It's all in the image

Summary

The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
Episode: It's All in the Image
Release Date: June 24, 2025
Hosts: Joey Coco Diaz & Lee Syatt

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1. Health and Wellness: Gut Health & Personal Health Journey

The episode kicks off with Joey Diaz emphasizing the importance of gut health, positioning it as the cornerstone of overall well-being. He introduces Bioma, a gut supplement designed to balance prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics.

Joey Diaz [00:15]: "Your gut is the cornerstone of your health. It affects your hormone levels, energy, and weight management."

Joey shares his personal endorsement of Bioma, highlighting its effectiveness in improving his digestive health and overall vitality.

Joey Diaz [00:45]: "I've been taking this for about two months and it is tremendous. It's the best probiotic I've ever taken."

2. Life in NYC: Air Conditioning Costs & Urban Living Challenges

Transitioning from health, Joey and Lee delve into the rising costs of living in New York City, particularly the scarcity of air-conditioned stores due to increased electricity prices.

Lee Syatt [01:54]: "I walked into a store in the city and they don't have air conditioning on."

Joey explains that businesses are cutting back on utilities to manage expenses, passing the savings onto consumers.

Joey Diaz [02:16]: "They're saving. Prices went up on electric. That's it."

3. Personal Experiences: Hospital Stay & Relationships

Joey opens up about his recent hospital experience, reflecting on the challenges he faced and the support from medical professionals. Lee shares about attending a comedy show in Massachusetts but had to cut it short due to his mother's medical needs.

Lee Syatt [05:03]: "She's doing much better. It was a real good experience."

Joey recounts his struggles post-hospitalization, dealing with ear issues and frustrations with the medical system.

Joey Diaz [06:11]: "It's been since last October, and they're still not."

4. Comedy and Career: Stand-Up Challenges & Resilience

A significant portion of the discussion centers around Joey's evolution in comedy. He reflects on moving away from substance abuse, focusing more on his health, and how this shift has impacted his comedic material and audience connection.

Joey Diaz [08:32]: "When you're barreling through a tunnel, you're not depressed because you're working. You're making the best of it."

Joey emphasizes the importance of discipline, setting goals, and maintaining a structured routine to sustain his career without relying on unhealthy habits.

Joey Diaz [10:00]: "I have a program. I got to do something from Monday to Friday."

5. Social Observations: Image vs. Character & Social Media Culture

Joey and Lee discuss the modern obsession with image over genuine character. Joey criticizes the superficiality prevalent in today's society, especially amplified by social media.

Joey Diaz [26:12]: "Funny is funny. If you take your shoe off and light your fungus toe on fire and it keeps turning off, people laugh. That's funny, right?"

He laments how individuals prioritize appearance and personas, often at the expense of authentic self-expression.

6. Political Commentary: Views on Current Events & International Issues

The hosts touch upon heated political topics, including references to Donald Trump and Israel's geopolitical actions. Joey expresses strong opinions on the polarization in media and politics.

Joey Diaz [28:23]: "I hate when they call him Donald. It sounds like such a fucking faggy name. Just call him Trump."

Joey forecasts potential escalations in political tensions, reflecting a deep-seated frustration with contemporary political discourse.

7. Personal Life and Parenting: Daughter's Relationships & Family Dynamics

A heartfelt segment where Joey discusses his role as a father, particularly concerning his daughter's budding relationships. He shares his concerns and the balance he strives to maintain between being protective and allowing her independence.

Joey Diaz [58:00]: "This is the best thing I've ever done in my life, being a dad. I'm having the best time."

Despite initial reservations, Joey expresses pride and joy in witnessing his daughter's social interactions and growth.

8. Recent Entertainment: NBA Finals & Trends in Music and Media

The conversation shifts to recent events in the entertainment world, including the NBA Finals, where Joey humorously critiques the extended playoffs and player injuries.

Joey Diaz [38:14]: "It's June 22nd and these motherfuckers are still playing basketball. That's absurd."

Additionally, Joey and Lee discuss the evolving landscape of music, dismissing contemporary genres like rap and critiquing artists like Billie Eilish for perceived lack of authenticity.

Joey Diaz [42:04]: "Listen to rap music. It's God awful. It's a guy with a fucking thing. Just a box."

9. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Shows

As the episode wraps up, Joey and Lee highlight their upcoming shows, sharing humorous anecdotes and preparing listeners for future episodes.

Joey Diaz [73:33]: "We got Thursday, the dojo sold out. And Friday, Tell Em Lee, njpac, Newark."

They conclude with a playful exchange about personal habits and maintaining social boundaries, reinforcing their camaraderie and commitment to providing engaging content.

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Notable Quotes:

• Joey Diaz [00:15]: "Your gut is the cornerstone of your health."
• Joey Diaz [08:32]: "When you're barreling through a tunnel, you're not depressed because you're working. You're making the best of it."
• Joey Diaz [26:12]: "Funny is funny. If you take your shoe off and light your fungus toe on fire and it keeps turning off, people laugh."
• Joey Diaz [38:14]: "It's June 22nd and these motherfuckers are still playing basketball. That's absurd."
• Joey Diaz [42:04]: "Listen to rap music. It's God awful."

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Conclusion

It's All in the Image offers a candid and multifaceted look into Joey Diaz's life, blending humor with heartfelt reflections. From personal health journeys and parenting challenges to sharp social critiques and comedic insights, Diaz and Syatt provide listeners with an engaging narrative that balances levity with depth.

Transcript

[Joey Diaz]

What's happening? Beautiful people. It's Tuesday, the 24th of June. It's a beautiful day to be alive. The church New Testament is in session. Jack, let's get this party started. What's happening? Uncle Joey here. Listen, your gut is the cornerstone of your health. It affects your hormone levels, energy and weight management. So if you've been having issues, it's time to get your gut under control. With biomarker. Bioma is gut supplement with a blend of prebiotics, probiotics and postbiotics that help you microbe back on track. Just take two capsules before breakfast and you're good to go. If your gut's out of whack from stress, diet or anything else, you could be having mood swings, anxiety or even brain fog. Bioma is here to help with all that. Listen, I've been taking this for about two months and it is tremendous. It's the best probiotic I've ever taken. Again, because it has a pre post and whatever, it has three different levels. It's not just about being able to relieve yourself easily. A healthy gut is the beginning of a healthy you. So do yourself a favor, feel like hell. Bioma's got your back. To get started, just click the link in the show notes and press in code church. C H U R C h. And get 15% off off your guts comeback. That's 15% off. Your first order. When you use code church, just press the link in our show notes. I want to thank my own for sponsoring the show. Hey, what's up you beautiful people? Here we are for another fantastic Tuesday podcast. You got my main man, Lee Syat. We're going to bring a guest, but you motherfuckers don't like them. Fuck the guest. It's just us talking shit. The world events, what happened last week and what's going to happen next week. What's up, negro?

[Lee Syatt]

I'm happy to be. It's. Dude, I don't. You don't. You don't sweat that much, which is crazy. As a big dude, you don't seem like you sweat that much.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't try to go outside too much. I don't try to put myself in a bad position. You sweat when you go to the gym. That's it.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh my God. I don't know how even I want. You walk into a store in the city and they don't have air conditioning on.

[Joey Diaz]

No, nobody's got air conditioning that.

[Lee Syatt]

Are you serious?

[Joey Diaz]

They're saving prices. Went up on electric. That's it. You got to Pass the savings down to the consumer.

[Lee Syatt]

I bought.

[Joey Diaz]

Nobody's got air conditioning on.

[Lee Syatt]

I know for a fact you're going to make fun of me, but I don't care. I bought these little. This little fan that he put around.

[Joey Diaz]

I know you did.

[Lee Syatt]

So I can walk around with it.

[Joey Diaz]

You're going to get mugged, Shadow.

[Lee Syatt]

If they mug me for the fan. I bought two fans so I can have one in the backup. And in case the other one dies.

[Joey Diaz]

Put that fan away.

[Lee Syatt]

Never away not. I brought one here that's a little.

[Joey Diaz]

That little white one.

[Lee Syatt]

No, there's a little black one. George brought the little one. I brought one that you hook into your pants and it goes up your shirt. But the problem is I'm too fat, so I can't. Putting something in your belt loop when you're fat is not going to work. Dude, I love fans. I don't know how people do it. If you like. I always think about Florida. If I lived in Florida and didn't have air conditioning, I'd kill myself.

[Joey Diaz]

Who would not have air conditioned in Florida?

[Lee Syatt]

There's plenty of people.

[Joey Diaz]

Only a homeless person.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, even then I'd rather be homeless, because at least you're outside with some breeze. So, like, a lot of these homes, a lot of people don't have air conditioning.

[Joey Diaz]

Come on, man. A lot of people. I know there's a lot of people open the windows up and go, oh, my God. You don't need air conditioning. Well, go yourself. I ain't coming over. You need air conditioner. There's some times in the summer where you need fucking. I don't like being uncomfortable.

[Lee Syatt]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's what heat makes you uncomfortable. Like something ain't right. You're sitting there, you know, baseball games in July. Fuck you. Fuck you, August. In the heat of fucking August, sit there and get burnt by the sun. That's not for me, man. You make all those mistakes and then you go, that's it. It's not for me. I don't want to sit out there. It's like going to a Jet game in November. Not. It's not bad enough they're going to lose, but then I got to freeze my ass off.

[Lee Syatt]

I know.

