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That's so good. Oh, man, that's so good. That's a picture of what we're talking about today. Continuing our series, Stand Firm, Act Like Men Today, as Pastor Trey talked about, we're going to look at being a godly husband. So I want to invite you to open up your Bibles. The book of Ephesians, chapter 5. Looking at a text that I'll tell you the story about changed my life. But man, I don't know if you guys, if there are any intercessors here. I'd love for you to pray for me. I want you to imagine the worst or remember the worst travel day of your entire life. And I just had a weekend that made that day look like a trip to Disneyland, y'. All. And you think, how bad could it be? I'm gonna tell you a little bit of the story at the end of this message. You'll go, woo. Yeah, that's bad. All right. So anyway, pray for me. A little tired. Got into Jacksonville about 4 o' clock this morning, got me a nice little 2 hour nap and started preparing for this to get ready. But anyway, looking at what it means to be a godly husband, I'm going to be speaking primarily to husbands today, but for single men, take notes. You can learn a lot from my mistakes as a husband and be ready to. To be the man that God has called you to be if God calls you into that man. Single women, take notes. This is what you're looking for. You don't, not me, but you look for a man that. Because hopefully you marry somebody a lot better at this than I was when I was younger. But you're looking for a man that is at least desiring to live this out. Wives, this is what you're going to be able to pray over your husbands for. So it applies to everybody. But I'm going to talk primarily to men today. Last week, Pastor Joby talked about being a man of strength. And he made a statement that I thought was pretty awesome. He said, a strong man is a man who rests in Jesus, who perseveres through pain, who walks humbly under God's authority and uses his strength to serve others. Here's the deal, man. In my opinion, there is no other arena in your life where there will be a greater need for you to rest in Jesus, to persevere through pain, to walk humbly under God's authority, and to use your strength to serve others than the arena of your marriage. Married guys, can I get an amen? All right. And single guys, that are sitting there going, what do you mean? If I get married, I'm going to have to persevere through pain. What does that mean? I'm going to give you a quote from Billy Graham. Billy Graham said this. He said that marriage is the anvil that God puts a man upon and beats the pants off of it. And that's a true statement. Marriage is beautiful. It's awesome, it's amazing. But it is also incredibly difficult at times. It takes work. That's what today is about. We're going to realize that men, the calling on our lives in our marriages is a high one. And so we're going to learn what that looks like, stand firm, act like a man, as a husband. Good news. Ephesians 5 gets very specific on how we are to do that. So let's jump in to remind you. Paul is talking about, in Ephesians 5, he's talking about marriage. And he begins to talk to the wives, and then he talks to the husbands. And at the end of that conversation, he drops a theological nuclear bomb on them and us and gives them the ultimate purpose and meaning for marriage. He basically says, this is why God created marriage. And just to remind you, it was God that created marriage. Amen. Man didn't think up marriage. Man didn't create marriage. It was God that created marriage. And in Ephesians 5, Paul says to the church and to us that this is why God created marriage and so that the two would become one flesh and they would live together. And ultimately, Paul says this. He said, that is a picture of Christ and the church. If you ever want to know what primary purpose of your marriage is, it's not companionship. It's not to have children. That that's all a part of it. But the Bible tells us that the primary purpose of our marriage is that you and your wife, you and your husband would be a living, breathing picture of the gospel of Jesus Christ. That's what it is. That you're like a walking billboard to the world of what the unbreakable, unfathomable love of Jesus for his bride, the church looks like. And so he starts by talking to the wives, and he says, wives in the same way that the church submits to Jesus. So also because your marriage is a picture of Christ in the church, you submit to your husbands. Now, can y' all imagine what that would have been like in the very first church service back in the first century, when Paul had written the letter to the church in Ephesus, and you know, all the men were in that Room. And the pastor was reading, hey, we got a letter from the Apostle Paul. Church at Ephesus, here it is. And he gets to the fifth chapter and he says before he's dropped the bomb on them, that you're a picture of Christ in the church. They just think he's talking about marriage. And the pastor's reading the letter from Paul and says, hey, wives, you need to submit to your husbands in everything. And the husbands are like, I like the Apostle Paul, praise God. Wives are all kind of looking slant eyed at their husband like, you better be quiet. But then Paul turns to the men and says something that would have made, I promise you, would have made their mouths drop. Ephesians 5, 25. He goes, all right, husbands, here it is. Love your wives like Christ. Or as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her wives. The same way that the church submits to Jesus, you submit to your husband. But husbands, if you want your wife to respect you, if you desire for your wife to follow your leadership, then you must love your bride in the same way that Jesus loved his bride, the church. And we're gonna go, we're gonna talk about that and I'm gonna tell you my story about how I learned how to do that the hard way. But, but what I want to do is take a couple of minutes here and I just want you to. We're going to look at the words themselves to get our minds around what actually the scripture is saying to us today. So let's look at the very first four words of what Paul says there in verse 25. He says, Husbands, love your wives. Now that key word that I want you to focus on there is the word love. It's a very important word. Now I know that you guys have heard this many times, but want to remind you, if you're new to church or new to the faith, but the New Testament was written in Greek and the difference. Amen. That's right. I love Greek. It's awesome. But anyway, the New Testament was written in Greek and it's very descriptive language and so it's a beautiful language. So a lot of times when we translate words from the Greek to the English, it loses some of its meaning. One of the best examples of that is the word love. There's four different words in the Greek language that have four separate meanings that in the English, they all get translated as love. And as a result, those of us who speak English, we really don't have a great picture of what the word love even means. For example, one of them is the Greek word phileo. And it means that you basically, very simplistically, that you really, really, really liked something, and we just say the word love. For example, if I were to say I love the fact that the Fighting Texas aggies are now 100 for the first time since the 1990s. Yeah. What I'm. Amen. If I were to translate that into Greek, it would literally, I would use the word phileo. Right? It means, you know, you really like something. By the way, I think we might have to play Georgia in the SEC championship, which means there might be a little tension up in the church. But anyway, he's the boss. All right. The second one is the Greek word eros. And that carries with the idea of like, sexual attraction or romantic love. For those of you that watch the Bachelor, which. It's from the devil. But anyway, if you watch the Bachelor, one of the girls inevitably will say, I'm just so in love. If you were to translate that statement into Greek, you would use the word eros, this idea of sexual attraction, romantic love. And I won't go into the third one, but I'll just tell you agape here, the other one, the last one, is the word that Paul uses. And it's an action, it's a verb. And for those of you that maybe are new to church, I want to give you the definition of the word that Paul uses. Agape. It's an expression of love that's not based on feeling, but rather a self giving, sacrificial kind of love that seeks the highest good of the other person, regardless of their merit or response. And that is the word that Paul uses there. When he says, husbands, love your wives. Wives, he said. Not wives, wife. He's saying. He's using agape. He's literally saying, husbands, show your wives the kind of love that's not based on feeling, but it's rather self giving, sacrificial kind of love that seeks her highest good above your own. Okay. Give you an idea of kind of what that looks like and how most men, especially when we're young, we have no idea what that looks like. I was. I'm gonna tell you a story about how my wife and I went through kind of a rocky time earlier in our marriage. But this counseling session that I'm talking about here, this was just a few years ago, and I was doing some marriage counseling for a couple that was. They'd been married about a year and they kind of had hit the rocks. And the reason is that the young man never got out of the college frat boy stage, you know what I'm talking about? He was, you know, he would. On the way home from work, he'd hit the bar. And then when he finally got home, he would, you know, focus on fantasy football or video games and just ignoring his wife. And she talked him somehow into coming to counseling with me. And I'm not very good at it. Cause I'm really blunt. And I looked at him and I said, hey, man, you know what your problem is? You need to love your wife. He kind of cocked his head and looked at me funny. He goes, what do you mean? He goes, of course I love my wife. And I said, no, you're not understanding what I'm saying. I was like, you need to love your wife. And he looked at me again. He goes, matt, I love my wife. And then I look back at him and quoted the great philosopher Inigo Montoya from Princess Bride. And I was like, you keep saying that word, right, but it don't mean what you think it means. I explained to him that the word love, when the scripture says love your wife, has very little to do with what you feel about her at any given moment. That wanes and waxes and ebbs and flows, but has everything to do with how you tangibly demonstrate your love for her. And so I kind of kindly looked at him and said, listen, man, it's time for you to grow up and love your wife. And here's what that looks like when we talked about it. Now, here's the thing. It hit me this week, last week, when I was praying for this, that the apostle Paul could have stopped right there. And that would have been an intense statement. Husbands, agape your wives. That the biblical standard is not eros. That the biblical standard