@chefbrad is Tremenda!

Summary

Summary of "The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament" – Episode: @chefbrad is Tremenda!

Release Date: June 3, 2025
Hosts: Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt
Guest: Chef Brad

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1. Personal Reflections and Life Experiences

The episode begins with Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt delving into their personal histories, focusing on their past struggles with substance use and how these experiences have shaped their present lives.

• Joey Diaz shares his tumultuous past with cocaine, expressing deep regret over the loss of his friend, Kent Vella.
  "Life is bad, but when you're in your 50s and you're doing blow, it's just a matter of time." ([06:00])

• Lee Syatt discusses his own encounters with edibles and his approach to managing them, contrasting his experiences with Joey's.
  "I've never done coke, right?" ([08:16])

2. The Impact of Aging on Lifestyle Choices

The conversation shifts to how aging influences lifestyle decisions, particularly concerning substance use and personal growth.

• Joey Diaz reflects on the inevitability of facing the consequences of past actions as one grows older.
  "Your 30s are to clean up the mess you made in your 20s." ([13:08])

• They discuss the transformation from youthful recklessness to more responsible adulthood, emphasizing the importance of making positive changes.

3. The Role of Social Media in Modern Life

Joey and Lee critically examine the pervasive influence of social media, highlighting its detrimental effects on personal interactions and mental well-being.

• Joey Diaz urges listeners to limit social media use to stay present and avoid missing out on real-life experiences.
  "If you're a business person, you're trying to strive and listen... you should not be on that thing." ([14:33])

• Lee Syatt admits his own challenges with phone addiction, acknowledging how platforms like Instagram and Facebook consume excessive time.
  "I'll be lying to admit it. I do spend hours." ([15:20])

4. The Importance of Energy in Comedy and Salesmanship

The hosts explore how energy and enthusiasm are crucial in both comedy and sales, drawing parallels between the two fields.

• Joey Diaz emphasizes that a comedian's energy can make or break their performance, likening it to the enthusiasm needed in sales to close deals.
  "Energy is enthusiasm. Enthusiasm always fucking sells, you know." ([75:02])

• Lee Syatt agrees, discussing how maintaining high energy levels can enhance performance and audience engagement.

5. Interview with Chef Brad: Passion for Cuban Cooking

Chef Brad joins the conversation to share his journey into the culinary world, particularly his dedication to authentic Cuban cuisine.

• Chef Brad recounts his early experiences in culinary school and his efforts to perfect traditional Cuban dishes.
  "My uncle owned this restaurant in Miami called Bahamas Fish Market." ([36:28])

• Joey Diaz praises Chef Brad for his authentic recipes, highlighting the importance of using traditional ingredients and methods.
  "But this is the only person that you gave us legit recipes." ([33:14])

• Chef Brad elaborates on the nuances of Cuban cooking, such as the vital role of bay leaves and pork grease in enhancing flavors.
  "If you just want your food to be, like, good, just throw freaking bay leaf." ([35:55])

6. Reflections on Authenticity and Cultural Heritage

The discussion deepens into the significance of maintaining cultural heritage through authentic cooking practices amidst globalization and modern culinary trends.

• Joey Diaz underscores the value of real-life experiences over curated social media content, stressing that true memories are more meaningful.
  "Your most cherished memories. I don't need pictures. I don't need pictures. We lived." ([18:26])

• Chef Brad talks about the challenges of preserving authentic flavors when recipes are altered for broader appeal, emphasizing the importance of traditional ingredients.
  "It's like, if you make a can of cumpapa for a Cuban and it doesn't taste like Ghana cumpapa." ([35:55])

7. The Future of Culinary Arts and Social Media Engagement

Chef Brad discusses his vision for the future, aiming to create engaging and educational cooking content that transcends traditional recipes.

• Chef Brad shares his aspirations to publish a cookbook that caters to both children and adults, making Cuban cooking accessible and fun.
  "Hopefully I want to do a cookbook... a kid's cookbook and like a Cuban, like major cookbook too." ([90:20])

• Joey Diaz humorously suggests leveraging platforms like OnlyFans or Cameo to enhance Chef Brad's engagement, though Chef Brad playfully dismisses the idea.
  "Only fans with a, A steak on your dick." ([90:30])

8. Closing Remarks and Promotions

The episode wraps up with the hosts promoting upcoming shows and events, encouraging listeners to support their endeavors and follow Chef Brad's culinary journey.

• Joey Diaz promotes Lee Syatt's upcoming shows in Tampa, urging listeners to attend and support his friend.
  "Please go support him and bring him a Cuban sandwich." ([92:27])

• Chef Brad outlines his plans to expand his culinary content, aiming to educate and entertain through authentic Cuban recipes.
  "I hope to do a cookbook... a fun like cookbook with pop-ups." ([90:20])

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "Life is bad, but when you're in your 50s and you're doing blow, it's just a matter of time." – Joey Diaz ([06:00])

• "Your 30s are to clean up the mess you made in your 20s." – Joey Diaz ([13:08])

• "Energy is enthusiasm. Enthusiasm always fucking sells, you know." – Joey Diaz ([75:02])

• "If you just want your food to be, like, good, just throw freaking bay leaf." – Chef Brad ([35:55])

• "We've forgotten that. And that's why every time I drive by a McDonald's, I go, who the fuck is eating this?" – Joey Diaz ([62:07])

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key discussions, insights, and narratives shared during the episode, offering readers a clear understanding of the content without the promotional and non-essential segments.

Transcript

[Joey Diaz]

What's happening? Beautiful people. Uncle Joey and Lee Syed here for another fun filled episode of the church New Testament. It's Tuesday, June 3rd. It's a new month, a new week and a whole new set of motherfucking rules. What else? Anything else you want to tell these people? No. Let's get this party started, Jack. Hey, Uncle Joey here. How you guys doing? Listen, it's time to get your brain and your body on the same page with bluechew. What that means is it's summertime. It's time to sling dick. Bluechew provides men with chewable tablets to help them have better sex. You'll stay harder for longer, so you'll have all the time that you need. Nice and slow, like one of those black dudes in the 70s, you know what I'm saying? Anyway, I love Blue Chew. It comes in a package, a little package. You put it in your wallet, don't sit on it because you'll crush the pill and it'll taste funny. You put it in your wallet and once you see a victim, you're ready to go. And it's all done online. So there's no doctor's office, no visits, no awkward conversations, nobody staring you down. It's tremendous. It's life made easier by getting harder. Discover your [e-mail] and we got a special deal for the church family ready for this. The first month of Bluechew is free. What'd you say, Joey? Free. When you press in, promo code Joey, j o e y. Just pay $5 for shipping. Who's better than Uncle Joey and who's better than Bluechew? Nobody. That's promo code, Joey. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important information. And I want to thank Bluechew for sponsoring the church. And I want to thank you guys to get ready to sling some dick with confidence and love. Try BlueChew Free. Promo code Joey. J O, E Y. Thank you. God bless. What up, you savages? Uncle Joey here with my main man, Lee Syat. No edibles today. Want to give Lee a breather? We got a guest. You know, last week. He was rocking back and forth like one of those weebles wobbles. But I never seen anything like that in my life. You were fucked up, George.

[Lee Syatt]

What do you mean? You saw there's eight years.

[Joey Diaz]

No, nothing like that.

[Lee Syatt]

Way worse than that.

[Joey Diaz]

George said you fell asleep four times. That they fucking. You fell asleep behind the computer over here.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh my God. His daughter. I forgot about that. What?

[Joey Diaz]

At night, falling asleep like Johnny Being beam.

[Lee Syatt]

I wasn't falling asleep because I was tired.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm a tired.

[Lee Syatt]

It wasn't. It wasn't. I didn't need a nap, dude. I passed out in the Uber. I would hate to hear what George's daughter said because I. I was just asleep. Oh, yeah, it took. I kept telling her, we'll be ready to leave in like 10 minutes. It was like LA times. It was like LA. When I. You would leave at like midnight, at 2 in the morning, I'd wake up and I'm like, oh. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was because I don't. Who knows what you even gave me.

[Joey Diaz]

I gave you caramels 100 milligrams. Yeah, the caramels, 15 milligrams.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, we popping ABX.

[Joey Diaz]

And we popped an ABX. I put it between my toes on the drive up. So when I give it to you, it's nice and chewy and fucking jelly. So I got up by mistake Saturday night. I mean, gone, man. My daughter and my wife went somewhere. And I'm sitting there, it's five in the afternoon. I'm like, I'm pretty fucking bored. I got nothing to do till about nine. I go, let me see those mushrooms. And I didn't have big pieces of enigmas. I had like, just crumbs. So I don't like the taste of the crumbs. So I went out and go to the garage and there's a box of chips in my garage. So when the kids come over, they reach in and they have these popcorn. I don't fucking like popcorn. But for some reason, this wise popcorn or something like that.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah, that's good.

[Joey Diaz]

It's not bad. Little bags, little tiny bags. I ate two bags of popcorn and maybe three handfuls of the mushroom dust, right? I sat there for a little while. I did a couple one hitters. The girls weren't coming home. I go, you know what? I'm gonna take a ride. I had to go get sneakers anyway. I've been looking for sneakers for three fucking weeks. I've been going everywhere. I can't find my sneakers. So I go, let me go get some sneakers. It's Saturday. The stores will be empty. I'll get there like five dogs. I had to turn around and freehold. Like, I had to pull over and stop the sirens in my head. Like, I was hearing E like that type of shit. I'm like, I gotta go. Turn around. And I turned around and I had to hold my head a certain way tilted. I go, I'm gonna keep it like this. Go all the way home. I was seeing cars fly by me like that type of shit.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I was that part of the day. I'm like, oh, I gotta go home.

[Lee Syatt]

Were you high that you couldn't play music?

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, no, I had the music on. I was blasting it. And then at one point, oh, my God, I shut the music off. This is too much. I was listening to, like, Bill Jean by Michael Jackson over and over. I couldn't even stop it. Billie Jean.

[Lee Syatt]

It'S just on repeat for half an hour.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, my God. I got home and I just sat in that chair. And sure enough, I'm in that house four minutes, I hear the garage door open, and it's my wife with the fucking baby. Well, she's not a baby no more. And now they want to sit and ask me creepy questions. I was fucking losing it. I was. Fuck. I had to go upstairs and fake a nap. It was like my old days when I did a line of coke in the afternoon and I was too fucking high to face people. I'd make believe I was asleep and I put the sleep apnea mask, and that almost died because it put too much air in my lungs. I'd be like.

[Lee Syatt]

I love how you're so committed to it that you put the sleep apnea mask on.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't have to.

[Chef Brad]

Why not?

[Lee Syatt]

Just lay down.

[Joey Diaz]

I didn't want nobody to bother me and ask me if I was sleeping or anything, so. Not till I could get out of that trance. But I had an interesting fucking text message yesterday that threw me off a little bit, because I'm not a bad guy. I'm a bad guy, but not a bad guy. The guy I kidnapped died. Kent Vella, rest in peace. He fucking died, man.

[Lee Syatt]

That's so.

[Joey Diaz]

And listen, no matter what happened, no matter the jokes I crack on here about Kent, I like Kent. I like Kent. It was just a different time. It was a different time in my life. I was fucking crazy in the head. The coke wasn't helping me. The way I was living wasn't helping me. But I always felt bad about Ken. That's why I made it such a fucking mission to get ahold of him, to see him again, to talk to him. I didn't like the other guy, but I liked Kent. I always felt bad for Kent. Even while I was dragging him by his feet into the other room with the pit bull.

[Lee Syatt]

I'm like, I can't believe I like this guy.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm dragging my friend with a machine gun to his head like it's not good. But he wouldn't give me the coke.

[Chef Brad]

And I got pissed off.

[Joey Diaz]

He wouldn't fucking tell me where it was, so I got pissed off. But even after I saw him in court, I could tell he didn't want to sit across from me. Why? I could tell because he was just. He knew he was involved in it as much as I was in the back of his mind, no matter what he wanted to believe. As a matter of fact, a year after I kidnapped him and I got put away, he got kidnapped again. And that time they cut his face with a knife. He was just living a life that eventually. Listen, not that I stopped living my life, but I stopped the craziness for a while. The craziness was taken out of my head. I adjusted my life. I started comedy. And I made a decision that, you know what? I could quit coke every week. It's never gonna happen. I was one of those guys, this is the last time I'll snort. And then I wouldn't snort for four days. Then I'd go off for three days. So what's the difference? I go, I'm just gonna accept who the fuck I am and go for it. And that one day it stopped. For Kent, it never stopped. Let me tell you something. Life is bad, but when you're in your 50s and you're doing blow, it's just a matter of time. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a genius, but in your 50s, if you're not healthy, you're drinking, you're stressed out, and you're doing blow, it's just a matter of time. If you're still doing blow when you're 50 and you do it till you're 59, God bless you. I wish you could do it till you're 80. But eventually, at that age, your body can't process that. Not like when you were 21, you know, and you could get up, and when I was 22, I could drink all fucking night, do blow and wake up. Now we eat an edible and we gotta take a shit and drink a pot of coffee just to get straight in the morning. My brothers, well, I drink two pots of coffee and take two shits. That's what you need.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I remember doing two eight balls of coke and waking up like nothing happened. Going to McDonald's, getting an egg McMuffin and orange juice and a Coke, and you're back in action.

[Lee Syatt]

Well, that, like, as fucked up as I get on edibles, I've never once been like, oh, I'm gonna die. Like, that's one of the things that stopped me from coke is, like, when you were doing coke.

[Joey Diaz]

I've never done coke, right?

[Lee Syatt]

But, like, when you were doing coke like that, even though you were young.

[Joey Diaz]

I wanted to die. I didn't want to live. I wanted to die.

[Lee Syatt]

You kind of. You had to, like, come to terms with, like, you could die, right?

[Joey Diaz]

Always. But you could also die getting hit by a banana truck, right? You can get hit, right? In West New York, some guy's not looking around, he's an immigrant. He's got a backpack on. He goes to sit back, he runs you over, you know, you could die doing anything.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

At that time, I had no parents. I didn't have anything. No girlfriend, no wife, no kid. Who gives a fuck. Who gives a fuck if you die? At least you die with a piece of pussy in your mouth or a fucking hairball or something like that, you know? And that's how I looked at things then. As you get older, you're like, wait a second now. I'm in love with comedy. I don't want to die right now. I don't want to die. And it's so weird. As you get older, you have this attitude like, if I die, I die. But once you hit 50 and you got a wife and a kid and a family, you're like, I can't die now, right? And listen, if I didn't have a wife and a family when I was 50, somebody would hold me down. God knows what I'd be doing.

[Lee Syatt]

That's exactly God knows.

[Joey Diaz]

So there before the grace of God go I. That's why I feel so bad, because that could have been me. That could have been me. The tables could have changed. Ken Vella got his life together. Become a comedian, become successful, and I would have still snorted coke. I would have had to move to New Mexico with his mother. That's where he lived. At the end, he was taking care of his mother, and he said, you know those people. I had to go back, take care of my mother. You went back because they were looking for you, you know, right? You went back because this was the only obvious option for you at this time. You're 40, you can't stop snorting coke. And he was a great salesman. That motherfucker could sell. And that's what this kid told me. He had broken the sales record at his company, selling, like, solar panels or some shit energy systems, okay? For three years in a row, as fucking high as he was.

[Lee Syatt]

It's crazy. It's weird. Like how? Like, you don't really realize you're getting older, but then, like, you suddenly you're 36. Suddenly you're 50. And, like, just one. He just couldn't. That's a scary thing, that he just couldn't stop doing coke.

[Joey Diaz]

I was at a bar, like, six months ago, and it was, like, me, a guy, I was just eating dinner, and there was two girls, and I could overhear their conversation. They were still talking about. They were, like, 32, and they were still talking about high school. And it was. I'm not mad at them. They were just saying that they were both hot in high school. That one was popular. She dated the guy from the bowling team, whatever. And they weren't talking to me, but I could hear them talking. And it just goes to show you, until you're about 33, you're still living in high school. Your mind, because you're holding onto it, because at some point you gotta live. At some point, you're gonna have to shit or get off the fucking pot. You've been giggling and dancing and, oh, I got this job just to pay my bills, and I'm gonna go back to school. But now you're 30 fucking 3. Now you're 33. That's a story you told your parents when you were 23. Since then, you got a DUI. You knocked up some chick. You know, life happens. Life happens. I can't. If you live life, life's gonna happen. If you sit at home all day and play video games and deliver. What's that?

[Chef Brad]

Food grubhub.

[Joey Diaz]

Nothing happens. You might get. You might get hit by a car or talk to a customer, nothing happens. But when you're out there and you're hustling, you know, but just. Because when I heard that days later, I thought about that conversation, I'm like, that was me. We just got out of high school. We got time. We got tons of time. Yeah, we got tons. Fuck, I ain't gonna be 40 for 15 years. Well, bitch, one day. You're 39. What the fuck just happened?

[Lee Syatt]

Still doing the same stuff, too.

[Joey Diaz]

Still doing the same shit. So that's what happens. You hold on to that. High school, you know? I did. I remember still playing music from high school and walking the streets. I can't wait to go to a party with my varsity shirt on. With my fucking. You know. That's your whole thing? To walk your whole thing for 10 years. Think about it. Not me, because I wasn't gonna go. I quit high school. Think about it. Your whole Thing after you get out of high school is you can't wait to go to the 10 year reunion to show those bitches what you've done with your life.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And then it happens that you go back in there and you got nothing. Nothing changed. You go back there with like a fake business card. Yeah, I own whatever company, you know, you got nothing.

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

You got nothing. And that's what happens. You're like all those bitches in high school that wouldn't suck my dick. Wait till I get to the 10 year reunion. They're all going to be sucking my dick. No, you're not. Cause you're still a fucking mortal, Van. You're still a fucking bum.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's how fast life goes. That ten year window. Nothing happens. I always said, I say it on stage. Your 30s are to clean up the mess you made in your 20s.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, shit.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay, basically, that's what your 30s are, to clean up the mess. You got this girl pregnant. You got knocked up, had an abortion, your eye popped out. Now you have to live at home with your parents. That's what your 30s are, to clean up the stupidity you did in your 20s. Now, if you're Joe Diaz, you kept doing stupid shit.

[Chef Brad]

You heard this.

[Joey Diaz]

So now you gotta clean that shit up when you're 40, right? You know.

[Lee Syatt]

And now you're cleaning up this stuff when you're 50.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. And it's like, so it's better just to get on the horse and do it because you keep putting it away, you keep procrastinating, and life does pass you by. I did a lot of things in my Life, and I'm 62 and I'm like, wow, I wish I would have done this. Yeah, I wish I would have done that. And dog, I did everything. I snorted coke, I jumped off buildings, I went to prison. You know, I did it all. I got chased by the cops. I chased people. What didn't I do? Where didn't I live? I talked to people and they're like, you lived in Aspen, you lived in Boulder. These motherfuckers haven't left Jersey. No, they never left Jersey. They still live on the same block or maybe three blocks from where they grew up. To them, to me, I'm like a fucking world traveler.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? It's weird. I was just thinking about it this week. I think it's getting worse because I. I have a. I think a lot of people do. And I'm. I do. I have a legit problem with my phone. It's become in like social, all that. And I'm trying to stop it, but it's become an issue where I waste hours.

[Joey Diaz]

Hours. That's why I have the monitor every Monday tells you or Sunday how much time you spent on that computer. Once I go over an hour, it gets. It shuts down for three or four days. That's it. You should not be on that thing. If you're a business person, you're trying to strive and listen. I get caught on the computer, but I don't get caught on social media. I read and I go into these fucking. You know, I don't mind reading, but it's not like I'm gonna go on Instagram for an hour. That's no, there's nothing on Instagram, Facebook. There ain't nothing on for an hour. Nothing. And there's nothing on Twitter for an hour. If I go on a computer, basically I play the DraftKings. Right.

[Lee Syatt]

But at least that you can make money. Dude, I'm. And I'm ashamed to admit it. I will spend. If I'm bored and don't have like, I'll just scroll shit that I. The people a day in the life of me working at a coffee shop and they just show themselves making co. I'm like, what did I do? Like, what is going on?

[Joey Diaz]

You gotta get off and you gotta take your social media off your phone.

[Lee Syatt]

Yep.

[Joey Diaz]

And just have it when you get home. That's why I don't have Facebook or Twitter on my phone. Yep. Never had them. Because that's what'll make you do. And once you see people on phone, dog, every time I go out, it makes you put your phone in your pocket. Because anywhere you go, you go to a restaurant, there's four guys sitting. They're all on the phones. If there's four girls sitting, they all got their phones out. If there's two couples sitting, two people got their phones out. So you have to say to yourself, you know what? It's time to put this away. I think people look at what event do you go? Anytime you see an event on tv, what do you see? What do you see? Yeah, you had a fucking nick game. Game six.

[Lee Syatt]

All of my 10,000 a ticket.

[Joey Diaz]

10. You go anywhere and then you get in the car, you get fucked in the ass. And now you can't dial 911. You're getting raped. Now you wasted your fucking. Which you're never going to look at. You're never going to look at or who you going to show it to. Okay, I can see you going? Okay, I'm going to Led Zeppelin concert. Bam. Bam. It's one song. Because if you come to me and you go, watch this. Listen. Enough, enough. Put the fucking phone away.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, especially for that. Because the audio quality is terrible. They're bouncing. There's someone in front.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't get. The last week was sure the beginning of Memorial Day. My friends went down the shore. You said they're at a club, dog. Everybody's like this. There's a fuck DJ loser, DJ Hugo, you know, coming direct from Staten Island. I got my phone out like a fucking idiot. That's what it is. I grew up on memories. And I still have those memories. Those memories are implanted in my fucking brain. Meanwhile, you didn't get anything. You were too busy looking at a phone taping. You didn't even get the full fucking experience. It's like when Roger Clemens used to pitch. If you saw Roger Clemens pitch on tv, you didn't get the Roger Clemons experience.

[Lee Syatt]

Really?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. Cause Roger Clemons walked back and forth he goes at the pitcher, he stares him down for 10 minutes. He crosses his arms, he scratches his balls. Meanwhile, they're showing you the guy on third base talking to the fucking line coach. Or the guy in outfield arguing with fucking cheapskates up in the cheapskates or something. They don't show you what's going on with Roger Clemens, right? It's the same thing with life. It's the same thing with life. If you have your fucking stupid phone on, you're gonna miss something. You're focused on a stupid phone to save your memories. Your most cherished fucking memories. I don't need pictures. I don't need pictures. I could care less about a fucking picture. There's no pictures of me in high school. There's no pictures of me anywhere. Why? We lived.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, we lived.

[Joey Diaz]

We didn't take a picture. You're taking a picture. There's no coke on the table. You got Budweisers, like all faggots holding onto your beer. Look at this. With a Miller Light. Well, oh, boy. Aren't you fucking cool?

