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The Christian Working Woman
Hosted by Mary Lowman · EN
The Christian Working Woman with Mary Lowman exists to encourage, equip and empower workplace Christians in the marketplace.
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Mistakes to Avoid with Managers – 2
Today00:03:00Tap to summarizeHow well do you get along with your boss? I’m sharing some advice to help you get along with whoever is in authority over you. We already noted how important it is not to complain about your boss. Here is mistake number two. Mistake No. 2: Showing Up Your Boss It seems some people think they have to show up the boss in order to make a name for themselves, but intentionally trying to outshine your boss is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. The exception to this would be if you discover your boss is corrupt or illegal in some way, which is rare. Otherwise, it is in your best interest to make your boss look good. Think of ways to make their job easier; when you can, go the extra mile to take some workload off them. They can help you or harm you, so be sure to avoid this mistake. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time (1 Peter 5:6). Making your boss look good may indeed require some humility on your part, where you don’t get the credit you think you deserve. But it is one way to humble yourself, and that is a Christian discipline we all need to practice. Mistake No. 3: Not Understanding Generational Differences No doubt you have discovered different generations see things very differently! And frequently your manager’s generation is not the same as yours. Whether older or younger, you can make some serious mistakes in dealing with your manager if you don’t understand and make allowances for these generational differences. For example, punctuality doesn’t seem to be as important to younger generations as it is to us in the older groups. We older types put a high value on being on time for work, for meetings, meeting deadlines, etc. Younger generations seem to be more “laid back,” as we say, and have an attitude that if the job gets done, we shouldn’t worry about such small things as being on time. Believe me, if your boss thinks punctuality is important, you should make it important. I have observed people who truly did great harm to their careers simply by being unwilling to conform to reasonable expectations from their boss or company. Remember what I said yesterday—it’s your job to get along with your boss not your boss’s job to get along with you. That may sound a little strange to you, but for the most part, it is good advice.
Transcribe →Mistakes to Avoid with Managers
Yesterday00:03:00Tap to summarizeIf you are a Christian in the working world, working for someone else, I’m sure you know already your manager or employer can have a lot of influence on your success in your job and in your career. It just makes sense you would want to avoid any mistakes in that relationship, if possible, right? How much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver (Proverbs 16:16)! Wisdom is more valuable than money. Getting wisdom on your job is better than getting a raise! And Proverbs 13:10 says wisdom is found in those who take advice. I’m going to share a little wise advice that just might help you avoid some mistakes in dealing with your manager or employer—or the person in authority over you. Mistake No. 1: Complaining about Your Manager. I would say it is inevitable you won’t like everything your manager does. There is bound to be something in their style or skills you don’t agree with, or you feel is ineffective. I can tell you from experience, managers are easy targets for complaining and griping in most organizations. A man I worked with in my first sales job gave me a good piece of advice, which was: It’s your job to get along with your manager, not your manager’s job to get along with you. That probably goes against our culture today, but let me tell you, that attitude will work very well for you. I know not all managers are good at their job. I know not all managers are good communicators. And some managers or employers are pretty close to impossible. I know! But as long as you report to that person, you will do yourself a favor to remember it’s your job to get along with your manager, not your manager’s job to get along with you! One of the favorite past-times of many employees is to bad-mouth the boss and the company. If you’re wise, you will avoid that like the plague. Ecclesiastes 10:20 says: Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird in the sky may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say (Ecclesiastes 10:20). What wise Solomon is telling us is talking behind the back of someone in authority, saying things you wouldn’t say to their face, will almost always backfire on you. Somehow those grumblings make their way back to that person, and they find out what you’ve said. Some little bird tells them! And that is a mistake you want to avoid.
Transcribe →Don’t Think for Yourself!
