← Everything Is Energy with Cathy Heller
Everything Is Energy with Cathy Heller
Dating in Your 30s & 40s, Identity Shifts, and Manifesting Love with Sabrina Soto & Zoe Kelsey
00:42:11
Cathy joins her friends Sabrina Soto and Zoe Kelsey for a deeply honest, hilarious, and heart-opening conversation about dating, self-worth, feminine energy, and conscious relationships.
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- [00:00]
A
With that good, good feeling.
- [00:05]
B
Hey, guys, it's Kathy Heller. Welcome back to Everything Is Energy. So, you guys, today is such a treat. I'm sitting down with two of my friends, Sabrina Soto and Zoe Kelsey. You might remember Sabrina. She was on the podcast last year. She's an interior designer.
- [00:18]
A
She's a TV host, she's an author,
- [00:20]
B
speaker, and she's host of the Sabrina Soto Show. And Zoe is the founder of We Shine well, and what I like to call a business whisperer and strategic expansion partner. She's actually been working with me for the past months on my team and I'm so grateful to have her here. She's been helping so much. And at some point I told her we need to do a little business unboxing so I can show you all the things that we have done to really just elevate all the things on my team and just make things work in such a really cool way. And I want to share that at some point soon. But Zoe, Sabrina and I sat down and we did like a behind the scenes kind of girlfriend conversation on Honest, hilarious, expansive. And today we are going to be bringing that to you. We're talking about what it's like to date in your 30s and 40s. We're talking about what it's like to actually let things be fun. And we actually did some lightning round questions. Also, we're going to get into identity shifts. We're going to get into talking about over functioning, raising your frequency and what it really looks like to stop abandoning yourself in love, in business and in your everyday life. It's raw, it's funny, it's super real. And I think you're going to just feel like you're sitting at a table having a matcha with us. So without further ado, here's my conversation with Sabrina Soto and Zoe Kelsey.
- [01:36]
A
Okay, guys, so we were having breakfast this morning and I said we need to capture these conversations because behind the scenes conversations with me and my girlfriends, it's really a vibe and it's really fun. And just for the fun of it, let's start with these questions, these very important questions. So let's just do a lightning round morning coffee date or late night wine
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C
date, coffee matcha date, all the way matcha.
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A
Have you had like a specific matcha date? Like, if you said, like, let's go
- [02:04]
C
for matcha, that's every date that I go on.
- [02:07]
A
It's funny that I asked that question to start and I'm gonna ask the next one soon. But I told you that recently. I got asked out, but this really adorable guy and I was overthinking it a little because he's younger than me. And then Sabrina's like, no, bestie. Like, run with that. But of course he's like, when can I take you out? I was like, 8am it's like the least sexy time for a first date.
- [02:28]
D
That's fine. 8:00am but the second date, make it 8:00pm okay.
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A
But that's very different. Very different energy. But say what you said about dating younger guys.
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D
Well, I mean, my husband, six years younger than I am. But why are we making decisions for other people and what they need in their life or what you think their future should look like?
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A
So true.
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D
Allow somebody to walk in their life if they decide that and take it from there.
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A
It's so true. Also, who needs to decide what something's going to turn into or what it's going to be? Just like, flow with it.
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D
Right?
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A
It's, it's ridiculous how we overthink and we get into God's business and it's like none of our business. It's like your businesses. Does this feel like a yes?
- [03:04]
D
Yes.
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A
Say yes. I mean, move on.
- [03:06]
D
And the thing is, I'm telling you that. But not to say that when we first started dating, I thought the same thing. Like, you're probably going to want to have kids. You're probably going to want to do those, all these things and it's not going to work out. And he didn't want to do any of those things.
- [03:19]
A
Right. That's so. And he's so cute and you're so good together. And it's, it is interesting. Like women who are in their 40s and up, like, the fact that we don't necessarily think about that we're sort of permitted or that permitted to date younger. Like I feel like guys for sure dating. But we look at ourselves like, what do they call it? Like a cougar. Like, who are you? Right.
- [03:42]
D
Yes.
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A
It's kind of. It's like it's messed up.
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D
It is. Because you're right. Men, nobody blinks twice if they see a man with younger woman. But it's not the same the other way around.
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A
And you're gorgeous. Like, who doesn't want. You're so sweet to rub suntan lotion on your body. I'm like, right. Like, oh my God. And also you're so fun and you're so expanding.
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D
Thank you.
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A
Who's to say? I mean, I could see this beautiful
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D
all day, but I would say the same thing.
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A
About you.
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D
Why are we assuming that we have to abide by any rules? Because society says so.
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A
It's also interesting, like I was telling you that since I'm 15, like I had a high school boyfriend, I college boyfriend. I had a boyfriend after college. Like I've been in long relationships my whole life. And so I don't feel like anything I do next has to be like forever long. Doesn't have to be this like. It can also just be a season. It can be fun. Oh my gosh.
