The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast
Episode: Josh and Christi Straub: Coaching the Heart of Teens, with Val Bure
Release Date: December 19, 2024
Introduction
In this heartfelt episode of The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast, host Candace Cameron Bure welcomes her husband, Val Bure, along with parenting experts Dr. Josh Straub and Kristi Straub. Celebrating 28 years of marriage and 25 years of parenting together, Candace and Val dive deep into effective strategies for coaching the hearts of teenagers. This episode is a blend of personal anecdotes, expert insights, and practical advice aimed at fostering emotional safety, quality time, and purposeful relationships with teens.
Meet the Guests
Val Bure’s Introduction and Parenting Journey
Timestamp: [00:00 - 05:04]
Candace introduces Val Bure, her husband of 28 years, who has been a pivotal figure in their family's parenting journey. Val shares his early aspirations of fatherhood, including humorous mentions of wanting a minivan and a dog (00:00-00:15). Together, Candace and Val have nurtured their kids, who are now in their 20s, through various stages of life.
Val Bure [00:00]: "When we got married, I want to be a father. I want to have a minivan and a dog."
Dr. Josh and Kristi Straub’s Perspective
Timestamp: [00:57 - 03:17]
Dr. Josh Straub and Kristi Straub, experts in parenting and coaching, join the conversation to provide a framework for emotional safety and entering the teens' world. They emphasize the importance of building upon previous episodes' foundations to address the unique challenges of parenting teenagers.
Dr. Josh Straub [02:56]: "We've set the stage with emotional safety. What does it look like to enter into our children's world, now into our teens' world."
Investing Time and Building Emotional Connections
The Importance of Quality Time
Timestamp: [05:04 - 11:45]
Val and Candace discuss the significance of investing time in their children’s lives. Val highlights that making time is essential and that children value one-on-one interactions. Candace elaborates on the difference between being physically present and being emotionally engaged.
Val Bure [05:04]: "You have to invest your time. The kids always value the time that could be just one on one and sitting and listening to them."
Candace Cameron Bure [07:58]: "Showing up and just sitting there. Letting them know that time is valuable."
Setting Boundaries and Consistency
Timestamp: [11:45 - 19:32]
Candace and Val discuss household rules, particularly around technology usage. They emphasize the importance of consistency in enforcing these rules to create emotional safety and opportunities for meaningful conversations.
Candace Cameron Bure [11:45]: "At dinner time or lunchtime, anywhere we sit down for a meal, there are no cell phones."
Val Bure [12:24]: "I might think I'm more of a consistent disciplinarian."
Creating Golden Moments Through Discipline
The Role of Discipline in Emotional Growth
Timestamp: [19:32 - 28:09]
Val shares a poignant moment at his son's high school graduation where he and Candace first expressed love openly, leading to deeper emotional connections. This underscores the transformative power of consistent emotional expression.
Val Bure [19:32]: "That's the first time they've been hugged by their dads and they've been told 'I love you.'"
Candace adds that being disciplined in expressing love without needing to verbalize it constantly has strengthened their family bonds.
Candace Cameron Bure [20:51]: "Val helps and picks me up. Where Val falters, I can help and pick."
Resolving Conflicts and Growing Together
Navigating Disagreements with Teachable Moments
Timestamp: [28:09 - 37:05]
The Straubs share tools for resolving conflicts, such as family dialogues and role-playing scenarios to better understand each other's perspectives. These practices help in maintaining open communication and reinforcing family unity.
Dr. Josh Straub [31:16]: "Role-playing is a very powerful tool... helps your kids understand what would be a better way to handle that situation."
Building Tradition and Rituals
Timestamp: [35:12 - 38:43]
Val and Candace discuss the importance of establishing family traditions, such as Friday night dinners and morning routines with devotional time. These rituals create anchor moments that foster a sense of stability and belonging.
Candace Cameron Bure [37:05]: "We have to make those special moments where you hear the whisper of your teens."
Listener Questions and Expert Advice
Disconnecting from Teen Emotions while Teaching Empathy
Timestamp: [39:50 - 44:34]
Listener Allison asks about balancing empathy with emotional disconnection. The Straubs emphasize understanding the underlying emotions of teens without necessarily agreeing with their perspectives. They advocate for curiosity and active listening as key components of empathetic parenting.
Dr. Josh Straub [40:25]: "Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another."
Natasha Bure [43:24]: "Curiosity puts you on the bottom level... What's deeper within you?"
Maintaining a Spicy Marriage Amidst Parenting Teens
Timestamp: [44:34 - 48:36]
Veronica asks about keeping her marriage vibrant while managing teenage children. Val and Candace humorously share their strategies, like taking walks and setting boundaries around their personal time. They stress the importance of maintaining the marital relationship to model a healthy partnership for their children.
Candace Cameron Bure [48:19]: "Maintain the relationship spicy because one day they're going to be out of the house."
Concluding Insights
Candace wraps up the episode by highlighting the importance of consistency, emotional presence, and intentional family interactions in coaching the hearts of teens. She also teases the next episode, which will focus on marriage and conflict resolution, further guiding listeners on nurturing strong familial and marital bonds.
Candace Cameron Bure [48:46]: "We're going to be talking more about marriage and conflict within marriage. So make sure that you tune in next week."
Key Takeaways
- Invest Time Consistently: Dedicate quality time without distractions to build meaningful connections with your teens.
- Set and Enforce Boundaries: Establish clear household rules, particularly around technology, to create emotional safety.
- Express Love Openly: Regularly express love and appreciation to foster strong emotional bonds.
- Use Family Dialogues: Implement family meetings and role-playing to resolve conflicts and understand different perspectives.
- Create Traditions: Develop family rituals that provide stability and memorable anchor moments.
- Balance Empathy with Boundaries: Understand your teen’s emotions without losing your own emotional balance.
- Nurture Marital Relationships: Maintain a strong marital bond to model healthy relationships for your children.
Notable Quotes
- Val Bure [00:00]: "I want to have a minivan and a dog."
- Candace Cameron Bure [07:58]: "Invest and be there because they are watching."
- Val Bure [19:32]: "That's the first time they've been hugged by their dads and been told 'I love you.'"
- Dr. Josh Straub [40:25]: "Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another."
- Natasha Bure [43:24]: "Curiosity puts you on the bottom level... What's deeper within you?"
This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for parents navigating the challenging yet rewarding journey of raising teenagers. By blending personal experiences with expert advice, Candace and her guests provide valuable insights into creating emotionally safe, loving, and structured environments for teens to thrive.