[Joey Diaz]

The other day, one of the Florentine brothers. Fucking June. This motherfucker's already got tickets for December 13th. Miami against the Jets. Are you going? Not at all. Look at the date. Look at the fucking date. There's no way I'm going there. And I'm not sitting in the stands at a fucking Jet or fucking Giant or whatever game. I got to sit somewhere where I'm not going to be bothered. If not, it's going to be a fucking nightmare.

[Lee Syatt]

So, dude, do you remember? I remember when I was a kid, I went to where the Patriots play and they had like, the bleachers used to be just like, metal benches, like, long metal benches. Those. In the summer. Fuck you. And I don't know, because we have a lot of chubby listeners. So, like, I know they get it, but, like, I hate, like, when. Whenever a skinny person tells me that they're fine, that's a piss. Like, that's why, you know me, I don't really get angry that much. That's when I get angry.

[Joey Diaz]

What you do last weekend? Anything good? You did some comedy?

[Lee Syatt]

I did a little comedy in Mass. I had to go home. My mom had. I had to do something medical with her.

[Joey Diaz]

How's she doing?

[Lee Syatt]

Great. She's doing much better. But it made me think about you when you were in the hospital earlier this year. Just like, it's amazing, like, the people, like, I. I'm down on people a little bit, but the, like, doctors and nurses are. Are like heroes. I don't know how it was. It's. It's so cool to see, like. Just to see, like, actual good people. So it was. It was a scary week. Everything's fine, thank God. But it was just, you know, when people. You gotta go through tests and she ended up having to spend the night. But it was a. It was a real good experience.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, I was getting the set list ready and I was just writing shit down, you know, like, for Thursday and Friday. I want to throw up there. And I threw up the hospital. You know, I threw some hospital jokes, right? And I was like, you know, fucking. That was a long time ago.

[Lee Syatt]

I know.

[Joey Diaz]

March, April, May, June. That was four months ago. George, sit down. Please, sit down. Sit down. You're making me nervous.

[Lee Syatt]

And you were. And you were like. Like you said, every once a month for a week. And it was like. Like you. You weren't even really feeling better when you got out of the hospital.

[Joey Diaz]

No, I was feeling good enough to go home, but not. And I thought I would get better over the days, but it was. It was fucked up. When I look at it. Fucked up. When I think about it. Fucked up. What happened. And it happens in life. I can't get angry. No, it could have been a lot worse. I could have been in the hospital for three months. Thank God. It was just, you know, 14, 15 days divided by three fucking months. And I made the best of it. I mean, in my mind, I went in there and I was having a good time. I was eating cereal. I was fucking staying up late, drinking fucking fresh orange juice at night, you know, having a good time. But it got old on me, and it wet. It weighed on me. It's like my ears weighing on me. This has been since last fucking October, and they're still not. You know. So now, thank God, I got one of the girls on my daughter's softball team. He's a plastic surgeon, and he asked me, what's wrong with your fucking ear? And I showed him. He goes, why didn't they do this, this, this, and this? I go, I don't know. I don't fucking know. You know? And he's like, all right, come in to see me next week. I'm going to do all this shit. And then I want you to. He goes, I'm going to be working at the hospital, and I want you to come into emergency room, and I'm gonna take care of you there. With fucking. With different insurance, I mean, the guys, you know, they're rushing.

[Lee Syatt]

That's the only way to do what they want is like, you have to know somebody.

[Joey Diaz]

You have to know somebody. And, you know, I'm happy that. I feel a lot better now. I have worked very fucking hard since April. I mean, since I got out of the hospital. I wrote some shit down. I made my decisions about some stuff, and I have stuck very tight to that plan, you know, like, just to the tee. Like, I've hit the goals every week that I want to. Food wise, weight wise, workout wise, you know, so you only could wish for the best you can.

[Lee Syatt]

But it's also like, as you get older, it's gonna happen no matter what you do.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, we were having a talk before the podcast taught about stand up, how you get frustrated with standup. You know, when you get frustrated, when you pop your head up, like, what comes out on February 3rd? What's that animal that comes out?

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, the groundhog.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, the groundhog. The only time you get depressed in comedy is when you pop your head up to look around. Think about that. When your head is under that, when you're barreling through a tunnel, you're not depressed because you're working. You're making the best of it. Okay? You put your head down. When you have a situation in your life, whether it's stand up, health, whatever, you put your head down and go, this is what needs to be done. You know, I Can't stay up till 2 in the morning watching a movie I already watched eight times, right? That's what I do. That's what I do. That's all I do. I'll wait till 11 and then something's coming on at midnight. I'll go, oh shit, midnight. So now I go upstairs, drink coffee, smoke 18 bong hits and wait for midnight to come. Then I'm up till 2 watching a movie I've seen 80 fucking times already, right? And I stopped all that shit like George and I were talking this morning. I went to bed at 10 last night. I had like 8 missed calls last night. From like 10:30 to 12:54 people calling me last night. And I'm like, wow. I went upstairs at 10 to fucking 10.

[Lee Syatt]

And you actually go to sleep?

[Joey Diaz]

Went to sleep, grabbed the cat. My wife even goes, where you going? I'm going up. If you want to come, you're more than welcome to me in the morning. Because we don't. Nobody has to get up this week. There's no 6:30 in the morning. There's shit. There's no camp, there's no school. So there ain't shit going on.

[Lee Syatt]

That's great. And do you notice a difference? Are you feeling better with.

[Joey Diaz]

Mostly, yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

I like take a nap in the afternoon too. I work so hard in the morning that when I go home at 1 1:30, I fuck around, I take a shower and by 3:30 I got to go down. I gotta go down for a fucking hour. An hour and a half. Sometimes 1:30, sometimes. The other day I went to bed at 3:30, I got up at 6:15 at night.

[Lee Syatt]

Really?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

Wow, I'm jealous. But you, dude, you seem, you like, you seem a lot calmer and you seem like at peace, which is nice.

[Joey Diaz]

Why? I don't have anything to fucking. I don't let nothing break my balls like I used to.

[Lee Syatt]

Why do you think you used to.

[Joey Diaz]

I answer it, I answer back now. And I go, no, I'm not doing that shit no more. Because I was putting everything before your health. Not really everything, but if some motherfucker calls me and says you need to talk at 11:30, I'll cancel Jiu Jitsu over that. And then it's a 10 minute call. It's a waste of my time. So nobody cancels my workout sessions no more. There's a program. I got to do something from Monday to Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I take the fuck off. I eat what I want, I drink. I still drink a lot of water. That's the fucking key. Water, sleep, rest. And I have a. You know, as funny as it is, I have a stress thing on my. Whoop.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

And it tells you throughout the day when you have stress, does it, like, alert you? Yeah, it has a high, medium, and low alert. And it's weird, when I feel something, I'll look and it's medium. Like today I was alone and my daughter goes, I want to go ride the bike. Listen, she could ride a great bike. I just don't like her riding about the neighborhood by herself. You know, two weeks ago, she went to Starbucks on the fucking bike. Which I wasn't mad at her, but we all did the same stupid shit. But for some reason, when she tells me she's gonna ride the bike, my levels go up right away. I worry, you know, she's gonna fall, she got shorts on, she's gonna scrape her knee. And then I go, it. That's how I learned.

[Lee Syatt]

I know. It's just, I was.

[Joey Diaz]

So you gotta scrape your knee, you know, and little things like when people call me to go to New York City for something that puts my stress.

[Lee Syatt]

Level high, Just the fact that they invite you.

[Joey Diaz]

No, they'll just call and go, hey, you wanna do a podcast? And I'm like, not really. But I tell them this will be like the 18th time. I go, no, but it's because why would I want to do a podcast right now? What is the sense of me doing a podcast, right? I have no reason to do a fucking podcast. I come up, I'm happy that we get to do our podcast, we get to chit chat, eat some food, and we go home. That's it. I don't want to drive into the city and start doing 15 podcasts a week for no reason. For no reason. I'm not promoting anything. I got nothing new to say, you know, nothing has happened, except I'm getting older. What the fuck is happening? You know? So for me to go on a podcast. So how long did you do in prison? I don't want to hear these questions no more. I don't want to hear these no more.

[Lee Syatt]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

You know?

[Lee Syatt]

No, I get it. And it's. It's interesting for me to watch you because I like something that I feel like I've been doing wrong and I'm trying to avoid it, but I feel like I've been a little bit too desperate with some of the comedy stuff that I'm doing. And I know why I'm desperate. It's because, like, I just want to do spots. So I'm. Well, I'm taking things because I'll just. I just say yes to every spot you have to. Okay. I felt I've been you trying to go over in my head, like, what am I doing wrong?

[Joey Diaz]

Listen again. For years, I did every spot I could. From 91 to 2003, I did every spot I did. Until one day my girlfriend at the time sat me down and she goes, what are we doing here? What are we doing here?

