We Talk Back: Roses Are Red, Flags Are Too

Summary

We Talk Back: Roses Are Red, Flags Are Too

The Breakfast Club via The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts
Original Air Date: February 14, 2026
Hosts: AJ Holiday & Tam Bam

---

Overview

This Valentine’s Day episode of We Talk Back dives into the complexities and expectations around love, relationships, and gift-giving. AJ Holiday and Tam Bam, in their signature candid and unapologetically Black style, discuss everything from social media pressures and love languages to personal growth, situationships, and what makes (or breaks) romance in 2026. Listeners are treated to a blend of personal anecdotes, humorous asides, and real-talk wisdom about modern love—roses, red flags, and all.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Valentine’s (And Galentine’s) Vibe

• Celebrating Galentine’s and Valentine’s:

  • AJ and Tam Bam riff on the line between celebrating with girlfriends (Galentine’s) and with significant others, ultimately agreeing that both kinds of love are worth honoring (02:32–02:41).

• Reflecting on Time and Growth:

  • Both hosts note the surreal passage of time from 2016 to 2026 and how their perspectives on love and relationships have evolved (04:04–04:33).
  • “The time between 2016 and 2026 doesn’t even feel real.” – Tam Bam (04:05)

Self-Care and Personal Upgrades

• Beauty and Health Routines:

  • AJ talks about acupuncture through ClassPass to keep her face snatched, while Tam Bam looks forward to getting chin lipo, showing their candidness about cosmetic choices (04:53–06:14).

• Medical and Dental Real Talk:

  • The hosts discuss seeking dental work abroad for better prices and their less-than-ideal stateside experiences (08:31–09:51).

Valentine’s Gifts: Double Standards and Realities

• Debating the Value of Sex as a Gift:

  • The hosts humorously argue whether “dinner and suck dick” or sex in general counts as a Valentine’s present. AJ questions men who downplay intimacy as a gift, reminding listeners that for many, it’s not a given (06:26–06:46, 26:13–26:28).
  • “Y’all just over flooded with all this coochie—like, coochie doesn’t matter that Christmas, birthday, Valentine, coochie is always into a gift, right?” – AJ Holiday (06:46)

• Should Women Buy Men Gifts?

  • Tam Bam encourages women to buy men gifts, sharing how she likes to gift cologne and pointing out that Valentine’s isn’t just about women (14:34–15:15).
  • “I like gifts too. I be liking to buy mens that I like.” – AJ Holiday (14:46)

Red Flags, Situationships & Social Media Pressure

• Situationships and Valentine’s Maneuvers:

  • The pitfalls around ambiguous relationship statuses, including men dodging Valentine’s obligations by picking fights or claiming no funds, are explored with plenty of side-eye (10:32–12:42).

• Social Media and Relationship Expectations:

  • Both call out “grandiose” Instagram standards—rose-strewn suites and over-the-top gestures—as unattainable for many and sometimes rooted in comparison rather than authenticity (18:18–20:41).
  • “Women, they know who they’re with but trying to now force this person to do this thing that they see on Instagram so that they can post it on Instagram.” – AJ Holiday (20:06)

Relationship Real Talk: Commitment, Gifts & Love Languages

• Obligation vs. Consideration:

  • They muse over whether commitment is implied by just spending Valentine’s together and stress the importance of thoughtful gestures, not just material gifts (21:00–22:29, 24:01–24:57).

• Comparing Love Languages:

  • Is Valentine’s Day a love language test? AJ and Tam Bam agree that it can reveal compatibility or shortcomings in how partners express and receive love (29:15–29:33).

• Score-keeping in Gift-giving:

  • The hosts debate if gift comparison breeds resentment and whether it’s fair to adjust effort based on what you’ve previously received (23:26–24:01).

• When Sex & Grand Gestures Aren’t Enough:

  • They joke that doing the same thing in bed isn’t really a “gift” if the experience isn’t new or special. Authenticity and change are key (26:13–27:44).
  • “If you got this coochie, the same coochie on the 12th, is it a gift on the 14th?” – Tam Bam (26:28)

Romantic or Red Flag? Navigating Toxic Dynamics

• Red Flags in Disguise:

  • The hosts discuss if jealousy and constant texting signal love or control, and whether grand gestures after conflict are genuine or manipulation (30:14–32:19).

• Making Up & Relationship Cycles:

  • They share thoughts on makeup sex, falling out of love, and the cyclical nature of long-term relationships, including the importance of not fostering resentment (34:01–38:58).
  • “A relationship is a roller coaster—ups and downs, more and less in love.” – Tam Bam (36:28)

Endurance, Grace, and What Marriage Requires

• On Enduring (and Leaving):

  • AJ notes that women often endure more in relationships, while Tam Bam points out that sticking it out sometimes just means surviving hardship, not happiness (40:02–41:26).

• Will Anyone Put Up with My Bullshit?

  • The hosts discuss whether they (and others) can find partners willing to tolerate their quirks, and the value of mutual grace (41:36–45:03).

Vulnerability, Self-Love & What Makes Partnership Work

• Feeling Unworthy in Healthy Love:

  • Both admit that in the right relationship, you may feel lucky or even “not good enough”—which can actually signal a healthy, appreciative partnership (45:24–46:31).

• Cohabitation (or Not):

  • Learning from past growth and time alone, both hosts consider whether living together is necessary—or if space and independence are key to romance (49:05–51:13).

• Self-Love as the Foundation:

  • Tam Bam wraps with a powerful message about winning through adversity, practicing self-love, and preparing for a healthy relationship.
    • "The best love is self-love... The more you pour into yourself, the more the love, you're going to attract it to yourself." – Tam Bam (54:08–54:56)

---

Memorable Quotes and Moments

• AJ Holiday on podcasting grind:
  "I'm just a lazy hustler... I do not like chasing money." (03:54)

• Tam Bam on relationships:
  “I think, though, maybe I didn’t stick it out in those situations longer. That’s what that person thinks... I abandoned them. I didn’t stick it out longer.” (39:29)

• On unhealthy comparison:
  "Social media puts an unrealistic expectation on absolutely everything... Now it's a whole fucking production." – Tam Bam (18:53–19:26)

• On evolving love:
  "A healthy relationship is when both of you feel like you don't deserve each other." – Tam Bam (45:37)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Valentine’s vs. Galentine’s banter: 02:27–02:41
• Reflections on time and growing older: 04:04–04:53
• Cosmetic procedures and self-care: 04:53–06:14
• Dental care, traveling for procedures: 08:31–09:51
• Gift-giving & sexual double standards: 06:26–06:46, 14:34–15:15, 26:13–26:28
• Side effects of social media romance: 18:18–20:41
• Situationship red flags & dodging Valentine’s: 10:32–12:42
• Gift expectations and love languages: 24:01–29:33
• Grand gestures vs. red flags: 30:14–32:19
• Relationship cycles & endurance: 34:01–41:26
• Self-love conclusion: 54:04–54:56

---

Closing Advice

• AJ Holiday:
  “Show up for your person. Be honest—with yourself first and foremost. And have a very good time doing all the things.” (53:40–53:58)
• Tam Bam:
  “The best love is self-love... Just love on yourself this year. Because it’s coming.” (54:08–54:56)

---

This episode offers a refreshingly honest look at love in all its forms—messy, hopeful, and always evolving. AJ and Tam Bam’s dynamic makes for an episode full of laughs, realness, and insight, perfect for anyone navigating love in the modern age.

