I Asked N3on If He's Going to Heaven (EP 206)

Summary

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Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: The Bryce Crawford Podcast
Host: Bryce Crawford
Guest: Neon (N3on, streamer and creator)
Episode: I Asked N3on If He's Going to Heaven (EP 206)
Release Date: July 6, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode features a candid and wide-ranging conversation between Bryce Crawford, a Christian content creator, and popular streamer Neon (N3on). The two explore questions of faith, fulfillment, mental health, personal journeys, and the experience of living nearly an entire life online. Neon opens up about his Muslim upbringing, the challenges of maintaining spiritual practices amid fame, and his ongoing search for peace and meaning. The episode balances humor, vulnerability, and honest dialogue between two people from different religious backgrounds.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life Online, Fame, and Mental Health

• Neon’s Start & Struggles (16:35–22:26)
  • Neon has been online since age 11, initially doing gaming content due to a chronic illness (Crohn’s disease) that kept him homebound.
  • He describes an intense trajectory: “At some points you start feeling like a robot…everyone saw like, everything bad I’ve done in life, like all my mistakes…mine are all publicized.” (16:39)
  • Dealt with public hate but says, “rightfully so. Like I did a lot of stupid things and I deserved all of it. So just going through different eras in my life, it’s been tough.” (17:29)
  • Transitioned content from gaming to IRL, then to more sports and wholesome things for genuine fulfillment.
  • On mental health: “That’s like the number one thing I struggle with… My biggest fear is, like, living with regret… I overbook my schedule. I try to fill in every day when it’s not healthy.” (22:20)

2. Travel, Burnout, and Crohn’s Disease

• Intensity of Streaming Lifestyle (26:00–29:02)
  • Neon's life is “planning a stream or traveling to a stream. Like, I don’t do anything else.”
  • Constant travel takes a toll on his health: “My eyes are closed. I had to like, get eye drops prescribed to me to help keep my eyes open because I’m so tired.” (26:00)
  • Recognizes risk to his chronic illness: “If I keep going like this, it definitely will come [back]. So I need to…figure this out.” (28:21)
  • Neon rarely reflects on mental health: “I don’t really think—I don’t try. I don’t feel bad for myself. Like, I signed myself up for this.” (29:02)

3. Vulnerability & Audience Disconnect

• Vulnerability on Stream (29:30–30:17)
  • Neon's audience, at times, is hostile to his honesty about struggles: “They’re like, ‘Oh, you’re trying to make us feel bad, you’re trying to get sympathy’… They look at you like a robot… They want to see you do what they want. And they don’t care…about your feelings.” (29:33, 30:04)
  • Security and personal safety is a real concern, with Neon sharing about being jumped by masked teens during a live stream (31:00–33:24).

4. Faith, Fulfillment, and Identity

• Neon on Fulfillment (52:22–53:25)

  • “I don’t think I’ve ever in life, as of right now, truly been fulfilled. Like, to where I feel at peace. I always thought what would make me fulfilled was, like, views…true fulfillment and feeling at peace–like, nah, it hasn’t given me that.” (52:22)
  • Used to pray daily for success as a streamer: “Right. Did it, left home, like, achieved what I wanted to achieve, and then just stopped praying.” (53:26)
  • He still believes in God and identifies as Muslim but admits: “I like stepped away from all the prayers…for us we’re supposed to pray five times a day. Like I haven’t been praying much at all, which is…terrible.” (54:03)

• Bryce on Faith and Identity (45:16–46:27)

  • Shares his testimony from depression, loss of a loved one, and struggle with hypocrisy in the church, to a supernatural encounter with Jesus at 17: “That was my foot in the door with actually following Jesus…if Jesus could do it for me, he could do it for literally anyone, because I definitely felt like the most broken human being on planet.” (45:16)

• The Difference in Christian & Muslim Faith Perspectives

  • Bryce: “The Christian perspective of Jesus would say: Instead of me doing good because I have to get to heaven, it’s I do good because of what Jesus has already done.” (54:52)
  • “The Bible would say he doesn’t change his mind about me. He’s the Prince of Peace. He’s satisfied my soul…” (57:23)
  • Neon: Expresses respect for Christianity and talks about attending church, seeing the positive side of community and faith-based discipline (58:00–59:01).

5. Heaven, Hell, and Afterlife

• Fear of Death and the Afterlife (61:09–62:13)

  • Neon openly admits deep fear: “I’m afraid of death. I’m so scared…think every day, what’s the point of me doing all this stuff…if I’m just gonna…lose it within one second?...What’s the purpose? What’s the reason for all this?” (61:09)
  • He says he believes in heaven and hell, but is “maybe like a seven, maybe a six?” sure of going to heaven (61:52, 62:10).
  • Wonders if the wrong he does in public is multiplied in terms of sin’s consequences (62:13).

• Bryce’s Assurance (63:56–64:09):

  • “I think I’m a 10, but not because I think I’m a good person. It’s just what I believe about Jesus…The Christian perspective is not: how much good I can do. It’s about what Jesus has done.” (63:56)
  • “The reason why I go to church and I read my Bible and I do these things…it’s all out of an overflow of loving Jesus.” (68:12)

6. Other Memorable Topics

• Cultural Background: Neon shares about his Pakistani and Indian heritage and the grounding effect of visiting family abroad. (06:16–07:17)
• Drugs, Substances & LA Lifestyle: How fame, money, and LA culture exposed him to vices, but he cautions followers against drugs, especially weed. (12:28–13:58, 36:00)
• Trust & Friendship: Neon’s close, tight-knit circle and trust issues. “No, I don’t trust people at all.” (37:47)
• Security & Paranoia: Need for security due to risks of streaming (31:00–35:53)
• Pets & Lighthearted Moments: Neon and Bryce compare pet stories, bringing comic relief. (38:17–40:13)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fulfillment (52:26)
  “I don’t think I’ve ever in life, as of right now, like, truly been, like, fulfilled, like, to where I feel, like, at peace. Like…true fulfillment and feeling at peace—like, nah, it hasn’t given me that.”
  — Neon (52:26)

• On Losing Prayer and Focus (53:26)
  “Did it. Left home, achieved what I wanted to achieve, and then just stopped praying.”
  — Neon (53:26)

• On Faith & Identity (45:16)
  “If Jesus could do it for me, he could do it for literally anyone, because I definitely felt like the most broken human being on the planet.”
  — Bryce Crawford (45:16)

• On Public Hate (16:39)
  “…everyone saw, like, everything bad I’ve done in life, like all my mistakes, everything I made, because we all make mistakes. But mine are all, like, publicized…”
  — Neon (16:39)

• On Living as an Entertainer (29:42)
  “They don’t care if you’re a person. They don’t care about your emotions. They don’t care about your feelings. You’re there for their entertainment. It’s like a circus.”
  — Neon (29:42)

• On Assurance of Salvation (63:56)
  “I think I’m a 10, but not because I think I’m a good person. It’s just what I believe about Jesus…The Christian perspective is not how much good I can do. It’s about what Jesus has done.”
  — Bryce Crawford (63:56)

• On Hypocrisy in Religion and Finding God (43:24–45:01)
  “There would be a lot of people where I was from that would tell me how to live my life one way—But then they were doing the total opposite…So I had a problem with it. And I was like, if that’s what Jesus is, I don’t want it…at 17, on Christmas Day, I was gonna take my life…And then I had a supernatural encounter with Jesus stopped me from taking my life.”
  — Bryce Crawford (43:24-45:01)

• On Security and Physical Threats (31:49–32:54)
  “Like, there’s one time where I got jumped on stream by seven people…But the main problem with streaming is…your live location is broadcast every second…Situations like that…I’d rather spend all my money and keep my life safe.”
  — Neon (31:00+)

• On Demons and Possession (67:23)
  “I believe in demon possession, but I personally don’t think demons can possess Christians…anyone can be oppressed, meaning attacked by demons…”
  — Bryce Crawford (67:23)

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Important Timestamps

• Neon’s experience with prayer, fulfillment, and falling away – (52:22–53:52)
• Faith journeys: Bryce’s testimony – (43:18–46:27)
• Discussion on afterlife, heaven, and hell – (61:09–62:13)
• Bryce explains Christian assurance of salvation – (63:56–64:09)
• Neon’s outlook on public influence and sin – (62:13–63:33)
• Prayer to close the episode – (69:24–69:43)

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Conclusion

This episode is an open, raw, and deeply personal exchange between two creators from different faith backgrounds wrestling with themes universal to the human experience: fulfillment, identity, purpose, and the burdens of public life. Their respectful dialogue highlights the power of honest questions, the difficulty of spiritual consistency amidst success, and the role of faith in healing and sustaining a person.

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Recommended Segment for Quick Listen:

• Neon on Fulfillment & Prayer (52:22–53:52)
• Bryce’s Testimony (43:18–46:27)
• Assurance of Heaven & What Faith Means in Christianity (63:56–66:23)

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(Note: Ads, promos, and intros/outros skipped as per instructions. All timestamps in MM:SS format.)

Transcript

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[Neon]

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[Bryce Crawford]

Did you know with the Sam's Club app, you're technically in the club no matter where you are. Like, this is a club. This is also a club. And this is sh.

[Commercial Voice]

A club. My bad.

[Bryce Crawford]

Come join us. Sam's Club.

[Neon]

I'm afraid of death. I'm so scared. What's the point of me doing all this stuff? Like, grinding, working my butt off, all the money you make, none of it matters. You're gonna lose it like within one second. I don't think I've ever in life as of right now, like, truly been fulfilled. I always thought what would make me fulfilled was like, views but like true fulfillment and feeling at peace. Like, nah, it hasn't given me that. I literally would sit down and I would like cry and pray and I'm like, God, please. Like, all I want in life is to become one of the biggest dreamers. Like, please, please, please. I would do it every single day, achieved what I wanted to achieve, and then just stop praying. I do believe in Islam. Like, I am a Muslim. I haven't been praying much at all, which is disgusting. Like, it's terrible.

[Bryce Crawford]

How confident are you that you would go to heaven?

[Neon]

Maybe like a seven, maybe a six?

