When Life Takes an Unwanted Turn - Ruth Chou Simons

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast

Episode Title: When Life Takes an Unwanted Turn – Ruth Chou Simons
Date: November 18, 2025
Host: Candace Cameron Bure
Guest: Ruth Chou Simons

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Overview

This episode centers on how to navigate life when things don't go as planned—when unwanted turns, anxiety, and grief arise. Candace and her guest, author and artist Ruth Chou Simons, have a candid, faith-driven conversation about motherhood, unexpected trials (including Ruth’s son's traumatic accident), the experience of grief, and learning deep dependence on God through hardship. Notable for its warmth, vulnerability, laughter, and tears, the episode weaves together practical wisdom and spiritual encouragement for listeners facing their own roller coasters.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Beginning of Candace and Ruth's Friendship

[03:14 – 06:16]

• The two reminisce about meeting at a women’s ministry retreat—bonding over real life, work challenges, and ministry. Ruth highlights Candace’s down-to-earth nature and generosity in seeking her advice.
• They share stories about fashion, raising kids, and building businesses.

Notable Quote:
"I love that I can talk fashion with you and we can go from fashion to God's word, to ministry life to kids." — Ruth [05:54]

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2. Motherhood as Sanctification

[06:16 – 09:35]

• Ruth, a mother of six boys, reflects on how motherhood was not what she expected ("I kind of thought of kids as accessories") and reveals that she coined the hashtag #MotherhoodToSanctifying, recognizing that motherhood matures and sanctifies you.
• Both women reflect on how parenting strips away pride and teaches humility.

Notable Quotes:
"Motherhood is training you." — Ruth [08:43]
"Motherhood matured me in ways I never knew." — Candace [08:57]

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3. Anxiety, Fear, and Unwanted Turns

Ruth’s Real-Life Trauma: Her Son’s Injury

[09:35 – 14:40]

• Ruth recounts the traumatic accident of her son Judah, who suffered severe spinal injuries in 2024 just before her children’s book launch.
• She talks about the shock, her son’s resilience, and the challenge of trusting God through life-altering events.

Memorable Moment:
"I actually started painting for this book about fear, worry, and anxiety from the ICU." — Ruth [12:05]

[11:41]

• Ruth expresses the helplessness she felt ("There was nothing I could do but to sit there and wait") and the total dependency on God when she couldn't change her son’s condition.

Notable Quote:
"When I found myself in the ICU... I had to stop and say, okay, what have I thought rightly, when things were not this scary? And I had to tap back into that because life takes unexpected turns all the time." — Ruth [14:40]

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4. How Preparation and Perspective Shape Our Response

[14:40 – 17:19]

• They discuss the importance of preparing their hearts for life's unwanted turns, not only through crisis but daily—by holding right beliefs about God’s character.

Notable Quote:
"We actually prepare our hearts every day for what our posture is going to be when life doesn’t go our way." — Ruth [14:40]

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5. The Gift of Dependency and Identity Shifts

[17:19 – 23:59]

• Candace shares her own “unwanted turn”: her 10-year hiatus from acting and the fear that God might not use her talents again.
• Through this journey, she developed a deep dependence on God and a transformed understanding of the gospel.

Notable Quotes:
"While there was fear of the future, that's when God grew me... And I grew so much in my relationship with God over those 10 years." — Candace [21:50]
"I finally understood the gospel... I understood, to the depths of my soul, what God did for me. Before that, it was just like, “Oh, I’m a Christian.” That didn’t change my life... But when He lifted that veil..." — Candace [22:33–23:33]

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6. Gospel Centrality and Grace

[23:59 – 32:11]

• Ruth and Candace explore how true peace, identity, and freedom from anxiety come by understanding the gospel and our dependency on Christ, not achievements.
• Ruth sums up the antidote to anxiety: Not self-reliance, but trust and rest in God’s work.

Notable Quotes:
"That peace comes from the Lord and it comes from peace with God... peace, regardless of whether you’re picking up Cheerios or you have a corner office." — Ruth [29:20]
"If you just stop and rehearse that truth again, you remember that there's nothing scary that God hasn't already conquered." — Ruth [31:30]

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7. Honest Talk About Worry and Grief

[32:11 – 39:49]

• Ruth challenges Candace: even if she doesn’t call herself a worrier, the fears she describes are forms of anxiety.
• Conversation turns to grief, in its many forms—loss, diagnosis, relational breakdowns— and the importance of not going through it alone.
• Both reflect on the comfort God brings: through Scripture, through presence, through eternal perspective.

Notable Quote:
"The only way I can even deal with the grief that comes and goes and sometimes lingers is that we need to remember there’s eternal hope, unshakable, eternal hope, waiting for us when we’re in Christ..." — Ruth [33:03]

Memorable Moment:
Candace shares about the sacred power of having a friend simply sit with her in moments of deep grief; that presence matters more than words. [35:50]

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8. Listener Questions: Faith in Crisis & Motivation During Despair

Q1: Keeping Faith with Cancer (Alicia)

[40:27 – 43:08]

• Candace and Ruth empathize deeply ("It's one day at a time") and stress clinging to faith and hope in Christ, who brings ultimate healing, even if not always in this life.

