I ain't going out like no punk

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
Episode Title: I Ain't Going Out Like No Punk
Host: Joey Coco Diaz & Lee Syatt
Release Date: January 23, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In this candid and heartfelt episode, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt delve deep into personal anecdotes, societal observations, and reflections on life's challenges. Straying from their usual comedic banter, the hosts open up about Joey's recent health scare, his experiences with the criminal justice system, financial tribulations, and the evolving landscape of online platforms like OnlyFans.

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2. Political Commentary and Personal Liberties

Joey Diaz begins by touching upon the recent inauguration and the introduction of a new president. He expresses a lack of enthusiasm for political events, highlighting his disinterest as someone disconnected from the traditional voting populace due to his status as a felon.

Joey Diaz [03:24]: "I got a good memory and shit like that, but I can't forget one year for the inauguration... Their lives are still going. They don't give a fuck."

Lee Syatt echoes concerns about the increasing polarization in politics, noting how party affiliations have seeped into personal identities.

Lee Syatt [05:15]: "It seems like that's all, like, it's all people care about. Like, it's their whole identity being Republican or Democrat."

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3. Navigating the Criminal Justice System

Joey shares his tumultuous history with the legal system, recounting his time dealing with stolen tools charges and the complexities of his sentencing in Colorado.

Joey Diaz [07:09]: "I lucked out because Colorado House Rule 1200... I was looking at 48 months, I was looking at 24 months."

He elaborates on the challenges felons face in the voting process and the broader implications of political changes on personal lives.

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4. Financial Struggles and Debt Management

The conversation shifts to the pervasive issue of debt, with Joey highlighting the immense pressure of credit card debts and student loans in today's society. He recounts his personal battles with debt, exacerbated by the economic downturns and the COVID-19 pandemic.

Joey Diaz [10:13]: "How are you gonna get out of this? So you got two ways: killing somebody, taking everything, or hitting the number."

Lee contrasts his own financial struggles with Joey's, emphasizing the varying degrees of debt pressures individuals face.

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5. The Rise and Impact of OnlyFans

Joey critiques the OnlyFans platform, discussing its psychological toll on women and its role in the broader context of financial desperation and digital exploitation.

Joey Diaz [11:06]: "I heard that OnlyFans are starting to fuck up women now... They could be banging one out for a thousand dicks in a day."

Lee adds his perspective on the lure and pitfalls of the platform, sharing his own frustration with its exorbitant pricing models.

Lee Syatt [13:37]: "I paid for OnlyFans... It was one of the stupidest. I paid like 20 bucks... I couldn't imagine."

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6. Health Scares: Hospital Experiences and Recovery

A pivotal moment in the episode is Joey's harrowing experience with a health crisis. He recounts symptoms that led him to the emergency room, the extensive testing he underwent, and the emotional turmoil of awaiting critical medical decisions.

Joey Diaz [46:31]: "I had my blood pressure at 190 over 130. My pulse was done. They rushed me for an EKG."

Joey details the invasive procedures, the emotions during his hospital stay, and the relief upon receiving a clean bill of health.

Joey Diaz [62:31]: "He goes, your calcium score is like 100. Your heart's strong for a 62-year-old guy."

He reflects on the importance of health awareness, especially as one ages, and his commitment to making positive lifestyle changes post-recovery.

Joey Diaz [68:59]: "I gotta lose some more weight. I gotta drop some more pounds."

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7. Reflections on Aging and Life Changes

Post-recovery, Joey and Lee discuss the inevitability of aging and the necessary lifestyle adjustments that come with it. Joey emphasizes the importance of staying active and mentally engaged to avoid stagnation.

Joey Diaz [70:01]: "I still get to do the podcast with you guys. I still get to do a little comedy. I'm not looking at taking over the world. I just don't want to be fucking bored."

Lee appreciates Joey's resilience and determination to continue his endeavors despite the challenges.

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8. Comedy Career Anecdotes and Industry Insights

Throughout the episode, Joey shares humorous yet insightful stories from his days in comedy, including his infamous on-stage antics and encounters with dubious individuals offering quick success.

Joey Diaz [21:57]: "That was the only time I took it out... That's the night I got off stage."

He also critiques the superficiality within the entertainment industry, expressing frustration with opportunistic individuals preying on vulnerable artists.

Joey Diaz [32:19]: "Because they always fuck with people when they're their most vulnerable."

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9. Conclusion and Future Outlook

As the episode wraps up, Joey expresses gratitude towards his listeners and outlines upcoming plans for the podcast, including guest appearances and future events. He reiterates his commitment to personal growth and maintaining authentic connections with his audience.

Joey Diaz [75:18]: "I'm good. And we'll... We're coming back stronger than ever."

Lee concludes by affirming their shared bond and the continued journey ahead.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Joey Diaz [07:09]: "I lucked out because Colorado House Rule 1200... I was looking at 48 months, I was looking at 24 months."

• Lee Syatt [05:15]: "It seems like that's all, like, it's all people care about. Like, it's their whole identity being Republican or Democrat."

• Joey Diaz [11:06]: "I heard that OnlyFans are starting to fuck up women now... They could be banging one out for a thousand dicks in a day."

• Joey Diaz [46:31]: "I had my blood pressure at 190 over 130. My pulse was done. They rushed me for an EKG."

• Joey Diaz [70:01]: "I still get to do the podcast with you guys. I still get to do a little comedy. I'm not looking at taking over the world. I just don't want to be fucking bored."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament offers a raw and unfiltered glimpse into Joey Diaz's life, blending humor with profound personal experiences. From battling financial debts and navigating the complexities of the criminal justice system to overcoming health scares and reflecting on the passage of time, Joey and Lee provide listeners with relatable and thought-provoking content. Their openness fosters a sense of camaraderie and authenticity, making it a compelling listen for both regular followers and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Joey Diaz]

What's happening, you savages? Uncle Joey Lee Syed here. The Church of what's Happening now, the new edition. Thursday, 23rd January. Without further ado, let's get this party started. Uncle Joey here from Magic Spoon. Listen, if you're an adult, but you still want to eat like a kid, Magic Spoon is a total game changer. Magic Spool cereal tastes just like your old favorites, but with a lot of protein and without the sugar. So Magic Spoon actually fills you up with nostalgic flavors like cocoa, cinnamon roll and birthday cake. It's got 13 grams of protein, 0 grams of sugar and 4 grams of net carbs. Listen, you know me. I like the cocoa flavor. It's chocolatey, it's got some kick to it. And you have it. I have it with two eggs. So the 14 and the two eggs at seven. That's 28. So listen, magic Spoon has on the grill treats that taste just like classic cereal bars. So you can snack whatever you want. Do yourself a favor. Get $5 off your next order at magicspoon.com church. C H U R C H. Or look for Magic Spoon on Amazon or in your nearest grocery. That's magicspoon.comchurch for $5 off. What's happened? Beautiful people. Uncle Joey here. Listen, you want to start off 2025 with a bang? Get yourself some Blue Chew and start having sex. Blue Chew is the original brand of offering chewable tablets. These erection enhancers will help men get stronger, harder and longer lasting. That's right. I said erection enhances. Are you kidding me or what? It's easy and all done online. Just sign [e-mail], consult your licensed medical provider, and once you're approved, forget about it. You'll get your prescription in days. Even the mailman don't know what he's delivering. And wait till you put that in your wallet. You're out lurking one night walking your little ugly dog and you bump into one of these hot chicks that's a sucker for ugly dogs and uglier men. You know what I'm saying? These tablets are made in the USA and you can take them literally anytime you're ready to get down and dirty.

[Lee Syed]

Ooh.

[Joey Diaz]

Kick off a brand new year with the best sex you've ever had. Da da da da da da da. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at Bluechew. Listen, even if you don't need Bluechew, you need it. It's that thing you don't need till you need it. You know what I'm saying. And we got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of BlueChew. Free, free, free, free, free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank BlueChew for sponsoring our pod. What's happening? You bad Uncle Joey here. What's up, dog?

[Lee Syed]

Good to see you, buddy.

[Joey Diaz]

Good to be here, man. I'm not gonna come out here and be like Jamie Foxx, you know? You know.

[Lee Syed]

You're not gonna dance for the first 10 minutes?

[Joey Diaz]

No, I'm not gonna dance. It was nothing serious, you know, I just had some issues. But a lot of other shit went on this week. Okay, we got a new president. Not that I'm political, but I feel. I watched the inauguration for about eight minutes, then I got bored. And then I saw all the celebrities, and I'm like, ah, they fucked this shit up, too. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee Syed]

Oh, my God. You see Theo von. His chair broke.

[Joey Diaz]

I saw that afterward online. I didn't know Theo was there. I just thought, you know, I was sitting there going, I wonder all those suckers that were going for Kamala Harris, if they invited him, if they would go, they wouldn't give a fuck. They'd walk over Kamala Harris just to be in the spotlight. That's how those people are. They don't give a fuck. They weren't serious. Their lives are still going. Their houses burnt down. They're happy. You know what I'm saying? Their lives are still going. They don't give a fuck. But it's a new week, you know? It's a new president. I can't vote. I'm a felon. I have a felon mind. But sometimes, bro, it's like a new start for you.

