Eric D'Alessandro is relentless

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament – "Eric D'Alessandro is Relentless"

Episode Details:

• Title: Eric D'Alessandro is Relentless
• Release Date: June 10, 2025
• Hosts: Joey Coco Diaz & Lee Syatt
• Guest: Eric D'Alessandro

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1. Introduction

The episode kicks off with Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt welcoming listeners to a lively Tuesday morning session in New York City. After skipping the advertisements, the hosts delve straight into their conversations about life, comedy, and personal growth.

2. Lee Syatt's Comedy Journey

Lee Syatt shares insights into what he describes as "one of the best weeks ever," highlighting his performances at Side Splitters—a club pivotal to his career.

• Lee Syatt (01:25): "Side Splitters, I think, is my number one club for you. It's the first club that really took a chance on me."

He recounts performing seven shows, encountering various experiences from being heckled by a petite individual to experimenting with his stage persona.

• Lee Syatt (02:22): "For the first time ever, I just put my foot down and it didn't really hold back."

3. Joey Diaz Praises Lee's Development

Joey Diaz takes a moment to commend Lee on his transformation and growth in the comedy scene, emphasizing the challenges of evolving as a comedian.

• Joey Diaz (05:00): "This podcast should be called the Education of Lee. You went A to Z across the board. I'm very proud of you."

He reflects on Lee's journey from being reserved to embracing his identity as a comedian, highlighting his commitment and resilience.

4. Eric D'Alessandro's Comedy Career

The conversation shifts to Eric D'Alessandro, who discusses his attempts to break into the comedy world, particularly his experiences in Los Angeles versus New York.

• Eric Dalessandro (13:30): "I tried the LA thing. It was all right, but I just really saw the wide open road that was the Internet."

Eric elaborates on the difficulties of navigating the politically charged comedy scene in LA, leading him to explore alternative avenues like online content creation.

5. The Evolving Comedy Scene

Joey and Eric critique the commercialization and transformation of comedy clubs over the years, lamenting the shift from authentic performances to more sanitized acts to appease diverse audiences.

• Joey Diaz (26:44): "It's become very political. Comedy is a karma business. It's not about the funniest guy; it's about universal appeal."

They discuss the challenges comedians face in maintaining their authenticity amidst changing audience expectations and the pressure to conform to political correctness.

6. The Role of the Internet in Comedy

Both hosts delve into how the internet has revolutionized comedy, offering new platforms for exposure but also introducing challenges such as the pressure to constantly produce viral content.

• Eric Dalessandro (48:44): "If I can get you to come because you like something, and if you have the chops, it can speed the process up."

• Joey Diaz (50:04): "The Internet saved you from this. Without the Internet, I wouldn't be in this chair right now."

They highlight the dual-edged nature of online platforms, which can accelerate fame but also demand relentless content creation, sometimes at the expense of quality.

7. Writing Stand-Up: Challenges and Processes

The hosts explore the intricacies of writing stand-up comedy, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and the struggle with writer's block.

• Joey Diaz (60:14): "Stand up is your truth. You have to say something that's sometimes gonna be rubbish, but it's your truth."

Eric shares his methods for overcoming writer's block, such as letting ideas flow spontaneously and refining them post-performance.

8. Personal Lives and Influence of Staten Island

Eric discusses his personal life, including moving back to Staten Island to be closer to family and how the community influences his comedic style.

• Eric Dalessandro (75:14): "I'm glad we're there because my wife wants to go to Jersey. She wants land. I don't know what she's doing with all this land, but we'll see."

Joey Diaz reflects on his deep connection to Staten Island, praising its culture and community for shaping his resilience and comedic voice.

• Joey Diaz (81:18): "That's Staten Island, that big? I did a book signing in Staten Island. It was great."

9. Insights on Authenticity in Comedy

A central theme of the episode is the significance of staying true to oneself in comedy. Joey emphasizes that genuine connections and authentic material resonate more deeply than forced politeness or trend-chasing.

• Joey Diaz (60:14): "Stand up is your truth. And it's not people going, well, you know, if you like, that's why I hate politics."

They discuss the fine balance comedians must maintain between being relatable and not diluting their humor to fit external expectations.

10. Conclusion

The episode wraps up with the hosts and Eric sharing final thoughts on the importance of perseverance in comedy, supporting each other's endeavors, and the ongoing journey to refine their craft. They encourage listeners to embrace their unique voices and remain steadfast in their comedic pursuits.

• Joey Diaz (83:23): "How the fuck works. I love you motherfuckers. Have a great week. We'll see you next Tuesday."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Lee Syatt (01:25): "Side Splitters, I think, is my number one club for you. It's the first club that really took a chance on me."

• Joey Diaz (05:00): "This podcast should be called the Education of Lee. You went A to Z across the board. I'm very proud of you."

• Joey Diaz (26:44): "It's become very political. Comedy is a karma business. It's not about the funniest guy; it's about universal appeal."

• Eric Dalessandro (48:44): "If I can get you to come because you like something, and if you have the chops, it can speed the process up."

• Joey Diaz (60:14): "Stand up is your truth. You have to say something that's sometimes gonna be rubbish, but it's your truth."

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Key Takeaways

• Authenticity Matters: Staying true to one's comedic voice is crucial for genuine connection with the audience.

• Evolving Industry: The comedy landscape has shifted towards political correctness and universal appeal, posing challenges for traditional comedians.

• Internet's Dual Role: While the internet provides platforms for exposure, it also creates pressure to produce viral content, sometimes overshadowing quality.

• Perseverance is Key: Comedians must navigate various obstacles, from club politics to personal challenges, to succeed in their careers.

• Community Influence: Personal backgrounds and communities, such as Staten Island, play a significant role in shaping comedic styles and resilience.

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This episode offers a candid look into the struggles and triumphs of up-and-coming comedians, emphasizing the importance of perseverance, authenticity, and the supportive role of community in the ever-evolving world of comedy.

Transcript

[Joey Diaz]

What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Tuesday morning, June 10th, it's Frank Scolari day in Hudson County. Anyway, we're here with the church. New Testament coming at you on a beautiful day to be alive. Kick it, Lee. Hey, Uncle Joey here. Listen, making money moves should be easy. That's why there's Cash App. Cash App is fast and safe. No extra hoops to jump through, no extra stress. All the tools are right there in front of you. They help you cash in. It's very easy to get started. You don't even need a bank account. All you need is your phone number or an email address. I love Cash App. My wife uses it for everything. It's secure and they're about to send money to a sketchy account. They'll let you. The other big guys don't do that. Listen. For a limited time only, new Cash app users can use my exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real to. There's no catch. Just download Cash App and sign up. Use my exclusive referral code, Church C H U R C H. In your profile, send $5 to a friend and within two weeks, 14 days, you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. We're back. Like herpes. What's happening? It's a beautiful Tuesday morning. Welcome. What's up, Lee? How was your weekend?

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, one of the best weeks ever. That's. Dude, I got to be honest. Side Splitters, I think, is my number one club for you.

[Joey Diaz]

Love it. Now.

[Lee Syatt]

It's, it's, it's. And I, I, I'm sure you remember, but like, it's the first club that really took a chance on me. So, like, to me, I, I would, I would do anything for them. It's, it was a, it was like a seven show week. It was the best, it was like one of the best weeks I've ever had. So cool. Seven shows. Not all of them went well.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Not all of them.

[Lee Syatt]

Not all. I'm not saying all of them were great.

[Joey Diaz]

They're not supposed to, but it was, it was, it.

[Lee Syatt]

Like, I learned a lot. I got to see Greg Fitzsimmons, which was awesome. I got to do the radio two days in a row, which was really cool. Like, I just, it was like a little mini, like training camp. It was awesome. It was. And like, people came out. Some people came to two shows, which was really cool. It was just, I got heckled by, by a little person, which was really fun. It was, it was it was fell. Oh, I did.

[Joey Diaz]

I got the refill going on the stage.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, they had. They had these edible drinks and I was running up. I like, it was the first. The headlining show on Saturday, the early show. And I just. For the first time ever, just like kind of. I didn't. I just. I put my foot down and it just didn't really. And I ate it. And you know what's funny? I just saw last week, there's a clip of Ralphie doing some sort of late night set.

[Eric Dalessandro]

And he.

[Lee Syatt]

He eats it and he goes. And he. As soon as he stands up, he goes. That was the funniest thing that's happened on this show in a long goddamn time. And. And then immediately I do it. So, yeah, it was. Anything that could have happened did happen. It was awesome.

[Joey Diaz]

Well, for me, I gotta be honest with you. This podcast is called the Church of what's Happening now, or Next Generation, or the Next Chapter, whatever the fuck we call it. But this podcast is basically. Should be called the Education of Lee. And as a fucking guy that watches everything, I think last week, your behavior, the way you looked at it, everything. I'm very proud of you. Thank you. You went A to fucking Z across the board. You made the video. Coming out of the ocean with those fucking hairy shoulders. You're like a Jewish fucking wolf man.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, I know.

[Joey Diaz]

I turned down like 200,000 in ads last week. They want to send a chick to come in here and sandblast your shoulders. Why would you. Another company wants to shave your shoulders.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Deal.

[Joey Diaz]

And make you a wig.

[Lee Syatt]

Deal.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, it's the fucking office for your shoulders. But you gotta knock it off. You gotta have the chick double time and shave your shoulders.

[Lee Syatt]

Dude, it doesn't work.

[Joey Diaz]

It doesn't work everywhere. My friend bumped into you in the ocean. He thought he was getting fucking grabbed by a sea reef. Like one of those. You know, when I go down the. I love the beach, right? Any beach, California, New Jersey. But the first time one of those vines wraps around my leg, I'm done. I'm done. I just turn around and run out of. That's it. That's my day at the fucking beach. But they said you had like tentacles coming out of your shoulders and shit. Grabbing people by the neck.

[Lee Syatt]

Dude, I have hair everywhere but my head and it's fucking. I don't. You probably never saw that Tim Allen movie when he was with Santa Claus. Like he turned into Santa and he tried to shave and immediately grew back. If I shave my back today, by Thursday, it's worse.

[Joey Diaz]

Keep shaving until you turn into the Jew Wolf Man. I'm telling you, I'm already the Jew Wolf Man. That's the name of this Eric. That's the script to write the Jew Wolf Man. He only comes out between 11:30 and a quarter to 12.

[Eric Dalessandro]

That's it.

[Joey Diaz]

He comes out, they got a coupon, that's it. And he fucking goes back home. Tremendous.

[Lee Syatt]

That would be amazing.

[Joey Diaz]

In all honesty. You sat in those rooms with all those comics, I think two weeks ago, I said on a podcast that you learn some good things from some bad people once in a while. And it's very tough to digest, but you're like, the guy had three good qualities, and I took one of them. Like, I learned from one of his qualities. You had a lot of good comedians and a lot of bad comedians, but everybody laid an opinion down and you grasped it, and I'm just really proud of you. It took 10 years, whatever. Let's say 10 years, eight years, whatever the fuck it's been. But it's been great to see you grow as a human being. I mean, these people don't know. You were like a fucking deaf mute when I met you. You wouldn't even talk. I gave you that can with the hash and that was it.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, people always blaming on the drug. Sometimes drug open a motherfucker up. And Lee needed to fucking. He hit that hash on that Coca Cola can. And I just turned around, I go, there goes the old Lee up in smoke. I heard coughing, his face was red. He was holding on like fucking.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, my lungs have never recovered from that one hit.

[Joey Diaz]

He was from Cleveland last week. He was holding onto his throat. That was Leech. My wife was patting him in the back. The cat was holding him. But it's been a real pleasure to watch you grow. I always like watching people grow, man. I love catching somebody early and going, that motherfucker watches smoke. And it's not the people that the industry pick. It's never the people that. All the 20 up and coming, those guys lose it. They're weak and white. They just fall apart. I'm in an article, I'm headed for Saturday Night Live. And then when they don't make Saturday Night Live, they crinkle. That's it, you know? And you just did great, man. And, you know, I'm sure you're up for great things if you keep this pace up. It's been a little slow for you, but this shit doesn't happen overnight, because if it did, everybody would do it right? It's about the time when your wife tells you you're a loser. You're about 48 and your wife's like, you know what? If you would have played the harmonica, you would have been in an orchestra right now. You still want to fucking crack stupid jokes with a bunch of drunk people and go to the corner. And it's just about when you're looking for a job, when you got that, you know, fuck it, I'm going full time. And you start looking that you get that call and you never know when that call or what that's going to be. So you better be prepared, right?

[Lee Syatt]

And I'm just.

[Joey Diaz]

You better be prepared. That's.

[Lee Syatt]

Just means the world to me. I was talking to the owner of side Splitters, and it's just for comics at my level features and like, it's almost impossible unless someone takes a chance on you. And like, you took a chance. I mean, Josh takes me out, takes a chance on me. But it's such a struggle right now to, like, get that opportunity. And I'm a lot luckier than most. So this is my second time at this club. And it's just, you know, and I've heard you talk about it, like, when you. When people aren't giving you the chance, when someone finally does, like, I. I would. If the. If the owner of Side Splitters asked me to kill a guy, I probably would. Like. It just.

[Joey Diaz]

It means a lot, you know, Lee, listen, this is what people don't know. I'm not taking a chance with you when I take you out at all. Comedy is not a funny business. Comedy is not a movie business. Comedy is none of the above. For people who don't know, comedy is a karma business. And how many people said to me, hey, I remember people calling me that were fucking stars and going, you got 30 minutes. And I'm like, really? I got about 16 and a half, but I'll fucking give it my best. And they didn't take a chance on me. They just said, come on, I worked the worst. People. Come on down there. And that's what comedy's about. It's not about the funniest guy. That's great. It's the guy. It's a karma business. It's a universal business. The universe watches. So just when you're ready to hang yourself, that's when that club calls you. Hey, we gotta. And they call you in a bad situation, but you don't give a fuck. Because if they would have called you at any other time in your Life. You tell them to go suck your dick, but they'll call you. Like, Friday at 2. You already got plans with Mama. But this is your chance, right? Oh, yeah, you got a headlining. Whatever, you know, Gotham, whatever. And this is what I tell people. Answer that fucking phone. Answer that fucking phone. Cause that could be Paramount. You don't even know that. Could be anybody. Answer that phone. But I'm really proud of you. I'm really proud that you stuck with it, you know? And you have a direction. A lot of people just are running around like a fucking crazy Indian. Not you. You have a direction. You ask questions. You ask a lot of questions. And Amen. Yeah, you ask a lot of questions.

[Lee Syatt]

I try.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, you gotta ask questions. You know, it's like when you're a feature acting. They say, hey, you're gonna work with Attell this weekend. And, like, you remember a joke that Attell had in one of his specials. And, like, the second night you get comfortable with him, now you can ask him creepy questions. How'd you write that joke? What? Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa. I heard he's got a fucking new joke.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, really?

[Joey Diaz]

That he says, listen, I know you're not gonna like me after I say this, but he goes, there's times you gotta use the N word. He goes, I know that people gonna get mad at me for using the N word, but I'm gonna have to say it. Newark Airport. People lose his fucking mind.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, he's the best.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, but it's like, nobody takes a chance on you. It's a karma business. We've all been there. Unless you're an insensitive fucking. And you don't remember that you bombed for eight years? George, how many times you see me bomb? Yeah, that's what it is.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And nobody remembers the bombs. It's 20 years ago. Nobody's gonna remember. Who gives a fuck? Keep going, keep going, keep going. And some people can't handle that. Some people gotta get therapy. Some people have to fucking. You know, they can't handle a rejection. And that's fine. That's when you put your fireman helmet on and you fucking go to battle. And you did it. And I'm proud of you. How long is nine years?

[Lee Syatt]

I'm in my eighth year right now.

[Joey Diaz]

Eight years.

[Lee Syatt]

So I'm trying, which is really six years, right?

[Joey Diaz]

Because for two years, you walk around like a fucking idiot. Anyway. I did the first two years, I walked around like an idiot. Then I made a plan, and then I attacked. And here we are, fucking 90 years later. But it doesn't matter how long the journey took, because the journey is all I'm. When I'm in that casket, that's all I'm going to remember is that fucking journey and how great it was. My car breaking down, having to sleep with some chick with one eye. Gas money. You know, you got to do all this crazy shit, but that's part of the fucking journey. And that's why I signed up for this after I read the one fucking crazy guy's book that he lived in the hotel in the city.

[Lee Syatt]

Lenny Bruce.

[Joey Diaz]

Lenny Bruce. And he fucking hung out with strippers at night and shit. He shot heroin. I'm in. I'm in. What's the alternative? Oh, I'm gonna carry a suitcase to New York every day with a little bag and an apple in it. I'm gonna fucking shoot myself. I'll jump off that fucking bridge.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, I don't blame you.

[Joey Diaz]

This is how we did it. This is how we do it. Cocksuckers. You gotta go for broke every goddamn day. Give me a minute. We'll be right back with my main man, Mr. Eric Alessandro. Hey, Uncle Joey. Here. If you're looking for a complete meal without a sink full of dishes, yule is your answer. It's perfectly balanced meal that tastes like a milkshake, bottled up and ready to go wherever you go. Their black edition ready to drink has a whooping whopping 35 grams of protein, 27 vitamins and minerals, lots of fiber and low sugar, so you can stay fueled up. I love the iced coffee. I love the chocolate. My wife likes the iced coffee more than me. She puts it on ice. And what do you got? You got yourself 37 grams of protein. So start saving time and money without compromising your nutrition today with this exclusive offer for new customers. Ready for this? 15% off by pressing in my exclusive code churchul.com. that's 15% off for all new customers with code church. C h u r c [e-mail]. see show descriptions for the terms and condition. Skip the stress, not the nutrition. Try Huel today for complete nutrition bottle. And it comes in a lot of flavors. Again, Huel. It's tremendous. We're back. Anyway, we got my main man, Mr. Eric Alessandro. Staten island zone. What's happening, buddy?

[Eric Dalessandro]

There's a D in the beginning of that.

[Joey Diaz]

Which one?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Dalessandro.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay, what did I say? I don't fuck.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I got to buzz balls. Everybody does it, sir. Staten island.

[Lee Syatt]

You know he likes you when he gets your name wrong. We have. I. People still come up to me and tell me I'm the director from Israel. I'm not a director. I'm not from Israel. We have a friend named Agostino. He calls him d' Agostino. Yeah, that's how we know. That's how you know he likes you is when the name's wrong.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I don't know. I'm sorry if that was maybe a bad start.

[Joey Diaz]

Have a friend, Alessandro. That's why it's fine.

[Eric Dalessandro]

No one cares.

[Joey Diaz]

What's happening, brother?

[Eric Dalessandro]

What's up, man? Thank you so much for having me. I have to tell you, last year you said something really nice about me on your podcast, and I just was. It was. I was. No, I was blown away, man. That was really sweet of you. Thank you so much.

[Joey Diaz]

I never heard of you till I moved to Jersey, you know?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Sounds about right.

[Joey Diaz]

Then when I moved here, my neighbors.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Who are from Staten Island.

[Joey Diaz]

What part of Staten Island? No, the part where you're from. Not where.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, the North Shore.

[Joey Diaz]

North Shore.

[Eric Dalessandro]

North Shore.

[Joey Diaz]

Where's the bakery at?

[Eric Dalessandro]

That's in the North Shore.

[Joey Diaz]

Malone?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, Port Richmond.

[Joey Diaz]

All right. So they're from that area and they asked me if I had seen you. And I go, no. And at that time, I was going, I just moved here. Come out of here. I just left Comedyville. You know what I'm saying? Like, I just left la. Were you surrounded in your neighborhood? And I'm like, no, I don't know who that is. And then one day you popped up and it was an interesting video and you were selling. You know, you were like, listen, come to my show. But it just wasn't you in front of a fucking brick wall. Like I told Lee the other day, these guys are all doing these videos and I. I'm in whatever. Or they try to come at you like, yeah, I'm sitting here at the park. Don't forget to come take a dog. Nobody wants to see that shit. Yeah, you gotta grab me. You gotta fucking grab me. You gotta sit on the toilet with a newspaper smoking a joint. Hey, what are you doing this weekend? I'm at that Natural People remember? And you were actually doing that. You were doing all these videos. You did one where you called somebody and it was Tony Soprano on the other line fucking dying. I'm like, holy shit. And I said it. This is what I said on this podcast. I go, I'm happy that you're doing comedy and I hope you like it and everything, but I don't think this is where you're gonna end up.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, man, that. Thank you, Jeff.

[Joey Diaz]

Don't think you're gonna end up with comedy. You might do comedy for eight or nine years and then something big is gonna come your way. You're a director.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, thank you, man. Thank you so much.