Notable Quotes:
"The faith component is the very thing that I cling to. It’s what gives me the most hope." — Candace [42:09]
"We can simultaneously pray for healing... but say, I’m not God. You are... So I’m going to trust you." — Ruth [42:31]

Q2: Finding Motivation When God Feels Distant (Tori)

[44:09 – 46:18]

• Ruth names the realness of spiritual darkness and encourages honest confession and community support.
• Practical advice: don’t do it alone, find trusted people, focus on small rhythms, and pursue Jesus not just "answers."

Notable Quotes:
"I would just say, start by confessing: ‘Lord, I feel unmotivated... I don’t even want to do anything. Are you listening?’ Be honest before the Lord... And you need people to encourage you." — Ruth [45:00]
"Sometimes when you’re so distraught, you want God to give you the answer, the way… but Jesus says, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life.’" — Ruth [44:30]

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Notable Quotes – At a Glance

• "Motherhood is training you." — Ruth [08:43]
• "When I found myself in the ICU... I had to tap back into [my faith]." — Ruth [14:40]
• "I finally understood the gospel... to the depths of my soul." — Candace [22:33]
• "That peace comes from the Lord and it comes from peace with God." — Ruth [29:20]
• "The faith component is the very thing that I cling to. It’s what gives me the most hope." — Candace [42:09]
• "You’re not meant to save yourself... We can give thanks—it’s good to be reminded that you’re not the Savior." — Ruth [21:14]
• "We live in this world... So it’s holding that tension—of keeping our eyes fixed on eternity, but to actually steward right now." — Ruth [40:05]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:14 – How Candace & Ruth met, early friendship
• 06:16 – Motherhood talk, sanctification through children
• 09:35 – Ruth’s son’s accident, dealing with crisis as a parent
• 14:40 – Preparing for hardship, right beliefs in everyday life
• 17:19 – Candace’s career break; trusting God with purpose
• 21:50 – Learning the gospel deeply through hard seasons
• 32:11 – Real talk on worry, grief, and dependency
• 40:27 – Listener Q&A: faith amidst cancer
• 44:09 – Listener Q&A: motivation in despair

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Final Encouragements

• The episode invites listeners to see unwanted turns as invitations to deeper faith.
• Ruth and Candace’s openness about their weakness and God's sufficiency offers solidarity to anyone struggling with anxiety, fear, or grief.
• The conversation is marked by hope—the sure hope that God’s presence, not control or self-striving, is our true comfort and joy.

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For more resources, Advent guides, or to submit podcast questions, visit Candace.com.

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Tone: Faithful, honest, warm, and practical, combining spiritual truths with lived experience.

Transcript

[A]

Before we get started, I am going on tour for the first time ever this fall. November 20th, 21st, 22nd and 23rd in four special cities. Join me for laughs, games, full house trivia, real conversations around women's wellness and I'll be taking audience questions, tickets and [e-mail] forward slash tour.

[B]

You don't always think the worst. You're like, okay, this is an accident. I'm a boy mom. I actually don't pass panic at first.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then he said something like yeah, we're just gonna take him to the hospital and make sure he's okay. And then we're gonna go get chicken bakes at Costco after this. This is literally how the boys were talking. Of course we're gonna go get chicken bakes after this. It's just a Saturday.

[A]

We're riding Grand Canyon University, an affordable private Christian university based in beautiful Phoenix, Arizona is one of the largest universities in the country. Praised for its culture of community and impact, GCU integrates the free market system, a welcoming Christian WorldView discourse into 369 academic programs with over 300 online join a nationwide community of learners redefining what online education looks like through academically rigorous, industry driven programs that can spark bold ideas and prepare you for a future that matters. In addition to federal grants and aid, GCU's online students received nearly $161 million in institutional scholarships in 2024. Find your purpose at Grand Canyon University Private Christian Affordable. Visit gcu Edu myoffer to see the scholarships you may qualify for. When it comes to healthcare, it can feel overwhelming and expensive, but we share really simplifies it. It's the simplest non reimbursement health share on the market and it's built around people helping people. With Weshare members share in each other's medical costs in a faith based community that focuses on four important cost, network, community and freedom. And just for listening, Weshare is waiving the $149 application fee. So don't wait. Get your free non obligation quote [e-mail] candice or call 855-230-2523. That's 855-230-2523. Life is like a roller coaster, but it's better when we go through it together. Welcome to the Candace Cameron Bure Podcast. We're here to share conversations about life's challenges, celebrations and everything in between. If you're watching on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. Subscribe and click below to tap the bell so you Always know about new episodes. Season 12 of the podcast is with my friend Ruth Joe Simons. It's about freedom from anxiety. Come join us. Hi, Ruth. Welcome back.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

I think that we should talk about how we met so our listeners know about our friendship.

[B]

I know, I know. I love that we're real friends, and we have these conversations even when the mics are not rolling, you know?

[A]

I know. Me too.

[B]

It's so fun. Wasn't it several. It was several years ago at a ranch, at a retreat that we were together at in Colorado.

[A]

Yeah. It was a bunch of women in ministry in leadership positions, and we all got invited to a ranch, and we rode horses, we sang, worship, we did some clay shooting.

[B]

And for most of us, we don't get time like that with somebody else who understands pressure or leadership or messiness in ministry. You know, like, it was just a time to, like, kind of just be vulnerable and real and spend some time together.

[A]

Exactly. So we had a lot of private offshoot conversations, but also during those days, there were a couple where they would just ask us, like, hey, can you come up and share?

[B]

And we're.

[A]

All of us were in that position, so I don't think anyone felt, like, threatened or pressured. Like, oh, no, I have to say something.

[B]

But, you know, my. My memory of that is that while of course, you're so down to earth, you really are. But what was so sweet about that time was we were sitting around a meal, and I did not expect you to so graciously invite me into your current, like, at the time, your current, like, some transitions and some things that you were needing in the office or some help you were looking. Right. And I remember thinking like, that is so generous of her to just welcome me into this conversation and be like, do you have any recommendations, Ruth? And I was like, wow, thanks for. And it wasn't because I was fangirling or some. Anything crazy. It was more just that we were new friends. And it was so generous of you and so down to earth to be like, come and come and let's talk about this. And so that was such a warm welcome from you, where you were like, this is my real life. This is what I'm going through. Do you have any thoughts, advice, or any person you can connect me with? And I was like, yes, I'm going through something similar, too. Let's talk about it. We both run businesses, lead lives where sometimes you have to find just the right person for a role. And it's hard unless you share with somebody else. So I love that about you. And that kind of kicked us off. And then next time I was in la, I was like, want to do lunch? And you, like, took me to the Ivy. I know. I was like, you know, and of course, you graciously took photos with folks, and it was so sweet. It was just. It was really a fun day. It took me shopping and I was like, seriously, you're so brave. You're going to go out and go shopping, you know, but that's my.

[A]

That's. I love shopping.

[B]

I know. I do, too. That's what's. So. I think that's why I don't want to be like, that's why I love you. I love you for so many reasons, but I feel like it's so sweet that I can talk fashion with you and we can go from fashion to God's word, to ministry life to kids. We were about the same age with, you know, we just celebrate our 27th anniversary and so, like, we're kind of in that same season.

[A]

We very much are. And you have six boys now. And.

[B]

Crazy when you say it. I mean, every time I'm like, what?

[A]

I'm not even like the six number. My brother has six kids, so it's impressive. But then all boys, so I have to talk.

[B]

And I. Just.

[A]

A little girl. A girl being a boy, Mom.

[B]

I know.

[A]

How old are your boys right now?

[B]

The oldest is 23, and the youngest is 12. And we're fully. We're at the place where they all have, you know, even the youngest one, his foot is so long. He's so tall. His. He's just a man now, you know, and it's weird. I mean, they go through so many eggs, so much food, you know, when you're, like, sitting there just wearing, dressing them in cute little Old Navy outfits, you don't anticipate what the grocery bill will be later on. And they all came home this summer. So I've got some in college. We've got one officially moved out after graduate school. And yeah, my oldest got his master's in engineering and got a job, moved out. But everybody's kind of home this summer. And I'm like, this is like a frat house. People, like, put away the empty cereal box and they're like, oh, sorry. You know? Yeah, it's. It's a lot.

[A]

Did you. Did you. When you were younger, did you ever think about being a boy mom? Or did you always think you were going to have girls?

[B]

Because, you know, I always tell people, like, we weren't Trying for. We weren't just trying for a girl. I did legitimately fall in love with motherhood. And by number three, when we had three boys in a row, I was like, it's crazy to keep on trying for a girl. So that's definitely not why we had six. We ended up really loving it. By number six, I was like, I feel so special. Like, this is really fun. But I really thought, come on, this is like a 50, 50 chance here. Of course I'm gonna like. I was like, by. My husband's older brother and younger brother both had a boy and a girl. So I was like, oh, you know, and to be honest, I, I feel maybe even embarrassed sharing this, but I kind of thought of kids as accessories. So I was like, I wasn't like really prepared as a mom yet. I was like, of course I want a girl. Dress her in a tutu and a boy in overalls. It was just like kind of fun. And then it really sunk in and I was like, oh, they're real, like little humans. I'm discipling, I'm growing. I was young and I was growing in it all myself, but I really think I fell in love with a miracle. I don't know if you feel this way in motherhood where you think, okay, I've got so much to offer, or maybe you don't say that, but you, we all say some version of like, I'm going to train up these kids. And then you realize motherhood is training you.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

And so then I started this hashtag, motherhood to sanctifying because I was like, okay, I think God is using motherhood to like actually sanctify me. This is not me just like training up a bunch of kids.

[A]

I need to use that hashtag.

[B]

I know, I love that.

[A]

It's so true. I've learned so much. It. Motherhood matured me in ways I never knew.

[B]

How old were you?

[A]

When I was 22, when I had.

[B]

Natasha, I think I was 26.

[A]

Yeah. And you think, okay, like, yeah, we're still young people at that time. Of course we, it's gonna, it's, it will mature us. But I, you know, I think you, you, you think too highly of yourself when you're in your 20s. But I had also had a full time job since I was 5. So I thought, I already know. I already know what patience is. I already know what maturity is.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And no, I had no idea.

[B]

My children, it's the most humbling thing. And I mean, as we've been talking about anxious thoughts and fears and worries. Like, it was really the, it was the, the battleground for a lot of these thoughts, you know, because you care so much. I mean, you wouldn't have fear and worry if you're not, if you don't care deeply about things.

[A]

Have you had a fearful experience with any of your kids that happen, that happened at a time that you really had to depend on?