[Lee Syed]

You hope. Like, that's as much as upset as a lot of people are. You gotta hope that it goes well.

[Joey Diaz]

What? Upset?

[Lee Syed]

A lot of people.

[Joey Diaz]

Really upset. I know somebody told me that there, a friend of theirs. Kids were, like, fucking traumatized. They had to go to a psychiatrist. When I was 18, all I worried about was crabs, you know, and eating somebody with a yeast infection or something. What am I gonna worry about the prep?

[Lee Syed]

You know what I'm saying?

[Joey Diaz]

It's so weird how priorities and politics have really eaten up into our society. Something that I never saw till about 15 years ago.

[Lee Syed]

It wasn't like. Because I think you're right. It seems like that's all, like, it's. It's all people care about. Like, it's. Their whole identity is being, like, on either side. Republican, Democrat, like, it's all they care about now.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, I have friends that blame their lives on the party they belong to.

[Lee Syed]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

Or the other party. And when I started hearing that, when I moved back, I couldn't fucking tolerate it. No, that just wasn't for me. But you know, it's funny because I, you know, man, I got a good memory and shit like that, but I can't forget one year for the inauguration, which was January 20th. I was going to court that day. Like, tomorrow is probably. Yeah, Tomorrow is like 40 something years from my first pinch. I got pinched in Fort Lee and Cliffside for possession of stolen tools.

[Lee Syed]

How are you celebrating?

[Joey Diaz]

I'm not celebrating. I'm not proud of it. But, you know, I have a lot of anniversaries in January and February, so. So. But one of the anniversaries was me going to wait for reconsideration.

[Lee Syed]

What's reconsideration?

[Joey Diaz]

I can't figure it out, George. I can't figure out the date because I got married. 9. 9. 89. So that means I was out. Nobody got elected in 89.

[Lee Syed]

No. Well, they might have been. They might have been sworn in in.

[Joey Diaz]

January, but they would have still been 90.

[Lee Syed]

No, no, no. Because the election would have been 88. So. So January of 89.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, There you go. I remember I was going to reconsideration to get out of fucking the halfway house? No, to get out of prison. To get into the halfway house. To shorten my sentence. And it was like a 9:00 fucking sentence. But when I got there, the TV was on, everybody was saluting the judge and shit. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And they're like, your trial got pushed back to 3 o'clock. I was pissed like a motherfucker. I was like, for what? They're just gonna vote them in. It's over.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I pushed it till three and then I went in there and he gave me a break. But by that time I was going home anyway, so who gave a fuck? But I knew something had happened on Inauguration Day, one year and shit.

[Lee Syed]

And reconsideration is like. They'll let you. Like, it's almost like a parole hearing.

[Joey Diaz]

No, reconsider. When I got sentenced, he told me four to six years. But then as I was walking in, he told my attorney to file a reconsideration notice after 90 days. That means he gets it after 120. They review it and they could either pardon your sentence Right. But with me, I lucked out because house, Colorado House Rule 1200, 1240, something like that. If you were a violent felon, first time offenders, non violent got their sentence cut in half right off the bat. So I was looking at 48 months. I was looking at 24 months. I did one in county and one in county counts as two as state, so all I really had to do was 22 months. You're eligible for a halfway house at 18, me having a high school diploma, having a job at the time of my arrest, took off.

[Lee Syed]

Months, that's like a word problem. How do you keep track of all that?

[Joey Diaz]

I'll never forget it.

[Lee Syed]

I was gonna say, if it's you getting out, they.

[Joey Diaz]

And I know now the rules are probably even more stringent. You know, you gotta have Facebook, you gotta have Snapchat.

[Lee Syed]

I mean, that's the whole thing with politics. It's like. And I, I think that's like the perfect example. I'm sure stuff is changing for a lot of people. Some people it's good, some people not so good. But like, life doesn't really change that much. And like, like you're still all that. Like you're still in prison or you're still going to court.

[Joey Diaz]

It's not only the seasons change, you know what I'm saying? Like, only the fucking seasons change. And if you want your life to change, you have to make a fucking move. But if you're waiting around for a president to come and send you a fucking check, you got problems. And you know What, Lee? From 30 fucking years of experience, I will tell you that there's people and we each know one. We each know a person that is waiting for the bluebird of happiness to knock on their fucking door.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Whether it's with a lottery ticket, whether it's with, you know, you just. And I was there. I know what it's like to go look at my debt. There's only two ways I'm getting out of that. Killing somebody, taking everything, or hitting the number. Let's be honest, at one point in your life, when you're about 30, you're partying, you're down the shore, you're jumping up and down. You're going to Mamma Mia's restaurant in New York. Everything is beautiful. At some point you're gonna look at your life and go, wow, I wanna get married. I wanna buy a fucking house. I owe 90 grand in credit cards. How am I gonna get out of this? And that's any American today that went through a fucking Pandemic. How are you gonna get out of this? So you got what, two ways getting a gun, right? That always works. But that don't guarantee any, you know.

[Lee Syed]

Works a little bit.

[Joey Diaz]

You gotta get the right mule, you know what I'm saying? Or fucking hitting the lottery or selling your grandmother's fucking house or something, you.

[Lee Syed]

Know, dude, because we talked about it, but when we left la, I went back and I lived with my mom for off and on for about four years. And, yeah, like 30, whatever I was, it's not exactly like where I thought I was gonna be. But I can't imagine if you got In March of 2020, you lost your job, and maybe you didn't get one until end of 21. Early 22 ton of people, you're fucked.

[Joey Diaz]

And they gave out unemployment and they.

[Lee Syed]

Gave out those 400 bucks a week.

[Joey Diaz]

That's 1600amonth.

[Lee Syed]

Which in New York, it's just enough to be fucking homeless.

[Joey Diaz]

I know, but if you're fucking collecting unemployment in New York, you know, I don't know what to tell you. That's why every woman went on only fans.

[Lee Syed]

I don't blame them.

[Joey Diaz]

The broads were the smartest ones in the world. Yeah, they said, you know what? It's time to show this pussy. Not really. I could show it with a silhouette. I could just show titties, you know, that's it. We got freedom to win. But I heard that onlyfans are starting to fuck up women now.

[Lee Syed]

What are they doing?

[Joey Diaz]

Like, I don't know, they're psychologically falling apart. Some chick fucked a thousand guys in 12 hours.

[Lee Syed]

Did you see that? A thousand guys.

[Joey Diaz]

I saw her picture on fucking Twitter and you could tell, like, you know, everybody had a payday with her when their family tree, you know, her first fuck was her uncle and his brother.

[Lee Syed]

You know, if you're taking a thousand.

[Joey Diaz]

Dicks in a day, something went wrong. Something went wrong, guys. A thousand dicks. She went into a Burger King. And the black kid, she's scared. That's me. Like, some chick comes up and goes, I wanna. Is there something we could go so I can suck your dick? Listen, if you're asking me, it's never gonna happen. I gotta ask you. I gotta pick you up and take you on my shoulder, you know what I'm saying? But for a woman to come into a Burger King and say to you, listen, I wanna suck your dick and light you on fire, I'm gonna take a pass on that for right now. I'm gonna finish my chicken sandwich.

[Lee Syed]

Because when you say it now, I'm like, oh, I would do it. But, yeah, if you're working or. I don't know if he was working or a customer, but if someone just randomly, I'm gonna think it's like a scam or like a setup or she has aids. I don't know if I'd do it either.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, there's a lot of problems there. There's a lot of thinking.

[Lee Syed]

But, dude, I would.

[Joey Diaz]

She got aids.

[Lee Syed]

Dude, I get scared about everything.

[Joey Diaz]

That little monkey with AIDS soup.

[Lee Syed]

AIDS soup?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, you'll be perfect.

[Lee Syed]

No, I'll be dead. What are you talking about? What?

[Joey Diaz]

You'll never get Covid again. Look at it that way. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee Syed]

Yeah. Cause I'll be dead in three weeks.

[Joey Diaz]

AIDS soup, dog. There's a lot of men living with AIDS right now.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, Magic Johnson has a billion dollars. I don't have a billion dollars.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, trust me. There's a lot of men living with AIDS right now. They've come up with vitamins and minerals. That'll change.

[Lee Syed]

I don't want to take vitamins and minerals.

[Joey Diaz]

I didn't say you did. I'm just saying if you don't want Covid, you get aids.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, my. Dude, I. When I was in Texas at the end of last year, they don't. You can't watch porn. So, like. And I swear to. It was the first time in my life that I signed. I paid for porn. I signed up for only. I did three. Only fans. It was one of the stupidest. First of all, two of them were $3 a month. $3. And then. But they.

[Joey Diaz]

You.

[Lee Syed]

Because you can't see it. So when you pay the $3, then you got to go in and pay $80 for one picture. But I think I found, like, the. Probably the best. Like, I love our podcast. It's probably the best podcast in the world. It's this dude. It's this porn star and his wife who's a porn star, and they have, like, half an hour where they talk, and they're like, hey, how did you get into porn? And then they just take their clothes off and they. On the podcast.

[Joey Diaz]

That's not a bad idea.

[Lee Syed]

It's a pretty good podcast.

[Joey Diaz]

But it's on the porno sites.

[Lee Syed]

It's on only fans. You have to pay. It was like. I paid, like. I think it was, like, 20 bucks.

[Joey Diaz]

But they're married, the porn stars.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, but they. Everybody.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, so other people come in?

[Lee Syed]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah. Other porn stars come in and they just, they. I. I got. I didn't watch one second of the pod. I fast forwarded right until they were naked and then. But I can't even imagine. Holy sh. That. Can you imagine? Like, when we start a podcasting, do you ever think there'd be like a live couple fucking unbodies?

[Joey Diaz]

Not really. You know, but dog, things are going. The world is in a different fucking place. And I hear. Listen, I like my computer. I've been in trouble all my life. I just want peace, right? You know, I get people who pull me aside and tell me to go here and vpn. I won't do it. Like, I don't want to see the dark side. I've already lived it, right? So for me to go into the dark side now, you go on VPN and buy guns and fucking, you know.

[Lee Syed]

You could buy any. That was one of the guys that.

[Joey Diaz]

Trump and all that shit, you know, I just. I don't need that in my life right now. I don't need some guy knocking on my door and fucking my wife's upstairs. Did you try to buy fucking shoes from Russia or some shit? You know, I just don't need it. The worst thing I've ever done on that computer is order Chinese shirts from a communist country.

[Lee Syed]

What?

[Joey Diaz]

Those little Cuban Chinese shirts that the Cubans used to wear.

[Lee Syed]

Okay. I don't know.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, it's just a three button Louis cut over here on the sleeve. White silk.

[Lee Syed]

Okay. Does it have like a communist thing on it?

[Joey Diaz]

No. And then you cut the buttons and you get gold initials, like a real.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, spic.

[Joey Diaz]

And you get a cigar, like, suck my dick. You know what I'm saying? My mother, Pinka.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, my God, that's.

[Joey Diaz]

What? Cuban. Meanwhile, the kids are at home crying. They got no food. But this motherfucker is on Bergenland Avenue with three fucking initials blasted with diamonds.

[Lee Syed]

Jesus.

[Joey Diaz]

But I tried to get those shirts, but I ordered like the biggest Chinese size. Like the biggest, like 6x. Because I just want to try it. I could always order more and I could shrink it. The 6X didn't even get over my head.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, no.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. I still got the shirts because I don't want to. I paid like fucking 80 bucks.

[Lee Syed]

80? Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Joey Diaz]

They're badass. You iron them with starch. Your looks fresh, you bust. What? The only shirt, the only time Bruce Lee wore one was in Fist of Fury, okay?

[Lee Syed]

He wore one of those Cuban shirts.

[Joey Diaz]

He wore one.

[Lee Syed]

What do you think? Like, and I don't know how old you were. In Seattle when you were dating the stripper. But if she had. If only fans was around and she's like, listen, I'm going on only fans. I want you to me on only fans. Would you have done it at 30?

[Joey Diaz]

No. No, you can't get that back.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, but you. But you were broke.

[Joey Diaz]

Doesn't matter. You can't get that back.

[Lee Syed]

I agree. I'm not.

[Joey Diaz]

You can't get that back. And someday there's just some shit that you have to look at realistically. I already had enough skeletons in my closet. Right? I got the kidnapping. I got this, that, this. You know, I. I didn't want to. No. I never had any fucking doubts about doing porn. I always thought it was disgusting. You know, listen, I do a lot of crazy shit, but there's not one woman that could look at me and go, you sent me a dick pic or you sent me a picture of your balls. There's not one woman that could say that.

[Lee Syed]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

I'll tell you why. Because I would never do that. It's scary because once your dick is out there, it's out there for good. The martians got it. You got a drone over your house. You know, once you send that picture to that girl. Dog. I had a friend in L. A. She was half retarded. She wasn't the sharpest girl in the world, but she was a sweet girl. And I knew her for, like, two years. She'd always talk to me at comedy shows. She wasn't a comedian. She worked for an agency. And one day she told me that she went on a date with a guy and she started dating him, you know? And she goes, after a while, we started having sex, but he would never bring me home. He would never bring me to his house. It was like his roommate's apartment or something. Something weird. She goes, he moved away. I never heard from him again. All of a sudden, I got a call one day that I was on a sex site.

[Lee Syed]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

Having sex with this guy. And she contacted attorneys. They couldn't get the video off. They were suing people.

[Lee Syed]

Damn.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, this is 20 years ago, guys. I don't.

[Lee Syed]

But no, that did happen.

[Joey Diaz]

Now shit always happens.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, a girl sends you a picture, you save it. You're in love with her. Then one day, she blows your brother. You're gonna put it on fucking YouTube, you know what I'm saying? You're gonna put it on YouTube. You're gonna do something stupid.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, so it's like I always said. I stole a Lot of things in my life, but I never stole a car. Why? Because they got you. I can't get out of it. You're in the fucking car. You're not running with the bag. And you let it go. You know what I'm saying? That's not mine. You're in the car.

[Lee Syed]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

That's it. You got me. There's no way you can go. All that sex shit. It's. You know. And listen, I've always wanted women to be independent, okay? I mean, let's be honest with you. If I was 24 right now, and I had a great body and I looked good, I would be on ONLY Fans. I wouldn't show my dick and balls. It'd be me swinging kettlebells, rubbing fucking orange juice on myself, jumping up and down the ymca. That's what I'd be doing. I would be. You know, if you want that, there's a $15,000, and that takes that whole thing away. People won't even look at you for that. But there's a lot of chicks, bro. There's people who buy socks and sniff socks and whack off. There's people who look at your picture and bang one out. For example, I'm in the hospital the other day and Weird Science is on. Anybody remember Weird Science? Except for George. Weird Science has one of the hottest women of all time, Kelly LeBrock. And that motherfucker. She takes a shower with those two little boys. How many times would I bang my dick out? Just to the silhouette. I didn't even know what to need with a pussy. Looked like. I just imagined it was dark, with a lot of hair. 1983. Where you going? And then she did the Woman in Red. And in the woman in red, she shows a pussy. When Gene Wilder knocks on the door, she goes like this. Dog. I had that motherfucker on Freeze in Snowmass Village. Banging one out on Freeze. Dog on Freeze.

[Lee Syed]

It's like shaking a little bit. Yeah, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

When you were a kid, when we were 18, Tunnelly Avenue had those portal hotels. And if you went to Channel nine, you could see, like, a dick crooked because they were sending. You had to call the Arab. Hello, Hello? Hello? Channel nine. You want this sex package? Yes, I do. And he would put it on. And then, you know, it was even more disgusting, you know. But I've never really been. I look at my dick and I go, ugh. You know?

[Lee Syed]

But always when I was 20.

[Joey Diaz]

No, when I was 21 and 24, I'd take it out and show it to you. That's the first thing. Hello. Bam.

[Lee Syed]

There you go.

[Joey Diaz]

The Cubanegro, front and center.

[Lee Syed]

I can't believe you did it on.

[Joey Diaz]

Stage at the Comedy Store.

[Lee Syed]

That is bald. I'll do almost anything on stage.

[Joey Diaz]

Telling me to take my dick out. And I told the chick, you want me to take my dick out? Take that little monkey out. And this bitch said, done. And I couldn't go backwards after that. No, that's how you fail. You gave the lady the award. But in those days, not everybody had a camera. A phone with a camera on it. I did that shit before the phone with the camera.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, well, yeah, that makes. But even. Like, there's something weird about. I'll say anything to anybody on stage. I really will, but I don't think I take my dick out. I don't even. Even if every camera was locked up. That's a. That's a baller move. That's a lot of confidence.

[Joey Diaz]

That was the only time I took it out. Like, in a hole with cock balls. Bobby Lee was going nuts. Rogan was going nuts. Chewy was going nuts. It was a Friday night at the store. Place was fucking packed, and it was on. And I remember one time, I looked at the glass, and everybody was looking through the fucking glass. I'm like, God damn. This is how to rock the fucking Comedy Store. That's the night I got off stage. And some guy comes up to me. Hello, Mr. D. I'm like, how you doing? You know? He's like, I'd like to book you. And I'm like, where? And he goes, I'll have you next Friday in Rotterdam, Saturday in Amsterdam, and fucking Sunday in Birmingham. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee Syed]

Like.

[Joey Diaz]

And I'm like, are you serious? He goes, you should get your passport and everything. And I'm like, get the fuck out of here. He goes, next week. He goes, Monday, call this number. It's on Wilshire. He gave me a fucking money order for 250 or cash. He gave me something and he goes, go down there. Put everything in. I'll expedite it. You'll be in fucking by Thursday. I got to Kennedy Airport and I went. And the dude was Spanish or something, and I started talking to him and her about Puerto Rico or some shit. And the chick looked at him, and they looked at each other, and she said, can I talk to you for a minute? She goes, if I process you, somewhere along the line, you're gonna get stopped and they're gonna bring you back against their terms or hold You. There was a loop with my visa at the time. I didn't have a visa. This guy got me one of those quick fucking, you know, at that time, a visa was 10 bucks. So if you gave him 300 bucks, they give it to you that day, it's 300 times profit. The guy goes, if I put you through there, he goes, I don't know what's going on. They're gonna flag you. He goes, you're gonna get through me. But I don't want you to get flagged in fucking Austria, right? And I was like, throw this away. And I just walked back and damn, I took that flight from all the way. Cause there's another airline up in. There's another airport in Long island, not just Kennedy, all the way at the tip that Southwest flies out of.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, yeah, Islip or something.

[Joey Diaz]

It's Islip.

[Lee Syed]

Islip.

[Joey Diaz]

So I had to take fucking Southwest from there. That's the tip of the other side of the earth. That's like an extra hour to that flight. Six. And I had. I think if you take that flight from Islip to California, it's three stops. Three, I think so.

[Lee Syed]

And you didn't have a phone to call the guy who booked you, I would imagine.

[Joey Diaz]

Nah, I had a page. In those days, that's all you need. You don't need my number. Just page me.

[Lee Syed]

Holy shit.

[Joey Diaz]

It was a fucking nightmare. But, hey, listen, I. I got out of it. I wouldn't want to, you know, who knows? I would have been in Austria doing comedy like Ronald and shit like that.

[Lee Syed]

You know, I just saw a clip today. Gary Owen, he put up. He had a story that he filed for divorce in Ohio and his wife filed in California. And he was doing a show in Florida, and his lawyer called him, was like, you got to cancel your second show. You're about to get served. And if they serve you, your divorce is going to happen in California. And it's a 50, 50 state. So it. Because. So it just. It's great, like, to cancel a show because that process server is gonna come. Did you ever get. No one ever fucked with the other show? Like, no, no.

[Joey Diaz]

Early on, when I first got into comedy, I owed every credit card I would get to a fucking club. Like, I get to comedy. Works for the open mic on Tuesdays, right? And they come to me and go, oh, you got a phone call. I'm like, fucking HBO. And it was a 1-800-number. And I called back like, I Discover card. I'm like, holy shit. Anywhere. I would go at One point, the phone would ring from a creditor when you got there. That's how scary my life got, dog.

[Lee Syed]

And you weren't even putting stuff up online then. There was no online back then. So how did they find you, dog?

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know.

[Lee Syed]

Holy shit.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know. It was fucking crazy. When I first won AWOL on the cards after I got divorced, for like a year, they didn't stop. And I didn't stop either. You know, once they started playing hardball, I started playing hardball.

[Lee Syed]

How do you play hardball?

[Joey Diaz]

With Visa, all of them, Discover, Amex, Visa. At the time, I just started doing, you know, like I had those Discover checks in my drawer. And in the 90s, Discover sent you a car for 500, but they also wrote you three blank checks, right, that you could use those motherfuckers, you know, towards that 500, okay? So one night that account was closed and I just took a check and went to the bank for 1000 bucks. I put it in there and the lady gave me. All right, how do you want your money? 20s. Jesus, I couldn't believe she gave it to me on a Saturday night. At 11 o'clock at night. Boulder was open 24 fucking hours. That bank on 30th Street. Let me tell you what else happened at that fucking bank. I took the money, I got high, I did whatever. I lived like a doctor. On Sunday, Monday morning, 9:01, they paid me and they said, bring your car in, we're gonna repo it. And you better have that money by 3:00 when the bank closes or they're gonna press charges. I couldn't get the thousand bucks. So the lady worked out a fucking deal where the Discover loan got tagged onto my bank loan for the car. I had an Acura at the time, an Integra. That's the same bank, like in 1995, some motherfucker took one of those things, they put down those cones, okay? He put down cones in all the lanes. In Boulder, the smartest city in the world, he put lanes down. He goes, the tellers are not working. Leave your deposit in the box, huh? You can't believe how many people left their deposit in the box.

[Lee Syed]

You kind of deserve it at that point.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, it's felony stupid, you know, it's always stupid.

[Lee Syed]

Leave it. And dude, like, I can't even imagine what the difference is. Like, do you feel like. Is that why you don't get stressed about stuff a lot? Because I can't imagine the stress you had back then. Writing Fake chat or whatever. And then now, like, I never wrote a fake check. Not a fake.

[Joey Diaz]

You just hop on that one a little bit. I had to think on that one. I wasn't a fake checker, but I had written, you know, checks like when you have 22 on your account, right, and you write one for 8,000, you know, like that, you know, not even close like that.

[Lee Syed]

But then also like the credit card debt you had, like to have. And we were talking about at the beginning, like to have debt like that. I've been. There were times where I was broke, but I was very lucky. The most I ever got was a couple thousand in credit card debt. I can't imagine having 50,000. Like I can't imagine the stress it puts on you.

[Joey Diaz]

How many people, I mean, we have a mutual friend. What were her student loan payments? A month?

[Lee Syed]

Oh, was like a thousand or so.

[Joey Diaz]

No, the Mexican.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, Jesus.

[Joey Diaz]

Remember you had a number, you were concerned if something ever happened.

[Lee Syed]

It was like thousand. It was a lot. I forget now, but it was 1800amonth.

[Joey Diaz]

Jesus, the Mexican chick.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, I remember.

[Joey Diaz]

You know what I'm talking about? Why are you here?

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, I remember.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, I mean it's, it's 1400 is your first payment every month. Before rent, before car insurance. 1400 to a person who's 24 years old, 25, 26, that's fucking stress, guys. But again, her first year salary is going to be 140. Okay, but still, but that's not. It was, it was 10 years, remember? It was a long sentence. It wasn't one of these three year, 24 months. No, it's like 9% APR, you know what I'm saying?

[Lee Syed]

Remember we had, towards the end of the LA podcast, we had someone come on and she was brand new to LA and she had like a Mercedes for like 900amonth. 900amonth?

[Joey Diaz]

900Amonth, you know, and again you look at somebody and I understand you have to have some type of image. But you know what? I'd rather eat blow and show up on a fucking scooter. You know what I'm saying? I'd rather show up with a little Chinese guy, I'm whipping him, than fucking show up with that. And I'm living like a fucking pauper. I'm hiding from the landlord. And that's a lot of people will do that. I've been, Listen, I was in Los Angeles for a long time and I saw so many people that had six figure cars. And I'm like. But those people disappeared in nine months, you never saw them again. Something always happened. The mother died, they had to go back, you know, they just disappeared. Yeah, you know, there was a lot of people that were just trying to set up shop and be big shots. They'll take their whole credit card, go buy a couple of Armani suits, some shoes, and that's how they'll play it. They'll rent the house and tell you they own it, right? Up in Malibu or whatever. Well, there's nothing left. I mean, I'm sorry to say that.

[Lee Syed]

Now you know they're lying for sure.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? Up in the Hollywood Hills, they'll rent a house. It's $29,000 a month. I mean, my buddy was renting a house three blocks from me for 10,000amonth. 10,000amonth. Nice house. He had no furniture. You walk in there, there was a table and that's it. And a TV and a couch. 10,000amonth. Fuck. If you want to pay it, they'll take your money. You can live just like Tony Montana. You can have the exact same house like fucking Tony. It's amazing. You know it, you saw it. You could just move to LA and play the role. That's it. Havana Productions. How you doing? Joey Diaz, Havana Productions. I'm thinking of doing an eight part series on the Spanish American influencer. The fuck outta here. Yeah, the fuck do you know? And those motherfuckers piss me off. And I'll tell you why.

[Lee Syed]

Why?

[Joey Diaz]

Because they always fuck with people when they're their most vulnerable. And that's why I've always hated those people. I've done a lot of bad shit, okay? But I don't fuck with people's talent. I know what it feels like when you're fucking not eating for three days and some motherfucker bumps into you and says, I can make you a star. And you're like, really? I just want a steak sandwich. You know what I'm saying? That's all I need is a steak sandwich and a little bag of fries. Give me a fucking gram of blow and you won't hear from me for a week. That's all I needed, right? You know, but there's people come up there and they fucking like, I'm gonna do this for you, this feeling. Then you realize, like, this guy's a fucking bum. Like. And it continues in LA and it continues in New York. You're always gonna bump into those people that come in with a bullshit story. I used to work for this guy. I Want to help you. And you're sitting there and you're vulnerable, and you go, you know what? Let me do some work with this guy. And he takes you into a deeper hole of depression.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, and I love it because, like, because of you. And I don't. I. Like, I'd like to think I'm not the most person, but, like, I was at an open mic this week, and this dude was there, and he had, like, eight jackets on a bunch of scarves, and it was like, hey, do you want to be my documentary? And the people were saying, yes. And I looked at his phone. He was filming it. A, on his phone, B, he wasn't even on their face. He was just on their shoulder. Like, there's a. Like, there's people who are just crazy. And I think it's like, we want it so bad that we're willing. Oh, anything that we can do to.

[Joey Diaz]

Go viral or to, like, because we're vulnerable, we're hungry. We want what our friends want. You know, it looks nice on paper. You know, Doug, I get this once a month on Instagram, like, how to become Famous. Like, people actually go out of their way and say that. And I just look at, you know that you have, like, those things on Instagram or people that are your friends, and every once in a while, you slide it over and it's a bunch of people. You don't know the messages. You got to read those messages. They're not good. Those things are not good.