is not phileo, but the biblical standard is agape. And he could have stopped right there, and that would have been a really high calling. But my man Paul does not stop right there. He continues, and he says, husbands, love your wives, agape your wives. How as Christ loved agaped the church. That's the standard, men. That's the calling on our lives. You're like, my gosh, now what does that look like for me to love my wife in the way that Christ loved the church? If you need a visual picture of what it looked like, then I would encourage you to run to the cross and to get down on one knee and to look up and to see your Lord and Savior hanging there with blood coming from his hands and his feet, and then stand up from the cross and Go and love your wife that way. That's the calling. Love your wives, the scripture says, as Christ Jesus loved the church. Now, men, for the first 10 years of my marriage, I was a big fat failure at that. I just was not very good at it. I'm about to tell you about the journey of me learning what it looked like. And what's crazy is that if you would have come to me about year nine and a half, 93 4, and said, Matt, how are you doing as a husband? I probably would have told you that I thought I was like the husband of the decade. And I'm gonna tell you why. Because my wife, her name's Jennifer and she is a extremely low maintenance person just in general. She literally never complains. She's very content, she's very kind. She just doesn't complain. So if something's bothering her, she is a lot more likely to kind of stuff it down and pray about it than she is to come talk to me about it. And she's just content as a person. The other thing is this is she has an enviable walk with Jesus. I cannot remember a day in our marriage where she was not up reading her Bible, rain or shine, sickness and health. That girl loves Jesus. If she outlives me, which I doubt seriously, that I will outlive her at my funeral, I think I've shared this. Maybe I will look at the congregation and say at the end of the day, I lost her to a better man because she is desperately in love with Jesus. As a matter of fact, Single guys, let me talk to you for a second. She loves Jesus a lot more than she loves me and I wouldn't have it any other way. That's what you're looking for. You're looking for a girl that loves Jesus more than she loves you. Because if she loves Jesus more than you, she'll love you when she doesn't feel like loving you because she loves Jesus, which I'm about to tell you a story about that happened. She never complained, has a great walk with Jesus and we plant the church in Austin. And 1122, I just went full on full tilt, change the world mode. And because she's not a complainer, because she's got a great walk with Jesus. I basically was not present with her at all for several years. My job became my mistress. I wasn't intentionally ignoring her, but I was ignoring her. I was there, but I wasn't there. I had pretty much put my God given responsibility to love and care for and lead and pursue my Wife on cruise control for a really long time. And she was hurting and she was lonely, and she just didn't want to tell me because too busy trying to change the world. And everything changed one night. And it was again in year 10. The church was exploding. We weren't as big as 1122, but we were growing like crazy. And I think we had four services on a Sunday that I preached. Two in the morning, two in the evening. So I would spend all day at the church. I'd get home, I'd be exhausted. But she starts talking about, you know. She starts the conversation like this. She said, matt, I want you to know something. She goes, let me tell you this. I get home from the last service, and I walk in the door, and she meets me at the door and she says, sit down. We need to talk. And that's unlike her. So kind of got my attention. I'm like, okay. You okay? Or whatever. She sits down and I wrote down what she said because I didn't want to ever forget it. She said, we need to talk. She said, I want you to know I'm not okay. I was like, okay. She said, I don't feel like you pay attention to me at all. She said, I don't feel like you're into me personally at all. She said, when I talk to you, you're not present with me. She said, you feel so distant. She said, I don't feel pursued by you. She said, when we were dating, you pursued me. But then we got married and you planted the church and you stopped. She said, I don't feel cherished by you at all. She said, I feel like you care more about your hobbies than you do me. And then she said this. She said, I don't feel like you care about my walk with Jesus. She said, I can't remember the last time you've asked me about my walk with Jesus. She said, I know you care about everybody in the church's walk with Jesus, but you don't feel like you care about mine. And I'm kind of listening and going, okay. And then she told a story that really got my attention. And she began the story like this. After she talked about, don't feel pursued. Don't feel like you're president. She looks at me and she said, I need to tell you something. I'm like, okay. She said, I want you to know that I will never cheat on you and I will never leave you because I love Jesus too much. And I went, what is this woman about to tell me? And she Begins to tell a story that happened at church that day. It was the second service. I'm greeting people, talking. We've got three babies. She's wrestling them, trying to get them to the car. It's like herding cats. Young moms, y' all know what that's like. And some guy