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

You're drinking a beer Whoopee. With five other faggots. Like fucking four. Mariconcito. That's what my mother would call me. Look at this. With a beer, showing people. That's it.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You didn't miss the whole thing. How many times you bump into people? Let's take a picture. No, we're at Rudy's. There's no reason to take a picture at Rudy's right. What the fuck is wrong with you? But you take the picture, cuz you're a fucking idiot. But you're like. You're missing the whole fucking thing. And the Instagram, you're just going into other retards lives, right? They're just. When you scroll you. It's retarded lives. It's retarded because if they had a life, they wouldn't be putting them up. Oh yeah, if they had a life, they wouldn't be putting everything up to show you that they're doing something and they're not. You know, DJ Khaled, fat fuck eating a steak on a boat. I want to see that you showing me you got more money than me and you live. But meanwhile you owe your credit cards, right? You got six fucking kids that you owe. Baby mama, you know, any day now baby mama drama, you know, it's the same shit. So you're buying into their fucking bullshit. They're fabricating you a bullshit of lies on. And I see it every day. I see these people who make. Every time you open up YouTube, it's a new Joe Rogan tape. How Joe Rogan did this and Joe Rogan did that. They're so involved and they cling on to the words. Well, he said this, he said that if you had a piece of ass, a life, you wouldn't give a fuck what Joe Rogan said or Joey Diaz or Lee Syat or whatever. You wouldn't care.

[Lee Syatt]

No. And at least I love podcasts. But the one that is new that I don't really understand is like the, the twitch streamers who just will do stream like some of the biggest Kevin Hart's on. Like this guy Kai Sanat, he just all day is just in his room like doing weird. But it's like millions of people are. And, and, and you can make a lot of money by just watching their, and making clips and putting it. It's. And it's, it's really become like, it's become a problem for me. It's not just like, oh, you gotta stop.

[Joey Diaz]

You got. You're a standup comic, you're 30 something years old. It ends today. That's it. Take that shit off your fucking phone. All of this stupid shit, all of it. If Instagram is bothering you, take it off. Yeah, Paramount is not gonna reach you on Instagram, right?

[Lee Syatt]

You're right.

[Joey Diaz]

You see what I'm saying? Just for laughs Festival, well they're defunct now. Is not gonna reach you on Twitter, right? And if fucking, you know, Dave Chappelle wants to hire you, he's not gonna call you on Facebook, right?

[Lee Syatt]

Cause that's the thing. I make the excuse like, oh, I need this for comedy. But I spend 99% of the time not posting my own show.

[Joey Diaz]

How much has my social media gone down since I moved to Jersey?

[Lee Syatt]

You've done a lot less.

[Joey Diaz]

I post one day a week. I post on Tuesdays. Have a great day. Sometimes I got an urge to post on Mondays if I want to play Tony Bennett or something, I get the sudden urge. But besides that, there's no reason no more. For me, there's no reason. I do one show a month. It sells itself out. But if you want me to keep making tapes. Hi, this is Jeff Z. I can't do it no more. I can't do it no more. One day I looked at it and I go, what am I doing with my life? Because in the point, you start thinking that they can't live without your stupid video. Yeah, that was on one day motivation thing. You really start believing that in your mind that they can't live. And the one day you sit there when you're sober and go, am I a fucking retard?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And it's the. Listen, for all you comedy comedians out there, let me tell you how it is. Dave Chappelle has no social media. Dave Chappelle has no websites. Dave Chappelle has nothing. He pops up a show and it miraculously sells. So I want you to think about that now. If you take that same mentality, you're going to die for two years. But after a while, it might be better for you, right? Because you're not constantly. Every Monday, I gotta go through Instagram on Monday. What do you see? 50 stand up. Everybody wants to put their stand up on there or them in front of a theater, showing you the people with a thousand people behind them, right? You follow me like.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, just bragging.

[Joey Diaz]

You know what? If you look at my resume, it says, stand up comedy. How much more stand up comedy do I have to put on there? Try something different. Put a picture you roller skating, fall on your ass, anything. It's like today I was gonna make a boxing tape when I was at boxing gym. And I'm like, again, who the fuck wants to see me hit a fucking speed bag? The guy always says, tape yourself doing that and then show it to me. And I'm like, I'm not in the fucking mood. I don't have the common sense to get a tripod and hang the. I just wanna go work out, right? But now if I'm. You know what I'm saying? Like, it just got all that shit to me was like, they don't need to see this no more. They already know. I will not make a tape of me smoking dope ever again.

[Lee Syatt]

Wow.

[Joey Diaz]

They know I smoke dope. I gotta come on there every day and it's 120 times. They know you smoke dope, right? After a while, you look at yourself and you're like, he's a fucking old man acting like a fucking child. I can name three guys that are still smoking dope on there that don't look good. Yeah, cuz they know you smoke dope.

[Lee Syatt]

Enough, right?

[Joey Diaz]

Enough. Give them something different. Show them a picture you playing chess. Like if I ever decided to learn how to play chess, I do a tape of me getting beat up playing chess. Because that's an angle they've never seen me done before, right? But everything else they've seen. Well, you got a new joke, so you got a new joke. You got to show them now. Make them come see it without showing them that. Make them come to your show without showing them that. All right, we'll be right back. We're gonna bring on a special guest. We got. I'm excited about this guy. I've been trying to get this guy on for fucking a year, but I got sick and shit. We'll be right back. We're gonna talk to you a little bit about DraftKings and UFC. What is it, 316 this week, live from Newark, New Jersey. We'll be right back. All right, you savages. Uncle Joey here. It's UFC 316 coming in hot, and it's time to find out whether a sequel is better than the original. Get on the action with DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of the UFC. And it all goes down in Newark, New Jersey, this Saturday night. Now, if you're new to DraftKings, here's your shot at cashing in at the right time. You ready, new customers. Listen to what Uncle Joey's doing for you with DraftKings. That's why partner up with them, because if you bet $5, I'm going to give you $200. No, no, I'm going to give you 300 in bonus bets if your bet wins. Who's better than Joey? Nobody. It doesn't get more exciting than that. Don't walk away empty handed and don't walk away from this offer. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app right now, today, and press in code. Joey J, O, E, Y. That's code Joey. For new customers to get 300 in bonus bets. If your bet wins, when you bet just five bucks only at DraftKings, where the crown is yours. You're the motherfucking king.

[Chef Brad]

Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY at 467-369 in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-78-9-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and resort in Kansas, 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void. In Ontario, bet must win to receive reward minimum minus 500 odds. Required bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see DKNG CO Audio.

[Joey Diaz]

We're back like herpes. Uncle Joey here with my main man, Chef Brad, from his Instagram fame. 600,000 people up there. What's up?

[Chef Brad]

I am so excited. It's been a long time coming. I'm so happy that we're here, truly.

[Joey Diaz]

We're here with queer. I fell in love with Chef Brad. I'll tell you why. I have a white wife from Tennessee, and I love my wife. She'll cut a finger off for me. And for years, she knows that I always talked about Cuban food. And she went and got her best recipes online on YouTube. And it was a fucking disaster every fucking time. And I felt so bad for her because she'd say, let's make it again. My wife has a problem that when she gets a recipe good twice, she stops going to it. She gets on the phone with her mother, like, in my house, like. Like, spaghetti sauce will eventually turn into chili, you know, like everything turns into something else with my wife. And I love her and. But again, she's not a chef. She's a cook. You know, like a pretty okay cook. But when I showed and I told her one day, I sat her down. I go, listen, you're forbidden from Cuban cooking. You're done. I love me to death. I've been with you for 25 years. But I can't do it no more because you're chopping up these fucking recipes. You're destroying my insides. You don't know how much you destroy my insides. I am not some wannabe Cuban that talks about Cuban food. I'm Cuban. I'm very traditional. Before the revolutionary Cuban, where the food was fucking impeccable. They loved to cook. They would snort coke while they were cooking. The coke would drip in the picadillo queue. And I found you on Instagram and I looked at the recipes. I'm like, this guy's onto something. And I called her down, and I go, you gotta watch this motherfucker. So the first recipe she took from you was cadne con papa. Tremendous. Then she stole the mortal recipe that you put away two years ago. It was delicious. And then she got me the picadillo recipe, and that is killer, because after I eat it, I save a little bit, and the next morning, I wake up and I put it on wonder bread.

[Chef Brad]

See?

[Joey Diaz]

Picadillo on wonder bread with the potatoes. That is. Oh, my God.

[Chef Brad]

When life was hitting you hard with the wonder bread. Oh, my God.

[Joey Diaz]

When you remember you have it, like, you're like, what am I gonna have for lunch?

[Chef Brad]

That taste in your mouth.

[Joey Diaz]

I even make Kaneko papa sandwiches on white bread.

[Chef Brad]

Exactly.

[Joey Diaz]

I love that.

[Chef Brad]

Is it. No, it's. It's. It's the textures mixed with just. Just like you were saying earlier, that papa, when you cut it in half and it's perfectly brown. I eat colored with all that sasson, pero the middle is nice and white.

[Joey Diaz]

New people have no idea. When you cut up a Cuban potato with a dish called Carnecom Papa 25. Number 25 at Versailles, say it's not. That's how strong my fucking game is. If you ever go to versailles, just say 25. Whether it's Miami or California, number 25.

[Chef Brad]

Number 25, baby.

[Joey Diaz]

When you cut. I remember going to Versailles in California and cutting the potato. The whole thing was white. I'm like, I'm in the wrong restaurant because the outside has to absorb the gravy from the meat. And that beef gravy and the bouillon they put in there, and it's brown on the outside, but when you cut it deep in the middle, it's nice and white and clear. You don't know what that taste does to your mouth. You can feel the flavors.

[Chef Brad]

It's a flavor memory. It makes you go back in time, you know, That's. That's. That's, like, why I love the Cuban food. Porque you even lee o. You don't look like you eat Cuban food all the time. Pedo. When you had it, how. It's just nostalgic.

[Lee Syatt]

I've in. I had no. Nothing to compare to.

[Chef Brad]

Yeah, no, no.

[Lee Syatt]

That's the thing. I think. No, that would. They would have lasted a lot longer, dude. That. That rice and I've never had. And I'm sure it's not like that Versailles in. In the Valley that we went, and they had that garlic. I'm sure. I'm sure it was.

[Chef Brad]

I know the one that you.

[Lee Syatt]

But that garlic chicken. Even bad Cuban food, to me, as someone who doesn't know much about it, is the first time I had that crispy chicken. Like, it wasn't fried, but they did something to it with that garlic sauce and that we were talking about before. You just give me black beans and rice, avocado and some sort of meat.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm good. I'm good too.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, my God. I. I don't have. There's just. For someone who grew up in the Northeast, not around, like, it was just white people. Like, there was good food, See, but there's. It's different. It's different.

[Joey Diaz]

It's boring now.

[Chef Brad]

There's no. No until, you know, see sasong. That's. That's. That's truly. I think, what it really is, like, people don't realize that, like, the power of the bay leaf is what. What I always tell everyone. If you just want your food to be, like, good, you know, just throw freaking bay leaf. That bay leaf will impart that magical flavor of like, no sumadre that every time you bite into those black beans, it' like a different world pork. I feel like a lot of them, like, Central America doesn't really use, like, a lot of, like, sasong and like, all that stuff. Obviously, pero, that's like the whole Central and middle of America is where the, like, Iodenized salt thing came from. No one had iron. No one was, like, doing that. And they go, go, we gotta put it in the sal boget, you know what I mean? So people use I iodine salt. And. And when. When they cook with it, it kind of screws up the flavor, I think. So I feel like when. When people do cook and like a lot of Cubans, I feel like they. They try to stick as natural as possible when it comes to, like, ingredients and stuff. Como sal and, like, bay leaves too. Pero I gotta get you to Miami just so you could just have true, authentic food poke.

[Lee Syatt]

I swear, I don't know if I'm ready for it.

[Chef Brad]

No, no. See, we were talking about it, but it's like, I don't.

[Joey Diaz]

You're ready for it? No, you're ready.

[Chef Brad]

I see. Un porquito.

[Lee Syatt]

Dude, I might gain all the way back.

[Joey Diaz]

Here's the thing with recipes that sucks. I'll call people. I go, george, get grandma's recipe for chicken. And Grandma's Great. She'll give me the recipe. But the bitch will leave something out. Okay. It's like when you learn jiu jitsu.

[Chef Brad]

Exactly.