[Joey Diaz]

Director. I know these videos, you know, and I know what I see. And I can't shoot videos like that. Not even. Even that thought like this. You just have something that's very creative. I could tell that you take your time. Oh, yeah, you take your time with stuff and you're always prepared because you're always shooting a video for that next week or something. Now that day you put one up with the baby, you know, it's always something different. And comedy, listen, I love comedy because you could do whatever the fuck you want from me. Yeah, you could act, you could direct, you could produce, you could you do it all. Yeah, Like, I always look to the comic like people, are you a comedian, Dragon? I learned on a corner cracking jokes and people walk by. You say stupid thing. I wonder what her ass smells like. You say stupid shit and your friends fucking laugh. And. And you know, that's it. Now you're doing it in a big fucking spectrum. And you're like, if he's fucking idiots new. Yeah, like, I didn't go to. There's no training for stand up. It's just a bunch of jerk off talking shit in the corner. And all of a sudden, like, I know what I can't do and what I could do. But one night I was watching Roseanne Barr on Larry King and she had thrown out the writers from her show the Christmas Party, when she hit number one and he asked, he goes, why did you throw those? No, he didn't throw out the writers. She threw out the staff of ABC would not allow him into our party. Like most people get fired for that. She was like, fuck you out. Because you guys are just a bunch of bad idea motherfuckers and all this shit. And she goes, what the networks forget is that we've been doing what they've been doing better. Oh, yeah, we produce, direct, we write, we choreograph. Every move is planned. It looks untrained to the consumer. They're like, oh, my God, no. We planned that movie from touching my nose to fucking grabbing my knee. Everything is fucking. You already have a plan and you're on your way. Like, I was listening. When I started doing comedy, I knew I was end up a comedian. Nowhere in my life did I ever go, well, I'm going to Direct now and put a little hat with a fucking thing and try to get financing. Come on, give me a break. But you, my friend, you're young. You got the world by the balls. You're doing it perfectly. You're not. Your nose ain't wide open, you know, you're not living in L. A. You're right here, taking your time, brewing and waiting for fucking to throw that Italian bomb, you know what I'm saying? Just to just pull that grenade and fucking whip it.

[Eric Dalessandro]

So, yeah, I mean, I tried the LA thing. I. It was all right, but I think that, like, I just really saw the, you know, the wide open road that was the Internet, you know, like, it's one of those things. I tried to get up at the Comedy Store, tried to do the Laugh Factory when I was living out there. And I noticed that it was all politics. It was all like this thing where you had to play their specific game. And I was just like, I've never done that. So I just figured a different way to do it. And I think I'm like an editor at heart. I love editing. And so I guess I just went with what I was good at and then stand up actually came after that. But, yeah, man, I definitely wanna do a lot of shit. And I think that might've held me back, though, because I've always wanted to do too many things. Like, I like making music. I like doing serious stuff. I like doing silly stuff. And it was kind of. I'd have a lot of generals back in the day with, like, agents or cast and directors. Like, what do you wanna do? What's the one thing? And I'd be like, I have no fucking idea. I can't pick one thing. I'm all over the place, kind of. And so, yeah, I'm a little older than people might think I am, but I'm not, well, not that old.

[Joey Diaz]

You look like you're 28 to me.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, I can still play it off.

[Joey Diaz]

So that fucking works for me, you know? Yeah, man, but listen, man, this is a journey.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, yeah, I've been enjoying it.

[Joey Diaz]

Anything can happen along the way. You pick up a little dough, mom is happy, the baby's happy. But then you're allowed because of your freedom. We have so much fucking freedom in the daytime. You come up with whatever the fuck.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Dude, I was thinking about that today. I was like, man. Cuz I'm always. I'm always stressed about my career, cuz, like, you know, it's not. Where I come from, everybody's a cop. Garbage man. Something secure, right, with the pension, benefits, and I got none of that shit, you know, I fucking pay two grand a month for health insurance and it's dog shit. I don't even have dental. So it's scary. But, like, I was playing with my son today with my wife in my living room, and I was like, man, this is. It's fucking nine in the morning. We're just playing around. Like, even if it wasn't like that, financially rewarding, which. Which it is. If. Even if it wasn't, I'm like, I would trade this. Dave Chappelle once said when his dad asked him, like, when he wanted to be a comedian, and he was like, well, dad, if I can make as much money as a teacher doing comedy, that sounds pretty good. So I was like, that's a great way to look at that. If I could do what my friend. If I could make what my friends make working, fucking not even a quarter. I don't know what the hell compared. I don't know. How many hours a year do I work? I have no idea. It's low. So, like, it's just. It's such a blessing. And, yeah, like you said, man, it's. It's a journey. And even. Even in the dark times, you look back and it's like, fuck it, that was worth it because of xyz, or you got an idea from it, you know? And like, living. Living a regular life is so important. When I lived in la, man, it was so many. Like, my wife, she worked at this place in West Hollywood, and all of her friends wanted to be actors, directors and stuff. And I never did shit. I never went out. I never got drunk. I only wrote. It's all I did. Morning Tonight. I wrote constantly. And I would see them out like, I want to direct. And I'd be like, then why the fuck are you here? Why are you here? Why are you hanging out here? You should be working on it. And I think in la, it's easy to get, like, lost in everybody, just up each other's ass and trying to, like, pretend they're doing something, rather than, like, I like going to TJ Maxx with my wife. I'll hear someone on Staten island say something crazy. I'm like, that's fucking hysterical. And it's real life that we all live, you know? Like, we were in Target one time and this lady was arguing with her wife, and the dad just goes, can you fucking shut the fuck up for two seconds? This is incredible. This is a real person. It was amazing. So, like, yeah, man, it's. Yeah, it's hard, but it's the fucking greatest.

[Joey Diaz]

It's so weird how you can't get into any of the three clubs in Hollywood without your manager call.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, really?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, like, that's the main thing. Like, your manager has to call. Hi, you know, what if and such for Smith and Wallenda. We want to see if we get Lisa out of showcase or how it works, you know? And that's what they want. Now. When I got to L. A, you could just call the talent director and go, I want them to put me on the list. You have two references? Yeah, this guy and that guy.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay. You're on the list. I'll see you fucking two years. You know, at least it worked now.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, wow. Really? It was like a waiting list.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, yeah. When I got to the Laugh Factory, I got to. I did the store the first night I got in town, like, at 6, took a shower, went to Acapulco, you could eat, and went right to the fucking store. And then the next morning I got up, it was Tuesday, and I went to the Laugh Factory and stood online outside. You have to wait out there until what's his name brings you waters and shit. And I remember going in there and he's like, I'm not gonna showcase you, but call the receptionist in the morning and shoot, it was January of 97. My showcase was in October. Wow.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Holy shit.

[Joey Diaz]

In October. And that was dead. I don't even know what it would be like now.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Now that. That. That just. That doesn't exist.

[Joey Diaz]

So now you have to go there, have, like, a recommendation.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, maybe your agent calls if you're with, like, one of the big three or the big four, and then you get put in. That's where it's very political. I think that somebody that's just a hustler, that's a fucking funny motherfucker, can't just call and go, hey, man, give me a shot.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I saw. I saw. When I went, I went for the two things. Two things pissed me off. One being like, I guess a New Yorker who was just, like, impatient. And. And the other thing was, like, I went, there's a potluck. They do that for the Comedy Store. You put your name in a hat. You put your name in a hat. But then the same seven names are always on the list. So it's like, well, that's not really random. And they also make you leave. Oh, I'm sorry, you can't leave. So it's like, you gotta sign up at 5, they don't put out the list till 7:30. So if I'm like a bartender or a waitress or something, I have to now either leave twice or wait around for two and a half hours or whatever it is, an hour and a half and wait to see if I'm picked. Where they could have a text message list. It could be like I could run in, put my name in the hat and then run back to work, continue my shift. And if I get a text like, you were selected, then it's like, alright, I can leave. But like it was just like a weird, like unnecessary thing. And I remember being like, I have all these jokes I want to do, but like I can either do them maybe, I don't know, once every six months if they pick me. Or I could just fucking say them to my phone and 20,000 people will see it. And that's kind of how I just like hustled that way, you know? Like I was constantly writing, but I was really writing bits that I would do, like open mics and shit. And then I would try to figure out a way because other than that, I don't know how people would do it. Like you said, I don't know if you can have your magical. I don't know if you could have your agent. I don't know how the hell it works.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, that's how. The best way is to have somebody and then a comic from there, like Bill Burr or somebody like that. But it's funny. And I'm gonna tell you something, those two hours they make you wait are the fucking worst two hours of your life because you are sitting around with mental health patients.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Exactly.

[Joey Diaz]

They're all mental health people. Dawg. Boom chakalaka, come up with a shopping cart and he'd give you an old album he took out of the garbage, dog. Sunday nights at the store. That's mental health Bill. That's right there. Listen, I need mental health issues. Like my man said, if you're a comedian, a musician, you're always teetering on the mental health thing. The people who go to those open mics on Sunday, woo. They used to be a girl that used to go that every week changed her wig. And sometimes while she was there she would change wigs. And I asked her, why do you change wigs? She's like, it's whatever. I feel. I was like, enough.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Because LA has the combination of crazy and also American Idol. So like here it's just some guy outside of 7 11, like, oh, we got a dollar there. It's I'm gonna be a star and I'm fucking crazy. So you'll see somebody. Like, I saw a guy riding a bicycle, playing a tuba in la. A homeless guy. I've seen funniest. One of the funniest things outside of Trader Joe's on Vine, I think he was just playing a guitar with like a box, asking for change. And there was one string on the guitar. He wasn't even playing it, he was just strumming it. Just a crazy fucking guy. So, like. But now, though, man, like at the Comedy Store too, like, it's so, like, I don't say corporate because that's a bad word. That actually is corporate.

[Joey Diaz]

But, like, it's all become.

[Eric Dalessandro]

So many people are there that it's like Disney World versus when you went, it was just like a comedy club.

[Joey Diaz]

It was a comedy. Now it's like 30 comedy clubs run by the inmates.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yes, now.

[Joey Diaz]

Now it has like a clean from 97 to 2006. When I left, it was us. You went behind the bar, you fucking made a drink. I'd be on the outside line making long distance calls, you know, it was fucking, you know. Yeah, it was like, fuck it. There was a guy who sold coke there. Everything was there for you. One stop shopping. And then it got cleaned up. Even before I left, it was a great club, but there was still a little. Because of so many lunatics were there at that time. There was. There was still a little.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Now it was still a little dirty.

[Joey Diaz]

There was still a little dirty. Now, you know, it's a very. You have to appease to a lot of different people. Oh, yeah, you have to. Because if not, they feel like they're not part of it and then they'll fucking call like somebody on you.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

We live in a world that if anybody doesn't get a chance or they don't. And listen, when you're in that business, chances come few and far between, so. But these people put themselves in a bad position, then they go, then they expect something. And now, you know, it's like you asked me a question if I had gone to the Comedy Cellar and I said, no, nothing against the Comedy Cellar. It's a great club. But A, I don't want to start over again and B, it's a different type of club.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Joey Diaz]

They have to make people happy, especially down there. I'm not here to make people happy. I'm here to make people laugh.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

So when you want to get a brick wall and some pot smoke and Maybe a mouse to go by. You call me.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Call me.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And put funny on stage. Whether they're midgets, white, black, green, purple. I don't care what color they are. But they better be funny. Don't put them on because you feel I have to put these people on to make everybody. It's. I don't know. What do they call that shit? They called it. They gave it to the African Americans years ago. What is it?

[Lee Syatt]

Affirmative action.

[Joey Diaz]

Affirmative action for comedy. Now. Now. Well, wait a second. I can't put four funny guys now. I gotta put a lesbian up front.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Mm.

[Joey Diaz]

I could put a lesbian up front. I gotta put a Chinese guy that's missing an eye number two because it's.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Gotta look like a college textbook.

[Joey Diaz]

Right? The Disabilities Act. They're not there. I gotta put a black guy. God forbid I don't put a Latino guy. John Leguizamo will be going off on the Instagram. Right? You know, and that's what you have. I just want the 15 funniest people who called for tonight. When you go back to that format, call me. Call me.

[Eric Dalessandro]

It's also guys who are just. Who are constantly there. People who don't go home and, like, live at the club. They also get good spots. Cause they don't do anything.

[Joey Diaz]

That was me. That was us. We all hung out at a fucking comedy club at one point. The. That was your life. What are you gonna go home for? To watch a black and white tv. So your neighbor. So a landlord knocks on your door and tell you the rent is due from three weeks ago. I'm not going home. Yeah, I'm gonna go home. When he goes to bed at 10 o' clock, then I go home. But no, it's just. Listen, you're always gonna have your favorites. You're always. You're always gonna have these things. And I could take that, but I'm not gonna take that. I'm losing the spot. Because you gotta put somebody in there to appease the audience. I'm not doing that. That I don't want to be a part of that. I came up. If you're funny, you belong there. If you're not funny, go somewhere else. Go to Seacocks. Go to the mental institution. They'll fucking love you there, you know?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, I think that the cities have gotten very. The cities have gotten very. What is that?

[Eric Dalessandro]

You know, politically correct.

[Joey Diaz]

Politically correct, yeah. You know, if you go anywhere under 20th street, you're gonna get. I'm gonna get Booed. First of all, I'm a fucking dinosaur. I don't belong at those clubs, those college.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Love you, Joe. Come on.

[Joey Diaz]

But no, you don't. It's a young man's game. I'm gonna go there with white hair and missing toot and try to be funny.

[Eric Dalessandro]

But they love you. You know they love you, dog.

[Joey Diaz]

These new kids don't love anybody. They love knock knock jokes. They, you know, you say fag, you know, I can't, I can't. Why did they talk in your house? What did they. Did they all fucking just wear fucking slippers and you know, that's what you have now. These kids. Listen, dog, I have nieces and they tell me, like, when I say fucking off color shit, they make believe they don't hear because they love me. But that shit isn't even in their world no more. It's not even in their fucking realm. The way we spoke, you can't speak like this now anymore. These kids have a heart attack. Well, they'll go, oh, you remind me of my Uncle Louie. Then I'm in. Then I'm in. My Uncle Louie spoke like that. Went to jail for 80 years, then I'm in. But besides that, it's just.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I think I will. I will push back a little bit. I think it's. It depends. Like, I go to New York Comedy Club all the time. I'm really. I've been really happy with. With the audiences. Like, they. I think people want comedy. I think that shit is. I think it's dying a little bit.

[Joey Diaz]

Yes, it is for sure.

[Eric Dalessandro]

And I think that you would fucking crush, man. They do they, like. Because you're joking. I think that's. That's been. People are aware of that again for some. For some weird time between, like 2015, obviously, during, like, the crazy shit of, like, Covid, people started to believe the shit people were saying as if, like, it wasn't a joke. Like, I'm like, I'm good friends with Brian Holtzman and like, how could you not? This guy's just screaming just the craziest shit. How could you not realize he's the sweetest guy in the world? Like, how do you not know he's joking? And I think that people are like, I don't know. At least comedy fans for sure, man. If you look at all the top comedians, it's real comics. It's. Again, it's not many, like, corporate people who are, like, really appeasing the shit that you were talking about. Like, you know, kill Tony's bigger Than ever. And, you know, just. I don't know. Shane Gillis, like, is a great example of, like, people not giving a fuck anymore. And even SNL was like, we. We fucked up. You know, like, maybe we were a little too hard on this kid. And he, like, as like, an open door policy there.

[Joey Diaz]

Everybody fucked up when they got on that board because you let me know you're fucking scared. And listen, that's true. Trying to run a business. And I appreciate that. Yeah, I understand that. But you have to make a decision. You know, I still remember 20. When did I start going to Utah?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, love Utah.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay. That club is great. Is that the way you're talking?

[Eric Dalessandro]

What are you talking about? Wise guys.

[Joey Diaz]

Wise guys.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, yeah. I love that club.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay, let me tell you what happened to wise guys. In 1997, Doug Stanhope went to Wise Guys when they just had one club and the owner was struggling and he needed help. Doug Stanhope went to that town, and that's when he was on fire. And he went to that town and fucking buried him. He buried him so hard that they wrote letters to the department of the better business Bureau and fucking Utah's commerce. Doug Stanhope had all the letters on his wall. Oh, he.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, he. Oh, I thought you meant, like, he. He killed. No, he just went after them.

[Joey Diaz]

No, he destroyed the room. At that time, he was a killer.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

When they robbed his car and he still went on stage and won the San Francisco comedy competition and beat Dane Cook. Doug Stanhope was a fucking killer. Wow. When Doug Stanhope went on stage in 96, 7, 8, he wouldn't. One person would have a hard time following him. Three people. He would destroy the improv. Oh, my God. I would just go to watch his sets. Me and, like, four guys. Because he would destroy those comics. They would leave there, like, the one night where there was a benefit for a burn victim, and he didn't know the burn victim was in the front row with a fucking sailor hat on. Oh, my God. Doug went into him. They banned him for a month. This is fucking classic shit. I was in Boston with him, and there was a priest walking by, and he goes, father, where you going? He goes, I gotta go to Batman. Goes, no, no, no, no. I got a tit fuck joke that's gonna knock your socks off, dog. He was on fire back then. He went to fucking Utah and did one of those hours, and they wrote a bunch of fucking letters. And the guy was. What's his name? Nelson. What's the owner?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Is it Keith?

[Joey Diaz]

Keith. Keith. Keith Nelson kept sending him the letters and he's like, never again will I have a R rated comic out of here from 1997. Finally, in like 2012, I just fucking sent him a note and I go, keith, how long we know each other? He goes, pick up the phone. I call him up. I go, keith, when are you gonna start putting fucking crazy people out there again? He goes, well, you remember what happened. That shit's done with. People want this and you're running without these fucking ukulele plays. That's when they used to have guitar acts and got the one man band for New Year's. Come on. You're killing me just watching your schedule. I'm falling apart here. I'm falling apart. Let's take a chance. They go, I'll tell you what, you want to come? I'll give you a fucking door deal and a half. But you're not going to sell no tickets. I fucking sold that motherfucker. On. Then he got greedy and he put the other kid in there and he bumped me to the little room and the other kids sold four tickets. Then he was trying to get me back in the big room. I'm like, fuck you now. And he's like, stay sad. I'm like, fuck you. They showed up with pounds of weed. Utah. Utah. They showed up with pounds of weed. Some kids showed up with a bag of edibles to give everybody in the yard. It was insane. I was like, I'm coming back here. Then he brought a towel.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, wow.

[Joey Diaz]

He took a couple chains, like, I don't know. I go, bring a towel down there. And then he brought a towel. Then he brought the crazy lady. And he. Now look at his schedule. He ain't got a fucking clean act in that. He's got all the crazy people on that. And he opened up three other clubs. Yeah, he's got Vegas and something else. So who was right, who was fucking wrong, you know? You ever go to Grand Rapids?

[Eric Dalessandro]

No, not yet.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, wait till you get there.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, really?

[Joey Diaz]

We have the most churches per capita. What are you talking about? I saw a bunch of black people selling crack on the corner. What church? They tell you, they're like, yeah, we gotta be careful here. We got the most churches per capita. This is a church growing. We're not gonna book you. Then they booked Jay Leno for the Grand Rapids Comedy festival. They sold 13 tickets.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Wow.

[Joey Diaz]

Bro. They paid him like a million dollars. Motherfucker came back with three tickets or something. No Christians. So they used to be booked by this guy that's been. He's booking Michigan, Ohio since I started. He had great clubs when I started. He wouldn't book me in them, but he had great clubs. Now his sons are running it and they're like, two fucking Mormons.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

So I walk in and they're like giggling at me. And I'm like, what's up, Dory? You're not going to sell no tickets this weekend. Okay. And it was a 90% door deal. One of those things.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And the store, the tickets just kept. When they paid me on Saturday, I had tears in their eyes. They wouldn't even. They were like, God damn it. I told you there's a market for this. Yeah, but if you're scared, you know, then, you know, Portland, Oregon, they won't put a dirty act on that guy. His mother goes to the shows, so she watches the first show on. So you gotta perform for his mother in the first row. And she hasn't laughed since 1922. She just stares at you. You're like, I'm done. I need this shit. What if I want to do a cock joke in front of you? Oh, I'll fire you.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Which way? Is it my helium?

[Joey Diaz]

No, because helium's good. Helium's great.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

That's the only place I'll eat ranch dressing. They have spicy ranch on the table food.

[Eric Dalessandro]

You're right, they do have food. Yeah, they have really good food. I forgot about that. That was hilarious.

[Joey Diaz]

This club was called Harvey's. It's still there. They paper the room. It's a nightmare. He's still living on fucking. He's probably got the guy with the tube on the bike. He's another guy for New Year's. Got like a nine string band. This is comedy.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, Jesus.

[Joey Diaz]

Fucking comedy. Why do you have a one man band? The guy with the.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they want to see, I guess. They like that hippie stuff.

[Joey Diaz]

Where's the first place you got on stage?

[Eric Dalessandro]

First place was in the Laughing Buddha in the city. So open mic.

[Joey Diaz]

Really?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, there was probably. I don't know, it was. It was in 2014. There was probably seven other comics in there, you know, left. The open mics are just.

[Joey Diaz]

Was grandpa still around when you started?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Nah, man, Nah. That's been closed for a while. That was comedy club on Staten Island. That was. I don't even know when that closed. I was like. I was a kid when that closed. I wished my first like 10, 15 minutes was in this place. It's not there anymore either. What the fuck was it called? The loony bin. It was on Staten island for a small time.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, my God. That was a comedy club chain. That was the chain.

[Eric Dalessandro]

No, it was. It was next to a bowling alley. Pete Davidson also started there. Like, it was. It was a disaster. I don't think it's there anymore. Staten Island's not really a place you want to start doing comedy, right? So, like, yeah, any. Anywhere I would do really anywhere in Manhattan. I did Broadway, random ass places, bars, anywhere that I could go, really. But my first was in Laughing Buddha, which isn't there anymore.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, well, it's a group now. They do. Oh, I do their shows. I'm.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Where's where it was by the seller. What was the.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, well, it's. If it's the same group, they do open mics at every club. I'm doing a show at the stand on the 28th that they're running.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, you know, they had like, they had like their own location.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, they had their own location. I don't think they have that little anymore, but they have like a group of shows that they run all the time.

[Eric Dalessandro]

It was great, man. It was really awesome. I. It was. It was very helpful. Like, you know, I mean, I don't know where else. I mean, open mics are tough because it's just in a bunch of comics who are just not paying attention to you because they're nervous about going on. So like, I was always thinking, like, I wonder how I'll even know if these are funny if no one's even. You'll get like a random. Well, that's it.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, that's.

[Lee Syatt]

That's your killing at open mic? Yeah, yeah, that and I. I got like the best advice I got from open mics was we have a combo, a friend named Johnny Rock. And he said, like, you. You can't go expecting like any sort of feedback because sometimes if you kill it in open mic, it's bad. Sometimes if you go to an open mic and everyone thinks they're Doug Stanhope and they're like, all the comics are laughing. That's never going to work at the improv or whatever.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Very true.

[Lee Syatt]

Like the open mics, it's a. Like you were talking about open mics. There was an open mic last night at side Splitters after my show. This dude, this like 80 year old dude, it looked like someone took a bite out of his nose. He had a bloody band aid on his nose and had like two teeth in his mouth and was just talking to me about all the foursomes and five Sims he had when he was in his 30s. There are people are. It doesn't matter what city you're in. Open mics. I did an open mic here where, you know the naked cowboy in Times Square, there's the naked cowgirl, but she's about 70 years old and took her tits out in an open mic, and it was one of the. It's insanity.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Can't really do that on the Tonight show.

[Lee Syatt]

No, you can't.

[Joey Diaz]

Like I said, mental health.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yep.

[Joey Diaz]

Is a thin line.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And listen, I enjoy open mics, but in today's world, you have to do a background check. Like, you have to have, like, a fucking thing at the door. Hold on. Put your fingerprint in there. Let me check your wrist for bracelets or slashes, because they're fucking crazy, man. And listen, that's what makes you funny.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, being a little off your looper. I mean, I don't do what I do because I'm fucking normal. I do what I do because there's a problem. Something was wrong with the wiring. So a little bit of crazy is good, but that. There's one level that's past that, that you're like, 100% this is not. And that's why open mics are brutal. Listen, man, I went to an open mic last week in Freehold at a hotel. It's like a glamour fly. It open like they have a headliner. And. And the first eight guys, you know, they were funny. They all have a chance. You know, I'm not there. I'm not killed, Tony. But I was like, I don't miss these days at all. Like, this shit. Doing three of these a night and getting tortured. I don't miss these at all. I would go back, I'd get. So listen, I was a coke fiend when I was starting doing comedy, but it didn't matter because I get so depressed. I needed to start coke. I needed it. I was like, how long is this gonna last? How am I gonna ever move forward?

[Eric Dalessandro]

It's kind of amazing thinking that people keep going, right? For how long? It's like that for. Isn't that fucking, like, crazy that.

[Joey Diaz]

Well, here's the deal, Eric. It's that long for as long as you let it be that long. Okay? It's that long for as long as you let it. One day you have to make the decision, go, you know what? I'm not doing these no more. But I also came up at a different time. I came up at a time where George me You and Lee, we did comedy. We're all about the same range. Five, six, seven years. But guess what? You got a room on Tuesdays, and he gives you a $400 budget. He's got a room on Mondays. That gives him a 250 budget. I got a room that gives me 500 every other Thursday, and he's got a room on Wednesdays. And it was more of that when I went back. I started comedy. I won a contest and I got the house MC job. And that helped. So I didn't have to go to the open mic in Denver at the Comedy Works. I would just do that on Tuesdays. Then I left and I came here. Holy shit. Holy shit. That was brutal. I had to sell tickets for the Comic Strip. I had a fucking. There was no barking in those days. They would give you 40 tickets. You sold 20 and you kept the money. Whatever. I sold all of them. Didn't give nothing to the Comic Strip. I blew off my fucking audition. Fuck you. He got me out here selling tickets like a pimp. And everybody had. You had to bring four people? Yeah, eight people, six people. I would do it every once in a while, but I didn't have no people. You can't keep bothering your people to come. I know.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Seriously, how many are they gonna come to?

[Joey Diaz]

You know, how many shows are they gonna come to? And then they put you on 1140. These people gotta stay out till 1140. They got kids and shit. Just 10 more minutes and I'll be up if you leave. They won't put me out, man. Come on, man. So when I went back to Denver, I was very lucky because the people I hung out with each had a room, so you never, ever ended up. And even the open mics that they had, they always hired a headliner to give it, you know, so the guy does 42 guys before him, done 15, and everybody else does 10, then three open micas, do five. You know, give the show some balance. So I was very fortunate there. So I left those things in 93. I never did one of those things ever again. And then I had another scam. When I would do the contest to invite my friends, I would get drugs, and they would call me for the drugs, and they say, no, you got to come to the comedy show.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, my God.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, my.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Brilliant.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, my God, that's brilliant. And they would get pissed the off. They would give me the $50 for the half gram and go, that's 20 for the ticket. No, no, ain't no 20 there for the ticket. That's completely different. You just gotta come down here because there's no cops in here. And they would go, what are you talking about? The feds are watching me, dog. I'm telling you. And they was fucking buying, too. But if you come in here, this is a certified hotel. They won't come in here.

[Eric Dalessandro]

That's fucking hilarious.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. That's how I won the contest. Come on down. You want Xanax? Come on down. I'll show you all the Xanax you got. What time? 6:30. No, no, no, no, no, NO, NO. 8:30 at the broker. Yeah, yeah. Why the broker? I got my reasons. The connection is there. Yeah. Noriega's on the east.

[Eric Dalessandro]

And if you don't laugh, you're not getting the drugs.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, you don't get the drug.

[Lee Syatt]

I was gonna say, are they a good audience? All, like, just being. Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Give me a bunch of junkies that want to laugh. All I gotta say is, coke. I was killing it. That's how I won that contest. I just had my friends there. That's American ingenuity, right?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, bro. That's fucking amazing. I mean, barking is crazy.

[Joey Diaz]

That's crazy.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I never had to do that. You like it?

[Lee Syatt]

And here's the. The. I haven't done it in the city. I. I did a. There's a club in Saratoga, New York, that they don't do the show unless there's like, nine people. So I had to do it a bunch for that. And I. For, like an hour. It's fun. I have a bunch of friends who do it, like, on a nightly basis for clubs. I actually kind of. But let's see. Like, for someone at my level, it's like one of the few ways you can actually get into places. So I'm actually thinking about doing it. But I. I do like it because it's like. It's like kind of like crowd work in real life.

[Eric Dalessandro]

True.

[Lee Syatt]

You get to tease people.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Until you get beat up. You don't want to bark.

[Lee Syatt]

No one's gonna. I don't want to. I don't want to do. But I gotta do something.

[Joey Diaz]

No, you don't want to be barking at people like, hey, come into the. It's like. I mean, when I started, people go to the mall, sell tickets. What? Like, you land. Like, I go to Wyoming and they go, yeah, there's 10 tickets. Go to the mall, talk to girls and sell tickets. I'm not doing that. All right. That's not going to fucking happen.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah. I mean, there's a fine line between.

[Joey Diaz]

Like what you're going to do and after, why you just lose your pride and then that.

[Eric Dalessandro]

For sure. No, for sure.

[Joey Diaz]

So you got to keep start saying no.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah. And I think that like there are some like, purists out there. I think that believe, like, well, that's just what you have to do for comedy. And I disagree with like a lot of them especially because I think because I came up in a time where the impact of the Internet was just too goddamn strong, you know, Like, I always saw that as just like, if I can get you to come cause you like something. If I suck as a standup, that you'll find out immediately like you're. I think it's almost kind of hard. Not harder, but like, you know, in the NBA now a seven footer shoots a fucking three pointer. Like that didn't happen when I was growing up. No, it didn't happen. Pitchers didn't throw 103 miles an hour when I was growing up.

[Joey Diaz]

No.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Now you have to like, I feel like you almost have to be better quicker because. Or if you do have a good following online because they're gonna come like, oh, that guy sucks. He's just funny on Instagram, you know. But if you can capitalize off that, if you have the chops and if you have like the background, it can speed the process up. What used to take 10 years, it could take a year. You know, as long as you're getting up as much as you possibly can and writing the jokes. But I feel like there's a lot of people, I think, who get, who get famous off of like, like a skit or a tick tock or something and then they start doing stand up. It doesn't translate.

[Joey Diaz]

Doesn't translate?

[Eric Dalessandro]

No, it's complete. It's a completely different thing. You have to already be doing that. But I think like, like, do you post stand up clips?

[Lee Syatt]

A little bit. It's something that I haven't, I struggle a lot with. If it's, if it's not perfect, I don't post it.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, that's a bad attitude to have. It's never terrible. It's never gonna be perfect. No clip I've ever posted I thought was good.

[Lee Syatt]

None.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, I've always like. I wish I would have said this differently because I'm editing it in my house. Of course I can make it perfect. But like, you know, somebody fucking stood up in front of the camera in the wrong time and coughed or whatever, you know. But I think just throw shit out.

[Lee Syatt]

I have two up there. And I need to. I need to have more. And I'm going to start. I. I was talking. I need to do a lot more. It's. It's my biggest weakness right now.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, when you were talking about the Internet. Listen, the Internet saved you from this. You ever go somewhere and you see somebody posted a sign, you know, party Friday night at 8 o' clock, be there or be square. You're like, who puts a flyer on a car when I could buy an ad on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hit one button. I love what the Internet did for comedy. Because I'll tell you what, without the Internet, I wouldn't be in this chair right now.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, dude.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. I would not have been anywhere. But I tell you what, it wasn't just the Internet. It was the 20 years experience.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, of course.

[Joey Diaz]

So they all met at the same time. Okay. They all met at the same time. This was strong. This was strong. You know, I don't know if anybody's watched it. I don't know if you even like Led Zeppelin.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I mean, they're on Netflix now. That documentary I was talking about on Netflix, watch it. It shows four fucking guys that just were lurking around and they just got together and the rest was fucking history. And that's what it is. Sometimes people don't understand. It's like, I was really upset when I did the Longest Yard. Like three years. I'm like, I didn't get shit. Everybody else got something fucking. The guy got Everybody Loves Raymond. This guy got that fucking. I didn't get anything. And then the producer said to me, goes, all that shit grows in cultures, okay? Nobody's watching that right now, but someday you're gonna have a HBO special and then people gonna go, what else has he been in? Bam. Oh, well, you did MAD TV in 2001 when nobody knew you were Bam.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And all sudden, all that shit just so you don't know what you.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, definitely do.

