OUR MOM, THE PAGEANT QUEEN

Summary

Summary of "OUR MOM, THE PAGEANT QUEEN" Episode of The Carpool with Kelly and Lizz

Release Date: November 19, 2024

In the "OUR MOM, THE PAGEANT QUEEN" episode of The Carpool with Kelly and Lizz, hosts Kelly Stumpe and Lizz St. John welcome their mother, Chris, affectionately known as the "Pageant Queen," to discuss her experiences raising five children, her background in pageantry, maintaining a strong marriage, and sharing invaluable Thanksgiving traditions. The episode seamlessly weaves personal anecdotes with heartfelt insights, offering listeners a blend of humor, wisdom, and relatable family dynamics.

1. Welcome and Introduction (02:06 - 04:19)

The episode begins with Kelly and Lizz introducing their mother, Chris, highlighting her role as a dedicated mom and a long-time listener of the podcast. The sisters express their excitement to have her share her experiences on the show.

Liz [02:44]: "Well, mom, thanks so much for joining today. We know you're an active carpool listener, so it'll be really fun for you to listen back to this and see how you did."

Chris [02:58]: "It'll be cringey because I can't listen to myself talk."

2. Raising Five Kids: Balancing Time and Managing Mom Guilt (05:17 - 09:23)

Chris delves into the challenges of raising five children, emphasizing the constant juggle of attention and responsibilities. She describes parenting as "putting out fires" and highlights the importance of prioritizing each child's immediate needs.

Chris [05:28]: "With five kids, you realize you don't get mom's undivided attention all the time, but when you needed it, you got it."

Kelly and Liz reflect on the family’s understanding nature and the absence of lasting negative feelings despite the demanding upbringing.

Liz [06:20]: "I don't ever look back and feel like I didn't get my fair share or unloved or any of that."

They discuss the concept of "mom guilt" and how balancing responsibilities with personal time is crucial for both parents and children.

Chris [07:54]: "Most of my guilt would have been directed toward probably you and Elizabeth more than the young kids."

3. Chris’s Pageant Journey (11:01 - 13:13)

Chris shares her history in pageantry, recounting her experiences as a contestant and her interactions with future Miss America Debbie Turner. She candidly talks about being offered the Miss Missouri title but choosing to continue competing until she succeeded.

Chris [11:35]: "I was second runner up to Miss Missouri twice. I was offered the chance to be Miss Missouri to fill Debbie Turner's shoes, and I said, no, I'm going to try for it one more time."

Reflecting on her decision, Chris emphasizes the importance of perseverance and humility.

Chris [12:35]: "I was offered it and I declined it because I wanted to try one more year to win, and I just never did. So obviously, humility instills a good life lesson."

4. Maintaining a Strong Marriage (16:41 - 20:08)

A significant portion of the episode focuses on Chris’s enduring marriage. She attributes their strong relationship to mutual respect, shared faith, and intentional efforts to support each other. Chris highlights the importance of date nights and keeping the romantic spark alive despite busy family lives.

Chris [16:41]: "I think first of all, the foundation, if I'm, I mean, just in my marriage, is respect. So I think you need respect even more than you need love and air, quoting love."

She shares anecdotes about consistently prioritizing their relationship, such as dedicating Thursday nights to date nights, which has been pivotal in maintaining their bond over 25 years.

Chris [20:08]: "We always kind of kept our relationship going, and that was him. Because I probably would have just prioritized you guys."

5. Thanksgiving Traditions and Tips (22:42 - 34:20)

Chris imparts her extensive knowledge on hosting a successful Thanksgiving, sharing practical tips and cherished traditions. She discusses meal preparation strategies, such as smoking and baking the turkey the day before to save oven space and ensure dishes are ready on time.

Chris [33:12]: "Dad always slicing it at the last minute, and it's such a mess. Warming it back up slightly has been a game changer."

The conversation covers detailed planning methods, including setting specific tasks for family members to streamline cleanup and enhance the dining experience. The sisters reveal their own hacks, like using customizable place cards from Etsy to add a personal touch to the table setting.

Kelly [29:40]: "Here's a hack we did last year or so. I ordered just generic name placements for everyone who ever attends."

They also explore the importance of dining in the dining room, creating a festive tablescape, and incorporating family games to foster a sense of togetherness.

Chris [28:56]: "We eat in the dining room. That's special. Sometimes I pull out my china, and sometimes I just... It’s still in the dining room. It’s still kind of thing."

6. Embracing Chaos and Flexibility (21:54 - 23:41)

Discussing the unpredictable nature of family life, Chris and her daughters talk about the necessity of embracing chaos and being flexible with plans. They emphasize that not everything can go perfectly, and adapting to last-minute changes is part of creating a balanced and enjoyable family environment.

Chris [21:54]: "I think a strength of mine is that I'm not a huge planner, and I'm kind of just a go with the flow kind of girl."

Liz [23:12]: "Your favorite Friday. I also think that we like, something fun that we do that I'm sure we've shared on the car before is we talk the next day about, like, what went well, what didn't."

7. Listener Stories: Blake's Besties Segment (47:07 - 50:15)

The episode concludes with Blake's Besties, a heartfelt segment where Kelly and Liz read submissions from listeners who have experienced the loss of a child. Maria and Kylie's stories poignantly convey their grief and the support they found in the podcast community.

Maria [48:10]: "In 2017, I found out halfway through my pregnancy that our sweet baby had a terminal birth defect... Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this story."

Kylie [48:10]: "We lost our third baby, Maggie Marie, at 37 weeks... The heartbreak is overwhelming, but you will find your way, too. Thank you for what you do."

Chris joins in expressing her gratitude for being part of such an intimate and supportive conversation, reinforcing the podcast's role as a comforting space for its listeners.

8. Closing Remarks

Kelly and Liz wrap up the episode by thanking their mother and the listeners, encouraging them to share their own stories and stay connected with the podcast community.

Kelly [49:29]: "Oh, wow. Those both really got me today. Thank you so much for sharing those stories and for writing in and letting us talk about your babies."

Chris [49:53]: "It was fun."