[Joey Diaz]

They always leave something out for you to figure on your own. For you to kind of figure on your own. But guess what? I'm an idiot. I don't want to figure it out on my own. I want you to tell me. So. For years, me and my wife had been experimenting with Cuban recipes. And everything tasted was missing something. Until we found your recipes. Oh, my God.

[Chef Brad]

That, like, oink wouldn't.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay. Because you weren't hiding nothing. Because that's what was pissing me off. That we would cook it to the fucking. I'd sit there with a, you know, white wine. What's that wine? Like, dry wine?

[Chef Brad]

That dry wine thing, you just let it reduce. Peronade shows it.

[Joey Diaz]

Nobody shows you that.

[Chef Brad]

No one tells you.

[Joey Diaz]

And this is the only person that you gave us legit recipes. Like, I became a fan because I'm like, most people leave something the out champion, and you got to figure it the out. You got to sit there with a spoon at night, you know? And that's one thing that you did that I really liked. You know, like the mortal say I fucking love more. Even though it'll put £20.

[Chef Brad]

£20?

[Joey Diaz]

You make that shit with pork grease.

[Chef Brad]

Pork grease Moral is. Is truly like, it's. It's a dish that we cook for, like, no chew for. For parties. It's black beans and white rice cooked together. So, like, the. The rice has this, like, dark tinge, right? A lot of these restaurants nowadays use, like, that dye that still back, I think, in the, like. Like. I think like, probably like, 60s and like, 70s people still use Del Moto and the, like, little dye, whatever. So when you go to a restaurant, you'll. You'll kind of see when it. When it's not authentic. Bouquet looks like black, like, kind of. Kind of like that. Like, switch spaghetti ccc. Literally. Literally. Pero when you cook an authentic one, you let the grease of, like, you render down pork. You really put bay leaves in there. And like, I always tell people, whenever you have, like, dry spices and stuff, throw it in with all of the hot, like, grease and stuff like that. And that allows it to, like, open and give you those flavors that you're, like, fighting to. To like, figure out, you know? But with. With my page, granted, I really just try to, like, simplify everything to make sure that you get the same taste that Aelita or Aelo or whatever was there. Porque I too was on that same. Where I'd sit there and be like, bro, these guys don't put, like, They're. They're. They're. They're saying, oh, this is how you make a steak frites. But I'm like, you didn't tell the people that you got to fry the fries twice. You got to do a key. And then I saw this kind of compapa, and he missed the bay leaf. He missed, like, we know blanco. And. And I'm like, dude, you're. You're missing key flavors that are crucial components to, like, people in this culture. You know, it's like, if you make a can of cumpapa for a Cuban and it doesn't taste like Ghana cumpapa.

[Joey Diaz]

I won't eat it.

[Chef Brad]

They will eat it.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm pissed.

[Chef Brad]

You go, you're mad.

[Joey Diaz]

You know what the problem was? See, in places outside of Miami, and trust me, I've given everybody a chance. No, see, I can imagine Kentucky. You got four Cuban restaurants, and three of the people are from Union City or West New York. Minneapolis has a Cuban restaurant that's run by a Greek woman who grew up in Cuba, and her husband was Cuban, and he died. And she opened up a restaurant that's standing room only. It's so busy. She's packed for breakfast and lunch.

[Chef Brad]

He done?

[Joey Diaz]

Okay. My buddies just went there, sent me back. I told them, I go, if you go to Minneapolis, go say, that lady. They came back. They live here. And they were like, joey, the breakfast is insane. Steak, potato. You know, it's like a Cuban old breakfast is like. You know, I remember growing up, my mom waking up to see white rice with a steak on top of it and two eggs, and then they break the yolk, and the egg goes on the steak and on the rice, and they mix it up with a cup of Cuban coffee with milk. And then they would get a pound of Cuban bread with butter and dip it in the coffee and eat that shit. I'm like, no, no, no. I would give my hand to see my mother eat that breakfast again.

[Chef Brad]

I know.

[Joey Diaz]

Fucking huge breakfasts. We have a friend, Rudy Saizo, Cuban kid, West New York, Miami. He won't eat Cuban food. When we go take him out, he'll eat a porchetta because he goes, cuban food me up. Because at the other side of that spectrum, it's fattening. No, it'll. Last week or two weeks ago, you were making those guayabas. I didn't want to look at that.

[Chef Brad]

Okay? You have no idea the amount of Pastelitos that I made. Everyone was like, oh, no, no. Make. Make a patelito porque. Going back to your point with Lee earlier on about, like, Instagram, right? Like being on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube, right? You. You become like crap. Like, like, what does everybody want? You know, you have some people wanting, oh, yeah, I want canon cumbaba. Oh, yeah, I want this. So I posted the pastelitos and then everyone was like, now we want them with pastelito, I guess. And I'm just thinking maybe it's the same. And I Poke, everyone just gets like this, like, pero the amount of freaking food I've started. The gardeners on Tuesday, every time they come to the house, pork, they show up and I go, hey, are you guys hungry? Poke. I was there with like, literal, like almost like 200 patelitos. I just started making them. And then all my friends, I see, bro, I just got a puppet named, named, named Paco, right? Poke? It was a. Getting people to be on this. So I go, you know what?

[Joey Diaz]

It.

[Chef Brad]

I'mma be Papo Paco, right? The amount of pastelitos that I just give away and the amount of food, it's like the patelitos are the most dangerous. And the Cuban bread with the butter and you just dip it in the coffee that's already filled with like six, like six cups of like, sugar, bro. It's. It's like insane. And then people think, obviously, like, if you had una colada, you wouldn't sleep for like nine years, you know, It's. It's. It's like just like the meth of Cuban coffee. It's just like the first press that like, comes out, right? You take it and you mix it with like, three things of, like, sugar, bro. And it becomes this thing that if you just like, lick it a little bit of hair on your nuts, you know, I thought like, oh, what are we doing, baby? You pour this colada and you drink it. The first two sips, your heart's gonna have like three palpitations.

[Lee Syatt]

And.

[Chef Brad]

And then you're going to be like. And then you're going to look at someone and be like, oh, my God, you get horny, you get crazy. It's like leche de tigre. Pero like Cuban, you know what I mean? It's nuts.

[Joey Diaz]

And you drink it and then you smoke a cigar. Oh, to really like that motherfucker.

[Chef Brad]

No, no, no, no. This colada, people freak out porque everyone, they. They drink it in like, thimbles, you know, in like a little thimble okay? If you have more of that, you're gonna have a heart attack.

[Joey Diaz]

No, I. Starbucks can suck your dick.

[Chef Brad]

Y. Starbucks is Miami International.

[Joey Diaz]

When you go to Miami International, there's a place that you buy sandwiches and stuff. If you look to your left, there's a Starbucks. See, that's lonely.

[Chef Brad]

White fox going empty.

[Joey Diaz]

Lonely. They got one guy, he's a one man showing that.

[Chef Brad]

See, no, because I'm not paying $4.

[Joey Diaz]

For your ice water. When for a $25, I'm doing meth.

[Chef Brad]

From the boat, right? From the boat.

[Joey Diaz]

The cartel cells. Unless you're an idiot and you don't know anything about coffee. Starbucks.

[Chef Brad]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

You take your ass over to that place, you get a coffee, you get a Cuban sandwich for breakfast, and you buy three sandwiches to go. Tell them not to put it in the oven. No. And you bring that motherfucker on the plane with you, and when you get home, he throws in the oven. And then you eat shit. Yeah, shit, boy. Now, who taught you how to cook?

[Chef Brad]

No. So it was crazy. My grandmother, right? So I grew up in Miami, born and raised. Tolo. My grandmother. My. My mom owns a restaurant in my. Or her and her cousin or. No, cousin. Her. Her brother, right? So my. My uncle owned this restaurant in Miami called Bahamas Fish Market, right? Back in the, like, 70s, everyone who, like, just got off the boditolo way so their mothers would. Would start working in this restaurant to, like, make money for it or whatever. The moment I posted about that. That restaurant, all these people, like, kind of like, were like, holy. Like you. You were part of this. It's such a Cuban staple. And I didn't even realize, you know, growing up, going back and forth from Bahamas and seeing my, like, grandmother there, we'd always go to her house after this would put me up on the thing and be like, oh, yeah. I'm like, sure. She'd cook me up arros, and then she'd do the little egg and then the garbanzo. I would just sit there and watch. And she had this bird, bro. Que simpre memoria. I don't know what the it was, bro. I'm there watching, and I'd be like, this bird, you know, whatever. I get so mad. Pero over the years, like, seven, eight years passed, and, like, I didn't realize that, like, I was, like, keeping it there, you know, just. Just watching her do. Do her things. And I didn't realize that it was gonna, like, stick with me. The poise. I moved to New York to pursue, like, acting school, right? Bro, they put me in this school. They go, get a leotard. I go, oh, yeah, bro. Leotards. 6am Movement class, right? And we'd be laying there, bro, bro, laying there. No, no. I was like, you know. You know, this isn't my sh. I want to be. No, no, no. I want to be. I want to be funny. I want to be charismatic. You're telling me I have to come into a leotard move like this, and I'm going to cry because I'm pulling socks out for a scene. Go yourself forward. So I left the school. I go, palapinga. Pero when I really learned how to cook was during this period, because I had a lot of friends from, like, Europe and Australia from. From this acting school. They've never had a Thanksgiving, right? And I was like, what the. You mean. Remember I had a Thanksgiving? And then I was like, wait a minute. History. Obviously, they don't celebrate that over there. And I go, oh, my God. So I called my Cuban parents, and I go, this year, I'm not coming for Thanksgiving. They hated me. They go, oh, my God. Sacrilege. You know, every holiday, you got to be with the family, though. I go, no, I bet I got some blazero haki that we're gonna feed and we're gonna make. Brad's giving. I started cooking at 5:30pm Worst mistake I've ever made. I cooked two chickens. I cooked a whole ham. Cooked all the way. So I. In my head, I'm like, I'm gonna kill 30 people tonight. Poke, you don't say. If I cook this right, whatever. But something just, like, came over me, and I was like, I think I did this right? It's like 1:30 in the morning. I go, hey, everybody, food's ready. Happy. Brad's giving a qui. No huawei cona tamierda. Everyone sits down, everyone eats, and they go, brad. I go, binga, bro. They go, this is the best chicken I've ever had. I go, nah, bro, shut up. Shut up. Right? I spent another year in New York. Every day I walk past a culinary school, and, like, I don't realize till the last week I'm moving out of New York, right? Every day we walk by and sit there and be, like, just playing with food. I. I want to do that, but I have to go home. And now I have this lawyer dad and this mom that's like, you're not doing anything. And he's like, you got to be in business. I'm like, you want to see me? Just, like, I Don't do the cubicle life, you know, Puerto Sereso, dad. And like, I don't know how you got it. Whatever. I moved back to Miami and. Oh, yeah, this. This is like the true story of how I became a chef. Truly. My ex girlfriend breaks up with me, right? Yo, nun casido. Lsd. Never did it in my life. Whatever. This girl breaks up with me, right? Parents hated her. She. She was 28. I was 20. Oh, yeah. I got a whole ass woman to fall in love with me. A little Haitian, see? Haitian, Filipina. It was the best, like, year of my life. This leaves. She goes, no. I go, okay. Your friend calls me. He goes, oh, yeah, man. Whatever. There's this water. Whatever. He goes, drink. Drink the water. It's going to be great, bro. Oh, my God. I'm dancing in the bushes, bro. I'm dancing in the bushes outside of my house, listening to like, Kid Cudi, bro. And then all of a sudden, all of a sudden, the words of the song go, if you can't take the heat, get out of my kitchen. And I go, I'm gonna be the best chef in the world. I go up to my mom's room, I kick the door, and I go, I'm gonna be the best chef in the world. She goes, get the out. It's 3:30 in the morning. I'm like, sorry. Oh, that night I applied to this restaurant called Yuvia, right? It. It was in like, Lincoln. Lincoln now has this, like, parking lot that, like, is like, whatever. It was the best restaurant in Miami at the time I applied. I was like, no, I'm there. Like, hold a while, bro. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna do this. Whatever. I applied, next day, they call me, they go, can you come in tomorrow? I go, sure. Me thinking, it's gonna be like an apprenticeship, whatever. Didn't realize it was Mother's Day brunch. I walk in, they go, oh, the grill guy called out, you want to step on the grill? I go, I'm probably gonna get help, bro. There was no help. All of a sudden, 350 people just sit down and they go. And I'm like, what the is this? Like, am I supposed. They go, those are all your orders. I'm like, okay, better, like, what do I do? They go, cook. I'm like, okay, bro. I grabbed these churaco, okay? I'm like, what? Whatever on churako. And I didn't even cut them. I just laid these out there. The. The grill was like this big for four out, four Hours I see, bro, four hours I see doing all this, whatever.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm.