---

Find them:

• AJ Holiday (@AJHoliday2.0)
• Tam Bam (@officialTamBam)
• We Talk Back Podcast (@wetalkbackpodcast)

Listen on: iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human pressure has a way of.

[Nissan/Advertisement Voice]

Revealing what remains steady. In the latest Nissan campaign, the Nissan Rogue was tested to the extreme to demonstrate that it's built to last through durability and reliability challenges inspired by real tests conducted by Nissan engineers. Brutal potholes, a steady force of water, even a jet powered sandstorm. Each challenge inviting a deeper look at how quality, durability and reliability hold hold their ground in real world conditions. Every test was 100% real. No CG, no AI. To see how the Rogue held up, visit nissan-duordability.com this weekend, one of the.

[Tam Bam]

Homers mentioned he closed on a new crib. While everyone's asking about a house warming, you're asking the real questions like who is his State Farm agent? See, homeownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer is how you protect your legacy. A State Farm agent can help you with finding the right coverage for your new place and even help you file a claim over the phone, in person, online or on the app. They're ready to help you and they don't drop the ball. You know what I mean? Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Narrator for The Burbs Advertisement]

This episode is brought to you by the Burbs, a new Peacock original. Starring Emmy Award winner Keke Palmer. The mystery comedy series follows Samira, a lawyer and new mom who moves with her family into her husband's childhood home. While the peaceful suburb of Hinkley Hills may look picture perfect, it doesn't take long for the buried secrets of the cul de sac to be unearthed. Let's just say it's a keep your friends close and your neighbors closer to the situation. Every episode of the Burbs is available to stream now only on Peacock.

[AJ Holiday]

This is Ryder Strong and I have a new podcast called the red weather. In 1995, my neighbor Anna Trainor disappeared from a commune. It was nature and trees and praying and drugs. So no, I am not your guru. Back then I lied to everybody. They have had this case for 30 years. I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth. Listen to the Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network. Talk to him.

[Tam Bam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[AJ Holiday]

Happy Valentine's.

[Tam Bam]

Happy Valentine. Galentines.

[AJ Holiday]

Galentine. I never celebrated a Galentine's.

[Tam Bam]

Why?

[AJ Holiday]

Because I be having a Valentine's you can do both.

[Tam Bam]

I don't.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm tired of hanging with bitches. I'm so sick of it.

[Tam Bam]

We back, y'. All. We're back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up, y'?

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

It's your co host, AJ Holiday.

[Tam Bam]

And it's Tam Bam. I love y' all so much. I missed y' all so much. These few weeks without y', all, I've been feeling sick. How you been feeling?

[AJ Holiday]

Great. I've been able to go to sleep at night, not have to think about another thing I gotta do after I get off from one job and do another job.

[Tam Bam]

This feels like a job to you?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, it does. Like, this is a lot of work. I don't know. Like, people probably think even when we do virtual, it's. It's a lot of work. You know what I'm saying? We probably be like, it's fun skating. I mean, it's fun, but it's still a lot of work.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I mean, it's work.

[AJ Holiday]

I would prefer to just be doing this as life's work.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what we're working towards. But I still don't want to talk on the mic forever. You want to?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I was not in this capacity ever. In this capacity. Like a podcast.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but just, like, more money, You talking about. This is easy.

[AJ Holiday]

Gotta work for them damn dollars. So. All right, I'm just a lazy hustler.

[Tam Bam]

I think that's what it is.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I'm a lazy ass. I do not like chasing money. I don't, like, feel like I'm hustling. I don't. I don't like it.

[Tam Bam]

I don't mind. Guess what, y'. All, It's Valentine's Day week. Does this come out before? Oh, yes. This comes out right before Valentine's. And guess what? I got a Valentine. This is my first year with a real Valentine. A real one, because I had some fake ones in a decade. Ain't that crazy? That time, first of all, the time between 2016 and 2026 doesn't even feel real.

[AJ Holiday]

It's weird when people are doing a challenge online. Like, the 10 year, I'm like, 2016 seems like yesterday.

[Tam Bam]

It does not seem like a decade ago.

[AJ Holiday]

I look at pictures from then. I'm like, I just took these pictures, right?

[Tam Bam]

But then I look at me from then, and my back is a little bit bigger, so I know it is a decade ago.

[AJ Holiday]

My wrinkle a little deeper, right? I've been getting acupuncture.

[Tam Bam]

How's that working for you?

[AJ Holiday]

It's working it's working. Oh, my God.

[Tam Bam]

It's a ghost.

[AJ Holiday]

Working. It snatches your face. It's temporary, obviously, right. But it still trains the muscle, just like doing Botox.

[Tam Bam]

So.

[AJ Holiday]

Because I do class pass. Class passes are $60 a month for 28 credits. My ass don't be getting to the gym. So at the end of the month, I be having hella credits. I just go get acupuncture to use them all. So I'm paying $6 a month for acupuncture.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, that's not bad.

[AJ Holiday]

No, it's good. But they do full body, and then they do the needle in. In the face, too. Like, blonde. The jawline and in your ear, because apparently a pressure point in the air, like, does the face.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, like, for lymphatic drainage. I might have to try that. I'm actually scheduled to get chin lipo on March 23.

[AJ Holiday]

What are you going after that? You shouting out the clinic?

[Tam Bam]

I can. Dr. Sager Patel. He's in Beverly Hills. So I'm excited. I'm scared. But I'm also excited because y' all know I'd be, like, tucking my hair around my dick.

[AJ Holiday]

Now. She'll be like, yeah.

[Tam Bam]

So after March, it's all elongated. I know y' all be gonna get all the side profiles, and I'm excited for that. But let's talk about his Valentine's. Are you doing anything special?

[AJ Holiday]

I'll probably just do dinner and suck dick. Like, not too much.

[Tam Bam]

Just.

[AJ Holiday]

That's about it. Y' all say is not Valentine's present. I. I know a lot of that beg to differ. It's a lot of men who don't get coochie.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

So the men who are just. Just over.

[Tam Bam]

You're ungrateful is what you are. Exactly. That's what it is.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all just over flooded with all this coochie. Like, coochie doesn't matter that Christmas, birthday, Valentine, coochie is always into a gift. Right?

[Tam Bam]

But you got to give them something else, right?

[AJ Holiday]

I do want. Like, I. I can't. I don't really remember a time where I did, like, a whole lot of gift giving to a guy on Valentine. Valentine's not times. Okay. But, yeah, I want to do some really nice stuff, you know, I'm trying to, like, plan some. Wait, he might hear this, right?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. So you can't say it. Yeah, that's what I was just thinking. Like, I wanted to tell y', all, but I can't because this is recorded prior to Valentine's Day.

[AJ Holiday]

I want to do some nice stuff.

[Tam Bam]

I'm definitely going to surprise new guy for Valentine's. I know, I'm excited.

[AJ Holiday]

So I did message him and I asked him about size of these. These sweats he likes to wear. And I know he probably like this. You trying to buy me something. That's why you asked him the size of it? And he was like, I thought we weren't exchanging gifts. Like, I don't particularly need anything. We gonna do dinner or whatever. And he's coming into town. That's enough for me. I know I racked up on his ass for Christmas. So, yeah, I'm trying to be conservative.

[Tam Bam]

Valentine's.

[AJ Holiday]

Look at us growing up saving money, right?

[Tam Bam]

Who would have thought.

