The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament

Episode: "Diddy DM'd Joey Diaz!"

Date: December 9, 2025
Hosts: Joey Coco Diaz & Lee Syatt
Location: Live from NYC

Episode Overview

This episode captures Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in classic form: riffing on the absurdities of everyday life, reflecting on gratitude, the realities of modern hustle, and sharing wild stories from the road and the past. The big headline—Diddy once DM’d Joey on Instagram—triggers a hilarious dive into Joey's digital illiteracy, fan interactions, and odd DM discoveries. The episode flows through nostalgia, modern comedy, NYC street wisdom, and life lessons, with their signature blend of humor and heart.

Key Topics & Discussion Highlights

1. Shoplifting, Hustle, and NYC Street Smarts

Timestamps: 00:00–08:55

• Joey leads off with a rant about the nostalgia and thrill of old-school shoplifting, noting how lax enforcement now makes it "boring":
  • "They got relaxed laws now…all my life I'm a shoplifter and now you can shoplift for free at CVS and I gotta stand there like a Christian." – Joey Diaz (00:27)
• Joey recounts shoplifting Bruce Springsteen collector kits in the '80s and the excitement of being chased versus today's indifference:
  • "It's fun getting chased. But now they don't even chase you when you run out of CVS, like, with a box of makeup and shit." (03:05)
• The hosts reminisce about common scams—Jamaicans selling bricks as electronics in the Lincoln Tunnel, fake service offers, and NYC characters hustling strangers.
• Life advice emerges: mind your business and don't get sucked into street scams. "Rule number one is don't get involved… Unless I know that person and he's a bonafide thief, and I bought from him before, I'm not fucking with this guy." – Joey (05:24)

2. Comedy, Fame, and Fan Interactions

Timestamps: 10:00–14:50

• Joey discusses the awkwardness of being recognized in public and his low-key response:
  • "If I walk into a place and you think I'm fucking famous, there is something fucking wrong with you." (10:45)
• The difference between true fame and comedy-club ‘celebrity’:
  • "Famous is a guy that's taking a helicopter. If I was famous, I wouldn't be at the Hyatt at a three-story hotel in Denville." (11:27)
• They riff on fans interrupting meals for selfies, and the etiquette (or lack thereof) of approaching comedians:
  • "If you see me, get it over with, don't fucking follow me for five minutes and then ask me for a picture." (14:03)
• Lee shares stories of getting starstruck by comedians and Joey cautions not to blow up fellow comedians’ spots.

3. The Gratitude of Small-Town Shows

Timestamps: 14:59–21:00

• Discussion about performing in smaller markets versus big-city audiences:
  • Joey admires the gratitude of audiences in towns like Danville, VA, contrasting them with blasé big-city crowds.
  • "You are it. They either had this to do or go shoot pigs." – Joey (17:28)
• Joey on the unique vibe and appreciation in smaller shows, from audiences gifting weed to the higher chance of post-show encounters.
• On the open mic scene, Joey highlights the value of humility, learning from young comics, and respecting the craft:
  • "You don't go to an open mic and heckle somebody. No, that's just being a fucking douchebag." (23:00)

4. Evolving as a Comic, Staying Hungry

Timestamps: 20:38–27:00

• Lee notes how comedians’ material can get stale as they gain fame, while Joey reflects on evolving his set, embracing new material, and learning every night:
  • "The band's first album is the most powerful album…after that, it's up to the artist…I've always had shitty material...I just know how to sell it better than other people." (20:38, 21:17)
• Joey on learning from losses, applying lessons, and personal growth:
  • "It takes you eight fucking times…Money will always teach you a lesson." (26:06)

5. Digital Illiteracy and the Great Diddy DM

Timestamps: 41:47–46:02

• Joey shares the hilarious saga of discovering hundreds of missed Instagram messages—including one from Diddy:
  • "And all of a sudden I open up and it goes, 'Hey, King, give me your number or something.' And I looked at him and he goes, 'Diddy.' And I'm like, nah, this is like somebody else. And then I looked at it. It was verified." (44:00)
• Joey’s daily digital confusions: "I don't really know what the fuck I'm Doing. And people just…send me shit and they assume that I know." (46:51)
• Lee jokes about not getting naked pictures in his DMs, while Joey muses on the absurd things he finds—naked women, frozen sex toys, and offers from “fans.”