[Chef Brad]

I'm like blacking out. I'm like, I'm killing someone. Like, eat whatever. The service finishes, and everyone's like, looking at me. I'm like, hey, everybody, I think, can I go home, please? This Michelin star, Chef Gillespie comes down and he's like, oh, yeah, who the was on steaks? I was like, me? What I do? Fire me. He goes, dude, you killed it tonight. Thank you so much. I want to take you under my wing and like, let's see if we could do this. I go, what the? Like, what the was in that? You know, I'm like, this is crazy. From there, I just started cooking, and he kind of taught me, like, French technique, right? Then I went to the CIA in Napa Valley. So culinary school, I. I had like 5, 000 followers. And I was just sitting there and I look at them and I go. Just so I could build some credibility, I'm gonna go to culinary school so, like, you can, like, really understand me, and I could teach you everything I know for you guys to become better home cooks. And I was like, 5, 000 people. Like, no one, you know, I was like, binga, I'm about to spend thousands of dollars just for your. Like, let me see if this is gonna work for me, you know? Then I went to the CIA and it just all kind of like clicked where I saw these people being like, oh, you know, like, I'm gonna be a chef for the rest of my life. And I'm like, you mean you're gonna work in the kitchen for the rest of your life, whatever, and do do all this there? Yeah, yeah, it's fun. It's my passion. I go, but dinero, you know? And like, how are we gonna. How. How are you guys going to do this? When I was watching these other kids learn how to cook, something clicked about the acting school and, like, the tightness of that leotard. I was like, my God, you know what? I think if I meld this acting with this, like, cooking esque technique that I'm learning, like French technical technique, which everyone has to learn. Like when. Whenever you're, like, cooking any Chef Escoffier's method and his technique. Esuela cocita. That if you don't have a wife, you learn that you will have a wife the next day, where you will, wow, like, cook crazy. But all these kids were just so dead set on being in a kitchen all day, and I'm like, I Want to at least have that moment for either people or anybody that you not only just escaped for that minute and a half of watching this video or whatever pe you learned something. And I feel that that is where everything kind of clicked. Porque this como like generation, you know, it's like there's not a lot that's being taught. It's all like, what's being seen. Just like you were saying earlier with like streamers. Where I'd understand a streamer, you know, Pero if you were doing good, you know, and like, oh, like not just going to a hotel and like destroying it with like 50 people and then getting the views you told the way. So what, what are you teaching the youth? You know, that's like looking at you and what are you teaching, like people and like your peers? So I took all that. You don't say what, what. I was, I was like, oh my God, this is what, what, what an epiphany. From acting school, I moved to LA and then I put myself in one of the like tiniest kitchens called Petitois. It's run by Ludo Lev. It's. They, they have one in the Valley and they also have one in Highland in Hollywood, right? So this was all like peak Covid as well. So where everyone was walking around going, tamier. The restaurants were like at minimal capacity. I'm like, what the hell? But this restaurant didn't matter. At 7am you had a line out the door for the French omelet, right? Then at night, this burger that I would make every night, it was called the Big Mac. It would take two days to like make all the ingredients, right? It was like this red wine bordelaise with this Thousand island sauce on top of two patties. Oh my God, it's like, you have no idea. This burger, people would come, bring their dates, and I'm looking at them, I'm like, oh, yeah, Bobby, you're not going to get anything after you eat here. What the fuck? Was that food that good? The food was amazing. It was like I pork. It was the details. It was that the. Our. Our fryer was clarified butter, you know, so this guy would dish out, yo no se cuanto pareta mantequilla. I'm like, that's a lot, you know, a lot. Clarified butter as you're frying. Essential oil is nuts. Pero this burger was just like this like mystique thing there. I really, really learned how to cook. Porque every night it would be like 200 people sitting in like an 80 person restauran it was tiny as. But it would move like that. The grill would be a c crazy to the point that I worked so hard I E. That it formed an abscess in my back, bro. It would be wake up at 5:30. I lived near like Beverly Hills and like dohini, right? Like right on the cusp. I. I would drive 5:30, I'd get there at 6, work till like 11pm Right? With like a little like 20 minute, 30 minute break, whatever. Oh my God. Wake up the next day by. By the time that you're out of that restaurant. It was like 1:30, maybe like 2 in the morning. Okay, you gotta like clean. So that's, that's, that's the part that killed me. Where, where it was like after we just got molested during service. You're like, okay, now clean the floors. I'm like, are you nuts? I'm like, what do you. What do you. What do you mean pedal? It built character. It built like this discipline, discipline that I pork. I obviously, as you can see, I have full blown add to the max. And to me it's like the best thing on the planet. This taught me how to organize things. This taught me how to go through the motions of something that like, helps you like, make things easy for people, you know, where, where like cooking a burger. It's simple, pero if you do it multiple times, like cooking a French omelette, right? I never learned how to like, like knew how to make omelet. So you take like two ladles of eggs, right? And like butter, right? And then it starts like coagulating, right? As it's coagulating, right? You smack it one time and then you start like flipping it towards you. And it looks like like, like a perfect cylinder, like perfect cylinder rolled. And then you just put a little bit of butter on top and then it comes out like, shiny. Oh my God, people, it's. It's like technique cooking.

[Joey Diaz]

Do you make a cheese fried chow?

[Chef Brad]

You. You will put bours on like garlic and herb. Bourson, pepper, cheese, whatever. Cheese, goat cheese.

[Joey Diaz]

I want no goat cheese.

[Chef Brad]

Goat cheese. No better boursan in there. People would line up. In there is where I learned how to cook the pues. When the Hell's Kitchen team reached out, that was like nuts. They see my Instagram, I still had like 5, 000 followers. I wasn't doing anything, you know, you want. And these people reach down there like, oh, you do you want to be on Hell's Kitchen? But they like sent a DM from an Account that had, like, two followers. I go, either I'm going to get raped or eto. I said, gomo una go. See that? Where? Okay, this is, like, real. So we go. And then they. The. The amount of tests. Oh, yeah, the blood test, the psychological test to make sure that you're not freaking crazy. And you go in there. Persona. It was the craziest test. It was three, and it was three and a half hours. Two of those hours was a black screen and a questionnaire where there was, like, someone else watching me answer these question. But the questions were crazy. It's like, so, would you ever kill your parents? Hey, yo, tabe. Like, just don't make a face, you know, I was like, pina, bro. If I make a face, like, you know, I was like, oh, my God. Every little thing was there.

[Joey Diaz]

The.

[Chef Brad]

The blood test. Itoeso. I went on Hell's Kitchen, and that is where I truly became Cuban. Cuban. Cuban. It was the craziest thing ever. Porque? When I lived in Miami, I wasn't at the cuiche, you know, I wasn't like, oh. When I moved to California, I go, a little bit of energy. I get on this show, and everyone's like, oh, I left my kids. I did all this. You know, I'm gonna win this show. I'm like, why do you guys want to win this show? You're gonna work at a restaurant for the rest of your life. Like, what. What is the point? Like, let's just go on and let's have fun. And the Cubanism started coming. And then from there, I was like, I think I'm on to something. I. I love my culture. I'm. I some Cuban dishes for Gordon. And he's like, hey, what did you do to this burger? What did you do to that? I'm like, oh, yeah, bro. It's sassong, dude. It's like, you put a little bit of bay leaf, you put a little paprika, oregano, anado seed, it turns into a whole another dish. And it kind of clicked. After Hell's Kitchen, my ex hated me. PO had, like, a 280 person, like, apartment unit complex. I walked downstairs, and I put on cartel. If you want Cuban coffee, Cuban bread, and pastelitos, knock on this door, five bucks. I have no idea if it was legal. I'll make it porta. I put that on Yelp, right? The apartment building will get calls night and day, being like, so is this El Cuanito restaurant? Like, is there a seating outside? And they're like, what the hell is going on. One day I go to get groceries, whatever. I come up, there's a line outside my door. I open. I'm. I'm like, what is going on? Like, I don't know, Whatever. I open the door, my girlfriend, ex girlfriend. Ty, what the did you do? And I was like, mira, made a coocha. I think they want cafecitos. I made like 200 cafecitos. Like, there was no Cuban food. So. From Hell's Kitchen, I went into that, and then I dumped the girl. Well, like, we mutual. Mutual dumping. Pero era tacosita. Where? From there, I brought it back to Miami and I started up the Chef Brad thing because she didn't want me to do Chef Brad. It's like I. I am very passionate about this and, like, I want to make sure that everyone eats good, you know? Porque at the end of the day, everyone has to eat, you know, like, it's not like, oh, woo. You know?

[Joey Diaz]

You know, it's crazy you saying this, because I go to a restaurant by my house and the food's good, good people. But I like the owner because from the minute you walk in, he's coming up to you going, what are you hungry? What do you want to eat? What do you want me to make you? You know, what do you want me to make? And those are the people that when they bring you the food, as they watch you eat, they're fucking coming in their pants.

[Chef Brad]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's a special feeling. Not for me, because I'll never learn how to cook, but I could see that when I'm eating, I'll look up and he'll be like. Like, how is it? And he won't leave till I tell him how it is and why it was good. And then he'll leave and he'll come back, you want more? And I think about this guy all the time because I'm like. It's like the Italian people, when I grew up, when you went into their house, they bent over backwards to you.

[Chef Brad]

Everything.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, it's like, I read an article, there's a really good journalist 30 years ago in Chicago, and she was Cuban, and she covered a lot of Cuban stuff. And she wrote an article about visiting her family in Cuba. And she said that when she walked in, no matter how poor they were, any home in Cuba, when you walked in, this is 1985, she goes, no matter what home you walked in, and what little or nothing that they had, they always offered you a glass of water. And I remembered that. I really remembered how Special. That sentence was that they offered you a glass of water, they were happy that you were there. When people come to my house, I'm never happy.

[Chef Brad]

You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

Unless you're showing up with a piece of pussyball, I ain't happy.

[Chef Brad]

But I got you.

[Joey Diaz]

What are you doing here? You know? But there's a quality about somebody who wants you to eat, who's looking at you going, I don't care if you weigh 500 pounds.

[Chef Brad]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I just want you to be happy.

[Chef Brad]

I just want you to be happy.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's a fucking gift that a real chef has. What, you're telling me that you make 200 coffees and whatever. That's a real chef. That's a real. A chef humanitarian type of person. See, he wants everybody to have the good things, you know? When I see somebody eating bad food, it drives me crazy.

[Chef Brad]

Exactly.

[Joey Diaz]

Drives me crazy. Anybody in this room knows. Drives me crazy. Because you live in America, all these options, and you're choosing to go to McDonald's or you're choosing to eat stupid fucking pizza at 50 years old, which drives me crazy. You know, all this shit that we do, when you have all these options to eat this fucking great food and it only costs you $20 more to eat that great fucking food. So meanwhile, you'll fucking kill yourself to eat something shitty. I'd rather tell my girlfriend, she go fuck herself, that she ain't going out to eat this week. Because I stopped somewhere at lunch and got a steak for myself, you know? And that's what we. I don't understand it anymore. And these guys will tell you, even when I was robbed, there was a Chinese restaurant I used to rob up in Fort Lee all the time, you know, I didn't give a fuck. My goal was I don't mind not having weed during the week, but on Sunday I'm gonna have weed where I gotta rob you. And on Sunday, even if I don't have money, I'm gonna have a top notch fucking meal. If I gotta rob you.

[Chef Brad]

If I gotta rob you.

[Joey Diaz]

Because that's the way life is. You cannot. Well, I don't have any money. I'm gonna go to Subway. That's the wrong attitude. Go get that money. I don't give a fuck if you dine and dash. Go get that money. Cause you'll feel so much better when you eat something 100% better. Like you just feel you could be flat broke. I don't give a fuck if this is the last $55 steak I'm ever gonna get. I'm leaving this restaurant with $3. I paid 50 for the steak and I gave a $20 tip and I drank water just so I could sacrifice to eat this fucking great steak. We've forgotten that. And that's why, you know, every time I drive by a McDonald's, I go, who the fuck is eating this? And okay, there's financial limitations. There's people that don't make a lot of great money or whatever. But man, that's one of the things you live for.

[Chef Brad]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Is to eat good. Every society, they showed you pictures of, it's ten fat dudes, you know, with a table food. Christopher Columbus. I just saw a picture of these. They have. Don't they have these indian guys that 14 year old boys and they wear like a little mask. Even those guys, they feed these little kids before they molest them. These little kids dance with them. And I saw that on Instagram. See, that's worth looking at right there. I don't want to see no. I don't want to see no guy doing stand up. Another podcast on Instagram. Instagram, or you give me a live report from what? Cheesesteak plays I don't want to see that. No, but eight Hindus eating Hindu food. And they got like 50. And they got that little chubby. You ever see that fat dude that shakes? I would put him in front of my restaurant.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

$20 an hour, all you could eat. Interesting to me, you know what I'm saying? And then I look at your videos and I go, every fucking Week on channel 12, they do that fucking restaurant that you go to. What's that place you go to that's better than the votes up by my friend's house up there, up the restaurant you go to a fucking Italian supermarket, Pepino's Uncle Giuseppe's. You ever see the guy who teaches how to cook there? No, he's just shoot himself. That is the boringest cook in the world. And it's the same Italian shit that, you know, I'm gonna teach you today how to make, you know. And you see him and he's got the chick from channel 12. I wouldn't eat that shit. I wouldn't even go down there. He said, because if it's gonna make.

[Chef Brad]

Me that boring, I don't want to eat that boy.

[Joey Diaz]

You know. And we all watch like Chef, whatever. I try watching that TV show at night, but he always wins. And that's bullshit. That guy always wins.

[Chef Brad]

Bobby Flay.

[Joey Diaz]

Bobby Flay. You could bring a chink Chick from China to make the best Chinese dish. And Bobby Flay always beats him.

[Chef Brad]

I'm not watching.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm not watching.

[Chef Brad]

He's gonna beat his ass.

[Joey Diaz]

Couple weeks ago he beat up an African guy. The guy had a punch in his mouth. He's cooking with him. He's pulling vegetables out of that Fresno peppers, throwing them in there. And Bobby Flay beats him. And three white people judge it. Give me a black African in there to let me know what's really cracked. Galactic. Yeah, he beats everybody. No, he beats everybody. No, even in their own. He could come to the he's way. He's worse than Knicks. He only wins away. That guy can come to England and you know, it's amazing.

[Lee Syatt]

You're upset like you lost a bet against.

[Joey Diaz]

From Bobby, who beat Bobby again against my wife one night. Because I'm like, how the is this Chinese guy gonna lose? I know this guy can't talk. He's got a cat on his shoulder. He's a lock. And Bobby Flay just beats him. And I'm like, nah.

[Chef Brad]

No, this.

[Joey Diaz]

Then you had Chef Laroisi, his name, the Italian guy that molested somebody.

[Chef Brad]

Badali.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, that poor bastard.

[Lee Syatt]

He made a. I know those orange.

[Joey Diaz]

Nobody buying into that.

[Chef Brad]

No, you see that in an alleyway.

[Joey Diaz]

Batali. There's another guy. What was the guy 20 years ago? They.

[Chef Brad]

His pasta is good. Batali's pasta is good. I swear. No, his recipes are crazy.

[Lee Syatt]

Emeril Lagasse.

[Joey Diaz]

Emeril Lagasse.

[Lee Syatt]

Bam.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, bam. You bam. You did something better than bang. I mean, there's times I show you videos to people and we just die of laughter. And I'm the comic and I'm like, look at this. When you sit there on the thing waiting by the stove and the hitting.

[Lee Syatt]

What makes a fire come out of his ass?

[Joey Diaz]

And you know, at the end of the day, that's what people want to see. That's why you're so memorable. That's why you went from 5,000 people to 600,000. See, it's like now I'm seeing people doing dates. Hi. I'm going to be in Chicago on set. It's the most boringest video. I won't go see you.

[Chef Brad]

No, I wouldn't go see you. Want to feel.

[Joey Diaz]

I want to see you. Somebody get mugged here at the corner of Chicago. Watch this. You know, I'm sorry. I know Joey's going to get mad at me. You know what I'm saying? Tape a fucking bum getting kicked or something. Then go, I'll be in Chicago all week. That's what sells you walking. Like, I saw some. A friend of mine in front of a brick wall. I thought, he's about to get shot. Like, they were gonna shoot. All right, I'm gonna be in Kentucky Friday and Saturday. Well, that's why I'm not gonna be done. Not gonna be. So how did you so. Because now I see your story. You went to acting class. The leotard. I hated that shit. The French do. Because those French cooks got a stick up their ass. No, no, they do have a stick up their ass.

[Chef Brad]

He was the first chef that has ever thrown food, like, ever. Ludo Levev is like, a c. Gay.

[Joey Diaz]

They correct you on everything.

[Chef Brad]

No, everything. What the is your problem? What the is this? And then there goes your steak that you just work 15 minutes on. And then he yells at you, I need a steak now. I was like, bro, you just had a pero. Truly. The energy just comes from, like. Oh, yeah. It's pure ADD and pure, like, intrusive thoughts, you know? Pork, like, think about it. Whenever someone. And, like, you're watching either a movie or kind of like, even like a Family Guy episode or aguac. They. They always say some gnarly, like, punchline, and then they hit you with the actual scene of, oh, it's Ray Liotta buying honey, whatever. And. And, like, you're like, what the is. This was just this. This thing of, like, let me try to educate people not just on food, but all the music I use is from, like, the 40s to, like, the, like, late 80s, maybe like, early 90s, you know, so I could keep giving people, like, the culture that. That, like. Oh, yeah, maybe you were conceived to, like, this song, you know, Babe, I'm gonna love tonight. Lime would always come on. It hits a chord that sends you back in time, you know, to. To when fantasy you would, like, play on the dance floor, and you're like, if I don't make the move right now, Pamela Henderson. Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

It's like, why do you got a creepy look on your face?

[Lee Syatt]

I don't know what I can. Dude, I. It was. So we were walking here when we took the bus because you were talking about, like, the 80s. We were walking here, this very nice lady who was probably in her 40s or 50s, almost caused an accident, pulled over and got out of the car like, he was the Beatles and. And, like, was taking. Called her husband. It's crazy. It was. But it's like, I was telling you when we were talking earlier, like, the Stuff. The thing that you and Joey have just naturally, that I wish I had is just like that energy. And I. I don't know how. I don't know how you do it. Like, the energy that you two can have and get so excited about Pastelito. I don't. It's amazing. And then. And then, like, you make yourself fly with the smoke. There's puppets on your show.

[Joey Diaz]

Hilarious.

[Chef Brad]

It's like, he's zoo. It's. It's. It's crazy pork. It all hearkens back to my love for, like, growing up. Like, oh, yeah, my, my, my. Like, mom would be like, oh, you get home from school, you do your homework or go play outside, whatever the hell. I'd go upstairs and I'd somehow always stumble upon, like, pen and teller, right? And these, like, magicians and whatever. And then the art of illusion kind of started. Like, hm. If I have this angle, right, I have all this space that I could either put something in, I could put a box here that I could just step on, pedal with the angle. It makes me look like baby. And it was this thing where the art of the illusion I. I try to keep very. Like old Hollywood too, you know, like practical stunts. No, like CGI poke. You don't think, oh, bro, I got Cuban parents. I ain't paying for that. And I'm not gonna pay for that on Bogo, bro. CGI is. It's. It's. It's this thing where if you keep the practical stunt, like, kind of like Charlie Chaplin, right? All of his things were all practical. Like Buster Keaton too, you know, like, he'd be hanging off a thing and you'd be like, oh, my God, he's actually doing this. Pero it's just the illusion of the painting in the back yeto and the camera shot with all this and trying to hone it into this little, like, 16x9, like, frame. I go, I have so much room, a key, that I'm gonna try to give them all my energy, you know, so they could stay one, like, attentive. Pero, every video you're gonna watch me, like, grow. Meaning as in, like, I'm gonna try to get better at the editing. Whether it just be something tiny or I'm gonna add a puppet. Porque. Oh, yeah. People in Miami, it's hard to find some talent, you know? So I go, yeah, you know how. Let's bring out the little puppets.

[Joey Diaz]

So.

[Chef Brad]

And now I have Paco, you know, and then when. When I have Paco there, it's funny. Porque the kids are also really into it. Also. My, my, my like demographic blows my mind. Pork. Everyone swears on their mother that like I have like two crack rocks up my nose every time I do a video booger, it's like, come on everybody. But oh no, bro, it's colada marijuana. And I just go, let's cook some good food. But make sure that everyone gets the same knowledge, fun time and kind of this like escape from like religion, politics that's going on for like everyone. I just give you a space where I go, today you might see Paco, tomorrow you might see Burrito Savanero talking. Pero you're also going to learn something. So when you're out on a date or alguaci and she goes, oh, do you know how to cook? You go, yeah. If you don't know how to cook, bro, cook just like you were saying, like, take the time, go out, buy yourself some nice ingredients, right? And then when you cook it and you see and just follow along on these very like simplified, like it's not about measuring and that's like another thing where it's all about taste and feel. Even if you don't know how to do it. I always tell people, solo cocina, si miedo, you know, like without fear. Because if you cook with fear, it shows in your food and whatever you do, you know, so if you just go into it where it's like simple steps, you first put this, it comes out like a different animal. And, and, and I feel like the energy is just like the passion, you know, where, where like I'm like passionate about this. Where like if you tell me konyo, I'm hungry, I'll go, dude, show me the closest market and I'll go in there, I'll be like, give me that, that, that, that boom, seven course meal para pero. It's nothing fancy, no frou frou, I don't want the Michelin star. It's just a lot of love, a lot of compassion and just like, oh yeah, this is just me sharing a story with you. And hopefully you like taste this and it'll transcend that flavor memory and send you back in time to when your mom, your dad, your abuelo, your abuela did something. Porque that is what I think this generation is missing is that heart like cord of like, you know, like I came from like this awesome culture.

[Joey Diaz]

You know when just order food, see, and they get delivered to uber eats. No culture, it's food.

[Chef Brad]

It blows my mind.

[Joey Diaz]

Guy touching your food. I don't trust those people. No, I know if I'm driving food and I'm broke. No, I'm smoking dope. I'm taking your pepperoni over. Yeah, you are taking a piece of shrimp from here? Yeah, there's always seven shrimp here. Last week, I did a podcast with Lee about. I love to see everything. I love when people tell you a story how something came together. And I compared it to the new documentary about Led Zeppelin. And Peewee's documentary, he showed you the beginning stages of something completely different, but it all ended there. You know, Lee talks about energy, you talk about energy. I learned about energy as a salesman. Nobody wants to buy a car from high. What are you looking for? A V8. Yeah, we have them. Let me go get a key for you. Okie dokie. They don't want that. They want, hey, how the fuck are you doing? How are you? Well, we're just looking. Listen, there's a mall down the corner. There's a thousand cars. You go down there and look. I'm just kidding. Listen, come on up. My name is Joey. Welcome to fucking the motor company. Here, let's do this. Then you walk inside, you're like, I don't have a license. I'm just teasing you. Fucking with them. You're fucking with them, but at the same time, you're pressuring them.

