B (13:21)
Oh, my God. I have to tell y'. All. I saw a psychic. Another one, A hand, A palm reader. Did I tell you this? She looked at my lifeline and she said, I'm gonna have a long life with a bunch of different, like, career, whatever. And she. And I don't know if this bitch was just spinning me, okay? I don't know if she was winding me up, babe. She might have been winding me up. Might me look like a fucking mug. She pointed to my palm and she said, look how long this is. And there's three different branches off of it. And I was like, what the hell does that mean? She was like, you're going to have a long life and a long career. And there's. And you're only on this one. You're only on this first branch. And I said, how do you know that? But then in the moment, because I had had two margaritas, I was like, holy shit. She's right. Holy shit. First branch. And then she said, this is my. I don't remember. She said, this is my. I don't know. That was the only One that I remember because I was like, what the bruh? Being a bruh girl is worse than being a pick me. And I. I hate to say that because. What do you mean, bruh girl? I'd like to read the definition of what a bruh girl is. Bruh girl meaning bruh girl. Urban Dictionary. Girls who don't like those cheesy messages like good morning, beautiful, or I hope you have an amazing day, princess. They prefer to be sarcastic and joke around. They would rather a guy say, what up, stupid? Hey. What? He called me baby girl. Ew. Okay. Get the bruh girl mug. I'm okay, Bruh girl. That one girl who just says bruh in response to almost anything. She's typically a part of the boys. She prefers insults slash saltiness over cheesy shit most of the time. She's typically hasht or quote, really fucking done with your bullshit, is closely related and probably friends with a bro girl. National Bruh girl day is June 16th. Wow. Bruh girl. That archetypal girl who, other than always saying bruh, is often very blunt and unpolished in her communication style, favoring real talk over girl talk. They generally do not care much about feelings and would rather point out the cold truth than to gloss it up with positivity. Very rebellious cusses, naturally, like a sailor, does not care about social etiquette at all. If in a relationship, bruh girls will give off the impression it's a love hate one, bitch. Bruh girl. Sunshine. Gloomy sunshine. What's that called? Come on. Where are the Wattpad AO3 girls? What's that called? Grumpy Sunshine trope. Isn't that it? Where one of them's like. And the other one's like, ding. It's like the little. The little, like, shine star sound effect. You guys don't get me, but maybe you do. With regards to Myers Briggs personality types, Bruh girls are mostly, most likely either an istp, estp, or in some cases, infp. I'm an enfj, so I'm free. I'm free and clear. Hey, what's up with that girl who always exchanges insults with her peers and has some sort of bone to pick? Oh, that's just a bruh girl being salty and sarcastic is her thing, bruh. Bruh. Okay, why are veins blue? Why are veins blue? The darker deoxygenated blood appears bluish or green. Ew. So that's just really dark blood. That's gonna make me freak out. Whoa. Deoxygenated blood. Deoxygenated blood is actually dark red, but the optical effect makes it seem blue, especially with lighter skin tones or shallower veins. Shallow veins of the deep. And watch as I dive in. Deoxygenated blood. All right, let's talk about Christmas, guys. Two favorite Christmas songs ever. I think I say this every year. My number one ever favorite Christmas song ever of all time. 100% is wonderful. Christmas time it pines up Summer tear only comes time of year and be loving. That's my favorite Christmas song ever. Okay, Paul McCharmley. Paul McCharmley, by the way, very excited to see Paul mescal as Paul McCartney. I'm very excited to see because I know that is a beetle maniac. He's a beetle head. I'm very excited to see what he brings to the table because I'm a connoisseur of beetle media. The movie yesterday, Nowhere Boy, obviously I've seen all the actual Beatles movies. Hard Day's Night, my copy of Hard Day's Night, the movie. I wore that bitch into the fucking ground. It's literally like shards of a DVD at this point. I replay, replay, replay, replay. When I was in high school, I would literally. My routine was come home from school every day and put it on. It was like a comfort watch. Before I knew what a comfort watch was to the point where I memorized it. That whole scene where they're all in the train car with Paul's grandfather. That's me grandfather. Well, everyone's entitled to, aren't they? That's my other one. That was so funny to me. I think that, that honestly, if you're looking for a kind of cross section of. Or a sample of British humor, granted this was in the 60s. That to me is so indicative of the British sense of humor. Everything's said very seriously and very dry. But they're joking like they're piss takers. They love to take the piss. I love to take the fucking piss, don't they in it? So that to me was my first exposure. Also, I think growing up I was so addicted to the 60s. Like I love the 50s and 60s. I used to dress like this in high school, put up a picture. I would wear this bullshit to school. Cuz I. Here's the thing. I never gave a. I never gave a. I would wear a bold red lip, a Pamela Anderson Bridget Bardot updo and a polka dot halter dress to school. 6:30am in the morning, I'm full glam. I don't give a. Oh my God. I used to love Clarks the shoe brand Clark's made such comfortable oxfords. Oxfords or brogues. They made oxfords. And I was addicted to oxfords before I realized, oh, this is like, you look like a 65 year old male professor. I don't give a. I loved oxfords. That was. It was the time, like, I would do skinny jeans with the button up. Like, very Eleanor. Eleanor Calder. Very Louis Tomlinson's ex girlfriend, right? I was addicted to her style. But then I put my own spin on it, because at this time, I loved the Beatles. I love Marilyn Monroe. I loved Elvis. I loved the Beach Boys. Bitch, I was addicted to the Beach Boys. I loved the Mamas and Papas. And then it started to kind of morph into this. I had a real appreciation for the late 60s and then the 70s. I kind of skipped the 80s a little bit, actually. No, that's a lie. I skipped the 90s. I don't really. Okay, I was born in 1997. I don't. The 90s never spoke to me from an aesthetic perspective, like the grunge. And some of you might be thinking, okay, well, a year and a half ago or maybe two years ago, when I was going really through my sleep token phase, I'm choosing not to acknowledge that. I'm choosing not to acknowledge that I was grunge for about 30 minutes. I really loved the 60s, okay? Like early 60s fashion. I think it's so flattering. I was addicted to it. I would dress up at school. My favorite pair of shoes were these ankle booties that were oxfords with a heel, like a chunky heel. And I wore them bitches into the ground. I'd wear a pencil skirt and I'd wear suspenders and I'd wear those archbishops. Girl, you couldn't tell me shit. I never gave a fuck. I've always been doing me. I have been doing me since I was born. Bitch. You can't tell me anything. If I like it, I'm going to wear it. This episode is sponsored by Cash App. When was the last time you did something silly or goofy just for your own amusement? I have an idea for you. Update your card. 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On my curated picks, there's a bunch of different tiers of types of gifts. We've got like medieval, we've got spooky, We've got country. I'm sure you can find something you like, especially if you're a citizen of Broski Nation. For gifts that say I get you shop Etsy. So Hard Day's Night for me was an exploration of because you know, they're talking colloquially and also in reference to things that were relevant at the time. So when they say things like Betty Grable or when they talk about that bird on the telly, she's dead grotty. Like things like that. I was like, I would absorb all of those words and those phrases and sayings and the people and those became my like contemporary perspective into culture. It was crazy for like a year, maybe two years in high school and late middle school, like I only gave a about people from the 60s and then like Justin Bieber and also One Direction. Duh. One Direction. So that, to me, was a very special time. And I don't think the Beatles have stuck with me for a long, long, long, long, long time. Because then you start to get into, you know, you leave the boy band nature of it. Like Hard Day's Night and even Help. Oh, I loved the movie Help. I loved Help. But to me, Hard Day's Night was like the movie because that felt more like day in my life. That is what it is. Like Help was a more scripted plot of a movie versus Hard Day's Night. You're just following the Beatles around while they do whatever. Then you have, like, Yellow Submarine. Then you have Magical Mystery Tour. Those are a bit more. I do love Yellow Submarine. I was addicted to it for a long time. I had all the merchandise. I had the socks with Yellow Submarine. I still want a tattoo, and I need to figure out what it