3d ago00:14:28Tap to summarizeDon’t think for yourself. I realize that sounds very backwards. How could it be right not to think for yourself? I certainly don’t mean we should allow others to think for us. That’s not what I’m saying. That’s just as dangerous or more so than thinking for ourselves. But when you and I understand the importance our thoughts play in our lives, then we start to understand how critical it is for us to think correctly. Our thought life is the place where everything else begins. Our actions begin with thoughts; our words begin with thoughts; our attitudes are formed by thoughts; our emotions are controlled by our thoughts. As we are reminded in Proverbs 23:7, what we think is what we are. Therefore, we need to be very certain we are thinking right! In order to think correctly, we’ve got to formulate our thoughts based on truth, based on someone we can trust, based on principles which are right and good. Now, I’d like to think I can trust my own self to think correctly, but the more I get to know me and the more I understand my human nature, the more I realize I am not qualified to think for myself. The Bible says in my own natural flesh there dwells nothing good of itself. I know I’m inclined to sin, inclined to be selfish, inclined to take the easy way out, etc. And besides the problem of the sinfulness of my nature, there are the limitations of my understanding and wisdom, which can cause me to think incorrectly if I think for myself. Therefore, if I try to delude myself into believing I’m capable of thinking for myself, I’ll discover it leads me into some real difficulties. Instead of “Think for yourself,” our motto should be “Think biblically!” Then and only then can we be certain our thinking is right, because the Bible is God’s truth, and the only reliable source for us. People who claim to think for themselves rarely do just that. When you see someone rebelling against their parents, or against rules and regulations or authority of some kind, or going off into some deep end, they often use the excuse “I’m thinking for myself and nobody’s going to tell me how to think anymore.” But what’s really happening is they are allowing some other person or group to tell them how to think instead of the ones who have been influencing their thinking up to that point. Rarely are they truly thinking for themselves. Don’t be misled by the attractiveness of this commonly-held belief that we should think for ourselves. It certainly appeals to our proud human nature, but it leads us to place a confidence in our ability to think correctly. The sad news is most of us don’t always think correctly on our own. We are all influenced by the world around us, the attitudes of others, the majority viewpoint, and in addition, our thought life is polluted by our own sinful nature. Add all that up, and you realize not only is it dangerous to think for ourselves, it’s also fairly impossible, for our thinking is inevitably a result of other influences. For Christians, we need to be certain our thinking is shaped by the Word of God and that we are influenced by what God has to say. There was one particular occasion in Peter’s life when he was thinking for himself, and the Lord rather sharply rebuked him for it. The story is found in Matthew 16 where Jesus is explaining it is necessary for him to be killed. Peter didn’t like that idea, so we read that Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!” Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” (Matthew 16:22-23) In Peter’s mind, it would have been a total catastrophe if Jesus were killed. That wasn’t the plan at all, as Peter saw it. So, controlled by his human way of thinking, Peter began to rebuke Jesus; we’d say he gave him a “piece of his mind.” Unfortunately, by doing that, Peter demonstrated that his mind was under the wrong control and influence. In fact, Jesus said Peter had become an instrument of Satan by even suggesting Calvary was not necessary. Satan wants to control all our thinking, because he knows we are controlled by our thought life. Therefore, keeping us from thinking biblically is one of his primary objectives. Who is influencing your thinking today? Modern humanistic philosophies? People who are not godly? Ideas and attitudes that have been passed on to you by friends or family who don’t know the Lord? Even other Christians who are not thinking biblically? Check it out. Whatever controls or influences how you think is, in reality, controlling you to some degree. Romans 12 tells us we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, we read we are to bring every thought into captivity, not let our thoughts run wild and free. Learning to think biblically should be the highest priority for every Christian. An obvious question is “What is biblical thinking?” Philippians 4:8 is a good place to start. It clearly defines what we should think about, and here’s the list: Things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Now, I’d like to mention some areas of wrong thinking which don’t meet these criteria. Have you noticed how often we can start imagining what may or may not happen in the future? I can find myself playing out a whole scenario in my mind of the worst-case possibilities, and before I know it, I’m really worried and upset over what might happen to me. That is untruthful thinking; it is imagining the future and allowing those imaginations to cause me to be fearful. Many Christians have started to think very lightly of immorality because immoral lifestyles have become acceptable in our society. Someone was describing a movie to me and commented that a couple in the movie was having an affair, but this person noted it wasn’t the usual sordid kind of affair; it was a tender, more genteel kind. That’s an example of allowing the morals of our culture to invade our mind and cause us to think unbiblically. Any kind of affair should be viewed as impure and wrong by a person who is thinking biblically. Honesty is another area that has been under heavy attack in our society over the last few years. People tend to think of lying as relative; in other words, the situation determines whether it’s right or wrong to lie. And there’s the idea that little lies don’t really do any harm. I notice a great deal of our entertainment treats lying humorously. With all that around us, it’s easy for us to think about lying and honesty