saw her wrestling with my kids and simply walked over, realized it was my wife, probably, and helped her get the kids in the car. Kind of opened the door for her. She got in and just said, hey, have a good day. That's it. And she repeated herself. She said, I want you to know that I will never cheat on you and I will never leave you, because I love Jesus too much. But she said, but you need to know how good it felt simply for someone to pay attention to me and church. That got my attention, that I had so neglected the heart of my wife, even doing good things, that I had so neglected the heart of my wife that a guy helping her into a car could somehow meet some unmet need in her life. So that was a moment that began a really difficult time in our marriage that lasted about a year. That was a big fat road bump in our marriage, because I just heard. And by the way, she said some other things. Basically told me, like, you've kind of lost my heart. And so it scared me. But anyway, I will tell you this. Looking back on it, I don't know that we make it. Had we not been believers, it was that difficult. But it was about that time she tells me I'm not pursuing her, that I'm doing some marriage counseling. Back then, when I was an idiot and it was a woman that was having an affair, I had noticed during that season that that was happening a lot more, that the woman was having an affair. And we're sitting there, they're sitting across from me. She points at her husband, looks up at me, and she says, matt, I want you to know that he's the one I love. I don't love the other guy. I love him. But then she said, but he's just so distant, so into his work, so into his hobbies. Said, I feel like when I talk to him, he's not present. And then she said, he doesn't pursue me anymore. He doesn't cherish me. And I literally. True story. I'm sitting there on the couch, and all of a sudden I go, what's the deal with this pursue word Women keep talking about? It's kind of emotionally stupid back in the day. And so I literally, within the course of a Couple days, I've got my wife saying, you don't pursue me. I've got a lady saying, you don't pursue me. And about the exact same time, to let you know, in the time in the world when this is going on, exact same time where I'm going through all this, the Twilight book series came out. Y' all remember that? They teach you in Hermenoudi's class not to do any illustrations older than five years, but pastor Joby two weeks ago did one from Braveheart. I don't even know if I was born then. So anyway, we're gonna tell this story. Twilight book series. I'm not gonna have you raise your hand if you read it. But, ladies, y' all know, y' all read that book. And just like every woman I knew was reading that book and watching the movies and stuff, to the point that I came to my wife Jennifer, and I was like, hey, can you please pick the first book up and read it and let me know why every woman in America is reading this book? She goes, okay, my wife's not a voracious reader, and she read all three books in, like, seven days. I mean, she just devoured them. And to the point that I'm like, is my memory right? About every woman I knew reading this book. And I'm from Austin, and people are weird in Austin, but everybody was reading it. And I looked it up on ChatGPT this week, and I asked it. I said, give me the top 10 best selling book and book series in the history of the world. And here it is. Y' all ready? Number one. Best selling book in history, The Bible. Yeah. All right. Number two, I'm only gonna do six. The quotations of Mao Zedong. Okay. Number three. The Quran. Makes sense. Lots of Muslims in the world. Number four, Harry Potter. Woman sold a lot of books. Number five, the Lord of the Rings. We got two Christian books in the top five. Praise God. Number six, the Twilight Saga, y'. All. All right, so keep in mind, everybody's watching these movies and seeing this book. And I'm walking. This is all happening about the same time. I'm walking through the hallway of my church. There's, like a kitchen area where the staff would eat lunch. And I'm walking by, and I kid you not, I hear three of our single girls sitting there at a table eating lunch. And. And I hear him talking about Twilight. And my wife just read all three books in four days. And so I literally stop and I look at him. I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch, ladies. But can I ask you a question? I said, why is every woman in the world reading these books? And I kid you not, one of the girls, by the way. Let me say one thing. This is the story of Twilight. I'm going somewhere with this. Y' all hang with me. So the story of Twilight is about a girl that falls in love with a vampire, okay? Sixth best selling book in history in the world. It's about a girl falling in love with a vampire named Edward. That's the story, okay? And so I'm walking by and I hear him talking about it. I stop and I say, hey, what's the deal with this book? Why is every girl I know reading it? And she looks up at me before Jesus, and she said, it's because Edward is the perfect man. She said it. I want to show you a picture of Edward real quick. I want to show you. That's him. You can take that down now. So the Holy Spirit will begin to move again. But I looked at her and I said, what do you mean he's the perfect man? He's an albino vampire. Here's what she said. Here's what she said. She said he's the perfect man because the female character, Bella her name, said that he's just so into her, he just pursues her. He just cherishes her when she's talking. He's so present. And in my mind, as that girl's mouth was talking, I was like, what is going on in our whole world right now? I've got a wife saying I don't pursue her. I got a woman having affairs with her husband because he doesn't pursue her. I got single women in my office fantasizing about Alvin, a vampire because he pursues his girlfriend. I'm like, what in the world is going on? And it finally hit me what was going on. And. And it put me on a journey. Here's the two things I learned. The first one has nothing to do with anything. It's for women. Can I just let you know that there's only one perfect man in history that will ever love you perfectly? His name is Jesus. That ain't Edward. Just like, you know. I know you know that. Just want to remind you. But here's what hit me like a ton of bricks through that process. Men. There's a deep need in the soul of every woman to be loved and pursued and cherished and pointed to Jesus by the man that God has placed in her life. So I went on a journey. I went on a journey. I made a Commitment like, God, I want to win back the heart of my wife. And so I went on a journey to win back the heart of my wife. And I remember the first thing I did is. Is I prayed a prayer of surrender to God. It just came out of me in desperation. Cause we had kind of started fighting. And I literally. One night, we had gotten a fight. She left. I'm on my knees, I'm crying, and I literally just came out of me. I said, lord, I need you to change me so, God, I can't do this. I'm not asking you to change her, God. Here's the plan, Lord, you change me so that I can love this woman the way that you've called me to. And I started studying, went on a journey. I'm gonna win this girl's heart back. And I went on a journey. And I remember looking at Ephesians 5, I'm like, okay, what's the deal here? And I read it. Husbands love your wives. I knew enough Greek to know that meant agape. And then that last part hit me fresh as Christ loved the church. So I asked myself a question. Okay, if that's the calling on my life to love Jennifer the way that Jesus loved his church, I asked myself the question, how did Jesus love the church? And I believe it was the Holy Spirit that whispered to me, you know, there's a thousand ways Jesus loved the church. But one of the primary ways that Jesus loved the church is that Jesus loved the church first. What I mean by that is that Jesus was the initiator of love in our relationship with Him. Amen. The scripture, in First John 4:19, it says, we love because he first loved us. Think about it. Jesus didn't sit up in heaven with his arms folded, looking down at his bride, going, hey, get your act together. Come love me. Clean yourself up. Treat me right, then maybe I'll love you in return. No. When you and I were dead, in our trespasses and in our sins, when we were enemies of God, the scripture says that Jesus left heaven and took on our flesh and came to us and died on a cross and. And rose from a grave. He loved us and he loved us first. He's the initiator of love. We love because he first loved us. And I was doing the opposite. Listen, I don't think I ever could have articulated it at the time. I was absolutely doing the opposite. My whole attitude was, baby, I got a pastor, I got a growing church. So I'm just gonna kinda stand here and I need you to love me. I need you to meet my needs. I need you to take care of me, and then maybe I'll pursue you in return. And that is the exact opposite. Man of the calling on our lives to love our wives like Christ loved. The church means that as men, you are the love agape initiator. Practical journey of what that looked like for me. And again, this was a long time ago, back when I'm 52 now. This was when I was 32, so 20 years ago. And that was kind of back in the day when the five love languages were popular. Y' all heard this before, but that was mind blowing for me. And the idea behind the five love languages is that everybody, every human receives love in one of five ways. Okay? And so I remember coming across that and going, all right, I need to find out how my wife receives love. And the five are, go through them quickly. Gifts. You give somebody a gift, they feel deeply ministered to and loved. Physical touch, kind of non sexual physical touch. You feel loved. Acts of service, it's when you just serve somebody when they don't ask for it. Words of affirmation, when you speak value into someone's life and they deeply feel loved by that quality time. That's when you're present and you do something that they consider quality. Again, here's the secret. I'll just tell you the secret to the whole thing. You find your way that your wife receives love and you love her that way and you do it first. What I was doing is my problem is that I was trying to love my wife, but just in ways that she didn't receive it. I was going through those five things and I thought, all right, I'm gonna try all of them and see what works. And so I remember I bought her gifts, I bought her flowers, gave it to her. She appreciated it. She said, thank you. But she didn't really minister to her heart. She didn't feel deeply loved by that. The other was acts of service. I was talking to a friend of mine during this time. I was telling her about what Jen and I were going through. And I told him I was studying the five love language. He goes, oh. He said, my wife is an acts of service girl. And I said, how do you know? And he said, man, it's simple. He said, all I have to do at the end of dinner is get up and do the dishes and it's guaranteed sex