is. But, you know, the famous drawing, the animation of them, the four of them in the portholes on the submarine, and it's their little caricatures. I want that right here, and I've wanted it right here for a long time. But I'm like a color tattoo right there where I'm always leaning against shit. And, like, I feel like healing. That would be such a bitch. I need to really think about what I want the Beatles tattoo to be. That's why I haven't gotten it for a long time. But thank fuck I got this huge ass, rolling Stones lips that I Way too big. Whatever. Can't take it back. It's on me forever. Beatles. I'm excited to see what they do with the Beatles movie because obviously when you're touching IP and musical like royalty like that, you gotta do it right. And I hope that it wasn't just this, like, here's four relevant white guys. Let's make a Beatles movie. Like, I hope that it's really done well, because my ass will be sat in that fucking chair at the local amc. I'm very excited for that. Anyway, why did I start talking about the Beatles? Oh, Paul McChelmley. Paul Mescal. Maybe I just. Maybe I was just talking about Paul Mescal. I do that sometimes. Oh, my favorite Christmas song. My other favorite Christmas song is War is Over by John Lennon. I don't think it's any surprise or shock there that my two favorite Christmas songs are by two separate Beatles. I do love Rocking around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee as well. I do love that one. Anytime that one comes on, I'm like, it's Christmas. Like, that's just a Happy one versus some of the other Christmas songs can be like, oh, my God, we got it. We got it. I like that one. And I love any Elvis Christmas. I do. I do listen to Elvis Christmas. And I do love Frank Sinatra Christmas and Dean Martin Christmas. And of course, like Michael Buble. Yeah, I guess love, like, he's kind of a. He's always gonna be on that damn playlist. But for me, I like the more, I guess stylistic or just camping. I was talking about this with my friend the other day where I was like, my ideal Christmas is this like super colorful, super warm. Everything's like almost maximalist. It's like the plaid with the checkered. Like, everything's the tartan. I like multicolored lights. I like things with Santa print, like wrapping paper with Santa printed on it. I like Snoopy wrapping paper. I like just the really kitschy on the nose Hallmark. Not even Hallmark. Like, what would you call that? I just love shit that's like a little cartoonish, but also deeply, like almost Norman Rockwell Santa, Coca Cola painting, 1950s, 60s Christmas. Almost like that's with a mixture of like late 90s, early 2000s, just warm suburban Christmas. Like those two blended together. Oh, wow. And while I do have a deep appreciation for like a Ralph Lauren Christmas. Okay. Yeah. I like every one of those fucking TikToks that come across my feed. Because that takes such an eye and such a. Like, yeah, girl, that's a design choice. Versus for me, I'm like, I wanted to be happy. I want it to be multicolored lights everywhere. I think that the raw flooring Christmas, one day. I'll get there one day. Okay. The way I do my Christmas tree, mismatched ornaments everywhere. Every ornament. Ornaments and fridge magnets are two souvenirs that I try to get from every place that I go, every place that I visit. Because for me, a Christmas tree is a fun opportunity to showcase all the things you've done in your life. And I only do that. Cause that's how my parents did it. Like, it's so fun every year hanging, like, here's our parents first anniversary ornament. Here's like when Jet was born. Oh, remember he was fucking 10 pounds, big ass, fat ass, baby. Like, hang that on the tree. You know, it's a little baby picture of him. Like, it's fun to fight over who gets to hang which ornament every year. So I really enjoy that. And creating that tradition, recreating that tradition for myself in my own home is really fun. And also like, for example, on this main trip I just went on with my girls, we each got the same matching felt lobster Christmas ornament. And we all put our initials on everyone. And then I put like 2025 main on the bottom. It's shit like that where I'm like, oh, yeah, that was awesome. I want it to be a kind of living scrapbook. I just think that's so. Any. Any opportunity to do that in my life, to constantly be remembering and reflecting on how fun and like how blessed I am is. I would much rather have that like it be absolutely chock full of memories versus, you know, some aesthetic Christmas. I don't know. Is that corny? I love it. I love