in unbiblical ways. How about it? Can you see some areas in your own life where your thinking has been influenced by the world around you, and you’ve lost your biblical mind? Part of the great gift of God to us when we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior is the presence of God’s Holy Spirit living within us, and therefore, Paul says, we have the mind of Christ. That means we’re able to think like Jesus thinks. In order to think biblically, we must first of all have this mind of Christ within us. You can’t think biblically without the power of the Holy Spirit. Then, we must learn to carefully control what we allow into our minds, for the input determines the output. The computer world has taught us if you put garbage in, you get garbage out! Only as we feed our minds with the right things can we expect to think biblically. We will think about what we read, what we hear, and what we see, so if we are hearing, reading and seeing things that are not in conformity to biblical principles, obviously we’re going to think wrongly. You can fail miserably if you allow all kinds of immorality and impurity to be poured into your mind through television, videos, books, movies, podcasts, etc. It takes careful screening of the input into our minds in order to think biblically. It also takes what I call the Replacement Theory. When we start to think wrongly, and we know we should change, we must be able to replace the wrong thought with the right one. It’s almost impossible to just stop thinking about something, but if you start thinking about something else, then you can be successful at replacing the wrong thought with the right thought. That takes a set of your will to say: “I will not think about this any longer; I will think instead of this.” Many times, I actually talk out loud to myself and say, “Come on, Mary, you know you shouldn’t think about that. Now, stop it and think about this instead.” I can tell you the Replacement Theory works! There’s so much more to say about right thinking. In fact, I’ve written a book entitled Think About What You Think About. You’ll find more information about it on our website, or you can order it from Amazon. I believe it will help you to learn how to think biblically, and if I can help you do that, I’ve done you a very big favor. Remember, thinking for yourself can get you into lots of difficulty. But thinking biblically will enable you to make good choices, right decisions, live a godly life, and know the peace and contentment that comes from right thinking. Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:5-6).<...
Transcribe →Think! – 5
4d ago00:03:00Tap to summarizeNo doubt you’ve heard the cliché, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Contrary to that little couplet, words can indeed hurt and they can hurt deeply. And you know, once words are spoken, they can never be unspoken. One of the most Christ-like things we can do is to think before we speak so our words don’t hurt others. I’ve been encouraging all of us to make it a habit to think before we speak, and to help us remember to do that, we’re offering you a bracelet which simply says think. By wearing it, it is my hope we will all get better at thinking about what we’re going to say before we say it. Using the acronym of think, we’ve seen our words should be T – true, H – helpful, I – inspiring, N – necessary, and finally: K stands for kind: We need to think about how we can say what we have to say in a kind way. How many times have words been spoken to you in an unkind manner, and while the message itself was not necessarily a problem, the words or the tone of voice used to send the message were very hurtful. Oh, how important it is for us to think before we speak. Ask yourself, “How would I feel if someone said that to me?” Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up (Proverbs 12:25). When you’re getting ready to speak, ask yourself if the words you will speak will cheer someone up, encourage an anxious heart. In Proverbs 15, we read a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. It is amazing to see the difference it makes when you think before you speak, and you choose words that are gentle and kind. Those words become words of life, and they are pleasing to the Lord Jesus. What do you think? Can we get serious about thinking before we speak? It will make us more like the Lord Jesus, and we’ll be a much more effective witness for him. If our think wristband will help you to think before you speak, then please contact us and we’ll send it to you.
Transcribe →Think! – 4
5d ago00:03:00Tap to summarizeGracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body (Proverbs 16:24). If we all made it a daily practice to think before we speak, our words would be more gracious, and gracious words have power to bring peace in stressful situations and healing to our bodies, because stress is reduced by gracious words. To help us prevent words coming out before we think about them, we are offering a simple wristband that says think. My hope is by wearing this wristband, you will be reminded to pay attention to what you are getting ready to say and make sure it is appropriate. And we’re using an acronym of the word think to help us evaluate our words. T is for true; speak only what is true. H is for helpful; make sure your words will benefit those you speak to. I means speak inspiring words that will encourage others. And now: N is for necessary: Speak only what is necessary. In other words, don’t talk too much. Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues (Proverbs 10:19). But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned (Matthew 12:36-37). Talking too much can be a real problem. They tell us that women talk more than men, and if that is true, we women need to be doubly careful about how much we say. We don’t need to fill empty spaces with empty words. Silence can indeed be golden, and for those of us who are talkers, we need to take seriously this exhortation to speak only what is necessary. I think we’re all aware that a person who talks too much is not a person we particularly enjoy being with. Listening to others is the skill we want to develop, so we give others the respect of listening to them instead of inflicting our unnecessary words on anyone who happens to be near. Before you speak, think “Is it necessary?” You’ll probably say fewer words!