every time. And I said, are you serious? He goes, yeah. I'm like, sweet, I can do the dishes next. Next dinner, we make dinner. Whatever we're eating. She starts to stand up to this. I'm like, hold on, girl, I got this. I get up and I do the dishes, put on the apron and everything. I'm doing the dishes, and I get done, and I'm kind of standing there like, all right. And she looks at me, she goes, thank you so much for doing the dishes. And she walks off. That didn't work. And so finally I got frustrated, and I thought, you know, I just need to ask her. So, hey, girl, what's your love language? You know, because the first two didn't work, and hers are words of affirmation and quality time. Words of affirmation. If I write her a letter, she's kept every letter I've ever, ever written her. She feels just so ministered to and loved and pursued by that. If I send her a text in the middle of the day, no reason. Hey, hey, girl. Just want you to know I'm thinking about you. Love you, miss you. You know, you're the best mom I know. Just something like that. Speak value into her life. You inspire me with your walk with Jesus. It just blows her away. The other is quality time. And, y', all, I was not doing that right. She just feels so loved if I'm with her on a date or even we're just hanging out and I'm present. I didn't know really what that meant, but what I was doing is I'd take her on dates and she'd be talking to me. And I'm thinking about point number three in my sermon. She's talking to me, trying to share her heart. And I'm looking over her shoulder at Monday Night Football, and I said. And she starts telling me this. And by the way, if y' all have conversations, men, later on with your wives about that, and she starts telling you some of this stuff, you don't get upset. You stand firm and act like a man. And you take it and just say, hey, baby, I'm sorry, and you go get it right. All right? That's for free. All right? And so she's telling me this, and she said it would just minister to me if we're together, you would turn off your phone. You just look me in the eye, you listen to what I have to say, and just ask me thoughtful questions about my life. I was like, all right, I can do that. And confession to you guys, Number one, I hate writing notes. Number two, I hate to talk. I talk for a living. I listen to people talk for a living. And so it's very Difficult for me to go home after talking and listening all day and to want to talk and listen. But the last time I checked, that is Jesus Christ calling on my life to love her the way Christ loved the church. And listen, something hit me during the season that even more than that, even though that's my calling, is I really do love her. She's the love of my life. She's the mother of my children. She's the wife of my youth. She's my best friend. And I don't want to just love her because I am supposed to love her, but I want her to feel loved by me on a daily basis. And so I began to do that. All right, now listen, we're almost done here. Next, two things. Super fast. When I say fast, real fast. Ephesians 5, 25. Look at the next thing he said. Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. The word of God literally says that one of the ways that Jesus loved the church, is he Jesus God. God in the flesh. He gave himself up for his wife. In other words, Jesus laid down his rights for his bride. He gave himself up his desires in order to love his bride. And so, bottom line, really fast, men, what that means and the way that I took that and still do is there are going to be things in your life that you need to sacrifice and lay down in order to love your wife in the way that Christ loved the church. For me, it was anger. I'll tell you about it in a second. Some of you, it's going to be alcohol. You need to quit drinking because it's hindering you from loving your wife. Some of you is fancy football. Some of you, it's video games. Some of you is being a workaholic. But there's some things in your life that for you to love your wife the way that Jesus loved the church, you're going to have to lay some stuff down. For me, it was anger. I had a temper for a long time, and I came by it really naturally. Got it from my old man, saw it modeled from my old man. We lived in a volatile house growing up, and yelling was a part of it. And so my understanding of how you dealt with conflict is you raised your voice. I was not a kind man back then, but I found out through the process of us walking through this together and going through counseling that when I raised my voice, it was absolutely destructive to her soul. So one of the things that the Holy Spirit revealed to me in the process is I must become a man. Of kindness if I'm going to love my wife like Christ loved the church. As I thought about this sermon, there's two things that God used in order to kind of produce this in me. One of them was really random. I was talking to a friend of mine about how the Lord had revealed to me that I was unkind to her and that I really needed to change. And he said something I've never forgot. It was so random and quick, but I just never forgot. It stuck again. I shared a Billy Graham quote. This was 20 years ago. Always respected Billy Graham. He looked at me, asked me a random question that was really cool. He said, matt, he said, if Billy Graham came over to your house, how would you treat him? I was like, I guess I'd be pretty respectful. He goes, that's right, you would. He said, what? If, for whatever reason, Billy Graham got a little frustrated about something, Would you