Dr. Josh and Christi Straub - Help Kids Discover Their Identity

Summary

The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast: Dr. Josh and Christi Straub - Help Kids Discover Their Identity

Release Date: January 23, 2025
Host: Candace Cameron Bure
Guests: Dr. Josh Straub, Christi Straub, and Max Bure
Theme: Becoming Better Parents by Helping Kids Discover Their Identity

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Introduction and Setting the Stage

Candace Cameron Bure opens the episode by likening life to a rollercoaster, emphasizing the importance of shared experiences during both good and challenging times. She introduces the episode's focus on parental guidance in helping children discover their identities, featuring experts Dr. Josh Straub and Christi Straub, along with her son, Max Bure.

"[00:26] Candace Cameron Bure: Life is like a rollercoaster, but it's better when we go through it together."

---

Max Bure's Early Experiences and Identity Formation

Max shares his childhood experience of moving schools and feeling isolated, highlighting a pivotal moment when a friend named Charlie chose to sit with him, significantly impacting his life.

"[00:00] Max Bure: I moved schools and I ate lunch by myself for the whole year... he would come and he'd be like, all right, I'll come sit with you. That has stuck with me for such a long time because that made my life."

Candace introduces Max as a vital part of this conversation, appreciating his presence and openness.

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Exploring Identity Beyond Hockey

Dr. Josh Straub delves into the concept of identity beyond one's profession or activities. He explains that many people, especially children, often tie their self-worth to what they do, what they have, or others' perceptions.

"[02:15] Josh Straub: If we don't know who we are, we tend to find our identity in three places... what's your assignment. That's not who we are."

Max discusses his childhood aspirations, revealing a desire to explore various roles before settling into his passion for hockey. He reflects on how this focus shaped his early identity but acknowledges the complexities it introduced.

"[03:30] Max Bure: I wanted to do everything... my biggest dream was playing in the National Hockey League."

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Challenges of Athlete Identity and Transitioning

The conversation shifts to the pressures associated with being an athlete. Max shares his struggles with the harsh culture of hockey, the physical demands, and the emotional toll of balancing sport with personal identity.

"[04:22] Max Bure: It's just a tough world... and yet as a believer to navigate that."

Dr. Straub emphasizes the importance of helping children understand their unique identities as creations of God, distinct from their assignments or careers.

"[06:04] Josh Straub: There's an identity that we're given, I think, by God, that is unique to us to carry out our purpose in this world."

Max reveals his inner conflict as he questions his passion for hockey versus his authentic self, leading to a pivotal moment of self-reflection.

"[07:34] Max Bure: From then out, I was always searching in my identity with Christ... it's always a struggle."

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Integrating Faith into Identity

The discussion deepens into the role of faith in shaping one's identity. Max shares his journey from presenting himself as a devout Christian outwardly to grappling with a genuine internal relationship with God.

"[16:03] Max Bure: ...how do you act? What are you looking at? So from then on out, I just was always searching in my identity with Christ."

Christi Straub introduces practical approaches to discovering one's identity through prayer, inspired by Jamie Winship's "Living Fearless." She shares her personal experiences of hearing God's voice and how it has guided her life purpose.

"[26:28] Josh Straub: It's like your father saying these things about you, your heavenly father saying these things about you."

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Spreading Joy and Building Relationships

Max discusses his natural inclination to bring joy into others' lives, connecting this trait to his faith. He recounts past experiences where his empathy and kindness made a positive impact on those around him.

"[29:30] Max Bure: I think what's fun to me and exciting... introduce something better for their life."

Dr. Straub and Christi Straub highlight the significance of authentic relationships in embodying one's faith and identity.

"[35:05] Christy Straub: Everything has come back to people. And I think what's so interesting about identity... it's for me to..."

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Listener Questions: Navigating Parental Guilt and Communication

The episode transitions to listener questions, addressing common parental concerns:

1. Parental Guilt Over Work and Time Spent with Children

   A listener expresses feelings of failure due to the stress of providing for her children through shift work, despite her sons' faith and church involvement. Christy Straub addresses this by identifying the spirit of shame and encouraging the listener to focus on gratitude and rebuking negative thoughts.

   "[54:01] Christy Straub: I just hear the shame. Like, this is like a spirit of shame almost."

   Candace and Josh emphasize rebuking shame and celebrating the positive aspects of the listener's parenting.

2. Wishing for Better Communication with Parents

   Another listener asks what Max wishes his mother had known about parenting him as a young adult. Max responds with humility, appreciating his parents' efforts while expressing a desire for more attentive listening and quality time.

   "[56:07] Max Bure: I don't know. I never feel like I'm qualified. I don't think I'm qualified to answer..."

   Candace acknowledges and affirms Max's feelings, stating ongoing efforts to improve family communication.

   "[56:45] Candace Cameron Bure: ...we interrupt a lot, we talk over..."

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Conclusion: Embracing the Journey of Identity

Candace wraps up the episode by highlighting the continuous journey of discovering one's identity and the importance of supporting children through this process. She encourages parents to utilize resources like the "Healthy Home Guide" and invites listeners to engage with the show's community.

"[59:20] Josh Straub: ...you sit right here, looking for that..."

Max shares his enthusiasm for new experiences and his faith-driven motivation to bring joy and spiritual growth to others.

"[50:02] Max Bure: ...introduce something better for their life, that excites me."

Candace ends with a heartfelt thank you to the guests and listeners, reinforcing the podcast's mission of fostering intentional, faith-driven conversations about life and parenting.

"[60:03] Candace Cameron Bure: If these conversations with Josh and Christy are changing your life, click the like button and give it a thumbs up."

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Key Takeaways

• Identity Beyond Professions: Understanding that true identity is rooted in being a child of God, not solely in one's career or roles.
• Authentic Relationships: Building genuine connections based on empathy, joy, and mutual respect enhances personal and spiritual growth.
• Faith Integration: Actively seeking and nurturing a personal relationship with God is crucial in defining one's purpose and navigating life's challenges.
• Parental Support: Providing a supportive environment that listens and validates children's experiences fosters their journey in self-discovery.
• Continuous Growth: Identity is an ongoing journey that evolves with experiences, faith, and self-reflection.

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Notable Quotes

• Max Bure [00:00]: "There’s this one of my friends named Charlie, he would come and he would be like, all right, I'll come sit with you. That has stuck with me for such a long time because that made my life."

• Josh Straub [02:15]: "If we don't know who we are, we tend to find our identity in three places... what's your assignment. That's not who we are."

• Candace Cameron Bure [21:11]: "When we come to know Jesus, we now get to partner with him in making all things new."

• Christi Straub [37:08]: "There's something about when the one who created you tells you who you are. It’s like, oh, okay."