Transcribe →Think! – 3
6d ago00:03:00Tap to summarizeHave you inspired anyone lately? You may not think about it in those terms, but each day we have opportunities to inspire people. To inspire them to be kind, to inspire them to be encouraged—and on and on. And usually that inspiration comes through the words we speak. We’re talking about how to think before we speak, so when we speak, we say the right things in the right way. And to help you think before you speak, we have some wristbands that say, “Think.” We’ll be glad to send you one of these to help you remember to think before you speak. The Bible has lots to say about guarding our words carefully, and this wristband reminder may help you do that. We’re looking at an acrostic of the word think, which can help us determine whether we should say what we’re just getting ready to say. T means true, make sure it’s true. H means helpful, make sure it will benefit those who listen. And now: I is for inspiring: Will your words inspire the person who hears them in some way, even if it’s very small? If not, maybe you don’t need to say them. Now I need to make it clear I’m talking about inspiring someone for good purposes, because it’s possible to inspire someone to do something wrong. But how wonderful it is when someone speaks inspiring words to us. I remember a day when I particularly needed some encouragement, out of the clear blue a friend simply said something that inspired me. It gave me the encouragement I needed at that moment to keep on keepin’ on, as we say. I often try to remember to say anything nice I think, whether it’s a compliment on someone’s outfit or a word of appreciation for their help. If you’re thinking something nice about someone, then why not express it in words and then you speak words of inspiration. If we think before we speak, we will not only be careful not to say things we should not say, but it will remind us to say those inspiring things that we often think but don’t say. Remember, your words have power; use that power wisely to inspire others. They will come back to you in a wonderful way.
Transcribe →Think! – 2
1w ago00:03:00Tap to summarizeThe Bible says the tongue has the power of life and death. When we speak before we think, we often use our tongue as a death weapon. I’m encouraging you to think before you speak, and we’ve even made some bracelets for you to wear which say think. It’s a good reminder to carry with you all day, so before you speak you make certain what you say needs to be said and is said in the best possible way. This acrostic for think will help you think before you speak. We already saw T stands for true. Speak only what you know to be true. H stands for helpful: Are the words you’re just getting ready to say going to help anyone? If not, don’t say them. Ephesians 4:29 is one of the most powerful verses in the Bible, in my opinion, and if we practiced it, we would think before we speak. It says, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29). Some time ago I began praying this verse into my life, and I encourage you to do the same. Then I noticed when I would start to say something, I would often hear that inaudible voice of God’s Spirit saying, “Is this going to help anyone else; will it benefit those who listen?” That has caused me to stop in the middle of lots of sentences, as I realized I didn’t need to say what I was planning to say because it wasn’t helpful to anyone else. Can you even imagine the wonderful changes that would take place on our jobs, in our churches, and in our homes if we determined not to speak any words that were unwholesome, that did not benefit others? That would eliminate griping and complaining; it would keep us from nagging people; it would cause us to stop passing on gossip. My goodness, it would make a difference in the way we live. Think about what you’re going to say before you say it. It’s so much easier to swallow those unhelpful words than it is to try to recover from them once they are said. If it’s not helpful, just don’t say it.
Transcribe →Think!
1w ago00:03:00Tap to summarizeMy professional career began with IBM, and they had a motto then which was conspicuously displayed all around the offices. It was one simple word: “Think.” Just “Think.” I remember wondering why they would choose such a motto for the company. Doesn’t everybody think, I thought. Now I understand the importance of that simple one-word motto, because often we just don’t think enough. For example, how frequently are we engaging our mouths, saying things without thinking? And that usually ends up causing all kinds of trouble. A friend once told me her teenage daughter and she had agreed to each wear a bracelet that says think, as a way to remind them to think before they speak. I got to thinking about that and decided it was a good idea. We have some bracelets for you, our listeners, that say think, to remind you to think about what you’re going to say before you say it. This could have dramatic positive results for all your relationships. Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3). Perhaps wearing a bracelet that says think will help us to set guards over our mouths, so we think about what we say before we say it. I want to give you an acrostic of the word think, to help you determine whether you should say what you are starting to say or not. We start with: T stands for true: Is it true? Do you know for certain what you are just about to say is true? If not, don’t say it. If we think before we speak and determine we’re not sure what we’re about to say is true, this will eliminate most gossip. Gossip is usually something we’ve heard but don’t really know for sure, but we freely pass it on. After all, it’s juicy and we just want to tell somebody that juicy tidbit. But if we start to think before we speak, and ask ourselves, “Is this true?” we’ll go a long way to eliminating gossipy talk, and that’s a very good thing.