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

You're losing money on every venture you do. You're the only comedian that loses money on every venture, Right. You know, you were laughing at me last week. I figured out in my head that if I took a bus to local gigs, I saved $300, $200, and that's more money for me to snort coke.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And party and get fucked up. You know, I figured all these things out. You have a budget. You have what they're paying you 600 for six shows. You gotta get there. That's always, you know, back in. This shit started about eight years ago. Before that, everything was $200, 240, 280. You know what I'm saying? Everything was 280, 249. Every once in a while I got a 311. Oh, I don't know. But you know that. So right there you're getting 400 and 250 is out the window. You're left with 350. Unless you fucking eat sardines out of a can with crackers and live in a corner, you know, right? With a heater or no heater or whatever the fuck you're going to do. Doing comedy is very fucking rough on the mind. You're not making any money. Your friends are the 30 have Lamborghinis or whatever the fuck they got. And you're still driving a little Toyota with a missing bumper. And you have a dream, you know, you have a dream and you believe in yourself, so that belief has to take you all the way to the top. Like, you gotta believe that the reason you don't do. Listen, man, the biggest thing about standup or any other thing, when you become a doctor, you go to fucking four years of college, three years of medical school a year, residency, another six months. Here you're doing all this shit. But when the smoke clears, you're making 400,000amonth, a year, right? You know, when the smoke clears, when those kids go that to become a doctor, they're fucking scared. That's hard. That's harder than what we do. Studying and emergency Room and taking a pencil out of the kid's eye. You know, all this shit. Scary, right?

[Lee Syatt]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

But there's a payoff. So in your mind, there's so many things you could do. Like, I remember one time towards the end, this was like one of the only arguments I ever gotten with Ralph. He made. There was a couple weeks there that he would tell you something. He'll see you in an hour and six hours later. And one day I said something to him. I go, ralphie, you gotta knock it. And at that time, I had nothing going on compared to him. And I said, dog, when you tell me 1 o' clock, 1:30, that works. But this five hour late shit, that doesn't work. And I told him, I go, I got time. You know, my time is valuable. He goes, not as valuable as mine. I go, but if you're sitting on your fucking ass for four hours, then you got no time, right? Your time is nothing. And, you know, it was like a little argument we made up, whatever. But he told me, two weeks later, he goes, you were right. Time is important. So if you're wasting your fucking time and your sacrifice, that's why I said that to you a couple weeks ago, I love you to death. You ain't got time to go to the movies on a Saturday night. I don't give a fuck if it's mission impossible. And that's the big thing with your situation, the relationship. Now you're in a relationship, and now you gotta give her some and give yourself some and maintain your fucking sanity. Because they're gonna come at you every night. You don't go out again. But there's a sporting event. I don't give a fuck. Because they don't understand that you don't give a fuck. Like, I did not give a fuck about what was on tv. I did not give a fuck about your fucking family. I didn't give a fuck. I gave a fuck about making something out of my life, right? So I don't have time. I don't have that time.

[Lee Syatt]

And that's what I did this weekend, because I don't have that time that.

[Joey Diaz]

You'Re looking for, right? And people, some, you know, Thursday night I went out with some friends of mine and I bumped into this friend of mine and she was there with her boyfriend and we were talking and she goes, you know, when you got divorced, how long did it take you to get remarried? And I go, it took me nine years to get a girlfriend and another nine years to marry her. And she goes, why did you do that. And I go. Because I didn't want to push my luggage on people. I had tons of luggage, A and B, my principles were not gonna be the same as yours. You know, I had an affair with somebody. They came over, we did coke, we fucked. The next day they're gone. I got comedy to do. I don't give a fuck about what's on your mind or what's on your friend's mind. And there's people that can't handle that around you. It's very rough on the people around you. Like, I fucking. One of the reasons I got into comedy was not to go to weddings. Straight up, straight up, straight up. I don't have six hours to waste at a fucking wedding. I don't. And I don't want to go to a fucking wedding. And if you call me with a wedding, I'm going to tell you it's not going to work. And now I live like trickle, because all these people are going to get married and they're like, well, are you going to come? Not really. And they think I'm goofing, right? Like, they think I'm joking around. Like, I'm not joking. I'll send you 500, 1000. Whatever number you tell me, I'll send you so I don't have to sit there for three hours and bang on the glass or all that dumb shit. I just don't like it, right? I sacrificed a lot. Now, in my heart, I like weddings, but I had to convince myself I didn't like weddings. I had to convince myself that I didn't like half the shit that people were doing, so I didn't involve myself in them. I only had one thing to do. Two things. Three things. Snort coke, do comedy, and get my dick sucked. That was on my list every morning. That was my list. Do stand up, snort coke, get your dick sucked. Try whatever that was on the agenda on the fucking road. I didn't give a fuck about your problems. I don't care about your fucking cat. It's a fucking state of mind.

[Lee Syatt]

And that. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. And it's hard to. To, like, get out of. Like, for me, it's very hard to get out of my comfort zone. And I. I know I got. On Saturday night, I didn't have anything booked, and I went to two clubs to. And there's nothing I hate more than hanging out. I. I feel like such an. I feel. I feel like no one wants me there. Not because I'm not funny, but, like, If I don't have, like, what, I'm just gonna sit around, like, with my. Just clap when people go on stage? Yeah, that's what I did.

[Joey Diaz]

You watch. You sit there. You gotta be and you watch. And you don't have to say a word as long as somebody sees you walk in and walk out. So you're not out of mind. You're never out of mind. You're always there. And on Monday, they all get a fucking text or whatever's in now with your avails. Monday at 9:00. I don't wake up till 11. Well, it's Monday in my world. You're waking up when I sign you that fucking text, right? Or that email. That's how your mentality is, you know, this is your life. This is your career. You don't people. I love people who have careers. And then they. Well, I'm going to Bimini for a week. Where'd that come from? What are you talking about?

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

You just got this started. Yeah, but I planned this way before. Then cancel it. People don't think like that. They don't. They don't want to think like that. Then they'll cry to you later. They don't have money. They don't know what's going on. Well, you went to Bimini. Go to Bimini now. Go jump up and down Bimini.

[Lee Syatt]

Do you ever think about, like. Because it might be weird for you. Like, let's say you didn't. You had. You didn't have that coke problem. Do you think you would have done more in comedy?

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, probably. Probably.

[Lee Syatt]

Because it's all like. But also, like, a lot of the coke stories turned into, like, a lot.

[Joey Diaz]

Of funny material, you know, because I turned them into funny material, but they weren't fucking funny. They weren't fucking funny. Okay? These stories are not funny, really. They're sad. But we know how to make them funny. They're sad. You're telling people about stories about your addiction, this crazy shit that you did to get high, whether it was going in the toilet and scraping the sides and licking it. You know, it's tough. Listen, man, it's very tough to podcast, and it's very tough to be vulnerable and front of people. You know, like, for years, I didn't talk about doing coke on stage. And then one day I said, fuck it, why not?

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

And I started pulling in a different audience. Now, I knew, you know what I'm saying, when I did that thing with my mouth. Nobody did that before.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, they.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, nobody did that before. Nobody. Nobody. I never seen anybody do that shit on stage. Not even Richard Pryor. So talk about John, you know, right? Your jaw effect. It was just so many fucking things I did not want to talk about. But to become a good comic, you needed to talk about those things. You need to let people know you're like them.

[Lee Syatt]

Why didn't you want to talk about them?

[Joey Diaz]

I was embarrassed. Why wouldn't I? Who would want to tell these stories? You fingered somebody and she had a yeast infection. Your hands smelled like Newark for a month. You know? Who wants to hear this shit? Nobody wants to hear this shit. But it's what made you. It's what made you who you are today, right? I'm out of my tits. Everybody knows that. I'm fucking crazy. I'm fucking crazy. I control it, but I'm out of my fucking. You know what I'm saying?

[Lee Syatt]

It's funny that you know that.

[Joey Diaz]

Like, at least if you don't know you're crazy, you got mental problems. When you parade yourself and you're like, there's nothing wrong with me. What I do is absolutely normal. No, it's not. No, it's not. So we already know it. Like, no crazy person would have kidnapped somebody. No sane person would have got into comedy. What sane person gets into fucking comedy? We're all on the fucking mental edge. Struggle, like more of a thin line. And after a while, when you don't become successful, that shit starts to come out and you start to see the mental health issues. And sometimes when you become successful, the mental health issues come out right in front of you. Can't control them.

[Lee Syatt]

That's how it comes out. Like, late in life, I would think you'd be crazy for life. But no, like, you think it comes out, like 40s or 50s. Some people just go nuts.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, you always have something in you. There's always something in you. And you have things that you know that you feel like this doesn't happen to anybody else, but it happens a lot more than what you think, you know? Like, you ever come in a minute when you're on a date and you're like, nobody else does this. This chick's gonna go home depressed. Every guy she's with comes in a minute, maybe a minute and a half. She's got great pussy. She's got big titties. What do you think they're like, every once in a while, she'll get lucky. She goes out with guys that are drunks. You know, they get dead dick when they drink. It's all so you think that you're the only person this is happening to.

[Lee Syatt]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

But it happens to other people. Until you bring it out, you don't need. You're not going to know everything that happens to you. Holy shit. I do the same thing, too.

[Lee Syatt]

You know what's weird? I'm not. Like, one thing I love about podcasts I like about our relationship is, like, there's a lot that I won't say in, like, normal life, but on a podcast or on stage, I'll say, like. Or, like, even. Which with you, like, I feel comfortable. I don't think people talk about the shit that they feel like no one else goes through.

[Joey Diaz]

No, that's scared. And we're scared as comics. We're scared to unveil ourselves. It's not. When you unveil yourself that shit starts to move. Shit starts to move. Okay. I can relate to that. This motherfucker does this. This motherfucker does that. I can relate to this. I understand what he's going through.

[Lee Syatt]

It's. That's. Because. Right. Honestly, like, up until now, I've just been trying to be funny. But that's kind of what my goal, like, what I've been working on the last year.

[Joey Diaz]

Funny is funny.

[Lee Syatt]

It is, but.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay, okay. Always remember, funny is funny. If you could harmona a fart, if you could play a fart out of.

[Lee Syatt]

Harmonica, that's pretty great.

[Joey Diaz]

People would laugh.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, club owners will go, that's not the comedy we want to hear. You're paying me a fee to go out there and make them laugh. Doesn't matter how I make them laugh. If I take my shoe off and light my fungus toe on fire and it keeps turning off, people laugh. That's funny, right? That's fucking funny.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's what we forget. Listen, there's some below the line shit. You can't say, that's kind of whatever. But funny is funny. And then once you get your mind there, like, you and I have had discussions about comedy minds, and I've told you that I have a hard time writing because it's not something I do every night. When you get on stage every night for, like, six months. Oh, my God, your fucking engines are. You're burning through that fucking feather. You know what I'm saying? You're burning through that feather. That chicken's out of blood. Because you're always cueing and turning and, you know. But when you're not, it's very rough. I figured out how to ride it alone. It's not Funny. But it's your stories, right? I mean, there's nothing funny about what's going on. To translate it to the audience, there is. There's a lot of shit that's going on that's funny. But we live in such a pussy fucking society today. I know that you can't bend to any of them. I don't give a fuck. I'll go up there and talk about my views. I don't give a fuck.

[Lee Syatt]

I love it.

[Joey Diaz]

I'm not gonna slip. Because the biggest way you could kill yourself right now is going politics on stage. That's the biggest way. Because it's 50, 50 across the fucking room. And it gets worse. And every day it gets better or worse. They're either against them, they're with him. He did this, he did that. You know, Michael Cawley only did this. Michael Cawley only did that.

[Lee Syatt]

But the fun thing with, like, the way you do, like, any sort of, like, political jokes, because I'm not even. I don't even know, but, like, you don't. I don't even know what you believe about what you're saying. A lot of the things that you, like my fate. I love when you call me about, like, something that went on in the news and you say some wild. I'm just dying.

[Joey Diaz]

Wild.

[Lee Syatt]

I don't think, like. I never even really thought about it, but now that I'm thinking, I don't think, like, it's an actual, like, political belief that you have. You're just a comic. You're like. What's the funniest thing I could say here?

[Joey Diaz]

You know, it's. It's. You just look at shit for what it is sometimes. Like, I don't even look at it. I don't know. I don't want to even get into it right now. I don't blame hysterical. Where you get your comedy from? Like, listen, comedy, a definition is my world against the regular world. All right? And that's comedy. And there's a lot of news, but there's shit that I see on the news that I just want to die of. Laughter. I think the news is one of the funniest programs on TV with hypocrisy and everything else. Like, the other night I got home. Where was I? No, Saturday night I didn't go out. I went home and I went to CVS and I went home and I ate at home. And all night I talked to George, and all night it was, you know, it was the bombing. You know, he had just bombed them, right? And it Was hysterical because I put CNN on and they were kind of weird. And then I put Fox on 26, right? See, it's like 25 and 26 on my cable box. And they were just saying, donald J. Trump. I hate when they call him Donald. It sounds like such a fucking faggy name. Just call him Trump. Just call him Trump. When they say, donald J. Trump did history tonight. I mean, they were all on there just sucking the Trump dick. And I was laughing my ass off because there's people that are burning right now, you know, like half the other side was furious that he dropped those bombs. And they didn't really comprehend, like, it doesn't matter who you bomb anymore, right? Doesn't fucking matter whether you bomb babies, whether you bomb fucking old ladies. He bombed the fucking nuclear facility plant, whatever. They make nukes, right? Okay. And people are still. You didn't have the right to do that. So you're living in a world that nobody's going to be happy with what you do that.

[Lee Syatt]

And I love on both sides, like the people watching Fox, a lot of them were like saluting. They. They were pumped.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, you know, and then you got the people hating the Jews, you know.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

And it's so fucking crazy, you know, it's so funny that Jews are going to start a lot of. I'm giving you some inside info here.

[Lee Syatt]

Are you allowed to say this?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. In a couple weeks, maybe a couple months after this dies down, a bunch of people gonna start getting snipered and killed one by one. One of them is gonna be Roger Waters from Pink Floyd. Israel's gonna start taking people out individually, one at a shot. They're just gonna start taking people out. They've had it. Netanyahu's had it. And, you know, I mean, the world, whatever, I don't wanna talk about this. Cause right away, people say, oh, you're Jew lovers, you're Jew haters. I'm just telling you what I see, right? Netanyahu is on a fucking roll now. So anybody who's talking shit is going to get fucking shot in the head.

[Lee Syatt]

How do you think they're going to.

[Joey Diaz]

Do it after the poison blow darts, you know, they just blew people up with pages, you know. Fucking know, you never fucking know. The CIA is still trying to blow Fidel Castro with a cigar. With a fucking cigar. And the Jews figured out how to kill people with a fucking pager, you know, So I don't know how they're gonna do it. But you figure it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. We were going to New York for the Fourth of July. I don't think we're doing it now.

[Lee Syatt]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

Who knows what's gonna happen? Who knows what idiot's gonna be running out there jumping up and down in New York. You know, there's fireworks that day, so you can't hear shit, right?

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, shit.

[Joey Diaz]

You can't hear shit. So there's a bombing that might bomb Lincoln Tunnel. Who knows? Like you said, New York is a haven for fucking Jews. Oh, yeah. There's a million Jews in New York, and it's one stop shopping. They already have, like, cells that are getting together. And what these people do. I watched on 60 Minutes last night, what these people do is they just gather information about structure, buildings, places to hit holidays.

[Lee Syatt]

Jews are doing this.

[Joey Diaz]

Or people against Jews, people against Jews.

[Lee Syatt]

Iran has probably, yeah, like, intel.

[Joey Diaz]

So like I said, I don't like talking politics. I just repeat what I hear because I'm a fucking idiot. But I know as of this afternoon.

[Lee Syatt]

They bombed, they tried to bomb American.

[Joey Diaz]

Air Force base, whatever, in Qatar. Yeah, he said, everybody said if they. If they retaliate, it's all over. They're going to become a parking lot.

[Lee Syatt]

Well, I would love to hear from any, like, any soldiers. I don't know if you've seen. I've heard, like, a rumor that when they feed the army, like, steak and lobster, that means we're going to war and all people were posting, like, in the last two weeks were like, the army is getting steak and lobster, like, at the cafeteria. That, like, that means it's about to go down.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know what's going down. I just know that you got to get your helmets ready, get that iodine ready, the iodine to put in your ears. Like Russian people, they put iodine in the ears, cotton balls, something. When there's a nuclear something bomb. Because one of the Russians told me.

[Lee Syatt]

Would you really try to survive? Well, would you try to survive?

[Joey Diaz]

I don't know if I would. I don't know. It's just that if.

[Lee Syatt]

If I. If I see.

[Joey Diaz]

Did you see the pictures in Iran? I told you, it's just a turban, smoke coming out of it, a little cape on the bottom. They just zap people. People just disappeared. And every little hood's got a little bit of smoke coming out of it.

[Lee Syatt]

You see it?

[Joey Diaz]

It's like when they. Like when they do, like, a genie, you know, like when the genie would blink, right? And the clothes would just fall. That's what it is. They just zapped the body. They just zapped it. They got a thousand turbines, smoke coming out of it right now and just zap the body. There's maybe an eyeball on fire on the floor or a fingernail or a fungi toenail.

[Lee Syatt]

That's what I'm looking for. I don't want to struggle. I don't want to survive an atomic bomb going off.

[Joey Diaz]

Listen, who knows? Don't worry about it.

[Lee Syatt]

I'm not worried about it.

[Joey Diaz]

Worried about doing.

[Lee Syatt]

They come.

[Joey Diaz]

I'll.

[Lee Syatt]

I'll go right outside and wait for it. I'd love to be one of the ones who are zapped. That's the best way to go. You're not scared you just zapped, are you? A little bit. But you don't think so.

[Joey Diaz]

You can't do comedy. I don't want to get zapped after the atomic bomb or something like that. Who knows?

[Lee Syatt]

Exactly.

[Joey Diaz]

Zap. It's going to be like the Road Warrior.

[Lee Syatt]

I don't. You think I'm going to do well in Road Warrior? You think I'm gonna do well in the Road Warrior? I'm gonna die or get like assaulted immediately. That's really when I get.

[Joey Diaz]

Putting that air fan in your head. You're gonna get assaulted.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, I'm so excited.

[Joey Diaz]

They're gonna come in you right on the spot. I can't wait. Oh, they're gonna actually beat you with that fan. They're gonna take it off, beat you, take the wall off your pocket, kick you in the stomach and take off.

[Lee Syatt]

You're gonna get one of like the Chinese fans. Like you just go. I'm like, go like that. Remember when Eric got us the gay ones in la? It was like Pride month. Yeah, that's the one I should get.

[Joey Diaz]

Well, you should get a gay fan. That'll also help you.

[Lee Syatt]

That would have been.

[Joey Diaz]

At least you'll get your dick sucked too. You got a little gay fan. Listen, I'm going to be right back and talk about our two sponsors. Don't go nowhere. Yo, Uncle Joey here, Listen. Stop sneaking out of your kids basketball games for a nicotine fix, pop in a Lucy breaker and get a mental break without needing to go anywhere. Lucy breakers are 100% pure nicotine pouches. That's tobacco free with the flavor of a capsule inside. Break the capsule and you'll get the wave of hydration. Listen, these things are tremendous. My favorite fruit. I think it's fruit. Isn't it the fruity one? Mango. Delicious. You could choose between 4 and 8 milligrams of nicotine to get the exact kick that you need when you need it. Listen, let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy Co Church and press in promo code church to get 20% off your first order on Lucy. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind again, that's Lucy. And use code church c h u r c h to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print Lucy. Products only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine and nicotine is an addictive chemical. 8. When you're ready to seriously unwind, it's time for Cornbread Hemp. Cornbread Hemp's CBD gummies are created to help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort, or you just need to relax. Cornbread Hemp only uses the best part of the hemp plant, the flower. So you're getting the purest, most potent cbd. I love these things. All their products are third party tested so you know you can trust them. And everything is USDA organic to ensure safety and purity. Right now, Church fans can get 30% off your first order. Just head to cornbreadhemp.com church and use code church c h u r c h at checkout, that's cornbreadhemp.com church use code church c h u r C h. And I want to welcome Kornbread Hemp to the podcast. We're back, beautiful people. Lee, did you watch the fucking NBA finals last night?

[Lee Syatt]

I didn't watch. I heard about it, but I didn't watch it. No.

[Joey Diaz]

NBA was on fire last week. You know, Indiana was a great team. I bet them to win the series. I lost. It was just 25 bucks to win. 100 and a quarter. 150. I really liked him, but the way that kid went down last night was fucking sad.

[Lee Syatt]

I heard he blew his Achilles or something.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, and I was just telling my wife I didn't know his Achilles. But I sat there last night, I'm like, it's June fucking 22nd and these motherfuckers are still playing basketball. That's absurd.

[Lee Syatt]

When did it used to end?

[Joey Diaz]

Huh?

[Lee Syatt]

When did it used to end?

[Joey Diaz]

Like June 7th, May 31st. Oh, wow, they're extending. And then today I saw a bunch of people going, 220 year olds ripped their fucking Achilles tendon. It's that the season is too long. And I believe that fucking October till June. All right? The other team stopped in fucking May. But two months of fucking playoffs, man, that's a Lot. And then, you know, it's just a long fucking season. I read a book once that George gave me, the one about the punch by Rudy Tomjanovich when Kermit Washington punched him. And it was really weird after that. They never had. After that punch, they stopped. The NBA stopped doing certain things. Like there was no back to back road games. If you're on the road, you could only play one game a night, like every other night, you know, because they felt that the players were getting burnt out. They did a lot of refall. But in this age of greed, yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

That'S all it is.

[Joey Diaz]

And that's. You know, I was talking to my wife last night. I'm like. We were talking about was watching something and I go, you know, I'm 62. And one thing you never hear from people, like when you go to school, you read a history book, you know, and it tells you about 1861, Kennedy, whatever. You know, the Germany thing, it tells you about all this shit. The Germany? No, you know, Auschwitz.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

[Joey Diaz]

And it tells you all this shit. But you know what's really weird? And you won't get it yet, but George will, because he's my age. We've seen so much change. We've seen so much change that could have stayed the way it was and it wouldn't have hurt nobody. But we always tried to improve. And in the meantime, you made it worse. Like automated phones at your doctor's office. Automated phones and anything like that. We want to talk to the people right away. They send you on the computer. If you want to make an appointment, go on the fucking computer. Then you get there and the appointment's wrong. You know, it's just so many things. You know, we were talking about the Garden a few weeks ago. I went to do that show and it was when I got there, there was nobody outside. Because somewhere in America, they decided no more scalping tickets. The scalpers were out there having a great time. You'd have a great time with scalpers busting their balls trying to beat them, trading tickets. No. So they took away the scalper and now we get double charged on fucking the computer, you know?

[Lee Syatt]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

We can't even negotiate. We don't even know who we're negotiating with.

[Lee Syatt]

Right.

[Joey Diaz]

So many things got so like. I saw things change that. Why'd they change? They were great the way they were.

[Lee Syatt]

Is there like a time period that if like the world could just stop right there, you'd be happy? Like the 80s, 70s, I think the 90s were great.

[Joey Diaz]

I think I would have stopped in 1990 with grunge and everything. Look what music is now. The other day I went to my daughter's softball game. They were playing a team for Virginia. I never heard more redneck music in all my life. But it's not rednecks, it's people faking an accent. It's like they really faked the accent for country. Yeah. Got a guitar and, you know. Knock it the fuck off. This ain't even country no more. It's. It's just, you know. Listen to rap music. It's God awful. It's a guy with a fucking thing. Just a box. That's it.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

You know Billie Eilish? I listen to all my daughters in the car, but I saw a live tape of her. I wouldn't pay for that shit. It's her with a fucking dj. There's not a musical instrument out there. She's lip syncing to a degree, I think.

[Lee Syatt]

I think people have figured out what you need to do to be popular. Oh, no, I think that's what it is.

[Joey Diaz]

I had this talk with Mercy about three months ago. We're living in a world now. It's like she likes that chaperone, okay? That chaperone is the ugliest fucking monster lookingest thing I've ever seen in my life. And she's all bullshit. It's all bullshit. They know how to twist the strings. They act independent to be like, cool, but they're really not because we all answer to somebody. So knock the fucking shit off. Especially if you got a record company, you gotta answer to that record company. She's out there. The record labels should put away money for starving artists. Better yet, since you're concerned about starving artists, go into your fucking kick. Go into your kick. They never do, do they?

[Lee Syatt]

Why would they?

[Joey Diaz]

So then shut the fuck up. You know, now comedian girls, they gotta marry a guy that's autistic. That's the new thing. If they don't marry an autistic retard, they can't fuck. And then they sell it like, oh, yeah, my husband's autistic. You know? Are you fucking retarded? Why would you marry him? Your child's gonna be fucking autistic. He's not gonna know how to put a square in a circle or a circle in a square, whatever the fuck that is.

[Lee Syatt]

Everyone's autistic now.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, everybody's got a fucking thing now. And then they have the fake charities. I like those people. The fake people. Yeah, I'm really concerned about. No, you're not. No, you're fucking not. No, you're not. You just say this shit. You know, it's like all these movie stars, they all talk shit. Well, go into your pocket. Where's your fucking suffering? Where is it? No, you're just there fucking pointing people at other things that you don't even really believe. That's the problem with those Hollywood actors today. Do you think Charles Bronson would have raised his hand and said, I support the LGBTQ community? Or Clint Eastwood or one of those motherfuckers? No, because they hated those things. That wasn't in their repertoire. Charles Brunson. Do you believe in lbtq? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I believe in a man with a wig. I knock him out. That's right. But. And. But now movie stars that go, I support LGBTQ just to be cool, just so people go, oh, my God, he really cares.

[Lee Syatt]

Well, did you see even, like, I don't even honestly really know who she is. Sydney Sweeney. She's, like, a hot actress.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

She's selling her bath water. Yeah, like, what?

[Joey Diaz]

You should buy it and drink it. I don't fucking know. There's people that do that. Listen, we got so many sick fucking people today. Look at this. Look at all these female celebrity movie stars and musicians. They all got a fucking stalker. Look at that poor girl. The football player's girlfriend with the skinny legs and no ass. What's her name?

[Lee Syatt]

Taylor Swift.

[Joey Diaz]

Taylor Swift that. She had a fucking guy that was moving into a house or some shit. You know, all these fucking broads. You know what. What part in your mind lets you think that they're talking to you?

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, the. For, like, the stars. The stalkers. They're just insane. They think they're insane.

[Joey Diaz]

How many? There was a comedian at the store that had a stalker. She couldn't put on the lineup that she was going to the store. They had to put a name. I would go to a store and I'd go, who the fuck is this broad? And it was somebody else. And I go, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. They got stalkers. What part in your mind do you think that person gonna fall in love with you by you showing up at their house with fucking chocolates or candy? They're rich. If they want chocolate, they'll go buy it themselves. They don't leave you feel to buy chocolate.

[Lee Syatt]

And then there's people now, like, scamming you. Like, there's this one. One I keep seeing stories of, like, this older lady. Someone took a matt Rife's picture and has been like texting or being like, hey, I'm Matt Rife, I need some money. We'll get married, come to my show. And this like 60 something year old lady believed it and like gave him money.

[Joey Diaz]

Well, some lady just gave somebody Brad Pitt. Remember Brad Pitt called her up and borrowed money from Michigan. 800,000 and got divorced. Her husband.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

What makes you think Brad Pitt is going to call you for a fucking envelope? Listen, there's some scams out there now that if you get caught, you should just get put in jail. You should just get caught. So if you get scammed, yeah, you gotta go to jail. You cannot be this stupid. I don't want you in society. You're gonna spread your stupidity to people by fucking. You know, guys, the biggest thing I want for my daughter is not to be a sucker. And that's why I talked to her about chaperone. And whenever fake people come on tv, I'll show em. I'll point them and go, look at this guy, this Pablo fucking dude. This dude from Last of Us. Oh yeah, he was great on narcos. Then he became a half a fag. He became a half a fag. He put glasses on. Once they put the glasses on, you lost them. Once they put the intelligent glasses like I read a book at night, you lost them.