[AJ Holiday]

Who would have thunk it?

[Tam Bam]

Season six, finally saving money.

[AJ Holiday]

So I am considering a man's pocket.

[Tam Bam]

For the first time.

[AJ Holiday]

And not like there's like a limit or anything like that, but I just. I'm cool.

[Tam Bam]

I'm good.

[AJ Holiday]

I think shower him a little bit.

[Tam Bam]

I think we're going to do something probably like, he's playing it. So I don't know. But I know it's probably going to be something like. Because we're going to go to Costa Rica on February 28, and you want to do ayahuasca.

[AJ Holiday]

I want to go.

[Tam Bam]

I would like that. But he's not. He's not going to do that. But I'm going to get a crown on my tooth. No, he don't do.

[AJ Holiday]

No, you want to get. Going to Costa Rica for a crown.

[Tam Bam]

I'm going to get crowned and I'm going to get some feelings. I'm just going to get like, all the dental work I need for the fraction of a cost that it is in the United States.

[AJ Holiday]

Did you get an estimate already?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I can't remember. It was like $800. Wow.

[AJ Holiday]

I might need to consider that.

[Tam Bam]

And this is the dentist he's been going to for a long time. That's how he knows that they're good. And.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, yeah, because I, like, I know I probably mentioned this the last couple episodes, but I just recently had my mouth fucked up by the dentist. And the, the, the. What is it the people that clean your teeth first.

[Tam Bam]

The dental hygienist.

[AJ Holiday]

The hygienist, yeah. She was like, what do you do? Like. And I. One of the things I told her I do, because she was saying how great my teeth were. I don't come to the fucking dentist. That's like one of the things.

[Tam Bam]

I would not recommend that for everybody else.

[AJ Holiday]

Why? To keep your teeth Man, I now have sensitivity. All type of shit happening on the left side of my mouth that I didn't have. I have a filling in the front that is now chipped randomly. I got this feeling 10 years ago, 2017. And why is it chipped? What did y'. All. What happened when y' all were cleaning my teeth?

[Tam Bam]

It's just. Oh, it got chipped in the cleanest. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So I'm like, what? And this feeling that you gave me in the back is messed up now. It's something that's air getting back there.

[Tam Bam]

It's a pocket I gotta replace. My mom's partial because Bella got a hold of it.

[AJ Holiday]

She ate it.

[Tam Bam]

She was chewing it. She had it in her mouth.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, when I was younger, I had a mouth guard and they would say, just make sure you have any pets. Make sure the dog, because they. They like. They like to chew that up.

[Tam Bam]

So now I have to replace that.

[AJ Holiday]

You might as well take her to Costa Rica.

[Tam Bam]

That's what I think I should do.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, so she can get a whole.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, get all her shit. Right, Brandon?

[AJ Holiday]

So I guess we talk about love today a little bit. Yeah, let's talk about it in a different dynamics, right? Because everybody, you know, you have situationships on Valentine's Day. How do you maneuver through that? Your Valentine?

[Tam Bam]

I mean, guys will like, like, they'll pick a fight with you early. Like, go see your ass. I saw a nigga say, on. What did he say? It was on social media that something about his check being like he was setting up the play early on social media. So he's like, but I won't get it till the 15th.

[AJ Holiday]

So now you gotta do nothing for me in the 14th, right?

[Tam Bam]

Like trying to set up that play where he don't have to do something. Nah, nigga.

[AJ Holiday]

And it's real bad now because Valentine's a Saturday, right?

[Tam Bam]

So you're not at work. Where you at?

[AJ Holiday]

What's the excuse?

[Tam Bam]

There's gonna be a lot of people who aren't gonna deal with each other anymore because they didn't show up on Valentine's Day.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, I've been there, man. Middle finger to my old life. I remember being in my 20s and dating somebody who was a pathological liar, but I was a pathological acting like I don't know what the going on. Right. And still messing with him. And he was like, trying to rush Valentine's for me. One year I've had that boy, like, you know, the restaurant's gonna be packed. This is going to be an all day ordeal.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

So you should have picked where you needed to be at, which was most important. Because really, you let. Let my feelings be the one to get hurt. Because one thing, I. I don't like people playing with me, though, because you could have left my ass at the house.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

It was terrible. Like, I feel. I think I ended up leaving him at the restaurant. It was so bad.

[Tam Bam]

That's why I say I haven't had a Valentine in 10 years. Because I did have one in prior. In. In that. During that time span. But he, like. I guess he had more than one Valentine, and I guess I was the early Valentine because he was like, he cooked me dinner. He did all the things. And then. Yeah, and then tried to act like his homeboy. Like his. He. His homeboy needed a ride and he had to go pick him up, so he had to leave. I was like, get him an Uber.

[AJ Holiday]

He left you at the house?

[Tam Bam]

I. No, he tried to leave me in the house, but I just left. Where are you going? You going to another Valentine? Obviously. Bitch ass nigga.

[AJ Holiday]

So for women, right? I know women, sometimes they kind of like try to seek men out, try to find somebody specifically, like, for Christmas, for Valentine's. If you're not official, do you even deserve anything? Like, should this man be. Feel obligated to do something nice for you on Valentine?

[Tam Bam]

Well, I guess it just depends on the dynamics of. Are y' all sleeping together? If y' all sleep together, then yes, period.

[AJ Holiday]

What if y' all ain't sleeping together yet, but y' all like dating and.

[Tam Bam]

Then, I mean, flowers is a nice, kind gesture to send to someone that you're just dating and getting to know just to let them know that, hey, it is Valentine's Day. We may not be there yet, but I am thinking of you, but not doing nothing because we ain't like. I don't celebrate Valentine. I hate it. I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, ass.

[AJ Holiday]

I hate it. I don't celebrate Christmas and all. Shut up. And I'm not even that like super into gift giving and all that, because I do expect some all the time, but I. That. That is some old finesse hotel.

[Tam Bam]

You're right. Just so you don't have to spend your money.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, you celebrate Christmas right now. You celebrate Valentine. I think men know that. No, it's not just this. It's not a super spectacular holiday. Or it's not. But you know, if you don't show up for the woman that you fucking with on Valentine, it's going to Be a problem, right? Like you.

[Tam Bam]

Even if you don't have a gift, at least be there. Don't be nowhere else. But I think you should come with something. Don't come empty handed. But women, too. Because I just feel like women feel like Valentine's Day is just about them, and I don't think that's fair.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Get your dude something.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

I was talking to a client and I was like, well, what are you doing for your guy for Valentine's Day? She's like, that's the thing for women to do something. Yeah, girl, that's a thing.

[AJ Holiday]

I like gifts too.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I'd be liking the Buy men's. I like to buy men's that I like. Like, I like certain colognes and a couple of y' all might be walking around smelling the same. But actually my current. I bought him a cologne that nobody else.

[Tam Bam]

Ye. Yeah, y'.

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

No, seriously. But I got some colognes that I like and I know I have bought that same cologne for several. I mean, excuse me. For a couple men.

[Narrator for The Burbs Advertisement]

This episode is brought to you by the burbs. A new Peacock original. Starring Emmy award winner Keke Palmer. The mystery comedy series follows Samira, a lawyer and new mom who moves with her family into her husband's childhood home. While the peaceful suburb of Hinkley Hills may look picture perfect, it doesn't take long for the buried secrets of the cul de sac to be unearthed. Let's just say it's to keep your friends close and your neighbors closer to the situation. Every episode of the burbs is available to stream now only on Peacock.

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

You've been working in the garage with your dad every week, Monday to Sunday, trying to get the old school up and running. Today, after all the hard work, y' all finally finished it. So you have that feeling of accomplishment. You did it. Then your dad throws you the keys and says those three magic words. All yours, son. Yep. That same car belonged to your grandpa and that your dad helped him fix. It's yours. Three generations right there, keeping the tradition alive. But if you ask dad to really keep the tradition going, you need to get insurance. And you already know you need to get State Farm because your agent, well, he gets tradition, too. His dad was an agent, his grandpa too. So he gets you. Generation to generation. Remember to choose the agents that your family counted on. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Nissan/Advertisement Voice]

Pressure has a way of revealing what remains steady. In the latest Nissan campaign, the Nissan Rogue was tested to the extreme to demonstrate that it's built to last through durability and reliability challenges inspired by real tests conducted by Nissan engineers. Brutal potholes, a steady force of water, even a jet powered sandstorm. Each challenge inviting a deeper look at how quality, durability and reliability hold their ground in real world conditions. Every test was 100% real. No CG, no AI. To see how the Rogue held up, visit nissan-duordability.com welcome to the A building.

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

I'm Hans Charles. I'm Menelik Lumumba. It's 1969. Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr have both been assassinated and black America was out of breaking point. Rioting and protest broke out on an unprecedented scale in Atlanta, Georgia. At Martin's alma mater, Morehouse College, the students had their own protest. It featured two prominent figures in black history. Martin Luther King's son, senior and a young student, Samuel L. Jackson. To be in what we really thought was a revolution. I mean people were dying. 1968, the murder of Dr. King, which traumatized everyone. The FBI had a role in the.

[AJ Holiday]

Murder of a Black Panther leader in Chicago.

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

This story is about protest. It echoes in today's world far more than it should. And it will blow your mind. Listen to the a Building on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[AJ Holiday]

But he got a new fragrance that I actually like went out and smelled, you know and got him a nice one that nobody else has. Is he special like that for Valentine any. Do you think social media kind of puts an unrealistic expectation on Valentine's Day because you know everybody is a millionaire on Instagram. So you got the men setting up the hotel rooms with all the roses everywhere. I don't know who the cleaning all that up.

[Tam Bam]

But yeah, I think social media puts an unrealistic expectation on absolutely everything. Everything is just gotta be grandiose. Like remember when baby showers were everybody come to the house, sit in the living room, we have cake and a couple like food.

[AJ Holiday]

Or you rent out the the clubhouse.

[Tam Bam]

In your apartment, your apartment complex. And then it'd just be something with your close friends. Now it's a whole fucking production like exploding in the sky. And you know, like this is too much.

[AJ Holiday]

Imagine being pregnant. You mad the man you pregnant for is like I'm not paying for that. Right. Too much.

[Tam Bam]

Right. Because all that money that you're spending could literally go to things you need for the baby. But that's another story. Valentine's too like yeah, it can be. But I want all the things though, so I don't want to sit here.

[AJ Holiday]

And act like you want the things that's on Instagram.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I want all the things.

[AJ Holiday]

The hotel with the flowers and stuff like that. But, I mean, you could possibly be talking to somebody who can do all those things. I think sometimes women, they don't really know who they. They know who they're with, but they're trying to now force this person to do this thing that they see on Instagram so that they can post it on Instagram. Of course.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

And you just not with that nigga from Instagram. That's not your nigga. Right? That's not.

[Tam Bam]

He don't.

[AJ Holiday]

He can't do that. Or maybe he values his money just differently.

[Tam Bam]

Right. And he doesn't want to do that, but he does want to. Like, you need new tires on your car.

[AJ Holiday]

That was one thing. So, yeah, I didn't get you anything for Valentine, but I just paid your car note. That may not be good enough for somebody. They want both.

[Tam Bam]

No, I'm not saying, like, that's not good enough for me, per se, but if you can do both, do both. But if you had to choose, obviously the more responsible one is the one you would need to go with. And I think we're speaking more to young people in this conversation. When you're in your 20s and even early 30s, like, you may not be.

[AJ Holiday]

Able to 40s, you don't think a lot of people spending Valentine Day and all these different holidays with people, they not. They can't even get a. Get commitment out of. And I mean, sometimes in men's mind, like, this is commitment. I'm here with you on Valentine's Day. No, I didn't say you were my girl or my. My girlfriend or whatever, my lady. But I'm here with you. It speaks volumes, right?

[Tam Bam]

A little bit. No, I do. Like, you chose this person to be with on Valentine, the day that we celebrate love. You chose this person to be with. I do think that says something. But until you say, I'm with you, we are together. Y' all single. I agree. Cause a nigga will definitely be like, we together.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all went to. Went to.

[Tam Bam]

Damn. I was at your grandma hospital with you and your grandma. Like, I took your grandma to the hospital with you. I know your whole family. I watch your kids.

[AJ Holiday]

No, hold on. I got a messy meme. Hold on one second. I saw this meme, and I saved it.

[Tam Bam]

All right. While you finding that I can take, I just want to tell y' all that, like a decade ago, on Valentine's Day, I Would go, nigga knocking. Like, if it sound like people were in love in there. Oh, y' all playing music in that motherfucker, Ron. That shit used to be so much fun.

[AJ Holiday]

I was such a hater, bro.

[Tam Bam]

That was such a hater shit to do, but it was fun.

[AJ Holiday]

This is actually for another episode, but it's relevant. Men be like, she's just a friend. And it's literally someone named nutted in.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

But unless. Unless.

[Tam Bam]

Unless y' all have said that y' all are more than friends, then you're just a friend that's been nutted in. That's why you have to, like, say the thing, make people say the thing.

[AJ Holiday]

This thing I saw online, it was talking about, like, a silent scorecard. Like, how women, I think women, we put so much. We put more energy into things that we do. Like, men, like, they say they simple. Whatever, whatever. Just lazy is what I'm hearing. Right. So what do you think the difference between a man planning Valentine's versus a woman actually planning Valentine's?

[Tam Bam]

In terms of what?

[AJ Holiday]

Also, like, how not, like, women are going to do more when planning Valentine's.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know. I feel like men do more when planning Valentine's. I do, I do. I feel like men now sometimes. Like, I have a friend, she gives her man better gifts. So she's like, this year, I ain't doing all of that because I always give him a better. Like, it's more thoughtful. So I'm just gonna give him something simple this time because I know I'm not gonna get that same effort. But I feel like on Valentine's Day.

[AJ Holiday]

That'S like score keeping. Because it shouldn't matter if this. If you are a great gift giver, continue being a great gift giver. It shouldn't be based on the gift.

[Tam Bam]

They'Re giving you, but if you always getting dope ass gift and this giving you some bullshit every time that don't align with anything. Like, did you even think of me when you bought me this? Like, this nigga got her a GoPro.

[AJ Holiday]

GoPro camera that you put on your head. She don't do none of that.

[Tam Bam]

She don't do nothing athletic.

[AJ Holiday]

She don't go outside. Bitch, you bought this for you.

[Tam Bam]

You know you bought this. You gave it to me, but this is really for you.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, she can wear it while she giving it to me. Show me his old abdomen right here.

[Tam Bam]

With the GoPro out of here. That's still not a gift.

[AJ Holiday]

That's not a gift. I don't use the out of GoPro. I like, like, I would use it.