Transcribe →Fran & Jesus on the Job – Overreacting
1w ago00:14:28Tap to summarizeFor quite a few years I have been telling this on-going fictional story of Fran and how she learns to turn to Jesus for wisdom and guidance in every area of her life. Fran is a young widow, a single mom with two children, and a demanding job. Through the struggles of her everyday life, she is learning to practice the presence of Jesus and look to him for guidance in every area of her life. Today is not such a good day for Fran. In fact, she is at the point of tears as she comes back to her office from a business meeting with her most important client. Closing her door, she plops in her chair and brushes away a tear that tries to escape. “Why did he say that to me?” she says out loud to herself. “Why would he be so cruel to me? I worked so hard on that promotion, and he shot it down without even listening to my idea!” “Feelings hurt today?” Jesus softly asks, though of course he has no need to know since he knows everything. Fran is again reminded of his abiding presence in her life. “Well, I don’t know if it’s my feelings that were hurt…” she stammers; “I think it was the crass insensitivity and unprofessionalism of Mr. Andrews. He was unnecessarily brutal.” “Your feelings are hurt, Fran,” Jesus states. “Might as well admit it; nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone gets their feelings hurt from time to time.” “Well, yeah, I guess he hurt my feelings. I mean, I’ve worked so hard for that account, and before this, he liked everything I did,” Fran explains. “Now out of the blue he hits me with this response—so unfair, you know.” “What exactly did he say?” Jesus asks. “You were there, Lord,” Fran replies, with a bit of frustrated sarcasm. Jesus laughs. “Yes, but it would be good for you to repeat what has upset you so much.” Fran feels ashamed of her inappropriate reaction. “I’m sorry. He said I had not researched this promotion adequately, and he was not comfortable going with my idea until I did my homework.” “And what was wrong with that comment?” Jesus asked. “What was wrong? I had an entire report backing up my idea. I did my homework. I always do my homework. That’s what’s gotten me where I am; everybody knows Fran does the job right,” Fran responds. “A bit defensive, are we?” Jesus quietly asks. Fran doesn’t like where this conversation is heading, so she suddenly gets busy with her work. “Nobody understands me,” she mumbles to herself, all the time knowing it’s not true. She’s not yet ready to give up her pity party! As she’s leaving the office that afternoon, her friend, Alice, pops in. “Hi, want to grab some pizza tonight with the kids?” “Oh, Alice, I’m so glad you came by,” Fran lights up. “I was going to call you and see if you could come over tonight. I need to talk with you.” “What about?” she asks. “Oh, I had a rough meeting with Mr. Andrews. I need some advice,” she replies. They make plans for Alice to get the pizza while Fran picks up her children. After a time with the kids, some homework assignments, and a Bible story, Fran gets Drew and Alice to bed. Then the two of them settle down for their long talk. “Okay, let me have it,” Alice says. Tears start to come to her eyes again and Fran says, “Oh, it’s probably no big deal but Mr. Andrews really let me have it today in front of everybody. You know that big promotion I’ve been working on? Well, he said I didn’t have sufficient research to proceed. He told me to ‘take it back to the drawing board,’ to use his words. He said there were too many unanswered questions.” Fran pauses and looks at Alice, waiting for her response, still fighting to hold back her tears. Alice nods and says, “And…” “And what?” Fran raises her voice. “Isn’t that enough?” “Well, I mean, is that all he said?” Alice asks. “Don’t you think it was very rude and unprofessional of him? I mean, in front of everybody,” Fran says in frustration. “Who was there?” Alice asks. “His assistant, Bernie, and Jim from the Art Department,” Fran says. “Uh, huh,” Alice cautiously responds. “That’s not exactly ‘everybody’, Fran,” she says. “Oh, you just don’t understand, Alice!” Fran is angry. “I guess you’re thinking it was just an overreaction.” “Come on, Fran, give me a break,” Alice says. “How about giving me a break and trying to be understanding?” she says. “Okay, I want to be understanding, but I’m just not sure what Mr. Andrews said that upset you so much. Maybe you just had to be there or something.” Tears start down Fran’s face. “Alice, don’t you understand, he said I didn’t do a thorough job and…and…” “And you always do a thorough job,” Alice says quietly. “Yeah, I’m beginning to get it.” She quietly says, “Do you want me to pray about this with you?” Fran knows prayer is long overdue, but on the other hand, she doesn’t want to give up her pity party! However, she hesitatingly says, “Yeah, please pray.” As she listens to Alice’s prayer, Fran’s defenses start to break down. “Fran,” she hears the voice of Jesus, “truth sometimes hurts, but remember, truth sets you free.” Jesus has told her that before, but once again she needs to be reminded that facing the truth, painful as it may be, is always the best way to go. After Alice finishes, Fran prays, “Dear