The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
Episode 92: Peeing in the River
Release Date: May 6, 2025

Introduction

In Episode 92 of The Broski Report, host Brittany Broski dives into a whirlwind of personal anecdotes, cultural observations, and humorous reflections. Skipping over the sponsored segments, Brittany takes listeners on a journey through her daily life, showcasing her unique blend of humor and candidness.

Morning Mishaps and Culinary Experiments

[01:26] Brittany Broski opens the episode with a humorous take on her morning routine, highlighting a failed attempt at making a smoothie named "gobbledygook." She shares:

"I made gobbledygook for breakfast. I don't really know, like, if you could see the sort of chunky quality to this... It's gray. Gobbledygook."
[07:45]

Brittany reflects on the chaotic nature of mornings, juggling kitchen clean-ups and last-minute preparations for her trip. This segment underscores her relatable struggle with maintaining order amidst the chaos of daily life.

Cilantro Conundrums and Genetic Traits

Transitioning to food preferences, Brittany delves into her aversion to cilantro, attributing it to her genetic makeup:

"I'm not a cilantro girl, okay? I just don't like it. They put cilantro in a lot of Thai and Vietnamese food, and it just ruins it for me."
[15:30]

She discusses her experience with the 23andMe genetic test, amusingly critiquing the accuracy and likening it to astrology:

"It's kind of like astrology. You kind of pick and choose what applies."
[18:20]

This segment highlights her skepticism towards genetic testing and personal trait assessments, blending humor with thoughtful critique.

Modern Cinema and Wattpad Fanfiction

Brittany offers a satirical commentary on contemporary cinema and literature, particularly focusing on Wattpad fanfiction:

"I have yet to see the innovation, the creativity, the originality that was packaged into 135 chapter Wattpad One Direction fanfiction."
[22:10]

She humorously praises the storytelling in fanfictions, despite their often over-the-top narratives, emphasizing the dedication of their writers.

Red Bull Revelations and Personal Health

Addressing her current relationship with Red Bull, Brittany candidly admits to not enjoying the latest flavor:

"This flavor tastes like perfume. Wild berries. This is the pink edition Wild boobies. Happy Pride."
[26:50]

She humorously laments her dependence on energy drinks post-surgery, showcasing her vulnerability and self-deprecating humor.

23andMe Traits Breakdown

Brittany revisits her 23andMe results, providing a detailed yet humorous breakdown of various traits:

• Ability to Match Musical Pitch: "About a 50/50 chance of being able to match a musical pitch. I can match a musical pitch."
  [34:10]

• Asparagus Odor Detection: "And it makes my piss smell crazy. And I don't think that's just me."
  [36:45]

• Photic Sneeze Reflex:
  "Looking at the sun can make you sneeze. What the fuck?"
  [39:00]

Brittany's playful exploration of her genetic traits offers listeners both laughs and a glimpse into her personal quirks.

Recluse Reflections and Social Dynamics

Exploring her introverted tendencies, Brittany discusses the balance between solitude and social obligations:

"I have a reclusive nature because I really enjoy my solitude... but there's a certain level of accessibility when you work from your house."
[45:30]

She elaborates on the challenges of maintaining personal time amidst a demanding, collaborative job, resonating with listeners who face similar struggles.

Sunburn Struggles and Sun Protection

Brittany shares her ongoing battle with sunburns, detailing her over-the-top sun protection measures:

"I got a sunburn. Like I have to do SPF 100. I'm not joking. I sprayed that SPF 30 on me. I might as well have sprayed water on myself."
[52:20]

Her exaggerated descriptions highlight her dread of sunburns, adding humor to a common summer nuisance.

River Tubing Tales and Mishaps

The heart of the episode revolves around Brittany's adventurous outing river tubing with friends, replete with mishaps and humorous encounters:

• Sun Protection and Gear Choices:
  "I bought me a sun shirt. I wore that over my swimsuit. So it looked like I am a big oversized top. Like I looked like Ariana Grande in the water."
  [56:15]

• Encounter with Fans:

  "Someone yells out, pretty broski. I'm horrified... I might as well have been naked."
  [58:30]

• Intoxicated Antics:

  "Six white claws deep, having the time of my life, pissing the tube and gabbing with my bestie."
  [1:00:10]

These stories blend physical comedy with relatable social experiences, painting a vivid picture of a day on the river gone hilariously awry.

Canned Fish Reviews and Culinary Tastes

In a collaborative segment, Brittany and guest Michael B. Jordan (possibly a co-host or consultant for the episode) review Fish Wife's canned fish products:

• Anchovies:

  "Anchovies taste like I think a urinal smells like. Anchovies are so fucking gross."
  [40:48]

• Tasting Process:

  "They have the texture down. These are firm, but they also have some tenderness."
  [43:21]

Brittany candidly expresses her distaste for certain seafood, contrasting it with Michael's more analytical approach. This segment highlights their differing culinary preferences and adds a layer of friendship-driven humor.

Music Recommendations and Personal Favorites

Brittany introduces her "Songs of the Week," featuring tracks from Fontaine's DC and Florence and the Machine:

"My songs are 'Boys in the Betterlands' and 'Starburster.' I love those songs."
[50:10]

She reminisces about attending an Arctic Monkeys concert, tying in her current musical interests and inviting listeners to engage with her evolving tastes.

Upcoming Content and Final Thoughts

As the episode nears its conclusion, Brittany hints at future content and personal revelations:

"There is about to be a royal court that's going to come out in the next month or so that is so horny."
[59:00]

She teases unpacking this upcoming content, promising more insights and entertainment for her audience.

Conclusion

Episode 92 of The Broski Report is a testament to Brittany Broski's ability to blend humor with heartfelt honesty. From morning mishaps and genetic quirks to adventurous river tales and candid food reviews, Brittany offers listeners a multifaceted glimpse into her life. Her engaging storytelling, combined with relatable experiences and sharp wit, makes this episode both entertaining and endearing for both loyal followers and new listeners.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "I made gobbledygook for breakfast. I don't really know... It's gray. Gobbledygook."
  [07:45]

• "I'm not a cilantro girl, okay? I just don't like it."
  [15:30]

• "It's kind of like astrology. You kind of pick and choose what applies."
  [18:20]

• "She threw her hair up in a messy bun and handled it."
  [19:50]

• "This flavor tastes like perfume. Wild berries. Happy Pride."
  [26:50]

• "Looking at the sun can make you sneeze. What the fuck?"
  [39:00]

• "I have a reclusive nature because I really enjoy my solitude."
  [45:30]

• "I sprayed that SPF 30 on me. I might as well have sprayed water on myself."
  [52:20]

• "Six white claws deep, having the time of my life, pissing the tube and gabbing with my bestie."
  [1:00:10]

• "Anchovies taste like I think a urinal smells like. Anchovies are so fucking gross."
  [40:48]

• "There is about to be a royal court that's going to come out in the next month or so that is so horny."
  [59:00]

Note: This summary excludes advertisement segments, introductions, and outros, focusing solely on the content-rich portions of the episode to provide a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened.