Epstein before the hanging

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
Episode: Epstein before the Hanging
Host: Joey Coco Diaz and Lee Syatt
Date: August 19, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt broadcast live from NYC, diving into their lives, comedy, the struggle of staying present, the oddness of modern culture, the harsh realities and mental grind of stand-up, and personal reflections on anger, aging, and mortality. Joey’s distinctive, no-filter storytelling and Lee’s supportive, inquisitive energy make for a typically raucous and honest session. As always, expect strong language, wild stories, and flashes of unexpected vulnerability.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Staying Present & The Problem with Overplanning

• Joey’s Philosophy: Joey repeatedly stresses the importance of living in the day, focusing on what’s front of you rather than future anxieties or bookings. He laments the prevalence of pre-sales and long-term planning in comedy, arguing that "nobody is thinking that far ahead—today is Tuesday, that’s all I care about" (Joey, 04:15).
• Example: He mocks people who try to get on guest lists weeks in advance:

  "People call me now: Hey, can you go on the list? There ain't no list yet. Call me two days before!" (Joey, 03:17)

• Lee’s Take: Lee admits to being envious of Joey’s ability to stay present and not stress over the future, recognizing his own tendency to let things “just happen” to him (10:34).

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2. Social Interaction, Hearing Loss & Aging

• Joey’s Bluntness with People: Joey describes becoming increasingly direct and less willing to engage in superfluous conversation, especially as his hearing fades.

  "I'm to the point in my life that I can't hear at all. You could talk till you're green in the fucking face..." (Joey, 07:32)

• Social Dynamics: He paints funny but exasperated pictures of people trying to talk to him in loud environments, likening himself to "Woody from Toy Story" with canned responses (09:00).
• Reflection: Joey notes that people rarely consider what someone else has been through before interacting.

  "You have to think about where that guy was walking in from. What happened in his day?" (Joey, 17:28)

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3. Drug Use & Comedic Stories

• Nostalgic & Cautionary: Joey and Lee swap stories about cocaine, mushrooms, and edibles—Joey emphasizing enjoying most drugs alone, except mushrooms, which are best shared.

  "I like them all alone... mushrooms are a lot better with people." (Joey, 13:28)

• Comedic Gold: Joey shares a wild story about a female comic hogging cocaine in a bus bathroom:

  "I start pounding on the fucking door…this bitch is doing all my coke!" (Joey, 25:58)

• Party Dynamics: They laugh about adventures gone wrong and Joey’s wild approach to finding lost edibles and the lengths he goes for a psychedelic experience (36:22).

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4. Modern Comedy, “Woke” Culture, and Labels

• Reluctant Labels: Joey discusses the rise of “anti-woke comics” and how cultural labeling has overtaken basic comedy:

  "Now you have to give them a label now, right? It's not blue comedy, it's not edgy... just fucking comedy." (Joey, 28:31)

• Frustration with Media: He rants about media sensationalism, such as calling gang shootings “mass shootings,” and reflects on how everything gets branded for maximum fear (30:53).
• Memorable Line:

  "Why do fucking white people have to make everything so much more difficult and just add intelligent words?" (Joey, 29:04)

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5. The Mental Game of Standup

• Resilience Required: Joey opens up about the mental toll of stand-up—the constant rejection, pressure, and need for endless patience and thick skin.

  "The toughest thing about stand up comedy is your mental. Stand up comedy isn't about your feet...It's about mental. How many fucking nos can I take before I just become a serial killer?" (41:34)

• Dealing with Comments: He’s nonchalant about online hate, seeing it as people projecting their own pain, and encourages perspective:

  "You don't know what they're coming from...his mother must have stepped on his Legos, he's 38, lives at home." (Joey, 18:11)

• The Reality Behind ‘Overnight Success’: He emphasizes how much unseen work goes into comedy, pushing back against the notion of comics simply “getting” things through connections.

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6. Life Shifts: Kobe’s Death & The World Changing

• Marking a Cultural Shift: Lee and Joey agree Kobe Bryant’s death was a bigger turning point than COVID for the world’s mood and sense of security.

  "Kobe died. That's when the world changed. And a month later, we got hit by Covid." (Joey, 19:52)

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7. Anger, Reflection & Self-Improvement

• Personal Growth: Joey recounts physically lashing out in past years (including poking a coworker in the eye and smacking his ex’s boyfriend), and speaks honestly about spending years in reflection and therapy to understand why he acted out.

  "For years I broke those incidents down. Not an excuse... The first thing I wrote was, you're a piece of shit and you're a thief. But why?" (Joey, 52:08)

• Advice: Encourages listeners, if they have moments they regret, not to dwell on what they did, but to uncover why. (55:03)

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8. Work Ethic, The Job Market & Entitlement

• Old-School Hustle: Joey rails against laziness and the “just click and wait” job search culture, asserting the value of showing up in person.

  "I'm old school. You want a job, you fucking show up." (66:00)

• Service Industry Decline: Notes how, post-COVID, many service workers seem ill-suited for their roles, which he sees as symptomatic of decline in work standards and pride.

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9. Mortality, Legacy, and Acceptance of Aging

• Visiting His Mother’s Grave: Joey shares a rare moment of vulnerability, describing a solitary visit to his mother’s grave for the first time in years and reflecting on feeling like he “made it.”
• On Death: Offers advice to “burn” rather than bury loved ones to avoid complications and costs (77:57), and cracks jokes about his own will (“Mercy, take care of George. He’s retarded. Give Lee some money...”).

  "I'm 62. I don't need no fucking teeth. They're overrated by this age." (Joey, 79:03)

• Signature Humor: Mentioning his beard looking like “Epstein before he hung himself”—coining the episode’s title—continues Joey’s tradition of laughs in the face of death and scandal.

  "As a matter of fact, I like this beard. It looks like Epstein before he hung himself…that’s the name for the episode—Epstein before the Hanging." (Joey, 79:45)

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On Focus:
  “I like to focus on what's in front of me. Because if you stuff...you’re not focused.” – Joey, (03:40)

• On Deafness:
  “I'm to the point in my life that I can't hear at all. So you could talk till you're green in the fucking face.” – Joey, (07:32)

• On Comedy Labels:
  “At the end of the day, it’s just fucking comedy. Just fucking say it.” – Joey, (28:31)

• On Mental Resilience:
  “How many fucking nos can I take before I just become a serial killer?” – Joey, (41:34)

• On Not Dwelling on Mistakes:
  “Don’t dwell on what you did. Who gives a fuck? It’s done already. It’s done.” – Joey, (55:03)

• On Work Ethic:
  “I’m old school. You want a job, you fucking show up.” – Joey, (66:00)

• On Aging:
  “I'm 62. I don’t need no fucking teeth. They’re overrated by this age.” – Joey, (79:03)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:47-06:28] – Discussion on planning, living day-to-day, and the unpredictability of comedy bookings
• [07:28-10:44] – Social interactions, hearing loss, and growing less tolerant of small talk
• [11:25-13:52] – Stories about drug use, being alone vs. with friends
• [17:28-19:42] – Dealing with social media comments and not taking others’ negativity personally
• [19:42-22:37] – Kobe’s death as a watershed moment
• [41:34-44:33] – The mental game of standup, the toll of rejection, success, and authenticity
• [52:08-55:03] – Self-analysis after violent incidents, importance of asking “why”
• [66:00-70:01] – Joey’s take on work ethic, the job market, and the shift in society's standards
• [71:37-77:57] – Reflections on visiting his mother’s grave, family history, and dealing with loss
• [79:03-80:59] – On aging, making a will, episode title inspiration

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Final Thoughts

This episode is classic Joey Diaz: wild stories punctuated with hard-won wisdom, raw honesty, and comic loudmouth bravado. Whether railing against lazy jobseekers, reminiscing about drug-fueled mishaps, or tenderly recalling late-night cemetery visits, Joey blends humor and pain into lessons about survival, empathy, and the fleeting nature of success and happiness. Lee’s presence as a sounding board and occasional foil keeps things on course, highlighting just how much Joey’s life experience has shaped his unapologetically authentic worldview.

“If you’re gonna walk on ice, you might as well dance.” (Joey, 56:34)

Episode Title Explained:
The name “Epstein before the Hanging” comes from Joey’s riff comparing his current beard to Epstein’s iconic scruffy look prior to his death—a dark joke that signals the episode’s flavor: raw, irreverent, with a wink at mortality and scandal.

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For longtime fans and newcomers alike, this episode is a wild, heartfelt, and brutally honest ride through comedy, life, and death—pure Church of What’s Happening Now.

Transcript

[A]

What's happening? Beautiful people, Uncle Joey and Lee Syed here for the church. New Testament. It's Tuesday the 19th of August. Chip. Chip. Labor Day's around the corner, you can't dress in white no more and all that stuff. But anyway, we're here for another fun filled episode. Also today's five years ago today I moved to New Jersey. What a nightmare. Anyway, don't clap. We'll be right back. Oh, Uncle Joey's back. I got to talk to you about something. If you're sick and tired of always being sick and tired, listen up. Bioma is here to fix all that with the blend of pre pro and postbiotics that'll get you back into the zone. Taking these smooth shits again. Your mood, your digestion, your energy. Basically your whole life revolves around your gut health. How many times have you felt bad? You take a big fucking shit and next thing you know you're feeling like a king all the time. This is what I'm talking about. Bioma, probiotics. I was just on antibiotics for 3, 4 months at a time. I was walking around with a little gut like I was pregnant. I took a couple of these biomas, I took a shit, the toilet broke two times. You understand me? So whether you're looking to drop some weight, take care of your hair, skin and nails, or need to get your feminine health on track, Bioma has what you need. Like I said, I love bioma with all my heart. This. I've taken other probiotics, but this one changed the game for me. Look at my teeth, I got none antibiotics. Look at my ear, I got none antibiotics. My whole life has been antibiotics. The last year, Byoma finally brought me back. Got some color to my face. I got energy. Listen, your gut is the foundation of overall health and vitality. If you want to be a motherfucking savage, you'd better keep it in check. So do me a favor. I'm going to take 15% off by Omar order when you press church c h u r c [e-mail] church c h u r c h that's 15% off with code. [e-mail] church or just click the link in our show Notes. Enjoy. This is going to game change your life and your stomach and your toilet and everything around you. Kick this mule. What's happening, you savages? Uncle Joey here. What's happening, Tarzan?

[B]

I'm doing good. Are you taking Labor Day off?

[A]

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not. What's wrong with you. He came here. Are you excited for Florida? Well, we gotta do Philly first. Let's do Philly first. Then you got Labor Day, and then we'll burn that bridge when we get to it. I'm not even thinking of Florida. No, No.

[B]

I don't know how you.

[A]

I could care the fuck less about Florida. I got a show Wednesday, I got a show Friday, I got a show Saturday, and then I got two more weeks of training. Then we got fucking Labor Day, and then we got Florida. So Florida's not even on my horizon. Not even thinking, don't even care. People call me now. Hey, can you go on the list? There ain't no list yet. Call me two days before. Bye. I've been getting Facebook from all my friends in Miami that I went to McKinley with. And I'm like, I ain't taking no requests right now.

[B]

And then two days before, your phone's gonna die.

[A]

No, I'm gonna die. I'll call them on half of them. Hit me up on Facebook. I just can't, guys. I've never been able to do that. That is my weakness in life. I like to focus on what's in front of me. Because if you stuff. You ever see and you know all of us like sports, how many times? How many times you gotta play the Bulls? But you're talking about Golden State in the finals, and you're like, I'm betting against these motherfuckers because they're not focused. I don't. It's so weird how people do not focus on what's in front of them. That's it. Today is Tuesday. Today's Tuesday. All I care about today is Tuesday. I got Jiu Jitsu and I got bocce tonight. And anything else that comes in. But that's all I'm worried about. If you call me about Thursday, you know what? I'm gonna tell you to go fuck yourself. And I do it to everybody now. It's over. Like, I used to be kind of nice. Like, yeah, no, listen. Cause I don't have that time. I got a daughter. I got a life now. It's not like comedy's all I do, right? But even when I knew, I see these people on their schedules at comedy clubs, and then you talk to them and they'll tell you, oh, we had a bad weekend with George. No, you. Because you already advertising fucking Nick in September, right? Keep Nick away from that fucking computer. You should be just pushing George, George, George, George. If you want a busy weekend. But, no, you're Pushing the Smothers Brothers in December and a New Year's show. Nobody's even thinking about that. You know, the economy sucks. Nobody's thinking that. Well, let's go. Nobody. All this pre sale shit. Unless you're the Beatles, that shit's gonna end. Because people are not gonna decide what they have to do till the week of.

[B]

Not even then. Sometimes. Usually it's like Day of for people.

[A]

It's a day of. It's the week of. We live in New Jersey. Nothing gets called till Friday night in this town. Am I lying, George? Am I lying, Nick? The week is the week. If you talk to people in Jersey, the week is the week. We just came back from the shore. Holy shit. It was a party. Okay? But the week is the week. But they'll tell you. Like, they'll start checking the weather Tuesday, Jersey people, and they don't know anything until Friday. So you got a show on Saturday. They're holding on, and then it's going to rain. So now let's. Okay. Georgie's at Atlantic City. How much is the hotel for the night? $500. We ain't doing that. You know we ain't doing that. We don't even buy the ticket and we're dropping 500. And that's the thing that people are gonna call up and go, how much Lohto? Five. His ticket is 1 1. That's eight. That's seven. That's without parking. You gotta eat. You gotta throw some dice. And then you think about your vacation with the kids to Disneyland, August. And you're like, fuck, George. We'll stay home and play Monopoly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So every week is very, you know. And this is the life we live in now.

[B]

But you've been like that pretty much the whole time I've known you. Is like. You don't. We were planning on shooting the documentary and I was asking you questions about, like, where we were gonna shoot and who we were gonna. And I think eventually your wife was like, why do you keep asking these questions?

[A]

Don't ask me. You do a lot. Anybody does a lot better when they don't have to ask me a question. But you do a lot better in life with no questions when you don't. Yeah, like, what time is the show Saturday? I don't even answer that. It's two in the afternoon. Tell people that. Two in the afternoon? Really? No. Then why the fuck did you ask?

[B]

Right.

[A]

You just fucking wanna aggravate me or give me conversation? There's no conversation. Look straight ahead. Look straight ahead. I Know it's tennis. Make believe you're watching it. Just make believe. Give it a hard fucking try.

[B]

Do you do that now that you're hearing? Do you just pretend like you can't hear people all the time?

[A]

No, I'm to the point in my life that I can't hear at all. So you could talk to your green. The fucking face. And it's so funny because people say things to me and they look at me because maybe I replied differently to them. But that's what you get. You hear music, you look at my face, look at somebody's face. So whatever your fucking stupid story is, you're focused on it without looking on my face. And the pain that this conversation is.

[B]

Bringing me, do you show it in your face when you're, like, just dying on the inside?

[A]

Think of your face when somebody's talking to you and you don't know what the fuck they're talking about. If I secretly taped you talking to an Arab that just pulled in front of you, what's his. The brothers Halal. You don't know what he's saying. Same thing if you sent somebody from Israel here and stood in my face and just started going off. That's the same thing when you're deaf, right? So it's not that I'm deaf. There's music on. It's over.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

We didn't come here to chit chat. We came. I came to buy you a drink and hopefully you suck my dick. That's it. That, that's, that's. That's the bottom line. Am I lying? But no, like, it's just I can't hear if there's music.

[B]

Right? No, I know that.

[A]

And if you're three people away from me, I just stare at you. Yeah, good. No shit. Come on. I got the same thing. I'm recording. It's like a button I press. Come on.

[B]

You're like Woody from Toy Story. And they just keep pulling the string.

[A]

Yeah, I pull a string and it's the same conversation. Really? Wow, nice to hear. Come on. So I think they're asking me something else. I'm like, come on. And they're like, okay, you can't even talk to this guy. He's an idiot. No, I don't know what you're saying.

[B]

I gotta be honest.

[A]

And even if I tell somebody, here's the funny thing. If I embarrass you and go, can I talk to you for a second? I can't hear a word you're saying. Nine out of Ten times. What do you think they'll do?

[B]

Say it again.

[A]

No, they double up. Now they give me a bigger ear beating than the one before. Now my blood pressure starts boiling because I already told you I can't hear a word you say it now you want to tell me more? You want to double up? I just don't even look at you anymore. I stopped looking at you. I just looked straight out at the bar like I was doing until you go away or something happens. Cause I'm fucking deaf. I just told you, right? I can't hear a word you're fucking saying.

[B]

And they just wanna say it. They don't really care.

[A]

New Year's, I went out and some guy kept talking until I just got up and walked away. And his brother in law came up to me. He's like, dog, I'm sorry, he's on shit. And then he gave me a gram of coke. And I gave it to my friend. That's why he was talking to me like that. And he didn't care. It was the same story over and over. I saw episode number 300, you and Lee were fun. And then he have a drink. And I saw episode three after eight times, I got to go to the bathroom and take a shit and stick it in my mouth. I do smell. So you don't talk to me no more.

[B]

Oh, I. I'm very envious of like. Like how you will just like yell at people or just like. I just let. I just let it happen to me. I feel. I feel bad.

[A]

I let it happen. You've all judged me. I've let it happen. You've witnessed me let it happen. And then it just doesn't end. It's like a bad rape. It just doesn't fucking end. Like, this guy hasn't come yet. 22,000 people come in a minute. This guy's been fucking me for 18 hours straight. You know what I'm saying? It's a. It's the same fucking thing, right? Like, it's just, you know, after a while. The thing is, guys, even in my fucking cocaine days, I don't remember lighting people up like that. Like, I shut the fuck up. I did coke.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I didn't say yeah, because at that point I didn't say much. It was like the first 10 years, then I burned that dopamine, whatever the fuck that is. And then I just got. After a while, you just shut the fuck up and let people talk. I just let. If I was with a girl and I was trying to get in the pants I knew she would. It was like I wanted Jiu Jitsu with a fat guy. Just run around him. He's gonna gas out eventually. Just give him more coke. They keep talking, but then you gotta watch because their jaws might be tired. So you gotta control the fucking.

[B]

I don't know how like you. It sounds like you did coke. Like, no. Like every. Every time you describe you on cocaine sounds like no one else on cocaine. You gained weight. You didn't really, like. You didn't really do much. You did it by yourself. Like. Yeah, like, maybe like some women sometimes. But, like.

[A]

No, but you got to remember, I was up to 99. That road stuff was great. But after I started dating Terry, it was like I had to do it by myself, right? I do it by myself. Unless I had a guy friend. And who wants to stock up with a guy really? Well, look at your titties at 4 in the morning, Lee. You lost some weight around your ass.

[B]

Oh, do guys do coke together really or not really?

[A]

Yeah, we're all hanging out. Me and George did pounds of coke together. Just sitting around watching MTV. Prince 19. What was that movie? Purple Rain? We. You know, some nights I come home like I used to do. I love when a friend of mine comes home or we get together at two after a long night, right? Like if I was at a bar snorting, and I come home at 3 and George comes home at 3 from the city. I love that conversation. That was always a great con. Then. What do you got left, George? I got this. What do I got left? And then at the end of the night, George, what do you got? I got another package in my pocket. You gotta work him to get that other. Come on, dog. Why are you holding out on me? No, I didn't even know I had it. I went to the bathroom to pee and it fell out of my pocket.

[B]

Jeez. Are there any drugs that are better alone or.

[A]

No.

[B]

Do you like to do it with people?

[A]

I like them all alone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I like that some of them that. You know, mushrooms are a lot. They're a lot better with people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're doing something and all of a sudden you spin into the high and you're. And now you say to yourself, I'm high, right? You ever get like. You're like, I'm high, but I'm around 20 people and we're giggling and nobody's gonna. You know, there's. Even if an outsider comes over, you just laugh in their face. You just start laughing, laughing.

[B]

I love watching people's faces.

[A]

Oh, My God. You just. When they come over and they're like, excuse me, you know, and you're like, you have no idea. That's why the most important thing for an actor, like I learned, is the scene before. And this is really weird because people don't understand this in life, when you get on the audition side. Our first scene is me and Lee arguing about the business. Lee, what'd you do with that truck last week? I fucking washed it. What do you mean you washed it? It was supposed to be a transmission job. And then when you look at that scene, you go, okay, what's happening in that scene? He's arguing with Lee. He just said hello to George. George gave him an egg sandwich. Whatever. The scene before, what happened. The scene before. And you'll look for the pages. They're not there during the audition. Cause you want to know that guy's state of mind before he walked into that room. I don't know if his cat died. I don't know if he found his wife with the mailman. I don't know if he found. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And this is the same way you have to think about life sometimes, guys. I don't know where George walked off of. I might go up to George like I always do and go, what's up, cocksucker? Hit him and he'll go, fuck you. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I didn't know George got hit by a car walking around with a wooden foot. I don't know this shit. And when you're driving and that guy cuts you off and you follow him and throw a pencil at him and go, fuck you. And the guy pulls over and then he shoots you. Maybe his wife just got into a car accident. She was pregnant with a kid.

[B]

Yeah. So when you're acting, you, like, make all that stuff up for the. For the guy.

[A]

You make it up. But you also want to see what he just walked in from. I don't know what he walked in from. I don't know if on the way to work, he stepped on a fucking piece of glass and got five stitches. I don't know. When he dropped his daughter off, she told him she forgot her lunch and they had to go all the way back home. And now he's 55 minutes late for his meeting. All those little things. And that's the same thing people should be considering of other people in life, Right? I don't know where George walked into. I don't know where Nick just walked into. And I don't know where you just walked into. So before I start fucking railing my hands up, I want to observe you for five minutes before you come up to me and go, hey, can you have a picture? I just got here.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know.

[A]

You don't know where I came from? You come up to me with your six little goofy friends. Can I get a picture? You don't know.

[B]

You have to take a shit.

[A]

I want people to understand what life is really about. I don't know, George, pick me up at fucking Segovia. You know, hey, George, fuck you. I'm trying to make a fucking living here. But I could always call George to pick me up. But on that particular day, something happened to George. You gotta get up early and go fucking meet the fire department or some stupid shit, right? I don't know that. I don't know that. I. I snap at people and I'm very wrong for doing it. Because you don't understand what happens when I open up the computer in the morning. That's why I don't open up the computer in the morning.

[B]

What happens when you do that?

[A]

That's why I drink my coffee and I relax and I enjoy my life and I think about my life and what I want to do and what I'm grateful for. And then after all. And then I write and then I smoke pot and then I fucking go on DraftKings and do the daily thing to see if I could win 300 fucking things. Yeah, they have that new thing now, a game that you hit it every morning.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

At the end of the week you win like 2000 whatever crowns. You know, I do that. And then at the end of all that, I go on social media and that's when the fun starts. Hey, fat man, you said last. You know, and you're like. Then I start thinking about him. What did this guy, what has he just walked out of? Did his wife tell him he was a little dick motherfucker? Did he get fired from his job? Did his wife commit suicide? So you always got to think that way. It's not what they're doing, it's why are they acting that way? You know, I tell George all the time, don't look at the comments.

[B]

Yeah, that. You told me that instantly. You know what, you could probably don't.

[A]

Have a Look, you know, 90% of it might be good, but there's always 10% of people that you don't know. What happened with them? They didn't get a job that day. They wanted to be a stand up comic. And now you are. And they don't like it. Fuck you. You fuck. You know, I seem better than okay. Okay, Right. I just did the garden three weeks ago, but I sucked. I've done this, but I suck. That's what you feel. So you have to think about where that guy was walking in from. What happened in his day. Did his mother break his fucking Lego? You know, his mother must have stepped on his Legos. He's 38. He lives at home. And that's the assumption you make, right? You're like, this guy lives in his mother's basement. No, it's grown guys like you and I that got divorced or somebody said something bad to them, and now you have success in that area or no success in that area. But they feel. Look at Doug. I don't even have to tell you. I just know from 10 years ago, the podcast comments, I can tell you what they are. Oh, yeah, put this guy on. Put that guy on. Do this, do that. Who's this guy giggling? Who's this? It doesn't matter. When you do a podcast and you do 10 years and you last, then you come see me until that time. Oh, you should put more light. Oh, you should put a carpet. Oh, you should shut your fucking mouth. But you can't say that because I don't know where they're coming from.

[B]

Right. You were saying you were talking before the podcast, and I. The more I think about it, I think you're a thousand percent right. Is that something shifted? It wasn't Covid. It was when Kobe died.

[A]

Kobe died. That's when the world changed. And a month later, we got hit by Covid.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Look at the date of Kobe's death. January 29th. One of those. February 1st. One of those. The world. When I got home on the 405 that day. I lived in California for 23 years, and I never saw the 405 like that, number one. It was empty, and there was a breeze, there was a wind, and the leaves were blown in a way I had never saw it. And as I was getting on the 405, headed home, I saw a little bit of smoke and I heard all the ambulances and fire, and I didn't know what it was. I got off by your old house, the 405 in that street there where it empties.

[B]

Laurel Canyon or something?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, before that. And you shoot down. And I remember getting home, my daughter and my wife were at church. I walked into the back, I hit Yahoo. I turned the computer on, and the Yahoo page Just said Kobe Bryant, Donna Helicopter. And you could still hear it. Yeah, you could still hear something was going on. And I just remember the way the sky looked.

[B]

It was a cloudy. I landed at LAX that day. It was cloudy.

[A]

And that weekend was very weird. That was a very scary weekend for me because my gig got canceled in November with Steve Simone.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We were going to Atlanta. Right, right, right. And we got canceled, and we had to remake the date. So I said, you know what? I don't want to fuck around and not make the date. Just give me Atlanta. I'm just doing that. No, well, you can't do that. You got. Listen, I'm just doing fucking Atlanta. So I'm leaving Friday, and I come back fucking Sunday. And that's it. We're gonna focus on Atlanta. I owe him that date. As a man, I owe him the date. I gotta fucking do it. Me and Steve left Friday night. Airport was fucking weird. And that's the night that I think I got on the elevator first.

[B]

That was my favorite story.

[A]

And a lady came on the elevator, fucking mangled. Asian woman. Mangled. Her hair was pulled the dress. And that's when the beginning of COVID No, there was something. Because I didn't know about COVID till Vegas weekend, which was after Valentine's Day weekend. That was the first time I heard about COVID Because Chemo was there, dear friend of mine, and he's security for Guns N Roses. And he said, Guns N Roses are canceled all their dates except one date in Mexico that will not get canceled. The Mexicans do not care about COVID because they had, like, an Asian run, right?

[B]

Oh, that can't happen.

[A]

And that can't happen. So when I came back from there is when I was like, fuck, Covid is real. Like, this is real. You know?

[B]

I love that you told her that you're not taking the next elevator.

[A]

Take the next fucking. When she came in the elevator, I'm like, get the fuck out. But that was on the way out. But on the way back, we got to Atlanta, and there was tons of Chinese people. And I kept thinking to myself, am I tripping on acid? Because first of all, this is a chocolate city. Why all these Asians landing here? And then when I got home was when. And then we got on the 405, and that's when we found out Colby was done. But it took a shift. And, like, remember everybody? All of a sudden, the lady, the judge covered her mouth at a fraternity party 32 years earlier, all the fucking. Me, too. Started coming out. Women Started Remembering that in 1955, Joe Diaz bumped into them in an elevator. And that dog. It was insane. It was insane. And I'm sitting there going, I don't know what the fuck is going on. Like the world was just changing. And I'll never forget that. This dumb girl that was a fucking Cold Core comic. I don't even know where she is. They took a kid away from her. She snorted so much coke. Damn, that bitch was selling her eggs. We did a show one time. I don't think I stayed with you that night. I did a show in Seacaucus. I had to go to Harmon Cove in the morning to do the Disney bus at that. Disney wanted to try something. So they wanted you. If you did something in the city for Disney and you did the parking ride. They wanted entertainment for the buses. So I got a call for 75 bucks to do a bus. 75 each way. So you got two of them. You went over and back. They were just gonna do one thing. But you had to be there at eight in the fucking morning. Well, guess what? I didn't sleep the night before. I was out all night with a package. And when I showed up to the job, I had a package. So I'm sitting down on the back of the bus. Cause they said the comics sit in the back. We'll put the microphone in the front. And as the bus is moving, you gotta do comedy. This is a horrible idea. This is fucking.

[B]

And you were standing up while the bus is moving?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Let's get to the fucking story at hand here. So I'm sitting on the bus and I meet this girl. And I'm talking to this girl, and she's looking at me because she knew what time it was. She knew what time it was. She's like, were you partying last night? And I'm like, yeah, can't you smell it? And she's like, oh, my God, what were you doing? And I go, you know what I was doing? And she goes, do you have any left? And I go, yeah, okay. There was no booze on the bus. I couldn't drink. I wasn't even thinking of doing it on the bus until I met this broad. So I go, hold on one second. I'm gonna go in the bathroom and do a line. And then you meet me and go in there. What was the other way around? I would take the package, go in there, and when you come out, give me the package and I'll follow you in there. You get out of the bathroom. It's a fucking bus. Two people don't even fit in the fucking bathroom at once. So I give him the package and me and George know. Five minutes go by.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Ten minutes goes by. Fifteen. We're getting to the city. I'm about to get on fucking well, I don't know if it's on stage. I'm about to stand next to the bus driver and do a little fucking musical there. And, dog, I'm waiting out there. And I'm like, she's. And when you're coked up, you're like, this bitch is doing all my coke. So I start pounding on the fucking door.

[B]

I was gonna say, I thought you were. I'm surprised it would lasted 15 minutes.

[A]

No, I'm like, boom, boom, boom, boom. Are you all right now? Or maybe she OD'd like the chicken Boogie Night. Remember the Chicken Boogie Night? She had blood all over her face. And they just picked her up. And the guy's like, I don't know what happened. The guy smacks him in the face. Shut up. Shut up. This is the second girl that OD'd this week. Maybe you should get different stuff. That was the best line of the movie.

[B]

Not, stop doing it. Just get different stuff.

[A]

So she finally opens the door and I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? And I go, where's the coke? And she goes, right here. I was taking care of myself, so I took the coke and she went out. Never thought about it again. I think I gave her the rest of the package on the way back from New York. No, never saw her again. Bumped into a taha where losers go to die. And there she was one night telling me about her kid, that her husband. The drinking, the drugs. Do you know this bitch in the middle of all that stuck up and tweeted me. She goes, why don't you tell him about the time you busted into my bathroom door and fucking. And I looked at her on Twitter and I go, how about I tell him that you were doing coke in that fucking bathroom? My last fucking couple fucking grams. And that's the story.

[B]

No response?

[A]

No, she was fucking a skinny little ratty chick from Long island that had done porn or something. She was ratty and she had a kid. She was like already like. And I'm like, you got a fucking three month old kid and she's coked up to the gills. That kid is at home fucking drinking the bottle, his jaws going from side to side. Holy shit. It was just very weird.

[B]

Yeah, I Can't imagine, but that's drugs. Like this is everybody now. Like you were. The other thing he was talking about before the podcast is you just figured you just heard like heard the term woke comedy for the first time.

[A]

Well, the last couple weeks people are going after all these anti woke comics and I'm like, anti woke. So for days I was like, I don't even know what these small moles are talking about. So this morning I woke up since I got up early for that blood test and I fucking just saw another YouTube video about anti woke comics and the Rogan sphere. And I looked it up and I'm like, there are like three more comics making it to the anti woke that have big specials on Netflix. Tom Segura, Shane Gillis and Matt Rife. And I'm reading this and I'm like, so these guys are considered anti woke comics. Wow.

[B]

What do they consider you?

[A]

A fucking old dickhead. That's what I am. You know. Now you have to give them a label now, right? It's not blue comedy, it's not edgy comedy. You know, at the end of the day, it's just fucking comedy. Just fucking say it. But they want to fucking, they want to turn everything into a Republican, Democratic, independent thing now. They can't wait. They can't wait. And they're probably calling anti woke Republicans. And that's what I saw. Anti woke for the Republicans and for the liberals. No. Something. Yeah, like conservative.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And I'm like, oh my God, comedy's for fucking everyone. Comedy is for. Why do I. Why do fucking white people have to make everything so much more difficult and just add intelligent words? And they're just. It's like this hurricane Everett again. Cnn, what does it stand for? Scaring poor white people. It's gonna be the worst storm in history. It got knocked down to a category fucking five. How can one day you see it in the morning, this morning when you woke up, what did you guys see on the news on the computer page 3 dead. 10 shot in the Jesus. 3 shot. 10 dead in the Bronx by 1 o'. Clock. It was mass massacre in the Bronx. What do they call it? They called it something that it really wasn't. It wasn't like an attack. No. You're in a bar in the Bronx. People get shot all the time in the Bronx. Nobody goes up there to do a terroristic attack or to shoot gay guys like in Florida. It's the fucking Bronx. Somebody gets shot in the fucking Bronx every night or stabbed or hit by a car that's what it means the Bronx in Puerto Rican. You're gonna get stabbed every fucking night. That's what that means the Bronx. But last night, I don't know if you guys, you know, 10 people got shot in the Bronx. Three people were dead. And they're like mass massacre. They called it something else. Mass shooting. Wasn't a mass shooting. It was three spicks full of guns. What mass shooting? You think they got together and. And talk to fucking, you know, the CIA? Let's go up there and shoot. There are three spicks who drank too much fucking white rum. And I don't even know. I didn't look into the article.

[B]

Gang related.

[A]

It was a gang related. Yeah, that's what it is. It wasn't no mass shooter. Nobody came in and they went to his house and he had a Foot Locker with a picture of 10 Puerto Ricans that he wanted to shoot. You know what I'm saying? Like jihad for Puerto Ricans. But this is the world we live in. This is the world we fucking live in. Now. Everything's gotta have a fucking name to it to scare people, to petrify people. Hurricane Aaron. Didn't everybody not see that? The biggest storm we'll see in this century, Jesus. And I understand it might turn into something and the fucking riptides or something else. And then you got these fucking. You know, New Jersey is definitely the. What's the cute word for retard?

[B]

Autistic.

[A]

Autistic. That's like the pretty word in Jersey. They can't even say fucking autistic. You know.

[B]

You know the cute word for retarded?

[A]

You know, you could tell Jersey people isn't there's a riptide and there's sharks down there. How many people have drowned since last week in Jersey?

[B]

You said they were like, Jesus, even after they tie.

[A]

It's like anything else. But guess what? I think it's just like. It's like when you have good heroin and people want to die. Like they. You hear right? Nobody wants to buy heroin that nobody dies on. You tell somebody you buy fucking Joey's toe heroin, a $5 bag and your aunt died, that shit's going to sell like hotcakes. Everybody's going to go over there to see if they could die or they get high. And I think it's the same thing with the water. If you tell me that if you ever got caught in a riptide, if you ever got caught in a riptide, you'll know that it's not a game One minute it's me and you in there, we just smoked a dude, we looking at the girls. Hey, look at us. Espresso martini like a motherfucker. And we're out there and we jump in and all of a sudden we get up and you look and you're not even in line with the girls no more. You're fucking 30 yards that way. And all of a sudden you're trying to swim, but something's pulling you. And every time you move to, you go back five, you go three, you go by six and next thing you know your feet are off and you're like me at the YMCA when I drown. The little fat legs going back and forth. Listen, at our age, those legs don't go back and forth for long.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, so you tap the fuck out. And kids were drowning like a kid. 16 year old kid went down there last week. No lifeguard look at me on Jack Daniels. What? That shit'll take you like Jaws.

[B]

Isn't that how the Cosby show guy just passed away?

[A]

You know, he just went to go get his kids.

[B]

But it was, dude, it's. I've, I've, I've had it happen. I didn't get pulled away, but I was in the beach once and it just kept knocking me over. Like that's what, like when you can't get up. Like I've moved, I've been moved. But like when you get kept getting.

[A]

Knocked down, I hit you with some edibles that you can't get up, you know, saying two weeks ago, I don't.

[B]

Know, what do you mean two. Every fucking, every week for 15 years. Two weeks ago, every fucking time I.

[A]

See you, two weeks. I know you were upset after the last.

[B]

Who was upset?

[A]

You were walking around all confused. I don't know how you do this.

[B]

I don't know how you do it every, every time. Dude, we were, I was, it was on the road on Friday. I called you at 7:15 at night. I was like, what are you doing? And like I'm waiting for the mushrooms to kick in. Which means at 7:15 they'd been in there for like an hour. I don't know how you do that, like waiting. I was dying, laughing, nothing going on.

[A]

The whole fucking night. I thought I had something at 5:30 that went through because I did two workouts on Friday. I was in a fucking animal mood. So I went to the gym first and trained with Tom, right? And then I got home at 11 o' clock and I'm like, what am I going to do the rest of the day. Well, I'm going to go to lunchtime Jiu Jitsu like an idiot. And I stayed and I rolled against some guy and he fucking tapped me three times. He strapped me six times in 10 minutes.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

I was like, jesus Christ. My jaw was hurting the next day from choking me and shit. And I'm like, Saturday and Sunday, I couldn't move. So I said, fuck it. Part of my recovery Friday night is to eat the rest of that bag of mushrooms. Josh Wilkade.

[B]

That's not recovery. That's fucking insanity. Who gets fucking choked down? Like, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna get fucked up.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I worked out. I did everything I had to do all week. I think I earned the right to it. Eat some mushrooms. And then I found the last 500 milligram of.

[B]

I forgot about that. You just found them in your car.

[A]

And I threw that down, too. And I had two more. Three more of those Chiba chews, 50 milligrams. Oh, and I threw those down, too.

[B]

I think that's why you don't need vacations. You just go nuts. Two, three nights. What is it, two nights a week?

[A]

No, but last Monday, we didn't do edibles.

[B]

No, I did eat a mushroom.

[A]

I couldn't eat a mushroom because I thought I had the blood test Tuesday morning. I just didn't want no problems. At least one of them asleep, you know?

[B]

Right.

[A]

I don't want them to stick a needle in my mushroom comes out and it's clogged. So I was like, I ain't eating no mushrooms. I didn't do anything all week. Last week, I didn't even have edibles. I found a 500 in my car that had not melted in a little baggie in the centerpiece.

[B]

But if I found it, I might eat a corner of it.

[A]

Because you're a fag, that's why. Because you don't know that. You don't believe in the fucking. In the fucking mental thing of take a chance. Columbus did. I'm going to take this 500 milligram edible, and I'm going to go find somewhere to do comedy. No matter how fucked up I am. Even if it's a coffee shop. I'm going to go for a fucking adventure tonight.

[B]

In New York City, I go for adventures all the time, but it's just not 2000 milligrams. I get fucked up. Oh, dude, don't say that. I go on. I tell people because. And it's my it's like a very minuscule version of you. I'll take a good joint or an edible, and I'll smoke with people before shows, and they'll be like, oh, I can't. Or I'll take a puff and like, I don't know how you. And I'm like, I have to. That's the training that I put myself through, is I will go out and do mics or some shows high. Because I know that when I do shows with you, it's not a choice, so I do it. It's just. I don't do it to fucking. Like. Like, I. I just don't.

[A]

You.

[B]

You've never once. I'm surprised you honestly found edibles in your car because you usually don't keep them.

[A]

But I always know when I lose an edible, and I know there's somewhere around, like, you know what I'm saying? I'm one.

[B]

How do you lose an edible?

[A]

I'm one of those guys. I'm like, wait a second. I brought four edibles up there the other day, but I ate two. So there's gotta be somewhere. There's gotta be an edible. And I just have it in my mind. And one day I'm driving, I look at the glove compartment looking for something else, and I go, that's where it went. What do we have here? Do.

[B]

Do they affect your memory at all or.

[A]

No, I don't know anymore, Lee, because.

[B]

People keep telling me that they've told me things and I don't remember it at all.

[A]

Yeah, because you're. You're a dunce. You don't. You're not in training.

[B]

That's why no one has ever once said, you need to take more edibles to remember things.

[A]

Because the more edibles you eat, then you remember. See, let's say you write something when you're high, okay? No, let's say you hide something when you're high. You're not gonna find that thing until you're high again, so you gotta get high and then you'll find it again. If I write a joke when I'm high and I don't write it down and I forget it, whoop. I throw some edibles down, and within minutes, boom, it comes back to me. Because I'm back in that state of consciousness, man.

[B]

I guess. Jesus Christ. I wanted to show you something. I just. Like I've told you, if you're going.

[A]

To show me, listen. My favorite is the black guy. Crackhead competition, right?

[B]

Yeah, that was a good one.

[A]

This is the blackhead with the firecracker in his guy, Right? If they're not into that, then I don't want to see this.

[B]

It's just a picture. It's not a video. It's just.

[A]

We'll see him later. We'll see.

[B]

We'll see him later.

[A]

All right. You know, you talked about something. Okay, I spoke to you that the most hate I've gotten in 13 years was the vacation, right? I mean, people were emailing me. Fucking, I went on my junk email. I must have found 10 emails. Fuck you, you fat fuck. You've never worked hard enough in your life. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, when you're a comedian, when you do what I do or what Lee does, or even what George does, he's an artist in many facets of his life. When he remembers you. Listen, man, it's not about. A lot of people said that you don't work hard. And I was like, obviously they haven't heard my story. Obviously they never wanted to care. They just, again, they just assume that you walk up on a stage or you call Joe Rogan and he gets your spot on Netflix. People really think that, guys, people really think that, you know, oh, Sandler's your friend. Okay? You know, and it's not that. But the toughest thing about stand up comedy is your mental Stand up comedy isn't about your feet or your arms or your hands or. Or your material. It's about mental. It's all mental. Because the number one mental aspect you have to deal with is, how many fucking nos can I take before I just become a serial killer? Fucking McDonald's. How many no's can I take before I become a line cook at a restaurant? That's it. Like, how many fucking nos can it take? So part of standup is you gotta be a little retarded because people tell you no so many times. It's like that girl that tells you no and you're like, I'm telling you it'll be different this time. No, you're retarded. You're retarded. It's not going to be different. You still don't have a job. You still live at your mother's basement. You still don't fuck. You know, it's the same thing. People have no idea the mental aspect of going for a movie and thinking, this is gonna change your life. Going to do a spot at the Broadway Comedy club because this showcase means so much to you that you obviously might become something. People have no idea of the pressure that we Put on ourselves or maybe no pressure. Like, that's why it worked for me. Cause I didn't beat myself up about it. But when you get there, you know what you have to do. And you know the other side of that fence, it's like politics. You're either gonna win or you're gonna lose. There's no second fucking place. So when you start campaigning, I want you to know that there's two sides to this. And the same thing with stand up and construction. Construction, yes. I have to measure and mix mud and deal with people and carry stuff in wheelbarrows. And I get it. But you know what? A mule could fucking put a board up if you. You know what I'm saying? Like, I've done construction work and I know that when I got high, I could do anything. And I'm not putting anybody down here, but I want people that didn't like the vacation stuff. Comedy is very mental. You get headaches. You fold up. Some days, you know, you just fold up. Some days, you know, where you don't want to do anything, right? You just go, like, today I'm not doing anything. Fuck Joey Diaz. Fuck Mitzi Shaw. Fuck everybody. I'm just smoking pot. It's like when you get home on a Sunday.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The reason why I don't want to fly anymore to do comedy is because Sunday, I don't care about Friday, I don't care about taking pictures or smoking dope or eating food or the show running late. Sunday's for me. I've done my fucking job. I've done five jobs. All of them, five shows, they've all been sold out. And I took pictures of every audience member. It may not look like work to you, but you smell 250 fucking people after a show and let them put their armpit on your arm. It wears on you guys. All this stuff wears on you. So your mental has to be in shape constantly. You have to, you know, and that's part of lifting weights. That's part of reading, you know, that's part of writing. There's so many things that have to go into this job for it to be work. It's not just, I'm going on stage and cracking jokes and I'm gonna fuck some chick after the show. That works for three years. That works for three years. It's patience. It's looking at different things and going, well, I'm doing a show there in February. I don't want to go there in March because then I won't sell tickets. Plus, I'll have the same material no matter what that guy pays me. This is a business. It's just so much thought. Everything else is 10 minutes of your day. It's like people say to you, you don't pay me to do stand up. You pay me to fly, right? You pay me for the bullshit I got to put up with at the airport. And, oh, you don't have a first class ticket. Go all the way and stand back there. I remember those days. I remember all that shit. And that's what stand up comedy is. It's your mental should not take care of your mental. If it means taking a few mushrooms every once in a while just to see who the fuck you are. Just to keep you straight. For three weeks you've been hearing how great you are, right? I don't know who told you. You ain't that fucking great. None of us are. Only one man is great. Jesus and the Jew who killed him. That's it. All right? Jesus and the Jew who killed him. Those are the two greatest men that ever lived. To me, okay, so.

[B]

They'Re both equal.

[A]

Well, you know, they both had balls of steel. So when you start believing you're a messiah and shit, right, you need to take some mushrooms and look at yourself in the mirror and go, I ain't shit. I'm just a lucky motherfucker that wrote some jokes, knew how to say them, and idiots pay for me to do crack jokes, which is fantastic. It's a dream come true. But I don't ever want people to think that it's a mental struggle.

[B]

Is that why the comments don't bother you? Because you heckle yourself? Like, it seems like you yell at yourself worse than they do. You do. You just said, oh, I'm just a lucky motherfucker, because. Which is true, but it's also not true.

[A]

Get the fucking thing. Okay, let's look at what goes into everything, whether you, Aaron, fucking judge. There is some talent. There's a ton of talent. You can have all the talent in the world and never win a World Series or make it to a playoff. You could have all the talent as a fucking. For years I had a ton of raw talent, but I was making the back of the room laugh. The back of the room don't pay your bills.

[B]

No, it's bad.

[A]

It's the front of the room that pays your bills. So I had to learn how to stop making the back of the room laugh and go for the front of the room. And these are all business decisions, but they're all mental. Thoughts? When your fucking girlfriend tells you that the baby she's had in her stomach for six months fell out in the kitchen while she was making breakfast, and you're on your way to Chicago to do two shows, you think Chicago gives a fuck about your dead fucking baby? And I'm sorry to put it that way, but this is the reality of what we fucking do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Some people go, I lost this. I can't make it. My father died. I don't know about you motherfuckers. There's a white dude, his name is Brett Favre. Best game of his life is the day his father died. Look at the stats he put up. Look at the stats that Brett Favre put up the day his father died.