[B]

God, Candace, I'm telling you, like, up until last, until, until 2024, I would say, you know, we've only had like one concussion and one little accident here. No major things. And then 2024, I think you know about this, but I'll tell you the story. But in fall of 2024, three days before my first children's book was coming out, I was packing up to go on this little book tour for my first kid's book, and I get this phone call and my second oldest son, who was with my third son, they were both in college in Phoenix. And it was three weeks into my third freshman year. And he calls it, says, there's been an accident. Judah went over the handlebars on his mountain bike. There's these trails and I think mesa, the air, you know, right outside Phoenix. He went over the handlebars on this, like, mountain bike trail, landed on his head, cracked his very professional helmet. And they search and rescue, they helicoptered him to a trauma center here in Phoenix. And, and it's funny because I think everybody was in shock. And so. Whoa. At first they were like, I'm keeping him really still. And I'm so grateful my, my 21 year old new to like, hold him real still. Keep it, you know, because you don't always think the worst. You're like, okay, this is an accident. I'm a boy, mom. I actually don't panic at first.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then he said something like, yeah, we're just going to take him to the hospital and make sure he's okay. And then we're going to go get chicken bakes at Costco after this. This is literally how the boys were talking. Of course we're going to go get chicken bakes after this. It's just a Saturday. We're riding.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And Candace, I'm on FaceTime. And he's, he's got all sorts of meds, so he's looking fine or whatever. And the ER doc comes in and he says, we can't even, we can't. We don't even have the resources to deal with the kind of trauma he's gone through. We have to send them to a bigger trauma unit. You guys need to get on the plane right now. So I. Ironically, I was on a deadline to paint the book we're talking about, so I was like, I don't know how long I'm gonna be there. So I packed the paints, which is the weirdest thing that I actually started painting for this book about fear, worry, and anxiety from the ICU. And he ended up shattering T4 to T6, not just like a little broken, like, needed reconstruction. And I have rarely felt that. Kind of like, I can't breathe, you know? And they ended up putting rods and screws in. And even then, the neurosurgeon came in and said to us, after the surgery went twice as long as it was supposed to, he said, this was one of the hardest cases I've ever worked on. We actually couldn't get the screw in just right. And there were some issues with this. And I won't go into all the details, but obviously he was concerned if my son was going to walk. We were concerned if my son was going to walk. And this was his freshman year of college. And so I ended up writing about it because I hadn't finished completely this book that we're talking about. And I thought, isn't it like the Lord to give me firsthand experience with how to cast my anxieties on him and know that I can. I'm cared for, know that he loves my son more than I love my son, and whatever the outcome, that if I trust in the character of God, that God is loving, that God is kind, that he has purposes for all the ways in which he writes our stories, that I can take a deep breath and not. I couldn't even control anything. There was nothing I could do but to sit there and wait.

[A]

I'm. As I'm listening to your story, my stomach is turning. I do have tears in my eyes because you just put all of that. I mean, all the fear and anxiety. I'm like, okay, that feels so overwhelming.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because there isn't anything you can do about that.

[B]

And as a mom, you would take that pain any day. Like, I'd be like, let me go through the back surgery. Don't. Don't let my son have his freshman year now, you know, messed up, or for him to not walk. I'll take it, you know, and that's. Those were all. But I couldn't. I just.

[A]

Yes. See, when. When we're talking about some worry and I go, oh, Like, I'm not a. Not a huge worrier, but that just got really real for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you have something that's so dramatic and life threatening or life altering.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That feels. That feels almost too big to handle. And that is the time that you really need to depend on God. So what did that look like for you?

[B]

You know, I think sometimes we underestimate how much life is taking an unexpected turn that is unwanted all the time. Like, we. We don't. We just kind of go, ah, that's so annoying. Or this is. Yeah. But when something dramatic happens, we call it like, oh, this is an unwanted story. Yeah, we actually live in this realm all the time. Every day, something's not going the way we expect or that we hope. And I think we talked about posture at the last episode. And I think about how we actually prepare our hearts every day. We're actually preparing our hearts for what our posture is going to be when life doesn't go our way. So I think about how, like, maybe today nothing dramatic is going to happen, but how I think about God and. And whether I think he cares for me, whether I think it's conditional. Like, if I'm like, oh, God only loves me if I'm reading my Bible, or God only loves my child if he's doing X, Y and Z. That if I think that's a. That's a lie. And if I think lies, that will inform me when things go wrong. And so I can honestly say, Candace, that when I found myself in the ICU and I realized I had to be there in there for, like, eight days, like, to actually live at the hospital and just live in Phoenix for this long time and have nothing, like, nothing I could do to help him. I couldn't make his toes wiggle. I couldn't make him have no nerve pain. I couldn't do any of that. That's when I had to stop and say, okay, what have I thought, rightly, when things were not this scary? And I had to tap back into that because life takes unexpected turns all the time. And my husband used to like to say, and I thought this was a little dramatic for him to say this, but he goes, sometimes I think we need to predetermine how we're gonna deal with crisis, predetermine how we're gonna deal with grief and loss. And really, I'm kind of like, let's just have a nice date night. Do we really have to, like, we have to go there and. No, we're not spending all of date night talking about it. But I think he's just saying, you realize that we're really privileged. We have a lot of blessings. Like you said in the last episode, sometimes you just stop and go, I've got a car to drive and I have a fridge full of groceries. Like, I don't need to complain or whatever. But the reality is like trials and suffering and pain and really traumatic accidents can happen at any time. And we don't need to sit there worrying and anxious about it because we can't control that. But we can determine what do I want to be, how do I want to respond when life takes an unexpected turn, you know, that's something we all have to wrestle with. Can you think of something in your life where it's gone that direction and where you didn't expect?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I can, I'm. And I don't, I don't even want to compare war stories because that, I mean my, my heart just. How is judo, by the way?