[Lee Syatt]

You hate glasses.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't hate glasses. For people who need glasses. I need glasses at night. I can't see the fucking TV Guide on my fucking TV no more. I need glasses and I won't fucking put them on because it's such a stigma in my fucking. Like I started putting on sunglasses, okay, again that $2 sunglasses. Got them from the weed store. I'm not gonna pay 800 for a ray Ban. Look at me with a Ray Ban. Then you lose those fucking things like that. I know you know. So you buy $2 glasses and you put them on. But I'm not gonna go to the store and buy, look at me. Intelligent glasses to put them on at night to look like fucking Dr. Doolittle. That's never gonna fucking happen in my world.

[Lee Syatt]

What do you.

[Joey Diaz]

I'd love to hear Tom Segura, all those motherfuckers with their glasses. Once you put glasses on, you lose yourself. You lost who you were. You didn't even. You just wanted to go for the intelligent look like I need them. No, you don't need them. There's a thousand pair of glasses you could get. You ever see a Japanese guy with stupid fucking glasses on? No, they wear the coolest motherfucking yakuza thin shades and shit. But you gotta be fucking Johnny. What they do is they get the weirdest looking glasses to put it on. So they stand up, right? Like God forbid there's a one guy that's got like the colored ones, the big frames, like the bag that he is, you know, that's just.

[Lee Syatt]

So how, like what would your sentence be like if you saw someone wearing those glasses? How long do they have to go to the stupid jail for?

[Joey Diaz]

Depends what they wear them for.

[Lee Syatt]

What if they don't even have the lenses? It's just glass. Just like it's a fashion statement.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, they need to get put under the jail and beat up. That's what half these people need. They need to go to prison or county jail. And for some guy to walk up to them and go, what's up with those glasses? And for them just to get smacked and the glasses fall off and the one lens breaks and you're holding onto your eye, you'll never put those glasses on again. No, because finally somebody had. But in L. A, you put those glasses on and people like, oh, we love your glasses. Oh yeah, I got them on sale. No you didn't. You paid 800 for me, you fucking sucker.

[Lee Syatt]

I love when they have like, you can tell they have 40 pairs. Like they match the glasses with the shoes, with the shirt. That's my favorite. I think I broke it.

[Joey Diaz]

You know, man, I'm happy Trump's in office because I know we had a weak president and I was a country. It would take me a week to get through these fucking assholes. It would take me a week to get through all these assholes we got walking around between the tattooed bald headed guys on steroids. I think they're fucking, you know, to the faggies with the tight fucking pants and to the other sets of faggies with the blue suits and the brown shoes. Like brown and blue ever fucking matched before. You know, there's just so many people that live for an identity.

[Lee Syatt]

I took the buzz.

[Joey Diaz]

Everybody's dying for an identity. You could go anywhere now on a Friday and Saturday. What do they got at a restaurant? A board. For you to take pictures. Oh yeah, for you to take. Like you're at a VIP dance so you could actually take them and like, look at me, we're on the walkway. What do they call that?

[Lee Syatt]

The red carpet?

[Joey Diaz]

The red carpet or whatever. The blue carpet or whatever the fuck, you know, everybody wants to be a celebrity and it cuz I'm a half a pseudo felon celebrity and I hate it. Oh, I hate it.

[Lee Syatt]

Dude. There's places in New York that are just open for you to go take selfies in and you can pay to for. By the, like, by the picture. I don't. It's in the Lower east side. There's a couple places that if you walk by, I. I do mics and shows down there. It's like, it's just a. Like, they have like, little sets and props you can use. And it's like there's lines out the.

[Joey Diaz]

Door because that's the new world. People want to take selfies in front of. God forbid they can't take a selfie in front of the theater. They just sold out, right? On Sunday mornings. Look at Instagram, right?

[Lee Syatt]

With the flashlights behind with the lights.

[Joey Diaz]

We know, right? We know already. Show me you saving a cat giving it mouth to mouth on the street. I'll love you more.

[Lee Syatt]

What do they say in sports? Act like you've been there before or something.

[Joey Diaz]

It's. It's, you know, Lee, and yeah, it is social media, but I could put on so many skull caps and get so many tattoos on my neck and get black nail polish and smoke and. And do videos all day long and people are buying the image. Oh, man, he looks cool.

[Lee Syatt]

He.

[Joey Diaz]

Let's go see him. He's got a tattoo of a dragon on his neck. They don't even care about your material.

[Lee Syatt]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

So, yeah, social media, the image. The image thing. People buy into image now. They don't buy into character. They don't look at that person. Go look at that person trying just a little bit too hard. I'm gonna stay away from that motherfucker. There's something that's not right. He's trying just a little too hard. I have no clothes. Do you know that?

[Lee Syatt]

What do you mean?

[Joey Diaz]

I'm not ashamed to say that I have no clothes. I have three pair of Levi black blue jeans. I got a pair of black ones and I got a pair of Levi Carpenter beige pants. Okay. I have an array of T shirts. Some people give them to me, some I buy the sneakers. I buy. I don't buy anything, like, to be cool. I don't blame jeans with a rip in the knee. I'm too old for that. You're just too fucking old for that. You just look like a fucking idiot. You know, I just saw a video of Jay Z. He's worth what, 200 billion fucking dollars, still has the fucking Timberland boots with the jeans with a Hood on, nobody's cold. You're in France, Everybody's out there with a T shirt on. You got a black hood on. I mean, just. There's so many things that people get impressed by and it's. It's fucking pathetic. Who's the best basketball player on the team? George, the guy without the knee braces on and the elbow braces. Give me the guy with the knee braces on and the leg warmers and the black, this one is black and this one is red. And he's got.

[Lee Syatt]

He sucks and then he goes and sits on the bench.

[Joey Diaz]

He sucks. He's portalita. That's what Cubans call portalita.

[Lee Syatt]

What's that mean?

[Joey Diaz]

That means like everything to get attention. But what he needs to be doing to get attention, he ain't doing. He's hiding it with all this smoke. That's why I always say, who are you? Once all this gets taken out, okay, like when I tell people all the time, when I look in the mirror at night, there's no stand ups. There's no people doing standing ovations or blowing smoke in my ass. It's just me with my ugly face in that mirror going, damn, you gotta do something. You gotta do something. Okay? And in none of those things have I said, well, maybe I'll dye my hair jet black and put a white streak like Tulsi Gabbard. Or maybe I'll put a fucking tattoo on my neck and get the goatee and gray it up and put a little chef hat on so I look kinda cool. Like, look at Joey with a hat on. I don't need that. No, I never thought I needed that. One thing I grabbed from Hudson county when I was growing up was, look at the kids I grew up with. I'll bring you 15 of the kids I grew up with, including George. George is probably one of the only ones with a tattoo, right?

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah. That was not big for you guys.

[Joey Diaz]

We didn't need anything for attention. You know, an earring, a fucking. All that shit was not necessary in my world. It was not necessary whenever I see something. We showed up with dick and heart and that's it. When you show up with dick and heart, you don't need all those fake accessories.

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

They're just to get attention from little fags and you know, oh my God, I love your shirt. Oh, so cool. You know, it's like when you wear that fucking nookie shirt on. That what shirt? That wiki shirt on.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, the buggies.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah. And people come up and go, that's cool. You're like, how old are you? If you're 12 and you tell me I have a Spider man shirt on, you tell me it's cool. But now adults are saying that I like that shit. It look cool. It's a fucking Minnie Mouse. And you're too much of an adult. The other day, I was wrestling with a kid at Jiu Jitsu, and I looked at his foot. He had a Mickey Mouse on his foot. I stopped him. I go, you're a fucking cop. How do you have Mickey Mouse on your fucking foot? That dude on your foot. If you're a cop and you arrest me with sandals on, I'm fucking punching you in the head. You got a fucking Mickey Mouse tattoo on your fucking foot.

[Lee Syatt]

What tattoos are allowed?

[Joey Diaz]

None.

[Lee Syatt]

None.

[Joey Diaz]

Not even, like, show up with big dick and heart and character and a set of balls that sling dick. The only tattoo that you should have is one on your chest that says, suck my dick. That's the only tattoo that's acceptable in my world.

[Lee Syatt]

Have you told Mercy that, like, no tattoos?

[Joey Diaz]

No, she's not gonna get one.

[Lee Syatt]

You don't think so?

[Joey Diaz]

She would. Then I told her, you can't be buried in the Jew cemetery. I told her, she curses. She can't get into college. And she believed me.

[Lee Syatt]

So she still believes you?

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, that's fantastic. That's. That's awesome. What else do you have? I would. I love the lies parents tell their kids. Do you have anything? That's fantastic.

[Joey Diaz]

Yesterday we talked about me smoking pot. Really? Yeah. She goes, I knew before you told me, dad, in the old house, you would open the door and smoke would be coming out of your lips.

[Lee Syatt]

And you thought, like, you were hiding it the whole time.

[Joey Diaz]

We were driving back from Mount Holly and I said, oh, that's the weed store I was supposed to go to. I missed it today. She's like, only my dad would tell me what weed store he goes to. I go, yeah, I was gonna buy weed for somebody else, not for me. She's like, dad, how about honesty? And how I go. You never seen me smoke. You assumed I smoked. Dad. I smell it, and maybe it's Frank Puma who busted a smoke pot in the fucking garage. I gotta talk to him.

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

You know, like, you know, I'm gonna talk. She's got a black boyfriend.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, they're actually going out. Oh, shit.