• Max Bure [50:02]: "Feeling the presence of God... genuine excitement in the weird times... introduce something better for their life."

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This episode of The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast offers profound insights into the journey of helping children discover their identities anchored in faith, the complexities of transitioning from defined roles, and the enduring impact of authentic relationships. Through candid conversations and personal anecdotes, the Straubs and Max provide valuable guidance for parents striving to nurture their children's sense of self and purpose.

Transcript

[Max Bure]

I moved schools and I ate lunch by myself for the whole year, whatever it was. One of my friends named Charlie, he would come and I would. Sometimes I would beg him and be like, please just come sit with me. Come sit with my teacher's gonna have lunch with me. And he would. He would come and he'd be like, all right, I'll come. I'll come sit with you. That has stuck with me for such a long time because that made my. Made my year, made my life. And I still think about it today.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Life is like a rollercoaster, but it's better when we go through it together. Welcome to the can is Cameron Bure podcast. We're here to share conversations about life's challenges, celebrations, and everything in between. This season, we're learning about becoming better parents with Dr. Josh and Christy Straub. And our extra family guest today is my son, Max. Yay. Come join us. Hi, everyone. Max, welcome to the podcast.

[Max Bure]

Thank you very much. I'm glad to be here.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You're welcome.

[Max Bure]

Excited.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I'm sorry that my voice is cracking. I've lost my voice a little bit. So I know I sound funny, but.

[Christy Straub]

Just saying that off the top, talking.

[Josh Straub]

I do, too, and I'm feeling that way as well. I feel like I'm going through puberty here.

[Christy Straub]

It's okay. We'll just let Max talk.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Max, give us a. I'm okay with that.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I'm so excited that you're here. I. And Papa's been on the show, Natasha's been on the show, and now this is your turn, man. You get to say whatever.

[Max Bure]

Time to shine. Excited?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah. So Max is my baby. Just to let everyone know, and I will call you my baby for the rest of your life. Does it bother you when I call you my baby? Because even on Instagram, I'm like, my baby. And everyone's like, he must hate that.

[Max Bure]

No, I think it's. If you're not calling your baby, I think something would be wrong today.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Like, yeah. And Maxi, you're 22 years old.

[Max Bure]

I am.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay. All right, so we're just setting it up. I'm excited about the conversation today. We're going to be talking about helping kids discover their identity, discover who they are. Max, do you know who you are?

[Max Bure]

Great. Yes, I'm great.

[Josh Straub]

I'm great. In the eyes of God, I'm great. I love your personality. It's so fun. You know, if we don't know who we are, we tend to find our identity in three places. We either find it in what we do, we find it in what we have, or we find it in what we think other people think of us. And I think as we get to raise our children, we get to give them the gift of knowing that they're a son or a daughter of God. But there's something even deeper than that, that, you know, when you look at Peter, he was known as the Rock. James and John were sons of thunder. Right. Like, there's an identity that we're given, I think, by God, that is unique to us to carry out our purpose in this world. And for me, as a father, I think about man. How do I cultivate the environment to help my children find their identity? So that. Because the question often asked is, what do you want to be when you grow up? But yet, what do we want to be? Our doing, what we do is our assignment. That's not who we are. But in our Western culture, we tend to confuse what we do and our assignments with who we actually are. And so I'm going to throw it to you, Max, and I'm just going to ask, as a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

[Max Bure]

I wanted to do everything, Quite honestly, I want to be like a firefighter, policeman, playing. My biggest dream was playing the National Hockey League was my goal. Just growing up, that's all I did, was play hockey, and that was my life. But, yeah, I'm just someone who wants to try everything. Like right now, my first podcast I've ever done. So it's like there's always something new, and that's what I want to do. Just hit everything.

[Josh Straub]

I love it. Finding everything right now. So, yeah, let's go back. Let's keep going back, and then we'll come to where we are today. But as we go back into growing up in the bure home, you wanted to do everything. Did you try everything then, or did you kind of just stick to hockey? Was hockey kind of your thing, or. Or you and. And you're trying new things today?

[Max Bure]

Yeah, I think, you know, when you're little or you're much younger, you see the world much differently than you today. And of course, I'm like, yeah, I want to do everything differently. And then there was a point which subconsciously you make and, hey, hockey is what I want to do, and that's what you just gun for. So that was essentially my priority and what I chose out of everything. And with that, I really didn't venture out much. Like Lev and Natasha, I think, even played soccer, like basketball, they did track a Little bit here and there, but I was just. Just hockey.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Well, and. And I'm gonna set this up by saying that Val actually didn't want the boys playing hockey. And Val was in the NHL for. Yeah, for 10 SE.

[Max Bure]

10. 10 years.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

10 years. And he didn't want them playing. And it was Max. So the kids played. They played a little soccer, they played some golf. They played a lot of tennis. Val was really hoping for tennis.

[Josh Straub]

Can you just. Real quickly. He didn't want them to play because injuries. He didn't want to push his passion on them. What would you say was the.

[Max Bure]

It's just a tough world. Yeah, tough. I mean, aside from the sport in itself, of it being a such a brutal, physical sport, I think it is notorious for the nasty culture that it has. So, you know, experiencing that firsthand, it's tough, especially as a believer to navigate that when everything is. Everyone's telling you to do the opposite of what's good because it's simply fun. Or, hey, everyone's like, hard nose. Like, everyone's hitting each other, fighting each other every day. So you're meant to continue that outside.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, I think in a part. A lot of it was the physical and the mental. Not only stress, but damage that it's done to Val over his career and the amount of concussions that he's had. And I don't think he wanted that for our boys, and so he really didn't want them playing. But it was Max. And do you remember which birthday it was? When did you start playing? Six or seven?

[Max Bure]

I don't remember. I was six.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay, so Max was six or seven, and we were like, maxi, what do you want for your birthday? And he said, papa, all I want for my birthday is to play hockey. And just, like, looked at him, you know, with the big kitty cat eyes that were like. Like, just tearing up. And so Val was like, I can't say no if my kids really want to play that much. He's like, okay, Max, if you're going to play, then I'm going to coach you and I'm going to teach you to play the best. And then very soon, yeah, there's a.

[Max Bure]

Talk, hey, if we're doing this, we're going all the way.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Going all the way. And then Lev was like, well, I want to play, too. And that's how the boys started playing hockey.

[Christy Straub]

So that really came from within you, even at a very young age. Was it something you just. You loved? Is it because you saw your dad excel at it?

[Max Bure]

There's a mixture of everything. But, you know, it's what you're surrounded by.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Max Bure]

Through him. So it's what I saw and it's what I knew.

[Christy Straub]

Yeah.

[Max Bure]

Hey, why not go for that? It's fun. Yeah, it looks cool.

[Christy Straub]

Did it feel like you too?

