep him at a certain distance in certain decisions.

[DJ Envy]

How's he gonna feel when he hears it?

[Keri Hilson]

He's A great producer. He's. He ain't gonna like it. Yeah, he's not gonna like it. But, like, it's your truth. It is my truth. And it's more important for me to be honest and truthful and authentic now. And if. Honestly, if that lifts part of the burden for fans and. And for myself, then I guess today it had to be said, you know?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Now with all the records that you've written, what is your favorite?

[Keri Hilson]

I can't. Who's your favorite Child stuff?

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I don't have one. They're all my favorites.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, it's like that. It's like that.

[DJ Envy]

Do you have a record that defines you? One of your records that defines you?

[Keri Hilson]

All of them define pieces and sides of me, for sure.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

And did you Write those? Some Ds on it at that hook?

[Keri Hilson]

No, no. I was just in the video of that one.

[Just Hilarious]

That's like a floating rumor online, too. That I wrote what that I think they did? No, that you wrote it. Not that you dated. No, that you wrote that you wrote those. Yeah. That you wrote that.

[Keri Hilson]

Not throw some Ds? No. Let me think. Rich boy selling. No, that wasn't. I love that hook, though. I wish I wrote it. I. I love that verse. All the verses on that.

[DJ Envy]

Do you feel secure? Like, do you feel protected now?

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, because I got me. I do. And also this man right here, Mr. Jones, he's been with me my entire ride from album one. At some point. Yeah. Yeah. It's been that long. And he is. He's literally my protector. He's. I've never seen an artist manager dynamic quite like this, where. I know no matter even if you're. Even if you are trying to get me to do something that is against my better judgment, it ain't even going to get past him. It's not even going to get to me because he saw all that. He saw me pay for everything. He saw me. He was with me. You know what I mean? I'm sure he felt some of. Even as a manager, he probably felt some of the same feelings I felt about his own career, which is a thing I'm just realizing. Like, yeah, he probably had some embarrassment, shame, you know, but. But we went through it all together and here we are still. Still here.

[DJ Envy]

Was it really. I mean, I know personally you had things going, but was the industry really that bad? Like, was the beehive and all? Was that real? Like, when they were coming at you, was that had anything to do with you taking the step back that you took?

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, that was the other side of it. So it was a heartbreak in that. Yeah, that's what I was saying in the beginning of our interview. Yes, it was that. It was like me wearing the mistakes, but it wasn't necessarily okay. No CDs were ever thrown at me. That would have been a totally different story because it would have gone very.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Differently, which means CDs thrown at you.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, that was a rumor that they said that they threw Beyonce CDs at me on the street or something. Wherever they said that happened, that had never happened. But it was online.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Georgia, come out of you. That's twice the one that jumped in. It would never throw.

[Keri Hilson]

It's funny because I didn't. I didn't even realize my disposition changed at all, but thank you. It was online. It was like the. What did you call it? Online jumping.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Jumping trolling.

[Keri Hilson]

Online trolling. Yes. It was like, no matter what I posted, the response was bees. No matter what I said, no matter what the caption was. No matter how beautiful I look. No matter what. How. Why I'm on this carpet. No matter what. It was like, just everywhere. You know, online and interviews as well. Like, it was like I couldn't do anything on my own without her name being mentioned, which, yeah, it just. I couldn't live it down. I just felt like I could. Everywhere I went, they're like, so, Carrie, I can't. And I was just. I would just freeze. I was just freeze. That's natural. I just would freeze. And I'm like, I don't want to step in. I don't want to say anything wrong. I don't want to say anything else wrong. Like, I don't want to step in it. So I'm just going to be quiet. And eventually it came to, I don't even want to show up anymore. I don't even want to go. Go anywhere. I don't want to do anything. I just don't want to do this anymore.

[DJ Envy]

And was there industry backlash? Like, did people start fronting on you because they wanted to be in her good graces?