still be nice to him? I was like, yeah. He goes, why? I was like, cause it's Billy Graham. And he looks at me and said, how much more do you love your wife than you do Billy Graham? And I'm like, oh, there's something about that that stuck. I'm like, oh, this is my wife. Of course I would want to talk to her no matter what, with kindness and respect. And so I'll just put it in the modern day language for you, man. How would you treat pastor Joby if he came over to your house for dinner? Would you treat him with kindness and respect? Of course you would. How much more important is that bride of yours? Even Pastor Joby, man, go live that out. The other thing is, I came across, and I'll do this fast, I came across the verse about how Jesus dealt with unjust suffering in his life. I kind of justified getting mad because she's not perfect. She took shots at me. There was some unjust suffering in there. But then there's a scripture in First Peter, Chapter 2, Verse 21, where Peter tells us how Jesus dealt with unjust suffering. Here it is. Peter says, for to this you have been called. He's talking to us. He says, for to this you and I have been called, because Christ also suffered for you. Watch this. Leaving you an example that you might follow in his footsteps. In other words, what Peter just said is that one of the reasons that Jesus died on a cross and did what he did was not only to pay for your sins, but it was also to leave you an example of how you and I are to handle unjust suffering in our life. Because I don't know if y' all know this, but when Jesus was on the cross, that was unjust suffering. He did not ever sin. Here's how he handled it. Verse 22, he committed no sin, even though he was being sinned against. He never sinned in return, neither was deceit found in his mouth. Verse 23, Hit me like a Mack truck. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return. When he suffered, he did not threaten. But here's how he did it. But he continued entrusting himself to the One who judges justly. How did Jesus hang on the cross? People reviling him, spitting on him, unjustly murdering him. And he just took it. He didn't revile in return. It's real simple. The whole time, he was entrusting himself that there is a God in heaven that knows my name and he will judge this rightly. That stuck with me, y'. All. And when conflict came and I was feeling unjust suffering, man, I asked the Lord, lord, bring that verse to me. When he reviled, he did not revile, he in return. And that verse made something I'd heard years before make a ton of sense. Years before, I was listening to the Song of Solomon series by Tommy Nelson, the pastor of Denton Bible, phenomenal preacher of the word of God, Kind of the OG Song of Solomon guy. And there was a statement, he made this in the 90s. He's talking to men. He goes, men, he goes, I'm going to give you a little piece of advice. When you get married, you lose every argument you and your wife ever get into. Some guy just said, amen. You know why? Because it's a wise man. That's why. True story. I remember hearing that. I love Tommy Nelson. And I remember thinking in the car, I was listening to a tape. I was like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. But years later, I understood what he meant. And he's dead right. What he meant. That as men, we're the Christ figure we represent. Jesus love your wife like Christ loved the church. And so, as men, if conflict arises, men, you take the initiative to bring peace. Did y' all catch that? As men, you take the initiative to bring peace even when you're not wrong or even when you know she's wrong, is what I'm trying to say. As men, when the volume of voices and the harshness of words begin to rise and escalate, you take the initiative to de. Escalate. It means that as men, we don't throw punches but we take punches and then we turn the other cheek. And it hurts. But when we do, we sure do look a lot like Jesus. And that's the calling on our lives. Last point, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Man, what is it that God's calling you to lay down to love your wife? And this last part, I'm going to fly through it. He says that he might sanctify her having cleansed by the washing of the water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy without blemish. That was the hardest part for me. What does that mean? And I read every commentary I could get my hands on, and I prayed like crazy. And this is the best interpretation by the wisdom of many people. You respect that. I can give you that. What the Holy Spirit inspired Word of God is saying right there, men, is that the number one person on this planet that is responsible for the sanctification of your wife is you. Her husband. Now listen, what that means is that the number one person responsible for the sanctification of your wife is not Pastor Joby Martin. He's a big part of our lives, but he's not the man that God is going to hold accountable for. Your wife's walk with Jesus. What this Word of God is saying is that you will be. Now, I don't think that means you carry around a Bible and, like, smack her with it if she does something wrong. I don't think that's what that's saying. But what I think it's saying is it means you care about stuff like her prayer life. When's the last time you asked her about her prayer life? When's the last time you prayed together? Because you initiated it. Not at the dinner table. Do it. Do it. And one of the things you're gonna realize when you try it is there's gonna be a weird attack of the enemy in that moment. And