[Joey Diaz]

Tried to break it to me the other night. I had a. Listen. I have a chair downstairs, you know, and the couch. You. You know, and. But over here, I Have a footstool that I don't use as a footstool. I just use it as the remote holders and maybe to hold, like, a toenail cutter and my remotes and a water or something. When she sits on that thing, it's gonna get good.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Diaz]

Yeah, it's gonna get good. So the other night, she sat there, and first she was telling me that one of her girlfriends is very racist. That's how we got into the conversation. And I go, is she racist towards black people? She goes, dad, everybody. She says stuff about Arabs and stuff all the time and Jews. And I go, well. And she goes, I'm friends with all of them. I'm friends with. I'm tight with Jews, I'm tight with Arabs, and I'm tight with fucking black kids. And I go, really? You know black kids? She goes, yeah. You know, Aubrey, this she tried telling me. I go, there's a lot of African Americans in your school. And she goes, devin? And I go, you really like Devin? She goes, well, I've been talking to him lately. And she goes, he got catfished in O Bridge by some girl, and he came back running to me. She goes, I was supposed to call him two nights in a row, and I never called him. She goes, I had him fucking waiting.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Joey Diaz]

And I'm like, that's it. Sweat them out, baby. He's black. Make him walk through the fucking field. You know what I'm saying? Make him walk through that cotton field.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, my God.

[Joey Diaz]

And today when I was leaving, she came down to give me a kiss, and she goes, dad, I gotta go upstairs. I'm talking to Devin. Devin was on the phone, FaceTime. And I go, send Devin my love. And she goes, he loves you, too.

[Lee Syatt]

Holy sh. That is gonna be. What do you think about her starting the date?

[Joey Diaz]

Well, at 12, okay, he won't even come over to the house. She asked me today if she'd go to a county Monmouth fair with him. They only want a date to the county fair.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, yeah, we have to go and watch.

[Joey Diaz]

No, no.

[Lee Syatt]

What if. What? Me with a little fan on. I'll hide. You don't want to watch it all?

[Joey Diaz]

No. She'll kill you if she sees you. Look, watch.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, I know.

[Joey Diaz]

She'll kill you. Listen, man. Then the neighbor said to me, you know, she likes that black kid. And I'm like, first off, he's mixed. He's Irish and black. Let's not just call the fucking guy. You know, Denzel, he's black and Irish. His dad's cool. The mom is really dynamite, good looking. They're kids. And what do you want me to tell him? You can't date a black guy. What do you want me to tell her? She's 12. So you want me to let my asshole beliefs interfere with her beliefs? I can't do that either.

[Lee Syatt]

And I didn't think you had anything issue with him being black, but just a dude dating your daughter. I know they're 12.

[Joey Diaz]

They're not dating. They're talking on the phone. If they meet at the mall, my wife goes, okay, like last week a bunch of little boys and little girls went. Friday, they went to Point Pleasant to Jenkinson's. My wife went, and a bunch of moms. And his mom was there.

[Lee Syatt]

Wow.

[Joey Diaz]

They're fucking 12.

[Lee Syatt]

You're so much calm. I'm nervous. I want. I want to go spy on her.

[Joey Diaz]

What do you want me to do?

[Lee Syatt]

I don't know. Scare the kid a little bit.

[Joey Diaz]

No. Come see me again when she's 16.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

Okay. And then I'll tell you the other side of that.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

But for right now, I can't get in her way. She's just a young kid and she's just getting to learn all this shit. And, you know, it's interest. Listen, this is the best thing I've ever done in my life, being a dad. Yeah, I'm having the best time. Listen, you told me that I've lightened up a lot lately. There's two reasons. I'm enjoying my life for the first time in a long time. And I went back to Jiu Jitsu. That always keeps my powder dry. As soon as I go back to Jiu Jitsu, my whole demeanor changes because it's such a challenge for me. But if I go twice or three times a week, I'm like, thank God.

[Lee Syatt]

Why?

[Joey Diaz]

Cause it's such a challenge. And especially at my age, especially getting into shape and all that. And I like it. I just like the guys there. I like talking to the people there. You know, I talk to a lot of people from there. In fact, I went out to dinner with two guys from there last week and I had a fucking great time. They'd been inviting me to dinner for two fucking years. And I'm always like, nah. And last night, that night I went out to see Mercy School, you know, like they had like a. An end of the year little party for the parents. Fucking lemonade with no sugar in it.

[Lee Syatt]

And all that shit.

[Joey Diaz]

We got out of there about 8:30 and they kept calling me and I said, I'm over here, but if I get a minute. And then when I left, it was Thursday night. It was raining. I was gonna come up to North Bergen and do Pedro's show, but it was just coming down. I had to do that school thing. And then I went over to this restaurant, Mezcal, in Old Bridge.

[Lee Syatt]

Nice.

[Joey Diaz]

It was fucking great to drink. I didn't drink. I didn't drink alcohol. I just ate the shrimp cocktail and the angry lobster like an appetizer was.

[Lee Syatt]

But, like, what. How is that different than, like, other nights that you've gone out? Like, what was it about it that, like, you like so much? Was it just the people?

[Joey Diaz]

I just got out. Sometimes. It's great. Listen, man, let's get something straight. I was involved with comedy for 29 fucking years. I don't have to tell you that comedy dominates 80% of my conversation. Right when I was doing Coke, it was 70%. Once I stopped doing Coke, it was 80% of the conversation. Now it's like, 40%.

[Lee Syatt]

Wow.

[Joey Diaz]

I have things that I have needs now that regular people have that now. I'm not doing comedy. I have regular needs now. But it's kind of nice to go out with people every once in a while that stand up, doesn't get brought up for two hours. Nobody gives a fuck.

[Lee Syatt]

And they don't ask you about, like, Rogan or weird stuff like that?

[Joey Diaz]

No.

[Lee Syatt]

That's awesome.

[Joey Diaz]

And I don't listen. I don't put myself in those positions. A lot of people must think I'm weird, you know, And I am. Because when I go to George's house to watch Indiana against the Knicks, or I come to your house to watch a Bruce Lee movie, I don't want people bugging me.

[Lee Syatt]

No.

[Joey Diaz]

And, you know, when somebody sits close to you, they want to ask you something that wears on you. That wears on you as a human being. You're trying to watch something. There's a guy over here.

[Lee Syatt]

I saw something the other night that I wanted to stop the young comic, but I didn't know what to do, so I was just quiet. I was at a show, and this young comic wrote a note on his phone and showed it to another comic who was on the show. But the other comic on the show was big and said, I have a question about Patrice o' Neill. Just, like, in the middle of the show. And the. The older comic was super nice. I was like, you want to go over here? And I asked him, like, talk. And he was nice about it. But I just imagined, like, Me doing that to you. Like, there's no way that would. Like, that's. That's gonna. No one's gonna want to talk to you after that. It was. It's so strange to see people do stuff like that.

[Joey Diaz]

People do the weirdest things now, and you don't know where they're coming from. You just don't. You just fucking don't. I was having a great time going to that strip club by my house. I wouldn't go every night. I wouldn't go every week. I would go once every month, right? The last time I went, I said, I can't come up here no more.

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, people found out you were going.

[Joey Diaz]

It was insane. And I'm looking at these guys going, guys, there's pussy right there. They would come up to me like, do you go to Texas a lot to see Joe? And I'm like, guys, not tonight. Another guy came up to me, hey, man, I met you last 4:20. Okay, so now what do you want me to fucking do, right?

[Lee Syatt]

Just the fact that he said 420, that means I already know you don't.

[Joey Diaz]

Play it this year. So it had to be last year, the year before. So what do you want me to do with a 10:30 at night at a strip club? I'm watching this girl. They're not even new. They got like that tits out. The reason I go to this strip club is the bartender. That's the only reason why I love her to death. I know her boyfriend. I love her to death. So when I go there, since I know her boyfriend, she talks to me, right? Cause she knows. So I have a great time with her. Once it starts getting. I just leave. Sometimes I got a lap dance. Most of the times I don't.

[Lee Syatt]

Yeah, you're just there to have.

[Joey Diaz]

Like. I'm just there to get the fuck out of the house and to kill some fucking time. But I went there the first two times and nobody said nothing to you. Even the black guy next to me. We were talking at the end of the night, he goes, I know who you are, okay? And that was great because he didn't bring it up the whole night. But when you're in one of those places, guys say hello from a distance, don't even come over. I'm looking at pussy, I'm talking to this fucking girl. And this is. Nothing burns me up more than rule number one.

[Lee Syatt]

What's that?

[Joey Diaz]

If you see a man talking to a woman, I don't know what's going on. So I'm not Going to go over there and say shit.

[Lee Syatt]

That's an important rule.

[Joey Diaz]

I don't say shit. I don't care if I grew up with you, if I don't know who you're with. I'm not going to go up to you and say nothing. Nothing. Because anything I say is going to be wrong. That's common fucking sense. You're with a woman, you're talking to a woman. Nothing I say could be more important to George.

[Lee Syatt]

What if it's like, because I had someone do this one time in LA after one of your shows, I had some guy who liked the show come up to me like, george. Try to like, hype me up to the girl. I was talking like, this guy's awesome. And it was like, it was weird. Like, even something positive is, like, kind of creepy.