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B
Just fun.
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A
It can just be fun.
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C
Right?
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D
But that's the thing. I think in your 20s and 30s especially, I don't, I can't speak for everyone but me. I was like, I needed to find the one totally the person to have a child with, the person to marry. And there it wasn't fun because you were looking at everyone like a job interview.
- [04:50]
A
That's true.
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D
And when I met Nate, I was just having fun. I wasn't expecting to meet someone to get married again. I actually thought I was never going to get married again.
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A
Yeah.
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D
And all of a sudden, bam.
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A
I love that. And I love that it at the season of life that you're in that you really fell so deeply in love and you're having this now, you're having now what people dream of having. And it's like it's never ever too late. Like the train has not left the station.
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D
Okay, but for anyone listening, I am telling you, I'm going to be 50 this year.
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A
It makes no sense. Look at you, you reverse age stunning Botox. But no it's not. And you're Cuban jeans. You're so beautiful.
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B
Thank you.
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D
But I just don't want anyone to feel like especially we hear all the time guys in and just put in your city suck guys around here, you know, what's that?
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A
It's so low vibe.
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D
But it's. It's not true. It's only your truth if you believe it. And you don't have to settle just because you're older. If anything, you shouldn't settle because you know better. And you can find a perfect match. You just have to get to the frequency and the vibration to ma to you know, be on that same match as that method.
- [06:01]
A
That's definitely what it is. And we were talking about that. Zoe, can I call you in on this?
- [06:04]
D
Yes.
- [06:05]
A
So I said to you, because we were talking about work stuff and you know you were talking about in a very self actualized way like where you over function which we've all been known to Do. And you had spoken to a tarot card reader and your friend who's an oracle. And she's like, kathy, you're really airing this out. And they both said something about who you're going to meet. And I said, when you set down the part of you that's in proving mode and in your business as well as in other areas of life, you can just create spaciousness, then he can actually connect you.
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C
Yeah, well, so for anybody listening, the little bit of context is I went to a tarot card reader.
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A
And as one does, yes.
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C
You know, just at a casual event there. Tarot card reader, any event.
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A
You throw akashic records human design. What do you need?
- [06:55]
C
We're just gonna cut to the chase.
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A
Yeah, exactly. You know, let's go deep.
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C
So, tarot card reader, what do you want to focus on? When am I gonna meet my Future Hus? I'm 31 years old. And she was like, you're gonna meet him late summer, mutual friends at some kind of an event. The next day, without telling my friend who's an oracle, because of course my friend's an oracle. The next day, without telling her, I was like, so, Brooke, how am I gonna meet my future husband? Did you have an inkling? She was like, you really wanna know? I was like, of course I do. I like to have control. She was like, you're gonna meet him late August timeframe. Mutual celebration. He'. You have mutual characteristics and you can't even manifest how good he's gonna be because he's going through something and you have to elevate to the next level of yourself. And I feel like what we talked about, you're talking about your relationships and you're used to holding so much for other people. And I feel like I'm at this place where I'm like, I'm done with my bullshit.
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B
Same.
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C
And I'm like, I need to stop.
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A
Yeah, Same.
- [08:01]
C
Raise your hand if of just over functioning to be to create that space of not proving. But like, how can I just be and be in my wholeness and my gifts to attract those people that are meant to be in my life and whoever this magical guy is that'll meet at a celebration and in the meantime, be open to that, because even from that energy, I've met both of you through just mutual connections in the most random ways.
- [08:34]
A
And it just beautifully evolves. Yeah, it's so important. You know, I love to remember that God created the world through consciousness. The world that we think we're creating through action. Action is 1% it's all in your capacity to feel, to see, to visualize. We talked about that the first time you were on my show. You were in like Baja Fresh. And you're like, no God, like there's more for my life. And next thing you know, you're asking, show me the clues. You wind up getting your own television show for decades, right? So we create. The last step in the creation process is action. But the action is only in the receiving of it. That's where we take the action, where it's like everything lines up through your capacity to be in alignment with the energy, your alignment with the right version of you, the right consciousness in you, and then all the other pieces, God's arranging. And your action is just receiving it. Wait, the whole action.
- [09:34]
D
I want to ask a question because I think if you're in a place where you feel stagnant or that things aren't happening, how do you not force yourself to take action? Because being feels passive and it probably will create sometimes anxiety for somebody not to, to do some action in order to get, get, get. So, and I believe that the magic is in receiving. But if you're in a place of, of where you don't want to be, how, how do you exercise that? Allowing when you feel like you've got nothing in your, on your plate?
- [10:07]
A
Okay? So the being that is either either being right on the money or it's lazy and it's lying. And here's what I mean, you can say like, I'm in the being of it. And really you're just running a program of worst case scenarios. Your energy is low vibe and the awarenesses you have, the thoughts you have, the possibilities you're seeing for yourself are so constricted and limited. That's not being right. Okay? And no action you take from that place will work. Cause intention creates effect.