[Bryce Crawford]

Hey, before we get into today's episode, I want to share two quick things with you. First, if these videos have meant anything to you, if they've encouraged your faith or helped you see the gospel a little bit more clearly. I just wanna ask you to subscribe. A lot of people tune in every single week and haven't hit the button yet. It only takes two seconds and it helps us keep putting these conversations in front of people who need them. And the second thing, this one I've honestly been really excited to say. I'm officially announcing our ministry's biggest live event to date, Open Heaven Live Podcast tour. It's happening November 8th this year at the Pavilion at Toyota Music Factory in Irving, Texas. This is gonna be a night centered around worship, faith, real conversations and genuine community. I believe go going to move in a powerful way and I would love for you to be in the room. Tickets are on sale right now. You can head to Bryce crawford.org tour or just click the link in the description below. And please only get your tickets through my official site or that link below. I recommend not buying from random resellers online. I believe this is going to be a really special night and I hope to see you there. All right, let's get into the episode. What's going on, guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Bryce Crawford Podcast. I'm Bryce, and today I'm with Neon.

[Neon]

Hello. Guys, let's. Which. Which camera am I looking at?

[Bryce Crawford]

This one, this one, or whichever one you want.

[Neon]

It's a crazy setup over here, bro.

[Bryce Crawford]

Dude, I'm glad you like it. Thanks for.

[Neon]

Thank you for having me.

[Bryce Crawford]

I've been excited to meet you. Cause I've just heard people say nothing but great things about you, so it's.

[Neon]

Seriously.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, seriously behind the scenes. Yeah.

[Neon]

Yeah, that makes me feel good.

[Commercial Voice]

Why?

[Bryce Crawford]

Because you feel like you see a lot of noise online?

[Neon]

Honestly, not anymore, but I did go through eras where I did, but now it's like, it's way different. But yeah, I mean, I've been through like a bunch of different hate phases. But yeah, when I hear stuff like that makes it makes me feel good.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah. Dude, I've heard a lot of great things about you. Just what. What an awesome guy you are. So I've been looking forward to hanging out with you. So thank you. Thanks for coming on.

[Neon]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Commercial Voice]

Have you.

[Bryce Crawford]

Have you ever been on like a Christian podcast before?

[Neon]

No. No, never. This is my first time. I usually. I do. I've done like, like Bradley Martin Steiny stuff like that. Think it's a different vibe. I think. I think it's good.

[Bryce Crawford]

Cool. Yeah. Does that, like. Did you. Don't really care it's just kind of like, whatever.

[Neon]

Yeah. I mean, we're just here to talk.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Neon]

I'm Muslim, you're Christian. We're all, you know, we all have our own beliefs, and at the end of the day, you know, we could. We could all believe what we think, and we can have a good conversation.

[Bryce Crawford]

Dude, I'm so pumped that we're sitting down because I've done so many dives on Islam, and I. I don't want to, like, get into, like, a bunch of deep dive stuff, but I did a really bad injustice for a while where, like, I kind of went. Kind of went through this phase where I was, like, almost, like, going ham on Islam a little bit.

[Neon]

I'm not even know that.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, I was like.

[Neon]

I was like, don't roll the clip.

[Bryce Crawford]

There's a ton of them. I was kind of, like, going ham. But it was the only thing that I knew. It was almost like I would find out these things that I, like, maybe had a problem with as a Christian, and so I would, like, immediately go hard on it.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

And then I just kind of realized that if I believe Jesus is the way. And I wanted, like, a Muslim friend to actually become a. That's not the way for me to talk to a Muslim about it. So that was something I've been meaning to kind of talk about, which has been really heavy on my heart because I'm like, that was never how I've approached conversations. That's never how I was. And I kind of went through this phase where I was going ham on, like, certain aspects of Islam that didn't matter. And then I met. I actually have a new friend. His name's Sharik. He, like, used to be Muslim. Now he's a Christian.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

And that's, like, his whole deal about how, like, kind of like how to talk respectfully with Muslims on faith. And so that challenged me. It really made me dive deeper into how I have conversations. So that. That was fun. So. Yeah.

[Neon]

Dude, that's funny. So you've gotten hate before, or were they, like, how did people react?

[Bryce Crawford]

Muslims?

[Neon]

Yeah. Oh, the Muslims. Yeah. Well, like, on social media, they're crazy.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, well, like, yeah, it was a little intense. I mean, I was saying. I was saying intense stuff, though. You know what I mean? It's like. I understand.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

I wasn't trying to rage bait. It was just, like, I would figure out something. I'd be like, what the heck? And I would say it online, and then it would cause. And Then I just started understanding. I was like, I'm not starting conversation. You know, it was like almost like I was just like making a post.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

And my whole thing is like from the get go from when we started making the videos was like I like having conversations. You know what I mean? Because that's a point. If we like we're talking about something, like we can't like go through the conversation unless we talk about it instead of me just you know, saying like a 30 second one liner or whatever. So I really learned a lot and that's challenged me in a cool way

[Neon]

on stream for me. Like I try to, I don't like to like push my religion or anything to anyone. For me it's just like I tell them is like if you believe in God, like it's very important, Believe in God, pray to God. But other than that, like I don't even, I don't really even have these type of conversations on stream. So like when we do our stream, it's gonna be like pretty interesting.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, dude, I'm. Yeah, I'm super pumped. Are you. What's your ethnic background?

[Neon]

Ethnic? So my, my mom's from Pakistan.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay.

[Neon]

My dad's from India. My mom was as a kid moved all around like the Middle east, everywhere. They still, my grandparents still live in Pakistan down there. My mom's actually there right now.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay.

[Neon]

And I always go there like every, every. Like I used to go every year but now I'm very busy so it's a lot different. So now I go every few years. But when I go like it helps me feel really grounded and it helps me like understand like how far I've made it. And you know, I like traveling a lot too. Especially just so I could see other sides of the world and how people live. And it's crazy, bro. One thing I always say on stream is people are so much happier in these places where like when you look in the outside you're like, wow, why are they so happy? Like they live in, in these situations, whatever. Like it doesn't look like something you would want. But then these people are all so happy and grateful and like connected. So my main thing is just. Bro, I love, I just got off topic. But I love traveling. I love doing stuff. Yeah. When I go back home, when I go back to my, to where my parents are from, it makes me feel like it feels so good and I just disconnect myself.

[Bryce Crawford]

What's your favorite place you've been?

[Neon]

Favorite place I've been. I would say Japan. Japan probably because it's just so quiet. Are you Japanese? Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, so you point to the only Asian guy in the room and you're just gonna assume he's Japanese? Yeah, that's why.

[Neon]

That's why you gotta be. You're Filipino.

[Bryce Crawford]

That. That's close.

[Neon]

Vietnamese. What. What. What are you.

[Bryce Crawford]

Cambodia? Yeah, he's Cambodian.

[Neon]

First Cambodian I've ever met. Nice to meet you.

[Bryce Crawford]

You probably met more. You just didn't know. You probably assumed that they were Japanese, too.

[Neon]

Not much Cambodian. I've never met someone. They're like, I'm Cambodian. Cambodian, I gotta go to Cambodia.

[Bryce Crawford]

Really funny.

[Neon]

They can't even. I'm sorry.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, but what did you like about Japan?

[Neon]

It was so quiet, bro. Such a change. Like, for me, like, I'm always out and about being loud, and I'm like, in third person. Like, damn, what am I doing? Like, obviously have to stream. I have to entertain the stream. And I'm being obnoxious at times. Try not to be as much anymore. But, like, over there is just so. It's just so peaceful, bro. Everyone is just, like, at peace, doing their own thing. And it's just. It was cool to see, bro. It's. I didn't get to go to, like, there's this. This cherry blossom thing or something I was supposed to go to. I didn't get to go on. To go there next time, but I was with a good group of people. I was a Brad. A bunch of people. I had a good, good time.

[Bryce Crawford]

Have you seen the bowing deer?

[Neon]

No. What is that?

[Bryce Crawford]

You know. You've never seen that? No, dude, it's like these deer that you can. I think you can feed them, but they're in a park and they, like, bow at you. It's. It's super cool. I'll show you a video when we get done.

[Neon]

But it's like, Japan.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, I think it's in Japan. It is, right?

[Neon]

Bowing deer?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, it's like. I think you could feed them, but. But they're in a park and they're like, you know, domesticated, so they, like, are used to humans.

[Neon]

They're, like, taught how to sit.

[Bryce Crawford]

No, like, they almost like. I don't know how to do it. This looks so weird. But you just like, they, like, bow at you, you know? It's interesting.

[Neon]

How do they make the deer do that?

[Bryce Crawford]

I don't know, but it's really cool. And then. Would you wrestle a sumo wrestler in the street?

[Neon]

No, no, no. Not disgusting. You're talking about me losing they're just sweaty. So I'm like, why would I want that on me?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, I think you could take them, though.

[Neon]

Definitely not. I think you can take them, bro.

[Commercial Voice]

Really?

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Thank you.

[Neon]

I get physique, good build.

[Bryce Crawford]

Hey, thank you so much. Yeah, I just said I got food poison the other day, so I'm kind of.

[Neon]

Oh, yeah, my stomach has been messed up. Might be la, bro. We need to get out of here.

[Bryce Crawford]

I think we do too. We should build a bunker and go live underground somewhere.

[Neon]

I know we were. We were talking about earlier, the. The. What's the festival?

[Bryce Crawford]

The Burning Man.

[Neon]

Yeah. So I don't know if this is the same type of thing, but I was at edc.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay.

[Neon]

Which is. I mean, it's just like a normal music festival, whatever. But like when I walked in there with all the lights and everything and like everyone just like, like behind the camera, everyone's like sniffing stuff, doing crazy drugs, whatever, and I went on stream and I was like, like, you cannot enjoy this unless you're on hardcore drugs. And like, this is not my type of thing. And all the EDC fans got so mad at me. It's like my first time I got hate in so long. Like, I was doing so good.

[Bryce Crawford]

Burning Man's the same thing though. I got. I got heat for saying that from people that go to Burning man too. They were like, no, it's not. Because it's is like a free thinking art festival. So when you go like, all the building structures out there are like built weird and unique. It almost looks like. Have you ever seen the movie Dune? Like, I don't know if you're so

[Neon]

out of touch with the reality, bro. No, I haven't seen.

[Bryce Crawford]

Dude, it's like a.

[Neon]

Wait, is that the movie Zendaya?

[Bryce Crawford]

Is she in that? Yeah, she's in there.

[Neon]

Trailer?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's like a desert. You know the desert vibe. But then like the vehicles out there. I saw an 18 foot pirate ship on wheels just driving itself.

[Neon]

Wow.

[Bryce Crawford]

Stuff like that. They just build these contraptions and so it's interesting, but it's kind of the same thing. Like you almost have to be on drugs.

[Neon]

Yeah. Yeah. And you spoke on it. I spoke on it and I got. I got heat. But it was like I felt so. Like I didn't feel comfortable there. Just I felt so off. Like, I mean, for me, like, I'm not even the type of person to go out. Like, I don't really like that stuff and I'm awkward. So I don't know what to do. But in that situation, I was just like, oh, my God. And like with bro, the lights that were going around, it felt like. Like a hell.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah.

[Neon]

Like, that's what I said on stream. I was like, this feels like hell. It was. It was crazy.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, dude, there's a lot of that to the. All the lights and stuff out. Yeah, it's interesting. It's just an interesting environment, especially if you're not used to it. I'm not used to that stuff either, so definitely throwing me off. But there, there is almost. I don't know about you, but I could just feel it. Yeah, no, yeah, no, you can sense it and feel it. You're like, yeah, there's something off, you know? So you've. Have you ever done any substances, drugs, things like that?

[Neon]

I've smoked on.

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[Neon]

Stream. Before a few times, like, smoked weed. I mean, when I came to la, bro, I was like the cleanest kid ever. No. No problems. Like, the worst thing my parents had to deal with for me was, like, me staying up too late, playing my PS5. Yeah, that's the word. I never snuck out, never did. Went to parties, nothing. So I was like a perfect kid. Came to la, Everything got thrown at me. Like, everything. Like, when it comes to, like, money, girls, like, fame, call, anything you can imagine. So I, like, it's crazy. I kind of blacked out. Like, I don't remember any of that part of my life. It was like two years. I don't remember any of it.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, how long have you been in L. A?

[Neon]

I've been in L. A for like three and a half years.

[Bryce Crawford]

So for more than you. For longer than you've been here. You can't Remember what it was like?

[Neon]

Yeah, I don't remember anything, bro. I was just spending money. I was around the wrong people. That's when I got into, like, smoking, which was my biggest downfall ever because I just brought me so lazy. I mean, it starts from. And everyone watching this, like, my chat gets mad at me when I talk about this, but do not smoke weed. It's very bad for you. Makes you stupid. Like, actually stupid. Makes you, like, groggy. It makes you. He's smiling. You smoke weed. Okay, okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

He just keeps out in our camera guy behind the camera.

[Neon]

I'm in stream. Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

He's just trying to recover from the fact that he accused you of being. He's trying to get you.

[Neon]

I feel bad. I'm sorry, bro. But yeah, bro. And it starts from like, you do that night before you sleep. Like, oh, I have a good stream. Let me. Let me smoke real quick. And then it goes from that to, oh, like maybe do it. Let me do a little earlier. Let me do it during the day. Oh, now I'm high on stream. Like, it's just. It was really bad.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, so have you ever met Clavicular?

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay, so do you. Do you get worried about him?

[Neon]

I mean, yeah, but I mean, he's a grown man. He makes his own decisions.

[Bryce Crawford]

No, no, for sure. I'm not saying it's in, like, you know, he can't do whatever, but I'd like, I remember when I saw the one video clip of him. I guess he OD'd on video or something.

[Neon]

Yeah, it was really, really messed up.

[Bryce Crawford]

And I know, it just scared me because I'm like, is he going too far? That's like a whole nother realm. I mean, you were like, I was smoking weed. And I'm like taking it to like a whole another level right here.

[Neon]

For sure. I didn't do none of that, but.

[Bryce Crawford]

But you know, like, I guess when I see that and you've met him, is that. Is that someone that you're like, hey, bro, like, don't go down that route. I've been there.

[Neon]

I mean, I feel like someone like him, like, no matter who tells him that, he won't listen. He only listen to himself. But he would be great on here.

[Bryce Crawford]

Well, dude, we were going to get him on, and then he tried to, like, ask much. I'd pay him.

[Neon]

Oh.

[Bryce Crawford]

And then I was like, oh, okay, we don't pay anyone.

[Neon]

Yeah. He was like, I mean, I do. The same thing happens to me on stream. Like, I do DM a guy. He's like how much. I've known Cloud for a while. He's like, honestly a good guy. Like, I've really, like, I've, I've had multiple conversations. I've been around him a lot off stream. Like, he is a good guy. He is like around the wrong things when it comes to drugs and everything. And I don't agree with him, like pushing that on stream and having people see that because it's messed up and it makes, you know, makes people want to try it, do it. So I don't agree with that part. But I think eventually he's gonna, I mean, he's learning. He's slowly stopping. I know. Like, he stopped drinking as much too. So he's. He's on like a new, A new path, I think.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah. Yeah. I've also heard that he's. He's a nice guy. Down to earth as well. Yeah, I guess. Well, I've never, I've never done like drugs or alcohol before, so I, you know, when I like, meet people.

[Neon]

You never drank or anything in your life?

[Bryce Crawford]

Dude. I. The only time I. And I say, like, I accidentally drank, but literally this last Christmas. Oh, my recent. Yeah. My wife and I were. Yeah, I'm like, I got hammered. No, we were. My, My wife and I were engaged and my cousin lives in the UK and they came home and they brought us this like, like a, almost like a pre wedding gift. I was like, hey, here you go. And it was like a box of chocolates and stuff like that. And I ate this chocolate and I liked it. So I kept eating the chocolates, but I kept coughing every time I was eating the chocolates and it was like burning my throat.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

And then I was like, yo, this chocolate's got like a kick to it. Is it spicy? And they were like, no, it's got alcohol in the chocolate. It had like champagne chocolate. Had like champagne in the chocolate.

[Neon]

Oh my God.

[Bryce Crawford]

And they didn't tell me, but apparent. That's like normal in the uk.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

What?

[Bryce Crawford]

Did you feel it? I didn't feel anything because I didn't eat a lot, but I, I ate like three of them and I was like, this is burning my throat.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

But that's like the only, the closest I've ever been. But I've never intentionally drank alcohol or done drugs before, so I, I guess I was just curious what, what that was like. But you've been on the Internet a while, right?

[Neon]

Yeah, it's been ever since I was 11, so. 10 years.

[Bryce Crawford]

Dang. What's that been like?

[Neon]

It's been tough. Like, very tough. Like, at some points you start feeling like a robot. I mean, how long have you been. Have you been on the Internet?

[Bryce Crawford]

Well, I've been doing social media for, like a long time, but I'd say this stuff only like two or three years.

[Neon]

Seriously?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Wow.

[Neon]

Yeah. Seems like longer, but yeah, like, just at some points you feel robotic. Like, I've been through so many eras, and the thing about me is everyone saw, like, everything bad I've done in life, like, all my mistakes, everything I made, because we all make mistakes. But mine are all, like, publicized because I streamed it, I made it on record it, whatever it is. So, I mean, dealing with everyone's opinions, everyone's hate, you know, it did suck, but rightfully so. Like, I did a lot of stupid things and I deserved all of it. So just going through different eras in my life, it's been tough, but I feel like now, the past, like, I would say like eight months to a year, it's been like an entirely different switch. Like, I feel a lot better. I feel like people like me a lot more. They see through who I actually am and I think they're starting to understand

[Bryce Crawford]

how has your content evolved over the years from when you started to now?

[Neon]

So at first it was just gaming. So like me just gaming, having fun, never thought anything of it. And then I wasn't like, I had no intention to have this as a job. I wanted to be a doctor. So I.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, did you really?

[Neon]

Yeah, because I have a stomach disease. So I have. It's called Crohn's disease.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, yeah, I know what Crohn's is.

[Neon]

Yeah. So I have Crohn's. So I was like, I want to help people who have my problem because for me, like, I couldn't even go to school. I was like, hospitalized a bunch. I just wasn't able to live a normal life. And that's why I, like, started even making videos. I was like, I have so much free time. I'm not doing anything. I can't do the stuff these normal kids are doing. Let me just play video games and have some fun because that's what I enjoy doing. So.

[Bryce Crawford]

Whoa, I didn't know that about you.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, so how does that affect, like, your day to day life?

[Neon]

Honestly, now it's. I'm like. Like Crohn's can never be cured, but you can go in remission. So, like, my medicine's working, but, like, there's obviously moments where, like, you flare up and there's nothing you could do. You just got to deal with it. Keep pushing, man. Yeah, but my problems are very small compared to. Compared to other people. So I just. I let it, you know, it's all good. But I did that. And then gaming was cool. Everything worked out. I mean, I just. I was having fun. I was making thumbnails for people. I was just having fun with it. And then I was. I met Aiden. Aiden Ross. Very, very good friend of mine. He helped me, like. And I always have to give him credit because without him, I wouldn't even be in this situation. He believed in me. He put me in situations where he didn't need to, and he trusted me and he knew what I had. And he is one of the big reasons for all this. So he put me in front of a bunch of people, had me streaming with him. I was never gonna stream. I quit. I stopped. And he's like, no, I'm forcing you to do this. He booked my flight himself. He found my information. I didn't even tell him anything. He booked a flight to Miami. He's like, you're coming.

[Bryce Crawford]

Is that not scary that you just found your information?

[Neon]

I mean, the guy is like, just. I don't know if I can say he's Jewish, so he can do anything. I don't know. Like, they. I think they have a Jewish website where they figure out all the information. And, like, he was able to just figure out my birthday, my. My full name, everything.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, my gosh.

[Neon]

And. And he got my flight booked. He forced me to come. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I started doing IRL content. And then I went in these. A bunch of eras where I was, you know, doing anything for views. Like being an absolute, absolute piece of doing whatever it took to get a view. And a. Like, which worked, right? Like, it did well. Led to a bunch of hate. Realized that at some point in my life, like, in my heart, like, this is not what I want to do. Like, I'm going to stop doing this. I'm going to do the type of content I want to do, which is honestly nowadays, like, tapping into sports, doing a bunch of, like, just normal things, like, instead of just going out being a piece of shit. So. Took a bit of a decline after I switched up the plan, switched up what I was going to do, and now I feel like I'm doing better than ever, and I'm just. I'm having a blast, so.

[Bryce Crawford]

All right, I got to ask you. You faked your death when you were 14?

[Neon]

Yep. What gave you that idea, bro. Straight up. Like, literally, like, I just, I wanted views. Like, I was like, I want views, like, I want to blow up, I want to go viral. And I was like, let me do it. I was literally like in a Walmart and I posted the video and I was so excited. I was like, oh yeah, let's do it.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, so wait, what exactly did you do to like fake your death?

[Neon]

I was just saying, like, I don't know how many days I have to live. Like, I don't know what's going to happen. Pray for me. It was, bro, looking back at it, it's really messed up. It honestly is. I was a kid and I didn't know, like, I didn't know any better obviously, but it was really messed up in my digital footprint. Is it stuck for life?

[Bryce Crawford]

So, okay, if you weren't streaming, then what would you do? What would you do if you weren't streaming? Doctor?

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay, what if you couldn't be a doctor, then what would you.

[Neon]

I had no plan, bro, like other than that. Like once I realized how many years it took to be a doctor, I was like, all right, this out the window. So then it was like, I either stream, do this or like, I don't know because I have no book smarts at all. Because I was barely in school. Covid hit everything. I probably have to educate. Like I have the education of like a ninth grader. No, no, like, like the book smart wise.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay.

[Neon]

Until like after ninth grade, I just like nothing. And then my school, because I was so sick and they felt really bad for me, my school actually like rigged my grades to help me graduate. Like I didn't do anything the last two years.

[Bryce Crawford]

Whoa.

[Neon]

Like I didn't do any tests, I didn't do nothing. I didn't learn anything. And they let me walk, they let me do everything.

[Bryce Crawford]

How do you deal with the hate when you are faced with hate, how have you dealt with it? But specifically, how do you deal with hate when it comes your way?

[Neon]

It's so crazy because my peak hate was when I was. I was blacked out, so I don't remember what I was. It's so scary, bro. I don't remember so much. And like when I'm on stream, my adrenaline is so high. So like I also don't remember a lot of stuff when I'm streaming. Yeah, it's like it puts you. Like when you're streaming, I'm streaming, I'm in a different zone. Like an entirely different. It's like a different dimension. It feels really weird, bro. But just in general, I mean, scrolling, seeing hate. I don't. At first it was getting to me when I was a kid, but I really stopped caring. Like, it was so much and it was so bad and like, so far gone in my eyes, what I thought, like, I was like, this is done. Like, I'm just gonna always be the kid that gets hate to where I just. I literally just stopped caring. I was like, all right, you know what? I'm gonna keep them off. I don't care anymore.

[Bryce Crawford]

I feel like not even just the hate, but in general, like, your life's been on social media for what, more than a decade you said, or almost a decade. So, I mean, mental health's gotta play into a little bit of this and with how much you travel and just the chaos of life, I mean, has your mental health been affected by all this?

[Neon]

That's like the number one thing I struggle with. Especially, like now, like, currently, like, I'm always. My biggest fear is, like, living with regret. It's like not trying my hardest, not doing what I have to do. So if there's a stream tomorrow, like, no matter what, if I have a stream tomorrow in. In Africa and it's a banger stream, I'm going like one hour notice. I'm going, like, when I streamed with Kanye, it was a two hour notice. It was late at night. Like, it was like 3:00am he's like, get on this flight right now. I'm booking it for you. I packed within 15 minutes and went right away. There's like three layovers. He's like, it's only flight. Three layovers. Whatever. Like, I. In my head, I do whatever it takes to. To get what I want. And, like, I really do believe in myself and I want to be the best at what I do. So I, like, I'm really hard on myself. Like, very, very hard. I overbook my schedule. I try to, like, fill in every day when it's not healthy. Like, it's very tough. Very, very, very tough.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, do you want. Do you want that to change? Like, I mean, deep down, like, let's. I mean, ignore your just hard work mentality and stuff like that, I guess. Hyper fixating on how you feel. Would you rather it not be that way?

[Neon]

Yeah, I mean, ideally, I wouldn't want to deal with all the stress. Like, I'm like, yeah, just overstressed. But in my head too. Like, I just don't want to. I don't want to lose everything I built. So it's a really bad mindset that I need to figure out. But I don't know, like, people told me to get a therapist. I'm not getting a therapist.

[Bryce Crawford]

So, dude, I heard this quote the other day, and it's actually. It's kind of challenged me a little bit where it. And I'm going to like, totally butcher the quote, but it was something along the lines that, like, if. If you build a company and you disappear from the company and the company can't function, it's not a company, it's a prison, is the way that he talked about now. And we were kind of talking about it in here a little bit. Like, okay, you stream, right? So there's an aspect where you have to show up and be on the stream. But what happens in the time period outside of you streaming? Are you burning out? Or in the context of this, outside of us filming a podcast or us going in the street, am I burning out? Am I doing all this stuff? Because I'm the same way, dude. I'm from Georgia and so north of Atlanta. I'm from a small country town, so I grew up. My parents are kind of redneck and I just. I've always, like, I can believe that you can believe that. What made you believe that? Oh, you can hear it a little bit. I feel like when I say some words, you can hear it. And, you know, I just. I've always had that same mentality where it's like, I like to work hard and I like to do that, you know, and, you know, you get to reap. Reap what you sow kind of vibe. But at the same time, I'm kind of. That's something that I have a hard time balancing, too. Maybe not the mental health side, and I can kind of get into that maybe with you in a little bit. But more so just the busyness. The busyness side, you know?

[Neon]

Do you, like, give yourself breaks?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, I do. I. I try to schedule it out more, for sure. Like, I'm about to go on. I have like a big vacation I do with my family and my wife every year and, like, that's coming up and stuff like that. So we're preparing. So that's one of the reasons why I told you earlier we're going to be gone for a little bit and stuff like that. Yeah, but I think, man, I just think for me, I just recognized that there were a lot of things that I was doing that I didn't need to do or that I could delegate and trust someone. I don't know about you but maybe you can relate. Sometimes it can be hard to trust people with a vision that you have. Like, I don't know if you feel that way, but, like, I'll get a vision of something and it. It's like hard for me to trust other people with that vision because I'm like, do you fully know what I'm like, what I'm picturing in my brain? Or do you understand? I don't know if you feel that way.

[Neon]

I think a lot of creators feel that way. I mean, like, for me, I like doing everything direct. So, like, I don't want to, like. Like, I want to handle a lot of stuff myself. But my team is great. Like, they're really, really good and they help me, like, take away a lot of the stress, even though I still have a lot less.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, what all do you do for me?

[Neon]

Yeah, so for me on my end, bro, you know, it's crazy. Like, my life, if I'm not streaming, I'm planning a stream or traveling to a stream. Like, I don't do anything else. So I'm on the phone with my team, with my friends even, who helped me, like, just like for out of love. We're thinking of ideas, we're thinking what to do. I'm the one reaching out to all these people. Like, all the collabs I get are just me, like, talking to people, building relationships. Like, knowing this guy who knows this guy, and then you meet this guy and then just going out and just hustling, just getting whatever I can, like, at all costs. So for me, just like my main thing is just networking, meeting people and then ideas thing. Like, that's one thing I lack. Like, my creative mind is terrible. I can execute an idea if an idea is given to me, but I can't think for anything, which is, you know, not. Not good because I'm a streamer. But here we are. So I have someone, like, people who help me with ideas. I don't do any of the ideas at all, but mainly just that side. And then it's just, I would say the main thing that is just brutal as a traveling. Like, I've gone to, like, from city to city to city to city, like, like day after day. So like you're going to a city, 6am or like whatever 6am flight. You land after a few hours, 9am, check in early to a hotel. Like you're on no sleep because you're staying up till the flight. You only sleep you get is like two, three hours on the plane and then you check into the hotel and then right when you check in, you have to leave for the stream. So it's just, it's been. And that's how it is every day. And it's like day, day, day, day, day. It's just no sleep. My eyes are closed. I had to like, get eye drops prescribed to me to like help keep my eyes open because I'm so tired. Yeah, like this, it's bad.

[Bryce Crawford]

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[Commercial Voice]

Foot to the floor energy with high speed tropical flavor.

[Bryce Crawford]

That'll shift you and your day into top gear. So keep your foot on the gas in your hand. The NOS Energy Grand Prix guava and get after it. Wait, does that not like affect your. Your Crohn's and stuff too?

[Neon]

I mean, yeah, bro, my health is like, it's. Dude, I've been like, I've been blessed. Like, my Crohn's hasn't like flared up crazy like it used to, but if I keep going like this, it definitely will come. So I need to. I definitely need to figure this out. Shoot, bro.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, dude, I used to. I mean, definitely not to that extreme, but I used to do like traveling like that a ton. And then I would get super sick after. Like, really sick. Down for the counter.

[Neon]

Yeah, I mean, like, bro, every like 10 days I. I get sick. Like whether it's like a fever or something, whatever it is, I get sick and then I just push through it. Like, I don't even, like, I don't take a day off. I just. I'm sick and I keep going. It's really bad, bro.

[Bryce Crawford]

So. So with your. With all that going on and you know, again going back to that mental health side of things, like, is that. Do you. Do you struggle with a lot of mental health?

[Neon]

I honestly don't even, like, think about that. Like, I just like. Like I'll be stressed and like, whatever, but I just push through it. Like, I don't. I don't sit back and be like, damn, like, I'm not happy Right now in life or like, whatever it is. I mean, sometimes, like, I have to talk to my chat. Like, and, you know, rarely, but then they get mad when I talk about it, so I just leave it alone. But yeah, I don't really. I don't really think, like, I don't try. I don't feel bad for myself. Like, I signed myself up for this. Like, this is what I wanted. I'm living my dream that I've wanted as a kid. So I just. I just keep pushing.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, why do they get mad when you want to be vulnerable?

[Neon]

Because they're like, oh, you're trying to make us feel bad. You're trying to get sympathy. Whatever it is. They're. They're little sh.

[Commercial Voice]

Ts.

[Bryce Crawford]

So they don't want you to be honest?

[Neon]

Yeah, no. I don't know. Like, I try to be honest with them and they're like, we don't care stream. Because it's like in the streaming game. Like, they. They look at you like. Like, Like a robot. Like, they look at you like a. Like a. Like a video game. Like, and they're controlling the game. Like, they just want to see you do what they want. And they don't care. They don't care if you're a person. They don't care about your emotions. They don't care about your feelings. They're just. You're there for their entertainment. You're like. It's like a circus.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, wow.

[Neon]

Yeah. But then there is some people that are cool and care about you. And, like, that's like, you do find that. But a huge percent of the people are just watching you to either, like, see something crazy happen on stream, see something bad happen to you, but, you know, there are people that want to see. Good for you, too. It's a balance.

[Bryce Crawford]

So is that. Is that why you bring security around?

[Neon]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I would never. It's actually. I'm going to the World cup game after this, after our stream at Sofi with no security. So let's see how that goes.

[Bryce Crawford]

What?

[Neon]

It's my first time I'm going no security because they couldn't get a ticket from what it was like. Yeah, there's no tickets available, so I have to go no security. And I haven't done that in, like, years.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, my goodness.

[Neon]

Crazy. You brought that up. I'm so scared.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, wait. So good thing. Imagine we post this immediately after we get done and we say that that would be crazy. No, when.

[Commercial Voice]

So.

[Bryce Crawford]

So tell me about, like, when did you start bringing security around? Is it. And I got to ask, is it because your life is actually at threat, or is it because too many people will mob you?

[Neon]

No, I don't care about that. Like, I'll never say no to a picture, no matter what. Like, at all. But I don't care about the mobbing. I don't care about that. Because these people are. No one's gonna do anything. They're kids or they're, like, older people who are just there to support you. But the main problem with streaming is. I mean, they, like, your live location is brought, like, see broadcast every second. Like, they can happen. Like, there's been times where. Like, there's one time where I got jumped on stream by seven people. Like, there's seven dudes masked up. I was in a Sprinter van. They came from up on the hill, down the hill. They didn't see me in the car. They saw my manager at the time, and they, like, just, like, battered his face, like, completely. Like, this is real. Like, all real shit. Like, all on camera, all on stream. Some people thought it was fake at the time, but then actual footage came out and stuff. They saw it was real, but. Yeah. So situations like that, I feel like the main thing is, I just. I mean, rather safe than sorry. I'd rather spend all my money and keep my life safe.

[Bryce Crawford]

No, no, no, for sure. Wait, so these guys came in masks, and they beat up your manager?

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Trying to get to you.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Did they get to you or.

[Neon]

No, no, they didn't see me in the Sprinter. They, like, mistimed it completely.

[Bryce Crawford]

Whoa.

[Neon]

I was in the Sprinter van, and they walked right past it. The door was open. They didn't see me.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, my God.

[Neon]

It was. Yeah, I thought. I thought it was over. And then. And then we. We. We closed the door, blacked out the Sprinter, and I was just sitting there. I was like, oh, these people are about to kill me.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, so. And then what? And was security with you then?

[Neon]

No, my security guard. This might. Like, when I. First security guards I hired, he was downstairs smoking a blunt while I was outside.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, my goodness.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, so. So what were those guys doing it for? They wanted, like, clicks. They wanted views?

[Neon]

No, someone was recording the back. So they got paid off to do it. Someone that didn't like me at the time probably did it. So, yeah, they were definitely paid off. I mean, dude, money. It's just. Dude, this world is. Dude, anything. You want money. It's so sad.

[Bryce Crawford]

But that's insane, bro. Yeah. I've never.

[Neon]

And that situation could have Gone, left. They've had good security. Someone paid him off. Right. Whoever it is, it could have gone really serious. Like, if I had good security, obviously they're carrying. They could have shot someone. They could have got shot. Like, it could have been crazy.

[Bryce Crawford]

And your manager now, I mean, I'm assuming he's not with you anymore by how you. So did he leave, like shortly after that?

[Neon]

No, no, no, no.

[Bryce Crawford]

He hung around.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay, cool, cool. Well, at least he didn't let that define the situation. You know what I mean?

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Which is nice, but I don't mean it was.

[Neon]

It was the security's fault. The security, like if security was there in that moment, like, it. Bro, these people didn't have guns. They were just. They were like 18, 17, 18 year old kids that just had their fists, literally. So if they. If someone flashed a gun at them, they would have freaked out. Yeah, completely.

[Bryce Crawford]

Dang, dude. Wow, that's. That's actually insane.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah. I don't even know what to say.

[Neon]

Yeah, that's why, that's why I need security. But like, it's. I mean, even when I walk out in public off stream, I still have security. It's just, it's. It's a lot. And I, like, I really do have a fear. Like, this world is so messed up and I've seen so much to where I don't even want to. Like, what one crazy person, one maniac can. Can ruin your life? Oh, no, I don't even want to take the risk.

[Bryce Crawford]

No, no, totally. I mean, we. I mean, we don't. We don't have someone with us all the time. Maybe like you do, but we have a team because we get threats all the time. I've had my address leaked. I get mail at my. Where I'm originally from.

[Neon]

Oh, wow.

[Bryce Crawford]

All this stuff. And yeah, we've had some crazy encounters. We've done like maybe a handful of streams. This was so dumb on me, but this was the. Chris. Chris warned me. So we were. We were gonna start streaming the stuff live because people thought our videos were fake. They thought we were faking, like the interactions with people.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

So I was like, oh, well, just like live stream it. And then we're chilling and we were going down because we were in Chicago. And I was like, oh, yeah, like what? He's like, do you want me to point the camera down? I was like, no, like, it's fine. And then literally you could see where we were staying in the background. And then people showed up, dude showed up, like, got inside the Building. It was like a. I don't know how to explain it. It was like an Airbnb, but like multiple townhomes, apartments and stuff. He, like, got inside and he was kind of like stalking us. Oh, my God. It was interesting.

[Neon]

But.

[Bryce Crawford]

But aside from that, that idiotic decision I made. I mean, aside from that, it was. I mean, we'll get threats too, but we. That. I think that's so fascinating. You're absolutely right. It just takes one person to make something go wrong.

[Neon]

Exactly. And I honestly, I'm thinking about getting a second guy now. I was just at rodeo and a bunch of people were taking pictures, whatever it is. I was walking my brother. I brought my little brother from Houston to la, just so you can have some fun. And it was like, there's a lot of people, probably like maybe like 10, 15 people that were just standing there waiting, whatever. And then a group of like a hundred kids pulled up, all but all like on in bikes. And they all started rushing. Like, not like in a bad way. Like they, like, they liked me. Yeah, but like that. I was so scared.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah.

[Neon]

I had one security guard. I was like, what about to happen? Like, if all these kids try to do something to me, we're cooked. What are we gonna do? So, yeah, I mean, security is like a big thing for me. I get. I get really, really paranoid. Extremely paranoid. Like, now I live in a. In a penthouse. I don't even live in a house. I can't do it anymore. Like, I need, like, layers of security. I just. I feel so unsafe no matter where I'm at.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay. And earlier. Earlier you were talking about how you came out to LA and then you started smoking weed.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

When. When did you stop smoking weed?

[Neon]

I would say, honestly, maybe like. Like six months.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, dude, that's great, though.

[Neon]

Well, yeah, but, yeah, I mean, that's. Even then I was like, slowly, slowly winding down. But it's just. Yeah, dude. It's crazy because when I smoke, it helps me. Like, I feel like I can't think through anything, like, properly when I'm sober. But when I was smoking, it was able to help me think through situations. Like, for example, like, if there's someone in my life that shouldn't have been in my life, and I was just like, in my head, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, this can't be true. Like, I need this person. When I would smoke and I would think I'd be like, what am I doing? Like, I. Like, I'm tripping. And then when I would get out of it, I'll just go back to normal. So that's like, one of the reasons too. I was smoking a lot. Just helping me, like, think through life because I was making so many mistakes. I was doing so many wrong things. But, yeah, I stopped. I can't do it. I just. It's. It's just so bad, bro. So.

[Bryce Crawford]

So let's talk about the decision making thing. Do you have a big friend group circle or do you have a small circle?

[Neon]

Very small circle. One problem I deal with too is I can't make decisions, like, for myself at all. Like, I asked for opinions, too many opinions. Like, I don't go. My gut. Sometimes I listen to what other people say. I mean, because, I mean, everyone around me knows what's best for me, but I feel like that's not. That's not the best I need to be able to. To make a decision for myself instead of asking for opinions, like, what do I do? What do I do?

[Bryce Crawford]

And are these people like, people that you've known for a while or new people?

[Neon]

Yeah, no, for a while. Like, I honestly, like, I just. I keep the same people around that I've known for years and years and years and years, and I always keep them next to me and close to me because they were with me before, you know, before a lot of this stuff came about. So, yeah, like, I mean, obviously I talk to new people and everything, but, like, my closest, closest guys are just people I've known for a while.

[Bryce Crawford]

So are you someone that gives trust and lets it be broken, or someone that, like, makes trust be built over time?

[Neon]

No, I don't trust people at all.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay. Yeah, that's the third option. Yeah, just don't trust them.

[Neon]

I'm always just so careful. I always keep one eye open. Like, people have such bad motives and people are just so messed up, bro. I just. So I just stay to myself. Like, I really try to just stay to myself and, like, be alone as much as I can because I just don't want to deal with any of that.

[Bryce Crawford]

Is that hard being alone a lot?

[Neon]

Yeah. Gets lonely. Yeah. I have a dog. So, like, she gives me company, but I'm barely, Like, I'm not home too much, so that sucks too.

[Bryce Crawford]

What kind of dog you got?

[Neon]

It's a little kavapoo.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay.

[Neon]

She's like a bougie dog. Yeah. You said bougie?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, I said.

[Neon]

Yeah, bro. Speaking of that, you know when you stream these people upcharge you. I got charged $7,500 for a $3,000 dog. We had no idea. It was in Vegas.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, where did you buy it? Off a breeder?

[Neon]

No, it was just. Is it a breeder? It was a place with a bunch of dogs. It was, like, a nice place with a bunch of dogs.

[Bryce Crawford]

I'll see. That's where you went wrong, bro. I bought both my pets off Craigslist.

[Neon]

Seriously?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah.

[Neon]

Craig, they're probably the best things ever.

[Bryce Crawford]

I mean, they're amazing. I got my dog Moses, who's incredible.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

We. We just got a cat the other day. His name's Michael.

[Neon]

I think he's shaking. I don't think he likes your dog.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, he doesn't like Moses, but I like Moses. Is. He's great. He's a go. He's a mini golden doodle.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

And then we have a cat now his name is Michael.

[Neon]

Oh, a cat.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah.

[Commercial Voice]

But.

[Bryce Crawford]

But. But we got them off Craigslist, and we got them pretty cheap.

[Neon]

How much?

[Bryce Crawford]

Our dog was 600 bucks.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

Like, isn't that a steel? And at the time, it was like, before we had done social media, and I had no money, and I was living with roommates, so we split him three ways.

[Neon]

Wait, but the roommates let you keep the dog?

[Bryce Crawford]

Well, I paid. I paid them off.

[Neon]

Oh. Oh, wow.

[Bryce Crawford]

So I gave them money back. So we each put in 200 to get our dog. Moses seems crazy. And then pay them off to keep the dog. Well, at the time, like, we got the dog, and then one of our. One of my roommates, who he's now married, too, but he. He just, like, stopped taking care of the dog, like, six months in, so I was like, okay. And he was kind of like, whatever. So I just went ahead and paid him money. And then the guys kind of decided that when I got married, I'd probably take the dogs. Then we got married, and then I'd paid. Paid my other roommate off.

[Neon]

Makes sense. So do you live with just you and your wife?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, now we do.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

But before, we had never lived together before we got married. Yeah, we waited, which was awesome. But. But, yeah, dude, we have a dog and a cat, and. Yeah, you'll have to see him sometime. They love you, bro. They love you. Especially Moses, bro. Moses would love you.

[Neon]

Is the dog aggressive?

[Bryce Crawford]

No, no, no, no. He's super sweet.

[Neon]

Okay. You're not lying, right?

[Bryce Crawford]

No, I'm not, bro. I would not lie to you.

[Neon]

I feel like you wouldn't lie. Like, you can't lie, dude.

[Bryce Crawford]

I know. I would probably. I would be lying. It is a sin, bro. And I would be hurting God's heart right now if I was lying to you. You would love Moses. Seriously.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, I would not lie to you. Do you like cats?

[Neon]

I had. I got a foreign Bengal, which is like a exotic, exotic, crazy cat.

[Bryce Crawford]

What happens?

[Neon]

$5,000 cat. I have my family watching the cat because it was just too much. This cat, like, jumps from corner to corner of your room at like 5am like, just. It's just the most obnoxious thing ever.

[Bryce Crawford]

So wait, why did you. Why did you get in the first place?

[Neon]

I don't know, but I was bored. I was like. I was like, you know what?

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Let's.

[Neon]

Let's do it. Okay, but now, like, my family.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, those are the ones that get really big, right?

[Neon]

I don't think they get too big, but they're like, they like, resemble. They have, like, the same mannerisms of dogs, kind of. But they're crazy.

[Bryce Crawford]

They're like, oh, I know which one that is. I'm thinking of the cats that get like, super big. You know what I'm talking about? Like, yeah, I thought that's. But I know which one you're talking about. That's interesting. And your parents, they live in the States now?

[Neon]

Yeah, my live in Houston. I was born and raised in Houston. They're still. They're still over there.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, dude, I like Houston. We went there for the first time and in the early spring or what

[Neon]

part of Houston do you remember?

[Bryce Crawford]

Downtown. We did an event. Like, we're on a live podcast tour. We did an event at a venue down there, but it was super fun. Dude, Houston was cool.

[Neon]

Yeah, Houston's cool. I mean, it's very low key. I was, like, very sheltered growing up, so I didn't even leave the house unless I went to school. So I didn't really see much. Like, I haven't even gone out to a club or anything in Houston. Do you go out at all?

[Bryce Crawford]

I've never been to a club before.

[Neon]

Seriously?

[Bryce Crawford]

Never been to a club.

[Neon]

That should be our stream. No kidding.

[Bryce Crawford]

Dude, if we show up to a club, I'd probably leave the stream. Dude, I'd just walk away. Yeah, dude, I'm not. I'm not a club guy. I'm not a party guy.

[Neon]

What about, like. Oh, but you don't drink. I was gonna say a bar.

[Bryce Crawford]

No, I mean, like, I. I've never had a drink before, but I'll, like. Like the other day when the Knicks game was still going.

[Neon]

Yeah?

[Bryce Crawford]

I, like, went like, over here to, like, a sushi spot and I, like, Sat at the bar to watch the game.

[Neon]

It's not the same. No, it's not like a, like a, like a full on bar, like a, where there's music going.

[Bryce Crawford]

No, no, that's not me.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

I'd go, I'd go with you to like a karaoke night though, somewhere that's like a, like a Saddle Ranch.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

You know.

[Neon]

Yes.

[Bryce Crawford]

Where it's like a little in between, you know, it's like a restaurant and stuff. Like I would go there and hang out. But yeah, I'm not really like a bar go, wholesome party go or. Well, I, I, my vices were other things than drugs and alcohol. So I had some other struggles. But maybe, maybe it seems.

[Neon]

What do, what do you struggle with?

[Bryce Crawford]

Well, currently right now I struggle with, like I struggle with, I've always struggled with people pleasing. Like I care so much with what people think. So I've asked you how you deal with hate comments because sometimes it hurts me, sometimes it doesn't bother me. I struggle with trusting people. I struggle a lot with that. I also struggle with like how I see myself, like when I look at myself in the mirror. I struggle with like the way I view myself and I don't know, just positively seeing myself the way that I believe God sees me. I really struggle with that. But in terms to like vices, dude, I haven't really struggled with vices in forever. So before, before I was a Christian. I became a Christian when I was 17.

[Neon]

Oh, you weren't born Christian?

[Bryce Crawford]

Well, I mean, I grew up, I grew up in going to church and I went to a private Christian school.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

But like I, there would be a lot of people where I was from that would tell me how to live my life one way. But then they were doing the total opposite of what they were telling me to do. So I had a problem with it. And I was like, if that's what Jesus is, like, I don't want it. And then I would see a lot of hypocrisy. There was like a church in my hometown where the pastor like cheated on his wife and stole money and ran. And I'm like, that's a mouthpiece for God. And then you did that. Like, I don't want anything to do with that. And then when I got to the eighth grade, my granddad got pancreatic cancer. My parents were telling me that I needed to go to the hospital and like talk to him about Jesus because I went to private Christian school and that's what it was like. But I didn't really care about Jesus, so I didn't go. And he had passed away in the hospital. And so I blamed God for killing my grandfather. And so after that moment, I had already struggled a little bit with depression and anxiety, but I really spiraled into deep depression and anxiety. I battled with it every day and just how I saw myself, I was. I tried to find myself in sports and in other people. I didn't do drugs or alcohol, but I really struggled with, like, watching porn and, like, making bad decisions with girls and stuff like that, because I thought I was trying to figure out what love was, and I was looking for it in those avenues. And so from, like, eighth grade till I was 17, I just battled with the depression and anxiety. And then at 17, on Christmas Day, I was gonna take my life.

[Neon]

Oh, wow.

[Bryce Crawford]

Because I thought it was the only way to get the depression and anxiety to go away. And then I was gonna take my life, dude. No one preached to me. No one said anything to me about Jesus. I had a supernatural encounter with Jesus stopped me from taking my life.

[Neon]

Wow.

[Bryce Crawford]

And so that's when I prayed to Jesus, and I said, okay, if you're real, take away my anxiety and depression, because this is why I want to die. And I haven't had it since that day. It's been over five years.

[Neon]

That's crazy.

[Bryce Crawford]

So that was, like, my foot in the door with, like, actually following Jesus. Because there's, like, a lot of people that say that they're, you know, they're Christian, but then if you look at the fruit of their life, you might be like, you probably don't really mean what you say you mean.

[Neon]

I mean, it's in all religions.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, that happens everywhere. Not just Christianity, but you get that. So for me, that was, like, the turning point where I was like, I want to make everything I do about Jesus. I want to glorify him with everything that I do, because I really believe he's the one that saved my life. And I had that moment. And so that's where that's when I started. That's why I started talking about Jesus online, because I felt like I had found the antidote to my problems and, you know, you know, mistakes that you've made, no one else knows. I know mistakes I made that no one else knows. So I felt like if Jesus could do it for me, he could do it for literally anyone, because I definitely felt like the most broken human being on the planet. So that was kind of where that started for me. But I struggled with all that stuff before I was a believer. But when I started following Jesus, I had stopped watching porn, but I still struggled with turning back to girls. Sometimes when I. When I would, like, I was starting to follow Jesus, and then I would go through something at home, or I was starting to follow Jesus, or I would get hit with this hardship or something would creep up on me, and that took a while for me to get out of. And then, you know, moved out to la, started chasing Jesus really hard. And then I met my wife out here, and it was beautiful.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Bryce Crawford]

Let's go.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Neon]

How did you meet your wife? Because I feel like in today's day and age, it's so hard to find the right girl. Like, especially with everything I'm around, it's very tough.

[Bryce Crawford]

Well, I actually knew my wife, so. My wife's from Georgia, too.

[Neon]

Oh, same town?

[Bryce Crawford]

Town next door. But she went to a really big public school.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

And I went to a small private Christian school. And she was really beautiful and popular, and I was not beautiful and popular. So, like, we knew where the pretty girls went to school. And so, like, I just, like, kind of knew who she was, but didn't, you know, she didn't know who I was. So then I moved out to la. One of my old roommates used to run a Bible study out here. I'd been out in LA for over a year, about a year and a half. And then one day, she shows up to the Bible study at my apartment. I start freaking out on the inside because I'm like, this girl I've always thought was beautiful from afar was in my apartment right now for a Bible study. And introduced myself to her. And then we just. That's where we. That's where we met. That's where we hit it off. But I gave it some time. So we met November 1st, but I waited till, like, late January to officially ask her out. And we hung out in a lot of group settings because I wanted to know what she was like around other people. I wanted to know her heart. I also didn't know if she was Christian because I wanted her to be a Christian, because if she's not Christian, then we're going to butt heads on some stuff. And so I had to see if she loved Jesus and what that looked like. And she far exceeded any expectations or assumptions that I had. So I think all that helped. But mainly I would say, dude, honestly, having the Bible as a source to gauge not just someone else, not like me using the Bible and looking at you and going, oh, man, neon, you're such a.

[Neon]

This.

[Bryce Crawford]

Or, oh, you're doing good at this. I just mean in general, like, the Bible is such a good gauge for me to know where someone's heart is at with Jesus, you know? And then I can go, okay, wow. Like, I'm looking at what you're doing here. And I have flaws, too. Like, I make mistakes. So, you know, it's nice to have someone that can sharpen you and challenge you. And my wife, she keeps it real. She don't hold back. So sometimes. Sometimes it stings, but it's good. So that's how we met.