[Keri Hilson]

Probably. It's fair to. It's fair to suggest that probably. Probably some of the people that I had been working with took that position. But I wouldn't know. But it's. I would say it's likely.

[DJ Envy]

It's fucked up. If the people who took that position were people who actually encouraged you to do it.

[Keri Hilson]

Would be. But I don't. I don't. I don't throw anything past many people. You know, people are people.

[DJ Envy]

The only person you should be protecting now is you.

[Keri Hilson]

Right? Right. That's all I know.

[DJ Envy]

You don't owe nothing to nobody.

[Keri Hilson]

Right? That part. That part. And that's how I feel. The only thing I owe anybody is me. And to have the fresh start that I've been fighting for now, well, that's. That's what I owe myself.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Well, let's get into it. Join off the album. Let's get back to the music. What do you want to hear off the album?

[Keri Hilson]

I think all we can play is bae. We can play whatever.

[DJ Envy]

You can play whatever you want.

[Keri Hilson]

Do y'all have it all? Y'all have it all? Is that what you're saying? I'm like, are you saying they sent y'all a teaser?

[Just Hilarious]

I don't do well.

[Keri Hilson]

Let me see. Oh, y'all have a list, though.

[DJ Envy]

Grateful Negative searching something about you.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Yeah. What do you want to hear?

[DJ Envy]

Scream Whatever Weigh me down.

[Keri Hilson]

Say, oh, okay, let's go.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Okay, so you got to send us that one. We ain't gonna make it. We promise.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

All right. So let's get into it right now.

[DJ Envy]

Talking about somebody. You on there talking about.

[Keri Hilson]

No, no. There you go. No, no, no.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Say that.

[DJ Envy]

Say that. Okay.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

It's a short record.

[DJ Envy]

Something's a long record.

[Keri Hilson]

It is a long record.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Something to say that right now.

[Keri Hilson]

Okay.

[DJ Envy]

She got the Temptation Story that comes out April 26th on Lifetime.

[Keri Hilson]

Yes. Fame. Yes. April 26th. And my album drops the 18th, so like, a week before that.

[Just Hilarious]

And the. The. Tell them about the series on YouTube. I really want people to go watch. This will help you with the music. And it's a background to you.

[Keri Hilson]

Yes. And it kind of sums up the conversation we've had this morning and how I feel coming back in. So that, I think, is the breast. A great preface to hearing the music. So, yes, it's on YouTube. On Kerry Hilson's YouTube page. That's me. I hate when I appear to talk in third person, but on my YouTube page at Carrie Hilson, you'll see a series called Me vs Me. Six episodes. Just. It's quick. They're quick. They're shorts. And the album is actually released in three parts. That's what I thought you were gonna say. But it's released in three parts, so you're. I've been gone so long, I was like, I owe people more than just one EP or one album. So I'm releasing basically three. Three series of work. Three series. Three bodies of work inside of one album.

[DJ Envy]

Oh, I thought you was getting your Michael Jackson illmatic on with the nine songs.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah. So you'll see them grayed out as they're there. But it's all one album. It's all called we need to Talk. And right now you're getting the love portion. So we're starting there. I'm telling a story.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

So what's that?

[Keri Hilson]

Really, really neat, the way I decided to do this.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

What's after the love portion? Drama after drama.

[Keri Hilson]

Redemption.

[DJ Envy]

Okay, so you. So you feel like there's unfinished business in music for you, basically?

[Keri Hilson]

I do all right. Yeah, I do all right.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Well, let's get it on right now.

[Just Hilarious]

I, like, say that I'm happy for you.

[DJ Envy]

Yeah. Because I just like that you've got it mapped out. You know how you want to reintroduce yourself to this.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Love it.

[DJ Envy]

To this new generation.

[Keri Hilson]

Thank you.

[DJ Envy]

Let's dope.

[Just Hilarious]

It feels like. It feels like you're getting through all of the things that you probably had to take. You might have to take a step away to better understand what was happening, to better articulate how you felt in it.

[Keri Hilson]

Yes.