- [10:52]
D
It's being desperate.
- [10:55]
A
It's also moving from proving energy. And the way that we move into action is when we're in certainty, when we are taking action, it's because the being is lit. It's because our only job, the creator of the universe, gave us one job, which is every single day, manipulate your own energy, change your own vibe. Be able to understand that your mind comes at you like a boxing partner, hoping that you will overcome it. And it's going to literally litigate against you. And your job is to anticipate that and to say cool. That's the illusion. What have I been bestowed in me from the creator of the universe is the capacity to turn thoughts into things. So I'm going to sit here as long as it's going to take me until my being is not passive, it's not neutral because the observer effect changes the particle. So you've got to get to a place where you actually see beyond the film. You see beyond the fog, you see beyond the filter. And then you'll know exactly what action to take because you're going to see the possibility. You can't see when the being is not just being, it's actually low vibe. So if people say to me, well, I'm doing all the being and nothing's happening, it's like, you're not being. You're just ruled by limited thinking and low energy. And then you're thinking that an action is going to help. Two people can take the same action, but if one person is in high vibe, high consciousness, high certainty, the actions will affect the world in a totally different way. So it has to start with the energy and the consciousness. And then doors will be perceived by you. And then of course, you have to take the action, but you won't even perceive it from a place of limited, restricted consciousness. And that's where most people are like, so just tell me what actions to take. And I'm like, you were in the same room as I was, but you didn't bump into that person. He didn't cross the room to talk to you, or you were talking to the exact person you needed to talk to, but nothing came up because they didn't read on you that you were a match for that whatever role it was or whatever next opportunity it was. So it has to first start in really knowing what does it mean to just be. It doesn't mean sitting around. It means being in high frequency. Yes. And we, every one of us, there's no way out of that. Every one of us has to be doing that for ourselves every day.
- [13:13]
D
If somebody gets into a point that they go back into that limiting belief, what would be an instant way to switch that and go back to a high vibrational?
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A
The most repeated thing in the Bible is do not be afraid. So fear is the biggest liar. So when you're afraid is to say, I must be believing something that's not true. That's how you switch it. Because whatever's happening is happening for me, there's an opportunity. Right?
- [13:39]
D
Yeah.
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A
Goliath makes David, David, like, we have to constantly remember, do not be afraid. If I'm afraid, I'm buying into some illusion of some limited possibility. And there's so much more here for me. So that's where you become a Jedi. That's why we're all friends. Honestly, everyone in my life has had to hit the bottom and climb out of the well of that consciousness and now says, oh, I know that girl. And whenever she's in that place, I know how to scoop her up. And we do that for other people. Okay, you ready for the next question?
- [14:11]
D
These are, by the way, our breakfast. This is our breakfast dinner.
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A
You've gone through two questions. Because we go on and on and on. So much fun.
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B
Enjoy this.
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C
Rapid fire. No.
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A
Something that I wanted to Rapid fire, right?
- [14:23]
C
Something that I wanted to touch on too, is like, you talk about all the time is the identity shifts. Because if we don't get to the root of like, who am I in the most authentic form, where are my shadows? Then it's like we have evolving identities. And if we are living into an outdated identity of ourself, like you even talk about, it's like, what does that software upgrade that needs to happen to be able to live into that? And like, follow the, like, God given breadcrumbs. Cause even personally, like, yes, I've been like, let me architect the whole fricking staircase. But all I can do is take one right next step at a time because the whole staircase is gonna fall away anyway, by the way.
