Podcast Summary: Be A Godly Husband – Stand Firm & Act Like Men: Week 5

Podcast: The Church of Eleven22
Host: The Church of Eleven22 (Speaker: Pastor Matt Carter)
Episode Date: November 17, 2025

Main Theme

This episode continues the "Stand Firm, Act Like Men" series, focusing on what it truly means to be a godly husband. Drawing from Ephesians 5, Pastor Matt Carter passionately teaches men to love their wives as Christ loves the church—sacrificially, purposefully, and as spiritual leaders. The episode combines biblical exposition, personal testimony, and practical application, aiming to challenge and encourage men (and those who aspire to marriage) to step up into their high calling.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Calling of a Godly Husband

[00:03–08:23]

• Ephesians 5 as the Foundation:
  Pastor Matt opens by emphasizing marriage as God’s idea and design, not man’s.

  • “Paul...drops a theological nuclear bomb and gives them the ultimate purpose and meaning for marriage.”
  • The primary purpose: marriage is a living, breathing picture of Christ’s relationship to the church.

• Marriage as an Arena of Sanctification:

  • It requires perseverance, humility, service, and dependence on Jesus.
  • Billy Graham quoted: “Marriage is the anvil that God puts a man upon and beats the pants off of...”
  • The challenge is not just companionship but displaying the gospel in daily life.

2. The Biblical Command: Agape Love

[08:24–20:11]

• What ‘Love’ Really Means:

  • The Greek word in Ephesians 5:25 is agape—a self-giving, sacrificial love not based on feelings, but commitment to the highest good of the other.
  • “Agape...is an expression of love that’s not based on feeling, but rather a self-giving, sacrificial kind of love that seeks the highest good of the other person, regardless of their merit or response.” (Pastor Matt, [13:32])

• Contrast with Other ‘Loves’:

  • Phileo (affection), eros (sexual/romantic), storge (familial) all fall short—God calls husbands to agape.
  • Many men, especially when young, don’t understand this; it’s learned through maturity and humility.

• Practical Example from Counseling:

  • A story of counseling a young, self-centered husband who mistook feelings for biblical love.
  • Notable quote:
    “You keep saying that word...but it don’t mean what you think it means.” (Princess Bride reference, [17:15])

3. A Personal Story: Failing and Learning Agape Love

[20:12–48:22]

• Matt Carter’s Marriage Crisis:

  • Confesses failure to love his wife, Jennifer, as Christ loves the church, especially during a high-stress period of church planting.
  • Jennifer’s honest confrontation:
    “I’m not okay. I don’t feel like you pay attention to me... I don’t feel pursued... I don’t feel cherished... I don’t feel like you care about my walk with Jesus.” ([29:43-31:27])

• Wake-up Calls and Cultural Reflections:

  • Discovery of the widespread desire among women to be cherished and pursued (even referencing the “Twilight” phenomenon).
  • “Men, there’s a deep need in the soul of every woman to be loved and pursued and cherished and pointed to Jesus by the man that God has placed in her life.” ([44:50])

• Decision to Change:

  • Pastor Matt describes a desperate prayer:
    “Lord, I need you to change me... so that I can love this woman the way that you’ve called me to.” ([46:55])
  • He commits to pursuing his wife’s heart again, no matter what.

4. The Pattern of Christ’s Love

[48:23–54:41]

• Loving First – The Role of the Initiator:

  • Jesus loved us first (1 John 4:19):
    “The primary way Jesus loved...was that Jesus loved the church first.” ([50:55])
  • Husbands are called to be the love initiator, not waiting for their wives to meet their needs first.

• Learning ‘Love Languages’:

  • Recounts discovery of the Five Love Languages and the necessity to love your wife in her language, not just how you want to love.
    • His wife’s are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.
    • “If I write her a letter, she’s kept every letter... She feels so ministered to and loved and pursued.” ([57:15])
    • Comical story on experiments with Acts of Service (“guaranteed sex” myth, [1:00:41]).