[B]

He found out he was healing too. Or no.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Was he. Did he have a cold, too? Or is that. Am I mixing Michael Jordan flu game.

[A]

With Brett Favre the fuck up? All right, well, he had a cold or who gives a fuck? You and George love to throw a fucking question in there. That's got nothing to do with what we're talking about. Did he have the flop?

[B]

100 yards, four touchdowns.

[A]

Yeah, his father died. He found out like, an appetite. So that's a tough white man. Whether he sent pictures of his dick to cheerleaders or whatever the fuck, that's a tough one. Not here nor there, because that's an American person. That's what we're trained to be as Americans. Not all this other shit. I'll put a flag up and I'm Republican now. That's not the plan of this. That's American.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Is looking at yourself and going, fuck your fucking funeral. And I'm gonna go and sing with people around them. No, I'm gonna go do my fucking job. So whatever Brett Favre did with the cheerleaders or the girl he showed his dick to went all out the window when he did that with me. Because that's what we're trained to do in whatever position we fucking tackle in our lives. Whether you're a fucking art framer, a fucking politician, a comedian, or construction worker. Look at what he did.

[B]

Yeah, he destroyed id, okay?

[A]

So you can tell me whatever fucking excuse you want. That's what killers do. Let's take a breather. I gotta fix this fucking microphone. We'll be right back. I gotta take a pee, too. Stay black. Yo, Uncle Joey here. I want to talk to you about something. It's that time of the year, you want to be the biggest dick in the room. In a good way. Blue Chew Is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. Have long lasting and stronger and harder erections so you can crush ed and dominate the bedrooms. Who's the Captain Kirk of the enterprise when you're nailing fucking pictures in nails in the wall with your dick? That's Bluechew. And let me tell you something about bluechew. It tastes great and it comes from a company that you know you can trust. Instead of buying some dusty pills from some gas station chic. I don't need that shit. Take Bluechew at any time of the day or night so you could be ready to go whenever the mood strikes, whenever you find a victim, and whenever it's time to lay down a hammer. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. As usual, as always, get your first month of BlueChew free. Just pressing promo code Joey Joey at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. That's it. Five bucks for shipping. That's it. Join Blue Shoes mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Slinging dick Bluechew way. Head to bluechew.com for details and safety information. I like to thank Bluechew for sponsoring we're back savages. We switched seats. The studio is still the same. The place has changed a little bit. We were talking about a couple of things that were interesting, but it's like, I don't know, I did a couple creepy things in 95. Not nothing like that. I, I from, from 94, honest. From like 93 to like 95. The last one being an altercation in a trailer with a guy I knew for a long time. I was, for some reason. There's parts of your life when you just attract trouble, okay? It just, it just follows you. There's something about was just rough, you know, I got into two altercations with a friend of mine and then when I went to Colorado, I got into a couple altercations and I was on fucking like, you know, if I got in trouble in Colorado, I would go to jail for fucking 100 years. I was thinking about it yesterday. I poked the guy in the eye in Colorado at a fucking, at a, at a fucking Toyota store.

[B]

Were you working there?

[A]

Yeah, I was working there and we were talking about lunch and the guy kept aggravating me. Me and Vinny Caffeine, they was all these Italian guys and we're talking about lunch and there's this guy that's a ball buster and he kept saying, I'm not gonna go there. And it's like, guys, six people are Gonna go there to pick up lunch, just get a sandwich. And the guy just was a fucking snob. Like, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I don't like those people. I don't even like New Yorkers. And I turned around, George, and I just fucking poked him in the eye. And he was like, I'm calling the police and all the guys. The manager told him, no, no, no, I'll give you a Saturday off. What did he do?

[B]

Like a Three Stooges style. How did he poke somebody in the eye?

[A]

Two fingers right in his fucking eye, like, shut the fuck up. I just went deep in there and that motherfucker. And then the one that hurt me the most was March of 95, when I smacked my ex's boyfriend. And my daughter was in the car. Well, my ex daughter, at this point. And that was what dawned it. That that was what let me know who I was. It was when I smacked him. And I turned around and she was really upset. And I couldn't understand why, like, your dad just smacked somebody who's been busting his balls, right? But she didn't look at it that way. And in her world, she couldn't comprehend it. And it really broke my heart. And I remember at the time I was going to Roper Institute because I was so confused with this divorce and stand up. That was like, I'll try anything, I'll try anything. Buddhism, I fucking became. I got my confirmation at 32. It was just rough, guys. I had forgotten who the fuck I was with the divorce and standup and fucking being broke and, you know, and I was just foaming at the fucking mouth at people. But after that, I remember a guy, I learned something there. And the guy said that sometimes you have to think about not what you did, why you did it. So for years I broke those incidents down. I mean, guys, for years I would write in a notebook about why I acted that way, like, what made me. And for years I was always a decent guy. But when I kidnapped Vella after the kidnapping in prison and shit, a different side of me came out. And then the shit went down. My ex wife and a real different side of me came out. I was just a walking fucking animal, you know? But that was like a four or five year period that I really thought about. Not that I hit the guy, but why, what was going on inside of me. It became like a fucking mission in my life. And then I extended it to everything. Why I robbed, why I robbed certain people, the things I did. I broke Them down for every situation. It was not an excuse. It was not an excuse. Half of those things. The first thing I wrote was, you're a piece of shit and you're a thief. But why? What made me do those things? And that's what I think about now with people. Like, that's why I just don't understand sometimes. It's like when I tell you guys, guys, don't bother me with stuff because you guys have no idea what I get in the house. You know, you guys told me a couple weeks ago, some kid was doing a show by my house, and he texts George. He text Nick, and he texts you. That's all. That's. That's insanity. That's insanity. This guy wanted me to go do a show and get people in so he could do a show with comics I never met before. Like, it's just insanity that people would do that. Like, reach out and stuff like that. And you ask yourself, before I call him, like, 15 years ago, I would have called him and said, you ever text George, I'll break your fucking finger. Okay? You ever break George, I'll break your fucking finger. Okay? But no, I go, what makes you do that? I remember when I was that comic. I remember when I thought somebody was gonna save my world. So I'm not mad at the kid. Do you understand how I apply things? But, guys, you don't understand what comes into my world on a daily basis. And sometimes they go away and then they come back. It's like they all call together. This week, I'm gonna take the week off from Joey Diaz. It's your week, you know, and you can't. You think people are putting you on, and that's what I ask. Like, when one of you guys does it to me. That's why I say to you, come here. Are you fucking putting me on right now?

[B]

A little bit.

[A]

You cannot be saying this to me right now with what I've been through. So, you know, and that's a question that's very important sometimes. Don't dwell on what you did. Who gives a fuck? It's done already. It's done. You cross the street, you ran over the kitten. It's done. You can't bring the cat back. Let's just think about why we did it, what was going on in our world, what happened the moment before.

[B]

Well, do you think, like, hearing you talk about it, like, how much of it boiled down to anger? Because, like, I. This past year, I'm not. And I don't need to go into it But I had, like, an issue where I was, like, the angriest I've ever been. And it, like, physically changed. Like, it was not good.

[A]

Anger is. It's something backwards. Okay, so something like anxiety. Is anger backwards?

[B]

Something like that.

[A]

But anger is caught. Listen, man, when you have no money, you just want to do. Stand up. You just want to do good. Listen, I didn't want to do anything bad. I didn't want to snort coke. I didn't want to rob nobody. I just wanted to stand up and I just really wanted to be a dad. Did I want to be Martin Lawrence or be a rich. No. I wanted what Lee wants. 1500 a week. Give me 40 weeks. Get me the fuck out of here. I got no family. I got no mom, no wife. No kidding. What am I doing here? I might as well learn how to be a comic and do the road. Fuck hookers, get hiv, get fucking herpes, get mouth sores, throw polyps from eating pussy. If you're gonna be a comic, do it. If you're gonna walk on ice, you might as well dance. So it wasn't. I wasn't thinking about anything. I just wanted to be a dad. I knew I didn't have money. I knew I didn't have half the things dads had, but I just needed a little break. And now on top of that, I gotta pay child support. And I got a fucking woman who knows me, who's attacking me every time I see her. How long? How long?

[B]

How long until what? You snap?

[A]

Until anybody snaps?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How long when all those things meet? You got no money. All you want to do is frame the fucking three pictures a week. You know, that's frustrating, but frustration is the cousin to anger.

[B]

Dude. It affected me.

[A]

I know it affects everybody.

[B]

My chest was tight, my stomach was in a knot, and it was like. And you had no patience. You didn't have. I think that's what it is. I had zero patience.

[A]

You cannot be saying this to me. I'm to that point in my life that I hope you're not putting me on. Are you putting me fucking on? You gotta be putting me on. This has to be a candid camera moment. Tell the people with the cameras to come out. Come on. This cannot be happening in my world right now. And it happens, and it happens, but I made my bed and I accept it. So before I go at people now, it's always what was their moment before.

[B]

You do seem like in the five years, like, you are, like, a little bit more Zen about a few things.