[B]

Thanks for asking. He's, he's got some nerve things and he's struggling some, but he gained all. I mean he lost like 30 pounds like this and then gained all that back. He's back in the gym a little bit.

[A]

But it, so he's, I mean he's walking, he's physically able.

[B]

Physically able. Some things are a little harder. Um, it took its toll on him emotionally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And thankfully he's walking with the Lord and he's good. But he's behind in school, you know, all those things. So. But thanks for asking.

[A]

That's the least of.

[B]

I know. Right.

[A]

Cares about that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, listen, I'm all for school people. I'm all for education.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But really that like the least of my worries.

[B]

Right. Right. Oh, good.

[A]

Well, I'm, I'm glad, I am glad to hear that. But we'll, we'll keep praying that things just.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

Prove.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

But it was whatever God had us.

[B]

But you don't have to have a dramatic story to understand how to depend on the Lord. And somebody might be listening right now and it's like, oh, that's a really dramatic story. My life is, you know. But the reality is if you take a look at your life, you might realize I've got a lot of unexpected turns that have required me to depend on God for sure.

[A]

And I can think of things that I've talked about before when I took a 10 year break from acting and I thought, okay, I'm not going to act. I'm going to be a mom and raise my kids. And my worry was, will I ever work Because I really love working. Will God ever use my talents again in that way?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think the other things that I. That I do worry about are the future and what is the future going to look like and what does the future look like for our children? What does it look like for Gen X? I mean, I'm at the stage where I'm waiting for grandbabies, but I'm also. I'm also thinking it is such a different time and generation from even raising my children to what now my kids are going to raise their children in this world of social media with AI AI. I mean, I've. I kind of love it and hate it. There are great things about it, and yet it scares me. I. I do start to think, like, are we going to be living in the Terminator world? Is the Terminator going to come to life? Because that's kind of how it looks like, what it looks like to me.

[B]

Well, it's interesting that you bring that up, because I think it does. It takes something like being in the ICU to remember that you didn't create your own body, that God holds all things together. But in an AI world, it's so interesting that you brought that up because it does give a false sense of control, right? It gives a false sense that you can have access to anything you need to succeed. Right? That's what we're using for, right? We're like, write this. This copy in the best words possible. Eliminate all grammatical errors. You could have it summarize your entire legal document. You can do all these things that end up being like, I can succeed by a push of a button. Right? And so it can give us a false sense of control. And I think. I think the entirety of God's word is a reminder that we're not in control. God writes the story. God has a plan, and that we get to be a part of his story. And I think in my life, it took a traumatic accident for me to remember that in a very poignant way. So I think, you know, as our listeners are listening, and I would say maybe a good question to ask yourself is like, what's. What's happened recently that can help you remember that you were never meant to be the hero of your own life. You're not meant to save yourself. And I think sometimes we can stop and give thanks. I know it doesn't feel like you want to celebrate things that make you feel out of control, but maybe we can give thanks and remember that it's good to be reminded that you're not the Savior. And you're not the hero of your own story.

[A]

Yeah. And force us into dependency.

[B]

Right on, God. Because your 10 year hiatus was a time where you couldn't find your identity in being seen everywhere or having this career flourish. You were doing a job raising kids, but you weren't getting some big paycheck telling you you were doing something.

[A]

No accolades from anyone. No one saying, great dinner, honey. Love how you change that diaper. That was fantastic.

[B]

Did you wish. I know. So did you grow in the Lord during that? I mean, I'm sure you did.

[A]

So, like, that's exactly it, right? So while there was the fear of the future.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's when God grew me. It was like brand new soil, fresh soil. And the seeds were planted. And I grew so much in my relationship with God over those 10 years.

[B]

Can you summarize? I mean, it'd probably be hard, but can you think of the biggest lesson you Learned during that 10 year stint? What was it that sticks out as this is the one thing that God kept reminding me over and over again. Is there anything like that?

[A]

Well, I'm gonna cry. Cause it's the gospel.

[B]

Love that. I love you. I love you because you love the gospel so much. I love you for all the fashion and all the stuff. Candice, I think we're friends because you love Jesus so much. And I feel like I love that about you.

[A]

Thank you. It guts me every time, but that's it. I finally understood the gospel. I understood like to the depths of my soul, between soul and spirit, of what God did for me. And I'm so grateful for the gospel. Before that, it. It was just like, oh, I'm a Christian. Oh, I believe in Jesus. That didn't change my life to say those things or go to church once in a while.

[B]

Thank you. I need one too.

[A]

But when he lifted that veil and I understood what he did for me and that I. There's nothing I can do, there's nothing I can do to earn the justification before God on when I. When I die, you know, when I stand before him one day that Jesus paid it all in full. And he's not expecting me to achieve something he doesn't. He's not looking for me to be perfect. He's not this judge that gave us a bunch of rules so that we can be left sitting in them. And he's just condemning us. He's like, no, I'm giving you this to show you that you can achieve it. And I did it for you. And it's a gift that is the gospel.