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Christy Straub]

Okay.

[Max Bure]

No. 100. I. I think at the. The very beginning of my career, when I was young, I started playing hockey. I really loved it. But then that's when, you know, you get older. And even like today, the last couple seasons, I played for. Not to jump super ahead, but to jump ahead. It's, you know, at some point I had to ask myself, my doing this because I think people expect me to play, or is it because I genuinely enjoy being here at the end? It was. I just wasn't enjoying it as much as I used to. And loving it was more of a task to be completed every weekend. And hey, you go to practice, you work hard, pass the puck, whatever it is, try to score a goal if you could. And that's kind of what it became. So. But yeah, at the start it was like all for the love of the game. And I still love the game. It's just different.

[Christy Straub]

So I can ask a question there because like, even in that, as you know, we're talking about identity and it was something that, you know, you were interested in as a kid and you really followed through. I mean, obviously years of hard work. Was it conversation with your parents that brought to this? Like, I think like, I'm just not loving it as I was. Is this. Did it come from you? Who gave you that permission to end.

[Max Bure]

About ending it or. No, like not. Not me not wanting to play anymore?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

No, I don't think so. I think there was a. There was a gradual, I don't want to say fizzle out, but with other circumstances that led to this. It's not your season of life anymore.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Max Bure]

Um. Yeah, there was. I remember I. I actually lived in Minnesota for two years and I played at a school up there, which is so much fun. But you know, the day started at say the day we had to be there at 6:45 in the morning and then the last Practice ends at 5:30. So you don't get home till 6:15. You're out of the house 12 hours and it's just hockey and workouts and school was a priority. But you know, it's like we're there for a reason. We played 60 games in a season and you know, average club teams will usually play maybe between 20 to 30, maybe 40. And that's like, a lot. So we were playing 60, and that's well above average. Wow. I think my first year, I enjoyed it, and second year I was there. Yeah. I mean, it kind of just fizzled out.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I want to say that there were other pressures, and even with school and other things that were going on, even within friendships with the school itself, those all were determining factors. And then you're looking at the bigger picture. It's like, this isn't just about hockey. It's about.

[Josh Straub]

I would love for you. I would love for you to speak to that bigger picture, because you're going, I want to play hockey. This is what my dad did. But now you're really realizing, yeah, maybe this isn't me. What. Just give us. Take us into who Max is, Your identity, that bigger picture, the vision that you have for. Yeah. Where. Where you're headed. And then I want to take back. Take us back, and I want to draw from that. So let's start there first. Let's. Let's start where we are.

[Christy Straub]

And then. Because I don't know that we all like.

[Max Bure]

Of who I am.

[Christy Straub]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah. Who's Max? Tell us a little bit of who Max is.

[Max Bure]

Max. It's kind of It. I mean, there's. There's a lot to that, but, yeah, when people. It's. It's. You know, not to. Maybe this is a really bad reference I'm gonna make, but I've been working in the wine industry for close to a year now, and a lot of people come to me, hey, what do you think about this wine? How does it taste? Tell me the notes. And I'm like, I really, like, don't care to tell you. Just try the wine. And it's like. It's great. The same thing for me. Sometimes it's tough for me to explain, but, like, hey, I'm here. Like, I'm always up to hang around and have a good time. I love it. That's all I can say.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Max is like our happy guy.

[Christy Straub]

Totally.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

No matter what. Even when you were a kid, everyone would walk out of a room having met all three of you guys, and everyone would go, your kids are great, but Max, that smile, that joy on his face, like, fun, happy guy.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah. And you bring joy to a room.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

But I feel like, Max, and this is what we want to talk about, because I think that as your mom, like, I'm. I hope I'm still helping you discover your identity. And, you know, I don't know that as far as. Not just about what you do for a living. But, but your true identity. I think that we don't always understand that from the outcome or when we're young and we're still discovering. And I think you're at this great age. You're 22 years old, and you're like, hey, I'm still figuring out who I am.

[Christy Straub]

Right.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And who I belong to, who I, who I want to be, all of those things. And so I want to dive into this discussion to say, like, this might be inherently you and your character, and how can we. How can I, as a parent and papa, like, help nurture that? Where could we have maybe been better at it? And how do we continue to do that at the stage you're at in life today?

[Max Bure]

I'm definitely at the ripe age right now. And even just season of Life, where that's the big question I've been dealing with for the past just few. Few years. Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Max Bure]

So I had a talk with my parents about maybe it was a year ago or two years ago, but I graduated high school, I played for a semester at college, I played college hockey. I came back and, you know, my parents said, hey, you need to get a job. Or like, if you want to live at home, you got to get a job. You gotta do something. You can't just sit around, do nothing. So, of course I got a job. But they're like, okay, what do you want to do? And I don't know. I've been playing hockey for 15 years. How, like, what do you mean? Yeah, like, yeah, what do you want to do? I don't know. There's everything. Everything's on the horizon. And so the one thing, especially growing up with hockey is sports, is the identity. And that's what most people fall into, is, hey, if you play a great game, you're on top of the world. You're the man. And then if you're playing a bad game or you don't play well, then you're a loser. And that's the kind of way it typically works the majority of my life.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Max Bure]

So I don't have hockey at all. It's. It's down. It's like, hey, I don't have anything anymore. Who am I? I don't have hockey. I'm not with my friends because I've been out of LA for four years. And yeah, it's a tough. Definitely tough question to be answered. Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

And I would. I would love to separate it from the standpoint of you've got your, Your identity, your purpose, and your assignment. Right. And I think in culture, so often what we want to do is we want to say, okay, you know, what's your. That your identity becomes hockey. Your identity becomes your assignment. And it's like, if you don't know your assignment, then. And it's like, no, no, wait a second. Our assignment. When our assignment aligns with our identity, we're in our sweet spot. We're in our zone.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

And that's. You know, as parents, I want to make sure that I'm studying and becoming a student of my child's interests and goals. What their. What are their strengths? What are there interests? What are all those things so that I can come alongside and go, let me help you find what you do to align with who you are.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

And then it's like, oh, man, I can do whatever.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

What I heard you say, and this was awesome. I can do everything.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

It's like, you've got this joy to life that you want to try everything, you want to try on things. And, gosh, I look back at 22, and I'm like, I was in a similar boat. It's like, I. I had just gotten out of school. I went for criminal justice. I was going to be a state trooper, you know, and now here I am, we're sitting on a podcast and talking about identity. I would love for you to share a little bit about as you grew up, like, even your identity in Christ. Like, what does that look like? And how did your parents help. Help you cultivate that. That sense of. Because when you're in a room, when you walk into a room.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

You know, you're bringing something with you. It's like your mom said, when friends or people would leave, they go, I met all your kids. But Max, that smile, right?

[Max Bure]

It's like, yeah.

