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This is an I heart podcast. Short on time, but big on true crime. On a recent episode of the podcast Hunting for Answers, I highlighted the story of 19 year old Lachey Dungey. But she never knocked on that door. She never made it inside. And that text message would be the last time anyone would ever hear from her. Listen to Hunting for Answers from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness. I'm Dani Shapiro, and these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of Family Secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Marcus Grant. And I'm Michael F. Florio, and together we host the NFL Fantasy Football Podcast. Ready to dominate your fantasy league this season? Then you need the NFL Fantasy Football Podcast. Your ultimate source for player news, draft tips and winning strategies. Whether you're a rookie manager or a fantasy vet, we've got the insight to help you crush your opponents. Listen to the NFL Fantasy Football podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's important that we just reassure people that they're not alone and there is help out there. The Good Stuff Podcast. Season two takes a deep look into One Tribe Foundation, a nonprofit fighting suicide in the veteran community. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so join hosts Jacob and Ashley Schick as they bring you to the front lines of One Tribe's mission. One Tribe saved my life twice. Welcome to season two of the Good Stuff. Listen to the Good Stuff podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. The Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast Season four is here and we're locked in. That means more juicy chisme, terrible love advice, evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, we're not doing that this season. Oh, well, this season we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curly. And I'm Maya. Get in here. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It gets no better than this. You are now in tune to Perspectives with Big bang bang. Let's get straight to it. We're not gonna love you till you love yourself. They're not gonna support you till you support yourself. Make sure you love yourself first. Always support yourself first. Be your number one fan. Your number one supporter. Be selfish. Hey, y'. All. Welcome to Perspectives Live with Bank and Chanel. And we have our amazing guest. Here we are at the gallery, Anderson Smith Art Gallery. Nice up in here, y'. All. And you know, we brought the squad with us. So we got Kodak in his Sunday best. Look at you. Ah, look at you. Sensational. And then we got my boo, Jojo, fine and cute as ever. Hello. You said and I mean that. Debatable. And share the model. I'm in the building. Shazamodo. They said I came to start some trollable, but we'll see. Hey, we're gonna do a wellness check for how everybody feeling? Oh, you know, I'm amazing. I look amazing. Let me just do a little. Okay. Just in case there was wondering. Yike. How you feeling, man? Today Payday. I feel good today. Payday. What? Today is Friday. That's how you know he get too much paper. That's how you know I ain't seen a payday in a minute. What's the payday when every payday. Hello. Shout. Hey, I got the money. Hey, I got all the money. Look at you. Look at you. Jojo. How you feeling? The baddest boat equin the game. Hello. I'm good. I'm chilling. I feel good. It's Friday. You know what Glorilla said? It's 95°. What? She said y' all know the ain't got me. You know the song? That song really gonna get somebody beat up. No, that ass. For real. You got a whole. Dude, Somebody don't sing that part. You my girl. What about you, Shay? It's a song. It's just a song. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling very demure, you know, very cutesy. You know what? We in the art gallery, so you know the vibes is vibing. Dig moderator. What we doing? Oh, no. How the crowd feeling? How y' all feeling? Before we get started Come through. Okay, okay. What we doing, bro? Get right to what we need. We ready. Boring. No, no, no. You got to be assertive. You gotta go get. You gotta go. You gotta go get it. I approach men all the time. I have no problem with doing that. Like, I have no problem with doing it. Like, you can sit around and wait for a man to come to you and that's cool if that's what you prefer. But if I see something or somebody that I like, like, why I gotta. Why can't I approach him? That's. That's something I can't do. I like that. I like that. I mean, because they like. Nah, nah, nah. And I'm like, why? Well, see, I have a different outlook on that because I don't think women are supposed to chase, right? And that's why a lot of these men are getting a little sassy or whatever. But if you like somebody, like, I have seen a man that I liked, right? And I'm like, oh, I got my eye on him. Prime example golf course. Yesterday, I spotted him when I walked in the door. You hear me ask people in the audience that was there. I say, oh, I'm getting his number. And he was like, who? I spotted him out. I pointed to him, I said, I gotta stop talking to y' all because I need to go introduce myself to the group of people. And guess who gave me their number, the one I was interested in. Because when you see me, you gonna look at me. I don't have to be assertive and be aggressive and approach you. You're gonna look at me and want my number. But you did initiate that situation. I walked up to five, six men, and it was a. But you initiated. Initiated that on purpose. You gave him a couple looks like, to let them know you interested you was in this area. I looked, I shook his hand. I shook everybody hand, though. And he grabbed tight. He was like, oh, or did you grab tight? Now let's ask him how tight. You grabbed the hair. You gave him an extra. I was just like, hey, yeah, that's a grip. You put a grip on that thing. I did that to the whole group, though. It wasn't a single person. How long was his hay, though? It was. Did you. Hi. Hi. Hey. No. So you dropped. No, you dropped. No, everybody hand. I asked everybody what they did. I told them what I did. So I made it like a networking move. But I knew I needed him to look at me because he was going to want my number. But guess what? You still had to initiate that. That chase. So you didn't chase him, but you put yourself in a position to get what you want to put herself in position. You walk over. But I'm saying. But you don't say, hey, I'm such and such. One man by itself or two men. Hey, I'm such and such. Nice to meet you. Can I get your number? No, wait, that's confusing. To men, though, because how. How is the man supposed to know that you want him if you not showing that you want him? Energy. You got to show some energy. It's energy. You don't have to approach him, but we have to show some sort of signs from across the room. He needs to show way. Let me add what they saying though, because like, if. If he always get approached like that, like, if. If women is just nice to him all the time, what's gonna make you stand out? If all you're doing is saying hey. Every woman say hey to him. What make you special? You don't look at me. Do you see me? That's delusion. No, it's not delusion. Guess what? He asked me for my number. Let me. Let me say I didn't have to say nothing to him, but hello, but I shook his hand. Fourth out of the five people was five men standing right there. I talked to every man, and guess what? Before I walked away, he said, I'mma get your and put it in my phone. I say, absolutely. So you supposed to him. After he told me, you get what I'm saying? Like, he could have said nothing and I would have walked away and it would have just been I didn't get the number. So. But when he said, oh, I gotta get your number, and I said, absolutely. So that's me reassuring him that what he saw in me, I saw exactly in him. So if you stood in the corner all night just looking at him every, like, just. I ain't standing no corner. I'm saying, do you think that would have worked, right? I ain't. But I ain't never standing in no corner. I'm gonna walk past you and you gonna see me if I want you. And I'm a fan. Let me say this about women picking dudes, right? And I heard this on somewhere on. Somebody sent it to me. It was like I said. I said it. Huh? I said it. What you said? What you about to say? No, it was like if you pick a dude, right, and he see something you he don't like, he gonna. He gonna exaggerate that. But if dude pick you, that mean he pick you. You know what I'm saying? So I'm willing to take whatever comes you because I already picked you. You get what I'm saying? When you peek, it's like, like you said, they get kind of sassy now. It's like, yeah, she's you on my right. Yeah, yeah. And it'll go that way. It could go that way too, because I've also realized, like, if you do approach a man, like you approaching him. So you. You like him. Yeah. He may not like you. Yes. So it's. You made it easy for him. Pretty much. You. The energy that you wanted, like you. You approach him, he approach you. So now you trying to. You know what I'm saying? But I'm still gonna shoot my shot. I don't care. So bank, going back to what you said, you said, so if a dude. If you. If you approach a dude and it's something that he don't like about you, he gonna. It's gonna be exaggerated, and that make him say, so he's sassy for not liking you back how you like him. No. So I'm not saying he says if he didn't like me back. But a lot of men, like, I have a lot of homeboys. Right. And women are flying them, getting them plane tickets. Absolutely. And doing different stuff, like taking them to dinner, walking up to them like, oh, you look amazing. Can I get your number? I'm not doing that. Give me one second. Britney say she got one line for y'. All. A man who chooses, that's it. Okay. Right. A man, but a man have to choose you. So, like, if I would have walked up to those five men and nobody said anything to me that just wasn't for me, I wouldn't have felt no certain type of way because I didn't approach anybody. I spoke to everybody, but the one that I had my eye on actually just shook my hand a little tighter and said, I'm gonna grab your number. And then that's when I reassured him that, yes, I'm interested in you as well, but I'm not gonna show the first level of interest because I want you to like me. I could have liked him, and he could have not said anything. But you set yourself up to be chose, though, right? You still set yourself up. Put myself in the area. Hold on, though. But there are. Sometimes you're in a situation, like, for instance, with my career, I'm around a lot of celebrities, Right. So not saying that I'm going to talk to these celebrities, but just saying, like, that's the room that I'm in if I see somebody. These men are already looking at women who look like us or just a beautiful woman in general, and they're already judging that woman. They're already looking at that woman like, she just want to talk to me because X, Y, and Z. So he may not even approach you just off just because of that. He just may think like, oh, she on some bullshit just by the way you look. So he may not even approach you because of that. You can approach a dude and be like, oh, hey, I'm such and such. And he'd be like, yeah, no, she, she, she trying to get my bread. Or she just on some bullshit, you know, something like that and dismiss you. And that's cool. But if I want to talk to you and I'm not on that, then I'm going to introduce myself and I'm going to say, hey, I think you cute. I like what you got going on. My name is JoJo. I would like to get to know you. I don't think there's nothing wrong with that. So really, it sound like women are afraid. Not, not you. But most women are afraid of rejection in that moment. Because if, let's say the roles are reversed and it's a guy walking up to a group of five women that's walking into the lion's den. If you walk into. If you're walking up to five different dudes, you got five chances of walking away with something. If I'm walking up to five different women, I gotta be real precise in how I move in that moment. It depends on a group of women you walking with, walking up to. Because some of these girls are being, say, take me and my friend. All you got to do is have a little jewelry on and a little ice. And especially if you got a little car that they didn't see you walk out of. So it depends on who you walking. That's not what I want. I don't want a woman to think like, that somebody got something to say. Like, so, Jojo, I don't think that you are wrong. I think that your approach is probably just different from some of us that are a little bit older. Like, I have never. My dad was like, you don't approach me. That's how I was raised. But like Chanel said, if I see someone that I'm interested in, I'm going to walk past you, give you a little smile, give you a little razzle dazzle, and hopefully you will approach me. But if not, I'm moving on. So I just think it just depends on where you're coming from. Like, I don't think you're wrong. I just think that we're just different. Like, it's just different generations because y', all, that's just more modern. Like, this is more modern, that's more a traditional way. You're going to put yourself like in a line of a man versus like, approaching him, that's more traditional but modern. Like, all right, so my. Yeah, like, neither one is wrong. Yeah, you just got to do what works for you. You know what I'm saying? And, Jojo, I understand because of your industry, but, like, that wouldn't work in my industry because that would be an HR situation, so we could not do that. You know what I'm saying? I. I also think it depends on what. What type of man you're approaching. Because like I said earlier, if you're approaching a man who's used to getting that type of attention, then you approaching me and smiling at me, because women smiling at me all the time, you'll be a little bit more assertive than that if you're gonna chime in. Also, I'm slow, so if you like me, you got to tell me, because I don't be getting. I don't be catching, though. That's what I'm saying. A lot of. A lot of men are slow looking past, just smiling me, I know he might be nervous. You might intimidate him. Like, look at you. Like you said, you're beautiful. But you may be intimidating, intimidated, but I know, but that's not the man for me if he's intimidated. So I don't even want him. So that X's him out of the bunch for me immediately. Because, see, I'm old school. I want a man that's going to be a protector, a provider that is going to lead the family. You can't be intimidated by me. You need to see me as like, oh, oh, my God. She has power, but me too. Let me lead us in a great direction. So if you intimidated by me, you ain't my man. No facts. I was just gonna piggyback off what Chanel said in the fact that I think that our age group is a little more traditional in allowing the man to be the role of being, like, the hunter in pursuit. So you put yourself in a position to where he saw that you were interested in him, and he was like, okay, well, she is putting herself right here. Let me pounce on this and make sure that she know I want her, too. I'm also not, like, I'm not gonna approach a man and chase. I don't think that's the woman's role. Approaching a man and chasing is two totally different things. I think in approaching a man, sometimes for them, it takes away the chase. They feel like it's automatic. Oh, she approached me. Because if I get to know you, I shake your hand, and we have a Simple conversation. We had a bar. We having a conversation. We get each other's numbers. You're gonna want to know, who the hell is that girl that walked up on me and got my number. Men do not get approached by women. So off rip, he's going to be like, damn, like, she done came up on me now. She. And she cool as fuck. You know what I'm saying? They don't want to know more about me. That's where the chase come now it's like, now I'm gonna hit her up and see what she got going on or whatever. Whatever. It could go either way. But also, I think the definition of chase is different because for me, if I feel like I gotta chase a woman, it's almost like I have to convince her of why I'm a good match. Whereas if like, this happened last week, last weekend at Tailgate, like, the girl I met there, like, I've known her for years, but I'm like, damn, you kind of bagged me. Cause you just put yourself in a position. You put yourself. Thank you. You put yourself in a position where it's like you are open to being pursued. It's not. It's not you chasing me, but you're kind of letting those walls down and it's not as much restraint and you're letting me. You're letting the game come to you. So, like, in that moment, I felt like, damn, you kind of pulled me. I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite sized stories of missing and murdered black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women. My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tameka Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tameka never bought the car and she never returned home that day. One podcast, one mission. Save our girls. Join the search as we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered black women and girls. Listen to Hunting for Answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you. Stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I had this like overwhelming sensation that I had to call her right then and I just hit call, said, you know, hey, I'm Jacob Schick, I'm the CEO of One Tribe foundation. And I just wanted to call and let her know there's a lot of people battling some of the very same things you're battling and there is help out there. The Good Stuff Podcast season two takes a deep look into One Tribe Foundation, a nonprofit fighting suicide in the veteran community. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so join hosts Jacob and Ashley Schick as they bring you to the front lines of One Tribe's mission. I was married to a combat army veteran and he actually took his own life to suicide. One Tribe saved my life twice. There's a lot of love that flows through this place and is sincere. Now it's a personal mission. Don't wanna have to go to any more funerals, you know. I got blown up on a react mission. I ended up having amputation below the knee of my right leg and a traumatic brain injury cause I landed on my head. Welcome to season two of the Good Stuff. Listen to the Good Stuff podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. A foot washed up, a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of cold cases. But everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA using new scientific tools. They're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was to going going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen, I was just like, ah, gotcha. On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors and you'll meet the team behind the Scenes at othram, the Houston lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again? Welcome to Brown Ambition. This is the hard part when you pay down those credit cards. If you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem. A year from now when you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates, I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan, starting with your local credit union. Shopping around online looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets. I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt. And it weighs on you. It's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment, free money advice, listen to Brown ambition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. All right, so that's good. So that was a good conversation. So that's going to take us in the next thing. Y' all mentioned careers multiple times. So is there still an expectation, being that it's 20, 24 going into 25, that women should prioritize family over career and has this change for men. Let's go with black bank. You say what what it is, then you ain't paying attention over there. Is there still an expectation that women should prioritize family over career? That's. What's the word I'm trying? Subjective. It depends on what type of dude you is. You know what I'm saying? Me? You do what you want to do, baby. Just do whatever you want to be. You want to be the biggest hustle, be the biggest hustle. You want to be the biggest wife, be the biggest wife. We in crude control, baby. Do what you want to do. I just don't want all. I think it gets tricky for women now because women have been disappointed so much by men. So women are prioritizing career because they want to be financially situated. So it actually Messes up a lot of the traditional ideals of relationship. Because now women are like, I'm the boss. So now we get a little arrogant and we get a little cockier, you know, and so we don't. We take away sometimes that submissive component, which some men, if you like a traditional man, that's a provider. You don't want me coming to the house. Like, you get your own socks. You get what I'm saying? You still want me to get that? But because women have been disappointed so much and men have let them down so much, they are not willing to not make sure they get to the bag. You get what I'm saying? Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. Question. Like, how do women always say, and we got a room full of women. I won't start. No, but it's the time to start it. Women always say gonna be. I just heard one of them say that over there, right? Men gonna be men. Men or men? I thought I heard somebody say that. They know. Don't get. Don't beat me up. Y' all reaching up person. Sit. Look. No, but what do you mean? They say men. All right. What's your outlook on me? At first I think they're amazing. I think they the most beautiful creature that was created. But I also think they ain't sometimes. Okay. Do you think men ain't. Give a round of applause if you think man ain't sometimes. Let me answer the question. Okay. The other half. Let me. Let me land the plane. Let me land the plane. Plane. Okay. If you already know. All right. Your brother. You helped your brother cheat. Your daddy, you know he want none of your uncles ain't. What makes you think you gonna find this make up. Make believe. What's a make believe, though? Like a. That you think you. He gonna be everything you dreamed of when you was a princess. Wait, hold on. Said that he has to have everything or he has to be 100. She said let down. So once people. I mean, you can be let down but not be perfect. If I let you down, right? I let you down or something you knew I was capable of. Well, no, so. So the thing is, I mean, that's who I am. That means you need to leave me alone. No, no. So. So you need to leave me alone. But no, I'm saying let down. I'm not saying it depends on situation. Situation. Right. So I'll give you an example. Why I'm. Why I'm a hustler is as I got pregnant at 15. My son, dad Begged for my kid. The whole world thought it was a bad idea, but because 15 and in love, he begging, pleading, crying. And he's never did nothing for that boy because I left him because he wasn't right. You get what I'm saying? So as soon as I left the child you begged for and pleaded for, now my mama got to help me because I'm in a ninth grade. That's what I mean by let down promises. I was married before, multiple times. I've been married four times. We already know this. You get what I'm saying? So judge. Judge your mama. Don't judge me. I'm still cute. So I'm looking for husband number five right now. Call me, but let me hear mic. Moving forward. I had a situation where a man begged me to stop working. Don't work. Don't work. Work helped me grow my business. And then when I helped them, when they did something I didn't like and I had an opinion about it, he said, oh, I'm not gonna pay your bills. Well, sir, you told me, stop working. How you gonna hold my bill money on top of my head, and you beg me to not work. So that's what I mean. It's situational. I don't. But I don't put that on the man in the audience because they never did anything to me. Yeah, but. But a lot of that go back to you, though, Charnel. And a lot of. But when you married, they say, listen to your husband, but be submissive. I can't listen. But did he have those. Did he have those qualities of a. That will stall you out once he told you not to work? Did you see that before he did that? I didn't see it because he had walked in, providing he had provided everything. So I didn't have a reason to think I wasn't gonna have. We had money everywhere. Yeah. You get what I'm saying? But it became a control component with the money, and that's what end up happening, man. I think that when you say like a man, like when people be like, oh, ain't or men's whatever, it's because of that reason. Like a man let a woman down. It's not because that he's not perfect, but if you guys have certain boundaries and understandings within the relationship and you go out and just blindside her and do some whole other. That she's. She's not doing that she can definitely, most definitely be doing and you doing it, it's like, well, damn, you just crossed me. Just like, if you Had a homeboy to do some like that to cross you. You gonna be. You're gonna be good on that, man. Just like how we feel if a do some. We gonna be good on him if he crossed the boundaries. But that's what it is. But, But I think, okay, we got the audience. The audience trying to ask us something. So I'm just listening. And I know that some of the things that the women are saying and doing, I'm pleased y' all don't jump on me. I'm just. I'm just listening. It's a little contradictory because y' all want traditional values be approached traditionally, but you want to live a modern boss lady. How did it work? Hey, turn this mic. You can't. You can't. Hold on. You can't, man. Be the boss of a man. Thank you. Nobody wants to be the boss. Not a man. Now, this is what I'm saying. Let him finish. Let him finish. Let him finish. You see how aggressive. Go ahead, bro. No, I was not. It's not very traditional. I'm a gentleman. Go ahead. Go ahead, bro. But like I was saying, like, you want to be approached by the man, but when the man comes in, everything doesn't go exact. Not you. When everything isn't exactly how you think it should be, then you're ready to tuck tail and leave a man. When you're in a relationship with a man, y' all gotta be teammates more so than opponents. Facts. Y' all be looking for the win. The win. I gotta be one up on you. I gotta get you for you. Get me. How you gonna keep me straight? How you gonna. How you gonna keep me straight? How we gonna keep each other straight? But everybody is. How we gonna do this together? I know. I mean, with you, so. But when you have a partnership and then the man doesn't do his side of the partnership, I'm not talking about a woman that's getting in a relationship. Oh. Make sure you pay all my bills. Make sure you take care of me. What am I, I, I gonna get. I'm talking about when we decide that we are a we and you drop the ball on the Wii because you want to hang out to 8, 9 o'. Clock. Because now you asked me to start working to help build your business for you that you're trying to get off the ground, and you're gonna take care of our household, but then inside your household, you're acting reckless, and you're coming in doing anything. You got condoms in your car in your pocket, and you. You get What I'm saying, that's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the girl that's just trying to use you. So it's a little different. Dr. Canard, Dr. Canard, hold on, Listen. It's a little different. It's also something to where I think. I think women have to be more careful about who they choose as leaders for their household. Correct. Because a lot of women are going to whoever is going to pay those bills. So you didn't know what other qualities this man had as a leader. But as long as he was taking care of and paying your bills, that's all it needed. So he shows you after the fact that he was a truth. Hold on, let me. Let me finish. Because he was. That was always him. But the other qualities never mattered until they mattered. You saw that he did. You can always be the boss. Still, you just can't look like you're being a boss. You saw this pretty ass cruise ship, you can run them. You can be the boss. You just can't look like you his boss. Wait, so that's what I'm saying. You can't. My mom always said my. My husband is the head. Well, my parents still missing. My husband's the head. I'm the neck that turns the head. Okay, so what's wrong with that? So the boss part, right? So that's the part that I was stuck on. You said women want to be the boss. You don't want to be traditional. Traditional? Well, to me, traditional is the man goes out and makes the money and the woman stays home and she takes care of the house and she takes care of the kids. Correct. Okay, so if that's. If that's. Wait, hold on. Though, technically it is because the woman, like you said, she stays home while the man goes to work and make the money. Okay, so these women, some of them are saying the same thing. Like they don't want to work, they want your money. It's traditional as hell, but that ain't no you won't take. You're gonna take the bad side of tradition, too. Let me finish. You're gonna take the bad side of tradition. Let her finish. For sure. Go ahead. Let me finish. So you're saying like, you want this traditional woman and you got her, but you don't got her in the form that you want her in? So you. You brought up this, this, this conversation or this topic, but you're not even hearing me out. So like I was saying, you want her to be traditional, but she is being traditional. She's just giving you a little bit more aggression and she's a little bit more not demure than you want her to be. But that ain't tradition. But that's because. That's because these women aren't taking no more bullshit. Because. Because when they were traditional back in the day, these men were still out here cheating and had multiple families and multiple whatever. And they were tradition. That's tradition. But that's tradition. Right, but that's tradition. But now as they do it, the women ain't going. And they standing up for it. And they talking they. They popping they. And they gonna let you know, hey, you doing X, Y and Z. Make sure you bring your money home. Make sure you bring the money home. And now they popping they. And you upset about it. But now it's called you a gold digger. So that. That's the term for the traditional woman in 2024. Oh, now she'll go to me. Y' all trying to justify what women he's saying. Basically what he's saying is you can't wanna want granddaddy and you don't want to be grandma. You can't. Grandma went through a lot of to keep Granddad. Yeah, that's what he's saying. But I get it. You can't be bought that bag. The. So if a bringing that bag don't ask no question about no other. Hold on now, hold on. The who got the money? Got them a grandmama who ain't playing like that. She already locked. It's if a typical that's handling this business. It's a woman holding on to his leg, ain't letting him go, give a damn what he do. They know the other side of this. Yeah, hold on. That's a what y' all talking about? These who ain't who ain't got no money and they still want to run and they want to do all this and they up and got number dick. Huh? Oh, my God. Bank finna make me stand up. So, like, we talking about two totally different types of people. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, there are men that are willing to be willing what you need them to be. But. And listen, I'm a woman and I'm probably going to get booed for this, but I'm keeping a book. We got your back. You can't talk to no man any kind of way and think you're going to get a certain thing from them. And I say that because as the women, it is easier to be a boss when he knows that you're speaking to the spirit in him. Most men don't know how to provide because they didn't come from no providers. Most of these men are first generation take care of, be this, decide to be a stand up man, be a good this, all of these things. And your social media has look, it ain't if you got it. And now you out here trying to compete with that in their home that you really want to do and you have to teach it. It has to be a safe place. And most of the time, because we as women look at the stuff that's online now. I'm not talking about Shania. I'm not talking about you, Jojo. I'm just saying in general, there are women that they see things. And now you're comparing your whole life. Oh, this what I want. You're trying to compare somewhere you can't. A lot of times the issue is you. I can go and put on nice clothes and I can go do this. You clothes. You don't clean a bathroom. You barely clean your. I'm just keeping it a book. So now you feel like you want this high dollar man, but you low value woman because you can't do the regular things. So my, my issue but my it is, is that you feel like if you go because no Chanel, no you know how to keep house, do all of these things, but there's a lot of them. You just came out and felt like because I got a nice body, whether you pay for it or God gave it to you, I got nice clothes. I. You don't deserve anything. Everything these people who do got this money got, they work for it. Just like you need to put some work in. That's how I personally feel. Thank you, Lord Jesus. How y' all feeling? Y' all still with us? What we doing? Moderator. Hey, so let's go with. Are we living in a day and age where it's okay to be sexually experimental? Huh? Absolutely. Who came up with that question? I came up with that question. That was my question. I'm Jojo and I came up with that question. Okay, I did it. So again, are we living in a day and age where it's okay to be sexually experimental? Hell yeah. Who cares? Wait, sexual. Wait, what? Experimental? Traditional? No, this is the era you can do. So let's start. We gonna hold on. We're gonna start with. We're gonna start with you. Go ahead. She has the model period. No, absolutely. This is definitely the era you can try out. A lot of you can be yourself. Like I'm all for all of that. Yeah. Wait, I need you to give us a little bit more try. All of what? Let's hear it. Whatever you want to do. Like, so what you like to do? I like girls. So, you know, this is one of those areas you can actually. All right. I like bad, though, right? I think that was a little rejection, Jojo. Yeah. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. God damn. No, that was given. It was giving bad. But this is the era where you can really experiment, like, with no judgment. So that's just an example. Like, I like women, so I can experiment with. Experiment with women without being judged. So absolutely, I'm all for that. My people back there in the back. I told you I got them in here for y'. All. Yeah. Hey, babe. You stupid. So what you think, Jojo? Yeah, I think, like, sex is sex. I mean, I think that's what we're talking about. I feel like when you ask that question, I'm thinking sex with the partner. Like, sexual experiences with your person. Your person? Yeah, like, with your person. Yeah, I think. I think so. I think there are some things that men may not be willing to try with their woman because they may feel like it's crossing certain lines or certain boundaries or whatever. But it's just like, I personally feel like if. If you're not going to go and do these sexual things with your partner that they want to do, then they're going to want to wander off and do those things with other people. With somebody else. No, because, say, for instance, you're with somebody, you're with a man, and he constantly likes head, right? But you, as a woman, you don't want to keep going down there for hours. He might be a type of. That takes hours for him to come. You know what I'm saying? And you may not want to do that. So if you don't, then he gonna go out and find little Tasha down the street, and she gonna get off. So I just feel like in order to just stop all of that, you got to. You got to please your partner. I'm with it to a certain extent. I got boundaries. You hear me? Don't come over here telling me you want to sleep with a boy, and I watch it, and I'm not interested in nothing going in my butt. That hurt. If you want to go in your butt, then stick it in my butt. But I'm willing to do everything else. You hear me? I. Everything. I am an open book. I. I have had sex in every airport that I've ever been In. You hear me? So I'm gonna do some. Whatever you want to do, sir. Let's go. Just don't bring no boy up in here. And don't. He could bring girls. Big old thing inside of my butt because I want to be able to at 60. And that's what y' all ain't thinking about real good. It's just gonna be falling to the fly. Gonna come out real smooth. Yeah. All right. Kodak. What you doing? Your Spearman? Yeah. Because I feel like. I feel like if you linking with your partner, whoever you in the bedroom with, that. That's between y'. All. Like, I feel like a lot of times too many people are worried about what people outside the bedroom got to say what they got to do in the bedroom. That don't matter. Like, the. The most influential person you know could be a freak. You would never know that. Wow. And if you did know, why would you know? Why would it matter to you? Would it change your perception of that person? Probably not. It shouldn't. Because this. If this cured a incurable disease and you find out he like to goddamn wear tutus in the bedroom. Who gives a. I want to try it big. That don't matter. That's. That's all I'm saying. That what another. What another got going on in the bedroom don't matter to me. Is that what you own, though? What? Two tools in the back? I sleep naked, so I don't know what the you talking about. You wear tutus. I sleep. If I sleep naked, you think I'm wearing anything to have. I didn't say when you went to sleep. I said no. What color tutu you got? No. So you go long ass, T shirt. I go to sleep balls naked. Long ass, T shirt, ass crack on the sheets. Thank you. Your cover. Let me go back. Let me go back to the model. Hit the pillow. So is it your partner's responsibility to fulfill all your sexual needs and is it should be. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I think so, too. Just going back to what I said. Because if my partner not doing it and I really want to do it. Anybody. If you really want to do something and you. And you want to do it with your partner, your partner steadily telling you, no, no, no, they trying to kink shame you and, like, you don't want to go do it with somebody else. That's just the reality of it. Like, period. I'm trying to do all of it. Would you be trying to do everything? Everything. Damn. All right. And then. So let's move on. So Bank. Is it a woman's responsibility to help regulate a man's emotions? What you mean is it a woman? Sounds like a no, like in order for is it, Is it a woman? Is it your woman's responsibility to help manage your emotions? No, it depends on what type of emotion you just got. Some ass emotion you just ain't. But if you got emotion that's going on through life, yes, she's supposed to help you manage them. Like I was just telling her over here, women don't understand when you choose certain type of dudes, you really got to come on and be everything for this dude, right? Like I say, dude don't care about no amount of money when it comes down to the right one. Like so are they provided? If a dude ain't providing for you or not, you ain't the one for him don't mind doing for the. For the one that give him something that money can't buy. That part. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you make me feel like I can't even buy this, what you're giving me, so this money don't mean. Cause I this feel better than anything. You get what I'm saying? So hell yeah, she probably helped me manage my emotions. I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite sized stories of missing and murdered black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women. My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tameka Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tameka never bought the car and she never returned home that day. One podcast, one mission. Save our girls. Join the search as we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered black women and girls. Listen to Hunting for Answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again? Welcome to Brown amb. This is the hard part when you pay down those credit cards. If you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem a year from now when you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates. I would Start shopping for a debt consolidation loan starting with your local credit union. Shopping around online looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets. I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt. When it weighs on you, it's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment, free money advice, listen to Brown ambition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Podcast. A foot washed up, a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of cold cases, but everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA using new scientific tools. They're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen, I was just like, ah, gotcha. On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors and you'll meet the team behind the scenes at othram, the Houston lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I had this like overwhelming sensation that I had to call her right then and I just hit call, said, you know, hey, I'm Jacob Schick. I'm the CEO of One Tribe foundation and I just wanted to call and let her know there's a lot of people battling some of the very same things you're battling. And there is help out there. The good Stuff Podcast season two takes a deep look into One Tribe Foundation, a non profit fighting suicide in the veteran community. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so join hosts Jacob and Ashley Schick as they bring you to the front lines of One Tribe's mission. I was married to a combat army veteran and he actually took his own life to suicide. One Tribe saved my life twice. There's a lot of love that flows through this place and it's sincere now It's a personal mission. Don't have to go to any more funerals. You know, I got blown up on a react mission. I ended up having amputation below the knee of my right leg and a traumatic brain injury because I landed on my head. Welcome to season two of the Good Stuff. Listen to the Good Stuff podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hola, it's honey German and my podcast, Gracias Come Again is back. This season we're going even deeper into the world of music and entertainment with raw and honest conversations with with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition. No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned like over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G talk right there. Oh, yeah. We've got some of the biggest actors, musicians, content creators and culture shifters sharing their real stories of failure and success. You were destined to be a star. We talk all about what's viral and trending with a little bit of chisme, a lot of laughs and those amazing vivras you've got come to expect. And of course, we'll explore deeper topics dealing with identity struggles and all the issues affecting our Latin community. You feel like you get a little whitewashed because you have to do the code switching. I won't say whitewash cuz at the end of the day, you know, I'm me. Yeah. But the whole pretending and co, you know, it takes a toll on you. Listen to the new season of grasses. Come again as part of Michael Tura podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast. I agree, I agree with that wholeheartedly. Yeah, I think that. Hold on right quick. We'll go right here and then we'll come back. Okay, go ahead. I agree with that. And me and Banking talked about this before. Like, the biggest part of what I do with a man is I check on him. I check on him every day. I'm like, how are you? No, don't tell me the generic answer. I'm cool. No, how are you for real at 2 in the morning, if you up, why you up, babe? What's going on with you? You let me check on you and I'll a lot of times put my hand on his heart and be like, tell me how your heart feel. Like, tell me what you really want to be inside. Like, if there's nothing else in the world that you can do. And we only got one day, what Is it that we're gonna be. When you check on your man and you and he genuinely know that you love him to death. I'm gonna love the. Out of a. You hear me? And that's when women be like, men don't provide. All of mine provide. But. But like Banks and said is because I'm giving them something that they're not going to get from everybody else. Men need you. Men need to feel safe. And as a woman, you have to be their safe space. And if you are not, they're going to search everywhere for it. True. Go ahead, Jojo. So what I was going to say, because I said I agree, and what I. You said managing man's emotions. I. I think, yes, women should do that, because a lot of men do not know how to control their emotions. They don't even know that they have emotions. And if they do, they're taught in life to not have them. So it's like us being women and us having feelings and emotions and knowing what it feels like to be sad or depressed or, you know, things like that. And us as women, like, we go through so many things in life. We experience so many. So many things. Backlash from just people, and it's like, we endure that. So as a woman with a man, we have to be there for them, to help them navigate these emotions that they don't understand. Because they don't understand it. They feel like, oh, I'm feeling like this. I'm gonna just shut the up. No, like, I'm here to help you navigate this. Almost like a therapist. So, yeah, like, be there for your man at all times. Chaz, what you got to think? Well, what you got to say on that? I think y' all made some great points, but you brought up therapy, so a lot of. I think you should be there to be supportive of your man's emotions. Yes. But sometimes men come along with baggage. They come along with trauma that you had nothing to do with. So I cannot take on emotions and trauma that came from your childhood or your past relationships. So you need to seek therapy. You need to seek help. Because I can't take on that if you haven't. If you haven't addressed that issue yourself. There we go. Appreciate that. Red cranked us up. All right, Kodak, what you think I said? No, but also, I feel like it's a part of a big part of my personality. Like, because I'm not a. I'm a very even person. Like, I'm never gonna be too mad or anything about that, but I just don't feel like I would need a woman to regulate my emotions about anything, because if I feel the type of way, I'm gonna tell you. And that's how it is. I'm very straightforward on a lot of things. So what, am I lying? Me, personally. Let me say this, Cornet. Me personally, I don't feel like we have to even talk about it. You know what I'm saying? If you've been around a person and it's your person, you really love this person, you know what's. I'm off with this person. So by you knowing something off of this person, you can do a gesture that ain't got nothing to do with what's wrong, babe. Because most time don't like to tell you what's going on because they don't want you to stress with them. So you could do certain shit to just change my whole vibe, to make me feel a whole nother way. And I could have just lost whole half a million dollars last night on a plate. You never know. But you can do something like, damn, the world ain't over with. I got something right here that I. You. You get a woman gotta give you some shit that you don't even know you need. That's how I feel. You know, I didn't even know I needed this. You know? You know what? Hold on, hold on. Bank. I had JoJo. What you said just reminded me of something because we work together. So you see me, I think how I say that I. What I say what I said because I'm the type of person that's like, fuck it, I'm gonna figure it out. So what's telling you about a problem gonna solve if I haven't already solved the problem? But that's the problem. So if. If I know we are $50,000 in debt and you ain't found out yet, My. My job is to come up with $50,000. What I'm gonna tell you by the fold, I need to figure this problem out. Because as a leader, that's what I'm supposed to do. You're supposed to do whatever I need you to do. And that a part of your duty is not stressing about shit that I'm supposed to fix. Because at the end of the day, I'm going to fix whatever the problem is. So telling my girl about whatever issue is. It's not solving the problem. Yeah. That's what you agree, and that's why I'm saying, like, that's what you think we are here. We're not Here to. To look down on you. Because that's what's going on. If we're partners, that's exactly what we are. But if I know you can't help me with this. With this. You don't know that, though. I know you can't. How you know that? Because you ain't living in my field. You don't know nothing about what I got going on. So many things that. That you don't know about women. Words can't help searching that you don't know. It'll be better. I need. I need to build this house. This house. Getting on my nerve, man. I need to go put your. Put your boots on and get your hammer. No, I know what I actually do it hold up. We're not talking about you. I know somebody building. Okay, I'm talking. I'll get it done, though. Take that mode out there. Chardonn. Put on my sneakers. Let's take this motor out. Because what the power of women is is we gonna help you figure it out. If I love you. I'm putting them boots on. I'm putting my skates on. I'm putting whatever I gotta put on to make sure my man is good. So I. I have a whole construction degree because a wanted to be a contractor and not me. Talk to me about it. You can't talk to me about it. Okay. Barbara, the building. Go ahead. So. So from where y' all are coming from, I understand. Because as a good woman, you're going to automatically want to get in there with your man. You're like, all right, what's the problem? I'm here to help. But what they're saying is, as a man, you don't really want to put that on your woman. So you kind of just put that on your back, like, all right, let me figure it out. Because I don't want to put the stress on my woman. So even though you. They have a good woman and, like, she's gonna get in here with me, but as a man, you don't want to put that on your woman. No, baby, I don't want you to think about that. Think about how to make me feel mushy. Cause I already feel up out there. We both don't need to be up. I want my blunts and rolled up. I want my. This smell. Popery. You stupid. You feel like. You know what I'm saying? I smell food. You know what the he talking about? Let me just feel like I came to a castle that remind me that I'm a king through your Actions. Yeah. So what if she's already doing that? Like, what if you're already getting that, but. And you're still having the. Like, you still got other things going on. What you mean? All I'm. All I'm saying is, is I get. I get exactly what you're saying. Nobody wants to put that on their woman. But in a partnership, it don't matter. That's what she's there for, to help you in every way. Not just to cook and clean and fucking suck and emotional and all that. That may be helping you, but we're just saying, like, that also causes problems because, say, you just lost 50,000. Whatever, on the plug, whatever you was doing. You know what I'm saying? We can feel that energy when you come home. We can feel it. And we may ask you over and over and over what's going on, and you don't say nothing. You think that you're not my business. You want to be in this indictment? You don't know what I'm doing. You know what the I'm doing. Put the hookah together. You want to be all in my business? Then when the folk put your ass on lie detector, gone. Don't tell you knows that you want to be known. I don't know. Okay. You know what the hell I'm doing. You got a point. I don't know what this man doing. Well, when you put it like that. Don't tell me about it. You want to be nosy? Don't tell me nothing. So we got a question. We got a question for Shaz right quick. Okay, y'. All. How y' all doing? Hey, this man made the drink so strong. Okay, so listen, it's 2024. I just want to know why is love so conditional for women? Thank you. Like, the love is so conditional for y' all men. Love unconditional. And I want to know why you not already coming already as a woman, already working? Why I got to do something to make you feel like you got to be womanly? Thank you. There's nothing I can do as a man to make you not be a woman if you're a woman. Hold on, hold on. I'm glad you said that. I'm glad you said that. Thank you. Like, I'm meeting women. Get after you meeting women. Let us know how you really. Ladies, hold on. Let us know how you really. Ladies, Ladies, hold on right quick. Ladies, ladies, I got a question. We can hear it now. I got a question. If. If the man that you talking to said that you ain't making me feel manless or I'm mad like a. Like, until. Like, I'm saying, y' all said a man got to put you in your feminine energy. What if A had to. What if you had to put a in masculine energy? No, bro, that's. That. No, that's. That's not gonna happen. That's not gonna fly with y'. All. Listen, a lot of these dudes is in their feminine energy. But listen, he had to sit up for this. Just said. You just said so. I'm from the South, Mississippi, so I'm like, super traditional. I'm not controlling or I'm. I'm not any of those things. I'm a woman, so I know how full of y' all already is. So what I'm saying is, like, my grandma raised me, so it's like I'm. I be more woman than half of these women. Because y' all so conditional. You have to do so many things to make y' all feel soft and be in y' all soft vibe to get nothing. Can't wait. Absolutely. Absolutely not. You know my second part question? Hold on. Second point. It's two points. It's two points. What is sassy? What is sassy? Because you can't do what you want to do with me, all right? Like I said, absolutely not. A man does not have to do anything that make me to show up as a woman. I'm gonna show up as I am. However, you have to do things for me if you want me to show up. Like, I'm not just showing up for anything. So we could say love is conditional, but I mean, it's on both sides, okay? Because men have their expectations, women have their expectations of a relationship. I agree. Just in general, I got something forever man get you. They gonna keep you until you do the wrong. Then they're gonna let you go. Other than that, will deal with your forever facts. These women get up out of there. They get up out of there, boy. Who? Okay. You don't have to make me feminine. You don't have to make me be feminine. Go ahead, JoJo. Yeah, I got something to say, cuz. She said, why does a man have to put you in your female energy? Now, I can't speak for any other female in here, but I'mma speak for myself. And I'mma say this growing up, right? It's so many things that, like, a woman has to do in life. Like, people are always judging this woman. A woman is tough. Is the toughest species on this fucking earth, and she has to Be because she has emotions. But people are keep throwing shit this way and this way, and she's supposed to just keep handling it and handling it. Especially as a black. Black woman, we go through so much different. So we so tough. We're tough. We're tough. We're tough. We know, like, this person is saying some. This person doing some. Then you got this over here. He on some. I gotta take care of these kids because I might be with a who ain't taking care of them. So now I gotta be strong enough to take care of them, too. So now I'm just super strong. And I done got this masculine energy that I have no idea where it came from. I didn't even know it was a thing until people start saying, oh, she has masculine energy. Oh, she has masculine energy. And I'm over here thinking, like, well, what the is that? But really, whole time, it's just me being so tough because I have to deal with the world, but I have to be strong, not only for me, but for everybody around me. So now when I'm with this man, I'm tough, and I'm tough, and I'm doing this, and I'm working hard, and I'm doing all this other. And when he comes in and he's like, I got you, baby. Don't worry about it. You ain't got to work that hard. You ain't got to do all of that. I go pick the kids up. I'll go this. I'll go do this for you. And slowly, that woman starts getting softer and softer and softer to where she feels like she can trust you. And now she feel like now she's in her feminine energy and she can love you unconditionally. Not so quick. Real. It's a real thing. Nah, ho ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. I got to respond. It's a real thing. Go ahead, get in there. I got to respond to that, bro. Have y' all ever seen the women that just remain women regardless, though. I'm not talking about this. What's going on? I'm sorry. You got some women that have been sweet all my life. Like, this lady has been a sweet lady all my life. Some women got it, some women don't. That's just what it is. But she may have it with you, but you don't know what kind of hell and turmoil. No, I'm talking about we all know women that, like, that's a nice lady, don't you? That you've been knowing all your life. Yeah. You see what I'm Saying, like, this is a nice lady, but, but to me. But then I also, them saying, oh, that lady's so sweet. I didn't see her turn up on the situation where she may have had to turn up. That, that ain't the same thing. I'm saying, like, she out of character then, though, right? When she turn up, that's out of character. No, her character is sweet for sure. Okay. When you, when you get these women these days, they're out of character when they're being sweet. Where y' all meet these women at? Where you meeting the women? Hold up. How if I gotta, if I gotta get you in your feminine energy, I gotta get you out of character because you're already in your masculine. Well, I'm not coming to a man energy, but I, I will, I will be selective of who I give my time and energy to. But we, we had a conversation in our podcast and that went crazy too. Shouts out to Charnel. Our went crazy. I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite sized stories of missing and murdered black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women. My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tameka Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tamika never bought the car and she never returned home that day. One podcast, one mission. Save our girls. Join the search as we explore the chilling cases of missing emergency murdered black women and girls. Listen to Hunting for Answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hola, it's Honey German. And my podcast, Gracias, Come Again is back. This season, we're going even deeper into the world of music and entertainment with raw and honest conversations with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in, like, over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G talk right there. Oh, yeah. We've got some of the biggest actors, musicians, content creators and culture shifters sharing their real stories of failure and success. You were destined to be a star. We talk all about what's viral and trending with a little bit of Cheeseman, a lot of laughs, and those amazing Vivras you've come to expect. And of Course, we'll explore deeper topics dealing with identity struggles and all the issues affecting our Latin community. You feel like you get a little whitewashed because you have to do the code switching. I won't say whitewash because at the end of the day, you know, I'm me. Yeah, but the whole pretending and coat, you know, it takes a toll on you. Listen to the new season of grasses. Come again as part of Michael Tura Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. A foot washed up, a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of cold cases. But everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA using new scientific tools. They're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen, I was just like, ah, gotcha. On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors. And you'll meet the team behind the scenes at othram, the Houston lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you. Stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a Number a New York state number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months. The first night was overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you, and we didn't know what to expect. In the morning, nobody tells you anything. Listen to shock incarceration on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. But like a women say. Like when women say, and y' all gonna chew me up, I don't care. I'm ready to get into it anyway. Y' all gonna say, how can a woman say he drove me to cheat on him. I never understood that. Baby. You. You've been a cheater. You've been with do it. Am I right or wrong? You wrong. Daniel said can't no make you go out. Yes. He can't no nigga make you go outside of your character. If that's against your character, you're not going to do it. Bro, that's a lie. That's just like saying. That's just like saying a saying. My wife made me go to puff parties, bro. You want to go. Can't nobody drive you to do some you don't want to do. You got a point. I don't think that's true. How you already want to do it. You circumstances just had to present itself and you hadn't lost respect for this man yet. Hold, hold up. Once you lost respect, now you could be you. It's. It's another. It's all right. So let's use another example. If a not a thief, you can't make a thief by leaving money out on the table. If you leave a hundred dollars on the table right now, I'm gonna take it because I'm a thief. Now I'm with you. I'm with you, but I'm not a thief, so I wouldn't take it. But it's another that'll probably see that like she and not say nothing. Okay, but there's two different type of niggas, so. Okay, okay. You feel. Am I tripping? I mean, I don't think you're tripping. I mean, women don't like that. I sometimes agree with men on something things, but I've never been faithful to nobody. I never have. So, you know Me and my friends type debate. I never been faithful. And I mean, I didn't. And he didn't make you do it either, did it? The dude didn't make it. No real cheaters of Atlanta. But I am not like that anymore. I feel that, see? But see, the thing about it. Hold up, y'. All. Hold up, y' all hold up. So, like, I always tell people, and I even always tell my friends. Like, people try to weaponize me with who I am as a person. You could never weaponize me because I'm gonna tell you who I am. I don't care if you create a group chat about it. I never been faithful to a nigga before. I'm working on it. I went to therapy. They did not make me cheat, but it was another nigga looking at me. And after a time and a time, I responded back. The same thing that happens with men. Women go approach these men and approach these men. They weren't even going looking to cheat on you that day. It wasn't malicious. They didn't intend to do it. But it's in you. It happened, but it's in you. I went to therapy to get it up out of me. And that's the reason that I won't commit to none of these men right now. Because I still might cheat. And I don't want to do that no more. Because, man, God got a bet. Okay, I feel that. So I got a couple things to say. First and foremost, shout out. Shout out Big Bang. Shout out Kodak. Because y' all speak his real. The ladies, y' all speaking some real, too. But first and foremost, I just want to say, as a real man, right? We go through, right? Like they were saying, you know what I'm saying? Like, if I'm in debt $50,000, I'm not gonna tell you I'm in debt $50,000. But as my woman, like Big bank was saying, you should know something is wrong with me, so you should be there to console me. Regardless. You should have to know what I'm going through to know that I'm going through something to be there for me. You know what I'm saying? Then on top of that, how. What you were saying, like, with the. Like, when you said that you hadn't been faithful, right? Nobody drove you to do that as a man. Like, Big bank was saying, when we make that choice, that you my woman, I'mma stick with you until you make it that to the point where that. That's. That. You feel me? And so as a man, if you make me comfortable. If you my piece, I' ma stick beside you. But as soon as you throw me off, then you gotta slide. And so for men, I feel like that's why we are so logical and y' all are emotional because y' all act on impulse. Y' all act on, oh, damn, you made me feel this type of way. So I'm about to go do this, but as a man, it's like you made me feel this type of way. Does this really affect me? If it don't affect how I move, how I make my money, then fuck it. I'm a stick beside you and I'm going to do what I got to do because you my peace and that's what I stick beside. So as a man, it's like you mine. I'm a hold you down until you show me that I don't need to do that no more. And then I'm going to go do my thing. Well, I never got caught. So nobody never felt no certain type of way. His emotions was intact. I was at home waiting on him at 6am and he never know I got in at 5. So guess what? I never got caught. Baby, you never gonna feel no certain type of way. You ain't gonna feel crazy or nothing. All right. Just putting that out there. Period. Hey, let me ask y' all a question. Hold on. Yeah, they hold it down right quick. Hold it down right quick. Okay, go ahead, Bank. I'm gonna ask y' all a question. Do y' all think women. Do y' all think men should cater to all your emotions? No, I don't think he should cater to all of our emotions, but I think that he should acknowledge that I am having an emotion. But what if you just emotional every day? So I put acknowledge it every day. Like when you say emotional every day, I'm saying like something wrong with this again. Now. Now she got a problem like that. Like what? Damn. What's wrong with her today? That like. Like that kind. Should I always. Baby, what's wrong every day? Well, it depends if you. If you see she has a problem and you ain't never check on her, the first day she had a problem, well, guess what? The next day she gonna have a problem. And the day after that she gonna have a problem. And she gonna have a problem unless you ask her what the fuck the problem. Sometimes women do that. They gonna be mad as hell all the way up until you be like, baby, what's wrong? So you're gonna create all these issues and expect your man to deal with Issues. Have issues. Issues. Y' all gotta understand that women come with issues. Come with issues. Every day is not realistic, though. Yeah. Come with a bunch of issues. Hello. Y' all got ten baby mamas want to call in the middle of the night. Y' all want to then sleep with the dancers. Y' all want to sleep with the nurses. These are. You choose. No, no, these are. That we. We like. All right, so look. So look. Real dope conversation. We got one more. And she want to address the panel after that, and we're getting ready. That way we can close us on out. All right, hold on. Go ahead. Okay, I want to address the. Oh, my bad. So let's start back from the beginning. I think we got this. Characteristics and what they do naturally as a person can avoid a lot of this. Like, a lot of the stuff is, like, immature that y' all talking about. Like, oh, address this emotion and that. Like, you supposed to already know that from your parents. That's what your mother is for. She's example for you as a wife. Your father is the example as a. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But guess what, you men come with most of the emotions, so that mean. But most of y' all ain't had no mama. I been with people that ain't had no mama. They started taking care of their self at 12. But this. Let me ask y' all one more question. Let me ask y' all one more question. Do y' all really want the truth or a lie? You can believe the truth. I want the truth. Lay it out. The real truth. The real one. Okay, we're going. The truth. That's Cap. Thank you, baby. Thank you, Queen. Don't want no real truth. No, you can give me the truth, but you have to live in reality. You gotta open up your big ass eyes and see what the going on and realize that out here is up. Okay. They grew up. And they grew up with no mama, and they grew up with no daddy. And you trying to tell me just because they ain't had no mama, ain't no daddy, and was taught how to write, how to be raised as an individual, that they don't deserve no love. Right? And they fell in love with you and. And you supposed to just be like, I'm good on buddy, because he don't know how to love you properly. No, because if I love you, I'm gonna. I'm gonna deal with that. That. That trauma that you came through, and I'm gonna try to help you figure it Out. All right. Don't do that. What, man? I think. I think really, man. I think really the best relationships new is the who tell the best lies, man. Because you tell the truth. Truth. Like the truth truth, truth. Brother lady gonna think you crazy. Hello. Well, if I just went and I went upstairs, I'll tell you the truth. Truth. She gonna be like, bro, you out your mind, man. I agree with you, though. I. I agree. Watch your tongue. Some of the best relationships are because the women have been lied to. The best. Because I know some of those people and they have no idea that they husbands do what they do. Because they husbands make sure that they don't find out. But I just feel like don't let me find out. But also, I prefer you to tell me the truth. Because I don't want to have to go to the clinic and get a appeal every goddamn 30 days. I gotta take the rest of my life because you out here doing some whole. Let me decide what I'm going to do with my life. And that is the problem with these men. They want to keep lying to you. And I have homegirls that now got that they can't get rid of. Cause a wanna lie, and that's when you get your head blown. Tell the truth. Okay? Use a condom. Okay? And figure it out. Okay? But we just sat there and say, you that case every woman should use condom with every man. Because every woman said. Hold on, hold on, hold on now. Like, it's contradicting. Hold on, we can't hear. We can't hear what they saying on the panel. Hold it down. Hold on, hold on one second. Y' all, hold up, hold up. Okay. No, I'm saying this is contradicting, though. Like we saying, especially in Atlanta, you meet a dude at this big old age we at right now, and he having most. You think he ain't got hoes. He got hoes. And when I meet you today, I'm gonna get rid of all my hoes. Wait, wait, wait. Go ahead. You gonna get rid of, like, if you good enough, you're gonna get rid of the little scratch. No, what she said is asking you to get rid of all your hoes. We not just make it clear that you got hoes. Just don't lie. How am I lying when you the reason why you wanted me? Cause I had. Oh, hold up. Don't nobody want nobody that nobody else don't want. Banks, you want this man? Cause you. That's okay. And that's okay. It's a shortage on these kind of Listen, talk about it, man. What you mean? Bank, it's not the problem that you got hoes. It's a problem that you meet a girl. I know you don't. But I'm just saying what the problem is you meet the girl. The problem is, is that the man who has hoes meets the girl who he really want. Like he might just want her to her right. But he has to tell her exactly what he needs to tell her to her. So now he gonna tell her I ain't got no hoes. I don't understand that. You ain't got Teddy Women they going, you ain't got to tell them. They're so like we had a conversation after we some like so you in a relationship like this. Let's be real man. Like I'll get to know you till I you. You know what? That's what's it up. No that we fall in love first. You know what I'm saying? We. We got them. We. We bunny rapping for about a month straight now I'm trying to get to know you know what I mean? Like this man. Hey, like we don't. We're not compatible. We don't agree on. But you already. Now you already into something. But see that's why I'm telling her. Like that's. But that's why I don't operate like off real hold on. But you. But as women, you bank has a valid point. Women hold on everybody with a man before they get to know that man. And so what I. That's the thing. One thing that I will not do. I will go my last long term relationship, I didn't sleep with him for four months. But I allowed him to sleep with whoever I used to post on Instagram. Like, oh, he left me in the hotel for 12 hours because he wanted to go get his dick sucked. But he always came back and I knew. Knew I wasn't providing the service. So I can't tell you don't get the service if I'm not willing to provide it. But I made him get to know me first. I made him tell me all kind of things about him and him know things about me and he. He always tell people like I just wanted to the. But she made me get to know her and then I liked her dude. After I. I tried to get rid of her but then I missed her. What you think about that? Which part? What are we talking about? Anything. Go back to your point. Say what you just said. My point was I've really kind of forgot what I Say oh, you said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You say you're getting to know a after y'. All. Why are you waiting to after you know her to try to get a nose? You don't give a about it. I ain't no man. Listen, bro, I ain't talking about me personally. I'm saying in general. And we all know people just get to be truthful. Man, I'm sick of y'. All. You meet a man, women, men, whoever, you know, if you're gonna give us give him some or if he you gonna her. You already know that when you first meet a person. I always tell that when I first if I was single, I'm just speaking if hypothetical. I see a woman I'm not thinking about. Nothing goes on with her besides I want to sleep with her. That's just. Anyway. Yeah. And that anyway, that's because it's the first thing is physical attraction. Right? Yeah. So that's. That's gonna be like, damn, I kind of like that. So that's what I'm thinking about. Off the rip. I ain't thinking about. Can she read? No, he not. That's facts though. I don't give a if you can read if your ass fat. You think I care if you can read? Okay, we'll figure out that later. That got a big ass ass. This him. Why this can't read. You dumb as she can't read, but she can suck a mean dick. Yeah, yeah, she could count. She don't gotta read, but she know her numbers. No, but you. But you gotta beware though, because there are some crazy ass out here that you can and don't know nothing about her. And as you know now she's stalking you. Now she doing some all types of crazy, you know what I'm saying? Like you have like when I'm saying as a woman, if you just gonna a girl, like, let her know what's going on. If you got a situation, let her know. If you just trying to her, let her know. And everybody's scared because it's like, oh, if I say something, she may not be willing to. But let her make that decision because then you're gonna ultimately yourself up. That's trusting. She pulling up on you and you like, damn, I got a whole like what you. I'm gonna call that what you trusting y' all to make good, good decisions. I'm gonna put a disclaimer. It's not even that serious. Like, yeah, I got a girl that I'm already with. What? Why not a girl that you. If you have a situation, you have a situation that ain't got to do with you. All right, listen man, most men, and I'm putting this claim out there for men, most men be actually thinking they like these women at first. It's crazy. I don't believe until what they do. Huh? Until what? Until they show us that. I don't believe it. Until what? Until they mask come off. Because everybody come in a relationship with a mask on. I wouldn't give a who you is you not pulling up your regular self first day shout and I started seeing later on in life and how you really, how you really. I don't know if I still like you because you had a mask on. But like you just think somebody just gone. Like that's how you're going to get authentic. Your authentic self though. You're going to get your authentic person when you draw the line. This who I am. I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite sized stories of missing and murdered black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women. My contribution is shining a light on our mission sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tamika Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tameka never bought the car and she never returned home that day. One podcast, one mission. Save our Girls. Join the search as we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered black women and girls. Listen to Hunting for Answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York state number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, training, hard labor and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months. The first night was overwhelming and you don't know who's next to you and we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything. Listen to Shock incarceration on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. A foot washed up, a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of cold cases. But everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA using new scientific tools. They're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen, I was just like, ah, gotcha. On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors, and you'll meet the team behind the scenes at othram, the Houston lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hola, it's honey German. And my podcast, Gracias, Come Again is back. This season, we're going even deeper into the world of music and entertainment with raw and honest conversations with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition. No, I didn't audition. I haven't auditioned in, like, over 25 years. Oh, wow. That's a real G talk right there. Oh, yeah. We've got some of the biggest actors, musicians, content creators and culture shifters sharing their real stories of failure and success. You were destined to be a star. We talk all about what's viral and trending with a little bit of cheeseme, a lot of laughs, and those amazing vivas you've come to expect. And of course, we'll explore deeper topics that dealing with identity struggles and all the issues affecting our Latin community. You feel like you get a little whitewashed because you have to do the code switching. I won't say whitewashed because at the end of the day, you know, I'm me. Yeah, but the whole pretending and coat, you know, it takes a toll on you. Listen to the new season of Grass has come again. As part of Michael Tura Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again? Welcome to Brown am. The hard part, when you pay down those credit cards, if you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem. A year from now when you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates. I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan, starting with your local credit union. Shopping around online looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets, I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt. When it weighs on you, it's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment free money advice, listen to Brown ambition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast podcast. That's called Boundaries. I think that it takes time to really know if it takes time. Are you mad at me Because I don't like when you show me you. I'm just. I mean I'm saying like a woman to say a did no wrong because she waited six months down the line, he finally found out who she was, he'd be like, bro, I can't deal with this. How is he wrong? He's not. I wasn't even dating you. He's not wrong for that. That's what happens most of the time. But don't even know that I just cracked the code tonight. Don't even know that way to be. He don't know how to say it, but I really like her, bro, but I don't know what it is. You know what I'm saying? No you don't bro. You don't like her. That's an intense talking stage. That's the truth though, bro. Like you mostly people be meeting these people, bro. Having sex day. All the good in the beginning, you know what I'm saying? The butterflies and she looked good. She got about seven, eight good outfits. She don't woke some eight good bags. Now this starting and now she's got to repeat this. I seen that jacket before. I see that you try to reap it. You try. You know what I'm saying? And it ain't what you said it was. So we both was lying. If she did not she didn't wore eight, 10 good outfits. You ain't slide a jacket in. Y' all ain't make it to the mall or nothing to get a little sweater. Hello. At that point. Cause if you didn't see me eight to ten times, that's over a month of good outfit. When I got. When I. When I have to buy that. That sweater that would make me feel away. Like I thought he'd have that together. No. So you really just don't like her though, at that point? No. Because at that point if you. Hey man, go to the Goodwill where the mother sweaters come from. Let me ask one more question y' all before we go to the other. Is a dude wrong for acting like he got money when he know all women? That's all they want. Listen, we from a town of finesses. I don't. I don't blame them. Cause these ain't got no money. They can't get no. They can't get no woman. So how you mad at a for portraying? He got money, he shouldn't be trying to get broke. It's a game. We both playing the game, right? What's the game? Hold on, wait. I'm not bank. What is the woman pretending to have? So the man pretending to have money, what's she pretending to have? The woman is pretending to be. What do you say? A nourisher. Cuz she really not. You don't give a about her being a nurse. She pretended she got sense, but she really don't. She pretending a lot in the beginning. That mask. So my mask is. I'm really up. I'm borrowing my boy. We both lying. But let me tell you something. If you broke your dick, shouldn't even be able to get home. Like if you ain't got nothing to offer and your shit to get together. God should be like lim dick. Man. When I a have no money, my was the hardest. I'm trying to up on something. You talking about to say that? I was just about to say this. Can't do that. But this all I got to work. So. So Bank. Bank, huh? Coco for wait no more has a. Has something for you. All right, Coco. What's up baby? So bank, you know I love you, right? I love you too. But you sounding real. You making men sound real selfish, right? Because at the end of the day, like when it comes to being truthful about stuff, like if you got. You got hold like. Like they said women we gonna you if we want to you regardless of what we gonna do it. You can tell me. I don't give up what you tell me. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna Be mad for a minute, but if I want to, I'. Ma. You don't understand what you're saying. I understand. So what happens is when y' all lying, like when guys lie to you, to us. Going back to her question, you said he got money just acting. No, not just the money. The all kind of stuff. Like anything a man is lying for. Like you don't want to tell us because you scared you're gonna lose. Not scared. Whatever the reason is you're not being honest about what you're doing. When they was talking about, you know, men messing around. Like tell me the truth. I'm like you Chanel, tell me the truth. You know what I'm saying? Let me. Let me. Give me the choice to choose what I want to deal with. You don't tell the truth, but bank why? Because you don't want to lose the. Oh no, I'm. Tell the truth. I don't want to hear nothing. But look, just going back to her when she was. She was asking why do men have to come in the door trying to build us up or make us feel awake. And the reason a lot of times is because we are up from previous doing like that. So we guard it. All of us up come into relationships up too. You know what I'm saying? And y', all, y' all don't come in as y' all true self. We not coming in fully healed everybody up. So at the end of the day you gotta. Like she was saying, like it's all child. We all gotta learn if you with somebody this who you want to be your person. Whatever you gonna go through whatever with that person, you gonna be honest with that person. But if you not, you gonna get what she was saying. You gonna keep up people they going into relationships guarded. No, I agree with that. Kodak, what you got? No, I was about to say it just depends on the. On the degree of up because your burnt down. I ain't finna goddamn build this whole house up. You feel me? I'm not about like your. If your up. I'm not. It's. It's too much to deal with because it's gonna be. It's another woman that's just as fine, that's not as up. So why Imma put up with your. That another did When I'm trying to build or I'm letting another another actions affect my house. You feel me? But there's so many see the thing about it. And then like you said, it may do sound selfish and you. You right. But I'm just speaking for. I ain't speaking for the dudes that y' all pick over. You know I'm saying it's a lot of dudes out there that. That y' all speak of, but y' all don't like them. Y' all want to go with the who you know ain't and think you're gonna make him that. And then when he turned that girl just talking about this, he want to sing no more. If you. If. If you could convince your to be the. That's in your mind, you're not gonna like him. I guarantee you that. I agree. If you could convince your nigga to go for half of the shit that damn, he'd go for this too. Yeah. Now you turn it to. You ain't got no spine. I know a bunch of good dudes out here, man, that's really looking for wise. Like, this is a good man. Got his together, but he can't find him. Got the money, got everything. But, bro, I ain't with these ho, bro. 504, 338, 7334. Put a man in the back. No, but I'm just keeping it real. How many? I know a of lot. A lot of dudes be like, bank, I want to be married, bro. I want to have kids. I want to do all that, bro. But it's just like, I got to move out of Atlanta or something. Yeah. And women feel the same exact way, huh? Women feel the same way. All right, so real quick, she got another question for you, bank, and then we're gonna move on to the. All right. I wanted to answer your question when you was like, is it okay for a man to, like, finesse or whatever? I'm from Atlanta too, so it depends on finesse. Cause hood finesse and green finesse is different. Like, hood. He can not have real money, legal money. He gonna make that happen for you. So if that like you enough, he'll become Bill Gates tomorrow. Nah, facts. What's the green finesse who got down standing Mama ain't got now. He's sweet. Anybody can get over him. That's the tricks the. That like to give her his money out, but he really going to work a regular job. That ain't no finesse. He getting finesse. He getting. He getting took. I thought he asked. Yeah, that thing is a victim. That is a victim. Hold on. No, she just made a point. She said, leading with the money, right? I hate that she said leading with the money. Dudes leading with money. Yeah, I'm old school Wings. I'm a South we. You know, we believe in. I'm saying put in my pocket. Give me something. I'm down there trying to get 2, 300 out of. Hey, bring me some food. I appreciate it. I ain't tell you I'm gonna get your money back. I'm that kind of. I'm trying to see if you we. If we partners. Nah, nah, nah. I want to eat, too. It's some of y' all south side. Atlanta, man. I met one we on that like so. Oh, for sure. Shout out to the women that feed I bought you last night. She said you can't. If a dude leave with his money, man, most of the time he finesse. Because Neil ain't trying to get nobody. Most dudes in Atlanta leave with money anyway. But this is. He need to get what he. What you said or something, right? Because of those things, they're literally leading. You lead with your money. You pull it like, you know, we know too many people that work all week to make it look like they doing something on. On the weekend, right? But if you live with that and you're mad that now this girl has expectations of these things from you, who you really mad at? Because you. You started. And then this is the thing. You started with your money. And then the second she asked you for some. The second she said, hey, this is my patient. Cause my. That's what you had. You. You being mad at her sounds stupid because you put out bait to catch what you was fishing for. I agree with that totally. Versus the women who actually ain't doing none of those things and would like to have a high value man that kind of got this, you know, not kind of really got their stuff together, but most of them don't. But what happens is that you not looking at her. She don't like the dime. And I' ma say this, but this is the truth. Most of the people that you really looking for you to upgrade for them. Hello. And not just financially. I'm saying you're the upgrade for them to. To want life to be different. That's. That's the part we be looking at her like, oh, well, you know, yeah, she cute, but, you know, she don't do this, this and that. Well, guess what? If she had somebody that was willing to go pay for her to get her tummy tuck, her breast lifted, her booty done, and all of those things, guess what? She gonna be loyal to you. She gonna raise your children. She gonna do all of these things. You don't want to fix Nobody but you want to be fixed. Yeah, I like that. All right, all right. So look. Yeah, we don't snapped out. So look, let's go with the last question of the night. It is the. We got an election coming up. So here's this question, right? Do men and women make decisions differently under pressure? How should this be valued in leadership? Huh? Let's go with do men and women make decisions differently under pressure? And if so, how should this be valued leadership? We'll start with you, Kodak. I do believe men and women make decisions under pressure differently. I believe politically is different than, like, socially. So, like, if we talking about if we only got $50 and we need to figure out which bill need to get paid first, that's different than, you know, if we gonna bomb Iran or some shit. But it just is different. It is different. I feel like just being in clutch situations. That's why a lot of times, that's why the man is the leader of the House in most situations. In most traditional senses, the man is going to lead because he can make better decisions in that moment. Now, I do believe in a successful family unit. Then a positive decision can be made with the input of a woman. Because you can see something from a different perspective than I'm going to see it. And that's going to help make the best of decision. Because, I mean, again, I work with Jojo, so it's almost like we. We do make some of these decisions. I'd be like them folks all the time. And jokes were like, well, no, we can't say them folks, because that's your boss. And so whereas I will be very brutish in the situation. She will come with tech. Like, I think a perfect example. Like last week with the homecoming, I'm like, it put everybody in the room. We're gonna put together no. JoJo's like, no, we're gonna get a list, we're gonna put it together, we're gonna call names off. And I'm like, you right? I wouldn't even thought to do it like that, even though it sound like some simple, simple to do. Whereas in the beginning I did say is slow. I'm. I'm. You stupid joke. Yeah. I think that when you say under pressure, I think that women me, I think women make good decisions under pressure. I think that we can think rationally and we know how to dig into that emotional side as well, which is something that most men can't do. Like, most men are going to go straight business, straight, corporate, straight. This is what we need to do. And they're going to, like, try to, like, grab they dick a little bit too, you know, I'm saying. So it's just like. But as a woman, she can. She can go in with. With elegance, and she can literally diffuse the situation better than a man, I feel like, with a simple smile. For real. That's all it takes. Cause y' all so easy. But yeah, go ahead, bank. What question was it? Do men and women do make decisions under pressure? Yeah. Thank you. Do men and women make decisions better under pressure? It depends. It depends on what type of decision, though, right. I feel like if it's situational. Yeah. We talking about familiar decisions. Like. Like business relationship. What. What type of decision. Damn. Under pressure. Anything under pressure. So somebody come up in here right now, who gonna react calmly? Oh, a man or a woman? I think a man gonna have more calm than a woman. But some women be calm, though. Yeah, it depends on what the man coming in here doing. He coming in here with waving a gun. They gonna panic and run out on that. He coming in on. That's the right decision, huh? Yeah, he coming in on that. So who gonna. Who gonna act calmly under pressure? Who gonna get us out of here the way we need to get out of here? It's left up to the man. All right, for that. Well, that's different. I think, honestly, men, because women, a lot of times, we react based on the emotion. Thank you. So if we're being honest, so if somebody came in here waving the gun, I think, you know, men will be able to control the situation a little better, and we might panic a little more, because that's just how we have handle situation. So just naturally, I do think men are better leaders and they react better under pressure. But again, like you said, it depends on what pressure we talking about. We at the house, political, like, okay, we talking business. And it's a little different if we talking about at the household. We know women kind of. We handle the kids a little different. We handle kids a little better. So it just depends on. Yeah. What kind of pressure we talking about exactly. I think if a guy came in. In here with a gun, I think that falls under the protector. The protector umbrella. So men, I feel like, would probably handle that situation. But these women. I'm running out back. No, no, but I feel like, I guess that's a Kamala Harris. Ain't that's her name? Yes, that's a Kamala Harris question, basically, like, would she. If her dude pissed off when she got damn. Wake up and bomb something Correct. I believe so. Chanel, what you think you agree? I know if my wife was the president and I pissed her off, everybody gotta go. No, I don't think so. I don't know. You know, see, I. I hate to talk about, like, political stuff. Like that's not really just like my. My thing that I prefer to talk about. And I believe men should be the leaders. In my personal opinion, I'm. I'm. I mean, I'm not going to talk about who I voted for, whatever. But, you know, in a situation where if it's in business under pressure, I think women will help you make a clearer decision. I do too. But women are very emotional, so I don't. I think she can help you make the best of decision. When two. When the two come together, I don't think it's a standalone situation. I think if it's me and you in a room and there's some pressure, we gonna figure out how to make this make some sense. The same way he just kind of said with them. Yeah. In business, they was discussing something. He had one way. And JoJo simply came, well, no, we shouldn't do it like that. And ultimately it was her helping him as a collective active. So it was a team. Yeah. So ultimately, you might listen to the man, like, if it's two in the situation, be like, okay, what we're gonna do, God damn it. And he say, now we're gonna blow this up. He'd be like, whoa, hold on now we can do that. But this is what it's gonna. Cause it's gonna happen from this and it's gonna happen this. You gotta think about that. And that's where we bring, like, more rational. Right. But also to like, counter that sometimes some need to get blown up. That too true. And then if he say that and he like, nah, but this really needs to get blown up. And I'll be like, blow that up, baby. Because like, today I told you what I what I told you. You text me that today. I like them folks, that. That moral of the story, man, I don't think I could be a man without a woman. That's just the bottom line. Amen. So, however, whatever, we love y'. All, but still, y'. All. I'm over. I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite sized stories of missing and murdered black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women. My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tameka Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tameka never bought the car, and she never returned home that day. One Podcast, One Mission Save Our Girls Join the search as we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered Black women and girls. Listen to Hunting for Answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. A foot washed up, a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of cold cases, but everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA using new scientific tools. They're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught and I just looked at my computer screen. I was just like, ah, gotcha. On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors and you'll meet the team behind the scenes at othram, the Houston lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again? Wel to Brown Ambition. This is the hard part. When you pay down those credit cards, if you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem. A year from now when you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates, I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan starting with your local credit union. Shopping around online looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt and it weighs on you. It's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment, free money advice, listen to Brown Ambition on the I Heart radio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness, the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you. Stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I had this like overwhelming sensation that I had to call her right then and I just hit call, said, you know, hey, I'm Jacob Schick. I'm the CEO of One Tribe foundation. And I just wanted to call and let her know there's a lot of people battling some of the very same things, things you're battling. And there is help out there. The Good Stuff podcast season two takes a deep look into One Tribe Foundation, a nonprofit fighting suicide in the veteran community. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so join hosts Jacob and Ashley Schick as they bring you to the front lines of One Tribe's mission. I was married to a combat army veteran and he actually took his own life to suicide. One tribe saved my life twice. There's a lot of love that flows through this place and is sincere. Now. It's a personal mission. Don't have to go to any more funerals. You know, I got blown up on a react mission. I ended up having amputation below the knee of my right leg and a traumatic brain injury because I landed on my head. Welcome to season two of the Good Stuff. Listen to the Good Stuff podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, real quick, let me say this, let me say this right here. Do women tell their friends when they tripping? Please answer that. Yeah. Yes. Okay. All right, all right, all right, all right. That's a good question. We do. But do you come around this dude with her acting like she wasn't Tripping? No. Huh? No. So listen, if. If you. If you was tripping, right? We was in a relationship, and you was tripping. I feel like me you was into it. And she told you in the car that you was wrong. She not finna let me know that she told you. You let me know that you're wrong. No, because she's not your friend. Yeah, she's my friend. She gonna tell me, and then it's. And you're not gonna come tell me that you're wrong either. Well, I'm a Gemini, so I'm just come make it better. But I'm not really gonna apologize all the time. I'm just gonna come try to figure out how to fix it without the actual apology. You know, Gemini is a little crazy. Yeah, well, why does it matter if her friend tell? Not tell me. I'm just saying, like. Just say, Vincent. Like, when a woman is right, you know, they got to be right for a whole year about that one thing. So I'm always right about everything. When I'm right one time. And this intuition. How. How accurate do y' all think intuition is? A thousand percent? 100. So why ask me then? If you already know some and you thought of it, why ask me? Hold up. Hold on. If the intuition is that accurate, why y' all keep running into these up. Thank you. Because you guess what you already. Oh, now we're cooking. No. Now we're cooking. No, you already felt. But guess what? A lot of women, they want to see if they can figure out how to change you. Change him. Exactly. They already know you're up, but they like, I'm gonna the out of him. I'm gonna change. Your intuition ain't tell you so. You think so? You should be mad at your cause your couldn't change this man get lonely, too. That like them little dicks get lonely. I'm saying she said women feel as if though she can find meet you today and you drink beer. I don't like beer, though. Girl, she telling a friend that leave buddy. Now he's gonna be a beer drinker for the rest of his life. But you thinking I can love him enough and then I can say it in a way he'll stop drinking beer. That never happens. You gotta ask yourself if I can I live and love this person if he don't change nothing about him for any forever? No, the problem is that's what you got to do. That's how you pick your partner. Man, you look at a person up and down. Can I love this Person just like this forever. Anything he do extra after that is extra. I agree. I agree. But. But come on. I give a lot of mic, please. Somebody give bladder mic. She better shake her head. Give bladder mic, please. But you put. Let me tell you before she say something. The issue is, is you don't get to meet that person because everybody lying in the beginning. So you get down the line. Eight, nine months. Finesse you for a whole year. How did a finesse? Intuition. Intuition. Y' all got that package yet? That is 100 be lying today. What the lot is broke. That intuition broke and be lying to themselves. That's 100% accurate. Y just said it's 1000% accurate. I say that. I said it's a th percent accurate. I sure in the did. Don't be lying. Intuition not. No, no, no, no. This the thing. Don't lie and say that you're going to stop drinking beer. Don't. This is where the intuition comes into play. I never said. Right. No, no, no. This is where the intuition come into play. It's like, okay, yeah, I'm drinking beer, and I'm dealing with this. Who's drinking beer? Well, leave him, girl. He ain't going to stop Dr. Drinking beer. Yeah, but he told me that he was gonna stop. Like, I trust him. I know he gonna stop. I was gonna try. I'm addicted. No, but listen. But you keep doing it, and you keep doing it, but you lying about it. That's where the intuition keep coming in. Because you're like, I know this. Drinking this beer. But if we having a conversation and I tell you, hey, stop cutting me off. Stop cutting me off. Women will say, well, that just. I'm just. I'm sorry. I don't be trying to do it on purpose. You gotta understand. I'm a Gemini. Everything that goes on with a woman, a man has to understand. But when a dude got a defect about him, it's. It's like, change it. No, change it, brother. It's not. Hold up. You can. I can say, don't come looking at me. Am I tripping? No, you're not. Everything that I say that I don't like about you as a woman, you'll be like, accept me for who I am. Absolutely. And everything that you say you don't like me, that's which is everything. Yeah, I gotta. I gotta be like, I need to go. I need to change for my baby. But it's. Huh. Go ahead. The intuition thing is true. It is. It don't lie to us. We lie to ourselves because our intuition will have already told us exactly what it was. And then we'll say, okay, I hear this because. Can I just be honest? And most of the time we don't trust ourselves. We know our intuition be right, but we don't trust ourselves because we did pick the last that didn't do right. Trying to trust him, huh? We're not trusting ourselves because we trying to trust him. Right? We're trying. We're trying to get past our trust issues, right? So that's how we are rationalized with our intuition. And then the sad part is, is that's why what they say hindsight is 20 20. You made me feel like this. But some is off. That something that's off was off before you had sex with and you still kept knowing it. But this is the thing that don't mean her intuition wasn't right. That means she didn't trust herself enough. And that's a journey that most people have to go. Hold on, hold up, hold up. So I gotta be the fall guy because you know that your intuition 100 correct. But you went against yourself for a that you know you already know because God, whoever the intuition they told you. So who you mad at you for lying about. But guess what, guess what. You for lying. Hold on, listen. But that's. But that's not. But that's how a woman. That's how a woman remains bitter because she's not accusing the mirror. She got to be like, hey, man, you knew that was wrong. You knew it from the beginning was a bro. Eat that. But I ain't gonna take that to the next. The intuition might be right. But guess what? Some of you been coming the out of us. God damn it. And sometimes. And then the one that's gonna do you right, dig this big. And the one that's gonna do you wrong, Dick is this big beating up. Beating that thing up. You get what I'm saying? So sometimes we know you ain't. We know you ain't right, but that thing is stinging. So we be like, girl, he gonna change. Girl, he gonna change. Listen, listen, listen, listen. What you. What you talking about? But that's not intuition. That is hindsight. Of course, it's easy to say you made the right decision after you realize you made the wrong decision. You was already wrong. You picked. You picked. It's. It's. It's not that. Listen. Yeah, no, no, I understand what you said. Hold on, hold on. Bank, look, I play. I play. I play a lot of fantasy football this year, right? So If I start a quarterback and I don't right man, he ain't gonna be. But let me put him at. Let me start him this week. He throw four interceptions. I already knew. But you know what that was? That's not intuition. That's hindsight. Because I didn't go with the thought that I knew was right. I kept that in there. No, man, I don't understand. I just. It's. It's just about. Wait. We had somebody over there want to talk. Who was over there? Blair wanted to talk. Just stop lying, bro. What's the lie, bro? Hold up, hold up, hold up. They're not gonna stop. I don't heard women say. Why did you say that? Like I ain't saying that. Well, why you do it to me like that Hot. That's how I do it. That's a lot. What you mean if A. Basically what she just said. If A ain't gotta say nothing, he just treat you how you want to be treated and you how you want to be tomorrow. When that don't answer whatever he doing, he could be busy for real now. It's like you tripping like, damn, why they flipping out? She thinking she flipping out. Cause you don't went ghost. I ain't went ghost, babe. I've been busy. You know this. Okay. Oh, but then you'll come. You'll concoct the whole move in your head that now you calling me and you shifting our energy that it wasn't even that. That's them all switched up. My intuition is a thousand percent. I know what the you doing. If I'm with a like and I'm and I'm accusing him for about something. I already know what's going on. I'm not gonna say something if I don't know what's going on. Us as women, we gonna know. And knowing that we gonna have to say something, we're going to tell you because we know. Nah, you don't know. If you knew that, you'll know the lottery number. Like if women can guess what you doing. No, like a woman leave the house a tell you exactly. You probably stopped by that store right there and got your rubbers and you went down there. I know where you probably. That's a lot. So you need to. Goddamn, that's a lot. You Cleo. That's a lot. If you can come up, you got a whole movie. No. And women really believe that. I don't seen women sit around and think of something in their pessimistic mind and be for real mad at you about some that you ain't even. She ain't even told. You know nothing about that. Yeah, that's some different. That's most of like if you around somebody for a long ass time, it's most of them. Cuz some women come out of relationships and you can around and spray on the same cologne that had on. Now you him. Let me ask you this. Now you him. Let me ask you a question, Bank. But we. They just said everybody's unhealed, Bank. Huh? Bang. Huh? Let me ask you a question. Go ahead, Sean. Say she know you better than you know yourself. Yes. So if not I know myself. She know me. She know me. Great. So if you start moving funny and. And some off, she gonna know it. Listen, if you. If something have been off in the past, man, something's gonna stay off, bro. It's just what it is. Once. Once you once. Women not gotta understand. Stop telling you forget forgave them because you don't answer the question. Huh? If something is off, something's gonna always be off. Because women have all the emotions just like. Just like women do. So something's gonna always be off. If I'm not catering to your feelings in that moment regardless. You got a lot of people got expectations without communication. You could have wanted something to eat, but I don't know. You hungry like your woman get mad. Where you at, baby? I'm right here at plants against getting some Bang bang. Oh, I can't eat. That's a thing though, Bank. That's the thing. That's the thing. You gotta you. That's the thing. What's the thing? Like you can't go get no food without bringing no food. Get it and let it sit in the microwave, huh? Yes. That's cold. Because y' all are creature of habit. No, like, oh, so it ain't consideration that I make sure you're okay. Year. What y' all say you want protected provided to go get that food and meet with Stone at Planter and get some food. Yeah. And I come back home full. You make get that