what'll hit you is, my goodness, there must be power in this moment for the enemy to be coming at us like this. It means that you care about her devotional life. Do you know what she's studying right now? When's the last time you asked her? It means you care about her spiritual gift. Do you know what your wife's spiritual gift is? And more importantly, are you leading out and ensuring that she gets to utilize it? When God was teaching me this about caring because my wife said you don't act like you care about my walk with Jesus. The Holy Spirit of God whispered something to me so clearly, and I know it's for him because I just never would have come up with it on my own. I was kind of studying this about presenting my wife sanctification. And the Holy Spirit just said, matt, right now your wife is a widow. Spiritually, you're still with her, but spiritually, she is on her own. There's so many wives in here, men, they're spiritual widows, man. It is time for that to change. That's what this series is all about. If there is ever a time in our lives, in the history of this country, we desperately need men to stand firm and act like biblical men. It's right now. One of the greatest ways you can kick the enemy in his mouth is to lovingly, kindly, spiritually lead your wife and your family, you know? Told you I went on a journey to win the heart of my wife. Y', all, we almost didn't make it, but this August, we'll have been married 30 years. And can I tell you. Yeah, man. Can I just tell you for. Because there's some couples in the room right now, and you. You're holding on by a thread. Can I just tell you, don't ever give up. Don't ever give up. If you. If you have the Holy Spirit inside of you both, there is hope for you, and I'm living, breathing proof of it. Y', all, it was rough for a while, and I'm telling you, it is so good, and it has been for a whole long time. She is my absolute best friend, and it's all because I made the decision. I am going to start pursuing her heart no matter what she's doing. And I started loving her first. And, y', all, I started making a commitment to being kind, trusting in Jesus to the point that she was here on Thursday, but to go home, that she would tell you, Matt Carter's a different man because of Jesus. He's a kind man. And y', all, I got to prove it two days ago because I had a wedding. This is what I told you at the beginning of the service. I had a. My niece's wedding was in Lafayette, Louisiana, yesterday. I preached on Thursday night here on Loving youg Wife Like Christ loved the church through a phenomenal, insane series of unfortunate events. We got off the plane yesterday or Friday in Lafayette, Indiana. My wife accidentally bought tickets to the wrong state. And you're like, how does that happen, y'? All? It happened. Kid, you not. We're Sitting. It was like this. We're in a cornfield, and we walk off the plane into the cornfield, and I look up and I'm supposed to be in Lafayette, Louisiana, for the rehearsal dinner that I'm doing the wedding. And I look up, and on the side of his building, it says, welcome to Purdue University, country. And about that time, she's behind me and I hear, oh, no, we're in Indiana. It's not close to Louisiana. And I turned around and I remembered what I preached Thursday night. It's proof I'm going to heaven, y'. All. I looked at her and I said, we're going to be okay, baby. She's in love with me because of those changes. I wouldn't have it any other way. Let's pray. Let's pray. Yeah, let's pray. Oh, Father, I thank you for your faithfulness in my life. I just messed this up so bad. Lord, this is just proof that you're God. It's proof that you're real. Lord, if there's any in this room that's never trusted in you as their Lord and Savior, that's been indwelt by the Holy Spirit of God, that's been made a new creation by your work on the cross, Lord, I pray they wouldn't take another step without doing business with you today. Lord, I pray for the marriages in this room right now that are barely holding on, Lord, if they are believers, Lord, I pray that you would whisper, scream into their ears that they there is hope because of the Lord God Almighty that is on his throne. That's on your throne, God. Lord, I just pray for the single folks in this room. I pray for women that they would not settle for any men. For any man that's content to not pursue this calling. I pray for young men that are single, that they would begin to love you and love you well now so that they can live this out when they do put on the ring. And, Father, I pray that we would be a church that through our marriages, that would represent the gospel well, as we leave the walls of this building. And I ask that today, in Jesus name, amen. Amen. Church, let's stand together. Listen, we're going to respond. Some of you may not. It's just been really hard lately. And what. What you need to do is sing this song at the top of your lungs. I speak Jesus I speak Jesus over my marriage. I speak Jesus over my family. I am at my end of my rope, Jesus, Jesus, we're gonna sing. In other words, we want you to come. Some of you need to come down here. You need to grab the hand of your wife and just say, baby, follow me. And you need to go pray over her. Pray for your marriage. Some of you need to come and sit at the foot of the cross and look up. Remember what the calling is. All of us must respond. Let's do business with the Lord. Father, we love you. Thank you so much for who you are and what you do. And it is an honor to worship you and the body of Christ together. Said, amen.