Key Takeaways

• Balancing Family and Personal Life: Chris’s experiences highlight the importance of prioritizing, managing time effectively, and embracing flexibility to maintain harmony in a large family.

• Strong Marital Foundation: Mutual respect, shared values, and intentional relationship-building are crucial for a lasting marriage.

• Thoughtful Thanksgiving Planning: Practical tips and personal traditions can transform Thanksgiving into a special and memorable family event.

• Community Support: Sharing personal stories fosters a sense of connection and support among listeners, reinforcing the podcast’s role as a trusted community space.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Chris [05:28]: "With five kids, you realize you don't get mom's undivided attention all the time, but when you needed it, you got it."

• Chris [07:54]: "Most of my guilt would have been directed toward probably you and Elizabeth more than the young kids."

• Chris [16:41]: "I think first of all, the foundation, if I'm, I mean, just in my marriage, is respect."

• Chris [21:54]: "I think a strength of mine is that I'm not a huge planner, and I'm kind of just a go with the flow kind of girl."

• Maria [48:10]: "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this story."

• Kylie [48:10]: "Thank you for what you do."

This episode offers a blend of practical advice, personal stories, and emotional depth, making it a valuable listen for anyone navigating family life, marriage, or the challenges of parenting.

Transcript

[Kelly]

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[Liz]

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[Kelly]

Welcome to the Carpool Podcast with Kelly.

[Liz]

I think it's kind of scary how bad my spelling's gone downhill. Even more. I can't tell you the last time I actually spelled the word anxiety correctly. My phone just yells. But that's probably what I meant. Like my phone is like handicapping me and Liz.

[Kelly]

And I do feel like you have kind of tapped into maybe those memories you've blacked out as of late. As you see Kelly and I going.

[Chris]

Through it a little bit more. Your mom time off starts now.

[Liz]

Welcome back to the Carpool podcast with.

[Kelly]

Kelly and Liz and Chris. And Chris. Hi, mom. Hi, girls.

[Liz]

Oh, the hardest talent to nail down.

[Kelly]

I mean, truly.

[Liz]

She's squeezing us in between her Bible study and her appointment today. But we are blessed to be in the presence of Chris on Trupp. Our mother.

[Chris]

You're sweet girls.

[Kelly]

The Queenie Bee golf season is over, so that's really how we were able to snag her. True that because she spends her days with the girls.

[Liz]

With the girls on the girls.

[Kelly]

Girls on the course.

[Liz]

Well, mom, thanks so much for joining today. We know you're. We know you're an active carpool listener, so it'll be really fun for you to listen back to this. See how you did.

[Chris]

It'll be cringy because I can't listen to myself talk.

[Liz]

Not her 57 year old mother using the word cringey like, I'm obsessed.

[Chris]

I'm obsessed. I do have four daughters. I'm up on the jargon.

[Liz]

And then she follows it up with a word like jargon.

[Chris]

Love to see it. The nerd in me comes through.

[Liz]

Well, mom, we wanted to have you on the podcast because my favorite holiday, and truthfully, probably one of your, I would say, like, biggest accomplishments of the year, Thanksgiving is coming up. Because you knock it out of the park with Thanksgiving.

[Chris]

Thanks. Yes, I try.

[Liz]

I think that you have such good, tangible Thanksgiving housekeeping tips. So we want to get to all of that and then of course, just hear how it was, you know, raising five kids and things like that and just.

[Kelly]

Yeah, touch. Touch back on that because we did ask the carpool Instagram what guests they want. And I'm not kidding, every other one was get Chris back on. Get Chris. So you are truly our most highly requested guest.

[Chris]

I'm flattered.

[Kelly]

Followed by one of these days we'll be able to nail down the truly the hardest talent, which is Craig Central.

[Chris]

Dad. Yeah.

[Liz]

I just don't know how much dad would enjoy it. Like, I don't know what. I don't know.

[Kelly]

I'd be wrong. I don't think it'll be a very good listening experience.

[Chris]

It could be.

[Kelly]

You never know.

[Liz]

Yeah, you never know.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Liz]

Okay, well, Liz, let's just get. Let's just jump right in and get to some questions. I mean, I could chit and I could chat, but who wants to hear from me when we have the queen?

[Kelly]

Yeah, that's so true. So, mom, I think that just like a lot of. A lot of people want to know. They want to hear a lot about how you raised five kids and just like get kind of like, I think you can like, look back on it and say, oh, it was so sweet and it was so wonderful, but just like kind of get like real and vulnerable. And I do feel like you have kind of tapped into maybe those memories you've blacked out as of late. As you see Kelly and I going through it a little bit more. So some questions, PTSD coming back to me.

[Liz]

Well, and Liz before we do that, I just want to give a little context. So if you. If you're not super familiar with our family. I'm the oldest, and then it's Elizabeth, and then we have a brother, Craig, and then a sister Sydney, and another sister, Grayson. And me and Grayson, like, the oldest and the youngest. We're eight years apart. She had five kids in eight years, which is insane.

[Kelly]

Yeah. So I. I think a really big question that I'm seeing is how did you divide your time between the five kids?

[Chris]

I think I used to say, like, it was. I always felt like I was putting out fires, you know, because there was never. You could have a plan, but it just never worked because there was always a fire coming up. So had to be, like, a level of triage, like, who needs me the most right now? And I think you all were very good at understanding that, too. With five kids, you realize you don't get mom's undivided attention all the time, but when you needed it, you got it. So then you were able to, I think, give me the grace to, like, take care of Sydney when she was, you know, drawing on the walls and taking crystals off my chandelier and flushing them down the toilet. So you realize that needed to be addressed first.

[Kelly]

Wow. So I. Yeah, we were just so understanding.

[Chris]

You guys were pretty understanding.

[Kelly]

Well, I will. I'll say to answer that question is like, how do you divide your time fairly? Looking back, it's like, yeah, sometimes mom and dad weren't at your sports games. You know, like, they drop you off and they go, take someone else. Like, sometimes you just don't. They're not always there. And, like, none of us are scarred by it. We're all fine. We're an extremely close family. Like, we all turned out okay. So I just. I just think, speaking from the experience as a child, like, if your parent can't give you a hundred percent all of the time, you're probably going to turn out just fine.