food, Bank. Y' all gonna stress us out. Bank, where my food at? Get that food. Okay. You correct about that. Get that food. You supposed to call actually, you want something. But do you know how many times that you do things and you don't call and ask this, right? Yeah. Huh? Food is different. No, I'm. We talking about food, all right? I'm just talking about period, man. Dudes supposed to. I don't know, man. I guess I'm not talking situation I'm just asking, period. Like most women, I. I have a lot of women friend that are in here. We have real conversations with off camera. They be looking legit. They be. They be. You know what I'm saying? Saying the truth. Like you can have a friend that's a woman that's a friend, right? She know all the real that men know. When she's not in a relationship, soon she get in a relationship, you turn into a too. Because how dude doing her like damn shout you did cool ass. My little sister. Now you're in a relationship going through the. That I'm putting the through now I'm some. But you just understood it when you weren't in a relationship. That's crazy, right? Huh? Do that happen? Yes, it do. Yes. Thank you. Me and Charnel could be talking about something. She be. Yeah, yeah, man. Yeah. You get what she get a. She don't understand that even a son. I tell my wife this all the time. I hear you telling my kids that they shouldn't go forward they with they girl, but you want me to go for it. You get what I'm saying? Like, oh, nah, she said that she ain't no good. But you done said that before. It's different. But it's different. It's different. No living. Been with his girl 13 years, Cap. No, that's not. Been with the girl down there 13 years. That's the same. That means, you know. That means you know, you know, you know. You're right. Women, they. They. They play. And I. I ain't just bash women. I love women once again, especially black women. I love women with Africa, everything in me. But what I'm saying is I get it though, because I actually talk and ask questions to people that I'm not in relationship with. Like, they get it, but they just don't want. I can't let you know I get it because I might want to run it. Am I tripping? They get everything it is that we trying to say. I see where you coming from, but I can't see that because it's breaking cold. But, but. But then they get mad at the niggas they can't pimp. Pimp. She say women is the biggest pimp. The they can't pimp is sassy. Just is what it is. Thank you. This is nothing new. We do what we want to do. And that's just what it is. The is just like y' all pudding y' all put into our. Huh? It just said y' all pudding is pudding. Y' all Put it to our pussy. Because whatever we want y' all to do, y' all gonna do it. We move how we want to move because we can move how we want to move because we women. It just is what it is. That's. That's. It is what it is. Some women used to old school. We used to old school. We used to women who men who do this, do this, do this and do this. And we trying to bring it to this century. It's just not gonna work like that. I'm old School. I'm 1980. When I was coming up, we dated who did this, this, this. And the third. We trying to bring this to this generation and it just ain't what it is. We gotta find. It's like a search in this generation to be what we used to a being. Women know what's going on and we play to y' all intelligence. Y' all fall into it. It is what it is. It's point blank. We're not ignorant. We not this and then the third, we know what's going on. Not ignorant either though. Exactly. Exactly. So that's what I'm saying. Exactly. That's the problem. That's the problem. When you. When you go to dealing with a who know like. Oh, nobody going for that. Exactly. Because you came up but you can't get away. You came up in the era we came up in get wait. Back in the day, you ain't. You was in the streets. Facts. You were hoes. Yeah. You were dissing. It took you 20 years to say, hey, I'm finna and I'm gonna be this type of man. But get what your woman stayed down with this because that's what she chose to do. You been. You've been been not nothing. 20, 15, 10. What I'm saying. It took you to change when you was ready to change. And because she stayed down with you. That's just it. It ain't it. This is not rocket science. Facts. The the relationship really getting on my nerves to be honest, because this not rocking science. You either gonna who you want to with. When you get spiritual. When you get to a certain level and when you start elevating, you attract a certain type of different period. Point blank. We gonna with a low life who ain't got going on. When you get to this level, you gonna with a who got this going on. When you get to this level, you gonna with who got going on. When you get to a spiritual level, you gonna do this and you gonna with that type of when you get to A spiritual level. Now, you. You tired. You tired of this type of. You tired of this type of. You tired of this type of. And then you gonna. With what you feel like is in your element. When you get. When you level up, it's different levels to this. We with different. At different experiences in our lives. Whatever we going through, whatever traumatic experiences a lot of us didn't have. Mamas, daddies, we out in the street this and then the third day out in the street. So we with what we know. When we get to that mental level where we have grown spiritually and mentally, then we start dealing with people that's on our level. That elevate us and put us in a position. This relationship is not difficult. It's very simple. Very simple facts. Hey, let me ask y' all something. Do y' all feel. Do y' all feel like snot? But I feel like if it was easy, it wouldn't work. Yeah. If it was easy to be with somebody, that ain't your person, bro, it ain't gonna be easy, bro. That's. That. I think that's what. That's the miscommunication. A lot of people think they're gonna get in a relationship and it's gonna be easy. You know what I'm saying? You ain't gonna. You ain't gonna go through nothing. That never happens. I agree. That never happened. Because you gotta deal with some. Something, though. Like how long you gonna deal with something for. For her. You're gonna deal with something forever. If you're in a relationship. You said that's a lot. I think your dude ain't dealing with something with you. I'm sure he is. There's plenty of things he don't like about you. Just don't say it because you don't want to hurt your feelings. Plenty things. Or he just don't care. No, he just don't say it because he don't want to hurt your feelings. A nick can run you all the way down. I'm pretty sure if I let. If I. If I sit around a person for more than a day, I can find every flaw that I want to find in that person. Because everybody got flaws, right? I can find something about everybody in the world that I don't like because we're different. Right? Right. So. But women feel like they gotta point out every little thing. So once you do that, you. You basically showing me how you see me. And how do you. How do you want to. Want my respect when I see you, see me this way? Are you crazy? Yeah, you better try to keep that to yourself or leave. Because once you don't show me who you see me as, that's how that I'm gonna be that damn near in the shadow. Am I tripping? No. If you. If you come out your mouth and tell me I see you as a no good ass, you can't change that because that's how you see me. You can say little things to let me know. That's because. Because if you ask me something like damn, did you are you that girl? And if I be like hell no or hell yeah, whatever. But if I'm not, and I'm really not and I feel like damn, that's how you see me a. That'll do that. Whatever. Whatever it is. So I'm not in my eyes. I mean in my heart I'm not who you don't see me the way I want you to see me. So how can I really respect you or love you properly? But what if you said that you not her and you is now how am I supposed to see you if I'm. If I. If I lied then you probably see me like that. That's who. That's who I am. I'm saying if. If you do some shit and see me in a way that I'm not, that just goes against my morals. How do you see me? How can I. How can you tell me you love me? How can you tell me you're. You're for me? Because I know how I would feel if I looked at a person that way. But most times, bank women don't just come off and see you as no ass. Most times it's because you didn't did some to them for them to see you as that. I am not gonna judge you off of what you did. Leave. Who finna go through that every day if you can't deal with it? Don't try to act like you're. Don't try to hold up, please let me get this off. Don't try to act as if though you're over something. Just say baby, this is gonna take time. I'm trying to deal with this. Don't try to act like you over something and then we arguing about who gonna why ain't come pump your gas when that ain't the argument. We arguing about the that you're not healed from. But you don't know how you sell. You told me that you over it so you can't bring that back up. So now we just have a little nitpick about. About that Same. Yeah. Yeah. You know, a little therapy don't hurt. Little therapy. Y' all sit down with a mediator. You know, that's what therapists are. Therapy, though, man, you. But. But most women, bro, I went to therapy for Shantay. Told the therapist, she knows, she was talking about. You know, most women, they ain't. If you don't take their side, they don't want to hit. They ain't up on their friend. I don't want to hear that. She's stupid. I don't talk. She's stupid. Should I find that one friend that's going to be my life and tell me that I ain't stupid and I'm. I'm the one not tripping? Am I tripping? No. No. You don't even call. You don't even call the home girl who you know going to check you when you want to be right tonight. Yeah, I want to be right tonight. I ain't calling it. She stupid. She don't know. She going to say. She going to. Always on the side, but now she telling you the truth. Yeah. Say, girl, he called me a. But you left out the part of what you said. I want to know when I'm wrong. Tell me. I want to grow. Can you take it, though? I can. And it don't matter if I could take it or not. Just tell me. But some dudes. And I'm. Some dudes don't wanna. Most dudes want to stay out of the Caddy. So if I know what type of girl I got and what type of attitude she got, I know what I can say and what I can bring to her without her getting offended. So things going smooth. I ain't going to offend you like a woman can. Things could be going smooth and you could just disrupt this. Damn, baby, we just doing good for 30 minutes. 30 minutes is crazy. 30 minutes, they'll disrupt the piece for nothing. But she. Her piece might get disrupted, but she'll come back down. No, baby, because at the end of the day, I can. I can get over this. Because I don't want you to feel. I can tell you in a way to let you know I didn't like that or I didn't before. I just talk at you. Most women don't like that. No. You say certain things in them. Hey, you ain't my dad now. You're controlling. But this is what I want. I want to tell you this. I don't know how else to express myself, to say, hey, I don't like that. Don't do that. Why are you talking to me like that? I don't know. So how do you do? Either you. Either you're too aggressive or you emotional withdrawn. Yeah. Either you're controlling or you're emotional withdrawals. There's no middle. What do you do? I don't know. I feel like if I just let you have it, like, yeah, babe. Yeah. Yeah. So you just gonna dismiss the conversation? You ain't gonna say nothing? Yeah, that's a problem. You ain't gonna say nothing. But if I'm. If I'm back and forth with you now you're looking at me like I sound like a. You sound like me. I always says, but they say we gotta wrap it up, man. We can do this all night, man. I appreciate y'. All. Y' all had a good time. I know we talking in circles. Yeah. Charnel, what we doing, y'? All, Listen, we doing this again next month in a different state, okay? So make sure y' all pay attention. This thing about to be big. Okay? We appreciate you guys coming tonight. Make sure you watch the episode and post it on your Instagrams and Insta. Insta stories, all that great stuff, and tell them bank perspectives with Bankish. Now we lit how y' all feel? Y' all got any last words? Look, I appreciate y' all coming out, listening to us. We're gonna do this a little bit more. But again, I appreciate y'. All. Shaz the model. Follow me, connect with me. I'm trying to connect with everybody a little bit more. So, yeah, I had a good time, you know, and everybody always, y', all, even though y' all had a whole bunch of to say about everything I had to say, but it is what it is. But follow me on social media. Underscore Jojo Alonzo. J O. J O, A L O, N S O. I thought you said you working on that, though, Jojo. It don't seem like you're working on it. I am. I just talk. You said you look crazy. You know you look crazy. You know you'll look crazy. Yeah. Okay, that's good. That's good. That's the first step. Yeah. Yeah. Nah, this was cool. This is cool. I'm a little high right now. I feel good. A lot of high. Speak up a little bit, Kodak. Yeah, nah, this is cool. This is cool. I feel good right now. Happy Friday, y'. All. Follow me on Instagram. Big on me, Kodak. And y' all tune into our show on the radio 96.1 to beat judge on big homie show 7pM to midnight Monday through Thursday. You supposed to to say that. I know, I know, I know. You have to. I want to give a shout out to to Anderson, man. Y' all give a. Give a hand. Clap my dog Anderson. Nah, for real. Shot Jones. I love you, Court Stone. I love y'. All. I appreciate y' all perspective with bank and Charnel Live. We live every month. I wish I had Blair talking, but she ain't want to sing and she back there shooting birds at me. And one more thing, y'. All, I have book that comes out tomorrow. It's called the Fifth Time is a Charm. I have a book release party tomorrow, so follow me on Instagram. Y' all come pull up on me. Where? Where is that? Where? It's at the place called Bink and Bougie right off of how mill. But if y' all follow me on Instagram, Chanel Canard. That's S H a u n e l L K e n n a r D. I know that's real long, but Tomorrow as from 7 to 9, we doing it big. We talking about the book. And I made Amazon number one seller. Congratulations. Keep grinding. No, we really appreciate y', all, man. Thank y' all again, man. And for the record, I wouldn't be a man without a woman. So that's just what it is. We love women. We're not biased. We're just trying to understand each other and really trying to just say something that might spark y' all might mind. Cause it ain't us, it's y'. All. Always y'. All. I. On that note, let's go ahead and crank up. Appreciate everybody for coming out, take pictures or whatever. After follow everybody else on Instagram. Do all that. Another epic episode of Perspectives with Big Bank. Follow on Instagram @Big Bank ETL. Don't miss an episode of Perspective with Bankruptcy. Perspective with Bank, a production of the Black Effect Podcast network. And our executive producers are Dolly Bishop, Chanel Collins and produced by Aaron A. King Howard. What up gang? For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your favorite shows. Make sure you follow Big Bank ATL Perspective with Bank with a K. Make sure you like subscribe comment to the Big Fat Network page. Short on time, but big on true crime. On a recent episode of the podcast Hunting for Answers, I highlighted the story of 19 year old Lachey Dungy. But she never knocked on that door. She never made it inside. And that text message would be the last time anyone would ever hear from her. Listen to Hunting for Answers from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? 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