[Just Hilarious]

Feels like that.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah. You're really wise.

[Just Hilarious]

Oh, girl, thank you.

[Keri Hilson]

You're really wise. She asked me because she had me crying yesterday asking thought provoking questions.

[Just Hilarious]

Okay.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah. Not. No, good. Good crying. Crying isn't bad. But you made me feel. Which is not. It's not that. It's not that normal to have to think that deeply. So I appreciate when I get to. So. And thank y'all, because it's the same here.

[DJ Envy]

And it's good context because, you know, you never know what people are really going through or how these things we hear in the media really are impacting somebody.

[Keri Hilson]

Right.

[DJ Envy]

Personally.

[Keri Hilson]

Right. And even at a subconscious level, because that's what it was for me. I don't think it was completely all conscious. But you inherit what people say about you when you see it that often. Good, bad, and ugly. The good is damp. Just as damaging as seeing the ugly things about yourself. So, yeah. Subconsciously you inherit what? What the belief outside. You can inherit what outside beliefs are into yourself and that. That becomes unhealthy no matter which way it goes, good or bad.

[Just Hilarious]

I know you said we need to talk, which is the album. You talking to fans also about things that they deserve to get answers to.

[Keri Hilson]

Yes.

[Just Hilarious]

I think as a fan, after we talked today and after we talked on the other show that I do, I was like, wow. Like, I don't. I think I wish I had kind of had a glimpse into all of this as it was happening. It probably would have made People react differently to what happened and not. I don't know, I can't describe it, but it was such a good insight. So I'm glad you're doing this. I think people are going to be like, oh, dang. Okay.

[Keri Hilson]

I hope so.

[Just Hilarious]

It's a little bit of person in there.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, I hope so. Because I became so guarded after what had happened that I always felt like they don't. No one knows who I am, and I can't show them because I was too fearful and too afraid of. But I just. I just knew that I was, like, completely misunderstood, completely misrepresented, just completely. Like, this does not represent who I am in the least. So I always wanted for people to understand and see who I am. But I was too afraid. Too afraid to pull the veil. And also too afraid, like I said, of feeling like I had to protect people. So I remained guarded. And people were. They didn't like the mask. They didn't like the mask.

[DJ Envy]

And what's crazy is Beyonce wouldn't want any of this. I don't think so. I don't. You know, I don't think she would want you to have to go through too.

[Keri Hilson]

Yeah, I don't think. Yeah, I don't think so either. I take her to be a lot more gracious than that. I mean, even that introduction alone, I feel like. I feel like. I would agree. I would agree.

[DJ Envy]

I hope you got a dope. Full circle moment would be for you and her to collaborate on something, like you write something for her or write something together. Yeah, that would be dope.

[Keri Hilson]

That would be dope. That would be dope.

[DJ Envy]

Put that in atmosphere.

[Keri Hilson]

Let's put that. Yeah, let's manifest that.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Well, thank you for joining us and thank you for coming. Cause I know that had to be difficult the first time you. Because I seen it in your face. Like you didn't know what to expect. I seen you look at him, especially the short guy over there.

[DJ Envy]

Like, me and Carrie always been good.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

I know.

[Keri Hilson]

We feel good.

[DJ Envy]

Yes.

[Just Hilarious]

People don't be.

[Keri Hilson]

You are scary, though.

[DJ Envy]

Me?

[Keri Hilson]

Yes. Cause you're such a wild card. You're like a landmine.

[DJ Envy]

I don't do cocaine anymore.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

He never did cocaine. Don't play like that. People don't believe that.

[Keri Hilson]

What's funny was in my head, I was like, oh, that was.

[Just Hilarious]

That would explain now. We could give him some grades. Not just slow.

[Keri Hilson]

You had an issue. You had a problem.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Oh, my goodness. Kerry Hilson, it's the Breakfast Club. Good morning.

[DJ Envy]

Wake that ass up early in the Morning. The Breakfast Club.

[Just Hilarious]

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