[Liz]

I think that's a really good point, because there's not. I don't ever look back and feel like I didn't get my fair share or unloved or any of that. And even I'm sure I do remember a little bit, like, dreading when you would bring home a new baby, because then we need a little attention. But it hasn't affected me in my adult life. So I think I'm with Liz. I think it's not always like, you know, one miss of a soccer game isn't going to make or break Anything.

[Chris]

Well, I hope you all knew that we would love to have been there for everybody, and we love all our kids, but the reality is there's two of us and five of you, so.

[Liz]

And I think the better gift you gave us was you and dad having a great marriage and a lot of siblings. Like, I would never trade you showing up at every soccer game to, like, not have one of my sisters, you know?

[Kelly]

Totally.

[Chris]

Exactly.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Liz]

Can I ask a. Yeah. Did you ever, though, feel any guilt? And if, like, how did you manage the guilt, the mom guilt?

[Chris]

I think sometimes. And Kelly, I would say you feel the guilt sometimes more for the older kids because you're forcing them to be more responsible than maybe their age would typically expect them to be. But when you're the oldest, I needed help. I needed you to understand. You just. You do put a little more pressure on your older kids out of necessity. But I also think that forms older kids tend to be very well adjusted. They tend to be leaders, they tend to be smart. They. They kind of know how to go with the flow. So it's, you know, there's a yin and a yang with what. What you can do. But I think my most guilt would have been directed toward probably you and Elizabeth more than the young kids.

[Liz]

Feels good to hear you.

[Kelly]

It's. It's almost like we're all trying to raise well balanced. And part of being balanced is good and bad. And so when you go through your life and you kind of experience those, you know, the time when you get mom, which is I would consider the good, and then those times where you're, you know, more responsible or you don't get mom, I would consider that to be the bad or whatever. But then that's how. Maybe that's how you get the balance. So if we're all just trying to give our kids all the good, a hundred percent of the time is that really balance. You know, like seeing. Seeing that guilt and, like, them go through hardships and stuff, maybe that's just part of becoming a balanced human being.

[Chris]

It is such a myth. And I think we do our kids a disservice when we want everything to be great for them all the time. Because the world isn't great all the time.

[Liz]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And the best thing you can do is give your child tools to deal with the bad things and not getting invited to a party and be like, you know what? Not everybody can invite everybody. Doesn't mean you're not their friend. It just means they can't invite everybody. So if you teach your Kids how to. How to deal with the disappointments. I think you give them a really big leg up on how to adjust to life as they grow older.

[Kelly]

Totally. Well, I want to touch a little bit more, a little bit on your marriage. So I have two questions. Number one, I don't know if we've ever addressed this on the podcast, but someone was wondering how you and dad met.

[Chris]

There's an old song from the 80s. I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met you. And I was. We went to Mizzou together. Dad was a football player, and I was a waitress in a bar. And he and the football players would come in, and I could see them all, like, they'd be talking, and then dad would come up and talk to me, and he'd follow me around, like, the whole night. And I don't know, I just felt like those guys are just trying to see if they can get the waitress to go out with one of the football players. I'm like, I'm not going to play that game. So he's like, you should go out with me. I'm like, well, call me in the morning and we'll talk about it.

[Liz]

Such standards, Mom.

[Kelly]

Such standards.

[Chris]

So, yeah, he asked me out several times before I finally said yes. And I agreed to a study date. It was finals week. He was graduating. I was still a sophomore. And we went on a. On a date and we started talking and I realized he wasn't just what you think of as a dumb football player. He was smart. He was family oriented. He was kind. He was funny. He was. But, I mean, he was wonderful.

[Kelly]

Six, six, four.

[Chris]

Six, four. I. I mean, I cannot tell you. I just remember it. I was like, oh, my gosh, I've never met anybody like this.

[Liz]

And, mom, you were a waitress at a cocktail bar, but you were also. Wasn't this when you were doing all your pageants?

[Chris]

Yeah, I was a pageant queen.

[Liz]

And tell us, weren't you first runner up for Missouri?

[Chris]

I was second runner up to Miss Missouri twice. And I was offered. When Missouri one time became Debbie Turner, became Miss America, and I was offered the chance to be Missouri to fill her shoes, and I said, no, I'm going to try for it one more time. I never won.

[Kelly]

I didn't know that you were offered it.

[Liz]

I didn't.

[Chris]

I was offered it and I declined it. Dumb mistake.

[Kelly]

Okay, well, this is actually a question.

[Liz]

That the girl that you lost to that year became Miss America.

[Kelly]

Yeah, that's what. That's what she just said.

[Liz]

I Know. So you. So you are Missouri by default.

[Chris]

But I turned it down.

[Kelly]

She turned it.

[Chris]

Because I wanted to try one more year to win, and I just never did. So obviously, humility instills a good life lesson.

[Kelly]

Mom, you had these plans to be Missouri, and you were a singer and you were an actress and all these things, and you found yourself as a stay at home mom to five kids.

[Chris]

I did. In a town that I didn't grow up in with. No.

[Kelly]

Yes. So is this. Obviously you don't look back and regret anything. Of course, I'm sure. But, like, how did you cope with, like, this not maybe necessarily being the life that you had seen for yourself and just finding yourself in the trenches of motherhood?

[Chris]

Yeah. So I'll tell you a little funny story. So I went to college with Brad Pitt, and we were about the same age.

[Liz]

Like, the Brad Pitt.

[Chris]

The Brad Pitt?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Liz]

People just.