the multicolored lights and I do gold garland all around the tree and like a spiral upward. And then usually I have a Christmas topper. This year it's Glep from smiling friends with a Santa hat on with an Irish passport. I'll put a picture up here. That's what's on the top of my Christmas tree right now. It's actually gonna be Glip and Stanley got that for me. Thank you, Stanley. So yeah, that's my Christmas. I also have a really skinny Christmas tree. Just cause it's a hand me down. My nana and grandpa gave it to me like seven years ago. And it's just the one. It works. I'm a fake Christmas tree type of bitch. I don't give a fuck. Okay. Yay. It smells good when you get a real tree. But then what about the bugs and what about. You have to do the water and then when it starts to mold. I don't want to want to do that. I don't want to do that. I want to be able to put it in a box and put it away and reuse the same one over and over and over and over. Okay, now here's my. Here's my fantasy. Okay? One year, and this is like my absolute ultimate dream life fantasy. I am not there. And I don't know if I'll ever get there. But I have always wanted, because my nana does this. And each room have a different Christmas tree. They can be small or different decorations that are all themed differently. Okay, now let me walk you through what I mean. I would never do this in my main living room, like in my living room on my tree. But every time I see like cotton candy wonderland, Sugar plum fairy Christmas, I'm like, wow. But that's kind of not my vibe. Like, I lean into that sometimes and then I lean out of it and then I'll lean into, like, my dark, spooky gothic, and then I lean out of it. You know, it's like these different, I guess, different facets of me and what I like, like, design aesthetic choices. That's what I would want to do. And so I have this vision one year of having a tree in one room, specifically, where all the decorations are pink and white. Like, pink and white and. And shiny and sparky and glittery and there's candy canes and peppermints everywhere. And it's like nutcracker themed. Oh, my God. And the tree would be white and I would have pink garland on it and everything would be like point shoes. And it would be like all the characters from the Nutcracker. And I would have Barbie stuff and it would be like fake snow everywhere. And there would. Oh, I just. It's just a fantasy of mine. I'll do it one day. But I like buying all that shit. I'd be buying it being like, this isn't me. I'm a poser. This isn't me. Who am I trying to be? And then every year I see videos of, like, pink one, and I'm like, fuck, I'll do it one year. I'll do it one year. Another version of my Christmas is Bitch. I saw this on TikTok. It is a. What did she call it? Dark Yule. Dark Yule. Everything was like Nosferatu themed. Bitch. I think she had a dark. It was a normal dark green evergreen tree, but the garland was like, black, sparkly. And she put the tinsel on it, you know, like the. Yeah, tinsel. And actually, I have an Irish friend and we were talking recently and I was like, yeah, you put tinsel on the tree. And he was like, what the fuck is tinsel? And I was like, it's the, like, what do you call Tencel? And I was like, it's the little shit that you sprinkle onto the tree to make it look like, I don't know, it freshly snowed or freshly rained or whatever. And he was like, we call tinsel what you call garland. And I was like, oh, that's stupid as fuck. Anyway, I'm talking about the shit you sprinkle and it's shiny and it's like the little strands and you put it all over the tree and it looks like, yeah, that's what I would do. But it's black and silver. Everything's black and silver themed and like, dark emerald. Oh, my God. The way that she decorated it was all, like, bats and spiders and it was. What else did she have on there? Those candles that look like they're bleeding and there were skulls and there were. It was so interesting. And I was like, oh, I love this. I love this. I love it. And also, one year, I really want to learn how to like make a fire. I want to learn how to make a fire, a Christmas fire. Or get one of those fake fireplaces. Yeah, I'm into that because, you know, I love my ambient videos. I put my ambient videos up on the TV. The like, cozy 1940s vintage Christmas oldies playing from a different room, 12 hour loop. And it's always got like. What's her name? Claire from the Aristocats. Is it Claire? Who's the main cat from Aristocats? Everybody wants to. Duchess. Duchess. Thomas o'. Melley. Oh, Marie. Marie is who I'm thinking of. God, Duchess is the fucking T. Look at her. That's Queen. Everybody wants to be a cat girl. Fuck you. Knows where it's at. Okay, my Christmas themes. Pink Wonderland, Sugar Plum Fairy, Dark Yule. Obviously the warm, colorful one. Ralph Lauren Christmas, maybe. I also love red and white, like shit that's all candy cane themed. I think that's really stunning and gorgeous. I like this as well. This sort of like woodland creature, like very snowstorm, like cutesy wooden. It's kind of farmhouse. Farmhouse Christmas is cute. It just needs to be done right. Okay. And I'm not gonna elaborate. I'm not gonna elaborate. Don't make me. You wanna know what else I've been into recently? Those compilations of the character actor at Universal Studios who plays the Grinch. Hey, if you play the Grinch at Universal Studios, hit me up. If you are one of the guys that plays the Grinch at Universal Studios and you can banter and improv with people all fucking day and it's hilarious, please hit me up. I. I want you. I want you and I need you. So just let me know. My DMs are open, man. Just. Just let me know, okay? I literally watch those videos. Hey, is there. Is this a judgment free zone? I watch those videos and I'm like, who is that? Why am I. Why? He kind of me to the Grinch? Why he. Because, yeah, the way he goes, they're taking a picture together. She's like, it's my birthday. He goes, yay. He goes, do I have to smile for the picture? And she goes, if you don't mind. And he goes, for the picture. It's so funny. It's so funny. It makes me laugh every time I See it? There's another one. There's another one where he's walking back to, like, the Grinch holding room. Back to the fucking green room. Like, he just got done meeting people. They're walking him back behind the stage or behind the scenes, and someone like, who's behind a rope goes, hi, Grinch. And he goes on. Like, that is so dumb. Oh, it's just. I couldn't think of that on my funniest day. Hi, Grinch. Coughing on them is so. And it wasn't within cough range, okay. It was for the. It was for the bit. Oh, my God, that makes me laugh. Also, the dude who plays one of the character actor, I guess, cast members at Disney who does the Crush voice. Have y' all seen this? I think it's in Florida where it's like. I don't know how they do it. Fucking imagineers. Disney magic. It's Crush the sea turtle from Finding Nemo. And it's this live, you know, one of those, like, rotoscope things like Xbox Live, Xbox360, 360 things where someone's behind there, like, I guess, doing the motions. So as he's talking, it looks like his fins are, you know, totally, like, whatever. And then he takes questions from the kids. And the kids will ask you, like, what do you eat? Or how do you pee? Pee? And then he'll have the most insane, quick, witty on the nose responses. Totally in character. That shit is magic to me, dude. Like, I fully. I watch these videos and I feel like I'm one of the kids that's crisscross applesauce on the floor. Like, holy shit, it's really him. But then at the back of my mind, I'm like, he's sexy. Not crush the guy who's voicing him. Like, I'm imagining bro behind the scenes, like, with a little microphone on it and just, like, being witty and funny. There is nothing that gets my juices flowing harder than that, dude. A man being witty. Oh. Oh, wow, wow, wow. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, I watched those Grinch compilations for literally, like, 30 minutes. I'll be like, I've been on Grinch Talk for a hundred hours. Let's talk about my Christmas list. This is what I am asking for. What? What I'm asking for for Christmas. This is what I want from dear old Saint Nick this year. Okay? I don't know if Santa Claus will be allowed into the United States this year, unfortunately, due to this current administration. I don't know what the immigration policy is right now, but I know that, you know, things are kind of tense, Santa. You might want to try again next year. I just, I really. It's not. Hey, man, not now, all right? Just ship it. Just mail it. You're fucking Santa. Just do the expedited overnight ship. I thought you had fucking money. I literally thought you had money. Just do the expedited shipping, bro. It's 34.99. It's overnight. Just do it. I didn't know you had a fucking budget. What the hell? Here's what I want this year. I want to moka pot, okay? I had one, and I just. I guess I used and abused it, all right? I'll be the first one to say that. I put it through the dishwasher, and their little rubber component shrunk, and then my coffee exploded everywhere and I got a third degree burn, okay? I had to