[Josh Straub]

When you're. When. When you're. Who you are in a room, what do you bring to a room?

[Max Bure]

Yeah. I think starting from a young age. Yeah. You know, my. I was blessed to be brought on with faith and teaching of the Word early on. And I think it's such an amazing thing these days that people overlook, because growing up, I would always be jealous of these people who had these crazy transformations. They had this big bang of, oh, this happened to me. And I wouldn't say it's a. A lie that people believe, but a lot of people think, hey, I need something radical to happen to me in order for me to, yeah, follow the teachings of Jesus or just read the Bible in general. And it's something that I was, hey, like, when's my big moment? When's it's going to happen? But luckily, yes, I was growing up in the. They taught us all in a Christian household. And it was, you know, Sunday school and, and. And going to church, which is wonderful. But at some point it's, hey, well, what is this? Am I about it? Am I living a real life? Because quite honestly, it's really easy for me. At least it's really easy to put on another face. It's not that difficult. It's just putting on a smile. And yeah, it would be really easy to put on the character of being the Christian kid at school, the Jesus freak at school, where I'd be, hey, I'm Christian. I don't do that. I'm better than you. And that was kind of the standpoint that I had for a lot of the time. And then evolving that then into high school, it was the same thing, except, hey, now I'm just a Christian athlete. So everything I do is. I remember I'd pray before every game, like, Jesus, like, if you're there, just let me score, like, two goals, please.

[Josh Straub]

Like, please, just let me do it.

[Max Bure]

Like, for your glory. And I'd be like, okay.

[Josh Straub]

If I.

[Max Bure]

Go to the NHL, like, I promise I'll be like, oh, all for you. That's kind of it. Uh, so, yeah, I think in that way, I put on a big enough face to convince myself to live a, you know, Christian, Christian life. Like, I never partied, wouldn't drink or do drugs. My life was pretty much hockey. And the word. As much as I believed I was getting into or would fake it. And I remember I. One day this girl asked me about a smoothie shop, and she goes, so she was a atheist. And we'd always kind of go back and forth, and she asked me questions, I asked her questions, and it would just be a good conversation. And one day she goes, well, what does it matter at the end of the day if you're right or I'm right? And it's so funny because I remember this so vividly of almost preaching to myself, like, I'm saying this. And also I come to this conclusion where I go, well, if you're right, we all, you know, go somewhere at the end, it doesn't matter, but it's poof. It's done. Like, who cares, Right? You're right, nothing. I lived a life that I've. I've enjoyed, and I thought, it's good you do it too, but it doesn't matter. And I go, but if I'm right, then, like, I was Like, I didn't say it this way. I said it nicer. But essentially I go, hey, you're going to hell and I'm going to heaven. And then it kind of made me take a step back and I go, well, am I living the life that gets me into heaven? Because it was. Again, it's. To go back to the two face. It's easy to present yourself as a Christian in person, but then all of a sudden, when you're in the room by yourself, like, what are you doing?

[Christy Straub]

Yeah.

[Max Bure]

You know, how do you act? What are you looking at? So from then on out, I just was always searching in my identity with Christ, and it's always a struggle. But, you know, from then I was like, hey, I need to put some urgency with this.

[Josh Straub]

How old were you when you were in the smoothie shop?

[Max Bure]

I was 17 or 18.

[Josh Straub]

Okay.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah. So then these last few years, so. So that, for you, was a moment of everything my parents have been teaching me, everything that I've. This community, this culture I've grown up in.

[Max Bure]

Mm.

[Josh Straub]

Now all of a sudden, it's, do I believe this thing?

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

If I believe it, then this. This is something that makes a difference in how I live my life.

[Max Bure]

Yeah. And it's again, like, it's so easy to know the answers to Bible questions because usually it's, hey, like, Jesus loves you. And it's easy. Like, I know all the. I know all the stories. It's what I was raised up being taught. So at some point it switched from, hey, this is just some answers to look good. No, it's, where do we go after we die?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, I. I love Max from you so much because your testimony is not unlike my testimony growing up. Because, again, getting introduced to Jesus at 12 years old and giving my life to him, but not actually living my life for him until I was 21 or 22. And I had to come to that realization point that it's like, not on my own goodness because I'm a good person. It's not because I know answers to Bible questions or because I could quote John 3:16, but, like, when did my relationship become real for me? And actually God and Jesus and being a daughter of God became my identity. And that happened in my early 20s. And, you know, I love the honesty that you have right now that you go, well, I actually was raised in a Christian household, and I know all the things, but I'm still figuring out and I'm still discovering, like, my relationship with God right now.

[Unknown]

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[Candace Cameron Bure]

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[Josh Straub]

Yeah, and I think it's a beautiful thing too to try on different professions and different I mean I had to do that. I mean I had to try on so many different things. I feel like I still am still trying to find I was literally just praying this the Other day, I. I prayed this identity prayer, which I would love to spend some time talking about with you is. There's a. A book by a guy named Jamie Winship, and he writes this book called Living Fearless. And it's really about finding your identity. And I. For so many years, I struggled with. I'm a pastor. Like, I'm a pastor at heart. I love pastoring people, but I don't feel like I fit in the church. I've tried being a pastor in a church. I've tried, you know, and I've had multiple opportunities to do it, but. And then I was praying the other week, and I was asking the Lord, I was just saying, lord, can you just show me make sense of this to me? And it's just a simple prayer that he teaches to pray. And it's. He says, silence the enemy. Quiet my thoughts, and give me the mind of Christ. And believing that you just answered those three prayers, show me what I need to know. And the first thing that comes to your mind, you just trust it. You write it down, you trust that it's Jesus, and then you act on it. And it is transformed how I've lived my life, really.

[Christy Straub]

Our whole family.

[Josh Straub]

Our whole family's life walking with Jesus, just like. And you just act because you're now literally walking with Jesus every moment of every day, because you're just going, okay, God, silence the enemy. Quiet my thoughts. Give me the mind of Christ. What do I need to know about this moment? What do I need to know about the fear that I'm experiencing right now? What do I need to know about the embarrassment that I'm feeling? What do I need to know about that person who's sitting across the way there in the airport? What do I need to know? And. And just the first thing that comes to your mind, you just trust that he. And maybe. And then act on it. And the other day, I was praying this prayer, but I was praying specifically, Lord, what do I need to know about me and my identity and this whole thing of being a pastor? And I felt like he said to me, you're a pastor of households. And I was like, oh, that makes sense. So now I can keep moving forward with famous at home and leading husbands and fathers, and we lead marriages to go, I'm a pastor of households. That's what I do. I don't fit into the church per se, but I am. My vocation is aligning with my identity and that same kind of dynamic. There's a phrase. You actually mentioned this. And I would love to hear how it's maybe played out in your life. The quote is credited to Thomas Hardy, but he says the main object of religion is not to get a man into heaven, but to get heaven into him. And I think that kind of what you're talking about is I'm gonna go to heaven. Yes, but when we become Jesus followers, this is where I get really excited as a parent. Because when we become Jesus followers, it's not that we're just simply now all of a sudden waiting for the Rapture to come or whatever we believe about the end times, like, oh, the hell, the world's going to hell in a hand basket. Now we just sit around. No, when we come to know Jesus, we now get to partner with him in making all things new. Which means everywhere we go, including our 9 year old, our 11 year old, our 4 year old, when they come to know Jesus, is sacred ground. So now I'm taking heaven into every place that I walk, whether it's a coffee shop, into the barista or wherever. And I think about that for you, Max, because I think about no matter what you're trying on profession wise right now, and in the season of life that you're in, you're finding who you are, the joy that you bring, the smile that you bring, and you're taking that into a room wherever you go. And there's going to come a day where it's just a vocation, an assignment is going to click and it's like the Lord's going to say, this is what I've been, this is the journey I've been bringing you on right here. And you're going to go, I've had no more fun in my life than what I'm doing now. And so, yeah, so I'd just be curious to hear since that day, kind of how you see just even making this quote come to life a little bit, how maybe you've been bringing heaven onto earth in maybe relationships, friendships, maybe even how other people are helping getting heaven into you.

[Max Bure]

Right.

[Josh Straub]

It's like the kingdom of God. We get to carry the kingdom of God with us everywhere we go. What does that look like in shaping your identity and who you are as a believer?

[Max Bure]

I think first and foremost it's a struggle all the time and every day to be working on that actively. You know, it's not. I'm not always perfect is what I'm trying to say. I think that's something to be said in these kind of conversations, especially.

[Josh Straub]

Just.

[Max Bure]

Because, you know, no one is perfect. There was One perfect person to live, and that was Jesus. But, you know, with that being said, what I try to do is. Yeah, spreading the joy to other people and just have a positive mindset. I think it's. For me, it comes much easier looking at things with. In a positive way. Yeah. Like, whenever I see someone eating alone, like, I've had my fair share of eating alone at the. At school and whatnot. So whenever I see someone eating alone, whoever it is, it's like, I want to go up to that person and be with them and talk to them. These are more fun because you can control each conversation because those people probably don't talk as much. So it's. Hey, you can always make friends and make someone else's day, you know, I think there was a point. I remember in middle school, in sixth grade, I moved schools, and I ate lunch by myself for the whole year, whatever it was. And there's this one, one of my friends named Charlie, he would come and I would. Sometimes I'd beg him and be like, please just come sit with me. Come see, my teacher's gonna have lunch with me. And he would. He would come and he'd be like, all right, I'll come. I'll come sit with you. And whether it annoyed him or not, you know, that has stuck with me for such a long time because that made my. Like, made my year, made my life. And I still think about it today. So, you know, when there's a guy in the locker room, for instance, since, you know, sports is a huge part of my life, it's when I see the one oddball, the one guy who's a little goofy, and, like, that's the guy who I'm attracted to become friends with, because I'm like, this guy is me, you know, so that's. Those are the type of ways. It's just, you know, you. I'm able to spread joy to others, and it's not always easy. I get. I get in a bad mood.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, I'd love to know, aside from me and Papa, because I think, you know, we try our best to. To pour into you. Pour into all three of you and disciple you in those ways.

[Unknown]

But who are some other adults in.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Your life that you. And you can say them by name or you don't have to, but just in general context that have actually made a difference in your life. And it could be throughout any age. Like, were there any teachers. Are there any people currently that they are effective in their discipleship of you and mentorship that helps you with Your form, your identity for sure.

[Max Bure]

I think you know, the biggest people that, that helped me even non faithfully was just teachers and coaches. I had plenty of teachers that would let me sit in their classroom and they would eat lunch with me or they'd be my friend, whatever it was. But I remember by the way, you.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Sound like you have no friends and yet you were the guy that had the most friends in high school. Even Natasha and Lev were like, everyone started saying, wait, aren't you Max's brother? Aren't you Max's sister? I mean so he sounds like so sad, like he had no friends when he was little. But he has like the most I think.

[Max Bure]

No, for sure, like it's, it's easy to have friends but it's hard to have people you can genuinely trust and yeah there for you. So like, sure, in that sense, like yes, I have, I know a lot of people but I don't have a lot of friends. So that's the difference, like you know what I mean?

[Josh Straub]

Kind of sense. Yeah.

[Max Bure]

So I guess that's kind of like, you know, growing up with a well known mom. It's, at first it was really easy and I remember in elementary school or middle school I'd be like, hey, my mom is so and so like you guys want to be friends and. But eventually like people are, you know, not that I'm not fun to be around any sort of way but people end up okay. Like this kid isn't his mom and vice versa. I realize, okay, people don't like me for who my mom is or where my dad were. My dad can get them but it's hey, you know, no one's friends with me for me. So that was definitely tough in that sense. Still talking about, you know, I know a lot of people but no one's my friend. I don't have any friends. Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

But yeah, the people is so good and so what I'm hearing, yeah, I'm pulling stuff out.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

In a really like beautiful way. Because you remind me of me in a lot of ways when I was your age.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

Like when I was younger we had this program in school called Peer Helpers and it was to help kids who were autistic or who were like not in the cool crowd if you will for sure. And I was one of those and I wanted to, I wanted to include them in all, with all of my friends and all of my. And I see that in you that there's something you come to life talking about just walking alongside someone who is feeling alone. Who doesn't have, you know, and it's beginning to pay attention to those things. Journaling those things, knowing and just even asking God, Jesus, what do I need to know about that? You know, what do you want to show me about that? And then you start praying into that. And then all of a sudden you start to see maybe doors open up.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

That align you with like, I can tell in your face already, like those are things that bring you to life.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Christy Straub]

I was going to say the exact same thing. Because everything you've talked about is relationships.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Christy Straub]

Everything has come back to people. And I think what's so interesting about like identity and you know, we have, so we have three kids and they're younger, 12, 10 and 4. And so they're, you know, far back, further back than you. But trying to see often the thing that you kind of find annoying about them, you know, like, because it's so big is like, and it's so strong and it's like a lot. It's the thing that God's put in them. And as. But what I often, I think for like ourselves, we don't see it because it's so natural to us. And yet we're sitting here. I'm like, it's all about people for you. You're gifted with people. You have this thing like people are drawn to. But it's, it's also, it has to be authentic for you. Like, it can't be fake. It can't be like, you're not here because of my mom. You can't be here because of my dad. It's for me.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Christy Straub]

And I'm, I'm curious too. Like that prayer that Josh mentioned, the. One of the questions that we were told to, to just ask. And I've never in my life thought to ask Jesus, but what do you call me? Like, what do you say my name is? And I have sat with. Well, I have sat with God and I have asked him those questions and to actually like I have a list of names that he's like said and I would have told you years ago, like that's, you know, you can't trust that. Like that's not. But it's like if we truly believe that Jesus wants to speak to us, like it's not this, it's not this one way, it's this two way communication. And when you ask him, what do you call me? What's my name? Because it really, if you look through all the Bible, like who he called people, it mattered. Like there's such Significance in names. And so I'd be super curious for you to even just to. For. For all of us to do that. Like, we do that now with our own kids.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So give me an example of what. I've never done that. So I'm kind of like Candace. You'd call me Candace, but give me an example of when you're saying, like, God, what do you call me? What are some of the names that you would say?