[Chef Brad]

Exactly.

[Joey Diaz]

You don't even feel it. You're pressuring with them. Because if I just come out and go, no, go to the mall. Look, no, no, I'm fucking with you, but I'm telling you. And then you look them straight in the face and go, listen, I'm gonna take good care of you, but you're gonna buy a car today. Right? I just got you. They don't even know what happened.

[Chef Brad]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

Even know what happened. Energy lost energy is your key to when you want to make a point.

[Chef Brad]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You will go see a comment. Well. And some guys have a deadpan delivery, and that's what they do.

[Chef Brad]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

So you have to respect that. But there's guys. You go see that, you just make me want to take a shit. I just. I came here to laugh and giggle and you're funny, but you're not taking me there. I got too much breathing in between. I don't want that. When a guy wins a fight, how does he win a fight? By throwing one punch? No, he fucking berates him. He fucking berates him. Then he sees it opening and he jumps on him and he keeps fucking punching. That's energy. That's what energy does. And it's not something that you could take a pill for. You could do coke, you could do speed. No, energy is something that comes from your stomach, comes from within. It's from within you. It's a switch that just goes off, you know? You. How many shows we do together? A thousand.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

How many times I complained to you and you about a show. I don't have no material, but as soon as I hit that fucking microphone, I'm like, you ever see the movie Carrie? The microphone gets electrocuted. That's it. Once I touch that microphone, there's no. I don't give a fuck about my wife, my daughter, what I'm feeling. My foot hurts. I just got out of hospital. Doesn't matter, because what's gonna sell that joke? What's gonna sell your performance? What's gonna sell Whatever you're trying to sell is the energy factor. Yeah, the energy factor. It's like, you want. You ever saw. You would go some like. I remember coming from LA to New York City, and I would go to the Stand comedy club, and I would go outside to smoke a joint, and there was nighttime. I had to throw the joint away and go inside because the cars were moving so fast on Broadway or whatever the fuck I was. Lights are switching, beep, beep, beep. Walk the street, you're like, holy fuck. I don't get this. In la, I don't get this. The only time I get this, if I go to Vegas for the weekend, beep, beep, beep, beep. Lights and people walking, hey. So I would have to slow it down. That's what I'm doing to you. I'm slowing you the fuck down. I don't want you to get anxiety, but I want to get your attention. I want people to say, I'm not taking my eye off him. Because if I do, something might happen. I want the waitress to drop a dish, to drop a fucking thing of glasses and see how many people actually react to her. If you're doing your job, they won't react to her. That's where energy comes in. Your energy beats everybody else's energy. Energy is very important. When you're selling, you sell on your feet and you close on your ass, but you sell on your feet. That's car salesmanship. So when I was selling cars, I didn't know I was becoming a salesman, a comic. I was already becoming a comic as a. I'm sorry, not a sale. I was becoming a comic from doing comedy. I brought that into my comedic career when I became A comic. People like, well, I don't know what to do if you don't get work, bitch, you get up on Monday. What are you doing? You need a car? You get there and you call everybody who came in the last three weeks. How you doing? We're having the sale today. There's no sale? No, there's no sale. But my energy, I'm so excited this car is in. You looked at it. I spoke to the boss, he says you get your 20% off. Come here. Gonna give you 20% off. But I'm selling you to come down. I gotta get you to come down. That you know, every comic, he talks. I'm trying to sell tickets. Well, guess what the connection is. You making somebody at home actually get up and come to your show. When I worked at a sports betting system, they didn't have credit cards back then. So you had to do everything in Western Union. Are you gonna call me at 7:00 clock when the Celtics are playing at 7:30 or 5? You call me at 7 for the hot pick. Cause you lost three in a row. And I'm like, we could do this, but you gotta run the Western Union real quick.

[Lee Syatt]

Jesus.

[Joey Diaz]

And if you do have a Visa card, you can call Western Union and send me the 500 with the visa card. But you don't have a Visa card because you're a degenerate gambler. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to go inside, you're going to get the $500 and you're going to go to. You know how many times people call me at 7:25 with the 10 digit confirmation number. I made them get up off their ass to come and pay me for a pick. That's just as good as they were gonna have, right? Okay. Just as good as they were gonna have. I got the pick the same way they're gonna make that pick. I'm no special in them. What got them to get up? The excitement. You know what, George, what are you doing right now? Oh, I'm looking to see what the Knicks are gonna do. You know what I'm doing? I'm getting my dick sucked and the chick is rubbing my feet. That's from what I won Sunday when the fucking Indiana Pacers beat the Knicks. And you know what? If my team wins tonight, I'm gonna get two other chicks to rob this one and two other chicks to lick my balls while the other two are here. What are you doing? You're sitting there in your grandmother's house. You wanna Live like me, don't you? Yes, I do. You want your dick sucked every day? Yes, I do. Well, it starts by you going on the Western Union and pay me my 500 bucks, and I guarantee you on Friday, I have a game coming on Thursday. If you think tonight's game is big, forget it. I got a game on Thursday. Let me tell you what. Something you're gonna be doing Friday morning when you wake up, you're gonna call limo company, and they're there going, what limo company? The limo company. It's not gonna matter. Cause I'm gonna put 10, 5 in your pocket by Friday. I'm gonna talk money. 10 5. That gets you two hookers, a limo, a bag of coke, and I'll get you a free room in Atlantic City. They're never gonna win, so they're not gonna go to Atlantic City. I'm never gonna get in the room anyway. But I didn't call him and go, hi, my name is Joey. No, I call him, hey, Joey, here, grab. Listen to me. Grab the fucking pen, because we're not losing tonight. Why am I grabbing a pen? Because your mother sucked. She made a mistake. That's why you're grabbing a pen. Grab a pen. You're gonna send 200. I just sent you $200 today. It's the energy, guys. That's what it is. And that's why his videos will capture you and go, what the fuck is he talking about? He's not even worried about the recipe, right? That's when you know you're that good. When you're like, the recipe got nothing to do with it.

[Lee Syatt]

I got to the end of a couple of his videos. I was like, I don't even know what he put in that thing. Like, but that's. How do you, as someone who I don't feel like I have that energy and some. But sometimes I do. But how do you just, like, manufacture it?

[Joey Diaz]

Like, how do you create science class in grammar school? Kinetic and potential energy. See? Okay, what's kinetic energy? Energy and motion, okay? And potential energy is you standing there eating fucking amino acids, getting ready to take off to chase black dude. You got to chase a Black dude. He's 10 times quicker than you. How are you going to. How are you going to catch him? You're not going to catch him with your stupid speed. You're going to sit there for 15 minutes and go, how am I gonna catch this black motherfucker? Okay, I'm gonna have to eat this. I'm gonna have to eat this. And that's all potential, energy, potential. So when you get to the show at 7:30, I don't, I don't suggest that you do this, but you have to do this. You have to psych yourself up same and tell yourself you're gonna suck, your mother sucks. They're gonna bomb you, you're not gonna get paid. You're gonna paint yourself into a scenario. You're gonna put yourself in a corner like a fucking rat.

[Chef Brad]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And all that's surrounded is you're not a guy with a broomstick. It's all your self hatred, all your self doubts.

[Lee Syatt]

I got plenty of that.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm bald, I'm fat, I got a missing fucking tooth. I got a big nose, I got a bandit on my ear. They're not gonna like me. I'm 62, I'm old. They're gonna. All that changes. That's where your energy comes from. That's when I just smacked you in the face 10 times and made you sit down. And I'm bragging to George how I smacked you in the face 10 times. And one of the times when I take my eye off you, you're going to get up with a right fucking hook and level me right in the fucking jaw. And it's not going to be your punch that knocks me out. It's the momentum of you coming off that couch with your legs. You're going to put everything into it. I'm going to go down like a bad habit. That's called potential energy. Okay? So I want you to psych yourself out, okay? So that energy, you back yourself into a wall. You're not. Forget about the owners here. Forget about who's in the back watching you. This is you against the world. So your energy will come. You're not going to let me just throw you around and fuck you in the ass, are you? You're gonna try to resist a little bit. You're gonna put a leg up. You're gonna do something with my ass smells. I haven't watched my ass in a week and I have a hemorrhoid. You know, that's how you build energy.

[Chef Brad]

Okay?

[Joey Diaz]

You're in a hole, you're getting out of. You're not gonna get out of that hole by going, hello, hello, anybody out there? No, you're gonna yell. And then eventually what's. Oh, Silence of the lamps when she's yelling, making the. The thing and the plan and he gets the dog off, snap his neck. Don't kill my boo boo lotion. Clarice it's time to watch that movie again.

[Chef Brad]

She was gnarly, dude.

[Joey Diaz]

Here's the funny thing. When the guy puts his dick between his legs and starts dancing, you're like, how'd they know I did that?

[Chef Brad]

They got me.

[Joey Diaz]

Because we all did that shit. Oh, my God. I got a pussy meatball sub. Energy comes out from the mirror.

[Lee Syatt]

You have to do a Chef Brad after dark and just come out like that.

[Chef Brad]

Oh, yeah, see? No, no, I'll. I'll do the meatball sub.

[Joey Diaz]

You.

[Chef Brad]

You do the up and tuck, and then you turn around and then you go. It's like a Subway. It's hilarious. No, everything he's saying is true. It's that. It's. It's the potential and the kinetic energy. Literally, it. It comes from the moment of like. Like, think of it. Game seven, 10 seconds left. You have the ball. Put it back there. Pero tambieng. Think about all those that you up. Think about that time that you wanted something so bad and you didn't get it, and you go, what the can I do to get this? For me, I think the energy came, Damien, from when I stopped taking ADD pills, right? When. When I was a kid, 13 years old, mom put me on this by 15. I go, no, this. Every time I would get in the car, she'd be like, so, how's your day? And I'd be like, I want to die. And like, she's like, what the. Why? And I was like, no, bro, because I just know how to work the parents, you know, poke. The energy sells, right? So we know when to, like, oh, yeah, keep. Keep the energy down to kind of paint. Paint the picture of. Oh, yeah, I really don't want to do this homework or I'm going to kill myself. And the next day, I'm at Dr. Wagner's office, and I'm sitting there for an hour and a half, right? And I'm juggling this psychiatrist, like, a right. He's there, bro. I'm like, 10 years old, bro, And I'm juggling this, like, a right. And like, he's like, oh, for an hour and a half, just. Bro. Just like, oh, so how's this? Whatever, Whatever. I look at him and I go, so are you going to ask me? And, like, he goes, as you what, bro? I didn't want to do math, and I said that I'd kill myself. He goes, so are you going to kill yourself? I go, no, bro, I just hate homework, dude. And this kid goes, or. Or like, this psychiatrist, like, calls my, like, Mom. And he's like, oh, yeah, bro, just take them off. Like, whatever. Just keep them on this ADD medication. Don't. Don't take them off, right? Every day, this will give me these pills. I just throw them in the car seat. One day, the dog, bro, I used to take my dog to school. I, like, put it there, and, like, his tongue is all sticky and, right? It grabs this little pillow, right? And I'm holding this dog. This dog just starts getting, like, heavier, bro. Like, bro, what the is wrong with this dog? No, no, it wasn't dead. Thank God. This dog. I put it on the chair. I've never seen this dog. Just, Just, Just straight up, I see. I get home that day. The dog is staring at the wall, bro. I see. Come on.

[Joey Diaz]

He ate the Adderall, bro.

[Chef Brad]

He ate the Adderall. It was nuts. Poke, poke. I would never take it. And then the moment I got off of it, that is when the energy stayed. All of these, like, different pills, bro. Every bitch I know goes, oh, no, I'm on. I just need to take a little pill.

[Joey Diaz]

And I'm like, it's my man in Austin. I, I, I go game. And Adderall.

[Chef Brad]

Oh, my God.

[Lee Syatt]

It saved me that night, though.

[Chef Brad]

No, no, I bet, I bet it's like all these. Oh, no. I'm a little sad pink. And I'm like, you're about to be sadder in like, six hours. Holy. If you think you're sad now, but I bought it.

[Joey Diaz]

No, I've never done it, people.

[Chef Brad]

I. I did it, and then they switched me to this other one called Quillavan. Where. Where I was like, they're being a bro. What the are these names? Like, what are you gonna start? But just don't stick anything in my ass, you know, like, whatever. Once I realized what it did, right? Where, like, I'd go to school, and by 8:30, I was like this. And then, like, I'd be sitting there and I'd be like, life and time is just moving past me. But I want to say, but I can't. Then I stopped taking, and I'm sitting there in class. Oh, my God, I'm there. I'm like, what's up? I need this boy. You went to, like, lengths of, like, just. I loved to, like, just make sure that everyone was okay, you know, Pero, that's where that salesmanship energy and, and that, like, you. You learn it as, like, everything happens. Pero, for me, I always say the pills you do is. I mean, never doing poke. It'll just Change that energy for you. Energy comes from the passion and all the hatred and all the, that's hurt you in your life. And you just turn that around, you go, you know what, bro? This is gonna kill me if I don't do well. And when the camera turns on and when the lights go on, it's like that goes away. Goes away.

[Lee Syatt]

And I told. I'm not trying to argue with you. The problem I run into, tell me is I, I'll say that bad to myself and I'll talk myself out of doing something. I'm like, oh, they don't want to see this or this is bad. They don't want to hear from me.

[Joey Diaz]

No.

[Lee Syatt]

So like, I don't, I don't know how to.

[Joey Diaz]

You're not beating yourself that up. You're. You're working on the day. You're not thinking about your bits, you're not breaking down your bits here. You're just thinking about, they're going to hate you overall, that, you know, you're thinking about all the shit people said to you. You're thinking about the little insecurities you have in your mind and the energy comes from you proving a point to yourself.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay?

[Joey Diaz]

And that energy, you know, energy sells. Energy is enthusiasm. Enthusiasm always fucking sells, you know. Brad, what's your next move?

[Chef Brad]

Oh yeah, next move. I hopefully, hopefully I want to do a cookbook. So either a kid's cookbook and like a Cuban, like major cookbook too. Pero porque my like demographic, I feel like is like a lot of kids and like people that just need the like, recipes. I kind of want to do like a fun, like, cookbook, you know, like very like outlandish. Make it great. Where it's like kind of like the joy of cooking, but there's pop ups, there's things you should do. Tell me.

[Joey Diaz]

You should take these Instagram pages and do like a. What's that? That people pay you to make videos.

[Chef Brad]

Only fans. No, no.

[Joey Diaz]

Only fans with a, A steak on your dick. You know what I'm saying? Like a. With the black beans and rice.

[Chef Brad]

From the waist down. Bitch.

[Joey Diaz]

What's up? Shit. Cameo. Cameo.

[Chef Brad]

Oh, no, I'm.

[Joey Diaz]

I would love to like, if I could just call somebody and say, I need a video on your recipe. Oh, see, you know like a video library that you create just like what you're doing here. See, you should put all those in video library and people could always. In the next three years, shit's gonna come on the computer, it's gonna blow your mind.

[Chef Brad]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And I've always said, listen, the computer is a. A gold mine for money.

[Chef Brad]

Oh, it is.

[Joey Diaz]

If you attack it the right way. Exactly. There's a fortune under that.

[Chef Brad]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And that might be the future. You know? And what I like about your cooking videos, it's not a half hour.

[Chef Brad]

No? No.

[Joey Diaz]

I love that chick that cooks with Snoop Dogg. What's that blonde? That was Martha Stewart. All those dishes take an hour. I ain't got an hour.

[Chef Brad]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't want to really learn how to bake or. But bake the most important Cuban stuff, like pastelito wayado. Wayada. That's what people like. I love pastelito wayado. Once you put the cheese in there, you lose me.

[Chef Brad]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

Same when I was a kid. When I was a kid, this is how of a Cuban house I grew up in. We lived on 88th Street. Dessert was always a piece of oyaba with the cream cheese and Cuban cracker. My mom would drink the coffee and then they would do a line of coke because of the digestion. That was a Cuban dessert in the 70s. A line of coke for the digestion. They'd sit there and they go, man, that line of coke is doing me a lot of good. You sit down. How come I can't do one?

[Lee Syatt]

My tummy hurts.

[Chef Brad]

Oh, my God.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm happy that you fucking came here today. I wanted people see what you're about. And I want people to go to Chef Brad the Page if you want to learn how to cook Cuban. He's got pumpkin on there. He's got so many different recipes, everything. He just doesn't cook Cuban. He makes steaks on there.

[Chef Brad]

Lebanese.

[Joey Diaz]

Crazy. Phenomenal job, man. So follow him. What do you got going on, Lee, you're going to Tampa this weekend?

[Lee Syatt]

Fuck yeah, I'll be in Tampa. Seven shows. Two shows. Six o' clock on Saturday, seven o' clock on Sunday. I'm headlining the rest of the week. I'm opening up for Greg Fitzsimmons. But six o' clock Saturday, look at the energy.

[Chef Brad]

Look at it.

[Joey Diaz]

Look at the energy.

[Lee Syatt]

I'm trying my best.

[Joey Diaz]

We have tickets going on sale Thursday or Friday. Go to the Hard rock Casino in Fort Lauderdale. Tickets go on sale Friday the 4th, which is Thursday, I think whenever the 4th is. Yeah. 2, 3, 4. On Thursday. The 4th is officially go on sale on Friday for Hard Rock Casino, Fort Lauderdale, September 6th. The night before the Dolphins play. I don't know who they're playing yet. So it's gonna be a good weekend. Lee will be there Chef Brad will be there, George will be there. Nick will be there. We're chartering a flight right from Peterborough. We're going deep it. If the flight fall, I'm breaking even on this bitch. I don't give a fuck. I'm breaking even.

[Lee Syatt]

Be like, Newark.

[Joey Diaz]

Newark. We're just renting a Tito, bro. We go build a plane, do the whole video for them, get 20 off. I'm gonna break even on the gig. I don't give a fuck. Just to save me and my boys want a private jet.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, shit.

[Joey Diaz]

Get a stake on that motherfucker. Bring a cat. Bring a fucking cat. Just to show people the power. Because why go. I'm flying everything. A cat, a cow. I'm like, PonteCorvo's Deli on 40. I saw that the other day. That's still there, George. When I was a kid, my mother would go there. Like, if you were. If you were doing a Santeria ritual or somebody was sick, your mother would go get you a chicken.

[Chef Brad]

Exactly.

[Joey Diaz]

It's on 54th street and Bergen Avenue. It used to be huge. When I was a kid, they had it. It was Italian people, so they were the Mafia. They had bears, they had lions in the back. I can tell you anything. But the front, they had, like, chickens and roosters. And. And the guy was like. He was missing an eye, and he come out, like, with a limp. And you tell him, like, let me get a chicken. And as soon as he turned, all the chickens would run to the back of the cage and start. And he would walk to the cage and just. Which chicken you want? That one. And he would just stick his hand back there, break his fucking neck, and then slam him on his leg. You were like, what the fuck? Bug up. He would. They had a machine where they defeated it. Remember the feather? They throw it in there, and the feather would come out, and then your mother would give you a little cooked chicken with not. It wasn't even cooked. It was just pieced out. Tremendous. And the chicken was always yummy in that. I saw it the other day. I'm like, I can't believe that thing is still there. People are still buying. That's Spanish people, dang. They don't buy the. That. What's his name? Purdue. Cuban people.

[Chef Brad]

That's Cisco.

[Joey Diaz]

You. They get the real chickens down there. You ever see. Go to a Mexican restaurant, they actually put the chicken, pork in the suit. Remember? They put the fucking leg in the suit.

[Chef Brad]

Collagen, baby.

[Joey Diaz]

You're like, nah, I know that toe's got fungi. On it. I'm not even that motherfucker. So, June 4th, Fort Lauderdale. Lee Syat will be at the Tampa side Splitters. Side Splitters? Seven shows. Please go support him and bring him a Cuban sandwich. See, he's going to be in Tampa all weekend where the Cuban sandwich is said to be invented. I hate doing that little faggy thing. My name is Chad. Hi. But yeah, go check Lee out this weekend. If you're in Tampa, follow my man, Chef Brad. It's a great follow. The only fucking webpage I like as much as his Instagram page. And for you people who have been bugging me for the last month, I'm gonna tell you again, crazy girl Maggie lives in Colombia. I've never met Maggie. Some guy sent me an email the other day like, you're cheating on your wife. I'm like, dog, she lives in Medellin, Colombia. I've never met her. We make videos. She sends me videos. I put them up. Well, this has to stop because it seems like you're cheating. Well, okay then I'm cheating long distance, I guess.

[Lee Syatt]

I don't fucking know.

[Joey Diaz]

She's 20 something. I'm 62. Yeah, that's what she wants. A 62 year old fucking man. Did you see her body? Did you see her ass? You can have fucking George Clooney if she wants. She's gonna fucking talk to a 65 year old fat fucking with missing teeth. What the fuck is wrong with you motherfuckers? Anyway, get your tickets. Fort Lauderdale. I want to thank Chef Brad. I want to thank Chef Brad. I want to thank Lee. Say, look, he's not high today. We gave him a pass this week. We're getting the heavy duty. I had something for him, but the shit I'm going to give him, he won't make it to Tampa. I don't want to hear him crying. I missed my flight and all this shit. Every Tuesday I got to call Lee. And it's always something, what? You know, how I feel. Lee, what's going on? How you doing today? You know, I don't know. A thousand milligrams, you know, And I'm like, lee. And he's like questioning me, how come you don't feel that way? Well, since I got up, I smoked a joint to get a bite of the animal that bit me last night and I'm sweating it out at the gym. Lee will sit there like I don't know what to do. Well, fucking get up, cocksucker. Take a shit and smoke some reefer.

[Lee Syatt]

I do that all the time.

[Joey Diaz]

No, you don't smoke on a date. I know you, motherfucker. Anyway, we'll see you next week. Tip top, Magoo. Don't forget UFC316. Don't forget the basketball finals start on Thursday. And I'll see you motherfuckers next week. Tip top, motherfucking Magoo. Stay black. Hey, Uncle Joey here. How you guys doing? Listen, it's time to get your brain and your body on the same page with Bluechew. What that means is it's summertime. It's time to sling dick. Bluechew provides men with chewable tablets to help them have better sex. You'll stay harder for longer, so you'll have all the time that you need. Nice and slow, like one of those black dudes in the 70s, you know what I'm saying? Anyway, I love Blue Chew. It comes in a package, a little package. You put it in your wallet, don't sit on it because you'll crush the pill and it'll taste funny. You put it in your wallet, and once you see a victim, you're ready to go. And it's all done online. So there's no doctor's office, no visits, no awkward conversations, nobody staring you down. It's tremendous. It's life made easier by getting harder. Discover your [e-mail] and we got a special deal for the church family. Ready for this? The first month of Bluechew is free. What'd you say, Joey? Free. When you press in, promo code Joey, J O, E, Y. Just pay $5 for shipping. Who's better than Uncle Joey and Who's better than BlueChew? Nobody. That's promo code Joey. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important information. And I want to thank Bluechew for sponsoring the church. And I want to thank you guys to get ready to sling some dick with confidence and love. Try Bluechew. Free. Promo code Joey, J O, E, Y. Thank you. God bless.