- [15:06]
A
Okay, first of all, preach. That was so good. Let's open a church, shall we? Okay. Oh, God. Amen. That was so good. And let me say this. The biggest illusion is this imposter syndrome thing, right? I say to people like, you are the daughter of the king. Do you understand that every single one of us has the capacity, right, to do more than we could even do in a lifetime. So part of what keeps us in inaction is we don't claim our gift. We were talking about it this morning and I was like, zoe, you're an X rayer. I said, the reason your business, she's like, I was in corporate for so long, and then I made my own business feel like corporate because I'm over functioning. And I'm like, you've been consulting to me, you've been consulting to Sabrina. You're so gifted. But you bury the lead because you're real. Yes, you can do a lot of things in your zone of excellence. And she creates all of these documents and she's able to create org charts and go deep into, like, the doing and the operating. But your real zone of genius is the way you help me as the business owner to expand beyond my bs, get beyond My resistance. And then you also have this incredible, like, a fine art. You can curate people. Like, the most incredible people. I mean, we knew each other besides having the connection through you. But I'm not surprised that Sabrina is also connected to you, because you. You just do that better than anyone I know. And so I'm like, why don't you do that? And you said, I don't know. There's something about that. Me telling you the strategy or coaching you felt intimidating. And I'm like, see, that's the thing. Your intuition. And your intuition, which is what makes you so good at art and design and connecting with people and their vision. It's God given. It's intuition. It's spiritual. It's flowing through you. So who are you to say, I'm not the person you know, it's like Moses said for 80 years, choose someone else. Like, I have a speech impediment. I can't do this job. It's like, no, I'm choosing you. So imagine if every one of us put aside this false humility. How much action would you take when you have the identity shift of. I'm called. I have the intuition. I just know I'm meant to start a studio. I'm meant to be on hgtv. I'm meant to coach the best coaches. Like, it's a calling. So who would I be to not answer the God's on the phone? You're like, sorry, like, I'm busy. Like, you're called. It's intuitive. It's a gift. It's not even from you. It's moving through you. Elton John's like, I don't know where these songs come from. And so we don't take action when we don't see the identity and we don't know who the heck we actually are. And by the way, the greatest gift that's so generous that you give someone is walking into a room with certainty of your own wholeness. Because when you walk in a room and you on some level, subtly want the other person to reassure you that you're okay or you belong there, it actually takes away from other people. Like, I realized early on in my podcast when I was. Whoever I was interviewing, whether it was Howard Schultz from Starbucks or you or Matthew McConaughey, when I was in the room, like, I'm in the room. Like two humans, like, I'm here. What's the most impressive thing anyway? Love. I've got love to give you. I'll be present. Let's go. People are like, oh, thank you. I love being around another person who's in their certainty, who's in their wholeness. It's not a vibe. To somehow pretend that you don't know that you're a light. That's not actually generous. It's way more generous to be like cool. Like, here's the space I want to hold for you.
- [18:47]
D
I do think that that takes maturity. Like I don't feel like I'm as self assured. I don't think my self esteem is as high as it is now. Like 10 years ago. Doesn't it take? I don't know, I mean, I'm just speaking phrase.
- [19:02]
A
I don't think it takes time. I think you have to say clarity. Like at some point you just get that you're not walking into the room needing something. You're walking into the room to give something. And what are you there to give? Love, connection, wisdom. And it's all coming from something bigger than you anyway. Like we're just the lantern for the light, which is bigger than us. It's coming from the divine. So that's where I feel like I know my right place. Like I want to just be a vehicle for a light greater than myself that's really hoping to reflect the same light that's in you. Right.
- [19:37]
D
Amen.
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A
Right?
- [19:38]
D
Yes.
- [19:39]
A
Okay, next.
- [19:39]
B
Next.
- [19:40]
A
Okay. We get so offshore. We're never going to get through this. I love this. I love this. And I'm taking this off, so get it.
- [19:51]
C
My over functioning self of like other people can probably relate. I know that you can is just like sometimes I take so much action that I can be everything for everyone same. And it's like, what is? You gave me the gift this morning of being like, this is your gift. Do that one thing. Don't throw spaghetti at a wall. And I left corporate 10 months ago and it feels like years, but it's like, okay, how can I zone? Like I was telling you, less is more and how can the one thing be the less is more. And I've asked both of you, what do you want to be known for? But only like two days ago did I ask myself, what do I want to be known for?
- [20:32]
A
It's so good. Okay, so here's a question. Beach vacation or city getaway?
- [20:36]
D
Beach.
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C
Beach.
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A
I wouldn't go to the beach.
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D
Why?
- [20:40]
A
First of all, look at me, okay? I'm a walking ad for skin cancer. Like, it's not good. I don't do good in the sun. Woody Allen has a line. He's like, I'm so fair. I Don't suntan. I stroke. Like, I just get in stroke. I just don't do good on the beach. I. I want to look at it and know it's there, but I don't want to walk on it. I want to be in it and get sticky and sunburned.
- [21:01]
D
You're staying at the beach right now.
- [21:03]
A
That's true. Well, you chose that. That's true. She walked over to the beach. It's a few blocks away. I haven't gone city.
- [21:09]
C
Well, we tried to this morning.
- [21:11]
A
I know. Work out. No, I want to go to like, New York City instead. Or I want to go to Paris. Which I'm taking my girls to Paris because I'm this many years old and I've never been to Paris. That's gotta change.
- [21:20]
D
You're never gonna come back.
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A
Okay, next question. Texting all day or long voice notes?
- [21:26]
C
I like long voice notes. It's a love language.
- [21:29]
A
I do like long voice notes, but it's. If I can't put them at double speed, then I find them too long and I just read the transcription.
- [21:38]
C
That's why you like Voxer.
- [21:39]
A
Yeah, I have no patience.
- [21:42]
D
You love a Voxer. Boxer is the same exact thing.
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A
Yeah, but I can speed it up. I can like make it sound like the guy from Micro Machine. Okay, he plans the date or you plan the date.
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D
Oh, come on.
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A
Which one?
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D
He, of course.
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A
Does he do a good job?