[Neon]

Where were you at when you proposed? Like, what was it setting?

[Bryce Crawford]

I did it in Malibu. I rented an Airbnb that had a backyard, and it, like, overlooked the ocean.

[Neon]

That's sick.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, dude, it was.

[Neon]

It was super co. And when was this?

[Bryce Crawford]

I got engaged late October. Mid. Late October.

[Neon]

Wow. And you're 22?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, bro.

[Neon]

I tell, like, when I'm on stream, I'm like, I tell my people I want to get married early, and they're like, no, you're tripping. But I feel like I'm on young.

[Bryce Crawford]

Marriage is lit, bro.

[Neon]

Yeah, right?

[Bryce Crawford]

It's lit. Yeah. Commitment is epic. Being committed to someone making a covenant with someone. It's awesome. Wait, how old are you?

[Neon]

21.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, okay, cool. Wait, when's your birthday?

[Neon]

August 13th.

[Bryce Crawford]

Oh, is it 2004?

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay. Do you feel like people born in June shouldn't have a birthday?

[Neon]

What? Wait, hold on. What month are we in right now?

[Bryce Crawford]

June.

[Neon]

Oh, I mean, are one of y' all born in June?

[Bryce Crawford]

Are you born in June? Okay, good. All right. Do you think anyone born in June should.

[Neon]

Nah, it's so random. Why would you think that?

[Bryce Crawford]

I don't know. I just don't know anyone that has a birthday in June.

[Neon]

In June?

[Bryce Crawford]

Like, do you know anyone that has a birthday in June?

[Neon]

Damn. Like, they're watching and there's going to be a June birthday, and they're going to be like, wow, this guy's a piece of. I'm sorry.

[Bryce Crawford]

If you have a June birthday, if

[Neon]

you're born in June, you don't matter. No, I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. No, I've never heard of a June birthday.

[Bryce Crawford]

I've never heard of June birthday. It just kind of made me think.

[Neon]

May. No, no, not May. June, July. No, I have not.

[Bryce Crawford]

I know, right? I always. I always hear a lot of people have birthdays in, like, August, October. I know a lot of people with October birthdays. I know a lot of people. November birthdays. I know a lot of people with January birthdays, but nothing in June.

[Neon]

Question. Do. Do you believe in, like, signs and stuff? Do Christians believe in that? Like, like zodiac sign?

[Bryce Crawford]

No.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

No, no. Yeah, we don't believe in that.

[Neon]

I don't believe in that either.

[Bryce Crawford]

You're like, okay, cool.

[Commercial Voice]

Yeah.

[Neon]

I'm just trying to understand.

[Bryce Crawford]

Do you feel like you're in life?

[Neon]

Meaning, like. Like I can make my own decision. Like, I can.

[Bryce Crawford]

In every aspect of your life. Like, do you feel like you're in control?

[Neon]

Yeah, not really. I feel like my work has a control of my life. Like something that I can't. Like, yeah, I can't control it. Like, I can't control, like, me. Like I have to stream. Like, I have to do this, I have to travel. I have to do that. I don't. I feel like I don't have the control to. And I can't. I don't have the. The power in me to even say no. Like, if I have a good stream, I have to do it.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

It.

[Neon]

I can't take breaks. Like, in. In the streaming world, one week is like two months because it moves like this. It moves so fast. So I just. Yeah, I. Damn. I. Yeah, I don't think I. Yeah. No.

[Bryce Crawford]

Does that scare you?

[Neon]

Like I said, I just try not to think about it, but now I got to think about it. Thank you, bro. Thanks, man. Oh, no, I'm kidding. Yeah, dude, it's.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

It's.

[Neon]

It's. Yeah, it's really unhealthy. It's not good. And a lot of people don't, like, see this side and they think, like, oh, this guy's just over here streaming, meeting these people, going viral, whatever, making money. But, like, there's a lot that, like, it takes a toll on you. It really does. And, like, you're a human, I'm here. We're all humans. Like, we all, no matter what we're doing in life, no matter, like, Lebron James is a human. Like, we're all the same. So we all deal with the same problems.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah. Do you. Do you feel like what you're doing right now fulfills you?

[Neon]

That's what I was having this conversation recently, actually. Like, I don't think I've ever in life, as of right now, like, truly been, like, fulfilled, like, to where I feel, like, at peace. Like, no matter. And I always thought what would make me fulfilled was, like, views. Like, when I go. When I'm become one of the biggest streamers, when I make this money, I'm gonna feel, like, so happy and, like, it's cool, like, it's fun. Like, yeah, like, I got what I wanted, but, like, true fulfillment and feeling at peace. Like, nah, it hasn't given me that.

[Bryce Crawford]

Do you want the true fulfillment and peace?

[Neon]

I just don't know. Like, I mean. I mean, that's where I have to go to God, obviously. And I used to be, like, really, like, religious, to be honest. Like, but back at home, and I really feel like this is one of the reasons why I'm here. Where I'm at today is, like, I literally would sit down and I would, like, cry and pray, and I'm like, God, please. Like, this is all I ever want. Like, all I want in life is to become one of the biggest streamers. Like, please, please, please. I would do it every single day. And then. Right. Did it left home, like, achieved what I wanted to achieve, and then just stop praying.

[Bryce Crawford]

Wow.

[Neon]

Yeah. Like, I just stopped. Like, I feel like I still struggle with this. Like, there's so many distractions. There's so much wrong things around me. There's so much stuff I have to deal with. And, like, there's some stuff I don't want to, like, put on stream. And, like, I. I do. I still deal with that. Like, for example, like, there was an era when I was putting a bunch of only fans girls on stream, which I, like, completely don't agree with. Like, I. I don't agree with only fans. I don't like any of that stuff at all. I think it's disgusting. But I just, I. I had to do stuff that I didn't want to do. And I, I stopped praying and I got in like a deep hole.

[Bryce Crawford]

Let me ask you a little bit about that. You said you used to be deep in your religion, you're ethically and religiously Muslim. And then now where are you at with just faith, religion in general?

[Neon]

I mean, like I obviously believe in God. I do believe in Islam. Like I am a Muslim, but I just, I like stepped away from like all the prayers and stuff. Like for us we're supposed to pray five times a day. Like I haven't been praying much at all, which is, is disgusting. Like, it's terrible. And my mom, like, my mom is really religious. My dad, he's religious too. Like he, he like volunteers at the mosque every week. My mom, on top of everything, my little brother is even, even religious. I went to Sunday school for like six years. So I, like, I was born the right way, my parents did what they could, but I just. All this stuff is a, it's a lot and it, it's so easy to get off the right track and like there's no excuses. Honestly. Like it's, it's in me and I gotta find it within me and I'm gonna find it. But like I do believe in God and I do thank go. But I just need to get back on what I was doing before.

[Bryce Crawford]

Dude, that fulfillment and peace question is what rightfully jacked me up before I wanted to take my life. Cause I went to the private Christian school, so we had to take a Bible class every year. And my junior year our Bible class was. It was like a world religions class. So the teacher would teach you why the other religions contradicted Christianity or whatever. But then I would go home and research those religions wondering if they would work for me. And I was like looking into everything, bro. And then all these self help books and I couldn't figure out what was working. And I finally got to a place where I was like, if I've got a broken heart and we live in a broken world and I can't even fix my broken heart here, then there's no way I could work my way to perfection. Like there's no way I could build my way up to heaven or work my way up to heaven. And you know, I think for me that's why Jesus is so attractive. Actually one of the names the Bible gives Jesus is the Prince of Peace. Literally, that's like a name that they give him. But, but the Christian perspective of Jesus would say instead of me doing good because I have to get to heaven, it's I do good because of what Jesus has already done. Meaning, like, he's already paid the price. What he did on the cross is righteous and justified and wiped my slate clean, as if I've never done anything wrong. So that healed my broken heart. And that peace right there, knowing that he did the work for me, that's where I get my fulfillment now. And so it doesn't matter what goes on out here or, you know, I mean, we always want everyone to have a, you know, a fun time, even off camera, hanging out and stuff like that. But, you know, if you were just like, man, like Bryce, you know, you're cool, but, like, you're just not my kind of guy like that, you know, I'm like, God bless you. But in my heart I'm content. Because what Jesus did, you know what I mean? Or what happens if I have a hard week or if I lose a friend or if something's going on in my marriage or, you know, something over here. It's like I have this phone. Fulfillment and contentment. My. I remember my sophomore year, I had a Bible teacher, and he's like the closest person to a saint I think I've ever met in my life. He asked this question, and I've never forgot it. He said, where do you find your satisfaction, your significance, and what gives you security? And when I ask myself that question, I try to remind myself that a lot. Because if I'm in a place now where I try to find my security in something other than Jesus, that. And it's off. Because then if I try to find my security and, like, I don't know, I'm just gonna say money, for example. Well, if I die, that's not gonna help me. You know what I mean? You know? Or if I try to get satisfied by what you think about me. Well, you know, I love you, but, you know, I could change my opinion about you. You could change your opinion about me? Well, that's like a bad way to gauge if I'm satisfied. Because people can change their minds about each other. And so that's why I've really been attracted to Jesus. Because the Bible would say he doesn't change his mind about me. He's the prince of peace. He's satisfied my soul, all of these things. And that has given me this sense of, like, purpose, desire, fulfillment, satisfaction, all of the above. Which that's just been a fun journey to be on, you know?

[Neon]

That's cool.

[Bryce Crawford]

Have you ever been to church?

[Neon]

Yeah, I have been.

[Bryce Crawford]

What was that?

[Neon]

Like, I have been I was, I was in a two year relationship with someone who's Christian. Now she's on like a very good path and she's, you know, streaming, talking about God and everything. It's great. But she was getting baptized. So the, the backstory of that. She was. When I first met her, I met her at this house she was on only fans doing all this stuff. Whatever. We met each other and we, I mean, we went on a whole journey together. Whatever it is. She quit and then we broke off. Like, damn. When was this? August. And I just, she's, she's on like a very, very good, very good path. But yeah, I went to, I went to church with her for that and it was, it was cool. I mean, everyone seems very connected. Everyone seems very like, like they really do believe everything they see. And it was, it was a good experience for sure. And I don't, as a Muslim, I don't think there's anything wrong with going to church. Like, like seeing it, like seeing different religions. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, dude, I've been, I mean, I've been to mosque a few times. I've sat, I've sat in there and had discussions with my mom and stuff like that. Even one, like 15 minutes from here and stuff like that. And dude, I love, I love talking with Muslims because, you know, one thing that I respect about Muslims is that they pray a lot more than some Christians do. They fast a lot more than some Christians do. They give a lot more than some Christians do. So I have a lot of respect for that because it challenges me. And they know a lot of like the Old Testament, you know, like, if you try to go bar for bar on like stuff with them, they know a lot of Old Testament. So, like, it challenges you to read your Bible more. Yeah, so that, that's always fun.

[Neon]

Do you have the Bible memories memorized?

[Bryce Crawford]

No, I do not have the Bible memorized, but in my.

[Neon]

Because the Bible's huge. Is it bigger than the Quran?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah, it's way bigger than the Quran.

[Neon]

So do people, do people memorize the Bible?

[Bryce Crawford]

I know a guy, like, I know a guy from my old church when I grew up where he memorized the whole Gospel of Luke or Matthew, which is like 28 chapters. He memorized the whole thing, which is a lot. We had to, like in high school, we had to memorize an entire chapter of the book of Romans, which was a lot. But yeah, I feel like that there's people out there that do that, but I have never gotten that Far. I know, like, sections or verses, but I don't know.

[Neon]

Like, what's your favorite verse?

[Bryce Crawford]

Psalm 25, verse 14. It says, the friendship of God is for those who fear him.

[Neon]

Can you explain that?

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah. So, like, the fear of the Lord in the Bible is not like me hiding and shaking in fear. The fear of the Lord is like a reverent respect for someone. It's like my dad or your dad. You don't listen to your dad because you have to. You do it because you want to, because you love him. Like, you have a reverence for your dad. You have a respect. Like, you love him, but you respect him. So it's like that fear of the Lord where if I want to become friends with God, then I'm going to have this reverent respect, where, yeah, we're friends, but you're also my Lord. So whatever you say, I'm trusting your way is better. I'm trusting what you have in store for me is better than what I think. Things like that makes sense. So what do you think happens when we die?

[Neon]

It's crazy. I was just gonna tell you this. I'm afraid of death.

[Bryce Crawford]

Why?

[Neon]

I'm so scared. And I need to do more research. I need to, like, tap more into my religion, obviously, because that. Everything's written, right? Like what? Like, what's gonna happen after death? All this stuff, which would make me not scared. But, yeah, I have, like, that real fear. Like, I like, and I think every day, like, what's the point of me doing all this stuff, like, grinding, working my butt off, like, doing all this if I'm just gonna. It's called. It's just like this. Like, all the money you make, none of it matters. You're gonna. You're gonna lose it, like, within one second. So that's why, like, that's something I struggle with too. Like, what. What's. What's the purpose? Like, what's the reason for all this?

[Bryce Crawford]

And do you think it would. So right now, do you think it, like, goes all black, or you just like.

[Neon]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I believe in heaven and hell for sure.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay.

[Neon]

Yeah. It's just. I just. It just scares me. Like, it really scares me, and it's scary.

[Bryce Crawford]

Okay, so then let me ask you this. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being absolutely certain, 1 being not certain at all, how confident are you that you would go to heaven?

[Neon]

Maybe like a seven. Like eight. Eight.

[Bryce Crawford]

And why is that?

[Neon]

I mean, I think I'm a good person. Okay. I think I Think I do. I do the right things, but at the same time, like, and I take it back, not eight or seven, because this. Because of this main thing. Think, like, all my sins, everything I do wrong. From what I've heard and from, like, what I've been told, whatever is. Is multiplied because of the people that see it. Like, the people I. If I'm showing wrong something wrong, for example, like, I don't know if I could say, like, a girl twerking, like, and, like, with, like, with her out and everyone's looking at it. You know, stuff like that. And there's everyone. There's just like that, like, tens of thousands of people looking at it. Or I'm just showing the wrong thing. Like, showing my sins, showing the wrong things is. Is I think that can really mess me up. And that's why I'm slowly trying to switch up my content to where I don't have to do that type of stuff.

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[Bryce Crawford]

Wait, so you feel like you're a seven?

[Neon]

Yeah, man. Dude, I don't know. Am I a seven? Maybe a six? I don't know, dude. Like, I hate thinking about stuff. Like, I just need to lock in. Like, and I keep telling myself I need to lock in, and I'm, like, slowly locking in, but it's. Yeah, okay. What would you think your number is? I think, bro, you're good, bro. You're chilling. Like, you're so good, bro. Like, you'll switch lives, bro.

[Bryce Crawford]

I mean, I think I'm a 10, but not because I think I'm a good person. It's just what I believe about Jesus. That's why I think I'm a 10. Because again, the Christian perspective is not how. How much good I can do.

[Neon]

Okay, Right? That's.

[Bryce Crawford]

That's like, actually what it's not about. It's. It's about what Jesus has done. Because we believe, from the Christian perspective, we obviously believe that Jesus is God, but we believe he lived a perfect life. So whereas, like, you and I have never lived perfect life, but he did. So you and I, we've done wrong. The same way a murderer deserves to go to jail. We deserve to be punished for our wrongdoing. You believe in heaven and hell? Yeah, whereas I just did the six, seven. But, like, you know what I mean, then. Whereas Jesus has done nothing wrong, but he took one of the most gruesome deaths recorded in human history. And the Bible says for the joy set before Jesus, he endured the cross. So my immediate question is, okay, if someone is innocent, has never done anything wrong and lived a perfect life, why would they die the most gruesome death that they didn't deserve if that's true? Because in my mind, that doesn't make sense. Like, if I get accused of doing something wrong, I'm the first person that's like, pull up the text messages, pull up the receipts. I did not say that. I didn't do that. Why didn't he do that? And the Bible says it's because he was thinking about me and you. That the whole reason that Jesus was willing to die on the cross and resurrect is because he loves us so much that he wanted to do whatever it took to have relationship with us. So now the choice is ours. It's like, if we put faith and trust that what Jesus did on the cross was enough to forgive our sins, then we have eternity with him. And then if we don't put faith and trust in that, it breaks God's heart. But he respects our choice because he doesn't force everyone to believe in him. It breaks God's heart, but he respects our choice, and we spend eternity separate from Him. But that's like, that's. That's literally my favorite thing about Jesus because I tried so hard to work, do whatever I could to just fix my depression and anxiety, and it didn't work. And then the second I surrendered and let Jesus deal with it, that's where I saw the change. And for some people, he doesn't take away their anxiety and depression. There's things that Jesus didn't immediately take out of my life, and that's okay, but the things that he didn't take out of my life keep me dependent on him. And the things that he did take out of my life keep me praising him because I'm so grateful that he took it out of my life, you know, But I'm definitely don't think I'm a 10 because I think I'm like a good, moral person. No, no. I want to clear that in Christianity

[Neon]

like, if you're a believer, like, if you believe, then you go to heaven.

[Bryce Crawford]

Yeah. You're putting faith in what Jesus did on the cross.

[Neon]

Okay.

[Bryce Crawford]

His death and resurrection. Because even the Bible says even the demons believe, right? So then my, my question is, like, what would make me and you different than the demons? Like, what makes us different? Well, there's a lot of things that make us different than the demons. But I don't want to just be someone like we talked about earlier. I don't want to be a hypocrite, you know, I don't want to look at you in the face and be like, oh, yeah, bro, I love Jesus. And then, like, we get off camera and I'm like, getting drunk and cussing up a storm and like, you know, I'm like, acting like I'm not married.

[Neon]

Yeah.

[Bryce Crawford]

You know, then I'm. I don't want to do that. So there's like, you know, there's an aspect of like, what's the fruit on my tree? What fruit do I have on my tree? You know, am I bearing good fruit? The Bible talks about the fruits of the spirit and then the fruits of the flesh. And I want to be someone that bears good fruit, you know, and the Bible says that let our good works be shown before men, so it gives glory to our Father who's in heaven. Which is. Which is incredible.

[Neon]

Do you believe, like, demons could be inside of people?

[Bryce Crawford]

I think that people possess people. I think I believe in demon possession, but I personally don't think demons can possess Christians. Does that make sense? Like, I don't think Christians can be possessed. I think that anyone, whether Christian or not, can be oppressed, meaning, like, attacked by demons.

[Neon]

What if, like, you're Christian, but you're not like a, like a firm believer, like, you're not really religious, do you think?

[Bryce Crawford]

Well, I guess it's like, how do you. It's like, how do you define a believer? Right? Because when we look at the narrative of scripture, when Jesus is on the cross before he's dying, he's got two criminals next to him on the cross, okay? And one criminal is like, if you were really the Messiah, you would get us off the cross. And then the other criminal is like, oh, this dude's really the Messiah. Like, I've done a lot of messed up stuff, so just remember me when you get to paradise. And Jesus looks at that guy and he's like, you'll be with me. That guy didn't believe in him for maybe like 30 minutes. And then they both died. You know what I mean? Whereas, like, you and I have lived so much more longer and I've been following Jesus for five plus years. So there's an aspect of is it time that makes someone a believer? No. The Bible says, and you would know this too, as a Muslim, like, God looks at the heart. He's going to look at the heart and see the heart. I've got a bunch of tattoos and stuff, but God's looking at my heart, he's seeing my heart posture. Do I actually sincerely love him with my heart? And so the question is not, are you religious enough? Have you done enough stuff for him? It's like, the reason why I go to church and I read my Bible and I do these things. It's all out of an open overflow of loving Jesus. Like, it's all because I love him. Like, I read my Bible because I want to know him more. I go to church because I want to know him more. And I want to surround myself with more believers. And I talk to people on the street about Jesus because I love God. And I. We're talking about Jesus right now because, man, I love him and I want you to know Him. And so, you know, it's like that kind of vibe. It's all out of, like, an overflow of love. If that makes sense. Yeah, it is. Care if I pray for you before we leave?

[Neon]

I would love that.

[Bryce Crawford]

All right, let's do it.

[Commercial Voice]

It.

[Bryce Crawford]

Jesus, thank you so much for today. God, thank you for neon. Thank you for our time getting to hang out together. God, would you just be with us, guide us and protect us? Lord, would you just continue to reach Neon and speak to him? God, give him rest. Give him vision. Give him clarity. Give him peace. Lord, we love you so much. In Jesus name, amen.

[Neon]

Amen.