[Tam Bam]

Too, but did a nigga get you a camera?

[AJ Holiday]

Where the that camera at? We could be taking pictures right now.

[Tam Bam]

It's outside.

[AJ Holiday]

We can get it.

[Tam Bam]

But I got meta glasses. I love my meta glasses. So GoPro is similar.

[AJ Holiday]

That's on. That's on character for you. Police ass glasses.

[Tam Bam]

I wore them shits to the planetarium. This was lit. I was looking like, I got the video. It's nice.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't bring them around me. That's the police. You were the first person that had those. Them virtual. What is she called?

[Tam Bam]

The.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, I knew. Like the virtual little goggle thing.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. I can't remember what it's called, but I love that too. But I do feel like men are expected to do more for Valentine's Day than women.

[AJ Holiday]

Why is that, though? I wonder why. Why is it, like, seen as a woman holiday and men only have, what, their birthday and Father's Day?

[Tam Bam]

You know, in Chicago, they celebrate Sweetest Day. That's a male driven holiday. But sweeties sweetest. I think it's sweetest, but I might be saying it wrong. I don't live there, but I know they celebrate that. And it was always like, male. Like, about your man.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, we can celebrate men more.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I think we should celebrate them more. Like, do better. What?

[AJ Holiday]

Did.

[Tam Bam]

Didn't Kanye say, you got me a sweater next year do better. Like, she just got the a sweater. Like, I think we do need to. Because y' all do think, and I say, y', all, that coochie is just a gift. Enough. It's not.

[AJ Holiday]

No, I'm giving coochie. I'm just saying for men to act like it ain't a gift.

[Tam Bam]

It is.

[AJ Holiday]

There's a lot of men who don't get coochie on any day.

[Tam Bam]

No.

[AJ Holiday]

So if you are lucky enough to have some coochie locked in for Valentine in life, period.

[Tam Bam]

But if you got this coochie, the same coochie on the 12th, is it.

[AJ Holiday]

A gift on the 14th?

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

No, it ain't. That's the same coochie from two days ago. But why. Okay, imagine me not giving you that coochie.

[Tam Bam]

What?

[AJ Holiday]

This about to go crazy if you don't get that coochie.

[Tam Bam]

I know. I get what you're saying. It don't feel like a gift. I've had this gift many times before.

[AJ Holiday]

Why do you be mad when you. You fall asleep around, you be down playing the whole day to have sex and you fuck around, go to sleep with A nigga if you want to. I've had it happen to me. I'm thinking about this dick from the time we left the house this morning and we get home and you had to sleep first. You going to wake up with snail trail on your forehead.

[Tam Bam]

Yikes.

[AJ Holiday]

Pick that ass up early in the morning with the Breakfast Club.

[Tam Bam]

But no, I can understand why just the same vagina from the 12th is not a gift.

[AJ Holiday]

It's part of the gift.

[Tam Bam]

It's part. It could be part of the gift, but it should not be the whole gift. Especially if you want a man to do all these grandiose things so you can post it on Instagram for your friends. And all you brought was the San Coochie from two days ago. And you ain't even bringing no new tricks out. You just doing the same shit you did two days ago.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, if you bring out new tricks randomly with a. He gonna think you smashed somebody else yesterday. Like, who taught you that? Where you get that new trick from?

[Tam Bam]

XXX videos or whatever it's called.

[AJ Holiday]

Is Valentine's Day a Love Language test? You think? Because, like I was saying, like, women might do planning a little bit better. You say men plan better for Valentine? I guess they usually do all.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. I feel like they have to plan for Valentine's Day. The woman isn't like, oh, I got reservations here. That's not typical for Valentine's Day. It's the man who does that, Right?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. I be planning this because I don't want to eat someplace. You send me some. I need to know what we.

[Tam Bam]

So you plan your Valentine's.

[AJ Holiday]

I will, yes. I'm planning the restaurant. We eating that. Because I need to make sure there's gonna be some good food on the menu.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I be pissed going places and that. There's nothing on there I want to eat.

[Tam Bam]

I mean, I'm like, I want to close my eyes and see what happened on Valentine's Day. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because you eat steak, right? You could at least get a good steak somewhere. Like, I need to make sure they got, I don't know, some type of shrimp, something, a pasta or.

[Tam Bam]

But your man should know that about you, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

And then pick it. He.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm also from Charleston. He's not.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So I don't mind.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

I like to plan the food regardless. I feel even if we was going someplace neither one of us was from, like, I'm. I'm in charge of the food.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm real particular, you know?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. About what you eat.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't want no bullshit now.

[Tam Bam]

But hold on. I feel like I got off the question. What was it?

[AJ Holiday]

Is Valentine's Day a love language test?

[Tam Bam]

You think it can be. I mean, especially if your love language is gifts like mine.

[AJ Holiday]

You don't give no gifts. I don't do Valentine's. You hate me, basically. That's what I'm hearing.

[Tam Bam]

So, yeah, I guess it can be a love language test because, you know, you. Words of affirmation, acts of service. What are they? Physical touch. I mean, I guess you're gonna do literally all of them. Yeah, we have one.

[AJ Holiday]

Or I like, I do all the love languages and I feel like there's another love language. We talked about toxicity. That's one. That's some people's love language. And I like. My love language is consideration. Because all that you're considering what it is that I like. So all of those things should fall under consideration.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I guess that's like some. All of it. Yeah, that's all of it in one.

[AJ Holiday]

That's it. Just do all the things this says. Romantic or red flag. He gets jealous because he loves me.

[Tam Bam]

What? That's a red flag.

[AJ Holiday]

Where are we going at with that?

[Tam Bam]

That's definitely.

[AJ Holiday]

What if you was with somebody who did all these things on Valentine and then like, that was it for the.

[Tam Bam]

Rest of the year.

[AJ Holiday]

For the rest of y' all relationship.

[Tam Bam]

But you know what? I'm not, cuz I don't need all. I don't want to lie. I was about to lie. I was about to lie so bad. Sometimes you just got to know yourself a little bit more. I was about to say I don't need all year. Like, I want three bigger gifts a year. Valentine's my birthday and Christmas. And luckily they're like spaced out about three months apart. Yeah, you have time to save, right? So you have enough time to get those gifts and you know, and then the rest of the year I don't need shit. That's how I feel in case a tire. A tire. That don't count.

[AJ Holiday]

That shit do count. Nigga, I just bought you a tire. I'm talking about, like, I just thought I just bought you a four set of tires last month and now Valentine's.

[Tam Bam]

Coming up and so I. Oh, all right. So I would consider that. Obviously I would be like, okay, well, I don't just flowers still come in here with something. God damn. Don't come in here with nothing.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't just come with dick.

[Tam Bam]

Don't just come with dick.

[AJ Holiday]

No, we can't you bet.

[Tam Bam]

Not just come with dick. You take that back to the house.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't even know where this is going at with the romantic or red flag, but it says constant texting equals caring or control. Grand gestures after bad behavior. I don't know what the hell that's about.

[Tam Bam]

Grand gestures after bad behavior. Like doing like nice things. If you did something wrong, like buying me shit to get back in my good grace. I like that. At least I like that. Like don't just come in here and talk about you. Sorry. Where are the gifts?

[AJ Holiday]

Change action and a gift. A makeup bag, Something nice. I'm just not even in a space where I want to be in any situations with somebody making me that mad they got to make up with me.