- [21:58]
C
Yeah.
- [21:58]
A
It doesn't matter that.
- [21:59]
D
Like you.
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A
Oh my God. Look at you and your feminine. I love. It's new. It's new, but
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C
old.
- [22:08]
D
Sabrina would have planned everything.
- [22:10]
A
Me. All day.
- [22:11]
D
All day long. Just meet me here. Actually, I'll valet your car.
- [22:16]
A
Let me go validate it for you too.
- [22:18]
D
Like, no girl, not anymore.
- [22:21]
A
What's the best date he's planned?
- [22:23]
D
When he proposed to me, where was it? It was so wild. It was at a escape room, which is so not me.
- [22:29]
A
What?
- [22:30]
D
And he rented out the entire escape room. At the last clue was a book that he wrote. And it was 15 chapters of our whole love story. And then he carved a hole at the. At the back of it. I know. It was so romantic.
- [22:45]
A
He's amazing. That is so.
- [22:47]
D
I know. I told him he's probably a serial killer, but it's fine. Just don't. Just don't get caught. And we're going to be.
- [22:52]
A
Oh my God, it's so cute. Okay, serial killer thing. Oh, so cute. I can't believe I didn't know that story. Okay, stay in pajamas all day or get fully dressed.
- [23:05]
D
Can we do an in between?
- [23:06]
C
Can I be an Athleisure all day?
- [23:08]
A
I like Athleisure. I now live most of the year in Florida, and everyone's an Athleisure all the time, which is kind of like takes the pressure off. It's nice. But I do like getting dressed up. Yeah, right. It's fine.
- [23:21]
D
I don't want to be in pajamas all day. That means I'm sick.
- [23:22]
A
Yeah, it's depressing. Yeah.
- [23:24]
D
Like, TV during the day is a no.
- [23:26]
A
Totally a no. A hundred percent.
- [23:28]
D
The sun has to set.
- [23:29]
A
Yeah. Like, remember in the 80s when the other kids. Moms are watching soap operas and it's so depressing. So weird.
- [23:35]
D
So depressing.
- [23:36]
A
Is that still a thing? Do people watch soap operas?
- [23:39]
C
Oh, my God, my mom.
- [23:40]
A
No judgment. As the World Turns. Like Hospital. General Hospital.
- [23:46]
D
Yeah.
- [23:46]
A
Oh, my God. And the acting is so bad.
- [23:48]
D
No, she didn't mean that.
- [23:50]
A
She didn't mean that. I didn't.
- [23:52]
D
No, some of the acting is good.
- [23:53]
A
Some of the acting is so good.
- [23:55]
C
So fun.
- [23:56]
A
I can't say that.
- [23:57]
B
Whatever.
- [23:58]
A
Say the quiet part out loud. Okay. Rom com or reality tv?
- [24:01]
C
Rom com every day.
- [24:04]
A
Okay. So I do have a secret crush on reality tv. It's so good. It's just mindless. It gets my head, like, out of anything serious.
- [24:13]
D
Like girls fighting.
- [24:14]
C
Haven't you been watching Kardashians?
- [24:16]
A
Kardashians. I. Okay. When Kardashians was on the air on E, I never saw one episode and I looked low key, like side eyed it. And then when the Hulu version came on, which was in like 2021 or whatever it was, I was like, oh, it looks so cinematic. It's so pretty to look at. So then I got into it and then went back and watched all 20 episodes. And I'm obsessed with them. Like a literal. My kids and I are. I love them. Like, I love everything about it. I love the outfits. I love Chloe. I know. What have you done with her? I love them. And I feel like people are so full of themselves when they talk down about them. Because I'm like, they are actually so willing to just be real and talk about what's really going on. And we all have stuff that's real, that's really going on. And why should we carry shame or pretend that we should judge other people for the fact that we all have lives that are messy and their lives are actually not that messy, except their relationships are pretty. Yeah, that's. That's a real beast. That's a real beast. I really took A nosedive with that one, because I remember blasting me off. No College dropout. Like, I love that record so much. And I would blast it. And I was like, oh, my. I would tell my kids, I'm like, he's such a genius. Like, I literally would talk about him. And I talked about him on my podcast for years, using him as this example. Like, oh, my gosh. And then I was like, can we edit that out? Like, I'm like, oh, my God. Whoops. Like, I talked about that for years, and I can't imagine what it was like for her to go through that. Like, that's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. That is. But it can also be true that someone is a genius and just not mentally. Okay. I mean, part of life. Okay. Flirty, confident, energy. Or do you like the mysterious, quiet guy?
- [26:00]
C
Charismatic every day.
- [26:02]
D
Mysterious, quiet. I've been with charismatic. No, thank you. I can't have two jokesters in this relationship, you know?