[Christy Straub]

1. What. And again, it dropped out of nowhere. So it was gatekeeper of my secrets.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

That God is the gatekeeper.

[Christy Straub]

I am. That I am.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You are the.

[Christy Straub]

Yeah, that I'm the gatekeeper of his secrets.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Oh.

[Christy Straub]

And. And I real. And it was like. It was actually of secrets. And I was like, tell me, what does that mean? Like, more of that. He's like, well, of. And I'm. I'm a counselor, so I get to sit with people's. Like, I get to hold those.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay.

[Christy Straub]

I get to hold, like, hold precious. The things that are precious to people. Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Max and I are on the same page.

[Josh Straub]

And again, these are things where you're going. Okay, Lord, you know, Jamie Winship, who wrote this book, kind of, you know, has this whole ministry called Identity Exchange, one of his things. He was in the State Department for 30 years and lived in the Middle east, and so he's in the State Department. And he said that the identity that God gave him was militant, peacemaker. And you're like, oh, my goodness. It makes sense. His job aligned with who God called him to be. And today, you can look him up, and you can find that he leads Hamas Terrace to Jesus. I mean, that's part of what he does.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Wow.

[Josh Straub]

So, I mean, but only a guy that unique and with those experiences could be doing that, you know? And so there's something about each one of us that's so unique that only God could, as a puzzle piece, put us in. And I think it's so cool that at age 22, here you sit, you know, looking for that, you know, because I think for so many of us, we just kind of go throughout our lives aimlessly and just not knowing. And, I mean, this is the first time we've learned this stuff. So, I mean, I've actually prayed, and I've asked Jesus a couple times where I'm like, okay, Lord, show me who I am. And, you know, there's one time that I felt like he said, you're a gentle giant. I'm like, okay, so explain that to me. You know, what does that mean? And to walk in that identity of I lead in grace, but, you know, I am a giant. You know, he's. You have big faith. You have big faith and you love people. Well. And it's like, it gives me a lot of confidence. Imagine your father saying these things about you, your heavenly father saying these things about you.

[Christy Straub]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Straub]

And there's nothing that he's going to say that's going to be against scripture. You know, it's going to all relate. It's not going to be, it's going to all be encouraging. It's all going to be exhortation. And so that's, that's just, that's just part of that whole journey.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Like, I want to go back and go, God, I'm telling you, I never thought of that.

[Christy Straub]

And we have a, you know, we do this now with one another and we'll just like, it's not just like one time because like he says, you're like lots of things. So I have this little, you know, running list now of the things that I've heard him say. And there's something about when the, the one who created you tells you who you are. Like, it's like, oh, okay. Like, I don't need your applause. You know, it was like, for me, fear of man died because I don't need you to tell me who I am. I already know. And it's not just like daughter of God, which. And often, you know, I think that. I think that was the first thing.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I heard popped into my. I was like, I'm a child of God. I'm a daughter of the king.

[Max Bure]

Right?

[Josh Straub]

That is a very left brain thing. Right? So we talk about right brain, left brain, left brain of like, oh, yeah, I can put that into words. But where, where, when do you feel.

[Christy Straub]

It right in your body.

[Josh Straub]

When do you.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

That you're on your sensation likes the feeling you're like, when do you actually.

[Josh Straub]

Feel like you're just overwhelmed with his love? That it brings you to tears or that it's like, oh, God, you see me that way?

[Christy Straub]

Or I remember, I remember sitting with a woman and she, you know, it's just like, because we'll do this with people and you know, what did you hear? And my beloved. And she's like, kind of rolls her eyes like, right, Obviously, I know. And I was like, what if, though, he said that to you? Because there's something about it you still don't believe. And then it's like, you know, all the tears come where you realize, maybe I really don't believe. I'M his beloved. And so even the thing that you like, you know that thing that pops in your head that you're like, right, obviously I know that. To just pause, like, what. What of it might you not fully believe?

[Max Bure]

How do you. How do you hear that? Like, asking.

[Christy Straub]

It's a great question.

[Josh Straub]

It's a great question.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

And this is the way that it's been taught to us is, you know, you pray that Lord, rebuke the enemy.

[Christy Straub]

So he doesn't get to speak.

[Josh Straub]

So it's not him talking. So Lord, rebuke the enemy. Quiet my thoughts. So I. It's not my thoughts. And give me the mind of Christ.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

And show me what I need to know.

[Christy Straub]

And then about who I am. The first thing that pops into your mind.

[Josh Straub]

And the first thing. And. But you got to be. Because once you start to think about it too much, then it might be your. So you just trust that the first thing that comes into your mind and then. And again, that's just. It's part of navigating and learning how to pray that. And experience that.

[Christy Straub]

And I want to say this, too. I think I know some people that, like, God speaks to all his kids differently. And so some people might be hearers that they actually, like, hear. And it might not sound like an auditory voice, but in your own. It'll sound like your own thoughts. Some people are seers, so they'll see. You'll just have this image in your mind all of a sudden. Like, if I say, imagine an apple right now, whatever that is in your mind, however you see that. Is it red? Is it green?

[Max Bure]

Mine's red.

[Christy Straub]

Yeah. Does it have a stem? I think some people. You'll say, like, you'll hear people say, oh, I see this. And, you know, in prayer or something. And I've always was like, I don't see anything. Like, what are you talking about? But it's just. It's that. It's the ability to just imagine in your mind. So whatever that looks like. Sometimes you might have an image of a person pop up or whatever it is.

[Max Bure]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And sometimes you just know.

[Christy Straub]

Yeah. And that's the knower.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Christy Straub]

And I'm a feeler. And so I can. I will feel someone's emotion or I will feel the atmosphere of a place. And sometimes that's even confusing because you're like, that's me. Is this you? I don't. I. But it'd be interesting to. Is there a way that you think God speaks to you?