[B]

And did you grow in that because somebody discipled you in it? Or did you like start? How did you finally come to understand? Because I have a similar journey and I'm like, I thought I understood, but I wasn't free. And you're talking about freedom because you understood grace. You understood the gospel of grace.

[A]

Yeah, I've never been to Israel, but it's a place I've often talked about with friends and really hope to visit someday. It's where the stories of the Bible happened, full of history and meaning. That's why I'm proud to partner with the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews. For over 40 years, they've been caring for Israel's most vulnerable, feeding children, supporting the elderly, and bringing hope to where it's needed most. There are stories in the Bible that come with promises, and for Christians, I think it's so important to understand the foundations of our faith and the special connection we have with the people of Israel whose history is told in the Bible. Building intentional relationships and supporting the people of Israel is a way we can live out our faith. Join me in being a blessing to people who share the foundations of our faith. To learn more and find out how you can help, visit ifcj.org that's ifcj.org Something I love to do is point people to the Scriptures and encourage them to read the Bible. People often ask me about my personalized Bibles which are out of print for now, but here's one I really recommend. The NIV Application Bible New from Zondervan. This Bible is so helpful because it doesn't just explain what the text says, it shows you how it applies to your life today. It features thousands of study notes from the best selling NIV Application Commentary series. You'll also find original meaning notes that unpack the context of each passage and application notes that help you live out God's Word in your daily experiences. There are also questions for growth, introductions for every book, character profiles, and even articles about who God is, all in a beautiful full color design. If you want to dig deeper into scripture, check it out@nivapplication Bible.com that's NIV Application Bible hey friends, if you haven't checked out Adele Natural Cosmetics yet, they are a family run faith based company that makes beautiful handcrafted skincare and makeup right here in the USA. Their mission is rooted in 1st Peter 3, verses 3 and 4. Beauty comes from the heart and that really shows in everything they do. One of my go to products well I love Their loose eyeshadow. I like the shade linen. I use it as a base across my lid and then I layer a deeper color right in the crease. And right now I am loving summer nights. If an eyeshadow color could be romantic, this is it. And all of the shadows are clean, highly pigmented formulas. And they're buildable, they're easily blendable, and they stay put without creasing or falling out. So they work for the lids, liner, even brows. And they come in matte and shimmer finishes and I love having that choice. Plus, they are safe for sensitive eyes. Now I just need them to create a palette that's compact with my favorite colors. Follow Dell Natural Cosmetics for tutorials, behind the scenes and encouraging content. And use my code Candice for 25% off your first order. Well, this again. I was in my early 20s and my brother sent me a book called the Way of the Master by Ray Comfort. It's a pretty old book at this point, but it impacted my life so much. And that was when I had a hunger and. But I prayed every day when that was revealed to me that the veil was lifted off and I truly understood the gospel. I was in tears on my bedroom floor saying, God, like, thank you. I had so much gratitude. It's like when someone saves your life, literally gives you life back.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you would do anything for them. If you're. Whether it's you or your child. And if someone, you know, if someone saved them, if someone gave you the cure to your disease, you would be indebted to them for the rest of your life. And you would willingly say, like, anything you want. Forever. I am at your beck and call. I will do anything because I'm so thankful. And that was it for me. That's how I feel towards God. So he. I just prayed that I would never forget. I would always feel that way. And indebted in a. In a. In a way. And indebted in humble service to him. A true desire to want to live a life pleasing to him with gratitude. Not because I have to, but because.

[B]

He loved us first. Because he pursued you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And traded all your striving to try to be perfect, to try to be what everybody wanted. And said, you're exactly who I made you to be. And everything that you can't get right wasn't the way you were going to save yourself in the first place. The gospel. And I'm so grateful. Tears and all that. You shared that so eloquently and so poignantly because the summary to this whole conversation ultimately is that dependency on God for the things that we're afraid of. If you're afraid of not having enough money, not having enough friends, whether your kids are going to go to the right school, anything that you're afraid of, the answer is actually dependency on God. For the number one thing. When we read in Ephesians 3 this like that Christ does more abundantly and immeasurably more than we ask or imagine. That's not fundamentally about winning the lottery. This is at all right. It's not at all about that. Fundamentally that we cannot save ourselves. We cannot have fulfillment, satisfaction, joy. We can't have the peace that we think we're going to have by going to the spa or doing enough Pilates. Like you can't get peace by doing any of those things. That peace, regardless of whether you're picking up Cheerios or you have a corner office, that peace comes from the Lord and it comes from peace with God. And so this question of how do we unburden our anxious souls and how do we address fear and anxiety and how do we depend on Him? You know, one of the things I see when I'm in the mountains is that the flowers can't exist without God orchestrating all the things that they need to exist. And that dependency is the way of the wildflower. Right? The dependency is one where you're describing that in your 10 year hiatus when it was easy to want to like, find your worth and identity and value and all these other things you said, stripped of all that, I finally realized that you, God did everything that was possibly required of me. Like there's nothing that separates me from you now because of Christ, because of the blood of Christ, because of the perfect life, death and resurrection of Christ, that we have access. And that access actually frees us so much that no matter what we're fearful of whatever we're anxious about. It's not like you and I will remember that perfectly. But the reason why I think it brought tears to your eyes is because there's so much hope in it that if you just stop and rehearse that truth again, you remember that there's nothing scary that, that God hasn't already conquered. There's nothing that I need to worry about because God has already done immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine. Because he said Jesus. Yeah, you know you did. Oh, thanks for sharing that. Oh my goodness, friend.

[A]

I wasn't expecting to cry actually so much.

[B]

But you share the gospel. That's so good. Love it.

[A]

You. We were talking before we started the podcast and you had said to me, candace, you don't say that you're a worrier, but I think that you are.

[B]

And you're just like, like, wait. Everything you just said is exactly what I call anxious thoughts in my life. And I say it the exact same way. So whatever we want to call it, so funny. I love it.

[A]

Well, not because I was crying, but I. But I do want to talk about grief and grief and our dependency on God because I think that sometimes grief can come upon us quickly and yet there. For many people, grief is an everyday part of their life. And so can you share with us? Can we talk about how we handle and have that dependency on God when we are dealing with grief either long term or.

[B]

You know, I think grief comes in so many forms. I mean, somebody listening here probably recently got a diagnosis that is unwanted. Somebody listening has lost somebody they really love. And then there's forms of grief that looks like everything in your life falling apart and saying goodbye to something that you really, really love and, and it's no longer yours to have, or a relationship, not, you know, a friendship, a long time friendship that you can't seem to restore even though you've tried. There's grief in so many different ways, avenues and ways. And I think, I think about how if we go to the end of the entire story of redemption and we go to revelation and we hear that ultimately when we are face to face with Jesus, there will be no sadness and no tears and no grief because we are ultimately, we'll be fully restored, fully satisfied. And so this side of heaven, I think grief is real. Like, we can try all sorts of things to be like, hey, you know, this is fun, this is great, but the reality is we have to lean in and go, okay. The only way I can even deal with the grief that comes and goes and sometimes lingers on is that we need to remember that there's eternal hope, unshakable, eternal hope waiting for us when we're in Christ. And we don't have to wait for heaven to experience that it can happen now because he lives within us when we are in Him. But we have to actually receive that and be willing to say, okay, I can't just overcome sadness and grief just by implementing, you know, tactics. We. I actually have to surrender to the fact that I was made for the hope and joy in him that I can't achieve on my own. You know, and I'm really grateful that we can talk about various kinds of grief, I think, like the. The grief of even laying down a career for a season. But I think both of us probably have had loss of different kinds, you know, and so I think loss is one of those things that you do have to find a friend, a community to talk to and work through. But you can't just go at it alone and live alone in that grief. Right. You have to, like, really seek others to encourage and yes. Work through that with.

[A]

I. I do think that grief can become debilitating for a lot of people, and it becomes very isolating if you're holding all of that in and you don't have community. I know that in. In times of death, when I've lost people, the best thing I had was someone that could just sit with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And listen and hold my hand or give me a hug. Words didn't matter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the sitting in the presence with another close friend meant so much to me.

[B]

How do you think, just for anyone who's listening and saying, gosh, sometimes I can't feel the comfort from Jesus. What do you think? How are some different ways that the Lord has comforted you? Can you put into words like, what is comfort? I think both of us would say opening God's word has been a comfort very. Can you think of other things that we can identify as ways that God comforts us?

[A]

It's going back to all the things that we've talked about in that. I can't see the world the way God does because he's omnipresent and he's working everything for his good. And when I remind myself that I don't know why this happened, I don't know why would. Why, why even would God take someone at this age or so young, or there was so much life left, or, you know, even if it's your animal and you're like, they were my best friend. And you. You love.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

I know. Like Boris hiring dog, you know, And I listen. I have. I have lost five dogs and a few that we had to put down. I mean, I was the one to go to put them down because Val couldn't handle it. Well, Val did. Was with me with one of them, but you know what I mean? It's just. And it's hard, but I always. I just always go back to say, God works everything for his good and he will always have his way. And I may not understand it. Thank God that I'm not God.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because I. I probably wouldn't make very rational decisions in my own humanness. In the way that I think. But God sees everything and there's a bigger picture. And, and while I might not understand some of those things and they, they hurt so much, I trust that his ways are better than mine. And that brings me comfort to just think about that.

[B]

Yep. And I, I'll butcher it. I won't flip to it. But you know, in First Peter, we read about, you know, God's people are in exile and they're suffering and they're going through all this and, and it says if for a little while you need to suffer, remember that you were actually made for like another world ultimately that you, that you have a hope eternal. And I think about how as pilgrims in this world, like this is not our home, you realize how much keeping. Not that you're not fully present in this world, in your community, serving the context that God's placed you, but having an eternal perspective that we are heading home, this is not our home, does give comfort in reminding you that this is not as good as it gets. That actually like we. It's CS Lewis that says, you know, that he's only smelled the scent of a flower that he's never even truly known. He's not actually like, he longs for something that can only suggest that he was made for another world. When there's a longing in our hearts. So I think grief is kind of like that where when there's a grieving and you know, like, I don't feel like my heart will ever be fully put back together, we can rest assured and know that God is our actual healer, the one who can give us wholeness in our hearts. That it's not finding the right person or figuring out how to like, fix all the things that don't feel right in our lives that actually surrendering and saying, okay, Lord, you've made me for your presence in which I will feel fully whole, fully satisfied in no pain or sadness. And that will, that's ultimately the promise that awaits us in Christ. And that brings a lot of comfort too.

[A]

It does. And I think it's one that we miss a lot. I think we often are so focused on the here and now that we're not often enough heavenly minded.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we, we are thinking that this is the end all, but guess what? It's not.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

It gets better, guys.