[Joey Diaz]

You don't know what the fuck you're doing. You could do a fucking movie with De Niro and Pacino. Count the money. Call your cousin in Staten island and tell him I'm buying a house on Tothill. You know what I'm saying? I'm slinging dick. Get some Asians. It's over. And that movie don't do dick. I just watched Alto Knights. Did you watch it yet? No. De Niro. Alto Knights. Not bad. But they expected De Niro to win an Oscar, and The movie did $3. The movie didn't. And that happens. That fucking happens. Where you put. You're like, oh, when this movie comes out, bitches, they'll be sticky, you know? Yeah. And the movie does $3. And now what? You fucking have to sit in your house with the shades drawn for a year?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Not totally.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, you have to sit in the house. So it's not even an achievement is bad. It's going to come back later and they'll come back in a positive way because they'll. Somebody always go, you can't blame Eric. He was just early then. That was 20 years Eric. You can't blame him for that bad movie. No, you're not gonna blame me for a bad movie. But you know what I'm saying now everything has to meet. As far as the Internet today, man. You're absolutely right, Eric. And you're very good at it. You're very good at it. I know. If you have good ticket sales, you've built that though also, dude, I've been.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Doing this a lot longer than people think.

[Joey Diaz]

You gotta build those videos.

[Eric Dalessandro]

It's been a long time.

[Joey Diaz]

Here's the difference between, between you and what's going on in la. You ready? These fucking idiots, they go to nyu, Phil. And then they go out, they're gonna go work in their father's company for a year. But they tell dad that, nah, just give me one year in la. I want to go out and join Groundlings or whatever the fuck you join. Yeah, because their junior year, they started watching us on that live. And this is what happened 2008, 9. Because I was a victim of that. So that's why I know you get lucky in Life. Back in 2008, nine, if you shot a video and it got a. If it got a half a million fucking views, you got a call from YouTube. Like YouTube would send you an email. And then they used to have trending videos and all this shit. Oh yeah, and those Joey Karate's used to rock and roll. So people started calling me in for meetings and going, can you make more of those videos? And I'm like, yeah, can you make them for us? Yeah, we'll give you ten grand. Give me the ten grand. And then they forget. They never even contact you for the videos. You have no idea.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Holy shit.

[Joey Diaz]

But what was happening with these kids were these Saturday Night Live kids were getting a video, do a million downloads, they get to la, they meet with everybody and they get money and make more. When you step on shit, you step on shit.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh yeah, just shut your fucking mouth 100%.

[Joey Diaz]

Because now you got everybody watching you for that next video. And that next video is gonna suck dick. It's gonna be a fucking so true.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

It's gonna take another hundred shoots for you to get another fucking video. And then you just quit. You go, I can't make a hit no more. I'm gonna be on a video. And that's the fucking problem with videos. But you've done that. And even Vic, like, after a while, you have to know when to place your videos. Because now you just become annoying. Now I'm gonna turn on. All right, what's he gonna have for me tonight? Like, when I wake up every morning, I look at Gabby for you. That's a girl from Miami that swims in a bikini and she does bikini fucking modeling and shit. She's just a cute girl. She's not doing a rated X or nothing. But I like her because she's up early, she drinks orange juice. She's always positive and shit.

[Eric Dalessandro]

That's a pretty low bar.

[Joey Diaz]

She's always out there doing something at 7:30 in the morning, Whether it's jogging, she's lifting weights. I'm like, look at fucking Gabby for you today. If Gabby for you could do it, I could do it. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Fuck yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

There's always somebody who motivates you.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

So maybe make exercise videos, Whatever the fuck. I don't know. I don't know. But that's what I look at. I always look at Gabby for you. And then second, what the Siamese family's doing, the two little Siamese twins, they grew up in front of me. Now I play with them on the screen when I get high in the morning with my little gato. Gato.

[Eric Dalessandro]

He's looking around. You guys know what I'm talking about, right?

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know what I'm talking about. Nobody knows what I'm talking about. There's two Siamese loves.

[Lee Syatt]

Love twins.

[Joey Diaz]

They're Siamese lovers. It's a page.

[Lee Syatt]

Well, they're connected.

[Joey Diaz]

No, they're just Siamese cats. You fuck.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, cats.

[Joey Diaz]

Two little evil fucks. And then there's another one. Then there's another lady that does Bruno. When she adopted Bruno the cat, Bruno was scratching her and killing her and shit. They had to come get him and put him, like, in a straightjacket. Bruno. But over the years, Bruno has matured into a beautiful little cat.

[Lee Syatt]

How much of your Instagram is just cats, huh? Do you just see a lot of cats? I don't. I've never heard of anything.

[Joey Diaz]

Just go for I Don't want to see none of your shit on. I don't want to see one more stand up sketch. I don't want to see nothing. I just want to see Cats. Anybody who inspired Bruce Lee. I follow Bruce Lee on there every day. He drops something on you even though he's been dead for the same Bruce. Bruce Lee drops something on you. Life is breath, whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I know it's crazy how like there's. There's literally everything at all times, everything. So my wife about that with something. I'm like, is that how did we trade? Because they always said, like, movies are like, not as popular as they were. And it's like, how do we trade, you know, movies like Superbad for power washing a driveway. Like, that's literally what people will watch sometimes. Like. And I guess, I don't know, I guess we are just monkeys at the end of the day.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm not gonna watch fucking political shit.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, no.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't want to hear about racism and how Julio wasn't allowed in the fucking banjo store. You know, that's not for me, man. I just want to see Cats. That's it. I just want to see Cats. If you got to hang out with a dog too. Yeah, I got nothing against dogs. I follow a friend of mine because he's got a German shepherd, but then I got to see his ugly face and I don't want to put up with him, you know, his ugly family. But the German shepherd's beautiful.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Well, that, yeah, that's why it's. That's why I think it's. Thank God that like, at the end of the day, like, if I'm feeling like shit sometimes or if I like. Because posting is also like, it's incredibly relentless. But like, that's when I feel good about going to do a spot and I'm like, fuck, yeah, there's a new bit working. I was this. I didn't really know. Have it together this like a week ago now. I like, I found a way to unlock it and like, it is, it is. It feels good to have like a viable real skill because. Because it does feel like anybody can do Internet videos now. Like you said a fucking cat, right? It's like, how the hell am I supposed to. Yeah. Sometimes like you put in all this work. A good friend of mine will do an incredible skit and like, they wrote it, they shot it and nobody gives a fuck. And then this and then something filmed with a fucking baked potato gets 50 million views because it was something Silly that happened at the gym or whatever. So it's like, it's kind of hard to. That feels so good to be able to like, actually go and. Cause standup is still difficult to do. There's no, there's never going to be a way that's going to make it like, oh, anybody can do this. That's never going to happen. Where like, AI is going to. It's coming for all entertainment. It's coming for fucking everything. But it can't replace in person real connections which stand up. But I mean, you know, the other night there was a packed show. I just. I showed up. I was hoping that, like, I did like 15 minutes and it was a packed show. It was so much fucking fun, you know, and it makes up for all the shitty ones you had during that week.

[Joey Diaz]

Right?

[Eric Dalessandro]

And it was just like, man, this is what I'm talking about. People are just. There's. There's an energy to that and it just. It's just the fucking greatest, man. Like, so I think that that's like, like you always say, everything always comes around. I've been doing this shit for a long time, man. And like the, the. You also, like, Louis CK had something great about this. He said, like, when you shave enough of yourself down to fit the algorithm, you're not really making it for anybody anymore. No, you're making it for an algorithm.

[Joey Diaz]

You're making it for an algorithm. Yeah.

[Eric Dalessandro]

You're not making it for people. And I think that's always like, well.

[Joey Diaz]

That'S what happens in la. You're a funny mother.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Joey Diaz]

You're a funny motherfucker. You get to la, cause I've seen this happen. And all of a sudden your agent pulls you aside, a guy who has no idea about anything and tells you that you're not gonna sell a TV show with that material.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

That you gotta write material for your TV show. And you just killed yourself. You just killed yourself. You're like, well, now you gotta write these Mickey Mouse jokes that are definitely against your fucking will. That's why to be really funny, you have to tap into yourself.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And you have to say something that's sometimes gonna be rubbish. But it's your truth. Stand up is your truth.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

That's all it is. It's your truth. And it's not people going, well, you know, if you like, that's why I hate politics. And stand up. Hate it. Because in today's market, there's nothing you could say, I'm not political. I'm a felon, so I'm never going to drop no political jargon on you, but at the same time, I see people. No matter what way they go, you're going to be hated, you know?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

It's no one or what? So shut your fucking mouth. Even if you bring Trump us, if it's a joke, somebody's gonna. I've seen people get fucking furious and leave shows.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Leave shows over political shit. I can say if they said, your mother has a wooden leg or, you know, something stupid. But no, they just. I don't wanna hear it. And that's. That's what sucks, that I never really. That's why I love the Comedy Store, because I always said what was in my heart. Oh, yeah. I didn't give a fuck. And the Laugh Factory didn't wanna hear it. Fine. You go there and you wanna see people jump up and down? That's good. The improv. I would go there and always light them up because it's not that type of club. So when you go off a little bit, I would go off knowing they weren't gonna like me. So if you're not gonna like me, here, take this. Yeah, take this, motherfucker. They would end up liking you because it's your attitude.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, they don't.

[Joey Diaz]

It's all your attitude. They don't like it. I know you're not gonna like me. I know you guys like Zach Galifianakis, who I got nothing against. He's a great guy, but I'm not doing what he's doing. He's clean, he's crazy. And you go in there and drop your knowledge, however the fuck you gotta drop it. And they'll go along if they know you're real.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

If you're up there with your cocktail sipping and trying to be cool, they're like, fuck this punk. Oh, dude, fuck this punk.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah. I learned a lesson like that in Austin. I moved to Austin after la, and that's when I was really into standup. And that was before Rogan opened the Mothership. So we were doing a lot of shows. Did you go to the Vulcan at all?

[Joey Diaz]

No, never.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, but, you know they were doing it there, right?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eric Dalessandro]

And it was a sh. It was a. It's a music venue. It's not really made for comedy. And like, dude, I would do the. I would do the Death Squads with Red Band and. Dude, I would. They would. They hated my guts. I had my man bun and my tight jeans. They were like. They. They were ready to Throw chairs at me. They hated me so much, I'd go home and I'd be so depressed. I'm like, I gotta. How the. Can I just get better at this? And, like, I'm. I need to, like, change what I'm. What I'm doing or whatever. And I think once I got on stage, I just tried to be who I was, they would get on board because I wasn't trying to, like, win them over from this superficial kind of way. It was more of just like, you got, like. I would go like, I know you guys aren't gonna like me. I know you think I look gay. I know. Yada, yada, yada. And like, they would like, all right, I fuck with that. Like, Jim Brewer taught me that, actually, when I opened for him once. But, yeah, as long as. As long as you. There is this weird energy that took me a while to start shows that weren't mine, where I'd be like, the first 20 seconds. How you got on stage is really important.