throw it away. I, I. That bitch up my moka pot. I'm sorry to the moka pot gods, and I'm sorry to every Italian on planet Earth. I don't know what I did. I fucked that bitch up. I want a new moka pot, and I promise to treat it better. And I also promise not to put it through the dishwasher. And I also promise, I guess, not to wash it. Do people not wash the moka pot? I don't know. I don't know about the moka pot community can. I don't know what. And maybe I need to go on Reddit. I need to see what the bitches are talking about on Reddit because I. I missed the mark. So I want to moka pot, and I want to understand how to do coffee and espresso on a more mature scale, okay? I locked in a while back where I was like, okay, flat white is my new thing. I enjoy a flat white because it's like a cappuccino, but a little better because it's less milk, more coffee, but it's basically the same thing. It's just espresso and milk. Then I was like, okay, fuck the bullshit. I'm just doing espresso. And then that grossed me out because I, as an American, I don't enjoy espresso the way it's supposed to be enjoyed, okay? I pound it and I say, that tasted like shit. And then I go on with my day, right? Like, it's a quick fix. It doesn't make you pee as bad as, like, chugging a full venti Americano. But still, it's like, oh, this tastes like ass. Because an espresso is meant to Be enjoyed sitting down out of a ceramic movie mug. Hot. With maybe a little. A little thing of brown sugar. All right. Just lightly melt it in there. Sip on it while you're laughing with friends. That's how you're supposed to draw. Maybe a little one of those little biscottis. Oh, wow. I will say, one of the best espressos I've ever had was in Paris. I don't know where it was. It's one of those little dinky cafes. And we were just sitting there, and I was with Stanley and Tato, and it was during the Olympics, and we were at just one of these little cafes, and we had a damn blast at this restaurant. We were sitting there. We were just hanging out. We had no rush. All the time in the world. And this. I just said, keep them coming. I probably had six espressos. That shit was delicious. Okay. When I'm, like, here in the States, I'm like, yeah, double espresso from some takeout plays. I'm like, this is cigarette ash. Like, it literally tastes like I licked the bottom of the oven. It's just bad. It's just burnt and it's cold and it's black. And I'm just like, I don't respect how you made this. And fuck you for making me drink it. And did I order it? Yeah. Okay. And did I pay for it? Yeah, whatever. They just disrespect the art of the espresso. And I'm sick. I'm tired of it. Okay. Moka pot. That's my number one. This episode is sponsored by Aura Frames. Attention all people who struggle to find gifts for the loved ones in their life. Aura Frames is the answer to every holiday gifting moment, not just Christmas. Never struggle again to find the perfect holiday gift. The perfect gift has to be personal, but not too over the top. And what's more personal than a preloaded digital frame for full of memories? You can also personalize your gift, add a message before it arrives, and the gift box is included. Every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag. You can share videos and photos effortlessly straight from your phone all year long. So don't wait. Win the holidays now with Aura Frames for a limited time, Save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's bestselling Carver Matte frames, named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code Broski at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code broski. This deal is exclusive to Listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support my show by mentioning me at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Thanks, guys. Number two, I would like the gift of patience for 2026. I would like to be gifted patience, specifically when it comes to trying something new. I am a victim of gifted and talented syndrome. Okay? A GNT kid. I was told that I was special, and then I turned, you know, 13, and it's like, oh, you're not special. And that really fucks with you as a child, when you pride yourself on learning and education and, like, being smart. And then when you don't nail something on the first try, you feel like, yeah, failure. And then you give up. And at the same time, I have this unending, like, bottomless well of ambition of all the things that I want to try and I want to do, but I get this paralysis of, like, well, if I start and I'm bad at it, then I'm going to be so embarrassed, like, genuinely