[Max Bure]

I mean, more. I think that's Something that I. I don't know if I necessarily struggle with it, but it's harder for me because I know a lot of people were like, yeah, I heard the voice of God. And I'm like, I don't. I've never heard that. I don't know what it's like in terms of, like, the big booming voice. Like, yeah, is that what I'm supposed to say?

[Josh Straub]

And I've never heard that. Like, just to be fair, like, when I hear it, it's. He loves to speak to us through just different ways of. It's even a thought that comes into your mind or. Or that typ.

[Christy Straub]

But.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And I will add to that. But we. We know him, Max, and everyone listening, we know him because we spend time with him. So just like, you know, probably how I'm going to react or, you know, papa's patterns or schedules. It's because you spend time with us. You know, us. So we. We learn to hear God by spending that time with him and tuning our ears, our minds, our hearts toward him, to listen for Him. And that's something I'm. I still, I practice every day to keep fine tuning. How do I hear you more, Lord? How do I know you better? But I got to keep spending time.

[Josh Straub]

And I think that identity thing continues. I mean, this is. I mean, we're talking to you at 22, but we're all here, and I. I'm going to bring this up, and I hope you're okay to share it. Even. Even.

[Christy Straub]

Here we go.

[Josh Straub]

Here we go. But even in the last few months, the identity journey that the Lord has taken you through, to even get you to sit on this stage.

[Christy Straub]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

And. And to.

[Christy Straub]

Oh, that's so. Oh, that's so real. I think I, I. Because I would have chosen. I want to hide. Right. So the voice of the enemy would be just like, just stay home. Like, just stay home with the kids and. Because fear was louder than the voice of God for me. And I want. If I had listened to it, and I have for many years, I. I just wanted to hide. And so to. To. And I think just in the last. I don't know, maybe 10 years, I think I've learned, oh, I've grown so much in my walk with the Lord. I've been a Christian since I was 3, so I apparently accepted Jesus at 3. I have a vague memory of it, but, like, I never knew life without him. And so I knew, like, left brain knew all the. Not all the things. I knew a lot of the things, but it's been probably in the last 10 years that I've learned to hear him make me cry as like a friend, like my best friend and an intimate friend and like to speak to me in ways I didn't know that he could. And now I, I really wanted to stay small and I really wanted to hide. And it's just, yeah, I've been in these last probably number of years where it was like, I'm actually calling you out and I'm putting you out there to say the things because I can trust you because you've been through the fire and I can trust you to say the things that I've asked you to say because you don't care what people think. And. But that like took decades of dying to self, you know, And I really, I think finally I'm at a place where it's like, okay, I had this really great moment of surrender not even long, like a month or two ago.

[Josh Straub]

Very recent. Yeah.

[Christy Straub]

Where it was like I surrendered. I was like, I thought I surrendered two years ago. And he's like, well you did. That was like the private one where you knew. I knew. I have your heart. But this is like the public one where it's like it all dies. Like all. And so yeah, I think that journey for me, I'm 40, so. And I feel like I'm just starting, you know. But I think what's been encouraging is to know that there's more. Like there's just so much more.

[Josh Straub]

And I think as we talked about in that previous episodes about becoming, this identity thing is a continual becoming. But I think as we as parents continue to become, we're guiding our children alongside us to say, hey, come, come alongside. How are we as team Straub? How are we as team Bure? How are we as a team, as a family taking the love of Jesus to the world around us, each individually uniquely. You have three very different kids, you know, and it's like, how are each three all designed to take Jesus into the world? And so I'm gonna come back to you for a second and I'm just gonna ask you what brings you the most excitement in your life? What excites you? What brings you alive?

[Max Bure]

Okay, I have two answers for this.

[Josh Straub]

Okay.

[Max Bure]

Okay, so the first one I'll go, oh, it's okay, we'll do three. Okay, so the first one is a two parter and then. Ok. The first one though, I think it's, you know, not faith wise. I think it's simply doing, having new experiences and doing things with people. Is always my favorite. Like, my favorite time is if I have friends and, you know, they have new, new things to try out and you get to do them. And I think for me, just experience with. With people mainly. So you're laughing, you're crying of out of, like, fear, and then you laugh at it the next day. Like, that's what. That's what's fun to me and exciting. But in a faith sense, this is the one parter, I think, feeling the presence of God, I never really understood how to feel it until it kind of clicked and I understood what it was. And what brings me, like, genuine excitement in the weird times is when people are usually like, crying or in some very spiritual moment where people typically cry or super serious, and I'll kind of be in the corner, like, smiling really big. I'm like, yeah. And, you know, I just get, like, energized by that whenever I see people being led toward Christ or even, you know, sometimes. I was talking about this other day with someone. Sometimes when you like talking about Christ, it's not about converting them in one day. It's simply planting a seed in their head to understand, hey, there's more to life than just the physical. And when you have the opportunity to do that to someone and introduce something better for their life, that excites me.

[Josh Straub]

That's amazing. So here's what I would encourage you to do. Write those things down and pray that prayer and just ask God, what do you want to show me about this? Because what it sounds like to me is you are someone who will eventually take people on adventures.

[Max Bure]

I hope so.

[Josh Straub]

To build their relationships and ultimately introduce them to Jesus. Yeah, and that. That would be like, something that just brings you up. I don't know. Who knows? But take it to Jesus and ask him about it.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, I love it.

[Unknown]

Ask him.

[Josh Straub]

Just ask him, you know, but that's.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

That's the fun part.

[Max Bure]

But that's.

[Josh Straub]

That's the part about journeying with Jesus that's just so fun, is he's going to uncover it and unveil it as you go day by day. Because it's not that he wants to unveil everything all at once, because then what would be the point of relying on him? As you said, it's about the ongoing relationship. He wants to reveal it over time because he wants to continue to pour into us and love us and have us spend time with him. And, man, I'm excited to see where this goes.

[Christy Straub]

I would just say, and just to wrap for people who are even listening the three questions, I think have been the most helpful. You can say if there's others, but it's just Lord, like, what do you want me to know? Who do you say that I am? And then what do you want me to do? Because even in the Bible, like, there were so many times where they would ask God, like, okay, so I know that. But then what do I. What do I do about it?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Christy Straub]

And. And that's. I think you get those commands, and you're like, got it. Cool. I'm ready to run.

[Max Bure]

But you just got it.

[Christy Straub]

I need clarity.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

We all do.

[Christy Straub]

Like, yeah, what do we do?

[Josh Straub]

Start acting on the first thing that you feel God tells you.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

Oh, it's wild, guys. It's wild, guys.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Can we go to a listener question? You have a thought to finish? Finish it.