[Joey Diaz]

Just shut the fuck up. This is my sister. Then they turn red and purple. I shouldn't have said. No, you shouldn't have said nothing. You should have said nothing. A wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse. Like this. That's it. You go like this or go like that with your glass. I get it, right? But there's no reason for you to come over here, go talk to the fucking girls. I'm a fat 62 year old guy. There ain't nothing here for you. I'm not giving out handjobs, nothing like that. Why are you talking to me? It is. You do not. I cannot comprehend after shit no more. It's hard to comprehend. And you sit there and go, wow, right? The other day, I'm in a restaurant with my daughter and my wife eating, and some lady sat at the table and she goes, I see you here a lot. I never want to bother you. Today's not the day. Today's not the fucking day.

[Lee Syatt]

Never.

[Joey Diaz]

Can you call my friend? Not really. Not right now. You have to wait till I get out of here and I'll fucking. I'll. I'll. I'll eat one piece an hour until you leave. I will. I'll tell you. Yeah, on the way out, I'll take a picture of you. Not even in a million fucking years. I'll take one bite a minute, put the fork down, look around, make a call till you're sweating me out. I'm not. I'm not doing it. I'm not in the mood.

[Lee Syatt]

No. And you would never do that to someone else.

[Joey Diaz]

No. If I walked into a fucking bar, a strip club, anywhere, and I saw you, George, Nick, any of my friends talking to a woman. If you look at me. I'll wink and keep walking. That's it. There's nothing to say.

[Lee Syatt]

Now let me ask you this. What if Eric was talking to a dude, does that same thing?

[Joey Diaz]

I wouldn't go over to him either. I don't know the dude or how he's gonna fuck him. I don't want to go up there. I'm 62. The guy's gonna go, why are you talking to an old man for?

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

You fuck old men, that shit, right? I'm the same way about everybody. You talking to a woman? There's nothing for me like that. If you want to come over, that's your prerogative, right? But I'm never gonna go over to you and interrupt you. Hi. I just want to say hi. Don't say anything, right? Wait, my life's gonna change because you say fucking hi? I don't give a fuck. It's like if I knock on your door and go, hi. I came over to say hi. Who cares? So fucking milk a cow somewhere, you fuck.

[Lee Syatt]

Are there any exceptions? Like, what if. What if you walked in and you saw me? Like, even if it was me, or like, if I saw you, if I.

[Joey Diaz]

Saw you talking to your girlfriend, right? Absolutely. I come over and give you a kiss.

[Lee Syatt]

Got it? Okay.

[Joey Diaz]

But a foreign woman that you would have. I'm assuming you're telling her your life story, right? If not, I'm wrong. If you come over late and go, why didn't you come over? Because you were talking to a woman. She's my attorney. Okay? My bad.

[Lee Syatt]

Right?

[Joey Diaz]

At least I didn't come over. Hey, what's going on here? You know the people that come up there, hey, George, you want to do a line of coke? Are you fucking retarded? Right here in front of everybody. And you get those people, you're going to get those that had no couth, that nobody raised them, their mother didn't talk to them. It's like they lived on the barn and they came in for breakfast and showers or something like that. And it's not your fault to fucking. I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it.

[Lee Syatt]

I would. I. And that's. That seems like something, someone I'm obsessed with Your, like, your, like, social jail that you want to put people in. Because, like, I want to come up with, like, a list of things that would send people to jail. Like, what about because I was on the Greyhound you were talking about earlier? I was on the Greyhound and, like, people tried to, like, sit next to me and Talk. And I put like. I pulled your trick. I look real fat. And I put my stuff on the seat next to me because I didn't want anyone.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, you pay for two seats. You said for.

[Lee Syatt]

On the first one on the way back. I didn't. On the way back. It was expensive. But, like, people, like, they want to chat. I don't want to talk to anybody.

[Joey Diaz]

That's why you put earphones on. But even then, media, you don't know nothing. I don't know nothing. I'm talking on the phone to Europe. Meanwhile, you listen to the cars, you know? Right, Europe. I go to a gym. There's two retards there, and they torture you. Me and Jimmy had to stop going to the gym. When they're there Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays, they're nice people, but it doesn't end, guys, right? It's retard talk for an hour. I went to see the movies this week. They're 30 years old. The kids got white hair, and they go to the movies every week. And we go see T. Lo, Tilo and Tylo. What'd they go see this week?

[Lee Syatt]

Lilo and Stitch.

[Joey Diaz]

Lilo and Stitch. It was great. Oh, my God. She had a good time. You know, I can't. So when I go there now, I put the earphones on. I don't know nothing.

[Lee Syatt]

That's it.

[Joey Diaz]

That's the retarded couple that. The lady was sitting next to me on the bike one day, and there was another retard, not her husband, but there was another guy that's half retarded on the treadmill. He puts a treadmill, like the 14. He runs on it, and he listens to music and he sings along. So one day he was running, and he's like. And he was like, miss you. You know, like, he's singing, I been what? Miss you. And every time he'd say that, she'd be on the bike looking around, and all of a sudden she'd go, ma. And he would say. Like, without even saying nothing, he would just go, yeah, yeah. And she would go. And they started a conversation. Like, 20 minutes I watched it. And the guy didn't know he had earphones on. Oh, she really is singing. And she's going. Making bird noises to him, like, meep, beep. And she goes, this is fun. And I go, you gotta go, lady. You gotta go. She's got the little hoof hand. It's the cutest thing in the world, him and her. So I just wear the earphones. I don't let Them talk to me no more. I'm a Christian. But enough, enough, enough. There's one day. Even Jesus said, fuck this. One day Jesus got out of the cave and he's like, you know what? I could stay here and keep doing this shit. They ain't gonna change. These motherfuckers are never gonna change. They're gonna kill me again and again and again. And I gotta go through this shit every week. Fuck it, I'm going up to heaven. And don't think I'm coming back. They've been waiting 8,000 years for Jesus to come back. Oh, he ain't coming.

[Lee Syatt]

Why would he fuck.

[Joey Diaz]

Especially now with all these fucking cacuchas running around. I love you motherfuckers. This week we got Thursday, the dojo sold out. And Friday, Tell Em Lee, njpac, Newark. Newark like a motherfucker. And you got a Saturday Show Saturday.

[Lee Syatt]

Got two shows. One at the stand at 6, 8pm Fierce City Comedy Club.

[Joey Diaz]

There you go, motherfuckers. A full lineup. If you go to the dojo, I'll see you Thursday night. If you go to Newark, I'll let you know right now. It's gonna be fucking great. Friday night it's gonna rain. Bring your scuba gear. I'm doing time until I get electrocuted. I don't give a fuck, Jack. How about you, Lili?

[Lee Syatt]

Oh, dude, you keep telling me that there's special edibles for Newark.

[Joey Diaz]

Oh, yeah.

[Lee Syatt]

You told me to get a hotel room.

[Joey Diaz]

And it's like 30 minutes toenail dust. I got. I went. I got one of those fucking drills that go under like that bomb, the bunker bomb. It goes under the nail now and it scrapes it out. And I took my nail over and a bunch of powder comes out. Now it's perfect. I don't have to do nothing. So now I just drill the nail, right? And then I. My wife holds the baggie and I just turn my toe over and the dust falls. I'm going to shake them up with the edibles. It's going to be fun.

[Lee Syatt]

Glitter on it.

[Joey Diaz]

We got some new mushrooms coming in. They should be in on Thursday. We're ready to go. It's gonna be a hell of a night. Don't drive. Don't do nothing. George is gonna drive you anyway.

[Lee Syatt]

Perfect.

[Joey Diaz]

That's it. George is gonna drive you and drop you right off. There's a hotel right across the street.

[Lee Syatt]

From where?

[Joey Diaz]

From njpac.

[Lee Syatt]

Okay, Do I have a room or it's just there.

[Joey Diaz]

It's just there.

[Lee Syatt]

Go and ask for a room.

[Joey Diaz]

Go in there and stay in the bathroom. You do what you want.

[Lee Syatt]

It's like the. It's like the hotel by your house where you. The first time I went to your house, Steve Simone brought pizza. You got me so high. I went back and I offered the front desk lady the pizza and every. I couldn't go back there. That lady at your hotel hated me. So now I'm gonna go into this hotel in Newark, fucked up out of my head. Room for Lee and there's not gonna be any rooms.

[Joey Diaz]

Who gives a fuck? It's all about a good time. Cocksuckers. I love you. Have a great week and we'll see you next Tuesday. Tip top motherfucking Magoo. Stay black. Tell em Lee.

[Lee Syatt]

Love you.

[Joey Diaz]

What's happening? Uncle Joey here. Listen, your gut is the cornerstone of your health. It affects your hormone levels, energy and weight management. So if you've been having issues, it's time to get your gut under control with Bioma. Bioma is gut supplement with a blend of prebiotics, probiotics and postbiotics that help you microbe back on track. Just take two capsules before breakfast and and you're good to go. If your gut's out of whack from stress, diet or anything else, you could be having mood swings, anxiety or even brain fog. Bioma is here to help with all that. Listen, I've been taking this for about two months and it is tremendous. It's the best probiotic I've ever taken. Again, because it has a pre post and whatever, it has three different levels. It's not just about being able to relieve yourself easily. A healthy gut is the beginning of a healthy you. So do yourself a favor, feel like hell. Bioma's got your back. To get started, just click the link in the show notes and press in Code Church. C H U R. C h. And get 15% off your guts comeback. That's 15% off your first order. When you use code Church. Just press the link in our show notes. I want to thank Bioma for sponsoring the show.