[B]

But we live in this world. We do. Where you have a job, I have a job. I've got six boys to take care of. Like, we've got lives to, to deal with. So it's like, it's that holding that tension of keeping our eyes fixed on eternity, looking to Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, but to actually steward right now. Right. To depend on him today.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's take a listener question. Today's is from Alicia. Could be Alicia. Not sure. She asks, how do you keep your faith when you're dealing with a cancer diagnosis? I'm sorry, that's.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's tough. I have, you know, I have friends who have had it. You know, even my mom had breast cancer and. And friends who have passed from it. So it's never. Obviously it's never easy and. But how do you keep your faith in God? Well, it's all the things we've been talking about.

[B]

So it's one day at a time, too, right?

[A]

It is, absolutely.

[B]

I have not had to go through that personally, but as someone who has a friend walking through it, I realized, like, you can't get ahead. You can't start thinking about everything else. You just take today and say, all. All I've got today is to trust you today. God, you know, with the treatment, with the pain, with the fear, you know.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, it's good.

[B]

You watched your mom will go through it.

[A]

Yeah, she did. And she's. She's cancer free, but had a few surgeries.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But my aunt passed away from it, and my friend Dave Coulier has been walking through it, but he was declared cancer free a few months ago. So grateful for. But yeah, it's hard. And I. I honestly don't know how people walk through it without.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Faith.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the faith. Faith. The faith component is the very thing that I cling to. It's what gives me the most hope because I know that no matter what happens on this side of our lives, it will be perfection in eternity. That's when. When our hope is placed in Christ.

[B]

Absolutely. And I think that means that we can hold both. We can. We can simultaneously pray for healing, ask the Lord to, in his will, choose to remove this thorn, choose to remove the cancer, but simultaneously say, I'm not God. You are. I don't write the perfect story. You will. So I'm gonna trust you. So like to do both at the same time is.

[A]

I was just reading. I'm gonna get mixed up because I'm in between, like, three different books in the Old Testament, and I'm not sure if it's Isaiah or Hosea.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not great either.

[A]

But one of. One of the kings. I think it might have been Hezekiah, which was a good king. Guys, I could be butchering this. I'm not sure, but I think it was Hezekiah. And God said, told him, like, you're. You're gonna prepare because you're prepared to die. Your. Your life is coming to an end. And he prayed to God and he said, but I. But I have honored you. I have done all of these things, and would you give me more life? And God said, you have. And I see them and I recognize them and gave them 15 more years. And I do love that. I mean, God's not going to do that for everyone, but I love that we can ask him that and say, I'm not ready to go or I'm not ready for my friend or my child or whatever. Can you.

[B]

Because.

[A]

Because of my faith in. In you. Can you give us more time together?

[B]

But pray those prayers because again, it's like the posture of humility, of saying, I trust you, God, whatever you will.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Changes the way we pray. We pray with boldness, but we also trust him for how he will lead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, thanks for the listener who shared that. That's so personal and. All right, our second listener question is from Tori. How do you get motivation to want to live when your life is falling apart and you can't hear God at all? That's so real.

[A]

Tori, have you had seasons where you felt like you couldn't hear God because.

[B]

And I'll just say, because sometimes when you're so distraught, you imagine you want God to just give you the answer, like, the way. Just.

[A]

You want it.

[B]

Tell me. Exactly. Yeah. So in my mind, and I'm not saying that Tori's expecting that. I know in my life, I'm expecting, like, God, can you just show me the way? And then I think about what Jesus says in the book of John, I am the way, the truth, and the life. And he wants more than anything that when my life is falling apart, I don't want to find the way. I want to find Jesus. He wants me to find him to see the way, you know? And so, you know, Tori, I would just first acknowledge that that's very real. And we all. Whether we show it or not, we all know that feeling of, like, I feel so discouraged or I feel so depressed that I don't really want to, like, get after it at all. And if God just told me how to do it, everything would be fine. And I would say, start by confessing to the Lord, you know, Tori, I would just say, start by confessing Lord, I feel unmotivated. I don't even want to do anything. I don't. Are you listening? And just be. Be honest before the Lord. And then I would say, honestly, you should not walk this alone. And when your life is falling apart, find a friend who loves Jesus more than you're capable of right now and tell that friend what you're going through and let somebody else walk with you through it and let somebody else encourage you through it. Because it's too tempting to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and be like, okay, I've got motivation because I've got a goal. And sometimes we need goals. And honestly, when your life is falling apart, maybe you should set a goal of like, hey, I'm going to be in listen to my audio Bible five minutes today and go for a walk. And you need some rhythms and stuff, but you also need people to encourage you.

[A]

Yeah, you know, that's really good advice.

[B]

Well, I've had a little bit experience with that.

[A]

Well, this was another really episode. Great episode, Ruth. So thank you. And we'll be back next week and we are going to be talking about the way of freedom next week. So come join us. And remember, we have a free Advent guide for you this season from Ruth's Advent Devotional emmanuel. Go to candace.com to find the link. It's also in our show notes Notes. You'll also find a [e-mail] where you can ask questions for future episodes. And there's another place you can ask questions and join in a private podcast discussion group. It's called the Together Community. Download the app and learn how to become a monthly [e-mail] together. Until next time, be grateful all day, every day. Candy Rock Entertainment. All rights reserved.

[B]

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