6. The Economics of Comedy and Being Grateful

Timestamps: 37:37–40:08, 48:25–52:11

• Joey reflects on a year that began in the hospital but ended on stage, expressing immense gratitude for career and life stability:
  • "There was a time where I knew at 40, I couldn't make a living…The fact that at 62 we’re doing this shit…I am so fucking grateful." (39:33)
• Discussion on the struggles of regular people during holidays, the cost of comedy tickets, and giving fans a break:
  • "You're not that fucking important. They don't need to see you every fucking weekend, you know? And that's it." (47:17)

7. Tech, Distraction, and Living in the Moment

Timestamps: 80:27–88:02

• Joey laments modern technology making people less present:
  • "I want a time where people lived in the now…You go to a concert, everybody's got their phone out taping…live in the fucking moment." (80:45, 81:18)
• The pair discuss how “phones kill focus,” the compulsion to record everything, and the mental costs of digital addiction for adults and kids alike.

8. Gambling, Vice, and Hard Lessons

Timestamps: 66:08–73:59

• After recounting a recent casino night, Joey compares gambling to hard drugs and shares lessons on self-control, losses, and consequences:
  • "If I sat there and said, oh, I'm a big shot. Let me take eight grand out. You got what you deserve, you stupid motherfucker." (68:09)
  • "There was a time when I didn't know how to have a good time…It was a rotating fucking pull between the numbers, the track and fucking baseball." (69:32, 71:31)
• Lee jokes about how quickly gambling loss can spiral, and Joey notes a broader economic trend: "Alcohol sales are down 30%...Guess what's up? Gambling." (73:01)

9. On Success, Flexing, and Remaining True

Timestamps: 91:46–99:00

• Joey contrasts “fake it till you make it” types with his own blue-collar ethic:
  • "If I had Joe Coy money or Fluffy money…they just make you feel that way…But that's not the life I ever intended to live." (96:32, 99:02)
• Shares a story about spotting scammers in his social circle and the satisfaction of trusting his instincts.
• Thoughts on humility and living simply, even with success: "If I flex, yeah. My sneakers...It’s not a flex, it’s an urn." (98:41)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Shoplifting Today vs. the Old Days:
  "Deep, deep, deep in my heart, I want to shoplift like everybody else…But now they don't even chase you when you run out of CVS." – Joey Diaz (00:52, 03:05)

• On Fame vs. Real Life:
  "If I walk into a place and you think I’m famous, there is something fucking wrong with you." – Joey Diaz (10:45)

• On Gratitude:
  "There was a time where…I couldn't make a living. I could steal a living, and I could kidnap you for a living, and I could snort a living, but I could not make a fucking living." – Joey Diaz (38:34)

• On Tech Addiction:
  "You not living in the now with these phones…Put the phone away, live in the moment." – Joey Diaz (80:45)

• On Instagram DMs:
  "And all of a sudden I open up and it goes, 'Hey, King, give me your number'…Diddy. And I'm like, nah, this is like somebody else. And then I looked at it. It was verified." – Joey Diaz (44:00)

• On Learning and Growth:
  "Every fucking night. And if you don't, stop fucking living." – Joey Diaz, on learning something new as a comic (25:24)

• On Comedy Audiences:
  "When you go do a show with me…Every one of those thousand people is another bug of your energy. You're not talking to 13 people no more." – Joey Diaz (30:40)

• On Holiday Struggle:
  "Nobody likes being broke. And I was there fucking many times on the holiday where somebody invited you over, thank God, and you stole a tie from somebody's house and you put it in a box." – Joey Diaz (52:11)

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Shoplifting Nostalgia & Street Smarts: 00:00–08:55
• Comedy, Fame & Fans: 10:00–14:50
• Small-Town Gratitude: 14:59–21:00
• Comedy Growth & Lessons Learned: 20:38–27:00
• Discovering Diddy's DM & Joey’s DMs: 41:47–46:02
• On Gratitude and Economic Reality: 37:37–52:11
• Tech & Living in the Now: 80:27–88:02
• Gambling and Vice Stories: 66:08–73:59
• On Success & Remaining True: 91:46–99:00

Episode Tone & Style

The conversation is fast-paced, playful, irreverent, and deeply authentic. Joey’s storytelling mixes bawdy humor with real wisdom, anchored in NYC grit and humility. Lee keeps the vibe light, adding stories, setting up punchlines, and letting Joey’s philosophy shine. The episode is equal parts laughter, unfiltered reflection, and affectionate friendship—signature “Church” style.

Final Takeaway

This episode is a quintessential Church of What’s Happening Now ride—streetwise lessons, backstage stories, modern-life rants, and hilarious new spins on everyday struggles. Whether you’re a die-hard fan or a new listener, it’s packed with genuine laughs and honest, hard-won wisdom about comedy, hustle, and living in the present—plus the classic Joey twist: it’s never too late to learn something new, and don’t forget to check your DMs…Diddy might be waiting.

Next Episode: Check back next Tuesday for more live NYC stories and comedy wisdom from Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt.