We Talk Back: Roses Are Red, Flags Are Too

The Breakfast Club via The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts
Original Air Date: February 14, 2026
Hosts: AJ Holiday & Tam Bam

Overview

This Valentine’s Day episode of We Talk Back dives into the complexities and expectations around love, relationships, and gift-giving. AJ Holiday and Tam Bam, in their signature candid and unapologetically Black style, discuss everything from social media pressures and love languages to personal growth, situationships, and what makes (or breaks) romance in 2026. Listeners are treated to a blend of personal anecdotes, humorous asides, and real-talk wisdom about modern love—roses, red flags, and all.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Valentine’s (And Galentine’s) Vibe

• Celebrating Galentine’s and Valentine’s:

  • AJ and Tam Bam riff on the line between celebrating with girlfriends (Galentine’s) and with significant others, ultimately agreeing that both kinds of love are worth honoring (02:32–02:41).

• Reflecting on Time and Growth:

  • Both hosts note the surreal passage of time from 2016 to 2026 and how their perspectives on love and relationships have evolved (04:04–04:33).
  • “The time between 2016 and 2026 doesn’t even feel real.” – Tam Bam (04:05)

Self-Care and Personal Upgrades

• Beauty and Health Routines:

  • AJ talks about acupuncture through ClassPass to keep her face snatched, while Tam Bam looks forward to getting chin lipo, showing their candidness about cosmetic choices (04:53–06:14).

• Medical and Dental Real Talk:

  • The hosts discuss seeking dental work abroad for better prices and their less-than-ideal stateside experiences (08:31–09:51).

Valentine’s Gifts: Double Standards and Realities

• Debating the Value of Sex as a Gift:

  • The hosts humorously argue whether “dinner and suck dick” or sex in general counts as a Valentine’s present. AJ questions men who downplay intimacy as a gift, reminding listeners that for many, it’s not a given (06:26–06:46, 26:13–26:28).
  • “Y’all just over flooded with all this coochie—like, coochie doesn’t matter that Christmas, birthday, Valentine, coochie is always into a gift, right?” – AJ Holiday (06:46)

• Should Women Buy Men Gifts?

  • Tam Bam encourages women to buy men gifts, sharing how she likes to gift cologne and pointing out that Valentine’s isn’t just about women (14:34–15:15).
  • “I like gifts too. I be liking to buy mens that I like.” – AJ Holiday (14:46)

Red Flags, Situationships & Social Media Pressure

• Situationships and Valentine’s Maneuvers:

  • The pitfalls around ambiguous relationship statuses, including men dodging Valentine’s obligations by picking fights or claiming no funds, are explored with plenty of side-eye (10:32–12:42).

• Social Media and Relationship Expectations:

  • Both call out “grandiose” Instagram standards—rose-strewn suites and over-the-top gestures—as unattainable for many and sometimes rooted in comparison rather than authenticity (18:18–20:41).
  • “Women, they know who they’re with but trying to now force this person to do this thing that they see on Instagram so that they can post it on Instagram.” – AJ Holiday (20:06)

Relationship Real Talk: Commitment, Gifts & Love Languages

• Obligation vs. Consideration:

  • They muse over whether commitment is implied by just spending Valentine’s together and stress the importance of thoughtful gestures, not just material gifts (21:00–22:29, 24:01–24:57).

• Comparing Love Languages:

  • Is Valentine’s Day a love language test? AJ and Tam Bam agree that it can reveal compatibility or shortcomings in how partners express and receive love (29:15–29:33).

• Score-keeping in Gift-giving:

  • The hosts debate if gift comparison breeds resentment and whether it’s fair to adjust effort based on what you’ve previously received (23:26–24:01).

• When Sex & Grand Gestures Aren’t Enough:

  • They joke that doing the same thing in bed isn’t really a “gift” if the experience isn’t new or special. Authenticity and change are key (26:13–27:44).
  • “If you got this coochie, the same coochie on the 12th, is it a gift on the 14th?” – Tam Bam (26:28)

Romantic or Red Flag? Navigating Toxic Dynamics

• Red Flags in Disguise:

  • The hosts discuss if jealousy and constant texting signal love or control, and whether grand gestures after conflict are genuine or manipulation (30:14–32:19).

• Making Up & Relationship Cycles:

  • They share thoughts on makeup sex, falling out of love, and the cyclical nature of long-term relationships, including the importance of not fostering resentment (34:01–38:58).
  • “A relationship is a roller coaster—ups and downs, more and less in love.” – Tam Bam (36:28)

Endurance, Grace, and What Marriage Requires

• On Enduring (and Leaving):

  • AJ notes that women often endure more in relationships, while Tam Bam points out that sticking it out sometimes just means surviving hardship, not happiness (40:02–41:26).

• Will Anyone Put Up with My Bullshit?

  • The hosts discuss whether they (and others) can find partners willing to tolerate their quirks, and the value of mutual grace (41:36–45:03).

Vulnerability, Self-Love & What Makes Partnership Work

• Feeling Unworthy in Healthy Love:

  • Both admit that in the right relationship, you may feel lucky or even “not good enough”—which can actually signal a healthy, appreciative partnership (45:24–46:31).

• Cohabitation (or Not):

  • Learning from past growth and time alone, both hosts consider whether living together is necessary—or if space and independence are key to romance (49:05–51:13).

• Self-Love as the Foundation:

  • Tam Bam wraps with a powerful message about winning through adversity, practicing self-love, and preparing for a healthy relationship.
    • "The best love is self-love... The more you pour into yourself, the more the love, you're going to attract it to yourself." – Tam Bam (54:08–54:56)

Memorable Quotes and Moments

• AJ Holiday on podcasting grind:
  "I'm just a lazy hustler... I do not like chasing money." (03:54)

• Tam Bam on relationships:
  “I think, though, maybe I didn’t stick it out in those situations longer. That’s what that person thinks... I abandoned them. I didn’t stick it out longer.” (39:29)

• On unhealthy comparison:
  "Social media puts an unrealistic expectation on absolutely everything... Now it's a whole fucking production." – Tam Bam (18:53–19:26)

• On evolving love:
  "A healthy relationship is when both of you feel like you don't deserve each other." – Tam Bam (45:37)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Valentine’s vs. Galentine’s banter: 02:27–02:41
• Reflections on time and growing older: 04:04–04:53
• Cosmetic procedures and self-care: 04:53–06:14
• Dental care, traveling for procedures: 08:31–09:51
• Gift-giving & sexual double standards: 06:26–06:46, 14:34–15:15, 26:13–26:28
• Side effects of social media romance: 18:18–20:41
• Situationship red flags & dodging Valentine’s: 10:32–12:42
• Gift expectations and love languages: 24:01–29:33
• Grand gestures vs. red flags: 30:14–32:19
• Relationship cycles & endurance: 34:01–41:26
• Self-love conclusion: 54:04–54:56

Closing Advice

• AJ Holiday:
  “Show up for your person. Be honest—with yourself first and foremost. And have a very good time doing all the things.” (53:40–53:58)
• Tam Bam:
  “The best love is self-love... Just love on yourself this year. Because it’s coming.” (54:08–54:56)

This episode offers a refreshingly honest look at love in all its forms—messy, hopeful, and always evolving. AJ and Tam Bam’s dynamic makes for an episode full of laughs, realness, and insight, perfect for anyone navigating love in the modern age.

Find them:

• AJ Holiday (@AJHoliday2.0)
• Tam Bam (@officialTamBam)
• We Talk Back Podcast (@wetalkbackpodcast)

Listen on: iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.