5. Self-Sacrifice: “He Gave Himself Up for Her”

[54:42–1:08:05]

• Sacrifice is Required:

  • Loving like Christ means sacrificing self-interest—laying down rights, preferences, and sinful patterns (anger, addiction, workaholism, etc.).
  • “Jesus laid down his rights for his bride.” ([56:45])
  • His personal struggle with anger and the journey to become a man of kindness.

• Practical Wisdom for Kindness:

  • The “Billy Graham at your house” test: If you’d treat Billy Graham with kindness, how much more your wife? ([59:48])
  • Referencing 1 Peter 2:21-23: Handling unjust suffering as Jesus did, without retaliation.

• “You Lose Every Argument” Principle:

  • Advice from Tommy Nelson:
    “When you get married, you lose every argument you and your wife ever get into.” ([1:01:44])
  • Practical meaning: As the Christ-figure, men take responsibility for peace and initiative in reconciliation.

6. Spiritual Leadership: “Sanctify Her”

[1:08:06–1:13:25]

• The Husband as Spiritual Shepherd:
  • The text says husbands are charged to help their wives grow in holiness (“sanctify her”).
  • “The number one person on this planet that is responsible for the sanctification of your wife is you, her husband.” ([1:10:59])
• Specific Practices:
  • Ask her about her prayer life.
  • Initiate prayer together (warning of spiritual resistance).
  • Care about her spiritual gifts and support her use of them.
  • Avoid leaving your wife a “spiritual widow” (neglecting to shepherd her).
• Exhortation:
  • It's time for men to stand firm and act like men—to lovingly, kindly, and spiritually lead their wives and families.

7. Hope and Testimony: Don’t Give Up

[1:13:26–1:18:45]

• Redemptive Ending to Matt’s Marriage Journey:

  • After a very rocky period, by God’s grace and a commitment to pursue his wife’s heart, Matt and Jennifer rebuilt a stronger marriage—now 30 years together.
  • “Can I just tell you, don’t ever give up. If you have the Holy Spirit inside you both, there is hope for you, and I am living, breathing proof.” ([1:15:53])

• Mature Love is Fruitful:

  • Now best friends, with mutual kindness and pursuit, testifying to the sanctifying power of Christ.

8. Memorable Moment—“Lafayette Incident”

[1:18:46–1:20:50]

• Humorous Finish:
  • Recent travel disaster story: his wife bought tickets to the wrong Lafayette (Indiana, not Louisiana)—but Matt responds with patience, living out his sermon in real time.
  • “I turned around and I remembered what I preached Thursday night. It’s proof I’m going to heaven, y’all. I looked at her and I said, we’re going to be okay, baby.” ([1:20:10])

Notable Quotes and Timestamps

• On sacrificial love:
  • “Husbands, agape your wives...that seeks her highest good above your own.” ([13:53])
• On what pursuit really means:
  • “There’s a deep need in the soul of every woman to be loved and pursued and cherished and pointed to Jesus by the man that God has placed in her life.” ([44:51])
• On spiritual leadership:
  • “...the number one person responsible for the sanctification of your wife is you.” ([1:10:59])
• On hope for troubled marriages:
  • “If you have the Holy Spirit inside of you both, there is hope for you, and I am living, breathing proof of it.” ([1:15:53])

Practical Takeaways for Men

• Pursue your wife’s heart regularly—not just at the start.
• Love in her ‘language’, not just yours.
• Take initiative in reconciliation, kindness, and spiritual leadership.
• Sacrifice anything that hinders your ability to love as Christ loves.
• Champion your wife’s relationship with Jesus.

Conclusion: A Call to Respond

Matt closes with a pastoral prayer for broken marriages, singles, and all men seeking to stand firm and act like biblical men. The call is to put the message into action—pursue, cherish, nurture, and lead—with the love and kindness of Jesus.

[1:20:51–end]

For those struggling or feeling alone, Matt’s story and biblical wisdom offer hope, clarity, and a high but glorious calling for every husband.