[Joey Diaz]

Very important.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah. Like, how you take the mic stand. I take the mic out of this. How you introduce yourself.

[Joey Diaz]

Very important.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

It's the whole kit and kaboom.

[Eric Dalessandro]

It's crazy. You could start off real shitty, and then no matter how good your material is, like, fuck this guy.

[Joey Diaz]

The walk, the way you pick up that mic, right? You know, the way you talk to the emcee. Everything is so crucial, and you gotta be real.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

These guys that come out giggling with a drink, and I know, I know. And they hug the emcee and they. I love you so much. Fuck you. Fuck you. Go out there, keep it going for Lee, and just open ass. Just go. Because then they'll. They'll go, what the fuck is this? Yeah, this guy named. That's what I learned at the open mic last week. Cause you always learn something on an open mic. And not that I learned something, but I remembered how you went up early on. Your first line was so rehearsed. Something happened to me the other day on the way to the store. Now, Nick, if I walk into your house, I'm not gonna walk in, slam the door and go. Something happened to me on the way to Hudson county park the other day. No, I'm gonna walk in your house and go, what's up, motherfucker? What's for breakfast, right? What's for dinner? What's going on here? Get that fucking dog away from me. That's how people walk in the house. They don't walk in the house. Like, man, you know, I went across the street and I got a piece of corn and I noticed that. And I never had that because I watched the Young Comedian Special with Lenny Clark. And if you watch that special, he says one of the funniest things ever. He comes out from the jump and he goes, how you guys doing? Something funny happened to me. No, he goes, something funny happened to me today. But in reality, nothing. Fuck no. Most comics come out and say, something funny happened to me today, but nothing fucking funny happened with me. And he just grabbed you? I got home at 6 in the morning, My wife, he's yelling, I had some girlfriend. And he's just going. And you're like, what the fuck is he talking about? And you're like.

[Eric Dalessandro]

And he's already fucking in it.

[Joey Diaz]

Holy fuck. Okay.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Wow.

[Joey Diaz]

That's the way to fuck do it.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Damn.

[Joey Diaz]

That's the way to do it. Lee, can you find that clip up there of.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, well, Nick has it. Of what?

[Joey Diaz]

Lenny Lennon Clark on the Young Comedian Special. Lenny L, E, N, N Y Clark. C, A R, A K. Yep. Say yes.

[Lee Syatt]

C. Young Comedian Special.

[Joey Diaz]

He just did the. He just did the mothership.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, nice.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, dude, he still does comedy like every weekend in Boston.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, yeah. He's the real fucking deal.

[Lee Syatt]

1988.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, Nick.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I mean, I wish I was around for fucking the remote.

[Joey Diaz]

I wasn't around for this either. But this is what I rented when I got into comedy before I got on stage. This is what I used to rent, these young Comedian specials. The who's this ugly person? People like Paul Revere, John Hancock, the Boston Strangler. And I also wore a suit because of him, but that didn't work.

[Lee Syatt]

Beautiful.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, thank you very, very much. How's everyone doing? Y' all have a good day? Yeah, my day sucked too. It's okay. I'm not like a lot of these guys you see on tv. Hi.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Hello. How are you? What a nice looking crowd.

[Joey Diaz]

Funny thing happened to me today. Nothing funny happened to me today. Right there this morning. I get in around 6:55, so I'm fighting for sleep. White comes bouncing on the benches. Come on, it's nice. Let's welcome play. Because she likes that. She's young, she's 15. See, so you can say like that. You can't say this today. Kill it. Kill it. But that's.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, no, that's great, man.

[Joey Diaz]

That's an opening.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay. He wasn't thinking, you know, I even put the suit on after him. I went out, I borrowed money, I bought a suit and I bombed even harder. So I stopped wearing the suits because that's all it is the first three or four years. It's experimentation.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

That work for you. And when you bomb a lot, then you start shaving your hair do. Then you get like a phony mustache. Yeah, this ain't gonna work.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, yeah. I tried changing the hair. I'm still crazy.

[Lee Syatt]

And he's a stare. I'm not saying anything against him. But, like, do you think any of it had to do with, like, Rodney was there and like, Rodney's crowd gets it. Rodney's crowd would be okay with it. No, no. You think that. You think that would have got the same response anywhere?

[Joey Diaz]

Anywhere.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

He came out and he said, most guys come out and say, I had a great day. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Nothing fucking funny happened to me today.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Just that stupid line that also is I, you know, I always. If you could take the curse word out and the joke isn't as funny, I understand when comedians say that, like when you need the curse. But that was a perfectly placed fuck. Because you thought. You thought he was like this, you know, white bread guy and you. And he. You could. He. That was his way of telling you, I have an edge. He looks like Danny Tanner, but he fucking talks like a real guy. I like that a lot. Cuz it was like he came like, hey, you guys are a nice audience. And I was like, fuck you guys. It was like a nice term. I think that's why that worked for him too, because it was telling people that he was real.

[Joey Diaz]

And just watching that, that stayed with me.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

For 28 years. I was like, why am I gonna come out? Hi. You know, had a ride here? Fuck no. Yeah, you take that Superman cape on and you fucking go out there and jump on him. It's like anything else. When was the last time you saw a fight that fucking black guy comes out and throws 55 punches at you for two minutes straight. That's tough to recover from. Even if he connects or he doesn't. You just got 55 punches thrown at you. Whether he got you in the face or got you in the stomach doesn't matter. You just locked in.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, that's a pretty good analogy.

[Joey Diaz]

But he still got your attention. Yeah, you got my fucking attention now. And even if the first 55 jokes don't work, you got three minutes left. You know what I'm saying? You got three minutes to bail out.

[Eric Dalessandro]

But it's.

[Joey Diaz]

I love it. I love the mechanics of it. I love. Oh, yeah, how you like now I'm trying to Write. It is the worst. Eric. Eric, the worst. I am going to the worst writer's block.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, you hate it.

[Joey Diaz]

I ride, I get ideas, I break it down. And. And all that shit is going against my core. This is what I'm starting to think. And I'm thinking too much into it.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

That's what you did for years. Put music on, smoke pot, and see what life brings you. That's it. And take a ride. But now I'm thinking too much. Like, I'm like, oh, I'm breaking it down. Like, fucking Gene Perret. You ever get one of his books, Gene Perret's Comedy Writing? He used to write for, like, Lucille Ball. So his ideas are 1965.

[Eric Dalessandro]

They would just do, like, a stream of consciousness. It does, like, just write.

[Joey Diaz]

Yes.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I'm not even trying to be funny.

[Joey Diaz]

When I get up in the morning.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, that's.

[Joey Diaz]

That's what I do. I just let it go. And then you look at it after the shower, and you're like, I got problems.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah. What the fuck was this?

[Joey Diaz]

Fuck. What the fuck is this? I spelled house wrong. Yeah, because you're just writing. You're just dumping. But then I do my. I like to write in the afternoon and then think about it on this write up. And then tonight when I go home, everybody's asleep. So I go downstairs, I smoke my pot, I put my sandals on, and I can fucking tap out on that. And then the next morning, I look at it. If there's something I like, I keep it. If there's something I don't like, I get rid of it. I get high in the morning and see if it makes me giggle. If it passes the giggle test, then it stays. I like to fucking break down when I. You know when you got that joke, when you start laughing like a fucking fag by yourself and your wife has to come in and go, what the fuck are you laughing about? About? And you're like, you're not gonna believe it. Yeah.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, my wife. I love. I love coming out of my office. I like. And I'll say something. She's like, I don't really get it. And I'm like, you don't know anything.

[Joey Diaz]

That's the worst. When they shoot you.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Of course my wife.

[Joey Diaz]

My wife's always gonna shut your.

[Eric Dalessandro]

My wife's always like, I don't get it. I'm like, I'm never saying this to you again.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't get it. No, you're not gonna get it. You're a housewife watching you're over here entertained with this limey show.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I just. I just interrupted her from making eggs. Of course I gotta laugh. Do you write on stage ever?

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, yeah.

[Eric Dalessandro]

That's where most of your.

[Joey Diaz]

Good.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Right? Yeah. What is that about? I don't get it. Like, there'll be a bit.

[Joey Diaz]

You got a gun to your head. You do your best work, you know, you go out there and there's 400 sets of eyeballs looking at you and they're like this. You're like, there's no time to freeze up. That's the best way to fucking write with a gun to your head.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I end the story. I was doing this bit. I was practicing it, trying, like, rehearsing, seeing how I was gonna say it perfectly. Did it a couple of times. Then randomly. I did it over the weekend and I had a tag that I was like, where the did that come from? You know, Like, I sat there with the material. Nothing. This didn't come to me. But in the moment, I always. That always happens to me. Like, I can try, but you have to, right? Yeah. It's one of those things that you had. I don't know. Or they bring it out of you, or you get into a. A flow state.

[Joey Diaz]

You get into a flow state or whatever.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Like. Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Wild.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I did a. One of Ari's things, the one with the nun. I did a thing about a story that I beat up a nun in the fourth grade and stuff. A couple weeks ago. I was just stuck for material and I put it on and I kept it low. I didn't watch, but I listened as I wrote just to see if something came out. I listened to it and I fucking go. I gotta listen to this again. Five or six things I came up with that night on stage. Wow. I didn't even have them. I wrote the blueprint to it before I left the house, but I didn't really tag it. I just wrote the story out and said, let God put. Whatever he feels, he'll figure it out. And that's exactly what I did. And when I watched, one of the funniest things I said on that came up that night. Like, I did not think that out at all.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

But when you have a hundred eyeballs looking at you. Shit, yeah.

[Eric Dalessandro]

That's so funny. I hate to be, like, too, like, weird or, like, hippie dippy, but, like, there is an energy that, like, you can't you tap into when there's.

[Joey Diaz]

That you make better love when she's not staring at you and when they're just Looking at you in the bottom like, what are you doing? You try to like, fucking look around. Cause you're a wild man, right? You ever get looked at when you're making love? It ain't good. It ain't good, right?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Derek posted has. Derek posted has a great joke. He said he was having sex with his wife in the middle. She scratch. Just look at him. She's just like in the middle of it.

[Joey Diaz]

The are you doing scratching your face and. But it's really weird. That's. I think that's when you let. That's what I think is going on with me. I'm. I'm just got a block and I'm trying to write differently. Like, I'm trying to write like.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, I think John Mulaney. Oh, okay.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's not gonna work for me. I'm no John Mulaney. You know what I'm saying?

[Eric Dalessandro]

I was doing cocaine the other day.

[Joey Diaz]

And, oh my God, when I found out that motherfucker did coke and cheat on his wife, I'm like, oh, that dude.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Maybe I am. He was like, maybe I am John Mullen.

[Joey Diaz]

Crazy motherfucker. Because he looks like the nicest Catholic kid in America.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I think he had plastic surgery, though.