[Tam Bam]

Well, that's. I just feel like that's reality. Like we're all human. We're going to be flawed and make mistakes and I'm going to probably. We're going to have to make up at some point. You know, who you with that ain't going that. Never. That's never going to disappoint you.

[AJ Holiday]

And I'm not saying they going to fuck up, but do we got to make up? I just feel like people be people don't do what you want to do and then think I'm supposed to make up with you. I'm not making up with people no more.

[Tam Bam]

What you mean?

[AJ Holiday]

So it better be good forever.

[Tam Bam]

That don't happen in real life. It does.

[AJ Holiday]

It can. Remember I was saying hi, I saw this couple on Instagram and it was a white couple. They were being interviewed on the street and they have been married for like 30 years or some like that. And they said the key to their successful marriage because they was like, it was just walking, holding hands still like on each other, right? It was. She said that they, they are. They both try to one up each other and how happy they can make the other.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? Like if we know what would make our partner sad, so why ever do those things?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but sometimes people do things not it's not their intention to hurt you.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, in relationships, like, I mean I could see like you leaving shit around the house. Right. Maybe you just not the cleanest person and you try really hard to pick up behind yourself, but you just can't seem to do it. But anything else like cheating, you could have not have done that. Yeah, lying, I don't know, fucking money up, you could have not done those things.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but people are going to make mistakes. You know, I just feel like you just got to give them grace to make mistakes, and they're going to make bad choices. And I love a makeup. I love to make up. So I remember I used to start fights just to make up. You don't like makeup sex? There's a lot.

[AJ Holiday]

No, if we. I don't. We. I don't want to have to keep making up.

[Tam Bam]

We don't have to keep making up. But I'm just saying, like.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but if you're.

[Tam Bam]

There's something like a new. It's like an intense level of passion that comes with a makeup, you know, like after a dispute.

[AJ Holiday]

No, I don't want to. Like, if we.

[Tam Bam]

You don't know what I'm talking.

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? I know exactly what you're saying, but what I'm saying is I have to be happy to have sex, first of all. And if we are constantly, always having. Yes, makeup sex do be filled with a lot of passion. But it gets to a point to where I don't want you to touch me. Why are we always having. Why we gotta be mad at each other to have this type of passion? You see what I'm saying? Why cannot we.

[Tam Bam]

Why.

[AJ Holiday]

Why can't we have this passion and happy. We gotta create environments to be pissed at each other so we can fuck the shit outta each other. No, I wanna do this. I wanna fuck you just like this and happy about it.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but that's not real. Not all the time. I mean, it can happen, but not all the time. You know, like, after you've been with someone so long and y' all been together for a while, sometimes that passion can wane. That passion can wane.

[AJ Holiday]

And this coochie can wane. Cause if you can make me want.

[Tam Bam]

That coochie, gonna be on a n. Name. Wayne.

[AJ Holiday]

Sorry. What the fuck? All right, I'm sorry, but I'm sorry. Back to the show.

[Tam Bam]

Right? But what I'm saying is that passion can wane sometimes. And sometimes it takes something. Like a fight can spice it, bring some little spice and bring some intensity.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know if that's how I want to spice it up, because I am very. I'm vindictive, first of all, like, secretly. And then also if I'm. I feel like if you're doing things and you're constantly arguing or whatever, you know, you fall out of love. You're not falling in love. So I don't never want to do anything to be falling out of love with the person I'M with if I want to be with them, don't be arguing. I'm out of there.

[Tam Bam]

I just feel like a relationship as long as you stick it out. You go fall in and out of love a thousand times within that relationship, you be together for years and years and years.

[AJ Holiday]

Thomas, like you the only married in the room.

[Tam Bam]

It's a roller coaster. Yeah. It's going to be ups and downs and there's going to be times where you more in love and maybe times when you less in love.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but but isn't like when you get married. I mean all to me all relationships is more so about like how much you can put up with from somebody else.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

But at the end of the day, that is still the person who you want to put up with.

[Tam Bam]

Got to be that way.

[Narrator for The Burbs Advertisement]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

But y' all not. Are y' all not really falling out of love though?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. I mean you can.

[AJ Holiday]

So you've had how you marry.

[Tam Bam]

Like you wake up and be like, I kill this motherfucker today if he say one word to me. But you still love them, but you just not in love right now. And then some time will pass and you fall back in love for whatever reason. Or you go through, let's say you go through something hard together and you realize again that thing that made you fall in love with them in the first place, you know, like, it's just like a roller coaster.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

Because life is hard stuff.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. I know being in love is definitely a state of mind. I just don't want to be in a situation where my state of mind is out of love more than it is in love. Because if it gets to that point, I'm out of there. You know what I'm saying?

[Tam Bam]

But you ain't never been laying next.

[AJ Holiday]

To a like abs and I got the fuck.

[Tam Bam]

I'll kill this motherfucker today if he say something.

[AJ Holiday]

No. And I had to get up out of there because eventually if it's too many of those days, there's no love left.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You might love this person. You care about them, you care about their well being. You don't want nothing to happen to him. I love my ex boyfriend. We haven't spoken since he left. Right. Since we broke up. But I care about his well being. Not that I'm in love with him, but I fell out of love and I just.

[Tam Bam]

Fuck. But when you're in a marriage, sometimes people go through years where they don't like that person and then they come back and they're back in love, but they decided to. I might not stay in that commitment because they decided to make that commitment. You hear people say that, yeah, I didn't like that nigga for at least seven to 10 years of our marriage.

[AJ Holiday]

And I might not be built for marriage then, you know, because I be holding grudges. So it's going to be like, if it's a real serious severe shit, I'm not getting over it easy, you know what I'm saying? Like, I matter of fact, I'm. Because I'll stay in the thing. But I got resentment while in the thing. Like, I don't want that anymore. For me, yeah, I've been in relationships and haven't holding on to hell of resentment. I can't move past the thing and it's just miserable.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So I can't imagine being married to somebody legally and you just have to deal with bullshit that people give you. Because I'm not giving you bullshit to deal with. You're giving the relationship bullshit to deal with.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know, I just think, like, when you get into it with somebody that you really, really see that future with, you gonna stick it out. You're gonna stick it out because I've seen you stick it stay in things that weren't suited for you for longer than you should have.

[AJ Holiday]

So I think, though, maybe I didn't stick it out in those situations longer. That's what that person thinks. You saying what those people would think. I abandoned them. I didn't stick it out longer. I didn't weather this my fucking ex. Because you got homeboys who have cheated on their fucking girls, cheated on their wives, and they are still together. He was like so and so, said we supposed to stay together. Like, no, nigga, I leave niggas. And I have told you that before. I have told you I'll leave. I'm a runner. I'm a track star.

[Tam Bam]

For real.

[AJ Holiday]

So, no, it's not too much of sticking out because a lot of times it's the woman endurance that keeps the relationship going in the first place is we've endured all the hurt. Yeah, we have sat and endured all the hurt for us to get to 20 years of marriage. What did the man endure you ain't had like me because I got a little fat one day and you went outside his house to complete your happiness someplace else. Because over there is. Cause ain't no bills over there, ain't no kids over there. And you got to come over here to me, and I'm here With the kids and the house and their responsibilities and fat.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I don't want to be over there either, though. You know, that shit did not sound good the way you painted it.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm over here with this bitch, too. That bitch house is lit. You got ebt. It's fun over here, right? Yeah. So, yeah. I don't know. I just feel like if you talk to older women, I don't want. This is Valentine's Day, so I don't want to like, like, overshadow it or like the relationship because this was supposed to be a happy woes and stuff like that. But I think if you talk to a lot of older women who probably divorce now, they don't ever want to be married again. They feel like it was the worst mistake that they life those women. Right. It was because their endurance that they got 40, 50 our grandmothers. It was their endurance of that got the marriage to 50 years. The man just was farting.

[Tam Bam]

But then you. But in turn, there's women who have been in their marriages and they both had to deal with their other person. I just.

[AJ Holiday]

That's the thing. I just know that I don't think I'm gonna be able to find somebody that will deal with my bullshit.

[Tam Bam]

But you will. But my bullshit. I've been dealing with your bullshit for six years.

[AJ Holiday]

Shut up.

[Tam Bam]

And I'm still in it with you.

[Narrator for The Burbs Advertisement]

This episode is brought to you by the Burbs. A new Peacock original. Starring Emmy award winner Keke Palmer. The mystery comedy series follows Samira, a lawyer and new mom who moves with her family into her husband's childhood home. While the peaceful suburb of Hinkley Hills may look picture perfect, it doesn't take long for the buried secrets of the cul de sac to be unearthed. Let's just say it's a Keep your friends close and your neighbors closer to the situation. Every episode of the Burbs is available to stream now only on Peacock.

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

You've been working in the garage with your dad every week, Monday to Sunday, trying to get the whole school up and running. Today, after all the hard work, y' all finally finished it. So you have that feeling of accomplishment. You did it. Then your dad throws you the keys and says those three magic words. All yours, son. Yep. That same car belonged to your grandpa. And that your dad helped him fix is yours. Three generations right there keeping the tradition alive. But if you ask dad to really keep the tradition going, you need to get insurance. And you already know you need to get state farm because your agent, well, he gets tradition too. His dad was an agent, his grandpa too. So he gets you generation to generation. Remember to choose the agents that your family counted on. Like a good neighbor, State farm is.

[Nissan/Advertisement Voice]

There peace of mind starts with knowing what supports the journey is steady, grounded and dependable, especially during seasons of change. That's why Nissan engineers push their vehicles to the limit to demonstrate quality, reliability and durability, making those principles a foundation across every vehicle built. That commitment has earned recognition from J.D. power, ranking Nissan number one in new vehicle quality among main street extreme brands. Because when trust is built into the foundation, it creates more space to move through life with clarity, confidence and intention. Getting the most out of the journey wherever it unfolds. For J.D. power 2025 U. S Initial Quality Study Award information, visit jd power.com forward/awards. Awards based on 2025 model year. Newer models may be shown.

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

Welcome to the A building. I'm Hans Charles Armenalemba. It's 1969. Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. Have been both been assassinated and black America was at a breaking point. Rioting and protest broke out on an unprecedented scale in Atlanta, Georgia. At Martin's alma mater, Morehouse College, the students had their own protest. It featured two prominent figures in black history, Martin Luther King Sr. And a young student, Samuel L. Jackson. To be in what we really thought was a revolution. I mean, people were dying. 1968, the murder of Dr. King, which traumatized everyone. The FBI had a role in the.

[AJ Holiday]

Murder of a Black Panther leader in Chicago.

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

This story is about protest. It echoes in today's world far more than it should, and it will blow your mind. Listen to the A Building on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast Podcasts, actually.

[Tam Bam]

That's all a marriage is, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but yeah, I don't think. I just never. I've never gotten the same amount of grace in a relationship that. That I give. Right. So I just, I don't know. I'm taking some of the grace back. Maybe that's what. I don't know. I'll see when it happens.

[Tam Bam]

I hope that this relationship you're in is the one that you.

[AJ Holiday]

No, it's already different, right? And some days I be like, am I good enough for this nigga? Like, I really be thinking.

[Tam Bam]

And that's good when you feel that.

[AJ Holiday]

Way, like, am I good enough? Like, am I finished doing all my bullshit so that I don't hurt him?

[Tam Bam]

Because I just feel like healthy in my head. And this might be stupid or crazy, but in my Head. A healthy relationship is when both of you feel like you don't deserve each other. You know, I always feel like the men are always like, damn, how did I get her? Right? And I'm like, yeah, how the fuck did you get me? But with this new guy, I also, in turn, feel like, damn, he's so good. Like, how am I so lucky to have this guy? And I don't typically feel like that. So I just think, like, that's important when you both are feeling like you aren't even worthy of the other person, if that makes sense.

[AJ Holiday]

Come on. We talk about love. Okay. We talking about. See how we full circle, came right back around to love.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. So, yeah, that's how I feel because like I told you before, I feel like in this particular relationship, it's almost like my last relationships, I was like, fretting over, cheating, lying, whatever, and now it's like, oh, my God, Like, I. I don't know what I would do if something happened to this person. That's how I feel about him. Like the worst shit I was feeling about these niggas. I'm a beat this nigga ass if he did such and such and such, because I know he was outside doing such and such and such. So now just to know, like, I'm just afraid. Like, I just. I'd be scared. I really be scared, like something going to happen.

[Tam Bam]

No, that's not good.

[AJ Holiday]

No, I know. I'm not trying to manifest it or anything like that, but it's just like, that is how. That's how much I love him. Like, I'm afraid that I could be hurt by this motherfucker. Like, for real.

[Tam Bam]

By him doing something or just the.

[AJ Holiday]

Loss of himself, the lost of.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, that's fair. And that's. And there's some beauty in that, I guess, in a weird kind of.

[AJ Holiday]

You get it, Thomas. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

A ring.

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Hold on.

[AJ Holiday]

Let me add a little bit of context.

[Tam Bam]

My.

[AJ Holiday]

My significant other is a little younger than me, and I was talking to a friend the other day, and I told him that I was like, you know, he a little younger than me because he said, oh, yeah, I'm talking about marriage and shit. I'm like, it's only been like a little while.

[Tam Bam]

For real.

[AJ Holiday]

When you meet people, like, who are good people, it just seemed like you always known them. Like, it's almost like ancestral, you know, like you've been known this person for a long time, but he was like, you know, sometimes men need, like, a little nudge. And I Told the nigga that, right? I was like, yeah. I told my homeboy. My homeboy that I was dating a younger man. And, like, I really was not trying to pressure him about marriage and shit like that, because I still want him to do all the things, you know what I'm saying? With or without me. And he was like, it don't matter.

[Tam Bam]

That.

[AJ Holiday]

That shit don't matter. Shit. Still, some. Sometimes men need a little bit. Need a little push. So I told him that. He was like, all right, go ahead. Listen to your homeboy. So I'm like, what you saying? If I push you, I'm like, I'm gonna push you out the door type shit. If I.

[Tam Bam]

That can happen.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean. And at this point, I really don't care. So if I were to, like, really, like, listen, because I have. He has to consider me the same way I have to consider him. So if me, like, wanting these things, like, push you away, then maybe we not supposed to be together.

[Tam Bam]

So let me ask you this. If you're with someone who's making you happy, providing you with a good life, like. Like, basically changing your life or the positive, but they say they don't want to be a husband ever, and that's something that you want?

[AJ Holiday]

Some days. Yeah. Some days I don't know that I want to be somebody's wife. Some days I don't know if I want to cohabitate with somebody every day. Like, long distances might be for the Gemini. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

I get. I like. I like where my own. We're not in the same space.

[AJ Holiday]

Honestly, Kiki Palmer, just recently, she was on the Breakfast Club. I saw her on something else, and she was saying, like, I could be with a man. A man is nice.

[Tam Bam]

But I don't.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't ever. I mean, he can live across the way or something. You know how she talk. But I don't ever want him in the house. Like, I feel like a lot of women, like, it is hard cohabitating with another person.

[Tam Bam]

I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

Let alone a man.

[Tam Bam]

My last relationship lasted as long as it did. Cause that was. That nigga was deployed six months out the year.

[AJ Holiday]

You ain't even know him. He didn't even know him.

[Tam Bam]

Like, so he was gone half the year, most years. And it was like, it gave me a chance to miss him, miss him and just spend time with myself. So it was just, like, the blessing. Okay. And I just think, like, that would be ideal for me. A nigga gone six months out the year.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm all in love, but this nigga Lives in motherfucking in Jersey. So what if we were actually living in the same house together? Am I going to still love him the same, right? Or is this what we talking about? The ebbs and flows and shit?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, that's the ebbs.

[AJ Holiday]

I feel like when you living with somebody, you have to. You have to be super considerate of the other person. Men are just not considerate of their housemate.

[Tam Bam]

And we used to live. Our apartment was. We were living in Florida and our apartment was so tiny. It was like the smallest little apartment, but it was like on the beach. And it was very nice, but it was so small. And I swear, like, I remember, like, now this nigga is getting sent to war and I'm like, where does the war start?

[AJ Holiday]

Cause I'm ready for this nigga to go.

[Tam Bam]

This nigga farted and I could smell it in the kitchen. That's how small the apartment was. He was sitting in the living room. I could smell his. I'm like, it's the war today. And that's just awful that you want.

[AJ Holiday]

To send a nigga off to fight. Get up the fuck out your face.

[Tam Bam]

So I know what you're saying, bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I don't know if I'm ever get over this demon. I don't know. I don't notice like this single demon. I don't know. Because it is tough cohabitating. That is one of the things that my last relationship. And because I know it's possible for a man to be just like me because I've had it before, but then it come. That person then comes with some other shit, right? So I can have somebody that wash just as much as me that. That cleans up behind theyself.

[Tam Bam]

But he's a degenerate gambler, you know.

[AJ Holiday]

Or he just a maniac that's like. Or I don't know, a mirror, you know, I have to consider the things. Like, maybe he just. I'm a maniac in one way, he might have been a maniac in another way, right? I don't know. But yeah, like, this relationship shit is hard.

[Tam Bam]

It's very hard. But it's beautiful. Like, I wouldn't like, trade it. Like, you know how they say it's better to have loved and lost than never to love? That all that shit is so true. I would not trade never having anyone like this 10 years of being like, for real single and then like meeting somebody that I actually really feel like I could be in alignment with for the first time in a long time. It's beautiful. And it's very new. And I know that I have a lot of, like. Cause being single for 10 years and then trying to, like, date somebody for real is hard. Cause I have.

[AJ Holiday]

See, we ain't even talking about living together stuff, but just dating, just dating.

[Tam Bam]

Is just different because I have to consider another person in a different way for the first time in a long time, you know? So I just been out here doing what I want. Exactly. I sit with my phone like that. Who gonna say to who gonna check me? But I still have to, like.

[AJ Holiday]

I flip my phone on everybody.

[Tam Bam]

I have to navigate my life now in a different way. And I have to, like. Cause I mean, it's very new, so I have to, like, get rid of some people and change some things and navigate some things, so. Cause I mean, we're not together yet, so still. It's still like. But I could see it going that way. Way, you know? So we going to see what happened, y'. All. Let's y' all pray for me. Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

Happy Valentine.

[Tam Bam]

Happy Valentine.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm excited to hear about your Valentine after.

[Tam Bam]

I can't wait to tell y' all about it. Cuz I feel like it's going to be special, I think. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

He ask you to be his girlfriend on Valentine?

[Tam Bam]

I hope.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, that's enough about love.

[Tam Bam]

What you want to do now? This the last.

[AJ Holiday]

Last. Yeah, that's it.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. I feel like we talked a while.

[AJ Holiday]

Do it feels nice. Do what feels natural. Show up for your person. Be honest. Okay. With yourself first and foremost. And have a very good time doing all the things.

[Tam Bam]

Amen. That's good. No, that's good. That's good. Co host. All right, so here's mine.

[AJ Holiday]

Go ahead, co host.

[Tam Bam]

The best love is self love, right? So before I could even have a good Valentine and be focused on the next person, I had to love Tammy. And I think 2025 was a year that I won, got whooped. I got beat up by circumstances and the environment and all these things. And I had to practice a new level of loving myself, which put me in a better position to love someone else. Hey, so that's a word. That's a bar right there. So if you are single and you're not with anyone this year for Valentine's Day, it's okay. Just love on yourself this year. Because it's coming. The more you pour into yourself, the more the love, you're going to attract it to yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

So, yes, yes, you are deserving.

[Tam Bam]

Amen. Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Period.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Let the church say. Let me talk back.

[Tam Bam]

Say clock it. All right, y'. All.

[AJ Holiday]

So if you enjoyed this episode, this Lover girl episode, y' all tune in every day on iHeartRadio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagram's Kick Itam.

[Tam Bam]

Because she said every day. It's every Thursday, but we got enough episodes out there for you to listen every day right now.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, we need them down downloads. So go every day, every day. New episodes every Thursday.

[Tam Bam]

I'm official Tam Bam on Instagram, y'. All. Follow me there. Follow We Talk Back podcast on Instagram. Send us your dumb stories. We love y'. All. We love y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All. Remember, speak now and never hold your love.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I love it.

[AJ Holiday]

Deuces We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. This is Ryder Strong and I have a new podcast called the red weather. In 1995, my neighbor Anna Trainor disappeared from a commune. It was nature and trees and praying and drugs. So no, I am not your guru. And back then I lied to everybody. They have had this case for 30 years. I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth. Listen to the Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Fourteen years in prison for killing a young woman. A 15 year sentence for a crash that caused three deaths. Twelve and a half years for killing a child and critically injuring her mother. All true stories, all caused by marijuana. Impaired drivers. No matter what you tell yourself, if you feel different, you drive different. So if you're high, just don't drive. Brought to you by NHTSA and the.

[Nissan/Advertisement Voice]

AD Council on the Adventures of Curiosity Cove podcast.

[AJ Holiday]

What if there's more to the story.

[Nissan/Advertisement Voice]

Than we've been told?

[AJ Holiday]

This Black History Month Adventures of Curiosity.

[Nissan/Advertisement Voice]

Cove invites families into a playful mystery that blends history, science, and imagination.

[AJ Holiday]

As Ella and her friends investigate a missing peanut butter case, they uncover the legacy of a brilliant innovator, George Washington Carver, and learn how curiosity fuels creativity in this Black History Month adventure. Adventures at Curiosity Cove shows kids that asking questions, thinking creatively and imagining what's possible can lead to amazing discoveries. Because history isn't boring, it's full of surprises at Curiosity. Listen to Adventures at Curiosity Cove every Monday from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Hans Charles / Menelik Lumumba / State Farm Advertisement Voice]

This is Special Agent Riegel, Special Agent.

[AJ Holiday]

Bradley Hall In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world.

[Tam Bam]

The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets.

[AJ Holiday]

Listen to the 6th Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart podcast.

[Tam Bam]

Guaranteed Human.