Jesus, I hate to admit it, but I’m wrong. I overreacted again. It’s one of my worst weaknesses, and I don’t think I’ll ever get control of it. Please forgive me. Mr. Andrews had every right to say what he did, and I just blew it out of proportion.” She finds it difficult to continue; Jesus whispers in her ear, “I understand; you don’t have to say any more.” “Thank you for understanding me even when I don’t understand myself,” she says as she finishes her prayer. Fran looks at Alice. “Do you think I’ll ever learn not to overreact?” she asks. “I mean, I seem to do it all the time. In retrospect I can see how silly it was of me to read so much into Mr. Andrew’s comments.” “Well, I think you delight the Lord because you’re always honest and real with him, Fran, and you come around fast,” she says. “I’ve never known anyone as honest with herself as you are.” “Really?” Fran is surprised. “I never thought about it that way.” “You’re such a good friend, Alice. I really appreciate your honesty with me and helping me see what I need to see about myself. You know, I was trying to tell my dad about it this afternoon on the phone, and he really didn’t get it. But I just attributed that to the difference in the way men and women handle things like this.” “What do you mean?” Alice asks. “Well,” Fran answers, “we women tend to be more subtle and careful about the words we choose because we know how easily our feelings can be hurt. I think men tend to simply state facts and let the chips fall where they may, so to speak. Therefore, what Mr. Andrews said about me not doing a complete job really hurt my feelings, but a man would see that as a simple directive—something to be expected. Don’t you think that’s true, Alice?” Alice thinks about it a minute. “Well, it sure makes men sound terribly insensitive, which they can be sometimes, I’m sure. But it’s also part of our personality and how much we are personally affected. I have to admit, I couldn’t see why you were that upset over it. But then again, it wasn’t me there having to listen to what he said, so I could just be more objective at that moment.” Fran starts to laugh. “Isn’t it crazy how differently we see things,” she comments. “His comment hurt my feelings so badly; I took it very personally, but you heard it as just a simple business decision. You’re right. When our toes are stepped on, it tends to feel much more personal!” Some good lessons learned. Proverbs 16:20 tells us, whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. You can see why Fran overreacted to her client’s remarks. He challenged her in the one area where Fran felt she excelled—her attention to details and her competence at doing her job. Fran has done very well in her company because of these good qualities, and subtly, without realizing it, she had started to take some pride in herself for her achievements. Pride is such a deceitful snare. It sneaks up on you while you’re not looking. The very gifts God gives us can become points of pride in our lives, when we begin to think we’ve done something ourselves. And so, this somewhat painful meeting Fran had with her client punctured that pride and the poison came oozing out. But, as humbling as it was, it was a very good lesson because Fran was able to see it for herself and recognize her pride before it got too far out of hand. Maybe you too need to learn to control your reactions. If you find yourself speaking hastily when you’re upset, getting your feelings hurt too easily or exaggerating...
Transcribe →Saying No Without Guilt – 5
2w ago00:03:00Tap to summarizeWhen it’s time to say “no,” how can you say it without offending anyone? I’ve examined the difficulty many of us have with saying “no.” As we close this topic today, I want to talk about the best way to say “no.” None of us like to disappoint people; we want to be cooperative and helpful. Saying “no” is not easy because we know it is not what the other person wants to hear. But when you know it is the right thing to do, you must be assertive and courageous enough to look them in the eye and in a kind way say “no.” I think you need to give some explanation, but not too much. When you keep defending your “no” response, it shows a lack of confidence in your decision. Remember, it is not likely your “no” will be happily received, so don’t have unrealistic expectations. But soften the blow as much as possible, empathize where you can, offer alternative suggestions if available, but make your “no” a true and understandable “no,” not a wishy-washy response. Be sure you’ve prayed about it, that you have your own emotions under control, that your reasons for saying “no” are pure, not selfish. Think in advance of what words you will use—words that make it as palatable as possible. Proverbs 16:21 says sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness, so choose your words carefully. In her booklet on saying no without guilt, Alice Fryling says, “Men and women who are humble enough not to take themselves too seriously are free to say no as well as to say yes.” That’s a good word for us all. Don’t take yourself too seriously and be humble enough to say “no” when you know it’s the right thing to do.  
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