only for myself. Like, it's not even about showing it to other people or, like, having other people see me fail at it. It's truly just me or holding myself to a standard that is wholly unattainable and unreasonable. And with anything worth having or any skill worth learning, you have to start an apprentice and, you know, get to intermediate, and then you'll get to master eventually. Queen. I just bypass that. Hey, if I'm not a master, if I'm not intrinsically good at this skill, it. I'm. I'm never picking this up again, okay? And it's hard to find the desire to keep doing it. So for 2026, I'm asking for the gift of patience. I want to try crochet. Okay. I recently just started a new knitting project. Very excited about that. I want a big, fluffy white scarf. That's what I want. Because I knitted my first scarf and I gave it to a friend, and it looks like, sorry, but it was my first attempt. And my friend is so gracious, she was like, girl, thank you. Anyway, I will wear it. It was made with love. And I said, thank you. Anyway, I'm starting a new one, and it's this big because that one was, like, 15 stitches. This one I'm doing now is 40. So it's super wide. I'm gonna make it super ass long, and I just want to wrap my whole body in it like a mummy. And I did it with blanket material. Girl, that's the tea. Get into that. It's that Soft blanket O. And I've already kind of it up like I've dropped some stitches and I'm just. I don't give a. I'm learning. I'm trying to be gentle with myself. Okay. The gift of patience. Crochet feels so hard. Anytime I see someone crochet with that little hook, I'm like, what are you actually doing? Knitting at least is just like, put it in here, wrap it around, take it out, put it in here, rub it around, take it out. Crochet. Oh, my God, you're going to hurt yourself. Put it down. And they start going real fast like that. I don't know. But I do want to learn how to crochet, though. I got one of those woobles sets. You know about woobles. It's these prepackaged little animals you can make with the stuffing that you can put into it. Oh, I'm excited. I got the woobles penguin. Very cute. I'm going to do that over the holiday break. Okay, next on the list is a gallbladder. You know, just because mine was kind of defective, not sure what that was about, but life without a gallbladder, not that bad. Okay. You just have to kind of keep the dude wipes on hand. Having no gallbladder turns you into a big shitter. Capital S. I'm a big shitter with my big flat ass. I constantly am like, is this meal going to ruin my day? It really sucks that you have to think about it like that. Like, you can't just eat like a normal person. It's that and also being lactose intolerant. And also with the no gallbladder, you have to have a low fat diet. Well, guess what? Everything has fucking fat in it. We live in the United States. Impossible. So that's. That's on the list as well as, you know, kind of a functional working gallbladder. But the thing is, that's not to be. Like, you can't do a gallbladder transplant. Your body's fine without a gallbladder. And honestly, I think it's for the best. Because while I would love a functioning organ and I am missing an organ, it really teaches you to eat better. You gotta take better care of yourself. You wanna know something else? I've started stretching in the morning because my lower back 28. My lower back locks up so bad that I cannot bend over. Or I have to like bend my whole front over if I need to pick something up off or like bend my knees and lower myself to the ground. What the fuck? That 100% is just lack of. Of mobility, of. Of motion. I'm lacking motion twin. I don't got that motion twin. It really is like, I need to go on walks, I need to move my body. I sit all fucking day. I sit on planes, I sit on cars. I sit here. I sit at my desk, I sit in bed, I sit. What it's like, I don't move. And I've been traveling so much, I haven't been able to do the bar method recently, which makes me feel like shit, because I enjoy the bar method. And it makes me feel proud of myself and I can't do. Makes me feel bad that I neglect my body. Anyone relate? Can anyone relate that? Maui Moving on. Next for Christmas, I want a real minion. Like, a real minion. I feel like they'd come up to about my hip. They're probably about, like, what, two and a half feet? I want a real minion to help me with, like, lab experiments. He wouldn't live here. Like, I wouldn't make him lodge with me or whatever. And I do think the Minions are he him. I want a real minion to just kind of help me out with my experiments and, like, a lab