[A]

Dog, la. Those last 10 years in LA were real. The first 13 were nothing compared to the last 10. That's why I saw this shift. I saw people who wouldn't look at me start talking to me now. You know what I'm saying? Like after the longest shot, like I told Lee, Lee, right now you got to go to commercial agent. Forget about improv class. Just get a commercial agent and go for everything. They send you a fat guy who jumps into Hudson. I know you don't want to do it. Do it because once those bookers and those comedies and those comedians see you doing a commercial, they know you might have a chance. Now, now is the time. Let me jump on him, because he got a commercial. God forbid he gets a movie after that commercial. That's a different door. Listen, when I was doing standup, sorry, Charlie, I knew I wasn't gonna make it to the standup door. I just knew. I just knew I was a zero. My material wasn't. I didn't have the stories down. I wasn't even thinking of storytelling. I'm not gonna lie to you. And that's why I started getting into movies, because I was gonna go into the back door. Maybe as an actor I'll get more standup and then my standup skills will come out. I'll take a shot, I'll take a fucking knock. I'll let people think I'm an actor. But once they come see me do stand up, they're going to know I'm a Mitzi Shore product. You know, that was the way I looked at it, because I already knew as a stand up, I was not going to get through the door.

[B]

Did someone tell you that or you.

[A]

Figured I fucking knew it. You know, it after, when nobody wants to sign you as a, as a comedian, when a comedy agency doesn't want to sign you, whether it's. In those days, there was, yeah, there were the big three, but you had five medium ones that they booked you. They got your movies, you know, Eisenstadt, those type of people, they were great. When everybody passes on you, at what point do you not start being realistic and go, okay, I got to set up a plan B. I'm not going to quit doing stand up. I'm not going to quit framing. I'm not going to quit politician. I just got to think of a different way. I'm going to stick on my course, but I got to think of a different way. This ain't working. I like for it to work. Everybody wants to be the big comic. Hey, he's like pride. Hey, he's like George Carr. But that wasn't the case. So you gotta take plan B. There's traffic on the turnpike. You gotta go through the parkway, right? There's traffic on the fucking parkway you gotta take. Which way did you take to get here, Joey? I don't know. The 78. There's no traffic somewhere, and that's where you're going.

[B]

But that's like. The frustrating part is, at least with traffic, there's a gps. With this, it's just like.

[A]

And then based on honesty, utterly and truthful honesty of everything that you do, you cannot sit there and bang your tape recorder. What's going on? Lee just ain't getting the laughter. Leave. There was no laughter. You didn't get one laugh. What laughter are you looking for? I had that. I had a guy tell me once, dog, it's not picking up the laughter. You're delusional. There was no laughter. I knew when I. Listen right now, you're. You guys all know baseball. You're a baseball player. You're owing 11. What do you do?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Do you quit? Do you go in your head and go to the batting cage and restructure? You're going through a slump? Nothing you could do. All the great ones go through them. From Pete Rose to Clemente. Everybody's been through a slump. It's the people who go home and start swinging at three in the morning. You're done. You got in your head, you lost already. What's the problem? Why aren't you hitting? Look at your stance. What's going on in your life again? The moment before. Is this bitch threatening you to leave? Is this bitch telling you that she might be pregnant and she's missed a period? What's going on? There's a fucking square root to this. And it could just be you're not sleeping right. But in the meantime, you gotta keep swinging. I don't want you to get in your head. I just want you to be honest with yourself. You know what? I went up against three lefties and they intimidated me. Nobody ever wants to come clean when they get intimidated. Nobody wants to be a pussy in their own eyes. But guess what, guys? It happens when I bombed seven times in a row. You know, there was weeks where I bombed on a tour. A whole week. Oh, the one you saw me with? With Ari in San Francisco?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I was zero for four, bro. Four bombs in a row. Headliner podcast, Comedy Store. Look, four bombs in a row. Lee's my witness and Saturday night later I go, I ain't gonna bomb. Either I'm gonna bomb or they're gonna walk. I'm either gonna push their buttons. There's no looking at your set. There's no rearranging your set. Go out there and lay your soul on the line and watch what happens. What happened?

[B]

That was a great show.

[A]

That's it. I was coming off of four fucking bombs. Not bombs at the Comedy Store. Not bombs at Tina's Coffee Shop. Bombs at Cobbs Comedy Club, the A club in San Francisco. Four fucking bombs Thursday through Friday and the early show Saturday. What do you feel like? What do you feel like?

[B]

Like jumping off the bridge.

[A]

Okay, then everybody feels that way. But once you get in your fucking head. And again, the moment before, why did I bomb? Right, bro? Remember that show I did at that place the night after Christmas that I hated the show. I told you I bombed.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The other day my buddy said he went to get tickets for something and there was no tickets left. So I go, wait a second, I haven't even post that gig up. So when I went to the ticket, the tickets haven't been posted yet. I go, dope, what are you looking at? I called him back, he's in Colorado. I called him back and he goes, go to this page. Look, you're there. And I'm doing a theater in Colorado. I'm like, no, that's not me. And he's like, yeah.

[B]

Oh, just fake all around. Oh, my God.

[A]

So when I was looking at the ticketron, I saw comments. They were all good, except the first one went to see him December after Christmas at Red Bank. It was the worst show I ever seen. I go, thank God I had one honest person. I was happy as fuck when I saw that. Yeah, see, I don't lie to nobody. I know when I bumped. I know. And even if they were laughing, I know when I bumped and I'm not. That's the number one thing, you know? Listen, things aren't happening for you. Are you working too much? Are you not working enough? Are you really putting yourself into this? I mean, and that's it. That's with everything. This is not just some fat fucking felon that figured it out. This is everything, guys. I always refer back to Boston against Cincinnati Reds. One of the best players on the Reds was, I think, Owen fucking 16 going into game six. Owen, 16 in the world Series. You've played baseball all your life from fucking Cuba. And here you are in the World Series, 0 and 16. And in game six, he got like a single that three men scored so secretly he won that fucking game. And that's what it takes. It's how much can you take and show up the next day? That's gotta be a tough mind. Oh, yeah, that's fucking tough, bro. Like when you do comedy or you, you write papers for a living, you know, you don't know what's going to.

[B]

Happen or even like, right everyone else now all I keep hearing on the news is it's the worst job market in history. Like. Like, you know, how many times can you apply to a job? You don't hear back. They don't say until you go rob some or like, you know, I. I don't. I don't blame people. Like it's. Until you rob or do something or, you know, you go on only fans and sell pictures of your tits or something.

[A]

Listen, I would. And the thing about the job market is that the game has changed and people have let the game change. I'm old school. You want a job, you fucking show up.

[B]

They'll fucking call the cops on you now.

[A]

It won't. Charlie Sheen got through the get go, okay? Charlie Sheen got through the get go, okay? Don't talk. That's the problem. That's the fucking problem. Listen, I know as an actor, if I go to Sony, I'm not getting in there. If I go to 20th Century Fox or whatever, Fox International, CBS, I'm not getting in there. But there's individual casting directors that have offices and ain't no security in those buildings. And they got a mailbox. And you know what? They love cannolis.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You bring three cannolis with your bio and your resume and you go, I know you have this role, or I know you have a position in fucking plumbing or whatever the fuck it is. You know, when I was a kid, you could walk up to a construction site every day. You got a job today? No, kid, get out of here. Hey, you got a job today? No, kid, I told you yesterday. I'm going every day, kid. Come here. You still want that fucking job? Yeah, I still want the job. Now I gotta call HR and fill out a paperwork and go piss in a bottle. You know, they really want you, but it's like, how long does it take to put me to work? I was talking about yesterday when I came for this job on a Monday morning. I'm open to start today. Let's worry about the piss test later. Who knows what's in there? You know what I'm saying? Who knows what's in there. But now it's every distraction for you not to get a job. A couple years ago, I'm not gonna lie to nobody. I was under the impression that I was gonna walk away from this luxurious life and get a job selling appointments on the phone. And when I would get the ads from different companies, I made up a fake bio, Basically all sales. And I would send the. You know, and I started clicking like everybody else in America. And you don't hear nothing. You're not gonna hear nothing. That click goes into a bunch of envelopes. The same envelope that you send your pictures to, that casting director for the movie. They're not going to open that. They'll open it. If you walk it in and you have a smile on your face and you're shaved and you're articulate, they'll open it. All these people that send things and expect things to happen, good luck, your percentages go down. And when you click, that goes into a junk box. They already know who they want to hire. They just got to post a fucking job.

[B]

Yeah, you're 100% right.

[A]

100% right. 9 out of 10 times. But you convince them you can show up with your fat, fucking lazy ass. I got to talk to HR. My wife worked here in 78, okay? That's part of the hustle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and people refuse to do that. It's called laziness. Called laziness. But you want to go on a vacation, right? That's what you're telling me. You want to go on a vacation, but that's laziness. How many people are walking around? I got out of college. I can't find a job. Why are you embarrassing your family? Why are you embarrassing the people who put you through school and the loans you took? So you're just settling and going to get a job as a waiter and. Wait, that's what you're telling me? You're going to be a waiter all your fucking life?

[B]

People do get stuck, for sure.

[A]

No, you're going to get stuck.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

You're going to get stuck. These are all the things that we have forgotten. The stock market is. I mean, not the stock market, the job market. You could tell when you go to a restaurant. I just read an article about Miami restaurants. Not good this summer. One of the toughest restaurant seasons they've had in Miami ever, ever, ever, you know?

[B]

Well, look, I don't. I don't know if you've even seen this at, like, some Drive Thrus now. They have, like, AI will take your order. They have that. They have, they have AI, like, they. They'll do everything for you now. So all those jobs are gone.

[A]

You know, man, I went to McDonald's the other day. Every once in a while I crave one of their Cokes. Just every once in a while. It's hot. The other day, I was doing something on Saturday or Sunday and I go, let me go to the drive through and get a soda. $2.10 for a nice ice cold Coke. The guy who handed me the soda, he had no idea where he was.