[Chris]

And yeah. And I didn't know him very well, but, like, in Greek Week, like, I won Best Actress and he won Best Actor. He was playing Shaggy and I was playing Olive oil. And here I am at home in a town where I don't really have any friends. I'm. I'm staying at home. I'm 26, 27, 26, something like that. I'm just. I'm lonely and bored. And there's Brad Pitt, like, on Dallas and on TV shows and movies. And I'm like, what happened to my life? And it was. You know what? I had some sad days.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris]

But then somehow it dawned on me that what I think I told Elizabeth this yesterday. I'm like, what I'm doing is actually the most important job in the world. It's a humble job, it's a quiet job, it's a difficult job. But raising beautiful human beings is literally the most important job in the world. And that gave me a lot of peace. And eventually I met Janice when we moved and I had the two of you. And I met Janice, and she had two kids, and we ended up having just. She was like my lifeline. We were each other's lifeline. So, you know, I feel for all of you moms out there who are at home and you feel like you fell off the planet and everybody else is living these great lives, and you're living a very quiet, challenging life. But it is so important.

[Kelly]

And worth it. Question mark.

[Chris]

Yes, and worth it. I mean, look at you guys. You are the fruits of my labor.

[Liz]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And I couldn't be more proud.

[Kelly]

And Janice, for anyone who doesn't know, is My mom's best friend, who like, she said she met when my mom just had two kids. Janice had two kids. They both ended up having five kids. And both of their husbands worked very late hours. And we would spend like a few nights a week with Janice and her kids.

[Chris]

We would call each. We'd be on the phone, and it's funny, you know, Janice and I would take like all day to have like a 10 minute conversation because you're like, I gotta go. You hang up. And then like two hours, you're like, so anyway, I was talking about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, you just pick up your conversation. And inevitably we'd be like, okay, what are you doing for dinner? And I'm like, I don't know. I've got like a bag salad and hot dogs. And she goes, oh, I've got chicken breasts and I've got some tater tots. Like, let's meet at my house. You bring your stuff. And we would like literally combine our food, cook, lay it all out. And like, sometimes it'd be the eight of you or eventually the ten of you would just like run through the line and we would just sit there and feed you all and you guys would play and we just had the best time. We'd make plates for dads and feed them when they got home.

[Liz]

I'm obsessed.

[Kelly]

You were each other's village.

[Chris]

Yeah. Yeah, we were. And it takes a village to raise a kid.

[Kelly]

Yeah. So following up on my second question about dad, what's just like some, what's your marriage advice for a happy marriage, A long marriage, especially, you know, in those younger kids years when things are difficult.

[Chris]

I think first of all, it, it, the, the foundation, if I'm, I mean, just in my marriage, is respect. So I think you need respect even more than you need love and air quoting love. Because respect will get you, respect will get you through. You have to respect each other. You have to give and take. I, I would say I, I'll give in a lot until I won't. And then when I really need something, dad always knows, like, oh, she's serious. I need to do this for her.

[Liz]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And I don't, you know, didn't cry wolf, didn't act like I needed stuff all the time because, you know, he was working long hours and he wished he could have been there for you guys more. But. And you know what? We were lucky. We lived in a, in a time where people are making the same amount of money today as they were making 20 years ago, and everything's so much more expensive. So I think there's probably fewer and fewer people who can have a one house, one income household.

[Liz]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Which is. Also makes everything doubly hard.

[Liz]

Yeah.

[Chris]

But I think it starts with respect. I think a shared faith is very important for us, no matter what your faith is. But I think that. I think that's important and being positive and encouraging each other and always trying to be the best version of yourself for each other. Like, I think dad deserves the best version of me, and I definitely deserve the best version of him. And I. I expect it. And in raising you guys, I think I always gave you a. The belief that I believed you were. I believed you were the best version of yourself and what people believe they will achieve. So if I always expect dad to be the best version of himself, and I expect you to be the best version of yourself, you tend to become the best version of yourself. I love it.

[Kelly]

Beautifully. Beautifully said.

[Chris]

Great.

[Liz]

And I will say I always. I remember and, like, I don't know why this stick out to me so much, but I feel like when I was a kid, I'd always be like, I definitely felt like you would choose dad over us a lot sometimes, or dad would choose you over us.

[Chris]

And for sure.

[Liz]

I even remember, like, asking dad, like, who do you love more, me or Mom? And he's like, your mom.

[Kelly]

He told us multiple times that he loves mom more than any of us.

[Liz]

Which I'm not saying take that tip and run with it, but I am saying, like, I think you and dad both really put each other first. And I also remember, like, I mean, they went out to dinner all the time.

[Chris]

Like, yeah.

[Liz]

Your relationship so much. And I remember we would. I mean, I do remember, like, being left with babysitters for evenings a lot.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Liz]

But, like, what a payoff. Because to me, like, now that I have your relationship to model and that, you know, we get to, like, you know, just. Just have our family all together, like, yeah, sure, like, leave.

[Chris]

Right. And I think dad did that a lot. Dad. I would have probably. I would have put you guys first more often than dad did, but that was. I think it was smart of him. And he did insist that we always kept a good relationship and we had our own time. Like, Thursday night was our date night. And 25 years into it, there's some couples who have grown apart.

[Liz]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And marriages, a lot of times struggle once the kids are raised, and then you look at your partner and like, who are you? I don't need you anymore because I Just needed you to take this kid to there and do this with that child. And we always kind of kept our relationship going, and that was him. Because I probably would have, you know, just prioritized, you guys.

[Liz]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Well, it's really. It's really paid off, I mean, for you guys. And it's funny because dad loved to go out and, like, made you a little bit more of a social butterfly than maybe you would have liked to be. And now that he has adult kids and, like, you know, he's getting older, he doesn't really like to go out as much. He just kind of, like, wants to hang out with all of us now.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

It's just kind of funny because he's, like, created. I don't know. He's just, like, done such a 180 that now. Now you're, like, kind of had role reversals. Yeah.

[Liz]

Now you're like, wait, we're not going out?

[Chris]

What do you mean? What do you mean? I don't cook on Thursdays. Yeah, I don't.

[Kelly]

Dinner's not on the table. Okay, I have one more parenting question I want to ask, and then we'll get to, like, the host SC the Thanksgiving portion. Did you ever get good at embracing the chaos? And if so, how? I'm not good at that.

[Chris]

I think a strength of mine is that I'm. I'm not a huge planner, and I'm kind of just a go with the flow kind of girl. That's where I thrive the best, because I'm not a good planner. So I think it takes embracing the humility of it, embracing the chaos. Realizing everything you do is going to be card challenging, and you just. You cut back what you can accomplish. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go to the grocery store with five kids. Let's see. It's going to take me two carts, and I'm probably not going to get all the groceries I need. And it was just. Everything was. Everything was just hard. Everything was hard.

[Liz]

But I actually disagree with what you said. I think you're actually an excellent planner.

[Chris]

I've gotten better.

[Liz]

I think. You know, I think you plan for the chaos, and I think you are not if the plant you're also very good at. If the plan doesn't go how you thought it doesn't ruin the day. Like, people sometimes think when I post our. When we post our vacation board, they're like, oh, my gosh. Like, my family would like some. Some members of my family would hate to be told what to do. And I'M like, no one's telling anyone what to do and if we don't make it to pickleball at 10, mom doesn't bat an eye. You could care less.

[Chris]

No, I could care less. You're right.

[Liz]

And I think that makes for I think you plan. I think you're a very realistic planner.

[Chris]

Yeah, I am the opposite of Martha Stewart. I am not a perfectionist. I like to do things with intention and make them important and special. But perfection and I have nothing in common. No, I just, I strive to make things intentional and important and special. But that's where, that's where I draw the line.

[Kelly]

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[Chris]

Black Friday deals first Walmart plus members get early access to our hottest deals. Join now and get 50% off a one year annual membership shop Black Friday.

[Liz]

Deals first with Walmart plus see [e-mail] I'm James McComb reporting live from home in my bathrobe in slippers. Tonight we're talking Dunkin Poehler peppermint coffee.

[Kelly]

Gene's here with the latest.

[Liz]

Gene, do you copy? The home with Dunkin is where you want to be.

[Kelly]

Well, I will say your Thanksgiving dinner is near perfect though. So let's talk about that. What a transition.

[Liz]

It's taken years.

[Chris]

Oh my gosh. I remember the first time I took it over from my parents and I like they would come over and help me because I was a disaster. I had no idea. And when you have one oven and everything has to be in the oven like at the same time, it was, I think our dinner was delayed like two and a half hours because I couldn't get my act together. I didn't know how to do it. And then I started to realize I needed to write a note like a, like a diagram. And now I have a double oven. So like this goes in the upper oven at this temperature for this amount of time and it goes on at 11. This goes in the lower oven, this goes in the upper oven, you know, and I had to do a little diagram so I could get all my food cooked and mostly warm at the same time.

[Liz]

Like, what needs to be a genius thing that she does is it's like, okay, the upper oven's going to be at 350. The lower oven is going to be at, you know, 375, 400. And then she knew like what had to go in which oven. Yeah. Some things that I love about our Thanksgiving though, which I think anyone can take away from this is it's not that it's really our family and your sister who come to the thing. So it's not like we have all these like, and we have dinner at your house several times a year and it's, you know, take out grilling burgers. But you do such a good job of like, no. Even though it's the same people who came to dinner last week at our house. This is different. This is special. And that's what I love about it, because it makes me feel like. And then it's. No matter the size of your family, no matter how anything is, it's like you're just doing. You're doing the most. You're doing the best. And so much of what I love about Thanksgiving. Mom, is making a fabulous meal with you in the kitchen. Like, I cherish. Like, that's why I love to come over so early. Because, one, you need my help. No offense.

[Chris]

Definitely.

[Liz]

And I just love making something special.

[Chris]

I do, too. I love making things special. And it doesn't matter the scale.

[Kelly]

What are some ways that. Some tangible ways that you make Thanksgiving a little bit more special than the average meal, aside from the food?

[Chris]

Dining room. We eat in the dining room. That's special. Sometimes I pull out my china, and sometimes I just. We eat on dinner plates, but it's still in the dining room. It's still kind of thing.

[Kelly]

Charger and a tablecloth and you make.

[Liz]

There's a tablecloth and there's a tablescape.

[Chris]

Yeah, there's a tablescape. I just set my table yesterday. We're starting to set my table yesterday.

[Kelly]

Here's a hack that we did. Here's a hack we did last year or so. Was I ordered just generic name placements for everyone who ever attends. So, like, all. All of our family. And then like, your sister and her family, and they don't have, like, a turkey on them. They're just very generic. I order them off Etsy. But now you always have pretty name placements. And sometimes that is just a fun way to make things feel special.

[Chris]

Absolutely. Absolutely. I love having a place card. I like people knowing where they're supposed to sit. I like rearranging people as I see fit. It's kind of fun.

[Liz]

Your favorite Friday. I also think that we like something fun that we do that I'm sure we've shared on the car before is we talk that then the next day about, like, what went well, what didn't. And I think that's where I think people can take that into just, like, every aspect of, like, their homemaking or, like, their hosting, because it's. We're always trying to improve. We're always trying to make it better. And also as our family changes and now as we have kids, you know, okay, no one. No one wanted to eat that. Like, it's probably time to introduce some Mac and cheese or, like, hey, we needed a game to play to entertain the kids while we. And mom writes it all down, and I. Literally, the next morning, I love it because we talk on the phone for, like, 25 minutes. She calls me. She calls me and Grayson, and we're like, oh, I have to make that salad last year. Like, it was so good. Or I don't think we need brussels and green beans. Like, let's just pick one. And we have so much fun, like, ever improving our Thanksgiving. So I. I see you having.

[Chris]

I pulled my notes out.

[Liz]

Yeah. Read us some things that we said last year about our Thanksgiving.

[Chris]

Okay. Prioritize pictures of the table, buffet, and family members, because I always like to see what it looked like.

[Liz]

We always forget to take a picture.

[Chris]

Right. Let's see. I said, I need kid friendly apps, veggietray, and cheese tray. I said, let's see. Oh. Set aside two to three teams of four people, 15 minutes each to clear, wash, dry, put away leftovers, get house put back together better than we did this year.

[Liz]

Oh, we're doing teams.

[Chris]

So I thought that would be kind of fun, because everybody wants to help, but nobody knows what to do. So this year, I'm going to be very specific and say, like, Chad and Maddie, you guys, and Craig, you guys are gonna clear the table. Tyler's already gonna be at the sink washing dishes, because that's what he does.

[Liz]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I'm gonna let Tyler, you know, rinse all the plates, and then I'll say, you know, girls, start putting the food into leftover containers. And if I have. If I give everybody a job, we can get it cleaned up fast, and.

[Liz]

Then we can get to, like, the games and stuff, the drinking.

[Chris]

And I think I said, card games after dinner was fun. Have another game. Something for the kids, too. I said, if I'm going to use my china, I need two more plates. But I forgot to order those, so we'll see. Some of us might have china. Some of us might have regular dinner plates.

[Liz]

Depends who she likes that day.

[Chris]

Right. I said, cocktails. Have a pitcher of one or two drinks ready to pour. Making individual drinks was too chaotic. Mmm.

[Kelly]

Good note.

[Liz]

I think there was, like, something on there about didn't someone, like, bring an incredible salad or something? I don't remember.

[Chris]

Oh, let's see. Yes, here it is. Autumn Caesar with delicata squash. Kelly's salad was amazing. Liked having it plated first and then going through the buffet.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Liz]

So now I. So I'm very excited because I. Yeah.

[Chris]

And you were like, don't you want me to bring that salad again? I'm Like, I don't remember what salad was that?

[Liz]

I didn't remember out of squash. So I'm happy that we wrote that down.

[Kelly]

See, and this is something we do.

[Chris]

That most people don't do. Dad smokes a turkey. And we used to. And I baked once, and we used to do it the day of Thanksgiving. And then for some reason, we're like, let's by time. We slice it and everything. It's room temperature, the meat, or barely warm. So we've been smoking and baking the turkeys the day before. And then we slice them once they're cool, we put them away, and then we bring them out and put them in the warmer, and they don't even take up oven space anymore.

[Liz]

Hack. Room temperature turkey is fine. You do not need hot turkey.

[Chris]

And I warm it. I put it in my warmer. Or you could put it in your. You know, then you could put it in a big pan and already sliced, because dad was always slicing it at the last minute, and it's such a mess.

[Liz]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And. And sometimes he'd slice it while it was still too hot because everybody was anxious to eat. And I'm not kidding. Like, just warming it back up slightly has been a game changer.

[Liz]

It's good to know it's a good one.

[Kelly]

I prefer colder turkey, actually.

[Liz]

Yeah, Turkey, hot gravy. Can't lose.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris]

100. Those are my main. And then I talk about a. I had a frozen lasagna for dinner Wednesday night. That was awesome, because Wednesday night I'm prepping and cooking a lot of stuff, so it's nice. And you're not going to go out to dinner because you're too busy getting ready for the next day. So it's nice to have a dinner that's already kind of made.

[Liz]

Obsessed.

[Kelly]

Yeah, obsessed.

[Liz]

You do a great job. We'll have to. We need to get our act together and create a little content. Like, show people our Thanksgiving plate. You know, maybe, like, do a reel show.

[Chris]

Well, that's all on you, because I don't know how to do that, but. Yeah, but I really. We need to prioritize family pictures.

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Chris]

Really.

[Kelly]

We're terrible. We're terrible. We didn't get a single full family photo this entire year. We had to Photoshop Maddie into one of the ones that we took.

[Chris]

I know. It's kind of funny. My Christmas card this year. So random. Yeah.

[Liz]

We've got to take my photo. And you have. You have to do it as soon as it's the first thing you do.

[Chris]

It's the first thing you do, I'm.

[Liz]

Not going to look better two hours from now.

[Chris]

So let's just call that.

[Liz]

And I'm certainly not going to be more in a mood to take a picture. And then probably one of my kids is sleeping, and one of them has, like, you know, spilled on his clothes already.

[Chris]

Exactly. And, like, I think I need to. You know, when you getting ready for your wedding and the photographer, you meet with the photographer. Like, what pictures are important for you?

[Liz]

A shot list.

[Chris]

So I need a shot list. I'm like, I want a picture of dad and I and the grandkids. I want a picture of my five kids alone. I want a picture of dad night and the five kids. I want a picture of everybody. And maybe I want a picture of dad and I and the outlaws.

[Liz]

I was thinking of a fun game we could play at Thanksgiving.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Liz]

I haven't even told you guys yet. I think it'd be. And I think I should host it, because I would get out round one. I think it was an adult spelling bee.

[Kelly]

That would be funny, Maddie.

[Chris]

And I'll win the way that I.

[Liz]

And I also, like. I think it's kind of scary how bad my spelling's gone downhill even more because now my phone. I can't tell you the last time I actually spelled the word anxiety correctly.

[Chris]

My phone just knows.

[Liz]

But that's probably what I meant. Like, my phone is, like, handicapping me, like, pen and paper and said, spell anxiety. I'm gonna try right now. A, N, I, E, X, T, Y. No, no.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Liz]

I had no idea. I'm not even trying to, like, be funny. I have all the. All the letters in my head.

[Chris]

So you got. All the letters are similar that way.

[Liz]

I will. I will get all the letters. I will not get them in the right order. I was ordering Sloan's baptism gift, and I literally put S O, L, A, N, E. I was afraid of that. And I said, I better double check that. And I typed in our. I typed in our text because I'm like, where do I go to find out how to spell her name? So I typed in the text S O, L, A, N, E. And then a text of me pops up that I asked you, like, weeks ago, how do you spell Sloan? And I spelled it. And then underneath it's S, L, O.

[Chris]

Correct.

[Kelly]

And E it is Sloan and not Solane.

[Liz]

No. Like, I'm not hooked on phonics. I don't know. You guys.

[Kelly]

Like, no, no, Kelly, I remember when.

[Chris]

You were little, Like, I was like, she doesn't get phonics at all. And I, like, had you tested for, like, a learning disability because I'm like, she is not getting this. And. And all of a sudden you were just like, it didn't matter what order the letters were. You could just. You just learned how to read, but you didn't know how to sound words out and you couldn't spell them, but you could read them.

[Liz]

I do think a lot of my. I think if I got analyzed, like, I would say most of my reading is I just memorized it.