[Lee Syed]

Dude. I had this guy. I'm sure it happens to you all the time. There was this one dude who, on, like, every money platform was sending me, like, requests, like, on a daily basis. Like, I don't know what kind of money people think I have. I'm not doing bad, but I don't have give random people money kind of money. And this dude every, like. And I asked. I asked a couple comics, like, who I was opening for, and like, oh, yeah, I get that same guy. Like, just every day, a message. Like, a message on a different app.

[Joey Diaz]

It's a crazy world, the Internet. We're gonna take a breather real quick. Talk to you about BetterHelp, about DraftKings, the Super Bowl, NBA. We got it all. We'll be right back. What's happening? Beautiful people? Uncle Joey for BetterHelp. As a matter of fact, this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Listen, I'm sure you, like everybody else, you have huge goals for 2025, and you need some help reaching them. BetterHelp is your answer BetterHelp's online therapy is affordable, convenient, and you'll get access to a network of over 30,000 therapists with a huge range of specialties. Whether you're working through struggles with your career, your kids, your family, self esteem, or being a MOOC like Uncle Joey, BetterHelp's therapist can get you on the right track. Like they did with me. Listen, I was with BetterHelp for about six, seven, eight months. They were tremendous. They spoke to me. They gave me exercise to do to calm myself down. My anxiety's been cut in half ever since. And let's say you don't like your therapist. You could switch it for free just with a click of a button. Make 2025 the year you get into therapy and change your life for the better. Write your story. And write your story with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com Diaz D I A Z today I'm gonna get you 10% off. 10% off. 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com Diaz hey, look at you savages. Uncle Joe here to talk to you about DraftKings. Listen, sports are exciting by themselves, but you're getting ready to kick things up a notch with DraftKings, DraftKings Sportsbook and official sports betting partner of the NFL. They're ready to take that game day to the next level. Ready to place your first bet? Come on now, let's take a chance. Columbus did try throwing down on some cash on something simple, like what player you think will score a touchdown? Even I hit that last week. Anybody can hit that. Then head to DraftKingsportsbook app to lock in your pick. New DraftKings customers can bet just $5 and get $200 in bonus bets instantly. That's an awesome way to kick off the football season your first time and 2025. So download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code Joey J O E Y. That's code Joey J O E Y. For new customers to get 200 in bonus bets instantly when you just bet $5. It's that easy only on DraftKings Sportsbook, where the crown is yours.

[Lee Syed]

Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 877-8-HOPENY or text hopeny467-369 In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Boyd in Ontario bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance for additional terms and responsible gaming resour.

[Joey Diaz]

We're back, you savages. Another interesting thing that happened this week was. And again, I don't even know why I'm bringing this up. I was just hoping to get a fucking reaction out of you cocksuckers. The hostages got free. Only three. But it starts with three, right?

[Lee Syed]

That's all. That's all that got out is three. You're my Israeli.

[Joey Diaz]

They got the three, and then we gave them 36 soldiers or something like that. I don't know. I was too busy with my own dilemma. So New Year's came and went. I gotta be honest with you guys. I had a. You guys know me. Like, I was excited about the holidays this year, honest to God, you know, I was in LA all those years for the holidays. I came back here. The first year was kind of quiet, then the next year was just us. Then the following year is when I came back from Nashville and I spent it by myself. My wife was mad at me for three weeks and then I was looking forward to it this year. My nieces were coming, you know, I was going to try to fuck and have a great holiday. So starting like October, I was like, fuck it, it's the holiday.

[Lee Syed]

October, starting Halloween.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. And I started, you know, talking to Fung Factory Farms and they started sending me those death mushrooms. And I'm like, God damn. I went from eating two stems to three to four.

[Lee Syed]

When did you eat two stems?

[Joey Diaz]

You know? And you know, listen, guys, I was just having a good time blowing off steam. I was having a great time doing stand up, you know, I was still eating a bag of dicks from time to time. But at least I was out there. It's better than me, but I had a lot on my fucking coconut. Like, I just had a lot about dates and what I wanted to do and this. And I'm like, you know. And I have, you know, Osterias by my house, which I love that place. I could always eat a handful of mushrooms and just sit at the bar, laugh my ass off there, which I was doing a lot of nights, you know, that's what I would do. I would just fucking grab a handful, sprinkle it on a pizza, fucking eat the pizza. I go see my little Arab friend over at the fucking pizza place at Carlos, the girl, I love her, she give me a cheese slice. I put like 6 grams of mushroom in it and eat the pizza right in front of it. She just shake her head and Then I drive around till the mushroom hit me. You know what I'm saying? Loud fucking music. That's my world. And that's what I was doing. Then I'd go to Osteria and giggle. And then by the time I got home, the house was alive. At least I'd be home alive. So when I got home, I made Terry get up. Come on, let's go ba, ba, ba. Goof around with her. Make Mercy come down. So I was just in a better fucking mood, guys, you know? But if you know anything about Uncle Joey, he just went deep into the milk. I just was going deep and I went deep straight till fucking New Year's straight. Like, I would take three days off the shrooms and then go two days, and they'd take four days off. But those two days, I was eating 12 or 13 or 14 grams. This wasn't no hoop dee doop, motherfucker.

[Lee Syed]

Let's be honest. You have no idea how much you were eating because you were just going by handful.

[Joey Diaz]

Which is crazy, because I like that euphoria when it first hits you. You know, that's what everybody likes about getting high. The euphoria, whether it's, you know, whatever the fuck you're doing, you're gonna get fucking high. That euphoria. You know, later on with the mushrooms, I would take them to keep up, and it's like, reefer. I need that first. So let me eat 14 grams up front so I don't go that deep. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee Syed]

For those of you asking, one gram is you. Like, one. I. I would take two to two and a half, maybe three, and I'd have a real. I would be up 14. That's a.

[Joey Diaz]

Doesn't matter.

[Lee Syed]

What do you mean, it doesn't matter?

[Joey Diaz]

All right. You know, and it was like, all right, it's just a number, motherfucker. Just a number. Okay, so it's just weird. Like, I started feeling shitty on the third. The third. It was. The first was a Thursday. Friday was the second. That third, I remember going. Everything caught up with me. I was done. I hadn't been smoking. I was like, something's wrong with my chest. And then Sunday I didn't feel good. Then Monday I woke up sick. Tuesday I was sick, and Wednesday was Mercy's birthday. And I finally went to the doctor, and he goes, I think you should fucking go to the hospital. But they gave me a couple treatments of the albuterol and I felt better. But it was just a band aid, right? Like, when I got Outside. Once you go outside and the air was cold, it would just lock me up, guys. It would just lock me up like it would anybody, you know? So that Thursday, I woke up and I was like, hmm, I could do this. And then we had a villa on that Monday. And then the Tuesday was the open mic, right?

[Lee Syed]

And you were. Okay. Ish.

[Joey Diaz]

And I was the open. No, no, no. When I.

[Lee Syed]

Cause I remember at the open mic, you said, like, you said you weren't feeling good, but you went up.

[Joey Diaz]

What's that?

[Lee Syed]

You went up and.

[Joey Diaz]

No, I got there. I was closing the show, so I didn't want to cancel, so I went down there. But I noticed that after five minutes that I started sweating profusely.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, he did say that after you got on stage.

[Joey Diaz]

I did not sweat like that since my cocaine days. Not that I would do coke before I went on stage, but I would sweat, not do coke before I went on stage. If I did coke the night before that night, even if I went on stage, 11:45, it could be freezing out, and I'd break into a sweat. And that's how you knew I was doing coke the night before. I always sweat in that show. So when I got on that stage and after four or five minutes, I could feel sweat dripping down my back. There's one thing to get a little sweat over here, but when you feel it. And then my breathing started getting elevated when I was up there and I had the bag of mushrooms.

[Lee Syed]

Yes, you did, because I did.

[Joey Diaz]

So I did feel good when I left the house. Thank God I didn't eat them, because once I got off stage, I'm like, this is done. My back, I could feel the wrist. My shirt was wet in the back, and the fucking sweatshirt was drenched around him. Like, no bueno.

[Lee Syed]

And you didn't even do an hour. You did, like, what, 20, 30 minutes.

[Joey Diaz]

30 minutes.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I went home, and the next morning, there was no fucking good. I went to get coffee and my daughter came around and goes, what's going on? I couldn't fucking breathe. I was just hanging by the sink and I had to pee and I couldn't make it to the bathroom, so I just went on my back porch and took my dick out behind the barbecue like a savage. It's fucking squirting. I'm almost fainting, you know?

[Lee Syed]

At least he made it to the porch. I thought you were gonna say you peed on the floor.

[Joey Diaz]

Nah. Then Mercy went to school, and I told my wife and I was gonna go to Center State in Freehold.

[Lee Syed]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

And then a friend of mine called me. She goes, if you think it's your heart, shoot to Neptune.

[Lee Syed]

Cause you had to cancel the show Wednesday night.

[Joey Diaz]

Wednesday night. Wednesday night. I got dressed, like, at 3. I knew I'm not feeling good. But if I rest a little bit, the drive up will be easy. The drive back will be easy. It'll be a fucking. I'll do 35 minutes. All these gorillas are up there anyway. I go, I could do it. I felt good. I ate a little something. I went in the shower. When I was in the shower, I'm like, this is gonna be a motherfucker. I went downstairs, started the car. And when I went outside in the cold head, it was cold that night.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, fuck it.

[Joey Diaz]

And I went outside. When I came in, my wife's like, why are you sitting down? And she looked at me. She's like, oh, no, you're in. No. I couldn't fucking breathe. I walked in the car inside. Something I do every goddamn day, ten times a day.

[Lee Syed]

And there's no stairs and no nothing.

[Joey Diaz]

No, there was no stairs. I just couldn't breathe, guys. So I said, tomorrow, if I feel this way, I'm going in. And I did. And when I went in there, dog, my blood pressure was 190 over 130. My pulse was fucking done. In fact, they took my vitals and rushed me to get an EKG. My oxygen level was 88.

[Lee Syed]

I thought it was even lower than. That's crazy.

[Joey Diaz]

They took me. They said, you're admitted. They took me into the hallway. They put a fucking boop in my arm iv. They started blasting away, fucking shooting this and me this and me this and me. And they got me a room. And then my wife was there with me for a little while. And then fucking Lee showed up with fucking goodies. Was Scarface on when you were there?

[Lee Syed]

No. No, Scarface wasn't on that. And that was fucked up because you were the tv. No, it was. Remember the Titans.

[Joey Diaz]

That's a good football.

[Lee Syed]

That was a good movie. But see that? It was a good movie up, because the sound was coming out of the remote.

[Joey Diaz]

So you left me the speakers.

[Lee Syed]

I tried to.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, the airlines and no speakers. It's like getting a iPhone. Listen. That iPhone. No, it's like, when you're born, God knows when you're gonna die. Only him. The iPhone, when you buy it, there's a date inside when it's gonna die. Okay? Airline speakers, they have a date, too. They just dead, like in the middle of the movie. That's it. I'm trying to put it back. I'm trying to fix this thing because I had them on. You put it at the edge of the thing. It was Return of the Titans. Then you left. And then I was down there for maybe two other hours where people were coming in and talking to me. Yeah, like all the doctors. I was talking to them and shit. So next thing you know, like, we're trying to find you a room, dog. When I went out, I would go in the hallway to walk around. I had to sit right back down. And there were people all out in the hallways.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, that scary.

[Joey Diaz]

Every side of the room, these old people were out there. There was a lady who kept saying, hello. Hello.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

[Joey Diaz]

Hello. Hello, dog. She said hello for three hours straight. You understand me, dude? I thought I was like in the criminal hall of fame. Hello. Hello? Hello. Hello. Hello.

[Lee Syed]

Dude Erskine. I was someone else that I know was in the ER last week. And then you were. It is. I'm very happy that I've been healthy because it's. They like, they literally will put a bed in front of another bed in the hallway. We don't have anything. You don't have, like, you don't have anywhere to plug in your phone, like, to even look at anything. And like, they're just walking around. The ER is a scary place. The room you had was a lot better.

[Joey Diaz]

Well, that was a room in the er, right? You know, so I was still downstairs among the animals, you know, I ate. Lee left and then they brought me up around 10. And it was a two man room. And that guy was crumpled up, making weird noises. They put me in the corner in the window. Sid had a window view. I had my own tv. The room was cut in half. And I had my own bathroom. He had his own bathroom. About 2:00 I'm like, I'm gonna fall. I didn't bring my sleep apnea machine, so they brought me one of their machines which was basically a ventilator. It sounded like a fucking car engine.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, no.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, And I couldn't. What fucking number are you? I don't know. I don't know. It was a fucking car engine. So I'm about to fucking take off with that mask on about three. Dog. I started getting depressed. I woke Terry up and I go, I gotta go home. I've been here for fucking 15 hours. Nobody knows dick. They already took blood out of me from everywhere, right? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And she's like, don't leave. And I got the nurse and I go, listen, I'm thinking of fucking Ubering. I contacted Uber. They said, we got an uber there in seven minutes. You'll be home by 5:03 or something. And my wife called back and she was really upset. She goes, you gotta stay, dog. What the fuck, you know?

[Lee Syed]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And I agreed. I sat there at 6, I was fucking starving. So they gave me some cereal and shit like that. And then at 9, breakfast came. Now, the guy next to me, as much as I wanted to leave, I'm like, I'm gonna give these motherfuckers till about three, you know? The guy next to me was complaining, and some doctor came in first thing in the morning and told him if everything went right, he could go home. Once they tell you that, that fucks you up, right? Every time somebody came in to talk to that guy after that, he kept saying, yeah, but the first doctor said I could fucking leave. This went on for about two or three hours with this guy. I went down a test to do some type of test. And when I came back, they let the guy out. He didn't make it to the elevator. Once they discharge you, you gotta start in the basement again. They put him right back in the basement.

[Lee Syed]

He forced his way out and he fucking fell.

[Joey Diaz]

The elevator, he fell and he fucking didn't make it. And now he was getting surgery. You know what? And I was like, I'm done.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm gonna sit right here like I own this motherfucker.

[Lee Syed]

I was gonna say, Cause, people, I.

[Joey Diaz]

Had nowhere to go. I had no weed, but I had a backpack. And I went to get a pen. And what was in there? One single mushroom stem. I looked at it. It was one long one with a little cap. And I go, how do I do this? I just put it right back in there. It's still in the bag. It's my lucky mushroom stem.

[Lee Syed]

Thank God.

[Joey Diaz]

And when my wife came, she goes, I brought your shaving kit. And when I opened the shaving kit, I had edibles in there.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, shit.

[Joey Diaz]

And I'm. Right away, I'm like, I'm gonna do edibles. But I was like, I'm gonna do this right. Let me do this and do this right and get this over with. And then I had another roommate, and I started talking to him, and he turned out to be a fucking savage. This guy from Vietnam. And the next morning, like, when he came in, I go, they gave me cereal, if you want cereal. And he goes, yeah, but I can't move. I go, I'll get it for you. I got cereal, cranberry juice and shit. But then that afternoon, they moved me to my own room. And I tell you, the nurses were great, Dog, I'm scared of my own shadow when it comes to hospitals and doctors, dawg. It is a fucking nightmare for a guy like me. They gave me 10 shots just on this arm. If I show you my arm, it's just bruised up over here from the fucking. The blood clot.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, no.

[Joey Diaz]

So I wouldn't have got a blood clot, thank God. That's why I walked every hour in the hour. Because you're fucking. You're sitting there all day. I wouldn't even lay in the bed. I would sit in the chair and read. I was reading the fucking book. But I would walk every hour on the hour. And sometimes they'd make me walk with the oxygen on my finger. And it would show them my finger. My fingerprints are gone. If I was ever gonna be a burglar, this is the fucking week. Because they came up every fucking hour and took blood out of each finger. I swear to God, they took so much blood out of this finger. It was out of blood. Like the fucking Filipino nurse. They had to send the head nurse, Carmelita, I loved her to death. And she's like, you have no blood, Mr. Diaz. I go, yeah. Cause they've taken every fucking venticle, whatever. So they started on this hand, this, this. I still can't feel my fucking things. No wonder people get diabetes. Look at my fingers, how hard they are. They look like little sausages and shit because I regrew skin like a motherfucker. I swear to God, they shot me with fucking needles. And that was twice a day, that Hefibrin. Hefibrin, whatever the fuck that was. Twice a day. Do you want me to tell you it hurt? No, it didn't hurt. The fucking worst pain I got was when I first checked in. She goes, I'm gonna take some blood. I didn't expect to fucking. For it to hurt me, but she was putting an IV in, so it took me a little deeper, but I was okay. I didn't pass out. But I had some fucking adventures in there with the needles. I really did. Because they have rolling veins, so they can't. I got good veins, but they roll. So when you stick a needle, they disappear. So the first night, they tried five different IVs on me. How I didn't snap, I don't know.

[Lee Syed]

I was going to say, because people were checking in with me. And at first, I didn't Know what you wanted me to say. And then when I could tell a few people what I said, like. Because some people, like, how mad is he? Well, you know what though? I will say, the first, The Thursday when I was there the first time, you did say you had a couple 50s to try to bribe your way out of there.

[Joey Diaz]

I showed up with 800, I had fucking money stashed. And I fucking took it all. And I went down, I go, I had like six hundred dollar bills. Two of those hundreds will get me anywhere in this country. You understand me? So I always knew I had an out. I always knew if things got dange, somebody give me a run, a ride home for the small 200.

[Lee Syed]

But you handled it pretty well.

[Joey Diaz]

I had no choice. I had no. Every once in a while I gotta come to terms with what's going on, right? Because what's worse, you ever try going to the doctor nowadays, guy? Okay?

[Lee Syed]

It's impossible.

[Joey Diaz]

Your piss hurts. You gotta go to your main doctor. That's a small 50. You gotta drive the morning and then you gotta go to your fucking. Now you gotta set up an appointment with this douchebag. And now your emails are going off because. Checking in. Are you checking in for your appointment next Thursday? It's next Thursday, you know what I'm saying? They fucking torture the fuck out of you.

[Lee Syed]

But even that, like, if you were sick today, you couldn't probably get into your regular doctor for like a month.

[Joey Diaz]

Guess what?

[Lee Syed]

What?

[Joey Diaz]

For three fucking months I couldn't get into my regular doctor. On the drive up here today, she called, Oops, we have an appointment tomorrow, 11:30. Can you fucking believe that? I couldn't get in there for eight fucking months. Now all of a sudden they're calling me to tell me I fucking got an appointment at 11:30 in my. So this is the weirdest thing about the medical fucking field. But the whack, the whole. The craziest event I had, guys, was, okay, so they did a bunch of X rays, they did a bunch of tests, they took a bunch of blood. They were taking three to four tubes a day of blood. First thing in the morning, needle in the vein with the fucking leg. And I see your mother.

[Lee Syed]

What's the leg?

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know. It's like an air pump, but it fills up three tubes, let you know.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, Jesus.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know. I don't. Look. So after the dude says this to me on Friday, he goes, listen, Joey, we got one test we're gonna give you. And what they do is they slit Your wrist. And they put this up your wrist and it goes into your heart. And if you need a stent or a balloon, it does it right on the spot. And then. And he goes, but it could cause a stroke. It could do this, it could do that. I said, listen, let's just fucking do this shit right, okay? So Monday comes and they're gonna do this test on me. It's supposed to be at like 9, maybe 10 o'clock. They're like, you can't eat after midnight. And I'm like, that's not gonna work. That's if I'm gonna see you at seven for blood. But if you're gonna take me somewhere at seven and not feed me. So I got up at five and I had two boxes of Rice Krispies and an apple or something in a fruit bowl, right? Just to fill me up a little bit. And then sure enough, they didn't come get me till 10 o'clock. So I was prepared. At least I wouldn't go insane, right? When I get down 10, they're like, oh, you're not even going in for another hour. The guy's still in front of you. And they got to clean the room. So I knew I was fucking prepared. But in the meanwhile, they came over to me and they go, you know exactly what you're going to do. And I'm like, not really. And they're like, all right, we'll break it down for you. We're going to take you in there. Hold on. All right, so we're going to take you in there. They're going to put the thing in your arm. It's going to go through your heart. They're going to fix it. If it's non fixable, if there's nothing going on, we won't do nothing. But if there is going on and it's not the balloon in the stent, we're on the wire with a heart doctor, a whole team, and we decide what we're gonna do with you. That if we're gonna continue to surge. And I go, you guys didn't tell me about this third option. It was a balloon. And that's it. All of a sudden you're throwing what's behind door number three, you know what I'm saying?

[Lee Syed]

Open heart surgery.

[Joey Diaz]

No, they was gonna do something else. They have to do something. The guy's name was Dr. Gergis. He was great. He was fucking great. His assistant was telling me this, right? So he goes, they go through your wrist. And if for some reason they can't they go through your nut? Whatever. Through the groin. I go, okay, no problem. When this guy leaves, this little Salvadorian lady comes in. Hello, Mr. Diaz. And she's like, I'm gonna get you ready for surgery. She starts shaving my arm. And all of a sudden she goes, okay, put a towel between your legs. I'm good. I go, hello? I go, no, no, no, no. They're doing the wrist. She goes, but just in case we have to do the. I don't want to come back in and shave hair and go everywhere. And I'm like, ah. So she put a little towel on me like the rock. I was just laying there and just shaved the side. She put a little powder. She wiped it down with some maluka juice. Ooh, you have rash. I was never so fucking embarrassed. 62 years old, this lady is shaving around my nut sack. Thank God I took a shower that morning, and she didn't get a dose of that morning nut. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee Syed]

Morning nut.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, that morning nut. We all take a whiff of it in the morning. I love it before you serve it up. You know what I'm saying? You gotta whip them up. So I fucking go in there, right? The room is freezing. Just how I like it. They fucking, you know, wheel over onto a table. They're talking to you. A ton of shit's going on. I'm having a good time, guys. I'm like, at least he's gonna get it over with. I got this shit over with, man. It might hurt. People said, your arm's gonna hurt for a few days. Nothing, motherfucker. When they did whatever to my wrist because I already had an IV in here. So they put drugs in there. They go, we're gonna get you high. You're not gonna be singing. You're not gonna be sleeping, but you have to, in case we tell you you gotta breathe and stuff. And when I heard him say, we shot him 65 fentanyl, I go, lo, lo. I go, listen. Because after five minutes, I didn't feel nothing. I'm like, guys, I got a high tolerance. You better hit me with another shot. So they gave me 25 more milligrams of Fentanyl. And then I started feeling the little bots. Whatever they put into my wrist, dog, made my leg pop up. That was sharp. I was like. And then it just went away. And then they did whatever procedure they did. I heard beep, beep. And I saw lights and shit. I saw Lee dancing at Hudson county park with a tuxedo on.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, that's nice.

[Joey Diaz]

And all of a sudden they go, it's over. It was like 20 minutes. So he goes out, they're all talking in there, and this motherfucker comes back with that mask. Like when they went to give Carmela bad news. We don't know if Tony's gonna make it. I got depressed. Like, I was like, fuck. And he walked up to me, he goes, Mr. Diaz, I don't know what to tell you. We couldn't find anything. The first thing that came to my mind was 27 years of doing cocaine. And you're trying to tell me it was for nothing? Like, I didn't come out with a stench, nothing like a. A fucking coke rock in the vein. He goes, everything is cleaned out. And I was thinking about the hills of North Bergen. Thinking about the hills of North Bergen. Every time you gotta walk, those things your heart would fucking pump out. We're like boxers. You ever see a boxer? He's all fucked up. He could barely talk. He's alive because everything else is dead, but his heart's still fucking going.

[Lee Syed]

Jeez.

[Joey Diaz]

So that's the only excuse. I mean, I was like, doc, are you fucking serious? He goes, I can't. He goes, your calcium score is like fucking 100.

[Lee Syed]

And that's good.

[Joey Diaz]

That's good. He goes, your heart's strong for a 62 year old guy. I didn't tell him about the blow or nothing like that. The malukia juice and everything else.

[Lee Syed]

Were you. Cause I know you said you were nervous. I was depressed.

[Joey Diaz]

I got fucking depressed for a minute. I was like, what the fuck? So all this time, you know, because I took the first vaccine, but it was Johnson and Johnson. It was the fennoic vaccine.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

They give to little boys and girls.

[Lee Syed]

I forgot. You took that one.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, I took the Johnson and Johnson in Union City. God knows what was in there, you know what I'm saying? So I was always concerned about my heart. I always have palpitations. They put a heart thing on me two years ago. For a week, for 10 days, I had a heart monitor on me. And I went back expecting the worst news. They're like, sorry, nothing's wrong with you. So I'm cleared that way. Then the next morning, they gave me the thing for my lungs.

[Lee Syed]

Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

And I'm still waiting on that. And I'm waiting on the blood test, the last blood test they gave me. So I'll get the results tomorrow for that and they'll follow me up next week. I feel good. The doctors don't want me to do shit till February, second week of February. So I still got Philly on the books. They're trying to move Jersey City on Wednesday night. And that's it. I slug, you know, I've been out of the hospital for two days, and I feel a little sluggish, but I'm good, You know, I got to make it up here today. And I know this is gonna be like a little process, right? But I'll tell you, man, and I'm gonna tell a lot of people. I'm gonna tell my brother George. The doctor was telling me. Not the doctor, this other guy that would come in to talk to you about contagious diseases. It was an interesting chit chat I had with him the one night. He goes, you guys gotta remember. And I go. He goes. And he goes, my father did it. He goes after 55, the flu is completely different. He goes, after you turn 55, 56, the flu is completely different. He goes, when you were a kid, you could have the fever and then still have the flu, and your fever goes away, and you can go out and throw snowballs and shit. Do that shit when you're your age. Now he goes, you'll end up in the fucking hospital. And let me tell you something, guys, even when I was in the er, I would walk around, I was taking five steps of the shot, and I'd have to hold on to the fucking thing. I was listening to those people. They were all there for shortness of breath, all of them. And they were all, you know, they were older people, man. So you told me, you know, And I'm not the type of guy that's gonna sit here. I feel so young. Go fuck yourself, man. I know. I'm 62. I don't feel it. But that's what kills you, that you don't feel it. So you still do things that you think when you were 30, and I don't do a lot. Like, I know I can't go. Like, you don't see me going, let me fight Mike Tyson. That's not happening. Even though he just bought a new house in fucking Florida with 18 bedrooms. Did you see that?

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, I did see that.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, whatever. It doesn't matter. I mean, there's things you could do and there's things you can't do. But I didn't know the flu was that serious for as you get older. And I'm cool with it now. Like, now I respect it. So I'm doing this podcast tonight, and I'm Pretty much in the next three or four days, just relaxing, you know. This morning I woke up and go, I can't wait to go box tomorrow. Shit. When I woke up this morning, I knew I wasn't doing much. I was like, I don't even think I'll make it to the fucking podcast.

[Lee Syed]

Fuck.

[Joey Diaz]

But throughout the day, I felt better. You know, I went and got a hairdo just to put some whatever in my life and get out of the house and breathe. So I want to thank the people who left the notes and for you guys for having my back and shit.

[Lee Syed]

Of course, dude.

[Joey Diaz]

It goes down, man. But, you know, you're not young anymore. It's. And you guys know, I'm not over here trying to put makeup on and fingers and try to be, you know, fingers. You know those people that put rings on, like Keith Richards? The older they get, the creepier they get to be young. And you're like, knock it off. Just be fucking old and accept it, right? But, you know, you learn, and you have to accept that you're a certain age. You know, it's a big difference between 45 and 25.

[Lee Syed]

Because I know you said you were scared or depressed when the doctor came in after they checked your heart for you. Like, you didn't seem. If you weren't feeling well, but you didn't seem, like, scared. Were you scared when you went into the hospital?

[Joey Diaz]

Yes. When I walked in that day, I had. Dog. I had some. You know, it's not. I had some moments. I had some moments for about a week of just doing shit. I would do. Think of doing shit. Every day you do the same thing. You grab a slice of pizza. The phone's over there, right? You come over here, you get a slice. The phone rings. You're like, God damn it. You run to the fucking phone. You do that 20 times a day. I would do that and almost die. Like, be on my one leg fucking drinking that. The albuterol, you know, that's no way to live. No, I couldn't make it upstairs the one night I peed three times, and I had to walk from my bedroom to the kitchen just to make coffee. While I was making coffee, every movement I would do would stress me out so much that I have to run outside in the balcony and piss and run back in.

[Lee Syed]

Damn.

[Joey Diaz]

So it was fucking like, I can't breathe. I went to the gym last Monday. I did about eight minutes on the bike, and then I put the lightest weight on, and I tried to just do pulls and shit. Like that three minutes I lasted. The next day I went back to the gym and I lasted about five minutes and I had to sit down. That was it. I was done the next day. I didn't ride the bike, but I went to see Tom at Fit for Life. And that day we did about 30 minutes of lifting. I got into a pace, he slowed it down, but I think that that night, going to comedy and then Tom and then I think it just put me on a different planet.

[Lee Syed]

So, I mean, I know you don't fully know what it was and I know you said like, you're gonna respect the flu and stuff. Are you making, like, any other changes?

[Joey Diaz]

I gotta do a lot of changes. I gotta lose some more weight.

[Lee Syed]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I gotta drop some more pounds.

[Lee Syed]

And like, what?

[Joey Diaz]

Just for me? The doctor didn't say nothing. I just want to do it.

[Lee Syed]

And you did a test on your lungs and you're waiting to see how that comes back?

[Joey Diaz]

I gotta wait to see. They made an appointment with whatever the guy, the lung doctor. I'm gonna do another sleep apnea test. You can do them at home now.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, nice.

[Joey Diaz]

So you don't have to go down there. It's a bunch of wires, you know.

[Lee Syed]

Have you seen the one where they can implant it in you?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, but that's if you have like light sleep apnea. Fat fucks like us, that little device ain't gonna work. That's the. By the way they get you with the call em up.

[Lee Syed]

Really?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. And then you call down there and they're like, nah, that's what people are, normal human beings, not gorillas like you two.

[Lee Syed]

Right? Dude. Oh, I. Before I lost the weight, I for sure had it. I never got the test, but I'd.

[Joey Diaz]

Wake up choking the stitch when you were fucking blinking and shit.

[Lee Syed]

Well, Yeah, I was £300.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, no shit.

[Lee Syed]

But yeah, I was. I'm happy you're. I'm happy you're out. Dude, that was dog.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm happy that I had the fucking balls to stay in there for five days and take care of it and just put it to bed. I mean, I'm not out of the fucking woods, but I feel great. I'm optimistic. I hate motherfuckers. I'm walking on the walk down here. It was strange. But again, once you. That cold air. I gotta. That shit fucks with you anywhere you put it. Oh, never mind. If you have. Whatever the fuck I'm going on, but you just try to be healthier and better. I'm gonna be 62. Next month. I never thought. We never thought we'd make it to 62. Are you fucking serious? You really think. I was thinking about. I can't wait to retire. I never said that in my life. What? Retired, you know, so I'm fortunate about that. I still get to do the podcast with you guys. I still get to do a little comedy. I'm not looking at taking over the world. I just not. I just don't want to be fucking bored. I want to keep my mind cracking. You sit at home, nothing's gonna happen, right? You know, nothing's gonna happen in your life if you sit at home. I'm not looking for something to happen, but I'm not gonna sit at home either. I ain't going. I ain't no punk. You know what I'm saying? I ain't no punk. You can't go out that way.

[Lee Syed]

Did it make you like the fact that. I mean, I. I know you could have left the hospital, but, like, waiting for them to give you. Like, is that. Did that make you want to do stuff like being. Like being. Just being. Because, like, that I thought would have been the hardest part for you, because you. You gave me in LA about watching football for eight hours for. To be in there from whatever it was Thursday to Tuesday. That's a long time to watch TV and do nothing for you. I don't think you've ever done that.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, before I went to that hospital, I packed the computer, I downloaded TV apps which I didn't really use. I watched the Wire, maybe two episodes. I brought a book that I wanted to read. I brought another backup book that I wrote about. I read about three chapters. I wrote a little bit in the hospital just on how I was feeling every day. And that made it a lot easier to sit there. Listen, guys, I knew I had to sit there. And what really fucked me up was my wife brought my daughter on Friday. I had both IVs in my arm. So I put a hooded sweatshirt on while she was there so she wouldn't see the IVs. Well, the fucking nurse came in to get my blood pressure and I had to take that fucking thing out. She didn't want to come see me Saturday, and she didn't want to come see me on Sunday. And I got it. I got home Tuesday. I went to her game Tuesday. And usually after every game, me and her drive home together. Cause my wife's got to put the balls away and a bunch of shit. She got in the car with me yesterday. Within five minutes, she was Crying.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, damn.

[Joey Diaz]

She was happy. I was at the game. And within five minutes, she was crying. And she told me she had a shitty weekend, that she had to. You know, it was just. I put everybody in a bad position. I put you guys. My wife, my daughter. You know, I didn't go to her recital Thursday night, so I could see how much it affected her last night and this morning.

[Lee Syed]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

Last night, she was really. She. We got home, we spoke, and then I met her upstairs, like, at 9. And I made a banana milkshake for her the way my godfather used to make for me. And she was bullshitting with me. And I could tell she was upset.

[Lee Syed]

Well. And like, obviously, thank God you're okay.

[Joey Diaz]

But she didn't say nothing to my wife.

[Lee Syed]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

My wife's like. She didn't say nothing. She played it off. She's one of those. Like. She knew about my daughter. She knew about my older daughter. She told me since she's five. I knew you. I had a sister. She didn't tell me till last year.

[Lee Syed]

Wow.

[Joey Diaz]

Six years. She held it in. So I got to talk to her about that shit.

[Lee Syed]

But did it? And I know it wasn't. Thank God. That serious. But, like, you lost your mom around the age she is now. Like, did.

[Joey Diaz]

No, no, no. She's 12. When you were 13.

[Lee Syed]

Oh, you were 16. I'm sorry. I thought you were 13. But even still, like, did that go into your head at all? Like.

[Joey Diaz]

No, no, no. I don't ever want that to go in my head. First off, that's the only deal I got. If anybody wants me, whether it is Satan, Lord Jesus, just let me see you graduate high school, okay? She'll be fundamentally sound by 18. You understand? You know, you understand what's going on. She's got other people around her. She's got uncles now. It's not how I was left in the woods. It's completely different. So it's a different age. She knew I was old. My mom dropped dead at 48. Not that she was fucking married. Tyler Moore. She was in good shape. It was a different time. Women smoked, women drank, you know, whatever they ate. She was on Berger Line Avenue. What the fuck do you expect? But no, that didn't enter my mind. Cool.

[Lee Syed]

Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

Because I don't, you know, I'm not going out like no punk bitch. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna tell you again. I ain't got no time for these hoes, and I'm not going out like one of these punk bitches.

[Lee Syed]

So I love it. I'm happy. You're good, dude.

[Joey Diaz]

No, I'm good. And we'll. Listen, man, we had, you know, we had some complications the month of January, but we're coming back stronger than ever. February, we got a great guest. Next week we got. Shit cracker. Lacking. Just give us time, you know. Just set us all back. You guys know I love you. I don't know about the Jersey City date. Philadelphia's still on for the 15th. It's sold out. May, Labor Day is sold out. I got ticket information for March for the New Jersey Festival. I just got the email today, but I'll fill you guys in time. Enjoy your January, enjoy the new president, enjoy the new year, enjoy yourselves. And we'll be back Tuesday morning, the 28th. Tip top, Magoo. Love you. Say something, Lee.

[Lee Syed]

I love you guys.

[Joey Diaz]

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[Lee Syed]

Ooh.

[Joey Diaz]

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