[Joey Diaz]

That's okay. He's good looking as fuck.

[Eric Dalessandro]

No, I'm just saying it's funny that, like that kind of guy. Look, he looks like. He wouldn't be into that, right? I don't know. Looks like an accountant.

[Joey Diaz]

Coke and cheating. Who knew? I thought he was like a nice kid that went to church on Sunday, hung out with nice white people and they went to museums and looked at ducks.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I think they do coke too, though. I think people who like ducks do coke too.

[Joey Diaz]

When I found out he did coke, I was like, jesus Christ. These stand ups have no shame. Yeah, man, no shame in their fucking game. Where are you at this weekend, Eric?

[Eric Dalessandro]

I have June 28th. I'm at Westbury Music Fair in Westbury, New York, in Long Island. It's a big place. And then AC. After that I have some time off, have a new baby. So I'm trying to be home. He's 10 months old.

[Joey Diaz]

Yes. His name?

[Eric Dalessandro]

I haven't told anybody his name. I could tell you.

[Joey Diaz]

What do you call?

[Eric Dalessandro]

I call him Zozi.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Because his name is Enzo.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay.

[Eric Dalessandro]

But yeah, but yeah. I don't know. I'm just weird about, like. I mean, nobody knows I'm not fucking famous. But like, you know, a lot of people on Staten island know who I am, and I don't want to, like, know his face or his name or anything.

[Joey Diaz]

You miss Staten Island?

[Eric Dalessandro]

I live there now, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, you went back?

[Eric Dalessandro]

I did, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I don't know if we're going to end up there. We're renting a place, but we'll see. My wife wants to go to Jersey. She wants land. I don't. She thinks she's going to be a farmer or something. I don't know what the fuck she's doing with all this land, but, you know, so we'll see. So I got passed at the Comedy Cellar.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Then I was like, I gotta move back to New York. And then I did it. Cause I was like, we'll test out Staten Island. I don't know if we can go back to be that close to my family. Cause we lived in la, then we lived in Austin, and we loved our freedom. And then when I moved back, she just. We were married for a year, so she wasn't gonna wait any longer. She's like, we have to have a child. So I'm glad we're there. Cause, like, when I. Like, you mentioned comedy works, I was in Denver, like, two months ago, and then I went to, like, Salt Lake and I did Vegas, and I was. So I was gone for, like, six days. And it was great. She got to go for walks with my sister and my nieces, and she could hang out her mom. Whereas if she was in Austin, she would just been alone.

[Joey Diaz]

So, like, homeless person.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, you know, I don't. I love. I still love Staten Island. I know that it has a bad reputation, but I'm from there, so I see it differently. It's like the uncle that molested you, it's like. But he's still my uncle at the end of the day, so I'm from.

[Joey Diaz]

Jersey, and I still love it. Yeah, No, I mean, like, I still love it. I had a choice to move anywhere when I left la. I could have moved anywhere. And I was like, it's time to go back home.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, dude.

[Joey Diaz]

Like, I want my daughter to experience this. I want her to see the shit. She's not gonna do what I did, mugging people and fucking around North Bergen. But I wanted to see what we saw growing up, you know, I'm real close to the city there. You could throw a fucking rock.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah. Don't you feel too, that, like, when you. I don't know people who. I don't. I don't want to judge anyone, but, like, when you meet people who are from the middle of fucking Nowhere. And they, like, their whole personality is how much they hate their hometown. I can't. I don't know. I kind of. I feel bad for them, but, like, I feel like it's a privilege to not despise where you're from. Now, I understand if you're gay or if you're in a interracial relationship and you're from somewhere super like, or oppressive. I understand that. And never wanting to go back, but, like, it's become, like, a thing to, like, hate where you're from. And I think that it's more normal to, like. I love. I loved my childhood. I loved growing up there. I loved how Staten island you had to be. You had to be street smart, you had to be tough. You couldn't be a pussy. People would smell that out of you and you would fucking get. You know, I grew up fighting, and it teaches you real lessons. And I don't hate it the way that, like, you're supposed to. I think people like, what the fuck you still doing there? It's like, well, I grew up there. Everything I know is there. I love the food there. And, you know, I don't know. I think that that's more normal. I had friends in LA that never went home for Christmas or anything. It was like I kind of felt bad for it.

[Joey Diaz]

I didn't go home, but I had nowhere to go. I got no parents. So it's either my family or my wife's family in Tennessee and those. No, that's not happening for Christmas.

[Eric Dalessandro]

You in Tennessee would be pretty cool.

[Joey Diaz]

That's not happening for Christmas. Listen, man, I don't agree with a lot of views that people in North Bergen have. I don't, of course, but it's who made me. The reason why I got on stage, the reason why I didn't take shit from people out there was because what I learned out in those fucking streets, so I could never hate it. I love the East Coast. I mean, Manhattan's a little fucking weird now, you know, it's not my favorite place. Like, it's never gonna be the same as it was in the 80s and the 70s.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

But it is what it is. And this over here, like, this side, this North Jersey, this is my world. I love it.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Where I live now, it's not bad. But if it wasn't for Staten island people, they'd still be eating macaroni and cheese down there and fish sticks. Yeah.

[Eric Dalessandro]

You live in Staten island, the sequel.

[Joey Diaz]

Basically, I live in the sequel. Okay. And I'm very happy that they're there. My best friend is Chris and Steve Myrtle. I mean, they're like the mother. They went to Moore. You know, I hear all the stories. My neighbors on this side are from fucking Staten Island. Half the people I play volleyball with. Not volleyball, bocce. I'm from volleyball. I'm thinking about Gabby for you. She plays volleyball in the morning, too. You know, and I used to go down there in 1998, and there was a Chinese place, Crown palace down there. Not your Crown palace, the bakery. But it's a Chinese joint. But when I went back, all those fucking places, Staten Island, Aunt Butchies. Fucking all those places. And those people made that area. That's Marlboro. That's all farms down there. That's all fucking farms.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

So if it wasn't for these Staten island people bringing their food and their flavor, these motherfuckers would still be eating fucking fish sticks.

[Eric Dalessandro]

It would just be Wawa.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, just be Wawa. This Wawa is good. Let's go and listen to Bruce Springsteen. You know what I'm saying?

[Eric Dalessandro]

Let's listen to Bruce Springsteen and not realize that he's a liberal.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, but no, now Staten island and the food and just the attitude, it keeps me together, keeps my powder dry.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah, dude, they're regular people. They're construction workers.

[Joey Diaz]

And I love it. I'm doing Staten Island January 31st, the St. George.

[Eric Dalessandro]

St. George Theater. I'll be there.

[Joey Diaz]

Fuck, yeah. I'm doing it. I'm excited. Oh, dude, I'm looking for world crown. I'm gonna call these fucking people. Everybody brings.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yummy. I'll be there.

[Joey Diaz]

50 of the fattest people I know to fucking Staten Island. I'm bringing them up from Texas. I'm bringing them up on a barge like those Puerto Ricans, the Mexicans that hit the bridge. That'll be me. With a ship full of fat people from fucking Dallas and Houston, the two fattest cities in the country. 800 or more. Nobody left. 800. Even Lee won't be invited.

[Lee Syatt]

Everyone who got, like, denied by doctor Now.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. They got denied by the Armenian.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

What's his name?

[Lee Syatt]

Dr. Now.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, Dr. Whatever's.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, dude, that's going to be great. That's a great theater. Have you been there before?

[Joey Diaz]

It's beautiful.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, dude, I do it every year. It's incredible.

[Joey Diaz]

Once a year you do it. You should do a residency there. It once a month.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I did. I did. I did two. I think we're going to. I want to push it a little into next year this time because it's like. I don't know. I'm trying to keep it special a little bit. I'm there every.

[Joey Diaz]

No, I'm just teasing you. Staten island, that big? I did a book signing in Staten Island.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And it was great. Yeah, it was great.

[Eric Dalessandro]

I mean, that you could be from. I mean, you basically.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, yeah, I'm a stat. I'm a white trash fucking Italian myself. See what I'm saying? Fuck, yeah. When I went to Staten island and the mothers that were showing up. Mothers in Staten Island.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, they don't give a.

[Joey Diaz]

They don't give a fuck.

[Eric Dalessandro]

They don't give a fuck.

[Joey Diaz]

Titties in your face.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

They don't give a fuck. They get divorced, they shoot their lips and they're back. They put some size 8 on a size 8 and a half where the fat hangs over the heel.

[Eric Dalessandro]

And there you are, leopard leggings and looking like Peggy Bundy.

[Joey Diaz]

And they bring food, which, you know, that's a class act.

[Eric Dalessandro]

That's a.

[Joey Diaz]

When a woman shows up with a cake she made or something.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Then. No, they were very good. We had a good time. Eric, it's been a fucking pleasure. I wish you nothing but luck. I know in 10 years from now, if I'm still alive, I'll see you directing fucking movies like one of these guys, and hopefully you'll think of me. I put an old man, so I get insurance for two years.

[Eric Dalessandro]

You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

Give me like 70 grand, just insurance for two years. I love you, man.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Thank you so much, man.

[Joey Diaz]

What's the soonest date that we could.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Soonest date? Westbury, New York, It's a music fair. June 28th.

[Joey Diaz]

So come see me on the 27th. And go see him on the 28th.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Fuck yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Lee, what's up? Where you at this week?

[Lee Syatt]

The 12th, I'm on gaff west in New York. And then the 13th and 14th, I'm opening up for Josh Wolf at the Albany Funny Bone.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, so you're in New York this week? I am. Ain't that nice? How far of a drive?

[Lee Syatt]

Two hours. Nothing bad?

[Joey Diaz]

That's nothing.

[Lee Syatt]

No, it's gonna be great. It's gonna be awesome.

[Joey Diaz]

All right.

[Eric Dalessandro]

It's a good club.

[Joey Diaz]

Thank you very much.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Thank you so much.

[Joey Diaz]

Thank you for the bread.

[Eric Dalessandro]

Of course. Please.

[Joey Diaz]

And thank you for your nice. He's like, what do you want? What should I bring? Just bring your personality. That's it. And your teeth. That's it. I love you motherfuckers. Have a great week. We'll see you next Tuesday. Stay black. Hey, Uncle Joey here. Listen, making money moves should be easy. That's why there's Cash App. Cash App is fast and safe. No extra hoops to jump through, no extra stress. All the tools are right there in front of you to help you cash in. It's very easy to get started. You don't even need a bank account. All you need is your phone number or an email address. I love Cash App. My wife uses it for everything. It's secure and they're about to send money to a sketchy account. They'll let you. The other big guys don't do that. Listen. For a limited time only, new Cash App users can use my exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real? There's no catch. Just download Cash App and sign up. Use my exclusive referral code. Church C H U R C h In your profile, send $5 to a friend and within two weeks, 14 days, you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App.