[Chris]

You just memorized it. And, you know, I couldn't get you qualified for a learning disability because there was not a what, you know, whatever, however you qualify. But you. You just figured it out.

[Kelly]

You turned out. Who needs spelling?

[Liz]

I don't. My iPhone does it for me. Talk to text.

[Kelly]

Turns out you don't.

[Liz]

I'm running the business based on talk.

[Kelly]

To text in the same way that our teachers told us that we're not gonna have a calculator in the real world. Kelly doesn't need a dictionary in the real world. We've got it all on our phone. We've got a calculator and autocorrect. So.

[Liz]

But anyway, I would like to host an adult spelling be like, I think that'd be a funny thing. Like, go around the table. Okay.

[Chris]

I love it.

[Kelly]

I think you and dad need to host it, though.

[Liz]

Well, I think. Yeah, but like, I. It's going to be hard because I'm not even going to know how to pronounce the words because the other day I said the word satiated on the podcast and then someone commented being like, I bet Kelly doesn't know how to spell satiated. It took me forever to figure out what that word was.

[Chris]

Oh, my gosh.

[Liz]

Spooky looking word.

[Kelly]

There's more.

[Chris]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Liz]

Satiated. That's a hard word. Like, if I. I'm telling you, if I printed that out and said, dad, ask, let's dispel this word, he would not be able to pronounce it.

[Chris]

That's funny.

[Kelly]

Oh, my gosh. That's crazy.

[Liz]

Okay, well, mom, before we let you go, do you think you could give us a ditch the drive thru to mix it up to get us out of our dinner rut? And we did spring that one on you. I'm sorry.

[Chris]

You totally sprung this on me. H. Gosh, girls, you just. Okay, here's something Sydney just made. Because Sydney is a meal prepper. She just made four meals in the kitchen this morning. She took ground beef and onions and Then she took Trader Joe's root vegetable. That look like fries, but they're root vegetable fries. Mixed them with sweet potato fries and regular fries, threw all that in the oven. And she's gonna make, for her and Craig and Grayson at work today, these, like, deconstructed hamburger bowls. So there's french fries on the bottom, cheese, hamburgers, and onions. And then she's topping it with, like, ketchup and mustard.

[Kelly]

I do love a hamburger bowl.

[Liz]

That sounds good.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Liz]

So sweet potato, root vegetable fries, like, but also veggie.

[Chris]

Yeah. And she mixed a couple real french fries in there, too. And I don't know. I thought it was. It was brilliant. I've already had some of it because, you know, I like dinner food for breakfast.

[Liz]

That is a weird thing.

[Chris]

I know. I know. Yeah. Sorry. I couldn't really. You really put me on the spot in that. But she whipped that up so fast.

[Liz]

Soup that you made. Because you're making us. You're kind of like me. You're making a soup a week these days.

[Chris]

Oh, my gosh. I love. I just make chicken and vegetable soup or chicken noodle soup. Like, weekly. Yeah, weekly.

[Liz]

I'm making a ham and potato this week. I'm super excited about it. I bought a good.

[Kelly]

Super excited.

[Chris]

I'm super excited.

[Liz]

I bought a. I bought a big ham at Costco, and I'm. I like having some, like, a good ham. It's like a just.

[Chris]

Yes. A little bit of one.

[Liz]

But I'm gonna make ham, potato. But, mom, how about my cabbage soup? Why haven't you made that yet?

[Chris]

I don't know. I love cabbage.

[Liz]

It's been three weeks since I brought up my cabbage soup last. I'm scared to make this.

[Chris]

Send me the recipe again because I'm.

[Liz]

Like, scared to make it again because I, like. It was. It's so important to me because I like. It was something I had accomplished post Libby that I don't think it's going to hit the same me in the way.

[Chris]

Right. Oh, yeah.

[Liz]

Acting.

[Kelly]

Yeah. I need to figure out what my cabbage soup is because I think I'm kind of on that timeline that now it's my turn to accomplish something that makes me feel good.

[Chris]

Postpartum journey sourdough that you've been making.

[Kelly]

I did make my sourdough sandwich bread, and I was very excited about that.

[Chris]

That's a huge accomplishment.

[Liz]

That's bigger than either thing than my cabbage soup. I can't believe you're honestly not talking about that more.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know.

[Kelly]

I need to make Another one. We crushed it.

[Chris]

Yeah. Oh, by the way, you get to bring the breads or the rolls for.

[Kelly]

I was gonna say I can make sourdough rolls, but Sydney's even better at sourdough than I am. But maybe she's also very good.

[Chris]

I've got Sydney making a creme brulee cheesecake and Texas sheet cake.

[Kelly]

Ah, okay. Well, I'll bring the rolls. Kelly will bring the autumn salad.

[Chris]

Perfect.

[Liz]

Delicate. Don't ask me to spell delicata, but I'm gonna bring it. I'll have to figure out how to look that up in my instacart. What cocked. Before we go though, what cocktail are we gonna have for Thanksgiving? We haven't really talked spoken of cocktails yet.

[Chris]

I know. You know, last year, the espresso martinis, which I think those are kind of fun, especially because we're going to eat at 1:30 this year. I think that's a nice. Pick me up in the middle of the day. That and I think we did some for the guys. We did some Manhattans and old fashions.

[Liz]

Okay, I'm good. I think an espresso martini. Or I might want to do a dirty martini.

[Kelly]

I know, I kind. I just. I might want to do it during martini too.

[Liz]

I think. Only. Listen, I like those.

[Chris]

Yeah, you and dad and Liz like those.

[Kelly]

I had one the other night at dinner or like, first date night out. Cal is so good. I literally can't stop thinking about it.

[Liz]

Stop. And that's, like, something that would feel so special because, like, in. I mean, I'll pour myself a glass of wine on a Tuesday. Like, I don't want wine at Thanksgiving. Like, I want. I want a cocktail.

[Chris]

I want a cocktail. And it is a little tough because we're eating early, so it's, like, hard to. Yeah, like, sometimes it's a little early for those big cocktails, but what is it?