tech, almost. Speaking of which, next up on my list is a lab. I would like a lab for Christmas. I feel like an office just isn't cutting it anymore. I watched Frankenstein, and I really liked his setup. I liked what he had going on in there. The big hole in the floor, I don't need all that, but, like, all the equipment, the big open space, like, you know, some nice art on the wall. I think that that would provide me a peace of mind that, you know, just having the Minion wouldn't be enough. Like, obviously, I need a space to work with the minion in, and it wouldn't be like this sort of indentured servitude thing that GRU has going on with the Minions. Honestly, the Minions, for him, it's kind of like Stockholm syndrome. Like, bitch, those are Oompa Loompas. Like, bitch, you have them there captive, and they love you. You made them love you. Like, I'm not doing all that. Like, hey, man, you're free to have a social life outside of this. Like, you just work for me. I'm going to pay you a livable wage. Like, you qualify for health care under my company. Like, all that. But it's basically like, I just need a little extra help around the house. And I feel like they've got really tiny hands that can fit into shit. And you Know, if we do need to conduct experiments, like, hey, Kevin, get up on that table. You know? And he'd be like, blub. Then I'd be like, yes. Can you say anything else? The minions are kind of like Frankenstein, a bit Frankenstein's creature. Victor. Victor. Victor. Victor. That's gonna be the minion to me. Bellow. Mini boss. Miniboss. Minibus. Miniboss. Why do the minions speak Spanish? They speak minionese, which is, like, Spanish mixed with a little bit of English. With a little bit of. Anyway, yeah, my lab, I feel like the experiments I'd be conducting would be akin to. It would be more, like, literary focused. It would be a lot of books in there. I would have some tables. Actually, you know what? It wouldn't be Victor's new lab in that abandoned castle. It would be his old one with all the tables. It's like a long, wide room where Elizabeth comes to visit him. It would be a long, wide room, Bunch of tables, bunch of shit, bunch of the. Whatever. Like, I just want a creative space that is filled with bullshit. I love that. There's. I've always wanted that since I was a kid, like, being very genuine shit with, like, books everywhere and sculptures and art and, like, places to write in natural sunlight and beautiful chandeliers and, like, just Tiffany lamps and all. Oh, some nice Persian rugs. Everything's dark mahogany and beautifully sculpted. Like. God, just a 19th century or, like, early 20th century library. That's what I want for Christmas. Maybe I'll get it one day. I came kind of close with my Victorian set here on the. On the podcast. Okay, I came pretty damn close. Here's what I want next. A new breastplate. One that matches my skin tone a little bit better. This one I've got on right now. It's. It's a bit. It's yellowed with age. It's a bit yellowed. So that was a suggestion from Tato. A new breastplate. Yeah, one that, you know, comes up a little bit higher on the neck because you can see the line. Like, I want, like, a RuPaul breastplate. That shit is undetectable. Unclockable. Okay, let's move on from my list. I want to talk about some essential viewing for Christmas. This is the Christmas episode, so everyone lock the fuck in. My favorite Christmas movie of all time, Just Friends. Just Friends. That movie is a family classic. Me and my family watch it every single year and come to find out, so did Drew and her family. Bitch. That's my sister. I was like, just friends. Have you ever seen it? It's like Ryan Reynolds and whatever. Like, because he's so witty. It's ridiculous. Like, I don't know what he's doing in his personal life, but his movies make me laugh. And we were talking about it, and I was like, it really is such a great Christmas movie. And it's. I believe, their love story. And it's so funny. And me and my siblings quote it all the time in the vein of a funny Christmas movie. Duh, it's the Grinch. Duh, it's Jim Carrey's Grinch. I want to be one of those people that's like, the Grinch is so over. Like, capitalism loves the Grinch. Like, consumerism knows no bounds. The grinch meal at McDonald's like, da, da, da. Why are you putting pickle salt on your fucking Grinch fries, you big fat pig? Like, I get it. I get it. However, consider this. Have you watched the movie? Have you watched it? The scene? Anytime. Talk about a. With a lab. The Grinch has a lab. I need a hole like, the Grinch lives in. And he has a minion. Max.