[B]

He was fucked up.

[A]

No, no, no. He was just. If they gave him that job, the next thing would be maybe, I don't know, like he couldn't get a job doing anything else except that. Like he. He had a hard time with the Coke. It was. It was. Yeah, it was 202. And I gave him two pennies.

[B]

Uh.

[A]

Oh, and you should have seen him, a grown fucking man. And he wasn't in his 20s. Guys wasn't a college guy. No, he was a little older. And have you noticed since COVID the value of the people that you deal with has gone down? They're missing teeth now at shoprite when you walk out, or they're not. The people that used to be there, they've gotten like the bottom of the barrel half of these service industry people. There's a lady at my Italian ice place, I didn't even go back in. And she's so ugly, Fat even. My daughter was like, I don't want to go back in there. That lady scares me.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Yeah. Because I would never hire her for food service industry.

[B]

Not in the front.

[A]

Right in the front. She's gotta be 400 pounds fat, jelly rolls everywhere.

[B]

You know, I did have in Memphis, I went to a barbecue place with my buddy and I wanted to get some sauce to bring home. It took probably 15 minutes for them to get me a bottle of sauce.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You threw them off Memphis. They're not passing GEDs out there. So Sunday, Saturday this week, I was. I had a rough time last week. My wife went to Tennessee and she came back with attitude. And I don't know what's going on. And I woke up. I woke up a little lost Saturday morning. So when I'm lost, I always say, let me take a ride to the old neighborhood. So I went up to my old neighborhood. I drove around Charles Court. I drove around. I parked in front of my old house and I sat there for a little while. And then I did Something I haven't done in four and a half fucking years. I actually drove into my mom's cemetery. And it's so weird. North Bergen has Weehawken Cemetery. And then on Tunley Avenue, they have Hoboken Cemetery, but there's no North Bergen Cemetery. Hoboken Cemetery is on Tunnelly Avenue, and Weehawken cemetery is on 38th Street. Anyway, so I drove over to my mother's grave. And I was upset because I hadn't been there four and a half years. I went in there during COVID I think the fucking lawnmower guy took the fucking year off. And I swear to God, I stepped on my mother's grave. And it was like deep grass, and I could see, like, a snake in there. And I'm like, what the fuck did my mother do? Why is the devil. Why is there a snake on my mother's grave? And I don't know if it was a snake or not. I just felt something in there. Somebody had stole her candle churn. Like a churn that I paid for. Somebody ripped it and broke it, you know? And I'm like, you know what? I'm not coming back up here. And I didn't till this Saturday. And I went back there, and I. And I couldn't find a bunch of trees. Grew like trees right out of the fucking plot. But you can't find. It's right over the fucking. And I'm like, I'm never going to see my mother again. They got the trees blocked. And now for sure I'm never going to see her again. And I saw Pedro Diaz. He's a kid from Union City that played for St. Michael's and they fucking. He was fucking some woman that was dating a drug dealer from Miami. This is what the fucking Mariolitos started coming. He was fucking the Mariolito's girlfriend, and they shotgunned him in half right in Union City. He died maybe two weeks before my mother. So he was always like. I thought it was. He was on this line. And then I had to go to this line, and she was in here somewhere. That's where the fucking tree was. So I'm like, fuck it. I lost my mother. So I fucking went by Pedro Diaz. And all of a sudden, there's my mother right there. She was fought down from Pedro Diaz. I'm telling you, he only died. There's two kids that died. There's another kid at the end, Julio Rodriguez. There's another kid at the end. His family was involved with the steak place you like in Union City. 54th street, the fucking steak sandwich, which. With the onions, where you park. Dos amigos. His family, the original family. Those were his uncles. He jumped off the George Washington Bridge. So it was him, Pedro Diaz, and my mother. I still remember the chick that used to fuck Julio. And she came to my house with Papo. She was dating a friend of a family friend of mine, Jose Torres. And I asked her. I go, I seen Julio down in Seaside. She goes, you didn't hear what happened. It was August. He goes, he jumped off. He had gotten a scholarship, like Nebraska from Union City. And now they're uncovering it. They said that the mob threw them off because he owed money for gambling. That reopened a couple of years ago because somebody reached out to me, like, you see what's going on with him? Because they were like, why would a kid jump off the George Washington Bridge? But anyway, I found my mother. It was beautiful out there. It was 90 degrees. I went to the back and ripped out one of those baseball chairs. And I just sat there and got some vitamin D. I didn't have a number, so I couldn't smoke. A winner. I wasn't thinking I was going to be there, but it was just great. But the thing that amazed me about sitting at my mother's grave was that I made it. Because I remember going there going, they're going to bury me right next to her. And I thought about all the times I went and my aunt doing coke at the fucking cemetery on Sundays. Her praying for my mother and doing coke rocks and sprinkle them on the grave. And I'm like. And then she would open up, like, a bottle of fucking Chivas Regal and split that on the fucking grave. It was tremendous. And then from there, I said, fuck it. I'm gonna go and see you idiots. But I stopped at the Mexican place and I got lunch by myself in there. Not bad. Yeah, not bad at all. I got the chicken enchiladas with Corky's place I've been telling you I want to go to. And then I was going to go to Cliffside to see George, but they closed the street. The street was closed. So I was like, it. I can't even go by a shop and surprise him. So I just went home.

[B]

Why do you think it took you so long between going to see your mom?

[A]

Because I thought the devil had moved in because of the snakes and bushes and shit. I was like, what the fuck is going on with that grave? And I had a friend who was involved with funeral parlors and shit at the time. And I went to see him and I complained and he called the place and I said, tell him I'm the one that gives him a hundred bucks. Every time I go there, every time I go see my mother, I see that Mexican guy and I give him a hundred bucks. Clean around my mother. Make sure she's warm. You know what I'm saying? Little things. I'm not looking for much, right? It's not like I'm telling you to put her in the bathtub. Just put some rocks over there from time to time. You know what I'm saying? I'm not looking for much. Fucking guy takes my money. He took like $1,200 one year. Didn't do a fucking thing. And then they broke a fucking lantern. So I'm sorry, me bringing this on you. What I'm trying to tell you is don't bury your parents. Burn those motherfuckers. Jesus Christ pre made them. Don't fucking keep them around. That's no bueno. That costs money. You burn them. You get it over with. You dump the ashes at the bar or wherever the fuck your mother sucked dick at, and you move on with your goddamn lives.

[B]

Have you.

[A]

You're.

[B]

You're 60 now? Well, I. I'll never forget it. When both my parents turned 50, they started, like, explaining like they had their. They have their deaths planned at, like. They show me where the will was, they have the plot spot. Like, I. I don't know, something about 50. They were all.

[A]

I'm not telling them. I'm not writing the will. I just tell Mercy if I'm still. If you're still alive. Take care of George. He's retarded. Give Lee some money. That's the way he's retarded. If my cousin calls you, don't give her a fucking dime. If you got a mystery half uncle, fuck him too. I already told her. She's like, really, dad? Yeah. Don't give him shit. He's not good. Don't give him shit, he's not good. Not bueno. Mercy's in charge of the will. George, you always take care of. Do not deny my fucking nephew. Do not deny my cousin, and do not deny Mike, Ronnie, and you're gonna throw Lube something, too. Who's Lube? Don't worry about it. I'll leave it to you. I'll leave you his number on a piece of paper.

[B]

Gee, what does she say when you say stuff like that? Does she.

[A]

Like, she says I'm weird.

[B]

It fucking pissed me off.

[A]

Listen, man, again, I love when people send me things. Joey, you got no teeth. I'm. I'm 62. I don't need no fucking teeth. They're overrated by this age. I got pudding, I got rice pudding and I got carved. I don't need no fucking teeth. I'm getting my teeth fixed. Guys, you know, you don't know that I'm old. People think, like, I don't know that I got white hair. My hair's falling off at the speed of light. I know all these things. It's not like I got fucking fancy pants on with a neck tattoo. Trying to pick up young chicks is not what I'm looking for. I'm old and I know that.

[B]

Have you thought about, like, trying to maybe get the hat everything you've made fun of for a while?

[A]

I wouldn't fucking go against my word if you fucking paid me. As a matter of fact, I like this beard. It looks like Epstein before he hung himself. This is the same beard he had. Remember when he took that picture? Epstein, like, he's like, yeah, it's the same fucking beard before he hung himself. I like this look. Epstein before the hanging. That's what this beard is called, right? That's the name for the episode. Epstein before the Hanging. You know what I'm saying? Little something for the Jews and the pedophiles out there. So what do I got this week? Wednesday I'm thinking of doing the open mic up at Dojo. Thursday I have nothing. And then Friday I got a secret show I'm gonna pop in on, but I can't tell you it's gonna. And I just got another fucking show, a birthday party on Friday night, down with Howell. And they get in the band and I forgot. I thought it was next fucking Friday. So on this Saturday night, we got Philadelphia and Sold Out. But fuck it, show up and just cheer, just gamble. You know what I'm saying? We might pop through this weekend. We might pop through. It's time to play some fucking dice. And some other activities. What do you got going on? Lord of the world.

[B]

I have to be. I'm going to be. If you see me at the podcast conference, I'll be there Tuesday. On Thursday, I'll be at room 52 on the upper east side. And then this week.

[A]

Yeah, I think you're going to Dallas.

[B]

I come back Thursday.

[A]

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