- [26:10]
A
That's so interesting. See? Okay. I feel like you would go well with the flirty and the charismatic because you're a little bit more subdued. Yes. And she is center stage, and so it would make sense that he would be mysterious and quiet. I feel like I like the mysterious and quiet. Like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.
- [26:29]
D
Okay.
- [26:32]
A
Zoe's like, I was three days old when that came out.
- [26:35]
D
What's Pretty Woman?
- [26:36]
A
What is that?
- [26:37]
D
My God, you saw it?
- [26:40]
C
Yes.
- [26:40]
D
Okay.
- [26:41]
A
Were you one year old when it came out?
- [26:43]
C
I don't know when they come out.
- [26:46]
A
1990.
- [26:48]
C
I wasn't.
- [26:49]
A
Okay, great. Oh, my God. Okay, you are dismissed. Luxury hotel or cozy Airbnb?
- [26:57]
C
Oh, luxury hotel.
- [26:58]
D
Yes.
- [26:58]
A
I'm such a hotel snob. Like, no Airbnbs for me. I can't do it. No way. Not possible. Do you have a favorite hotel that you've stayed at?
- [27:08]
D
No. It's going to sound so snobby.
- [27:10]
A
Whatever. It's life. It's part of your life.
- [27:12]
D
Because I love a boutique hotel.
- [27:14]
A
Oh, okay.
- [27:14]
D
I do. But we stayed in the Peninsula in Tokyo and that was.
- [27:18]
A
I love that the lobby of the Peninsula always smells like gardenia now.
- [27:24]
D
Oh, yeah.
- [27:26]
A
Oh, my God, it's so good. Okay. Soft life. Ease or boss mode? Ambition.
- [27:34]
C
Right now I'm in soft life. I'm going from boss to trying to get to soft.
- [27:39]
A
Yeah. What about you?
- [27:40]
D
I feel like I go every week. It's like I do one and the other. I flip flop every single week. Last week I was just not having it, and this week I'm like to do list Crossing it off.
- [27:52]
A
Okay, I agree. I. I like them both, and I don't think I want to choose one over the other. I see a lot of people these days being like, I'm getting off Instagram and I'm going to go get chickens, and I'm like, go to the farm and do you. But I actually love high energy and I love being in a day where, like, you don't even look at your phone because you're. You're so in the flow of doing things that you love. That doesn't ever feel like work to me. That's just a blast. And I also like a day where it's a slow morning and the morning has, like, prayer and meditate. I love that. But I don't think I'm not. That's not my speed. I don't think I would only want that. I think I want both.
- [28:39]
D
Do you meditate every day? Yeah, every day.
- [28:42]
A
Yeah. But it looks different. Some days it's just prayer. Yeah. Like my favorite kind of meditation. It used to be that I would meditate. Right. And so therefore, I'm like, looking at, witnessing my mind. And if my thoughts sort of wander, I'm bringing myself back to the present moment. Right. Like a pure meditation. And what I realized, for me, like, really changes the whole day is bringing my consciousness to God. Open my eyes. Show me the clues today. Help me expand beyond the mind to see the world through your eyes. Like, help me see. And I know God's good for it, so he'll bring receipts. So I'm like, I want you to show me without a shadow of a doubt today where you're leading me, what you would have me do, what would you have me know? And when I do something like that for 20 minutes and then I listen, I feel like I plugged into the electric socket. That's my favorite kind of meditation.
- [29:37]
D
I love that tea meditation in different ways.
- [29:40]
A
Yeah.
- [29:41]
C
Yes. I mean, I have, like, I go on a walk every morning and, like, ask myself the same, like, intentional questions. But I feel like what you're talking about too is like the feminine and masculine. And I feel like we've been in such a masculine culture that true are swinging more to the feminine. But is it that true divine feminine that we've been straying away from?
- [30:03]
A
Yeah, that's. That's definitely, definitely true. Okay. Speaking of that ish adjacent to that high maintenance glam or natural, effortless beauty?
- [30:13]
D
Natural.
- [30:15]
C
I got dressed today.
- [30:17]
A
No, you're. You're always like this, like, it's like linen, like curtains like, you're just always this. It's like that Gwyneth Paltrow. Oh, my God, I love her. Like, she's so stunning.
- [30:33]
D
Oh, my God.
- [30:34]
C
You just compared me to Gwyneth Paltrow. I'll take that as a compliment day.
- [30:37]
A
I'm not surprised that you grew up in Santa Barbara. Like, you have this Santa Barbara glow. It's true. It's, like, effortless. It's so beautiful. Yeah, it's so beautiful. I. I remember talking to Bobbi Brown, the makeup artist, when I was first. I think she was. It was the first year of my podcast. She was a guest, and she said to me, I would never cover up your freckles. Like, when I. When she started out as a makeup artist in the late 80s, early 90s, like, makeup in those days was like, bright blue eyeshadow. You know, women were wearing, like, shoulder pads and, like, their hair was feathered and crazy. And she goes, I was the first person to say, I want you to look like you. I want you to almost look like you're not wearing any makeup. And that was disruptive at the time. And I think now that's what we want. We're like, give me lashes. But that they don't look like lashes. And I think that's everything when you lean into being in your own skin. Like, I think of a girl in Paris on a bicycle with, like, a baguette and, like, her sweaty hair, her basket. It's like, couldn't be hotter, right? Yes. Because she's just, like, in her own.
- [31:46]
D
Loving the love story with.
- [31:47]
A
You know, I haven't seen it. It's the. It's the JFK junior Story. Yes.
- [31:51]
B
I haven't seen it.
- [31:52]
C
That's right.
- [31:52]
D
They're loving her style because it was just. I don't give.
- [31:56]
A
Oh, it's so good
- [31:58]
C
energy. Because, like, when you see that in people, it's the energy that they're radiating. It's not. There's more beauty when somebody is, like you said, whole and authentic within themselves. And that shows in the world.
- [32:13]
A
Yeah.
- [32:14]
C
Can I ask you a question?
- [32:15]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [32:16]
C
What do you attribute to your glow up this past year?
- [32:19]
A
Oh, my God. That's. That's first of all, so nice. Thank you. I received that. So a few things happened. Going through my breakup was huge because I was holding so much unconscious energy.
- [32:32]
D
So you lost, like, 180 pounds, literally.
- [32:34]
A
Oh, my gosh. To the 177. Yeah, that. And then also, I. Since COVID I started a bad habit, which was. I was like, oh, I'M going to have ROS at 5 o' clock. And is 3:30 okay, can we scooch it up? And I think having three kids at home, but it was really that I didn't want to know the inconvenient truth. That was. My marriage was over. There was so much that had to change. It was so hard for me to be with that. I was like, I'll have a glass of wine at night, and that's fattening. And so I stopped drinking. And I could handle not drinking when I was willing to not go unconscious. Yep, it all went together.
- [33:12]
D
But what made you.
- [33:13]
A
What.
- [33:14]
D
Where was that day that you were like, I'm not gonna have tonight?
- [33:18]
A
It was. Here's what it was. My father passed away. And this was 20, 24, so a year and a half ago that summer. And I'm sitting there in the hospice room, and then we're going through, you know, he passes away. We go through the funeral, and there's. There's nothing like a moment like that to wake you up. And really, it's so sobering. Like, you see your life and the, The. The sands of time, you know, like, oh, my gosh, like, am I going to continue the rest of my life doing anything other than being true to myself is that it's not an option. And literally, we came home, we're Jewish, so we sit shiva for seven days to, like, you know, be in the moment and, like, let yourself feel sad.
- [34:09]
C
And.
- [34:09]
A
And after the shiva, like, three days after the shiva, I went to him, my ex, and I was like, I love you. I will always love you. That is not debatable. You are one of my soulmates. I can't do this anymore. And he was like, okay, like, 100%. I even said to my dad when he was dying, first of all, he was so loving. And he said, he put his hand on my heart when he was laying in the hot, and he goes, do you know for sure how much I love you? Did I. Did I get that point across in my life? Did I do that? Did you? Do you know? I was like, yes, I do. And I said, and do you know that I love you? He goes, the most? He's like, if anything, he's like, I would, I would come back. He said, just for these six days of hospice because I got to be so close to you. It's like this was everything for me, and it was so healing. And then I said to him, I was like, dad, your father died at 91, and he's only. He was 77. I said, it's almost like you love me so much that you wanted me to get this much love and this much awakening so that the next two decades you gave up for me. Because I said, I know what I'm about to do in my life in every way, because this is so powerful, like this amount of love, it just opened my eyes to everything, to all
- [35:23]
D
the things, all the ways you were abandoning yourself. So during that time that you ask your husband for and then you stop drinking at the same time.
- [35:29]
A
Yes. And also I realized that my big life, you know, the life we think we're building, is a Persona. And I got really clear that all my dad wished he could have done more of. Not.
- [35:40]
D
He was.
- [35:41]
A
He was in the room where he was dying were all of his, like, his doctorate, all his diplomas, all the things that he did. He was a forensic psychologist. He worked on these huge cases. He was on cnn. He did newspapers clippings. Like, all these things that he did. And all he wished he had more of a wasn't that it was time to become the best version of himself, to be the best father, to be. To love and be loved and have those moments. And so I was like, oh, my gosh. This life I'm building in la, I really. The big. The big things in my life, I've made them small, and I've made the small things big. And really what I want to do is like, unplug from this character I've built and move away from the city for a while, where my identity is not based on what I'm creating outside, but I want to go deep into who I am and find that world within me and be there with my kids and soak them up. And so I pulled them out of their competitive, super hard private schools where everything was like, what car are you driving in line to drop off? And like, how much homework? And then therefore, what college will you get it? I'm like, she's in fifth grade. Like, it's exhausting. So I pulled them out, we went, did homeschool, and then I traveled with them. And I hadn't left the country since 06. I took my kids to Switzerland, Italy. We're going to Paris. And I'm like, thank you, dad. Every day I hear him like, live your life and soak up these children and live your life and whatever's a hell yes. That's all you have time for, and whatever's a no because it keeps other people. My friend Mark Grove said to me, liberation is always a two Way street. So you set both of you free. You set everyone free. And so now I don't make any decision out of guilt. I just make the decision from, like, what is. When I look back on my life, what's the decision? That if you were watching a movie in my life, you'd be screaming at me, no, go make that other decision. So from that place, that's my glow up and oh my gosh, like, if you would have told me that, I would have lost 25. I didn't even know I needed to or could have lost £25. Just like, that's wild. £25. Started working out also. Also went gluten free because I did a whole like, health workup. And she said your thyroid could really use go off gluten and whatever. And I mean, it's just. It really is wild. What is available to you when you
- [38:07]
D
choose to not abandon. So you stopped drinking, you started taking care of your diet, and you decided that you needed more from a relationship.
- [38:16]
A
Yeah, it's pretty amazing. It's amazing.
- [38:19]
C
I know what is possible from this place for you.
- [38:22]
A
Everything. Because identity creates everything in our life. Vibration always precedes the manifestation. And so every day now, it feels like a dream. Just brushing my teeth feels good. You know, May we all just like, have the courage to. And that's why having friends like this, we were saying it today. Did we not say how great it is to have friends who are willing to mirror you and. And not willing to let you abandon yourself?
- [38:51]
D
Yes. A true friend will tell you when you need to. When they see that you're abandoning yourself, a true friend will, because, you know, it's easier to say, yeah, that's fine, that's cool. Yeah, keep doing it.
- [39:03]
A
Yeah. I feel like our circle of friends and we want to play chess against each other in the most loving way
- [39:10]
D
because we want the best for each other.
- [39:11]
A
Totally.
- [39:11]
C
It's like, it's about lovingly calling each other out and being along for the ride enough to know what are those patterns you're repeating?
- [39:18]
A
Okay, so we're gonna do an episode two when I come back this summer, because I wanna talk about what are the ways that we're getting more conscious and leveling up, like in our business and what you've helped us with and what's coming next for you, because workshops are coming.
- [39:32]
D
So many things.
- [39:33]
A
Whole world is coming. More tv. All the things.
- [39:38]
B
How fun was that? All right, here are the takeaways. Number one, stop trying to make decisions for other people. Let someone walk their own path if they choose it and see what happens from there, just flow with it. Number two. God's arranging all the other pieces. When you're aligned with the right version of you, then your action is just receiving it. Number three. The Creator of the universe gave us one job every single day. Manipulate your own energy. Change your own vibe. Number four. To just be doesn't mean sitting around. It means being in our highest frequency. Every one of us has to be doing that for ourselves every day. Number five. Do not be afraid. Fear is the biggest liar. Whatever is happening is happening for you. It's an opportunity. Number six. Your intuition is God given. It's a calling. It shows you. Number seven.
- [40:23]
A
Live your life.
- [40:24]
B
All you really have time for is whatever is a Hell yes. Thank you so much for tuning in. Your time is your greatest asset. So I'm really just always blown away that you're here and I appreciate you so much and I hope you never miss one of these episodes coming up. So please follow Everything is energy on your favorite podcast app. And if you've loved today's episode, please leave us a quick review and a rating. It helps us grow more than you could possibly know. We just got this lovely comment from Kay on the episode that we did last week with Kate Northrup and she said, I love the Moana reference to describe the context around expanding one's life experience to grow. So true. How it feels so weird at first, moving beyond toxic stress and high adrenaline and cortisol as normal motivators. But once we keep consistent and design new healthy routines, we start to live into that alignment. Well, that is so beautiful and 100. Yes, it's true. Thank you so much for sharing that with sk. I love hearing what you're picking up from these conversations. If there's been a quote or a moment that has stuck with you, let us know by leaving a review and you might just hear me read that on a future episode. Finally, I'm hosting a new masterclass about stepping into the next energy of this month, which is Taurus in the lunar calendar. We call this Hebrew month.
- [41:35]
A
Er.
- [41:36]
B
I'll be live on Zoom this week, April 22, and I would love to see you there. We're gonna explore what it feels like to really become the vessel that can hold the miracle.
- [41:46]
A
Miracle.
- [41:46]
B
Hold more wealth, hold more connection, hold more health, hold more ease. I'll be going over how to move into your next level without feeling like you have to work harder. It's really about how to claim and receive the abundance that is your birthright. It's gonna be such a good masterclass. Come and join us@kathyheller.com masterclass. You are the best. Thank you so much for being here. I love you so much. I'll talk to you soon.