[Liz]

Because aren't we all planning a nap? And then we wake up.

[Chris]

We're gonna nap, then we nap after. And then we wake up and have leftovers while the boys watch football all day.

[Liz]

I'm actually excited about the earlier meal time. I think it's gonna.

[Chris]

I am too. I like it.

[Liz]

Gonna put my kids down for a nap. I'm probably not gonna nap because I'm just.

[Kelly]

I'll.

[Liz]

I'll, like, want the alone time.

[Chris]

Exactly.

[Liz]

All right. Well, Liz, do you have anything else or is that our episode?

[Kelly]

Well, we do have Blake's besties.

[Liz]

Ah, yes, we do have Blake's besties.

[Kelly]

So I can. We can do those. And I guess you don't have any industry news.

[Liz]

I think the car mom had the car mom's mom on the podcast and.

[Chris]

That alternative, that's industry news.

[Liz]

What car are you driving right now?

[Chris]

I am driving. You know, I always drive whatever they give me because I'm. I'm really not picky. And I say that and I'm driving an amazing car. It's a BMW.

[Liz]

He's not picky.

[Chris]

I'm not picky. So I don't want it to sound like I'm. I mean, I'm. I'm a princess because I get to drive this car, but I'm driving a BMW ix, which is an all electric kind of a mid size suv. And I love it because when I'm just in town, you know, I don't drive that far. And I can. We put a charger in at our house so I can charge it. I get a. Probably close to 300 miles on a full charge. So I've been driving that lately. But you know, I'll drive anything.

[Liz]

So she's an EV girl. What was your favorite car when we were growing up to drive?

[Chris]

A hundred percent. Hands down, it was the conversion van.

[Kelly]

I liked riding.

[Chris]

I mean, the conversion van was like driving your living room around. I had everything I needed. It was so spacious. And I mean, you guys, I just. It was so comfortable and it fit you guys and you were. Could sit far enough apart that nobody was fighting. And it had the TV in there. It was just. It was hands down my favorite. My favorite car. And other than that, it would have been like a suburban or a Denali or one of those, you know, super long, big people movers.

[Liz]

I don't, I don't remember much about. I wish I remembered more about. I. I remember the conversion fan, but like, I wish I remembered more about like the car seats and stuff.

[Chris]

Oh my gosh.

[Liz]

Like, I don't Sydney and Grayson's car seats at all. I'm like, I just wish I did.

[Chris]

Yeah. I don't.

[Kelly]

In the conversion van. I do a little bit in.

[Liz]

Do you remember, like, did you keep us everyone in car seats like extra long or did you kind of like skip to the next step? You can be honest.

[Chris]

Oh, we skipped to the next step.

[Liz]

Okay.

[Chris]

As soon as possible.

[Liz]

Okay.

[Chris]

Pretty much. Like, I do remember boosters. I remember rear facing. And then I had this one really heavy duty car seat. And honestly, I feel like Nissan made it or like a car manufacturer made it, I think. And I'm not sure, but it was super familiar.

[Liz]

No, this is sounding familiar.

[Chris]

It was the super duper heavy duty car seat. It was. At the time, I felt like it was the probably the state of the art car seat, and it was so well made that I think it went through. I think maybe Craig had it for a little bit, but certainly Sydney and Grayson both used it. You know, I don't remember much about it. We. All right. You know, hopefully they were installed properly, and I'm blessed that we didn't ever get in an accident, that it was an issue.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Okay. Well, we're gonna just do Blake's Besties really quick, and then we'll sign off together. So, mom, you can just stick around. We're going to read two. We're going to read two stories, and so that's going to be the rest of the episode. So if you don't want to hear the Blake's Besties episodes, you can log off right now. But I am going to read the story from Maria. In 2017, I found out halfway through my pregnancy that our sweet baby had a terminal birth defect. He was our third child. We decided to carry the pregnancy and put it in God's hands. I was told that I would most likely deliver early miscarry or he wouldn't survive labor. Labor. However, I carried our sweet Joe for. For 40 weeks and two days. He lived for 22 hours and was able to meet both of our extended families. He was able to meet his brother and sister, which I will be forever grateful for. I thought his birth would be the hardest day of my life, but it was truly beautiful. It brings me so much peace to know he only knew love for the entirety of his short life. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this story.

[Liz]

Wow, Joe, that's beautiful.

[Kelly]

That was, like, beautifully said.

[Liz]

Okay. Mine comes from Kylie. We lost our third baby, Maggie Marie, at 37 weeks due to an unexpected complication with her umbilical cord. It was an especially difficult time as she arrived stillborn on her older brother's fifth birthday. We were so nervous about having these two events that bring such opposite emotions tied together forever and worried about how to honor. How to best honor both. It's been two years since we found out, since we found our groove. Thanks to Maggie's big brother, who is proud to share his day with his sister he never got to meet. He enjoys talking about her and their special connection and the connection we as parents thought was gone when we lost her. Sending love to all those who have and will walk this road. The heartbreak is overwhelming, but you will find your way, too. And she says, I just really want to say thank you for what you do. I discovered your podcast in the summer of 2022 while I was on leave from work after losing Maggie. The podcast was just what I needed to keep busy and lighten up the mood on tough days. You started Blake's Bestie that fall, and it was incredibly difficult to listen to while still being in the thick of my Thick of it myself. I found it so helpful at the same time to hear stories similar to my own and not feel so alone. That's our episode.

[Kelly]

Oh, wow. Those both really got me today. Thank you so much for sharing those stories and for writing in and letting us talk about your babies. And if you want to write in for your own story, you can email hello, the car momofficial.com and with that, that's going to be our episode. So thank you, mom, for joining us and thank you, everyone, for listening.

[Chris]

It was fun.

[Liz]

All right, well, thanks for listening. We'll talk to you next time. Happy Thanksgiving. We'll talk to you and I'll talk to you again.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Thank you for listening to the Carpool podcast with Kelly and Liz. Make sure you're subscribed so you never miss an episode. And if you enjoyed riding with us.

[Liz]

Tell everybody you know there's room in.

[Chris]

The car for everyone.