[Max Bure]

No, I think that adventure part is so fun. Fun. You said. Because, you know, the majority of even my life, I've. You know, I'm just like. I'm shooting blanks. Like, I don't really know what I'm doing half the time. I'm just kind of like, falls in my lap. I'm like, all right, let's go.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Max Bure]

So, you know, if you asked me, you know, not even like a year ago, hey, do we. Are you gonna be a wine. You're gonna be a winemaker in St. Helena? I'll be like, ha, ha ha. Yeah. All right. But now it's like, no, I'm doing this, and now I'm doing this and that. Even, like, with hockey, I worked a. I worked at this camp called Kanakuk, which I love. One of the best places in the world. But I literally came because someone was like, hey, you should come work. And I was like, no, I don't. I was like, ah, maybe. And then I just was complaining for. To them about 30 minutes. I didn't like my job, and I was like, you know, all right, school. So next day, I was like, hey, guys, sorry. I'm gonna be like, quit. And I just took off to the Canicu.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Go work, can ye.

[Max Bure]

Then I. And then I did something else, and I worked for FCA Hockey. It's like, no. Everything. I mean, I'm.

[Christy Straub]

But it's like, you're watching the hand of God just like, no.

[Max Bure]

For sure.

[Christy Straub]

Push you on your path.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Max Bure]

But it's. Again, it's like, hey, it's trying everything, right? That's what I enjoy.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So it's the journey, maxi, and we're on it with you.

[Christy Straub]

Yeah, babe.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I love you. This was awesome. Okay, we are going to go to a listener question now. This is from Jennifer. Says, I'm a mom of three amazing boys. Now, young men, they all love the Lord and are involved at church. However, I can't stop feeling like I failed them. My job was stressful. It was shift work. While I work to provide for them. I feel like I messed up and I missed too much. I can't stop dwelling in the past and thinking, what if? Even though I should be grateful that they truly are good kids, I just keep thinking about my failure as a mom and how I wish I could do it over. I. It's. There's so much heartbreak in that. Chrissy, do you have a word for this mom?

[Christy Straub]

What? I just. I just hear the shame. Like, this is like a spirit of shame almost. You know, where it's like it's come. That's. Who. What voice is speaking that to you? Because she says she's great. Kids who love the Lord, like, they're in church. What? Yeah, that is. I. Like, that is just not the voice of God speaking for sure. And so here's where. I mean, we can just go back to where we just talked about, like, silence the enemy. You don't get to speak. You don't get to speak. Quiet my thoughts. Because some of this becomes our own thoughts where we're like, yeah, surely I did. I. We agree with it. It's like, yeah, I did mess up. Sure, we all have. But then like, okay, Lord, what do I need to know about this? And I think the what questions are so much more powerful than the why questions. Like, because why is almost. It comes like a whining. Like, why did. And that's almost what it's like, why did I do. Why did I do this? Like, why. What if I could go back and like, actually, what do I need to know? What do I need to know, Lord, about. And I would highly suspect the Lord would have beautiful encouragement.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah. Sit in the gratitude of rebuking. Rebuke that spirit because it is a spirit of shame. And sit in the gratitude. You have great kids, kids that love you.

[Christy Straub]

Look what you.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And they love the church.

[Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So, Mama, you did something right. By the grace of God, you did something right. So enjoy in that. Sit in that. That's good. Okay, one more from Jenny. What do you wish your mom knew about parenting you when you were 20 something? Or basically, I think what she's saying is, what do you wish your mom would have done differently in your adult years? Max, do you have any question?

[Max Bure]

It's a setup.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

It's a real question from Jenny. What do you.

[Christy Straub]

What.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

What do you wish that I knew or had told you were done differently? Like as you're journeying through life right now?

[Max Bure]

I don't know. I never feel like I'm qualified. I don't think I'm qualified to answer in a sense of. I think. I think I understand. Not. I think I know. I understand how much effort you put in to let us live the lives that we do. So for me to nitpick at what you don't do is unfair. You know what I mean?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

No, and I appreciate that. I do. Max, however, we've had talks about. And you can be honest. I know that because I'm working on it. I know that you don't always feel heard in our family that we interrupt a lot, we talk over. And obviously you guys already heard. Val, you heard Natasha.

[Josh Straub]

We're all big personalities.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Big personalities. And Max is a big personality, too. However, I would say not to go into therapy, that you go into flight, because when we. Someone starts to overpower you just shut down and you're like, whatever.

[Max Bure]

No, it's the other way around. Well, now it is.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Things like that. Like I'm. I mean, are there things that you wish. And I. I can. I can answer that, but I don't want to answer for you. I know you wish you would like to be heard more in our family.

[Max Bure]

Yeah, I mean, I know I'm. No, I know I'm heard in our family. And it's more of when I'm interrupted. It's nitpicky when I'm talking and my brother just has an idea, so he starts talking like, hey, I was talking. You taught us not to interrupt, so don't interrupt me while I'm talking. I think the. You know, right now, I don't know why it's hitting me now because you're not old at all and neither am I. But there is a time where I'm like, hey. Where everyone gets older and, you know there's going to be a day, one day where I'm without you and papa. And, you know, with time. I think there's a thing where I value the most, is just having time with you. And the reason it is is because, you know. Let me finish before. Hold on. No, I know. I know you want to spend time, but it's like, you know, you work. You do work a lot, which again, gives us the ability to live lives. We do. I'm so grateful for and that's why I'm like, I don't want to tell. Not I don't want to tell you, but I want to tell you because it makes you. I don't want to make you feel safe.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Space, man. Safe space to the world.

[Christy Straub]

There's a few unsafe people out there.

[Max Bure]

But yeah, I mean, I think it's a time thing or right now I'm just like, I would love to always spend more time with you. And you know, me being, playing hockey, I spent so much time with papa. You know, I'm up here with the time with him and sometimes I'm down, most of the time down here with you. So true. You know, when you have the opportunity to spend time, it's just like, I would want that with you.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Thank you. Thank you for sharing. Thanks for sharing your heart. Josh, Christy, thank you, Maxi. Thank you for being here. This is another really beautiful episode. So thanks for sharing your heart with us.

[Josh Straub]

Yes. Max, what an honor. Hey, thank you for being here.

[Christy Straub]

Yeah.

[Josh Straub]

I just want to say what a joy it is for me. You bring me joy. You really do.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You do, you do.

[Max Bure]

Great questions.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay, well, thanks for joining us. Remember, we have that free download for you called the healthy home guide and it's adopted from Dr. Josh and Christie's book Famous at home. It includes a kids feelings chart that you can print out and use if you have young kids. It's so helpful. You can get [e-mail] and it's also linked in our show notes. Until next time. Be grateful all day, every day. If you value local, trustworthy and high.

[Unknown]

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[Candace Cameron Bure]

I mean, hello.

[Unknown]

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[Candace Cameron Bure]

If these conversations with Josh and Christy are changing your life, click the like button and give it a thumbs up. Candy Rock Entertainment all rights reserved.